The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 01/07/14 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #139

Episode Date: January 7, 2014

Jim Handy calls in to talk about writing your goals for the new year. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Nature Box. Visit Naturebox.com and use promo code Joey for 50% off your first order. Recorded live on 01/07/2014.

This show is sponsored by Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. That's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And by Dollar ShaveClub.com. Get high-quality raisers sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. Go to Dollar Shaveclub.com slash church. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash church.

Or just go to Joey Dias.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club. banner. The show is also sponsored by Naturebox, where you can order great tasting healthy snacks right to your door. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like French toast granola. Support this podcast and get 50% off your first order. Go to naturebox.com and use promo code Joey. That's naturebox.com promo code Joey. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Lee Syatt with a little stripes of shirt on today. Oh shit. motherfuckers, bring it.

Tuesday, January 7th. The Cuban fucking Christmas. Today you get an envelope and shit. Oh shit. It's 2014. You woke up in that fucking bed with lice in your fucking hair. And you're like, how did I get here?

What? What's the story, Lysiah? There's no story. What the fuck, Lysiah? What the fuck you've been, Cucksucker? in Boston and New York. It's fucking cold. Like a fucking snowman.

You were over there walking around with you. Happy New Year, cock suckers. Namaste. Ching Longho. I don't know how to fuck to say in many languages. We're back, bitches.

A fucking long sabbatical, but we're back. I'm happy you're here. I'm happy you're healthy. I'm happy there were no fucking catastrophes this year. Maybe you got your dick. Dick sucked by a transvestite New Year's Eve. But who gives a fuck, you're here today.

What's the story with you, cuck sucker? Nothing, dude. It was a fucking. fun trip back. I feel bad for everyone stuck in the airports because when I got back from, when I got back to LA, there were people sleeping in the terminal.

So if you got stuck in an airport, I'm sorry. Luckily, I got out. Did they have cots? No, fuck it. They were sleeping on the side of the, right against the wall. Like fucking communists. So I'm glad I got out,

but sorry if you guys didn't. Thank you to Anthony from the palms. I didn't get to go. We were right in the restaurant, but then the snow started in New York, so we had to leave. But thank you for, for being very nice.

He was going to deliver food to the hotel for us. But we left a night at the hotel early just to get back, make sure we made it back to Boston. So, wait a second. Did you get to the restaurant? We made it into the restaurant, and the snow started coming, and we left to catch the first train,

the last train. It was fucking, but it was funny because I called Lee, don't fuck around. The snow's coming. He's like, hey, man, it's going to be 40 degrees. On Sunday, it is.

That's when I got out. Let me tell you something, Lee, when you're in that fucking East Coast, and they're out there dabbling in January, Do you know how many fucking January is? And I never got caught in an airport overnight. I did get caught in a bus station a couple of fucking nights. And that's brutal.

And that stays with you for the rest of your fucking life. And it's okay being stuck, but being stuck fucking broke is another thing. You know how bad you feel sleeping at the fucking hotel? And here's the problem. You already gave them your luggage. Yeah. So you can't even get your fucking luggage to go to a hotel.

I was wondering, they don't give it back? I don't think so. It takes like an hour or you got to go to a terminal. Can you fucking imagine that shit, man? There are people there stuck for a week. If I didn't get my flight back on Sunday, they told us straight to the face, you won't get back until the next Thursday. And they flew a pilot in.

They flew a pilot in. And when we got on the plane, the pilot came on the intercom. He said, everyone sit the fuck down. I have 40 minutes left on my union thing. If we don't take off in 40 minutes, I can't go. So everyone sat down and we got off. And it was packed. Yeah, there were a couple seats, but it was just because, like, some people, like, there was no single people who would go in the middle, but it was pretty busy.

No, it's this time of the year, man. I got to go to fucking Buffalo on Thursday. You want to talk about polar bears and fucking Puerto Ricans getting stabbed? I got to go to Buffalo, and there's no direct flights to Buffalo. They're trying to get direct flights to go to Buffalo. They can't. Delta, and I think America, the only ones that fly to Buffalo or some shit, and you got to go to Chicago or Minnesota. And those are both two fucking ice packs

Well at least you're not going through JFK With the plane slid off the runway I was in Chicago to one year Where the fucking plane Slid off the fucking runway Into the fence I can't imagine No no no no no

So that's the thing right now So Buffalo get your tickets Get ready but don't be surprised If there's no helicopters to fucking put it It was a nice You know men And yesterday I was talking to the girl that takes care of the baby And she's from

El Salvador Water you know And we were talking, and she goes, you know, it's, she goes, I used to spend my Christmases here, but I don't do them no more because they were just too fucking boring. Yeah. Christmas in California, it's kind of on the fucking boring side. Well, that's why I love it. No one's here, so there's no traffic or anything.

Well, it's on the boring side. It's quiet. You know, there's parking for a few weeks. Like, nobody's here yet. Nobody's here yet. Yeah. A lot of people are stuck, you know, but a lot of people don't come in. Listen, if I made my mind.

money, I wouldn't fucking work. I would be in New York from the 15th to the 15th. That's what John Lennon would do. That's what a real pimp does. I wouldn't deal with this shit. You know, New York, and there's really not much to do in New York or anything like that right now anyway, after the holidays, but you're forced to stay there not to deal with the fucking flying. Are you with me? Do you know what I'm saying to you? So that's what I, that's the only way I could justify going home for Christmas. But I miss the Christmases in the East Coast. You know, people think that

you're out here and the thing I want to talk about the most of it is sacrifice. That nobody wants to sacrifice little fucking things anymore. And I talk to people and I'm surprised I get fucking reactions from people like, really? And listen, man, when I moved out of here,

when I left New Jersey, I left New Jersey in the middle of all those stories I tell. You know those crazy stories? I tell, and they're crazy, and they're fucking hilarious. They're hilarious when I think about that because we were just getting funny every time we went out. I don't remember half the shit.

I really don't. I remember going out one night and watching, you know, January, watching like 48 hours and laughing our asses off. You know, there was a guy freezing in a bus station, and we pulled up at the car, and my friend goes, look at that poor guy. And he lowers the window, and he calls him over, and he goes, go home before you scare somebody.

You know, we just laughed. And I remember leaving that. I remember going to Christmases in the East Coast where there's fucking, you walk into people's house and there's cookies and there's fish and there's Christmas music and people are drinking eggnog and they're going, listen, let's go down to the corner because Louis' house, they're smoking pot in the yard.

And then you cross the street to Vinny's house because they're snort and blow in the garage. You know, this guy's got a turkey they're roasting. You know, it's like a neighborhood thing. Here, people don't even have fucking love. lights on their houses. No. Like in Studio City, nothing.

I didn't see that feeling. You know what I did for Christmas Eve? I got invited to a friend's house. Oh, you in town? What did you do? Christmas Eve? I went over your house at the beginning, early, and then I went to the girlfriend's house

and we did a Mexican New Year's Eve. Christmas Eve. How was that? See, they lived it up. They are crazy. How many farts did you blast out the next fucking day? Oh, fucking... What did you eat?

What was your spread off? Tomollies. It was... Where's the tamales? You got them left or you threw them away? No, I finished them before I left. I was supposed to... Jesus fucking...

But so they had green, chili verde tamales, cheese and sweet. I just fuck with the chili verde. That's my favorite. I like the other two, but I had those. Then they made this corn sauteed with jalapenos. Fucking... Delicious.

I told my girlfriend, because when we were going to my mom, I said, listen, my mom is a good cook. But Mexican food is like... You just add extra flavor to it, so it's different. So they have that. and then we just drank. I brought beer and tequila, not tequila.

I brought beer and the girl wanted something fruity. I brought that over. That's racist when you bring over tequila. No, no, no, no. But the mom wanted corona. So I brought corona over. The mom and I each had a few coronas. We played this fucking weird Lutuittaria. It's like a Mexican bingo, but it's from like the

1950s. So one of the little squares was El Nogrito, little black man, and the drunken the mom got, the factored she was calling it. I don't speak Spanish. So they were howling because I was behind. I had to ask what was getting called and I won a couple times. And they bet.

That was, and I got a couple of cool gifts from them and I gave the, I gave the mama books. She really wanted to give me a hug. It was a fun. It was probably one of the better Christmas Eve I've had in a while. So it was pretty cool. Because you were around a warm Spanish fucking family. Yeah. I got around these fucking Wonderbread motherfuckers.

Well, let me ask you this. Have you seen, and apparently it's a time. something in the hood. They put tinfoil around trees outside. Have you seen that? For what? For Christmas. I don't understand. If you go to Englewood, there's trees. Black people do it or Mexicans? Who's ever in the neighborhood? Probably both.

They put tinfoil around trees and little women's and I turned to Paula. I said, what's that? He's like, oh, that's just what they do. I've never seen that before. Like an entire tree's wrapped in tinfoil. I didn't know if it was something you've heard of before or not. I think it's something down in the fucking hood. No, no, no. Listen, you learn

it's amazing the different cultures. went to a person's house that there was a lot of people there. I think I went from like five to seven. Well, didn't you go to your uncles? I went to my uncle's Christmas morning, Christmas Day. This was Christmas Eve. I went to the friend's house, George. And, you know, this year Christmas was a little better because of mercy.

Yeah. But it still never sunk back in, but it was fun with her. It was fun to see it. You're in for a lot in six months. On the way back in the terminal, there was an 18. month old. And she was yapping and running around. And she knew

when she was getting people. She said Tushy and she saw us laugh. She looked around and she said it again. And she pulled her pants down a little bit to show her butt. So you have six months left, I think. No, no. It's already starting, dog. Yeah. It's crazy. Yesterday was the first time she saw

Wana in two and a half weeks. She's really close with me and she's really close with my wife. She fucking ran up to Wana. Got her, put her head on her shoulder, and just rubbed her chest. Wanda had tears in her eyes. Wanda goes, I thought she's going to forget me. No, that little girl has already got balls of steel.

When I was leaving already this morning, I heard her in there yelling. Da-da? Da-da! My wife's like, don't open that fucking door. I could hear my wife on the other side. I don't encourage her. Let her put her head down until 7.30. My wife doesn't have to work today.

