The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 4: The Sovereignty of God in Our Pursuit of Purity

Episode Date: July 30, 2017

Spend less time looking and MUCH more time becoming. Instead of looking for someone to “complete you”, look to complete the mission that God created you for.

Thank God I'm married. Hey, welcome to 1122. We're so glad that you're here if you've got your Bibles, and I hope you do grab them. We're going to start out in the book of Ruth Chapter 2 is where we'll be. Ruth Chapter 2, I know that video is ridiculous, but so is the dating scene and love and romance in our society today. And so God loves us so much that not only did he send his only begotten son, Jesus, to save us and rescue us and redeem us, but he gave us his holy word that teaches us everything we need for life and godliness. And so what we are going to talk about in our time together is we are going to talk about love and dating and all that kind of stuff. And so I have a couple of goals here. If you are married, if you're married, would you please raise your hand?

All the married folks raise your hand. All right, praise God. If you're married, my goal is to remind you of why you got married. because you should never stop dating. And fellas, I'm mostly going to be talking to you. No amends, please. Because at one point in your life, you had something, some kind of game, some kind of, you know, like you would shower and go talk to your girl and put a shirt on that had no football logo. and like you watched the notebook and ate frozen yogurt or however you did, a horse and carriage, and whatever you did.

I don't know what you did. And then what happens, man, is we as married guys. Sometimes you can just kind of, you can just sort of get lazy, you know. It's kind of like hunting. Like there's a lot of time, effort, and attention pre-hunt and during the hunt, but kind of once you sort of bag the game and then you mount it and put it on the ceiling, you don't really pay much attention to it anymore. That should not be our marriages. And yet sometimes that's what we slide into.

So hopefully this will be an encouragement for you that you'll live out, Proverbs 518. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. In other words, my hope is that in our time together, I would challenge us, the merry guys, to be the man that you promised her that you were going to be. And then for the singles, if you're a single in the room, would you please? raise your hand in all of our campuses. If you're single, raise them. Raise them high.

Hold them up. Look around, okay? This is our singles ministry. It's what we're doing. All right. Good luck. My encouragement to you will be this. Quit looking for the one.

There is no mythical one. You're more likely to find an oompa lupa riding a unicorn on a rainbow than this mythical one, one, one. He or she's just not out there. That's not the way. it works. In fact, what I want to encourage you to do is to basically quit thinking about marriage and dating the way you've been taught and the way most of us think about it. And this is for married people

and single people. What if your marriage and your love life is actually not about you? And what if 99% of all the, even the Christian marriage books are wrong and it's not about communication and it's not about having your needs met and it's not about your happiness. It's not even about what your love language. is? What if that's actually the problem? Because when we think that way, what we do is we put us in the middle and we've trying to find the one that will revolve around us for our entire life to give us everything that we've been looking for. The Bible has a word for that. It's called idolatry. And sometimes we can take a good thing, treat it like a God thing. That's a really bad thing. That's idolatry. And a lot of times that's what we do with relationships. And so what if

Instead of thinking that even your love life was all about you, what if instead you focused on running after the Lord with everything that you were made of, that you ran the race marked out for you, and as you're running the race, occasionally you look over to the left, you look over to the right, and you see if somebody's running there with you. That would be called equally yoked. Not only should you be running the right or the same race, but also at the same pace. And if so, then run up next to them and keep running after the Lord.

That's what me and G do, my wife. Because in fact, I think what most of us do is you go running after a boy or running after a girl and then occasionally look left and right to see if God's there. And that's the problem. And so the Bible says this in Psalm 34, I love this. I think this is like a dating verse. It says, I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

You see this? So I am focused on the Lord first and first. foremost. My soul makes its boast in the Lord. Let the humble here and be glad. And then verse three says, oh, and I think it's like, oh, magnify the Lord with me. You see how that goes? Like, where your time and attention is, it's not about you filling your needs with somebody else. It's about doing what God has put you on this earth to do, which is to make much of him, not me and you. And as you're doing that, I'm going to magnify the Lord. And then you look to the left, look to the right, somebody else is magnifying the Lord next to you and you go, oh, okay, why don't we do this together?

I think that's what that means. Oh, magnify the Lord of me and let us exalt his name together. And so as we walk through this passage and we look at Ruth and Boaz, we are going to see not necessarily the kind of, if you're single, the kind of people that you should be looking for. But what I want us to focus on is we're going to see the kind of men and women that we are to become. As we pursue the Lord, that's what they were doing. and then we trust the sovereign king of the universe to bring us together in his timing. And so I know a lot of folks say that, man. I talk to singles here at our church all the time and they say, say the right words. Oh, I just trust the Lord.

I'm just trusting the Lord. That's why I just trust him. Where is he? I said it. I said I trust him. But do you really trust him to be obedient to him? Now, you remember, just real quick recap, it looks to me like word got out that we're talking about dating and everybody brought a date. Welcome. So just in case you haven't been here for the series, the series starts out with a guy

named a Limelech. His name means, my god is king. He's married to Naomi, her name means sweetness, and they do a bad thing. They move to Moab to try to satisfy their temporary needs. And there's a famine in the land, and they have two kids. One of them's name means sick. The only one name means dying. It's Malon and chilling. And so before those kids, well, those kids marry Moabite women, Ruth, who becomes one of the heroes of our epic adventure here and another girl named Orpa. And then the dad dies and both the brothers die. So everybody's dead. And you got these three widows left.

