The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 3: Anger

Episode Date: May 3, 2020

A Holy God reconciled sinners unto Himself through the blood of His Son. The reconciled are SENT as ambassadors for Christ, offering that same reconciliation. Forgiven people forgive people. What are you waiting for? For more information and resources on this series, visit coe22.com/bestsermonever. For Disciple Group Curriculum please visit coe22.com/disciplegroups

Amen and amen. You may be seated. Hopefully you stood for the reading of God's Word in your home or wherever you are. Welcome to church. If you got your Bibles, we are in Matthew chapter 5. Go there and we are talking about anger. It seems kind of appropriate. I don't know about your house, but all the time spent together, it seems like this might be an appropriate topic for us. Now, I know some people that, you know, they're like, hey, we don't get angry. We're Christians. We just get frustrated. Well, that's just, code word for angry. In fact, what we're trying to do when we say that we're frustrated, it's like this code word to say, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not angry. Frustration is something out there is wrong, and I am just reacting to that wrong, so I am just frustrated. Well, I think the reality is, is that we are just angry. I know this. In my house, during the quarantine, Gretchen I have been playing this game since I'm home all the time now, and I'm not normally home a lot. We've been playing this game called, why do you do it that way? And there are no winners. Okay. So this sermon is really just for people who get angry.

So Jesus is going to have some pretty interesting things to say about it. I learned a lot about anger this week. And one of the things that I continue to learn is there is a lot of sanctification in regards to anger that needs to happen in my heart. Okay? True story. I write all my sermons in the woods. You know that. It's turkey season.

So one of the things that quarantine is really good for is turkey hunting. So I go turkey hunting almost every day. And I got my turkey chair ready. I went to this place. I knew there was a gobbler there. And so I get all set up, and I'm going to work on this sermon. This is a few days ago, maybe a week ago. And hit my chair there to get there before the sun comes up.

It's awesome. I hear God better in the woods. It's cool in the spring because you get to watch the woods wake up. The whippo wheels go first, and then all these different kind of birds. and then a gobbler starts gobbling and you get all excited. So I'm ready to go and I got my decoy out there. You got this little, you know, sexy looking hen out there, at least for the gobbler. And the idea is he sees her and then we'll get to this one next week and he lust after her and then I murder him.

That's kind of, that's the premises. That's what we're going for. Well, as I'm sitting there in my turkey chair, I hadn't opened my Bible yet and started working on the sermon, and I hear something and I turn around and this dude in a truck is driving through my turkey woods. Now where I hunt, you sign in so that they know where you are so people don't mess you up. And he's the guy that works at the place, and he pulls up, and I yell, what are you doing?

I'm screaming at him. What are you doing? I have a gun. I'm not thinking about that, but I'm, what are you doing? And he's like, I'm here to plant a food plot. And I'm like, during turkey season, what are you? And I'm screaming. At the top of my lungs screaming.

And then he realized he screwed up, so he kind of toned it down. He was like, aha, that's on me. That's my bad. And I was like, yeah, it's on you. it is your bad. And then he drives off and I went and I sat down frustrated with him. And then I opened my Bible and said, what am I talking about this week?

Anger. All right, I got issues. So here's what Jesus says. If you'll remember last week, the way we ended up last week as Jesus says this, for I tell you unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. and that is a bit of a setup because five or six times he is going to elevate the law to an impossible level.

So five or six times he's going to say, you have heard that it was said, but I say to you. And so right after Jesus says that our righteousness must exceed that of the professional righteous people, now he's going to elevate the law beyond what we do and he's going to put it in our heart. hearts to say your motivations even matter. And so he says, look, he goes straight for the jugular on the very first one. You have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not murder. That's the sixth commandment. And by the way, God was elevating our morality when he gives out the ten commandments. When God gives eye for eye and tooth for tooth, this is an elevation of morality because what God was saying is if you take a lot of the truth, if you take

a life it will cost you your life. And the reason that he would do this, the reason eye for eye, tooth for tooth, was an elevation of morality during that time is because up until that time it was, if you offend me, I do whatever I want to back to you. And God is going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

There is a sense of justice that if they only get your eye, you can only get their eye. And so, he says, you've heard that it said, this is the Sixth Commandment, you shall not murder, and whoever murders will be liable to judgment. but I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. So when you heard this, you think, I'm telling you, if we were there in the first century, sitting on the mountain of beatitudes with the birds flying around and the flowers blooming,

and he says, you've heard, don't murder. And most of us are like, all right, sweet, I'm good on that one. Now there's some of us at 1122 that are, you know, over that one, but whatever, okay? But then he elevates it to every single one of us are guilty. But I say to you, whoever is angry, you would go, what? Whoever's angry? Jesus, that's impossible. And let's talk about anger.

