The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #002 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

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and get this party started. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? Uncle Joey here Thursday, October the 8th. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Thank you very much for watching the first show and supporting us. It's a great week so far. I'm very sorry for Eddie Van Halen fans

that was it was fucked up for me I'll tell you because I don't know I just felt like the same day I felt

I felt the same way I felt the day Randy Rhodes died I still remember getting picked up in 1982 to go out

and there was no internet then and my friends were like Randy Rhodes died it's so weird how you don't know

somebody like I don't know Randy Roads I didn't know Eddie Van Hanan I never met Eddie Van Halen I saw him one time

where I used to buy weed in Studio City. I saw them, but I don't say nothing. The people, I'm in my fucking business. And that's the only time I saw him. I saw him in 78 or 79, opening up a Black Sabbath. And then I saw him one other time in the fucking 80s, and they were trough fucking Mendez. And if you don't believe me, that video I played this morning

will let you know how strong of a fucking band Van Halen was in 1981. 39 fucking years ago. they were as strong as fucking death on stage and say whatever you want about David Lee Roth I never said he was the best thing ever but when he was up there doing when he was on that motherfucker was on

but we're not talking about David Lee Roth we're talking about Eddie Van Halen and I'm very sorry to there's a ton of Van Halen fans I know that would ask this day one you know as soon as I heard the news I called my buddy Guy Tabasco because there's no bigger Van Halen fan than that guy the poor bastard. So I called him up, my other buddy Timmy, you know, and they were hurting. You know,

people hurt, man, especially now. Things hurt a little bit more during this COVID because you have more time to think about it. Like I went, as soon as I found out he died, I had a play date anyway with Jimmy Florentine's kids and a bunch of his friends and my daughter. And even Jimmy was like in shock. I know he did something for Sirius Radio last night for Ozzie's Boneyard. They did like some type of memorial for him or whatever. You know, Eddie Van Halen was just fucking revolutionary. If you don't know about them, I mean, I know you guys love Guns and Roses and Joe Perry on Aerosmith.

I love a bunch of guitar players. But I got to tell you something. You know, when it comes to fucking Van Halen, I'm going to tell you a little secret. When I was a kid and I started going out to concerts and shit like that, they would tell you, don't even worry about the opening band. Don't even worry about the opening band. We were from North Bergen, New Jersey. so we had till 8.30 to get to the garden.

That means we could leave a fucking quarter to eight, get the bus into the city, walk from the Port Authority to the garden in fucking 10 minutes. When Van Halen went on tour with Sabbath, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you, the only album from Sabbath I had at the time was fucking paranoid. I didn't know anything about Black Sabbath. I just went on a fucking whim.

Some guys from my neighbor were going, and they said, do you want to come? And I was like, what the fuck? I'm not doing nothing here. And they said, wait for you see the opening fucking act. And I'll tell you guys, when I got there, I don't know how fucking old that was. I was young, but they blew me the fuck away.

And I was into Led Zeppelin and into all that shit. Listen, it was hard to walk out of there and not recognize the talent that was Eddie fucking Van Halen. So for you Van Halen guys, do what I did last night. I just listened to everything.

last night my wife went out so when I got back at like 8 o'clock I took a shower I washed my pussy I ate some dinner I smoked the fucking number and then I just started from one I started from Van Halen eruption and it was fucking tremendous and then I went out to Van Halen two women and children first 1984 is a spectacular album the one diver down is Menza Mort. I don't know what the other one is, but then fucking Fair Warning is a fucking monster. And I posted two songs this morning from Fair Warning just because it's just a monster fucking out. Listen, man, when we were kids, Guy at the basketball lived next door to me and his brother Mike were big Van Halen fans. And we would torture him, like just torture him, especially

I got mad at Van Halen after they put the David Lee poster up. in the middle of him with chains on and the fucking women and children first that's when van hailing lost me as a band but i was always an any van hailing fan as a band they lost me because of david lee roth getting tied up i didn't like that too much at the time i'm a catholic you know what i'm saying it's not like i'm a boy scouts right now they're trying to fucking get people to sue the boy scouts you're in no danger these people don't fucking remember these people don't fuck remember every night i'm watching tv they're running an ad have the boy scouts molested you let me let me let me think well, I'll tell you my story with the fucking Boy Scouts.

I wanted to be a Boy Scouts. I wanted to be a Boy Scout. I felt like torture him the other day. But I couldn't say nothing to him. He's a Boy Scout. He's a Wee Blow. I was a Wee Blow for one fucking day. And I could tell you one thing.

It was in the back of a church in Union City. It was across the street from the four-star diner. I don't know what the name of that church is. But there's a theater next to that church that George Cullender and HBO Special. But that church behind there, they used to have like Sundays, Saturdays. You can become a Boy Scout. And you know me, I'm a fucking nerd. I fell in love with the patches. And I was a kid of little patches. So they gave you a patch for everything, for lighten the match, for cleaning your ass, for rubbing two sticks together. The whole thing.

By the end of the week, you got 19 fucking patches. I went to one fucking meeting, and I knew it wasn't for me. I knew those motherfuckers were creepy. And at that time, I was hanging out with book, you know, my mom had the bar. So it was like two blocks from my mother's bar. I walked into that Boy Scott then, and you could smell the, the fucking sperm and the abuse in there. You could smell it. And they were teaching us how to do nots and they were looking at you weird.

Nah, no, no, no, no, no, no. See, all these people you see today fucked up of people from the 70s. The Boy Scouts fucked them up, the Catholic Church. And I'll tell you who else. Doctors, they used to,

before this COVID, I forgot because they're checking your thermometer now, your temperature. When you walk into a building, they put that thing in your head, like, oh, you're 98, whatever the fuck. Ah, I grew up in the 70s, bitch.

When a thermometer, your ass. None of you motherfuckers remember that shit. Your mom will put Vaseline in a thermometer sticking up your ass. Why do you think there's so many fucking gay people today? Because they're all getting back, they're all getting fucking, what do you call that shit? Like when you go to Vietnam and fucking, you get flashbacks or the thermometer. That's why. Everybody got a flashback on the thermometer. I look at the thermometer and I think of it going up my ass and I freaked the fuck out. How was that allowed in the 60s and 70s that they would just put in a jar of Vaseline and stick up your ass and your mom would stare at you. You

You're like, you know, and you're sitting there like a fucking asshole with a thermometer up your ass, looking around the room, you're six or seven. You're like, what do I do to deserve this? I'm a Catholic. I go to church. I put a dollar in the basket. Why is there a fucking thermometer in my fucking asshole? You understand me? So when you see like 50-year-olds, like me, they're a little fucked up and they get, they turn gay like when they're 48, it all goes back to the fucking thermometer.

