The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 8: Maturing in Love

Episode Date: March 7, 2021

Your love can grow old or you can grow old in love. It’s your call. Click Series Resources to download the series journal, watch RELATE and more.

Amen and amen. Who was that young man in that video? Good. Dr. Paul looks the exact same. I have aged like a banana. So, blame you. You people did this to me, okay? So, hey, if you got your Bible,

Song of Solomon chapter 7, we got a lot to cover. This week, we are going to talk about maturing in love. We have followed our couple. They met, they courted, they got married, they went on the honeymoon. That was fun. Last week we talked about how they fight,

and the reason is because your marriage is worth fighting for, and the reason you fight for your spouse and not with your spouse is because we were enemies of God, and he fought for us. And now what we're going to get in chapter 7 is the moment from, they get home from the honeymoon, they have their first conflict, they solve that, and then how they mature in love until death do they part. You see, because we live in a world that is very different than what the Bible lays out. You see, we live in a world where it's very easy to fall in love. In fact, I don't even like the word, the term fall in love. Sounds like an accident. I didn't mean to. I fell in it. It got on me. And the problem of that is if you fall in it,

then you can fall again and fall out of it. And it doesn't take much to fall in love these days. All you need is a finger in an iPhone. There are 1,500 organizations right now that will take your money to help you fall in love. Did you know that? It's crazy. But what the Bible talks about is something very, very different. It's not only do we love our spouse in the beginning with a whole bunch of energy and effort, but also we are supposed to continuously love them and mature in our love. But that's not the way the world says it. You see, what our world buys into is what JC said, not Jesus Christ, but Johnny Cash of prophet back in the day. He said, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. We've been talking about Jackson ever since the fire went out.

And that's how a lot of people see marital love. Like it's all hot and heaven. in the beginning, but then eventually you just kind of get old, and you just sort of do to wheat eating and to cleaning, and your roommates, and you kind of hang out, and then one day you find yourself just sitting at Denny's eating a grand slam, but nothing to talk about. That is not the biblical standard for how married people are supposed to be together. You see, this past week, I've been at the retreat center. I hope you'll go to one of the retreats there this year with a bunch of pastors from all over the southeast, and we're kind strategizing on how to sponsor 10,000 more kids, release them from poverty in Jesus' name with

Compassion International. And one of the things we do at the retreat center is we sit around the campfire. Now at my house, I got like the fake con. You know, you just flip the switch and the gas goes, which is great, because then when you've got to turn it off, you just turn it off. But when I'm outside, I want a real fire. I want logs to crackle. I want it to be slightly dangerous. I want to stink when I go to bed. That's what I want. And then sometimes when you're around the campfire and you're into deep conversation with somebody, you neglect the campfire and then what happens, it begins to go out. It will not just, it will not just eternally run, like the gas fake thing you've got at your house. You've got to go get some logs and you've got to

add them to the fire. And sometimes what Christians can do in their marriage is they begin to neglect the relationship and quit adding logs to the fire. What I hope to do in our time together here is to give you some logs from the scripture. And by the way, if you're easily offended, this is the wrong service to come to. We're going to go some master level Hebrew stuff. I'm going to show you some stuff in the Bible you never dreamed was in there. And these are some serious logs. You see, the reason that our love should not grow cold when we're married is because our marriage is a reflection of God's love for us. And the Bible says that God is love and God's love does not grow cold, his love does not grow stale, that we are supposed to increase in knowledge and depth of insight in our relationship with

him and the same thing is true in our marriage. And so what we're going to do is we're going to hold up the word of God like a mirror to see our reflection in it. And we're going to trust that the spirit of God is going to convict us, not condemn us. So if you feel some condemnation, that is not the language of the Father. That's a lie from the enemy, because therefore now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. But every single one of us can up our game a little bit. And what we're going to do is we are going to be convicted that we've got to do better when we get home in regards to being a husband in regards to being a wife.

And listen, when I say that the Bible is like a mirror, I get that from James, and every single one of us did the same thing today. We looked in a mirror. And when you looked in a mirror, you made an assessment. And every single one of us said, there's a problem. And then what you did with that problem is you did not abdicate responsibility.

You didn't say, Martha, we need new pillows. Look what it did in my face and hair. No, you stood there over the sink and you did something about it. And there's always somebody who's like, not me. We can tell, bro. you should join a disciple group.

You've got issues, all right? So what we want to do is hold up the mirror of the word of God, see the reflection as a husband and as a wife, to see how we can serve God and serve one another better. And it's going to quickly go back to the bedroom. Praise God. And I'm just going to tell you, like last week we studied how they made up and now they're going to make out.

