The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 3: Forgiveness

Episode Date: December 20, 2020

The only way to navigate family strife during this season is to treat people the way Jesus has treated you. Forgiven people forgive people.

Amen and amen. That we do in church. Hope you well. You look great. Merry Christmas. If you got your Bibles, head to Matthew chapter 18. I know that's not a typical Christmas passage, but we'll get there in just a second. This is the third week of a four-week teaching series on how to Christmas, because I want you to have your best Christmas ever.

So week one, we talked about no dumb spending. We're going to spend wisely, not going to go into debt, that kind of stuff. And not only did we celebrate the culmination of the one initiative, but we've been. We've also, since that weekend, you have sponsored 1,600 plus kids with Compassion International. Way to go. And that number keeps growing because of our online audience, and some people are a few weeks behind. And so every week, actually every day, more kids are getting sponsored. So way to go.

And last week we talked about busyness and rest. What would it look like for you to get in rhythm with the way God created you to rest? And not slow down, but one day a week, stop and reconnect with him. And today we're going to talk about forgiveness. You know why we're going to talk about forgiveness? How many people got family coming into town? This is why. And you have a jacked-up family.

You do. You're a family, and I know this. I know this. I've seen your Facebook, and I too have a jack-up family. And this is why we need to talk about forgiveness because you are going to be around family and friends and people that you love dearly, and many of them have wronged you greatly.

It's just true. And any time, you see, let me tell you about your family, your family is crooked and depraved and wretched. They are. And selfish and idolaters and greedy. Shall I go? I was expecting an amen, all right? But maybe they're already here in town with you. So what I want to do, maybe they're not here yet, is to equip you with the ability to forgive

because any time you get sinful people in close proximity and start rubbing up against each other, it creates friction. And where there is friction, there is heat. And if you don't have the oil of forgiveness, then it will cause. not only your engine to break down in your car, but it will cause your family to break down. And if you have a jacked up family, like if you're honest, and again, I know this is a church, no place for honesty, but if you were honest and say, my family has some issues, I've got really good news. You're in great company. Because I searched all through the scriptures this week,

as we were going to talk about, relationships and forgiveness, and I was looking for the perfect family in the Bible by which we could model ourselves after. And I don't know if you know this, but the Bible is a horrible place to look if you were looking for the perfect family. I mean, let me tell you about a couple families here in the Bible. The very first two brothers in the Bible, the first born people, not created but born people, one of them killed the other one.

So if you got a little sibling rivalry going on in your house, I think you'll be okay. By the time you get to Noah, Noah has a drinking problem and exposes himself to his kids. That's weird. Then when you get to Abraham, Father Abraham, you know, like the founder of our faith, Abraham sleeps with his wife's servant, and then he lies about being married to his wife twice to save his own neck.

And then, I don't know if you've got some daddy issues, but Abraham almost killed his son. So, then by the time you get to Jacob, Jacob deceives his dad and steals from his brother. And then when Jacob becomes a father, Jacob has 12 sons, and he tells all of his sons that Joseph is his favorite son. and you know why? Because Joseph comes from his favorite wife. Just jot this down. If you have a favorite wife, it's going to be a rough Christmas for you, okay? All of that's just in the first book of the Bible.

So I don't know what your family expectations are, but you might want to ratchet it down just a bit. And then even when you get to the New Testament, because I know somebody's like, oh, no, but pastor, I have a nativity set at my house. And it's got Mary and Joseph and little baby Jesus and the wise men, even though they weren't there in the original, but whatever.

They're all there on top of your dresser or wherever it is. And that looks like the perfect family. Well, it started off a little rough because Mary gets pregnant and it wasn't from Joseph, and so you can imagine that little define the relationship conversation they had. And then, not only that, when Jesus is 12 years old, his mom and dad leave him in Jerusalem and they don't realize it, and they don't go back to get him for two days. If you leave your kid at Walmart for two days, somebody's going to call the police on you,

You understand what I'm saying? So there are jacked up families everywhere. And in order for us to have the best Christmas ever, we are going to have to learn to forgive one another. In fact, a lot of times when people say the holidays are hard, most often what they are talking about is something that somebody that they love has done to them. So in order for us to Christmas,

the way Jesus would have us Christmas this year, we are going to have to learn how to forgive. And a lot of us don't forgive for a whole bunch of reasons. And we're going to cover all of these reasons. First of all, I don't think we understand the nature of forgiveness. We think forgiveness is a feeling, and as long as those feelings are still there, we don't think that we have forgiven people. I think that we don't truly acknowledge the hurt and the pain and the sin

that has happened to us because we think that forgiveness is a feeling, and so we don't want to deal with the pain that it takes to deal with when sin has been committed against us. a lot of times we withhold forgiveness because ultimately we think if I forgive them then they're going to get away with it and I'm just going to try to make it clear to you that what you're doing that's like eating the rat poison hoping that the rats die never's going to work sometimes people don't forgive because because you don't want to take away the excuse that you have for a bad attitude and a bad behavior and if you actually let them off the hook then you would be on the hook for

your own behavior and then oftentimes people don't forgive because if I forgive then how in the world am I going to leverage this thing they did against me against them for the rest of their life? So the list is long on reasons that we don't forgive. But I want to walk you through what Jesus says about forgiveness. And not only is he going to change our perspective on why we should forgive, he is going to change our perspective on what forgiveness is in Matthew chapter 18. We're going to pick it up in verse 15. And I'm just going to warn you, this is the third time I've done this.