There is a thing called righteous anger, all right? There is. And we know that it's okay to be angry. We're going to study Ephesians 4 in just a second where we commanded be angry, but don't sin. So there is a way to be angry and not sin. and not sin, and Jesus was angry, and he never sinned. In fact, there's an episode where Jesus walks into the temple, and he sees some powerful men in the name of his father,

in the name of religion, taking advantage of poor people that needed to buy sacrifices, and Jesus got angry. He got so angry that the Bible says that he went and made a whip, and then came in and turned over the tables and whipped those. jokers out of the temple. I mean, that's angry. He goes in, he sees it that in the name of God, religious people, religious leaders, people like in my position, are taking advantage of the disadvantage, and then the brother goes and makes a whip. And in my mind, I can just see the disciples going, Jesus, what you doing? He's over there making a whip. I'm about to show you what I'm

doing, and then comes in and flips over tables and whips people. Now, I am not telling you that you should go and whip people and flip over tables, okay? And the reason is because we don't have the clarity or the control or the character of Jesus to be able to do this kind of thing. But there is the kind of, like anger can be very motivating that someone sees injustice. It angers you because image bearers of God are being taken advantage of, and it can motivate you to take action and do a very good thing. But most of the time, that is not the kind of anger that we have.

Like in your home and at work and with your kids. You see, a very smart friend of mine named Rebecca Maxwell told me this. Feelings are a good indicator that something's not right. Feelings are good at alerting us. They're just not good for decision making. So when we get angry, it is a good indicator that something's not. wrong. Either something in here is wrong or something out there is wrong. It's a good indicator. It's just not a good decision maker. Ephesians chapter 4, Paul says this. Paul says,

be angry. Verse 26. He says, be angry. It's like a command. Not like if you happen to get angry. So there are some things to get angry about. He says, be angry and do not sin. Don't let the son, go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil. The one translation says, don't give the devil a foothold. In other words, there is a way to be angry and not sin. Now here's the difference between being angry and sin and being angry and not sinning. When we get angry, we have an opportunity to react or to respond in love. when we react in anger it's sin because when we react it's simply this you have acted a certain way against me

and then I react the way you acted towards me back to you I've told you I've told you this before but every time I talk about this is what it makes me think of Gretchen and I were driving down the road one time and we were in some some serious debate we were just mad at each other fussing it she's looking out in the window and I'm like what's wrong she's like no I'm like, why you lie to me? You're just looking out of the window? What's interesting out of the window? You know, just took, do, do,

and then finally she said something to me, and I said something to her, and I just married. I got so mad, so mad. And I just growled, and I said, I can't treat this. And I hit my steering wheel, which is a total sin. Totally. First of all, men, me, I'm first to confess, you should never display that kind of aggression around your girl.

Ever, it's never okay. And so in order for the Lord to teach me, it's not okay. when I hit my steering wheel, the horn got stuck on. Just, which is Hebrew for murder. That's what I had just done. In that moment, I'm a murderer, okay? And then as we're driving down the road, and I feel like it was getting louder and louder and louder. And as it kept going, I got more and more angry, and then what did she do?

She just laughed, laughed, and laughed. And then we pull off of JTB, and to make it worse, I pull up behind somebody. somebody stopped at the stop sign and then I pull up behind them just n eh and they're looking at me like hey what and then I murdered them because I was mad at them and the whole way home man everybody I would get in that you know they think I'm honging at them so eventually we giggled and laughed by the time we got home and the sun did not set on our anger but it was simply because I was it was funny okay but see all I was doing was reacting and he says be angry don't sin and don't let the sun go down on your anger. Now some people interpret

to that to like, don't go to bed mad. That's not what that means. Okay? Unless you go to bed at 5.30, right? But all they're saying is keep short accounts. Keep very short accounts. Because if you don't keep short accounts, if you don't address this quickly, then what happens is we give a foothold to the devil.

That's the NIV version. I like that version. Because what happens is unresolved anger turns into bitterness. Here's what a foothold is. Anybody got a younger brother, younger sister? Remember he used to beat him up all the time? Okay. I got a younger brother.

He goes to our church. He's a deacon at our church. He works for the sheriff's department. I couldn't do this anymore. He would shoot me or tase me or whatever. But back in the day, I'm four years older than him, which was like the perfect age. So no matter how, by the time he got tough enough to beat me up, I was in college. So that was good.

