The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 11: Toxic Relationships

Episode Date: July 7, 2019

What do you do when someone hurls a spear at you? You duck. You forgive. And you NEVER hurl it back. Click the 1 Samuel Resources tab for the full study journal, summary recap videos and more.

Church, how are we doing? All right. Hey, you're going to, you should have gotten a card envelope that looks like this. There's a card inside. And you can grab that. Don't take notes on it. Don't doodle on it. Play hang man on it.

Just hang on to it. Put it somewhere. You're going to need it in a little bit later on in the message. But over the last couple weeks, Kristen and I have had a little bit of conflict in our marriage. And I know for some of you, that's like, hey, you've been. married 20 years, welcome to the game, partner. And others, you're like, oh, no, conflict. It's fine. It's all right. It's no big deal. But I knew this message was coming. And so I started to keep a list of the conflict that we've had. Now, I do not suggest that you do this, but I'm a highly

trained professional. And I got permission from Kristen. This is costing me a very nice dinner. So, but it kind of became a joke in our family, but I thought I'd air some of it for you. Maybe you can help us sort some of this conflict out. It would be super helpful. So here's some of the conflict we've had in the last couple weeks in our house. We had some conflict over what the best way to do the dishwasher, like load the dishwasher is. How many of you are a pre-wash so that you know it comes out right on the back end? Raise them proud.

Okay. All right, type A's. Now, where my people just pack it in and see how it happens? Take care on the back end if you need to. What's a little food on a fork, right? Okay. Settled that one. One for me.

Number two, tuck the corner of the sheet or don't tuck the corner of the sheet? How many of you are tucked the corner of the sheet? What is wrong with you? Legit. Nobody's looking at your sheet. all right you don't nobody needs to crawl in bed at night and like you're all ready to get in there and you do and you'd break a toe that's two for me number three uh this one's really i woke up mad legitimately mad at christin because i had a bad dream about her she's like what that is you in

your own mind concocting that whole thing here's one we're on vacation and we disagreed about whether we agreed about what we were going to do. Some of you are like, I don't even understand. Neither did we. We disagreed about whether we agreed or not. Now, we have a constant ongoing little disagreement in our house. We hold hands when we pray. And we constantly disagree about whose hand goes on top.

And some of us in our house don't even want to hold hands because it's like you're a 16-year-old boy. I don't even know, like, have you washed that hand in the last week? What, like, here we go. This one just happened two nights ago. We got into a big giant family-wide disagreement about whether Kristen loved the dog more than the rest of us collectively in the house. She didn't even want the dog three years ago. And now the dog is like, I think it's better if I just follow you everywhere.

She's like, oh, Murray. And just, I'm like, a little of that this way? I don't know. And then this one, I'm not saying who did this, but somebody left one square of toilet paper on the toilet paper roll. Ooh, is right. Like, you're stuck. You are in real trouble. And that is worth a fight.

That is a legit, like the rest of them, all a joke, that one, we'll go toe to toe over that one. Now, I mean, listen, those are funny and it's kind of a joke. They're real, but we can all kind of laugh at them. But in all seriousness, we could all, it wouldn't take five seconds, virtually everyone in this room, to identify a conflict in our life, right? There's a conflict that causes real pain, that is real hurt, that we look at and we think, I don't know if I can get that thing resolved. I don't know if I can handle that anymore. I don't know if I can manage any more conflict. I don't know what I'm going to do about that.

and when we tend to handle conflict or manage conflict, we have some go-to moves. You probably have one or two go-to moves. Like some of us, we go in to shove it down mode. Right? I'm just shove it down deep. I'm not going to talk about it. I'm not going to acknowledge it. It doesn't bother me.