I'm telling you right now. That thermometer in the ass was not good. So that's a usual you'd be selling. The fucking suing. The fucking doctors who put it to mom and up your ass. Not the poor. And the boy scots too. They were creepy too.

And the Catholic church. They're a bunch of creeps too. I'm a Catholic, but that don't mean I go to church and hang out with those motherfuckers. Because when you go to... Church has become more like a fucking social thing now. People don't go to church

because of necessity or they feel the love of God. Not that I'm religious or anything. You know me, dog. I fly by the seat in my pants. There is a God. I don't know what color he is. He could be Chinese.

He could be Muslim. I don't fucking know, but I know we have a higher power. How do I know? Because I'm fucking here. That's how I know. I wouldn't be here if there wasn't a higher power. Somebody looked over me. So, I don't even know how we got on this conversation. What my point is? That the fucking Catholics.

I got to hold on. I got to do a fucking hit of. Listen, just because we can't smoke weed don't mean we have another situation. You ever see these things, huh? You live in California and you haven't seen these. I'm in New Jersey. What the fuck do you people think? you're dealing with.

Just because I'm in Jersey, I think I lost a step. Go fuck yourself. Like a 30 a day. Wherever I'm standing, marijuana is legal. Take that in your pipe and smoke it. And if that ain't enough for you,

look at this. I got this little fucking thousand milligram spray. This is the best right here. Oh yeah, you got to fucking slide this over and this gets the fucking party starting. Watch this. I'm going to show you motherfuckers

how I'm having fun, bitches. Because you're like, Joey, you're not smart. Don't worry about me. I fucking lit myself on fire this morning. Let's see what we got here. You gotta go like this. You gotta press it and then slide this motherfucker over. But once you do that, you're in business here. You understand me? I don't want to squirt myself in the fucking eyeball. You ever squirt yourself in the eyeball with THC juice. You're fucking done for a week.

You rather have somebody come in your eye. You ever jerk off and leave a little on your finger and then rub your eye. An hour lady, you're walking around like a fucking Mugdalo, you got that red eye and shit, you've become in your girlfriend's eye? Anyway, it doesn't matter. None of my business anyway. None of my business fucking anyway. So where was I here?

I think we're just going to stick with the fucking asthma thing. Oh, look at this one. Bam! You take this, you go like this, you go like this, You open this motherfucker up. See now I can't because my hands all fucking greasy. I'm one of those greasy Spanish people. You know what I'm saying? God damn it This is tremendous man. You go like this you open this motherfucker up. What's in that?

A little breast drip cuck sucker And how do you poop it down? Thousand milligrams spray. Ah What fucking think you're dealing with? sitting there going, Joey, he ain't not smoking weed no more. Don't worry about me. Just worry about yourself, all right? You got that such square hat and knock yourself to fuck out with it. I don't

give a fuck what you do. Don't come to me when you have an addict and your eyeballs are fucking purple. Me, I'm smoking primo weed. I'm trying to stay healthy. I'm riding my bike. I'm lifting weights. I'm eating good and most importantly, I'm fucking sleeping.

That was killing me before. Now I'm sleeping. I'm in bed nappy no-no time. Last night was a late night. 1230 but I was walking around at fucking seven look at your timeline on Twitter whatever I was walking around a fucking seven why because I don't fuck around you got to get up early I don't give a fuck this COVID you don't have to get up I'm working from home who gives a fuck get up you're getting lazy every fucking day get up get up take a shower make your bed wash your pussy write in your journal drink your

coffee smoke a joint go for a walk then you fucking sit your fucking fat ass on the computer because the night you'll be sitting there all fucking day like a monkey go out and get a little vitamin D. Put a smile on your face. Listen to the podcast. Take a walk. Then go back to your fucking desk. Sit only for like an hour, an hour and a half. That's it, because if not your back will be on fire. Tell all those Zoom motherfuckers to go fuck yourself.

In 20 years, we're all going to be zoomed up. You're going to see our eyeballs. It's going to be like the guy from Kung Fu. Remember his pupils were all fucked up because we're going to be fucking zoomed up. Don't fucking do that shit. Listen, I would love to have guests, but I fucking hate Zoom. If I have to do it,

Like for Ryan Sickler or my brother's Brendan or I do it for them. But I don't want to do a fucking Zoom with nobody. And Zoom is going to kill your fucking eyes. I'm telling you, in 20 years, we're going to remember this. People are going to have Zoom eyes. Watch. You're going to hear that statement in 20 years. I have Zoom eyes from looking at Zoom and fucking dying on FaceTime.

All that shit fucks you up. You don't need to watch that shit. The news, Zoom, none of that. How do we even get on this conversation? I have no fucking idea. It doesn't matter. It's fucking Thursday, you know? Tonight, I got to get on stage.

So I'm a little rushed up. That's what it probably is. Tonight I'm getting on stage. And Uncle Vinny's down there and fucking, point pleasant, 8 o'clock. I'm just doing my 40. I don't even have 8. You know what I'm saying?

You think you got problems? You think you got problems? Like, you gotta cut the cable. I got problems. I got to do 40. I only got eight. So I got to go up there tonight and fucking just go off the top of my head.

Have I done it before? Fucking all the time. Do I feel like doing it? No, I wish I had more material, but the only way I'm going to have my material is by trying it on stage. I got a couple things written out. I wrote out some stuff last week.

I wrote out some stuff the week before. Tonight we'll put it together. We'll just throw shit out there and see what we get. It's just going to be a nice little stoop. That's all I got for you right now. I ain't ready for fucking $30 tickets. I wouldn't do that to nobody.

Nobody deserves to do that shit right now. Go to a fucking drive and pay all this fucking money and sit next to some guy you're fucking smelling combustion and shit like that. I try to avoid COVID-s situations.

Okay? They're called COVIDial situations. Eight people, COVIDial situation. This is inside. He's got it down to 40 people. I'm going to tell him to push it back, 10, because, you know,

I spit when I talk as it is. That's all you need is corona in your eyeball. Because I'll spend. That's what we do. We do calmly. You're up there. and you're fucking talking and you're getting excited.

I spit, even when I just talk to people, they'll get a fucking spit in the eye from time to time. I'm sorry. People always used to tell me, give me the news, not the weather. I've always been that fucking dude. But, you know, tonight I want it controlled. If I see something I don't like, the lights get fucked because I'm not in business to try to get anybody sick.

