The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 10: How to Raise a Daughter

Episode Date: March 21, 2021

The path to happily ever after is paved with patience, purity, protection and provision. Click Series Resources to download the series journal, watch RELATE and more.

Amen and amen. Every day of church, hope you're well. We've got your Bible, the Song of Solomon chapter 8 for our 10th and final week. And before we dive into that, I got a little good news to share with you first. Happy turkey season. Do you guys know that? Okay. All right.

If not, more for us. But if you're into that, bust a beak. All right. Praise God. Hey, remember last week we prayed for Pastor Ben just in case you don't know what's happening? Week and a half ago on Wednesday, we were in Disney together. He had a seizure. They did a brain scan.

I found a mass in his brain. The prognosis a week ago. Wednesday was not good whatsoever. We were praying like crazy at our Thursday service and our Sunday services that things would be different by the time he got here, got to a local hospital, and they did all the stuff. And praise God, I've got good news. He had surgery on Wednesday. They removed the mask from his brain. And I don't want to put words in the surgeon's mouth, but he was extremely positive about it. He thinks they may have gotten it all. And so from the first prognosis to where they are now is like miraculous.

Amen. Praise God. And so, Carrie Ben's wife wanted me to say thank you to our church for praying. Thank you at all of our campuses. And I would also like to say particularly, because we prayed for him at all of our campuses. And most of our campuses prayed very quietly, you know, fervently, but just prayed like this. But Chaplain Cop Baker said that you guys brought the heavens down, that y'all were calling down fire from heaven. So thank you for praying like crazy. Also, another update is while I was, while me and the elders on Wednesday were at the hospital pray for Pastor Big. in, after he goes in, there's another husband and wife that come walking by, and she had that, like, I think you're my pastor look, you know, and I don't know that she'd ever see me in

three dimensions, only two. So she comes up and says, like, are you? I'm like, yeah. And so we were able to anoint him with oil and pray with them before they went in. His name is James Williams. His wife's name is Rebecca, no relation to Ben and Kerry Williams. But I want you to know that his surgery was also successful, and he is at home recovering. And so also be praying for James and Rebecca. Amen. Praise God. Good news. Good news. All right, if you got your Bibles, we're going to dive in. We're going to spend our final week in The Song of Solomon talking about how to raise a daughter.

Now, the moment that we publicized that this is what we were talking about this week, the biggest email we got back is, well, why not how to raise a son? Because that's not what this chapter in the Bible is about. I don't make it up. I don't write it. I just deliver it. Now, I will say raising a son is very important. I'm doing that too.

and if you would like to hear about this, about two or three or four or some years ago, it all runs together for me now. I did a five-week series called Act Like Men. And so if you want a parenting series on how to raise sons, because what we're trying to raise, you're not trying to raise a boy, you want to raise a young man. And so there's a five-week series on what it means to act like a man, and so go back and listen to that. But today we're going to talk about how to raise a daughter, because that's how the end of the

Song of Solomon is. and I do still think this is for everyone because there's a whole bunch of you and you are daughters and you never graduate from being a daughter if you've ever been a daughter. And so that's probably about half the crowd here. And then there's a whole bunch of you

and you either have daughters or you will have a daughter. Did you know this weekend at all of our campuses we will have about 1,700 girls from high, from senior high all the way down to zero? So we got a bunch of daughters around here

or there's a bunch of you and one day you hope to marry somebody's daughter. So pay close attention. And I will just say this. Our world would be a whole lot better off if we knew how to better love, honor, and cherish every daughter of the king, amen? And especially at the church.

And it is a high holy calling to all you dads of daughters out there. I told you this before. One of the happiest moments of my whole life was the day I found out that Gretchen and I were having a boy. All right? Found out we're pregnant. Got, well, mostly her, but I'm a part of it.

of it. And so, super nervous. I went to all the meetings, all the appointments, you know, so I'm going to get weird, but I went to all of them. I was there. And then we get to that one where you're going to find out the sex of the kid. And you go to that doctor, ours was a little lady, she's about this big, and she puts that little goop on your wife's belly, and then got that little magic wand thing, and you're looking, man, you're looking at this screen. It looks like poltergeist. You're my age. You remember poltergeist? And you're just staring at it as like gray abyss, and you're looking. Is that, is that, was that it? No, no. Okay. What do we look at? I don't even know what it looks like.

And then eventually, she says to me, Mr. Martin, congratulations. It's a boy. And I was overwhelming excitement. In fact, I picked the lady up. I scooped her up. Grudgeon said, put her down. So I put her back down. I'm pumped. Because I prayed for a boy. I was pumped about it. I mean, I was into it. I went out and hall called my daddy. Said, Daddy, I made a boy. And he said, boy, I knew you had it in you. That's what he told me. So we named him JP. He's the fourth. I'm the third. My daddy's junior. The original is Joseph Perry Martin, Sr. You're running to me at my house.

You understand what I'm saying, okay? Pump. Four years later, pregnant again, back in the same lady's office. She's looking at me with fear and trepidation. She's supposed to goop your stuff on. We're looking into the... What are we seeing? I don't see it.

And then she goes, congratulations, Mr. Martin. It's a girl. And Gracie says, you're going to be okay? And I said, I'm going to be okay. Now, let me tell you why. Not because there's any... One's not better or worse. Actually, one is better.

The girl is way better. But anyway, yeah, being a girl dad is the best. But it was like fear and trepidation, you understand? Because it wasn't like, I didn't know my girl yet. This was just like the idea of girl. I've never been a girl. I don't know what to do. I've been a boy.

I know what to do. You can just smack them around, get them in line. They'll be all right. You know what I'm saying? But girls are tender and precious. And I mean, it's just, ah, and, and we're at war. We live in a war zone right now where this culture is trying to tear down everything good and godly that God has in store for.

you girls. And the enemy is lying to you every day of your life to try to get you to believe that if you're not beautiful, then you're not lovable and you're certainly not valuable. And I began to think, oh, my goodness. And so I began to pray and prepare and get ready. And then I'm going to tell you, man, on the day she was born on October 5th, 2009, everything changed. Everything changed. I mean, and you parents know this, man. You've been there, right? If you were there, I was there when J.P. was born. And people say, it's beautiful. They're liars. It ain't beautiful.