The problem with that is you are a walking, ticking time bomb that is just waiting to explode. And don't, doesn't it always happen? You explode in the most in the most inopportune moment on the most innocent people around us. And they're like, what just happened? Or you're going to lawyer mode. We think we can somehow resolve an emotional conflict with a very logical systematic argument. And we think we can drag up events and what rules were broken and why you shouldn't. We can argue people onto our side of a conflict.

or we get historical about it. Like if you get into a conflict and your go-to first sentence is, will you, will you, right? You may not put a list on your phone, which don't, don't put a list on your phone. I'm deleting it after the next service, but don't. But you have this sort of roll-a-dex of things that everybody's done wrong, and when you get into it, it does not matter whether that's related or not. You're just, will you, and you bring it out?

Or you don't get historical, you get hysterical, you just freak out. Krista was telling me about a roommate in college, their family would throw dishes when they would get into a fight. Or you get revenge, right? It feels so good in the moment. It feels great to get a little revenge. Or you give somebody the cold shoulder? What's the matter? Nothing.

No, really. What's the matter? Nothing. nothing is a matter. Nothing. Or you're just, I mean, maybe not literally, but figuratively you'll go, and they're dead to me. They're dead to me. And you think, I will remove the person so that they can never hurt me again.

I will write them out. I'll discount them. I'll cut them out of my life. And if I can get rid of the person, I can get rid of the conflict. But everybody always knows just because you remove the person, you don't really remove the conflict. And what happens in conflict, there is so much at stake. When we do that, when we go to those kind of ways of dealing and managing and handling conflict, all we're doing is just that.

We're just managing and handling conflict. We're never really resolving it. We're never really restoring the relationship back. And what's at stake for us is emotional. our joy and our peace and our freedom are at stake in how we resolve not just handle conflict that what's going on in us physically is at stake in conflict because nothing will cause stress in your life like a good conflict especially with people that are close to you and stress wreaks havoc on our bodies and relationally conflict little just even little conflicts all along the

the way of the potential to destroy relationships. And Jesus would actually say there is a vertical component to no matter how horizontal your conflict seems. Jesus would say if you walk into worship and you have an offering that you want to lay before God, a real offering, an offering, a worship, whatever that is, and you have a conflict with your brother. Jesus said, you better go sort that out and then come back and drop that off. That somehow a conflict among us and with other people, affects our relationship and our worship of God. And there's then our witness to Christ. If you are a follower of Jesus, the way you handle conflict will either open the door

for somebody to listen to you talk about Jesus or it will completely discount anything you have to say about Jesus. And so the question that we've got to ask is, what is not just another way, not just a better way to manage or contain or handle our conflict, but how do we really? resolve our conflict and restore the relationships in the middle of real hurt and real pain caused by real conflict. Now, we've been in this series called Prophet, Priests, and Kings for the last couple months. So the Old Testament book of First Samuel. So you can go to First Samuel 18. That's where we're going to pick it up. But if you want to trace the history of what's been going

on in First Samuel, this is sort of where the nation of Israel really becomes a bona fide, legitimate nation. They go from sort of this little wandering tribe to a real nation. They move from just kind of having a couple leaders to having judges to now having a king. King Saul is now the king. And if you go back, you can actually trace the history of Israel and it's just conflict after conflict after conflict after conflict after conflict. And most of them are these national, huge, international conflicts with the Amicalites and all theites and knights and knights.

The Philistines come up in 1 Samuel chapter 17. That's where we were last week. One of the most epic conflicts in all of the Bible. It's the story of David and Goliath. Right? This giant warrior comes out, threatens the whole nation of Israel. Nobody can step up. Nobody can defeat him.

Nobody can beat him. They need a champion to come out. And little disheveled David comes walking out with a slingshot, picks up some stones, puts one of them in, swirls it around. and fires it lands it right in the forehead of Goliath and bam, drops him. And then the story of 1 Samuel 18, where we're going to pick it up in verse 6, happens right on the heels, right after that battle takes place. And so here's what happens.

