The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 19: The Lord Builds the House

Episode Date: August 28, 2022

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain – Psalm 127:1 As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

I've watched that video a hundred times so I don't get choked up, but I can't help it, okay? But Michael and Ashley, we love y'all. My family loves your family, and we are forever grateful that God has called your family to this family. Amen. Amen. When the Olson's first moved here, Michael thought he'd be a great idea to do a bathroom renovation. This doesn't have anything to do with sermon, so don't start the clock yet. And trashed his whole house, like flooded his whole, and so they moved in with us.

for like a month. There are whole five of them just moved in. And I'm not really, I don't do anything at home. So I thought it was the greatest thing ever. It was like camp at my house with these three little boys and their family every day. So we got real close, real quick. And all the dads now feel some pretty serious dad guilt because they're like, sweet. Now I've got to build a rock climbing wall in my kid's room.

So thanks for that. Hey, if you got your Bible, we're going to be in Psalm 127. We're in the 19th week of this series on Psalms. And today we're going to talk about the reality that the Lord builds the house. And so we're really just going to dive right in. And I've always been a little hesitant to do like parenting sermons because I've got a 16-year-old and a 12-year-old. So I don't know what I'm doing. We're like halfway through.

I don't know if we're doing good or doing bad. We'll see, right? And so like the cake is half baked. So I don't know what it's going to taste like in the end. So here we go. Psalm 127 says this, a song of a sense of a sense of. Solomon. This means that Solomon wrote this Psalm. It could mean that David wrote it to Solomon, but most theologians think that Solomon wrote the Psalm, which is kind of crazy, kind of ironic,

really, because Solomon built the house of God. He built the temple of God. He also built about seven cities, and yet he jacked up his own home. Really, really bad. The Bible says that he was the wisest man alive at that point. And at the beginning of his life, his life is focused on the Lord. He is submitted to the will and word of God. And then later in his life, he takes his eye off of God. And he begins to worship idols. And this is how crazy this dude is. He marries 700 women and has 300 concubines. So maybe jot this down. If you have a favorite wife, you're not doing it right. Yeah, man. And this guy is. used by God to write this Psalm. He starts out this way. Unless the Lord builds the house,

those who build it labor in vain. Now, if you do a cross reference between Romans 10, 9, and Romans 1013 and Joel 2, you will see that when the Old Testament says the Lord, then the New Testament calls that Lord Jesus the Christ. So unless Christ builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Well, what house is he talking about? Well, I think, for one, he's talking about his house. He is talking about the church house. So if you go to Matthew chapter 16, then Jesus takes the disciples on a field trip.

And he's going to make the announcement of the church, the ecclesia, the gathering, the movement. And it's interesting that he doesn't go to Jerusalem, the holy city. He goes to Cesarea of Philippi, which would be like Sin City. It was like the Vegas of the first century. There was some shady stuff going on. on there. Like there was a hole in the side of a mountain that they called the gates of hell because there was a spring inside that mountain and the water would hit a little stream in the city of Sessarillo-Philippi and that that little cave would fill up with smoke and they believed

that was the portal by which demons entered and exited our planet. They caught it the gates of hell. And then right in front of that gate there was this temple to this sex god named Pan. He was half goat, half man, looked like Tomnus from Lion Witch's the wardrobe, that guy, okay? And there were temple prostitutes there, and there were strippers there. And, I mean, it was like what happened in Cesarea of Philippi. I stayed incessary of Philippa. You understand what I'm saying? Shady.

And then Jesus takes them to that city right there at the temple to this pan, kind of off from there, on this rock, and he says, who do people say that I am? And the disciples are like, well, basically gives the answer that most people would give today. you're like a good moral teacher, religious guy, maybe probably from God. And then he asked the most important question, but who do you say that I am? And who's going to talk first, who's going to talk most? So Peter's like, ooh, I know. You were the Christ, the son of the living God. And Jesus is like, ding, ding, ding, winter, chicken dinner.

That's right. This did not come from you. This was revealed to you by my father. Loose translation, but that's what it says. Matthew 16, look it up for yourself. And he says, I'm going to change your name to Rocky. And upon this rock, the public declaration that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the living God. and upon this rock I will build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.

I need you to know this house is built on that rock. This house is not built, this church is not built on a personality, it's not built on programs, not built on any person, it is built on the proclamation. That Jesus is the Christ, the son of the living God. This thing is built on the gospel of Jesus Christ. And then I also think he's talking about your house and my house. unless the Lord builds your house, unless the Lord builds your family, then those who build it labor in vain. In the book of Joshua, after Joshua has taken God's people into the promised land,

and Joshua knows that he's getting to the end of his run. He gathers all the nation of Israel together in this place called Shechem. I'll take you there if you ever go to Israel with me. And he gathers everybody together, and here's what Joshua, knows, Joshua knows that Israel has never done well with blessing. Now, just news flash, you're Israel. Okay? Like when we're desperate and when we're in need, we're like, oh God, I need you.

