The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 01/21/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #48

Episode Date: January 22, 2013

MMA fighter Ivan Salaverry calls in to talk to Joey about their time on the set of The Longest Yard. Joey farts up a storm. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount. Streamed live on 01/21/2013

Oh shit. Oh shit. It's Monday. What's the day's day? The 21st of January. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with? Obama's back like a motherfucker and we're back. Oh, Shereo.

Kick a league. Oh shit. Nucleus, 1984. Dropping it. There's a bad fucking, bad rhymes. Right here. Listen to this shit. When I was a little baby, my mother paid me a brand new toy.

Ha ha ha ha! Did they do something else? I feel like I, I feel like I like... Rick and I recognize it. Listen to the shit. He made up his fucking mind, cocksucker. That's what it starts with. The church of what's happening now, the flying Jew.

Joey Cocoa Diaz. Nuclear's, baby. Hit it. Oh, fuck. Oh, shilly. Old school like a motherfucker. Martin Luther King's birthday. Get out there, March, cock sucker.

And Obama's getting inaugurated today. That was yesterday, right? No, it's today. Today, too. Moran Luther King Day and a black president's getting in. Michelle Obama's looking good today like a motherfucker. Shaving that little monkey. I love it.

I love Michelle. You think she shaved? Half of it. It's not a fucking. It's not so. You know, great to be back. The church was happening on Monday morning. Hope your guys had a great fucking weekend of sports.

You had the UFC. You had fucking, you had New England. You had San Francisco. You know, when I spoke to Lee early, he was like, oh, this fucking Atlanta's winning. San Francisco. Everybody was excited. And then Ray Lewis,

what the fuck was going on with him in the beginning? When he was just yelling at, oh, father, during the national anthem, he had heard. National Anthem. He was like, fuck Joey Diaz. I'm going to go out there and cry. He had the war paint on like a fucking

apocalyptic. I don't know. I said this a while ago. You stoned or what? Of course I'm stoned. You made me smoke fucking the 6 in the morning. All right. Yeah, that I was always scared of Baltimore and then

fucking Tom. I don't know. I'm pissed off, but it's all right. Look, none of me pissed off about it. You didn't bet on the fucking game. You're just a fan. You put your shirt in your draw and you move on. That's it.

You got the Celtics. What are you pissed off? Don't even bring it to Celtics. You're 25 years old. You're a fucking savage. You've got the fucking Alibob in the 39th bees beard. You better shave that.

You're looking more and more like a rabbi, but you're looking handsome these days. I look like I'm four if I don't have it. I like it. I'm bored at work. I want to see how big I can get it. You're smoking? You're smoking?

Get over here. Cutter's like a second. We're over here sparking like a fucking Martin Luther King rally in this motherfucker. Happy Martin Luther King Day. Everybody was a great man. He did great things.

Because of him, he opened up a thousand fucking doors. Friday last week I went crazy. Last Wednesday I went a little crazy here with Lee during the banana bread and the National Anthem and I retweet it. It's funny because I got a story for that National Anthem and how that came about.

I'm not, I hate Listen guys, I tell you motherfuckers 800 stories but I really have 10,000 of them. I can't tell you a lot of them because I can't tell your names or situations out of respect for the people they don't want and that's the way it is. So I don't like telling you a story that I don't have a name to

because it makes me look like a fucking three-year-old. You know that guy? No. I want to tell you the whole situation. But I bumped into him about a year ago, and he goes, hey, man, and your fucking shows, you better never tell the story about my family, and I swore I wouldn't. But let me tell you the story, right? For you fucking momos that don't know, 20, 30 years ago in this great country of ours,

at 1230 every night, the television shut down. Yeah. A lot of people don't know that. See, you don't know how lucky you kids have it. Like, that's like the AT&T commercial where a little kids telling the other little kids, you fucking don't know how long. Oh, yeah. In my day, you had to wait a year, a minute for a download and all this shit, you know.

But it's the same thing applies here. It would shut down, you know, at 1230, 1235, 1 in the morning. Dun, dun, dun, done, done, and there was only three channels, 2, 4, and 7. Fox came later on. They were the Puerto Ricans in the fucking neighbor. Well, that's what a lot of people don't know. So, I knew these kids and their father was an alcoholic. Okay.

All right. These Irish kids. I grew up and their father was an alcoholic. And one night I slept over there. And I'm about fucking 12, 30. I'm hearing, get up. Get the fuck up. Get up.

