The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #012 - RICH VOS - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & Manscaped.... Go to www.draftkings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to www.manscaped.com  and press in Code: JOEY And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/JoeyDiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #RichVos

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Again, manscape.com slash Joey. That's 20% us it off with free shipping at manscape.com slash joey now keep your balls nice and fucking clean there you go candles lick cocksuckers come on in yeah yeah joey's in the back hi welcome to uncle joey's how about a drink to start off with greetings from podcastville welcome to uncle joey's joint what's happened you bad motherfuckers it's wednesday november 11 you like joy What happened to the fucking backdrop? What happened?

We're at the bar, cock sucker. A little bar I talked to you about. And we're at the bar because we've got a guest today. My main man, New Jersey's own, Mr. Rich Voss. How's that for you, cocksuckers? What's happening, brother? This is, it's good to be here. What can I say?

Fuck, two Jersey brothers. You were my mentor for a while. It's great to have you here. Your fucking house is, like, I like my house, everybody. But your house is amazing. Down here where this bar is and shit, Like, you could have your own apartment. Like, I mean, I have it downstairs with a guest room,

or whatever, and all the last, but there's no escape. Like, you got doors and shit to get out. So, you know what I'm saying? So if I had this, I could have my own apartment within my house away. You know, I mean, like, my wife and I already have separate bedrooms, which is great. It's really good, too, because after we have sex,

I'm like, hey, you gotta run. You know, I'll call you tomorrow. And I do. I give her a free CD as a pardon gift. But I'm saying, if I had this set up, shit. This is, this is it. You know, I wanted to come out here first, but the lights, the nutrition came, was too much.

Mike figured out we could do it with the phones. Because of the guests, I said, fuck it, let's just bust out the bar today. And this is it. We improvised the bar, and there you have it. It's fucking perfect. This is perfect. set up like we just got no booze that's the only thing I got

Heineken's in the refrigerator I might have a fucking stellar now because you know it's one of those fucking days but we're here we're queer yeah booze I'm not gonna throw away my fucking sobriety if I'm gonna get high I'm gonna smoke crack like a man but you know like this set up you know we do our shitty podcast we just have fucking a table too much you know we just fight but this is how it's supposed to be done see you got a guy you got cameras you got lights we got iPhones you got fucking microphones you know I mean the last couple of years in LA you want you to shoot a special cost you $300,000 where do you fucking see that unless you're

a fucking galvan oh they won't buy it unless you're spreading and you know what I just got so sick of all that shit you listen to listen Richard prior albums yeah you get fucking miscues and people laughing. That's what I wanted to bring back to podcasting. It doesn't have to be fucking perfect all the time. I don't want to edit a podcast. If it comes out, it comes out. Fuck it, take the heat.

But that's what I wanted to do. Moving in here, I have a guest. I could do sporting events with the TV. You know, I could do a bunch of options. You were just doing ready. Today we said, fuck, if the back room is too small for both of us. I opened up all the fucking windows.

Now we could hear the Mexican landscape. Because they always show up. show up when nothing's going on the whole week it's quiet all of a sudden tape something you got 20 fucking mexicans outside i got nothing against mexican police that's the last thing i need you motherfuckers tweeter was talking about mexican landscape i don't know what they are let's make believe i don't know what the fuck take off but let's start this shit yeah 306 years in comedy what is the state of comedy right now it's over uh it's done you know it's so like well you know the world is you know so where it's becoming so you know computerized or whatever and you

know everything and the arts even without COVID are fading away in schools they're cutting back funding towards the arts you know music class art class and you can't somehow no matter what comedy will always survive I mean we're doing fucking I'm not doing them But people are doing shows in fucking backyards or doing them, you know, alleys in fucking New York. You're doing whatever because people need fucking, they need entertainment. Look, the days for now are going into a fucking room and 300 people are not going to happen. They're not going to fucking happen.

You know, I get a gig now. Like I used to work and like you, nonstop. No stop. Every fucking weekend. Every fucking weekend I'd be here. here on tour we're doing this you know and I had it down to a fucking my suitcase down I mean you too in my sneakers I put shit for space we all that shit every every inch was covered in my suitcase I had a bag with sleep

apnea supplies every whole time I went and I stole the sugars yeah the yellow sugar I had my little coffee in the morning splendid I had a box of fucking splendors and hotels. It's about, you know the George Foreman grow? I have one that's just smaller. I only put it smaller than one bigger. One burger. It's one burger.

But I have a, I can take that, then I have a glass of a kettle that boils water. You take that on the room? It collapses, it's a flat kettle. So this one, what do you boil? What do you boil? What do you boil? What do you want to make my fucking cup of soup or something late at night? You know, those soups, those fucking hot and spices, they're like a dollar.

Oh, those hot and spices, they're good as fuck. Is it ramen? No, it's a step above it. Ramen's like 70. They're like 90. You know, it's like, hold my love. I think I'm going to fucking open mic, or what the fuck is wrong with you?

So I could go in the room, you know, because most clubs, not most, a lot of don't have nasty, shitty, shitty food. Or, you know, I don't want to go out all day long. So I'll go when I get in the town, go to the supermarket, could load up on what I want, you know, for in the room. If I want to eat breakfast, I have a peanut butter,

banana sandwich, or lunch. So, and then I'd make my own coffee. I have a little coffee. I make my own coffee, then I bring protein bars. Yeah. Late night. Yeah. When you get back to the club, nothing's open except fucking dominoes.

Yeah, fuck that. I got two can, I usually keep one or two cans of sardines just in case of emergency. You know, I keep a can of sardines in my doth bag, my car. Which flavor, mustard? No, straight up away. I ate fucking sardines like a motherfucking prison. All those mustard sardines, I loved them until a bag out of the prison.

I never ate another fucking musk of that. I never tried to munchet. Oh, they're good. Yeah? They're good. I got turned out by a Jewish guy in prison. He said, you don't eat mustard sardines? No, no, no.

The fucking next day I know I'm eating mustard sardine with crackers. I tell you, I get the skinless, boneless sardews. I don't know what they're bones. And I got some of them. my car. So I had it to a science going on the road. I don't know whatever. But now, you know, you get a gig and you go, well, our capacity is 40 people. And, you know, and let's say you don't say 25 or 30 or whatever come, if that's it, if it's in yours. And you make the best out of it. You do, you know, look, you work New York. you work LA you're going out sometimes late when there's 10 people anyhow dirty people so you're used to it you're gonna make the best out of what you've got

it's just that you know I mean I get three four gigs a month or something you know and you're like what the fuck am I you know that's what you got to get used to not work because when you're on stage you're gonna be as funny as you whether there's 200 people or 20 people you're just a funny dude you give your goal for it you know the college that had all those dark years yeah I learned how to go out in front of 10 people I cut my teeth I'm going here's the thing no matter what you want to be funny come up with shit ad lit because say the 25 people that are there it's not their fault that there's not 200 so they want to have a good time and you know

so like I did a show last slide and But there was like 25 people. I couldn't even sell 40 fucking tickets. I'd stick. Anyhow, the host was a DJ from New Jersey Radio, the biggest radio station in Jersey. He was the host. And it's still, people didn't want to go indoors yet. They don't want to go. Anyhow, I had as much fun for those 25 people. As you would with 25 hundred. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I get it. What, you know, you know, here's the thing, what purpose.

