The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 6: The Honeymoon

Episode Date: February 21, 2021

The key to great sex is being a great servant of your spouse. Click Series Resources to download the series journal, watch RELATE and more.

Amen and amen. You guys look nervous. This is the week we've been waiting on. Grab your Bible, Song of Solomon chapter 4. I want you to get your Bible out. If you need one, there's one in front of you or get an app out with the Bible on it because I need you to see these words for yourself

that I'm just not making stuff up. This is in the Bible. Hey, listen, when you travel, if you go by plane or train, one of the most important things you need to know when you sit on the plane or train is, is this plane going where I want to go? Well, let me tell you where this train's going today.

We are going to talk about how to have great sex. So if you don't want to hear that and you should get yourself to leave right now because that's all we're going to talk about for like 50 minutes. And I don't know about you, but it's a very important part of my life and there's a couple of prerequisites to great sex.

One is you've got to know Jesus and two is you got to be married. And now you might be going, uh-uh, uh-huh, uh-huh, and let me tell you why. And you may be saying, no, I have great sex. No, you may have often sex, you may have stranger sex, you may have acrobatic sex,

you may have girlfriend sex, you may have just met you tonight's sake, whatever you have, okay? But in order for you to have great sex, One is you've got to commit your whole life to somebody for all of your life, and sex is not about what you can get, but how you can serve one another. And secondly, if all you know of sex is the act itself and not the giver and creator of sex, then it will just terminate upon activity, and it will never roll into something even greater than that. And so we're going to talk about how to have great sex. When's the last time you heard a sermon about how to have great sex?

Most of the time at church, when you hear about sex, it's just y'all stop. That's pretty much the whole sermon, which has its place for sure, but I want you to understand that God wants his married believers to each other to have great sex. When I say great, we're not talking about how limber you are in dance moves and things like that. Jesus redefines great in Matthew chapter 20 when he says, if you want to be a great, you become a servant of one another. And what we're going to talk about here is that God, God wants you, if you're married, and believe in hymns, you have great sex. And so if you can get on board with that, open your Bible. Let's do Song of Solomon chapter 4, verse 1.

They are finally married. They're on their honeymoon. Remember last week we did the vow? So the wedding is over. Now they're at the Sheraton or wherever you go in ancient Israel. And he says this. Up to this point, she's done the majority of the speaking, and now he is going to start talking. and he says this.

He says, behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful. Now husbands, pay attention to this. Even though he's got the green light from God, from the pastor, and from her, he is still not in a hurry. Notice where he starts. He is going to talk. He doesn't just immediately start touching. He is going to talk. And when the Bible says that love is patient, that's not for dating.

couples, that is also for married people. That even once you get married, if you've been married for a long time, the body is still not an appetizer, it is the dessert. And so what he is going to do, he doesn't just jump right in. He doesn't come tearing out of the bathroom like a wrestling match. No, no, no, no. He's going to stop, and he is going to continuously pursue her with tender words like he has this entire time.

And then he starts here. He starts with their eyes. He says, your eyes are doves behind your veil. And here's what he's saying. The Bible says that the eyes are like windows to the soul. What he's saying is, I want you. I don't want just something from you. I don't just want this activity here.

I'm not thinking about me. I want you. And if you'll remember when they were dating, he said, you're like a dove in the cleft of the rock, and he created the kind of environment where she knew that it was safe for her to come out. Now, she's about to put herself in the most vulnerable position she's ever been in her entire life. She's a virgin when we get married.

We'll see that in a little while. This is the first time they're ever going to get undressed together, and I'm sure she's nervous. And what he is saying essentially is this. I'm going to take my time. I'm going to compliment you, and I want you to know you can trust me. You are not a means to my end, but I love you. This is what he's saying. He says, your eyes are dubs.

behind your veil. Now what he is going to do from this moment on is he is going to begin to undress his wife and he's going to start. I think his intentions were to start at the tip of her hand and go to her toes. He gets about to the acoter and he never makes it out of there. Okay, so that's where we'll end. But she is, now she's going to take off her wedding cap and he says this. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. All right. Now just pump the brakes there, you Bible literalist, okay? Let me explain what this means. Because I know some of you Bible guys are going to get into a heat of passion with your wife today and be like, baby, you got like a goat head. That's not what he's saying.

He's not calling her a goat head. Okay. If you ever go to Israel, there's hills everywhere, and what she is doing is this super provocative move. You see, in ancient times, a Hebrew woman would always wear her hair up. She would not let her hair down. And what she's done, she's taken off her wedding cap. She's pulled the pen on her messy bun, and she did the pert plus shake thing, and her hair's falling on the mountains. and he is saying like someone that would look at a beautiful landscape and see a shepherd grazing

his flocks that came on down the mountains, I am looking at you and I am into this. That's what he's saying. Your hair is like a flock of goats leaping down the slopes of Gilead. Verse two, your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes. You know why he's going to talk about her teeth? Because she's grinning. That's what you're doing, your honeymoon. It means sweet month, and she's just, she can't stop smiling.