Now the bedroom in your marriage is the thermometer. It is not the thermostat. You can't build your marriage on it, but it will for sure show you if there are problems in your marriage. So if you'll remember, I'm going to back up one half of one verse last week. They have a conflict, they resolve it. And then at the end of it, I didn't get all into this. But in chapter 6, verse 13, the second half of that verse, it says this,

why should you look at the Shulamite as upon a dance before two armies? The ESV translates this two armies. It literally in Hebrew is the dance of the Mahanin, which, some people, commentators say is a strict tease. That's right. And so what she's saying, when they make up, she's like, I'm not only going to make up, we're going to make out, and she invites him away, and she starts undressing herself. Wives, I just want to point out to you, the book of Timothy says that all scripture is God-breathed and useful. Praise God. Chapter 7, verse 1, they are in the bedroom together. She has stripped, and now here's what he is,

going to say. He says, how beautiful are your feet in sandals? Now, all right, time out. How's the brother going to start with the feet? You remember back on their honeymoon as he was undressing her? He started with her eyes and then he went to the hair and his idea, I think, was to go from the head to the toes, but he never made it past the equator, right? Remember? Well, now they've been married for a while and his love for her is deepening. And he is going to pick out, the first thing he's going to say is he's going to talk about her feet. I mean, who likes feet? Feet are gross. I know some of you perverts like it. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about normal humans aren't into feet. Even like nice 21st century well-peticured feet are pretty gross, right? What about a 3,000-year-old

Hebrew foot? Have you seen the Jesus movies? They walk around in their sandals all the time, all that beach, no ocean. I mean, we talk about these are nasty, man, and he looks at a part that most people would hide and be embarrassed about, and he starts with how beautiful her feet are. You see, what he's doing is his knowledge and depth of insight of the things that he appreciates and loves about his wife is growing and growing and growing. There are some things that he knows about her now that he didn't when they first got married, and nobody else on the planet knows about these things. You know what one of our favorite things about my wife is? It is none of your business. That's what's happening here.

And he begins to compliment her. He's going to start at her feet. He's going to work his way all the way up. He says, oh, noble daughter. He was saying, you know, when I met you were a peasant, now you're the queen. And then he gets specific. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master's hand. Okay, let me just help you out here, boys, before you start quoting the Bible to your wife, you know,

be like your legs is like a running back, all right? You just want to be careful, you know what I'm saying? Back of your leg looks like a bag of nickels. You don't want to say that, okay? You want to... Now, culturally speaking, this may be true because cultural standards of beauty have changed like crazy.

But here is what he is saying. He says, your round thighs are like jewels, the work of a master's hand. What he is saying is ultimately this. He's saying, you were a masterpiece. Remember when she took off her clothes at their honeymoon? And he said, you are beautiful. There is no flaw in you.

In fact, the things that he is saying here reminds me of some of the things his dad said in Psalm 139, King David says this, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. Know that full well. This is the kind of thing that he is saying to her. That what he is saying sounds a little bit like Ephesians chapter 2 verse 10, that we are saved. We're not saved by works. We're saved to works because we are God's workmanship. That word workmanship means like that we are like a priceless piece of art. That when God made every, He spoke things into existence. He just said, let there be light and boom, there's light. He just

speaks and stars scatter across the galaxy. But when it came to his image bearer, he stops and he takes his time, and he begins to knit us together in our mother's womb. He put that freckle right where he wanted it, that birthmark, right where he wanted it. He gave you the hair that you had. And listen, ladies, if it's curly, I know you want it straight. And if it's straight, you want it curly. Just go with what the Lord gave you, okay? And listen, dads, if you've got some daughters, I would, I would implore you to pray some Psalm 139-14 over your little girl. Every night of Reagan's life, she's 11 years old now. I pray this over her every night when I took her in. And she says it now. She prays it out loud. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God, your works are wonderful, and then we add a little bit to it,

and I'm one of those. I know that full well. Why? Because she lives in a world that says if you're not beautiful, you're not valuable, and the standard of beauty is impossible and computer generated. And so when anybody talks down to her or she feels the need to compare herself, I want the word of God anchored so deeply in her soul that she can sniff out a lie. I told you a few weeks ago, some boy at school called her ugly. She came home from school with this boy called me ugly. I'm like, what's his name? Who's this daddy? And then I said, you're okay? She said, I ain't ugly. He's ugly. I'm like, you dang right. He's ugly. Okay. You see, this is what He is saying to her and about her.

And here's the thing, man. Here's the thing. Every girl I've ever met in my life is insecure about the way they look. And I know this firsthand because my wife, have you all seen my wife? She is drop-dead gorgeous. I mean, seriously, I've told you before, she's aging like wine and I'm aging like milk. You know, she just gets better and better and better, and I'm white and chunky. That's me, all right?

And, man, when we first got married, too, she would stand in the mirror and be critical of the way she looked. and I would hear her, and we would have these awkward conversations. I'd hear her saying negative things about the way she looked, and I'd walk in there and go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, stop. Stop. She'd look at me. I'm like, nobody talks about my wife that way. Not even you.

She'd like, you ain't my daddy. I'm like, I know, I'm your husband. And in my house, those words don't, they're not spoken out loud. Because I don't want her ears to hear those words because I don't want her mind to believe in her heart to feel it. That she is fearfully and wonderfully made, that she is God's masterpiece. And what you're going to see over. and over and over is this is how Solomon talks to and about his girl.

Every opportunity he gets, he speaks life into her. Verse two, it says, your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat and circle with lilies. All right. Let me keep you from sleeping on the couch, fellas, all right? Because I know you're like, belly's a heap of wheat. Now we're talking about my girl. Baby, your belly's like a beanbag.