And so one of the widows says, you know what, I'm going to go back home. And then one of the other ones, Ruth, says to Naomi, her mother-in-law, because somehow the way Naomi authentically walks through pain and in the worst moments of her life, she decides to turn to God and come back towards God's people. Somehow, Ruth experiencing that has a conversion experience. And Ruth says it's very famous verse, and treat me not to leave you or to turn back from following after you, for wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you lodge, I will lodge. Your people will be my people, and your God, my God, and where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried.

And the Lord do so to me and more also, if anything but death, apart you and me. I know that because I read it every Saturday in your weddings, okay? And so she has this conversionist experience, and so they are desolate, they are poor, They are homeless. They got nothing going on. And so then Ruth, who is a hardworking girl, in order to support her mother-in-law, says, I'm going to go out to the fields and glean. Gleaning was a system set up by God to take care of the poor and powerless.

That the rich and powerful people loved God and love what was close to the heart of God. God's always had a heart for the poor and powerless. And so they did not squeeze every dime out of what they could make in their profits, but they would leave the margins of their fields unharmed. so that the poor and powerless could have an opportunity. And this was called gleaning, and they could work and feed themselves. And so of all the fields in all the world, Ruth just happens to happen to happen to show up in this guy's field name Boaz. Boaz means strong man.

It sounds like a strong man name. And sure enough, Boaz is a strong man. And so he invites Ruth to come and eat at his table. You remember we covered this last week? He initiates this in real life, by the way, men, if you're wondering what kind of a man you need to be and you're a single guy. He actually, he talks to Ruth, like, in real life, face to face. He says words to a girl.

He doesn't click, and there's no swiping. There's none of that, okay? Like, he says, he says this, ready? You could write this down. Come here, that's what he said. Come here. That's what he said, okay? And then they ate dinner together.

And at the dinner, though, he served her. He didn't go to a movie. They didn't sit here and look at this thing, talking to them. They actually looked at each other. other and they had dinner together. And he served her. And then not only did he serve her, this was all last week, so I'm going to fly through this part. Not only did he serve her, but he protected her. And you remember, he told the guys, he said, hey, listen, boys, my workers, he's like a CEO of boaz.com or whatever he ran, and they had all these fields. And he said, listen, she's going to glean

here, so you let her do that. In fact, why don't you just let her get the good stuff and don't mess with her? And then he says, and do not rebuke her. In other words, he protected her. Even though he didn't have to, he was a good and godly man and he protected her. And I told you last week, I'll tell you again, that same sort of tactic I'm going to use when my daughter begins to date, or some little fellow comes by my house. I told you, I'll repeat it, just so you can write this down. This is the conversation we can have.

So if it's one of your sons, get him ready. Okay, you better love the Lord. I'm going to tell him, hey, look, the way you treat my daughter is the way I'm going to treat you. Nice to her. to you. If you open her door, I'll open your door. If you make her happy, I'll make you happy. If you're sweet to her, I'll be sweet to her. I'll be sweet to you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. If you lay hands on her, I will lay hands on you. You understand? That's how this thing goes. That's what he does. So he protects her, and then not only that, he provides for her.

Not only does he provide for her opportunity, but he says, here, take some of this food. He gives her leftovers and piles her up, and then she goes home. This is a lot of. This is the kind of man that he is. And then when you get to chapter 2, verse 20, I'm telling you, this is why I do what I do, is to explain chapters in the Bible like this, because this is kind of Ruth gone wild. I mean, it is. It's going to get crazy here in a minute. There have been times where I taught this before, and I've literally had people that were kind of new to Bible study, and they've never seen this part of the Bible, and they're reading it along with me as I'm preaching, and they go, is that?

I'm telling you. I want to read your Bibles. So we're going to pick it up in 220, and then we'll go through all of 13. So this is right after Boas has provided for Ruth. It says, and Naomi said to her daughter-in-law, may he be blessed by the Lord, whose kindness is not forsaken the living or the dead. And Naomi also said to her, the man is a close relative of ours. Now, let me explain this.

They don't live in West Virginia. This isn't like, you know, your first cousin. available for prom. That is not what this is. It goes on to say, he's one of our redeemers. We'll explain this in detail next week, but in Deuteronomy 25, God provides a system because they don't have things like retirement villages or Medicare and Medicaid or welfare, those

kind of things. So he provides the system that's within the clans of Israel that they would take care of the widows. We'll go through all of that next week. That's what that stuff's all about. Verse 21. And Ruth, the Moabite, said, besides, he said to me, quote, you shall keep close to my young men until they have finished all my harvest. You see, it was a dangerous thing for a single widowed foreign girl to be hanging out by the fields where all of these guys are.

And so one of the things that means a bunch to Ruth is this, is that she feels safe with Boas. She feels safe with him. Fellas, whether you're married or single, let me ask you this. Does your girl feel safe with you? You see, one of the things we talked about this before is that as a man, God has given us this gift of strength, but that gift of strength is not for us. And I don't just mean physical strength.

That is a part of it. Okay, some of you fellas need to get a concealed carry or you need to learn a karate move or something, you know, because there's a potter of that. But fundamentally, does your girl feel safe with you? You see, because she's in a world that's tearing her apart all day, every day, and when she comes into your presence, is she nervous or is she safe? You see, we are supposed to be, as men, tough, for, and tender with. But I think most of the time, if we take our eye off of the ball,

we can be tough with and tender for. We're supposed to be fighting for our girls and not with them. And so, Boaz has created this environment whereby she feels safe. I can tell you, there's not a woman on the planet that will flourish into the woman God has created her to be in an environment where she does not feel the safety of the covering of the protection of God first and then whatever man God has put in her life. So does she feel safe? Because Ruth does. And so Naomi says to Ruth, her daughter-in-law, it is good, my daughter, that you go out with his young women

lest in another field you be assaulted. So you see, Mama approves. This is a big deal if you're dating, all right? If Mama don't approve, then you've got to danger, danger, Will Robinson. And I know, I get it, man, especially the younger you are, the harder this is for you to understand. But nobody loves you and knows you like your mama and daddy. And so if they are not into the person that you're going out with, that should be a big red flag that there could be a problem.