But all in all, it was a fucking good holiday. You know, I mean, you do the best. The thing about me I hate about holidays, this is in our situation, in our situation, is that everything shuts down. I can't get an answer, Lee. No.

You can't get an answer after Thanksgiving. Yeah. And you can't get an answer. I remember last year, we had this lady who approached this for sponsors, and she called me like all through December. She kept telling me, you know, I have this, I had this.

And I never heard from her again until like February 3rd. And by that time, we had jumped ships because I thought she was just a lazy woman. And I bumped into her. She goes, you know, in January nothing happens. I go, maybe in your fucking world because your husband is a millionaire.

But in our world, shit happens. Yeah. Shit happens all the fucking time. And it's, you know, today I got to do looping for a fucking movie, you know, ADR. It's January fucking 5th. It's the second day of the year, business-wise. And I'm already looping for a fucking movie.

Wow. Yeah, that's when I booked my plane home. I had an audition yesterday. Wow. I didn't go because I just wasn't in the fucking... But that's the only two weeks... I booked it when I was a system when I still had a job,

and that's the only two weeks you get off, you don't get paid for it, but from like the 15th to today, or yesterday, I guess, nothing happens. Everyone's gone. How fucked up were you at Grudge Match with the premiere with the Savages?

I want to give a shout out to everybody who fucking came, from John Salami to Eddie Bravo to Lee to Felipe Sparza. That was one of the warmest nights of my fucking life. That was fucking... Like 60 people showed up.

Like 60 fucking people showed up. And you know what? We didn't take pictures. Nobody shot documentaries. I'm so fucking lazy with that fucking camera. I can't put it in my pocket no more. Even when I have it in my fucking pocket, I won't take it out the show. It's run its course.

Yeah, for me it has. I don't know what it was. I don't know what. I hate going back to things. Like, once I do something and to me it runs its course, I had a great time doing the Mad Flavors world. But I even put it in my pocket for the premiere. I couldn't take it out the fucking premiere.

Yeah. You know, I put it in my pocket for something. house recently. Oh, for the Joe Rogan thing. We went to Vegas. That was a lot of fun. Thank you for the people from the church that came up to me and asked for Lee. The thing I think you need to do is Vine or the Instagram videos. They're short, the Vine's six seconds,

Instagram is 15, and he just hold it and it automatically goes up. I can show you how to do that. That's... Vine? Mine, yeah. And Instagram has video. Yeah. And the Vine is six seconds, Instagram is 15. I think that's what you should. I think that's the next step.

Because I did it in San Francisco. It just showed you on stage. and people like that. But having the camera, because you get self-conscious with, like, especially with De Niro, so I, like, that's why I surprised you took the little video of you with him.

I think, he thought you were guys were taking a picture, right? I think the guy who took the picture thought it was taking a picture. It wasn't really video. The guy who took the picture, I thought he knew so. Okay.

I'm not good with that stuff, Lee. Listen, I don't, I never dreamed of a day where I'm embarrassed to take a picture with somebody. I'm embarrassed to go up to somebody for a year and a half, I want to take a picture with Chuck Loddow. Took me a year and a half in a hallway with me and him were alone to finally ask him.

I felt so bad in front of people. You know? It always surprises me how somebody comes up to me and go, hey, you want to take a picture? Because it's fucking, it takes everything I have in me. You know me. Oh, I would never wait in line. I mean, and it still makes me not uncomfortable, but I understand why they want pictures with you.

I still understand why they want pictures with me. No, no, no. They want pictures with everybody. In this society, everybody wants pictures with everybody. This is not you or me. They don't give a fuck about us. They just want fucking pictures of everybody, which is kind of weird. You know, I was talking to the guy who's going to call to that.

Jim Handy's calling him. He's going to talk about goals. Did you write your goals out for the year? Put them in my head. No, you got to write them out. Yeah, I got it. Try that. Your fucking head.

That's all I need. It's amazing how I didn't tell this to anybody. And my buddy called. you, the guy Tabasco, I think he's calling to the podcast early on. He's a mailman in the Seekawks and we're talking about, he goes, he took his son to see Grudge Match. And when I went

the second time, because I had to go the first time, the second time to the third time with you, and I can't watch it again. I can't do it. It's a mental fucking breakdown time for me, but it's so weird, he said, Coco, I'm sitting there with my son and I'm watching this, and I'm thinking about us snort and fucking blow, and

you know, you robbing the house across the street and knocking on my door and all this shit. I'm thinking about how this happened. That's why I played that song today, the talking heads. Because how the fuck do you get here? You know?

He goes, how the fuck do you? We were just laughing. Terry was in the car, and I was driving, and he called, so I had to take the call. And I was, you know, my wife was hearing this shit with the baby in the back, and I go, you know, there was a point in the movie when I was sitting there next to Lee

that I didn't know if Lee knew what I was watching and when he was watching. I was on the gummy bear, so I didn't. I was fucked up. Your eyes were so fucking red, Lee, but it felt like, when I first went to see it, Lee, this is what I felt like.

It felt like it was somebody else's body with my head on it, and only I could see it, but you didn't see it. You saw something different. Like, that's how high I was, or what the weed has done to my mind, my thwarted mind over the ear,

but I kept looking at myself in the premiere and the second time I went to see it. And I didn't think people were watching me. I thought they were seeing somebody else. Do you know what I'm saying? No. You ever see the movie, Oh God, you devil? No.

It's what burns. The little guy burns. And he comes to you, you're a musician, and he cuts you a deal, and now you become. And there's one of them, I don't know which one of it is, where the guy's like a Springsteen guy. And he sees this guy that has a family, the wife is pregnant, and he's struggling, and he goes to him one day. And he sells him his soul. And then the guy wants to come back. He wants to get out of it.

But he would go to the same restaurant. see the woman now that he got pregnant with the Bruce Springsteen guy that sold his soul, and now he's in hell. Okay. With his kid, you know, because that's what happens when you saw your soul. I mean, it was an interesting movie, but the guy at one scene, he was watching his videos, and he goes, this is surreal. This isn't me, you know?

And that's what I kept thinking about in the movie theory. Like, this isn't really me. Even after the third time he saw it? Yeah. Like, even when I was sitting there with you, I'm like, Lee isn't seeing what I'm seeing. I'm seeing me, but he's seeing somebody else up there. He's seeing like somebody who looks different. No, that's why the entire theater cheered when he first came on.

No, Lee. I know that. It's a state of mind. No, I understand what you're saying. I could never, ever believe that that was really me up there, Lee. Like when I was sitting there looking at fucking De Niro Lee, and I'm sitting at that scene with the chair, and I look over, I can't believe that's me. No, I understand that.

I still fucking cannot believe it. Like, it's amazing. And I'm telling you guys that listen to the podcast. at home, I still can't believe it's fucking mealy. And it makes me laugh inside if they only do. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's why the funniest, the funniest

thing of the night was when we were talking outside and smoking, this old, this nice old couple came up to you because they recognized you from the thing, and you were very nice to them, but they said to you, do you still wait us weekly? And I was waiting for something, but he said, no, that's the shit what they give us. But I was like, he's

standing out here on about four fucking edibles, Eddie Bravo and Beas Barra's are cracking jokes and they said are you still reading us weekly magazine and I was like oh those are the same people you see walking around the Hollywood Boulevard taking pictures with those superheroes you know what I'm saying yeah so you got to fucking forgive what happened last night with the game that was a crazy game I don't really watch college football and I just had it on because I'm looking for

apartments but I watched the last little bit the I don't know from what I again, Auburn is like America's team that came back, they beat Alabama, and Florida State is the guy who won the Heismans on it, but they didn't really have that good of a schedule, and Auburn, the underdog, was winning the entire game until the second half, and the thing that got Auburned into this game was a returned field goal for a touchdown, and the thing that beat them was a returned kickoff for a touchdown. So it was a crazy game. I know this is Agura and Christa were there. I'm sure vague. They went to the game?

Yeah. Sugerwin Kreischer went to the game? Yeah. No shit. The Florida State is Krexcher's school. Oh, right. I know him and Ricky Cruz, a bunch of guys. Yeah, yeah.

I didn't know how they went to the game. I'm sure Vegas made millions upon millions. That's a fucking different story. You never seen a bookie with a part-time job. Vegas always opens the fucking year. Yeah. And the black. They don't give a fuck Lee Syatt like us.

It's 2014, cock-suckers. Fuck the coffee. Get out there, get a gun, get a knife. Get your fucking wan ads. Get out there, cock-suck. What's that Sabbath? You were going to play for Uncle Joey. Shit, what the fuck, Lisa, I have.

It's all over. You gotta polish that fucking sword. Today, bitches. Oh shit, the fucking Sunder. Old school for you Cox Subdis. It's 2014, write your fucking gold. What do you want to do this year? I want to jump up and down.

I want to get my pole smoke. I want to lose 14 pounds. I want to make it to the school fucking band. What's the story, Lee? Where's the reefer? Where's the guerrilla business? What happened? I don't know.

You bring them back from Boston and shit? They don't know shit there. Did anybody recognize you in Boston? Anybody come up to you say you're the flying Jew? No, no, no. I was in the prude. Have you ever been there? The potential center, it's like a mall?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put up there that Paul and I had like an hour before we had to leave. But no. Some people said they were there earlier. But no, I didn't see anybody. It was a great trip. Introduced the mom to the girl, which was great. How'd that go over?

Great. I mean. Did you both sleep in the same house? Yeah, same bed? it's not the house where I grew up and I'm never there so my mom just has two twin beds for whenever my brother and I are there so she pushed those together so that was weird

but I got my first sex knock I don't know if you listen to Ari's podcast but in New York he said he's been getting a lot of knocks on the doors on the walls and we were having sex in New York on the day after New Year's at like one of the morning we got this and it just

it killed the mood a little bit but we just started howling laughing because we got a knock the thing so that was fun. No, you, that was the highlight of the trip. The goal of sex, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And you went to fucking the baseball, Hall of Fame.

