The Church of Eleven22 - S01 E64 - Parenting

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

Hey, church family. If you got your Bibles, we're going to be in Ephesians 6. And if you're like a Bible nerd, you're automatically went to like the whole armor of God. But we're going to be in the very beginning of Ephesians chapter 6. And I want to talk about the relationship between children and parents. Now, if you're, if you don't have children, would you just please hang in here to take about 15 minutes? Because I bet you know some children or I bet you have some parents or at least had some parents. And so, um, again, I'm almost, you. specifically talk to parents about kids, but this is applicable to every, all the humans that are part of the church. Because in the church, if you notice in the New Testament, there's a lot of familial language here, brothers, sisters, Paul calls Timothy his son, there's this kind of language. And so here at our church at the Church of 1122, I need your help raising my two. It's not just up to me and Gretchen. We are for sure the primary disciple makers and responsible for the two kids at my house, but I, as an adult here, I am also responsible for the discipleship of all the kids here at our church, and I am eternally grateful for all of you that, all of you that spend your time,

to volunteer your time as serve staff in our kids ministry, in our student ministry, and so, anyway. So there's a header in Ephesians, chapter five that oftentimes gets left out. And Ephesus chapter five, well, the book of Ephesians goes like this. The first half is the gospel. It's like the gospel in the air, gospel in the ground. There's like the individual, like here's what Jesus did for you and you need to surrender your life to Jesus. Then there's the cosmic implications of the gospel that he came to make all things new. Then in about chapter four, things began to shift in the back half of the book of the book of of Ephesians is the gospel applied. Here's what it looks like at work. Here's what it looks like in church.

Here's what it looks like in your home. And when you get to Ephesians chapter 5 verse 21, there is this header, this banner. And it says, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And then after he makes this statement that we as believers in this world are to be mutually submitted to one another, not because you're submittable to or I'm sorry. submittable to, but because of what Christ has done for us on the cross. In other words, this is what gospel-centered relationships look like. Then it talks about the relationship between the wife and the husband. Again, mutually submitted. Then it's going to talk about the relationship between children and parents. And then it's going to talk about, essentially, in our world, it would be

employees and employers. And the crazy thing is, in all three of these relationships, there is one in in authority and under authority. And in all three of these relationships, Paul starts with the one under authority. And in all three of these relationships or categories, he always implores the one in authority to leverage your authority the way Jesus leveraged his. So what did Jesus do when he knew all things

were under his control and power? And he was the most powerful. person at the table. Did he stand up and tell everybody, you do what I say, because I'm the Savior, and I'm the king of the universe, and because I said so. It's just not what he did. Those things are all true.

That's just not what he did. What he did is he dressed himself as a servant, and he washed his disciples' feet. Then he says, I have set for you an example that you would be blessed if you do so also. Okay, so. Chapter 6, verse 1, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Verse two quotes one of the commandments, the fifth commandment. Honor your father and mother. And then he gives a little commentary. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. All right. Now, do you see any kind of age restriction here? You don't.

So as long as you have parents, and even after your parents are gone, we are called to obey our parents. Now, some of you may say, yeah, but Pastor Jobi, you don't know what my parents were like. I was abused. They were awful. He was an alcoholic. You know, she left, whatever it is. This is why it says, obey your parents in the Lord. A biblical value is this, is that we submit to the authority that God has placed over us unless that authority asks us or requires of us,

to either do something God said not to do or will not allow us to do a thing God said to do. And when either of those two things happen, then you appeal to the higher authority. But generally speaking, we are to obey our parents. And then in the Ten Commandments, the Fifth Commandment is honor your father and mother. Honor your father and mother.

There's a difference between honor and respect. honor is given. Respect is earned. So even if your parents were awful, the worst parents ever in the world, a part of what we have to understand as believers in Jesus is that God works in all things for the good of those that love us

and are good of those that love him and are called according to his purpose and that God ordained that you would have the parents that you have, and it could be that God gave you the worst parents ever because he wanted to shape you and mold you in such a way that you would rely on him and him alone and even in that situation, you are to give your parents honor.

And then he says, this is the only one that has a promise. In other words, when we honor our fathers and mother, it may go well with you and you may live long in the land. Then he's going to ship gears. And he says fathers. Now, does this apply to mothers too? For sure. But guess who?

We'll be held accountable for the parenting in your home one day before the Lord. I know the mothers seem to do 99% of it, but fathers, ultimately you are responsible for everything that happens in your house. So mothers, listen up to, this applies to both of you. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Do not, the NIV translates it this way. Do not exasperate your children. You know what it means to provoke them to anger or to exasperate them? this means to put them in an unwinnable situation.

You see, we studied a, I think it was last week or pretty recently, remember we looked at Matthew chapter 20 when Jesus says, you want to be great, you want to be first, then be the least, and serve. It says, the Gentiles among you who are in charge, they lord it over their people, it shall not be so among you. Now this is convicting to me, but is that how you parent? because that is not how we are supposed to parent. And part of the reason I'm bringing this up

is because of the amount of time that we have been spending with our children. And I hear on the news all the time, I'm not making a political statement about school. I can't wait for my kids to go back to school. But why is it that I can't wait for my kids to go back to school? You see, what the Bible talks about when it talks about the relationship

between children and their parents are that. That's a relationship. And when they're really, really little, it for sure is command and control. Why? Because they don't have the ability to make wise decisions. They don't have the cognitive understanding of where to stick their fingers, keep them out of light sockets and not eat, you know, sharp stuff. And so what do we do, man? We strap them down and we put the food in their mouth. There will be a day a long time from now where they're going to be treating you that way. and that journey is parenting.