But when we're eating out of full refrigerators that we didn't pack, then we're like, I got this. That's what he understands. And then so he draws a line in the sand and check them. This is a very famous verse, some of your grandparents, you have it up on your house. choose for yourself this day whom you will serve, whether it's the God of your forefathers. And if so, then follow him. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

And then all of Israel goes, yeah, us too, right? And everybody, it's like the last day of saturated, man. Everybody's ready to attack hell, water gun, and do divos at your house all night. And it goes super good for two pages in the Bible. You get to Judges Chapter 2 and maybe one. one of the most sad verses in all of the Bible. And that generation went to be with their fathers. That means they're dead.

And another generation came behind them, and they neither knew the Lord or the works of His mighty hands. You see, unless the Lord builds a house, those who build it labor in vain. We're going to come back to exactly what it means for the Lord to build a house. Because I'm going to walk through some verses, and then I'm just going to come back and kind of give you some ideas,

because I'm going to tell you, man, where the ideal is unrealized, grace abounds. I need you to hear this. And God's ideal is that a man meets a woman, gets married, and makes babies. I know this is shocking these days, all right? But that's God's ideal. So how many of you are single men, and you don't want to be married one day? you want to be married one day. Could you raise your hand, please?

All right? Bro. That's why you're single. I'm just, that man, I'm just like, all right. Ladies, I've been trying to help you for 10 years. I've been trying to raise up some men. Okay, listen, bro, here's what you got to do. Here's God's ideal for you.

Is that you would get your house in order, all right? That Adam named all of the animals, he got everything in order, and then God gave him Eve. And so you can't be walking in as a young man that wants to be married, okay? That ain't how it goes. You get your house in order, get your degree, get your job, get things going. I know the Beatles says all we need is love, but they broke up. You need more than love.

You got to have somewhere to live, you got something to drive. You got to have something to eat, all right? You need a lot more than just love. And then you pursue. You pursue, fellas. You see a godly woman. You get in here. This is a great advantage you have here in 1122.

because we worship with our hands up. So you just, as she's got that hand up, you just check and be like, all right, don't see a ring on that, glory God. And then you get after it in a godly way, in an honoring way. You don't just pray about it. You don't just, that's not what you do for lunch today.

You ain't gonna be over there and be like, dear God, I'm so hungry, just send me a burrito. No, you go get a burrito. So you pursue in a godly, honoring way, and then you propose, you spend an ungodly amount of money on a little shiny rock. I don't know why. That's how we have to do it. And then you do that, and then you continue to pursue her for the rest of your life, and then you make as many

babies as God will give you. That's what you do. That is God's ideal. Now, let me say this again. But wherever the ideal is not realized, grace abounds. This does not mean that we're not going to teach what God's ideal is. However, as we talk about what it means for God to build your house and you might think, well, my life doesn't look like that at all. You know, one of the things that I find interesting as I was studying this week, there's a lot of talk about traditional family, which is fine. That's more of like a term about the context we live in. But some people are like, we need biblical families, to which I say, I get what people mean, but how about this? Can you name me one biblical example of what a good family looks like? Let's start with the first one, Adam and Eve.

they were parented by God. They had one kid kill the other kid. Not good. That didn't go good. Abraham almost killed his own kid because God told him to. Then he pimped his wife out twice. Think about that for a second. And then he had a baby with another lady, not his wife.

Not good. Not good. And then you're like, oh, but what about Jesus? Okay. Mary was awesome. She was awesome. Not her fault. Holy Spirit tapped her on soldier and said,

you're pregnant with God. She's like, okay, cool. Then she, her husband, Joseph's like stepdad to God. That's tough. And then he died somewhere in Jesus' teens or 20s because he's never named by name when Jesus is an adult. And you think you've got family issues? When Jesus started his ministry very early on in his ministry,

Mary and the brothers and sisters of Jesus come to the house to try to bakeract him because they think he has lost his mind. Yeah, man, there is no really good example in the Bible of just a mom and a dad that love each other and raise good little kid. That it's not in there. You see, when the ideal is unrealized, grace abounds. And so, at the end of the talk, we're going to talk about what it looks like to invite God to build your house. He goes on to say this, unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stay awake in vain. You see, I think what God is talking about here are the cultural building blocks that make for a God-honoring society, for our individual families, for our churches, and for our cities.

And what he's saying here is this, that man's efforts will never be enough. And so pay attention to this. As we, as a society, move to a post-Christian society, and whether you like it or not, that is the direction we are heading, it ain't going to get better. And don't expect it to get better. When we as a culture reject God and say, forget you, God, we got this? Look, turn on the news. We ain't got this. It ain't going good.

And a lot of people argue right now about what the role of the believer is in our society. And I'll tell you what the role is, all right? Christianity today just wrote an article that said don't enter into the culture wars. What are you talking about? I don't know if you fight a culture war or not, but here's what I do know. You stand on the word of God. You teach the word of God. I don't care what definitions you come up with

or how you try to change language and what is right and wrong. That is not what defines what's right and wrong. The author of life gets to tell us what is right and wrong, and we do what he says, period. And then we're not trying to shove our belief system down anybody's throat. We stand on the Word of God, and we love our neighbor.

And when you love your neighbor, you know that God's ways are better than our ways. That the author of life knows best how to do family and everything else. Dr. Tony Evans says this. There are two ways to do things on this planet. There's God's way and there's everybody else's. And everybody else is wrong. That's what he says. And that's right. And so a part of what we are to do in this culture is that we are to be sought in light for the glory of God and for the love of our neighbor. And if we just turn over everything to our own watchman, it will be in vain.