That's why I don't like all this shit. They call COVID situations. And I'm watching people. I'm watching all the clubs that are open. and forcing people. Trust me, people are getting sick. They're just not tracing it back. I'm watching all these COVID situation, cock suckers.

Wait till they come back, I'm going to all put them in check, and I got to charge them a little extra, just because they made money during COVID. I want some of that money. I was sitting at home relaxing. So if you're going to make an offer for me, you better make it heavy because I'm coming in heavy. That's it.

You've been open, fucking giving people COVID with your fucking watered down drinks, cock suckers. now Uncle Joey's coming. I want some of that money you made during COVID. So get ready. I ain't fucking around with you motherfuckers. I'm going to work out this month. I got a movie in November.

December's going to be too cold to do dick. Nobody knows that there's going to be marches. COVID might be back. I think the country will be locked down again by December. I hope not. God forbid. Hopefully I'm a fucking idiot and I'm wrong. But I think once the first kid fucking sneezes,

they're going to lock shit down. I know today for a fact, They're locking down parts of New York City. Some businesses are shutting down today in New York City. Like some parts of Brooklyn or something, don't quote me, but I know it's today. Effective the seventh. So numbers are starting to spark up again.

Should that fucking bother you? Do I want you to be scared? Do I look like fucking that cock sucker on ABC News that just scared you the whole time? Every fucking TV show news show has become, they're like Vincent Price. You know, the voice before. Thriller.

Every news, watch the news. 15 minutes in, your heart's beating like you're fucking getting chased by three Puerto Ricans. I don't need that in my life. And near do you. I've been a lot, a lot happier since I don't look at Dave Visser no more on ABC World News Tonight. I've been a lot fucking happy. Look at me.

I'm just happy. Why? Because I don't give a fuck. It's like this podcast right now. Let me explain something to you. I order a lazy boy. I'm not getting it for two months. I order the fucking generator for the house.

I'm not getting it till February. My buddy bought a house. He can't even get appliances for his fucking house. He can't move in. They told him trick-a-treat. He was going to have trick-a-treat at his fucking house. Whatever, Halloween. He's not going to be able to move in until fucking January, okay?

We were having the same problems with Max, with cameras, you know, getting electricians here. So, we kept it. As simple as it is. An iPhone, a light, four walls, me, you, and this is all we need. If you guys are looking for a fancy studio or for, you know, oh my God, go fuck yourself. This is just communication. This is just us trying to make each other feel better.

This is all this is. Don't sit there and pinpoint stupid fucking shit. You know, yesterday I get 50 emails. Where's Lee? Lee's in Milwaukee. When I had Lee, you were emailing me. me that I'm an enabler, that I'm giving them drugs, and I'm making them eat cheeseburgers. Everybody, you're an enabler. I'm not a fucking enabler. There's that it all over here.

You want to do them, you do them. If you don't, go fuck yourself. You know me? And we always got the lights off. Because you never know what Espiritos Malos are around here. So what was they talking about? Who the fuck knows? Anyway, Uncle Vinny's, yeah. I got no fucking material. So if you have no material, why would you put yourself in that position? For you people who keep emailing me about Parks Casino, there's no Parks Casino. It's canceled until next year. I was going to go, I was going to opt out for the fucking beer and wine garden, but it only seats 50. If I'm going to Philly, I want to see all you motherfuckers.

Am I right or am I wrong? I'm going to Philadelphia. I got to come with three guns. So why go to Philly to see 50 people? I go to Philly. I want to see 3,000 of you motherfuckers. That's one of my favorite places in the fucking world. A cheese steak and 3,000 Philadelphians, it don't get no better.

the next shit right there so philly we'll push it till next year i'll try to do some shows down there there's a punchline that's open as things go on or whatever i miss you you know i love you it's nothing personal we're just in the middle of a fucking pandemic and there's nothing you can do about it and there's the same shit what was going out when i'm trying to explain to you about the podcast how much longer did you want me to sit on my hands for i have to wait for a thousand things fuck it this is as simple as communication as can be. This is it. If you don't like it,

I don't know what the fuck to tell you. Eddie Van Halen is dead and I don't feel so good myself. Okay? So go fuck yourself. At least we're trying to put it together here. At least we're trying.

For all you people, least we're trying. It's better than not giving you nothing. What do you want me to do? Send you a can in the fucking mail and get strings and we could all talk like little fucking idiots.

This is the best way to go. Right here. We got each other. I know you're feeling down and you're going through a lot of shit. You don't think I answer my paper. I read those messages. A lot of people going through a hard time right now, especially 19 to 20, like, 3 year old. You guys are in hell right now. My heart goes out to you. I remember being 19. I was confused and as a dumb fuck as can be.

I can't imagine a pandemic fucking holding you down. You got to sit at home and fucking, I can't imagine. So my heart goes out to you guys. But don't give up. Now is not the time to give up. So you guys were raised in an era where they gave you a medal for showing up. And it fucked you guys up. You guys don't know how to act now because it was just acceptable to show up. No, you got to do something. It's not just going to happen. Life just doesn't happen, especially during a fucking pandemic.

I'll tell you that much. If you don't go out there and grab it, go check with your friends in L.A. If you're living in Los Angeles, call around. They're robbing people in Wilden Hills. They're robbing people in North Hollywood. And what they're going to do is they're going to create a service. and just close that fucking valley. So if you live in Sherman Oaks right now,

I'd be looking for options. I'd be getting knives, darts, fucking shooting stars. I'd be getting ready to kill a motherfucker if you live in Sherman Oaks right now because they're going to surround you. I don't even know how we got for this conversation. But anyway, again, that's the great thing about Riefer. It takes you to where you need to go

just a different direction. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you ever go on waves? What's that wave shit? I love waves because it always makes you take the longer way. On the way back, you're like, why'd you make me go all the way around? If I got to just shot straight up the fucking road here, this wave takes you to two other fucking cities, and then it takes you back to where the fuck you got to go. I want the straight

line, cock suck, and that's what I'm trying to do here. A straight line, a fucking communication, especially with you 19 to 21, 22 year olds. Listen to me. Get a book. Read, write, help your parents. Do whatever you can. you're lost how do I know because I was fucking lost at 1920 you basically fucking retarded I was I was fucking retarded let's say 81 84 I was 21 years old I could look you guys straight in the face and tell you I was retarded I didn't have no concept I know how to hustle I knew how to steal I know how to do bad things but I had no concept on how life worked and I came back to bite you in the ass I had no concept about heart

I had no intention to do hard work, you know. I thought that the bluebird of happiness was just going to show up and give me a check once a month because my friends were rich. It don't work that way. It don't work that way. I had the guy the other damn Patreon, sent me a message. I'm 21, I've been busting my hump, and everybody's moving around me. Everybody's moving up around me.