As they were coming home, this is Saul, the troops, David, they just defeated Goliath. As they're coming home, when David returned from striking down the Philistine, that's Goliath, the women came out of all the cities of Israel singing and dancing to meet King Saul. That's really important. They're there to meet the king. They come out with tambourines and songs of joy with musical instruments.

And the women sang to one another as they celebrated. Saul has struck down his thousands and David has struck down as tens of thousands. Can you imagine? They're walking in. The troops are there. There's the king. There's David.

Everybody's out in the street. They're singing and they're chanting and they're there to see the king and they're going, you king have struck down your thousands, you struck down your thousands. Oh yeah. And David struck down his tens of thousands. And then it says, and Saul was very angry. And this saying displeased him. You have to ask the question, what is it that made Saul so angry in the midst of one of the greatest victories?

What is it that sucked all the joy out of the moment as they came out to meet him and cheer him and you killed your thousands? And then Saul says this. He said, they have ascribed to David 10,000s. And to me, they've ascribed thousands. See, what happens in the moment is that Saul looks at David and he has led the whole nation to victory. but what happens is he compares himself to David. And he thinks that David's victory or David's success, which numerically is somehow greater than his, somehow means it's his failure. And comparison will kill every single time.

Comparison will suck the joy out of anything every single time. Look, I went on vacation. I didn't want to see another airplane, the back of an airplane seat. I didn't want to be in another hotel room. And so I stayed home and I was perfectly content until I saw all of your amazing vacations on Instagram, your safaris and your cruises and everything else. Or, you know, we're cooking burgers on the 4th of July and I'm feeling great about my burger until I look on Instagram and I see your center-cut Wagyu filet reverse seared on your like VW-sized green egg,

good for you your grills the size of, you know. Not that I'm bitter about it or anything, you know. Last weekend, a week ago, Sophie, our 13-year-old is, for some crazy reason, falling in love with running. I don't get it.

I run to eat. Woo, no. Eat? Yes. But I do it. So we go out, and I run with her, and we'll go out and do that. And she's like, Dad, I want to go run the intercoastal bridge. let's do it sweet so we go out we we get there we park underneath we kind of warm up we run out there's a couple guys doing some stuff over there hey how you doing we're going to run the intercoastal bridge they're like awesome so we run up the bridge we're feeling good we get over the other side of the bridge we turn

around we start running back as we run back over the bridge those two guys that were sitting there acting like they weren't doing anything those two guys are running up the bridge one of them has a five gallon bucket of cement running up the bridge Another guy has a huge burlap bag filled with sand on his shoulders. He has a leather belt with a chain and a tire behind him. They're hearing on a conversation running up the bridge. I look at Sophie and somebody's like, I don't know.

So we get to the bottom. I'm like, good for them. They did once up and back. That's awesome. I'm like, let's do it again, Sophie. Let's do it again. So turn around. We go back over the bridge.

We come back over on the other side. What do I see? They're going another round. Like bucket of cement guy, tire guy is still running. Like that's it, Sophie, let's go. We're awesome. We go down. We get in the car. We have some water. We hang out. We drive, you know, everything. We're leaving like 20 minutes later. They're still running the bridge. Like, I thought we were doing great until I looked and saw a cement bucket guy. It sucked all the joy out of all of it. And comparison will kill every single time.

It will suck the joy out of anything every single time. And so not only does it suck the joy out and it makes him angry, but look what he continues to say. Saul says, and what more can he, meaning David, have, but the kingdom. And Saul eyed David from that day on. So comparison is leading to anger. It's sucking the joy out of things. it's leading to fear and anxiety and paranoia and jealousy. And Saul thinks that because David has done something great,

it means his own failure and his own demise and things are going to go really bad for him. So the next day, a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul and he raved within his house while David was playing the liar as he did day by day. And Saul had his spear in his hand, and Saul hurled the spear for he thought, I will pin David to the wall. You see, Saul thinks the way to resolve his comparison is to get rid of David. And so he starts a conflict with David.