It is like the back end of a horror flick. It ain't beautiful. Ain't nothing beautiful about that situation whatsoever, okay? I wish it was old school. We just wait out there and smoke a cigar. It's a boy. Like, all right, see you in my hour. All right, that'd be better.

But I was in there. And it's crazy. You know, and anyway, there's gnashing of teeth. And then he was born, and they wrapped him up in that little burrito of love and hand it to you, you know, and you look at him, and you think, there's the little me. He looked like Hulk Hogan.

That's what he looked like. He had a skullet. You know what a skull it is? Like bald on the top, mullet in the back. And I remember holding him thinking, look at him. You can take the boy out of Dillon, but you can't take the Dillon out of the boy. That's mine. You know, you don't know what to do, so you put him over there in that little thing

that keeps the chicken nuggets warm and you check on Mama, you know? So then we're getting ready for round two for Reagan. And so I was a little more prepared this time. I stayed way up on the north side of Gretchen. I would just peek over to bed. Hey, baby, we're good. I'll be back here if you need me. And then here's the thing.

though, if you've had two kids, you ask this question. You don't ask it out loud because you'll sound like a horrible person, but you will ask, I mean, you will, in your own internal dialogue, you begin to think, can I love the second one like I love the first one? Because I feel like all the love that I had to give, I pour it out on the first one. Do I have anything left to give the second one? It's a legitimate fear that you have. And then that day Reagan was here. Hers took like a second. It was like, huh, boom, here we are. And they wrapped her up and they handed her to me. and I'm holding my daughter. And I remember thinking two things simultaneously,

I would die for you, and I would make somebody die for you. That's not a joke, man. I mean, for real. And in that moment, I realized that I still had all the love to give the second one. Why?

Because even though I poured out all the love that I had on the first one, I still had all the love to give on the second one, because love is an inexhaustible resource because the Bible says that God is love. And this little girl is the light of my life. Here's a picture of Reagan Capri. She is 11 years old now.

And I'm just telling you, it's not like we posed for that. We were just at our neighbor's house playing beanbag toss, and we won. So that's how she, and listen, this little girl, that's how she treats me most of the time. It's like having a lab puppy. You go out to the mailbox and you come back. She's like, Dad's home. I was just here, but I'll take it again, okay? And we cuddle and hug and snuggle and all of that sort of stuff.

And she doesn't even sit next to me. She'll sit on me and just rub my head like this. That's how she treats me. And she is girly, but she's also tough. We went fishing the other day and caught this big old ditch pickle. Look at that, okay? She caught five fish. I'm talking about the love of my life, all right?

I love this little thing. And it is a high and holy calling that God would put her in my life for me and Gretchen to raise. And again, I think there is an enemy. I know there is an enemy looking to steal, kill, and destroy everything good in Godly that God wants to put in her. and it is a part of my job to help provide and protect and aim her in the right direction. And fundamentally, what I hope to get across is this, girls, is that I want you to just know how valuable you are. Because if you could know how valuable you are, if you just knew that you were not your own, you were bought at a price, that God loved you so much, and this is true for boys, too, but if you knew that God, when he decided how much you were worth, he decided to pay with the blood of his own son.

and if you can begin to see yourself the way he sees you, then it would be a lot easier for you to do the things he's told you to do. That it's not so much about changing your practice as it is changing the perspective because if you had his perspective of you, then your practice would be in line. And the seven verses that we're going to look at have been foundational for me in my attempt to raise my little girl in this crazy world. You see, perspective is everything.

when I was in college, I think a sophomore or junior or something like that, and I was the camp pastor at the camp that I got saved at, this little podunk camp in Venezuela, South Carolina that I've told you about. And one of the rules there is that you couldn't date other counselors, but we didn't let that stop us. And so I was going out with this girl, this godly girl from South Carolina, and you couldn't really date anyway. It was like sharing skittles at the canteen.

You know, you're at camp, what you're going to do? But occasionally we'd get a weekend off. And so we had this weekend off, and I went to pick her up, and I was going to take her to the movie, whatever we were going to do. And I pull up to her house, and she was one of 12. She had 11 brothers and sisters, one of 12. She had eight brothers, all older than her. They all played football. They all played college football. And when I came to pick her up, all eight brothers were at her house that day. Okay? And when I pulled up, I got there a little bit early and she wasn't ready

because why would you be ready on time? That'd be silly. And her dad comes out of the house. He says, come here, boy, I want to show you something. And he takes me out to the back of his house to his barn. Everybody in Lakeview, South Carolina has a barn, and he had a barn. And what he would do as a hobby is he would rebuild old cars, antique cars. And his specialty was 57 Chevys. And so he takes me in there and he's like, hey, you're into cars? And I'm like, oh, I'm totally into cars. I'm not super into cars.

I'm not anti-car, but I just got to act like it, you know, because I'm trying to take his daughter out. And so he says, look at this one. It was a pile. He just bought it. And then the second one was about halfway done. And then the third one was in mint condition. And he takes the tarp off or the cover off of this car. It's a covered car in a covered barn.

You understand what I'm saying? And then we began to walk around this thing, and it is this cherry red mint condition, red and white, 57 Chevy. He opens up the hood, man. He picks that thing up like that thing, boy, it's here. This ain't the inline six. This is the four barrel carbureole, whatever that stuff is, you know. I don't understand, but I got to act like I know what I'm talking about. So I just do what you do in sermons when you're trying to act like you're into it.

And I'm like, mm, I'm just moving. Oh, it's so good, you know. Then we go walking around. He's telling me all about the drive train and where he got all the parts. And he says, hey, you want to crank it up? I was like, yes, sir, I'd love to crank it up. He gives me the keys. I open the door.