What do you expect? You're 20 fucking one. You gotta work. You gotta get started. Well, I've been working for six months and nothing's happened. and nothing's happened. What are you think's going to happen in six months? That's what's going to happen in six months. That's what happens in six months. A year. That's what happens in six and a year. I've been doing it for a year and a half. That's your year and a half. You got to do it.

And you got to do it well, do it with love, and do it with fucking passion. No? Okay. How the fuck do you think I got it? You think I got it because Rogan made fun? Oh yeah, but Rogan helped you out. Sure he did. He called Adam Sandler. Sure he did. He called the guy from Spider-Man too. Oh, yeah, he called David Chase too and got me in that, you dumb fucks. No, you got to put the fucking work in. You got to put the hustling. You got to show, I used to outwork the agent. How the fuck? There's the fucking client outwork the agent. That's what you need to do. A lot of people sign with an agent, like my agent ain't doing nothing. No, you're not doing nothing. You're sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring.

When I have an agent, that motherfucker gets tortured. Tortured. I have an agent. They got them. For years, I was torturing agents. From 97 to 2010, I was, because I would find out of my jobs. I would call them and go, what are you doing on this? What are you talking about? Call this fucking guy and tell them that this and they would look at me like, what are you talking about? You got to call them. Well, I'll send them a headshot. The headshot ain't going to fucking work. Look at my face. Nobody's going to hire me. Call them and tell them I'm a fucking savage. And I would go to their office and make them call them. Call them. Call them. Because if you don't, I will. I'll go down there and drop the package off. How do you think I got those movies? You think I got them because of my looks? No, I got them because I fucking outworked the other guy. It was, I was not going to let it happen. You're not going to let it happen. That's how you, it's not going to happen on your fucking watch. If you want something, if you want a Netflix special, you have to zero in on that motherfucker. you want to make more money doing whatever the fuck you're doing you got to revamp it you got to zero in on that motherfucker and what i mean zero in is i'll give you an example you could either have 10 mediocre podcast or one really good one you ever think about that you could be a part of eight fucking podcast that nobody knows about or put all your effort into one good one and put everything you got into that listen man

I don't know about this joint shit but I know when I did the church the reason why you people are watching the joint is because you know one thing about me I left my soul on the fucking table I didn't sell my soul I gave you my fucking soul I gave it to you so you understood

where I was coming from so anything after I gave you my soul any word that would come out you would understand what I'm saying and you would understand what my heart was I said a thousand fucking horrific things on that podcast but I laughed at because

To me, they're funny. It's just words. They're not actions. They're just words. You're just saying shit. That's why I don't understand censorship. I never will. Because they're just words.

When I did Mafia 3, somebody got offended because I said the word faggot. They had a call a crisis team in for this poor little lesbian who had lights in her hair. I don't know why. She was a very sweet lady. I'm not saying that she was a bad lady or whatever. but she got that upset because I said the word faggot. If you get upset over the word faggot, you got to give yourself a fucking break.

You got to go for a walk. You got to get some roller skates. You got to do something with your fucking life. And that's what's going on right now. People are getting offended by fucking words. And now you want to censor me? You know what chances you got to censoring me? None.

Because you could take away my sponsors. you could take away YouTube, you could take away whatever the fuck you want guess what I'm still gonna get to you I'm still gonna get away

to get to you I'll find the fucking way even if I gotta go in front of your house and throw newspapers at you I don't give a fuck I've delivered newspapers for years

so when you want something you go for it I don't give a fuck you can't take nothing away from me that's what these people understand they tried three months ago four months ago oh you said this on the Rogan podcast

what are you talking about Have you even fucking done a podcast with other comics And you're trying to lay in your material in there And you even slip shit in like that you're not even thinking about What are you talking about? They're just words If you get offended at words It's time for you to take a deep look into your fucking heart And see what the fuck is going on

It's not about words Now if I come over the house and hit you with a stick That's an action If I fucking run over your fucking dog That's an action, there's a problem If I smack your wife in the face That's a fucking action. That's a problem.

We have to censor that. We have to throw that motherfucker in jail. But words, give me a fucking breather. Why not? What are you doing with your fucking life?

Let's draw a fucking... Let's draw a fucking... There you go, Cucksuckers. And you thought it was just going to be a whole hum fucking Thursday. Weren't you the fuck wrong. It's Uncle Joey,

bitches. We're here, we're queer. What the fuck do you want from me? I'm here trying to put the pieces together every day. Tomorrow, by the time you guys watch this, I don't know how you're going to, I'm going to be feeling terrible tomorrow, depending on my performance tonight.

Or whatever. Maybe I'll get COVID tonight and I'll be coughing and shit. I have a white eye. I have a zoom eye, whatever the fuck. I don't know. But I'm just, I'm excited about getting on stage tonight. Twain, I didn't know what was going on with me. I got to tell you something, guys.

I don't care about the numbers. You know, a couple of my friends called me. They said the podcast didn't even matter to me. You know what mattered to me? How I felt. Ever since I've been a complete different person. Completely different person. That's what was missing from my life.

My anxiety is down. My fear is down. I got my balls back. Listen, man, your balls go away from time to time. Every once in a while, fear fucking wins. It really does. But at the end of the day,

you have nothing to be fearful. about. COVID, three, four days, you drink some fucking juice, don't lay on your back, take the shit they gave fucking Trump. I smoked the shit they gave Trump. You know what I'm saying? But the strain has been mutated right now. You're not going to die. You're going to be a little sick. Listen, I got underlying conditions, but everybody's got a bunch of fucking problems. So it's like shooting a game of fucking dominoes. It's the same fucking thing. So the fear is gone. The fear has gone. The fear has been gone. The anxiety I had I had of moving, that's gone. Last night I witnessed my daughter went. Seven other fucking kids, eight other kids playing on the fucking street. I nearly fucking cried.

I wanted to fucking cry. Because in California, I couldn't get one fucking play date to show up. here in New Jersey, we had nine kids over there yesterday. And then, like, five of them went home for dinner and four of them stayed. We ordered a fucking pizza over there at Jimmy Florentines. And then they fucking were going down a dark hill in like an electronic fucking car till 8 o'clock at night going back and forth. Thank God my wife went out last night because she didn't know that I had her out until fucking 8 o'clock going up and down.