Don't say that. Okay. Again, culturally, maybe things have changed, but ultimately they know what he is talking about here. In Israel, there were two primary festivals where they celebrated in the spring. They celebrated wine. Sorry, Baptist, they just celebrated it.

Because they believed that wine was a gift from God and that you don't have to have wine. Maybe I should say that again. You don't have to have wine. But they knew that it was a gift of God. And in the springtime, they would celebrate this in this wine festival. And they would say, thank you, God,

that you were so good to us that not only do you meet our needs, but oftentimes you even meet our wants. And then in the fall, they would celebrate this wheat festival where they would celebrate that God meets their very needs, that they needed bread. And so ultimately what they were saying is, what Solomon is saying to his girl here, is he is saying,

I celebrate you because you are a gift from God to me. And I've got everything I want, and I have everything I need in you and you, alone, I don't have to go anywhere else, that you meet all of my wants and needs. Now, I'm going to tell you this, so just buckle up. I hate to tell you, but I just have to, okay? In verse two, where it says navel, that word doesn't mean navel. He goes with thighs, and then it looks like he goes belly button, and then belly, that's not

what he does. This word, the reason it is translated this way, it's actually about halfway between the navel and the thighs. You tracking him with me? Everybody there? All right. But I don't know if you've met a Bible translator yet. You know, they wear Tweed and pleaded dockers,

and they ain't going to put what it actually says in there because they know we've got to wear it in church and it'll freak everybody out. But that is what he is talking about. And let me really start making you sweat a little bit. And it says that it never lacks mix wine. What do you do with wine? You don't just look at it.

You drink it. That's what he's talking about, okay? Selah. Pray about that for a minute. Now, he keeps going. Verse three. he says, your two breasts are like two fauns, twins of a gazelle. Here we are again.

Now, here's why this matters. If you'll remember, and fellas, I know you remember this, okay? If you'll remember, this is exactly what he said to her on their wedding night. And now she is much older. And I don't know exactly the condition of the fawns over a few decades of marriage. I don't know what kind of does they grew up into, but that is not the point. Ultimately, what he is saying to her is, when I see, remember I told you this, he's not comparing her to a little furry woodland animal.

If you saw two little, I'm going to put my hand up in my pocket. If you saw two little fawns, you would just be like, they're so cute and perky and I just want to pet them, okay? Again, they don't call it a looking zoo. That's what he's doing. But ultimately, here's the compliment. He's saying to her, after years of marriage, baby, you haven't lost a step. we've been married as long as we've been married and baby you have not lost a step i am just as attracted

to you today maybe even more so than the day i got married which by the way if you're dating this is why premarital sex will either damage a good relationship or prolong a bad one because if you build it on the physical the physical will not sustain your relationship because i got some bad news for some of you engage people. The day that you get married is going to be the best day your wife looks ever, ever, ever. I'm just telling you, man, the moment you proposed, she went on a diet. She did. She's sweating for the wedding, buddy.

And then on that day, I'm talking about she's been doing burpees and she's been working out and she hadn't had a carb since the day you said, will you marry me? And then she's going to dehydrate herself and she's going to get a spray tan and rent somebody else's hair and get some nails. and then eight of her best friends are going to descend on her 8 a.m. that morning, the wedding's at three like a NASCAR crew just ming, me, me, they're going to tighten up the back end and straighten out the front and change the oil I'm talking about. And then when those doors open and here comes the bride, bro, here comes the bride. I mean, you go hear French horns and a sunbeam's going to come down on her face and you're going

going to get shaky lip. And you should. Praise God. And then you get to unwrap that gift that night to the glory of God. and then it's downhill from there for the rest of your life. It just is, man. I mean, you can't, you ain't got time to do all that all the time. You let her crank out a few kids and run to carpool and put up with you.

You understand? It will not be long. It will not be long. It'll just be sweatpants everywhere. You understand? Flats. Messy buns. It's fine.

And look, you ain't exactly the Tarzan you were when you strapped on that tucks back in the day either, right? This is why it is built on a deepening friendship and not just the physical. So after all of these years, he's saying to her, baby, I am still just as attracted to you as the day we got married. You have not lost a step. And then he goes on to say, your neck is like an ivory tower. Now again, he's not saying, baby, you look like a linebacker. That's not what he's saying.

He's saying the way you conduct yourself, the way you hold yourself is you have such confidence. Now see, if you take all of these, if you take all of these compliments individually, it sounds like Frankenbri, it sounds crazy, doesn't it? Like hairs like a flock of goats and got big legs and and belly and all that. But ultimately what he is saying over and over and over is he is, he is complimenting her. And so think about this. And so apparently she does not mind taking off her clothes in front of him. And you know why? Because all she ever hears when she undresses in front of him is compliments. And I can just tell you, I don't care what you believe. but every single person likes to be complimented.

So she's the kind of wife that has this confidence. And remember in the very beginning, remember what she thought about herself. She says, don't stare at me, don't stare at me. I'm dark. I got a farmer's tan, everybody else. They've taken care of their vineyard. I haven't taken care of my own vineyard. And now, with no clothes on in front of her husband, she stands like with this elegance.

