The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 4: Marriage

Episode Date: October 18, 2020

Our marriages are not primarily about us, but a reflection of God’s covenant love for His people. Husbands: your wife needs to know you value her. Your example is Christ. Wives: your husband needs to know you are for him. Your example is Christ. The world needs to see Godly marriages that put on display what it looks like to be mutually submitted to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Amen and amen. Hey, if you got your Bibles, I hope you do, we're going to be in Malachi chapter two. Again, we're going verse by verse through this book of Malachi. Malachi is an Old Testament prophet, and what you need to pay attention to is this is the last thing God is going to say to his people before Jesus shows up in the New Testament. This one blank page in your Bible in between the Old and New Testament represents about 440 years. So think about if you had like one last talk with your kids. kid for a long time, what would you say? You say the most important things. And so what God does is God starts out through the Prophet Malachi, and he wants to establish that he is a good,

good dad. Remember, he's going to connect before he begins to correct. But he's got six corrections that he goes through, and his ultimate start is this, oh, I have loved you, Israel. And again, like I told you, like a little ratty teenager, Israel talks back to God. They question God. And they ask the kind of questions that aren't really questions. They ask the kind of questions that are actually accusations. You know what I'm talking about? Like when you say, why are you so dumb? You're not actually asking what caused the dumbness in the person you are accusing them of being dumb. This is what Israel does towards God. And so, first thing he does is establish their love, his love for them. This is very, very important. And then the last week we talked about,

we talked about worship, and that the way that they worshiped God, the way they basically treated God as common was evident that they had lost their love for him. And now tonight, God is going to talk about marriage. Now, how relevant is God's word? Anybody need to hear about marriage right now? By the way, any single people in a house, raise your hand, if you're single, look at them. All right? Good luck. All right? Good luck. Man, COVID has really put some on some marriages, has it not? It's really stirred up some stuff in some marriages, and what God is going to do through the prophet Malacott is he is going to say that our understanding of our covenant with God

will be reflected in our covenant with our spouse. And there's no way that we could say that our vertical relationship with God is all good if we can't keep our horizontal relationships intact. You see, Malachi chapter 2, we're going to be given this picture of what happens when people lose sight of God's greater purpose for marriage because they lose sight of God's covenant for his people. And when selfishness is allowed to dictate our decisions and our choices,

then our marriage becomes about me and what I get out of it instead of about us and him. This is what he's talking about. Psalm 343 says this. I love this verse. Oh, magnify the Lord with me. Let us exalt his name together. That is a marriage verse right there. I don't know if David had that in mind when he wrote it down, but he ought to, because this is a good marriage verse verse. Oh, magnify the Lord with me. Let us exalt his name together. So now God is going to dig in to the marriages in Israel. Here we go. Verse 10. God says this, have we not all one father? Now, again, this is kind of a rarity in the old covenant. In the gospels, 189 times, Jesus refers to God as Heavenly Father.

But in the Old Covenant, this was not always the picture, but God wants his children to know that he's a dad, and he loves them enough to get all in their business. Then he asks another question. Has not one God created us? Now essentially what God is doing here is he is saying the relationships that I'm about to talk about in a second are secondary relationships and ultimately your primary relationship is a relationship with me. Have we not all one father? The answer is of course God. Has not one God created us? All right God you're asking obvious rhetorical questions here. What are you getting to? He goes here's what we're getting to. Then why? Why then are we faithfulness to one another? profaning the covenant of our fathers.

Underline that word covenant. He's going to say it alive. In other words, what God is saying through Malachi is basically the same thing that Jesus said to the lawyer when a lawyer came up to him and said, what's the greatest of all the commandments? What God is saying here is, if you love me and understand that I love you,

then you will love one another. We know the greatest commandment because we've been studying the shaman for two years, and the shaman is what Jesus quotes when the lawyer asks him, what's the greatest commandment? And he goes, it's simple. It's this. Love God. Love God with all. All your heart, all your soul, all your mind, all your strength.

And when you begin to understand that this is love, not that we love him, but he loves us, then you will also, he grabs his verse out of Leviticus 19, you will love your neighbor as yourself. And you cannot divorce the two things. John's going to say it this way. In First John, he says, by this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers, but if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk, but indeed in truth. So from the Old Testament to the New Testament to right now, it's one thing to say you love God with your mouth, but the true test of it is how are we treating one another? Because

what God is calling out his people in is this, all right, if you know that I'm your father, and if know you were created by the one true God, then why are you faithless to one another profaning the covenant of our fathers? And then he gives examples. Verse 11. Judah has been fathless, and abomination has been committed. That's a strong term. Abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem for Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord which he loves and has married the daughter of a foreign God. In other words, what God is saying to to his people is that you are rejecting me and you're marrying people that don't even believe in me and then their influence is drawing you away from me.