She's grinning. She's got white teeth. He's into that. They have come up from the washing. She's got clean teeth. Mouthwash is for play, people. Jot that down. All of which bears twins. She has straight teeth, and not one among them has lost its young. She has all her teeth. Okay? So we know she's not from Gainesville. All right. So, verse three, your lips are like a scarlet thread and your mouth is lovely. Your cheeks are like halves a pomegranate behind your veil. Now the veil is coming off, and what he's saying is, is that he's standing there, and he's complimenting her, telling her how beautiful she is, and now she's blushing. And so he says, your cheeks are like pomegranates. Now notice this,

fellas, notice. We are three verses in, and he hasn't made it below her chin. Some of you good old boys had already be over. They're like, all right, what's next? No, no, no. He is taking his time with her from top to bottom, and think about this. Think about this. He's just compliment. her. Like he's got the green light to go, but it's not go yet. It's just, he's still pursuing her and valuing her before he just jumps right in. Husbands, when's the last time you took a long time to just compliment your wife's physical beauty over and over and over. This is what he's doing. He says, your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate. Verse four, he says, your neck is like the Tower of David built on rows of stone on it, hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of

warriors. Okay, when he says he's got a neck like a Tower of David, he's not saying, baby, you've got the neck of a linebacker. That's not what he's saying, okay? The Tower of David represented the defense and the security of Israel, and they put it at the border so that their enemies could see it and be intimidated by how powerful Israel is. And what he is saying to her is, He is saying the way that you are holding yourself right now, the way that you are carrying yourself right now, demonstrate such a confidence that you believe that you are who God created you to be. Listen, ladies, we live in a world that lies to you all the time. Every Instagram you see, every TV commercial, every television show, the cover of every magazine,

lies to you and says, this is what you're supposed to look like. and what this woman has is she somehow she believes Psalm 139-14 that she is fearfully and wonderfully made that God's works are wonderful and somehow she knows that full well and think about this remember when this book started she didn't love the way she looked she said don't look at me I'm not much to look at I got a farmer's tan and everybody else has been taking care of their vineyard I haven't taken care of my vineyard and yet now she carries herself in a way that that represents a humble confidence and I'm just going to tell you ladies listen there's all kind of different sizes and shapes and looks and all that but there is nothing more attractive to a Christian man than his wife carrying herself with a humble

confidence that you just believe that you are who God created you to be so there she is with her neck erect and her shoulders back and speaking of shoulders back verse five he says your two breasts are like two fawns twins of the gazelle that graze among the lilies we're about to move here from looking to touching. Now, when he compares her breast to two baby deer, what's he saying? Is he like, baby, you like a furry woodland animal? No, no, no, no. Here's what he's saying. All right. Imagine that you were staying in a mountain cabin and you woke up one morning with a fresh pot of coffee and you walked out on the porch and out on this mountain lake. There were two beautiful little baby deer and you would see them. And what would you think?

Fellas, you'd be like, oh, look how cute and playful and perky. I just want to pet them. That's what he's thinking. So think about it, when you go to the zoo and they have like little goats and little furry animals like that, they put them in a place, they don't call it the looking zoo. It's called the petting zoo. Now, if you want a pet, a baby deer, how do you pet it? You don't come running out back. No, no, no, no, no.

It's not a bike horn. That's not what it is. He is going to continuously pursue her and honor her and value her. He's tender. Now listen, man, listen, we're just wired differently. I know you know this. And I know I'm going to speak in generalities, but newsflash, generalities are generally true. That's how they became generalities. And we're just wired different. Sexually, we're just wired different. Men and women, by and large, are wired different. Very generally speaking, men are microwaves, women are crockpots. That's just how it goes. Men are like a microwave. How long does it take to get ready? Now, I'm ready already, okay?

What can a man be doing and be ready to have sex? He can be doing his taxes, and his wife goes, you want to? But yeah, I'll pay the fine, let's go. What are we doing? No problem. Just like that. Women, crockpots. Did they get heated up?

For sure, but it's very complicated. There's lots of ingredients. You start turning it on. You come out. Is it ready? No, not yet. Still need to wait. Okay, all right.

How about now? No, okay, all right. We're still here. You know, it might take a minute. And oftentimes men will use romance to get sex, and women will often use sex to get romance. That's fine. That's fine. That's by and large how God made it and desired. Why? Because if all of humanity had the

sex drive of most men, there'd be a hundred billion people on the planet, but nothing would ever get accomplished. We'd still be sitting in caves looking at the fire going, you want to do it again? Okay, cool, let's go. All right, that'd be fine. But if everybody had the normal sex drive of a woman, then there'd be nine people on the whole planet. Just, hey, you want to talk? Yeah, let's just talk. Okay, that's how it would go. So, God has wired us. differently, but again, to have great sex, as defined by Jesus, the word great in Matthew chapter 20, is not what can I get, but how can I serve? And so he is continuously pursuing her. He doesn't just come bounding in to take. That's not what he's doing. He says this. In verse 6,

until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountains of myrr and to the hill of frankincense. In other words, all night long. I'm going to be with you. And what he is saying is, this is not just an activity, this is not just a physical activity. The Hebrew word for this kind of love is doed. It means the mingling of souls. And what he is saying is, I'm going to be tender with you,