But when I would terrorize him or he would come by like smack me or something, and he would run to the safety of his room, and I would go running behind him. And if he could shut the door. door and get it locked, I could not go in to continue the terror. However, if I could just, boom, get that one toe. You know what I'm talking about? When they try to slam the door and you can just get, it doesn't matter how itsy bitsy little bit of your foot, you can get in the door to keep it from closing all the way. If I could just get a foot hold, eventually I'm in his room. That's it, man. You can't get that door shut if I've got a foothold. It's a similar thing to this. If the enemy,

husbands and wives, if you guys get stirred up at each other and you fuss and fight and you just, and you don't forgive and you let the sun go down on it, it's a foothold of the enemy and then he begins to weasel his way in here and unresolved anger doesn't take very long to become bitterness. And let me tell you what bitterness does to the human heart. bitterness will make you an expert in all of their wrongdoings. All of a sudden, you become judge and jury. All of a sudden, you become the umpire while they're at the plate, and you're calling all strikes. All of a sudden, you, in your little imaginary conversations, you ever have your imaginary conversations? Aren't you brilliant in your imaginary conversations? and what you begin to do is just run them through your head and you always and I never and you ought to and if you only knew

and every little thing your spouse does or the person that you're angry with does your brother your your boss then you become an expert at their wrongdoings first christians 13 paul says love keeps no record of wrong bitterness makes us an expert record record keeper of the wrongdoing of the person that we're angry at. And the list gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And it is almost impossible to simultaneously, constantly critique and love somebody. Because those who we constantly critique, we don't like them very much, we don't honor them very much.

And that gets into a bitter place in your heart. And you simply become the umpire. of all the wrong things that they do. So Paul says, be angry and don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger and give no foothold to the devil. You see, here's the crazy thing about anger. Anger is a dominant emotion,

but it's a secondary emotion. In other words, when anger enters the room, almost all the other emotions flee. And what I've learned from counselors is that oftentimes what's happening when we respond or react with anger, it's like a defense mechanism. It's tough. It's a shield. I don't want you to get through it.

And most often what's going on is there's a much softer emotion behind this anger that we throw up. You see, the real question when we get angry is to ask this, why? Why am I angry? Like what's actually going on in me that I would be angry? There can be a lot of reasons for anger. Some of them are great. It could be injustice. You see injustice.

It makes you angry. Some of it could be you've withheld forgiveness for a long time and the anger builds and builds and builds. Sometimes it's because you continually get walked over. You continually get abused, misused, devalued, and anger stirs up. James chapter 4 verse 1 and 2 answers this question about the root of anger. So if you got your Bible, slip over to James chapter 4, and James asked this question, what causes quarrels and fights among you? What causes quarrels and fights among you?

Now, you've heard me talk about this before, but if I were to ask you this question, Hey, think about the last fight you were in. Describe for me your last fight and tell me what is it. What is it that causes fights and quarrels among us? I can tell you what every single one of us are prone to do is first of all we would probably say, actually it's not what causes fights and corals, it's who causes fights and quarrels. And if I were to ask you to describe the last two fights, three fights, four fights that you have had, you would probably start with, well, let me just tell you, okay, it's my boss.

Okay, my boss. I mean, he wants to do a Zoom call every 30 minutes. Can you give me a break? We never used to meet before, and now I think I'm all zoomed out, and I'm sick of it, okay? Or it's my kids. Oh, my goodness. I think I need to write a note to all of my kids' teachers and saying, you people are wonderful because I don't know how you teach these little heathens because they don't do anything I say.

If my kids would listen, look, if I acted that way to my mama, my mama would have, and you would say it's then. Or it's my spouse. Does she know how lucky she is to have a man like me? I mean, I provide and I put a roof over our head and food on our table, which, by the way, husbands, that's a really low standard. Like possums do that for their babies. But anyway. But that's typically what we would do. It's my ex.

That's the problem. Here's what he said about me. He promised till death was part, and he didn't keep his promise. That's what every single one of us would have a tendency to do. What causes fights and quarrels among us, James? I'll tell you what causes fights and quarrels. Whirls is what they did to me. Now, here's the cool thing about the book of James.

Is that James, James is like one of the most direct Bible writers that we have. And I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that James grew up with Jesus. James was the brother of Jesus. And I think he was tired of all the stories about butterflies and birds and stuff. And so when James wrote his book, he's like, I ask a question, I answer a question. Because Jesus sometimes had asked a question and tell a story and ask another question. James is like, I'm over it, okay? What causes fights and quarrels among you?

And then he answers it. He says, is it not this that your passions or are at war within you? To which you're like, hold on, James. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I feel like you're putting this on me. And James would say, yeah, that's exactly right. Do you know what the common denominator in every fight you've ever had is? You were in it.

That's it. You were in it. James says, what causes fights and quarrels among you? It's you. I'm going to say something that's going to ruin you. Ready? Did you know that she can't make you mad? He can't make you mad?

That no one can make you mad. Only thing that can come out of you is what is in you. And I've told you this a thousand times before. If I take this water bottle and I take the lid off I shake it up, what comes out? What comes out? Water. See, your staff, so you know this. Normally when we're all gathered here, somebody's like, I don't, Jesus? No, it's not Jesus. It's water. The only thing that can come out of here is what is in here. And so traffic cannot make you mad. Traffic can't

stir you up and get some of what is in here to come out of here. And your wife can't make you mad and your husband can't make you mad. What's really going on here is this. You have some passions that are at war within you. And then he goes on to say, you desire and do not have, so you murder. In other words, plain speak, what causes fights and quarrels among you?

