The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 2: The Woman

Episode Date: January 24, 2021

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised – Proverbs 31:30 Click Series Resources to download the series journal, watch RELATE and more.

Amen and amen. All right, church, who's ready to study the Bible? I hope you are. If you brought yours for Song of Solomon, obviously we're going to be in chapter 1, verse 1, and as you have already heard, I am going to talk about how to be a godly woman. Now, a couple of things to go over before we dive in here.

First of all, you may ask, well, what gives you the right to tell us how to be a godly woman? So I do have a confession to make. I've never been a woman. So this is a bit like a Catholic priest doing marriage counseling, you understand? And that's not a shot, okay? Because this just means, I hopefully will say very true things. I just don't know experientially or existentially what it is to be a woman. But the good news is, is that God has given us His Word, and we can trust His Word, and all of His Word is

breathed out by Him and profitable and useful in our lives. And so, ladies, I would just ask for a little grace. But I do want you to know this. As your pastor, I love you. I love you. I I really do. And I want God's best for you. And it seems to me right now it's a hard time to be a woman. I mean, because what you are asked to do is typically by what the world offers you is one of two extremes. Either one, they basically just say, well, just be a man in a skirt. That's one option. And then the other is treat yourself like a commodity. Use your body just as a commodity to be used up and cast away. But that is not what God's word has for you. So we are going to talk about what it means to be a godly woman.

Now, I do have a few things that are working for me. One is I helped create a young girl, and I am raising a young lady right now who's 11 years old, so I've been trying to figure that out and paying attention in the world, and I have been studying one particular godly woman for over 20 years. In the fall of 1998, I was working out in the gym,

and that used to be a lot more important than it is today, obviously, but I was into it, and so I was bench-pressing as heavy as I could, because I thought chicks would dig that. Turns out they're not as impressed as you would think, boys, so you're wasting your time. But anyway, so there I was doing that, and I looked up and in the gym walks this beautiful little blonde ponytail, comes bebopping in with some extremely tight shorts. And I felt like the Lord spoke to me. It was like a one-on-one mission trip was what he had called me to, and so I was very attracted to this girl. turns out this girl's name's Gretchen, and I walked up to her. And when I say attracted, I mean,

literally, I don't know what I was thinking. I just sort of just made my way over near her in the gym. And if you know anything about Gretchen, she is a flaming introvert. And she has a very large personal space, okay, about the size of our worship center here in San Pablo. So if you're in that space, you're in her space. And so I got a little too close to her, and she looked at me and basically was like, can I help you? And I hadn't pre-thought this out at all. I had no game. I had no introduction. I didn't, so I just, in a very deep voice, said, can I get a spot? And she spotted me. And so turns out that was the beginning of the rest of my life with this girl. She came over and I tried to impress her with how strong I was. Again, she was not impressed

and you laugh with, can I get a spot, but plet al. Okay, now I have two beautiful kids and we have been married for 20 years. So I have been studying that girl, stalking that girl for a long time. What I decided to do is go back the next day at the same time and look for this girl, and she wasn't there that day. I turned out there was like multiple gyms, you know, all affiliated around town, and that wasn't like her main gym or her main time. And so what I did is I just packed a gym bag, kept it in my truck, and I was a youth pastor, so I had a very flexible schedule.

And so about three or four or seven times a day, I would swing by said gym. And listen, this was like legit creepy stalking, not just cyberstalking. where you could just check Twitter and see where she was going. We had to actually get outside and breathe under air-conditioned air to find these people. Do you understand? And so if I saw this little Honda Accord, then again, I felt like the Lord was calling me to work out during that time. And so that's how we met. I'll tell you more about it, you know, going along here in the study of Song of Solomon.

But that is how we meant for 20 years. We've been married 20 years. It'll be 21 in about a month. I have been studying this girl. So everything I'm getting is from the scripture, but it's also been approved by Gretchen, chapter one, verse one. Ready, ladies?

Page 14 of your journal, I wrote all the notes for the guys two weeks ago. I didn't write your notes out. One, because I knew you would take notes. Two, because if I did it for you, I knew that you would, like, correct my grammar anyway. So here we go. The Song of Songs, which is Solomon.

Again, this is Solomon, and the shoot-a-mite woman fall in love with each other, and they're going to, like, sing love songs to one another. And then she begins, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. I love this verse, all right? Married ladies, notice, from the very beginning of the book, it's not offense, defense, that's not how it works. She says, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth,

for your love is better than why. Now, a really big deal culturally for biblical times, like 3,000 years ago or so, here is a woman in print. that didn't happen a whole lot then. I just need you to know that the Bible, particularly the gospel, elevated women in every culture that they were in. That she leads off speaking and notice what she does, is that she goes first and she will set the tone.

