The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #009 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: November 2, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & CBD Lion & Do Fasting..... Go to https://www.draftkings.com and enter CODE: JOEY Go to https://www.cbdlion.com and enter CODE: JOEY Go to https://www.dofasting.com/joey And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/JoeyDiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

Greetings from Podcastville. The Joint is brought to you by Draft Kings. Listen, the season is up in full swing, and all the action is on Draft Kings, America's top-rated sportsbook app. If you haven't dipped your toe in yet, it's fucking time, cock sucker. This Sunday, it's the...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tonight, is it? Who the fuck knows? This Sunday, you got the Saints against the fucking Buccanees. Both teams are winning and the game is going to be fucking lit. And Draft Kings has the hookup. All new users, they're covering your ass up to $100.

So if you lose on Sunday, you get your $100 back. Nothing in life is risk-free, but this is. So do me a favor. Download the most rated, the highest rated, Draft Kings Sportsbook Act now and use code Joey. J-O-E-Y. That's it. draft king sports book is ensuring your sunday bets up to $100 that's right you bet they come up to

$100 for a limited time only at draft kings and here's the part the lawyers make me say you got to be 21 new jersey or indiana pennsylvania only deposit bonus requires a 25 time play through restrictions drew apply so see draft kings dot com slash sportbook for details you got a gambling problem there's tons of help call one 800 gambler and if you're in indiana call one eight hundred nine with it but first download your draft king sportsbook app and let's get this fucking party started the holidays are coming use code joey the joint is also brought to you by cbd lion It's pride and fucking performance. Whether you're looking for the infused kinesiology tape,

the tropical gummy bears, the bat ball, the tinctures, the tape, they got it all at CBD Lion. And they're backed by one thing and one thing only. Science, cock suckers. So go to CBDLion.com right now. Press in Joey and get 20% off your first order delivered right to your house. CBD lion will give you something that no other company gives you. In for fucking Mation.

Now, the church is also brought to you by, do fasting. Intermittent fasting is one of the most effective ways to lose weight. But the trick is knowing when and how long you should fast so that it actually works. And you're not just starving for no reason. You know me, dog. I've been fucking struggling with weight for the last 10 years within the sleep apnea, the fucking edibles. but do me a favor. Enter, do fasting, the easiest, three and one solution for weight loss.

You've probably heard of people trying this, and the benefits go just beyond weight loss. You can reduce inflammation and bad cholesterol, too. So do me a favor. Go to dofasting.com slash joey and press in Joey and get a six-month fasting program with 50% off. Again, 50% off. Forget about, I'm going to lose weight January,

1st. January 1st, never fucking shows up. Start today, November 2nd, right now. Go to dofasting.com slash joey, press in Joey and get a six-month fasting program with 50% off plus one extra month totally free. Join now and speed up your weight loss journey. That's do fasting slash Joey for 50% off the six-month plan and you get your seven month free when you use code Joey. It's time to start this motherfucking podcast. Tip-top Magoo on a Monday fucking morning. Welcome to Uncle Joey's joint. Hey, look who it is.

What's happening? What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Monday, November 2nd. A whole new fucking month with a whole new set of rules. I'm fucking happy about the new month. I'm here two and a half months. Halloween was fucking great. But before we get started, I want to,

fucking congratulate the world champion Dodgers. I'm there for 23 fucking years. You can't do dick. I leave. You win a fucking championship, you cock suckers. But no, I was just happy. I was happy for, I know a lot of Dodger fans. And a lot of people having a hard time in LA that just needed this little pick me up. Even though they fucking burnt buses and did whatever the fuck they did afterward,

what are you going to do? People just, you know, people are in the house. But I really, I'm happy that they fucking won. The last time, like I got to tell you guys something, the last time the Dodgers won the fucking World Series, I was doing time. It was 88. Think about it.

So I'm sitting there the other night. I'm like, fuck, the Dodgers haven't won in 32 years ago. That's weird. Wait a second. I was in jail when the Dodgers won. I think they beat the fucking the Mets and the playoffs and whatever, fucking had a great World Series. So that's, I was like, Jesus Christ.

The fucking Dodgers are going to put me back into a whammy. I'm going to be back in prison. But I was way in prison before the Dodgers. I was fucking won. So I'm all right. I thought I had to whammy on me now. The Dodgers win, I'm going to get the kids of death back on me. But no, all seriously, congratulations to the fucking Dodgers in L.A.

For putting the team together. I was happy. I thought it was a great series. I watched every fucking game. I thought Tampa Bay was going to come back and smoke them. I thought, you know, I don't trust fucking ratty people like that. Tampa Bay is like me. They just didn't really have it together at the time.

But they'll have it together eventually someday, and they'll be that. But my congratulations to both teams. Halloween was fucking great. I didn't do dick. I was supposed to go to a Halloween party. But at the last minute, their plans got changed. Things happened. I had to take my family out.

There was a little gathering at like 7.30. A couple kids were going to get together. We trick-and-treat in the daytime. My daughter was Carmen, San Diego. When she first busted out the outfit, she went from looking like a 7-year-old to a 15-year-old. I almost had a fucking heart attack. But that's what life is all about,

and there's nothing you can fucking do about it. She's getting bigger every day, and she's happy. No school this week, because it's fucking New Jersey, whatever, teachers convention week. So it used to be Monday, Wednesday you had school. Now you got Dick because of COVID. They just said, fucking, why have school at all the whole week?

So we had two full weeks of school, two full weeks of fucking the play school program, after school program. Now we're left with fucking dick. So now we're back to L.A. So I got a hard week ahead of me. It's going to be a fucking fucked up week anyway. Election week, you know, you know me. I don't vote.

I just carry a fucking week. I don't give a fuck who you're voting for. It makes no difference to me. I don't talk politics on the fucking show. But I will tell you what I will talk about, okay? Just so you motherfuckers know. It's going to be a good week just to lay low, write some jokes, mind your business. I am not at Vinny's this Wednesday or next Wednesday. I don't know what's going to happen or what's not going to happen. But I do tell you what did happen this week. That was a little fucking disturbing, okay for me to tell this story correctly i got a tough part of my story okay in 1990 i was thrown into a fucking halfway house but when i was in the halfway house and you know me guys i tell you whatever the

fuck you want to know there's no reason for me to blow smoke up your ass uh when i was in the halfway house when i first got there i started selling blow i needed to catch up i was out of the loop for fucking a year. I had a little bit of money put away, but I didn't have all the money in the world. I was working, but I just needed a little boost. I just needed a label to be able to sleep at night, but if you know anything about me, I just wanted to snort coke for free. So why, why lie to you people? It's been too long. Why blow smoke up your ass? It's a disease. Yeah, I know. I was a fucking fiend. Knock it off, all right? So it's the truth, you know? So I just, I kept snorting fucking coke and I was selling coke and I got busted.

But I was getting such a good deal, but I couldn't fucking stop selling coke. I had all these fucking fiends around me in the halfway house. And you know, like they said, Misery Gloves Company here. So I kept selling fucking Coke. Guess what happened? The Karma police catched up with me. And I gave up a positive and I couldn't figure out why. And then one of my friends said to me, when you're weighing those fucking Coke bricks,

do you use gloves? And I'm like, gloves. I only use clothes when I shoot people. No, you got to use gloves when you wear Coke so the gunpowder don't go on your fucking, so the cocaine doesn't sink into your skin. I swear to God, when I gave that

urinalysis that time for cocaine, I had not punched coke in like three weeks. So when it came up positive, it was just part of my world. You know, sometimes shit happens, you're like, it's just part of what the fuck is going on. It really doesn't matter. I'm going down for this anyway.