I'm going to serve you, I'm going to take my time. And at this point, they have taken off all their clothes and husbands, if this is the only thing you get from this sermon. Pay attention to this. verse seven he says to her again she's never been without clothes on in front of another man in her entire life and now she is married to king solomon and he says to her you are all together beautiful my love there is no flaw in you husbands this is your line to your naked wife this is your only response to her you are altogether beautiful my love there is no flaw in you. And remember, remember, she doesn't like the way she looks. But honestly, hardly any woman likes the way she looks.

My wife is super fit, super pretty, and she'll still be like, I don't, but when I lean over, I get this thing, I'm like, well, stand up, you look awesome. Don't lean like that. I don't know what you're talking about, okay? And again, husbands, your wife lives in a world that lies to her every single day. Says if you're not beautiful, you're not lovable, and the standard of beauty is impossible. In fact, the very women that take the pictures that go on the front of the magazines, can't even live up to their own pictures because of all the computer stuff that happens.

You understand. But the reason, like, do you think she's actually perfect? Well, here's why he can say this with integrity, because husbands, your wife is your standard of beauty. And the reason that he can say to her, there is no flaw in you, because guess who she looks like every day? She wakes up every day and she looks like her. So he is saying, because you're mine, you are a 10 out of 10 every single day.

and here's why this matters, okay, here's why this matters. Because over time, over time, we change, we change. And so, listen, man, on your honeymoon, if you're young and 20 and all young, God bless you, God bless you. But whether you've been married for one day or when you're married for 60 years, you'll say the same thing. You'd be like, the phones used to play up here, and now they play down here. Praise God, no problem, okay?

Because that's yours and you're mine, and I love you, so that's what I love. This is what he's saying. You see, your spouse is your only legitimate source of romance, and great sex is fueled by exclusivity, and it takes a lifetime of giving all of yourselves to one another. Husbands, let me give you a little hint here. The more your wife feels this verse from you, the more sex you'll have.

The more your wife feels from you, you were altogether beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you, then the more your wife will be willing to stand with no clothes on in front of you. If you've never memorized the verse, this should be the first one you memorized, and you should start quoting it today. And then notice where he goes. Then he says, come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon, depart from the peak of Amina, from the peak of Seneer and Herman, from the den of lions from the mountains of leopards. Okay, this means a lot here. First of all, he mentions multiple peaks, and he's going to say, like a mountain climber, we're going to hit a lot of peaks.

You know what that means. But ultimately, what he's saying is this. He's saying this is a dangerous place. This whole world is dangerous. People will cuss at you on 9.95, and they'll yell at you at the grocery store and all of that. But when you walk into our bed chambers, I need you to hear me. This is a safe place for you. What he is saying is not, he's saying, I'm not seeing what I can take from you.

I promise, I'm going to take care of you. Do you see the difference? Again, this is a vulnerable experience for her. This is the first time they're ever going to have sex. And what he does is he is saying, I am here to take care of you. You see, because a part of what he's saying is what's about to happen is not just us servicing one another.

That this is a supernatural event that is about to happen. And I am going to protect our bedroom, and I am always going to protect you. You see, sex is not just physical. It's not. Sex is a reflection of how God created us. I mean, think about this. The Bible says that when married people in the covenant of marriage have sex,

that the two become one. They are two individual people, and yet somehow they become one. It is a reflection of God himself. One God and three persons, God the Father's Son and Holy Spirit, and God the Father's Son and Holy Spirit, are three distinct persons, and yet somehow in the Godhead, they are one. That when we join together sexually in the covenant of marriage,

it is a reflection of who God is. And not only that, it is the way that God designed for us to participate in creation with him. I mean, I'm going to tell you, we were married five years before we had our first kid. And a lot of people told us, man, when you have kids, it gets tougher. For us, it got better.

And a big reason I think it got better is because I had this constant, tangible, reminder that I love Gretchen, she loved me, and out of an overflow for our love towards one another, we made humans. That's how you were made too, that God was in a perfect love relationship with himself, and out of an overflow of God's love for God's self, it spilled out into image bearers of him. This is a really big deal. It's not just physical. And so he is saying, I am going to invite you in here, and it is safely. with me. I'm not going to take care. I'm not going to take from you. I'm going to take care of you.

Which leads me to this. I get this question. Every time I teach on this, I get this question. Some variation of Pastor Jovi, you've been married for X amount of years, and I just want to know what's legal in the bedroom. Can we fill in the blank? All right. So, it's a legit question. because where else are you going to find that out? I mean, you know, I had one guy said, we went to the Bible books for Adam and Eve to find out, not a Bible bookstore. Right, don't go in there.