It's going to start out super fun and funny. And you're going to laugh. And by the end, it's going to be soul crushing. okay so just prepare your hearts for that chapter 18 of matthew verse 15 he says this jesus says if your brother sins against you go and tell him his fault between you and him alone that sentence in and of itself is packed full of truth there's there's some conditions here the first thing jesus says is this if your brother sins against you so the first thing that you need to identify is is the person that has sin against me, are they a believer in Christ? Because if they are not a believer in Christ,

then your primary conversation is not about you being reconciled to them. Your primary conversation is about them being reconciled to God through the blood of Jesus Christ. Your primary conversation then is one of evangelism, not fellowship. And one of the things you've got to pay attention to if this person is not your brother in Christ or sister in Christ is, I don't know why we as church people often expect people who, who, are not Jesus followers to act like Jesus Christ is their Lord and Savior. So step one, do you need to have like a reconciliation to Jesus conversation or a reconciliation conversation to you, first and foremost? If your brother, here's part two, if they sin against you, is the thing that they did

against you actually a sin or did it just not meet your personal preference? And just because you are offended does not mean that somebody's sin. Sometimes the reason that you are offended is because you're just sensitive and you're offended that I just said that about you, okay? But it's just true. You walk around, you know, you expect people to like tiptoe around the tulips of your feelings all the time and you get offended about everything. I know you email me all the time, okay? Me not returning your email. It's not a sin. I'm not saying this good business practices, but I've read the whole Bible. It's not. So if you got a complaint, no problem. You could shoot it to me at Jimmy Cracks Corn at I don't care.

and I'll be happy not to read it. Okay, so, and even right now, you're like, how dare you? All right, no problem, okay? Is it a sin? Now, on the other end of that, sometimes things are actually sin, and one of the reason that Christians are horrible at forgiveness is we try to just forget about it. We just try to downplay it. We just say it's not a big deal, but the reality is all sin is a big deal.

All sin is a really big deal. Sin is such a big deal that Jesus Christ, the perfect son of God, had to die on a cross in order to forgive that sin, and that sin includes the sin against you. This is not to be overlooked. To downplay sin is to downplay what Christ did on the cross. For somebody to sin against you and say, don't worry about it, it would be like going to Jesus on the cross and say, hey, you're wasting your time. No one would want to do that. So are there your brother? is it sin and is it against you?

Because church people are notorious for coming on the behalf of others. Jesus says, don't do that, okay? Is this sin against you? So if all of those things are true, then he says something that is revolutionary, if we would do this next thing, regardless of what you believe about the Bible and God and Jesus and all of that, if we would just do this next thing,

it would change all of our relationships. He says, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. In other words, Jesus says, when somebody sins against you, talk to them, not about them. If this happened, you would hear Twitter come to a screeching halt right now. It would be over. Somebody should have amen that, okay? So, this happens all the time, okay? I don't know why you feel like you have to tell me this stuff, what you do.

People come to me. Most often, it's like spouses and that kind of stuff. And they begin to tell me all of the sin that the person has committed against them, and I can't, you know, I listen for many seconds, many seconds. And then typically I reply with this, have you told them this? Have you talked to the person that you're talking to me about? Have you talked to them? And they go, no.

And then essentially, here's what they want to say. They're like, no, no, no, I tell you, you tell God, God gets them, ready, break. And I'm like, well, that's not how it works, okay? That we talk to people, not about people. In fact, Jesus says that reconciliation amongst us. his people is such a big deal. In Matthew chapter 7, Jesus says, if you're at church and you are bringing your gift to the altar,

because you and God are cool, and you look down the row and you think, oh my goodness, what is she doing here? Then you need to lay that gift to God down, go and be reconciled to one another, and then come and bring your gift to God. In other words, God is saying, it's not like me and you can be cool

if you're not cool with my kids. This is how big a deal it is. And so if your brother sins against you, you go and tell him his fault to his face. By the way, you don't text it, you don't tweet it, you don't Facebook post about it, you don't share it as a prayer request in your disciple group. You don't avoid it.

You talk to them. Now, I will give you one caveat, okay, and I don't have time to fully unpack this. I will give you one caveat. If you are in an abusive relationship, you do not go back one-on-one and put yourself in a situation where you could be abused again.