Then he talks about us individually. Verse two, he says, it is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil. So this is true in your house, this is true in your city, and this is true in your skin. If you look at God and say, forget you, God, I got this. I'm going to make a name for myself.

And listen, here's why I warn us of this. This world spends billions of dollars a day to get us to buy into this, to get us to just hop on the merry-go-round of normality and chase after the shiny things of this world, just like everybody else in this world is. And at some point, you are going to realize that if you do this, then the only thing you're going to get

is vanity and anxious toil. You're going to lay your head on your pillow at night, even if you accomplish everything the world offers you, and you're going to think, is this it? And the answer is, no, this ain't it. same guy wrote a book called Ecclesiastes. You should read it. He's like, all right, I'm the smartest guy in the world, I'm the richest guy in the world,

I have more opportunity than anybody else in the world. Like I know you're the CEO of a company, this guy owned a country, all right? And he says, so I tell you what, I'm going to set out on this task to see what man can gain under the sun. That's the key word to understanding the book of Ecclesiastes. He went on a money quest, he went on a happy quest, he went on a happy quest, he went on a work quest, he'll run a party quest. And at the end of it all, he said, you know what it's worth? Nothing. Vanities of vanities, everything is vanity. In other words, man, you can gain everything this world has to offer. You can work and work and work, but when you lay down in your bed, all you're

going to have is vanity and anxious toil, and then one day you're going to die and be all the way dead, and all the stuff you work for is still here. And he says, so what we've got to to do is lift up our eyes above the horizon and understand that we were created on purpose by a loving God for His glory. And when you begin to understand that, the same things that brought meaninglessness to you, now you can understand are a conduit by which we are to glorify God and love our neighbor. So when you chase after the things of this world, you can get vanity and anxious toil. And honestly, that's what this life has to offer. Listen, man, you know what normal is in our society. Normal is broke and lonely and medicated. You can have normal.

Call me whatever you want, but give me some Jesus, and I'll take some peace that transcends all understanding. Amen? And this is what he says. For he gives to his beloved sleep. Praise God. In a Psalm that's going to talk about raising kids, he's going to talk about sleep. Those things don't go together, do they? And here's what I need you to see, the brilliance of the Word of God make your hair stand up, all right? That when you do this on your own, all you're going to eat is the bread of anxious toil. But when you realize just these two words, beloved sleep, that doesn't mean that you beloved sleep. It means that you are the beloved.

When you realize that you are, when God sees you, you are his beloved. The Hebrew word for the name of God is Yahweh. It's translated in English. am that I am or to be. And when you realize that be, the great I am, loves you, and it's a sentence in and of itself,

if you and I could just be loved, the result of that is you could just lay your head on the pillow and know that he's still got the whole world in his hands and he's not disappointed in you. Be loves you. And then maybe you can get some sleep. Don't believe me.

Jesus says this, chapter 11, he says, come here, come here, come here. Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burden, and I will give you rest for your soul. Tadol P.M. can't do that. And you've crazy people with your oils, please don't email me. You oil people love y'all so much. God bless your oils. But it ain't going to give you rest for your soul. And amen. Only knowing that you were loved by him, can you lay your head down and go to sleep. And so the first two verses of Psalm 127, they tell us what God builds. He builds his cities.

He builds his church. He builds his house. He builds the family. And then the next read verses, let us know that he blesses what he builds. And this is where he shifts into family. He says, behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb, a reward. You hear that?

That children are a gift from God. Parents, be reminded of that. How many parents do we have? All the parents would you just lift your hands? Okay, all the tired people. Praise God, right? Yeah, so just remember when you're about to complain about your kids, what you're actually complaining about

is an answer to a previous prayer request that you had. At one point, I thought, dear God, just give us a baby. And he said, here you go. And you're like, all right, there we are. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. Now listen, kids are a gift from God. And your kids make terrible gods. You see what the reality here, I heard this Irish proverb recently.

This is awesome, man. for every mile of road there's two miles of ditch. That's brilliant. So when we receive a gift from God as a conduit by which we receive God's love and then love God back, praise God for that. But when you take a good gift of God and you treat it like a God, that is idolatry, not good. And when you take a good gift from God and you neglect it and are not responsible to steward that gift, that's like sacrilege, also not good.

And people, parents, we all tend to fall in one of those two. ditches. And he says, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward. You see, before I dive into this, let me just remind you that wherever God's ideal is unrealized, grace abounds. You've heard me say this a million times. There's no pain like kid pain. So as we dive into this, man, I get it. When we talk about parenting and kids, for some of you, man, it brings up a lot of hurt. If you've got a sick kid, if you've lost a child, let me tell you, another category of people. We've never walked through it in our family, but pastoring this church for 10 years, I've walked with a bunch of people in this church through

infertility. And it's a painful, painful thing. And I'm just going to tell you, man, it's a part of the broken world that we live in. And I can't understand it. It makes no sense to me. From my perspective, it seems to me that some parents that would make the great, greatest parents on the planet. All they want to do is have a little baby, raise the little disciple, raise them in the gospel, send them into this world as a missionary, and for whatever reason, can't have a child right now. And then it seems to me, I know this is insensitive, but welcome to 1122, and it seems like

the least qualified humans on the planet are the most fertile people you've ever met in your life. Explain that. I don't understand it. So I get it that there's pain here. But I also say this. it doesn't just say that your children are a heritage or that my children are a heritage.