And it was two boys and a girl. Yeah. And I hung out with both the boys because they played basketball. And like the one, he hated the one fucking boy, but he liked the other guy. But he hated that. And I still remember waking up. What the fuck's going on? And he opened the door and he realized I was in there.

And now he was quartered. He was like, you two. get out there, salute the fucking flag. It was 12.30 at night, you know, and this is why the kids were always tired. It was their little secret. The father would wake him up every fucking night. Make him get up and sit up, you little fucking maggots,

salute the flag, you dumb motherfuckers, and they'd have to walk downstairs and sit there. Like two fucking minutes. And that was the story, and I'd see him in the morning as I'm like, what, he had you salute, and they're like, shut the fuck I'm about him. So that's the fucking story. But it's true, man. What I was yelling at that thing is it's true.

Enough with the fucking diseases, the man-made diseases, and enough with all this bullshit, things ain't working out. You're in fucking America. You ever think that you could have been born in Africa? You could have been one of those kids with the flies in their face. Yeah. But no, somebody fucking, somebody kid enough of you, some fucking outside force to make you be born in Alabama or Ohio

or fucking Rhode Island or somewhere that you could do something with your fucking life. That's all I meant with that little speech. So don't get your fucking skirts up. Me and Lee were stone to the gills, and I just want to get my point across. You know what I'm saying? We do need fucking weapons. Not to shoot people, but to protect ourselves.

I heard that if you go fucking to buy a gun now in California, the stores are fucking empty. People are buying guns like it's fucking a sale. Really, Jesus. And it keeps happening. There was another story, like a 15-year-old kid killed his old family, like last night or something. It keeps happening, man.

It's scary shit. I don't like the pills to kill. kids. Remember the kid that we bumped into Enchance at the end of the night after we shot the documentary? Remember that he was not right? Right? You could tell that he was not right. He was kind of drunk in teamling, yeah. Right, but he was kind of fucking drunk. He's been drunk since he was 10. He was the only kid I knew ever under the age 18 that was legally described medication. Like all those kids, I hang out with all that. He was the only one that when we were kids that gave him speed. to slow him down because he would jump off balconies and his own fucking roof and the whole thing he was still fucked up yeah he had years or whatever I don't believe it you know let me tell you why I told my wife why I was in such edge for the last couple months you know uh I was

doing acid and I'm ashamed of this but I got to tell the fucking story from the age of fucking 14 to 16 13 and a half to 16 I did acid at least twice so a weekly. Holy shit. And it got to the point where from the age of 15 to like 16 maybe, I did acid.

I sold mesculine. I had, you know how we smoked weed today? Yeah. I had access to masculine and acid. So to sell it, you have to do it.

My tolerance to acid was huge when I was a kid. Huge. Most kids were doing a half a hit of mescaline. I could do two. I was a big kid. Plus,

because I sold it. Yeah. So I would pop it fucking whenever. You know, it was like anything else. It's like Coke. It's like weed. It's like anything. When you do a drug every day, you don't get as high as the first two days or three days.

When I go buy a 20 of weed, you know, those first fucking three bongets take me where I got to go. I know. And if I know the weed's that good, I'll go the next day buy it, but save it. Okay. Instead of smoking it every day, so it won't kill my tolerance. Oh, okay. So I just smoke it. You know, I'm smoking a week for it.

from now, but I had the same thing going on with acid. So I know for a fact, when you're fucking growing as a man, and every day you're shocking, your central nervous system, somewhere along the line, that's not going to be okay. Somewhere along the line, I'm going to start shaking, or I'm going to have dementia or something. I didn't want to pass that on to my child. That's why I was so upset the last couple months,

because you never fucking know what I ate as a 15-year-old. I hate a lot of fucking drugs, Lee. Yeah, and I can't believe I'm even asking, because neither of us will know. But can any of that stuff get passed on? I would think it would just affect you. I mean, Lee, it was out of my body 30 years ago, but I got to believe somewhere along the line,

you know, during those years when your body is forming, when you're becoming a man, you know, it can't be good for you. No, yeah. This is just what I'm thinking. This is just an educated guest. It's just a hypothesis here. This is just a guy talking to another fucking guy

that's somewhere along the line. And then, so you've got to be able to. to figure, okay, I didn't do nothing till 14. 14, I started with the T.H.C. Crystal, which is really Angel Dust. Okay. So I was doing that shit once a fucking week.