Now, if you'll notice, one of the things that Boaz has done is every time he sends Ruth home with food, he sends enough home for Mama too. That's just wisdom, boys. Date the Mama. Okay? When we go to Gretchen's house, I walk straight by everybody and I go to Mama. Hey, Miss Joy, how are you doing? Right? I talk to her first.

give her a compliment, make sure Mama is taken care of, because if Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy. You didn't know that was dating advice, but it is. And that's what he does, and she approves. And she also knows, you see, because what every mom and daddy want for their kid, no matter how old their kid is, whether they're 12 or 32, they want him to be in that environment of safety where they can flourish. And she knows that if Ruth goes out to other fields, there's the potential that she would be assaulted, but not underdard.

the protection of Boaz. Verse 23. So she kept close to the young women of Boaz, gleaning until the end of the barley and the wheat harvest. You see, Ruth's smart too. Ruth knows this. She knows the fields Boaz hangs out in. She knows the places he's going to be.

And so she's like, here's my plan. I'm just going to make sure I'm going to be in the places that he's going to be. That's the part of the reason she's hanging out with Boaz's folks here. And then you think everything's going right. They had this cool date. and he said, come here, and they talked, and he served her, and all of that. And then you get one of the just most anti-climactic verses in the whole Bible. Check it out.

And she lived with her mother-in-law. Want, want, won't, won, won. Who wants to live with her mother-in-law? Amen? Don't say amen. Okay, so, now you may be looking at this and go, come on, Boaz, what's wrong, bro? Come on, come on. Get in the game.

He's going to explain in a little while while this is going on. But one of the things that you see with Boaz here is he is, patient, and he can kind of just let some things unfold as they should. Chapter 3, verse 1, it says, then Naomi, her mother-in-law said to her, now here's what the mother-in-law is going to do. She's going to play matchmaker. She's like, we ain't got time to just be waiting around until Boaz gets in there, because the time of the harvest is over, and, you know, eventually you're not going to be working in the fields anymore, and you just don't know what's going to happen. And so the mother-in-law is going to get in here

and honestly give some pretty shady advice. She says, my daughter, should I not seek rest for you that it may be well with you by the way in chapter 1 verse 9 after all the girls lost their husbands this is what she prayed for Ruth you see parents you know this man you pray for your kids and pray for your kids and pray for your kids and those prayers never change and let me just encourage you no matter where your kids are again whether they're 2 or 22 or 32 you just never never stop praying. I've said this a million times. Yes, Jesus is the head of the church, but I promise the backbone of the church has been some praying mamas for a long, long time.

And it seems like Ruth is in an impossible situation when Naomi originally praised this prayer in chapter 1, verse 9. She's lost her husband. She's from the wrong country. She's from the wrong religion. She's moving into a place where nobody's going to like her. And she prays that she would find rest, that it would be well with her. And now this prayer that she's been praying, it probably just seems like she's praying to her cat sometimes, right? You just keep praying and praying and praying. You're like, God, is this thing on?

Are you even listening? I've been praying what's happening. And then, God, I don't know if you ever noticed this, man, he's always right on time. I've never seen him be early once. And his timing's not my timing. Because usually, man, when I pray hard on a Sunday, I give him well into Tuesday before I'm hoping he's going to show up.

But he waits at least the entire season here. And she says, my daughter, should I not seek rest for you that it may be well with you? Verse 2. Is not Boaz our relative with whose young women you were? See, he was winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor. Fellas you might have wanted to write this down real quick. Ready? Boaz has a job.

You want a girl? great first get a job you see the two girls this is what you're looking for no you're not looking but just if you don't have these two things they got to love Jesus and have a job and then anything else you want to add about hair color and how tall or whatever pray whatever you want but this is where it starts this man is responsible he knows how to make money I'm just going to tell you if you can't make money you can't take care of a family you just can't and work was given before the fall. That when God created everything that is,

he gave to every single man a will to obey, a woman to love, and work to enjoy. And so Boaz got up every day, and he went to work. He has a job. And I'm telling you, we've got a lot of single guys around here, and they're like, man, I wish God would give me a girl. I'm like, hold on, dog.

If you were God, would you let you date one of your daughters? What would you do? play Nintendo on your mama's couch? I mean, honestly. Like, even if you look when God puts this whole thing together in creation, that he gives Adam a mandate. He says, subdue and cultivate.

That Adam is to go into the garden, begin to prep the garden, and then God gives him, and then Adam is alone. And so God says, well, I'll make a helper suitable for you. And so he's like, cool. And so this is when God starts having animals show up.

And Adam names all of the animals. And it's not until the garden is put in place and the animals are named that then and only then does God give him his wife Eve. You know what this means? This means you get your house in order first before you go looking to be a husband or looking for a girl. Because honestly, where are you going to bring her? And I'm telling you, I've had, you know, I got some young guys in my disciple group and they read their Bibles and their really strong Calvinist and no theology and don't have a job.

And I'm like, bro. And they'll say things like, man, I just really want the Lord to give me a girl. And what would you do with her? And he's like, I'll tell you what I'd do. All right, Hoff, when that three minutes was up, how about the rest of your life? If that's what you think being a man and being married is, then you should go back to World of Warcraft, okay? Because that is closer to reality than this loony thing you've got going on in your head. You see, Boaz first and foremost, put his world together.

