The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 1: The Wife

Episode Date: September 23, 2018

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. - Proverbs 12:4 You will either be a CROWN or CANCER to your household. Actions Steps: 1.Give thanks 2.Confess and repent 3.Encourage your husband

All right. How are we doing, church? Everybody good? I don't know if you know this, but happy birthday, 1122. Today is our six-year anniversary. So, isn't that cool? We're six years old. Hey, listen, if you've got your Bibles, Ephesians chapter 5, I hope you're ready to put the fun in dysfunctional, because that's what we're going to talk about for the next three weeks. We are going to talk about family. And some people ask, like, when we finish up the Roman series, where do we go from here? And so I want you to understand how important this series is because if the 34 weeks that we spent studying the deep doctrines found in the book of Romans don't end up affecting the way we treat one another in our homes, then we wasted our whole year. You see, this is how God works that right theology leads to right doxology. Think about like the Ten Commandments. The first four commandments are about our vertical relationship with God, and then commandments five through ten are then, therefore, about our horizontal relationships with one another. Or think about the book of Romans itself.

Remember, chapters one through eight are about the doctrine that we are justified by faith alone. Chapters 9, 10, and 11 are about God's faithfulness, faithfulness to his covenant, and then chapters 12 to the end are about how we live out that faith with one another. or Jesus has asked what's the greatest commandment of all. And he says, it's pretty easy. You love the Lord of your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And the second one is like it. We love our neighbors as ourselves.

And so, in this year of diving deep into our relationship with Jesus, that should deeply affect our relationships with one another. In fact, as I was praying through this sermon, And I prayed like never before for this one because we're going to talk about wives. I don't know if you know this. I've never been one. I've been studying one immensely for about 18 years and I'm raising a little girl at the house now for almost nine. And I'm more confused now than I was way back when I first got started in this. However, let me tell you this, the greatest gift that I can give this church is not my leadership, vision, or preaching.

It's not. but the best thing that I can do for this church is love my wife well. And here's why I say this. There are men all over the world, really, who are better leaders than I am, much better preachers than I am, and can cast a more compelling vision than I can. And they have crippled their churches because they didn't love their wife well. And so it's not just true for me. It's true for you too, brother.

The greatest thing that you could do, the greatest thing that you could do for your family, is not make more money. The greatest thing for your family is not even do more Bible studies in your home. The greatest thing that you could do for your family is that the husband and wife, mama and daddy, would love each other well. And the only way you're going to be able to do this

is the way John says it in 1st John that we love because he first loved us. So this is very, very, very important. When you get to Ephesians chapter 5, that's where we're going to be for the next three weeks. This week we're talking about wives. Next week's husbands. So husbands, if you skip next week, you're a sucker, all right? You better bring a mouthpiece.

It's coming. And then the week after that, we're going to talk about parenting. That's just the way it rolls out here in Ephesians, Chapter 5. And the way the book of Ephesians work is chapters 1, 2, and 3 are a declaration of the gospel. And chapters 4, 5, and 6 are a demonstration of the gospel. Here's what the gospel looks like. And so while I'm going to be talking primarily two wives, by the way, men, let me tell you what you do during this sermon. Ready?

Shut up. I don't know amens. If you've never taken notes, don't start today. Just sit there and that's it, all right? But I do want to say this before we dive into wives here. The Church of 1122 is a movement for all people to discover a deep in a relationship with Jesus Christ. I talk about this stuff, some wounds will just surface. And so if you're single, if you're widowed, if you're single again, if your husband's not here,

just understand this. In the scriptures, where the ideal is lacking grace abounds. And this is your family. We love you. I'm not saying I can make anything better for your life, but I promise this. If you will do life in community, it is better. So sign up to go to the women's encounter, sign up to go to the marriage encounter, be a part of this dysfunctional family. Now let's dive in. Most of the time when people preach from Ephesians 5 about

the husband and wife, particularly the wife, most people start with verse 22. Ladies, your favorite verse in the whole Bible, I don't even have to quote it while I submit to your own husband. You probably sang it on the way to church today. However, I think we've got to back up to verse 20, because in verse 20 and 21, what we find is a banner over which all of the particular verses about husband's wives, parents, employers, employees, all of that that follows is under this banner. So let's go back to verse 20. Says this, giving thanks always for everything to God, the Father, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that we should be, first and foremost, grateful to God for our spouses.

Now, when is the last time you got on your face before an almighty God and prayed for your spouse, not about. I know you pray about him all the time. Dear God, fix him. I got it, all right? But when is the last time you went before the Lord and said, thank you? Thank you. You see, every single one of us live on this continuum between entitlement and gratitude, and the gospel always drives us to gratitude, and our selfish hearts drive us to entitlement. Part of the reason that we're frustrated in our marriages is because of our own entitlement. We think we deserve more. And yet the gospel, tell us what we deserve is hell and death forever and ever.