You see, it goes on to say, your eyes are pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bethrabeen. Here's what this means. You see, Beth Ravine was like one of the busiest intersections in Israel. And next to it, there were these like little saunas, these little spas, these like little natural springs and hot tubs. And what he is saying is, listen, I lead a very, very busy life. I mean, I'm the king of Israel. I've got trade embargoes and I'm about to go to war with these people. And, you know, I've got to run my social media accounts.

I got a lot going on. It's busy, busy, busy, busy. But when I come home to you and I can just get face-to-face with you, you know, you, I can get lost in your eyes. That's what he's saying. Remember early on he said you were like a flower in Ingetty, and Getty was an oasis in the middle of the dry desert. And he says, that's what you are to me. You see, one of Gretchen's greatest gifts to me is this, is this. And one of the things that can be a problem when you get married, man, is you can do a whole lot of just shoulder to shoulder. You know, you're just accomplishing all the tasks together.

You're getting the bills paid and you're getting the kids everywhere they're supposed to be and you're going to work and the house is livable and all of that kind of stuff. And if you're not careful, you can just be teammates and roommates. And you've got to carve out some time where you can get face to face. I need my wife's eyes. I can get lost there. This is why I take my wife out on dates. I'm telling you.

And at our age, kind of what we do, we're into day dates. That's what we do. It's cheaper too, by the way. And we'll go sit somewhere and I like to sit at the corner of a bar so that, we can see each other, or the corner of her table so we can see each other. And I just look at her and she looks at me and we just talk about stuff. And I get lost there. And I'm telling you, I do.

Sometimes I get choked up, just talking, tell her how much I love her, it happens. And everything, I kind of get tunnel vision. When I am with her eyeball to eyeball, I'm telling you, it's like, I just get tunnel. Everything else just kind of fades out. And I hear, dream weaver, and I'm just there with my girl for like hours. Not thinking about all of you wretched blackhearted sinners and why you make me look old, okay? But it's just me and her.

That's what he is saying. He says, I can get lost in your eyes. Then he says you know, it's like a tower of Lebanon. See again, it's not like, baby you like Gonzo. Come here, that's not what he's saying. Which looks towards Damascus. That was a defensive tower facing what is today Syria. And what he is saying is, I am safe with you.

They're like Adam and Eve were naked or vulnerable. and unafraid and unashamed, that's how I am with you. I can trust you. Verse five, he says, your head crowns you like Carmel. Carmel was this beautiful place in Israel. It's a mountain range. It actually looks like a crown. Now, you see, Solomon is actually a king, and he actually has a crown.

But what he's saying here is, again, he said it this way over in Proverbs. It says this, an excellent wife is the crown of her. husband. But she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Wives, do you realize this, that you'll either be a crown or a cancer? That's it. There's no like middle ground there. And even though Solomon has an actual crown and he's the king of Israel, what he is saying is, what is most impressive about me is not my vocation and not the authority that I have and not the crown on my head. The most impressive thing about me is my wife. Do you realize that if I want to impress you, if I want to impress somebody, I don't tell them about our church. You know why? Jesus builds

the church. I have very little to do with it. I'm just glad I get to work here. And the only reason I have this job is because I get here first. So I hate it for you. All right? And one day I'll be dead and done and somebody else will be doing this and the kingdom of God will move on, right? This church will have lots of pastors. But I'm the only husband Gretchen has. And if I want you to be impressed by me, here's what I want to do. I want you to meet her. Because here's what will happen when you meet her, my crown. When you meet her, you will, and especially for those of you that know her, you know what I'm talking about. Like when I say I outpunning my coverage, I'm talking about, like, seriously. Not just the way she looks and not that she's all talented and leads in worship,

and not that she's a great mom and all of that. But I'm just talking about the person that she is. If you know me a little bit and then you know her, here's what you'll begin to think. You'll look at her and you'll look at me and you'll think, there's a God. And God answers this man's prayers. This man must be a prayer warrior to get her for life. That is what he is saying. By the way, I've told you this before. But you know, one of the ways you can compliment a man is by insulting him and lifting up his bride.

You can do that, man. In fact, people take it. It's like words of affirmation. I can be like, how'd a good-for-nothing fat, dumb guy from Gainesville, Florida, marry a queen like that? And you'd be like, I am kind of dumb, I mean, you will, right? Because you're like, look, it does not work the other way, okay? How'd a big old girl like, why you cry so much?

Say it just don't work that way, okay? But this is what he's saying. Your head crowns you like caramel and your flowing locks. her like purple, a king is held captive in its tresses. Solomon is saying, I might be king of the world, but I am enslaved to you. Verse six, how beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights.