Why? Because she needs to go out. You need these kids need to fucking get social skills. In California right now, my kid would have been a mess. If I would have made this move, my kid wouldn't have made it out of this. That March to fucking July staying in, it wasn't working. And I'll tell you, I could entertain you guys. I can entertain an audience. But a fucking seven-year-old, I don't have the physical capability.

to do it anymore. You know, we ride a bike. You ever play with a ball with my daughter? You want to stick the bat up your fucking ass ten times because she always hits the ball to the opposite side

and you got to go get it. You play with the ball with my daughter for an hour. You're fucking done. You're fucking done. People are like, oh, you're looking so thin. Yeah, because I'm playing

with my kid all fucking day. That's a fucking nightmare. My wife lost seven pounds. Sure. But, emotionally, she couldn't handle it. Like, she needed kids her age. She needed a young. kids, older kids. Yesterday there was six boys and she was playing basketball and they

were pushing on her. She got hit with a wiffball yesterday. Guess what? She didn't fucking cry. She looked at me and I looked at her. I didn't say nothing. I expected her to cry. She didn't cry. She's learning. If you cry in front of fucking six boys, they'll fucking eat you up alive. So last night when we got home, I talked to them and I said, next time you play basketball with the boys, you did a great job. I think she even scored one fucking basket. I go, you know, we talked about defense to look at their midsection because they could fake you with their eyes or their head just to focus on the midsection when you're playing defense and to keep your arms out for the ball. And I told her that when you go in for rebounding,

to go in, jump up with the boys. And if they elbow you, you elbow them because that's how you gain respect as a woman is walking into that fucking circle and banging it out with them. And there was her and some other little girl playing. The other little girl had fucking glasses. She's so cute. She's five years old. She was in the circle playing with them. And that's what it's all about. They knocked it down.

They hit it with a wiffball. You see me mad? No. That's what I wanted. I didn't want some fucking kid that was allergic to fucking peanuts. Oh, he's got ADD. They got nothing.

They got nothing. They're getting taught on a fucking computer right now. These kids are all fucked up. So on the other hand, you got to fucking give them all the love and attention you can of you. of a child right now. Nannies aren't going to work right now. You've got to be on your kid, especially if they're sitting on a computer all fucking day. Thank God, my daughter goes to school

twice a week. Thank God. Next week is one day because it's a Jewish holiday Monday, but the following week, it's four fucking days. Listen, if it lasts a month, I'll be surprised, but I don't give a fuck. You know why? Because we got enough kids in this neighborhood for me to take her out and play with other people. I've made friends with a couple of dads, a grandpa across the street, and their kids come over here, and they go in the yard,

mercy goes into their yard. I'm in a different fucking situation. You don't seem to understand. It wasn't about comedy, it wasn't about the comedy store, it was about my family and what was best for them. You know, at 29, I wouldn't have given a fuck.

I would have still been in LA slinging dick fucking, smoking dope, snort and coke. I would have snorted COVID. Now, now you're fucking crazy. They shot a guy last weekend, not even a mile from my door. The No Ho diner. The fucking school, St. Paul's, the school, the preschool that my daughter went to, they broke into that. They stole the kids' bicycles. They stole the kids' bicycles. They have those three-wheeler little fucking bicycles for little kids. They have like 10 of them. They stole the bicycles. That's how bad is. is my neighborhood right now my ex-namewood my old neighborhood so you don't think i'm fucking

happy when i heard all that shit listen i feel for my friends that are still left in california i feel for dean del ray i feel for a lot of those guys i know a lot of those guys are planning on leaving i know a lot of guys that are just sitting there waiting because they think all the comics are going to leave and we're going to take over the scene on the looks of california there's not going to be a scene left and you don't need some fucking fat fucking felon to tell you you can see it for yourself if you live in California they're not allowing live performances they're not allowing anything it's like New York City right now they're not allowing it there's a couple clubs that still open I'm not going to mention their name

they're really banging it out and I don't blame them but they're in an area that's not dangerous in New York Jersey's wide open they're doing comedy outside here backs are flying you know Rich boss is out there for I think Rich is up in Connecticut this week if you're in the Mohegan Sun area go see him up there and I think my man Jimmy Florentine is in Akron, Ohio at one of the clubs there one night

go check him out you know people are starting to travel me I'm gonna sit close to the house right now I don't want to get on any planes I'm still gonna work this fucking comedy thing out I'm still gonna keep writing and I'm gonna stick it out with this podcast and once we get all this stuff

We'll move it out to the bar or we'll keep it right here. The only thing that matters is that we reach out to each other once a week. We continue to fucking do this podcast twice a week, whatever. And if you want to come on Patreon, come on Patreon. I got to raise the tears. I got to change it all around. And it's not greed or anything like that. It was a recommendation from Patreon.

My manager is tight with the fucking Prez and blah blah blah. So we're doing three, five, and ten. I think 15. there's merchant bob waiting on the final design of the mind of joey dears which is basically all the crimes i've done and all the wrongs i've done and what turned it around was love that's the mind of joey dears so the shirt's going to be some type of brain something like that i'll keep you posted i'll show it to you whatever the fuck you want to do i'm also ordering a hundred hoodies this is what i'm doing a puerto rican again we can't get no more packed

Why? Because they're made in China. So we had to go through a new manufacturer for the patches and it's going to take like four fucking months So I don't have four months for you people and I'm getting your emails that you want merch and blah blah blah blah I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna do I'm gonna make a special Collection hoodie thing I'm gonna put them up soon I'll let you know it's only gonna be a hundred and I'm gonna write the number with a magic marker on the side one two three they're gonna be fucking signed by me so it's gonna be a number and a fucking signature and they whatever fuck you want to do it if you want to wipe your ass with it if you want to light it on fire if you want to give it to your girlfriend whatever the fuck you want to do you can have one there's only gonna be a hundred

them and they're gonna go quick I'm doing that because people have been asked me for autographs and whatnot so I just said we'll do it simple this is the simplest way to do it you get yourself for sweatshirt, I'll let you know when, my wife will put it up, I'll tweet it out, there's a hundred fucking hooded sweatshirts numbered from one to a hundred and it'll tell you that you're a church savage, whatever you want to use it for. I don't even care if you don't want it or not. I do not care. All I care about is that you guys are doing well, that you're happy, that you hear my voice, and that you know everything is going to be all right. This will pass.

things cannot stay like this forever this was just a little lesson to us to smack us around I mean this never happened in my lifetime before I'm 57 years old I've never seen this before so if you're 31 or 32 or 22 and you're scratching your fucking head I've never seen this or lived through something like this before

so this is new to me also what I will tell you is this will pass I've had shitty times in my life I've had really shitty times in my life You have been in prison on Christmas Day And don't feel good Don't feel right

Even though you have friends And you're giggling And you're eating nut of but it's still Christmas And you're in a fucking prison So things will pass I promise you that with all my heart That a year from now hopefully We'll be laughing at this

Is it going to be a vaccine Is it just going to disappear Is it just going to go away? I don't have those answers for you I'm not a fucking scientist You know Everybody's waiting for a vaccine What are those vaccines gonna come?

