The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 1: The Man

Episode Date: January 10, 2021

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. –1 Corinthians 16:13-14 Click the Series Resources tab to download the series journal, watch RELATE and more.

Amen and amen. Are you ready for this church? I doubt it. But a bunch of you are here. Hey, if you got your Bibles, Song of Solomon for the next couple of months, it's kind of towards the middle of your Bible, and grab your journal.

You are going to need this. We are in a year of relationships. And based on all the events that happened this week, somebody asked me if I was going to change the sermon series for this week, and I was like, absolutely not. Because what we need more now than anything is the good news of the,

gospel of Jesus Christ in a world that's trying to tear people apart that the church with the gospel puts people together, amen? And today we are talking about what it means to be a man. And you want to change the world? Let men stand up and start acting like men and start taking care of their own home first. And that's how we begin to change things. So it's going to be a doozy. Just a couple of things. If you are a man, we're going to talk about what it means to be a Godly man in light of relationships and men, all of us, starting with me, we can do better. But we cannot do it apart from a relationship with Jesus Christ. Also, ladies, I don't need any high-pitched amen's.

I don't need any of you wives to stand up and say, preach it, brother. I don't need you to highlight anything and just start pointing it to him. No elbows, none of that. Thank you very much. If your husband is a believer, he has the Holy Spirit in him and the Holy Spirit will do his job. to convict and comfort, and all you need to do in this is highly encourage your man to be the man that God has called him to be.

And if you are single, how many single people do we have in the house? If you're single, raise your hand, raise them high, hold them up. Okay, everybody look around. Good luck with that, all right? So, if you were single, first of all, I have very good news. Next week, my dear friend, one of my favorite pastors on the planet, Pastor Ryan Kwan, will be here to talk to us about what the Bible has to say about

being single. So make sure you're here next week. And all of us either are single, have been single, or know somebody single. So the sermon will be for everybody. But my advice, you've heard me say this before. I actually ripped it off Andy Stanley a long time ago. If you're a single, your job is not to go look for the one, but to become the one, the one you're looking for is looking for. So as you're paying attention to this, men, you should be paying attention to what God calls us to be as a godly man. Now, I taught this about six years ago, and I'm just going to be. And I'm just going to tell you, the world has changed in the last six years. When I even say, what does it mean to be a man? There are phrases like toxic masculinity and gender fluidity that weren't even a conversation

just six years ago. I'm just going to tell you where we come from here at the Church of 1122. We stand on the authority of the Word of God. And we do have an enemy that always tries to get us to question the work of God, the will of God, the work. of God and the Word of God. And so we are going, I am going to teach from the Bible, exactly what the Bible says about what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman, what marriage is, all of these kinds of things. Now, we were created, every single one of us were created as image bearers of God. God says, let us make mankind in our image and likeness. Image is a masculine word, likeness is a feminine word. Male and female, he created them. And so we do live in a world that

wants men to apologize for being men, but we do not apologize for being men around here. We just need to stand up and act like the godly men that he has called us to be. Now, I'm going to go through 15 characteristics in the first chapter and a half of the Song of Solomon that I see from Solomon, and it's not an exhaustive list, but this is in light of relationships. And also, I am going to teach this book literally, because what's happening here is a man named Solomon falls in love with a girl named Shunamite woman, and they sing songs

back and forth to each other, all right? That's what the book is. Now, early on in church history, the church fathers were not very comfortable talking about sex and sexuality. You were going to be uncomfortable with how comfortable I am talking about it, all right? So just warning there. And so many people

only taught it as an allegory of Christ's love for his bride, the church. Now, anytime you talk about any love relationship, there are for sure truths that we find because God is love and we can love one another because Christ first loved us. However, it kind of gets weird in some places, like on the honeymoon, if you think this is all about Jesus and you. So we are going to teach this literally verse by verse, word by word. And think about this. How good is our God? How much does our good dad that loves us so much that he

would give us an entire book in the Bible about love, sex, dating, growing old together, et cetera, et cetera. And a lot of what I'm going to have to do is to deconstruct many of the things that we have believed in because we bought into the lie of Hollywood. Like one of the main things that I will have to deconstruct

is this myth of the one. And what I mean by this is there's so many of you that believe if I could just meet the one, one, one, then I will be fully and finally satisfied. Girls, if you think some dude is going to fully and finally satisfy the very depths of your soul. Have you met a guy? Just pick one and look at him for a little while.

You will be thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly disappointed if that's where you rest your hope. But our hope is found in nothing less but Jesus Christ and His righteousness. And then also what a lot of especially young men think is you begin to think that you can live your life in such a way and you buy into really the way that the world sells us in regards of how we're supposed to treat one another, which is hook up, shack up, break up repeat.

Hook up, shack up, break up repeat. But then you think you meet the one and you're going to be able to put on a tux and come to the church one day and say some vows. And then from then on, you're going to be able to love her like Christ love the church. If that's what you think, Scooter, you are too dumb to talk to. That would be like if every day at football practice,

you fumbled and you fumbled and you fumbled and you fumbled. and then you were on the goal line and you're like, put me in, coach, I feel good about this one. No coach in his right mind would put you in that moment. Maybe Maron, but that's why he ain't here anymore. You understand? So, now, let me just try to run a few of you off, okay? So here's a few of you that will not enjoy this series

on this book in the Bible. First of all, if you take yourself way too seriously, you're going to hate it. You're going to be super uncomfortable, you're going to hate it. If you don't think laughter has its place in church, let me just warn you now. Save me the emails. You're going to hate it.