Where'd you go? No, Fenway Park. The baseball Hall of Fame. What the fuck? That ain't no fucking Fenway Park. Yeah, that was fun. That was a... You sent me to picture of Carton Fiske.

Yeah. I had a tear in mind. Did you rub it? Mm-hmm. You rubbed it for good luck? The only thing that was a little bit, is they, it's getting more commercial, so they were playing high school hockey games in the middle of it.

So, like, you couldn't really get the full part of it, but it was still cool. We got to stand on the monster, which was awesome. It's amazing. And to me, like, I'm not even a Boston Red Sox fan for that degree, but it's amazing how many Johnny come lately as I've gotten on the boat.

It's Boston one. And the same thing we agree with the fucking Yankeats. You've got to have some fucking dignity in your life, all of a sudden you put a boss. Where the fuck were you when they were losing? What the fuck were you when Bill Buckner, the ball went between his legs? You were somewhere jumping up and down with your friends cheering on some other fucking winner, you fucking mook. I hate that shit.

shit. And they all put their hats. It's like this new trend that's going on. I take my daughter to the park every day at some point because you got to let the energy out. She fucking rolls. She gets dirty knees. Her hands get dirty. She loves the mud, you know. And there's always these fake fucking dads. There's always these dads that come with flip flops and, you know, with this Boston. And they all have a Boston Red Sox hat always like twisted in the brim. So you can't see who they are. And they have like the backpack with the water. and they always play like I'm the best fucking dad in the world

but I notice they're all the fake Boston Red Sox people. Like I know people who cried when Boston don't have a good season and I couldn't figure out why but I really know I know people who cried. Josh Wolf gets very upset. John Barone gets very... I know people who don't talk for three or four days.

I don't get that concept. I've never understood that concept. I just, I cry over people get hit by a car or my cat getting fucking... You can always tell if it's a clean hat They're not a real fan. Look at Lee. The clean hat.

The pink hat pisses me off a little bit, but it's not, it doesn't really... Finally, you're fucking telling me about this shit. See? Thank God. But... I thought I was the only fucking moron. It's so fucking expensive to get into Fenway. Like, the bleachers are 40 bucks.

So it's, you kind of take away... And I tried to go to a Celtics game with the girl, and they suck now. But the highest up was like 100 bucks. So it kills you now. But, um... No, I mean, I... But I always like it when I see a Red Sox hat. I like look at the guy that makes me happy.

I feel like I'm connected a little bit. So every time I see it out here, I hope they're from Boston. But I'm sure some of it's just a... I see a lot of the Yankee hats. And then years ago, I didn't even know this, about 10 years ago, I read what the Yankees made just on hats every year. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, my God.

And I nearly fuck. I don't know what it was. This is like 98 or something like that. Steinbrenner was still alive. Yeah. Like Steinbrenner had a division. Well, we see how much the shirts are for them? And the airport back, I saw a Red Sox shirt I liked, 50 bucks.

Like, just a little T-shirt. I mean, they mark it up, but people buy it. My mom last year, my mom bought me a Patriots jersey for when I went to the game last year. That was 150 bucks. And people never stop wearing, and people have thousands of them. It's amazing. But they have all these webpages, not like Jonathan, Jonathan, Wolf, buddy he had a thing where overstock.com type of day i forget what the name of his webpages he

usually isn't to the podcast i'm sorry jonathan wolf i'll give you a free plug next time and uh you know he was getting all that stuff 10% over and they were dirt cheap you know listen the boston redsock shirt is a boston redsock shirt you know i can't see pain you know sometimes people look at me and they go well he's a fucking dinosaur that's why he acts like that towards certain activities. No, I love fucking sports. I don't like what they've done to sports. I love comedy. I don't like what they've done to comedy.

Listen, man, I love comedy clubs and I love that people want to go. I don't understand why, and I know some of these comedians want to exorbitant an amount of fucking cash. A movie theater is supposed to compete with a comedy club. I'm sorry, a comedy club is supposed to compete with a movie theater. A movie's

$12, and that's a lot. But I understand. We want the high-five, we want the high-deaf, we want the best sound, on cushy fucking conscience. There's places that you can still go to for $3, but you smell somebody else that's fart in the fucking cushion. As soon as you sit down, they go, it's like a fucking organ of fucking stink that comes out.

So, you know, I always thought, but, you know, these people go to a fucking, people don't give a fuck about giving you their money. People don't give a fuck about it. They're having a good time. But nobody wants to go home and go, wow. You know, four years ago, I was doing Gray Drake's podcast.

You know Gray Drake, the chick from Rotten Tomatoes. Okay. And she said, I really like it if you picked a movie and went to see a new movie. Because you're talking about a new movie and an old movie. Lee, I didn't fucking think about this shit. Let's pretend I'm 45 or 44 years old. I never thought about this shit, Lee. And I'm with my wife.

We live in Hollywood. I told I have to go to this Disney movie. And she goes, let's go down there. And it's the fox and something. Whatever. I don't know when I go to the arc light. Okay, let me. Okay.

I go to the arc line. and I had a $100 bill, you know, and I cashed it, and I got home that night, and I remember throwing my money on the table, and it was a $20 and a $10, and a few quarters. Yeah. And I said to my wife, enough and nothing. I'm not angry Lee, by no means. I just dropped $70 to go to the movie.

She goes, well, we went for coffee, and you had that bagel afterward, like, all right, so 15. So we went $55 fucking. It was a good movie, Lee. I enjoyed it. but I didn't justify the $55 fucking dollars. Well, it didn't, but it's kind of, what I want to say, it's kind of different. So I took the bus to New York and I took the train home from New York.

It's like going to the $3 movie theater or going to the Arklight. There's things now that you have a little bit of money and it's like going to a better comedy club. I would rather pay now, now that I know, I'm going to pay $100 for the train rather than $30 for the bus because the bus was garbage. I would rather pay. I took that bus from Boston. New York many of times. It was tremendous. It's $25 and it's two hours. I mean, you can't, it's like a plane ride.

You have to think of a plane ride. When I fly from New York to Buffalo, I like the best seat for my money. I use my miles. I try to upgrade. When I go from fucking point A to point Z, I fly Southwest. No offense against Southwest. I want to give them a shout out. They just made me an A-plus member.

So now I can cut in the line. What do you get? Let me tell you something. When you're an A-plus member in fucking Southwest, you're slinging dick, bitch, okay? Shit's going to start cragg-a-lacking for you. You know, Southwest is cheaper than fuck now. It used to be eight round-trip tickets,

and you got a free ticket. You know many round-trip tickets I've gotten in the last two years that I've got no guts? But they made me an A-list plus, which means I cut through the fucking line, I go through the business select now. I get those type of digits. You know what I'm saying?

I'm going to show this is important. But the bus I took, I don't know if I tweeted the picture. This girl was sitting next to... With bad food. With food. But the train, it's still nice. You sit next to people, there's internet, there's plugs, there's a food car. So, like what you're saying about the arc light, yeah, you could go to the $10 movie,

but you're sitting next to people, you have the bad popcorn, the floor's sticky, the arc light you go, the guy comes in, there's no babies talking, that you can get a little drink if you want. Now, hold on one second. I let this conversation go where I didn't want it to go as far as the arc light. What I'm really talking about is sports. Oh, yeah, yeah. What they've really done to sports.

And Lee, I don't give a fuck about you or me. We're adults, okay? I don't give a fuck about you or me not being able to go to a baseball game. I'm talking about that 12-year-old that really is a fan of Big Poppy. Yeah. That wants to play baseball. That really is a fan of the pitcher. That really is a fan of, you know, this is a dream fan.

Have you ever had a dream? Have you ever gone to a baseball game and said, for about a year, I thought I was going to be the next fucking Pete Rose. Well, I knew I was never going to be Pete Rose, but Fenway is the best, my favorite place in Barney. Yeah, it's your favorite place in the fucking world. I went there 20 years ago. When you walk in there, you smell baseball.

Yep. Now, they're not letting kids go to that. They cut their legs off. I can't imagine if you had a family. $40 fucking, Lee. Do the math. Go ahead. Do the math.

It's 160 just to get in. So four people. A little girl, little boy, you and your wife. Go ahead. Drop. That's 160. But parking has to at least be 40, I would imagine. Parking for the UFC in New Jersey was $50.

Oh. Okay, so that's 200. Then each kid wants a foam finger. That has to be at least 10 each, so 20. A hot dog is 10 each. Then drinks are 10 each. Then you have to get a popcorn. You're probably spending $400 or $500, I would imagine.

For the last, you know, every year until I met you, and even after I met you for a year, I went to two later with Dodger games a year. Yeah. That's all what I can tolerate. I live in L.A., nothing wrong with driving up there and going and getting a hot dog and shitting and getting your stomach sick and walking around,

but you sit there for four or five innings, To me, that's success. Four or five innings. I giggle, I clap. Me, Felipe, his wife, my wife, my uncle. You know, I wasn't doing that with tons of money. I was going to Costco. I was, I'm not ashamed to say this shit.

I pay for Costco every fucking year. I pay $100-something dollars to the membership. So it's $50. You get two tickets. You get two hot dogs and two sodas. Every time I went, they upgraded me to a level above. There were great tickets. You know, what the fuck?

I was having a great time. Magic Johnson takes over, I don't have no more fucking tickets from Costco. I didn't go to a Dodger game this year. Oh, they took that out? They took that out. Well, they paid a billion dollars for the team. So when they say that, when you hear that on the radio that they paid a billion, that means they think they're going to make a trillion in 10 years.

You know, what kills me is that, like I said, listen, I lost all that emotion when I realized that life was more important than I had to go after it. At a young age, I lost my loss. I still get caught watching some baseball. If I'm watching classic sports on ESPN, and they show the Boston Red Sox, I stop what the fuck I'm doing. I stop what the fuck I'm doing.

I say, you know what? I deserve this break. And I watch three innings. And I get teary eye, and I remember when I watched that game the first time, and oh, my God, it's Rico Petrusheli. Oh, my God, it's Lynn, whatever his name is. Lin's.