Are you gonna go down there and be the first one to fucking take it? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. So I don't even take a cold or flu vaccine. I don't believe in the flu vaccine. My wife and my daughter do and every fucking six months, they're sniffling.

So what's the fucking difference anyway? You toughen it out. I got, I built my fucking, uh, whatever from fucking going on planes for 20 fucking years. My immune system. Today I lift weights. I drink water. I walk a little bit.

You know, I ride the bike. I hit the bag. That's how you build your immune system, you know. I haven't been around a lot of people. That's what scares me right now about tonight, that I haven't been around 30, 40 people, you know. So there's no greeting meets. You know, the club doesn't want responsibility for it.

We don't want nobody to get sick. So we're going to end the show. I'm going to walk out and that's it. And once this thing clears off, we'll do meet and greets. I'll let you rub my balls. Whatever the fuck do you want to do, I'll let you.

be a new option during uh once we go back on the road next year i'm getting a little older you're not going to see my balls anymore you've been seen them for 20 years so i'll let you like touch them or sniff them whatever fuck you want it's a joke it's a joke people i'm not going to let nobody sniff my balls my balls smell fucking horrible how do i know because i live with them sometimes i could smell them through the sweatpants you've been fucking right and you can smell your nuts that's when you know it's time for a fucking shot what hasn't happened in a while but i know for a few but i know for a fact from time to time you're out there sweating riding your bike you go back inside you start writing and all of a sudden you get that hint the fucking bald nuts spray and look what you

got the crop preserver i think it even says it on there it's a fucking nut washer there it keeps you nice and beautiful that's manscape they ain't fucking around over that manscape cocksuckers they take good fucking carry you just in case your nuts stink i don't know it's none of my business I used to use you know what's good for nuts stink summer's e vaginal scrub it's what women use on their monkeys you take that and put it on your nutsack and you wash it with a luf oof oof oof a woman who need sunglasses to look at your fucking balls you understand me they're nice and shiny you fucking get that manscape you shave your balls and then you buff them out like a bowling ball with a towel like a fuck in

with a, like a fuck. You ever have a bowling ball and none of you motherfuckers? Ever have a bowling ball polisher? You get like a little one. You use like one of those face masks. Just take a whole face mask and just take your nut sack and bounce them back. That's like, that's what you do.

People don't know this shit. People don't know this shit. They don't put two and two together. That's what you do. And you keep your nuts. I do it every, ever since this coronavirus, I figured out. You get one of those little masks and you just get your balls and jiggle them in there.

And it keeps them tight. spray a little. This is the refresher, but they have another one that I still got that they don't make it tightening your balls. It doesn't make it look like an elbow no more. It makes it look slick. And then you put the vaginal scrub on it and it gets it that shine. You know what I'm saying? Women, you have to tell ladies before you suck my dick, put your sunglasses on because if the sun gets you, you're going to go blind, you know what I'm saying? Fucking, a little ice saw for people. You got to fucking wash up. We're here with queer cock-suckers. It's Uncle Joey's joint coming direct at you

On a beautiful Thursday afternoon The 8th of October Today's the anniversary of my One of the guys that raised me His name is Rob Runny Robert Runny The family reunion I went a couple weeks ago I put the picture up

He was the father of that family And today was his birthday And we used to fucking rock And I always think about him On this day Like I love the guys So once I finish the podcast, I'll fucking call the kids and remind them it's Bob's birthday today. He used to fucking, he was the best because when you came in at night, when we come in a night, we come at any time.

We had no fucking, whatever the fuck you call it, no curfew over there. You came home when you came home. But if you came home and you mingled in the kitchen within a couple of minutes, you would hear this. He'd be smoking in his room. He'd let a cigarette in his room. the lighter meant that he knew you came in he wanted you to know that he was up and he heard you come in so he would always work the lighter if you heard the lighter a second time that means you're dispersed because that means you're talking too much in the kitchen and he can't go back to

sleep once he would get up once you woke him up with the door he would light the one fucking cigarette but if he if you heard that second one the next one he would just come out and yell at you, fucking hit you with a pot or whatever the fuck, and tell you to go downstairs. But I always remember him from just that fucking lighter noise. That was it. That meant he knows your home. We got to go downstairs. And that's it and that's that, motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying? I got things myself. I got problems with myself. You guys think you're the only ones with fucking problems. Don't let that be the case at all. Please don't let that be the case at all. Everybody's going through something right now.

Financially, emotionally, psychologically, right now is a tough time for everybody. So please don't beat yourself up right now. If you got moving to your mom's basement, moving to your mom's basement. That's what your fucking mom is there for. We think she's there for just to stay. I mean, there's things you have to do right now that you're doing,

that they're hard for you. And I get it. Listen, I had to fucking pick up my family. I never wanted to give up that podcast office. Never, never in my life that I want to give up that podcast office. That office was perfect. That office cost me $750 a fucking month, $250 for fucking internet. I could have lived in there.

I had a refrigerator, a TV in there. You could have lived in there, taking a shower at the YMCA. If you're smart, you rent that office and fucking just live at the YMCA. When I lived in Seattle, that's what I did. I rented an office. It was a quarter a month No bathroom You had a bathroom but no shower

I had to shit out the window And I'd take a shower at the gym But when you're a comic And you want what you want You don't have that much money You make it work for you And that's what you have to do During these times of COVID

You know, the other day Somebody said to me Well something happened 14 million people watched The championships last year In the NBA And this year they only got 4 million people

Well think about How many people How many people had to give up their cable service. Think about how many people don't have time for fucking basketball no more. Their life's changed. Your life has changed. Think about it.

My life has changed. I can do two podcasts a week and maybe a couple other things, but that's it. Why? Because my daughter's home five days a week. Right now, she's at the park. That's the only reason why I'm able to do this. I can't do this as she's home.

Be down here yelling and fucking spraying, fucking THD spray. Anyway, it's time for another one. Who the fucker? You kidding. What are you fucking nuts or what? You thought I was sitting here like a monk in Jersey? Fuck you.