And so we should have grateful hearts to God for the good gift that he has given us in our spouse. So the first part of this banner under which all of these particular instructions are going to be given is this. Gratitude, give thanks. And then you get to verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. So husbands, before we ever get to the wives submit part, did you know we're supposed to submit too? Here he says, submit, that a good marriage, first and foremost, is about mutual submission. And the word submit, here's what the word submit means. Probably the best definition is Paul's definition in Philippians 2.

Submit just means to consider others as more important than yourself. That's what it means. Submit just means, I'm going to treat, it doesn't mean that you're actually more important, but you consider others as more important. submit means your deal I'm going to make your deal a bigger deal than my deal you know what that is that's just a really good friendship you know who over time you're really good friends with you end up being really good friends with people that treat you like your deal's a big deal even if it's not that you just show deference to somebody else and everybody's done this last time you were at a wedding you know what you did you treated the bride as if she was more important than you because that day, that's her day. You weren't offended because people brought her gifts. You were like, why didn't people bring her my gifts?

Because it ain't your day, bro, right? You didn't be like, move out of the way. I want some pictures of me. No way. You just let it be about her. That's what submission is. Submit to one another. This means that you're just being really good friends, first and foremost.

This is important. Out of reverence for Christ. This means at least three things. First of all, your marriage is not about you. your marriage is not about you. It's not. Your marriage is about one thing. Your marriage is about glorifying God. That's what your marriage is about. And when you begin to understand that God has put you you shoulder to shoulder to be together for the sake of the gospel, instead of believing the live Jeremy McGuire that he's going to complete you. He can't even figure out the toilet

seat. You think he's going to complete you? He can't. He can't. And when you put him on that throne and he disappoints you, you will demonize him. You see, our marriages are not about us. They are about the glory of God. Our marriages are supposed to be like a telescope, not a microscope. That people would see our marriages and they would see a picture of the gospel. They would see things like love and forgiveness and perseverance and laying down our lives for one another. You see, a microscope takes a really small thing and makes it bigger like Hollywood. This is the most important thing in the world? No, it's not. A telescope takes something that's way far away and makes it really, really close and visible. So like in the mind of the unbeliever that goes, how in the world could

there be an almighty loving God out there somewhere? And then your marriage is the telescope that takes that foreign concept and makes it really, really close and go, I see kind of a reflection of that in the way this man and this woman love one another. You see, your marriage is not about you. It's about the glory of God, submit to one another. Out of reverence for Christ. The second thing in there is you got to put Jesus in the middle and act like it. That if you don't know Jesus, I don't know how to tell you to be married. I'm not saying that you can't be married.

I think it's just kind of this personality Russian roulette. You just roll the dice and you hope it works out. You hope you have common interest long enough to sustain it. Because when you put Jesus in the middle of your marriage, here's what happens. The closer you grow to Jesus, the closer you grow to Jesus, the closer. you will be drawn to one another. Because the more do you know Jesus, the more you become like him, and the more you become like him, the more likable you are by people that are like him. Not only are you more able to love, but you are more lovable. In fact, Jesus says,

abide in me and I will abide in you, and you will bear much fruit. You know the fruit he's talking about? He's talking about things like love and joy and peace and patience, kindness, gentleness. Ask any marriage counselor in the room, and they'll tell you, You want those things in your marriage. Self-control. You think self-control will help your marriage? You see, it's out of reverence for Christ. In fact, in your marriage, you don't have marriage problems.

You have gospel problems. Here's a marriage problem. Here's a problem I never had until I got married. Me being a slob, that was not a problem. Dishes in the sink were not a problem because my dog didn't mind and it was just me, you know? putting the tooth, putting the little cap back on the toothpaste. Somehow when I brush my teeth, all the toothpaste gets on the, I don't know how it on the mirror, okay? When I was single, it wasn't a problem.

You just kind of look around that stuff, all right? Now it's a problem. You see, those are marriage problems. What we all really have is we have gospel problems. That's what we have. Because we're selfish glory hounds and we think the whole world revolves around us. But when we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, then as a husband and wife, then we can gospel one another.

The third thing, I've just got to be very clear about this, especially in this day and age. It says, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, your identity is in Christ, not in your marriage. Your Facebook profile relationship status does not get to tell you what you are or who you are. And the two biggest pitfalls that you will tend to fall into, ladies, is this.

Perfectionism and comparison. Perfectionism, like you can't even enjoy the family God gave you because they're not perfect. You're always working on it instead of just at some point for like a half a day on a Saturday, just living in it. Like you can't even enjoy the home that God has given you because you're just cleaning it up all the time and can't take a second to just relax.