I'm not saying, like, I don't, the good thing when you're doing this long enough you can do an audible. You're going this way, and then if you have to go that way, you can do it. I can do it, you can do it, you can do, almost worth any situation. I was outdoors, that gate thinking of, I'm telling you, I'm standing in front of fucking woods going, a bear's going to come out. a bear's just flying squirrels behind I never worked with flying squirrels you know I was worried about I used to be worried about people rushing the stage I never worried about getting bit by

a bat doing a show of fucking bats and squirrels do it was outdoors it was 200 people it was amazing I jumped off the stage twice when the crowd went you know they saw a flying school what the fuck I didn't even know they were flying squirrels in Jersey I never seen a fucking flying So, you know, it is what it is. It ain't, it's not like it was, it's just a different chapter. Right? Does that make sense? That's all, it is, first of all, it was a breather for me.

So I decided, you know, once this happened, I was like, I'm not going to go out there. Because I, listen, to meet a meeting, go to the show, they buy a shirt to come to the show, and now meeting you and then. When I started doing theaters, I could, and it bothered me. Instead, I thought these days I do 20, especially we get door deals, 38 fucking people have. I want to do it just to stay sharp. I'm not looking to get up a plane. I'm not looking to go cross-country.

I'm not looking to do dick. You know, I got an awful last week for a movie in North Carolina TV show. I'm not going to a woman to North Carolina in fucking December 6th through to 12. Because by that time, God knows where we're at. But I'm not quitting either. I tell you, though. Yeah, you're not quitting it. I mean, I was supposed to go outside Chicago this Friday, and it got canceled.

And it was a weight lifted off my chest because I haven't flown me any years. Yeah, I'm under move to fucking fly. This is how fucked up I am, though. Like, I'll try to get work, and club owners that say no, piss me off, and I didn't even want to work there. I just wanted him to say yes. I wouldn't have taken it. I just don't like motherfuckers saying no.

You know what I'm not going. I haven't been on a plane, what is it, eight months now? I mean, you had to fly here. Yeah. But I had, you know, it was routine. I could take my car to a certain parking place outside of North. They go to the airport. You know, I had my car ready.

You know, it was a fucking science. I haven't done any months. And it's so weird if you're doing something so long. You know, I'm going to stand up 37 years. Probably, you know, I don't know how many years, nonstop on the road. And what you did did slow you down, this slow, listen, you know, this gave me time with my family and stuff, you know what I'm saying. So I don't know what I was saying. What I'm saying is, it's just another chapter.

See what happens. You know, I'm not going. I can't imagine. You know, when my, I have anxiety when things are going well. Well, we do. I live in more than anxiety. And feed off the dog also. Yeah.

It's good anxiety, you know, except. I've had bad anxiety. I have good anxiety, which I flip before I go on stage and then becomes a monster. But this anxiety lately, I just want it's through. When I go to Vinnie's on Wednesday, it's just me and whatever thoughts I have, I'm like, well, I either got it and I don't got it. I don't got it right now. How was your mental health? Well, I'll get to answer. When I saw you that Wednesday I came down, you were killing the crowd, the group loved it. Well, what happened was you came down the third week. The first thing I did well, The second week I ate a bag of dicks, I listened to the tape recording.

Especially when you have 38 people, you gotta go up there with a little high energy. You go out there and you're not hearing everything. You know, I've spoken to people that, listen, I've spoken to a bunch. Someone said, yay, nay, I'm young roots. Some people doing the driving stuff, which will get to your little. So I figured for me, I just fucking live my life, be of dad. I went to get over my daughter last night you know you're just being a dad I'm doing I'm not just sitting at home watching TV scared of my own shadow that's not happening and when everything was going good well work I'm working non-stop you're right and now I've slowed down you know I'm like oh this motherfucker

is working here I'm not working down it was all you know it was so this business business You can get obsessed with this shit. Besides the fact, you've got to keep creating. You've got to keep coming up with new material, keep creating. Then you've got to do numbers. You know, all of a sudden you're not only, you know, a performer, you're also, you know, the promoter because the clubs are going, well, tweet this, Instagram this, do this, do that.

You know, what the fuck? You know, take out some ads, do something. You know what I'm saying? So now everything is, it all. relies on you you know it's work you fucking work four days a week on social media people had no idea I was doing two podcasts a week then getting up on Thursday going you know and you you're working hard you're going to the store two nights a week to work on your act for that weekend you know I was telling you before the

show you know I go to local videos now it's 20 bucks I make a couple notes on a piece of paper but well it's game time for me yeah it's game time for me now I hate saying fucking jokes every night. I hate doing like a set list. So I switch it around and that keeps me posted. But I have worked on that set list. Years ago when I opened for Rogan, it was 50-50. I'm going up there off the top of my head. Sometimes it's brilliant and sometimes it's your dog shit. I wanted to take more control of that and take it to 70%. Seven out of ten, I'll take seven out of ten. Three bombs every ten, ain't bad. You're right there. Four out of ten get in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, and we've seen it.

So, who the fuck is complaining? You're right. You just, like, my stand-up, I'm not going to do, if I did word for word every night, I might as well just get a day job. I might as to work on Wall Street. Because, one, if you can't, you know, I usually work in the moment.

I'm going to work on how I feel. I'm still going to do a good show, but, you know, it's just working in the moment I'm not going to be old Mr. Happy doing fucking, you know, you'll never see me ever in your life run to the stage when I'm introduced. Okay, if you

look, do motherfuckers run to work? You ever see these comics or all and run to, oh, fuck off, you stink. Right? Running and sit in a shadow boxing. What the fuck? What's all of you?

You're a comic, you know? So, I just walk up most of the time I'll sit down on a stool I've said this before cause he was the first I was the second all other people are doing it now but that's when if I'm just sitting down not when I'm doing a theater only when I'm on tour doing theaters you got to be you know but if you're in a club I'm gonna call it I'm sitting down I'm gonna create for some company I'm gonna come up with more I'm gonna be it's just gonna be you know I'm gonna be you know I'm to draw people into me like I follow that you know saying you follow people are

I'm not gonna follow Dave Cook he's got too much energy I'm using it as an example he's a yeah why you just go up and you take it to another level and you bring them into you see what I'm saying you match his energy and then you no I do mine I go if someone's all over place you slow them down slow them down and then bring them into you because you're in because you're in So now with you know with 30 people in the audience or 40 or whatever you can almost look I've got on stage and I say this you know You know I feel like you know we've been in a fallout shelter for six months and we decided to do a talent show I'll these people were a fallout shelter

They don't know nobody knows it's a fallout shelter on the base building Yeah there was a little room fucking closed Toophobia Central, they had tang in there and all fucking spam sandwiches, just in case the Russians bombers. He had fire drills, how they go downstairs and sit together and wait for the bomb to drop. You'd make a little Kool-Aid, they give you a little devil ham, which you can see the mouse's tail in it. Remember the devil ham? Dogg, I'm in my wife, buy a can about two years ago. I'm gonna move for devil-o-hamb.