Wives, let me ask you a question. Are you pleasant? Are you pleasant? I mean, think about it. We live at the beach, right? When's the last time you saw a mama out on the beach with her family, and you thought, well, isn't she pleasant? And I know you're busy, and I know those kids feel like they're trying to kill you, and I know your husband's not pursuing. I'm going to

beat him down here in just a minute, so hang on just a second, okay? But you should ask yourself, am I pleasant? Like when you call your husband on the phone and he sees the caller ID, does he have to pray for the indwelling Holy Spirit to do a work in his life in order to answer it? Hey, that ain't good. or when he gets home from work or you get home from work or however that goes in your world and he walks in the door are you pleasant or does it start with a list does it start with or it's about time you're here here beat them they've been awful all day i mean are you pleasant or when you wake up in the morning and i get it you need you like iv coffee to like get away whatever you need to do but once you're alive and out of the coma can you are you like are you pleasant you realize this is how happy hours created right

Back in the day, a bunch of boys get off work and they're about to go home and they're thinking, that's not very pleasant. I need a drink. And that's how it started. And they would all gather up and, you know, get a little liquid courage and then they'd go home. And again, I'm not saying that's okay, but I would, I dare you, I dare you, I dare you. To just ask yourself, am I pleasant? Am I pleasant to live with?

Because what can begin to happen is you can begin to say, man I wish I had a man like Solomon. I wish I had a man that would pursue me and compliment me and take me out and all of that. Well, one of the questions to ask is, are you pleasant? I've told you this before. One time I was in Walmart behind this mama, two toddlers, they're pulling candy off the shelf. Because Walmart wants you to go to prison to just whip your kids in public in Walmart. When I was growing up, that's where you went to get a whipping, you know. Now you can't do it.

And they're just, you know, she's trying to get her groceries and they're getting, can we get this? come in and then she looks at that man and just screams, relax! And I thought, they are never going to understand what that word means. They're just not going to know what that means. I dare you to ask yourself, is that what it's like to live with you? And if you would honestly say, I don't think I'm that pleasant, then what you need to do is confess and repent,

and the reality is, if you are a Jesus follower, the Spirit of God lives in you, and His divine power has given you everything you need for life and godliness, that means His divine power, has given you everything you need to be pleasant. And if you just begin to cultivate your relationship with Jesus, then what begins to happen is the fruit of the spirit, like love and joy and peace and patience and kindness

and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control, you can sum up all those with this word, that'd be pleasant to live with. That those things begin to be produced in your life. But he says about her, how beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights. So he went from the feet to the crown,

now he's going to work his way back down, but he kind of skips past the head and shoulders and he gets to the good stuff. Verse seven, fellas, I want you to look at the Bible here. I'm not making this up. He says, as he's looking at his naked wife, he says, your stature is like a palm tree. Come on, Florida, we should know this.

He says, your stature is like a palm tree and your breasts are like its clusters. I say, I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Praise God. Some of you that are new to Bible study, this is usually the point where you're like, what is this in the, yeah, it's in there, man.

So, wise, if you've always been like, why does he always want to touch him? The brother's biblical, okay? He's just trying to do what the Bible says. Then I usually get some 24-year-old reformed seminary student, be like, what's the spiritual implication of that? Nothing, Scooter, nothing at all.

He is just loving his wife. Let's read it again. Verse 7, your stature is like a palm tree and your breasts are like it's clustered, I say, I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Why don't we write a worship song about that, Olson? That'd be a good one, okay? And he keeps going.

Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine and the scent of your breath is like apples. Brush your teeth, women. Now they're kissing. They're touching, they're kissing. And then he says, and your mouth is like the best wine. Now notice what happens. Notice what happens.

The two have become one. They've been around each other for so long that he starts the verse and then she just picks her. She doesn't interrupt him. This isn't rude, but she is complimenting him. He says, your mouth is like the best one, and then she finished the sentence, and she says it goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. That's like a Coors Banquet commercial right there, isn't it?

For the Rockies. Then she says, I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me. That word desire means to be consumed. She is saying, I am his and he is consumed with me. He loves me. She feels so valued. She feels so valued. Listen, fellas, you want your wife to respond like this?

Then there's a no-compete clause with your wife. Nothing, nothing, nothing should compete with her for your affection and attention. And listen, I know you have some hobbies, and hobbies are fine. If you're married with kids, you get one hobby. Choose wisely. You don't get three hobbies. You just got one. And you need to have hobbies, and you need to go do some of that stuff for sure.

But here's what she understands. She does not feel like a commodity. She does not feel like a sanctified prostitute. She does not feel like he's ignored her all day. Then when they get in the bed, then he tries to take from her what he wants. And then when he's satisfied, he rolls off of her and goes and watch Sports Center. That's not what she's saying at all. She's saying the exact opposite of that.

I am my beloved's and his desire is for me. And again, and again, I know what some of you're saying, fellas, you're like, man, I wish I had a girl like that. You can. You can if you treat her this way, if you pursue her this way, if you love her like Christ loved the church. You know what Christ never does for you? He never neglects you. He doesn't. His love for you never grows old. He continuously pursues you. And so I just want to encourage you once again, brother, up your game. I know you got it in you. I know you got it in you. And I know you got it in you because you got her to go out with you.

Remember all the stuff you used to do? Remember you'd study her, especially you older guys. If you're older than me, remember we had to actually stalk. We couldn't Facebook stalk. You guys got it made. We had to, you know, go eat frozen yogurt, watch stupid movies. Nobody likes those movies. I don't like those movies.