His house is in order. Then he would be ready to invite another human and then more humans that, by God's grace, they would make. And he could bring them into this house so he could provide and protect. And so, again, this is Naomi giving the advice. So he said, all right, Boaz is going to be winnowing. the barley tonight. What they would do is they'd take these pitch forks and they'd throw it up in the air and the chaff would blow away and the wheat would fall down or the barley would fall down and that's what they would do. It was harvest time. And so here's her advice. Verse three, she says, so wash.

See that women? It's in the Bible. You know what this? This is Hebrew for no yoga pants. If you're going to yoga, wear yoga pants. If you're going out in public, wear real people clothes, okay? This is what he's saying. I know they're comfortable. You should see me at my house comfortable. You wouldn't want to see me in public or publics walking around and was comfortable for me. That's how we feel about you. Wash.

Put some pants on. Hey, this is real talk, people. You know. Now, part of it says, and therefore an anoint yourself. In other words, she really is saying, okay, get all dolled up. Because every time Boaz has seen you, you've been working, which is great. great, man, which is great. I mean, you know, guys aren't only attractive when everybody's all dressed up. I mean, you know, pretty's just pretty, and working hard's pretty, and dressed up's

pretty, that's fine. But, you know, you kind of, you sort of smelled like a sparius last time he ran into you, and you get your farmer's tan, your little messy bun and yoga pants working, picking whatever you're picking. And so how about, you know, put on like a heel and a skirt or something, like just anoint yourself, wash, do a little spray tan, just drop your cars for a couple days, Botox, if that's what you're into. Whatever it is, get self-right. Put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor. But do not make, this is important, girls, listen, do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. You're going to show up to the threshing floor. It's a company party. It's harvest time. They're stoked. Remember,

remember, there has been a famine in Bethlehem, right? So for years, there's no food, for at least 10 years, And now, for the first time in 10 years, they've got food. The employees, the workers are going to be stoked. They're going to have a party. They're going to celebrate the goodness of God. When you get there, Boaz is going to be eating chicken wings, drinking cold beer probably, okay? Or wine or grapefruit, whatever you're good with. That's what just understanding is drinking it.

But she's saying, but let him finish his beer and chicken wings first. Don't go in there all dolled up and go, Boaz, we need to talk about our relationship. Are we friends? Do you serve me? Some barley wheat. I mean, you're my redeemer. Can we just DTR, please? I checked your Facebook. You haven't changed your status? What does that mean? Naomi is saying, just give him a break, okay? Relax. This is why single girls. I would advise you to not take advice from other single girls. They're like, I don't have a man. Will you tell me about him? Well, she doesn't have one either. find a married girl and say this is what this man is doing can you please translate and the wives will go uh-huh it's not that complicated let him eat let him talk to his friends okay just give him a

minute it's a very good advice so let him feed us eat in his wings and don't dTR too soon verse four but this is where it gets shady here's what we already know about Naomi she doesn't give good already. Do you remember back in the first chapter when she lost her sons and she lost her husband? She looked at her daughter-in-laws and said, why don't y'all just go back and worship the pagan god Kymash? She's a worst evangelist of all time. Well, she also gives pretty bad dating advice, because imagine, parents, would you tell your daughter to do this? Here's what she says. But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies, then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do. I bet he will.

I'm trying to get Gretchen to memorize this verse and make it her life verse. Just getting to bed. He'll tell you what to do. Praise God. This is usually the point where people go, what are we talking about? Okay. Now, I don't have the time to fully. All of our minds go to the gutter because, honestly, most of us fill our mind with gutter trash from media and everything this world's about.

All right? what we're going to see here is that nothing happens immorally. But there's the advice. And she replied, all that you say I will do. Here's something about Ruth. We've already experienced that Ruth is a hardworking girl. Ruth is also humble.

She knows how to submit to authority. Guys, if you're dating a girl that does not know how to submit to the authority of her boss, her parents, the Lord, run forest run because I am telling you what man the way God has designed it I know this is not very popular

but neither is staying married the Bible says wives submit to your own husband it does not say women submit to men not one place in the Bible anywhere ever but it does say wives submit to your own husband as unto the Lord so if she cannot submit to the clear authority that God has put in her life

namely the Lord who is a perfect authority How in the world do you think she's going to be able to submit herself to you who are a very, very, very imperfect authority? And so what you're going to see here is Ruth is a humble girl. She knows how to submit to authority. In fact, remember earlier on when she first meets Boaz and she bows down before him and she says these words. She says, who am I that I would find favor in your eyes? You see, she knew. She was trying to get a date at that point.

What she was trying to do is he was the Lord of the Harvest, and she was just a servant at the harvest. And so she knew exactly what it meant to submit to authority, which is probably why God chose her to lift her up and be a part of the redemption of the whole world. And so she says, all that you say, I will do, verse 6. Now we go from advice to application. And so she went down to the Threshing Floor.

and did just as her mother-in-law had commanded her. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, now to be clear, it does not say gotten drunk. Like, it's just past tense for drink. But we know he's at a party. His heart was merry. How merry has your heart been from a Diet Coke? You understand what I'm saying?

Now, he didn't drink too much. The Bible says, don't get drunk. You should not get drunk. If you have a problem to get drunk, you shouldn't even get close to drink, okay? Coach Bulley said to me a million times, if you don't want to fall down, don't walk in slippery places. So she watches him.