That's not where you want to find stuff out. So the question is, all right, so we know what flee sexual immorality is outside of marriage, but what about after you're married? Well, the way the question comes sometimes is it legal. So if it is illegal, then it is out. Like if you're 25, want a date of 15-year-old, illegal. in God's word it is illegal to add any other humans, any other people to your marriage. That includes pictures and videos because those are people. No pornography at all.

And ultimately, I don't have like a list. I'm like, this is okay and that's not okay. Remember in 1st Corinthians chapter 6, the Corinthians said all things are legal and then Paul says, yeah, but not all things are beneficial. So the key question is this, is it beneficial? Does it honor and serve your spouse? And then ultimately, the only way you're going to know this, because typically this is how it goes, there's one of you that's usually more adventurous and there's another that is a little less adventurous.

To the more adventurous one, listen, is that you can make your spouse, especially, it's usually the husband, but, you know, I don't know. Your wife is not a sanctified prostitute that you just get to fulfill all your hopes and dreams with and all your fantasies. If there are some unmet fantasies, then remember we talked about this a couple weeks ago,

you take those, you cast all your cares upon Jesus because he cares for you. And then to the less adventurous one, you know, I would say maybe loosen up a little bit. But the key is you got to talk. You got to talk. And I mean, after you have sex, you should talk about it and you should review it like a football coach reviewing football film. Now, I'm not saying film might be like, well, what you did with your foot there. No, that's not what I'm talking about. What I mean is, generally speaking, you need to help one another.

like, hey, that was a great play. You should continue to run that play. And then some of them be like, that one's out of the playbook. Never again, okay? Because ultimately what you're trying to do is not get some. What you're trying to do is serve one another. But as far as that goes, okay, as far as that goes, once you are just making sure you serve one another,

then I would say, be as kinky as you want to. Do your thing. If you want to put a pole in the bedroom and dress up like Batman and Batman, and back girl and get some fuzzy handcuffs and get a leather mask with a zipper mouth and come swinging in like a wrecking ball. Praise God, glory to God, okay? Whatever it does that you honor and serve one another. I know some of you old boys are like, this is the best church I've ever been to in my life, baby. It should have visited a long time ago. But again, the goal is not like what can I get. The goal is how can I serve and take care

of you? Verse 9. He says this, you have captivated my heart. my sister, my bride. You'll see several times throughout the song of Solomon, he calls her sister and bride. He's not from Kentucky. That's not what he's talking about. He's saying that we're of the same faith. You have captivated my heart.

Again, this is him talking. You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride. You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. Okay, wives listen to me. Yes, we're wired differently, and yes, he's probably more physical than you, and he's way more visual.

all those things are true, and he can be ready like this, but sometimes we overplay that generalization a little too much. And for your husband, too, this is not just a physical issue, this is a heart and soul issue. It matters to him. Like, he wants to love you and be loved by you, not just be serviced. And I think a part of the reason that God gave us sex

is so that we could express our love to one another. because listen, man, I love Gretchen so much. I don't have words. I can't fully tell her. I don't know how to fully explain it. And neither to you, especially you good old boys. I mean, unless you're Shakespeare or, you know, some poet, you have a hard time fully and expressing it. And you'll try and be like, baby, I love you like I love the Jaguars during draft day.

I mean, you know, you come into stupid stuff. And yet what God has done is through sex with our words and our touch towards one another. what God has done has given us this opportunity to love and serve one another. I mean, if you think about how a pilot flies like a 747, all of that energy and all of that poundage and all of those people and luggage and fuel, he can change the whole direction of that thing just by moving his hands a little bit. And in a similar way, this is what happens in the bedroom. it's where hearts and souls connect it's a really big deal which by the way wives is why

if and when your husband pursues you and he gets rejected it dings him a little and don't take that out of context i am not giving him permission to not pursue and love and all of that and i am also not saying that whenever he wants to you have to that's not what we're talking about okay so here the like totality of the series here but i just want you to know it takes some vulnerability for a husband even to reach out and pursue his wife. Because we're not wired well for rejection. And what will begin to happen is he pursues you and he reaches out his hand. And if you slap that hand in a dishonoring way, then the next time he doesn't come with a strong hand, he comes at you kind of T-Rex. And then he gets his hand slapped enough and eventually his hands are

in his pockets and he's like, no, I don't think it's worth the risk anymore. Now, and then here's the problem. You do that long enough, and the reason your sex life is no good is because you're not practicing enough, and you're not good at things you don't practice. And sometimes you just need to reset, and again, I'm not saying, we'll get to a verse that talks about this in a little while, but another way to do it is this, is there is a way for you to, there's another way where you can say, not no, but not now, that you can turn him down with a little bit of hope and a little bit of instruction. Because the fundamental question in every man's heart is this, do I have what it takes? And wives, we need your help to hear from you. You have what it takes. You're the man.