I get in, and I kick that thing up. Waw, waw, waw, walk, walk. I mean, it's loud. And I got to goose it just enough that he knows I'm a man, but not too much that he thinks I'm a rebel. You understand what I'm saying? Trying to ride that line. Oh, he cuts it off. And then he says, how would you like to take this car out tonight on your days?

And I was like, are you serious? He's like, yeah. I'd love to. And he goes, let me ask you the questions. I put a lot of money and effort and energy into this thing. You wouldn't get some food and eat it inside and mess up my interior with you? I was like, oh, no, I'd never do that. No, sir, no way.

And he goes, you wouldn't park next to some other car and let somebody doording this thing, right? I know, sir, I'd park all the way on the other side and just hitchhike back to wherever we were going. No problem. I'll put police tape around it. That's fine. And he goes, now listen, you wouldn't race it with you

because we live in South Carolina. So at every stoplight, there's going to be a mullet and a Camero daring you. Come on, get some. No, I would never race it. He's like, I should you take care of it? Yes, sir. Inside it out, yes, sir.

Okay, he said, cool. A couple things. One, just nowhere in the world I'm letting you drive my 57 Chevy. You got in your mind? And then he said, I'll never forget, man. He looks at right at me and he says, and let me tell you something. What I'm about to let you take out for the next two or three hours is infinitely more important than this huck and metal.

You take care of my daughter. So we got in my 89 Pathfinder. Plenty of room for Jesus in there between me and her. I don't know what we did. Went to the movie or something. I brought her home 45 minutes early. Why? Because I understood what he was talking about.

And what he was saying is she is so valuable. and I began to take on his perspective that night. I hope and I pray. To the moms and dads, you will speak that kind of value into your kids. To the brothers, you would treat your sisters in Christ around here with that kind of value. And to the daughters, you would know you were valuable and you should be treated as valuable. Chapter 8, verse 8 starts out this way. The brothers are talking.

Remember, nowhere in the book is her father mentioned. So, by the way, I'm going to talk about parenting a bun. and I know there's a bunch of single parents here, especially single mamas. You are heroes. You are heroes. I don't know how you do it, but I know, but with God's grace, that he has given you everything you need to accomplish everything that he has called you to accomplish. Amen.

Now, they say, the brothers say, we have a little sister and she has no breasts. Well, that's a bummer. What shall we do for our sister on the day when she is spoken for? Now, they're not necessarily talking about her anatomically. They're talking about her age. We have a little sister, and she's prepubesical. She hasn't grown yet. She's 10, 11 years old, that kind of thing.

That's what they're saying. And then they say, what shall we do for our sister? Listen, brothers, not what shall we do to our sister, but what shall we do for our sister? These brothers are the authority in her life. One of the first things I taught my son, JP, he's 15 years old now, but when Reagan was born, he was like four. And from the very beginning, from the moment we brought her home, I would tell him, boy, your number one job on this planet is take care of Reagan. And I mean, we beat that thing in his head

ad nauseum. We'd be out in public and I'd say, boy, what's your number one job? You're going to protect Reagan. We could be in a place with some friends and stuff. And if I couldn't see him, I could just look at him, go, I could hold up one finger, he'd go get Reagan. And I just wanted him to understand that. That's his job. In fact, one time we were at the St. John's Town Center on my annual trip there at Christmas to go see Santa when the kids were little, and J.P. comes running up, kind of white face, like, oh, I feel like I need to tell you something. I can't see ever say it. You know one of those things? And he comes up, I'm like, what's up, dude? And he's probably six, seven years old.

And then I hear a kid crying over in the little playground. I'm like, why is that kid crying? And he goes, well, he pushed Reagan off the slide. And I go, well, why is he crying? So then I pushed him off the slide. Pound it, buddy, right here. Boo-ya, okay? Let's go to Dix, get whatever you want from Dick's sporting goods.

Now he's in high school. Does I go to the same school? And I've just told him, hey, listen, man, you will not be a bully. Okay, this is not provocation. This is protection. And somebody's messing with your sister. You handle it. And the school's going to kick you out of school.

No problem. I'm not even going to defend you. I'll take you to Disney for a week. That is fine. Why? And I know I'm going to get some feedback. That's fine. Are you raising a child to be violent?

Yes. Yes. You do you at your house, all right? You and your snowflakes sitting in time out. However you want to do it, that's fine. But I'm telling you, the Bible says, from John the Babberts until the day, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing and violent men take hold of it. Now, you'd be tough for.

Not tough with. you'd be tough for. And so here's why, too, when he had about seventh or eighth grade, I've been planning this for four or five years. And I said, listen, dude, listen, you know, when he became interested in some other girls and that kind of stuff, especially now as the ninth grade and I just tell him this, hey, listen, what's your number one job?

Protect Reagan. And I go, they're all Reagan. Every single one of them is the daughter of the king. And so we love, honor and cherish, every single one of them. Their brothers are saying, here's what they're doing, while she's little, she's a little sister, and they're saying, what shall we do for our sister on the day that she gets married?

They're not just thinking about the temporary, and here's the problem if you're going to parent, especially daughters, man. You've got to think with the end in mind. You've got to think about that day that you're going to walk her down the aisle and parent towards that, and I get it, man, if you've got little kids,

you're just trying to make it to the night, night time right now. I understand. You're in baby jail and it's tough. But what they are doing is they begin with the end in mind. They are thinking about her future. And what they're doing is they are willing to not give her what she wants, but give her what she needs to be who God has called her to become. That's what they say on the day in which she has spoken for, because there comes the day,

dads, you're going to put your daughter probably on your arm and walk down the aisle and literally and figuratively you are taking her hand out from under your authority and handing her over to some other guy. And you want to make sure that God has used you to create the thing. the kind of environment where she can be the godly woman god has called her to be it's a scary scary moment i did a wedding about four or five years ago for this family i know pretty well the guy comes walking down the aisle with his girl he's got two boys and a girl she's the youngest he's a mess man he's tough as nails too and he's just cried like you know the tough guys cry at weddings hardcore

just suck that lip in you know it ain't good and that's him and he walks her up there and he looks at the groom to be And I asked, you know, who gives this girl to be married to this man? He says her mother and I, and then he goes to give that man hug to the groom, you know, where you grab the fist real hard like this. And in this hand, he reaches in his pocket and he pulls out a bullet, a 357 magnum bullet. And he hands it to this guy. And he leans in like this, but the crowd can't see it.