He has a few with his boys. He finishes eating. And his heart was merry. And he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain. So this is a big deal. So at harvest time, what the owners would do and what some of the workers would do is they would sleep at night on the heaps of grain for two reasons. One was for security and one was for celebration.

So part of it was security so that they would lay on this heap of grain so nobody could steal their grain, but also it was to celebrate the goodness of God. This would be like if you close a really big deal and you made gobs and gobs of money, and the bank let you go into the vault and sleep on a big pile of cash. That'd be pretty cool. This is what he's doing.

It's to celebrate the goodness of God. It's also to protect his investment. And so he lays down and he goes to sleep on the heap of grain. And then she, Ruth, came in softly. Just like ninja skills, okay? She came in softly and uncovered his feet and laid down. Now, let me ask you this. Do you think a woman should pursue a man?

I would say, no. But she should get in his way a lot. You understand what I'm saying? Like, there's a difference there, all right? And I'm old school, but I think, ladies, I think you're worth pursuing. I think you're worth pursuing. But I do think that it makes a whole bunch of sense that when you're chasing after the Lord and you're looking left and you're looking right and you see your Boaz over there, that you make sure you put yourself in such a way that he sees that you're there.

No problem. What this means is, you know what, you're here at the church and you notice that every time you come to one of our services that one of the door holders could be the Boaz for you. Well, guess what? Then you get one of our respond cards and you sign up to work on the reach team, praise God. Hey, man, it's better than sneaking up in his bed and getting under his covers, okay? So, this is, I mean, and here's why I think men should pursue women because the Bible says in Ephesians Chapter 5, husbands love your wife's like Christ love the church. So you're going to play like you practice.

And men, here's the problem with a bunch of guys. You think that you're going to practice one way, and then one day you're going to just be able to play in the game and be the man. You think that you're going to be able to date the way the world says date. Look up, hook up, shack up, break up, repeat. That's it. That's the model of today. Ask the experts. Ask the best-looking people that give the most relational vice.

That would be Hollywood. And if that's the result you want, go for it, man. Go for it. You'll be beautifully depressed. Seriously, you'd be stretched out and broken. You just will be. That's where that path leads. You look up, hook up, shack up, break up, repeat.

But there's another way to do it, which is to begin to practice now so that when you get put into the game and it's the real deal and you say I do and she just says I do, then you can actually do what you've been practicing, which is being the kind of man Boaz is providing and protecting and pursuing. You see, because when the Bible says husbands love your wife like Christ love the church, who pursued? Did you pursue Jesus and you finally chased him down or did he pursue you? See, fellas, just like Jesus pursued us, we are to pursue a girl that God places in our path. And here's why, because she is worth the pursuit.

She's worth it. No matter what it takes, she is worth it. I mean, this is how I met Gretchen. I've told you this before, man. I showed up to this gym one day and I'm, I'm, I'm. I think I was doing calf raises and she comes walking by, man, just a little blonde. She just had blonde hair, all right, and then the Lord did a miracle. It was crazy.

Changed her hair color. So, and there I am. I see this little hats, ball cap, and a little ponytail and come bebopping along. And I thought, my, my, right? I felt like I heard French horns. And so I went up and I didn't know what to say. It was kind of like a tractor beam. I just sort of, I didn't have a plan.

I wasn't thinking this through. I normally think these things through. and I didn't, right? And I just got too close to her. And she has a very large personal space. Like most of you are in it now, okay? This is kind of, it's about where it is. And I got too close to her.

She was doing side lateral. It was right in this little corner. And then she just looked at me and said, can I help you? You know what I said? Can I get a spot? That's what I said. Because I thought, chicks are very impressed with your bench press. That's what they really are into it.

Turns out not so much. But I did. I got her to spot me. And then if you know anything about working out, I did it like 20 times, which means you don't need a spot. So then my cover was busted. I was like, thanks. And then I came back to the gym the next day at the same time she wasn't there. And then the next day at the same time she wasn't there.

So then I had to ask around and figure out what kind of car she had. She had an accord. And then I packed a bag and kept it in my 95 Pathfinder. And I was a youth pastor, so they don't have schedules. Nobody knows what you're doing. So about four times a day. Yeah, I found out. today ours is in Atlanta I didn't even know what's going oh sweet have fun man and so I would

drive by and listen man this was like when you had to stalk for real I'd have Facebook people checking in a bunch of easy man y'all got it made okay we had to actually stalk like real psychos and I would go and go and we would talk and I mean just that's how we would work out for however long and just sort of near one another and then just stand in the parking lot for three hours okay this is this is what they're doing that she's just puts herself in the environment whereby she knows she's going to run into him because he's asleep under the covers. Verse 8. At midnight, the man was startled and turned over. You think? And behold, a woman laid his feet, and he said, who are you? That's a great question. Okay,

jot that down. If you wake up tonight, somebody's in your bed, figure out who it is. And here's how you know it's not shady, okay? Because she says, I am Ruth. your servant, spread your wings over your servant, for you are a redeemer. There's nothing physical or shady or sexual about this. This is the language in Hebrew of a marriage covenant. So, I mean, you want to put the kibosh on something, right? You wake up, hey, who are you? And she's not proposing to him.

She's proposing that he would propose to her. That's what she's doing. So she immediately takes this thing to spread your wings. So there's a bunch going on here. First and foremost, I said before in Ephesians chapter 5, the Bible says, well, I've submit to your husband as unto the Lord. Man, submit does not mean he tells you what to do. It doesn't mean he's the boss.