Why do you get angry? James says, here's why you get angry. Because you want something, and you don't get it. Now, when you say it that simply, you feel like it applies to your children or to your niece or nephew, but not to us. We're grown, sophisticated adults.

Because we're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But here's what I want. Listen, man, I just wanted to be treated fairly. Okay, we'll say it that way. You wanted to be treated fairly, and you don't feel like you were treated fairly. But you know what? You wanted something, and you didn't get it. Or you wanted what was right.

Okay, we'll say it that way, since we're so sophisticated. Whatever the deal is, whatever justification you're adding to it, it simply comes down to this. The reason we get angry is because we wanted something and we didn't get it. You see, Jesus, again, nobody can make you mad. If you get shaken up, the only thing that can come out of you is what is in you. And Jesus says, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. which is interesting because then Jesus immediately goes to whoever insults his brothers will be liable to the counsel and whoever says you fool will be liable to the hell of fire.

I don't know what hell of fire means. It seems like it would be the fire of hell, but he doesn't say that. He says, the hell of fire. It sounds worse to me. In other words, I think Jesus is saying this. Our words matter. Our words matter. Have you found yourself often having to apologize for the words that come out of your mouth?

If that is true, then you probably got some anger issues. And again, what we often say is like, well, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, I'm sorry for what I said, but I didn't mean it. And because I didn't mean it, it should not affect you. Like it didn't count. I was just angry. Or, and again, man, Christians won't say they're angry. We've made up a whole dictionary of words, a thesaurus of other words.

We were like, no, no, no, I was just venting. I was just frustrated. I was just annoyed. I was just anxious. I was just, okay, you call it whatever you want to. I think Jesus would call it angry. And whatever falls out of your mouth comes from your heart. Proverbs 12, 18 says,

careless words stab like a sword. And wise words lead to healing. Jesus immediately goes from anger in your heart to what comes out of your mouth. Because if we have anger in our heart, it is coming out of our mouth. And it does not matter how much you get shaken up. It is no excuse for us to be careless with our words. And have you ever notice that when somebody says something hurtful to us or somebody says something offensive to us, we always judge their actions, but when we are the one that is the offender, then we want to judge our own motives.

Well, whoa, whoa, babe. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I meant. No, no, no, listen, I was just frustrated with the kids. These dumb kids we have, I mean, they drive us all crazy, don't they? You know, we try to, with some more careless words, we try to get out of it. You see, words matter. Now, there's a few different ways that we can be angry with our words.

some of us are just aggressive. I mean, you just say it straight up. Like, you idiot. There's no question. Wonder what he's thinking, okay? Get that trash out of here, all right? That kind of stuff. Now, Jesus addresses this.

He's like, anybody that calls their brother Raqa, that is translated, you fool here. It literally means empty-headed. Like, if you just call somebody something, you see, the Bible talks about the Bible says that in the tongue, like with our words, lies the power of life and death, to which a lot of us are like, well, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, I was just saying.

If you ever find yourself saying, I was just saying, you probably shouldn't have to say it. And we'll try to excuse the words that come out of our mouth. I'm telling you, every single one of us, every single one of us, no matter where you are or who you're with, every single one of us, can go back to a place in our lives when somebody, usually somebody we loved and somebody in authority in our lives, when they were careless with their words and they said something toward us and it was like a stabbing with a sword. Listen, if I came out and stabbed you with a sword right now, whether I meant to or not, guess what, it would hurt. And you would remember it.

You would remember this day forever. You would remember where you were. You would remember what I was wearing. You would remember when the ambulance and the police showed up. We would be in the news together. And after I stabbed you, if I immediately was like, oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I did not mean to stab you in the stomach with my sword. You wouldn't be like, okay, no problem.

No, no, no. There would be a wounding. And it happens in a moment. And no matter how big and successful and tough and strong you are, every single one of us can go back to some moment where a coach or a teacher or a pastor or a spouse or a mom or a dad. said something and with their words they wounded you and it feels like a part of you died. Well the Bible says that in the mouth lies the power of life and death.

So are you angry? Does it come out of your mouth? Because you realize, especially dads, husbands, you realize your family will live up to the blessings that you bless them with or live down to the curses that you curse them with by and large? A part of this is what it means to be created as an image bearer of God. You see, God got this whole thing started with his mouth. He spoke and stuff happened. And now we, as Jesus followers and we as image bearers of God, we speak into existence things that were not into existence before we spoke to.