And there is a way for you to say, not now, and you can instruct a little bit. Like, hey, I appreciate the pursuit. Praise God. Thank you for that. There's a lot of wives that don't even feel pursued by their husband's. High five there. However, as I'm walking out the door going to carpool, not a great time. You can help him with his strategy so as to help him. And so he says, listen, this is about my heart, and this isn't just physical. Verse 10, he says, how beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride, how much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice. Here's what he is saying. You see, in the Old Testament, hang in here, Baptist.

In the Old Testament, they used wine as evidence of God's goodness to them and they would celebrate God's gifts by drinking wine. And he said, as good as good wine is, you are better than wine. He understands that sex is not God. You can take a good thing,

make it a God thing, that's a bad thing. He also understands sex is not gross and it's only for making children. He knows that. But sex is a gift for God, from God. And here's why married Christians have the greatest sex on the planet, because it doesn't terminate in and of itself. You see, we live in a world that's obsessed with technique.

And that's why on the front of magazines, you'll see, like, you know, the magazines that the gorgeous are 100 ways to please your man and 50 things to do with a lollipop. And you're like, what are people doing with lollipops? And you know, he's like, what are you talking about? And yet, did you know, statistically speaking, those are the most dissatisfied sexual people on the planet? that the most sexually satisfied people on the planet are middle-aged church-going married Christians. You know why?

Because God's way is best. And what you're saying, like, so a great sex life ought to be worship. And I'm not saying you should sing worship songs while you're, I'm not saying that. That's weird, okay? Your love is like a, no, I'm not saying that. But what I am saying is, it is an expression of God, thank you so much. You said, he who finds a wife, finds what is good, and I found a good one. Rejoice in the wife of your youth, and God, I rejoice in this moment.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is not just a physical activity, that this is a means to a God-glorifying end. Verse 11. He says, your lips drip, nectar, my bride, honey and milk are under your tongue. Now they are kissing. Not just smooching, they are kissing. and he says that there is honey and milk under her tongue. This ain't like you peck your grandma.

That ain't what they're doing. What kind of kiss is this? Some people say it's a French kiss. France did not come into existence till 843 at the Treaty of Verdun. A Hebrew kiss outdates a French kiss by 1,800 years. A sloppy, wet kiss is biblical. You should kiss a lot. Says the fragrance of your garment, like the fragrance of Lebanon, verse 12.

Now we're getting all, she's completely no clothes on. He says, a garden locked up is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed. All throughout the saga of Solomon, they are going to use this metaphor of a garden to describe not only anatomy but sexuality. And he will describe his wife and any woman as a well for obvious anatomical reasons. And he will describe the man as a spring. and what he's saying here is your garden has been locked up in other words this is a private garden this is not a public park and literally the word here it's the same word we get paradise from and he is saying nobody else's fountain has been near your well now later in the book he is

going to call her a spring fed well so put that together in your mind he says your shoots or an orchard of pomegranates with all choices fruits he calls it fruits because it meets wants and needs. It's both nutritious and sweet. Then he says, Henna with gnarred, gnarred with saffron, calumous, and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all choice spices. Verse 15, a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams of Lebanon. What he is saying, very graphically, is he's using this garden analogy to explain what is happening to her physically and that she wants to sleep with him. But notice he is taking his time. And now the crock pot is hot is what he is saying.

Now, before we get to verse 16, you remember that three times in the song of Solomon, we hear these words, do not arouse or awake in love, do not arouse or awake in love, do not arouse or awaken love. This next verse, awake. He was going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and now they're going, Go, go, go, go, go, go. This is where they are. Awake, oh, north wind, and come, oh, south wind. By the way, in Israel, a north wind is rough. A south wind is a gentle breeze.

So every time married people, you have sex, it doesn't have to be all, sometimes it's rock me like a wagon wheel, sometimes it's a Kenny G soundtrack. You understand? Awake, oh, north wind, and come, oh, south wind, blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. What is he saying?

He is saying this. what he's saying. Man, if you don't think that's funny, I don't know what to tell you. Loosin up, church, people. That's Hebrew for let's get it on. God is not looking at us like, what in the name of me are they talking about down there? It's in the Bible. I told you people read your Bible. This is what is happening in this moment. They have not been in a hurry. He's pursued her. He's valued her. He's loved her. Even on their honeymoon night, he started at the tip of her head, and he worked his way down, and now she's like, let's go. And so they do.

She says, let my beloved come to his garden and eat its choices fruits. Notice this, married women. She is responsive. She's responsive. Listen, I promise you, that is what your husband wants from you more than anything else. Doesn't matter how limber you are, none of that kind of stuff, how good you can dance, none of that, okay? He, what he wants more than anything from you is to be responsive. If you want to be great in the bedroom, then be responsive.

Because often what happens to marry people is it turns into like offense defense. You know, it's like he's trying all the time and you're in prevent, trying to keep him from scoring. It's like hiding secret. You're like, all, you found me. Go ahead. It's not that at all. That she is very responsive. Let my beloved come into his garden.