Women, you will set the tone in your home and in your relationship. Now, Ephesus chapter 5 makes it very clear, all throughout the Bible makes it very clear that the husband, is the head of the wife and head of the house, but I'm going to tell you, Mama, you are the backbone. And you are the thermostat in your house. You set the temperature in your house. And if you are not willing to be led,

then you won't be led. General Patton couldn't lead a woman that does not want to be led. And notice what she is going to do. She encourages him to play his role and lead. She says, let him kiss me. with the kisses of his mouth. And ultimately, what submission is,

and I know the word submit is not very popular to these days, but neither is staying married. And so what submission is, submission is just an invitation to lead. And in Ephesians Chapter 5, when the Bible says, wives submit to your own husbands, first of all, it never says that women submit to men. Nowhere in the Bible doesn't say that, but it says wives submit to your own husband

as unto the Lord. the verse before that says that husbands and wives together should be mutually submitted to one another. And submission does not mean you get to tell me what to do. What submission means is I am going to choose to make your deal a bigger deal than my deal. And ultimately, a good marriage is a good friendship where a husband is mutually submitted to his wife, who is mutually submitted to him, so they are both trying to outdo one another with honor. Again, submission is an invitation to lead, and a godly woman is her husband's biggest cheerleader, not his biggest critic.

And listen, married women, let me tell you what your husband needs. He needs from you your encouragement, not your critique. And I know you're super smart, I know you're smarter than him, and I know there's so many more things that you want to train him in. I understand all those things to be true. but that is not what submission is. What she is going to do all throughout this entire book is she is going to encourage him constantly with her words. I want you to pay attention to the way she encourages him with her words.

So she is a godly woman as an encouraging woman. The opposite of encouraging in the Bible is what is called nagging or coralsome. And the Bible has some pretty aggressive things to say about it. I'll share just a few of my favorites. Proverbs 27, 15 to 16 says this. A nagging wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day. Just drip, drip, drip.

To restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one's right hand. In other words, you will set the tone. And just like a man, no matter how strong he is, no matter how godly he is, no matter how smart he is, if he steps out and tries to make the wind stop blowing, he cannot, and so a nagging wife is like that. And you may think, well, what's the big deal about just a constant dripping on a rainy day? There are some countries that use this as torture to break down hardened soldiers so that they

will give up national secrets. And what the Bible is saying is that if you are a nagging wife, it's like living in torture. Drip, drip, drip, drip. There's more. Proverbs 21-9 says this, better to live on the corner of the roof than to share the house with a nagging wife. Then it can get bad enough for the guys like, all right, listen, let me just get my camping gear and just live out on the roof. Do you know what they did in biblical times on the roof? They had these flat roofs and when they would put animal dung out there.

That's where they would keep it. They would throw it up on the roof. That's where they would put it. And the brother is like, I want to go sleep on the roof in the elements amongst the cow poo. and that would be a vacation as compared to being here all day with drip, drip, drip. There's one more, which is my most favorite. Proverbs 2119, better to live in a desert than with a nagging and ill-tempered wife. The desert.

Think about the things that happen in the Bible in the desert. This is where people go to die and vultures pluck out their eyeballs. And God is saying, as bad as that is, that vulture-plucking eyeball situation is better than the drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. Now, here's the problem. Here's the problem. There's not a wife in here that would be like, you know what, I might be nagging because you don't realize it. You never even know it. You don't even realize what the drip, drip, drip, drip is.

And here's the reason, because you're the daughter of Eve, and Eve was created to help Adam. And when the Bible says that Eve was created to be a helpmate or a helper, that's not a derogatory term. Everywhere else in the Old Testament that that phrase is used, it describes God helping Israel. So we need you for sure. It's not good for man to be alone. But what happened in the curse is when God curses Eve, he says to her, your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you. That word desire does not mean now you're going to want him. That's not a curse at all.

Now, we'll get to that. That's a blessing. That word means that you want to overthrow. And so what you feel like is helping, let me just point out the 19 areas you're wrong today, it feels to him like a hostile takeover, like torture, like vultures picking out your eyeballs. That's what it feels like. And what she is going to do, a godly woman constantly encourages her man. Verse three.

Your anointing oils are fragrant. Your name is oil poured out. about this. A couple weeks ago, this means that your name, this man's character is godly, is pure. Godly women are attracted to men of character. She goes on to say, therefore, virgins, love you. Now notice, she continuously builds him up with her words. And every time you correct him, like without his invitation, it feels like you are tearing him down. And I know this might news to you, okay? But what your man wants from you more than anything else is he wants your respect. That's what he wants. And you may think, you may think, no, no, no, no, he wants to be

loved by me. And honestly, as important as that is, that's not actually true. What he wants is to feel like the man. He wants to have your respect. Because everybody loves us, right? Grandma loves us, the dog loves us. My daddy told me this one time, it's horrible, don't ever repeat this. It should never be said in church, but he said one time to me, you want to know. You want to who loves you, put your dog in the trunk, put your wife in the trunk, drive around town for an hour, open the trunk, see who's happy to see you. That's who you find out who loves you. Okay, don't you ever repeat that. But it's true. Okay, so, but, no, we're not people putting people in drunk. But right now, we live in a culture, ladies, where we need your help, because you think about it,

the premise of every Disney movie is what? Dad is an idiot and the hamster's the hero. So if you have a problem, what do you do? Do, don't, like, Make fun of dad and find the gerbil he'll save today. That is the world in which we live. And I'm telling you, I'm telling you, God has put you, if you're a married woman, God has put you in your husband's life to echo the reality that his divine power has given your husband everything he needs to accomplish everything he has been called to accomplish. Are you encouraging him with your words? Now, you hear me say that a godly woman is attracted to a,

a man of character, and I know there's many of you, maybe you got married before you came to Christ, and you're married to a non-believer, and you may say, am I supposed to submit to my non-believing husband? In fact, I know there's probably a bunch of you ladies, and you're here right now, and your husband's not here, because he won't come to church with you. And you say, what about me? And I would say this, I would say this, that you for sure should love and honor and respect and serve your husband. And please, please, whatever you do, don't. Don't Don't go home to your husband who doesn't attend our church and nag him to death about the things that he's supposed to be doing that he's not doing. And please, whatever you do, don't quote me.