Is it Lynch Swan? Yeah. I think so. No, Lynn's the receiver. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fred Lynn. Is it Fred Lynn? Something like I don't fucking. When I watch these guys, I get emotional.

You know, same thing when I watch, I'm a whole since, it's amazing. I can't fucking believe I'm not a Cincinnati Red fan no more. I don't even know what their record is. I don't know who's on the team. When I was a kid, I had everything in Cincinnati. Yeah. Everything, everything's Cincinnati.

I didn't have the shirt, but I had the jacket with the sea on it and the whole rose in the back. I had everything. You know, I can't imagine how kids can't go to these fucking things. Look, we didn't go with our parents when I was a kid. Yeah, I want my mother to a boy. bunch of mec games and I went to a bunch of you know what I really never went to Yankee games as a kid

I was more of a mech guy but after that there was a there was a big slogan in New York take the train to the plane okay so you can take the train to Kennedy airport LaGuardia that plane also took you to uh Shea Stadium for three dollars they had a special ticket like if the airport was seven if you're going to Shea and you show me your your baseball stud it's three fucking dollars they forced you they gave you a special deal to take the train. And from guys like us, it was a party. You smoked a joint, you drank a few beers, you know?

Yeah. And then you got there, and you got a ticket for 22.50, and you sat in the Puerto Rican section, but you snuck down, and you stayed for six innings. You got a little drunk, and you went to the Bronx and got a package. It was just an excuse. But it was an excuse that you were going to drop that $30 anyway.

Why not go to a fucking MET game? Yeah. Now, that budget sends me right the fuck out of there. So... I mean, I would just rather watch it on TV at this, point. Not Fenway, but like, but I mean it's getting to a point. No, it sucks. Listen, I can't

want. Anybody who are, look, when you go to a UFC and you go to it live, it's two different fucking situations. Oh, yeah. You know, when they play the music at the beginning of the UFC and the organs and the fucking the who and they're showing fucking kicks and people flying through the fucking man. Speaking of which, what did you think about the last UFC?

I can't a couple friends and heard of go see. All I saw was the main event. So Wanda Rousey, is fucking, I'm a huge fan. I always root for her, I don't care. I don't want my fighter to shake someone's hand at the end. I liked her. I was just waiting for the arm bar.

And after, I think it was like the second round, like she was close, but the third round, it was just over. I like really quickly. But fucking, that Anderson's silver kick. We watched it at a Dave and Busters because, like, just everywhere else. Like this, I tried to go, I called a couple sports bars in Boston. They were charging a $20 cover charge to watch it.

do you know that Edgar and Becky went to Vegas and they were charging 75 miles ahead to go into the casinos to watch the fight Jesus Christ so yeah so I mean but the fucking the first round we'd mean had him and seen for most of it but he Silva wasn't doing the thing and then that kick there was a it was me and my friends

didn't really watch it and there was a black table about 20 feet away and they erupted and it was almost immediately they had little short videos over our line seeing someone's leg break like that I was speechless I was at dinner with my wife we got other dinner it was her birthday and we ran all the redmands oh hold on we'll finish this later

Jimmy Jam Good morning you got him Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what's happened uncle Jim Well I just said I was in the shower and a little while ago and just getting there just getting cranked up. You watch that little monkey, you're getting ready for today? What's that?

You watched that little monkey, you're getting ready? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's cleaning. He's very old. What's happening, baby? Tell me something good. What's going on in your life? Oh, my life.

Well, you know, there's still a bit of mom drama stuff, but I got a great girlfriend, the doctor runs a clinic. He runs a, he's a CEO of a, clinic in Baltimore through the University of Maryland

and three years this month we've been hanging out she was just out here for Christmas God love her good she's got a 19 year old, she's graduated University of Washington so it's cool to hang around a 23 year old from time to time, very full of energy and

wonderful stuff you're working No Just kind of laid back I figured I'm going to just hang out for a while You're living on your many millions Yeah Beautiful

Just the interest of course You know Jim It's a new year You know and I always think about it I mean I've known you since 1988 Correct 89 around there 88 89 yep

And I picked up a skill that you taught me years ago And at this time of the year I really get serious about it You know, most people, I mean, my year is done Christmas the 26th. When I wake up on the 26th, I kind of wake up in a bad mood. I kind of wake up and I thank God for everything he gave me and everything I put together. But at the other end, I know that I slipped at some places, you know,

throughout the year and you sit there and you go, you know, I got to tighten this up, I got to write more. I should have been finished with this fucking book, Lee. I should have been finished with this fucking book, you know? And every day I try to write a sentence and it's not enough, you know. and when I'm trying to get to, it's goals. And I got that from you working at the Toyota place that it all begins with goals.

It all begins with that thought. And I just asked Lee, I go, Lee, do you think about your goals for the year? Did you write them down? I go, do you get your goals for the year? He goes, I got them in my head. And my answer was, that ain't shit, the power of the pen, you know? Yeah, the power of the written word.

It's just way too powerful to ignore. You can't do that. Or you're not helping yourself. and you're on the road of frustration. It's just amazing how I picked that up from you and through all my Coke binges and drinking and all that shit. I still did that. I still found time at night when I was coked up coming down from the Coke

that I would write like my goals. Tomorrow I will not do Coke. You know, how will I do these things? I will not scam money. I will not think about it. It just starts that simple. Like it's that fucking simple. and I want you to explain what, you know, what you told me 30 years ago, you know, 20 years ago.

Well, that's the power of it is the simplicity of it. And there's, you know, Joe, we used to talk about, you know, all this a lot, and I was really big on it. And in life, there's two kinds of pain. I mean, if you want to get anywhere. And there's the pain of discipline of doing it, of getting up. and you're, you know, you're cranked up and whatever you're cranked up on and either to get yourself focused on to get out of a situation or to get into a situation. And there's two kinds of pain with that.

There's the pain of discipline of doing it and doing it day in and day out and reviewing it. It only takes five minutes. And then the second kind of pain is a pain in regret, and that's the worst. And it's a pain. It's that regret for not doing it. And years go by, weeks go by, whatever days go by, and your goals, you know, you call them what you want, but they slip away from you.

And then you've got that regret. God, if I only would have spent the 10 minutes. And, you know, digging into it up front, take some time. And what I want to talk about? little bit about today is the digging into the why you're doing it and it's it seems simple well I'm you know I got a goal of uh you know everybody's got a goal to make more money okay great goal uh actually a pretty weak goal up then anyway and but you have to dig if you have to dig into it the why but why do you want to make more money well I'll be able to buy more things

but why do you want to buy more things? Well, because it'll make me feel better. Well, why do you need to feel better? You know what I mean? Dig into it, dig down, dig down deeper as to the why you want to do something. You know, just writing it down, I want to match your car. Well, you're probably not going to get there. You need to know yourself, you have to convince yourself,

You have to buy into it as to why you want to do that. What's it going to do for you? Is it going to do? Is it a – and it can be as simple as I just want to ask your car because it will make me feel better. Okay, well, that's digging deep into it. And you can't stop there. But by the same token, you can't overload your ass either. I want to make a million bucks.

Let's start with a raise. We're getting up in the fucking morning. Yeah. I used to have a picture of a testarosa on my wall. In 87 and 88. And I would say, you know, 300,000 for a car. How do fuck I'm going to make 300,000 and just buy a... Like, I didn't know that I had to make a million dollars to drive a $300,000 car.

I was just going to buy a $300,000 car. Like, I had no fucking purpose. and I never got the testarosis so that that mind frame didn't work. You've got to be realistic about it and you've got to push yourself as well and you can make a list of you know

for me I usually make a list of about 15 things and that's what I'm working on this week and I was reviewing last years and one of my goals last year was to move back to California and I thought that you know at the point in time there was no way it just was an unrealistic goal.

And I had things in Baltimore, my girlfriend, holy cow, how am I going to break the news to her, although she and I have been talking about it since we got together. And yet, I've had it on my list for the last four years. And again, I didn't overload myself. I didn't get all cramped up behind it when it didn't happen. and for the first couple years I knew it wasn't going to happen, but I had to keep it on there

because, Joe, you never know. You never know. You focus on something. You write it down. You look at it every day. The universe will just bring ideas. It'll just start to circulate. It's like an idea.

You know, you said, somebody comes up with a product on, you know, you see some infomercial on TV, and you go, I thought of that two years ago. Well, once you get it out into the cosmos, it becomes an idea. Somebody's going to grab it and run with it. And it might as well be you.

You're right. No, no, you're right, man. I mean... I live my life off this shit. I do monthly. I do weeklies. It's amazing that my weeklies are not like the things that I want, Jim. They're the things I need to do.

So, like today, if you go to my notebook, it'll say podcast. I have the 10 o'clock. I have this. I'll do an hour of writing. And I'll tell you what, at the end of the night, and look at that list and subconsciously throughout the day

I'll check it off. Just check it off. Yeah, right. My goal for the week, I'm 50 years old. My goal for the week now is I go to two jujitsu a week and two kettlebell classes. They're fucking murdered, Jim.

Every time I go there, I hugged my cats and I hugged my wife, I think I don't kind of come back. I'm going to have a heart attack. And I find myself getting on a plan on Thursday going, oh my God, I'm 50, and I went to all four workouts. I'm a little sore, but I'm taking Thursday off, and Friday I'll work out at the hotel.

And it's basically because I write it down. Well, you keep trying. You keep slugging. And, you know, a book I read, I don't know, a couple years ago, Michael Jordan's book, I love the name of it. It's, I can't accept not trying. That's the title of his book. And to talk about failure. he got cut from the high school basketball team because he wasn't good enough.

And he had to go back at it and get the skills and drill down into it. And he figured out why he wanted to do it. It's that why factor of writing it down, concentrating on it, reviewing it, right? Like you review your goals weekly, monthly. And I'll tell you, for me, when you have that realization, you're looking over goals, whether it's a month ago or weekly or yearly, and you review it, and you're starting to cross them off. Joey, that's the power.