I swore up and down. I didn't snort coke, but I really didn't snore coke. I'm telling you people now that it was from picking up. This guy was giving me fucking half kilos in three pieces. So I would pick them up and then decide how much weight there was and I had a break of. I was like one of those fucking dudes, you know, that make fucking chisels. Like, I mean, this guy was giving me fucking bricks of coke. And then breathing it.

When you break that coke in, you breathe it in, so it goes into your respiratory system. So some way or another, it was finding its way. And I came up positive. Instead of pulling me in jail, I had to go back in the pocket and talk my attorney into fucking working it, working it, working it. And he got them to cut a deal with me. He said that he's allowed to stay in the halfway house as long as he goes to this fucking rehab. This rehab was maybe three blocks from the halfway house from BCTC. I forget what the fuck it was called.

It was like $2,000 for eight weeks. And basically, it was just a dental sexual harassment. I mean, everybody was getting that dick suck who wasn't fucking the counselor. It was just a nightmare. It was a bunch of hippie people or whatever fuck. I don't even know I'm telling you this fucking story, but I might as well tell you anyway. Before I went into the rehab, like they had to do an interview with me or whatever. They interviewed me and they made me do some fucking paperwork, like some diagnostic type creepy questions.

And they said that for them to work with me. You had to fill out this thing as honestly as I could. So I filled it out as honestly as I could. Who the fuck knows what was on my mind in 19-19. You know? So I do the fucking paperwork. And when I get into the fucking rehab, they come to me. Like I said, it was from six to nine at night.

It was a fucking joke. It wasn't really a rehab. It was just a, my attorney was fucking brilliant. And it was six to nine. You got there and you did like two hours of a fucking therapy group. and then you went and did one-on-one therapy and I can't tell you how much the lady got on my fucking last nerve because she was pointing

shit at the wrong, you know, like she was saying that the causes of my things were all the things that weren't. Anyway, it pissed me off, but what really pissed me off about the program was when I got out of that, they gave me a, some paperwork and the paperwork said that I had no

what's the word I'm looking for when you fucking when you have no genuine care for people it really they said I was non-empathetic and it fucking ate me alive guys like I went home there was no internet I had to double check with empathy meant

on the dictionary I had to get like a fucking dictionary and read it over three times and I'm like this is why I hate taking these tests because sometimes you don't express what you really feel like maybe you don't know maybe at that age of fucking a 20 fucking nine I didn't know what the fuck I was doing or whatever but just to make that statement about me that I was on empathetic bothered the fuck out of me and at that time I was still going through my I want to do comedy but I didn't have the balls face like I was just getting up to it so something was eating away at me. So after I got out of that fucking rehab, that shit ran with me for years about

the non-empathy, you know, no empathy, no empathy. How can you say I had no empathy for years? I cared for my friends. I fucking cared about people around me. I took in animals. I did whatever I could, but they were right. My lifestyle, the way I was living was not empathetic. I didn't really give a fuck about people. You know, one hand, I'm telling you I give a fuck about people, but in the other hand, I'm telling you, I'm over there shoplifting. I fucking came on. you know, a fucking stealing receipts and shit like that. So I was starting to understand where they were going with it. So as life, as the years went on, I'd really, really tried to work on my empathetic skills.

You know, I tried to work. And then by 93, 94, I was trying to find out who I was comedically. And I was trying to find out what I was as a human being. what I was as a fucking man. So I said, this empathy shit, you know, it just ate away at me. So it made me go over the top on empathy. Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you?

I went over the top. I started caring too much. Like, I'm like, how can I not care about this? This is simple shit. You got to care about the people around. You listen. And through time, I started working it out. And listen, while I stole,

I didn't care. So it didn't matter how much I cared for a cat or how much I cared for Mike's dog or how much, you know, I helped somebody out with something. As long as I was still stealing stupid shit, there was no empathy. That's a reality.

That's a fucking reality. And on the road, in 94, I got myself in trouble twice and I'd all one time for fucking getting into a fight and one time for theft under $200. Now, you know what theft under $200? is that's Mickey Mouse shit. That's dumb shit. Okay, and I'm mad enough to tell you that's dumb shit. Now, I didn't realize it was dumb shit. What I was doing was, listen, when I was on the road

working for David Tribble, who was a great guy and he did a great service to a bunch of comics by putting us on the road in different fucking situations and different venues, I was getting $85 a night. The headline was getting $25 and I was getting $35 a night. No, I I was either getting $50 check a night, and they would send you $35 in the mail, or I was getting $35, and they sent you $50. Either way, I wasn't making ends meet. There was no mommy and daddy to call. There was nothing upon.

So that scam. I was running in Boulder in 94, 95, with the fucking going in and picking up a carpet and saying that I got for Christmas, and I want the money back. It had to work on the road. And it's so weird, it worked in Boulder, it worked in New York. It worked everywhere. I went, where did I get caught doing it? Fucking Idaho.

Just to show you, just the kiss of death I had put on me. I got busted and fucking Idaho for it. So, you know, again, I didn't give a fuck. But why do I tell you the fucking journal? Because when you journal, you get to read. And when you say something and you read something, it hits you two different fucking ways. The energy hits you two ways.

You know, I've learned over the years how to, take my criminal stories, which are horrible, and make them seem funny. Because I look back at it now, and the whole situation is absurd. It's like watching Miami Vice now, and you look at it and you go, how fucking Coke that was I that I thought this is actually a great show? And how Coke that were they, that they were acting this way? But that's what cocaine had done to society. It made us go over the top, whatever.

If you look at any of those shows today from the 80s, you'll go, oh, that guy was definitely on fucking Coke when he wrote. with this shit. But when I got arrested for the theft of under 200, I go, that's the shit I got to stop doing to be empathetic. And all that stuff with the comedy, listen, my time in the Rope Institute in Boulder, you know, my little taste of Buddhism really spun into control when I did comedy because I knew that comedy was a karma-based business. Comedy is talent-driven and it's fucking, you have to work hard. But 40% of comedy is karma business, because you're in the business of spreading happiness.

So if you're doing something on the side of that and not spread happiness, it's not going to work out with you with comedy. That's why, who sits there and makes fun of fucking other comedians, unreal, failed comics? Because when you're a comic, you cannot do that. You cannot watch a fuck. You have to be empathetic. That's why when comics send me tapes and say, look at my fucking tape, I go, no, because who the fuck am I to judge you?

I was you at one time, and I wouldn't send my fucking tapes out because I knew what they were going to tell me. You understand me? So I wasn't that fucking dumb. But part of being a comic and part of being a human being is having that empathy.

And when you're a comic, you better have that empathy. and you better know that your business is 40% karma-based. Look at all the fucking great comics. Rogan, Gabriel, Chappelle, Bill Burr. They're very generous with their fucking friends, with people who work with them. They know who's bullshitting them and they know who's not.

They've been doing it long enough. We all know as comedians and as human beings that karma plays a huge part into this. When you're up there and you're fucking on a TV show and you're making money, you have to spread that around to your friends. If not, this shit ends. Nothing comes back to you. How do you expect things to come back to you if you don't put them out there into the fucking universe?

When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you should be doing, whether you hate Facebook or not, whether you hate Facebook or not, is getting on Facebook and see whose birthday. this. Just wish two people a happy birthday every morning. Just two. Not the ones that you know. Two that you don't even fucking know. And that starts your karma cycle for the fucking day. You understand me? So all day long, you're thinking in the positive. Don't read Facebook. Don't go on there and what they got to say. Don't get into an argument or whatever. You know, because you're not going to win. And from time, but from time to time, if you're bored, you might as well put something up there to get the natives fucking restless, okay?