The crock pot is cooking is what she's saying. You see, we talk about Ephesians 5 a lot. kind of the primary verses about husbands and wives. In wives in that, it says, wives submit to your own husband as unto the Lord. That word submit doesn't mean he makes all the decisions. That means he's the boss. He's not the dictator. None of those things. It's just an invitation to lead. And so he has pursued her. He has loved her like Christ loved the church. And now she invites him to leave. Ladies, sometimes you can invite your husband to pursue you. It's as easy as you reach out and you grab his hand. Stand up. Take

one step towards the bedroom, I'm almost positive he'll know where to go from there. And what it means to be responsive is if he holds your hand, you squeeze it back. You take that as far as your mind will go, and that's what it means. You see, and fellas, listen, man, pay attention to the cues and the clues. Pay attention to the cues and the clues. One of the things I love, man, I hate texting, but I love emojis. Because with emojis, they can tell you what a text means. one time I was here at the church leading a meeting and I get this text from Gretchen it just said

come home now that can mean a lot of things sometimes she'd be like come home we need to talk and I've learned over 20 years that when she says we need to talk that doesn't mean we need to talk that means she needs to talk and I need to listen that's what that means but on this one it said come home and it had a heart and a little smiley face but it had heart eyes right and I was like oh and I texted it back I was like oh I so want to right now but I'm leading a meeting a couple of seconds later, get another text that said, I thought you were the boss. So I stood up and said, meeting adjourned. I am the boss. I'm going home. Everybody can go home if you want to. She, the Shulamite woman, is responsive to her man. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat

its choice as fruits. Chapter 5, verse 1, now they're into the cuddle time. He says this, I came to my guard, my sister, my bride, I gathered my my my my my mur with my spice. I ate my honey com with my honey. I drank my wine with my milk. My, my, my, my, my, my, my. the two have become one. Now, this next verse, people kind of debate over who's speaking. Some people say it's their friends. Lord, I hope not. I hope not are not hanging out outside the window of the Sheraton, listen, and be like,

go Solomon. Good. That's weird. I am in the camp of folks that believe that this is the only time in the song of Solomon when God himself speaks up. That God is not approved when it comes to a husband and wife in the covenant of marriage having a great and enjoyable sex life. He says to them, eat friends, drink, and be drunk with love, that God wants you to enjoy one another. He says, rejoice in the wife of your youth, that you

should delight in her at all times. God is for your marriage and God wants you to have a great sex life. And again, great is not about what you get. Great is serving one another. You see, here's the point. The key to great sex is being a great servant of your spouse. It's about giving of yourself for your whole life, not taking from your spouse. Even some of the terminology people use is so crude and rude and has no understanding of what sex is. Sex is not getting some. Sex is not about what you get. Sex is how you can serve your spouse. Again, if you've got a problem in the bedroom, and you're married, you probably got a gospel problem. Because the Bible says, we talk about this all the time,

it says that we are supposed to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That husbands, you were supposed to submit to your wives and wives you're supposed to submit to your husbands. And when you submit to somebody, all it is, it's, no, no, no. Your deal is bigger than my deal. That's what that means. And then wives, it says wives,

submit to your own husbands as unto the Lord. Again, submission is an invitation to lead. My own very bottom shelf definition of the word submit in the New Testament for wives is this. That just means that your job is to make your husband feel like the man. Because let me just tell you, emotionally, none of us have ever graduated from about the eighth grade. It's just true. And we all, every man in here has a fundamental question in his soul, do I have what it takes? And what's crazy is that God has put you in our lives to echo the gospel in our lives.

because we all know the truth, and the truth is, in and of myself, no, I don't have what it takes. I'm a failure. But God sends you along to help us know that in Christ Jesus, that God has given us everything we need to accomplish everything that God has called us to accomplish, that in Christ Jesus, that we can be the man that God has called us to be. And listen, man, there's a bunch of really successful men in this church at all of our campuses, some really successful men, some men that have made tons of money,

that started businesses, that invented thing, that saves lives, that fought wars, all of those things. I mean, relatively speaking, I'm successful. Pastor of this church, can't believe I get to be a part of it. I travel around the world, and people fill up rooms to sit and listen to me and write down what I say and then go and apply it. And yet, as encouraging as that is to me, the thing that most encourages me, I can go home today and if Gretchen can't get the pickle jar open and she's that baby can you help me and I can pop that thing off and if she's just all she needs she's just like oh so strong

hair can leave I'm telling you it means more than 10,000 emails from church people so if a comment about a pickle jar can make me feel like the man imagine imagine what the bedroom could do and husbands we have been called to love our wives like Christ love the church. Think about how he loved us. He constantly pursues us. He never pouts when he doesn't get what he wants. That he loves us no matter what and he pursues and he pursues and he pursues and he pursues and he never neglects and he never takes. He loves us. And she wants to know that she is not a means to your sexual appetite end, but that you love and pursue her. Paul talks about this in 1st Corinthians chapter 7.

A part of the reason I want to go over these verses is because I can preach them, but you can't quote them at home. Husbands, if you quote this verse, you can't come to this church anymore, okay, because you're too dumb to talk to. These are verses that Paul gives by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to the church, but they are just meant to, like, receive and meditate on for yourself. He says this, 1st Corinthians chapter 7, verse 3, the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights.

