The Church of Eleven22 - Wk 9: Til Death Do Us Part

Episode Date: March 14, 2021

Faithfulness and fidelity are not simply the goal for your marriage but the foundation on which your marriage is built. Click Series Resources to download the series journal, watch RELATE and more.

Good morning, church. Hope you will. Grab your Bibles. We're going to be in Song of Solomon chapter 8 as we continue studying this couple that we find here in the Song of Solomon. We have been with them as they met one another at work, strangely enough, and they were attracted to one another, and then they started dating, and then that kind of moved into a courtship, then they got married, and then we went on a honeymoon with them together, then they got into a fight, because that's what couples do, they fight. And then last week we talked about their maturing love. And really this week, till death through his part, is pretty much a continuation of last week. Because last week we said that when you get married, that your love is not supposed

to grow old and stale, because the Bible says that God is love and God doesn't grow old and stale. And so just like our relationship with him is supposed to continuously be this journey of discovering and deepening our relationship with Jesus, our marriage relationship is supposed to be a continuing journey of discovering and deepening in one another. And so, So that's what we're going to talk about. Then we're going to see here in our text today, we're only going to do six verses out of Song of Solomon, but that does not mean we're getting out early, even you TPC people, okay? So, but we're going to see the permanence of marriage.

And so chapter 8, verse one kind of starts out weird. I've got to explain some stuff to you. It says this. This is her talking. She says, oh, that you were like a brother to me who nursed at my mother's breast. If I found you outside, I would kiss you and none would despise me. This doesn't mean that she's like, I wish we were from Kentucky. That's not what that means at all.

Ultimately what she's saying is in this culture, like many cultures today in the Near East, the Middle East, and even some places like in East Africa, PDA is not allowed between married people. That you can't, like family members can walk around and hold hands and they can kiss appropriately and things like that. But PDA is not allowed whatsoever. In fact, what she's saying basically is,

I wish I could kiss you in front of everybody for the whole world. world to see. First time I ever went to East Africa on a mission trip. Turns out, you know, again, you can't hold your wife's hand, but men walk around holding hands together. And it's just a little, catch you a little off guard if you grew up the way I grew up. And you're just walking around and some grown African man just begins to hold your hand. You're like, all right, so this is how we roll here, all right? So I found myself walking around Africa like a penguin the whole time, all right? So that's what she's saying. She's saying, I want to kiss you in public. That's what she's saying. Verse two, she says, I would lead you and bring you into the house of my mother.

She who used to teach me, I would give you spice wine to drink and the juice of my pomegranate. Now, the fact that you didn't go, oh, she didn't, means to me that you don't know Hebrew. Now, I did receive one email last week that says, I think you're just a little too graphic with the song of Solomon. But that's not bad, one out of a few hundred thousand. and I would just tell you for that person that email me, you might don't want to just tune out right now. Because what she means here is so spicy, is so juicy, and I'm just using the words from the Bible here, okay?

Here's what she means. Here's what a pomegranate, here's what she's talking about, okay? I'm not going to, well, here's, when you get home today, now she's used this pomegranate language for, you know, all throughout, but I wanted to save it to these last couple of weeks, okay? You go home today and you take a pomegranate and you chop it in half and then you look at it. I want you to notice the color and it's full of seeds and they believed in the Old Testament the more seeds you ate, the more fertile you were.

And then I want you to squeeze it into an oval shape and look at it just and think, oh my goodness. And she says, I want you to have my pomegranate. That's what she's talking about. Do you understand? Now, here's what I want you to see, man. They've been married for a long time now. This is towards the end of their marriage, okay? The whole thing is about death till death do its part.

And what you're going to see here is that their love continues to flourish. That they haven't done what a lot of couples do where everybody just sort of gets all crusty and old and lazy. And, you know, the guys, well, I love you. I'll do the wheat eating. And if you just handle the cooking and be roommates and cover the bills together, that is not, that is not God's standard for marital love in the scriptures, that she is still saying that I want to kiss you in public. I want you to drink the spiced wine.

I want you to have the juice of my pomegranate. That's what's happening here. And I'm just going to be honest. One of my goals in life is to be one of those cute, old couples. You know what I'm talking about? I mean, them couples and old folks that just walk around holding hands and still love each other and care for each other. My goal is that Gretchen and I will be, I mean,

sharing dentures over a grand slam at Denny's, sitting on the same side, because we don't even care what you think anymore, you know? Just can't keep our hands off of each other. That is the goal. A few years ago, I was leading a disciple group at Panera Bread, and I walk out, I get in my truck, and as I'm about to leave, I see this elderly couple.

I mean, he's 160, and she's right there behind him, and they're coming out of Panera bread, heading to their Buick, and he's on a walker, and she's on one of those canes with like a four-deal at the bottom, a little tennis balls on the bottom of it. And they are not in a hurry. I mean, here they come. They're just doing that little dis shuffle, man. And I watch them, and they're not in the handicapped parking, and so it was quite an event

for them to get over the curb down to the car. And so he helps her. He goes first with the walker, and then he helps her, and then he gets. gets to the door, he opens the door, helps her get in, leans in, gives her a pretty big kiss. Comes back, goes to the back, opens that door, puts up all their apparatuses, put us them away, closes door, and then has to go around a car to get to his spot. Gets in his side, sits down, puts on his seatbelt, and he has one of those big fuzzy things, you know what I'm talking about, like real popular with the older generation.