If the picture of a brown chicken and a brown cow close to each other, say it real fast, brown chicken, brown cow. If that makes you nervous, you're going to hate it, okay? Secondly, if every time I preach you think the sermon is for somebody else, you're going to hate it. If you think, I hope my husband's listening to this, all right. Calm your neck down. I'm telling you, you're going to hate it. And then lastly, if you are a serial dater and you think your way of dating that just from person to person to person to person is better

than God's way of pursuing marriage, then you're not going to like this. Now, let me tell you who will be changed. If you humble yourself and allow God's word through God's spirit to convict and comfort you, no matter what your situation, no matter what your situation, whether you're coming in as a loving married couple, and this is just going to be encouragement to your already good marriage, praise God, or if your marriage is on the ropes and you think it's dead, I got really good news. If the tomb is empty, anything is possible, and if God can breathe life into his dead son, then God can breathe life into your marriage. If you come in here and you are lonely and you feel hopeless, I've got good news for you.

If you know Jesus, you know hope, that you will find a life-changing word through what God has to say about relationships. So, buckle up and here we go. verse one, the song of songs, which is Solomon. Okay, so what Solomon is saying is again, he falls in love with the Shunamite woman and they sing songs back to one another, and this is a recording of this. If you're my age and up, this is like a mixtape. If you're in your 20s and 30s, this is a playlist. This is like Hamilton, okay? They're just singing back and forth to one another. That's what happens. Now the woman's going to talk 53% of the time and

the man's only going to talk 39% of the time. Why? That's just how it works. The friends speak up a couple of times, and God speaks up one time. And funny enough, he speaks up on the honeymoon. Glory to God. Chapter 1, verse 2, this is how it starts. She starts the talking, because that's just how it goes, all right? One of my favorite verses in the whole Bible, I had my wife Gretchen memorized this in four different translations. You're ready for this, ladies? Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. Glory to God. This is how it starts. Now notice, this not offense defense. A lot of me. A lot of And listen, in two weeks, we're going to talk about what it means to be a godly woman. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

It's like a Catholic priest doing marriage counseling, you know what I mean? But I'm going to just read it right out of the book. I assume there are no Catholic priest here right now, so I think I can say that. Notice it's not offense defense. Nowhere in the scriptures are you going to find like a married woman with her husband and he's trying to score and she's in prevent. That's not how it goes. That she entices him and flirts with him so that he would pursue her.

heard, that's how the whole thing starts off. For your love is better than wine. See that Baptist? Verse three, your anointing oils are fragrant. Your name is oil poured out. All right. If you got your journal, hopefully you're on page seven. Men, here's what I did for you.

I'm talking about 15 characteristics of a godly man according to these passages. I took notes for you. Because I know your ego and your pride, you're like, I ain't writing nothing down. That's half your problem, okay? So I wrote it down, and I even put the verse verses beside it so that later you could go back and look it up and be changed by the very

word of God. And I promise you, the more you write down, the better it will go for you. Number one, a godly man is a man of Christ-like character. Your name, who you are, is oil poured out. Literally in Hebrew, that is purified oil. The only way for your name to be pure is for all the impurities to be taken away. And the only way for the impurities in our life to be taken away is by the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We need someone to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Every single one of us, by nature and nurture, are sinners, not just because we do sin, because we, at the core of who we are, are all about us, we reject God. And God sent his son, Jesus Christ, to live a perfect life to die on the cross. And when he pushed up on his

nail-pierced feet, he says, it is finished. That means all of our sin is paid for for anyone that would believe that when he said it is finished and he died on the cross. Somehow that counted for me. And not only did he forgive us our sin, but he gave us his purity, his perfection. He imputed us with his righteousness. This is why 2nd Corinthians 521 says, for God made Him who was without sin to be sin for us, that we would be made the righteousness of Christ. Ladies, if you're single, first and foremost, what you're looking for is a man of Christ-like

character. I don't care what he looks like. I don't care what he drives, what his job is, how funny he is. is that what matters most, first and foremost, is does he know Jesus? You cannot stand up and act like a man until you first bow your knee to the God man, Jesus. That it is the most important relationship that you will have in your life. And then I've got a warning. I know there are some of you here and you're a Christian and the person you're dating is not a Christian. I'm just going to warn you. The Bible says that believers are not to be unequally yoked. In other words, a believer is not

supposed to marry an unbeliever. And if you were an unbeliever and you were here, if you're, if you don't follow Jesus as your Lord and Savior, and you're here, and you're dating someone that is a Christian, I've got some terrible news for you. The person that you are dating does not just love you for you. In fact, the person that you are dating does not accept you for who you are. The person that you're dating, if you're a non-Christian and they're a Christian, they want to change you. they actually want you to become one of us. That's what they're trying to do in your life. I'm telling you.

And I hope you do. I hope you repent. I hope you surrender your life to Jesus. I hope you do. And if you say, why would you say that? Bro, they brought you to church. Don't you understand? They shared the link.

They have you watching this so that you might meet Jesus. So anyway, number one is a man of Christ-like character. Number two is found in the next half of this verse. Therefore, virgins love you. Virgins just means like her friends. Number two is that a godly man has a good reputation. Single men, what's your reputation? Because ladies, you've experienced this before, right?