For me, that puts a smile on my face. That gets me cranked up. And then I crumple that list up, and I rewrite it. I said, okay, I got three out of 15. I'm going to re-prioritize. It just gets me cranked up and start digging into it even more. And also another unrealistic goal out. And I didn't move to California this year until November,

and it just kind of came up as a fluke. Just one of those kind of things. My son was working with me, and his wife graduated that are teaching degree. She moved back to California to help her parents out. a few things. Ahead of time, took the kids with her, and then he and I were working together at the time, and for an old friend of mine, and his plan was to move back to California to rejoin the family. He was in to stay there.

He moved in with me to save some money, and then all of a sudden he said, Dad, I got room on my truck. You're coming with me. And that wasn't even in the equation. We hadn't even talked about it. I just saw you in September, didn't I? Yeah. I just bumped into you in D.C. in September.

Yeah, right. Yeah, and I had no clue that I was moving there. That's fucking amazing. And you're happy to be back here. You like this out of here. This is you up there. Yeah, man. Yeah, man, this is me.

I drilled into it. I found out, okay, why do I want to move back? Okay, I want to be back closer to my elderly mother, back to my friends, and California. with me. I was born and raised here, and then, you know, shipped off, Lynn and I went to California, I went to Colorado, spent 30 years in Boulder, you know, the rest of history for all that. But it was the, and, you know, I didn't really realize that I was explaining to myself and coming up with the reasons as to why I wanted to do something. I was, I just kind of naturally

drilled down into it to that, to that feeling. you know, what's it going to do for me, rather than, you know, in more than a materialistic sense. You know, you can put nicer car, okay, better girlfriend, bigger crib, better weed, better food, you can do all that. But it drill down on each one, at least drill down two or three times. Keep asking yourself why. It's the why of it that you keep drawing down Tony Robbins puts out met in three times He's a cool individual But he talks about

Reasons that we do things And it's either to get pleasure or to avoid pain And I talked about it You know you do something to feel good Or to avoid not feeling good And it's back again to that discipline or regret. Discipline's good.

You get to the gym, before you know at the end of the weeks comes, and you realize you've done four workouts. You're a little sore. It feels good. It feels good. It gets the endorphins cranked up. You know, you move ahead.

You keep moving ahead. You've been just a hero of mine since day one, man. And because you took to it when you were with your selling cars, you were struggling doing stand-up. And it was just, you know, you come and we'd chat, and I learned as much from you as you were learning from me back then, and even up until now. It's, you know, where you come, unbelievable.

You know, the new movie, grudge match, unbelievable. And, you know, you're saying some interesting stuff, because for me, this is a funny thing, Jim, and I tell you, you know, I don't want, I never wanted to be a star like movies and stuff like that for me the why for me is I let down a lot of people when I was younger

and I wanted to let them know I did something that I did something and I did it out of respect for them I didn't want to let it. There was a bunch of people that came into my life that came into my life when I was doing some bad things and stuck it out with me Jim and you're one of them they stuck it out with me.

me and me doing that is to let them know that the talks they had with me the lunch they bought me whatever it is that I thought they did for me this was my way of making them proud I'm listen I don't I don't have a BMW nor do I plan on getting one I don't plan on having a convertible I don't like eating in the front so people could see me I think now for me it's a it's a validation that to let people know that you could do what the fuck you want to Jim, I was never handsome or good looking, but I didn't give a fuck. I got a big dick and a lot of personality.

You know, you got to work with your strengths. You got to work from strength. Everything else is background fucking music. And you know what? I told my agent yesterday, I had a young agent, and I explained to him yesterday that at this point in my life and how long I've been out of here, I know what works for me. Me going to that premiere, Lee, in New York, did nothing for me. I didn't belong there.

And I told my wife this I took money out of the house. to go to this premier New York and Grudge match. Yeah, it was... I brought more happiness to Mr. Barone, my seventh grade teacher, and my friend Georgie, than I got out of it. Like, it wasn't going to do nothing for me in a public matter

because that's not the person that I am. I didn't go to the walk down the red carpet. I went there because that seventh grade teacher when nobody else liked me, he backed me. And we still talk, and he did our documentary for me. So with me, it's always been the why. I always wanted the people, and this goes out to you, Jim.

You know, when you sat there and grudge match. I didn't want you to think that I have a butler now or I have some guy rubbing my feet or something like that. That's not by no means why I do it. I still live in the same place. I have a Subaru. I lease a Subaru because, you know, for me, it's that you could do this. When I got here, I had one of the biggest showrunners tell me to my face, one of the biggest managers, tell me to my face that if you're 26 and above in this town, you're dead. And I looked at them and I said, you're the manager of Tim Allen and Drew Carey. Those motherfuckers became rich and they were 40. And you're sitting there lying to people. If you have a dream, nothing could fucking stop you, Jim.

You and I both know that. If you want to take over Boulder Toyota and start as Chris, look at Chris Miller, who you train. What was that kid's name? Chris Hughes is the service manager there today now. The fucking kid was a nerd that was hilarious, hilarious. He wanted to be Tony Montana. Oh, fucking kill with glasses, and he would do the accent and shit.

He was... He was not, didn't even know it. And, you know, you see these people that had nothing going for them. And for me, I got to tell you, Jim, I had nothing going for me. Nothing. And you know what's crazy, Jim?

That most of the knowledge I got to move me forward, I gained selling cars. Selling cars for me was the blueprint to my career. because there's nothing like belly to belly sales. There is nothing like it. To learn that gift and to learn to send postcards and to call people at home and go, hey, fuck-o, come down here.

The car's on fire. You know, just to do all those gifts, that is part of who I am today. I'm just a glorified car salesman that's doing comedy. It's so fucking stupid. It's so fucking stupid. That's all I am. A glorified car salesman. That does comedy.

And I cannot, I can look you in the fucking eye and tell you this. So for people to think that you have to go to acting class and have Stalaslowski and, you know, all this shit, they could suck my dick. And you know that's true, Jim. I don't give a fuck what they tell you. You can't do it. Fuck you.

Watch me, bitch. Yeah, watch me. Watch my motherfucking smoke, Jim Handy. Well, that's the, you know, that's the drill. That's the drill on down, man. That's when you're, you know, now you're getting somewhere. You know, we're doing a root canal here on our psyche, on our life. And it's, you know, it isn't going to be easy.

But it's not going to be hard. Getting into it, you just have to spend that a little bit of time up front. Do it up front, spend an hour a day, you know, two or three days, getting down to the meat of why you want to do something. Sure, so something in there. Yeah, I need new, I need new car. okay, that's all right, too. You know, that'll come by the wayside.

But get into the real meat, to the real you, to where it means something to your life, to your family, to your friends, to society. There's got to be a little bit of that in there and in the basis, because that's who we are. Inately, that's who we are, Joey. We're human beings, and inately, we like to. to help people and we'd like to succeed. And part of our success is that we just, I think it's a kind of innate nature.

But whenever I see, I don't have a lot of money. But whenever I see somebody that's down and out on the corner, I always keep money in my center console. So I don't have to dig into my pocket and stopping traffic. No, it's right there. Boom, out the window goes. That's one of my favorite charities, other than, guys on the mall doing tricks.

And, well, that's the sense of who I am came from, came to us what was important to me. What meant something to me. Why I was living, why I was trying to move forward, why I was even thinking about goals. And it helped me discover me. That was a great ride. That was a why. figuring out exactly who I was. I mean, hell, I went right from home to college, a couple years,

a couple years of college living at home and on the San Diego State, and then, boom, I'm married, and I got a kid on the way. Never really had a lot of the time to spend by myself. I'd lucky to have, you know, I had really good women in my life. And maybe they helped me kind of figure out, okay, to some goal setting. And when you're in sales, you're bombarded. with Joe Verdi and Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy and all these other fellows, Joe Girard, etc. And I don't know if there's something I clung to because it worked.

And I started discovering just these wild things about myself. I had suspicions. I'll tell you, it's an amazing ride to grill in to yourself and to find out why you really want to do things, why you really want to have certain things in your life, that's when you're getting somewhere, that's when you're drilling down. And it's the, I mean, it's just a proven law of nature. It's a proven fact. It's, you know, we even hear a lot lately about the 1% versus the 99% and, and, but it kind of along the same lines. It's a proven fact and it's the same 30 years ago, as it is today, that the 3% of people that goal set make 10 times the money

for the 97% don't. And it can be spiritual capital. It can be, you know, gold bullion, and it can be personal capital. It always translates into exponential success, movement ahead, and discovery. when you write down, you know, what you want to get accomplished, Yogi Beres said, if you don't know, what do you say, if you don't know where you're going, you'll end up someplace else. And, you know, too many people are like, you know, I just didn't think,

this is not really what I imagined for my life at this point in time. Well, then you can't change it by going, well, do, I want something different. and working harder isn't going to get, isn't going to get you there. It's going to know. And I want to stress something. I really want to stress something that you know about because a lot of people make this mistake.

And I learned it early on, and I know you learned it that one of the first goals you're right is I want money. We all want money. Everybody wants fucking money. Everybody wants success. You know what my first goal is now, and it's been for the last like 11 years,

happiness, piece of money. Because everybody knows, even with all the fucking money in the world, that you're still going to have drama. You're still going to have drama. And you can't understand it because you think the money's supposed to take care of the drama. Well, it doesn't. Happiness in my home has always been the number one goal. You know, when I walk in, everything goes away.

You know, everything goes away. Everything is washed away, you know. Sometimes it's overpowering and you can't. But that's the goal, you know, that when I walk in my house, everything goes away. When I walk in the office, everything comes back and I go to work, if you catch my drip. When I walk in, my wife and I want the kid to feel like, you know, I'm very lucky. I'm looking at this year old baby.