He gets all locked in, then realizes he. He didn't kiss her when he got in the car, so he unbuckles it, leans all the way over, gives her another kiss, and then puts the fuzzy seatbelt back on, and then puts the Buick in reverse and drives away. Now, amen. And I thought, in my mind, Hollywood could not produce a more romantic script than that thing that happened right there. That when we get married and when we say I do, and she says, I do,

then we do until we are done. And the reason our love should not grow old is because God is love and his love for us does not grow old. And then they keep going. Verse three, his left hand is under my head and his right hand embraces me there in an intimate position. And then notice what comes up next. We've heard this now four times in the text.

I adjure you all daughters of Jerusalem that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. and you might say, well, why is that here? I understand why it was here the three times before because they weren't married yet, but now they're married, isn't it time? Well, here's what this means. Remember, they're in public there outside.

This is Hebrew for get a room. That's what that means. That they are in public, and so she's seeing him, he's seeing her, they both still want each other, and what they're saying is, whoa, but it's not time. A part of what this is a reminder of for married people, is that even in marriage, especially in marriage, that sex is still the dessert and not the appetizer.

It's still the follow-through. And whatever you do, don't take it for granted. Now, they're together, and they are heading back home. And verse 5 is a comment from some people seeing them come back home. And it says this, who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved? And here's what her friends are saying,

that this Shulamite woman has been so transformed in her marriage with Solomon that she is now almost unrecognizable. Who is this woman that is leaning on the king's shoulder? You see, because when we first met her, remember she was just a peasant working in the field, and now she is a queen. She has been so transformed in her marriage

that she is almost unrecognizable. Do you realize that according to Ephesians chapter 5 and 1 Corinthians chapter 7, that your marriage is, is supposed to transform you. That one of the things God uses in your life as a key sanctifying agent in your life is your spouse. That God uses, listen, that marriage is the left lane of sanctification. That God has, God has disciples me and grown me like crazy because I married Gretchen.

I mean, there are so many things that God has done in my life through her. Like, for example, I am much more responsible now 21 years into marriage than I was when we got married. That God used her training me, particularly when she would leave me at home alone with my children early on. I remember thinking I've never been more scared in my life. I thought, oh my goodness, this is crazy. You have to go through classes to get a driver's license, but they'd just let you take one of these guys home by yourself. You know, it's crazy. And she would teach me how to do it.

Also, Gretchen, you probably wouldn't realize this, but I am much more empathetic. because of her role in my life. I used to think I only had one feeling, and when it came up, I'd bash it down and keep it in its place, and she helped me understand what it's like to feel all the feelings. You understand? Another thing, I did not realize what a slob I was until I met her. And her way of life is just better.

Now, I would try to put my clothes in the hamper, but if I'd do the, you know, the flip it up with your toe and catch it, but if I missed it, I would just leave it there. And it was just part of my inventory process, too. I knew if I had four on the floor, I got eight in the drawer, and that's kind of how I would keep up. her way is just better. And I'm going to tell you that one of my goals in life is that hopefully God gives us many more decades,

but I want my wife to look back on her life and think one of the smartest things I ever did in my life was marry that guy. Not because I'm awesome, but just because God would use me in her life to help her become all that God had in mind when he dreamed up the idea that we know is Gretchen Martin. You see, when God created Adam, he gave him a job, subdue and cultivate. And if you're married, that continues to be your job. That our job is to create the kind of environment whereby husbands, whereby our wives can bloom and blossom and be everything that God has called and created them to be. One of the things I'm most proud of about Gretchen, and there's a whole bunch, man, there's a whole bunch. When we were dating, I took it to a youth camp 100 years ago, okay?

We're at this youth camp in somewhere, I don't know where it was, but it was a big old room like this, and there was a worship band up there from LSU, and they were singing the same kind of songs that we do now. You know, it was like more haze, more praise, kind of a cold play for Jesus sort of feel, right? I don't even know if cold play was the thing about then, but, and there was a thousand high school kids in the room probably, and kids were singing with their hands up, and they were all into it, and I look over to her at one point, and she is just like, is this a cult? what is happening. And afterwards, we began to have this conversation.

And she was like, I don't know what was going on there. I thought at any moment, like the snakes were coming out and the, you know, the, and part of the reason is, part of the reason is the church that she grew up in. She grew up in a church, very conservative, very traditional church. Her granddaddy was the pastor. They didn't have like a band. They didn't have all these people and cameras and lights and stuff. They just had her mom on the organ. And you would get to church and you would just call it out from the hymn, play 28.

And she'd play it. And everybody's singing it. It was awesome. Beautiful. No problem. But she'd never seen anything like this, and she said this to me. She said, there's something wrong here. Either something's wrong with me, because I don't know about that,

or there's something wrong with them because everybody's in there with their hands up. Now, I will say, some of you feel the same way about this place. I can tell because you get here during the third song. You're like, I don't know about all that, all right? Right, because you grew up in a tradition where if somebody raised their hand, they'd stop and be like, do you have a question, you know? I understand. and I grew up in a little Southern Baptist church

when I would go sometimes, and if you raise your hand, but it was a problem. People would be like, hold on, because here's what they thought. If you raised your hands, then you might catch the tongues, then it would go crazy, and we couldn't do that, okay? So you didn't allow that. Now, I will tell you this, the reason we raise our hands here and the conversation I had with Gretchen

was because the Bible says, raise your hands in the sanctuary. I thought this was the worship center. Same thing. Wherever you are assembled with people singing to Jesus, the Bible says lift your hands, and you, you already, it's wired in you to lift your hands. You realize that. Like when your team scores, you go, yay, we scored. That's worship.