You're hanging out with your friends and one of your other friends, girlfriend, she comes in and she's like, oh my goodness, you're not going to believe this. He finally texts me. I met him at the beach, and then we went to a cup of Job and we hung out a little bit and we had this conversation and I think this is going to work. And he's picking me up later and we're going to dinner. And they're like, oh my goodness, we were so happy for you. what's his name? And then your girlfriend said his name. And the whole group went, oh, no. Do you not have

Instagram? Do you not know you're talking about a serial dater? I mean, don't believe me. Ask her and her and her. We have a disciple group at our church just for the collateral damage of this guy. Okay? Men, what's your reputation? Do you have a good reputation? Because the second thing a godly man has is a good reputation. And listen, men, we are looking, you are looking for a wife, not a girl friend. We'll talk about this in a few weeks, but dating is supposed to be a process, not a status, okay? What is your reputation? First four, draw me after you, let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. We're going to see this all the way throughout the book, that attraction matters, and that God has created it in such a way where two people are attracted to one another, it begins to lead somewhere physically,

and even sexually, but not yet. And at no point does God ever step in and say, how dare you feel that way? That is so ungodly? Absolutely not. We will exalt and rejoice in you. We will extol your love more than wine. Rightly, do they love you?

The third characteristic of a godly man is this. Her friends and family approve. And let me just say this, especially the mom and dad. If you start to see a guy and the only way y'all can hang out is that you have to remove yourself from the people that you have been hanging out with that love you and know you best. That is a big, that's a big fat red flag.

And especially, listen, if you're in your 20s, this applies to every age, but especially, you know, when you're 20s, you already know everything. So let me just remind you. Especially the opinion of your mom and dad. If your mom and dad do not approve, I'm just, that's a big warning because nobody loves you like they do. Nobody knows you like they do. Nobody wants better for you than they do. And I've had some 20-year-olds, I don't understand. My parents don't know what they're talking about.

I understand they hopped off the fashion train back in the Clinton administration. I get all that. But I'm just telling you, they know more than you think they know. And, again, if you have to stiff arm the people closest to you to be with somebody because it doesn't work out, you know, this group can't get along with the people that love you and know you best. It is a big, fat, red flag. And again, I've had some 20-year-old's bad. But what about Romeo and Jew will get?

Have you watched to the end of the movie? You know, it used to be a play. It's called a tragedy, and that will be your life if you stiff-armed the people that love you most. Listen, when my brother's been married to his wife, Shanna, they met at 11-22, at, I think an Easter service at 11-22. I think they got married, like 10 years ago or something. I can't remember. But he'd been dating her for a little while, and he calls me, and he says, bro, I think I'm going to marry her. And I said to him, you better marry her.

He said, what do you mean? I said, buddy, I have known you your whole life, and the best version of you I have ever met, is when you are with her. In fact, if you break up with her, our family is breaking up with you. We're keeping her. You understand. So, that's the kind of relationship

that he has with the people that matter most in her life. Now, the next bunch of verses are her describing herself in two weeks when we talk about what it means to be a godly woman. We'll spend, I'll unpack all of this. Says this, I'm very dark but lovely, oh, daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Qadar,

like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the son has looked upon me. My mother's sons were angry with me. They made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept. We'll talk about that in two weeks. Now, what she's going to do next

is that she is, in a very godly way, going to flirt with King Solomon. She says this, tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon, for why should I be like one who veils herself beside the flocks of your companions?

And then he answers, if you do not know, most beautiful among women, follow the tracks of the flocks and pasture your goats beside the shepherd's tent. Is it okay for you to see somebody that you were attracted to? They've got good character. They've got a good reputation. And then you begin to rearrange your schedule in such a way that your paths cross. This is exactly what she's doing.

She's like, King Solomon, I got some goats I need to feed. And I understand you have some fields that feed the shepherds. Where might that be? And he said, oh, darling, let me tell you, about 12 o'clock, I'll be sitting at Starbucks. Why don't you come sit with me? That is what's happening. So here's what this means. If today, if today, you're a single girl, and you walked in and somebody from our welcome team handed you a Song of Solomon journal with a ringless left hand. And you looked at him and you thought, he looks like oil poured out. And then simultaneously,

the spirit of God began to stir you to volunteer for our welcome team. Glory to God, that's how it works. Okay? Then what we do is we run the race. Christ is marked out for us, and occasionally as we run in the race, you look to your left, you look to your right for somebody running with you. This is what she does. And then, verse 9, here's what he says to her. I compare you my love to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots. All right, now let me help you out, fellas, before you go home and call your wife's sea biscuit, okay? Because it ain't going to where, baby, your face is like a horse. and it was like, whoa, big old eye and nostrils flared. No, no, no. Here's what he said. The fourth characteristic of a godly man is he values her. He values her.

Pharaoh thought he was God. And before Pharaoh would show up, he would send out his chariots, and there would be a perfect spotless mare that would go out. Perfect spotless white mayor, and it would establish the most important person around, at least in his own mind, is about to show up. And what he is saying to her is, you are so important to me.

I value you so much. That's what he's saying. You see, fellas, down at, we'll talk about this a lot in a couple of weeks, down at the core of every woman is this fundamental question. Am I lovely? Am I valuable? And your job is to echo,

the truth is that she's so valuable that God sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die for her, to purchase her. That's how much she's worth to him. And then we're supposed to come along and say, and you, second only to my relationship with Jesus, you are the most valuable thing in my life. More valuable than my dumb friends,

and guys, all our friends are dumb. And some of my friends, he's dumb, he's my friend. You understand what I'm saying. More valuable than my dumb hobbies, chasing deer around. How dumb is that? Riding waves, that's dumb, okay? More valuable than our job. And here's why.

You can get it more friends, you can get another hobby, you can get another job. There's only one her. And she gets a no-compete contract. She doesn't have to compete with anything else. And Ephesians 5 says husbands love your wife like Christ love the church and that you should treat her the way you've learned to treat your own body. And you know how to take care of your body. You know what to give your body when you want something or need something.