You were definitely a team. The verse before that says, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. So a good marriage is about mutual submission. There's one team and Jesus is the head. But the man is the head of the home. And what the word submit means basically is this. is if you are a Christian woman that loves Jesus, and what it looks like to submit to your husband

is to make him feel like the man. That's what it means. Because at the bottom of that passage in Ephesians Chapter 5, it closes up with this. Therefore, husbands love your wives, and wives respect your husband. Because what every man wants more than love is respect. And here's why, because we're all loved. I mean, every man, you know, your grandma loves you, the dog loves you.

I told you this, this is terrible. But my daddy used to say, you want to know who really loves you. Put your wife and your dog in your trunk right around town for an hour. Open the trunk. See who's happy to see you. Okay. Now that's some Naomi kind of advice. I don't agree with it, but it's true. Your dog would be like, hey, where have we been? Okay. Your wife knocked. So, so what she's doing here, though, is she is saying, I need you. Not like need you, like all weird and romantic, like we would try to make it. to spread your wing over your servant. The word here that's translated wing is the Hebrew word canoff.

Knav. It can mean the edge of a garment. So some translations say, like, put the corner of your blanket over me. That's not what it means. He says, spread your khanov over me. Like Malachi says this. When the son of righteousness come, there will be healing in his khanaf. There will be healing in his wings.

This is why I remember the woman with the issue of bleeding. When she sees Jesus in the crowd, she believes he is the son of righteousness, she fights all the way through the crowd and she touches the hymn of his garment, his Knaf, because she believes that the scripture says that if the son of righteousness is here and I can just get to his wings or the edge of his garment or his khanaf,

they'd be healing there and I would be healed. And then Jesus says, who touched me? And she says, I did. And he says, it's your faith that made you well. That's what this is. In a Hebrew wedding, in an Old Testament wedding, what the husband would do when they would get married, like, you know, we put rings on

and there's all kind of different traditions. Well, in a Hebrew wedding, they would take a garment like a prayer shawl, and they would wrap it over them, and they would take the canoffs, the corners of it, and they would bring them together so that there was one covering over the man and the woman. The book of Malachi says that God despises the man that covers his garment with violence. What does that mean? That means anybody that was whoever, you know, if you're married to somebody, And there is violence going on there from that man to domestic violence. God says, I despise that.

And so what she is saying is this, when she says, spread your wing over me. Again, she's not proposing. She's just proposing that he proposed to her. And it's marriage talk. She's saying, because, by the way, if you remember back in chapter 2, verse 12, he says, may the Lord bless you and may you find rest under his wing. Remember that? And so now what she is doing is she is using her prayer, his prayer, which is scripture, and saying, hey, I think you might be the answer to the prayer that you've been praying for me.

I think God's covering and rest for me is actually to be under your provision and protection. Jesus used the same language. In Matthew 2337, Jesus says this. He says, he's heading back to Jerusalem, and Jesus says, oh, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sin. to it, how often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings? And you are not willing. That is a picture of what marriage is. Just like Christ pursues his bride, the church, husbands are supposed to pursue their bride and say, under the protection and provision of my wings, of my kanaf, that's what you will find there. You will find that it is well.

you will find that there is rest. So listen, if you're dating a girl, fellas, here's the question. The question is not, is she the one? The question is, am I ready to cover her under my wing? The moment you're ready to do that, bro, then you're ready to be a husband. If you're thinking about what you get out of the deal, then you miss the whole point. Because honestly, what does Jesus get out of the deal of loving us? A disobedient, jacked up bride.

That's what he gets. the church. So, some of you, man, especially when I do like marriage talks, and you compare your marriage to what you think mine is, because all you know of my marriage is what you see here, like, that's a good marriage. She sings beautifully and he preaches. Is that all you do? Of course, that's what we do. Tomorrow, I'll just wake up to the sound of music. Gretchen just singing hymns and me declaring the word to my children as they sit crisscross applesauce taking notes. And some of you think, but pastor, you don't understand. You don't understand, man. My wife's crazy. I mean, I'm telling you, she spits fire. Literal fire comes out of her mouth, burns up puppies on the weekends. I'm telling you.

Okay, you chose poorly, but I'm still telling you. What about the bride of Christ, the church? How's she doing? She got issues? Uh-huh. What did he do? Lay down his life for her. Not after we fixed ourselves up and cleaned ourselves up, but he demonstrated his love. for us and this, that while we were yet still sinners, Christ died for us. This is how a husband is supposed to love his wife. And the moment that you are ready, it is a really big deal, the moment that you are ready to cover her under your wing of provision and protection. You're ready. And now listen, one of the things that we see here that I really like is somehow, like I'm old

school, even something's traditional, but somehow in the Christian world, somehow we've gotten this sense that when you're doing. dating and then especially when you get married that like men play offense and women play defense that is not a biblical view of marriage at all like like men are trying to move the ball down the field and women are got a serious goal line defense up that is not that is not what happens here you see ruth is a bull woman she never crosses a morality line not one time we'll see that in just the second, but she is bold enough to put herself in a place whereby she can have this kind of interaction with Boaz, and she says, hey, I got an idea. I think you might be the answer to the

prayer that you prayed over me in your field. You see, even like the Song of Solomon, I love teaching that book. It starts out this way. It starts out with the woman saying, let him kiss me with the kisses of his lips. I had Gretchen memorized that in three different translations, okay? I mean, that's a great one. And yet, now think about this, fellas. Ladies, don't even listen to this part, okay? Fellas, think about if you're Boaz in this situation, and she's a foreign girl, and she's a servant and, you know, kind of a nobody, and we're going to find out a little while. He thinks she's very, very attractive, and he goes, who are you? And she does what her mother-in-law said, what you want me to do. Here's what Boaz does. He prays for her.

the first thing that he does he doesn't touch her he says who are you she says who he who she is and then he says and here's his prayer may you be blessed by the lord may you be blessed by the lord my daughter not servant not someone that's here to take from because you do not love and take you love and serve in fact the the definition of a husband's love for his wife in Ephesians chapter 5 is provision and protection. And this is what he does. He does not take from her. He does not take advantage of her. He says this. He says, you have made this last kindness greater than the first. In other words, he feels like the man. He says, in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. You see, Boaz is humble. Like, Boaz is the boss, but here's what we know. We noted that he's an older guy. He's never been married. It never mentions that he's been married.