You can never enjoy the vacation that you're going, on because it does not live up to the expectations that you had in your mind. And in fact, as we walk into the holidays, you feel this pressure cooker of Thanksgiving because Thanksgiving is never as perfect as it was when you were growing up with Grandma. The problem is, Grandma hated Thanksgiving more than you did. You just remember it better than it was. And then, like, it's evil twin cousin, it's comparison. And what do you do?

The worst thing in the world you can do with a species of human being that compares themselves to everybody. It's put a camera in everybody's hand and then put the filtered version of everybody else online for you to see. Ladies, Pinterest ain't your friend. HGTV is not your friend, not if it stirs in this thing in you. Literally, Gretchen just said, I'm not watching it anymore. You see, because you realize when you compare yourself to everybody else, you're comparing, you're comparing your real life what you know about you to a fake version of them. Because that's not them. No woman in the world wakes up on the Wednesday morning and just snaps that selfie with a clear seal dried up on the zit

that if she squeezed it would blow out the back of her head if it didn't go the right way. Just, what's up? Hanging out Wednesday. Just finish my quiet time. No, you didn't. You're a liar. Or we see these families. We compare, man, we get some serious mom guilt going on because every time you scroll through,

you just see these pictures of perfect families. Well, look at this family at the beach, just enjoying themselves. we don't go to the beach. Have you ever seen a family enjoying themselves at the beach? Have you ever seen happy people at the beach? No. You go out there and you're screaming at each other and some idiot from Ohio is feeding the seagulls.

You'd be like, what are you doing? And this is all around. But eventually on the 23rd shot, you get a good picture. Put the filter on. Glory to God, we're at the beach. It'll kill you. Ladies know what the cure for that is? The gospel. The gospel. Because Jesus is the propitiation for our sin. That means he's a payment that satisfies.

God is not dissatisfied in you as a wife, as a mom, and most importantly, as a daughter of the most high king. And so the banner under which these specifics are under is a banner of gratitude, of mutual submission, and reverence for Christ. And now we'll get into the specifics. Verse 22. Wives. it starts with you think about this in the not only biblically but in the first century when men ruled everything paul every single time the household comes up in the epistles it always starts with wives you know why because you set the tone in your home you just do maybe you've heard the ancient southern proverb if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy that's from the book you understand it's just true says wives.

By the way, husbands, if you ever resort to quoting this verse, it's over for you, loser. It is over, okay? You should only quote verses that start with you, all right? And so, wives, submit to your own husband. Now, it's very important here. It says to your own husband. We'll get to the submit part more here in just a little while. But it says, submit to your own husband.

Nowhere in the scriptures does the Bible say that women say. to men. Absolutely not. There are two clearly defined arenas where the roles are complementary and never to be in conflict or competition. And they're both family, church family and your family. And so it just says wives submit to your own husbands. And so women, then you do what God has called you to do. All throughout the scripture, there are a long list of some women that are just bosses, some CEOs. I mean, the Proverbs 31 woman, Lydia, Phoebe, Deborah, Ruth. I mean, you can go on and on and on and on.

And so, let me tell you where a woman's place is. A woman's place is right where God has called her to be. Period in God. Amen. Amen. So you go do what God has called you to do. And no matter if you're the president, which I would vote for you right now, but no matter if you're the president of the United States.

And when you go home, you submit to your own husband. Then he goes on to say this, as to the Lord. This is a really important qualifier. As to the Lord. Which means this, wives you were saying your husband, husband, I am following you as you follow after Jesus. And if you quit following after Jesus, I'm still following after Jesus. There is no room for abuse anywhere, especially in the Christian home.

You, there is no, you see, this doesn't mean that the husband that the husband is the Lord, that job has already been taken. Wives, submit to your own husband as to the Lord. And so, if you have ever heard some preacher tell you that you should endure abuse for the sake of the gospel, that is not the gospel. Jesus is the full and final payment. He took a beating, you don't. And so what happens is if your initial authority is out of line with the scriptures, then you look to the next authority, which is the church.

church and the government. You call the elders, you call the police, and you let us help you. This will always be a place. It better be a place where women are cherished and served and held in very, very high esteem. And if you have ever been abused, if you have ever been abused, then you please, please, please come to us, come to the church. Let us help you. Because Jesus came to help you, to seek and to save that which was lost, to redeem that which has been broken. And so why I submit to your own husbands? As to the Lord, verse 23, four. Now here's the reason why.

Because that's what it means. Because he's smarter? No. Because he knows better? Absolutely not. Because he's a better leader. All of that is irrelevant. Here's the why.

for or because the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself, it's a savior. Here's why, because it's by God's design. The husband is the head. Not simply the spiritual leader. Now here's what we've done in the evangelical church as led by Lifeway. We don't like stuff like this. We don't like it.