And what the goal is, in my opinion, is not simply obedience, but the goal is influence. Again, when they're little, I got a 14-year-old and a 10-year-old. When they're little, it is. It is compliance by force. I make you do this for your own good, because if you play in the road, it doesn't go good for you. But at some point, don't you want them to be able to,

to make the decision that where they can understand playing in the road is not good for me. And at some point, sooner than we think they're going to pack up and little Timmy is not even going to live at your house anymore. And he or she can do whatever they want with whoever they want for a while until they fail out of school or whatever. And then you come in to discipline or help in whatever way you want. But you will not be there to make every decision for them. So what we are trying to do is have this. relationship, this relationship, where there is honor from them to us and from us to them, that we are not provoking them in anger, but we bring them up in the discipline and instruction

of the Lord. You see, one of the things that rattles around in my head all the time is this, how in the world are my kids not going to believe that God is angry at them all the time if I am angry at them all the time? I think we've got to watch our words. very simply, you've got some people that you work with or that you know in your neighborhood or whatever, and the majority of the words that they say to you are negative. Do you like being around those people at all? Or I'll say it this way. Don't you like being around people that like you? Of course. The people I want to be with most, the people that have the most influence in my life are the people that I am, like I like to be around.

And the reason I like to be around them oftentimes is because I like them and I like the way they treat me. Do your kids like to be around you? Now, I know you can take this way too far and you'd be like, well, I'm not supposed to be their friend. I'm supposed to be their parent. I agree. But that doesn't mean you have to be a crappy one

that nobody wants to be around. You see, the crazy thing about these children that you're raising, they're actually little humans. They have their own brain, and their own personalities and their own hearts and their own desires. And of all the parents on the entire planet, God decided to give them to you to do this, to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

That word instruction is, we'll do discipline first. Should we discipline in our kids? Absolutely, absolutely. The Bible says that you can't love without discipline. that the undisciplined child is an illegitimate child because the parent does not care about that child. I am not saying make them like you by giving them everything they want. I am just saying be likable by speaking love over them and encouragement over them and those kinds of things. And when it says to bring them up in the discipline, that is for sure like, you know, whatever the rules are in your house.

If you don't make these grades, you don't get these kind of things. It's limiting screen time. It's making sure you have curfews and all that sort of stuff, no problem. Those are just guardrails because you love them. That is not to keep them from an abundant life. It is so that they may have an abundant life. For sure, we discipline. And where it says instruction of the Lord, the word instruction here, sometimes it gets interpreted law. But if you read the book of Psalms, like if you read Psalm 19, it's the longest chapter in the entire Bible, when David talks about the instruction or the law of the Lord, he talks about it. He says, upon that law, I meditate day and night.

He talks about it like honey that is sweet to his taste. He talks about embracing the word of God in his bed as he thinks and ponderes upon the Lord. In other words, bring them up in the discipline for sure. That's like the parent thing we most often think of. And the love, the last, kind of love that the Father bestows upon us of the Lord. Because what we want, got a 14-year-old and a 10-year-old,

what we want is not just compliance, just like God does not, he's not looking for begrudging compliance from you, is he? He's looking for a relationship. And in a similar way, what we are trying to do with our kids is go from command and control when they're little to when they get older that what is still really intact is this relationship. One of your goals ought to be as a parent is that when your kids are adults,

that they would still want to hang out with you. One of your goals as a parent is that when you have zero command and control over your kid because your kid is a young adult and they can do whatever they want with whoever they want, whenever they want, they would still have a relationship with you knowing that you love them

and that you could still instruct them in the Lord, and you can still be one of the primary influences in their life. Let me get real practical real quick. If you have kids or nieces or nephews or coach a team or whatever it is, how about this week? How about this week? Go do something with that kid. Go do something with your kid that shows them a picture of,

the way God feels about us, that he loves us, that he's for us, and that he did not come to be served, but he came and served us. I challenge you, Church of 1122, fathers and mothers don't provoke your children to anger. Bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. Amen. Let me pray. Father in heaven, Lord, we thank you for the blessed. The blessing. blessing that is kids. And Lord, we thank you for the sanctifying experience that is trying to parent children. Lord, I pray. I pray for all the parents of the Church of 1122 that by the power of the Holy Spirit, you would use us in their lives to paint a picture of who you are. Lord, we pray for gospel center parenting. And God, I thank you, and I praise you for all of the family of the

church of 1122. The grandparents and the uncles and aunts and the singles and the young adults. And Lord, I thank you for their example in this church to that one more generation. And Lord, I pray, I pray like crazy that you would raise up a generation of world changers through the church of 1122. And you would use a whole bunch of moms and dads and serve staff to do that. We pray it in Jesus' name. Amen.