The crowd thinks, look how sweet this is. This father is praying over this young man. And so he leans in like this, and he says, boy, this is a three, 57 magnum made right here in the United States of America. It stands for character. It stands for honoring. It stands for integrity. And if you don't treat my daughter that way, then the next ones are coming much faster.

So what he said? And I don't want to tell you who it is, but his initials are Scott Puttnell. All right. So anyway, that's a fact. So ultimately, the way that she ends up, where she ends up, is not by accident. Her brother's, the authority in her life. They help work with her. She's, for sure, she's autonomous.

She's going to make all kind of decisions on her own. But they are trying to put her on the right path that leads to the destination that she wants to be in. Because it is direction, not intention, that determines destination. It is direction, not intention that determines destination. And so here are the, here's the clause that they come up with. If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver. If she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. What does that mean?

That we want to play the role in her life, that she can be the mature woman that God has called, her to be. And if she is a wall, in other words, if she is impenetrable, if she understands that sex is a gift from God and she is mature enough not to allow an immature male who's not ready to stand up and act like a man, you know what it takes to be a man? You got to be ready to love your girl like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So if you're coming to take, you ain't ready. And if you're coming to take, then she's saying, nope, I'm a wall. Nope, you ain't Instagramming me and you ain't DM in me and you're not tweeting me and just quit texting me. No, I am a wall.

And they say to her, if she's a wall, we'll throw a wedding for her like you've never seen. But if she is a door, in other words, when some boy comes knocking and she says, yeah, come on in. They are saying, if you're not mature enough to handle the gift of sex that God has given you, we will make sure that you don't misuse it. Because the crazy thing is, is if you misuse sex, it will misuse and abuse you. The sex is for married people, not going to be married, not one. want to be married, not marrying your heart. There's no such thing, but for married people. And they're basically saying, hey, listen, you can ruin your life as an adult, but we will not

watch you ruin your life as a kid. And so, these are the preconditions they give. Now, do you remember what she thought about her brothers? Do you remember all the way back in chapter one, here's what she said about her brothers? She said, do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked at me, but my mother's sons were angry with them. me. She didn't even call them her brothers. In other words, she's so frustrated when she had to go to work in the field. She's like, my brothers are so mean to me, won't let me have Instagram, and don't let me do TikTok, and everybody else's got a phone, and I don't have a phone, and I got a farmer's tan, because I got to work out here. She's so frustrated. Then in chapter one, she says, my mother's

sons were angry with me. They made me keeper of the vineyard, but my own vineyard I have not kept. Her brothers loved her enough to say, hey, listen, you're not going to do this the way all the other girls are doing this, you're going to have a job and you're going to work out here in the vineyard. And what's crazy is though even though she didn't like it, she submitted to her brother's authority. And here's the thing. All of us are under authority. And submission is not submission until you don't like it. You don't submit to the Lord until his commands don't line up with what you want to do. Up until that point, it's just convenient. And yet somehow in humility, even though she didn't like it, she was mature enough to submit to her brother's authority. And so the reality is,

is you can discipline without love, but you cannot love without discipline. And they did not give her what she wanted. They gave her what she needed. And so, after years of working in the vineyard, she says in verse 10, I was a wall. I was a wall and my breasts were like towers. Well, praise God. And then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace. Listen. when you read this in Hebrew, your head was supposed to explode. You see, she's saying, her brother's say, all right, if you're a wall, this is how it goes, and if you adore, this is how it goes. And she says to them, I was a wall, and now I'm grown up.

That's what the tower breast thing is about. Then I was in his eyes as one who finds that word peace in English is shalom. You know what the proper name of shalom is? Shalomon, or we call it Solomon. What she is saying is, I thought my brothers were mad at, me and mean to me because they didn't give me what I want. And little did I know that what I thought was pain and punishment was actually preparation and provision. I was a peasant working in the field and little did I know that God was preparing me to find peace, to find Solomon. You see, this is

kind of like a Quentin Tarantino movie. Remember how it started? I'm mad at my brothers because they made me work in the field. Look what happened. Verse 11, Solomon had a vineyard at Belle Hamon. He let out the vineyard to the keepers. Guess who keepers were? Her brothers were the keepers of the vineyard paying the lease to Solomon. They make her sister work in the field, and little does she know she is a peasant, and God was preparing her to be a princess, because as God was developing her character in the field, then she would find peace. She would find Solomon.

My vineyard, my very own, is before me. You, O Solomon, may have the thousand and the keepers of the fruit 200. We are supposed to read this and say, oh my goodness, God has been at work behind the scenes the entire time. What she thought were some grumpy older brothers just keeping her from having fun, were actually loving authority in her life trying to get her on a pathway that led to where she wanted to be. Do you understand what a big deal this is? And students, listen to me, students. I know you don't want to listen to your parents right now, okay?

And a lot of times the reason you don't want to listen to your parents is you think, like, they have no idea what is going on in this world. And the reason you think that is because of their phone and fashion. You're like, my dad can't even, every time I'm like, Dad, your lights on again in your pocket. Seriously? All right. So you think he's done. And then secondly, you look at him and you think, I just don't think I could take advice on somebody wears crocks and socks right now. I don't know that I can do this.

That's true. But the reality is that nobody loves you like they do. Nobody knows you like they do. and nobody is more for you than they are. And it's not submission until you disagree. And it happens to all of us. Listen, man, I'm 47 years old. My dad was awesome until I got to about 10.