And part of the reason that there's that kind of gap between Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 where she just lives with her mother-in-law and you're like, where's your game, Boaz? It's because, look right here, Boaz thinks that she is out of his league. That he is humble. He goes, listen, girl, I mean, you know, you're Moabite with the extreme makeover. Naomi got you all dolled up and here you are. But I could tell when you were working in the field at your age and the way, you look and you've been lifting all that barley, your guns are all shredded. I've got a six-pack is going on, and I just thought I'd be sweet to you, but I thought you were going to go with one of these other younger guys. But you were waiting for me?

You see, I can tell you it's a very dangerous place, men, if you actually ever think that you are the blessed, or that your wife is the blessed one in that situation. God help your soul. Now, Ruth, Ruth is hot, at least according to Boas. And listen, that matters. It does. But hot is just whatever you define it as. Like it's whatever you are attracted to.

Now that doesn't just mean the physical is attractive. The Bible says like a gold ring and a pig snout is a woman without discretion. You know what that means? That means if the girl has got it all together physically, but she does not know the Lord and does not walk with the Lord, you would look at that and you'd be like oh man that's good hair and lips and knees and toes if you're badness I know those that's as comfortable as you are head shoulders knees and toes you just leave out all the good stuff here but that's fine beautiful head and shoulders knees and toes knees and toes you would look at that and you go but you don't know what a waste

what a waste like taking a gold ring and put it in a pig snout let me tell you if you're married let me tell you what's hot ready you can write this down your wife that's it That's it. See, when Adam got married, God didn't, like, create seven bacheloretts and run them through for him to, like, date and take home different parts of the garden. And he didn't have a tall one and a short one and a skinny one and a not a skinny one. All right, he didn't do that. So your wife is your standard of beauty, period. Period. And so Boaz looks at her and says, wow, I can't. believe you would you would wait for me verse 11 and now my daughter do not fear once again man he's saying

you are safe with me i will do for you all that you ask for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman you see ruth is holy ruth is holy she is set apart she does not give herself to him in sex even though she is a desperate girl she's like no no no no i'm not going to do that I want to propose that you propose to me, and he responds by praying for her. And this little phrase right here where it says, worthy woman, some of you may be familiar with Proverbs Chapter 31, a wife of noble character who can find. This is the same exact definition in Proverbs 31 as right here in Ruth, that she is a worthy woman. She is set apart. She is holy. She is a woman of character.

And so they don't have sex. There are some people that try to turn these verses into something that they're not, but she doesn't. And the reason is because sex is for married people. Not used to be married, not going to be married, not want to be married, not married in our hearts. There's no such thing. Sex is for married people. And marriage, according to the scriptures, is one man, one woman, one lifetime. That's it.

And so men, if you're dating somebody and you're not married to them, don't have sex. Stop. Here's why. because if you want to get married, you're doing it all wrong. If you say that you love them, 1 Corinthians 13 starts out this way. Love is patient and you are being impatient. You are taking something that isn't yours. Love protects.

You cannot simultaneously take something that's not yours without being selfish and you cannot simultaneously be selfish and be loving. If you are impatient and if you're selfish, then you are not ready for a girl. And if you won't stop, God should take her from you. See, because if you want to be a husband, you better first be a servant. And if serving is beneath you, then being a husband is beyond you. Go back to Warcraft or whatever you were doing. But leave her alone.

She's too valuable for that. And women, you are so valuable. You are so valuable that you should be treated as valuable. And what it should take for a man to get to touch you that way is he should have to commit his whole life to you. you because that's what it takes because you literally if you are in christ you are the daughter of a king and sex is sacred our world is trying to make it so common but sex is sacred and and different cultures see sex in different ways some cultures in the past mostly have seen sex as gross in fact when i was growing up in like my kind of fundamentalist southern baptist experience that was

kind of how they taught it the sex it's it's crude and it's vile and it's gross and you're probably going to get herpes, so save it for the one you love. Like, well, huh? That sounds weird. Okay? And then you get over probably in the culture we live in now, where we live like, sex is God. Like, it's the most important thing in the world. But the biblical understanding of it is this,

that sex is good. It is a good gift from God. Like, if you want to wonder if we serve a good God, he invented sex. Praise God. In the, in creation, there was only one command that said, don't mess with that tree over there.

There was another command that said, be fruitful and multiply. That's Hebrew, ready for bow, chica-wown, wow. That's what that means. But only in the confine of marriage. So it is a good gift like fire. Is fire a good gift? Yes, it's only like in the fireplace.

You can sit around, warm your home, roast marshmallows. It's a beautiful thing. But when he gets outside of the fireplace, place outside of the confines by which God created it to flourish, then it can burn everything down. This is why sex is sacred. And so they don't. Verse 12, and now it is true. This is Boaz talking that I am a redeemer.

Yet there is a redeemer than I. So, uh-oh, we've got a problem. See, Boaz is honest. According to the way God set it up in Deuteronomy chapter 25, he goes, okay, I'm not your closest relative. I'm not first in line to be your redeemer. There is another guy. And instead of just taking what I want right now, I've got to run it by him first.