Don't go to your house. Well, Pastor Jobie said, you know, hold on, okay. I have never met the man who has been nagged into the kingdom of God. What I know is the Bible says, not even responding, the Bible says that it's God's kindness that leads us to repent. So ladies, if your husband isn't here with you, then ultimately what ought to happen is that the transforming power of the Holy Spirit should so work in your life, that the fruit of the spirit should be so evident in your life that regardless of what your husband believes about Jesus and church and the Bible and eternity, that the more you go to church, the more

he is a fan of what we're doing here at this church. And you watch God use that in his life to draw him to repentance. It's verse four. She says, draw me after you. Let us run. Notice she is setting him up to lead. Draw me after you. Let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. Once again, submission is an invitation to leave. And I know there's all kind of different temperaments, all right? But submission is just trusting God enough to lay down the reins so that he can play the role that God has ordained him to play. And listen, every man was designed to lead, and he will lead. He'll either be a good leader or a poor leader. And here's what he needs to know from you.

He needs to know that you think he has what it takes, and that you are on his team. And so this is what she's doing. She's inviting him to lead. It goes on to say, we will exalt and rejoice in you. we will extol your love more than wine. Rightly, do they love you? These people talking here are her friends. They join in to talk about Solomon. A godly woman has godly friends. Ladies, do you have godly friends?

Like the friends that you spend your time with, do they help you cultivate a relationship with Jesus Christ, or are they more concerned what you think about them than they are concerned about you? do they always tell you just the things you want to hear or do they tell you the truth and the things that you need to hear man praise god my wife has some godly friends she really does they all go to church here she met them all here and i love it i'm telling you i love it when i say you got plans what do you do tonight that kind of thing and she she begins to say well me and rebecca and

kerry and holly and adie we're going out why because i'm telling you i don't know what they talk out, I don't know what they do. I think they get together and just encourage, it's like wife boot camp. I'm not sure what's happening. But I love it because when she comes back, I'm just telling you, I mean, just recently, she's like, I need to get away. An elder's wife called me and said, we're going to get away. Please, please, please, why? Because a godly woman surrounds herself with good, godly women in her life. And you may say, but I don't know any of those women. I'm just going tell you ladies, you are terrible at making friends. You're not good at it.

You're not. You just show up at church and be like, I'm just going to wait. Listen, see, dudes, here's what we do. We'd be like, hey, man, you want to be friends? Like, I don't know. You like the bowl? No, golf, uh-uh. Fish. Bingo.

All right, buddy. Meet you at the dock. We're friends. Okay. It's built around activities. I don't know what y'all do. But you can walk into a connect center right now or go online and just click disciple group.

And I'm not saying you've got to be friends with everybody in your disciple group. There's two, three people in your disciple group. You're never going to be friends with because they're weird. They are, man. If you don't have a weird person in your disciple group, I got really bad news for you. But anyway, you need the kind of women that are not just getting around with a bunch of complaining wives and just gossiping.

No, no, no, no, man. You need a bunch of women that are getting around together and gospling one another to be the women God has called you to be. You see, she surrounds herself with some other godly women. And verse five, she says this about herself, I am very dark but lovely, oh, daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Qadar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark because the sun has looked upon me. A godly woman is humble.

A godly woman is a humble woman. She is not all hung up on what she looks like. Her exterior is not the most important thing about her. And what she's saying when she's saying that she's dark because of the sun, ultimately this is what happened is back then, in biblical times, the more money you had, the more status you had, the less you had to do, like, manual labor. And what she's going to say is, hey, I'm kind of a redneck. I've been working on the farm.

I got a farmer's tan and some guns and some calluses on my hands. And in that day, the standard of beauty was like pasty and plump. Too bad. Dude, I'd be hot back of the day. Okay, but anyway. So today's standard of beauty, it's more like you've been wandering around in the desert fasting for 40 days and 40 nights, right?

You're all tan, skin hanging off. I don't like you need something to eat. But back then, so what she's saying is I may not be much to look at because I got a farmer's tan because I had to work all the time. And she's humble, and yet she's confident. I am very dark but lovely.

You see, because oftentimes, what will happen is the enemy will take kind of a humble attitude and twist it to the evil first cousin of humility, which is insecurity. But she signs her confidence not in what she looks like, but in who she is. And humility is not dogging yourself. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is just thinking of yourself less. That a godly woman is a humble woman. And she said, my mother's sons were angry with me. That's a brother. and apparently she didn't have the best relationship with them because she didn't even call them her brother.