Verse 12, may the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob any descendant of the man who does this, who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts. Did you realize in scripture any time Israel would participate in idolatry? then the language that God would use to describe how that makes him feel. When his covenant people break that covenant to worship a false God, he said, he says it would be like a husband or a wife cheating on their spouse. You want to read one of the most graphic chapters in all of the Bible. I dare you.

You got to wait till the end of the sermon or you won't hear one word. But you go home and read Ezekiel chapter 23. Multiple times, you will have to check and make sure you've still got your Bible. You understand? It is graphic. Graphic. And what God is saying is, just like a spouse who has been cheated on is brokenhearted. I am brokenhearted when you run away from me and marry the daughter of a false God.

So ultimately what he's saying is, first check your heart because your primary relationship is with me. And then it will spill out into other relationships. When our relationship with God is off, it always shows up in our closest relationships. Verse 13, he says, and this second thing you do, you cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Here's what he's saying. I've seen you on Sunday morning at your church, and you know how to play the Christian game. at the end of the service, like the last few minutes of the sermon,

when the guy comes out and he plays the keys so that the spirit will be here and it makes it all more spiritual, you know. And he says, come on, it's very important. We sing, we bring, we pray, and you get all worked up, and you get all convicted, and you feel all guilty, and so you come down to the altar, and you really mean it this time. I mean, you really mean it this time. God, I'm never going to do that again.

I promise I'm going to do better. You pray. You even, like, pledge allegiance to you. Jesus during the prayer, right? He's like, yeah, I've seen it. I mean, people know how to play some church, right? Remember youth camp? Anybody go to youth camp?

Who am I talking here, okay? A few of us? Remember youth camp? I'm the last night. You're all huddled around with your buddies, you drink buddies from high school. Don't tell nobody, but you know what you're talking about. And you all crying and promising. And how long did that last? And God's going, amen? I'm on to your game here.

You could show up to church and cry at the altar, but when you mistreat your wife at home, I'm not listening to your prayers anymore. This is what he's saying. I'm not going to receive your offering anymore. But you say, why? Why does he not? Why does he not receive our offerings?

This is what that means. And he answers, because the Lord was witnessed between you and the wife of your youth. Do you realize that God attended your wedding? He was there. That God attended your wedding. Now, even more importantly, don't you want him to attend to your marriage? It's one thing for him to just show up and hear you say, I do.

It's another thing for him to be involved in your life so that you can do for the rest of your life. So now he's talking about this second most important relationship. And he says, because the Lord was witnessed between you and the wife of your youth to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. This is the second time now God uses the word covenant. I want to talk to you real quick about the difference between a contract and a covenant. We've talked about this a little bit last week. There's a big difference between a contract and a covenant.

And here's the problem. Nobody, when I talk about the difference between contract and covenant, is going to believe that anybody should try to treat their spouse in a contractual kind of way. You see, a contract is between two people. It's two people negotiating. Sometimes it's like a hostage negotiation. Think about this. When you sign a contract with your cell phone provider,

what are you doing? You are negotiating for you to get the best deal that you can get. But a covenant is actually between three and the three are becoming one. Because in God's economy, one plus one equals one, but the Spirit of God is a part of that one too. A contract is temporary. A contract is temporary.

A contract you sign until you can find a better contract. See, every good Jaguar that has ever played here. You remember how they don't play here anymore? I mean, give me a break, man. The All-Jags team doesn't even play for any. I don't have time for that. But as soon as a better deal comes along, you avoid that contract and you try to get in a better contract. That's what contracts are. But in a covenant,

when you make a covenant, it is till death do you part. We're taking long term here. A contract is breakable. A contract is conditional. If you, then I. A covenant is unbreakable and a covenant is a promise. No matter what you do, this is what I promise. A contract is for me. A covenant is for us, for the glory of God. A contract keeps a record. Like, if GEA does not provide you with electricity, do you just go, don't worry about it? They probably had a tough day? No.

You call them up, not with forgiveness, but you call them up because you keep a record of their wrong. But a covenant rooted in love keeps no record of them. wrong. In a contract, the goal is to win. I want to work this deal out so that I can get the best deal for me possible. And a covenant, the goal is worship. Come, let us exalt his name together. Do you see this? Now, imagine if you went to a wedding and they decided, we're just going to make a contract. Okay, I do weddings sometimes. I try to do that many more, okay? But People always want to write their own vows. Can I write my own vows?

And to which I say, sure, you can say stuff to each other, but usually when you write your own vows, you're not vow anything. A vow is a promise. But you can be like, oh, my God, I love you so much. I'm like, oh, I love you too. And then I'll do vows, okay? No problem. Can you imagine if you got to the vow, the covenant part of an actual wedding?