When I hit about 13 or 14, I don't know what happened to him. He lost his mind. He was the dumbest person on the planet. And then somehow, when I hit about 19 or 20, he regained his intelligence, and then he became a genius. Anybody else have that experience? Right.

Students, man, I'm telling you. They're for you, they're for you. And what her brothers are doing is they are trying to put her on a trajectory that leads somewhere. And you remember, you remember when we talk about this, what a godly woman is, now when I talk to women about what it means to become a godly woman, we have a very extensive list.

But when I talk to men about the kind of godly woman they're looking for, I boil it down to just four things that all start with eights because the fellows aren't that smart and I need them to remember. And what you're looking for is a woman that's holy, hardworking, humble, and hot. We'll get to the hot at the end. But you're looking for a girl that's holy.

And what we find here is that the Shunamite woman is holy. And first and foremost, what it means to be holy, holy means to be set apart. And none of us by our own works are holy. None of us by our own good deeds are righteous. In fact, our own righteous deeds are as filthy rags before the Lord. So ultimately, what this means to be set apart for the Lord means that you know Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior.

that the only reason you can claim to be holy and blameless, like the New Testament says believers are, is because of what Christ has done on the cross, and you believe that when he died on the cross, somehow that counted for you. When he says it is finished, he put to death your sin, and the Bible says that God made Him who was without sin to be sin for us, that we would be made the righteousness of God.

And she is set apart, she is different, and then she begins to live that out because when she says, I was a wall, what she is saying here is, I did not live for the approval of some boy, but I was living for the approval of the God that loves me. She is holy. And she is hardworking. She worked in the vineyard. You want to raise a hardworking girl.

And fellas, if you're dating a girl right now and trying to figure out if she's marriage type, I'm just going to tell you, if she ain't hardworking, you better watch out. Because every single one of us live on a continuum between gratitude and entitlement. and if she thinks that you and your little dumb degree from UNF is going to provide her a nicer home and a better Barbie Jeep than her rich dad brought her, run for us run, because you're marrying a problem. You want to marry a hardworking girl because I'm just telling you, especially like you talk to every mama in here, it's the hardest job on the planet. You don't ever get to clock out. I don't know how Sabbath applies to mommas of babies and stuff like that. She is hardworking. My wife is a hardworking girl, man, hardworking. And she oozes gratitude.

The other day, when it was sunshine this week, we're sitting on our back deck watching a bluebird build a nest. That's what we do now. Welcome to almost 50. That's what you have to look forward to. And love in every minute of it. You want to go somewhere?

Why would we go when we got the bluebird right here? And she looks over at me. She says, thank you for working so hard. And I was like, I didn't work hard for this. I'm trying to just do my job into kingdom. And thank God that we can be provided for her. She was like, just she says thank you. You know what she's doing?

She's oozing gratitude, not entitlement. gratitude is being thankful for what you have entitlement is focusing on what you don't this is a hard working girl and she's also humble she is humble remember we said she was humble at the beginning because of the way she talked about herself she said don't stare at me i'm not much to look at i've been working hard i've got a farmer's stand but yet she was confident she said she said she was lovely and here we find out this humility that she submitted to the authority in her life even when she didn't agree with it. You see, humility is not thinking less of yourself. It's just thinking about yourself less. So you want to raise, this is true for everybody, but you want to raise a daughter

that knows what it means to submit to authority. Guys, if you're going out with a girl and wondering if she's marriage material, pay attention how she submits to her teachers, her coaches, her parents, the authority that God has placed in her life. And most importantly, does she submit to King Jesus and his perfect leadership. Because if she doesn't know how to submit to his perfect leadership, what do you think it's going to happen when she has to, according to the scriptures, submit to your very imperfect leadership? This girl is holy, hardworking, humble, and last, I know I shouldn't say hot, I understand the implications and all that. The word is really attractive. But you'll remember hot way better. So here's the thing, though. What we see throughout the song

of Solomon is it's not just an external beauty. That's not what we're talking about here. In fact, didn't think she looked that awesome, but in Solomon's eyes, he thought she was awesome. Remember, on their honeymoon, when she takes off her clothes, he says to her, you were all together lovely. There is no flaw in you. And the reason he can say that is because she is her, she is his standard of beauty, and she always looks like her. So he says to her, you look perfect because she is her. But it's so much more than that, listen, if you spend daughters, if you spend all of your time and effort and energy, just trying to improve the external. it's going to be a miserable life for you.

And the reason is because you have two enemies coming after you faster than you know. Time and gravity. They are not your friend. I know some of you all like 25 and flexible and can eat a pizza at night and just feel great. All right, there is coming a day where you've got to drink an Advil smoothie

just to make a Monday. You understand what I'm saying? Can I get a witness from the 40 and up crowd, praise God, all right? And stuff's going to move and you're going to hit car bumps. He'll be like, why is it still bouncing? It ain't good, man. It ain't good. And you can fight it.

If you've got a little pocket change, you can fight it in this culture. You can, man. You can go and nip it and tuck it and clip it. And if it's big, you can make it little, and little make it big and change it and hurt, whatever. You can do, you look like, but I'm just going to tell you, you do that long enough and you look like Miss Potato Head, just all that.

Why are you so surprised by this? That's just my face. That's what it does now. Okay, so be, just be careful. And if you build it on the physical, it will be so shallow. It will be so shallow. And so what we were talking about here is her, she continuously grows in her character, and Solomon is attracted to that character.

You know what the Bible says about the woman that only focuses on the external? It's Proverbs 1122, funny enough, says this, like a gold ring in a pig snout, is a beautiful woman without discretion. I mean, think about this. If you went up to the swamps of South Georgia with me, and we were tromping through the woods, and you saw a gold ring, you were like, my precious, and you go sneaking up on it, and there's a big boarhog in the mud. You'd be like, what a waste! A 24-carat gold ring and the snout of a slimy, stinky, hairy, muddy, boorhog, what a waste.