She says, my mother's sons were angry with me. They made me keep her of the vineyard. She had to work outside, but my own vineyard I have not kept. A godly woman is a hardworking woman. Fellas, if you're single and you go out with a girl and she's a prima donna and everything has been handed to her whole life and she has never had to work for anything, you might want to run like the wind blows,

because I'm telling you, if she grew up with a little Barbie Jeep and she expects one day for you to provide for her a nicer Jeep than the Barbie Jeep that she had growing up and she's 22 years old, that's a be a tough situation. You see, because a godly woman is a content woman. She is grateful and she is a hardworking woman. Now, one of the questions that I will get often is from Christian women with kids, should a mom work? Should a Christian woman married with children work? Well, I've got good news for you. You don't have to listen to me on this because there is a doctrine

called the priesthood of the believer and the spirit of God lives in you if you know Jesus just like he lives in me and you don't have to have my permission for anything. And so what you need to do is pray about that for sure. And trust God that you and your husband and your family can figure out God's will for you and your family and what's best for you and your family. Because some of you, some of you ladies, you were chasing after an American dream at the expense of your family right now.

And you should do with less now for the sake of your kids and for the sake of your family. And there's some of you that God is going to tell you, yeah, you should go home and make some significant lifestyle changes. Some of you need to change what you do and you need to go part-time so that you can spend more time at home with your family, with your kids. And then there are some of you that are at home because you're trying to live into some kind of evangelical. medical idea that you were given. And for the sake of your children, you need to go to work because you're driving them crazy. Okay? And so in the scriptures, there were women that worked like Proverbs 31 and Phoebe and Lydia. And then also you get instruction in Titus chapter two that says that a godly woman should be focused on home. So you pray like crazy and do what

God tells you to do. What we also see here is that a godly woman knows how to submit to authority. A godly woman knows how to submit to authority. Interestingly, enough, nowhere do we ever hear mention her dad in all of the Song of Solomon. That apparently there's a single mom with a bunch of kids and her brothers essentially had to raise her. And though she did not like what they told her to do, she submitted to their authority. Single guys, if you were going out with a girl and she does not know how to submit to authority, I'm telling you, run for us, run.

And particularly if she has never submitted to the perfect authority who is Jesus Christ, then what do you think it's going to happen when she gets up under your authority? Because he is a perfect leader and he always perfectly leads. How do you think it's going to go when she gets up under your imperfect leadership with all of your ego and insecurity? It's going to go not good. You could jot that down. But a godly woman submits to authority.

Verse seven, she says, Tell me you who my soul loves, where you pastor your flock, and where you make it lay down at noon. Again, she positions herself to be pursued. We talked about this last week. Is it okay if you see, ladies, if you see a man that looks like oil poured out and you think, I would like to get my flocks next to his shepherds tense. Yes and amen.

Praise God, okay? She positions herself to be pursued. And listen, I see this happening like singles in college ministries all the time. Is girls buy into this kind of myth that if I just admit that I am content in Jesus, then it's kind of like to tickle me J-Bez prayer and he's going to owe me a guy. That's how it goes. And I see girls, but I just, I don't even need a man.

I'm just content in the Lord. Jesus is my boyfriend. Don't say stupid stuff like Jesus is your boyfriend, okay? Because here's what you mean. I'm dating Jesus unless you ask me out and I'll break up with him, I'll go with you, okay? That's not what you mean. It is a good and right desire

if God has put that desire in you to want to be married. Praise God for that. You're just not hanging. who you are and your identity on that status, you're hanging your identity on who Jesus says you are. But what she does is she positions herself to be pursued. She says, tell me who my soul loves. Where you pasture your flock and where you make it lie down at noon. For why should I be like one who veils herself but beside the flocks of your companion? That a godly woman is holy.

Here's what she says. As she says, where are you going to be about noon? time because I got some goats that need to eat, and I might be by the Shepard's tent place, and then she basically lays this out, but don't get the wrong idea. I'm not going to be like one of the veiled women. The veiled women during this time were prostitutes. And so what she has already made Solomon know is this, that says she would not lower her standards for him. She's not going to dress like a prostitute. She's not going to act like a prostitute. a godly woman determines how she is treated

because here's the deal man here's the deal I know there's so many pressures on you like crazy internal and external but the reality is this if you lower your standards physically and we're going to talk in a couple weeks about God's standard for sex that sex is for married people not going to be married

not used to be married not want to be married not marrying your heart there's no such thing and if you lower your standard to try to get a with your body, the reality is whatever you catch him with, you're going to have to keep him with. And if you try to catch him with your body, I got some terrible news for you. On the day of your wedding, that's the best you're ever going to be. And you're going to be beautiful, I'm telling you, but you ought to be. You do some kind of liquid fast and spray tan and add somebody's hair to your head and get some big old stag-looking eyelashes. And, you know, I mean, bro, you've got

a pit crew helping to get ready just, gang, gang, and getting it all for eight hours. So you can get poured into some little dress you can't breathe in and walk through. But I'm telling you, man, when here comes a bride, here you come. Looking awesome. But it's all down here from there, mama. I mean, first of all, you ain't got eight hours a day to get ready. And you got to eat. And, you know, you got to give that hair back, all that stuff.