Words matter. So, you know, some folks are aggressive with your words. Some people are passive. I mean, just pure passive. Like when you get angry, you don't. lash out, you're like a turtle. You're like, no, I'm just coming on in here by myself. And really, it is an act of aggression. It really is an act of anger. What you're saying is, I'm going to punish you by keeping all that is awesome, me from you. Have fun with that. So there's aggressive,

there's passive, and then my favorite, the passive aggressive. By your nervous laughter, I can tell some of you know what I'm talking about. this is when you really you ever get that backhanded compliment I mean maybe in quarantine you say something like you know what I know you're doing the best that you can do considered the way you were raised what

like I can tell you straight up when I was youth pastor at Beach I'll never forget it I preached my first or second sermon and we had traditional service there and then we had contemporary service and then we ended up with 1122. And I was at the traditional service. And I'm preaching, doing the best I can do.

And this guy, this older gentleman, sitting like front and center, man, second row. Look like he had been weaned on a pickle. He didn't like he just was. And, you know, sometimes I goof around a little bit. A couple people would chuckle. And he did not chuckle. He didn't uncross his arms. It wasn't, you know.

And then somehow in that tradition at the traditional service, you got to shake everybody's hand. You got to go out to the front and shake everybody's hand, which I love every. but I'm not super into. All I can think is who's giving me the flu. You know what I'm saying right now. That's all I can think about. I mean, I rub my skin off of the antibacterial. And anyway, and then he gets in line to come shake my hand, and I'm thinking, okay, maybe he was into it.

And then he came up and he said, that was pretty good for just a youth guy. And I thought, huh, so here's what I've decided to do. When somebody gives me like that passive, aggressive, that, you know, you don't sweat much for a fat guy. What I do is I just grab on to the compliment with way more energy than I think they intended. That's just what I do. So I lean right back in him. I go, that was pretty good. I think that was one of my best.

I feel like if the spirit has ever spoken through me, just that you've got, that it was in that moment. Thank you for that blessing, and I know you were touched. The reason I do that is because I know at night he's at home going, I don't think he understood what I was saying. Okay. Words matter. Those aggressive words, name calling, is no place for it. The passive words where you just go play by yourself, be careful. The passive aggressive.

And here's what I mean. Man, anger can come out with things like sarcasm, jokes. Here's my tool of choice. Here's where I fail over and over and over. saying something insensitive followed up immediately with defense on my part I do it all the time

I say something careless with my words say something that's hurtful and then pile on to the hurt by telling you how you're not feeling right I can do it in my marriage just be joking around Gretchen's offended and then I'm offended

that she's offended and so I start telling her how to feel no no no no no Not only did I offend you with that, but now let me offend you some more because you're not even smart enough to figure out what I actually intended. So just would you get out your notes. Let me preach this sermon. It doesn't go well. Let me tell you how else this plays out in our church. We're a movement for all people to discover a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ.

And I can say something that a minority group hears and is offended and they, in love, do what the Bible says and come and talk to me and say, hey, pastor, when you said this, and then I immediately, my knee-jerk response is to tell them why they shouldn't feel that way because that is not what I intended. One time, Gretchen helped me understand this. She said, baby, listen, if you backed over my foot with your truck and immediately hopped out and said, I am so sorry, I didn't see you there, I did not mean to. It would do nothing to help a broken foot. Careless words stab like a sword.

and anger is no excuse for them. Let me tell you what's... It goes on and says, wise words lead to healing. Let me tell you some powerful words. Ready? Here's one you want to trial in for size. I am sorry. Like if somebody comes to me and says,

hey, listen, I don't know if you mentored or not, but you said this and this is how I heard it and it was offensive. Here's a great... Here's some more powerful words. Okay, I'm listening. And when you say, I'm sorry, you know what, one of the best ways to follow it up with,

it's just this. No defense. Not to try to explain, because what happens in my mind is I think if I could just get you to understand what I was thinking, then you'll understand and you won't be offended. I've just yet to have it work one time, ever, ever, ever, ever. You see, words matter. So think about your own home. The words that are coming out of your mouth,

or revealing what is in your heart, in your home. Is there life in your home, or are you speaking death in your home? When it comes to anger, there's something that I just can't get out of my head, and it's this. Look, I'm responsible for two little humans that have my last name. One of them has all my names, but how in the world are my kids going to believe that God's not mad at them if I constantly am? the words that come out of my mouth if it's almost only correction and what are you doing and listen to me and put the phone down if that's primarily all they hear and the primary picture that my children are going to have as they develop their understanding of who God is

is going to be how I relate to them and so in your home are you speaking life or death And this is what a big deal this is. Okay, Jesus says, all right, you've heard don't murder. But I'm telling you if you've been angry in your heart, you're already liable to judgment. And you better watch your mouth. Watch your mouth. If insults come out of your mouth, then you are in the danger of the hell of fire. And then he lets us know how important it is.

He says, so. And the reason the so is there is because this is this important. So if you are offering your gift at the office, and there remember that your brother has something against you. So this isn't you're angry. This is somebody's angry at you. This isn't you are offended, but somebody has been offended by you. You are the offender.