Husband is the head. So we've taken that and we've reduced it to the husband's the spiritual leader. In most situations, now he isn't. is responsible for all the spiritual discipleship that happens in the home. But in most homes, he's not the spiritual leader. You are. You've been doing Bethmore Bible study for like 35 years. You know verses.

You go to church more. You're in 19 groups, you know, the brother's schedule won't allow it like a lot of you. And so you know a lot more about the Bible than him. No problem. But he is the head. That means he is responsible for everything. We'll talk about it a lot next week and the responsibility that comes with this. But he is. He's either a good one or a bad one, but he is. It's like the president. No matter what you think about it, he is your president. And the last one was too. And usually if you like the last one, you're not into this one. If you're into this one, you weren't into the last one. It's just kind of how it goes. And however, by God's sovereign hand, he is in that position and your husband is in his position. And here's the thing, man. Here's the crazy thing. Here's what it means to be the husband. It means that you are provider, protector, shepherd,

cultivator, prophet, priest, servant king. And wives, to push against that is to push against the authority of God. Nobody would say it this way, but here's what it really means, that you're saying, forget you, God, my way is better than your way. Now, I'll trust you in this book in regards to like salvation, because I don't want to go to hell where I die, but in regards to running my house, forget you, I got this. And darling, you ain't got this. In fact, think about, this if your God always agrees with you you'd probably just worshiping you and oftentimes when we look through this book and see things that we don't agree with and go forget that what we're saying is you might as well just put the book away and just worship your mirror because that's actually who we're

worshipping and the reason that we have a tendency to do this is because every single one of us are glory hounds so four the husband is the head of the wife even as christ is the head of the church his body and is himself its Savior verse 24 now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit in everything to the Lord

so here's how to know if you should submit ladies ready if it falls in the everything category then the answer is yes that's it now again if you're not convicted and offended right now then wake up

okay now here's here's why here's where it comes from Genesis 218 this is how God intended things when he creates man and woman Genesis 218 it says this and the Lord God said it is not good that the man should be alone I will make him a helper fit for him now that word in English helper in Hebrew it's Azaire E-ZE-R sometimes it's hard to get like a really good English translation of these Hebrew concepts, okay? It in no way means less than, for sure it doesn't. In fact, everywhere else in the Hebrew scriptures, this word is used. It's used to describe God's role in Israel's life. That essentially what's going on here is, I'm telling you, in my life for what God has called me to do,

anointed and appointed me to do, I need a helper fit for me. That the real hero of the Martin household and the idiot with the microphone. phone on. It's my wife that comes alongside of me and us together as a team accomplish all that God has called us to accomplish. That's what you were created for. And now we're going to dig into this word submit. I know submission is not popular these days, but neither is staying married. Okay? And so here's what submission does and does not mean. It has not. It has not. It has nothing to do with who cooks and cleans. I mean, you're grown adults. Figure out your chores. In fact, some of you ladies can't cook at all, all right? So you just need to memorize some

Proverbs 31, which says she got her food from afar. All right? You go get you some takeout. Glory to God. Let me tell you what else that doesn't mean. Some people have said this too. Well, he makes the big decisions. No, man, that's stupid. You guys are co-equal two senior VPs of Martin incorporated at my house. That's how this works. This is one team in mutual submission and wives you submit in everything as unto the Lord. Here's my definition of what this verse is. My own definition. Wives, make your husband feel like the man. That's it. The biblical word there would be encourage him. Encourage him. You see, here's the deal. Every single man at all of our campuses is born. with this fundamental question deep in our souls.

I mean, I don't care if you're 8 years old or in eighth grade or 88 or 108, all of us in between. Every single one of us were created with this fundamental question deep in our souls. Ladies, we're a simple breed, but I'm going to put some words to some things that you already know to be true. The fundamental question we have is this, do I have what it takes? We wrestle with it our entire life. Do I have what it takes?

And the scary thing is, every single one of us know deep down. nope and we're afraid that we would be exposed as the frauds that we are it's just true and so from about for about the first 18 years of our life all we're trying to do is answer that question by proving ourselves to our dad it's why we do the activities we do it's why we hit that little golf ball you know what we're trying to do every single time do i have what it takes oh so that's what we're doing or it's why we play sports it's why we sing it's why we play that instrument it's why we write a poem, whatever those things are that we're trying to attack, we are fundamentally getting at this core question, do I have what it takes? Am I the man? And the scariest thing in

our world is we go, we know, uh-uh. And yet the gospel tells us that we're right, we are right, that in and of ourselves, we don't have what it takes, but by grace, by the mercy of God, He sent Jesus to do for us what we could not do for ourselves. And when we surrender our lives to the Lordship of Christ, he puts in us the Holy Spirit who has the same power in us that raised Jesus from the dead. And so his divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness, which means his divine power has given us everything we need to do everything he has called us to accomplish. and then listen wives, and then God puts you in our lives to be the loudest echo of the gospel. That's it. That's what encourage means. You see, because, again, for the first, whatever, 15, 16, 17 years, all we tried to do is prove ourselves to our dad, even if we didn't know his name and never met him before.