She's going to be a year tomorrow. And one thing she is is she's very happy, you know. And that's because I've changed, because I know that women, you know, daughters marry their fathers, you know, and I'm still going to be a fucking animal or whatever, but I just wanted to get that out there. that the number one goal on that sheet every morning when I wake up is happiness because nothing can buy it you can't fucking buy it it's a state of mind man everything follows it nothing precedes it it really does you know and I'm judging my life off her now I'm looking at her and I you know I see that when the beginning when she was a baby I had my issues like the first

two months I couldn't believe it now I'd have I'd have to soften up a little bit but that's the main goal is always happiness and peace and then you walk in your house and you're giggling and stupid shit everything else once I step out of the house I got my bayonet I'm fucking Rambo you know I'm fucking Rambo because you have to be you have to right you know yeah you gotta be able to go up yeah and now you know that they used to fucking bury you when you were 50 now they're better look at the guy died yesterday run run Shaw was a hundred and six fucking Run Run

Shaw was a hundred and six you know who Run Run Run Shaw was he fucking invented the Chinese fucking movie that motherfucker not only made movies but he owned the movie theaters that you went to that's how fucking strong that Chinaman was and shit and he had spare ribs there and he had

he produced the first all those early Bruce Lee movies it was Run Run Chow and I gotta tell you it was straight up heroin money he was made that internet he made Chinese connection for like $3,000 in Thailand. Nothing. That's all heroin money.

He watched gazillions. But that just goes to show you. We're living longer. We're living longer. I don't know if you remember, Mike Kessler. He used to be a salesman at the Nissan store. I still talked to him. He moved from California to New York State

to reunite with his band at 65 years old. They're all alive, Jim Handy. Yikes. Unbelievable. They're all alive at 65. And they're still rehearsing, and they're doing gigs, you know, their cover bands. They do gigs all up in New York State for $300 a weekend.

Who gives a fuck? They used to write you out at 65. At 65, you were worried about Social Security. You weren't worried about a fucking sound check. He's worried about a sound check on Friday night now. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. You know, you never know who you are.

You never know who's in there until you dig down. You know, we talk about Michael Jordan and Walt Disney. The 300 banks turned him down for his theme park. If he went bankrupt before he got somebody a bite, Colonel Sanders, he didn't start doing chicken until he was 65. And a thousand banks turned his idea down. Beethoven wrote like four or five of his best symphonies after he went deaf. Now, you know, we talk about all these phenomenal characters.

Well, I'll tell you, up front, the Colonel Sanders didn't know who he was and didn't tell was 65. Jordan had an inkling of who was in there. Walt Disney figured, yeah, I got some kind of idea. But he kept going, all of them, they kept at it. And, you know, anybody can do that. And then who knows what comes out? Who knows who comes out?

You know what's crazy, Jim, I found out who I was, and I kidnapped Ken Vela. And I threw cocaine on that person until seven years ago. And that's why I'm who I am today. I found that that afternoon when I walked out of it and Kent Vela was tied up who I was. And then I threw cocaine on that fucking pain until I took me tying up Ken Vell and figured I got to tie up the world and fuck them in the ass. You understand me? Yeah, man.

Yeah, man. Well, you know, something you found out was forgiveness. The greatest, other than charity, I think the greatest virtue is forgiveness. And it starts with yourself. and if you're all tied up in knots over, you know, a previous life, the new life can start today, but it starts with forgiveness. And I've had a couple people really fuck me over, really do wrong to me. And it took me a long time.

I carried that grudge. I carried that knot in my stomach. Sooner later, when I remember... Sister Mary Column Kill talking to me about forgiveness when I'd get into a fight on the playground. And it really didn't get home until 30, 40 years later. And I started forgiving them for me, not for them, for me. I don't want to carry that garage around anymore. I don't want to carry that not about why I did, you know,

for that. For you, it was all these, you know, past sins that you've been carrying around, and, you know, now you want to make right for them. Okay, well, first off, forgive yourself for doing all that, and then go ahead with your tithing in whatever ways that come up to where you feel better, and it makes you happy. And then the rest of it, you know, the number of the number of, you, one goal happiness. Everything else comes. You've got to get there first. And that's the, you know,

you're the engine. Happiness is the fuel. That's what makes it all work. Makes it all, brings it all together. And you've been drilling down, you know, for years.

And it's just awesome to watch. Awesome to watch. You are my hero. I love you, buddy. I love your brother. I'm happy you called in today and straighten these motherfuckers out on goals

and where it started. It's a new year. And, you know, I want everybody to fucking make it happen because it's not, you know, you said something that was so beautiful today, it's really not that hard. And after you do it,

you realize what was all the fucking commotion about? After you start doing things and making strides, you're like, what was all the commotion about? It's society scaring the fuck out of you that thinking you can't do dick, and you could do anything you want to fucking do. Yeah, bullshit. Fuck them.

You can. Or no, you might be at Jordan, you might be at Disney, you might somebody that you had no idea he was in there, he or she were in there. So, you know, but don't overload your ass up front. And I want to put in one plug for voting. Everybody. Vote. That's another one of those things that can, you've got some things.

You see some things happening. You want to change some things. Vote. Get all your friends to vote. Enough said about that. felonies and you can't fucking vote. Well, you got nothing to talk about. I love you, buddy. Thanks for calling it.

Good luck this week. I'll give you a call next week and see how everything went. Good. I'm ready to do it. So, talk to you soon, brother. I love you, buddy. Thanks for calling it. Love you, man. Did you hear that today, you miserable, cocksuckers? Get out there.

Sharpen that fucking helmet. Wash your feet. It's a whole new year. Whatever happened last year yesterday, who gives a fuck. Let's give some shout out to these fucking savages. Zach Robinson, I love you. Eric Biggie Jackson, Ross Dude, Ryan Fassad, Jason Walsett, and Jordan Maskell, Cleo, fucking waterboxer. We did the Eddie Bravo podcast.

My main man, if you haven't donated to Yuck Nasty yet, you're fucking slipping. The fucking house burned down. You're fucking slipping. Yuck Nasty is a part of who the fuck we are. Support Yuck Nasty. Go to hit up Jill Himitsu, the chick who put it to the chick who put it to together that bad motherfucker shake them things Jill and fucking uh let's get young nasty some money let's get them in a house let's get his kids some fucking roller

skates and a drum set and let's fucking do this besides that we gave out some shout outs the new sponsor I want to talk about his nature box they sent me a box before the fucking holiday it had the cocoa chocolate in it the cocoa almonds in it and also had the sesame sticks in it and it had the pumpkin seeds that were salt and these things are fucking delicious all right they're uh their nutritionist's approved, okay? Nothing is artificial, okay? You get a full refund if you don't fucking like it. You get five bags, you can pick and choose for 1995. You get 10 bags for 29.95 and you get 20 bags for 49.95. I don't expect you to get the fucking 20 bags off the shot, but this is what

I expect you to do. We're all fucking stoners here, and sometimes you catch ourselves eating onion rings or whatever fuck. You don't need that in your life. The cocoa almonds, you can't stop eating them. I'll tell you how good they are. I even ain't leased. I know, I was going to say, I didn't get to try them. I even ate leaves, and I ate leaves, sesame sticks, and the pumpkin seeds I gave him his bag because I love them. Where are they there in the other room? No, I've finished.

I'm the ganoa. And the thing, especially for me, especially when I get high, or any time, the reason why you eat bad stuff is because it's there. The great thing about this is you don't have to go to the store. Like the thing, everything we do, this comes to your house every month. They have different ones. I like the granola. I don't have the granola.

I have the gonzag. I have the gonzag. I didn't know. I still have it. I can't do yogurt. That's something that I've never liked the taste of. But just as a snack, if it's there, I'll eat healthy. That's why everyone has a problem.

So give it a try. You get 50% off your first order. Fuck it. Might as well give it a try. So it's 1995. You go to Joey Diaz.net. You're pressing Joey into the box. You get 50% off your first order.

You can't any time. You get them sent right to your fucking house. Don't fuck around, all right? Nature's way. I love these fucking people. Is it nature's box? Nature's box. I'm sorry.

Now, is there a nice to box.com? I'm sure there is, yeah, but you can just go to Joey Diaz. Go to Joey Dears.com. Go to the box. I'll tell you, get the five package just to start off with. All right, just you get 50% off. And they're big. It's not like.

And they're fucking big, yeah. It's not a potato chip bag where you open it up and the sweet chips. Yeah, no, no, no. This is big shit here. I gave it the leaf of the flight because you fucking get killed on those fucking flights. So, fucking, no, no, I mean, it was great. I would have, I love almonds.

I would have loved to try the cocoa. almonds but maybe next month. I'll have it. I'll order it myself and I'll deliver it here. And then to top it off, you cuck sucking. I love almonds. Oh no, they were fucking delicious. We started eating one two. Next you know my wife is

taking a bag from me. I'm taking the bag back from her. Also, Dollar Shave Club is still with us for one more month. I'll tell you what. Again, I used their fucking razors over the holidays and I had to go to Vegas and I was in a rush and I thought to myself, even a new razor you don't cut your face with. You know, like when you get a new razor and you try it for the first time

to always cut yourself somewhere. These are such good fucking razors that you don't even fucking cut yourself. That's how good I'm impressed with them so long. I've got two of them and I take one on the road and I leave one at the fucking house. Go to dollar. Go to joey-deers. Dot net. Go to the box.

It's still $1, $6 or $9. You can't beat that. You know how many fucking emails I got people thanking me for Christmas selection, for Christmas, for referring them for Christmas? It's not a bad fucking deal. No? People getting it for a year.

They got the gift for Christmas. Go to Joey Deers.com. Click on the fucking Dollar Shave Club. What do you click on there, dog? Church. Church. C-H-U-R-C-H. It's Joey for fucking Nature box.

But it's church for fucking Dollar Shave Club. You also got my people over at Hulu Plus, which is getting a dot. Let me tell you something. More people come up to me and thank me about Hulu Plus. But I see they're getting a lot of action now. I went to the Agostinos the other day. He uses fucking Hulu Plus.

I didn't know this shit. People are really fucking using this shit. And I want to tell you, thank you. Thank you for believing me, because it's not a bad service. My wife lives off that motherfucker. I got a, I got my mom a Roku box for Christmas. That's what she got. She got a Roku box.

And it's just so you can hook it up to your TV. And there's other services on there, but one of the channels is Hulu Plus. So you don't have to get it. The Roku is $30. They have something now called a Google Chromecast, which is like $15. There's no excuses. It's not like you have to hook up your laptop to your computer with a weird wire. It comes to your TV, comes to your phone,

and it might even come to your TV with nothing if you have a smart TV. So give it a shot. Yes, you got the Rokudia then. I know she's doing some shit, so there you go, people. Hulu Plus is taking over. It's still two weeks for free, $7.99 a month after that. That's what a year, $96 fucking dollars for entertainment for great fucking shows. You've got some sensational fucking shows on there.