And people said the way they treat one another? I mean, can you imagine? You're sitting at a wedding. You get to that part. Do you? I do, I do. All right. The couple wanted to write their own vows. And she starts, okay, if you make enough money, I'll sleep with you as much as you want. All right. If you don't gain too much weight, I'll stay faithful. All right. If you don't lose your hair, I'll cook dinner. I would be like,

whoa, time out. Wouldn't you get up, I'm like, I'm going to get my gift back. This is not, no, I'm taking this toast to my own house, okay, because they ain't going to make it. the crazy thing is we say it's a covenant but often we treat each other like it's a contract. That's what we do. That's what we do. And so what's happening here is what God is saying to Israel is this. I know your heart is not for me and I can tell, not at church on Sunday because you're bringing you gimpy offerings like we talked about last week, but I can really tell because you're not loving her the way I loved you. You see, it all shows up. And because of that, then I'm not accepting your offering.

This is not just an old covenant thing. This is a new covenant thing. In the book of 1st Peter, chapter 3, Peter says this. I'm going to skip the part about wives, because we'll get you all in a minute. But listen to what Peter says. 1. Peter 3.7, likewise husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.

Literally, the Greek there is as unto knowledge. Showing her honor to the woman as a, the ESV says, weaker vessel. like more delicate vessel. Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life so that your prayers might not be hindered. Husbands, this is what a big deal this is. This is what God is saying to the nation of Israel. He's like, you can cry at the altar all you want to, but until you love her, I ain't got

time for it. Verse 15, did he not make them one with a portion of the spirit in their union? that in God's economy, when you make a marital covenant, one plus one equals one, and it is the very spirit of God that binds you together. That our marriages are a picture or a reflection of the Trinity itself. You got one marriage with multiple individuals who have come together that are bound forever. In the Trinity, there is one God and three persons, mutually submitted to one another, out of love. This is what marriage is. It's a reflection of the Trinity. He says, did he not make them one

with a portion of the spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. And all the wannabe grandparents said, preach it, brother, all right? You see, ultimately your marriage is not about you. It's not about your happiness. It's not about your communication styles. ultimately our marriage is for the glory of God and God's great legacy. That's what it's for. He says, so guard yourself in your spirit. And let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel,

covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit and do not be faithless. So as God is confronting Israel on the number of ways that they are dishonoring him and the way they are living, he gets to this place and he says, listen, you cannot say, I love you with your lips and then mistreat the one that you made a covenant with,

the wife of your youth. He lists two things here, faithlessness and violence. And listen, some translations of Matthew 2.16 says God hates divorce. Which think about it. Now, he does not say God hates divorced people because your divorce doesn't define you. What you have done doesn't define you.

What somebody else has done to you doesn't define you, but what Christ did on the cross defines you. He's the only one that gets to tell you who you are, and he says, you are my beloved, you are loved. I chased after you, I love you, that I can do for you what no other human on this planet can. But God hates divorce like a parent who's changed. has cancer, hates cancer, because it's awful. It's awful. And I don't have time to go through all the biblical reasons where divorce may be an option. If you just go back to, when we did the sermon on the Mount, I did a whole sermon on oaths and divorce. You can go back there. Abuse, infidelity, abandonment, or some reasons where the God makes, or where the Bible says that

divorce is an option. But it should be the last option. It's like an amputation. If you twist the ankle a little bit, you don't take it off at the knee. It's not the first option. It is absolutely the last resort. But God looks at the husbands and wives in Israel, and he says, we got to talk about this. This is dishonoring. You were trying to honor me with your worship services. You're trying to honor me at the altar. You're crying. You're saying all the right things with your lips. But the way you are mistreating your spouses is that you're acting as if you don't even understand my covenant love for you. So if Israel's marriages and divorces and intermarrying was dishonoring to God, then what is a marriage that honors God look like? That's where I want to

spend our time. What does it look like to honor God in your marriage? Flip over to the New Testament, Ephesians chapter 5 and buckle up buttercup because there's going to be something for us all here. I'm going to pick it up in verse 21. Most of the time when people talk about marriage in churches like ours, they almost always start in verse 22. And I'm telling you, one day, I'm going to do my own Joby translation of the Bible. You see how they had the little headings here right here above verse 22? Somebody just made that up. That's not inspired, okay?

Somebody just made it up, all right? Somebody really smart, a lot smarter than me. But he got it wrong. Okay. Because verse 21 is a header for the next three sections. that Paul's gonna talk about. And so before you get to the roles of husbands and wives, the first thing you've gotta read is verse 21

that says this, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. That before we get into what wives are to do to honor God in their marriage and what husbands are to do to honor God in their marriage, first of all, both husband and wife, that we are to submit to one another, not because that person is submittable to,

but we submit to one another, another, out of reverence for Christ. I'm just going to go on a record and say, which means if you don't know Christ, I don't know how to tell you to be married. It's pretty much a hostage negotiation. Good luck. Hope you chose well, and she don't catch crazy when the hormones switch. Okay? Good luck. But even before that, if you jump up to verse 18, Paul commands us to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Spirit-filled people know how to submit to one another. And so, before we ever get into what each other's supposed to do and what you think about this, that, or the other,

it's that a good marriage is when Jesus is in the middle and everybody acts like it. That a good marriage, like the banner over this whole thing, is that it is rooted in Jesus Christ. By the way, all of the data and all of the research prove, that the most sexually satisfied, happiest, most fulfilled, committed people on the planet or Bible-believing, church-attending, praying together Christians. Don't you love it when the science, 2,000 years later, finally catches back up with the Bible?