Underwood devil-ed devil. Underwood devil-hand, and guess what? She bought it, and one night I got fucking super high on that the bull-sum. And I saw the can, I spread it on white bread, my stomach wasn't the same for three fucking days. I saw a little mousetail at the end. I was like, God damn it, they got me with the mouse pail. I'm so funny. So I guess they're called bunkers now. Bunkers.

Bunkers. You know, so I go, you know, it's like a cow, you know, hey, now it's my turn. You know, so everybody's just sitting there like zombies now kind of, you know, oh shit. you know this this fucking disease out and the audience must be weirded out to I mean if I'm an audience from it I'm sitting there I'm sitting with two people I have my wife or a friend of mine you know what happens when a guy starts sneezing from allergies six feet down what happened when a guy like me I always have you freak out you know right now we're all waiting for a fucking vaccine but guns and roses are going on tour next year and they're

planning on pack out arenas yeah those arenas at still gonna fill up to fill up is Kevin Hart still gonna fill up I mean I see myself back in comedy clubs I could give a French and stuff I want to take it back to the old school anyway I'm getting old four shows Friday Saturdays that's it go back that's it that's all I got that's all I got what the positive thing for me with this fucking COVID is you know when I don't do numbers I can believe in on it hey there's been closed well you to do numbers when there wasn't COVID.

I used to bring my own curtains in a cone, so I had a curtain off behind a second row. Bring my own curtain. Numbers is such a fucking weird thing. Isn't it? You're living in a fucking up and down room. You don't know what you're gonna do, you know? Towards the end there, the last three years,

I had a good run, and I was very fortunate. I wanna thank you guys for all the support you gave me on stage, but it was overwhelming. Had in a second show. have the energy for a certain I don't want to do three hours I want them to leave their wanting more and they'll come back and see me in 16 months I'm gonna club owner and I should tell him right now is the funniest I've ever been I'm at the top of my game right now right now today no no maybe like you know before COVID I

was talking to this coal ball I go you know right now you're not gonna I'm not gonna get in you know I'm not the top of my game Once they hear that, they don't give a fun. They don't give a fun. They don't give a fun. They don't give a fun. You know, how many followers do you have? And I'm not trying to sound like an old dude.

I go on social media, I'm on Twitter online. But, you know, so they'll bring in, you know, they're probably with some of the clubs now, they're going for the quick fix, which never works. Like if you bring in this person that has 300,000 followers to say on Twitter, but they're so-so, or you bring in a quick fix, which never works. you bring in that person that has 60,000 but they're great, you know, if I was a club owner, you know, they got to make money, you got to balance it, but people are going to leave the great comic show going, oh, that was a great show, I'm going to tell friends.

And that's back in the day, that's how they built clubs. That's how everything was built by word of mouth, reputation, good show. You know, you can get a dude that has, or a girl, you know, that's, you know, they're just not, it's, it's a weird balance. But now with COVID, it's a, it's an all-level playing field almost. You know what I'm saying? Like, except for, I don't know if I make sense. I could be all over the fucking place. You know what I'm saying?

But, you know, you get somebody like, you know, Rogan or. or you or DLU or whatever, they want to go into a club instead of theater, they're going to take precedent over some like me, but I'm going to take president over a lot of other. You know what I'm saying? You know, so I think, I think theaters are done, definitely done for a while. Like you said, Kevin Hart's not doing, you know, 18,000 people. 18,000 seats, you know. We have to be realistic what's going to happen, you know.

vaccines, people's emotions, mental health, money, money, financial, must be horrible, the ruins. You know, Jerry's deli closed a couple weeks ago in LA. The food sucked, but it's still an institution in my eyes, you know. We're seeing little things closing, you're hearing about little things. Friendlies, about the chapter, whatever the fuck, I mean. Friendlies are still open? Friendlies is open, but they're chat, wow. I think they're still open.

I'm not sure. You know, I don't know. to see the banana split there and you die you die a hard time you ever see people walking to 7-11 get pizza there's fucking pizza polish all over who you know I'm hungry I'm gonna go for a nice meal at 7-11 what the fuck is wrong with you poor the way in this disgusting I mean I can't has the podcast kept you a little I love it gives us it keeps us relevant semi-relevant you know what I mean how many podcasts a week do you do you want a week well a week or we

We've done over, you know, we've been doing it for six, seven, you know, 400 and something episodes, I don't know how many years. So we'll do the pocket, and now we have video clips. I'm always late to the game, but we had video clips, people fucking love. My wife is, my wife is so fucking funny. I mean, she's had, she's so creative and funny. You know, she's got, she just created a TV show for another comic, and they're supposed to close on the deal either this week or next week, you know.

She got like three or four shows in the making, you know, she, whatever, she's, so being with a, living with a common too helps. You know, if I was living with a dentist, they wouldn't understand what I was going through. You know what I mean? Right. Like, what I tell my wife, I'm getting the fuck, I'm driving down, I'll go to the knees just to do a guest spot on a front. Or I'm driving, you know, last week, four and teams, I go to my wife, I'm going to Uncle Linn. She was, yeah, your friend's here. Go hang out, go, you know, shoot.

You know, but if my wife was, you know, you know, worked there fucking apples and she was, why are you leaving? It's Friday night. You know what I mean? So she gets it. So that helps keep my sanity, you know, and her sanity.

And, you know, she, you know, we work out at home, she jobs, you know, we, we're living life as much as you can live. you can live it. Thank God we moved out of our townhouse to a house with tons of property, you know, to do it. Property in your houses. Next year we'll definitely have a whiffleball corner. We can have a whiffle ball torn in a concert and fucking, something like dick paloosur in your backyard. You have the best backyard in North America. It's like you look and you keep looking and looking and looking. You got some fucking archery range, like the hammock. You don't fuck around.

golf net and you know and then I mean it's just a we live in a great area yeah that that really helps us we live in that great area Jersey boys what the fuck do you think about that I mean what fucking Jersey what you know and let me tell you something fucking church first of all voted as the worst state in the country go fuck yourself because Jersey has fucking mountains has down the shore the ocean fucking right next to New York, right about Philly, right next to Philly. Jersey has everything, you know, Jersey is the number one state

for horses. Fourses, you probably that. Yeah, per capita. There's so many farms. People see Jersey and they leave the airport and drive on the fucking term, but you know what I mean? And they think, oh, look, there's all these factories and all this. Go fuck yourself. Let me tell you something.

You go up, up to the, like, P.Pack, Mendo, you know, where fucking Jack Omanasse's used to live, knocking Forbes, Mike Tyson, Whitney Houston, you go up in that area and see the farms, how beautiful it is. These fucking houses are, they're mansions, all right? You know, so, you know, you see Jersey as the turnpike, fuck off, you go down the shore, there's some nice places down the shore.

You make more pleasant. Yeah, okay? I look down that street, they got a lobster place up the corner. They say, one of the best burgers across the street. My wife is a shock. My wife's from Tennessee, buses, and traffic. This was a complete. His life.