Peter says we're supposed to live with our wives as unto knowledge. That means that you are supposed to become a student of her, that you know her so well that you can meet her wants and needs before she even asks. And I know it's tricky, bro. I know it's tricky. It's not very linear. It doesn't always make sense. every day you spend that wheel in the morning be like come on give me happy happy happy happy you praying for happy here's what's true she's praying for happy too she don't know what the

wheel is going to come up on either okay it's all over the place that's just true and so he values her an unexpressed value is worthless it's worthless because I ask guys bro do you value she feels so devalued well she shouldn't I told her I loved her when we got married, well, it might have rubbed off a little bit by now. You understand? Or yeah, I value her. Put a roof overhead, put food on the table. You know possums do that for their family? Do you realize that? You might want to turn up the notch there, Romeo. So, verse 10, but so he values her. Verse 10, your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels. The fifth characteristic is he speaks kindly to her. In my opinion, second, only to first and foremost,

know Jesus, this is the most important thing, the words that come out of your mouth. Jesus says, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Preverbs 1821 says, in the power of the tongue is life and death. Some of you are in dead relationships because you killed it, because you cursed it over and over and over. You watch the way you speak to her. I'm just telling you, there is a big old difference between joking with and joking on. That if you joke, sarcasm really has no place in a God, relationship. And I hope and pray you've never made any negative physical comments about your wife, fellas. Because I don't know what she looks like compared to the day you got married, but I can promise you this. You ain't exactly the Tarzan you were either, all right? It's awesome. And so,

you speak life into her. And feminists hate it when I say this, but I don't care. Listen, your wife will either live up to the blessings you bless her with or she will be burdened and weighted down with the curses that you curse her with your mouth. And all he's going to do is, over and over and over is he compliments her, and speaks kind into her, and then also this, fellas, he is specific. He's talking about our neck. I like the way that necklace fits on that neck,

and he compliments her specific. You look fine is not a compliment. Unless you say it all with three syllables, like you look fine. I mean, there's a way to say it. But if y'all are getting ready to go somewhere, and she comes out and says, how do I look? And you say, late, that is not a compliment.

Let me tell you some of the most life-giving words you can say, and I probably said them more this week than I have in a long time. I am sorry. That you say, I am sorry. Husbands, you want to be the leader of your house? How about start by being the lead repenter and the lead confessor? He is going to speak kindly to her. Verse 11, we will make for you ornaments of gold studded with silver. Number six, he pursues her.

He pursues her. Listen, he is the king of Israel, King Solomon. He's got some stuff going on in his life, building the temple, building his palace. And yet, this brother, according to the scriptures, has his hot glue gun out, and he's bedazzling her some earrings, all right? He is giving her some gifts. You pursue her. And so, single men, especially these days, don't be lazy.

Put up the Xbox controller, get off your blessed assurance, and get to work, okay? Pursue. but it doesn't stop when you get married. Married men, continue to pursue. Continue to pursue. If you haven't read the book Five Love Languages, I would highly recommend it. Order it right now. If you don't like to read, listen to the Audible at 1.5.

You can get more in and less time. You understand. The premise of the book is this, is that every single one of us have like a love tank in us. And the more your love tank is full, the easier it is to give and receive love. And the reason they call it a love language is because all of us, all of us give and receive love differently. And if I came home every day and told Gretchen, I love you, but I told her in Swahili, but she doesn't understand Swahili, then one day if she said, why don't you love me?

And I'd say, woman, what's wrong with you? I tell you every day. So it's not so much what you say. It's what she hears that matters. And the five love languages, according to this guy, are gifts like he's doing, making jewelry for her, acts of service, physical touch. words of affirmation, quality time. And so what you do is you take a few tests in there and you figure out what your spouse's love language.

And again, the point is not to get yours full, but to fill your partner's love tank. Now, my love language, I have two. Physical touch, words of affirmation, touch me again. I guess I have three. Okay, so what this means is, man, my best day is when Gretchen tells me I'm awesome while she's trying to make out with me.

I'm full, you understand? Now, what happens is, is that we tend to speak our own language. And I love my wife more than I have words to describe. And so what I would do is I'll get home and tell her how hot she is while I'm trying to make out with her. And she goes, oh, and I'm like, well, I love you. Because, well, you really love me? I do. Then why don't you mop?

Maybe do some laundry. Because her love language is acts of service. So that means a big part of the way I pursue the heart of my wife is through acts of service. husbands never stop pursuing. A godly man pursues her. So now, up to this point in the text, he's a man of Christ's like character, he's speaking kindly to her, he's pursuing her, he's giving her gifts, and I want you to see the natural result of being pursued. Look what happens to her heart. She says, while the king was on his couch, my gnarred gave forth its fragrance. Basically, she's daydreaming. Beloved, my beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh that lies between my breast,

praise God, verse 14, my beloved is to me a cluster of hina blossoms in the vineyard of Ingetty. Ingetty is an oasis in the desert right next to the Dead Sea. Everything's dead, and then right in the middle, there's this like little stream that runs through. I'll take you there one day if you want to go to Israel with me. And it is a place of oasis. When David was on the run from King Saul, this is where he went for rest and nourishment. And what she is saying about her man is, He is like Ingeti to me. First of all, what this means, or what I would ask us husbands, is this, fellas, when you walk into the room, does peace walk in with you? Because that's what's supposed to happen.