Okay? It's just true. Now, what mutual submission is, is simply this. To submit just means, I'm going to make your deal a big deal. deal than my deal. That's what submission is. I'm just going to make your deal a bigger deal than my deal, and a good marriage is first and foremost built on a good friendship. That's what it is. You remember, in the garden, God's creating all kind of stuff. He forms together the dust of a man. He's not yet, a living being yet. He breathes the ruach of life into Adam, Adams, opens his eyes, he sees God, everything's good, and you get the first not good.

It is not good for this man to be alone. It is not good. And because Adam was alone, he gives him a helper, and ultimately, they together are in this mutually submitted relationship. I just want to ask you this, if you're married. Are you friends? Like, are you friends? not just roommates, not just co-parents, not just make-out partners, not just business partners.

Remember last week when we looked at what Jesus had to say to the church at Ephesus? And he says, I've got this one thing against you. He lost your first love. So go back and do the things you did it first. That's really good marriage advice because what we do often when we've been married for a long time is we just get lazy. We just get lazy. Men get lazy and ladies get crusty. Don't touch me now.

What are you doing? You know what I mean? Get ready for bed. Look like you still Team 6 about to dive to the deep sea. And you, fellas, you quit pursuing your wife. And be like, of course I love her. Due to wheat eating. Pay the bills.

Boy, I bet that really stirs her up. But at some point, think about the game you had back in the day, fellas. Think about it. I mean, look at her. You got her to say yes to you. Think about that. I mean, think about the things you used to do. You would put on a shirt that had no SEC logo on it anywhere.

You would drive to a place where people came and took your order. You remember those days? Right? Girls, you'd flirt. You'd laugh at his jokes. He ain't funny. He wasn't funny then. He ain't funny now.

Say something stupid. He'd say something that was totally wrong, and you'd just, you just acted like you didn't know he was dumb. Remember? Good friends do that, man. People that enjoy wanting to do that. That's mutual submission. This is where it start. Then verse 22, wives, it starts with you. You know why it starts with you? Because you're the thermostat. That's right. You set the temperature in your house. Perry Martin used to always say, if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy. That's a fact. This is a fact. This is. is why in every household code in the new covenant, it always starts with the mama.

Because again, happy wife, happy life. That's a fact. Wives, you will set the temperature in your house. And I will tell you, for your husband, you will either be a lid or you will be a launch pad. Wives, come on, this is your favorite verse. Don't you love it? Some of you have his tattooed or crocheted or on a coffee mug or something? Wives submit to your own husband. as unto the Lord. Now real quick, what's the first word in that verse? Wives. Husbands, you shouldn't, you don't even need to look at it. If you ever find yourself quoting this, go ahead and tap out, game's over, bro. It's over. It's not for you to quote at all. Wives submit to your own husband as unto the Lord. Now, a couple things. First and foremost, it never says in the Bible anywhere that

women submit to men. It does not. There's only a couple of places where a woman submits to a man, okay? And they're in, it's in family relationships. It's at home and it's at church, okay? There's only a couple of roles that have that kind of authority. So, if you want to, ladies, if you want to be the CEO or run for president,

good gracious, I'd vote for you right now. But whatever it is, okay, sky's the limit. But you're not the husband. Wives, submit to your own husbands as unto the Lord. Secondly, submit does not mean all the decision-making power is with the husband. Submit has nothing to do with who does what chores. Look, you're grown people.

You can figure out who cooks and who cleans and who takes out the trash and who changes the oil, whatever. There are some traditional roles, but I don't know how they got to be that way. Somebody did it. Somebody copied those people, and now those are the traditional roles, but that doesn't mean those are biblical roles.

You figure that whoever's better with the checkbook ought to handle the checkbook. Gretchen does it at our house. Okay, I'd just be paying stuff by faith, all right? She actually adds and stuff. Submit, it basically means this. Submission is an invitation to lead. Submission is just, I'm going to lay down the reins and encourage my husband.

That's what submission is. Your job, this is my definition of what submit means. Your job, married women, is to make your husband feel like the man. That's what it is. At home, at work, in public, everywhere. And here's what's crazy. Every man's deepest question and fear is this, do I have what it takes? Every single one of us.