So don't hesitate. Go to joey-deers.comnet. Hulu Plus, correct? Slash Joey. Slash Joey. Who the fuck's getting better than you? And let me tell you some. It seems like everybody's doing this now.

I'm sorry I didn't get to the guys from Colorado. I had the idea for the Reefer Shate, for the Reefer Club, where you get rolling papers. I was just too busy. I was overwhelmed. I lost a number. The future is going to be people delivering to your house. Is Amazon still delivering on Sundays or that was just for the holidays?

I don't know. I hope so. I think that might have been just for the holidays, but fuck it. But you know what? They had a bunch of people like UPS and FedEx or whatever that didn't. make it for Christmas, but Amazon now, because they paid the postal service,

everyone got their presents. So, it was, that's crazy. No, that is fucking crazy. So, on it, my favorite fucking people in the world, favorite fucking people in the world, because that fucking chocolate shake is saving me that, that, that, that, that, that,

that, that, that, end force. In fact, I emailed the guy and said, you got to send me some fucking more. I do it with water now, with the glokemen, fucking tremendous. They got a thing now called stay on a program. Stay on. Stay on it program Which means you sign up

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Just sent to your house In the fucking rotation You want kettlebells To hit yourself in the head with Whatever the fuck you want You got now You don't have to leave the fucking house It all comes directly to your house

Again go to joeydears.net Go to the Anit box Order through there And you get your fucking But sign up for this honor program. Stay on it. 20% off, you can't fucking beat it. And you get everything delivered to your fucking door monthly, like

clockwork. You don't have to fucking think about it. Lee, what the fuck, guy? I know, man. What the fuck, Lee? I'm slipping. It's 2000-fucking 14. You haven't sang a song? You haven't wiggled? I can't sing. What are your goals for the year, Lee? Drop them on me. What do you want to do this year? I want to make the not having

a full-time job thing work. That's my goal. That's it. Nobody wants to go back to it. They're not going to give you insurance. No, no. I'll never get insurance. You might as well go on. might as well make myself rich. I'm sick of making other people rich. I want to finally lose the weight.

I've gone up and down more times than probably anybody. You're looking good. Let me get a crap. Do you look weights when you were in Boston? I ate too much in Boston. Did you do jumping down? No, but I walked a lot. I miss that. It's making me think

about up north, really. I miss walking around places, and I found out you find out how out of shape you are when you're walking up and down the subway stairs and you're walking down the block. I walked probably three miles New Year's Eve because we stayed at a hotel one end and we walked up and down the common

and we walked to the north end that I miss that because I when I really started getting weight is when I moved out here and I'm driving everywhere so I miss that part of the East Coast especially New York like I can't imagine I felt so ashamed because my feet

heard New Year's Eve and I had a little bit of a nice to shoe on but I haven't walked like that I used to walk like that every day I never like I wouldn't jump on the train for a few stops. And now I had to grin through it because my feet hurt after walking

a few miles. I was like, fuck. You do lose. I stopped. You know, there's a picture of Doug Stanhope Babs of me and his house when I first moved here. There's two different body types because I walked everywhere. I walked everywhere. When I was in Boulder, I had a car, but I wrote a bicycle

because I had a beach beach bum, whatever the fuck you call? Beach Cruiser. Beach cruising. Okay. So I wrote it everywhere. When you move here, I don't have the heart to get on a bicycle here. It's scary. Everybody I talk to here gets hit by a fucking fucking bike. The kid at Marie E.T. got blasted by a car. He said in Broad Daylight,

the lady saw me and still fucking hit me. They're fucking retarded. So I wouldn't fucking drive on a bicycle around here with the helmet, whatever. You want to wear a fucking helmet? You know what? Concrete or shatter that fucking thing? And your bones and shit. Listen, I ride a fucking bicycle where I don't have to worry about anything.

If means I have to go into a track and ride around just to get my exercise, and it's a shame. Listen, man, I'm like you. You think I really like going to a YMCA and walking or being on a bicycle inside when we live in Los Angeles, California? It's going to be 80 fucking degrees today. Yeah. Say what the fuck you want to say. And you know what people say walking is the best? I don't tell you to go to Jiu-Jitsu today.

I got a gig last night. I got off the phone with my friend Manny. I was going to go to John Jock at 8 o'clock today. The beginning class, 7.30. As soon as I got out the phone last night, some guy called me for a point. private gig, they're going to let me know today for some fucking firefighters or some shit. It's a great little fucking gig tonight.

It's right in North Hollywood. Not even North Hollywood. It's like in fucking Woodland Hills. Where's Woodland Hills? It's a little bit west of here. It's a little bit around here. So it's just amazing how fast your fucking schedule changes. Also, we haven't really got to publicize it because I stopped after the yucked nasty thing.

You can't eat pussy with asthma. It's number three. It's out there, motherfuckers. If you don't jump on it now, you're never going to jump on. It's on iTunes. Lee also put it up on Facebook. fucking payloads and it's weird. A lot of people didn't go to payloads this time.

Last time we had a... Well, we had a little bit of a break in between putting it up on payloads and iTunes. No, but it was really weird. I thought a lot more people go to payloads because people want to pay the $7.99. They get the testicle test. Yeah, you got to take it a hour and a half long testicle testicle test. Yeah, people want to pay the $7.99. And thank you everyone for doing it.

We put a lot of work into it. We recorded it a couple times, but it was a labor of love. How many times I tell you that sucks? How many times I tell you that? I'm trying to make a DVD. or a tape for a guy like me sucks. Then I tell you that. There was a time when people used to call me and say,

send me a tape. I would have to pay somebody to come down to tape me, and I would bomb. And then when there wasn't a camera around, it was the funniest guy in the fucking world. Yeah. You know, it's, Lee, it's such a hard thing. And all the stars have to align.

The last two weeks, I've been bombing. I've been bombing. We've tried new stuff. I'm trying new stuff, and I'm writing. But it's amazing how you get your ups and your downs. You know, you really doing anything. Before the break, we were talking about, about the UFC with uh...

I knew with a red bands when I went to red bands but the time I got the red bands Josh Barnett was fighting the big guy the whole one that's a great fight you who hit him in the head with 92 fucking elbows then I watched the I can't lie to I was cheering for Misha Tate really yeah there's something about Misha Tate I like I know she's a barnyard cat and I love to eat her ass and spank her she's fucking got how did you see how good dead bodies look? Fuck yeah when they were fucking judo in each other you dig in hard tell me to chutely you didn't you feel like one of those titty they

If one of those tities popped out, you'd fucking jump. That would be great. It's hard to think there's, like, it's hard to, like, get turned down with the, like, fucking, especially Ronda Rousey, when she gets that fucking angry, it's kind of scary. But, no, I mean, yeah. No, when they get that angry, that's when you pull their hair and they take your dick out and suck it, like it's the last fucking stameke in the world. Oh, yeah.

They fucking suck it. Like, then you see their face turned red, and their eyeballs get big, like they drank poison on a fucking break back. Well, I mean, they say, Everyone loves an underdog, but there's something about Rousey who's just so dominant. Oh, she fucking threw her around. But Misha Tate went for it. Misha Tate, when she was going for it, I was getting so turned done. She's so fucking hot.

When you see her in street clothes, you're like, God damn, you got the perfect body. But I respect them both as fighters, and I'm happy that they finally got that shit out of the way, and then she wouldn't shake her hands. When you see Yerah Fabers fighting for another title? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Yariah Faber, another guy that fell down for a while. He got it together. Now he's back like fucking.

And now Tito Ortiz is having DUIs and slamming his portion on the side of the highway. I didn't see that. A day or two ago, they arrested him because he slammed into a median on the 405 and he was drunk. Fucking. My heart goes out to that fucking family with him and the girl. It's just so weird how your life can change if you don't stay on top of the times. You know, my heart goes out to those guys. It was a good UFC fight.

We're going to have George from a May junkie next week. Oh, cool. I love George. I was going to have him just to review what happened in the whole fucking year. What else you got going on, Cocksmoking? Please listen to Flying Drew Radio. If you're watching it live right now, we're actually going to do it right after this because Augustino has to go to work. And be on the lookout.

I'm working with people on T-shirts. But just listen to the podcast. We're really trying. It's different than this. We have people call in. So I really appreciate all the support. What else can be saying, motherfucker? Yeah.

I missed you guys. I really had to tell you, it was rough last week because I would love to do a podcast like on Thursday or Friday. I know a lot of people are sitting around, you know, but I really missed you fucking guys. So I know today is like a rusty podcast, but we're just getting our fucking things back to us. We'll be back, motherfuckers, tomorrow at 6 a.m. Ready Rock.

We just want to do this. You know, today's like a Christmas in Cuba. and that's why I really want to do this. And it's my daughter's birthday tomorrow, so I really want to do this today just to get... Is it like part of the 12 days of Christmas? Yeah, today's part of the 12 days of Christmas. Today's like...

It's the three wise men. It's called a Reit Mall. So that's why I want to do this. Do you give gifts, or what do you do? You smoke pot with people. Okay. You give them a hug. You give them granola.

You know what I'm saying? You fucking... You do this thing. I know Lee's going to try to get a podcast thing going. We're talking to Josh Wolf. We're talking to a couple other people. people we're going to turn this into reality but it'll all start with you guys fucking thank you thank you for helping us out i will see you motherfuckers in buffalo this week next week i'm at the

melrose improv friday and saturday with all-star lineup and the week after that i'm in the house of fucking comedy at minneapolis at the mall of fucking america lee was going to come but we're trying to get the t-shirts we couldn't make the deadline so leo come on one of the later dates we almost had a date in houston my thing got turned back my my dallas date And now all I got left is fucking Boston. So I don't know if Lee wants to go back to Boston in the middle of the fucking winter. It's going to be colder than that. Did you see that comedy club?