He literally tries to kill David. You see, comparison will kill our relationships. It'll kill our joy. It'll kill our freedom. Ultimately, it is lethal to our relationships. with God. Because here's what we say. When we compare ourselves to others, ultimately what we're doing is we're looking at God and putting a finger in God's chest and saying, God, you are wrong. You didn't give me what I think I deserve. Your plan, your purposes, the things you've provided

in my life, God, they're not enough. You are wrong. And that's what comparison does. And so this huge conflict breaks out. And the question is, how do you not just contain or manage or handle that? But how do you actually resolve a really painful conflict? So Saul hurled the spear for he thought, I'll pin David to the wall. But David evaded him twice. I mean, Saul picks up the spear, throws it at him. David like bobs, weaves, ducks, the spear goes by him.

If you find yourself in the middle of an abusive, a really abusive situation, get away from it. Evade it. It is not God's will for you to be physically abused in a relationship. You cannot resolve that thing in the middle of that kind of danger. So he evades it. But look, Saul throws it twice. means what does David not do? The spear goes by him, he ducks and evade.

David doesn't go over, pick up the spear, and throw it back at Saul. It means that he doesn't hurl it back at him. He doesn't return conflict with conflict. Now, what I love about this is in 1st Samuel 18, all of 1st Samuel, it's a history of what's going on outwardly. It's a record of the events that are happening. But you can flip over to the book of Psalms, if you flip over to Psalm 59, you can see what's going on inside of David's heart while this event is happening. Psalm 59 is a record of what happens, if not right in the middle of this, right on the heels of Saul throwing the spirit, David.

And so here's what David writes. Psalm 59, verse 1. Deliver me from my enemies, O God. Protect me from those who rise up against me. deliver me from those who work evil and save me from bloodthirsty men. When David finds himself in the middle of this conflict, what David does is David cries out to God and he sees God as his deliverer and as his protector and as his Savior.

And he doesn't just see God as like a deliverer from the things in his past. And he doesn't just see God as a savior and a protector of like eternity in the future. But he sees God as a real deliverer and a real protector and a real Savior and a real Savior right in that moment that he is a very present help in the middle of danger right then and right there. And he cries out to God and he goes, all right, God, I need you to get into the middle of this thing.

I need you to be the Savior and the deliverer and the protector right now in the middle of this conflict. I don't know what to do, God. And when you and I find ourselves in conflict, we need to cry out to God. We need to beg God to be the deliver and to be the Savior and to be the protector that he really is. You see, what happens, I think most often is when we get into a mess like that and our lives get sticky and our lives get messy and conflict happens, we tend to pull away from God. religion will tell us, hey, you made a mess of your life, run from God. The gospel says you made a mess of your life, go find your heavenly father.

He can fix it. Things are really bad. Go find your dad. He'll help. He'll save. He'll deliver. He'll protect you. And we know that God can do this.

We know that God is able. Because look at Jesus. Jesus is the one who made a deaf man here. He made a blind man see. Jesus made a mute man talk. Jesus fed thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of people with the little kids lunch. Jesus is able to get in the middle of your problem and fix it because Jesus is the one who healed a blind man. Made lame man walk.

Made a paralyzed man get up. Ultimately, got down with somebody who was dead and said, come on, get up and raised the dead. and then he himself died on a cross and was resurrected three days later. If Jesus is resurrected from the dead, your conflict doesn't stand a chance. And so have you cried out to God? Because apart from Christ, at best we're managing our conflicts. At best, we're handling our conflicts. And Christ is the one who saves and resolves and restores.

verse. Then David goes on. Verse three. He says, for behold, they lie in wait for my life. Fierce men stir up strife against me. And then he writes this. Look at what he says. For no transgression or sin of mine, oh Lord. For no fault of mine, they run and make ready, awake, come and meet me and see. I mean, how often do we feel like this? Maybe David, maybe David is justified in feeling like he has had no part to play in this. But how often do we find ourselves? I find myself in conflict and I think, not my fault. Not my problem. I didn't cause this. And I look for the source of the conflict out there among all the other they's, right? Sheets being tucked in, not my fault.