But you would go and you'd leave and see, how was it? That was amazing, man. The notebook. I'm going to get a notebook. That's what I'm telling you, babe. If you go crazy, I'm going to. come to your crazy place and just read stuff to you. So dumb, man.

You did whatever it took. Why? Because she was that important. You pursued her. You see, and then what's going to happen is she's going to respond. The reason that they grow this way is because he pursues, she responds. She invites him to lead, he picks up the reins, and he picks up the cues. She feels valued, he feels respected. See, the problem is, man, we get older. husbands get lazy,

wives just get kind of crabby. Let me tell you, one of the saddest days in a grown man's life is when that little boy in you dies. It's a sad day. You see, here's why, because the problem with most men is they lose their creativity.

They lose their creativity. And when you're a little boy, man, you're creative. Like, we could go into our kids' ministry right now and we could walk up to a group of first grade boys and be like, all right, boys, let's sing and dance. And they'd get up and be like, let's do it, man, big house, and they do the motions, and they do it all, right? You don't even know what the song is.

They'll just do it. And if I told y'all, all, all right, men, stand up, we're going to sing and dance. They'd be like, oh, no, I don't, well, I'm going to wring on my khakis. I just, what's the song? What do we, you know? In fact, when I train preachers, when I try to teach guys how to preach, you know what the problem is with grown men trying to preach the Bible? They got no creativity.

I mean, growing up, they're the worst. Their doctrine sound, their theology sound. I'm going to teach the full counsel. Well, nobody's going to listen to it, bro, because they fall asleep before you get to it. Like, how about loosen up a little bit and be a little creative? Remember, you used to plan dates.

You remember that? And it would have like a theme or whatever. Remember that? Up your game. A lot of married Christian men, you could treat your spouse like a hunting trip. I've told you this before. You put on all the right clothes, you study the game, you figure it out, you pursue, you pursue, whether it's cold or wet or rainy or snowy, it don't matter, you're into tree, you see it, you bag it, you mount it, you put it on the wall, you ignore it for the rest of your life.

That should not be your marriage. And ladies, what can happen to you is you can lose your spontaneity. I mean, there was a day you were young and fun and playful and everything was fun and funny. And then one day you get older and he reaches out and he's trying to be creative. You're like, what do you stop? It's the kitchen. That doesn't happen in the kitchen. What are you doing?

Show up to bed and flannel every night. Girl, we live in Florida. What are you doing? The snowstorm ain't going to make it to us, man. You know, dress for the job you want. Show up. Ready? Look at her response.

Ready? Her response. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages. What she is saying is, baby, why don't you book us room at the Sheraton? Why don't we go away for the weekend? Listen, this is what you need to do, especially if you need to spice some things up a little bit. You've got to go on dates together, okay, a lot. And there should be times during the year when you do some trips with your spouse and you don't take the kids.

You see, I've told you before, in our house we have two types of travel. We have trips and we have vacations. If the kids come, it's a trip. They ain't on a vacation. And if it's just me and mama, now that's a vacation. Now, our trips, they're more Presbyterian. Okay?

They're very orderly. All the elect are invited to come. There's a liturgy, you know, we stick to the, here's the plan. But when it's just me and mama, it's Pentecostal. A lot of light, speaking in tongues and laying on our hands. You understand what I'm saying? And now, like, we got a trip next week.

We're going to Disney for Spring break, but my kids are old enough where I figured out how to merge the two just a little bit, and there'll be some days, and I'm like, here's $50 each for the arcade. And my kids are like, Dad, you're the best dad ever. You love us so much. I'm like, get out of here. Okay?

Now, I've talked to some young couples, and they're like, we don't feel good about that. I don't know. I don't trust people to watch our kids. And let me tell you, one of the worst things you could do for a teenage or an elementary school kid is raised them in such a way where they believe the whole world revolves around them. And in our culture right now, we have these kids that are experientially rich and relationally poor because you sign them up for every camp and they horseback riding and going to take a trip with Elon Musk to the moon or whoever owns that situation.

I mean, they do everything. And I'm telling you, what you want more than an educated kid, what you want more than a well-rounded kid is you want a secure kid. And nothing will breathe that security in them like seeing mama and daddy love each other. other. I can't tell you the number of times I look right in my kids' face and they say, where are you going? I'm like, me and Mama going on a trip and we go on without you, a vacation. Can we come? No, you cannot come. Is it going to be awesome? More awesome than you can even understand. Well, we're going to miss you. We're going to miss you, too. Not as much as I'm telling you right now, but you're going to stay here and we're going to go do awesome stuff together. I promise you, this is what

they're doing. This is what they're doing. And she says, let us go out early. to the vineyards and see whether the vines have budded and whether the grapes blossom have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. It's springtime. They've been married a while. And what she is saying, remember all throughout this book, they have equated their intimacy, their sex life, their relationship to a garden. And what she is saying is the garden has not grown dormant, that it is still springtime. and if you're mature enough to handle this, I haven't told you yet, but when she's talking about pomegranates, pomegranates are the same thing that the naval was talking about. And if you're like, what does that mean? Shop a pomegranate in half, look at it, squeeze it. There are seeds?