And the reason I say this is, one, is this anybody with a brain would know that. However, Romans 1218 says, if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. And so it has been demonstrated that it's not possible and you have done your part. Now, then we get to Romans chapter 13, the next chapter, Paul is going to say that the police are a gift from God and that God uses the police, all governmental authorities, to punish the wicked. So you still need to forgive. We'll talk through that. But you call the police, you allow them to do their part, and then you do your part.

So if you're in that category, you don't go one-on-one. But outside of that category, for the vast majority of people when they sin against us, we are to go and confront them one-on-one. And then Jesus says, if he listens to you, Sometimes people listen. Sometimes you go and you say, this is how you've sinned against me, and people listen,

you have gained your brother. I can't tell you how many times in my life that I have gone to somebody. By the way, one of the things you need to do is pay attention to your imaginary conversations. Anybody ever have imaginary conversations? All right? All right, good.

Me too. I'm driving around in my truck, and I know somebody's done me wrong, and in my mind this is the way it goes. You're all there in my imaginary conversations too. In my mind, I walk up to them and I say, listen to me, brother, you have sinned against me, and I'm confronting your fault to your face, and they hear me, and you cheer, and they bow down, and they repent, and they beg for forgiveness, and their whole life has changed,

and then an angel, and then a choir of angels joins in and sings, hallelujah. That's how it goes in my mind. And in my mind, I am brilliant. I just need you to know this. I mean, in my imaginary conversations, Dr. Phil has taken notes on how we should treat one another. but it never goes that way in real life. Typically what has happened when I have gone to confront my brother because they have sinned against me, then I come to realize there were actually two parties involved.

This is crazy. And if our conflict was represented in a big pie chart, I begin to understand that there is some slice of the pie that is my responsibility. Now, let's be honest, it's usually less than 1%. However, that part of it is my responsibility. And then what almost always happens is I've got it all in my mind, and then when I get them, they begin to share with me some information that I did not have up to that point. And I find myself often saying these words, oh, well, I didn't know that. You see, we should keep really short accounts that if somebody has sinned against you, you talk to

them, you don't talk about them, and oftentimes God does a reconciling word right there in the moment. verse 16 but if he doesn't listen do you know some people don't listen i know nobody here everybody here listens but there are some people that don't listen but if he doesn't listen take one or two others along with you that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses now let me tell you what this does not mean this does not mean that you recruit some of your friends and then you gang up on somebody and essentially say you hold them and i'll verbally assault them that's not what it's talking about what he's saying is if you can't work this out between you two, you should bring some wise counsel objective third party.

And what the third party, I hope you've got somebody in your life that loves you enough to say hard things to you. I hope you've got some people in your life that can point out your part of the problem. Those are the people that you bring in. You see, because Jesus says, before you try to pull the speck of sawdust out of somebody else's high, you might want to remove the telephone pole from your own face because you can't see good. You need some people in your life that point out where you've got a log in your eye. You see, I have some elders in my life, and they love me so much, they don't care what I think of them.

And I can tell by the evil things they say to me. And by evil, I mean the loving God corrective statements. Like one time when I was sharing all of Gretchen's sins against me, and what a good and gracious husband that I am, 99.9% of the time. And Lars Peterson, one of our elders said to me, Jobie, I don't know if you realize this, but being married to you ain't exactly a walk in the park. Thanks, brother.

What he was doing is he was just doing this. I'm like, what are you doing? He was pulling the telephone pole out of my face so that I could see that wee little bit of salt aspect that might be in her eyes. Do you have somebody in your life? This is what this is. Which, by the way, this is one of the reasons that we implore you to be in a disciple group. Please don't wait until you need one to go looking for one. start now so that you've got some people in your life

that if you get sideways with somebody else you have some people that can step in and help you. Verse 17. And if he refuses to listen to them, like your small group, tell it to the church. Now, let me point this out. It does not say tell it to the church service. There are some churches that interpret this way. that there are some churches that will bring people up on stage to confess their sin to the church.

Can you imagine if that's the way we ended every service? If at the end I say, we respond to the gospel, we sing and we bring and we pray, and now if all the sinners would come on up. Come on, I've seen your Facebook. Get up here, tell everybody what you did. No, man, I don't think that's what it means. I think it means that you tell the church leaders that you, that you, if you have been one-on-one and can't reconcile, and then you've bought some wise counsel in and can't reconcile, and still they will not listen and see their fault,

then you get help from pastors, elders, deacons, ministers here at the church. In fact, that is our primary job here. We serve you. We work for you. And God has given us the ministry of reconciliation. All of us. If you and I, sinners, can be reconciled to a holy and perfect God through the blood of Jesus Christ,

then surely brothers and sisters in Christ can be reconciled to. one another. This is what this means. You please, you let us help. Let us get involved to help you. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector, which some churches have said, that's right, we're going to kick you out of here if you don't listen to us. We're going to excommunicate you. There's a word. How about that, huh? Here's the only problem I see with this. How did Jesus treat the Gentile and the tax collector? He treated them as an unbeliever if they're an unbeliever. So what does that mean?