You got a lot going on. And then time and gravity, ain't your friend. The time and gravity is not your friend. Listen, man, if you're in your 20s, God bless you. And your flexibility and you can stay up all night. God bless you in your ministry. It's going downhill. And again, I've told you before, if you've got a little extra pocket change,

you can fight it for a while. You can, man. And you can nip it and tuck it and stretch it and paint it and all this stuff. Eventually, you look like the Joker from Batman, but that's all right. It kind of ends not good. because the problem, they'll talk about this in a little while,

if you begin to lower your standards and just try to catch him with this, then guess what? Then you're not catching the kind of guy that is a godly man that pursues your heart first. You see, sex and the physical needs to always be the follow-through.

Because when you get it out of order, man, it can be like pouring lighter fluid on a flame, man, it blows up, and it feels like passion, but it's really just so shallow. And so what she says is, I'm not lowering my, standard to get you. Keeps going. Verse 8. If you do not know, almost beautiful among women,

follow the tracks of the flocks and pasture your young goats beside the shepherd's tents. I could pair you, my love to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels. We will make for you ornaments of gold, studied with silver. And while the king was on his couch, my gnaird gave forth Hicks Fragris. This is her like dreaming about him. Look at verse 13. My beloved is to me a sashay of my mir that lies between my breast. Verse 14, my beloved is to me a cluster of hennel blossoms. A hennel blossom is this little pretty flower that blooms out in the desert. My beloved is to me a cluster of hennel blossoms in the vineyards of Ingetty. Now last week I told you what Ingetty was. When David was on the run from King Saul,

out in the desert close to the Dead Sea, if you ever go to Israel with me, I'll take you there. and there's this beautiful oasis with waterfalls and little deer running around and caves and all this lush greenery. And what she is saying is when I'm with you, it's like being on vacation. Like this world is all desert and gross and tough, but being with you isn't in Getty. It is peaceful. Now listen, husbands, last week I told you, or two weeks ago I told you, what are you doing to provide Ingeti for your wife? And now we're going to talk about what does she need to do to provide ingeti for you. But if you didn't do your part two weeks ago, don't be talking about ingeady.

Don't be coming home. Be like, how about some Engetti? She's going to say, ingeady off me because you didn't do your part. You understand? Now, wives, how are you providing ingeti for your husband? How are you providing Engetti? He is not as complicated as you think. You know what one of the primary answers is, okay?

Are you an oasis? Like, just let's make it very complicated. very, very simple, okay? How do you greet him? Did you know multiple times a day you get to greet your husband? How does that go? Like when he walks in the house or when he wakes up or whenever it is that you say hi to each other, is he greeted with like a you should have like drip, drip, drip and a list of things he needs to do or is he greeted with peace and respect and love? Are you an Ingeti and how are you providing it for him. You see, some of the calls I'll get some time, some good old Christian girl, fresh out of a Bethmore Bible study, is like, Pastor, I need you to call my husband.

Okay, what's going on? Well, he works too much, and I heard you say that he's supposed to love me like, Christ love the church, and value me, and he don't value me. He's at work all the time. And I'm like, all right, well, did you tell him? He's like, yep, I told him. I've called him six times, and I've texted him twice, and I put it on his Facebook, and I did Twitter, and I bought one of those airplanes with a Ted come on from work thing and I'm flying it by his office. I'm like, all right, drip, drip, drip, drip, it ain't going to work. Here's the reality, okay? Every man was created to lead by God's design.

And every man will lead something and what he will lead is where he feels competent to lead. A big part of your job is to create an environment in your home in such a way where he feels competent to lead there. because at work, guess what they do at work? They make him feel competent to lead. They give him a title, assistant to the general manager. They give him a name tag. They do reviews when, and they say, here's what you did good, and here's what you need to work on,

and they give him a paycheck. We want you to come back next week, and we're going to keep giving you paychecks. And sometimes your husband at work, he says, we're going to do this. And the whole room is like, yes, sir. And they do what he says. It's unbelievable.

And then what begins to happen is, then all you do with every text and every nag is what you do is say, I want you to leave that environment where you have been made, where you feel so competent to lead, and then I want you to come into this environment where I have already pre-told you that you are incompetent. Why are you late? Now, again, I'm not giving him an out, okay?

Every husband, quit listening to this. You go back to two weeks, love your wife, like Christ, love the church, and you value her above everything in your life, others than Jesus Christ, but this is what Ingeti is for him. that you greet him with love and respect and you create the kind of environment. I dare you to ask this, wives, I dare you to ask your husband what is in Getty for you. And then you're going to need two answers because the first one's always the same. Verse 15, behold, look what he says to her.

Behold, you are beautiful, my love. Behold, you are beautiful. All right. That a godly woman is hot. Let me talk about this for just a second. When I first taught this, I was teaching it to men, so I had to dumb it down and said, all right, boys, here's what you're looking for. You're looking for holy, you're looking for humble, you're looking for hardworking, and you're looking for hot.

Now, I just wanted it to start with the same letters because they're big, dumb animals, and they can't remember much, okay? Here's all I mean. Attraction is important. Attraction is important, but not just physical attraction. The Bible says like a gold ring and a pig snout is a woman without discretion. Like if you see some beautiful woman in Hollywood or something, and she's just not godly at all, you look at that and you go, what a waste.

What a waste. Because that's like taking a 24-carat ring and putting in the snout of a pig. Can't even appreciate it. But men are visual, and so wives, all I would say is make an effort. That's all I'm going to say about that. It get awkward for all of us. But look what it says. It says, your eyes are doves.