So because of comedy, I have, it has made me empathetic. It has made me think carmically because you have to, you really have to think on the karma when you're in any type of artist, when you're a musician, when you draw nude pictures of penguins,

whatever the fuck you're doing. Whatever the fuck you're doing, you better have some type of carmic energy to you. You better be feeding some type of machine. you know it's not all about fucking dollars and cents it's about sitting people down and maybe leading somebody in the right direction this is all part of your carmic fucking journey it's not comedy it's a carmic fucking journey and it's hilarious you know i've done a lot of bad things but i tell you what guys i've done a lot of good things and i'll let you know more about the bad things i

did because it's funnier nobody wants to hear you do good things right like i fucking saved a blind guy Nobody gives a fuck, Joey. You know what I'm saying? Because most people tell you because they want you to think that they're a good person. They want you to think that they're a good person. They're nothing good about me. You and I both know that I'm out of my fucking mind. I just make people laugh.

I got a good heart. And I try to fucking work with people as much as I fucking can. You know? I don't like what's been going on during this whole corporate day. You know, I read something somewhere. And this really fucking bothered me. And if you guys got a problem, with this, you could call him yourself directly or hit him up.

I am not a fucking, like, I don't hate anybody. Like, as of race-wise, I crack fucking stupid jokes about hummus or fucking Hindu sandals and shit like that or Jew sneakers, but I got no hate. I talk to everybody. Anybody who's ever been around me knows that, you know, Jewish people, for example, Lee. I love Lee with all my fucking heart. Lee will tell you that I've got the best hour about Jewish people in the world.

Lee bugs me once a month. When I do you special about my Jewish people? And it's not as special about tearing down Jewish people. It's special about building up Jewish people about what they've done and how Jews have to act. Me and Lee have fucking died for hours on that subject. I just don't have the balls to do the special out because people go, what the fucking are you doing Jews I act for? You know, listen, nothing bothered me more than a Jew or the Volkswagen.

It drives me crazy. It drives me fucking crazy. When I see a Jew and a BMW, I want to stab me in the neck because they're sitting back race relations in 2,000 years. But that's me. That's the way I think you're Jewish, you act how you want. I'm not fucking Jewish. But if I was Jewish, you wouldn't see me in a fucking German fucking car. That's just me, okay?

Because I hold grudges, whatever. It's not good for you. It's not healthy. But anybody who knows, like Lee or anything, knows that, you know, I read something. in college, I think I read some psychology paper that I didn't have no idea about this. And then there was a movie called Inside Man that they mentioned it about during the Holocaust, there was Jewish people that sold out their own Jewish people and did business with the Nazis

to save their fucking neck. And I remember reading that. You know, my whole love with the Jewish people, is because when my father came from Cuba, a young age, Jewish people took them in the Lower East Side and helped them become a man. You know, like I heard the stories from my mother. I saw pictures of my dad

with a fucking gold little fucking star of David, the whole thing. You know, he was just enamored by the Jewish people in New York City then, and they took him under his fucking wing. I still remember being a kid, and my mom taking me for fucking, who do you think? Took me for bagels and locks?

fucking one of my Jewish friends. My mom took me down there to the village, and I learned what a temple was, and she still had a relationship with a Jewish woman. That was a dear friend of my fathers. I don't remember it that clear, but I wasn't raised to have nothing against Jews. I fucking love them.

So when I read that, I made a mental note. I had never even heard that. I'm not even good with history. I don't know World War II. I don't know nothing about nothing, but I do remember reading that article. and how much it fucking bothered me. It was a term paper.

Something at the University of Colorado. It had to be like 90, 91. I fucking read something about a certain Jews that just did business with the Nazis to save their ass. And I'm like, they did the most horrible fucking things. And you're walking around like you're fucking something special. Like that bothered me to no end.

You know, with Cuba, you got commune. and you got the fucking, but they didn't know they were even becoming communist. They didn't know they were becoming communist. When Fidel took over the island, he didn't go in there as a fucking common. He went in there as a savior for the fucking people. Then he flipped it around for them, whatever happened happened. But I always made a mental note about the Jews who turned down the other ones for the sake of their lives and for profit. And I'll tell you, I can't, I can't tell you how much that fucking bothered me.

like I made a mental note never fucking, you know, listen guys, I didn't rat. I did time. I could have rat it. I could have rated on a thousand fucking situations. I could have gave them. I could have fucking rat enough to get a paycheck from the fucking government. And I didn't fucking rat. Okay, that's not how I was raised.

That's not my fucking style. So the other day, you know, just like you fucking guys, I'm reading the fucking paper, reading the fucking internet. And I see this article now. before we even get into this article, let me tell you about my fucking position, okay? Before you fucking even raise your fucking mouth to me and say a fucking people. I don't know if you people know this. When I look at my income, 70% of my income is not from podcasting, it's not from YouTubeing,

it's not from talking to you fucking people. It's from putting asses and seats. I don't know if you know that. I don't know if you fucking are aware of that. That 70% of my income is from putting asses and fucking seats. well in March 16th all that fucking changed all that fucking changed okay and we all had the same or every comedian had the same fucking uh dilemma of what the fuck we're gonna do okay you know there was ship comics they stopped all the ships those poor bassists have no work and then there were regular comic

you know all of us and let's just not even say comics entertainers people who jump up and down, circus decent lay. All of us were left with a fucking dilemma. You know, all of us, some of us, every, you know, 60% of the people I know were left with a dilemma. That's why I told people in the beginning, if you lost your job, go to fucking a supermarket chain right now and start loading shelves at night. Just to keep you moving.

Everybody's looking for fucking loaders at night. Go to shelves at night. When this dilemma that everything was canceled, yes, as a natural human being, when you get your leg taken out from under you, you fucking panic. You have whatever fuck happens. I did not own a house in Los Angeles. I knew that Los Angeles was not, it wasn't my permanent home.

You know, I just didn't buy a home. I didn't buy a testeroza. I didn't buy a Lamborghini. I kept my Subaru. And I understood that the money. I was making on the road didn't belong to me. It belonged to my daughter and my wife. I'm trying to support a fucking family here. If I'm supporting a family the right way, my wife can't really go to fucking work. One thing that pisses me off is that, you know, in today's America,

both parents have to fucking work, and the parents are left with a fucking dilemma. And in my America, when I was growing up, every mom was at fucking home. Everybody went home to a mom, and a or one or two moms that took care of the whole fucking neighborhood. You know, when we had the baby, I told my wife, you know, you're 40-something years old. This is never going to happen again. My wife was all gung-ho about working, but I said, listen, this is never going to happen again. You work downtown. I'm on a fucking state.

Something happens at school. You're not going to get to it for one hour. Let's figure out our way. So my wife became a business manager. She helped on a couple of the people. She helped me out. And like I said, I didn't buy a Testaroza. I didn't buy a big fucking house.

I didn't go to Hawaii 18 times a year. I always knew this day was going to come. So when people going into panic mode, I just went into fucking the other way. Because if I would have gone into, I was already scared enough for the virus and I was already scared enough for my health. I'm not going to be fucking scared for Kyle.

I got no time to worry. about that. So what a lot of people don't know about me was that when I moved from, you're not going to believe this, but when I moved from here to, from Los Angeles to New Jersey, you're ready for this guys? By buying a house, I fucking saved $3,000 a month. Did you know that? I save right now compared to the office. When I was paying for my office, when I was paying for rent and for the service charges, right now, today, we eliminated $3,100 a month from moving out of L.A. Just in rents alone. Never mind insurance, just in rents alone, we fucking gave up $31. So my wife and I sat down. We put together a plan. We put together a budget, what we could afford, what we couldn't afford. and this is how I've been living since then.