That's all I'm going to tell you. Just trust me on this, okay? She's going to do it even more next week. And what she is saying to him is, why don't we go down to the Sheridan? I think there might be some pomegranates. That's what he's like, bro, how quick do you think this brother is saddling up the horses and the chariots and like, let's go? She says, there, I will give my love to you. In verse 13, if you read this 3,000 years ago as a Hebrew kid, you would blush. She says, the mandrakes give forth fragrance.

Now, a mandrake, it was like. Hebrew Viagra 3,000 years ago. A mandrake is a root, and the reason they call it a mandrake is because it looks like a man. Not the head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes part, okay? And they believe that if you ate it, it would get you all turned on and ramped up, and you can make babies. And so she is talking to him, he's pursuing her,

he's saying these, he's complimenting her, talking about how much he loves her, and she goes, I think I smell a mandrake. I'm telling you, this brother is like, Let's roll. Then she goes on to say, she said, the mandraits give forth fragrance, and beside our doors are all choice fruits new as well as old.

Here's what she's saying. If you'll remember on their honeymoon, they equated sex with fruit. And she's saying, I got us a little place at the Sheraton, and in it is a bowl of fruit, and there's some fruit that you've had before, and I've picked out some new fruit for you.

And he is like, you have got to be kidding me. Okay? That she has not lost her spontaneity. And then she goes on to say, which I have laid up for you, oh, my beloved. And I'm telling you, he can't pursue fast enough. Do you see what's happening over and over and over? He pursues, she responds. And the more she responds, the more he pursues.

And the more he pursues and values her, the more she respects and loves him in respond. Here's the point. Here's the point. Now, I know, you look at that, you go, that's in the Bible, that is in the Bible. And that is the standard. Do you realize that? That just likes Romans, the book of Romans is the standard for our righteousness. Song of Solomon is the standard for married people that love Jesus and love each other.

So here's the point. Your love can grow old, or you can grow old together in love. It's your call. It's your call. You see, again, your marriage, our marriages are a picture of God's covenant love. for us, that God continuously loves us, that God at great expense to himself does whatever it takes to rescue us and redeem us and chase us down and pursue us, and that's how we're supposed to love one another.

You see, I'm going to be honest. I don't know if you're ready for this or not either, but this is confession time. Gretchen's not here, which is probably good, okay? I've had more sex than the last seven weeks than I've had any seven-week stretch in our marriage. praise God okay you can amen but that's amen for me okay and as I was thinking about that I began to think because I'm so egotistical and I'm so selfish and I look through the lens of me and I thought boy I'll tell you what I have I have been preaching some good sermons lately and I have been discipling my wife and thank God she's a disciple she's listening and taking notes and she's doing what James says

be ye not merely hearers of the word and so deceive yourself but do what it says praise God But as I began to think about it a little bit, I don't think she is doing anything different. I think what's been getting to happen is every week for 15 to 20 hours I have been focused on and soaking in the Song of Solomon. About what does it look like for God's love to me flow through me and to her? What does it look like for me to be a good listener? What does it look like for me to be a servant? What does it look like for me to not fight with her but fight for her? And as I have abided in Christ and His word abides in me,

then his fruit begins to show up and be produced in my life. And you know what her normative and natural response to me is? When I treat her the way a godly husband is supposed to treat their wife? She says, I am my beloved's and his desire is for me. Listen, Church of 1122, whether you're newly married, okay, and it's still, man, it's still hotter than a pepper sprout. Praise God. I hope you never get off that track. There will be seasons for sure, I promise.

If you don't have kids yet and you have kids, you're going to be in baby jail for a little while, it's going to be crazy. You're going to feel like you're held hostage and it's going to be weird, okay? But that's fine. You'll make it through that. Or you've been married a long time and you just needed a little refresher, just needed a little reminder. Because sometimes, sometimes we just need to be reminded. I found it interesting in the epistles that the Apostle Paul would remind every church of the gospel. They already were Christians. They already knew the gospel, but we can get a little gospel amnesia.

Sometimes we get a little gospel amnesia in our own marriages, and we forget to love our wives like Christ loved the church and give ourselves up for her. And so I pray that you would just be inspired a little bit. And some of you feel like your marriages are just barely hanging on by a thread. Well, I got really good news for you. There's hope for you. There's hope for you. And And the reason that there's hope for you is because hope is found in Jesus Christ. And apart for him, there is no hope. And everybody else in the world may be telling you, you know what, I don't think this is going to work out. But if the tomb is empty, anything is possible.

And if God could breathe new life into his dead son and he could come out of the grave, I swear he can breathe new life into your marriage. And so I want us to do what the Bible says. The proverb say this, let your fountain be blessed. Remember last week? No, at only honeymoon, I told you what the fountain was. He's talking about the sex and sexuality of a husband and a wife there. That's what he's talking about.

And ultimately what God is saying is, I want your bedroom to be blessed. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. Remember it, man. Remember it. Listen, I'm only taking one run at this thing. It's till death do its part. So you might as well make it awesome.