I want to sue Los Angeles last seven years. Listen, we do pay high taxes here, but they used it. My daughter to the parks, parks, floor, three different parks. There's one park I take it to the rec center. I'm telling you, right, you know me, you could fucking eat off the floor in the back. I wish I was lying to you. Manicure fields, soccer fields, basketball. ball, baseball,

two soccer fields, hockey. I mean, they got so much fucking shit. The trees of them, it's the roads, no fucking hot holes. I mean, you know, I got a whole world to me down here. All I do is make two fucking rights, and I got everything from holding people to Hobby Lobby. I can go snort glue again and start making models this shit. Charlie.

I got everything here. My daughter's with out White Castle Burgess. I never fucking daughter all my life. My daughter loves white castles. So I'm happy. We're happy for people who said, and you don't even understand, I don't even have fucking stories for you about when I first got in California and I signed with an agent. And she goes, I need a bio to send out. I'll never forget this. And I told your boy this too. I put, you know, from North Berlin, New Jersey, whatever. And she wrote me back a couple days later. She said, you got to take that New Jersey out. This is 97. Then she put house kitchen. Jovee came out in 87 with Slipperstein.

I guess he's not leaving now. He's fucking an old one. Thank God. What the fuck are you going to go? And even Springsteen born to run, won in the USA. People after Springsteen, people still shit on fucking New Jersey. It wasn't for the Sopranos. Oh, yeah.

When people were like, oh, we fucking get it. Because they realize we don't fuck around. Sinatra. Abadena and Costa. I didn't know Nathan Lane is up from where I'm from. He's from Jersey City. Fucking Nate the lane. Look at the list of the people.

You look at the list of the people that came to the Bronx. It's out for Hitchcock. I mean, everybody's from the fucking Bronx. It's crazy. But Jersey, I wanted my daughter to be raised here. If it's sunny on, I want her out. And she goes, well, what is she gonna play? You ever play hot peas and butter

go get your mother? Kick a fucking can. Like? Hoppeas and butter, when you take your belt off, hide it somewhere. Decide, you designate a home. Like, Rich Voss's house is home. is home. So we all got to walk down the block and search it with belt. And the guy who hit it will let you know you're hot. You're getting hotter. So now the people in that area

are like, oh, fuck I'm walking. Now when you say, I go, Rich is hot. Everybody flies over to Rich, and they start looking with Rich. Rich will find the belt and he gets to whip you all the way back to the fucking business with the metal side. Oh yeah. We played games here. We didn't really grow up playing S&M games. No, they're not S&M. I mean, we kind of, yeah, we played, we played one game about it was called fist fucking. We would pick one kid and choose. Tell the fucking story you called me before about Howard Stern. He sent somebody a convention and they got fist fucked all the way to the chest.

It's a fist fucking convention. Is that necessary? Not for me. What about it's just a little finger in the ass get the party started? I need somebody to put a fist in my lung to punch my heart from the outside to stimulate me. Is that those guys that choked themselves for whack off? What is the fucking . Let me tell you this story.

My, we had no money. My mother, you know, my grandmother owned a multi-family house, three, four. My grandmother and grandfather lived jail now. So me, my mother, brother, and sister lived on the second floor for free, you know, my mother. And she went, my grandmother, runs out third floor. What did you want?

My mother, she was a secretary. We did that. Everything. You're still alive? Oh yeah, he's 92. You still thoughtful? Yeah, I called him the other day. God bless.

You go to this house behind us and all the holidays? We did before all this, you know, different holidays. I told me about Jewish friends because that's the creepiest holiday in the world. What? When we used to leave the door up for some Jew ghost that coming in there. And then I don't pay. That's not even Jewish. They can live in the Bronx.

You ever said we're family business, they're Jewish. Jewish, let the dog, he's like, Grandma, we live in the Bronx, close the fuck. Yeah, it's not my name. It's not my name. It's a Jewish ghost to come in, a Zabaya, whatever his fucking name is, Judiah, he eats one of those terrible crackers and they fought to leave. Oh, that's not a passover, yeah. Is that pass over?

Yes, pass. Yeah. I wasn't, my, well, one of you tell us, so the third floor she went to the apartment, and this dude Ed used to live upstairs. Great, best part in the world. They had two sisters, one was, smoking she was a tank I could have flew around I didn't know I was I wasn't smart I didn't grab it you know because like me Andrew you didn't pull of Trump no me and Andrew you didn't grab that

fucking month you understand I'm fucking just stupid I am me and Andrew and then Ed and his two sisters were all apart and Andrew well would have one sister and I couldn't have one me and I didn't know I had 10 years later I've been cooked anyhow so Ed lived upstairs the best time. I had a red Volkswagen parked outside on the side street. But then he said, his phone flag is there, nobody knows where that is. What's that? And they finally go into his house. He went inside a bag. He had to be a empty bag. And I shouldn't laugh. He died. He turned off and he passed out in the bag. And suffocated. How small was he? Oh, it's big. You put the bag over your head. It's like you're

hanging yourself. But you were talking about how they hung themselves in turtle. He, they deal with a hefty bag too is it cuts down your oxygen but I always say if you're driven off in the bag how to spot you know he passed out and suffocated you know how did you come like doing a favorite come over two to get me a drug off your back make sure I don't that's why only the jerk off of the sleep back and you're masked out go leave for that that's the scud that's on Christian life that's fucking jerk off of a sleep back in mask gun you know off the Brett's call in those directions that's like I can't like You know, the only time I could get a wrong with my house, you know, is when I'm home alone.

Like, if my kid was there and said my wife went out and I went, I was in my room, I couldn't do it because, like, he breaks her arm or something. What the fuck what are you doing? What, my wife should come home to you, she's climbing on the fucking counterbook, or what the fuck were you doing? I can't go out of the trucking all. What, fuck. Thank you.

And anyhow, so, uh, that was, uh, that was, you know, that was, you know, that was, you know, that was, The hanging story that had passed away on the third or fourth. What else she was talking about, she was holiday, my family, like my uncle's and aunts, my mom was the fourth. We were the black sheep. Like my grandparents would have holiday dinners. You know, my uncle and his family, my uncle his family. You know, kids were good in school.

You know, we have money, houses down the shore. They have had. we were the black sheep okay and I was the black sheep of our family so I was like the black sheep to the same power I did you know they both down on us but they really looked down on me because I was really the fucker you know all the cousins I had like ten cousins I think and I was you still talk to those cousins for that I talked to yeah I'll talk to Moore no no no no no no they were were living like Laura, Laura and Johnny were my closest because they were

reminded me and they lived in DC like when I work DC they would come out you know and I mean Laura was great and so was Johnny we had so much fun growing up as kids you know just growing up I my second cousin was most of them passed just one I haven't talked to me it's so weird that we haven't talked to you Maybe cook who used to do, like, you know, we were young and do little gay stuff when they're around and different stuff, you know. You're a bank with one of your cousins? No. No, no.

I played doctor when I was young. Yeah, you played doctor. That was it. They operated on me. I don't know. I was always too Catholic. I was always too Catholic to do anything when I was a kid. Like, I was always watching me.

So even when I played a house and shit or a doctor or whatever for game. they played I couldn't really it just wasn't in my realm to work and whatever I think I had my mom had a partner in dry cleaning business and we used to sleep together on the same bed who were innocent kids if I was 10 she was maybe 13 I remember one day she got up and I saw her push in full effect and I fucking I cried like I cried I couldn't even watch one Dara that day fucking you guys never seen a push I didn't know if they were what then. When I started investigating.