And not only that, that our job is to create this kind of ingeti for your girl. And listen, especially if you're married and you've got some little kids. The hardest job on the planet, bar none, is to be a mama married to you with a couple of little kids. fellas you missed your opportunity there i tossed that thing up there so easy you could have said amen and she would have went flutter and you missed it okay that's why we need 10 more weeks on this all right what are you doing to provide this kind of ingeti for her you figure it out when she daydreams about you does she think rest and nourishment verse 15 behold you are beautiful my love behold, you are beautiful, your eyes are doves.

The seventh characteristic of this godly man is he focuses on her eyes. He focuses on our eyes. He does not treat her like a commodity. Our world right now teaches boys to treat girls like a commodity. To get what you can from them, and then when you're done, cast them away. That is different than what the biblical standard is in the way that we treat the daughter of a king. And so what he does, I mean, listen, they're still dating. They're not married yet.

He thinks she's good-looking. He's told her five different times already. He compliments how pretty she is, but everything is from the neck up and the focus is on the eyes. Now, listen, when we get to chapter four, he's going to go whole body, all right, after they get married.

But up until now, see, I grew up Southern Baptist, and we sang head, shoulders, knees, and toes, and knees and toes, all right? Now, we're going to find out in four, most of the good stuff is between the shoulders and the knees. Got it? But up until this point, if you ain't married,

you're real Southern Baptist. Just head and shoulders, knees and toes. those needs and toes. Got it? And even when you're married, just because you put a ring on it, does not make her a sanctified prostitute that you can just go take whatever you want. And I don't know how well you know your Bible, but if you're quoting 1st Corinthians 7 about a wife's responsibilities and duties to you, it's overhauls. That what he is doing is he is, he wants to know who she is, not what he can get from her. He focuses on our eyes and the way, and he calls them eyes like doves, and the way that you would handle doves is very, very gently.

And so she says in verse 16, Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Our couch is green. They're dating, and they're going outside. They're doing a picnic. Now notice where they go, by the way. They're not sitting under the blanket

in somebody's apartment watching Game of Thrones, wonder why they're struggling physically. They are outside. She says, our couch is green. The beams of our house are cedar, our rafters are pine. The eighth characteristic of this godly man is a godly man is financially secure, financially secure. And a lot of people don't like it when I bring

this up, okay? Here's the thing, man. One of the godliest things you can do, young men, is get you a job. And I know you're like, well, I'm trying to find my passion. Okay. In your pursuit of passion, which is fine, you're not using the word right, but I understand what you're trying to say. Get you a job. Move out of your mama's house. Get some responsibility, pay some bills. You see, when God created everything, remember, he would create a structure in which he would fill it. And what you were called to do as a man is to build a house or to build a home or to create a world that you can invite one of God's daughters to move in there with you after you commit your life to her. And so, again, you don't get up and go to fun. You get up and go to work. And you know why, ladies,

because y'all are expensive and worth it and worth it. And worth it. If some dude can't afford to take you out, I'll pray. It's probably a big flashing, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. No, I'm saying, and, you know, don't be Barbie and think you got to, you're going to, like, heavy, all the stuff that you want. That's not what we're talking about here. But if you think about it, when God created Adam, Adam, Adam put his whole world in order. He named all the animals, and then God gave him a wife.

Man, I disciples some 20-year-olds around here, and I've had, every year, I have some, one of my 20-year-old guys, and it'll be like, I wish God would give me a girl. I'm like, bro, you're not ready for one of God. girls, what would you do if God gave you a girl? And then in all that 20-year-old angstead, like, oh, well, I know what I would do. All right, when that 90 seconds was up, Cassanova, what about the rest of your life? You understand? You get your house in order. And if you think this is my personal preference, look what Paul tells Timothy in 1st, Timothy 5'8. If anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith

and is worse than an unbeliever. Unbelievers go to hell. So somehow there's like this basement of hell for people that cannot provide for their family. Now, I understand there are catastrophes that happen. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a young man that abdicates his responsibility to take care of his people.

And again, I've had people say, the Beatles say it all you need is love. You know they broke up, right? You've got to have more than love. You've got to have somewhere to eat and sleep and all that kind of stuff. A godly man is financially secure. Chapter 2, verse 1.

She speaks. She says, I am a rose of sharing, a lily of the valleys. Number nine, a godly man improves his girl. And here's what I mean. Earlier in the chapter, we'll talk a ton about it in two weeks. She says, don't look at me because I got a farmer's tan, and I am not super stoked with the way I look, okay? That's what she says.

She says, my brothers are mad at me. they made me take care of the vineyard, but I haven't taken care of my own vineyard. And so 3,000 years ago, it was super hip to be real pasty. The pasty here you were, the better. And so she's got a farmer's stand, so she's embarrassed, by the way she looks now. Less than one chapter later, after spending time with Solomon, she says about herself, I am a rose of sharing. Gentlemen, do you know that your job is to create the kind of environment

where your wife can bloom and blossom into all that God had created her to be? man one of my greatest goals in my life even more so than pastoring a church man i hope the church thing goes good so far so good okay but way more than that man at the end of it all i hope me and gretchen get real old together you know just sitting at the wabble house sharing teeth that's where i hope we go and when she gets to the end of her life and looks back over the totality of her life i hope and i pray that one of her genuine thoughts is one of the best decisions i ever made was make a covenant with this dude Because all that God used him to allow me to be, that is one of the greatest goals of my life. Fellows, we were called to subdue and cultivate.