I made a decision since the paper said, I'm not empathetic. All those fucking geniuses said I'm not empathetic. I proved them the fuck wrong. Now, you know, as soon as the fucking pandemic hit, we got calls saying that, that we're going to push our dates back,

and that was fine. I said, just get rid of them. From day one, and you go to back to those podcasts in March. I told you, get rid of them. I'm not going to be dicking around with this. I'm not going to be dicking around with this. I didn't know what it was. I'm not a scientist.

I'm not Dr. Fauci. I'm not Fauci's assistant. I do know that when there's a lot of people around from what I've seen, people get in trouble, whether it's a church gathering. You know, I got nothing. I got, listen, I got nothing. against people who want to go to church. But I know that if there's 100 or 200 people in there

and there's no proper ventilation, somebody's going to get this fucking thing, you know? So I thought about myself. I'm 57. I'm not the fucking healthiest guy in the world. I've always had respiratory problems. I smoke 25 joints a fucking day. You know, I have controlled hyper extension.

It's not worth it. It's just not worth it. Plus, I can't live. I couldn't forgive myself if you told me that you came to my show, had a good time, and then you went back to your mother's house, and your grandmother died. I have enough on my fucking plate. I've done enough bad things directly to want to be involved with something indirectly.

The last thing I want on any of my page is that you came to a show and that you got sick from my fucking show. And I mean this in the most sincere way. I knew I was sitting out the fucking year. I knew I was sitting out the year. I've said it a thousand fucking times. I'm sitting out the fucking year

because everything just didn't see. And then you're coming into these months. These are the battleground months. This is cold weather. This is COVID. This is flu season. There's fucking, there's fucking an election. And we have social,

whatever the fuck, we're just not settled. We're turning on one another. We are turning on one another. Oh, for what? I don't fucking know. But this country is turning on one another. You know, social media is turning on one another. That's the last thing I want to do.

I didn't want any problems throughout this whole fucking deal. So I said, fuck it. I am not going to go on the fucking road. I do not want to be anywhere where this. more than 70, 80 people. I do not want, I don't want anything to fucking do with it. It's not for me. I am not going to support it.

I am not going to fucking whatever. It's just not for me. I'm sorry. You know, I love you people. I love doing fucking stand-up. I love going out. I love getting high before I go on stage. I love fucking with you motherfuckers.

But I know that there's a fucking side to this. And that somebody's going to get sick. And at the end of the day, I know people are, recovering in three days, but guess what? It's coming back fucking stronger than never. And I don't know, I don't know what it's going to bring out. You a doctor? I'm not a fucking doctor.

You a scientist? I'm not a fucking scientist. So why fuck around? So I've been done. I, I, I, I, I behaved as, as they've acted me to behave. Now, back to going to being empathetic. Let me explain my search for you about being empathetic. about fucking

I was telling somebody a story a couple weeks ago that I lived in this building where Ralphie lived a bunch of us lived and there was a beautiful blundra I lived around the corner she was all, we were all friends

we were all dear friends we fucking partied together we went to bars together they came to the comedy store they used to go to laugh actor and watch Ralphie she was like a promoter on one of the TV shows I did

beautiful girl and one day she decides to get fake dead Okay, none of my business. I'm not her boyfriend. I don't date the girl. She comes back. She's got humongous fucking pits.

Great. Did we hit on a note? We were all friends with her. Now, she decides to get married. Like, after three months of having the fake tits, she decides to get married. I'm like, I'm beside myself. You got fake tits and you got married in three months.

What happened? Nobody thought you didn't even give a chance to somebody to come on them. You didn't do nothing. You paid 30,000, whatever you paid for those fake tits. And you tap out, you get married in three months, what type of fucking fun of you? But that's not what piss me off.

What pissed me off is that she had the balls to send us all wedding invitations for fucking Mexico. Now, that wasn't the first time I got an invitation for fucking Mexico. Like, leading up to that, I have gotten a couple fucking, like, weird invites to fucking weddings. Like, one was on an island off the coast of San Francisco, and everybody had a dress white. I'm not doing that. Then I got another one to fucking get married. in like fucking Colorado somewhere. Like, these are people that I just basically know,

but they send me an invite, you know, and you put a hundred in an envelope, you're not going to fucking go, but I read the details to their fucking weddings. I'm like, so wait a second, it's going to cost me just three Gs, just to show up to, never mind the wedding, the fucking reefer, the fucking hanging out,

the gifts, all this shit. Who are these people? What have happened to just getting married at the VAT? W? You were sucking down. Dick behind a Burger King 10 years ago. Now you want to get married at a fucking place and have 400

fucking guests because you're that special. We've all seen all the celebrity weddings, right? When they get married, all the chicks from the view. They got married, white pigeons. Oprah came, and within six months, the dude is fucking the Mexican maid. Arnold, all

of them. So how much love is there? You know, why have all these weddings and pigeons and people dressed them white if you're going to fuck the Mexican nanny. Why are you fucking doing this to me? Why are you making me do this? I just said, fuck it. I'm not going... First of all, why are you sending me and invite to your

fucking wedding? I work on Fridays and Saturdays. I'm not going to give up a fucking weekend. I don't care if it's in hell for your fucking wedding in some fucking dump. I don't want to do it. I stop doing it. So I just put yard sticks in there and send them off. Whatever. I can't go to your wedding. I'm in Louisville

Kentucky that week. I mean, whatever. I'm fucking Mars. I'm killing myself. I'm not going to your fucking wedding. So knock at fuck off. So this chick sends me an invite to a wedding. You got to be there January 26. The wedding is January 1st, and you got to stay till January 5th. Ain't nobody sucking duck here for free. What are you talking about? December 26th. That's the day when I'm my most brokest. How broke are you on fucking December 26? You're sitting there eating leftovers because you fucking tapped. You already went for the crazy.

The fucking kids. My wife's birthday is the 29th. Then you got fucking New Year's after rent on New Year's Day. You're fucking that. And these people wanted you to fucking go to, and I made a big stink about it. People like, well, why? You shouldn't have done that. Go fuck yourself. It's the truth. Nobody wanted to raise

their hand. Who the fuck are you that you think you're so fucking special? To have a fucking wedding, 300 people. Well, this is, not even that. In Mexico. Not even that. So right then and there, when I got married, I said, fuck it. When I get married, I'm not going to put need pressure on nobody. Number one, I don't want no gift. I don't want a gift. Just you showing up

is a fucking gift. Number two, I got married on a Wednesday. Who gets married on a Wednesday? Joe Diaz does. Every other jerk off gets married on a Saturday. I didn't want to get married on a Saturday. I didn't want to ruin comics. I wanted comics to get together. So I got married to Wednesday before Thanksgiving. No presents, no dress up. Me and my wife got married the fucking Maple Leaf Chapel on Woolshire Boulevard, and we had the party at the night. Hollywood Bowl. We got pastrami from Langu's. We got fucking pork chunks from El Gorgonito and we got fried chicken from fucking Routes. And that was our fucking reception. Red band went, Joe Rogan went, no suits, no ties, no bullshit, no

fake kisses, no banging on glasses, no fucking daddy's little girl. Ralphie made it the show. I was not angry with him. He was doing a week somewhere. I didn't send him an angry email. You didn't come to my wedding. It's not about that. It wasn't about that. It was about me and my wife having a good time and the friends that could be there. Fucking Jerry Rocha, my little brother gave me an envelope with $35 fucking dollars. A feature act. That kid, the sweet fucking heart of a kid that has the podcast.