Did he chastise them? Did he kick him out? No, actually, he rolled out the red carpet and shed all of his blood on the cross for them and says, if you will just put your faith in me, then we can be reconciled. I think this is what it means. And now he didn't put them in charge of everything, but I think this is what it means. Verse 18, truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

And then there are two verses that get quoted out of context like crazy, but I want you to see the context in which Jesus shares this. Jesus shares these two verses in the context of forgiveness and reconciliation. The first one, he says, again, I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. This doesn't mean that if the two of us agree in Jesus' name for Cotton Candy and Cadillacs, then he's like, dang it, they read that part.

Now you've painted me into a corner and I've got to give it to you. That's not what he's talking about. what he's saying is that the things that we are doing when we reconcile and we forgive one another have eternal consequences the thing we bind here on earth will be bound in heaven and loose here on earth will be loosed in heaven and god says i know that relationship to you looks like it is impossible i know your marriage may look like it's impossible i know that friendship with your old co-worker that did you wrong looks impossible but if the tomb is empty anything is possible and then the next verse is not a worship verse. How many of you have ever been at a place and a guy with the guitar says, if two or three are gathered, then the Lord will be with them. Well, that's not, it's not a worship verse. Because what happens if the fourth God gets there? You think God's like, well, I got to leave. It says two or three. Now there's four and, you know, social distancing, I can't stay. No, that's not what it's talking about. Here's what he's saying. If you pursue

forgiveness and reconciliation because you understands Christ, reconciling work towards you, then God himself will get intimately involved with you and in this situation. He will be very present in that conversation that you need to have. He will be present in that letter that you need to write. He will get involved, and I'm telling you, I know you think your marriage is dead and done, but what he is saying is, if God can resurrect Jesus from the grave, then surely God can resurrect that marriage or God can resurrect that friendship. That if the tomb is empty, anything is possible.

So there is Jesus's teaching on forgiveness. And now, my guy, verse 21. Then Peter came up and said, of course he did, right? Peter's like, oh, there's dead air, I should say words. And so Peter is going to ask a question, but he's not really asking a question. He's making a statement about how awesome he thinks he is. This is what's happening. I'll point it out.

He says, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Now notice he doesn't say how often will I sin against my brother and they forgive me. No, no, no, because that would never happen because this is Rocky. And he says, how often, I mean, Jesus, I know how frustrated you are with all of these disciples, I feel your pain. So how many times must I forgive these people when they sin against me? And then here you go. He says, as many as seven times.

Now, you have to kind of know, like, you've got to know Hebrew in the Old Testament, a little bit of Greek, to understand what people. is saying. You see, what Peter is saying is when Peter says as many as seven times, he thinks he's the hero. He's like super Christian. He's got like his cape is fluttering in the wind. He's got a big F or faith man on his chest. And he's like, are you not proud of me, Jesus, if I would forgive seven times? And the reason is because in the Old Testament, guess how many times we are commanded to forgive? None. None. In fact, in the old covenant, in the law, there is the law of retribution because pre-law, there was not a law of retribution, but it was about retaliation. And what this means is what humans would do is, you talk about me, I'll kill you.

You pug out my eye, I kill you. You kill my dog, I kill you. You kill my cat? Appreciate it, okay? You understand what I'm saying? That's called retaliation. And so then Moses comes along and gives the law, and he does not say forgive. He just says, all you can do back to them is what has been done to you.

So you can't take off their head because they took out your eye. It's eye for eye and tooth for tooth. And so Peter thinks he's the dude, man, seven times. And Jesus reply, Jesus is making fun of him in front of everybody. And Jesus says to him, I do not say to you seven times, but 77. All right. In Greek, it's literally seven and 70. So it's somewhere between 77 and 490.

Now, do you think that Jesus is saying it's actually. actually 77 times. Husbands, let's hope not. Because if it's only 77, you'd be married for about three months, and your wife would come to you and be like, all right, you got two more, okay? And then Peter and I are not forgiving you anymore. I don't think that's what he's saying, okay? When he says seven and 70, seven is the number of completion and seven with the number of completion with a zero. That means like to infinity and beyond. That's what it means. That would be the equivalent. When we make up a word that's not really a number,

but it sounds like a number like a bazillion. There were a bazillion people there. Or if you ever speak in hyperbole, I made my annual trip to the mall this week, and when I go to the mall, I don't like shop. It's like a scavenger hunt. I have a list predetermined of what I'm getting, and it's like SWAT team, very stealth.

I'm in, I get the hostage, and then I'm out. That's what I do, okay? And then Gretchen was like, was it crowded? I'm like, oh, it was real crowded. How many people were at that store? I said like a million. Now there were seven, but when I'm telling the story, I'm like, one, two, a million, okay? So ultimately what Jesus is saying to Peter, when Peter says, how many times should we forgive up to seven times?