And you know what the fundamental answer in every single one of us is? I don't think I do. None of us, most of us, all of us, no man that you've ever known has graduated emotionally from about the eighth grade. It's just a fact. We're insecure. We're nervous. we're scared. We're trying to prove ourselves in every arena. For the first 15 or 16 years, we were just trying to prove ourselves to our dad, and then you came along and smelled super good.

You know, we saw Dreamweaver, and now we're trying to prove ourselves to you. It's why your man plays golf. It's because he's trying to prove himself. I have what it takes. Think about it. He's not even good. He's not even going to be good. It's why people write songs. It's why I hunt. It's why men do almost everything to try to prove I have what it takes. and God has placed you as his helper in his life to be an echo of the gospel. Now, the reality is, is in and of yourself, man, we don't have what it takes. That's why we need a savior. But in Christ, we're more than conquerors.

And His divine power has given us everything we need to accomplish everything he has called us to accomplish. Ladies, you know what submit means? Okay, here's what submit is. Let me give you the Greek for it. Hercules, Hercules. That's what it is. I'm a relatively successful. human being. I mean, I am.

And God's put an anointing on me that I can't even explain. Our church is huge. Travel all over the place. Preach, people get saved. All that's fine. But when I feel like the man is when Gretchen can't open to jelly jar. You get that thing to me. See, oh, baby, you're so strong. You know I am. That's right. Okay, I'm telling you, that's what that means.

The way you talk to him, the way you talk about him, well, why? Why do you treat him that way? For the husband is the head. All right, all you Bible study ladies, not just the spiritual leader. See, oftentimes in evangelical church, what happens when the Bible says one thing and the culture is chirping something else? We try to twist it and make up our own words to try to sort of be in line with this, but really not be out of step with culture. No, it doesn't say that his headship is limited to spiritual leader.

and headship does not it has nothing to do with who knows the Bible better some of you some of you ladies you're i mean you're incredible disciples you because he works you get to stay home and raise babies which is the hardest job on the planet gretchen was out of town for three days last week and i was like all right baby you got one of two options either the children could be alive or the house can not burn down it's just whichever one you want i'm fine with i don't know how you do both okay so i'm not knocking But you got time to go to that 10 million Bible studies. Of course you know the Greek word for faith, which is Pistuio, and he don't even can't find Malachi yet.

Still hadn't found Malachi. That's not what it's talking about. But he is the head, which means he takes responsibility for everything. The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should. submit in everything to their husbands. So if you find yourself in a situation with your husband and you're like, hmm, should I submit in this? If it falls in the everything category, the answer is yes.

If you need to pray about it, pray about it. I'm just going to tell you the answer is yes. Now, in this moment right now, here's where I want to warn you, if you start thinking, yeah, but you don't know my husband. If he would, then I would, that's called a contract. You're thinking control. You're tractually. And what our marriages are rooted in is God's covenant love towards his people, and we have made a covenant with one another. You see, here's, if you go all the way back to Genesis, ladies, it'll help you understand what's going on. Again, God says it's not good for man to be alone, puts Adam to sleep, because he knows if he leaves him alone, he'll burn down the whole garden, so he's got to give him a wife to tell him what to do, right? And so he wakes up,

calls her woman, which in Hebrew means, it's basically like mine. Like he sees his naked, wife, he goes, shotgun. Like, that's full covenant. That's what he's doing, okay? She was created to help him. And then in the fall, when the, not the season for you new church people, when, when Adam and Eve sin, and sin enters the world and fractures everything, a part of the curse, God says to, God says to Eve, and your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. That word desire, because that doesn't, doesn't sound like a curse, does it, husband? Doesn't mean what you think it means. It's not that kind of desire.

That word in Hebrew literally means like to overthrow, to wait, to pounce on somebody, to overthrow them. So let me tell you how this plays out in your life. You see, you are built to help him, and God knows he needs help. But the way this plays out in your life is instead of you encouraging him and making him feel like the man and being his greatest cheerleader, you always feel like you've got to help him to be protected from his own self. So you correct everything he does. You tell him every time he's wrong, you are quick to point out all those things. Like you're at the cookout and he's telling a story.

And let me tell you something about a man. A man never less the truth get in the way of a good story. And so he's like, there I was. It's July 4th at the beach. And she's like, no, actually, honey. It was Memorial Day and we were in the mountains. Now, right now, you know what you're thinking? What's wrong with that?

He's so lucky to have me. I mean, this idiot wouldn't even be able to put his shoes on the right feet if you didn't have me to training, okay? Which I know you feel that way. Again, because you think you're helping. Your desire is for your husband. But in that moment, it feels like a hostile takeover. That's what it feels like.