Your eyes are doves. that she is peace, that a godly woman is peace. Now, husbands, let's talk about this, okay? Your wife is your standard of beauty, period, end dot. Your wife is your standard of beauty. So that means, if I'm like, so what kind of girl's you into? Well, it depends on who your wife is. That's what you're into tall girls.

If she's short, you like short. If she's thin, you like thin. If she's formally thin, you like formally thin. Whatever. Okay, she got curly hair, you like curly hair. The next day she straightens it, you like straight hair. If the humidity hits it and it finds itself kind of in the middle, then that's what you're into that day.

Do you understand what I'm saying? Your wife is your standard of beauty. And look at what she's saying, man. She said at the beginning, don't look at me, I got a farmer's tan. And he's like, you got some barbecue stain on your white t-shirt. That's what he's doing. He's like, that's what I'm in. Funny enough, that's what I'm into.

I like farmer's tans. Okay? And so, and this all started all the way back. Think about when the very first man and woman got together. God creates Adam, and then Adam is going to name all the animals. And what he's doing is he's looking for someone suitable for him. That's what's happening. And at first, I believe Adam was incredibly creative. He was like, duck bill platypus, hippopotamus, rhinoceros. And by the end, he was like rat, neck, cat, bat, this ain't working. But then God puts him to sleep, takes his rib, creates Eve, and then Adam wakes up and sees his naked wife and says, whoa, man. He begins to sing, literally, he begins to sing in the Hebrew. And when he calls her woman, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.

In Hebrew, that means basically from me or mine. He's like Labrador, Billy Goat, White-tail Buck, and then he sees this woman, he's like, mine, mine. Shotgun. He calls shotgun on Eve. Do you understand? Now, do you know what God did not do? God did not run like the bachelor.

God didn't say, all right, I've created like seven different women here from all different sort of colors and sizes and shit. No, no, no, no, no. And you're going to take them around the garden and lie to them about, no, I love you. And then we're going to do a rose ceremony. And then you're going to pick the one and we're going to send all the rest of hell. That's not what he did.

He said, here she is. Here she is. And Adam said, mine. Husbands, your wife is your standard of beauty. He says to her, behold, you are beautiful, my love. You need to tell her this all the time. He repeats it over, over and over and over. And I hope and pray, I hope and pray, fellas,

you have never been dumb enough to critique your wife physically. Okay? I hope you have not. Because we live in this world, man, that is lying to our girls. It says if you're not beautiful, you're not lovable. And even beautiful, man, how about that? this. The girls in the pictures on the front of the magazines can't even live up to their own standard because the pictures aren't even real anymore. Do you realize that? But what you are telling your

girl is this. No, no, no, no. Behold, you are beautiful, my love. Behold, you are beautiful. Your eyes are doves. By the way, fellas, this is why pornography will kill your relationship. Because you start looking at pornography, here's what you're telling your wife. You're not enough. and one girl isn't enough and a real girl is not enough. And what will begin to happen is the intimacy that you want because it is your intimacy that will sustain your relationship.

Not the physicality. And it will drown that out. He says, you are beautiful. And look at her response. Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful. Our couch is green. The beams of our house are cedar.

Our rafters are pine. A godly woman, consistent. encourages him. She doesn't compare their house to everybody else's house. A godly woman is grateful, is grateful. Ladies, if you are blessed enough to have a man that is stepping up to his mantle of leadership to provide and protect for you, what she is doing is she saying, I love our house, that a godly woman is content. And I'm telling you, I've told you the 50 times now, but the best thing Gretchen's ever told me is not I love you or not great sermon. The best thing she's ever told me is this, thank you for my

life. Years ago, years ago, when I was thinking and praying through, when I realized my time at beach was over and I was deciding what to do next, do I plant a church here in Jacksonville, or do I just move somewhere to some church, you know, because I was getting offers and stuff. I go to her and I'm like, baby, what do you think we should do? What do you think we should do? It'd be a lot easier if I just took a job somewhere else. What do you think we should do? Should we stay here or should we move? Where are you going to go? And she quoted Ruth, standing in my kitchen. She just said, I'm going to live with you. She said, where you go, I go. Your people are my people, your God, my God. Where you're buried, there I will be buried also. And the Lord do so to me and more also,

if anything but death parts you and me. You see, that is gratitude. Thank you for my life. A godly woman is not entitled that she chooses gratitude. Chapter 2, verse 1, she says, I am a rose of sharing a lily of the valleys. A godly woman is confident, is confident in who Christ has called her to be. Now listen, your man can supplement that, but he can never give you that. And ladies, I just need you to know this. according to the scriptures

you are valuable and you should be treated as valuable you are valuable and you should be treated as valuable and listen and I get it man I get it I get it I live with a woman who

you look at her and you think she's got it all together how could she ever struggle with insured or anything because she's super good looking and she's very talented she's got a husband loves her and healthy kids and all of this kind of thing and every woman I know struggles with insecurity

and I don't mean just a little bit. And it's because you're just under this barrage of lies of the enemy. And what you need to do, Romans chapter 12 says, do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. And you've got to identify where the world is lying to you, and you've got to take off the old and put on the new. And the new is the good news of the Word of God.