So poor Jerry Roach as much as you fucking can. These are the people who came to my wedding. Red Band took pictures. Congratulate Red Band on getting the house in Austin, Eddie Bravo. I mean, we had such a good time at my wedding because it was organic. There was no fucking fakeness, there was no fucking pigeons, there was no tap the glass and wrap arms around like a fucking yoga pose and take a drink.

I hate all that shit. But that's what empathy is about. It's not putting people in bad fucking positions. So I didn't want to put nobody in a bad position. So the other day, I'm looking on fucking YouTube. So now, if I've eliminated my income, like, I don't want to do it. And it's not that I'm scared of COVID. It's not the election.

It's just that. Look, they fucking threw my man Jay off the fucking stage in Pennsylvania. You know, Big Jay Ocason, he didn't need that. Whether the guy was drunk or not, not Jay, the guy who pushed him off. Jay didn't need that.

You know, there's COVID out there. They're overseating people at some of these fucking clubs. You know, people reach out to me all the time. Hey, man, we're doing comedy. Not really because a comedy club doesn't, know how to handle what's going on right now how you don't know what the fuck you're doing you're just a regular bar that's looking to make a fucking profit that's looking to have people in that i just say no to him i do not want i do uncle vinnies i trust that man with all my fucking heart he is his socially

fucking distance he'll tell you himself he's not making any money but it's better than fucking sitting at home i do 38 people for a fucking reason and i keep it at 38 people for a fucking reason and I keep it at no meet and greets for a fucking reason, not because I don't like you, but because I might get something, God knows what the fuck I have. I'm a fat fuck, God knows what I have, but again, God knows what the fuck you have, and there's people out there that don't think about other people

when they make a fucking move. So I read somewhere the other day, and I posted on Facebook that some guy had a fucking party, and 50 people got infected, and a bunch of people in the fucking hospital, and people gave me a bunch of grief about it, which I didn't really give. I knew people going to get hot when I put it up anyway, because I see what gets under your people's skins.

And sometimes you've got to have a good time with you fucking morons on Facebook. So I put it up that fucking whatever that the people got infested. Oh my God, people had a fucking heart attack. Some guy hit me on Patreon. Fuck you, you're a celebrity. Listen to me. I'm not a celebrity. I'm not anything.

I care about people. And I'm not fucking retarded. I know. I wouldn't have. Listen, I don't want to have more than 50 people around right now. I don't even want to have more than 20 people. We've done the show fucking four times. I wanted to do it four times,

and I stepped back for two weeks to see what the result was. There was a reason why I did this, you fucking jerk off. There was a reason. I wanted to see after four weeks, if we can move forward or if we can move back. I didn't seem to get it. I kept my mask on. I stay out of fucking bad situations

and that's me but this is why I did all these things I don't make any money at 38 people near does Uncle Vinny I'm doing it out of pure fucking love and to stay sharp so next year when we're time to fucking go I'm ready to fucking go

at least I have an idea of where the fuck I am and what the fuck I'm doing so yeah I posted that up on Facebook and not because I am against it I am totally a fucking against it if you're outside You know what?

You're not thinking about, I'm not thinking about me. I'm thinking about the guy across the street. I'm thinking about Mike Klein's fucking kids. How would you? I'm thinking about Mike Klein and his fucking kids. I'm thinking about everybody who's got a grandma. I don't have a grandmother. What don't I give a fuck about?

I don't have a grandmother, a mother, or a fucking father. In my world, I don't have to give a fuck about anybody. But I do because I know what it's like to live without a mother and a fucking father. I heard horror stories about people having to say goodbye their parents on fucking FaceTime. Did you? I heard horror stories. I had friends that their parents died in Florida

and they had to sit here and watch their parents die. I don't know about you. I didn't see my mother died. I found that big fucking difference. But if I could fucking help that, if I could save that, I don't know if it's our hoax. I don't fucking know. I know that the hospitals are fucking empty right now

and mom and shit like that. I don't know anything else about what's going. going on. Do I believe? I don't know what to believe anymore, but you know what? For me being me, I'd rather be safe than be fucking sorry. I won't put myself in a cavolio situation, so I'm not going to put you in a cabordio situation. And that's it, plain and fucking simple. So when I put those type of post up, that's why we don't want to, don't fucking file, I don't give a fuck. I don't just talk to talk. I walk to walk. And that's what you guys have. made me do by doing this podcast the last 10 years.

I just don't, I don't have the freedom to just talk anymore. Now I got to walk to walk. When I'm telling you, I'm working out and I'm losing weight. I'm telling you I'm working out and I'm losing weight. When I'm telling you, I'm not fucking dog, by the way. Oh my God. So I didn't do edibles all week. I figured Friday night is devil's night, right?

What the fuck? It's time to see the devil. I had to do a pre-warm up. Oh, fucking Thursday night. Listen, I didn't even, you know, I'm honest with you guys, I didn't even make it to the FBX tablets. I didn't even make it to the 200 milligram tablets. I ate 325s just to get me warmed up and I was out of my fucking mind. I think my edible days have come to a fucking end.

I think they really have. Michael Klein, I think they've come to the bitter fucking end. I think that my tolerance has been gone down. I think that whatever bullshit I had stormed around my life in LA, whatever nonsense I had going around me, was making me eat those edibles. Whatever pain I had, whatever was pissing me to fuck off was making me eat those edibles. Because guys, my edible days have gone down. I mean, you could see it in my face. You can hear it in my voice.

There's other factors, too, that we'll get to later on. Woof. Those days are over with. That Papa's an old man. Uncle Joey, your uncle's getting old, guys. I'm telling you, I fucking take, I used to be able to eat three of those ABX 200s and tell you to suck my dick like nothing happened. You understand me?

600 milligrams, 700 milligrams. I was doing them all day long, living like a doctor boy. Do I got to tell you, things have done changed, bitches. I was telling Mike, fucking Friday night, I ate maybe two or three of those little tabs in the afternoon just to get started. I didn't make it late Friday night. Last night, or Saturday night, was Halloween night.

Halloween fucking day, we all got together, me, the Florentine crime family, and we went up and down this neighborhood and walked our kids. We ended about four fucking 30. I had to do a little Patreon work. I was going to go to a party. I popped two edibles.

I popped three fucking edibles last night, a Saturday night. And I decided to take the girls on Halloween night to the scariest place on earth. You ready? White Castle. We finally busted our Jersey nut and we went to fucking White Castle. some points left on weight watches. I went up to fucking White Castle with my wife there. We went about six o'clock.

There was a little line. I didn't want to bring the burgers back to the fucking house. And the whole house stinks like dead fucking bodies. So I said, fuck it. We went. We ordered three burgers a piece. We got fries. And we sat outside of White Castle.

And we fucking ate them like doctors. That was our Halloween treat. We giggled on the way back. I stopped that. We stopped at a bakery because he had candy and all this shit. Some guy, a friend of mine had a bakery and he told him to stop by. So you give my daughter a care package. He left it in the door for us.

We got the fucking cookie. We came home, guys. You know, I tell you how it is. I don't remember what the episode was on Archie Bunker. The first episode of the honeymoon is was the train. I think I watched the beginning of the news. And as I went, I didn't make the tea. Saturday or Friday night, I didn't get to make nothing.

Those edibles put me down both nights. I don't know, I had a hard time sleeping. Not a hard time. I have an easy time falling to sleep. But I think like Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, I only slept like five hours a night. I went to bed earlier than usual. But I ended up waking up at five,

five 30 in the morning both days. I'm like, fuck that. I can't have this no more. When I pop those three fucking hashtags, or whatever the fuck I popped. Woo! Gone. So, guys, I'll do a couple ABXs with you.