Your worship is something. Or like, when your little kids reach up for you to say, hold me, daddy, hold me, mommy, that's worship. Or some of you know this one really well. Some of you get your hands up like this and go, I surrender. All right, you got me. That's what you're saying. I surrender.

You got me, okay? then what began to happen in the life of my wife, in the environment where worship was a priority, then in 2008 when I met Pastor Ben, he showed up at Beach to help me start 1122 and he started the worship team. I encouraged her, hey, you should try out. You should try out and be one of the worship leaders. And, man, she can get the whispers with the best of us. And she said, no way, I can't do that. I just can't do that. I don't think I'm good enough. And I don't think my heart's pure enough and they probably the only reason they'd say yes to me is because you're the boss. And we began to work through that and had some very difficult conversations because I saw some

things in her that I don't think she saw in herself yet. And if you were to just, if you were to peep into my house and sometimes it may look like I wasn't being very nice, but I don't really care about nice. I think I was doing my job as a husband to till up the soil of her heart because I knew God had planted something in there. And now, for 10 years, or since 2008, since the church was planted, then we have experienced my wife leading us in worship for a decade. And again, I think she can look back in her life and say, I don't know that that would happen if we didn't have those kinds of difficult conversations.

And so ultimately, I would say this, husbands, don't be afraid of your wife. and wives don't put up with the laziness of your husband. Sometimes God has placed you in their life to till up the hard ground. Now, you don't till it up every week or nothing will ever grow. You till it up like once a year, and then you just trust that God will bring the sunshine and the rain. And I'm going to tell you something else, man. Without the faith of my wife, there would be no 1122. In 2010, 2011, when the decision was being,

made about do we plant this church or not, I'm just going to tell you it would have been way easier for me to just go work at another church. And it was her faithfulness around our kitchen table saying, no, I remember us praying about this and I believe that God has called us to make disciples right here in Jacksonville. And when I didn't think I had what it takes, then she would speak some life into me and say, I think you can do this. You see, that is what your marriage is supposed to be, that God would use your spouse in your life to be a transforming agent in your life. Again, my goal, my goal is that when I'm done, that she would look back on her life and think one of the smartest things I ever did is marry that God, not because of me, but because

of how God has used me and other things in her life to transform her into all that God has for her. She goes on to say, under the apple tree, I awakened you. In Hebrews, the apple tree stands for two things. It stands for provision and protection. Provision and protection. You see, the provision are the apples that are there, and the protection was from the shade that it provided. And interestingly enough, in Ephesians chapter 5,

when Paul tells husbands how to love their wife, he defines love this way. He says, in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it. That's very close to provision and protection. You see, we kind of live in this over-romanticized world where you hear, especially young couples with nothing saying, well, all we need is love.

Yeah, that's what the Beatles said too, but they broke up. You realize that, right? You don't just need love. You need, like, a house, and you need, like, some food. I talk to some young bucks sometimes going out with somebody and be like, I think I'm a Marrier, but I'm just trying to find myself. All right, why are you trying to find yourself, Scooter, find you a job, find you some responsibility? That a part of what it means to love your wife is provision. In fact, the Apostle Paul will tell Timothy in 1st Timothy 58 this, but if

anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Help me. I don't even know what that means. Unbelievers go to hell. What if you're worse than that? Apparently there's like a basement of hell for guys that won't take responsibility and provide for their family. That's how big a deal this is.

And not only is there provision, but there's also protection that she would sit in the shade of his apple tree. The fellas, your job is to provide protection for your wife. And this is two things. That she needs to feel safe when she's with you, but she also needs to feel safe from you.

And what this means is you don't raise your voice, you don't yell, you don't flex, you don't punch the steering wheel, make the horn gaw for a long time. And if you are guilty of some of those, of which I am, you confess and you repent and you would say, I am so sorry. Men, God did not give you your strength for you,

but for you to leverage it for the provision and protection of others. And she's supposed to feel safe in your presence too. So like I'm just going to tell you, man, Gretchen's with me. Ain't nobody cussing her. Nobody bumping into her.

Nobody talking down to her. An event happened a decade or more ago. We were down in Jack's Beach, and this guy bumped into her, called her a really mean word. And so I laid hands on him and cast him out like a demon. That's how I went, okay?

And that makes some church people uncomfortable. I don't care. You understand? Because she will sit in the shade of my protection. And I tell you this, fellas, she will find protection somewhere. You better provide it.

And some of you little wimpy guys, get you a concealed weapon permit or a stick, do a push-up, maybe a jiu-jitsu class, I don't know, get a bodyguard. You need to do something, but it is your responsibility. She goes on to say, there your mother was in labor with you, and there she who bore you was in labor. Here's what this means. She was saying she believes that her marriage through this man was a divine appointment. She believes that when God made him, then he was the one for her. which leads me to the question I get all the time,

how do I know if he or she is the one? Let me tell you how you know. Fellas, if you married her, then she is the one. There is no doubt in my mind that sometime in eternity passed by God's design and his sovereignty, he knew that the day you made a covenant with her, then she is the one.

The real question, though, is not, is he or she the one if you're dating and trying to figure that out. The real question is, can I be the husband or wife to this person? That's the real question. Then she goes on to say this. She says, set me as a seal upon your heart as a seal upon your arm. What she's talking about here is the permanence of marriage. When Jesus says, set me as a seal upon your heart, you ever watch like Braveheart when the king's going to send a letter and he writes it on the scroll and he rolls it and puts some wax on it, takes a signet ring, goes, there it it. From the king. And then you look at that seal and you know who that's from.