That's why we did everything. Most of us men in this room, the only time we ever got approval from our dad is when we hit the ball. So we went after it. And then the crazy thing, is at some point in our life, you came along. And dad wasn't as awesome anymore. And you with your pretty smells and your hair, we were like, ooh, look at this. It started feeling all weird inside. And we began to shift to try to prove ourselves to you. It is unbelievable the power you have over your husband. It is unbelievable, the power of your words over your husband. You will be his lid or you will be his lift. I mean, listen, I hope this comes across right. in my world and preaching world, I am extremely successful.

I mean, could be pastoring the fastest growing church in the history of our country. People from all over the world invite me to come and do this thing, open to Bible and preach. In fact, you send me really nice emails all the time, and thank you. They're very encouraging, and I appreciate them like crazy. And when I get finished preaching, a line of people line up to say, good job, pastor, and thank you. I appreciate the encouragement.

However, when I walk off this stage in 22 minutes, there is one opinion that trumps every opinion. It's unbelievable. And she doesn't know anything about church. I mean, she's been in it a long time, but she's not an expert in this stuff. And yet, my wife's opinion matters more than anything else. If you guys all were like, that sermon was amazing and tweeted, tweeted your little fires, you know, fire, fire, fire, like you do. And she walks up to me and I'm like, hey, baby, was it good? she's like, huh, then guess what, it ain't good? It ain't good. In fact, I've asked her, you know,

we have a service on Thursday night, and I've asked her on Thursday night, so I'm like, baby, just, I don't even want you to be honest. I just want you to be encouraging. That's it? I don't need to hear how it can be better. I just, you know what I, see, Ephesians 429 says this, let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, only that which is helpful for the needs of the hear. And you know what I need to hear after the first run through on this deal? I need to hear this. Hercules, Hercules. Mm-mm-mm-mm. Ooh.

Spirit was falling. Now, she loves me enough that by Sunday, she'll kind of loop around, like during halftime of the Georgia game, be like, baby, in that incredible sermon you preach, let me just tell you this. That one part, that wasn't even a real word. You might not want to say that again, okay? It's just true, man. You have no idea the power you have over us, ladies.

Again, I could sign a deal on the next campus for five million. billion dollars and our team get together by great leadership pastor and I'm like cool man and then I go home and Gretchen can't get the jelly jar open can you do this you dang right I can't hand a thing to me is it true it's true in it fellas see we've never graduated emotionally from about the eighth grade but it's just true and and yet we live in a world where tearing down your husband is a sport it is of one TV show where the husband's the hero. Even my kids' movies. The dad's an idiot and the hamster's the hero. It's the world we live in. Now, it's probably an overreaction for the abuse of husbands for decades and decades and decades. We'll talk about that next week. But ladies, your job is to be his

greatest cheerleader, make him feel like the man. The way he talk to him, way you talk about him, in the kitchen, in the bedroom, and public and private, all over the place. That's your job. And here's what I hear, as much as I hear anything, as I hear wives going, well, my job. is to keep him humble. No, it's not. The devil will keep him humble, and he does not need an advocate. This word will beat him down and will humble and humiliate him. Your job, as anointed by the Spirit of God, is literally the exact opposite of that. And I know it comes from a good place, because you want to protect him from his own ego, okay? But literally, your job is to be his greatest encouragement. And here's your problem. Here's your problem.

is that your marriage has been cursed. Now some of you are like, well, that explains it, okay? It has been. Your problem is you're a daughter of Eve. And Eve was created to be a helpmate. And what's crazy is you think you're helping, but it doesn't feel like helping to him. In Genesis 316, this is post-sin,

and God is going to curse everything that is, and a part of what is cursed women is your heart, and your marriage, and we'll get to Arkhurst next week. And he says this in Genesis 316, to the woman, he said, I will surely multiply your pain and childbearing and pain you shall bring forth children. And all the mama said, out. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you. Here's the twist.