I didn't make the bed. I mean, that's another issue, but. Right? one square of toilet paper, not my fault. But in all seriousness, James comes along, a thousand years later, Jesus' brother. And he writes to the church in Jerusalem. He's leading the church in Jerusalem. And in James chapter four, he writes this,

What causes quarrels and fights among you? To which all of us would go, they cause quarrels and fights among us. It's their fault. If they would just quit, if they would just stop, If they would just let it go, they are the source of the conflict. They are the problem. And James goes, oh, is it not that your passions are at war within you? Huh.

You desire and you do not have. So you murder. You're like, I didn't murder. Yeah, but Jesus said if you get angry and hate somebody, you murdered them. Shoot. You covet and you can't obtain. so you fight and you quarrel. James says, what causes fights and quarrels among you?

It's not that all the problem is out there with everybody else. Something's going on in here. Do you know what the common denominator in every single one of the conflicts I've been in? Me. Everywhere I go, there I am. Every fight I'm in, there I am. Every conflict I'm in. there I am.

And James would say, what you need to stop when you find yourself in the middle of a conflict is to stop and say, okay, what slice of the pie am I? What slice of the pie? What am I bringing to this thing? What am I contributing to this? What's going on inside of me in here that is contributing to this conflict? And you're like, yeah, but they lied. And it's like, okay, but that just means you desired them to.

tell the truth and you're not getting it. Yeah, but they didn't keep their promises. Okay, so you desired somebody to be of character and you're not getting it. They cheated me. So you desired somebody to be honest and you're not getting it. What is it that you desire inside of you that you think you deserve that you're not getting? And James would say, that's a piece of the pie. I mean, you can literally, in the middle of a conflict, just draw a circle and just draw a little pie wedge and ask yourself, what slice of the pie am I? Maybe it's 1%. Maybe they're 99% wrong.

But what would it look like if we just owned in the middle of conflicts are 1%. If we 100% owned our 1%. Think about it. Think of you showed up and there was a conflict and you went, hold on, hold on, hold on, listen, do you know what the problem is here? Me? Do you know what's going on? You know what's contributing to all of this conflict? You want me to tell you what the problem is?

My heart. I got some things I want, and you're just not fulfilling what I want. I'm the problem. I have desires. I have needs. I have idols. And you're pushing on them. Imagine what it would be like if we got into conflict

and the argument switched from you, you, you, to, no, you know who's the problem? I'm the problem. No, no, no, no, I'm the problem. No, I'm the problem. No, I'm the problem. Can you imagine what that would be like? James says, no, you stop and you own it and you repent of it and you confess it, even if it's just a fraction of the problem. Now, Jesus gets in on the conflict thing. And in Matthew 18, Jesus gives some of the most practical, helpful teaching on conflict. I can't tell you how many times I've used this. I don't know how many times people have shown up in my office or shown up to talk to me and they're like, hey, I have this problem and I'll go, have you read Matthew 18 yet?

If you don't want to be caught up in other people's drama, go learn Matthew 18. It will keep you out of all kinds of drama. Because listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 18, verse 15, if your brother sins against you, like hurls the spirit you, go and tell him his fault between you and alone. Before you start sending off prayer requests to your disciple group, before you're like, I need some advice. Listen, there's a place for advice, there's a place for prayer, I'm pro prayer, all right? I'm big into prayer.

But when you have a conflict, Jesus would say, before you start drumming up support, before you start spreading rumors in the name of prayer or advice, the first thing you do when you find yourself in a conflict is you go and you talk to the person you're in conflict alone. You talk to them, not about them. You talk to them, not about them. And he says, if he listens to you, you've gained your brother. And I love this because Jesus changes the game from winning the conflict to winning the relationship.