She's saying, I wish God could take me and set me as a seal with our name. You know, we were two, now we have one name, and I wish he would put that name on your heart, that we are sealed that way. This is forever. And it also says there's a seal upon your arm. Ladies, if you're married,

one of your jobs is to help make your husband feel like the man. And what she is saying is, I want to walk into the place and be permanently fixed to your arm. Ladies listen, the wives listen, you want to make your husband feel like the man, I'm telling you, it's as simple as you walk in somewhere and you reach around and put your hand on their biceps or where the biceps should be. And there's not a man in here.

I don't care how big or small that is, okay? I don't care what your workout situation is. Some of your fellows haven't worked out since the Clinton administration. That's okay. But you reach up there and you grab it and you give it a little squeeze and he's going to flex that little tendon man. And then you need to be like, oh, baby, like polish ivory. and they're saying Hercules. And he will.

He'll bow up. Then she says, for love is as strong as death. Literally in Hebrew, that word for death is she-old. For love is as strong as she-old. In most other places, that word is translated, hell. Here's what she's saying. She's saying, our love is as strong as hell. And somebody's like, now we talk about my marriage.

All right, here's what she means. What she means is it's permanent. It's permanent. it because death does not give up the dead, that hell doesn't give up anybody. There's no work release program. Once you go in, you're in forever. And what she is saying is when we made a covenant, we are in this thing forever. And so in a wedding, you know, when the pastor gets up and says,

do you take him or her to be your lawfully wedded husband or wife, forsaking all others and cleaving unto him? and if the other one would say, like hell, it would be a very biblical response. Nana would have a heart attack, so don't say that, but... And the... And the... The word love here for love is as strong as shio.

Most places in Song of Solomon, the Hebrew word they use for love is dove. It's a very romantic and motive sort of love. Here, it uses the word ahava. You know what? Ahava is, ahava is a decision of the will to be committed to that person, regardless of what it feels like. Ahava is when you love somebody in the worst part of better and worse, or the poorer part of a richer

for poor, or the sick part of sickness and health. That's what she is saying. No matter what it feels like, when it's not going very well, when we're in the middle of conflict, when we're being selfish, then I ahavah you, and it is as she. strong as death. I don't care what's happening. I'm not leaving. It goes on to say, jealousy is fierce as the grave, it's flashes or flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. When you get married, are you supposed to be jealous? The answer is yes, depending on what kind of jealousy you're talking about. You are supposed to be jealous for your marriage like God is a

jealous God and jealous for you. Now, it can be kind of confusing because the Bible The Bible says that love is not jealous, that God is love, and that God is a jealous God. So how in the world do you reconcile those things? Well, the difference is you have to understand what the Bible means when it says that God is a jealous God. God is not jealous of you. To be jealous of somebody is to want what they have. God never looked at you and was jealous. God did not see you getting ready for church this morning.

He'd be like, I wish I had pants like that. I don't even have legs. I'm a spirit. I mean, that's not how God acts, okay? He doesn't look at your truck and be like, What a great truck. That's not how he does. But God is jealous for you, meaning he wants what is best for you,

and thereby he does not want the things that kill, still, and destroy you. He is, it's the only thing I can think of. He is jealous for you the way a mother who is breastfeeding their child understands that what they need is her. And God is jealous for you knowing that if you worship another God, that if you worship any idol, that if you chase after the shiny things of this world, it will only kill, steal, and destroy you, and that he is what is best for you. And so I know what is best for me and what is best for Gretchen is that we would be jealous for our marriage,

knowing that the best thing for us and the best thing for our kids will be faithfulness and fidelity to one another. Verse seven says, many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods, drown it. that we have an enemy that is going to try to drown out your marriage. I hope you realize this. We've talked about it a few times. In the book of Genesis, the devil does not show up until Adam and Eve get married. There's a wedding and there's a war. And we live in a culture that wants to tear apart marriages.

And do not be deceived. Any attack on the nuclear family is a demonic attack and comes from the pit of hell. And so what she's saying, what they are saying is, many waters cannot quench this love, neither can floods, drown it out. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised. In other words, you can't buy love.

If you came to me and said, hey, I'll give you five bucks for your wife. I'd laugh at you. If you offered me $5 million, I'd punch you in the neck. Get out of my face, man. You can't buy this. And a bunch of people have tried to buy love. usually on about the third round of the cul-de-sac of stupidity.

They got married, didn't like it, traded that in, lost half on the resale, and then went with the newer model, did that two or three times, and now they are utterly despised. Why? Because this is not how it works. That we are committed to one another, out of reverence for Christ, in this mutually submitted relationship, whereby we create an environment where we cultivate this relationship

as iron sharpens iron God uses us to disciple one another to grow one another to sanctify one another and just like God's love does not grow cold and stale our love for one another

is not supposed to grow cold and stale and so I think the point of these six verses is that faithfulness and fidelity are not simply the goal for your marriage but the foundation on which your marriage is built I need you to see the difference the goal for your marriage is not

that you stand in an altar when you're young and dumb and say, I do, and then live miserably forever, just hanging on to each other, white-knuckling it, and then one of you, by God's grace, dies, and you think, okay, thank God, we made it. That is not the goal. That's not the goal at all. But faithfulness and fidelity is the foundation on which you stand, because when you stand on that kind of foundation, when you know that not only does your spouse dode you, love you,

romantically, et cetera, but also I havas you that I am with you no matter what. Then you can be open. Then you can be honest. Then you can be transparent. Because I know that Gretchen is committed to me. She says this a few times. She says for me, divorce is not an option. Homicide, maybe. Divorce, never. But it's in that environment. Then I can confess sin. Share struggles. cry in front of her, all those kinds of things. That's different than just trying to hang on to the end. You see, I've told you before that, well, if you weren't here a few weeks ago, go back and listen.