Jesus is ultimately saying, is you sure that's the game you want to play, buddy? Are you sure you want to cap my forgiveness for you at seven? Because Peter, how many times have I forgiven you? And he's like, all right, let me count. There's one, it's like a million, right? So seven and 70, or it's like a bazillion times. And then what Jesus is going to do, he's the master teacher, he's going to tell a story. And in this story, he's going to talk about finances, but he's not actually talking about

finances. He's talking about finances, but what he's pointing to is forgiveness. And the reason that he does it, he talks about finances as the example, is because we can understand finances. And he wants to not only change our perspective on why we should forgive, he also wants us to get an understanding of what happens when somebody sins against somebody else. When somebody sins against somebody else, it creates a debt-deater relationship. There is somebody that is owed something, and there's somebody that owes someone. And so here's this story. Verse 23. Therefore,

the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wishes to settle a count. with his servants. Underline the word settle accounts. That forgiveness is ultimately settling an account. Now even if you've got our Bibles in the back of the chair, go and underline that word. So the next time I teach it, somebody will be like, this is important, because this is important. And I hate to give away the end, but the reality is this. If you do not forgive, you will never be settled. You will never be settled. This is the framework that he gives. The kingdom of heaven will be compared to a king who wishes to settle accounts with a servant. when he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him 10,000 talents.

Now, I can tell you don't know first century finances because when this crowd heard that somebody owed 10,000 talents, the crowd went, ooh, ooh, I mean, they would react. Because a talent is 20 years wages, 20 years wages. And this guy owes 10,000 20 year wages. That's a lot. I mean, figure that out. Figure out what you get paid every year times 20 times 10,000. If it's like an average American salary, this is somewhere around $8 billion, and in the first century, this was higher than Israel's GDP. Do you see what Jesus is doing here? This one guy owes the king an amount of money that he could never, ever, ever pay back.

That it would take him 200,000 years of working full-time to pay this guy back. That's what Jesus is setting up. here. And since he could not pay him, his master ordered him to be sold with his wife, his children, and all that he had and payment to be made, which means he for sure can't pay it back if he's in jail. And then one other thing, just to point out here, sin and a lack of forgiveness is never just between you and the person. Even though his wife and children were not at fault, oftentimes they pay the price of the collateral damage of sin and unforgiveness. And this is what's happening. Verse 26. So the servant, he fell on his knees.

Imploring him, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything. And if you're listening, you're going, no, you won't. There's no way you can pay. How are you going to pay him back? It would take you 200,000 lifetimes to pay him back. You owe a debt that is impossible to pay back. Verse 27, and out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him, and here are the most important words, I think, and forgave him the debt. Underline those words in your Bible, forgave him the debt. I think the reason Jesus uses this language is he's trying to get us to get our minds around what forgiveness is. Forgiveness means somebody has sinned against you. There is a debt, debt of relationship. They owe you something. And to forgive them,

is not to feel a certain way. To forgive them is to cancel the debt. We'll come back to that. Verse 28, but when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denary. This is four months wages. So we'll call it 10 grand, okay?

So he just gets forgiven $8 billion and this guy owes him $8,000, something like that. Now, if he didn't read the rest of the story, you would think when he saw the guy, he'd be like, hey man, You know that eight grand you owe me? Tell you what. Don't worry about it. In fact, hop in a car with me, we'll go to McDonald's. You can supersize it. Own me, bro. Because if you had just been forgiven $8 billion, surely you would be willing to forgive somebody that owed you $8,000.

That's what everybody expects to happen. But that's not what happens. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred deniery and seizing him. He's going to go all UFC on him. He began to choke him saying, pay what you owe. So this fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him. Now pay attention. This guy's going to use the same words that the previous man used to get his king to forgive him. He says, have patience with me, and I will pay you. He refused and he went and he put him in prison until he should pay the debt, which means never. Now, when his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed.

the people watching are scratching their head, they're like, hey, wait a minute, this just does not make any sense at all. Do you see what Jesus is doing here? And they went and they reported to their master all that had taken place, and then his master summoned him and said to him, you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me, and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you? I hope you see where this is going. Remember, this whole is to answer Peter's questions. All right, Jesus, how many times should I forgive? And Jesus goes, well, how many times have I forgiven you, Peter?

Because forgiving people forgive. And if, if you have experienced my grace, if you experienced my gospel, if you have experienced my mercy and my forgiveness, then surely would you not offer that to people who have sinned against you? And he goes on and says, in anger, his master delivered him to the jailers until he should pay all his debt. And then, if you take your Bible seriously, which I do, this verse should shake you. So also, my Heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother

from your heart. You see, here's the point. The only way to navigate family strife during this season is to treat people the way Jesus has treated you. forgiven people, forgive people. And I don't want you to question your salvation unless you're not saved. And this is good theology, but it's very bad English. But if you ain't given it, maybe it's because you ain't got it. This is what Jesus has said.