Every single one of you should write down Psalm 139-14 in the bathroom, on a mirror where you're going to see it all the time. And regardless of what you feel like when you're getting ready in the morning, because I get it, man, sometimes you don't like what's looking back at you, but if you could just see yourself the way the Lord sees you, then it would change the way you feel about you.

And Psalm 139 says, God, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My 11-year-old daughter's over here. I pray that over her every single night when I tuck her in. because again, we live in a world that wants to treat her like a commodity that says you've got to look like this.

If you're not beautiful, you're not lovable. And I want her to know that she is a wonderful work of God and that she would know that full well. And it's going to be tough. Listen, man, we're sitting around the table the other night and this week, and we do this little game at my house to try to get us all talking called lo-high, what's the worst part of your day, what's the best part of your day, right?

That's what we do. So we get to Reagan. and she goes worst part of my day, this boy called me ugly. Right. I'm like, what's his name? Huh? What's his daddy's name? Not because I'm going to do something to an 11-year-old boy,

but I sure would roll up on dad and be like, hey, man, what's this little punky raising doing? We've got to tighten this up, okay? And I'm starting to get all fired up, and I'm asking a bunch of questions, and I was like, well, did it make you sad? She's like, I'm not ugly. He's ugly. I'm like, you dang right.

You're fearfully and wonder if it made, girl. Know that full well, that little dumb, ugly boys. That's right. that you are valuable. This is true for men and women, too, but I need you to know this how valuable you are. Do you know how you determine something's value? That's what somebody's willing to pay for it.

This is the gospel according to eBay. I don't care what you think something's worth. You put it on eBay? That's what it's worth. God looks at you, in 1 Corinthians 6th says this. You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.

That God valued you so much. You know what the price. he paid for you, the blood of his only begotten son. That's what you're worth, and that's how you should be treated. She says, that's where she finds her confidence. That again, there's some things about her physically she's not super stoked about, and yet at the core of who she is, she says, I am a rose of sharing the lily of the valleys. Verse two is a lily among Brandebles, so is my love among the young women. As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men with great delight I sat in his shadow and his fruit was sweet to my

taste. This is not begrudging submission. This is not, well, pastor says, you're the leader. That's not what this is. A godly woman is devoted to her husband and she delights to sit in his shade. Again, I talked about this a couple weeks ago. You don't need, because a lot of good godly women will just try to be committed to the marriage. You don't want to be committed to an institution. It's not good. You want to delight in him. Do you see the difference? You don't want to just be committed to the marriage

because you can get another marriage. But there's only one him. And she delights to sit in his shade. And I'm telling you, ladies, when you delight in your man, what begins to happen is God begins to use you as a sanctifying agent in his life to be more of the man

that God has called him to be. And this is why, this is why critique, constant critique, or nagging, will just tear him down, but encouragement builds him up. I've told you before, man, when he gets anything right, when he gets anything right, don't correct, encourage. He's like a puppy. He will repeat what is rewarded. So when he does, when he takes you out on a date, when he says the right thing, when he says you're beautiful, you just go, Hercules, Hercules, I'm telling you, it just stirs the right things in him. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.

And here, look what she says. Sustain me with raisins. Refresh me with apples, for I am sick, sick with love. We're going to do a whole week on this in a few weeks, that she is responsive to him. She is responsive to him. And his right hand embraces me. I adjure you, old daughters of Jerusalem by the gazelles of the doze of the field that you not stir up or awake in love until it pleases. A godly woman knows that you are willing.

worth waiting for. A godly woman knows that you are worth waiting for. A godly woman does not lower her standards and a godly woman understands that the only way a man gets to touch you is he has to commit his whole life to you. That's what you're worth. Because if you don't do it, if you get this thing out of order, what begins to happen is if you begin to just crank up the physical, then what happens is this guy doesn't know how to take care of your heart and the physical will not sustain you. Could all the married people say, amen? I know before you get married, you have this idea of what you think it's going to be like. Ha ha, ha, that's what I say. Right? Because think about it. If really good-looking people that had great sex, if that's what it meant to have the best marriages,

then where would we look as the shining example? Hollywood, which is a dumpster fire of relationships. Is it not? The most beautiful people in the world, no matter how hot the actress is, She has been looked at multiple times, and some dude who's also good looking went, eh, I think I'm done with that. You don't ever want that in your marriage. And so what they do is they pursue each other patiently, and the Bible says love is patient. So ladies, a guy cannot simultaneously be impatient with you and love you. That is impossible.

And you get to determine how you're treated. Now they're going to go on a date next week. We're going to talk about dating. So bring a date to church next week. says the voice of my beloved, behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle

or a young stud, stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. He's not a peeping time. He's just waiting, like, for all of humankind. It took you a minute to get ready. But this where is it? Gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice,

my beloved speaks and says to me, arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away. For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth. earth, the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs. The vines are in blossom. They give for fragrance. Arise my love, my beautiful one, and come away with me. Oh, my dove, the clefts of the rock and the crannies of

the cliff. Let me see your face. Let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely. A godly woman is to be handled with care. A godly woman is to be handled with care. And ladies, you deserve to be treated this way. If you're going out of the way, you're going out of with a guy and he treats his golf clubs better than you. It's fourth and long. It is time to punt. And what I mean is if he's got a special place for them and he cleans them and he only uses them for what their intended purpose is and yet he misuses you and abuses you, then he ain't for you. You are too valuable for him. Verse 15, catch the foxes for us, the little foxes, the spoil, the vineyards for our vineyards are in blossom. We are going to spend a whole week on how to fight

because they're going to go through a conflict. And listen, if you're dating and you get into conflict, that's a good thing, man. Because what they're saying is there's some issues that have come up in our dating. Anybody ever notice you start going out with somebody, and there's some issues that come up? And what they say, it's not me versus you. It's let us get the issues out of here. Let us catch the foxes. A godly woman knows how to engage in healthy conflict.