We've got a great marriage. It's been married 21 years now, and we had a terrible wedding, terrible wedding. I told you she got sick, she's throwing up, it was bad. We couldn't do all kind of stuff. We couldn't do, like afterwards at our reception. We couldn't dance, you know, have our first dance. Part of it's because we were at a Southern Baptist Church, and they think dancing is the sin. They told me, it's right there in the word, dance in the word, dance in. See, there it is.

We can't do that here. And we couldn't do the spice wine thing because, you know, it was at a Baptist church. And so every time conversations would come up about weddings, Gretchen would kind of hang our head because our wedding was so bad. And our pictures were terrible. She didn't feel good during the pictures. So we just sat down. Our pictures look like we're from the 1800s. We're sitting now. And then all our family's just standing around. Everybody looks like, It's not good. So, when we had been married for five years, I thought, you know what? I got an idea.

And I surprised Gretchen and we did another wedding. And I was on staff at Beach, so I had access to the facility, so that was cool. And our wedding, our anniversary landed on a Saturday. And so I was like, hey, babe, I can't do Saturday. I'm busy. She didn't know I was busy. I was going to marry her again. But I was like, so let's just do it on Friday night.

And she's like, yeah, that's fine. She's pretty cool about that stuff. And then as we were on our way to dinner, she thought we were on our way to dinner. I said, hold on, I just need to run into the church real quick and grab something, which you don't know this because you don't work at church. But if you work at church, there is this time continuum vortex in the church. If you walk in the door, it's an hour and a half. No matter what, I'm talking about you could run in and run back out.

It's an hour and a half. You cannot get in this place and get out of this place without an hour and a half. And immediately, you can just see your face go, oh, you know, I can't believe you're going to be our date. And I said, okay, well, tell you what, how about you come in with me and then. That way, if somebody tries to talk to me, you can drag me out, and we'll be out of here in five seconds. Now, what she didn't realize is that inside the sanctuary at Beach, I had our entire wedding party from 2000. I had her parents and my parents, my brother, her sister, a bunch of her bridesmaids, a bunch of my groomsmen. And then we had a bunch of students there because I was the youth pastor.

And so I just said, hey, there's an event this week called, see you in the sanctuary at 5 o'clock. Okay, and they're all there with like sleeping bags and, you know, Kool-Aid. And so I opened the door and we walk in and everybody's like, surprise. And she's like, well, she didn't even know what the surprise was. Because she's like, it's not my birthday. Why's my mom here? And so she's looking around kind of dazed and confused. I got down on my knee.

And she looked at me and I said, you want to marry me some more? That's what I said. Okay. And she said yes. And it was great. So we did our little rehearsal. And then we went to our rehearsal dinner at Angie Subs. By the way, praise God for that.

By the way, Ed says he needs some employees. so if you're looking for a job, call Ed and Angie sucks. And then the next day, so the girls took her off, and me and the fellas went away, and we came back the next day. And I told all the girls, I said, you don't have to dress like Easter eggs, just wear whatever dress you want. And boys, you don't have to just tuck your shirt in.

That'll be plenty of good enough. And then we got married again. We renewed our vows. Pastor Jerry Swett did our vows. And can I tell you we spent no money on flowers? We spent no money on anything, really. And can I tell you what a cool experience it is to stand in the altar with no pressure, but stand there with my wife, five years in saying, knowing what I know now,

I'm ready to double down and sign up again till death do us part. And then afterwards, we were able to do like our real reception. We had the spice wine at one of my friends' houses, and we were able to do our first dance, you know, and all of those things that did the garter thing. Five years in, not a ton of mystery, you understand, but to get the little thing out I'm, boom, throw the bouquet. It was sweet, man. It was sweet.

And all I was saying to her is this, I'm still all in. We're not white knuckling this thing to the end. That till death do its part means, I promise you, with the help of the Spirit of God in me, I promise you, I am going to do my best to do my part until death separates us. That's what we were created for in marriage. that the primary motivation for me to be faithful to my wife is because I love her. And the reason behind that, the Bible says the reason

that I can love her is because he first loved me. That the foundation for us being mutually submitted to one another in love is because we know that Christ first loves us. And I don't ever want to do anything to hurt her. And it's that faithfulness and fidelity that creates the kind of individual. environment where we can continuously grow deeper and deeper and deeper in our relationship.

So the primary motivation for me to be faithful to my wife, again, is because we love each other. Now, there are some secondary motivations, but those secondary motivations to be faithful in your marriage will never sustain your marriage. There are some secondary motivations, like money. It costs a bunch of money to get divorced. And there's secondary motivations like my children. It would devastate them if I took off. And there's some secondary motivation. like, well, I mean, honestly, just look at me. Well, you're all you're supposed to laugh and I hurt my feelings, man. But you look at me, you look at her and you would say, yeah, you're going to want to

hang on to this deal because that's, I don't know how you pulled that off. I totally understand. And quite honestly, if I was unfaithful to my wife, I would have to get a new job. I don't think I could work here anymore. But that would not, that won't sustain. I can't be walking down the beach see a beautiful woman and be like, hey, oh wait, but where would I work? Do you understand?