He says, what you're really after in conflict resolution is not just managing the conflict, not just sort of containing the conflict, not even getting rid of the conflict. What you really are after is gaining back the other person in the relationship. That's the goal of resolving the conflict. It's restoration and reconciliation. Verse 16, but if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you that every change, charge may be established by the evidence of two or three. What's the next word? Witnesses. Okay, listen, you go and talk to the person alone. If it doesn't work out, step two is you take

somebody else that actually saw what occurred and was involved in the thing that happened and you take them and you go and you talk about it. And then he says, if he refuses to listen to him, tell it to the church. Now here's what. what I don't think Jesus means. I don't think Jesus means that in every church service, we should finish singing, and then I should walk up here and go, it is now Festivus, we will air grievances at this point in the service. Who has a problem with somebody? I have a microphone. Come on up. Let's share the problem. I think what Jesus is saying, hey, when you have a problem that you can't fix, you can't resolve, ultimately what you need to realize is that it is a spiritual issue. There's a spiritual

component to every single conflict. There's a vertical thing going on in every single one of our horizontal components. And so what would it look like if you came and laid it before pastors and elders and said, can you show me where God is in the middle of this thing? Because you know there's always your side of the story, their side of the story, and then the story, right? Then he says, verse 17, if he refuses to listen even to the church, you live. let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Get them. Get them. Treat them like a Gentile. You treat them like they don't listen to you and they won't come around. You treat them like a Gentile. You treat them like a tax collector. The only problem is, how did Jesus treat me? I'm a Gentile.

The majority of us in this room are Gentiles. How has Jesus treated you with grace upon grace upon grace upon grace how did jesus teach a tax tree a tax collector come on let's go have lunch together grace upon grace upon grace and then peter peter always chimes in peter always speaks up he always speaks first think second so peter then in verse 21 comes up it says then peter came up and said to him lord how often will my brother sin against me and i forgive him As many as seven times, like there's a brag in there a little bit. Peter's like, I'm in this, I mean, if I find myself in a conflict, do I forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive?

But there is, isn't there, there's a question behind Peter's question that every single one of us have asked. Isn't there a point? Isn't there a time where you just got to let it go? Isn't there a point where you're just like, this is unresolvable? This thing, I can't handle it, I can't manage it, I can't contain it, I can't fix it. Isn't there a point where you've forgiven and you've forgiven and you've forgiven and you've forgiven? And enough is enough. Over and done. And Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but 77 times, or seven times 70 times.

Jesus says, oh great, you think seven times is good enough? No, 490 times is how much you forgive. Basically what he's saying is you forgive the perfect amount, the total amount, the complete amount, the infinite amount. You forgive and you keep on forgiving over and over and over and over and over. Therefore the kingdom, then he tells this parable, the kingdom of heaven may be commensate. compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servant. When he began to settle, when he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents. Now, on the conservative end, 10,000 talents is worth about $300 million. Top end, maybe $6 billion.

Jesus is saying, this guy has infinite amounts of debt that he could never repay. As a peasant under Roman rule, he'd never be able to repay back that debt. Since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold with his wife and his children and all that he had and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, have patience with me. I'll pay you back everything. And out of pity for him, the master of the servant released and forgave him the debt. the ridiculous, crazy, lavish, insane, unreasonable forgiveness. When that Satan servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred

denari. That's like, that's pennies. That's pennies compared to $300 million to $6 billion in debt. And seizing him, he began to choke him saying, pay what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down. and pleaded with him. Have patience with me. I will pay you.