And in the Bronx in a long time, you could buy dirty magazines with Puerto Ricans called Picca Pika. It was just... You've never seen those things? Pika, pika. They were just dirty, black and white, and they wouldn't show the chick's face. They were giving like 50 bucks, just cover your face,

show it's your asshole. And she would do it. She would leave. It was disgusting. It was black and white. The sheets were fucked up. They shook mattresses and pit stains on. When you're young,

You don't care. I still remember getting a playboy with a girl with a bikini on it. You get the racer, the race around the pussy. That's what I thought. If I could erase the bikini off, I could see that pussy. That's how stupid I am. You understand me, ladies and gentlemen, so please, don't judge me ever. When you're 12 and you think you're going to erase a bikini off a bottle on a swimsuit,

you're a fucking moron, okay? I know that going in. I tell you my grandparents, second cousins, retardation is in my family. is in my family. I don't have the chicky eyes. I'm fucking a vatartan. I'm said it a thousand times. It's a thousand times. There's no way. Second cousins. When you live in an island,

you're about to fuck somebody you're related to. Because he's good. All of a sudden next thing you another, you want to come meet my uncle, my parents, you go over there. He's like, Uncle Joe. And that's it. On an island, you've got to assume 50% of people are interrelated fucking blunt. It's an island.

That's many people, they're fucking positing beings. It's true. So in my mind, when my uncle told me that we were at lunch when they had Languys, and my uncle was like, I don't know if you were mom had told you before she died, but off-up my grandparents, a second cousin. I'm like, now I know. Now I know why I get these weird feelings and emotions in the second class. I don't have anything to say.

What am I going to say? I'm embarrassed, but what am I going to do? I don't know, you know, sex growing up. Like I remember the first time getting laid, like the first time I got laid, we were down the shore at Seasaw. at Seaside. How old are you? 18. 18, or 18.

So we went through this room. This is a fucked up story. Isn't it? No cares. Okay, so me and Brian went to Seaside. Just thinking. In about three years, I'm going to pull this video up

and say that. I laughed. I told a joke about fucking somebody in Seaside. They should ban us. Me, I don't give a fuck. You ain't going nowhere. Take your little bannings and cancel. and stick them up your mother's pussy.

Because you're in no danger with Papa Joe, you know what I'm saying? You can't do nothing to me. Or the head, the comedy hasn't already done. You can't hurt me anymore. No more. I don't give a fuck. So we went to seaside me and we go to this hotel. She knows she was about to get back.

No, you gotta hear this. So me and Brian, the lady goes, okay, there's two beds in the room. She goes, I'll read, you two, one bed, and if anybody else comes along, long it's like Labor Day weekend she was on the rent the other bed so me and Brian go okay because no who else is gonna take a room with two guys in there are ready so we go out to the boardwalk we come back she not only rented the other bed she rented the floor to five other guys so there's seven guys it was a place to crash that's just I went down the street I went for you guys a fuck you I go to the boardwalk I come

back and there's a naked girl my bed with some guy and I had sex with her right Maybe last half a minute. Where was the guy? He was there. He watched it. I don't know what he did. I wasn't paying attention. He just jumped and talked to him.

He gave us some playing field game. Yeah. And top of him and gave him to your dick up that. It probably lasted a minute maybe. And then I went down to the ocean, sat and reflected. Like, I was looking into the water. Like, I just got some pussy. Like, like, it was horrific.

I was horrific. The whole situation was horrific. I'm sitting here like some looking under water like I'm some guru or meditating like a man now. Nasty motherfucker, I probably caught something. And then the next night we went to a party and got raided and we all got locked up. So that was my weekend in seaside. Oh, you and you lost you were Jim.

That was it, 18. I was 18. I was 18. I was probably old too. At that time, I remember there's kids in high school that were getting push. I wasn't getting my push. I was signed the tip behind the church. I was figuring somebody, but I wasn't laying down with all roses up in the air and making love. That wasn't even my game.

I wasn't even close to that age. My high school too was, you know, there wasn't maybe 10 or 15, there were some black girls I went out looking tight. I had the second best opera. I had the second best opera. Pete, Pete, I did it. dad me had the best after. So I went and I never got no pussy in high school. And then when I finally got pussy I would come so quick because I was all those years I never got it. I was so

excited. You get too excited. I get so excited. And how bad is it to come and you just look at it? I didn't know anything about you. I didn't know anything about you. No me neither. There's always that one girl that stops you. She's not stop, stop, stop, stop. Why are you licking my tie? And she'll pick up her wings and go right there. You see that little ball, stick it right now. Look at that motherfucker, like a dump ball. Finally, you learn. There's always that one girl that says,

I got a call timeout and a technical file. You see this little wings, all the wings back, there's that little cherry right there, go deep in there where you know, stick your face in there, your nose, and then you learn, and then you pass it on to people. I need nothing. I was bad.

I knew nothing. I had sex back then. And I just... How old you got married the first time? 28. Or were you doing comedy? Yeah, I met her out of a club. I went down to, I was off one night.

There was a one night or by my house. I went to see the comic, Paul Lyman. She was sitting at the bar. She looked like Shelletees. She was beautiful. And somehow I talked to her and we went to me to Dyer. And next night I know I had two kids. But me and my ex-wife,

even through our divorce, we were cool throughout everything. One, we didn't have the money, so we didn't need orders. We did our own contract. We had two daughters. I had them in the day, she had them at night. You know, we both had, you know, when Bonnie and I got married and had a kid, my ex-wife used to babysit my kid, you know, because I lived two miles from my ex-wife. Because when she moved, I moved to that town, so I could be close to my kid.

So, you know, she got rematch. She married Canadian, too. I married to Canadian. We both, I just made it so bad for each other that we had a little another country. So, you know, we always were cool, you know, fighting when you have kids, there's no sense. You know, because we don't have to deal with that person

for the rest of your life, not till or anything, for the rest of your life, sometimes. I'm gonna call my ex-wife today. I'll tell you a funny story. Bonnie was home. We were in a condo. So Bobby's like eight months pregnant with Raina. She's ironing, which I don't know why, she don't iron.

She doesn't fucking have her mind her. Uh, farm girl, she, listen, I basically cut a fucking head off a chicken, but she can't iron the shirt. Your ex-wife? No, my wife now. Bobby. So me and Bobby are in what's going to be Raina's room. She's ironing for eight months pregnant.

and I'm on the phone and actually Kelly. She knows I'm talking to Kelly and I'm talking to Kelly that I ever talked to. Kelly hung up so I still pretend I'm talking and I go, okay I love you, goodbye. My mom was to be with the iron. So your wife's like jealous with your wife? Oh no, they were afraid. They were afraid. I mean, they don't.

Look, we should go to my daughter's basketball games. My ex-wife and her husband would be there, me and Bonnie would be there. We used to go to her house for barbecues. You know, my ex-wife used to have a cleaning business. She had people, they did our house. She babysat my kid. You know, what the fuck? If at one point I married her, that means there was something there.