It just says children are a heritage. I'm going to go ahead and warn you. This fall, we're going to ask every single person in our church to pray about taking foster kids into your home. And let me just give you a warning on this one too. Every time I say that, if you're like, we ain't doing that, get ready. It's probably you.

I'm just telling you, man, that's just how the Lord works, okay? You ever read in the Gospels where the Bible says, and the Pharisees thought to themselves, and Jesus answered them. Be careful what you think in here, all right? You better hum some worship tunes or something if that's what you think, because he's got you. Why? Because there are no accidental children.

Every single child who has ever been conceived is a gift from God. And so, listen, man, if you don't have kids living at your house, let me tell you what you got. You got some kids going to our church. We had over 3,300 children. children and youth at our locations last weekend. Do you understand that? There is a huge responsibility that our church has. And as a parent, I want to thank you, our student ministry, our kids' ministry, and a whole bunch of people that have helped us raise our kids. Because I'm going to tell you,

maybe you've heard this phrase before. Yeah, you should clap. Maybe you've heard this phrase before, you know, it takes a village to raise a child, right? You don't want the village raising your kid anymore. You have a village idiot. You need a church. And so there's been a whole bunch of folks in our life, and there's been grandmas like Miss M. And there's been a bunch of single girls that have been in and around our house to help us

raise our kids like April and Abby and Cota and Maria and Bissell and a bunch of folks, all kind of different ages. There's been people with their own kids that grew up and they just kind of miss the grandma stuff. so they dove back in like Ms. Nita. There's been coaches, all of it. And listen, let me tell you, man, let me tell you, as a parent, you want some other people

to come alongside you to help you parent your kid. Let me tell you, are my kids, I mean, it's kind of weird for them. This is their church, right? Because y'all know who they are, and it's just different. It's just different. Let me tell you what.

My two kids, 16-year-old, 12-year-old, they love this church, and it ain't because of preaching. It's not. It ain't because of the singing. It's not. You know why they do. love coming to church. They love coming to church because of their leaders in our youth ministry. So they love. And listen, I know so much Bible more than the leaders that they have all put

together. And then sometimes my son will be like, yeah, but Josh says, I'm like, he got that for my sermon. He don't know he's talking about. I don't care, man. I don't care. And so I would say, church, when it comes to the kids in this city and particularly the kids in the community and particularly the kids in our church. These are our kids and we all need to link arms together and say, Lord, would you come and build this house? Because they are a heritage and they are a reward. And then he goes on to say, like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Now, I don't know a lot about parenting, but I know a lot about bow hunting so I can help us here. Blessed is a man who fills his quiver with them. He should,

shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. A part of what is saying is this. Listen, he wants to have a bunch of kids so that they can protect him when he gets older. Better be good to your kids. Because one day they're going to take care of you. And for those of you that are taking care of your aging parents, do it well, man. Do it well. And those of you that are sacrificing a lot in your life to take care of your aging parents, well done.

What a witness to the good news of the gospel. for this world. But he says this, like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. I'm always a little nervous when I teach on parenting. And here's why. Like I said, I've got a 16-year-old and a 12-year-old. So the reality is I used to be an expert on parenting until I had kids. I mean, I did youth ministry for all these years. When I moved to Jacksonville, It was 2003. I was a youth pastor at Beach. And one day, I mean, I was like 30, 31 years old.

And one day, in walks Rusty and Amy Pritchett. Rusty is now one of our elders. And he came into my office, and he had a high schooler and a middle schooler at that time who were like my kid's age right now. And he walked in, he was like, pastor, we need some help. We don't know what we're doing. And I said, you have come to the right place. Let me tell you.

Right? Isn't it true? Remember how you knew everything. before you had children. Remember, you'd be at a restaurant, be some loud ones, you'd be like, ha ha, not ours. Nope, oh, bless you.

Yeah, man. And then you have them. And you're like, remember that terrifying moment when the nurse walked into the room and says, all right, go ahead and pack up your stuff. It's time for you to head home. And you're like, are you coming? You're coming, right?

Are you coming? What do you do? You know, you just got them in the thing? And you're just like, I don't, what do you feed it? I don't know. There's no manual. I filled out more paperwork to get my dog than to get the baby. What do you do?

You have no idea what you're doing. Yeah, man. So I'm a little nervous about saying, all right, here's what you do. And here's why, here's why. There aren't particular Bible verses about your particular situation. It's not like, what do you do if you're 16-year-old, Mrs. curfew? It's not in the proverbs, man. What do you do if you're 12-year-old exceeds her screen time?

There's not a psalm on that. You just got to kind of figure this out. And what he says is, like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. So parents, let me ask you this. When it comes to parenting your kids, are you passive or are you a warrior? Because I'm telling you, it's a war. A 12-year-old girl can wear you out. I mean, I know you're the boss and the CEO and you can make.

decisions, but you can find yourself at one point, just be so beaten now. Fine, just wear a bikini to youth group and just get on your phone and just do whatever you want to do. And who cares about English? All right, you can, I mean, you can just want to quit. Can I get an amen? Good gracious, man. But what he's saying, parents, is you can never give up.