He refused and he went and he put him in prison until he should pay the debt. It was when his fellow servant saw what had taken place. They were greatly distressed and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then the master summoned him and he said, you wicked servant,

I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. and should not you have shown mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you? And in his anger, his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all of his debt. And then Jesus says one of the most gut-wrenching things. He says, so also my heavenly father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart. What he's saying is, listen, forgiven people, forgive people. That if you're having a hard time forgiving the other person,

maybe you have fixed your eyes too much on the conflict. Maybe you fix your eyes too much on that other person and you are allowing that other person or that conflict or that injustice determine whether you forgive or not. And Jesus says, no, no, no, what you need to do if you have a hard time forgiving is you need to get your eyes off that person and you need to get your eyes off the situation and you need to fix your eyes on the cross.

And we need to remember the infinite conflict that we are in with our Heavenly Father apart from Jesus Christ. And when we find it hard to forgive that we would fix our eyes on Jesus and we would remember the links that our father went to save us and to reconcile us and to resolve every bit of conflict that we had.

and to restore us back and bring us back and to pay a debt that we could never repay to him that we would forgive and we would forgive and not say I forgive you because I'm a nice guy we would forgive and say I forgive you because my father has forgiven me an infinite debt I'll forgive you not because I think it's going to be better off and be more peaceful and be better for me I forgive you because my heavenly father canceled a debt against me that I could never have earned my way back into. I forgive you because I've been forgiven.

And if you find yourself in an unforgivable situation, listen, forgiveness is not easy. Forgiveness is not fast. Forgiveness is not simple. It is not a biblical value to say forgive and forget. That's nowhere in the Bible. What you do, what I should do, we should do, is that we forgive and always remember how much we've been forgiven.

Always choose forgiveness over fairness. Choose forgiveness over fairness. And forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive. And when you become exhausted with forgiving, you fix your eyes on Jesus. And remember how much we've been forgiven. Now listen, if we just sat here for, 40 or 45 minutes, and I gave us tips and tricks for better conflict resolution, it would be

almost an utter waste of our time. Because what you and I don't need is better advice. What we need is a great Savior. What you and I, in this book, this book of First Samuel in all of the Old Testament is not just ancient old stories that teach moralistic examples. All of them are pointing forward to Jesus. Jesus actually said, you go and you look for life in this book, that's great. This whole thing points to me that this story of David and Saul is not just a great moral example of how we should follow David and be like David. This story points forward to a better David, to Jesus. that when Jesus was on the cross, they took a spear.

Like, I read this and I see the spear of Saul, and it reminds me of when Jesus is hanging on the cross, and he's about to tie, and the Roman soldiers take a spear, and to make sure that he's actually really dead, they take the spear, and they drive it up under his rib cage, drive it up through his organs, and pierce his heart, and water and blood flow out of it. And the words that Isaiah wrote in Isaiah 53-5, he will be pierced for our transgressions comes true.

And by his wounds, you and I are healed. You see, every one of us in our sin, every one of us in choosing our own will and our own way, no matter how small that might seem to you, puts us in infinite conflict with our Heavenly Father. that our sin is an affront to God. And it creates a conflict that you and I can't resolve. It's a $6 billion debt that we can't ever repay. And God is a God of infinite justice. God looks at our sin and looks at the sin of the world and says,

I have to do something about that. You and I don't want a God that looks at sin and looks at conflict and goes, no big deal. Forget about it. Brush that off. And you and I don't want a God who isn't righteous and holy, a God that says, oh, it's okay, just go ahead. A little sin in my presence, no big deal, no problem. And God is infinitely just and infinitely righteous. And God is also infinitely loving and infinitely merciful. The Bible says God is love. So how do you read? reconcile those. How do you reconcile a God that is infinitely just and righteous and a God that is infinitely loving and infinitely merciful? How do you do that? How do you not have one be diminished so that the

other can exist? And the answer, the only place you can reconcile the righteousness and the justice and the love and the mercy of God is at the cross of Jesus Christ. That it is on the cross that we find all of our sin and all of our conflict dealt with by a just and righteous God, and we feel the mercy and the love of God flow in. That it's when Jesus dies on the cross, they pierce his hands and his feet, and they drive a spear into his side. It's in that moment when he is pierced for our transgressions that our relationship with our Heavenly Father is resolved. That he who knew know sin, he who knew no conflict with his heavenly father enters in to ultimate conflict on our behalf that you and I might become righteous and not righteous for the sake of righteousness,