An immature woman will do one of two things. One that you'll either manipulate with emotion, you'll just explode into crazy, you know? And guys, as much as you think it makes sense, like if your wife's getting a little crazy, if you just go, hey, hey, hey, I think you're overreacting. You would think they'd say, thank you so much for pointing that out.

It's not how it goes, okay? Or the other extreme is just abandonment. It's just shut down, walk away. See, a good conflict, we're going to spend some time on this in a few weeks. A good conflict is like a friendly tennis match. You just kind of lightly hit the ball over and then you know, okay, I hear that. Let me just, what about this? And, you know, you deal with the issue.

An unhealthy conflict is one person says, hey, I want to talk about something. And the other one runs to net and hit you in the face with the racket. You won't do that very long. Or maybe worse, you kind of start getting into it. And one of them is like, no, I'm not playing this. Let's not get either, okay? What they understand, a godly woman is mature enough to be able to engage in healthy conflict. Okay. Ladies, the Bible is clear. If you're married, Jesus is the head of the church, the husband's the head of the wife in his home, but there's no doubt in my mind, ladies, that you are the backbone of both. And it is tough. This world is assaulting you. Assaulting you. And I want the Church of 1122 to be the kind of place where you are honored as the daughter of the king that you are.

And so the point is this, it's from Proverbs chapter 31, the Bible says this, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. Don't build your life on how charming you are and don't build your life on your beauty because it is temporary. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Husbands, your wife is worthy of you to be, for you to praise her. So one of the things, husband, that you could do if you're married to a godly woman is before you go to bed, why don't you send her a little text? Why don't you write her a little note? Maybe at the end of the service, why don't you bring her to the altar

and pray a prayer of praise over your woman? And women of 1122, don't you set your identity on charm or beauty, but on reverts, on fear, on knowledge of the Lord. You are not a commodity. You were not to be used up and taken advantage of and cast away. And you were also not to be a man.

You are to be a woman that God created, you to be an image bearer of God just the way that he made you. And the crazy thing is, many of you, the deepest scars and the deepest pains in your life come because some man did not treat you the way he was supposed to, whether it was a dad or a husband. But there is a perfect man who has loved you perfectly. And he shed his blood for you. and he did not do that just so that one day when you're done

you could go to heaven and be with him that he could love you perfectly he also did that in this very moment and gave you his righteousness and he has a purpose and a plan for your life a call on your life and his divine power has given you everything you need to accomplish everything that you have been called to accomplish and it is a great high calling that you have been created in the image of God as a woman and I want to just pray for you And as long as I am lead pastor, I want this place, the Church of 1122 at all of our locations,

I want to create the kind of environments around here where a woman who fears the Lord is worthy to be praised. That we would treat all of our sisters in Christ, whether there are daughters or our wives, our co-workers or our friends, all of our sisters in Christ would be honored and valued because you are valuable and you should be treated as valuable. So if you would join me by bowing your head, I wrote some words down that I want to pray over us and then we'll respond. Would you bow your heads? Women of the Church of 1122, you will no longer be defined by what this world says you are to be. May you walk at a humble confidence that comes only by finding your identity in Christ. You are valuable. Therefore, you should be treated as valuable. You are precious. Therefore, you should be honored. you are worth waiting for and you are worth pursuing.

And in this world, the only thing you need to be concerned about is being the woman that God created you to be. And that's exactly what we all need you to be. Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, God, I pray for the women of 1122, God, the little girls in our kids' ministry all the way up to the great grandmothers and widows and everyone in between. God, we thank you for the role of the women in your movement, in your church, the ones that first identified the resurrected Christ, the ones that first shared the good news of the gospel that he is alive, the ones that have served so faithfully, and God, I pray a hedge of protection around the women of 1122, because our enemy prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking to devour their identity, seeking to

devour good godly relationships. And God, I thank you. I thank you that you have called them, equipped them, anointed them, and appointed them to be exactly who you have created them to be. And Lord, I pray that they would find a confidence in you that is super natural. We pray this in the good, strong name of Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. But everyone please stand. We respond around here. We are going to respond by joining our voices to sing about the goodness of God. We're going to respond by bringing our ties and our offerings as an act of worship, and we are going to respond in prayer. If you're married husbands, this would be a great opportunity for you to lead just by bringing your wife down front, kneeling and praying over her, just praying a prayer of blessing

over her. If you're not married and you're here with some of your friends, girls, this would be a great opportunity for you, because I'm telling you, sometimes you can get together and just tear each other down. This would be a great opportunity for you as a group of friends, a group of godly friends, to come down front and just pray out loud over one another. So as we respond, let us sing, let us bring, let us pray. Let's respond.