You can never give up. And it is an actual war because we have a thief. We have an enemy that wants to steal, kill, and destroy everything good. Godly in your kid's life. I mean, every time every time the enemy wanted to stop a move of God, he would often try to take out a generation, see Moses, see Jesus. And we are warriors for the sake of our kid. And this doesn't mean you fight with them. It means you never stop fighting for them. You never stop fighting

for their heart. And warriors rarely fight alone. They rarely fight alone. They link up arm and arm with a bunch of people and say, on behalf of this upcoming generation, we are going to fight and fight and fight for the sake of your heart. So be a warrior. And he says like arrows in the hand of a warrior.

Okay, so I know a little about how to shoot an arrow. And there's two things about an arrow. You got to have a bow. And the thing you do with the bow is you aim it. That's step one when you're going to shoot a thing. So God has given you these kids in your house and these kids in our church. And then the question is this. So what are you aiming them at?

What is the target? Is it just to be a good little citizen? Or is it to be a disciple of Jesus Christ? Because the reality is this, if you do not have a specific target that you were aiming your kids at, the world will be happy to define that target for you. And we get a message in the scriptures of what we're supposed to aim our kids at. We spent two years in it. It's called the Shema.

Where Moses says to Israel, Shema, Israel. Shema means listen or hear, but it doesn't just mean like here with your ears. It means like, well, my daddy used to say, listen. He didn't mean just do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth. He meant, like, what I'm about to say, you better do something about. This is what Moses says. Here, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. and you shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart

and all of your soul, all of your mind, and all of your strength. That's the target that we are supposed to be aiming our children to. That they would love God with all of their heart. That's about their relationships. And all of their mind and all of their soul and all of their strength. And by the way, it's interesting, there's one verse about Jesus between 12 years old and 30 years old. There's only one verse in the whole Bible.

It's Luke 252. And it says this, and he grew in wisdom and in stature, in favor with God and man. If you take Luke 252 and the Shama and you put them together, what you will see is that when Jesus was growing into manhood from 12 years old to 30 years old, he was accomplishing the great commandment, which was to love the Lord of your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. So parents, if you've got the bow and your kid is the arrow in your bow, how are you discipling them towards loving the Lord of your God with all their heart and all their soul and all their mind and all their strength? It will not happen accidentally. Or do you allow the school to tell them what's most important?

Do you allow the world to tell them what's most important? I saw this Peanuts cartoon years ago. It's very deep here, by the way, for your name. And Charlie Brown is shooting a bow and arrow. and as he walks up to the target, he's bullseye in it every time. And Lucy comes up and is like, wow, you're really good.

And he goes, well, it's not that hard. And then the next frame, he's shooting an arrow into the barn, and then he walks up and draws the bullseye around it. That's cute unless it's parenting. There's a whole bunch of folks that just say, good luck, hope this turns out right, and then finally go and try to draw a bull's eye

around whatever direction the kid went into. So you take your bow and you aim it. And the other thing, here's what it takes to send an arrow. It takes a lot of tension. It takes a lot of tension. And pretty much what describes your house from this day to that day is a lot of tension. Amen? And here's the tension, okay?

I know a little bit about this. The tension as a parent with your kids that you love like crazy. The tension is, is there's a tension between like rules and control. and relationship and influence, all right? Because when they're little, when you first bring them home, you make all the decisions and you have 100% control. Like you literally, you put them in the car, you buckle them in, and you put the food in their mouth.

They can't decide anything. And then one day, over time, you go from that, and then one day, I don't know what they'll call it 18, 21, 25, at some point in their life, they make all of their decisions, and they never ask you ever, ever, ever. You have zero control of any of the decisions that they make. In fact, at some point, they're going to put you down,

buckle you in, and put food in your mouth. It's going to go all the way the other way. And from that moment, which is total rules and total control, when you get way over here, when you're ready to launch them into the world, then you don't get to make any decisions, you don't get to make any of the rules. And yet, based on the relationship, you still want to have a primary influence in your life.

and the only way to do that is to fight for their hearts and to build the relationship. And I don't know how to tell you what to give away and what to loosen up on and where to tighten down. That whole thing between when you brought them home and when you send them out, that whole thing is just a tension. But the goal, the goal is not total control. The goal is influence. Look, my dad can't decide anything for me anymore. And yet, I call him every single week because I know that he's not. loves me and he's a smart dude. He was here last week and I just want his influence in my life.

See, I had a real privilege as a youth pastor for 15 years. I got to be around families with high schoolers and middle schoolers. And it's like going to the zoo. You can just kind of observe. Don't ever want to do that. Okay. Stay away from that. And then there would be these rare breeds where the teenagers still sort of liked being around their parents and they even kind of of liked their parents. Now the goal is not to be liked, but the goal is to have the kind of relationship where you still have influence. Because nobody loves them like you do. Nobody knows them like you do. And you will always be the parent, but you will not always be in control. That is a tension. And so the bow aims, and then there's tension, and then the last thing is this.