I'm smoking refu with three hands having a good old fucking time. I don't go nowhere. The gym is right down the corner. The supermarket is around the corner. Shop rights close to me. There's a Carvel. I don't go. I'm trying to fucking no diabetes from Uncle Joey.

Corona is strong, so I don't want level two diabetes. I'm just minding my business. Getting high at home. at home I go for a walk I take a bike ride and smoke a joint so nobody needs to see me none of my name to see me there's a little fucking abandoned a lot over there I may believe I'm taking a breather and drinking water what I'm really doing is banging out a fucking number that'll kill you and everything's taken care of right now my biggest concern is the emails I'm getting whether it's on Facebook Twitter fucking Instagram fucking Patreon

I'm getting some fucking sad emails. They're very sad emails. And listen, man, I'm not a psychology major or nothing like that. But I know what sadness is. I know what confusion is. I know what it is to want. I know what it is to fucking, you know, I know what all those things are.

And just bear with me. It's going to get better. When? I don't fucking know. If I knew that, I wouldn't be here talking to you. I'd be at the fucking track watching horses die as they'd bet them. A horse is still dying, I don't even know. Remember for a long time horses are dying?

I don't even know. But we're going to get through this. You know, you're having a hard time and get a fucking notebook. Get closer to your family. What do you think your family's there for? What do you think they're there for? Just so you think your mother just spit you out of her asshole? Just so you could walk around without an biblical cord?

No. Talk to them. Let them know how you feel. One of the biggest things I did, and we've been together for 20 years in March when I was going to the deepest fear, like towards the end of March, when I'd put on 14 fucking pounds from eating edibles and eating everything in the fucking house, I figured out that had to get closer with my wife, or this was not going to work. This was not going to work. I had to eliminate whatever anger issues I had or fears I had when I was in the house because I'm the fucking man in the house. So if I appeared scared to them, then they would be scared. But I made a fucking commitment to myself that I was going to work with my wife as a team during this. We weren't going to work against each other. I wasn't going to turn on her or anything.

And because of COVID, we've gotten tired of. I mean, they surprised the fuck out of me. I thought by now I would have stabbed my wife 18 times. I loved my wife with everything I got. And especially after my sister-in-law passed, I see what my brother's going through Now it makes me love my wife even more Because I appreciate them more

You can't take these women for granted And I don't So whether you have a sister, a brother A wife, a girlfriend Listen man This is not the time to be going to war with them It's not the time If somebody aggravates you

Then stay the fuck away from them But if somebody's your ally right now During this COVID period During this period of isolation and whatnot Make them your fucking ally man whatever whatever split the sandwich pay for the sandwich whatever there's no reason to argue but you're close people your brothers your family right now you need them now more than never now you know how f is for family you know bill burr this year is eff is for final i love fucking bill

burr eff is this is it the quarantine is for family whatever you call it they don't have to be related to you get yourself a little quarantine family that you know that they're clean, you're clean, and that's who you talked. I don't care if you're like fucking Tim Allen, if you talk through a fucking fence. This is all, you want to get through this? You got to rap.

You got a rap of people. You know how I know? Because it worked for me. When I was going through my shit, when I first landed here in Jersey, I went to see, the first guy I went to see was Guy to Basco on a Saturday night. I just drove the fucking sea caucus.

And we sat in his backyard and just rapping with him. I remember I refused to take the mask off. I refuse to take the fucking mask off. And after a while, I was like, what am I doing? He's fucking social distance. And I remember taking the mask off. And I remember shedding like 10 fucking pounds off my shoulders. I was like, whoof.

And then driving home, I was a little paranoid. But the next day I woke up, no sore throat. If you wake up and your throat feels like you sucked a thousand cocks, then maybe you were in the wrong fucking area. But every morning that I wake up and there's no sore throat, I'm like, fuck, I can't believe I didn't get COVID. you know but rapping is what gets you through this you sitting there watching tv and watching the computer you know i don't somebody checked out on me on patreon like hey man you don't post on the

weekends no i don't post on the weekends and there's two reasons why number one i need my time off and number two i want you guys to take your time off that fucking internet you don't need to be on it sunday night you go back on it just in case somebody's sending your message it's important for monday but besides that, I want you out of the house. I don't post on Saturday and Sunday. And they do that for a reason, not because I don't love you, motherfuckers, but it's because I don't want you to get computer fucking addicted.

Get out of that fucking house. It's too easy. You could sit on that computer for fucking hours. Like, after this is over, get up, take a fucking hike. After you watch this, get up and take a fucking hike. That's it. Take a hike, then come back, and then put on Burton and Bill,

and then take another hike and come back and put on JRE, come back and listen to Lee's new podcast, whatever the fuck you want to do. Ozzie's Boneyart, but you can't sit on more than an hour, 15 minutes. That's the fucking new rule from now on. An hour of 15, you go out for a little walk. Now, in three weeks, four weeks, you're not going to be able to do that, right? So, let's do something different.

I'm going to be able to go into another room and maybe do 20 push-ups. Five sets of 20 push-ups. Anything to get your mind. awful what's going on right now is going to be fucking great i'm excited that now we're together again i get to talk to you motherfuckers twice a week i get to answer your fucking emails and now we got a common ground again i was lost without you motherfuckers if you want me to tell you the truth that's the truth that's why the anxiety is gone ever since i've done the podcast i'm done i feel 100% better because you guys are handled i'm handled listen this is my therapy

And for some of you guys, this is your therapy. I don't know why. I don't know why. I didn't ask for it this way. I just wanted to talk shit for an hour and be funny and fucking get your mind off things. But obviously it's become something different for you people. So I'm here. I'm here. You can get to me. I'm accessible. If you email me on any other fucking things, you know, if you email me on Messenger on Facebook, you don't see those motherfuckers for 20 years. Just message me at the fucking my face. Whatever Joey Diaz, whatever the fuck it is. If you message me on Twitter on Matt Flavor, I'm there. Instagram, my man Mikey one by one does that for me. And if you're talking shit, he don't even tolerate you. He tells me, he don't even tolerate you. If you call him with something good or you got a problem, but if you...

What weed are you smoking today? What are you kidding me? How old are you? Go get a hat with a fucking propeller. What weed are you smoking? What do you think I'm fucking smoking? Ha! Thousand milligrams.