So why when you have kids? If you don't have kids, you could break away. You don't have to deal. You don't have to deal with it. I think you can't go you're all the way we would make. I did the opposite of my parents. My parents got divorced. There was no self-help.

There was no local, there was nothing. There would be times, you know, my father would come every other weekend to see us. You know, so you're sitting in the window, you know, wait, daddy's coming to a day. And you see the cab or whatever, drop them off. Daddy's here. Then all of a sudden, the tech,

to jump out into bushes and arrest them, you know, because my mom used us to set up my father. So who's more fucked up? My father for not paying job support or my mother for using us to set them up. You know what I'm saying? So they were both fucked up parents. You know, my mother would, we'd get on the bus and go to New York to Port Authority and meet my dad, boom, to Texas, fucked up. So I said, I'm into the exact opposite of my parents. And I, that's one thing in life. That's one thing in life. I know I was a good parent, you know, with my two older daughters. And I speak with my kid now because, you know, I just,

that shit's on body. I can't keep open that computer shit and all. You know, I'll take it to Walmart, but you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know with our homework. So, you know, we were doing a TV show once. Louis Anderson had a show, it was a take on Santa Monica Pier, and you had a big baby pictures.

as they showed them into credits. So I go to my dad. We had two pictures. He had two pictures of me growing up. I got thousands of my kid, or at least hundreds. You know, I got it. And I'm not saying I'm a good person. I'm not, but I was a good dad.

Photo albums and photo albums of my kids growing. And I go, someday we'll just, I think, we'll be sitting around looking through those albums together when they're older, and we have. and they enjoy them so much. They were this fucking big zoo or here. You know, so you just, you have to enlight, in life you know, someone's gotta break

the chain of dysfunction. You gotta break that chain, you know, because I grew up in the neighborhood where kids were having kids that were having kids, and families, welfare, and there's, just someone has to break that and move to another direction. And I had to break the chain of dysfunction

that I grew, I grew up in so my kids wouldn't have to grow up like that. I did the same thing. You see what I'm saying? I think I had it. It's like that's move here. You know, it's the weirdest thing. When I decided to move here,

when I thought I was running. Like, I really waited for a shoot and drive, like, Joe is taking off. They didn't know that Ray was taking off. It was just a matter. We were gonna move to Burden County. Uh-huh. But when the guy came back in Lippew,

with the Roe Shown, and they thought to spread the virus below the road shop. There was a time my wife and I would look for the house in the Bronx. We were going to move going to the Bronx during this time or back? For the day. April 4th. Oh. When I was supposed to come back here March 9 to shoot the prequel to the Sopranos, I had a week off. I was on a

look at places. I was going to go towards Nyack, Ergen Field, you know, Bergen County. Not a up a saddle river. I don't know if I don't have that money, but like on the Alpine, but like, you know, Englewood, Leonia, that's Rue 46. Rule 46.

I was also looking at Nyak. Yeah. And what else is that? But Nyack's pretty nice in. You know, they have them all. You know what I'm saying? I want a piece. I want it to be away from the city.

I didn't want to be in this city. But to show them flavor, we saw a show one night, by the way, was like, I don't know. I live with that, you want to move the bully down, and I admit, if you call, they said there are some nice areas in the Bronx, that there's nice houses and stuff. I don't know if you want to go up there. Can you get property like this in the Bronx? No.

Like, you don't like neighbors like this. I'm not going to get into it like this. But the only thing, good thing about the Bronx is that poor Americans, they have no computers, no TVs, so the kids are on the street. Oh. So my kid learns how to fuck me away on the street. That was the most important thing. I saw that. LA, there was too many, you know, these women. I spoke to women who were like, I spoke to a woman with my wife.

I could bring my wife down there and she'll tell you that I brought women. I met a woman at a party with my wife one night. That was telling us about Vikram Yoga. Now, he fills the void, their heart. You know, if it's fucking Vikram Yoga fills a boy in your heart, you got fucking, you know. problem, you know what I'm saying? Between Bigram, Scientology, and Nexium, that new cult, they went they tore from LA and they were fucking people up in Albany. Who gets fucked in Albany?

Really? Yeah, you haven't watched it on... I know, I heard of that. They have two documentaries going at the same time. Yeah. And they're kind of pathetic. You feel bad to the girl. I understand. You got taken, but somebody didn't talk to you. See, guys like you, you talk to your daughters. That's why your daughters came out to where they are. You talked to Rayner in the same way. same way. I talk to Mercy. I pull Mercy aside. What to do it? You know, my mom's a sweetheart, my wife's a sweetheart, never even, no, no larceny, my wife don't do dick. You know, the only thing she does bad is she eats five-millimeter edibles to go to sleep. So my wife built that sweetness in her. I got to give it

the Valdez side so she can prepare herself for the world. You know, and you know what to Valdez side? What you and I do. We do our best work when we're against the wall. I do my best work when I'm against the world. Right now I'm against the world. I don't know. Everything is up in the air, nobody knows. You know, we don't know what we're looking at. The New York Phil is canceled. What is the New York Phil? Oh really? It's canceled. Well, here's the thing. I can open my calendar and not once ever did I think I was going to go to the New York Film. So I really don't give it. No, no, but not... Not for New York Phil.

Apart from New York Film. We're just talking as an example that. Broadway closes and then you're done you're right they don't see Shad not 20-year-olds yeah who goes to see all these you know musicals yeah uh... Alton well kids who go see it see Beetlejuice or something but 60% of the stuff on Broadway is for it's for adults you know people who are all right off the back so you have to think about all those things now prepare you something like I'm preparing myself a comedy bucks and guess what

Because comedians, we were on the agents and everything. It wasn't even like you were doing comedy. I was just doing nothing. When they came to one day and said, it's time for you to put his, his rights manager came through one day, and he goes, I have a great idea. Why don't you get a screen?

I put it over you so everybody could see your lift. I'm like, I cost money. This is not stand-up. What are you saying, oh, you mean, oh. Like it was at the, what's the theater in New York? What I did, but when I did. Grammarcy? No, I did two shows.

I don't. That's how bad my memory is. I did two shows and after that he came up for me. You know, to do a theater, the first show, you break into a theater, the first show within the theater cost and security and the guy that plugs the light in, the guy that watches him gets a buck in a quarter in New York.

So everybody makes money. So the first theater, the first theater show, you make a little bit of money, not what you usually make. It's the second show, since you still got them there, that you make your profit. That's where your big chunk comes from a theater, you know. But then again, you're performing to 3,000 people, 2,000 my knees, show, and you're fucking starving.

So all that stuff, I think, that's the plan if we come back. I mean, right now I'm looking at myself at 57, you at 60, 63, God bless you, you look beautiful. Ronan, a few weeks. I spoke to his agent, he says he's coming back in April. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Ron Way has a fucking plane in the bus. Yeah.

Over really? Yeah, that's like fucking, you know, Bezos saying, yeah. Well, you know, we just, no. A lot of guys don't see it. A lot of older guys are like, what am I had to do? Come back when I'm 58, how much of a run do I happen to that one? But here's the thing. Some guys, like you say, Mom, like he, he's financially separate the rest of his life. I have to work. I have to work. I got maybe, I got, financially, I could probably last two or three more years. Without work?