No, I've heard good things about it. Yeah, everybody loves it. Brian Callen's there this week now. The one that I had spoken to you and I was stoned as fuck and you made me giggle. Because you're like, I ain't going to tell you what I'm coming from. I'm like, maybe he went to an orgy with this fucking chick. And you're like, I went to the science fiction theater. Tell me where you went.

Where you answer questions and shit? The murder mystery. I love that show. You were fucking killing me. It's called sheer madness, and it's fucking the... You went years ago. You went years ago. I went probably eight years ago.

And I went to one of those where you asked the people, somebody trumped the guy. Yeah. Did you ever trump the guy? Did I ever what? Trump the guy. What's that mean? Hit him on a fuck dumb question. No, no, no.

I mean, I love the kids ask the questions. It was better when I saw it a few years ago because one of the original cast members was there. and we always make jokes, but to me, I think gay guys are hilarious. I love, I love the way they talk, and I love the hilarious too. And one of the main actors in it is a gay guy, a hairdresser, but when I saw he was old, this time he was like 20-something, so it took it out of it for me, like it was just a different actor. But I still loved it. It fucking kills me.

It's in a tiny, it would be great for us to do a podcast there, but it's like, it's been there for 30 years, so they can't really move the set. but it's in the basement of where they do Blue Man Group sits about 80 people everyone laughs they make jokes about Boston that no my girlfriend didn't get but they make jokes about Dunkin' Donuts

They make jokes... You go to Dunkin' Donuts? Fuck yeah. How many times? Only two or three times. Did you juice the one of the donuts? The donuts aren't where it used to be. I told you that. I fucking told you that.

Yeah. I fucking told you that. That the apple spice is garbage. Some of the donuts, I went to Yumpin'allis. Yum's I brought donuts to the Agostinia. They've not what they used to be either. Yum Yum Yum! Yum really went corporate. Yum yum fucking went.

I'm not Yum Yum Yum. Dunkin' Donuts went corporate. And what kills me is that people buy these Dunkin' Donuts and these Dairy Queen and Northridge, go to that one. You'll never go to Derry Queen again. You know why? Because it's fucking foreign is that buy it. They never grew up on...

No, I'm not making fucking laughs at nobody. They don't know what Dunkin' Donuts means does. So to them, it's just corporate donuts now. And with corporate bagels. You know what they have? They have, like, actual sandwiches. Now they have, like, turkey sandwiches, chicken, Parmesan sandwiches.

They had, they... Don't tell me you ate a sandwich because I swear. No, I can't. I had the egg sandwiches because they've always had those, at least when I was growing up. But they had, like, bananas and a coffee cake at the counter. I love... To me, drunken donuts is a cup of hot chocolate that burns your tongue. Burns your fucking tongue.

And you get a regular glazed and a chocolate glazed donut. That was my childhood. That's why I'm overweight. But also, it's fucking... It used to be great. But now they must cook the donuts in one little place. They're not the only fucking fucking donuts. We all grew up on fucking Dunkin' Donuts in the tea, and it's fucking embarrassing.

I love those donuts, too. I didn't kill my... I'm not a donut guy, but one donut ain't going to fucking kill you, you know, once every two weeks. I mean, we ate them at the wrong time with breakfast. That's terrible. You're putting a bunch of sugar into your body and spiking it. But we all grew up on a Dunkin' fucking donut. The coffee's still not bad.

I don't drink coffee. That's the thing. The chocolate's still not bad. No, the chocolate's delicious. The chocolate's still good. The coffee is off the chain. But my wife doesn't understand that coffee. She doesn't understand what it means to me.

So it's tough to sell it at the fucking house. It's coming to California next year and people already freaking out. But it's the donut. The bagels were still pretty good. The bagels, they must have not fucked with it. But they're not Jew bagels. No. No.

They're fucking saw. They smell like hummus. They put them next to the fucking hummus. Now you understand. See, God punished you. God punished you on that train back. The chick eating the bad food. Remember, I told you that shit, you didn't believe me?

What was she eating? Hummus. No, I don't. It wasn't honest. Something in that family. She had applesauce in a cup, but then she fucking had, like, taco meat that was just in a bowl. And she didn't start eating it until, because you know the bus route, it's on the highway in Connecticut and it's fine. But as soon as it goes, I think it goes through, like, it goes to Queens or some bad part of New York where all the projects are.

and it starts bouncing because they're fake going to take turns. She takes it out then, and she's elbowing me, and it's spilling everywhere, and I took a picture of it because, like, what the fuck? So you sat next to this dirty bit? We got to the bus, and we got, we had a 1230 thing, and we got there at 1130, so they were like, well, let's just get there an hour earlier, so we couldn't sit next to each other, unfortunately. But, yeah, that was, that's why I liked the train.

And luckily, we took the train back, because we got in a cab, in the middle of snowstorm in Boston, someone took the bus back, took them nine and a half hours to take the bus back, and the trade was four hours because of the snow. So it's reinforced why I'm living here.

Oh, now you're done. Now the cold weather specule. I've gone back three years in a row, and I think I'm going to have to go back in the spring. But I have been thinking about Northern California more. I think that's I think that's kind of a good medium I like the weather here

It's not that But I am getting sick of just being stuck In a car all the time In a car all the time Yeah I don't like it What are you gonna do in Northern California You're gonna hike around I'm gonna stab mama

Right now I can't I can't eat the pussy Because I got a little bit of a chest cold But I can eat the pussy That's the best time You cough right in the mother You can cough right into it You just cough some of that fucking flu bug right into the mupper I had sex on my mom's house for the first time

I never did that in high school That's disgusting We waited until she took the sleeping pill. At first we were quiet, but then by the second or third night, we were just going at it. Did you plant the sleeping pill in Mama? No. She takes her own sleeping pill? Yeah, she, everyone in my family can't sleep.

You don't put an extra one in that? I joked about that, but I never, we never had to dose her. She goes to sleep early. Did you give her a ring? No, no. She told her, is she? Oh, yeah, I've always told her that. You rub her feet?

Yeah. You're a good fucking dude, you know that? That's right. New York. It's fucking expensive. Fucking, fucking gong. What's expensive? Dinners.

Fucking the place. And luckily she's not, she doesn't want that much. But like we went to, the one place I did miss was legal seafoods. You didn't go? No, I went twice. I went. What did you get? Did you get the clam chow?

No, I didn't get the clam chowder. I got crab cakes, got some shrimp, got a Caesar salad I love there. But we went on the airport on the way back. We went there before we had to fly. and I did miss some good seafood. I wanted the chowder, but it just wasn't in the mood for it that day. You know, it's really weird. My wife's an accountant, so I looked at when I fly.

You know, the process from A to C. You know, a club says, for instance, we're going to give you this amount of dollars, $2,000. And you look at that amount. And at first you said, that's great for four shows. It's $500 and they're going to pay for a plane ticket. You know, I always spent two something over that because the cabs. Yeah.

You know, you don't figure out budgets for cabs and budgets for shit at the airport. You know, it's getting so out of control. Did they raise baggage fees? Because when I flew an extra bag was $25. Today, this time I flew on an extra bag because of the gifts and stuff, it was $40. How much is your parking? We didn't, I parked at the girls' house and we took a cab. That's a good idea.

Yeah. The cab was 40. 20. That's not bad. She lives close. That's not bad. I get off the fucking. It would have killed me to go to...

It's $40 fucking dollars a day. A day. It's amazing what you spend. So I appreciate when you guys come to the shows and when you buy a CD. That's why I keep everything $7.99 guys. You know, we're ordering shirts now. I want to keep them at $20. The people are going to ship them.

They're going to ship them. They've got to charge $5. You know, you think that there's all this money involved. And you look around. and you're like, Jesus Christ, I just did, you know, this. Every time I fly, there's always none expected. You know, in a year, people who don't know how to fly, did you know this?

Did you learn a couple of things this time when you flew? Did you learn that if you don't have a fucking first class plane ticket, you sit there for two hours? What do you mean? In security, did you learn that? No, no, it was cool. In Boston, they didn't make me take my shoes off. No, no, they were too busy.

They didn't have time for that shit. They were moving too many people. That was cool. Oh, you probably were TSA. you don't fly a lot, so, but did you notice that now, if you just buy a regular ticket, you're dead. All the airlines offer you amenities now. The extras?

The extras, you know, the security line, and I told my wife the other day, I go, in a year, it's not the cost of the flight. It's what's surrounded around the flight that you pay for. You know, you want the extra six inches, the luggage. You know, Southwest doesn't charge you for fucking luggage. That's why I don't give you, I don't give a fuck. I'm A-plus now.

You know what I'm saying? Southwest. Listen, anybody could get a degree, anybody can do anything. You ain't shit to get an A-plus fucking membership

from fucking Southwest. And we'll end it on that. I love you, motherfuckers. I'll see you tomorrow at 6 a.m. Ready to rock. I want to thank

Hulu Plus. I want to thank Nature's Box. I want to thank Dollar Shave Club. I want to thank all you motherfuckers that listen.

Stay black. Have a great day. We'll see you cock-suckers tomorrow. A little sabbatting. And stay tuned. And stay tuned. Jew Flying, Jew Radio is coming soon.

Coming in a few minutes. Don't go nowhere. He's coming right now. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere, on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com. Or go to JoeyDiaz.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. And don't forget to sign up for Dollashave Club.com.

You get high-quality razors, sent to your door every month. for a fraction of what you pay at retail, go to dollar shaveclub.com slash church. That's dollar shaveclub.com slash church, or go to Joey Diaz.com and click on the dollar shave club banner. Now that the show's over, also don't remember, don't forget to go to Naturebox.com. That's Naturebox.com and order great tasting, healthy snacks at 50% off. Snacks smarter in the new year with healthy and delicious treats like French toast granola, which is delicious. Support this podcast and get 50% off of your first order. Go to naturebox.com and use promo code Joey.

That's promo code Joey. I saw it some coding left. I did some of the next. Today I want to look at it. It's one-bedroom because I was a rock. I'm a cross. I have more than I was looking at Pattonica. But I didn't want to fall away.

Oh, good me.