Where'd I get? it, none of your fucking business. Do the math, cocksuckers. And we also have the asthma inhaler for some of you cox suckers. We don't fuck around here. Uncle Joey's joint does not fuck around. The difference between this and the church is the

attitude. I have had it with you motherfuckers. Not with you guys. I love you guys. With people, I have had it. Especially those California people who want me to fuck out the deck. I've had it. So now I just tell you how it is direct. That shit's never going to happen in my life again.

You know, it just got a little too crazy. The phone calls, people acting horrible. No, no, no, no, no. I got a little too out of control. We're not doing that no more. The game is different now. I thought about what happened. I analyzed it.

And we're putting a different game plan together. So I'm not fucking around no more. I'm not in the fucking mood. I'm too fucking old. I got a couple of years of doing this shit. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to do it my way. And I'm going to have a good time.

And another thing is I'm not getting censored. I don't give a fuck what you tell me or what I can't say. I'm not joining no companies. I don't give a fuck if you don't put me on your podcast. I don't give a fuck. How's that one for you? I'm too old to give a fuck and so the fuck are you. If you're worried about a word, you don't want to listen to this podcast or any other podcast.

Or you got to worry about it is your health, your family, and what type of friend you're being to your friends. That's it. Everything else is background fucking music. I talk to Lee twice a day. You talked to leave twice a day? No, twice a day, I call that cuck sucker. He's up in Milwaukee. He told me yesterday, he's starting to get cold.

I said, what do you expect things? And he don't know. He's going from Milwaukee to Buffalo to get a fucking COVID test, and then he's going to dip down to Boston. He doesn't know that the snow's going to be behind him. It's going to be like a scene in fucking trains, planes and automobiles. When he's driving, he's going to be looking back and shit, and like Len Zeppelin 2 is the fucking snowstorm.

He doesn't know. He's driving across Michigan. He goes, maybe I'll drop down. I'll drop down. How down are you going to fucking go? What are you going to go to Mexico and shoot back up to Boston? You just got to go across. You got to fucking go through Michigan.

Then whatever's next to Michigan on the other side. I think he's hitting all fucking penguin states. He doesn't know it. He's like, it's going to be great. No, it's not. If it's 30 degrees by you right now in Milwaukee, what is it going to be in three fucking weeks? And what are you driving into?

Boston's already going to get snow any fucking day now. It's starting to get a little cold here. None, I'm lying to you. It's starting to get a little colder at night. You can feel the temperature dropping at night. But in the daytime, the sun's still out. Today is just a little windy. You've heard the wind hit the fucking window a little bit.

It's just a little windy. But up there is fucking real. We're going to get cold down here to it. This is a cold neighbor. You know, Joe, a bunch of people were goofing after the winter. I'll move to San Antonio, wherever, Texas. Let me tell you something. Uncle Joey is prepared for the winter.

I did the toughest winters of my life here, and then you motherfuckers forget. I did another 12 winters in Colorado, and those are winters. I did the winter of 83, where it snowed 25 days in a row. Have you ever been around 25 days in a row? No. So shut the fuck up.

I'm gonna be fine. You get jacket, you get some of that fucking long underwear, a lot of hot cocoa with no sugar, reefer, and put a hood of sweatshaw on to keep the heat in. You're gonna be tip-top fucking Magoo. And that's it and that's that for this segment of Uncle Joey's joint. Listen, man, I'm just happy to be doing this. Trust what I'm telling you.

I'm happy to be helping whoever needs this. To be helping out whoever needs this. You know, some people need to watch podcast or whatever. Uncle Joey's here for you. I'm trying to put this together. I'm trying to find my voice on this podcast. It's going to be a few weeks. But guess what?

I'm going to grind it out with this with here. If you enjoy it, fucking subscribe. If you don't enjoy it, don't subscribe. But don't send me a note. Uncle Joey, you suck. No, don't send me that note. You don't need to. You could be sending your mother a card that says, I love you, mom.

Instead of sending hate, send love. Instead of going on fucking, what's that shit? Well, I went there to eat, no waitress, didn't give me a tip. Who gives a fuck? Just don't go there again. Send your father a message. Tell them that you love them. Send your sister a message.

Tell her that you love him. Before you give somebody a bad review, tell somebody you love them, call somebody, email somebody, you love them. That's positive. But if you're going to sit there and say, oh, I'm not going to watch it because the picture, the delight in the picture of Bruce Slee, get it together. Get it together. That's your message to me. You could have wrote something positive to your family member or to your girlfriend. I want to eat your pussy tonight with Benoit balls in your asshole.

Something, right or wrong? You know what Benoit Balls are? they're tremendous to these little string of balls and you put them up with girl's ass and you lick that fucking clit and every clit you pull a notch out

you know what I'm saying it's like and then you gather up that little pussy foam you wait till that monkey gets nice and steamed and you rip that out like the fourth

you know those things that you pop on fucking New Year's Eve Happy New Year you pop you pop that fucking thing out they get all crazy I did Benmar balls in my 20s

it's been a long time I didn't put them up my ass some chick put them in her little monkey. I lived in Colorado one fucking time ago. Who gives a fuck? It wasn't for me. I don't like pulling things out people's ass. I thought a kidney was going to follow. You know what I'm saying? That's all you need. You're eating somebody's monkey. You pull out a Benoit ball and the hook gets caught to the fucking liver. And now I got to go to the hospital with like Jacques Gusto with a fucking stick with a string with a hook on your ass connected. I don't need that

shit in my life. Anyway, this is this is when my mind goes. You see what I'm saying? when I don't have you guys in my life. This is why I need you guys in my life. I need to wrap this shit out. If not, we're gonna fucking just die. But I love you guys. And we'll be back Monday morning, nice and early in the a.m.

I hope you enjoy this. I'm trying my fucking hardest. I'm just here to tell you. I love you. You're gonna pull through this. Trust me, this is gonna pass. We're gonna laugh at all this years from now. and fuck and stay healthy

avoid convoyal situations if you see a cavodial situation you go the other way what's a covoidial situation where it might be COVID that's it if you don't want to get sick you can avoid it that's it and that's that

take care of yourself have a great weekend like I said we're going to raise the tears on Patreon on Monday it's gonna be three bucks who gives a fuck you wipe your ass for three bucks all day you're out there fucking around Jumping up and down. You get good content. I take care of you. And you know the guy's a good guy. We're helping out people. We're trying to put things together for people. I love you guys. Have a great weekend. Don't forget to support our sponsors. Whether it's fucking manscaped, whether it's fucking a blue chew, whether it's ExpressVPN, CBD Lion, all those companies. Please support them. I love you guys. And now we'll read the ads. Stay black. Love you. I want to thank you for listening to Uncle Joey's joint today.

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