Maybe I'll do one tonight. I'm in the mood to maybe do one. It's election day tomorrow and that's going to be happening. Some people stab each other and I'm not watching the news and I'm not voting so I don't give a fuck. So I'm not involved. Maybe I'll eat an ABX just by itself tonight to do the last stand. The last time I ate a fucking ABA, because I did a video two weeks ago. And that night I had like four those fucking tabs

And I had the fucking spray And I was off my fucking rocker So I don't think my body can handle 20 milligrams no more It's a fucking shame But at least I'm telling you the truth You know, when Lee was telling me He got fucked them

Did you put 200 or not? I didn't put 200? I didn't even seen you. I had the 200s myself. I kept the 200 to myself. I gave Lee jars of the hundreds For some reason in his mind He thought I'd put 200 milligrams

And I didn't I kept because they come in 100 milligrams and 200 milligrams, the ABX. You can't find them in two. Only a few people have them. A few stores have them. I don't know which ones. I don't know nothing. But the fucking 100 milligrams, everywhere,

they're not really 100. They're 98 milligrams. So you're not fucking pushing against the law. See, you learn something new by watching Uncle Joey all the fucking time. They're really 98 milligrams. I can eat those, but I'm out of those. I'm out of the 100. milligrams. I gave those all to Lee. I kept the 200 ones. But when Lee told me last week that he

fucking ate two of them and that he was hired for two days, I'm like, Lee, I'm sorry. I'd love to tell you I fucking dose shit. You know me, I love dosing people, but I didn't dose them. Those were hundreds. So for him to tell me that they were affecting him like that, I knew they were fucking with me too. So I posted that picture on Devil's Night on Twitter. I never quite made it to Devil's Night. Devil's Night was a little disappointing from Uncle Jerry. disappointed you motherfuckers so i'm very fucking sorry and i want to talk to you about something else on patreon we're trying to do that fucking crowd source but with 14 000 fucking people i can't satisfy all you motherfuckers at once that's why i did the youtube last week because at least the youtube i don't give a

fuck what you paid it was just a way to reach out to you you know what i'm saying so we're trying to fix this crowd source on how we're going to do it but don't give up on me yet you know you get plenty of content you know i take good care of you motherfuckers we have a good time over there on patreon now the tier is three five ten dollars 15 is the merch tier we got the fucking uh designs

i should be getting the t-shirts this week just to look at them not with the design on them i'm deciding about what type of material to send you guys and we'll have everything sent out to you we'll get this fucking store rolling hopefully fucking we'll get sweatshirt from a different outlet and we don't have to depend on the Chinese and the fucking patches. Why the patches?

I mean, this has just been a nightmare for everybody. So I'm sorry, but we'll have the merch up and running as soon as fucking possible. Tip-top Magoo. So if anybody had a problem with my posting last week on Facebook, go fuck yourself. That's what I was talking about. You got to think about other people. You just can't consider your fucking self and Christmas. You don't say, listen, before this whole thing fucking started, I was getting back into live music.

Mike, I love live music. I wanted to go back into live music. You know what? They canceled everything. Am I going to get pissed off? No, it's just the way it is. We're trying to be safe and healthy. If it's a hoax, then they took me up the ass.

And I got fucked in the ass like everybody else. But if not, I don't know what the fuck to tell you. So I'm going to keep wearing my little mask when I go to stores. I'm going to keep respecting other people. And I hope that they keep respecting me. And that's it. And that's that. Now one final thing I want to talk about, and I want to get this off my chest.

I had a problem. I had a big fucking problem. Since the time I shot that Netflix special, I was fucking angry. You know, there was this big, you know, I think Netflix was what fucking started putting the fucking problem into comedy. I know I love Netflix. I love their programming. You know, I love Narcos. I'm not talking about Netflix, Netflix as an organization.

I'm talking about what the special meant and did to people. You know, people, everybody wanted a Netflix special, blah, blah, blah. When I got offered the special, it was offered to me in a short distance. I didn't put it together. I didn't like my performance. I didn't like how I trained up to the point up to it. I didn't like how I worked out for it. I didn't like anything about that thing.

Not on the Netflix side on my end. Once I got to Vegas, then I was like, why the fuck are we taping in a fucking pool hall when there's 90,000 fucking venues to tape it in Vegas? And all these other things started happening. So I started getting a little sour. I got sour. I got sour at myself for letting myself get taken. I got sour at my reps for letting me, you know, for letting this fall on me or whatever. Yes, I wanted a Netflix fucking special, but I didn't want it under those fucking conditions.

You know what I'm saying? Thank God it all worked out. I had a great time with, you know, Christina Pizzinsky and Big J and Dominica. We had a great time. I have no regrets about that. But I didn't like how it made me feel. I didn't like how I was feeling about it.

I felt like I fucking sell out like a fucking whore. And I just didn't fucking feel right about it. That was it. And I carried a grudge towards it. For some reason, I carried a little grudge, and it was eating away at me. And, you know, a lot of people looking at me going, Joy, you look better, your voice sounds better, you're losing weight than

it. It's none of the above. It was that I got out of the vicious cycle I was in LA. Don't thank this on me drinking water. Don't thank this on me stopping eating bacon. You know, I didn't change any, you know, I'm still on my shroom tech. I'm still on my alpha brain cycle. I still fuck around with the new mood. And it also has the, uh, the melatonin that you put under your tongue, you know. Yeah, the alpha brain helped me once I got here. My mind was straight. You know, I haven't taken any colonopins.

It's got to be two weeks now. I mean, I'm done with the colonnopin fucking thing. I taper off once in a while because it's not healthy. I'm scared I'm going to get a stroke. But that's why I smoke weeds. I don't get a fuck. I don't fucking know. I'd rather feel the way I do than be on a drug that's supposedly lying to me,

whatever fuck. So I'm a lot better, but two things happened this last week that I'm very sorry they happened, but they had to fucking happen. You know, I went off on a dear friend of mine this weekend. I love him dearly. He's helped me become who I am, but he never really listened to me. And throughout this whole experience, throughout this whole thing, from July to now, I've had a plan. and he's a dear friend of mine,

and he's been trying to take me off my plan by me going on the fucking road. And I don't want to go on the fucking road. And I told him this repeatedly. And I'm the type of guy that when you tell me something, I'll tell you, let me think about it. And that means, let me put in the background, let me really think about it.

Or it's another way of telling you it's not a good idea for me right now, and it might not work. For the last three months, I've been telling this guy to knock it the fuck off. I do not want to go on the road. I do not want to want a plane.

I don't want people getting gathered around me. You know what? I can live with the 25-minute ride once a week, the Uncle Vinnie's, and that's all I can do for right now, for my own personal and for the people around me. That's all I can do right now. Trust what I'm going to tell you.

I got it together, but I also have a daughter. She's off from school this week. She goes to school in a limited time. You know, I got a big. here for my wife and the road just isn't necessary right now you know dave schapelle is not on the road jo rogan's not in the road gabriel's not on the road there's a lot of people who declined i told joe and you could ask them if you liked it i'll call him up tonight and talk about on this podcast i told joe in the beginning that i was not going on the road and when he came back from houston

he called me and he goes he's not going back out there either it's not because joe's a bad guy It's not because Joe's being selfish. Not because Joe got $100 million. It's because Joe sees what's out there. It's not good. I don't give a fuck what anybody tells you. I don't give a fuck who gets mad at me. I really don't give a fuck.

I'm thinking about you motherfuckers. When you put a lot of people, especially after this fucking election, after tomorrow, straight up, people are going to be angry about something. Listen, people are going to go out this weekend, this week, and they're going to, it doesn't matter who wins.

people are not going to be happy. You know that and I know that. If you don't know that, you better find that out quickly. That people, they don't really give a fuck who wins or losers. They just want to do bad shit.