Then this is how important it is. Leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother. And then come and offer your gift. In other words, our horizontal relationships impact our vertical relationship. We've been in the Shema for two years. Love the Lord of your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

When Jesus was asked, what's the greatest commandment? He married together two commandments. He married together the Shema, and he married it too, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. Look, parents, you understand this, right? If you're going on vacation, well, if you've got your kids, it's not vacation, it's a trip. If you're going on a trip with your kids, it doesn't matter what the circumstances are like if the kids can't get together.

Is that not true? If you're driving down the road in your car, traffic could be perfect. You could be making great time. Your favorite song could be coming on the radio over and over and over. And your spouse is just next to you just humming because she loves you so much. But if those two in the back cannot get along with one another, you don't care what they have to say about you and to you, amen? You just got one hand on the wheel and one hand in the back seat trying to reconcile these two little heathens.

Would you, our heavenly father looks at his own children and says, hey, listen, before you come and sing me a song about how much I love you and how much you love me, first, first, you get along with your brothers and sisters. First, you hold off on bringing that sacrifice and first go and be reconciled. And you say, well, how do I do that? Paul in 2 Corinthians chapter 5 beginning in 17 says this. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, in other words, if you are a Christian, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come. And all this is from God who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.

That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them. there's the key words. How do you reconcile yourself with somebody else, whether you were the offended or the offender? First and foremost, you don't fix your eyes on the offense and you don't fix your eyes on the offender. You fix your eyes on Jesus Christ and remind yourself of your place with the almighty sovereign king of the universe.

That God, through the blood of Jesus Christ, though we had completely offended him, over and over and over and over through the blood of Jesus Christ on the cross for anyone who would believe that when Christ died on the cross it counted for him, that he did not count our trespasses against us. And in the same way,

if we have been forgiven, then this is the kind of forgiveness that we offer and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation, Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake, he made him to be sin who knew no sin so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. So Jesus says, all right, so when you're at church, whether it's at a building or at your house, before you come and make your offering to God,

you go and you get right with your brothers. If you've got some anger, some bitterness, if you've been offended, or if you have been the offender, then just like Christ, when we, our sin, nailed him to the cross, and he looked at us and said, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. Just as we have been forgiven, then we go and forgive. And then he goes on to say, come to terms quickly, with your accuser while you were going with him to court,

lest your accuser hand you over to the judge and the judge to the guard and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny. Basically what he's saying is this. He's saying you better keep short accounts. Because what starts out is like one little spat, but you don't reconcile, you don't deal with it, you let that anger just begin to build and build and build,

is that it could escalate to a place that you never saw coming. See, in Matthew chapter 18, Jesus gives this clear teaching. I don't have time to read it. I'll just tell you what happens. Peter comes to Jesus and says, how many times should we forgive somebody that sinned against us? And then he offers his own answer. Peter goes, how about seven?

Now, when Peter says this, Peter thinks Peter is awesome. Because the old covenant standard is you don't forgive. The old covenant is eye for eye, tooth for tooth. You offend me? I offend you. Now in the new covenant, Peter is like, all right, how about seven? Seven's the number of completion. And so Peter's thinking the moment he says seven that Jesus is going to be like, Peter, you always have been my favorite

disciple. John wouldn't be offended, but that'd be fine. And then Jesus says, actually, Peter, it's not seven, but it's literally seven and 70 is what it says in Greek. Seven and 70. Seven, the number of completion, times seven the number of completion, times ten, which is also a number of completion. It would be the equivalent in the number of completion. It would be the equivalent in English of saying like a bazillion. Peter, how many times should you forgive somebody that has sinned against you? Well, let me ask you this, Peter. How many times have I forgiven you? And Peter would be like, I want to, oh, a lot. Here's how we know it's not literally 490, because all the husbands in the house would be like, yeah, you know, your wife would come to you at

18 months in. All right, baby, you got three more, and then you're at 490 and I'm not forgiving you anymore. No, no, no, no. And then Jesus says, so here's what you do, Peter. If your brother sins against you, which is key, this is key, the first question to ask is, is it your brother? Like, is the person a Christian or not? If the person does not know Jesus, this is not a conversation of reconciliation between the two of you first. It's first a conversation about reconciling that person to Jesus. It's an evangelism conversation way before it is a, you. a fellowship conversation. If you're a brother,

then the next question to ask is this. He says, if your brother sins against you, is it sin? Is it just your personal preferences were offended? Or is it actually the precepts of God were broken? And don't get those confused.

So if your brother sins against you, step one, go talk to them one-on-one. Talk to them, not about them. Now, I'm just going to be honest, in church. The whole church would be different, all the churches would be different, if we simply did that one thing, if we talk to people instead of about them.

And then he says, for the purpose of reconciliation. Now, if that didn't go good, because sometimes that doesn't go good, then you bring somebody with you. Now, the reason you bring somebody with you is not so that, it's not like, all right, you hold them and I'll hit them. That's not how this thing works. Is that you bring in an objective third party that can help you see your slice of the disagreement pie and be like, actually, here's the part that you need to own. And then he says, if that doesn't go good, then you bring a few more people, like your disciple group or something. Say, hey, we need your help in helping us see things clearly so that we can be reconciled together. And then he says, and if that doesn't go well, then you bring it to the church.