That's what he's doing, because he's honest. Verse 13, he says, so remain tonight and in the morning, if he will redeem you, good, let him do it. But if he is not willing to redeem you, then as the Lord lives, I will redeem you. Lie down until the morning. A part of the reason he's going, now just stay right here. Think about it for a second. It's payday. Everybody's working.

They had this big party because it's harvest time. There's a bunch of young single dudes running around, drink. too much in this time. She's a Moabite girl with no attachment to anybody, and he understands that her safety is more important than anything else. So he says, look, you just lay down right here. So she lay at his feet until morning. So they did not have sex. If you don't know, then that's impossible. Okay? She's down there by the feet. But arose before one could recognize another, and he said, let it not be known that the woman came to the threshing floor. So he's really concerned about her. So she's taking that walk of shame, but he's like, hey, listen, let's just keep

this between us, all right, because we've got a plan. And he said, just before she leaves, bring the garment that you were wearing and hold it out. And so she held it, and he measured six measures of barley, and he put it on her. So once again, he's generous to her. And then she went into the city. Now again, we see that she's a hard worker. She's not afraid of working hard. like she's gleaning she's beating out the ephah that's how she would get the grain she's toting all these six measures of grain back home and when she came to her mother-in-law she said how did you fare my daughter like how did the plan work and then she told her all that the man had done for her this is a big verse listen and then ruth told naomi all that boas had done this is the most important

word for her not to her guys that's the fundamental difference right there not all that she had done for him but all that he had done for her hey husbands what have you done for your wife lately not to her not with her or not her for you you want to check your marriage real quick looks i'm the first in line that needs to work on this like crazy. To begin to think, okay, if tomorrow Gretchen goes to lunch with one of her friends and one of her friends go, how did you fare? How has it been? Could she then tell her friend all that I had done for her? Or is it all just what she has done for me? Or what I have done to her or with her or next to her? You see, what it means to be a good, godly man that is ready to provide and protect a woman as you do for her, period.

Verse 17. She says, these six measures of barley he gave me, for he said to me, you must not go back empty-handed to your mother-in-law. Again, you want to impress the girl? Don't forget to court mama. And she replied, wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out. For the man will not rest, but will settle the matter today. You know what this means?

no seven-year engagement. And then she's also saying, and you don't have to send him an email about the three things he needs to do, the rightly follow up on your kind of sketchy date that you have. He's a man, and if he's a godly man, he will take the lead and he will get things under control. You see, here's the point. Spend less time looking and much more time becoming. Spend less time looking. And honestly, this applies whether you're married or single.

If you're married, spend much less time looking at all the ways that your spouse can improve and spend much, much more time becoming the one that you promised that you were going to be. And if you're single, spend much less time looking for the one and spend much more time becoming the one that the one you're looking for is looking for. Instead of looking for someone to complete you like Jerry McGuire lied to us about, how about to look to complete the mission of God that God created for you? and then maybe under his sovereign hand he will bring somebody that you could say hey let us do this thing together and so listen i know anytime we talk about relationships we've got people with all kind of experiences

and i would just ask in what area of your life do you need to repent does your girl feel safe maybe you've been looking for your identity and a boy or a girl instead of looking for your identity in jesus honestly as a married person maybe you've been finding your identity in your marriage or your struggling marriage or your ex instead of finding your identity in Jesus, honestly, maybe you need to break up because you're not the man or woman that you need to be right now. Maybe you need to take a year off and say this is only confusing the situation and there's got a whole lot of work that I need to do in me before God ever brings somebody to be with me. Maybe as a husband and wife, this would be a great time.

By the way, if you're a husband and wife, you're not holding your hands right now, fellas, you're ready to go. okay and maybe man maybe you just got busy doing life shoulder to shoulder and you've forgotten to get face to face and you're and you just kind of been in marriage hibernation for a while and maybe honestly you need to repent because one of the reasons god put you together as a married couple is so you would show the world what it looks like for the groom to love his bride that Jesus would love his church that the average world would look at godly married people and go, something's going on there, and something is the redemptive work of Christ on the cross.

And so the good news is this, is that Ruth goes to Boaz and says, you are a redeemer. So whether you're single or divorced or married or remarried or wherever you are, we have a redeemer, and it is not Boaz. Our redeemer is Jesus. And Jesus says to every single one of us, no matter, If everything's going great, you're happily married, praise God, or whether you're just in a hopeless situation, to every single one of us, our Redeemer says, come here. Come to the table. That is the invitation of our kinsman Redeemer, and his name is Jesus.

So would you pray with me? Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, God, I thank you and I praise you that you are the perfect Redeemer. God, I thank you that it is not good for man. to be alone that you have wired us for relationships. And Lord, I thank you, and I praise you for good, strong, healthy marriages that declare the gospel by demonstrating mutual submission one to another. Lord, I pray for the men and women in this place that have been banged up and beaten up. Lord, sometimes it's because some pretty awful people have done some pretty awful things.

And then sometimes it's our own self-inflicted wounds. And God, I thank you that there's the healing bomb of the blood of Jesus found at the cross for every single one of us. And so, Lord, it is my prayer that we would fix our eyes on you. We would not fix our eyes on our marital status, but we would fix our eyes on you, the author and the perfector of our faith, and that we would run the race that you have marked out for us.

And when it's the right time, God, with the right person, that maybe, for many folks, God, you would send that person to run alongside them. And then, God, if you don't, praise God because you are more than enough this God we love you we prayed in Jesus name amen