And then what you do with an arrow is you send it. They leave. You don't, you don't. You don't just keep it here forever. No, no, no, no. They're not a pet for you to keep forever. And listen, man, I got friends on the front row, and this week, I wish I was smart enough to be like, well, I did Psalm 127 for you because they just dropped off their college freshman at Florida State and Georgia. Very, very wise decisions. You know why? Teaming together against the gators. I love it so much. Well done. Okay. And success in the kingdom of God may not be what you do, but it may be defined by who you raise. And so you've got to send them.

So what does it look like for the Lord to build your house? I've got something very deep again. You see, you are here. You should probably write that down. You are here. And here's what's big about that. You used to not be here. You used to be there.

And then you made some decisions to the, led you to hear, wherever here he is. Like you got up or maybe you got tricked or somebody invited you or, and you made some decisions and you got ready and you got in your car and you turned left or you turn right. But you made decisions that led you here. And I'm not just talking geographically. As you look at your current situation with your family, you are here. And that might scare you. You might not like here, but I got really good news. It's not how you start. It matters. It's how you finish. And it's never too late to make the decision. decisions that you need to make to head in the direction that you want to go.

So let me ask you some questions, parents. Are you submitted to God's word or are you more submitted to this world? Like, are you more committed to your kid's discipleship? Or are you just committed to the same thing? All the other parents that don't know Jesus are committed to. This way. What do you care more about? Their grades or their discipleship?

Because here's the thing, man. Both my kids are athletes and I've coached all kinds of things. and here's what I see over and over and over and over, is that you would never, ever, ever even consider missing an extracurricular activity. You wouldn't miss a practice, you wouldn't miss a game, you wouldn't miss a tournament. And so you tell them that's what's most important in our lives

and yet we'll only come to church when it's convenient to everybody's schedule. It communicates something. And what it communicates is what's happening on the field is more important than what's happening in your heart. And look, man, I'm pro sports. but I got some crazy news for you, parents. Your kids ain't that good, man.

They're not. Trust me, we coached little All-Stars, did the World Series, did all the things, all right? And some of you are like, if you don't know my kid. Okay, okay, maybe your kid's good. Your kid is probably going to be a pro. You know what I'm talking about right there. But, okay, let's just say, even if he is,

he probably will be, okay, probably will be. But even if he is, so what? So what? Have you met pro athletes? Like I know these guys now. And so let's say it. Let's say it, bro, let's say say a little man's just trucking people in peewee. And you're like, that's my boy, okay?

And he grows up and maybe we can get him over to Providence, and he can truck some people at Providence, bringing the Stallions, a state champion. Hey, but the tomb is empty anything as possible. And then, and then let's just say he's a five-star athlete, all right? He gets recruited by the University of Georgia Bulldogs. Glory goes there, leads them to another national title. Now, don't get me wrong, I'll cheer for him.

I'll wear his number on a Saturday, you know. I'm for him, all right? And then, let's say he gets drafted first round by the Jags. Let's go. Takes them to the Super Bowl. Takes 12 years in the league. It goes to the Hall of Fame. Okay, let's just say he does it.

Then what? Then what? You realize at some point it's all over, right? Then what? I mean, I have no idea while we idolize professional athletes when very few of them are people that you would actually want any of our children to grow up and be like. And then what do you do when it's over? Donovan Darius, one of the best safeties that the Jags has ever had.

Played for nine years in the league. And he told me one day, he says, when your identity becomes what you do, then who are you when you don't do what you used to do? So what's more important, man? Because I'm telling you, we will prioritize the temporary things like ball, at the expense of what matters most, like the family of God. There's a whole bunch of parents. This is going to sting a little bit, but whatever. You might want to just take your shoes off.

Let me walk up on them toes. Some of us are more concerned about where our kids will spend the next four years after high school than where they will spend eternity. That's what it looks like on our schedule. And there is a generation right now that is being disciples by YouTube and TikTok and Joe Rogan. And you do not want them to disciple our children. So what do we do? What do we do?

Pastor, do you have some advice? No. I wish that. Ephesians 5 is a great place to go. And Ephesians 5 is called the household code. I don't think I have time to read all the verses. I'll just give you the highlights and some takeaways, okay? Ephesians 5 starts this way.

It says, first of all, mama and daddy, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. So if you ain't got Jesus in the middle of your house, I have no idea what to tell you to do. Good luck. Hope it works out. Honestly, it's a crapshoot and the odds are not in your favor. You put Jesus in the middle of your house and you act like it. Dads, start with you. The best thing you can do for your kids is love mama.

It's the best thing you can do for your kids. It is a really wonderful thing for your kids who are taught that the whole world revolves around them. It's a good idea for you to tell them, hey, I'm leaving you here. Me and your mom are going out. Where are you going? to the greatest restaurant you've ever been to. Can we come? No.

Okay? Because what you want more than a well-educated kid is you want a secure kid. And security is rooted in how mom and daddy love each other. So, dad's love mom. Dad's provide and protect. Now, that's a pretty low bar. Possums do that for their family in the backyard, okay?

But also with your words, your words should bring protect. and you should provide life with your words. And I mean, and I'm just going to tell you this. Look, Mama's words weigh like 100 pounds. Dad, your words weigh like 1,000 pounds. I know it's not fair. That's just the way it is.