It feels to him like he doesn't, hey, dummy, you don't know how to tell a story. Here, hey, me the reins. That's what it feels like. Like when he comes on from work and he's got a problem at work, and immediately you tell him what you would do if you were the president, what you would do if you were in this situation, what you, you know, here's what you ought to do. I'm just telling you, I know in your mind you're like, he should be so grateful for me right now because I am helping, but it feels like a hostile takeover. In the Old Testament, it says it's better to live on the corner of a roof to live with an nagging wife, that a nagging wife is like a dripping faucet, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, which isn't that bad at first. Eventually, it'll torture you, make you. give up all the nation's secrets. And so you think you're just helping, and he's just hearing drip, drip, drip, drip, that's what's happening.

It is the opposite of what it means to encourage him to feel like the man. You see, years ago, I told this story before, but years ago, me and a couple of other pastors were coming back from this, like, church planning conference kind of thing in Africa. And we got to Atlanta to get to Jacksonville because you know this. You can't get to heaven from here without a layover in Atlanta. It's just, that's where it's going to happen. But we're coming back. We land and we're going to miss our flight home.

We've been going for like 12 or 14 days. We go to get our bags. Our bags are late. We don't make the connection. You've been to Atlanta. It's terrible, okay? And we do all that. Now we've got to call our wives.

My two pastor friend buddies who people have just paid money to come sit in rooms and write down things they say. They both call their wives. Hey, we're going to miss our flights. and I can immediately hear on the other side, on the phone, from these very godly women that they're married to that know tons of Bible verses, just immediately start telling them what to do.

Immediately. Well, did you check your bags in the right, but did you look over there? Did you rent the car just like, that drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. And they're just like, I don't know. Before I finish the story, ladies, here's what every man needs to hear wants from you. First of all, and even when he's wrong, especially when he's wrong and he needs help.

First of all, he needs to know you're on his team and secondly, you think he has what it takes. Then he'll be open to hear because he does need your help. I call Gretchen. Now, I'm not saying we nail it every time, you know, but I call her and I'm like, babe, I miss my flight. And I could hear her go,

and then she just took a breath and she said, what are you going to do? And I said, I don't know, baby, what should I do? Okay, so. But I'm telling you. telling you if she'd have told me what to do how to bristled them up with everything, you know, because of my own insecurity.

All right. You know what that is? I'm on your team, and you have what it takes. All right. So that's the instruction to the wife. That's what it looks like to be a godly wife, to honor God by honoring your husbands. Then it goes to husbands. Now, if you didn't read the text, after you just heard wives submit, you would think it would say husband, lead.

It doesn't say lead. It says love. Husbands, love your wife. Think about how radical this would sound in the first century. I know it doesn't sound that radical now because everybody loves everybody, but husbands, love your wife

as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Husbands, love your wife. You want to do a really good Bible study this week? Just write down a list of all the ways that Christ has loved you, write down a list of all the ways that Christ has loved his church. This means that he went first.

Because what some of you do is you sit there with your arms crossed and be like, well, if she would, then I would. Aren't you glad Christ didn't love you that way? Aren't you glad Christ didn't look at you and be like, yeah, as soon as you start loving me, I'll love you back. No, man. No, he went first. He pursued you and continues to pursue you.

that he takes responsibility for everything. Listen, man, when you get in a fight at home, husbands, getting a little robust dialogue at home, you've got two options. Okay? You can be right or you can be a husband. Those are your options. There's a lot of people that are right.

They ain't husbands anymore. Now, think about this. And you're like, where do you get that? The cross? Jesus could have showed up. Jesus could have said, you know what? You're a sinner. I'm not. I'm right. You're wrong. This ain't my problem. This is your problem. Why don't you handle it? See you? Never. Because you're going to hell. Peace. And ascended back to the right hand of God the Father.

It'll be a real short New Testament. That is not what he did. That is not what he did. He took responsibility for everything, even though none of it was his fault. He took responsibility for all of it and did everything he had to do to make it right, even going to be. to the cross, that he never stops pursuing us, he never stops loving us, he always goes first, he keeps no record of wrong, and again, at some point I don't, I just email me at Jimmy Cracks corn at I Don't Care.com, because I know there's somebody here that's like, well, you don't understand, my wife, I married crazy. All right, I'll give that to you, bro. All right, that's not on me. You made that decision. Maybe you did. Maybe you married crazy. All right. So what about you? Well, just let me ask you this. In the Christ and his bride the church, there's a crazy spouse in that equation too, isn't there? Look around. You're sitting with her. And yet even in our

rebellion, even in our sin, even in our constant promise breaking, how does he treat us with grace upon grace upon grace? Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it. Now here's why Paul, I think, inspired by the Spirit of God, began to keep going. Notice he didn't have to say a lot to the wives. They're a lot quicker on the uptake when it comes to relationships. He's got to spell this out. He's going to give us the how that we are to love them.