That's it. That's all people want to do. In my world, I didn't want to go nowhere. I didn't want to go anywhere until they figure out when they have a fucking vaccine. Whatever the fuck they need to figure out.

Do I want to take the vaccine? Am I going to run down there? Fucking no. I don't even take a flu fucking vaccine. I take my chances. now to take my shingles fucking shot and I'm petrified because my friend took it and he said his arm hurt for fucking three weeks so I'm not too crazy about any fucking vaccines all right I don't know what's going to happen but I have a movie coming out in March and I like the tour

for the movie in March it's going to be a great movie I'm excited about it but still that doesn't mean I'm going to go on the fucking road and when I tell you something as a man when I look at you and I tell you, I'm not doing something. Don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with me. I'm not going to fucking do it. I'm not going to do it. And he kept calling me and I kept telling him, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. We'll put it together. And Wednesday night, he called me an hour before fucking at my show. And he fucking mentioned a name on there that I didn't like. And then he went on to tell me what the things he was working on. And I fucking blew up on him. And I'm really sorry I did, but I'm not. Because this is just to prove to people to stop fucking with me.

When I want to do something, I'll fucking be the first one to do it. And when I don't want to do it, I'm not going to fucking do it. I'm not going out of the fucking road right now. I don't give a fuck. I don't want to do this. I did one outdoor show, and I thought I was going to get dragged in the wood by fucking bears. There were bears out there. It's too cold to be putting people in bad positions.

I don't give a fuck if you got a heater. I don't give a fuck what you got. I'm not going out there. I'm sitting tight. I'm ready for it to see if they're going to close us up or not. I hope not. I hope my kid's still in school. But listen, I'm not doing no fucking shows over fucking 38 people for a fucking while.

I'm going to be, you want to come see me? You come to Uncle Vinnie's fucking 11, 18 and 11 25th. I doubt they got tickets. I don't know what's going to happen in December. Do you see a fortune ball over here? Do you see a fucking me with a fucking thing like? No, I don't know what's going to. going to happen. So we play this fucking day to day. The same. I'm not going to tell you,

I'm going to be in Kentucky, February 21st. Who the fuck knows what's going to happen February 21st? I'm not worried about February 21st. I'm worried about November 1. I'm worried about November 2 and how we're going to make it through on a Monday, November 2. I'm worried about November fucking 3rd, how we're going to make it through the 3rd. I'm worried about what's in front of me. I don't give a fuck about, you know, when you get these people calling you with you, You have to get your schedule ready for next March and April. I don't give a fuck because nobody knows what their schedule is. So why the fuck are you bothering me for?

Why the fuck are you bothering me, making me do things I don't want? I don't want to do those fucking time. I'm like fucking Rob Halford and Green Manalitian, resting and breathing on my neck, making me do things I don't want to do. I don't want to do nothing. So I'm sorry if I went off on anybody. I don't want to do shit. I'm going to stay right here.

I'm going to be a dad comedy as, been put on fucking hold till next year when i don't fucking know don't ask me because i don't fucking know if i knew that i wouldn't be here i'd be at a fuck i'd be on fucking draft kings bet the horse tracks all over the fucking world i don't have the answers for you but i know for me i know what fucking works and i'm sitting tight i'm gonna do some writing and i'm gonna be the best comic i can in six months that's my fucking goal six months april may that's one we'll know what the fuck and we'll burn you that bridge when we get to it.

But I'm not going anywhere. Why? Because I don't fucking believe in it. I don't fucking believe in it right now. I'd rather fucking starve. I'd rather cut back on shit and you know, not fucking go to Hawaii. I don't need to go to fucking Hawaii or to live up

with the fucking Joneses. I just don't need to get sick. I don't want to be responsible for getting somebody else sick. And that's it. And that's that. This is a big week in my life right now. This week You know, I hate this fucking week. This week is bitter sweet for me.

I hate this week, but I love this week. I love this week because it lets me show that I made it 41 years after my mother died. But I hate this week because it's a reminder of my mother's death. So it's like a bittersweet fucking week for me. You know, the reason why I know all about this week is because this is Jersey teacher, You only used to have school on Monday and Wednesday and then you had Thursday Friday and Tuesday off My mother fucking decided to die on a fucking Tuesday night I went to school on Wednesday and thank God I had Thursday and Friday off

Saturday Sunday and then Monday we fucking buried it so this Saturday is my mother's I think the 8th I don't know if it's Whatever the fuck that is Saturday or Sunday is a 41st death fucking anniversary so this I'll definitely be going up to the fucking cemetery, laying some flowers. I don't think I'm going to take my daughter to put my wife to run any of that shit. I'm just going to go up there and make my peace alone and make my peace with her and let her know that I'm still here after 41 years slinging dick, giving our bubble gum, having a good time, but most importantly,

doing what the fuck I want to fucking do. Not what anybody else wants me to do. Not what anybody else expects out of me. give a fuck. I do what the fuck I want to do on my terms. I am part of the Florentine crime family from now on. I want to send my regards to the Gambinos. I was with yous all the way to the end for the last 30 years, but I got to switch fucking alliances right now. I'm living in Jersey. I switched over to the Florentine crime family. They have nothing to do with crime. The reason why I call them a crime family is because they live like fucking doctors you understand me the brothers are going to texas games

they're in disneyland they live their fucking lives they don't give a fuck about nothing they just live their fucking lives and i respect that i respect that another italian family has taken me and his family i'm sorry to the older brother i didn't go to his uh Halloween party last night but it was i was too caught up with the fucking girls and i can't see at night when i drive another secret I didn't want to tell you guys. I can't see it night. Can you believe it? I used to be the fucking king of nighttime. When I was doing cocaine, I could see a fucking owl up on a tree. Now I can't see fucking shit, especially down here with no lights. This night, so I'm supposed to stay on a certain path and the waves gives me a different path. I can't even

take that fucking path because I fucking can't see at night. So I have a hard time. So the good thing is I have a doctor's appointment this week. So I'm going to get all my shit done. I'm going to get the colonoscopy. That's the camera up your ass. I'm going to get my fucking knee surgery right. I'm going to get a recommendation to get my knee surgery and I'm going back to the eye doctor to get new fucking glasses

so I could read at night, I could look at night, and I could drive at night. How's that for you, motherfuckers? Uncle Joey is getting fucking old. So, with that in mind, that's it and that's that. That's what's going on this week and Uncle fucking Joey's joint.

I hope you fucking could accept. and I hope you understood what I was talking about today. As far as my empathetic things, I had to do have that fucking empathy. That fucking report was wrong. So don't let a fucking rehab tell you what's in your mind. Sometimes you just don't express ourselves the right way from our heart to our paper or to my mind. That's why I say keep doing it and don't like that. If you write in your journal, you read your fucking words and it hits you and impacts you a different way.

I want to apologize for whoever I went off on this week. You had it coming, cocksucker. I begged your fucking months ago to knock it the fuck off at the road work, and you kept bringing it at me, so I had to fucking blow up. Not to mention I've been holding this in since fucking Netflix. I didn't want to do it. I didn't like what happened. I didn't like how I was fucking treated.

I didn't like none of that shit. The reason why I look so good and why I'm sounding different and why I'm happier is because I'm away from that desperation of L.A. I don't ever want to be in that position again. And you know what? If you're a young fucking comic and you watch this, you'll feel it. Never fucking feel desperate.

Do your fucking work. Write your goals. Right. Get on stage. Go after it. So you never have to feel that fucking desperation that they give you in L.A. That desperation is a horrible fucking feeling. And it's a horrible way to live your life.