It wouldn't be enough. And so our foundation is our love for one another. The security that we have in faithfulness is what fuels our love till death to us part. So married people, let me tell you this. So don't quit. Don't give up. And based on walking with a couple of my friends this week, and don't take it for granted, don't take it for granted.

That if you are married, God has given you a gift, cultivated it till death do you part. Now, the remainder of our time, I want to talk about kind of the elephant in the room, because we've heard from a lot of you, and it's very legitimate, and, you know, I've just been talking about my marriage because it's the only one I have. And many people at 1122 are like, Pastor Jobi, great for you and Gretchen, so proud of y'all and thankful for you all, but that's not my story. The way you've walked through the song of Solomon and the way you walk through your story is not my story. And so I know that there's a lot of you here that are divorced, A lot of you here are divorced, and it wasn't primarily your fault.

Somebody abandoned you, they cheated on you, they ran out on you. Some of you could say, you know what a big part of it was my fault. There's many of you, you got married as unbelievers, and now you're a believer, but your spouse isn't. And so you're here just soaking up the teaching on Song of Solomon and your spouse, probably your husband, isn't here. And you're like, what about me? And some of you've been cheated on, you feel abandoned, and you're just saying, so what about me? And what I'm going to do now is what I have been told by church growth experts I should never do. Because what the Bible's posture on marriage at first glance seems very, very insensitive.

And so we're going to talk about divorce and what the Bible says about divorce. And again, again, I just want to warn you. I hope you know that I love you, but I need you to just put down the defenses for just a second and let me just walk through what the scriptures say to you. If you say, listen, I got married, but it wasn't permanent like it says here in the Song of Solomon. So fundamentally what the Bible is going to say about being married is this. The posture of the scripture is stay married. 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 10 says this.

Paul says, to the married, I give this charge. Then it says, not I, but the Lord. So Paul wants you to know these words come from the Lord. and it says the wife should not separate from her husband, but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. The husband should not divorce his wife. So I'm just going to tell you this.

If you come to me individually seeking a divorce, you're going to get so mad at me. And the list is long, man. I could give you a list of names of people that wanted to get a divorce and came to me for help and my posture is going to be the posture of, the scriptures that you should do everything possible that you could do not get not to get divorced. And I know, man, I get it.

I hear the push back. You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, but that's not fair. And I'm like, I totally understand. I completely understand. But the posture of the scripture is going to be that we are supposed to love our spouse like Christ loved us. And when we were unfaithful to him, he was still faithful to us. I'm telling you, it's brutal.

And here's usually what happens, though. Sometimes things reconcile and sometimes things don't. But what I want you to be able to do is at the end of the day, I want you to be able to lay your head on the pillow and with a clean and clear conscience be able to say, I have done everything within my human ability to stay committed to my covenant. Now, Jesus talks about divorce specifically too,

in two different places. In Matthew chapter 5 and in Matthew chapter 19. In Matthew chapter 5, we studied this when we did, the best sermon ever. In Matthew 5, verse 31, Jesus says, it was also said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.

And here's what he's talking about. In Moses' day, all it took to get divorced, by the way, a woman could not divorce a man, only a man could divorce a woman, and for any reason he wanted. Like, literally, some rabbis said it was okay for a man to divorce his wife if she burnt the toast twice.

So some of you'd be in trouble, real bad, okay? And this is very important. Any culture where Jesus and the gospel moves in, the role of women is always elevated. And so what Jesus is saying is the reason that Moses gave the opportunity for a certificate of divorce is because it was to make sure that women could have a place in the society, even and especially when their husbands did them wrong.

That was what was happening. And so he says, but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife except on the ground of sexual immorality makes her commit adultery and whoever marries a divorce woman commits adultery. That's pretty intense. Now, Jesus has an accept clause here.

I don't know if you've read a lot of Jesus' material. He's not a big exceptions kind of guy. And here he says that sexual immorality is such a big deal, is such a big deal. that it could potentially give you an out from your marriage and that you could get remarried. Now, a bunch of people read this and be like, oh, wait a minute.

You know, if you're on your second marriage or third marriage or whatever, and I've had people say, so does that make me an adulterer? Maybe. And then you would say, well, what do I do about that? I mean, and I welcome here at 1122, and here's what I would say.

I would say to you, join the crowd. And here's what I mean. if you go up one paragraph in the sermon on the Mount, Jesus also says whoever has lusted after someone with their eyes has already committed adultery in their heart. So then I've had people ask this, if you're on your second marriage or third marriage or whatever, and say, well, does that mean I have to,

am I just living in perpetual sin? Do I divorce my wife? And I would say, absolutely not. What Paul is going to cover in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 is whatever condition you find yourself in right now, then you live faithfully unto the Lord right now from here on. You can't do anything about yesterday except be forgiven of it and learn of it. But from this day forward, husbands you love your wife, like Christ love the church, and gave himself up for her, and wives you submit to your husband as unto the Lord. And I know you may say, well, he's not submittable to.

That's why it says as unto the Lord. I get it. And so again, the default position of the Bible is to stay married. in Matthew chapter 19 the Pharisees are trying to catch Jesus and mess him up here in verse 3 they say this the Pharisees came up to Jesus and they tested him by asking is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause which people ask all the time and he says have you not read

that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and he said therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh and then Jesus takes it up a notch he says so they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, God has joined together, let no man separate. Jesus is saying, you're asking if it's permissible, and I'm saying, I don't know if it's possible.