Not to the church website, not to the church meeting, but he means you bring it to the elders, the pastors, the leadership of the church. and the reason is so that with the help of the Holy Spirit and the guidance of God's Word that we can help people, we can help you own your part of the disagreement that you could forgive and that you could reconcile. And then he says if that doesn't go well, then you treat them as an unbeliever. Now there are some churches that say what that means is, is if you don't do right, we're going to kick you out of the church. in all of the rest of the Gospels, how does Jesus treat the unbeliever? He went to the cross and he died for him.

Now, you don't put them in church leadership, but that doesn't mean you kick them out. I think it means you roll out the red carpet and you just understand where their maturity level is. And you're all the way back to Matthew chapter 18 in the beginning, is this person your brother? The first thing they need is the gospel, gospel, gospel, gospel, gospel. Then Jesus tells a story.

He says, and this is to explain forgiveness. He says, all right, there was a man, and he owed his boss millions and millions of dollars. And the boss came to him and said, hey, pay me what you owe me. And the man says, I can't pay you what I owe you. And the boss has mercy on the man and says, I'm going to forgive you of all of your debts. And the amount of money that Jesus mentions would be impossible to make in a lifetime. This would be like billions. He's like, I forgive you your debt.

And then that same man leaves the meeting with his boss, and he bumps into a man that owes him like a couple hundred bucks. And he says to the man that owes him, after he had just been forgiven this huge sum of money, and he looks at the man who owed him just a little bit of money, and he goes, hey, pay me what you owe me, or I'm going to choke you out. And the guy that owes a little bit of money begs, hey, will you please forgive me, have mercy on me and my family. the guy that just been forgiven a ton, looks at the guy, throws him a little bit and says, no way, you're going to jail. And then somebody rats him out to the boss. And the boss brings the man back in and says,

apparently you didn't get it. Sends him to jail. In other words, what he's saying is this, forgiving people, forgive people. In our anger, when we feel like somebody has offended us, how in the world could we be so offended when we have been so offended, when we have been so offensive to a holy, righteous king, and he stepped out of heaven and became sin for us

that we could be credited with his perfect life. In other words, Jesus is saying, forgiving people, forgive people. Or if you ain't given it, maybe because you ain't got it. In page 15 of your journals, we put together there a little anger ledger. because if I were sitting where you were sitting and I wasn't doing the preaching, here's what I would think. Because I would think what I thought when I started writing the sermon, these people better listen to this because y'all got some anger issues.

If right now you're thinking of all the people you could forward this too because they need to listen to this, then you're missing it because I believe every single one of us needs to deal with this at the heart level. And so we put together just a few questions so that you can begin to walk through what does it look like to be reconciled. And so there's a few questions are simply this. Who am I angry with? Now for some of you, that's easy. It's your spouse. It's your dad. It's your boss.

It's your kids. The next question is why? Why am I angry with them? And I want you to go beyond just the James 4-1 answer. You're angry because you're not getting what you want. But what's really going on? Like, what's the softer emotion that you have tried to protect by throwing up the defense of anger.

You see, what's really going on deep down in here? And the next question is, what is keeping me from forgiving as Jesus forgave me? Pride. Sometimes I think the reason that we don't forgive is because the fact that we have been sinned against is our excuse for bad behavior. And if I cancel the debt, then what is my excuse for drinking so much or having such a bad mouth or always walking around so irritated. You see, because as long as I hold on to that unforgiveness, I can always blame my mom. I can always blame my dad. I can always blame my ex.

But if I actually forgive and cancel the debt like Jesus canceled my debt, then what excuse do I have now? So what is it? What is the reason? And then the last question is simply this. So what's the next step? What's the next step? So are you angry? See, some of you are sitting in a room, now with the person that you're angry with. And your next step is this. You need to look at them right now while I'm talking because you're not going to disturb anybody else. You can look at them and say, hey, when this is over,

can we talk? And you need to go first. And you actually need to start with words like this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You need to listen. Or some of you need to pick up the phone and make that phone call and begin the hard work of reconciliation.

Now, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. reconciliation goes beyond forgiveness. We should forgive everybody that has ever sinned against us. We will not be able to be reconciled with everybody who has sinned against us. Because reconciliation begins with forgiveness, but then it requires confession and repentance. And so, who are you angry with? Now, if I were to fill this thing out right now, honestly, there's not a person I'm angry with. And yet somehow I'm angry all the time.

You ever there? Like, as I evaluate the circumstances of my life, I should be the most chill, happiest, go lucky human on the planet. I'm the most blessed human on the planet. I mean, I am. I feel like everything I have is awesome. I've got a beautiful wife. We've been married for 20 years.