And if you are just beautiful knockout externally and your beautiful face and hair and body and all that, and you got an ugly soul, I'd say, what a waste. What a waste. And so her brothers are working on this. They put her in an environment that leads in this direction. And she is saying, thank you for that. In fact, the opposite of that, we find in Proverbs 31, the Bible says this, her children rise up and call her blessed. Think about that for a minute, mamas.

Can you imagine you wake up, or you don't even have to wake your kids up. They just rise up on a Saturday. What are you doing? I just wanted to bless you. Apparently that can happen. Her children rise up and call her bless. Her husband also, and he praises her. Here's what he says about her.

Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates. She has been on a path with the help of her brothers, the authority in her life, towards holiness, hard work, humility, and attraction for her. her whole life. Now, I haven't done this in any of the other services, but thank you, Randy, and Joy. My in-laws are right over here, the real pretty one, and then my father-in-law, okay? Honestly, and thank you. Thank you that you raise your daughter, my wife, and my daughter's

mama the way that you did, that she would be hardworking. She'd have to, like, milk cows. They grew up on a farm. She's hard working. She had a farm stand and all that stuff, too. That she is holy, thank you for raising her into church and taking her to camp and introducing her to Jesus. and that she is so humble, she is so humble, thank you that you instilled in her and all about what she doesn't have, but she's grateful for what she does have, and mostly joy. Thank you for the hot part. Thank you. All right.

So, this is how the book ends. Verse 13. Oh, you who dwell in the gardens with companions listening for your voice, let me hear, make haste, my beloved, and be like a gazelle and a young stag on the mountains of spices. Do you know what the mountains of spices are? You know exactly what? they are. You were well versed in Song and Solomon. It's just like, remember the book started this way, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth and come like a young stag to the hills of Beather.

All right, these are the same hills. And so in this book, she talks first, she talks last, she talks most. Sound like your marriage? Mine too. So here's what this is saying. This is the Bible way of saying, and they lived happily ever after. But happily ever after does not happen by happenstance. their marriage has been talked about as a garden and you will never neglect the garden into a fruitful bounty. It takes a lot of hard work, mutually submitted to one another, a whole lot of weeding and tilling and nurturing. And this is Song of Solomon's version of

till death do was part or they lived happily ever after. Now how did this happen? Here's the point. A path to happily ever after is paved with patience and purity, protection, and provision. So as we close out the Song of Solomon, I want to talk to three groups of people based on this. To moms and dads, and honestly, mostly dads,

to the brothers, those of you that are single, not married, single guys, and to the daughters. Okay? So to the moms and dads. Again, mostly dads, because that's what I am. Here's four things, dads you can do in raising your daughter. and they're not in order of importance, because number two is actually the most important,

but I want to talk about this one first. One of the most important things that you can do to help raise your daughters is to love mama. I mean to love mama. To speak life and to like have your children see you just doad over your wife. I am obsessed with Gretchen. I'm an owner all the time.

A little weird with my in-law sitting over here, but it's just true. A hug and kiss her and make the kids go, you want your kids to be like, I think I'm going to throw up in my mouth. It just should be like the standard in your home. It should not be. abnormal that you're holding hands and that you're that you are showing affection towards one

another because what I want to do for my little girl is I want to raise the bar for her so high for her to see that's what it looks like for a godly man to love a godly woman the way my daddy loves my mama and you take her out on dates and you spend gobs of money on her and you sit out back and watch the bluebirds build nests you do all of that all the time because I want I want my daughter to see me love honor cherish value my wife so much that when some little idiot around here devalues Reagan, she'd be like, no, that's not how it goes. I'm telling you, like when somebody comes to pick her up,

if some car pulls her out of my house and honks the horn, they better work for UPS because they ain't taking nothing out of there. Are you understand what I'm saying? And I take Reagan out on little dates. I do, man, take her out wherever she wants to go, go take her out, take her to nice places. I take her to places that I know college kids could never, ever afford because when some little idiot wants to take her out on a date,

She's like, this is terrible compared to what my daddy does. You understand what I'm saying? And I open the doors for her and we get dressed up and I do all that. And the reason I do it is because if she goes on a date and I want her to walk to her doorware, and if they don't open it, she's just going to take a lap right around the car and just nope, that ain't it. Uh-uh. I'm not trying to raise some little prima donna.

What I want to raise is a mature young woman that can identify the difference between a boy that wants to take and a man that's ready to serve. And listen to me, single guys. stand up and act like a man because what girls want is they don't want to marry a boy and try to make them into a man. They want to marry a man and make babies.

You understand the difference? And so stand up and act like a man. Secondly, this is actually the number one thing, but I'm going to say it second. The thing dads you need to do for your daughters, this is for sure true of everybody. You've got to point them to Jesus. Point them to Jesus all the time.

Get you a Jesus. the storybook Bible, no matter how old they are or you are, and read it because it always points to Jesus. Pray out loud over your daughters. Because here's what's true. I looked this statistic up this week. Did you know that your child has a 0.003% chance of playing a pro sport? Point zero zero three percent chance of playing a pro sport. But your kid has a 100% chance of standing before Jesus one day. And a lot of times I see parents, and I think they're actually competing against one another with their kids and all the activities and stuff they're in. Like, man, I'm pro sports. My kids do some sports, right? But we don't act like it's going to be

there forever because it ain't. And make sure when you go and you're cheering them on, maybe you ask this question. Am I cheering for the first name or the last name? Because there's a big difference. And then I've seen, you know, JP's in ninth grade now, so there's all this college talk. And what I see a whole bunch of people at church. It seems like you spend, parents are willing to spend way more time, effort, and energy and attention on where your kid's going to spend the four years after college as opposed to where they're going to spend forever. Point your kid to Jesus.