You know what that means, fellas? It happens all the time, I know. Like, you've been working hard all day, and you get home from work, and she just can't keep her hands off of you. And you're like, baby, I thought we could just cuddle. Well, guess what? According to the scriptures, for the glory of God,

and for the benefit of your wife, you have to have sex with her, all right? Now, I'm going to be honest. I don't know why this verse is in here. Okay, maybe it's just a set up to the other side of it, which says this, and likewise, the wife to her husband. Now again, I'm not saying, like, nobody's a slave of one another or anything like that, all right? But if you're not in the mood all the time, what the Bible says is, well, it ain't all about

you all the time. Then it goes on to say, likewise, the wife to her husband, for the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. if a feminist ran out, her head would explode right here into place. But the opposite is true. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. That when you got married, you gave all of yourself for all of your life to your spouse. Then it says, very specifically, pointedly, do not deprive one another.

Do not deprive one another. Do not deprive one another. that your, listen, your spouse is the only legitimate source of romance in your life. Don't deprive one another. Why is I'd say it this way? You are the only clean drinking water in town, and the brother gets thirsty. Now, there is no excuse if he ever drinks dirty water, ever, ever, but I'm talking about every other source of water out there is malaria-infested mission trip going to make you die of water. You understand? And again, I'm not saying it's your first. fault if he stepped out and did something sinful. That's not what I'm saying, but I am saying the

Bible gives us a responsibility to understand that if you are married, you are the only clean source of drinking water in your home and your spouse gets thirsty. And so he says, do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourself to prayer. So sometimes you can say, not tonight if you want to pray. I'm like, I want to pray too. And then you all can pray together. But remember how Jesus taught us to pray. He said, when you pray, don't go on and on and on and on. Pray short prayers. And then come together again

so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. In other words, like you know this to be true, you ever go to Publix before dinner? You ever notice how there's some stuff you don't even like that seems to be appetizing and you're like, I'm in the cereal aisles. Look a little cat and crunch.

That looks delicious. You forgot it to make your mouth bleed, all right? Now again, I'm not saying anything is anybody's fault. That's not what we're talking about here. But he's saying, don't go shopping hungry. Let me ask you this. This would be a great, I dare you to have this conversation with your wife. Ask her, do you feel deprived?

And oftentimes, if she does feel deprived, she probably feels deprived of romance and value. And wives, I dare you'd ask your husband, do you feel deprived? And then when they talk, just listen, okay? Because healthy, married Christians have lots of great sex. And again, great the way Jesus defines it in Matthew 20. Not what I can take, but can I take care of you? That's different. Last month, I was hunting in Texas with a dear friend of mine, Matt Carter, and he shared this.

An older pastor told him this. We were meeting with this younger pastor, this new church plant. And he said, this old pastor told him this, if you can stay emotionally in love with Jesus and you can stay emotionally in love with your wife, the devil can't. you. There's some wisdom there. Do not deprive one another. So, I thought long and hard about how do I, how do I close up this sermon? I mean, how do you end this, right? Quote the book of James, be ye not merely hearers of the word, but go and do what it says. I hope so, man. I hope there's lots of sky rockets in flight today, all right, but I can't tell you what to do, but let me tell

you some homework I'd love for you to have for married people. husbands and wives I want you to ask each other this question how can we improve our sex life now it may be good but it can be better and I just want you to ask that question to each other how can we improve our sex life now when you do this ladies don't correct him okay don't tell him everything he's doing wrong we're talking about how how you can improve it and this one fellas when she starts sharing with you don't get defensive and don't tell her how to feel because that's what's talk about this a lot next week. She'd be like, well, I feel like you. You can't feel like that. I don't feel that way. Quit telling her how to feel. Are you going to do? You're going to ask the question and then maybe you should take notes or just move, mm, you know. And wives, he's probably

going to have a very short answer. It may only be one word. More? Okay. Listen, that's a legit answer. And this is your opportunity to help him. Say, you know what? I want you to have more to. So let me help you pursue me in ways that will help you. And you can help me. Maybe you review that book, The Five Love Languages, we talked about a few weeks ago. Maybe you could point out some, like I said before, like, hey, this is a good time to pursue, this is not a good time to pursue, that you could help him. That you can help him. You don't have to come to bed every night smelling like a weed eater.

You know, there's some things like that. Like, you know what's really neat is when we go out on a date, that's kind of cool. You know, those kind of things. You could help him. You could help him there. And then, husbands, Gretchen helped me with this. She's probably going to say something around intentionality. She's probably going to say something around intentionality.