And thank God it never fucking got into me. But it's stuck on to me. that that desperation that people have. I would love to show you my fucking phone logs from when I lived in LA to now. Nobody calls no more. You know why? Because you don't have nothing for them.

They never cared about you in the fucking first place. All they cared about, they really thought that getting on a podcast was going to change their fucking life. How fucking wrong with it? It's hard work. It's going after it. And it's doing the same shit every day.

They thought by going on the podcast, oh my God. I'm going to be a fucking star, whether it's the church, whether it was Theo Vons, whether it was a fighter in the kids, or whether it was Rogan's podcast. There was this fucking group of people walking around like it was going to change your fucking life. And once I took that away from them, their friendship ended. Their friend, like that, not even a fucking check and call, not in fucking nothing. To me, I look at it and I laugh.

I'm not mad at them. I'm not mad at them at all. That's what L.A. does to you. And that's the change that you've seen in me. I have wiped that fucking desperation off me that that fucking, you know, look at me, fucking mentality. Look at you for what?

For what? All fucking day, look at you for what? Just do your fucking job. I didn't get into this, or you people could look at me or analyze me through a fucking thing. I did this just to make people laugh and it was the only thing I could fucking do.

I can't do what you do. I don't have time to be a doctor or lawyer. I'm too fucking stupid. I know how to make people laugh. I know how to say stupid things and half the time I'm working against myself anyway but I have a good time doing it I don't give a fuck

so I hope you enjoyed this episode of Uncle fucking Joey's joint and I hope you got something out of it we ain't fucking around no more it's a whole new fucking set of rules and that fucking L.A. desperation that bullshit is off my fucking shoulder never fucking again

when I killed those chickens before I left L.A., that was the end of that fucking lifestyle so now when you come to me you come fucking correct any of you fucking California cucks up because you come correct on me on the phone you come correcting me in your life I don't need this desperation from you people no more

I figured it to fuck out I don't want to be on a I don't want to who's going to be at your party is he going to be there oh my God you know that's all they cared about who's going to be at your party people here just go to a party and have fun they forgot how to have fucking fun

in California it was all about who's going to be there oh my God do they have a Twitter following Oh my God, he's got a million Instagram prints. Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? That part of my life is done. Thanks to you, motherfuckers,

but most importantly, thank to me because I saw it and I fucking hated it and I despised it. I love you, motherfuckers, with all my fucking heart. I'm sorry, we've got to tackle some tough subjects from time to time, and I got to say some shit. But hey, this is my fucking platform. There's the only way I'm going to get out of my heart. I want to thank Michael Klein for being.

here but most importantly i want to thank you guys for following me and always having my back and my support like that guy said to me why don't you sprinkle the water more in the microphone why don't i fucking coming your mouth mind your fucking business this is the fucking uncle joey's joint i do what the fuck i want if you don't like it don't fucking watch and if you do thank you for being here thank you for subscribing to the fucking uncle joey's web page which is probably the church i don't know what the fuck it is anymore and i don't give a fuck And when I do have a show, I'll let you know. Right now, we're still on November 18th and the 25th.

Uncle Vinnie's fucking 38 people. Don't forget this weekend coming up. I think it's the 7th and 8th Friday and Saturday. My brother, Jimmy Florentino, be down there. Both shows, 38 people. I might come to one of them. I think I got one of the nights off. So hopefully I'll see you down to this weekend.

Be careful tomorrow. Watch you back. Don't let nobody fucking intentional. you got the right to fucking carry a piece don't let nobody tell you otherwise protect yourself and watch your back uncle joey loves you thank you for supporting patreon and thank you for supporting me i love you cock suckers i'll see you in two days and now for a word from our sponsors all right i want to thank you cocksuckers for watching uncle joey's joint and for listening thank you very much but before we go not only do i thank you i got to thank our sponsors

The join is also brought to you by do fasting. That's do, D-O-Fasting, F-A-S-T-I-N-G. It's intermittent fasting is one of the most effective ways to lose weight. But the trick is knowing when and how long you should fast for so it actually works. If you know anything about me, this has been my journey for the last seven years, since the sleep apnea for the last 15 fucking years. It's been trying to get healthy. You probably heard of people trying this and the benefits go beyond weight loss.

You reduce inflammation and bad cholesterol too. What they do over at due fasting is they give you a fully personalized plan based on your lifestyle that will tailor each plan to you. Choose which lifestyle habits fit into your routine and which ones don't. Do fasting is the most comprehensive fasting program complete with a meal plan and a workout routine that will help you reach your guaranteed results. This isn't a diet where you're hungry all the time. You can still eat normally, just at certain times of the day.

Just go to their website, take a quick quiz, and based on your answers, they'll generate a specialized program that is perfect for you. Now is the time to take care of yourself, guys. Get it done with do fasting. Go to dofasting.com slash Joey and press in code Joey. Get a six-month fasting program with 50% of the day of doing fasting.

With 50% off, plus they're going to throw in an extra month. That's seven months. Join now and speed up your weight loss journey. Why start until January 1st? It'll be too late by then. You'll be eating all those Christmas cookies and shit. Go to dofasting.com slash joy. Right now for 50% off a six-month plan

and get you a seven-month free when you use code Joey. That's due fasting. The joint is also brought to you by my favorite breath kings. Listen, the season is in full fucking swing right now. Football, college basketball is coming back. College football is back. Fucking pro football, the playoffs. You're going to need money for those fucking kids.

And draft kings, it's where it's at. If you haven't dipped your toe yet, now is the fucking time. This Sunday, it's the Saints at the Buccaneers. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Both teams are winning. The game is going to be on fucking fire. And Draft Kings has the hookup. All new users, they're covering your ass up to $100.

If you lose Sunday, you get your $100 back back, back to the back, back. Nothing in life is risk-free, but this is. On top of this, they're giving you a great odds boost every Sunday. Get to the app store right now and download Draft Kings now, not tomorrow. It's safe, it's secure, and it's reliable. Deposit and withdraw money at your convenience. It's your fucking money. Get your life together.

Who else is going to bring that turkey back? You haven't got no fucking musket. So download the Draft King Sportsbook app right now. They're ensuring your Sunday bets up to $100. That's right. You bet, and they cover you up to $100 for a limited time, only at Draft King Sportsbook. And here's the part the lawyers make me say.

You've got to be 21 older, New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania only, and deposit bonus of the court. requires a 25-time play-through. Restrictions do apply. See draftkings.com slash sportsbook for details. Now, if you have a gambling problem, there's help for you. Call 1-800 gambler. If you're in Indiana, call 1-800-9 with it.

But if you don't have a gambling problem, fuck it. It's time to download the Draft King Sportsbook app and use promo code Joey. Why end the year off? 2020's already been bad. you might as well make a little scratch. And if you're feeling bad, that's where CBD line comes in. Pride in motherfucking performance. From the roll-on to the edible, the gummy bear CBD, none of this has THC in it.

This is just CBD. What is CBD, Joey? Go to CBDline.com. Find out about CBD. Find that about CBN. Find out about tinctures. What your body absorbs best? What is the best CBD for what you?

you're looking for, for whatever you, whether it's anxiety, a little pain, whatever, CBD line can help tame it down. But it starts with you. You got to go to CBDLion.com right now. Read, read, read, read. This ain't no fucking bum at the corner with a GED with a ponytail and a fucking go-go shirt from 1982. This is fucking science.

Go to CBDLion.com, pressing Joey, and get 20% off. of any of their great CBD lines products delivered right to your house. I love you, motherfucker. CBD Lion, draftings, and do fasting. I want to thank you guys for being sponsors and for being with me here today on a beautiful Monday morning. See you guys. Wednesday. Stay safe.

Stay black. Candles lit, cock suckers. See you Wednesday.