I don't know if you can get back in the frying pan and unscramble the eggs, because I don't think there's a yoke and a white anymore. It's all just become scrambled eggs. And what he's saying, he is just elevating marriage in this idea of permanence. In verse 10, here's how the disciples respond. The disciples say to him, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.

But Jesus says to them, not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. And so the disciples are like, so you're saying this is forever. And then if you look in the scriptures, if you look in the scriptures, Jesus says this, very difficult teaching about marriage. And then he starts playing with some children. He just says this. And then he's like, come on, kids, let's play some dodge ball. And the disciples like, hold on, man. Hold on, come out.

Hold on. Can you explain this? I mean, Peter's crying. Matthew's about to pull down his e-harmonie account. Like, what are we supposed to do? Can we do this or not? So, in the scriptures, okay? In the scriptures, there are three conditions whereby the Bible seems to make divorce an option.

But I always want to just say this, but it always needs to be the last resort. because it is like an amputation. And one is abuse. Malachi 316, the Bible says God hates divorce. He never says God hate divorced people. God hates the act of divorce and despises the one that covers his garment with violence. The way you got married in a Jewish wedding

is that when you would vow yourselves to one another, they would cover you together in a prayer shawl. So like from God's perspective, there's not two individuals praying now. There's just one. And he's saying, God despises it when a man covers the prayer shawl with violence. So if you are being abused or your children are being abused, get out. Let me just be as clear as I can. There's been a whole bunch of churches that cover up and

that is not okay whatsoever. And you go to the authorities. You go to the legal authorities and you go to the church authorities. You find a pastor and elder, anybody that you can around here, and we will help you get into a safe space and a safe place for you and your children. And those are very complex details that I don't know that we can address with everybody here like this. Let us help you individually. So abuse is one. The second one, according to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verse 15, would be abandonment. The Bible says that if you're married to an unbeliever and they abandon you, they want to leave you, then you should chase after them like God chases after you, but there could be a time that if they don't want to be married to you,

then you can't chase them forever, and then you let them walk away. And then the third is, adultery. The third is adultery. Again, Matthew chapter 5, 32, and 19. 7. This is why, by the way, every time we talk about sexual immorality around here is why we make such a big deal about it. This is why when I teach on this, when it comes to sexual immorality, we don't flirt, we flee, we run away from. Jesus says, gouge out your eye and chop off your hand. You go to extreme measures because sexual immorality is extremely dangerous. It deems the soul. And Jesus would say, if you have been cheated on, then there is an out clause. However, however, even there, even there, even in adultery, the gospel's posture is to try to reconcile your marriage.

And again, I know you say, that's not fair. It's totally not fair. And you may say, well, I don't feel like reconciling. I totally understand. Actually, I don't understand because I've never experienced it. I can't even imagine what that would feel like. but I can tell you this, in the Garden of Gassimony, Jesus did not feel like going to the cross.

He's sweating blood and he's saying, Father, if there's any other way, let's do that way, not this way. Not my will, but your will be done. And then he commits himself to reconciliation at great expense to himself even though it was very unfair to him. And really, the place that I get this

is there's a book in the Old Testament, an Old Testament prophet, we'll go through quickly, called Josea. Josea was a prophet of God. And the Old Testament prophet of God is similar to the New Testament preacher, except I have to like go in the woods and read the Bible and study and hopefully work out a sermon. God would just give the Old Testament prophet. He'd be like, say this and they would just retweet it, basically.

And Josea, a man of God, a prophet of God, this is how it starts out. In Josea chapter 1, the Bible says, when the Lord first spoke through Josea, the Lord said to Josea, go, take to yourself a wife of hoarding and have children of hoarding for the land commits great hoarding the Lord. So you know it's going to be an intense book when it says hoard them three times by the second verse, okay?

And I know some of you Sunday school people are squirming right now. You should read your Bible. And so God comes to, Jose says, I want you to go marry this prostitute. And by the way, her name is Gomer. So you know it's not going to be good. And then they have two children and then name one kid, no mercy,

and they named the other kid, not my people. So the guy's like, yeah, here's my kid, there's my wife, she's a prostitute, and this is her name Gomer, and then I got no mercy and not mine. They're like, who is it? No, I mean, that's just what we named him, not mine, all right? So we're off to a rough start,

and then she does what she does. And she abandons him, and she doesn't just sleep with one person, she goes back into prostitution and sleeps with a whole bunch of different people. and then God comes to Josea again, verse chapter 3 It says, and the Lord said to me, go again, love a woman who is loved by another man

and is an adulteress. God says, go get Gomer. And I think Josea would say, I'm going to get a lawyer. I'm going to get Gomer. I mean, she ain't taking half of my stuff and I ain't paying for no mercy and not mine. Uh-uh, I ain't doing this.

And man, we giggle a little bit. There's a whole bunch of people at 1122. And that is or has been your reality. And you're like, what about me? What do I do when I have been treated so unfairly? And God says to Jose, go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins. Remember the seed thing?

Basically what that says is, if you've ever been cheated on by your spouse, then you know a little bit of what it feels like to God when we reject him. Verse two, so I bought her for 15 shekels of silver and a homer and elethic of barley. That's a whole bunch of money. And I said to her, you must dwell as mine for many days and you shall not play the whore or belong to another man. So will I also be to you. This is an Old Testament foreshadowing of the gospel of Jesus Christ. That when she had rejected her husband and she finds herself on the slave block, her husband shows up and pays full price for his wife that does not deserve it.