You know, if I, without work and I stopped playing internet slots. Then I got about maybe two or three years. I still can play picket. I got to play my numbers. You play your numbers every day? Oh, yeah. All three? Oh, yeah.

That's six. Yeah, I got their birthdays. Yeah, I hate the number Saturday. Get out of it. I would have played my mother's anniversary of a debt was Sunday, and I came down here and I was on the phone with a friend of mine. I put my feet up when I put the TV on, and New Jersey 12 came on.

on and fucking 617 came out. And that was number 6.17, straight in box. I would have won three bills, you know, pick it. You know, so I'm gonna start playing the picket more. I used to do this good on say, when you could play the numbers and you say the number and they repeat it wrong. Oh, now you gotta play that now. Do I ever tell you, you're gonna hit the number because he got pressed it in the room? Did he?

About five years ago, I left the number with a friend of mine. He called me back and he stutters. He's like, ah, I won. I go, what came out? 604? And he goes, no, 605. That's my mother's numbers. My mother's numbers are 517, 604, and my number was 557.

When I was about for 10 G's, Oh, that Puerto Rican, I was up with the Bronx. I walked in and my stepdad's like I had a basketball shirt from Union City and I said 57 on it. He looked at me, he was on the phone with the book, he goes, yo, 507. He goes, I go five, five, fifty seven. 5-57, he gave me 8,000 on the 10. I put in the bank. But I hope that's my 57th whole fucking year except February

was immersed in fucking COVID. So I got a sign as a young kid that my 57. I was born in 1957. Yeah, six years before me. I was born in 63. One last thing. I know you got to run. All these motherfuckers are my name.

Oh, really? And it turned out to be a fucking... I look at them like, she put it. Puerto Rican, I mean, the name is Rana. My first daughter, no, my second, I wanted to make Eliana. But my wife said, I don't like it, so I named her Elen. But I love that name Eliana. So Rana, I was looking up Jewish names.

And Rina, in Hebrew means pure and clean, R-E-I-N-A, pure and clean. How do you like that name? She goes, yeah, it's beautiful. So we're in the hospital. Bonnie has the baby and they go, what's her name? I go Rayna. And they go and you can spell it. I go R-A-Y-N-A. So I'm the birth certificate, everything. Then someone told me that means Spanish queen. I spelled my own kid's name wrong from Jump Street. So how do you spell a name? R-A-Y-N-A. That's Raina. Yeah. I thought it was R-A-I-N-A.

No, R-E-I-N-A was Hebrew, R-A-N-A is Spanish. I love the name, right? And she is Irana. You know, your kid matches their names. Yes. It seems so weird. My other Jessica El-D matched her fucking names. You know, if I named fucking Jessica Syntony,

it wouldn't have been the fucking same. My wife came to me with the name of Mercy, Peyton of Santa Cuba. There's lots of Mercedes. Mercy is just short for it. Yeah. And I go, me having a kid in 50 is... See if you're coming now.

I don't know about comments. I don't know about... She's in school four days a week, and today she's at the after-school program for fucking five. Tomorrow she's home. I got... Thank you. And I...

Listen, walking, she's like, I'm like to a teenager? You know what I mean? You can tell she's a smart kid. And she picks a... She's college the second time. I don't know. I know you went to college. She went to college.

Whatever you want, ask me and I'll give it to you. You see a dollar on the table, ask me, I'll give it to you. Because that's going to start that progression. I started with taking a quarter of my mother's job, and then take a 50 cents on a roll of $10, and then my mom would come ask me what happened to roll. I would have to tell her some fucking bullshit story. I lost it on the way to the bank, you know,

but that's how I started. I didn't want to be a fucking deep. I told it, I don't take fucking quarters. That's how I own my daughter. That's why now I'm trying to take her inside or trade. inside her training. So she does everything behind the scenes to make her money. You know what I mean? I don't want her to just be a common team. I wanted to be big time. Last night my daughter was in the kitchen and my wife is there. My daughter's going to grow up so fucking the parent and she lived

with me about my wife and I just walk by my wife and I squeeze her tip. I don't like that. And my daughter goes, I hate you too. You two are disgusting. It's so funny. She's got such a great sense. She's so smart, such a great sense of humor. You don't realize. Like, you're doing, you know, you have a kid, I want to have a boy. Let me tell you, having girls, it's a whole other. It's so much better.

They're so fun. Oh. Last time I came down here, I took a dinner. I said, you can play on the switch for 15 minutes. Came down to answer some emails. Your memory. Oh. I forgot his podcast I was doing.

Fuck it. Before we enter, I want to apologize. In the beginner's podcast, I slipped one of my bits in. I don't remember which one, but I slipped it in. I don't even usually do that, but I did. Because at the moment, it worked, but someone's going to look and just go, that's one of his bits. Yeah, motherfucker.

I slipped it in. That's what I did. I did one until they hit. It's the entertainment. Cucksucket. You guys are sitting at home. You got thrown off Netflix. You've already watched everything on Netflix, the Tiger King.

You've been watching in Spanish, you know? You don't fuck. So now you got nothing to watch. This is what you're fucking watching. You're watching Uncle Joey's joint on a fucking Wednesday morning, a beautiful fucking Wednesday morning. One last question. What are you gonna do?

They're gonna bury you the fucking... Like there's a tattoo? Yeah. Oh, you're just gonna get fucking burr. I'm gonna get cremated. I'm getting cremated. I got that fear of waking up in the... In the casket?

Yeah. I go up to my mother's thing and I'm like, the dress has to be soaked from all the fucking rain and shit like this. Like that. I told my wife yesterday, oh, listen, I'm going to write it out. You make me no wake. That's the creepiest thing in the world when you're laying there. People come over and touch you. I don't even want to be a human.

It doesn't look like you. They put shit on you. No, no, no, no. Just burn me. Here's the thing, too, what's fucked up now, because I don't, when I pass away, it's got to be when people can go to funerals, because I have to do, at my funeral,

better numbers than Patrice. Patrice did fucking five-hundred. If I don't do better numbers than him, because, you know, and I, you know, and I'm... Patrice had an open casket. No, but he had, we all spoke at his funeral. Closed casket? Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember.

You know what was him before? He was the best. Me and Patrice, I used to drive him home to Jersey City. One night, I got to meet, I got a walk up to your bathroom. I got stories and stories of Patrice. They had a great documentary coming out. We were walking down the street and the other time I go, I don't have a fucking thing going on in my career.

No manager, no age, nothing. He goes, me either. And we just both started cracking up and laughing. Even then we didn't give a fuck. We went to read for a sitcom, Liam Patrice, the two leads on the sitcom. So we get up there and it's Marcy Phillips, the head of casting friend,

we see the nicest lady. So we're reading, Patrice doesn't want to be there and I can't act. So, right? So, we're into the fucking, she's yelling at me already. And then Patrice won't take his eye out of the fucking side. And I'm trying to fucking do the scene with him. So, Marci's yelling at me. I go, how am I supposed to connect with this asshole when he won't look at me?