A lot of us are really good at the subdue part, but we fall off on the cultivate. The cultivate means we create the kind of environment where your wife can be who God created her to be. Verse two. As a lily among bramble, so is my love among the young women. verse 10 he is consistent with his words he is consistent with his words notice this that he just consistently speaks life into her over and over and over I would listen if you're dating and you're dating a guy and he blows up and says things then he has to come back and be like I'm sorry I didn't mean to it just slipped you know what slips out what's in Jesus says out of the overflow of the

heart, the mouth speaks, so you better pay attention to this. You want a guy that speaks life. Proverbs 151 says, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. So it's not just what you say, but it's also how you say it. And fellas, we are supposed to speak life with our wives. We are supposed to speak gently with our wives. A careless word stabs like a sword, but wise words lead to healing. Be consistent with your words. Verse three, as an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men with great delight I sat in his shadow. And his fruit was sweet to my taste. Number 11 is this.

A godly man makes her feel safe. She says there are two things provided here by this apple tree. There is provision, there's fruit, and protection. There's shade. Gentlemen, this is what we are supposed to do for our girl. Now listen. not only are we supposed to provide protection and safety from the mean, evil, bad guys in the outside world. I mean, that is true. I hope and pray your wife feel safe in public when she is

with you. Because I'm telling you, ain't nobody fussing at my wife. There was a time in Jack's Beach, and this guy's drunk guy, ran over my wife, and then called her the B word. Straight up, I'm standing right there. And so I embraced him, prayed for him, allowed him to apologize. and then I cast him out like a demon. Okay? So, and by the way, with no apologies, with no apologies. Every time I share that, it makes religious people nervous, all right? Be nervous.

I don't care. I'll start my, I'll go to Baker. We will do our ministry from there and broadcast to here, no problem, okay? Here's why, because she's worth it. Ain't nobody talking to my wife the way. Ain't nobody treating her that way. Not in my presence, no way, okay? All right, yeah.

And I get it. 1122, you're on board with that. Now, some of you little guys, you need to think this through, man. You're going to need to get a stick or work out or learn. Jujitsu, I don't taser, I don't know, whatever, but. Okay. But I hope she feels safe with you. More importantly, does she feel safe from you?

Like if you attacked her, have you attacked her with your mouth? God forbid you've ever laid hands. But have you attacked or abused or demeaned your wife with your words? Listen, man, I'm telling you, there's no place for sarcasm there. That we should be gentle and we should provide safety. We should provide shade any time she is with us. Physically for sure, but also verbally. And here's the thing.

Here's the thing. Men, if you're married to a Christian woman, it's amazing what she'll put up with. And she may put up with you, demeaning her with your words, but I'm telling you, and she may be committed to the marriage, but you don't want your wife to be committed to the marriage. You know why? She can get another marriage. You want her to delight in you. There's a fundamental difference there.

Are you creating the kind of environment where she feels provision and protection and not just those mean old guys out there in the world, but also you when you walk into the door. Create the kind of environment where she delights in your shade. And in fact, if that's some of you, if you've screwed this up, which we all have, one of the best things that you could do before the service is even over during the prayer time at the end as you look at your wife and you say these words, I am so sorry. I am so sorry. And then you pray to, you repent, and you pray that the Spirit of God will change you from the inside out so that the kind of environment that you are creating in your house is that of provision and protection. Verse four. He brought me to the banqueting house and his banner over me was love.

The 12th characteristic is he is proud of her in public. He is proud of her in public. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds what is good. You understand that? That she is the crown to him. Here's what this means, man. In the Bible, there is no place for friends with benefits, undercover lovers, a little booty call.

Somebody you just hook up with, but you don't have a relationship with. Ladies, if some dude is treating you that way, he is mistreating you. You are too valuable for that. You see, he is proud to take her to the banqueting hall, and the banner over her is love. Listen, if I want you to be impressed by me,

do you know what I want? I want you to meet my wife Gretchen. Have you seen her? Have you heard of seeing? Do you know my wife? Because it's one thing to know me. It's another thing to meet her. Because if you meet her and you look at me, you'll be like, surely there is a God. We've been married for 20 years, man.

She has aged like wine. She gets better every year. I have aged like milk. Just chunky and white. That's all I am. It ain't good. And so, in fact, you know, you can compliment a God-Legiate. man this way. I've had friends of mine. I go up to him and this is a compliment. Ladies,

you won't understand this. This is a comment. You can go up to a godly man and say, bro, how did a ugly, fat, uneducated, egg-headed dummy like you get a girl like that? And he'll go, dang, man, you know I am kind of dumb. It's true, man, it's true. You can't do it the other way. You can't do it like, how did a dumb old scraggly girl? Hey, why are you crying? No, see, don't even work. But he is so proud of her husband's, fellas. Are you proud of your girl? Now, if you knew Hebrew, this next verse would make you laugh out loud.

Notice what's happening here. He pursues her. He speaks kindly to her. He takes her out in public. He's proud of her. And she says, in verse 5, sustain me with raisins. Refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. You see, back in this day, in Israel, the women believe that if you ate a fruit

that had a bunch of seeds in it, like a raisin, and the seeds got in here, then the seeds could help you make a baby. That's what she's saying, all right? It was like an ancient aphrodisiac. And so he's speaking to her, and he takes her to the banqueting hall, and she says, give me some raisins, all right? That's what she's saying. You see, this thing is progressing in a direction.

Now they're dancing. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. Now notice, what we're going to see all throughout the scriptures is that attraction is designed by God. it is heading in this direction. They are in this embrace of intimacy, but look what the brother says. He says, I adjure you, all daughters of Jerusalem,

by the gazelles of the doze or the doze of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Number 13, he, that's right, he sets the sexual standard. Now we're going to spend an entire week on what it means to flee sexual immorality. But a godly man does not ask where is the line, but a godly man detain.

when is the time, and the time for sex is for married people. When you make a covenant with another person, that was God's gift to us to give, that is the environment by which sex is God's gift to us. Sex is for married people. Not used to be married, not going to be married, not marrying our hearts. There's no such thing, okay? Married in your heart means, I like you pretty good, just want to keep these other options open, right? And marriage, according to the Bible, is between one man and one woman for one lifetime. Now, God is not anti-sex. We're going to spend a whole week on the honeymoon, too.