Your desire will be for your husband. That doesn't mean you want him. Good gracious, I wish. You'd be like, curse or some more, Lord. No. It means you want to overthrow him. in. And the crazy thing is, again, here's the twist. You were created to help, and so what you feel like is help feels like, it feels like a coup, it feels like a takeover. It feels like you're

answering the fundamental question. Do you have what it takes? You don't have what it takes. And it's as simple as this. It's as simple as your husband's trying to tell a story. Okay. And there he is with his friends. And you know what's about to happen. He's going to tell a bunch of lies to try to impress his friends. That's just what's about to happen. And so it starts out like this. Hey, hey, don't you remember, babe, it was like five years ago and we were at the lake and it was Memorial Day. And you're like, no, no, no, no. It was six years ago. It was Fourth of July and we were at the beach. Now, hold on. Right now, wives, you're like, what's wrong with that? What a blessed man he is to have such a help make like me that I could show him all the places where he has fumbled

the ball, you're welcome. But just let me tell you what it feels like. For the guy whose fundamental question is, do I have what it takes? You just went, nope. You don't have what it takes to tell a story. Here, I can do it better. Do it in your finances, do the way your parent. I mean, you name the arena. It comes from a really good place, and yet the twist is that you take over the reins, because you know, you know, you can do it better. Do you realize you, you know, you know you can do it better? Do you you doing it better, is irrelevant? That's not your job. Your job is not to, this is not tryouts for who can do it better in your house. Well, I've submitted to your own husband as unto the Lord. Do you know what the opposite of that is, that encouragement, that submission, that like Hercules,

Hercules, the opposite of that is constantly telling him where he is wrong. The Bible calls that nagging or fretful or quarrelsome. When you're constantly telling him, him where he is wrong. And God has a lot to say about that. Proverbs 21-9, it is better to live in a corner of the house top than in a house shared with a quarrelsome or nagging wife. This is God. God walks up to, hey, bro, you might want to get your sleeping back. Why? Where are we going? Yeah, you just, corner of the house up on the roof. Be better if you live up there. Yeah, but it's raining. I know, but it would. be better. Yeah, but what about if there's a storm? I could bless you with a lightning bolt and take

you out of this, okay? But it's just better. A continual dripping on a raining day with a quarrelsome or nagging wife are alike. You know what that is? That's waterboarding. That's a sheet over your face. I'm going to die. And God's like, yeah, it's about, yeah, it's about the same. Just drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. that constant dripping makes hardened soldiers give up national secrets you understand drip drip drip but I'm just helping drip drip drip drip that's what it feels like oh we can keep going proverb 2119 it is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman to desert now don't think Arizona no you know what happened in the Bible the The children of Israel got lost in the desert.

Several times the desert would open up and swallowed 3,000 people, things like that. Jesus came face to face with Satan himself. Where? In the desert. And God goes, yeah, it'd be better for you to live out there with her. Hey, but God, I might die. Yeah. But, yeah, the buzzards plucking out your eyeballs from your dead skull.

less painful than drip, drip, drip. Am I making my case? This is what he says. You see, ladies, you were not His Holy Spirit. If he is in Christ, the Holy Spirit dwells in him, and it is his job to sanctify your wife. Now listen, next week, fellas, we will talk about your part. Again, show up with some headgear on.

It's coming. And wives right now, I know, I know, I know, you're probably tempted to be like, well, listen, if you knew my story, if you knew my husband, if you knew the details of this, and as soon as he, then I will. You know what that's called? That's called a contract. That's a contract. A contract is, if you, then I.

And in a contract, there is no room for two things. There's no room for the gospel, and there's no room for an unconditional love. Do any of you love your cell phone provider? No, because you have a contract with them. When's the last time they called you? They ever just call you and be like, we just wanted you to know what a valued customer you are, and we were thinking about you today. No, in fact, if you want to talk to them, you can't, unless what?

You break your contract, don't pay. Then all of a sudden, everybody wants to talk to you on the phone. And then a lot of times in our marriages, that's what we treat it like. Well, as soon as he, or if he would do his part, then I would do his part. If that's your mentality, there is no room for the gospel in your marriage. Because the gospel is the exact opposite. But God demonstrates his love for us in this while we were still sinners, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

In fact, 1 Corinthians' wives, they would say to you, you should preach and preach and preach and preach a whole bunch of wordless sermons to your husbands if they are not doing their part, that you would be a demonstration of the gospel. And so, in your vows, when you got married, you just promise for better or for worse. And what we do as Christians, as believers,

is we do our part. Now, again, let me just be clear. I am not talking about abuse. If we're talking about abuse, then you roll up to what we talked about before. Then you roll up to the authorities above him. But I'm talking about you go first. And the only reason is because it starts first in the Bible. We will get to what the husband does next week.

And in fact, I'm just going to read parts of this here. Verse 25, husbands, love your wives. As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the words so that he might present to the church himself in soul. splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. Verse 31. Therefore, he's quoting now, he's quoting from the book of Genesis, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife. and the two shall become one flesh. You get that? Single guys.

Do you see this? King James would say it this way. Leave and cleave. Some of you single guys, the reason God has not given you one of his daughters to cleave to is because you ain't left mama yet. So it's leave and cleave. Now listen, you've got to understand this one.