I've got these two great kids. I love my neighborhood. God's giving me these awesome friends. I live in Jacksonville. I love this place. Jacksonville was built for me. I feel like it's the greatest city on earth. You don't live in Jacksonville, that's on you, man.

It's the last southern city. You can get sweet tea, and we're at the beach, and you can hunt right here. I mean, it's all here. I love it. And yet, when I look at the who am I angry at, I don't have an answer. And I know I'm talking to a bunch of men right now, a bunch of successful men. A bunch of men with families, and God has blessed you like crazy. And yet it's just like right under the surface.

You have this low-grade agitation, and you don't. don't even know why. And it takes the slightest little thing. Somebody cut you off in traffic, or your wife not treat you like the king you think you are and you think, I mean, it just takes the slightest little thing and you think, what is wrong with me? You see, the only thing I know to tell you, man, is just you've got to lean into the spirit of God and trust that the spirit of God can reveal some stuff in you because probably what's going on in here. is there is an unheeled wound that is deep down in there, and you've had it covered up for so long.

You see, if you get wounded and heal, and somebody bumps into the scar, no problem, and there's a mark there to show that you were wounded and that it healed. But if you've got a wound that is not healed and you just cover it up, and somebody was to bump into that open wound, then you would explode with emotion

when somebody bumped into you. Is that you? Is that you? Are you angry? Is there something lodged deep down in your heart? And every time you get shaken up, the anger comes spewing out. The reality is this, is that Jesus will heal you. Jesus will heal that wound if you'll just come to him and let him.

And I'm talking about Christians. I'm talking about you trusted him for your salvation a long time ago, okay? I'm talking about, have you brought that wound to him? His invitation is this. come to me all you who are weary and heavy burden. Carrying around anger in your heart's a heavy load, didn't it? You weren't meant to carry it. And I wasn't either.

And he says, come on, bring that to me. You yoke up with me because my burden is light and my yoke is easy. And he says, and I will give you rest or peace at the soul level. You see, the point is this. a holy God reconciled sinners unto himself through the blood of his son. The reconciled, those of us that believe in Jesus, the reconciled are sent as ambassadors for Christ offering that same reconciliation. In other words, forgiving people, forgive people. So what are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for? We're going to close our time together by singing this song, an old hymn. Jesus paid it all. And as I read over the words of Jesus paid it all, and I looked what Jesus said about anger and canceling debt and forgiveness, I just simply thought, if we believe that Jesus paid it all, then why in the world are we trying to exact payment from somebody else?

So are you angry? Do you need to lean across the room or pick up the phone? Do you need to say, hey, I'm sorry. I need to ask for your forgiveness. Do you need to pick up the phone and say, Hey, can we talk about something? Because I've got some stuff in here that I haven't shared with you. And every time it gets stirred up, not good things come out of my mouth.

And I want Jesus to do a healing work in my soul. I'm telling you, this year God has been working in this in my life. Because I hope and pray, I hope and pray the words that come out of my mouth. And honestly, the attitude exhibited on my face towards my children, I hope that when they see that, they can believe that they have a good, good father in heaven that loves them and is for them. And I hope and I pray that God will continue to convict me and sanctify me so that when my wife, when Gretchen thinks about our marriage, then at least sometimes she thinks about how Christ love his church. And anger will derail both of those things.

And without knowing it, I'll give the enemy a foothold in my relationship. with my kids and my relationship with my wife. What about you? What about you? Where do you need to confess and repent and forgive? I dare you. I dare you to do it right now before the sun goes down today.

Let me pray for us. Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, Lord, we love you more than anything because you first loved us. Jesus, thank you that on the cross, you said, Father, forgive them. for they know not what they do. And Jesus, on the cross, you said, it is finished.

That Jesus, you paid it all. You paid it all. So, Lord, I pray that just like your word says, that we would put all anger and all bitterness and all rage. We would put those things away. Because in Christ, we are a new creation. The old has gone. The angry me is dead.

and the joyful me is alive because Jesus lives in me. Holy Spirit, I pray that you would reveal some deep, dark things in our souls that we have been running from and hiding from. God, I pray, I pray for just truth-filled conversations with parents and kids, with husbands and wives, with roommates, with friends, with ex-friends, with bosses, employees. And Lord, I pray that we would love one another because we are overwhelmed with your love for us. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. Hey, would you please stand as we close? You see, we do this every week because the gospel demands a response.

We're going to pray, and I'm going to tell you, if you're bold enough to step out in faith and reach out to that person that has something against you, that you are going to need the power of the Spirit of God. And this is what prayer is. Prayer connects us to the power of God. And so we're going to pray. And we're going to bring our tithes and offerings, first and our best to God, who has richly blessed us with his son, Jesus Christ, and because his

son is first and went first, we bring our first back to him. And we're going to sing. We're going to join our voices together and sing. Jesus paid it all. Let's respond.