Because men, here's our problem. We feel it in here, but unexpressed love is like a gym membership that you'd only go to. You understand? He says that he might sanctify her. having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. In other words, husband, create the kind of environment where your wife is sanctified by the Lord.

She should think, at the end of your marriage, when you're old, not because you're getting divorced. She should think, one of the best things, best decision I've ever made in my life, second to be in saved was to marry that guy. Because where would I be without him? That our job's husband is to wash her in the word that she would be sanctified. Let me just tell you where to start. This does not mean, look, I've tried it. I've sat dressing down. I preach sermons to her. It don't go good. That is not what it means. You understand? Look, man, there's no more dragons to slay, but you've got to fight for the heart of your wife. You know we got into this whole mess because the enemy was talking to a man's wife and he was passive and didn't do anything about it. The way to fight for the heart of your wife is to

pray out loud over her. At least start there. And I know some of you're like, well, I don't know how to pray good. Learn. You don't have to be some big flowery prayer. You know, some of you, good old boy's biggest word you know is delicatessen. You don't know how to work it into a prayer. No problem. Here's how you pray for it. Tonight, grab her by the hand, say these words. Baby, how can I pray for you? She's going to say words. Listen. And bow your head. say, dear God, just say everything she just said. Say amen. She's going to be crying a little bit.

And I know, you're going to be like, what did I do? Do I mess up? You didn't mess up, dude. You're doing good, okay? You were washing her in the word that she would be sanctified. In other words, one of the ways that we love our wives is we fight for the heart of our wives. We create the kind of environments where they are the best versions of themselves that God intended them to be. that he keeps going with some more instruction on how to love them.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Now notice here, Paul just said no one hates his own flesh. Who's he talking to? Men. I don't know one girl that likes her flesh.

doesn't matter how pretty she is. She's like, no, seriously, when I do like this, I get a thing. Okay. And every dude thinks, boy, I mean, I'm telling you what, man, back in the day, my 20s, I was in shape. If you want to see my abs, I got to pull out my pictures. I mean, it's bad, all right? And yet, every dude in here, you step out of the shower and you see just the right angle of yourself, and you're like, still got it. I mean, you love you. It's just true, isn't it? And when you got married, however old you were, fellas, when you got married, you were an expert at taking care of you. You knew what you wanted, you knew what you liked, and nobody had to tell you what you wanted and what you liked. If you're driving it around the road in your truck, nobody had to remind you that you were thirsty.

You knew you were thirsty, and so what did you do? You pulled your truck over, and you went and got you something to drink, and you always got you what you like to drink. You knew how to meet your wants and your needs. Paul goes, new job is to love her like you used to love you that way. And Peter, this is why Peter instructs you fellas, that there. we are to love her as unto knowledge. In other words, a part of the way that we love our wives is to study them and figure them out. And I know what you're saying.

Pastor is confusing. Dude, tell me about it. Every day you spend that wheel, you're like, come on, happy. Come on, baby. All right, I get it. But if you can figure out what the dow's going to do and where the waves are going to break and when the deer are going to be in rut, then you can figure out this lady that you live with all the time. I mean, seriously, man.

You know the stats of Menshoe, which are kind of easy. But you become a student of her, and then you care for her and you nurture her. You care for her. These are parallel tracks, not either or. You care for her. And I know sometimes, guys, they just go to the absolute, well, of course I love her, put a roof over her head, give her food to eat. Possums do that for their kids.

Do you understand? You might want to turn up the dial here a little bit and show some compassion. and care, but it ain't all just like ooey-gooos and kisses, all right? And then there's also nurture that you take care of her needs, that you get a job, you establish a life to invite her into so that her needs are taken care of. He keeps going, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother. Some of you need to hear that, because your mother-in-law still deciding

where you're going to Thanksgiving. Leave. and here's a little advice, man, if you've got some in-laws that are dipping her toes into your business, just take it from me. Here's the word I would say, don't make me choose. You're going to get your feelings certain. Because the moment you made a covenant with your husband or wife, that is your family. And everybody else says, now you're extended family.

Leave. And the King James says, and cleave. The ESV says, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast. Do you know that word in Hebrew, hold fast, literally means and make a covenant to his wife. That is your new family. And the two shall become one flesh. That in God's economy, one plus one equals one. It's supernatural.

It's so supernatural. He goes on to say, this mystery is profound. It is. It's glorious. It's beautiful. It's difficult. It's joyous. profound. And he says, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, and this is

final summation of the whole thing. However, let each one of you husbands love his wife as himself. If you're here with your wife and you're not holding her hand or putting your arm around her right now, go right now. And here's what I know, man, I know. I know. Some of you're mad at each other. You got here you fought the whole way this was your last Hail Mary you lied to everybody on the way in how y'all doing we fine well why is she six feet behind you that's weird okay come on in I'm telling you I know the world's burning down you walk in here like John Wick just bleeding out of the abdomen I don't know problem we have an unspoken all right but just hold her hand husbands love your wife love your wife and let the wife see that she look of all the words

respects her husband respects listen he knows you love him but everybody loves him Garma loves him the dog loves him the got work loves him that's fine ultimately what he wants to know

is that you're on his team and you think he has what it takes you think that when God saved him that his divine power gave him everything he needs to accomplish everything that he has been called to including being your husband. Love and respect.