And let me just tell you this, if you have a 6th through 12th grader and they are not involved in our student ministry right now, make a fist and punch yourself in the nose with it. What are you doing? Seriously, what are you doing, man? we spend millions of dollars around here to help disciple your kids you are the primary disciple maker in your house we are not here to replace you we are here to come along and supplement and help and every Wednesday night we have hundreds and hundreds of middle school and high school kids at all of our campuses gathering and what we as a church are doing men we're just tossing you this softball

we're tossing you this big fat softball there you go parents all you got to do is hit it i mean we're just teeing it up for you we're trying to get them around the right people and are hearing the right things, around the right leaders, and then sometimes I'll hear you say, well, you know, Timmy doesn't really want to go to students. Do I need to remind you, you are the parent? Did you take that excuse when he's like, I don't want to brush my teeth? Are teeth important? Not in Kentucky and England, but here, yeah. So you make them do stuff they don't necessarily want to do. Why? Because you want to give them what they need. And let me tell you what they need, man. Coach Lee used to say this all the time. Show me your friends and I'll show you your

future. And I'm not saying all of our students here perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but they are at least gathering a couple times a week to make much of Jesus, to pray for one another, to read the Bible, and maybe even more importantly, the adults that love them and care for them. Because what you need, parents, there's coming a day sooner than you think when your kid ain't going to talk to you anymore about stuff. And I know you think, no, my kid's going to talk to me because I'm cool. Look, man, you're 40, you're a dork. They ain't going to talk to you, bro. I'm telling you. I know this to be true. And so what you want, you are. And so what you is you want them to have some caring adult that loves Jesus

and wants to say the kind of things in their life that you would say to them. Look, man, my kid's leader, he's 22 years old. He don't know anything. Only Bible he knows is what I taught him here at this church. Do you understand? And yet my kid won't listen to me, and I have degrees in Hebrew and Greek

and Old Testament and Old Testament. But his 20-year-old leader tells him to do something, and he's like, that's what he said, because he has hair and he thinks that cool. You understand what I'm saying? Point your kids to do. Jesus, that's the second. Third, parents, prioritize your children over money. Prioritize your kids over money. The way kids spell love is T-I-M-E. Travel less,

drive your car longer, make less money for the sake of time with your kids, because what a lot of dads are terrible at is they're like, well, the reason I work all this is because y'all, because y'all want all this stuff. I'm telling you, did you ever ask your family to take a vote? I promise. I bet they would be okay with you driving your car longer to spend more time with them. And especially dads and daughters. This is true of everybody, but have some fun with your kid. When's the last time you did some fun stuff? And listen, man, when I take Reagan out, the things that she wants to do and the things that I want to do are never the same. They're never the same. They're never the same. But it is a good thing to have fun with your kids and pay attention to what you say to them.

speak life into your kids speak truth build them up tell her how awesome she is pray some psalm 139 14 all the time because think about it think about it they're little humans do you like hanging out with people that fuss at you all the time no if you walked into work every day and they're like 10 and somebody's fussing at you the more they get on you the more you want to get away from them part of the reason your kids want to get away from you is because you get on them all the time you're just you're just no good to be with. Pay attention to this and speak life into your kids. And then finally, dads, especially, don't give in. Don't give in. If your stepdad, if you're divorced and you've got part-time custody, if whatever the situation is, don't quit fighting for the heart of your children and especially

those little girls. And it will feel like, it will feel like she will feel like you're fighting with her, but she is worth fighting for. So you fight for, you fight against what this culture says is normal. You don't want normal in this culture. Normal is broke and depressed and alone. You understand? You can have that. Give me the crazy abundant life that Jesus has for us.

So you get to determine when the phone happens and when TikTok happens and Instagram and all that stuff and it will be a war and I'm saying it is worth the war. It is worth the war. And don't, and I'm telling you, like we have the closed battles at my house right now. She's 11, and she comes out of a room and a very cute little outfit, and, you know, her body's changing, and she's ready to go. And I'm like, hey, just lift your hands up and we show belly. And be like, nope, keep getting dressed. Well, Dad, this is the only clothes I can find.

Fine. You want me to start being in charge of the clothes finding department? Because I can't. I'll get Mama, hey, man, Joy's here. Your grandma's here. She can, like, knit you together a denim onesie, you understand? We handle this right now. It's like, look, man, you never know.

She's like, you don't understand. I'm like, you're right, I don't understand, but I know this. At any point in your day, praise could happen. We could be worshiping Jesus, and you've got to be ready. You've got to be able to walk around like this without half your stuff showing out, okay? So go get dressed, all right? And I'm telling you, I don't care, I don't care. I'm not going to just give her what she wants, but I want to aim her in a direction that fundamentally she understands this.

And we always follow up with this. Hey, listen, baby, listen, listen. First Corinthians 6 says this. You are not your own. You were bought at a price. therefore honor God with your body. That's it. Because what ultimately

what you want to do is through the gospel communicate the truth that you are valuable. Now, to the brothers, if you are a single guy around here at 1122, I want you to look around

at every female here. These are your sisters. You treat them as such. They are not a commodity to be used. They are not a person that you think maybe they don't have anything for me, therefore they should be ignored. They are your sisters in Christ,

and your number one job is to protect your sister. You love, honor, and cherish them. And fellas, as a society, we need to do better. We need to do way, way better. And if you are a serial dater showing up here, because I know there's a bunch of young, good-looking single people here, I get all that. And so you just, if you sniffing around here for that reason,

I would ask you to, you got one of two options. you can repent, confess your sins, repent, apologize to anybody that you've ever treated like a commodity, and then I would give you the right hand of fellowship. But if you're just here to take, you were not welcome here, and I want to give you the right boot of fellowship. Get out. And here's why, man, the Bible talks a whole lot about, it uses all this like flock and shepherding language. And in the Bible, the Bible says there's sheep, there's people that need to be cared for and taught and loved, that there are wolves that come in to, devour and take advantage of the sheep, and then there's a shepherd.

Now, our chief shepherd is Jesus Christ, and I am his undershepherd, and the shepherd had a rod and a staff. A staff had a crook on it, and you could grab a wavered sheep and bring them back, and it also had a rod on it. And when a wolf came up, you didn't pet the wolf, he didn't train the wolf, you didn't apologize for the wolf. You cracked the wolf in the head until he was dead. Hi, I'm the shepherd.