That if you and I have been forgiven of everything, every sin when we put our faith in Jesus Christ, then obviously not only do we receive forgiveness, but we offer forgiveness. that we should not be called a sacks of the forgiveness of God, but conduits of the forgiveness of God. The Bible says, oh, what manner of love the Father has lavish upon us that we would be called children of God? Do you know what it means for God to lavish you with something? It means he's giving you way more than enough.

That God does not give us just enough forgiveness, just enough mercy, just enough grace, just enough love to eke our way into heaven. that God gives us grace upon grace and love upon love. And at the cross of Jesus Christ, when he says it is finished, he forgave all of our sin, past, present, and future. And what should happen as God lavishes his love upon us to lavish something in the first century.

In Greek means that you pour more into the container than the container can hold. And so it overflows and it gets all over to everything else. That God's love ought to overwhelm you and then spill out and get on everything else around you. When my daughter was a little younger, and she would take bubble bat, now she's 11, so she's very mature in the showers,

and she has gels and many things. But when she was a little younger, and she would do bubble baths, and she would go into our bathroom, and the tub was plenty big enough for her. She was a tiny little human, and we'd put water in it and fill it up with the suds and the bubbles, and then we'd come back in a few minutes later,

and she had lavished the bubble bath all over the bathroom. that the tub could not contain all the joy and all that was going on in that moment, and everything was lavish. This is God's love and forgiveness towards you. And so he's saying, Peter, maybe you should forgive like I have forgiven you. And the crazy thing is, the crazy thing is, is that when we look at somebody and withhold forgiveness, ultimately what we're doing is looking at Jesus on the cross and saying, my standard for forgiveness is higher than yours.

That's what we're saying. Now, if I told you at this point, therefore forgive, ready, break. We'd make great time, but we're not done. Because I think a part of the reason Jesus teaches this way is he gives us very practical step-by-step tools by which we can go out and forgive because we misunderstand forgiveness. Because, again, we think it's a feeling, okay? And it's not. It is a process, and it is a decision.

And so, I dare you to do this. I dare you to do the hard work it's going to take to cancel somebody's debt. And I'm just going to warn you, very few people will do it because it's very difficult. And we don't love pain and we don't want to bring back old memories and all of that. And so because a lot of people think forgiveness is a feeling, the quickest way to get to a feeling is to ignore something, it's just never going to work for you that way. And so I think, I don't know, maybe 10% of you will actually do the hard work. that it takes to identify who you need to forgive and actually cancel the death. But I promise you, if you will do it, there will be a freedom for you that the 90% of people

that don't forgive, they will wish they could walk in that kind of freedom. So according to Jesus' parable, here's how you forgive. I'm not normally a steps guy unless Jesus gives you steps. Step one. And again, you can't do this in here right now in the next 15 minutes. This is like go home, get a legal pad, and you take the time to allow the Spirit of God to walk you through this so that you can cancel the debt. Step one is you identify who has hurt you. You identify who it is that you need to forgive.

Now, for some of you, it's a piece of cake. 40 minutes ago when I said forgiveness, you immediately thought of your ex or you immediately thought of a boss or a friend that had slandered you. for some of you it may be a little more difficult it may be it may be an old business partner that stole from you or maybe it's a church friend under the banner of prayer request basically slandered you or this one sometimes hard maybe it's your child not like 11 year old but like your grown child who has stiff-armed you and stiff-armed god and you've got some resentment in there maybe this is sometimes kind of hard for you to get in your mind around maybe the person that you need to forgive is no longer alive, but trust me on this one. You write the name of the person that you feel

like has sinned against you. And again, don't do this right now. You know, don't write down like your wife's name. See there, Tammy? This is you. No, don't do that, okay? Not right now. You're not alone. All right. And then maybe one of the hardest to deal with, sometimes it's you that has been sinning against you. And you need to forgive you. I mean, if Jesus can forgive you, surely you can forgive you. So that's step one is identifying who. Now, here's the part nobody wants to do. Step two, you need to write down what they took from you, what they did to you.

Another way to think about it is what they owe you. You see, when somebody sins against you, they create a debt-deater relationship. I mean, think about it. We use this in our English language. Like, if you do me wrong, I would even say you owe me an apology. So do the work to say, what have they taken from me? For some of you, it pops to mind immediately. For some of you, you think about your ex.

And you say, you broke your promise to me. I mean, you owe me till death there was part. I was there. The preacher was there. We were all dressed up. All our friends and family were there. And you vowed, you promised before God, for better or worse, for rich or poor, I will leave everybody else and cleave only to you.

The only problem is, is you left me and you cleave to somebody else. And the reason that I'm alone in Christmas is because you sinned against me. Or you took a dream from me. I don't get to open presents with my kids on Christmas Day because they're not going to be at my house because of what you did. See why nobody wants to do this? You see why oftentimes we just avoid it? You see, there is healing in the refiner's fire. I just don't know a lot of people that sign up for it.