And please see this part. He says, you shall not play the whore. He doesn't call her a whore. And I'm sure she says, but I am one. I think I'm one. I act like one. That's what I feel like. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're not.

That's not who you are. That may be who you used to be, but I just paid 15 shekels and a whole bunch of barley. And the one that pays for you gets to tell you who you are. So you're not going to act like that anymore. purchased you and you're going to come to my house now and I'm going to be yours and you are going to be mine. And at the cross of Jesus Christ, he paid way more than 15 shekels on some barley for you and me. And he is saying to us, you don't play that way anymore because that's not who you are. And so what this means is this. I know when it comes down to sexual sin and divorce and

remarriage and all of that, a bunch of you have been mistreated by some church because some church has labeled you based on a marital status or something like that, and I need you to know that you are not your divorce, you're not your affair, you're not your adultery, you're not your abuse, you're not your abortion, you're not your sexual past, you're not your orientation, you're not your marriage, you're not your previous marriage, you're not your failed marriage. That the enemy wants to lie to you to try to have you identify with some area of your past. But if you are in Christ Jesus, he is paid for you, he has purchased you, he has bought you, you're not your own.

And if that is true of you, then you are not a victim. I'm not saying you may not have been victimized. I'm not diminishing that whatsoever. It's just not your core identity anymore that you are not a victim. You are more than a conqueror. You're a child of the king. You were a delight to the father. You're a mighty man of God chosen to advance the kingdom.

You were a beautiful bride that God is coming after. So if some church labeled you with some label that Jesus does not use, I would take that label off and I would receive the one that Jesus gave to you, which is this beloved. That's what he calls you. And so are you welcoming this church? Yeah, because we're a movement for all people, all people, to discover and deepen a relationship with Jesus Christ.

So don't ever walk in here with your head hung low. Because he turns shame into dancing because you are more than a conqueror. And so the way we're going to close for the married people, as we talk about till death do us part. We're going to sing a song. You're not going to sing it. The band's going to sing it over you. It's called Dancing in a Mind Field, which if you're married, that's pretty much what marriage is, isn't it? Like sometimes you're dancing and then the thing blows up.

I won't have it, okay, because that's how it goes. And there's a video that we're going to show. And it's a bunch of our married couples that we've seen over there. the past bunch of weeks. And the like second or third couple that shows up, or Seth and Tracy that's sitting right here on the front row, and I didn't ask their permission to tell this because I don't ask permission.

So at this point, if you're married, this be a good opportunity for you to reach out and hold your spouse's hand. In 2010, Seth and Tracy show up to Beach when 1122 was over there. And it was not going well, according to them. And they were probably on the verge of divorce. and if you would ask them in 2010, how you think it's going to go by the time we get to

2021, they did not see a future insight. And according to them, they told me the story like five years ago. And according to them, they hadn't laughed together. They hadn't touched in a long time. Somebody invited them to church, and I was teaching on Song of Solomon, and they showed up, and they laughed. They just laughed. And they said, I think it's the first time we laughed together in a long time. And part of the reason they decided to come back is because we have kids ministry but all they knew is it's an hour and a half free kids somebody else has to wash those things and we can just sit in a service and laugh a little bit so he came back a second week and in that service at about this time of the service i said hey husbands you need to hold your wife's hand right now and Seth looked over at Tracy and they'd fought the whole way there they fought all week they did not feel like holding hands and he reached out and grabbed her hand and she grabbed it back and they squeezed and they giggled and then God began to do a work in their life what they thought was dead wasn't dead you know why because if the tomb is empty anything is possible and then god began to breathe on that ember that he had put in there a long time ago and i'm sure

it did not happen overnight and i'm sure they would say they are not perfect but i am telling you this 10 years later he'll they still are holding hands in the front row for the whole service not knowing i was going to talk about them why because god can do miracles so let me read some of these words and then we're going to have it sung over us. I do are the two most famous last words, the beginning of the end. But to lose your life for another I've heard is a good place to begin. So when I lose the way, find me. When I lose love's chains, bind me. At the end of all my faith till the end of all my days, when I forget my name, remind me. Because we bear the light of the son of man. So there's nothing left to fear. So I walk with you in the shadow.

lands till the shadows disappear because he promised not to leave us and his promises are true so in the face of all this chaos baby i can dance with you so let's go dancing in the minefields hold your wife's hand if you're single if you're divorced if you feel like you're alone i promise you if you know jesus he's holding yours and he is more than enough and to the married people man if it's good you should praise God right now. Don't take your eyes off that prize. Continue to cultivate it. And if it's tough, I promise there's hope because Jesus is hope. And again, I've just been reminded once again this week, whatever you do, don't miss this opportunity. And please do not take it for granted. Let's pray. Our good and gracious Heavenly Father, God, I thank you that you see us, your church.

you're battered in Bruce unfaithful church you see us as a beautiful bride adorned for eternity and that you are coming back for us and God based on that may the marriages at 1122

God may they be blessed may they flourish where there are places where they have grown cold God would you heat them up would you breathe new life into that covenant God to the single to the divorce to the divorce

to the remarried, to the person that's been cheated on, abandoned, abused, whatever it is, God, I pray that the blood of Jesus would be like the balm of Gilead to heal hurt places. And Holy Spirit, would you do what only you could do in our lives? Convict us where we need that and comfort us where we need that. And Lord, let our eyes continually be fixed on you. Because even when we are unfaithful, you are always faithful. We prayed in Jesus' name. Amen.