You might as well make it awesome. That I don't want you as a follower of Jesus to be committed to the marriage. I don't. You don't want to be committed to an institution. That's no brain. I want you to delight in your wife, because you can get another marriage. But there's only one heard. The Bible says, let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

And then it goes on to say, a lovely dear, a graceful dough, let her breast fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love. That God's standard for married people that love Jesus put him in the middle and act like it. is that not just when you're young and fun and on the honeymoon and stuff, but decade after decade after decade that you would be intoxicated in your love, that your buzz would never, ever, ever wear off.

And that you would do the things that you need to do to continue to put logs on that fire. And so my goal in life, man, I got tattooed on my arm. That one day when I'm dead and done, they could say about me he was a good man full of the Holy Spirit and faith and a great number of people were brought to the Lord.

Again, you know that great number's one more. I don't want to be led by fear, but I want to be full of faith. I want the Holy Spirit to have an easy time pointing me in the direction he wants me to go, like just a little nudge and I go, take a left, take a right, wherever he wants me to go. And I want to be a good man. And what I mean is I want to be a good dad. I don't care if I'm a decent preacher, that's fine. I think it's moderately delivered and exceptionally received anyway.

That's fine. but when I'm done I want people to look back at my life and say he was a good husband that dude loved that girl and that dude like Adam was commanded to rearranged all the raw goods to create the kind of environment where she could bloom and flourish and be all that God had created her to be that's what I want to be I want to be that old couple that everybody looks at and just their heart begins to melt a little bit like seriously I want to hold hands and gross out the great grandkids, share some teeth at Denny's,

put her on my walker and just scoot her around them all, wherever she wants to go until hopefully all the days of her life, I want to take care of her until I can send her to be home with Jesus 50 years from now. And that's God's design for us. This God's designed for us.

The only way that happens, the only way that happens, is through Jesus. It's true Jesus. So the way we're going to close, it's like we always do, okay? We're going to bring, we're going to sing, we're going to sing a song that some of our worship leaders wrote. And it says this, the chorus says, as for me and my house, there's no turning back now. We will serve you, we will serve you.

As for me and my house, I want us to take the gospel from his house and I want to take it to our house. and we want to say, like Joshua said, in Joshua 24, as for me and my house, God, we will serve you. And the way that we will serve you is by serving one another. And then we get to this part of the song, I don't know parts of songs. Maybe it's called the bridge or, I don't know, it gets louder than everything else. And it says this. And when we get here, I know you don't know the song yet, but when this comes on, I want you to sing it like you're praying it and like you actually mean it. He says, this is a house where idols fall.

This is a house where dead men walk. a house where freedom calls. Can you hear it now? Can you hear it now? And I'm praying because in your marriage, man, if it's kind of dried up, it's gotten old and stale, I'm telling you, it's because there's some idols there. It's because you've allowed some things to die that God needs to breathe new life in, and it's because there is some bondage there, and God has freedom in store for you. And I want to invite you to pray. I know we do this every week, okay, but it would not be a bad thing if for 10 weeks in a row, every married couple of 1122, came down and kneeled before the king and said, we need your help. And husbands, I'm going to encourage you. I want you to pray a prayer of blessing

over your wife. And if you're like, I don't know what to say. Dude, the music so loud, you can't hear you anyway. You understand? God knows your heart. He'll give you the right words. And as we respond, we hold up the word of God. And we say, Lord, as we look into the mirror of your word, I'm a long way from this. And we all are. Because none of us are there yet, right? And then we say, God, I need you. I need you. I need you to do in me some things so that your love flows through me and to my spouse. And so we're going to respond. So we're going to bring our ties and offerings. And we're going to sing this song like one united church over a whole bunch of locations all over Clay County and Jacksonville and online and Baker and everywhere else. And we're going to pray.

we're going to come down and kneel before the God that invented the idea of marriage as a picture of his love for us. And we're going to say, may it be so in my house, just like it is in heaven. We just stand. Let me pray for you. Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, God, we love you because you love us first. Lord, we thank you for Jesus. And God, I thank you for Gretchen. Lord, I rejoice in the wife of my youth. God, I thank you for 21 wonderful years.

God, I thank you for the fights and the quarrels. God, I thank you for the conflict that we have resolved. I thank you for all the filthy places in my life that you have used her to expose in me so that I could turn that over to you and just watch your good gospel work in me over and over and over. God, we're not perfect, but we serve a perfect God. And you had us in mind when you made each one of us, and you brought us together and joined us together. And God, what you joined together, no man can tear apart.

And God, I pray that gospel truth over every married person at the church of 1122 and those listening online. And God, I pray, I pray that the gospel would go into the homes of these folks, that husbands would love their wives, like Christ loved the church, that wives would submit graciously to their husbands. Lord, I pray that idols would fall. I pray that dead men would walk. Lord, I pray that chains would be broken and there would be a freedom that would be characterized

by love in the homes of all those that say, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. And God, we pray this. And the only name that matters when you pray, we pray this in the good, strong name of Jesus Christ, our Lord, and all God's people said, amen. So let us sing, let us bring, let us pray. The altars are wide open. Let's respond.