For some of you, it's your parents. and listen, it's really hard for Christians to identify people that they love who have sinned against them. Because listen, man, none of us were perfect. Most of our parents were doing the best they could with what they had. But also, I know a whole bunch of people, and you're continuously jacked up because of the words your parents spoke into your life. It's the craziest thing the way we have been wired. It's like our brains are tape recorders that our own record for 18 years, and then for the rest of our life, we just replay those things. We grew up hearing.

and maybe the Bible says that in the tongue is contained the power of life and death and maybe a part of the reason you are the way you are some of it has to do with the words spoken to you careless words that stab like a sword or maybe some ex boss or business partner they stole all your ideas you're not even at the company anymore or they literally owe you money or maybe it's a friend that stole your reputation because in order to help her social standing, she drugged you through the muck and the mire and nobody will believe you. Or maybe it's that prodigal child. And it's hard for you to think about it this way because they're your kid. But ultimately what you would say, if you could be honest, is you owe me. Do you know how much money I spent on you? Do you know how many sleepless nights I had praying over you? Do you know how much worry and anxiety came because you've stiff-armed me and you were squandering all of God's promises in your life and wild living right now? At least you can say thank you. You see, I'm not saying

is easy, man. Or maybe it's that man that abused you. And he was probably somebody in authority that was supposed to protect you. And instead of protecting you, he stole your innocence. You see, here's the crazy thing about forgiveness. Forgiveness is a part of God's gift to us to shine light in dark places so that wounds can be healed. If you have a wound and you expose it to the light of the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ, then it's, you can be healed. Then it will scar over and praise God for scars. Jesus is the end of scars. In fact, Jesus uses his scars to prove to the disciples post-resurrection that he is who he says he is.

But if you are wounded and you never actually deal with it and you hide it back in the dark, I'm telling you, bad things grow in the dark, wounds fester in the dark. And then what begins to happen is somebody bumps up against that unheeled place, that wound in your life. and there is an overreaction of emotion because there is so much undelt with pain in that place. And again, maybe it's you. Maybe the person that is sinning against you the most is you. You look in the mirror and say, why are you sinning against me so much? The reason this Christmas is awful is because of a series of decisions that you have made.

There is an opportunity for you to forgive you too. Now, step three is to write down the pain, the emotion, the feelings associated with what they owe you. You can't skip this. And men, you have more than three feelings, okay? That you spend some time doing the deep soul work here of sadness, of fear, of loneliness, of distrust in others that are associated with what has been done to you. Again, do you see why a lot of people are going to skip this?

Now, if you'll do that hard work, you would have what we could. call a debt ledger, a debt ledger. Like, if you've got a loan at the bank and you go and say, how much do I owe, they will give you a piece of paper that says, this is what you owe us. If you were going to take this person who has sinned against you to the court of law before Almighty God, then this would be Exhibit A, see God, see how they have done me wrong. And when you have this, when you have this, you got one of two decisions. And I just want to lay them both before you. Obviously, I think one is better than the other, but I just want to lay them both before you. One of the options you can do with this is you can just hold on to it. You can withhold forgiveness.

People do it all the time. But if you do that, you just need to be proud about it. You just need to own it. Like, take this debt leisure and blow it up as big as you can and laminate it and frame it and just hang it in your living room next to the TV. So when people come over, people say, hey, welcome to my home. We're going to watch the game. And this is why I hate Ted, right here. You don't know what I said? I hate that guy. Here's all the reasons. Here's all the things.

If you'll read it, you'd hate him too. And I hate that guy. I just want you to know why I'm so bitter and resentful. Now, maybe, maybe, maybe that'll work for you. So far, it's O for humanity, but maybe you will be the one that people will come to you and be like, tell me about the peace that you have and the deep abiding relationships that you have with people around you. And you say, bitterness and resentment. Yeah, I don't forgive and I hold everything.

against everybody, would you like to be my friend? Just tell me how that works out for you. That's one way to do it. And I know what you're thinking, yeah, but if I cancel the debt, they'll get away with it. The reality is this. They can't pay you back anyway. They can't.

You can't go back to your wedding day. They can't give you those years back with your kids. They cannot repair your reputation by starting posting nice things about you on Twitter. They can't. They don't even have the ability to pay you back and give you back. what they owe you. The other option then is this,

is cancel the debt. Cancel the debt. Now, it's a big deal, man. I'm not saying move on and turn the page and get over it. You get over the flu. You don't get over sin. You can cancel the debt. It is a big deal.