Be careful with your words to you kids. Fight for them, not always with them. Then sometimes, especially if you're a new Christian and you're a dad, and you start saying, all right, well, you know what? I'm the leader of my house. I got a lead. I will tell you this, the Bible doesn't say you're the leader,

it actually says you're the head. And wives, nowhere does it say spiritual leader. You made that up because we're uncomfortable with the word submit. So some Bible book store person made that word up. Here's what it says, it says husbands love. Love your wife like Christ loved the church and laid himself down for her.

So husbands, you wanna lead? You should. You should lead in things like repentance. Be the lead apologizer in your house. Because I don't know about your house. Actually, I do. I've never been in your house, and I still know, Dad, you probably have the most things to apologize about in the whole house.

So be the guy that goes first. Lead that way. That's the beginning of Ephesians 5. And then, Mom, oh, the thin ice I'm about to walk out on. You ready for this? The Bible says many, many things about a wife. Many things. A few of them are good.

And it says, it's better to live on the corner of, of a house than a nagging wife. That's crazy. The Bible says it's better to live in a desert than with a nagging wife. Think about what happened in the desert. Jesus met the devil in the desert. The Bible goes, it's like that, okay? Then maybe the one that is most memorable, like a dripping faucet. Drip, drip, drip, drip is a nagging wife.

Okay. Now here's the thing. Here's the thing, ladies. It comes from a good place because you're a daughter of Eve and you were created to help and we need help. Good gracious, we need help. But what feels like help to you feels like torture to everybody else.

Armies have taken hardened soldiers and drip water on them. And at first, like, this is fine. And at the end, they're like, oh my God, I'll give you all the secrets, okay? That's what it's like. And so what I would say is one of the best things best things that you can do at home to fight for the hearts of your kid and invite God in to build your houses, don't drip. Don't drip to dad in front of the kids, always correcting

him, don't drip to the kids. Let me think about this, man. I don't have a Bible verse for this, but if every time you talk to somebody and all they ever did is point out all the things you do wrong, how much would you want to give your heart to that person? And, and, you know, and I wrote this down because I've never been a mom. It's going to take you, Mama's, superhero powers to thread the needle of coaching and disciplining and all the details that make you a great mom. But you have the spirit of God in you

and of all the parents in the entire world that God would use to raise that one that you love so much, he chose you so you can do this. And whatever you do, convince them that the source of your love for your kid, because I know, man, There ain't no love like a mama's love for her babies. And it don't matter how old the babies are.

You've got to convince them that the fact that you love them is not the end-all-all-all-all. You've got to convince them that the source of the love that you have for your children is from God through you to your kids. That's what they need to know. You see, and then it goes back to dads. This is Ephesians 5. It goes back to dads. And dads don't exasperate your children. Exasperate means to put them in a no-win situation

because I've got a horribly convicting truth for you. Dads, your relationship with your children will be the primary picture that your kids grow up with in regards to who God is. That's heavy, isn't it? I mean, it hits me all the time, man. I can preach all kinds of sermons about them and I just have this overwhelming thing,

uh-oh, uh-oh, if God is, never frustrated with me and I'm always frustrated with my kids. What kind of image of the heavenly father am I laying on my kids? You see, the way we treat our kids will be the primary picture. So what do you do? How do you not exasperate your kids? Here's just a couple of things I've learned in the past 16 years, 17 years. You got to ask heart questions. You got to ask heart questions. You can't just ask your kid what did? What did you do today? You know what every kid did every day? Nothing. They've never done anything. No. In the order to get the less they've ever done, okay? So you got to ask what's going on in here? Because

here's what you want, man. Here's what you want. You want to be the place that they know that they can try to formulate words and express what's going on. And if all you think is behavior modification, if they're like, oh, I saw this really interesting YouTube. And then you look at it and you're like, you can't watch that. Okay, if you smack them, all you will do is teach them to be more secretive about the things they watch. You want to be the place where they're like, so you go, so what did you like about this? Anything good about this?

Are the things wrong with it? You want to ask heart questions and then pray out loud over your kids based on the things, the feelings and emotions and heart things they talked about. Also, read a little Bible together. I don't know a lot about the Bible. Learn it.

Your kids' lives depend on it. Listen to Gretchen's divo. I'm like, what did you think about that? bring them to church or every time you pick up your kid from the kids ministry or if you drop your kid off at the student ministry you get a question it says ask this question ask the question and then listen and also make memories with your kids and don't give them a vote because they will always choose the temporary shiny if you ask your kids hey do you want to go on this thing like go on this walk or go on this hike or go through this thing that might be a little hard or

Would you just like to sit here and aimlessly look at the iPad? They will just be like, don't let them choose. Get in the car, we're going to do some stuff, man. And the reason you're doing that is my final little piece of advice. It's based in a Bible verse, I promise. Delight over your kids. Delight over your kids. And I know sometimes we don't do this because you're frustrated,

and you know why you're frustrated with your kids? Because they're frustrating. Don't they drive you crazy? Here's why they drive you crazy, because you expect this and you experience this. And all of that space in between is frustration. And your Heavenly Father, if you are in Christ, is never, ever, ever frustrated with you.