Okay? this will be a place where every female from four years old, four months old to 40 years old to 114 years old and everyone in between will be loved, honored, and cherish because they are a daughter of the most high king. They are valuable and they will be treated as valuable, period. And then lastly, to the daughters, to the daughters. Solomon puts the daughters into two categories if you are a wall. You're a single girl and you're trying to do this thing.

his way. Be patient. Be patient. Don't believe the lie. Jesus is more than enough for you. Jerry McGuire was a liar. No man can completely complete you. Every time I hear that, have you seen a man? Look, this hairless biped is not going to be able to satisfy your soul, okay? All he's going to do is frustrate you. Run the race that Jesus has marked out for you. If you look around and Solomon happens to be running next to you, run over there with him for a little while, see what happens. Be patient. And if you are a door and you have given yourself away to a man or to men that are not your husband, here's what, I'm not trying to shame you. I'm just trying to tell you, you were too valuable for that. You were too valuable for that. You just don't understand how valuable you are.

Do you know what it takes for a man to be able to touch you that way? First of all, it takes a man, somebody that is willing to lay his life down for you. This is why sex is not for dating people, sex isn't going to be married people, want to be married, sex isn't just a casual endeavor. If you try to, if you try to divorce intimacy from the physicality, then you'll kill the intimacy. And what God has for you is what he wants you to have is intimacy, first and foremost with him and then if you get married with your husband. But what it takes for a man to get to touch you that way is he has to, to offer up in covenant his whole life to you. This is why the Bible says that husbands are to love their wives like Christ loves the church and gave himself up for you. You see, this means that

in order for somebody to touch you this way, this is how valuable you are, they have to take all their chips in the covenant of marriage and push them in and say, I'm all in. Look, my legal chips, my financial chips, my relational chips, my spiritual chips, my sexual chips, they are all in for you for all the days of my life. And so listen, you're too valuable for that. Now the good news about the path principle, whether you're a parent or a brother or a daughter, the good news about the path principle is this invitation from Jesus to repent. Do you know what repent means? Repent just means to change direction. And so maybe as a parent you were kind of headed in a direction that is not God's ideal for you.

Maybe you have little kids and you're thinking we need to be more intentional. Or maybe you think I blew it because my kid has grown now and I don't think I did these things. You know what, parents? It's never too late. It's never too late.

If your daughter is 45 years old and there's some things that you need to call her about and say, hey, listen, I want to repent and say, I'm sorry, but from this day forward, I think we can do better. I think that would be a God-honoring way to spend your afternoon. Maybe your husband and wife,

maybe you need to get together and be more intentional about the pathway that you're putting your kid on right now because your kids are still little and at your house where you can change direction and if you're a brother single guy here and if you're honest you have been treating some women like a commodity like just trying to take instead of serve then repent change direction turn your back on the way you used to act and you put your face towards Jesus and you don't have to do the things you used to do because if you're in Christ you're not the person you used to be and then the And lastly, to the daughters. For those of you that with your mouth, you say, I am satisfied in Christ, but you feel very

dissatisfied in your marital status right now. Repend. Bring that to the Lord. Cast all your cares upon him because he cares for you. And for those of you that are a door, you have been giving yourself away. I've got some really, really good news. Before Jesus went into full-time vocational preaching and healing ministry, he was a carpenter, and you know what he would do?

He used to take broken things and make things. them whole. He can do that with your life. He can do that in a marriage. He can take two broken people and put them together and make one amazing marriage. I know that's my story. And so no matter where you are, what you've done, how long you've do it from this day forward, you can come running back to him. And in Luke 15, the story of the prodigal son, what we find out here is that there was a son, there was a child who was going in the wrong direction. And he got to this place in his life where he came to his senses and he repented. And when he came back to his loving Heavenly Father,

he did not come back to a lecture, he did not come back to punishment, he did not come back to, I told you so. He came back to a robe, he came back to a ring, he came back to shoes, and he came back to a party because his dad says, this is my son who was dead and is now alive. We must celebrate.

So if you've been challenged by this 10 weeks in the song of Solomon, praise God. But if you have felt condemned, That is not the language of the Heavenly Father, because my Bible says, therefore now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So I would invite the moms and dads, the brothers and the daughters, once you come to him, once you turn your back on the way you used to do things, because that's not who you are anymore.

And why don't you come to him? And from this day forward, from this day forward, walk in a manner worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Would you please stand? Let me pray for you. Our good and grace is Heavenly Father. Lord, we thank you. We praise you that you are a good, good dad, and you love your kids. And, Lord, I pray that we would be reminded once again

that you are the only one worth building our life on. God, if we try to build our lives on the temporary pleasures of this world, it will always let us down. If we try to build our lives on the approval of any man or any woman, we will always be let down. God, if we try to build our lives on just satisfying our temporary wants and feelings, we will always be let down. But when we build our life on you, you never let us down.

And, God, I thank you. I thank you that you are father to the fatherless. Lord, I thank you that you are more than enough. God, I thank you that your eternal reality is the only thing that can quench our eternal souls. So, God, I pray for the moms and dads, whether their kids are grown, or they got little babies at the house, Lord, I pray that starting from this day forward, they would speak life into those relationships. Lord, I pray for the brothers that the single men of 1122 would just be different than everywhere else in this society.

They would love, honor, and cherish every daughter that they ever come in contact with. And God, I pray for the daughters. I pray that you ultimately are a good father and that you paid for them with your son, Jesus Christ. They are valuable and they should be treated as valuable. but we pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. Church, we're going to respond. We're going to sing and sing and sing a song about what we're going to build our life on. We're going to bring our ties and our offerings, and we're going to pray. And I would encourage you, if you've got kids, this will be a great opportunity maybe for you

to come and kneel before the king to ask for the Spirit of God to help you do all that he has called you to do in the high holy calling it is to raise the son or raise the daughter. Let's respond.