When God inspires Moses to jot down the book of Genesis, this was some of the most revolutionary literature ever penned in the history of human beings. and it elevated the status of women like no other piece of literature in human history up to that point. When God makes Adam, he also makes Eve, just one Eve, in a time period where monogamy was like not a thing. The text tells us that the standard of beauty for a husband is his wife, period. So how freeing is that should that be to you, wives? that for a gospel-centered man, ladies, you're competing with no one because you are the standard of beauty.

People have asked me before, hey, are you into blondes or brunettes? Well, what's G doing with their hair this month? Because that's what I'm into. 18 years ago, I was into blonde. Blonde was my thing, man. Blonde. And then one day I came home from church and into a bottle. Boom.

We went to brunette. She said, do you like it? I go, I like you. you got that, I'm with you. Let's go. Okay? That's how that works. Not only that, check this out. It says, for some of you, this is all you need to hear today. You see, most of the time in ancient history, that a wife would join the family of the husband and just become another like add-on peace to this big family. But not so in God's design. In God's design, ladies, it's one husband and one wife make one new family. Here's what that means.

Your mama don't get a vote in your house anymore. He wants to say amen so bad right now, but he knows it'll ruin everything. But fellas, that's for you too. Your mama does not get a vote in your house anymore. For sure, we honor and respect them until we die or they die, but you leave and you cleave. Verse 32, this mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ in the church. verse 33, however, this is Paul's summation of how we glorify God in our marriages. Here's what he says. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her

husband. Wives, you know what he needs? He needs respect. Now, there are several other places in the New Testament where it says wives should love their husbands for sure. But honestly, if you ask a man, he's not looking to be loved, man. He gets plenty of love. Grandma loves him, his mama loves him. The dog loves him. In fact, I mean, my daddy used to say this. I don't agree with this whatsoever, but he used to say it. He'd be like, you want to know who loves you? Put your wife and your dog in the back of the car and the trunk right around town for an hour, open the trunk, and you'll see who loves you. I disagree with that. If you don't, you email him. Okay. Jimmy Cracks Corn Senior at I don't care.com. But honestly, what he wants, comes back down to that fundamental question.

that God placed you in his life to be the loudest echo of the gospel. You have what it takes. That translates as respect. Here's what he wants to think. He wants to think that you think he does have what it takes, and God has placed him in the right spot. In your home, first and foremost, and at work and a whole bunch of other places. In fact, every single marriage problem is on this spectrum. Okay?

Now, there is a wide spectrum, but every time you have a marriage. marriage problem. Ultimately, it's a gospel problem, but it boils down to this. Every single marriage problem is this. He feels disrespectful, disrespected, and she feels devalued. In fact, if you got divorce, that's why you got divorce. I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm just telling you this is what happened. Now, the spectrum is broad. It can be way over here, and you just need a conversation to figure it out, like he feels disrespectful because you keep fixing all the details of his stories all the time, and you feel devalued because he never calls you when he's going to be late from work, Okay, or it could be way over here to this extreme is that you feel disrespected and devalued

because there was unfaithfulness. But that is it. That is it. And yet the gospel calls us to be submitted to one another. And so I thought long and hard about how do I, you know, every week I try to like sum up the whole sermon in one sentence. I just put it in your notes, the point. So when somebody says, what y'all talk about at church today? You'd be like, all right, here it is.

And so instead of making up my own sentence, I just borrowing one from the Lord. He says this in Proverbs 12, 4. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. But she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Wise, let me ask you this question. Are you a crown or cancer to your household? Like, how are you doing really? And again, I know the list is long and all the things that he's not doing.

I promise you, get him here next week. We will deal with him harshly. No problem. But how are you really doing? Do you understand? Do you know how good God would be to you right now to give you a feeling of conviction at the spirit level where you're like, there's some things I need to do differently? That is God's kindness.

Only a loving parent disciplines their children, and God's kindness would lead you to repentance. So don't fake it. Don't fake it. And so here's what I would say. Here's some action steps. If you want to put this in action, because listen, man, I don't know a whole bunch about like medicine and hospitals and all that, but I do know this is that the key to cancer is catching it early. And so are you a crown or are you a cancer? The earliest you can catch this thing and then do something about it, then the better it will be. And so here's three suggestions for me, just straight from the scripture. Number one, this is for you, wives.

Give thanks. Give thanks to him. When's the last time you told him thank you? And not for a task, not like thanks for cutting the grass. When's the last time you thanked him for him? An unspoken gratitude is worthless. It's worth. I know you've got a lot of gratitude in your heart.

Make it come out of your mouth. it'll mean more to him than you know and again ladies this is not the time to go all passive aggressive i know some of you are married to some brutes and the list is very very short so don't flip this thing around all caveman like i just want to thank you for being such a horrible jerk that god put in my life so as to sanctify me so that i could learn patience and perseverance like the martyrs from scripture thank you that is not what i'm talking about also you begin to thank God for your husband because you know what will happen? When you begin to pray for people not about them, your heart towards them gets bigger and

bigger and bigger and bigger. It just does. It just does. You watch, you watch what God does inside of you for your husband when you go before the throne of the king of the universe and you pray for him and you thank him. So give thanks. Secondly, confess and repent. Not defend.

no need to defend. Confess and repent. Confess your sin and repent. And listen, husbands, here's how you respond. Ready? If your wife comes to you this week and is like, I just want to say, I'm sorry. You know what you say? Here's what you say.