Love and respect. Here's the point of the whole thing. Our marriages are not primarily about us. They're not. Our marriages are not primarily about us. It's not primarily about getting your needs met. That's not what it's about. Our marriages are not primarily about us,

but our marriages are a reflection of God's covenant love for his people. So husbands, here's your homework. Your wife needs to know that you value her above everything. else on this planet, second only to your relationship with Christ. In fact, it is your relationship with Christ that fuels you to value her. She gets a no-compete contract in your life. It's the most God-honoring thing you could do with your life. And you're like, well, how far do I go?

Jesus did it to death on a cross. Your example is Jesus. Wives, your husband needs to know that you are for him, that you think he has what it takes. Your example? Now listen, does he have some insufficiencies? The list is long. The list is, I'm married. I did not realize how jacked up I was until I got married. I thought I had it together.

Little did I know that marriage is like the fast lane of sanctification to point out all of how immature I am. But, but aren't you glad that Jesus did not wait until we had it all together to choose us to be a part of his family? So he needs to know. He needs to know that you're for him and your example is Christ. And this world needs to see godly marriages that put on display what it looks like to be mutually submitted to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now I know there's all kind of different marriages represented in here. Okay. And listen. And I know too, man. There's there's pain and then some of you are on top of the mountain. But here's the thing.

Maybe you're happily married, but you've gotten a little bit lazy. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Love your wife in such a way that God would be glorified and this world would see and say, you know what? I don't know if I believe what they believe, but I want what they have. And you watch what God begins to do.

And some of you are struggling, I mean, really struggling. And you got on a happy face, but you're, you're, you're, you're thinking, I don't know if this is going to make it. I'm just telling you, believe me on this one. If God can breathe new life into his dead son and resurrect him from the grave, then God can breathe new life into your marriage, even if you think it's dead and done. Because if the tomb is empty, anything is possible. Anything is possible.

And if you're divorced, you're single, you feel lonely, you think about, you think what about me, then God is a covenant keeping God. And through the blood of his son, Jesus Christ, he is more than enough for you to be everything that he has created you to be. You don't need some man or some woman to fulfill you because only Christ can complete you. And you walk in that kind of confidence. You walk in that kind of contentment. And I am telling you, you will shine like a star in this crooked and depraved generation.

So Church of 1122, may we be known by our. our primary relationships. First and foremost, our relationship with him, and then secondly, our covenant relationships with our spouses and our family and our friends and our church family. We're going to sing a song called Waymaker. And the reason we're going to sing this song is because some of you don't see a way, and Jesus is the way. Some of you don't see a way forward, but I promise he is the waymaker. And you put your hope and you put your truth. And you put your trust and you put your faith in him. I want you go ahead and please stand. I'm going to pray

and then we're going to respond. Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, God, we love you more than anything because you first love us. And God, I thank you that that's what love is. It's not our activity towards you. It's yours towards us, demonstrated at the cross. And so, Lord, I pray that we would be filled with the Spirit. I pray that the marriages of the Church of 1122 would be husbands and

wives mutually submitted out of reverence for you. God, I pray that the husbands here would man up and they would they would pursue their wives the way you have pursued us. God, I pray that the wives of 1122 would demonstrate, God, such a security and confidence in you. God, they would submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord. God, I pray that miracles would happen. God, I pray that papers that were filled out would get shredded tonight. because you have breathed new life in the places where we thought it was dead.

God, I pray for singles in the room. God, I pray that they would find their contentment in you and you alone, that they could say that they have learned the secret of being content in any every situation. God, I pray for the people that used to be married that are divorced. God, we know that you hate divorce and what it does to your children, but God, I thank you that you love those people so much. And Lord, I pray, Holy Spirit, that you would do exactly what Jesus said you would do. and right now you would bring a comfort and a peace that transcends all understanding

that we would know that you are more than enough. And God, I pray that we would be so overwhelmed by your covenant love towards us that we would be covenanted one to another. We prayed in Jesus' name. Amen. So we close every week. We're going to bring our ties and offerings, our first and our best. We're going to sing, Waymaker, and we're going to pray.

So husbands, I want you to lead. I want to hold your wife's hand or put your arm around her. You can either come to the altar or you can do it right there, and I want you to pray over her right now. And if you're like, well, I don't know where to start. Okay, then come down front. She can't hear you anyway. The music's so loud, okay?

But the Lord can. And it matters. So let us sing, let us bring, let us pray. Let's respond.