I am sure, I'm sure if I had time to sit down with every single one of you and you told me the details of your story, story, the details of your abuse or the details of your divorce or the details of what happened to you. I'm telling you, I would empathize, I would feel so sorry. If I could, I wish I could go back and fix it for you. I would cry with you. I would pray over you. I'm not saying it's not a big deal. I am just saying, because of what Christ has done for you, what we have been called to do is cancel the debt. And what I would encourage you to do is to physically take that. And, you know,

debt ledger. This is why I don't think it works if you just do it mentally. Because I dare you to physically take the debt ledger and if you're going to cancel the debt, then you do something physically with it. You tear it up, you bury it, you burn it, you have a funeral service for it, whatever you need to do. Because the last thing you need to do is forgive and forget. I don't know who made that up. That's dumb. You need to forgive and remember. Forgive and remember that you canceled the debt. Again, because let me tell you what's going to happen. I had a friend of mine about 10 years ago. His wife left him, took the kids, moved to another state with another man. He tried to reconcile, tried to reconcile. She would not. And eventually, he worked on this for

about a year. He carried it around with him for a year, and he was a server. So eventually, when he decided he was going to cancel the debt that his wife owed him, his ex-wife owed it, and he burned it, and he put the ashes in a little urn, and then he paddled out at the pier in Jack's Beach, and he sprinkled the ashes out in the ocean. so that when the enemy begin to stir up all these feelings, because listen, man, feelings are going to come. God has given us the gift of emotion to navigate life. They're no bad emotions, but emotions are terrible decision makers

and emotions are not our Lord. That in those moments when they heard, when he heard their old song or watch some dumb Christmas Hallmark movie that they watched together in college or whatever, and all of these feelings would come up and then the enemy would try to get him to second guess, have I actually forgiven, then he could remember. No, I remember vividly that day I canceled the debt,

and it's floating around in the ocean now. I know of people at our church that have done all kinds of stuff, as a physical reminder. And ultimately, this is what this means. If this person who has sinned against you, years from now listens to this podcast and realizes, and is convicted by the Spirit of God, and they repent and they come to you and they fall down on their knees and they beg for your forgiveness

then you could genuinely say no get up get up get up you don't owe me anything because i have canceled that debt and if you're saying i can't do that i would say if christ lives in you you can because he hung on a cross and he looked at the very people that nailed the nails into his hands and feet and he said these words, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. And if you're a Christian, the spirit of Christ lives in you. So you can. I'm not saying it's easy, but you can. So I dare you. I implore you. I command you. Forgive because you've been forgiven. You see, forgiveness is like unlocking the shackles of someone in your debt and then realizing that you are the one who is set free. That's what forgiveness is.

And again, the reason is not so you'll have a better Christmas. Ultimately, the paradigm shift that Jesus shares in this story is this. You see, if God was listening to my sermon right now with Jesus, and if God decided, you know what, I'm going to do what the pastor said. And God got out a scroll and said, who has sinned against me? I'm telling you, my name could be at the top of the list. Because like Paul said, I am chief among sinners. and he wrote Jobie Martin

and then he went on to the next step what has he stolen from me what has he taken from me what has he done against me the list would be long of the number of times where I step from God and said no way man my way's better than your way I know what your word says about this

but I ain't doing this I'm doing that the list would be long you know why because I am a glory hound that seeks my own glory every single day in my life that my heart is an idle making factory and it just won't stop and God could write for a really long time and make a very extensive debt ledger about what I owed him, it'd be longer

than you know. And then God had a choice, because that happens. Then God himself had a choice. He could take that debt ledger and say, you know what, I'm going to keep it. And you owe me. But instead, that's not what he did. In Colossians chapter two, the Bible says this, that this is what God did with our debt ledger if you were in Christ by canceling the record. of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside nailing it to the cross. That at the cross of Jesus Christ, the last thing that he ever said,

he says these words, to tell us die, it is finished. It literally means paid in full. That he canceled all of our debt against him. And he lives in us. therefore forgiving people, forgive people. And I promise you, I promise you, you'll be the one set free. I know it's really hard work, but if you do this,

if you offer the gift of forgiveness this Christmas, I promise you this Christmas will be different than anything you have ever experienced before. Would you please stand? Let me pray for you. Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, God, we love you because you love us first. Lord, I thank you so much that your teaching on forgiveness is not just best practices

of human interaction, but it is a living out of the gospel of Jesus Christ where you paid it all. There was not an installment program, there was not a salary cap, but you paid it all to forgive all.

Lord, I pray for the men, the women, the students that are walking into difficult situations over Christmas that will be face to face with some people that have hurt them. And Lord, I pray that by the power of Christ, because our debt was nailed to the cross, that we would be able to cancel the debt of those who have sinned against us.

Jesus, I thank you that you are the Prince of Peace. And forgiveness brings that kind of peace. We prayed in Jesus' name. Amen. Church, we respond. We respond by bringing our first and best, our tithes and offerings. Most of us do that online. We respond by joining our voices together. and we're going to sing, God, I look to you because we're going to need his help and we pray. And so I want to invite you, you can totally pray where you are. But there's something about moving your body. And I dare you. I invite you to come and kneel on one of these carpets or kneel at one of these kneelers.

If you know that there's somebody that you need to talk to one-on-one this week, I want to ask you to come and pray. Or if you know there's somebody that you need to cancel their debt, but in your heart of hearts, it feels like it's impossible. maybe you pray that the spirit of God would give you the power of God so that you could walk in obedience with the Word of God. That if the tomb is empty, anything is possible. So let us sing, let us bring, let us pray. Let's respond.