God is pro-sex in the right environment. In fact, think about this. If you're new to church and you wonder, is God a good God? He invented sex for procreation and recreation. Nowhere are children mentioned in the Song of Solomon. That God gives us this gift. I mean, think about it.

He could have come up with any other way to make babies he wanted to. Could have given you an eBay account, You just pick something out. Could have gone that way, all right? But he gives us this gift, but it is always and should be a dessert, not the appetizer, because sex outside of marriage every single time will either damage a good relationship or prolong a bad one. And so he sets the standard.

Verse 8, the voice of my beloved, behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills, he is about to take her out on a date. All of these next verses describe them going out during the springtime. and spring is when things grow and their relationship is growing and he is taking her out on the date. Single men, young single men. Bro, ask her out.

Just go for it, okay? And prepare to be rejected. It'll prepare you for marriage. It's a great idea, all right? But for real, man. And I get some guys, I get some guys say, well, I'm just waiting on the Lord. Look, the Bible says he who finds a wife

finds what is good. You know how many shark's teeth I found in my life? none because I ain't ever look for one all right you don't just sit around and wait for God to bring you lunch you go get it okay so and I think when social media replaced socials we lost some serious social skills because back in the day I don't know the 50s or whatever and there'd be like a little town hall dance every Friday and you'd have to go to the dance and get all dressed up and see the girl and be like hey can we dance you're like nope okay and how about you you know and then you would like work on your game a little bit that's why I don't have you got game I'm just telling you If you're in 11-22 or just pray, suck it up, and then go, if I were you, I'd take my Bible and my wallet. And I'd say, hi, say your name, out loud, and then say, I'm reading this, I'm working on this, can I take you to dinner? And then pay for it like a man.

Do you understand? All right. So, here he is. He's taking her out on a date. Verse 9, my beloved, it's like a gazelle or a young stag. That's Hebrew for stud. He's a young stud. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the window.

looking through the lattice, my beloved speaks and says to me, arise, my love, my beautiful one, he's waiting on her to get ready. That's not a new thing. And come away. Notice how he speaks to her, and by the way, he doesn't DM her and be like, hey, I'll meet you at the thing. Nah, man, he goes and he picks her up. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone, the flowers appear on the earth, the time of singing has come, the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land.

He has planned to date. He has made reservations. The fig tree ripens its figs. the vines are in blossom, they give forth fragrance. Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away. Oh, my dove and the clefts of the rock and the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.

Number 14, he grows the relationship through dating. That he creates these kind of environments whereby they can be face to face and he can bring out who she is like a dove hidden in the crannies of the rock. That's what dates are for. That doesn't mean you take her to the sports bar and you face March Madness. No, you put your back to all of that and you face her.

And this is not just for single guys, okay? Married men. We were called to subdue and cultivate and oftentimes we can get really good at the subdu part. A lot of Christian men treat their marriages like you treat hunting. Get all geared up at first.

Got your game on smelling right. You study the game. You get all set up on it. Bag it. mount it, put it in your office, and ignore it for the rest of your life. That is not the biblical standard for marriage. That we are to continuously pursue our wife and cultivate her and cultivate our relationship with her and create the kind of environments whereby those things grow. Right now, we call those things dates. You should take your wife on dates. And listen, man, young guys,

you got it made because you have Google. Just put safe search on and Google romantic dates on a budget and watch the Spirit of God fill up your mind with opportunities and opportunities. See, back when we were doing this thing, we'd be like, what you mean the monster truck wasn't a good day? It was popular. Do what I can't hear you. That's what we did, okay? And listen, man, here's some tricks.

Or just study your wife. You should know her top three favorite places to go eat. Or here's something that I do. I'll take Gretchen out to eat, and she'll go, where are we going? And I say, where do you think we're going? And she's right every time, okay? just go now married ladies married ladies help the brother out this week if he's got blood in his heart and a brain and his skull hopefully he's a little bit motivated and he is going to maybe dust off that

old you know button-down shirt he has and he's going to try to move in your direction okay please whatever you do please whatever you do just help him help him and if he tries to compliment you specifically just be reminded you didn't marry a poet you married a plumber And if he's like, baby, you like a monkey wrench, just take it. You're right, I am. Like a monkey wrench, okay? All right. And if he takes you out, don't correct his grammar and correct his theology.

Here's your response, okay? You already know this, ready? Hercules, Hercules. Why? Because he's a puppy. He's a puppy. He will repeat what is rewarded. Now, single ladies, single ladies.

A couple things. First of all, I apologize in advance for all the dudes that are going to ask you out this week, all right? But just be a sanctifying agent in their life. They'll get over it, all right? They need to grow up anyway. They need a bunch of rejection in their life. So don't lower your standards, all right, but single ladies, if you do see a young Solomon, who looks like oil poured out and he takes you out and it goes pretty good, just, oh, sea biscuit, okay?

Because let me just tell you, if it's your second date and you're picking out of wedding dates, men are like turtles, you poke and prod and chomp out of there, okay? So just giving a minute. Love is patient. Married men, Google. Google. Get together with your staff team. Get together and huddle up and say, all right, all right, fellas.