You know why? Because he knew when he set his son on a rescue mission and Jesus went to the cross, he knew exactly what he was paying for. And when he says, it is finished, he knew that thing that you're going to do in two weeks. and never once does he look at you and be like, what in the name of me are you doing?

Give it back. Never, ever, ever, ever. The Bible says this, that this is love. Not that we love him, but he loves us and send his son as the propitiation that satisfies. Propitiation means payment that satisfies. Therefore, God, if you were in Christ, cannot be dissatisfied in you.

So whatever you do, parents, don't you ever look at your kids and go, I'm so disappointed. That is a gospel-less way to parent. can say that was wrong and here are the consequences. No problem. But God has never been disappointed in any of us who have put our faith in Christ because when he went to the cross, he paid our debt in full and he credited us or imputed us with the righteousness of his son. And that's not fair. That's called grace. And so may you delight over your kids. May you surprise them with grace. I mean, think about it. Have you ever spent a minute thinking about how God surprised you with grace?

Did you deserve it? What were you doing? rejecting God, doing your own thing, just a sinner, right? On your way to hell. And then God tracked you down and redeemed you, brought you unto himself and adopted you, not because you deserved it, but because he loves you. So, so, like on some random night when they're not expecting it, you say, right when they think it's time for bed, and they're already about five minutes late. And the last three nights you've lost your mind over it, okay?

Remember this sermon right now. And you go, kids, get in the car. are we going we're going to dunkin donuts we're going to eat stuff we're not supposed to eat and we're going to have a good time they're like who are you you're going to say i'm a child of the most high king and he's a good good dad that's just who he is and we're loved by him that's just who we are and i want to love you the way he has loved me and so let's go get some donuts and let it be a picture of the gospel you see unless the lord builds the house those who build it labor in vain I hope and pray we can say, as for me in my house, we will serve the Lord.

And I know many of you are like, well, could have used this 12 years ago. Well, man, I don't care how old your kids are. You never stop fighting for the heart of your kids. For your adult kids, you never stop chasing after them. You never stop loving them because God never stopped chasing after you. And then a bunch of parents, man, I am included in this. I mean, if, if men. Marriage is the most sanctifying thing in your life.

Can we all agree marriage is like the fast lane of sanctification? I didn't realize what a selfish person I was until I married you. Okay, cool. I'm the worst. Parenting trying to be a dad is the most desperate thing I've ever felt in my entire life. Am I doing this right? And listen, of all the parents on the entire planet that God could have used to raise your babies that you love so much, he picked you. Now, you're not supposed to do this on your own.

You're actually supposed to go, God, I need you. I'm asking you, would you come and build my house? And maybe you're a single parent. Oh, God bless you. But I got some really good news, okay, where the ideal is unrealized. Grace of pounds. Did you know Timothy in the New Testament was raised by a single mom and grandma? And we're still talking about him as a pastor 2,000 years later?

He was a good dude, man. That God can do it through you. And for some of you, man, you're struggling as a parent. You feel like a failure? Look, man, God can use crooked sticks to make straight lines all the time, I promise. We need to pray. That's how we're going to close our service.

If you're a parent or if you know a kid, we're going to pray. Regardless of the situation. Grandparents, by the way, grandparents, maybe you didn't get it altogether right first go around. I think one of God's gracious in the grandparents' life is still how much influence you can have over your kids, by the way that you pour out grace on the grandkids.

And so if you've got kids, we should pray. If you've got teenagers, you should sprint to the front, dive on your face and beg God to move in a way. And we need to pray, man. We need to pray not just for our kids and the 3,000 plus kids in our church. We need to play for the kids in this generation, man. The school teachers, the administrators, the coaches. We need to pray for one more generation. And all you mamas, especially the younger you are, the more likely you are to be here.

Some of you are so gripped with fear. You let the whispers of the enemy speak all these lies of what may have. happened in the future and you're so gripped with fear and God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of self-control and that also applies to you so that you could step into what God has called you to as a mom. So in just a second, I'm going to pray and we're going to sing as a church in all of our locations sing the same thing that he is a good good father. That's just who he is and we are loved by him. That's just who we are. And rooted in that relationship may we be the kind of parents and aunts and uncles and youth leaders and children's leaders that God has called us to be

for the sake of the hearts of one more generation. And I'm going to invite you to come and to beg God to build your house. Because without him, it's all in vain. Would you please stand? Let me pray for us. Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, God, I love you more than anything because you first loved us. And Lord, I pray, I pray, I pray for a special dose of an anointing of the Spirit of God over the broken family, over the blended family, over the single mom, Lord, I pray that where the ideal is unrealized that grace abounds. That God, none of us can do this on our own. God, we pray for this upcoming generation that we love so much.

God, may we not idolize them and may we not neglect them. May we steward this relationship for your glory. God, like arrows in the hands of warriors, God, may every parent and every youth leader, every coach and teacher, everybody that has influence. over this generation. Every grandparent, aunt and uncle, cousin, all those things, may we be warriors for your glory as we fight for the hearts of these boys and girls. In a crooked and depraved generation, God, may we point them to you for your glory. God, we need your helping this as much as anything else that we've ever walked through in our life.

God, may our kids see a difference in us this week because the difference that you make in us right now. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. We're going to sing, we're going to bring, and I might invite anybody that needs God's help in your house to come pray. Let's pray.