not good for the sake of just being good, but what that does is that brings us back. God wins us back into the family of God. We are adopted back. It's not just an absolute. of conflict. It's not just an absence of sin. It's that you and I get to enter back into the family of God and we get to pull up close with our Heavenly Father. And he looks at you and he goes, it's with you that I am well pleased. Not because you're perfect, not because you are so good, not because you dealt or managed with conflict, but because Jesus traded his righteousness and his perfect relationship for our imperfection in our broken relationship, in our unrighteousness. So here's what we're going to do this morning.

I want you to take this note card out. So everybody grab it. Go ahead. Russell around. Go ahead, grab it. And inside, there's a note card. And we're going to take a couple minutes. In a minute, I'm going to pray, and then we're going to take a couple minutes as our

response, and then we're going to stand and worship and sing. But we're going to take a couple minutes. And I want everybody in here. to write one of three letters or to begin to write one of three letters. This is amazing. This is like a note card. There's a time when we actually wrote letters to people. We're going to do that.

There's a pen in the back of your seat. For some of us in this room, the letter that you need to begin to write is, dear so-and-so, I forgive you. I forgive you. Because of the infinite debt that has been forgiven of me by God, I forgive you and you forgive again. And for some of us in this room, the letter is going to be a letter that says, I need forgiveness. I'm sorry.

You know what part of the problem is? Me. I've caused part of this conflict. And I need you. I own it and I repent of it and I confess it and I need you to forgive me. Will you forgive me, please? And then some of us in this room are going to write a third letter today. Be the greatest letter you've ever written.

You're going to write a letter to God. And you're going to say, God, I'm sorry. I'm all the problem in our relationship. And I confess that and I repent of it. And I profess faith in Jesus Christ. Because of what Jesus did on the cross, it counts for me. Thank you, God, for your son, Jesus. And for the first time, some of you are going to profess faith in Jesus.

Some of you are going to receive the forgiveness and the adoption into the family of God. And you're going to write a letter that just says, God, I confess Jesus. And you will, for the first time, profess faith in him and have your relationship set right with God. And so here's, we're going to pray. But before we pray, I want to do something. It's going to take a little boldness and a little courage. let's see if we can get 100% participation. If you're going to write a letter and ask for forgiveness from somebody,

will you just hold up your note card right now? You're going to ask for forgiveness. Hold it up. Come on, way up high. Yes. All right, put them down. If you're going to write a letter and you are going to offer somebody forgiveness, will you hold your letter up right now?

That's right, put them down. And if for the first time you're going to write a letter to God, And you're going to receive the grace and the mercy and the forgiveness of Jesus. And you're going to profess Jesus as Lord and Savior. We hold your letter up high. Come on, way up high. Come on, way up high. Come on.

Come on. Keep them up. Keep them up. God, thank you. Thank you for your son. Who is the reconciler. God, thank you that our sin that put us in infinite conflict with you. you have dealt with once and for all in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus,

and that you gave to us the ministry of reconciliation. And so, Lord, we come to you. Lord, some of us are going to come to these altars, and we're going to beg our friends and beg our spouses for forgiveness. Some of us are going to pour our guts out to you, God. And we come, not sheepishly, not scared, but we come boldly. in the name of Jesus. Lord, thank you for the ministry of reconciliation that you've given us.

Lord, I can't even begin to fathom the glory and the worship that you will get as forgiveness just floods out of this place. I can't imagine, God, thank you for the relationships that are going to be won back and the relationships that are going to be restored. the forgiveness and the freedom and the peace and the joy that is going to come back because you are our great reconciler. And so God, we respond now. We do it in your name, Jesus.

Amen.