Let's plan this weekend like you would a defense. You understand what I'm saying? Like you had to have a little game plan there, and I know you got it in. And somehow you got her to say yes to you back then, so you keep up that game. And then single guys, state your intentions. don't you flirt with the emotions of our girls here at 1122. Every single one of them is the daughter of a king, and they should be treated that way.

You see, the first thing I ever taught JP when he had a little sister, if I would ask him, bro, what's your number one job? He'd say, protect Reagan. So he was like four and five years old. Now he's 15. And if I say, hey, boy, what's your number one job? He'll go, protect Reagan. But when he got to middle school, I said, hey, what's your number one job?

Protect Reagan. I said, they're all Reagan. Do you understand? Every single one of them is so. Somebody's daughter, somebody's little sister, and that's how you should. The last one, 15th one is this. He says, catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in Blasson.

That he, a godly man, leads through conflict. He doesn't blame, he doesn't avoid it. He navigates through conflict. What we're going to find in the Song of Solomon is we get one chapter on the honeymoon. We get two chapters on conflict. Does God know what he's talking about? Amen. All right, but we're going to spend a whole week on that, so we'll get to it later.

All right, the point is this. Two of my favorite verses in all the Bible. First Corinthians, 16, 13, and 14 say this. Men, be watchful. That means pay attention. Pay attention. You can't neglect this. Be watchful.

Stand firm in the faith. That means like take a stand. Be ready to fight, not fight with, but fight for. Stand firm in the faith. Act like men. Don't just think like man, don't just feel like men, but put those things to action. Be strong. God has given you strength.

This is not for you. You've got to know when to be tough and when to be tender. And let all that you do be done in love. And when the Bible talks about love, it's not talking about ooey-goo-y feelings. It's talking about our joy in the Lord, expressed towards one another at great expense to yourself. And so, men of 1122, it's time that we stand up and act like men. just going to be honest with you is that I hope you're motivated right now. I really do. And we do need to try harder. We do need to do better. There are some do better verses in the Bible. There's

no doubt about it. Paul tells Timothy you do everything within your power to study yourself a man approved before God. That means Timothy, you got some work to do. And men, every single one of us can do better. Amen? But if you walk out of here today and you just try to cowboy up in your power, you will fail. Me too. Because here's the thing, man, when I look at this list, y'all, I wrote the list down based on these verses. And when I look at this list, if I'm confessing to you honestly, I look at it and go, I don't think I'm any of these things. Not to the degree I ought to be. I've been walking with Jesus over 30 years and married to Gretchen for 20. It seems like I would be doing a better job at these. And what it means is that is evidence that I need Christ.

in me, not just more of me and me. And again, if the tomb is empty, anything is possible. And His divine power has given us everything we need to accomplish everything that he has called us to accomplish. And if he has called you to be a man, then he will, through the blood of Jesus, the power of the Holy Spirit, the authority of the Word of God, and the love of a heavenly Father, he will give you what you need to accomplish what he has called you to accomplish. So once again, it's time for the men of 1122 to stand up and act like men.

if you would say with me, this is the kind of man I want to be. I want to be a godly man in all areas of my life, but specifically in the areas of relationship. If that's you, I just want to ask you to stand up right where you are. Just like the Bible verse said, to stand up and act like men, no matter your past, no matter what your current situation is, if you're saying, God, I need your help, I need you to do in me and through me, what I cannot do on my own. And if I could stand up more than I am, I'm standing with you, men. And so men of a love. And so men of a love, 1122, it's time that we shift the current culture of what it means to be a guy, that we are men. It's time we passionately love Jesus.

We pursue our wives and provide for our families. And my intention is not to beat you up for your shortcomings, but is to unleash in you that godly man that the Lord desires for you to be. The cross demands it, our family needs it, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, brothers, we can do it. And so as I pray for you, maybe you're sitting next to a man. Maybe it's your husband, boyfriend, friend. This would be a great time because ladies, it's not good for a man to be alone.

We'll screw it all up. This would be a great time for you to reach out because women of 1122, we need you more than I have words to describe. And as I pray for the men of 1122, would you join me in prayer? Would you reach out, would you grab their hand, touch their shoulder, put your hand on their elbow and let us pray. Our good and gracious heavenly, Father God, we love you more than anything because you first loved us.

And God, I thank you that you're not just giving us, us a list of to-does, but Jesus, the perfect God man, came and lived a perfect life. And if we know him, the spirit of the sun lives inside of us to empower us to be who you have called us to be. God, I pray that the men of 1122 would lead. And that starts by going home and being the lead confessor and the lead repenter. Lord, I pray that you would give us the power to say, I am sorry, that we would know by the conviction of the spirit, when to be the person, when to be tough and when to be tender, to be tough for and to be tender with. God, I thank you that you have called us to this.

And Lord, I pray, I pray that as we as men stand up and act like men by bending our need to the perfect God man, Jesus Christ, then you will begin to change lives and change homes and change communities and change the city and state and this country which needs it more than ever. And we pray this in the good, strong name of Jesus Christ, our Lord, and God's people said. Amen. If everyone would please stand and join us. We respond to the gospel.

We're going to respond by singing. This is what we do, okay? And this song is new to us. It is a confession of what we all need, especially us men right now. And we're going to sing over and over and over to Jesus. Jesus, I need you more. I need you more.

And we're going to bring our ties and offerings. I hope you'll do that. And we're going to pray. Amen? This is a great opportunity for you to start leading right now, for you to take your wife. by the hand, come down to the altars, and as they fill up, you can kneel down on the carpets behind it, and you begin to pray and speak words of life over your wife or girlfriend or whoever you're here with.

So let us sing, let us bring, let us pray. Let's respond.