And this is what Gretchen said. She says, husbands, she wants you to be turned on because you have been pursuing her, not necessarily pursue her because you got turned on. Do you see the difference? Confession, man, I can be the worst. I can be the worst. love Gretchen so much. I try to pursue her and compliment her and all that, and it takes me one second to get so selfish and lazy and work hard and then just sit on the couch and flip

channels to basketball. I don't even like basketball, but it's the sport on right now, and I watch it a little bit, and then not pursue her all day long, and then I hear the shower turn on and I think, somebody's naked, and then I go, I'm going to him, hey, I'm going to pursue you for a minute. Okay? And when I do that, even though she's my wife and 1st Corinthians 7 is in the book, but I made a vow to love, honor, and cherish. It's not very loving, honoring, or cherishing. And again, ladies, be responsive again. You know, you don't have to come to bed every night

and like that old shirt that you got from your team building exercise back at work. Couldn't see through it if you stood on the sun. He's like, but it's comfortable. Okay, that's cool, man. There's lots of time for comfort, but sometimes you've got to, like, dress for the job you want. You know what I'm saying?

Show up ready. That's kind of thing. But have that conversation, talk about it. And here's why. We talked about this last week, man. The story of the Bible is there's a wedding and then there's a war. The first thing, the first thing the enemy showed up to tear down was a marriage with God in the middle. And so this is an area all throughout our culture that he has come at like crazy.

that he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And Jesus has come that you might have life and have it abundantly. And that means in the bedroom, too. Married Jesus' followers, God wants you to have great sex, great sex. So the way we're going to close is this, man. I was talking to some staff about this sermon.

And one of them said, you know what, I think there's a bunch of married people. They just need to hit the reset button. I mean, you're just getting these kind of lazy ruts where you take each other for granted and that kind of thing. They just need to hit the reset button. And I know, I know at all of our locations, I know we giggle a lot because it's kind of a defense mechanism when it comes to talking about sex and sexuality. But there's a lot of you, and you don't have the sex life God intended for you because of sin, because of your own sin. And it could be sin from the past that has crept into your marriage.

like maybe you had sex before you got married with your spouse or maybe with somebody else and you've never really addressed that or maybe even after you got married there was some sexual sin by one of you whether it was pornography or an affair or whatever it is and you are letting the ghost of that past sin haunt your current marriage

and then there are some of you and it's not because of what you have done but something was done to you that somebody that you trusted was not very trustworthy. And maybe you were sinned against. It wasn't your fault at all. But maybe you were molested or raped or sexually assaulted. And the enemy still uses that sin that was perpetrated against you

to try to tell you lies in the marriage that you're in. Well, I've got some really good news for you. If it was your sin, you need forgiveness and repentance. And if it was somebody else's sin against you that is creeping into and affecting your marriage, you need to be healed. And the good news is that Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, is the source of both forgiveness and healing. And I want you to know this. Before Jesus ever went into public ministry, I don't know if you've ever thought about this,

before he ever went into full-time public walking around preaching and healing ministry, he was a carpenter. You know what that means that Jesus has always been really, really good. at taking broken things and putting them back together. And he can take our broken lives and even our broken marriages and our broken past. And he, by the good news of the gospel, by the blood that he shed, by the authority that he has over all things, and he can put us back together wholly and completely again.

And so in just a second, the band's going to play, we are going to sing about how good he is and that he's never going to leave us. He's never going to leave us. He's never going to leave us. And I'm going to invite you to come and pray. If you're a married couple, it would be a great opportunity to come and pray. Some of you may need to repent of some sin to confess and repent. And then to finally put to death that sin and give it no free rent in your relationship anymore.

And for some of you that have been sinned against, you need to come and kneel at the foot of the cross and be healed by the redeeming blood of Jesus Christ. You are valuable and you should be treated as valuable. The God, Almighty, who is a good father, loves his kids, and he desires for us to have an abundant life. And that includes a great sex life. For married people, that means that you're not there to take, but you're there to take care of one another.

So please stand. Let me pray for you. our good and gracious heavenly Father, Lord, we love you because you first loved us. And God, I pray for the marriages at our church. Lord, I pray that by the stripes of Jesus that we are healed, God, I pray for the folks that have been abused. And the enemy is trying to use that past sin against them to tell them they're condemned. Lord, I just claimed that therefore now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. God, I thank you that you delight over to your God.

your children. God, I thank you that we don't have to do the things we used to do because we're not the people that we used to be, that we are a new creation. The old is gone and dead, and we are alive in you. God, I pray for the marriages at 1122. Holy Spirit, I pray that you would breathe new life into marriages. God, from the ones that are good and godly and that sometimes just get lazy and fall in a rut, would you just remind them and shake them up to set their eyes on you so that they could glorify you together. God, for the marriages that feel like they're dead, God, I thank you and I praise you that if you can breathe new life into your dead son, then you can breathe new life into a marriage. And Lord, if it seems impossible, Lord, I thank you and I praise you that if the tomb is empty,

anything is possible. So God, I pray that husbands would love their wives. God, I pray that wives would honor and respect their husbands. And God, I pray that the marriages of our church will be a demonstration to our planet, a foreshadowing of that day when you come back to get your bride. And we pray this all in the good, strong name of Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen. So we're going to sing, we're going to bring, and I want to invite you to come pray.