Ready, you say this. I love you. That's it. That's it is not good time to be like, well, it's about time. And in fact, I got a couple other verses I looked up from the proverbs. No, shut up. Just shut up. Let me tell you what else you better not do either.

Don't be like, it's not that big a deal. Tell Jesus on the cross, her sin's not a big deal. He died for it. He thought it was a big deal. If you go either direction, that's no good. Confession, man, is a tool that God has given us for the cleansing of our heart. You understand?

And so as she confesses and repents, then you say, here's what you do. You just respond in love. That's what you do. You respond in love. And then thirdly, I put it in your notes because you've got to write this in the bulletin. And I'm trying to grow up, but we'll see how that goes. encourage your husband Encourage your husband

That means make him feel like the man Encourage him Now there's a great tool out there called the five love languages It's a book that can help you understand How best your husband is encouraged It says we all give and receive love Like you speak a language

And you need to speak his language Mine is physical touch Words of affirmation Physical touch me again That's kind of where I'm at okay I would like for Gretchen and try to make out with me while she's simultaneously telling me how awesome I am, all right?

So that's it. Now, he might have the gift of gifts. We'll praise God, get him a rod and reel or something. But there is a way, wives, that you can encourage him like no other human being on the planet. Like, he is into you, and you are the only clean drinking water in town. Everything else is contaminated. And you and you alone can quench that thirst. Biblically and legitimately, and the brother gets thirsty.

So let me just tell you this. He's not that complicated. You know, men are like puppies, all right? They repeat what is rewarded. So when the brother gets something right, it's like training a puppy. When he gets something right, give him a treat, and he won't pee on the carpet anymore. Hercules, hurgolese, that's how that goes, all right? It just is.

And so give thanks, confess and repent, and encourage your husband. husband and watch the gospel begin to do a work. Listen, I know there's some of you right now and you're thinking, that's impossible. It's impossible. Sitting on the front row at our 722 Thursday night service was a couple that I've known pretty well for about seven years now. They were on the brink of divorce seven years ago and they just decided to show up to an 1122 service when we were over at beach. And by the way, if you're not holding hands with your spouse at this point, you should reach over and you should go ahead and start holding hands. You kind of missed your chance about 30 minutes ago,

but that's all right. I'm here to serve you. So this couple, they thought, man, this would be impossible. Our marriage is over. Their marriage has not been going well at all. They came to a service, and I just happened to be talking about marriage. And literally, the only reason they came is because of free babysitting for an hour and a half. They just wanted their kids out of their hair for an hour and a half.

And they laughed and had a good time, and it was about this point in the message. I said, so just reach over and grab your wife's hand. They hadn't held hands in a long time. They kind of looked at each other. They reached over. They grabbed hands. And not overnight, but over time, what they begin to do is they begin to put Jesus in the middle of their marriage and started acting like it. Now they lead a disciple group here.

They lead mission trips. He's a deacon at our church. And they would say, if the tomb is empty, then anything is possible. Then anything is possible. And I get it, wives. There's a bunch of you that are thinking, this, I'm just, I feel old. overwhelmed with the task at hand. Well, in just a second, I'm going to pray, and then we're going to sing,

God, I look to you. I won't be overwhelmed. Because if the tomb is empty, anything is possible. And if Christ lives in you, then you can be the wife that God has called you to be. So would you please stand and let me pray for us. Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, God, we love you so much because you first loved us. God, I pray for all the women of the Church of 1122. God, I pray that they would be cherished, God, they would flourish, that this would be an environment that is cultivated in such a way that they are all that you have called them to be.

God, from the eight-month-old and eight-year-old little girl in our kids ministry, all the way to whoever the greatest, greatest grandma is at 1122 and all in between, God, that they would be the women that you have called and anointed and appointed and created for them to be. and God, I pray for the widow. Lord, I know that you have a special place in your heart for the widow. God, I pray for the wife that spiritually almost is widowed. And Holy Spirit, I pray that you would bring a comfort that transcends all understanding. And then simultaneously, God, to the wives, I pray. Lord, I pray that you would bring a conviction that can only point to the cross. And, God, I thank you.

I thank you that you have called us to be a family. I pray that this family, the individual families and this whole family that is the church collectively, that we would bring you and you alone the glory that you deserve. So, God, I pray for that comfort and conviction for your glory and our joy. We prayed in Jesus' name. Amen.