She goes, can you two guys just leave? So you get this out, right? We're walking out, we're just cracking up. We're walking down the hallway, just like four executives behind us. And I couldn't hold it, I pass gas so loud. And Patrice fell on the ground, just cracking up, laughing. It was a dumb art, but when he laughed,

I'm just, it was so, what's the word, I mean, magnifying. You know what I mean? There was times we'd be in shows and I would say some or something he would fall down and you could hear it and you could feel the electricity, you know what I mean? So when you made him laugh like that, no else is like that when you do radio, Ricky Javis. When you make Ricky laugh, he. Oh my gosh, I saw one of his tweets. He was like, I can't wait to get back on the radio to torture that cunt, Rich Voss or something. I was fucking dying. I was dying and I tried to look for it that day. I think he was hoping you did me. Yeah, we used to do, I'd done it with him a couple times. But Patrice's left was so, we had so much fun.

We had, you know, we did, just, you know, just... It was like me and Ralphie. Yeah. Yeah. You and Patrice's relationship. You know, when I left LA, I really felt shitty because I felt I was leaving Ralphie behind. Like, that's how bad you fell in now. Yeah.

I missed him that. Originally, I met you like a Pia. Oh. $1,000. It took him like a month to pay me. I had to call him up in Dredden and his little fag assistant dropped off the check then afternoon. That's when I first met you. Me, you, Brian Holtsman. Oh, I hosted that show. At the Santa Monica Pier, 1997, 998. National Ampoon's dirty. National Ampoon, dirty. Yes. Yes. You fuck you think you deal with, Jerry bananas, me, you, you Opsman. It's probably online. Oh, fuck, I hosted that show. Don't take a look online. See, you motherfuckers don't know

Dick about Dick, we go back. Oh, that's why, because when we were in Pittsburgh, you were at, at, uh, Faco, you came over to, you see me at a hell of up. I thought I already knew you. That's why I came over. Yeah, because I didn't, during the watching taping in Santa Monica, me, you, a couple of us. I remember sitting, you're at the Funny Bone, and we were sitting on the bench in the lobby, just talking and hanging out.

Surrounded by naked pictures. Yeah, yeah. Those fucking, those fucking, because I was thinking about this, why would I have gone there if I didn't know him? I already knew you. Holy fuck, we did that show. They're fucking dirty, National Approves, dirty. Paul the Bell did it. Paul the Bell, Brian, me, you, I forget the other two people.

It's on a line, and they're still selling it. We didn't get a dime. No. We didn't get a dime. We didn't get your money. I used to do college. firm right and say he owed me 700 and I call him I go look back if you give me the money now you don't you don't you give me 500 now and I'll take it I had to get my money back

then but he had the biggest clientele and whatever I should tell him but yeah we did that fucking on the pier of Santa Monica holy fuck see that goes way the fuck back way the fuck back You motherfuckers that think that, you know, we just drove on the fucking scene. You know what I'm saying? I want to thank you, brother, for taking time out. We had a little, we got to set up the studio. It took a little longer. But at least we're at the fucking bar now, and we have guests.

And this is it, man. Rich, I want to talk about one thing. Rich has something that comes out on Thursday on HBO Max. Yeah, HBO Max. I saw the fucking trailer, fucking phenomenal. Rock Kelly's, hilarious. Your wife looks fucking beautiful. The kid from, you know, Janice's partner.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Chris. Chris Estefano. Well, yeah, it was, it's called Colin Quinn and Friends of the parking lot. I don't even know the title. It's on HBO Max on Thursday. Premier is tomorrow. Premier is Thursday. Yeah.

Tomorrow. And the thing is, it's us doing a show at a drive-in. And when you do TV, you've got to prepare, right? You prepare. And it was weird doing driving. I'm going to parking lots in my hometown, trying to practice. I had a good set of coals. That's another bit of mine.

Start the car. But what's a truck? If you said, no, Rob Kelly goes, can I get a windshield waiting for that? I almost fucking died watching the trailer. So I guess they're talked on a lot of us backstage. You know, and just the whole scene, you know, of us. I mean, tough crowd. I mean, this is this special.

First of all, Colin, and I don't throw this out that easy. He's a genius. He's fucking brilliant. He directed it, his stand-up, his ad liteming. We were fucking on radio once. And Colin looks at Bobby Kelly and goes, you look like the last-minute gift at the Beijing era. I fucking, it was one of the best fucking minds I've ever heard in comedy.

He called Bobby Little Buddha, but a last minute gift. He called it a laugh. So, Colin, I mean, this guy fucking creates a tough crowd, remote control, all that. He's always, this one man shows. So he directed it and closed it. I hosted it, you know, and I'll give you one hint, one thing. thing before we're all going starting we're sitting around I guess I can tell this thing

I'll tell one thing from it and they're going all the comments go okay who's gonna bomb Voss. I was so fucking funny I don't know what I'm doing I never worked the cars but he directed it's just listen it's not too many things being taped, too many things being filmed, too many shows. For what we're dealing with, he, it's a great piece of work. I'm happy he did it. I'm happy he did it just to show our side of the story. I'm happy they did the comedy store documentary. You know, we're all getting our shit do.

Just to let people know that they watch a documentary about a building. Yeah, it was special. And now they're about to watch a comedy show at a parking lot, I don't know how many cars, and it looked great. You see that background? New York Skyline. Oh, New York Skyline. Oh, New York Skyline. How fucking beautiful.

That was a great idea. Yeah. I came up with that. It was a great idea. You're always welcome on here. Oh, this is great. All you got to do is call me and look. I got to get shit off my mind.

Call you. I was going to try to take the room over there. You could do whatever you want. You can take the fucking room. I don't give a friend from you. Yeah. Any dates you want to plug? I think I got something in 2020.

You want to plug down on that and canceled date? Yeah. Canceled. Yeah. Yeah, Chicago. I'm doing my friend's driveway. He's got a driveway show coming up. No, I got Uncle Vinnie's coming up the first week of December.

I go, oh, Thanksgiving weekend. I'm in Rhode Island at the Comedy Connection. So you're at Friday and Saturday, great club. Oh, and one of the best owners in the business. Corey, one of the nice... And you can take the fucking train and it drives you off a block

and pull up a club. Oh, you guys because I did it with Matt Ultron once. Oh, yeah? You walked it the whole time. How'd you get him? I was just walking the train. It was a block down the corner. I love this.

I love that club. It used to be an old bank and a great owner. So I'm there at Thanksgiving weekend. Hopefully they don't cancel it because I like that. Uncle Venny's. I just got offered for New Year's Eve to do a swingers convention at a hotel for a hotel for there and I'm thinking if there's no COVID there then it's nowhere you know what I mean these fucking people it just seems so I mean I'm gonna say yes but it just seems I don't

know it's just so weird like that's that's where you got to keep away from that kind of I don't know I don't where is it that that's in Jersey it's okay so you don't have to try and pull planes yeah I don't know plane's train and if something happened you could just get it can't get the fuck out. Yeah. Yeah. I do the same thing. But listen,

I could talk to you for hours. We can go on forever. We'll do it again. Oh, great. This was great. I love you, motherfuckus from all my honor.

Uncle Joey's joint episode. I don't even know what the fuck the episode is. It don't matter. Have a great day. We'll be back next week. I want to thank Richie. And now for a word for my spots.

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Thank you.