I was trying to call the kid, Carlos Perez. His wife hit me up to you on Facebook. I was trying to call Carlos Perez so he could call the other day, but we haven't been able to get a call. That's the only guy really keep in touch with that's still from the old neighborhood, like giving that terrace where I'm from in North

North Bergen. My mom was still alive and shit. So you figure I did that for like two years. Okay. And I would do that on Sundays. But during the week, once I got into mescaline, I would fucking sell it. And I was doing it three, four times. No, you said mescaline and acid at the same time.

Is it the same thing or no? It's different. Messcline is a plant and these guys would take it and put in something and you ate it. And then the acid they either put on paper or on these little hits, you know, these little fucking things. And we got more acid than we did mescal, believe it or not. And I was up in East Strausberg. I got more acid. It was crazy that.

And those formative years, when your body's forming, all this shit's forming, I was popping fucking acid during the week. And on the weekends, I was doing T-8C. And then once 80 came, the 80s, you were doing blow. So you figure I did, you know, listen, man, I did blow from 1980 to 2007. that's 27 fucking years and you figure I went hard this wasn't a half gram

like that guy on that fucking commercial high you know I own Malibu the rehab Oh the treatment I also party for 10 years Bitch you better get in line You're 17 behind flavor And that's without the three I got counted for years of fucking

Mescaline and acid and ups You know for a while I used to take those speed pills I never liked that shit at all I used to sell those to wrestlers, these little things called black beauties. So that's what the point was. The point was that, you know, in those years, I had to do some type of fucking damage. So I was telling my wife, I had to go, you know, I look at this little girl,

and I'm very fucking happy that she's really healthy at all levels. I know a lot of children that are born fucked up, the parents, whatever, but I'm really fortunate. So that's what we're talking about. I don't even know how we got into the phone conversation. What you said was is kids on those pills, and my senior. senior year of high school, this kid with, he was on pills, but he had Asperger's, which is that disease that, it seems like a lot of people who do the shootings now have, it's a kind of,

I forget the word, but it's a mental disease and it's mostly social and stuff like that, but in my senior year, a kid went into a bathroom and just stabbed a random kid, and he died. It was like six years ago. And then it was the first I heard about Asperger's, and it seems like every one of these people that do the mass killings seem to have it. And they're on the pills, and they don't seem to be helping. And I don't know if it's the disease that does it or what does it. But they're obviously not doing the right stuff for the kids.

You know, Lee, a guy like me sits here fucking baffled. I sit here baffled. Like I was telling Rogan, I sit here fucking baffled. Because when I was a child, I was exposed to weapons. And I was exposed to fucking weapons in a crazy way. Now, okay, so maybe I fell in a special category, but, and then again, I went to a school named McKinley School when I got thrown out of Sacred Heart for fucking choking the nun. I went to a school called McKinley School in North Bergen. It's crossed from New York Hotel off of Route 3.

And I'm going to tell you something. There was no shootings, and we didn't have people, but those were, in hindsight. And I look you in the face and tell you, those are some of the most disturbed children I had ever been around. And let me tell you what made it worse. You know, in the 60s and the 70s, a bunch of Cuban kids came. A bunch of Spanish kids came. Okay. Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Columbia.

You know, I shouldn't just narrow it down a fucking Cuban. There's an assortment of specs in that fucking school. And I was one. And, you know, they didn't know the language. So in those days, we weren't as accelerated as we are now. You had an SRA reading program, and you had four teachers, and they did the best of you can with 20 fucking students in a class. now never mind the fucking language barrier

so these kids got left back not because they weren't intelligent just because they didn't know the language and they kept holding these kids back so these kids ended up being 14 in the seventh fucking grade you know and I remember Louis Al-Divar and the Ali brothers

the Ali brothers one of the kids I hit in the fucking head with a with a rock and I talked him into I talked to tell them that it was a meteor from the fucking sky You know, Louis Al-Livar still on Facebook, Peter Jimenez. I still remember these kids were men in the seventh grade. Men, they were 15, 16.

Yeah. And I'm not trying to be cute here. I mean, there's jokes that they used to drive to school, and they used to walk with their kids, and they had mustaches. No, but they were fucking men. And these kids could beat the fuck on anybody. I mean, these kids were tough. That's why they were put in a pilot program.

They were frustrated, and they would smack kids around. But I had a kid Charlie Gizzy that I didn't. knew for a fact. I knew for a fact his brother and him killed a guy down in five corners on 43rd Street, North Bergen. Another kid on that block was Doug Jimenez, a Cuban kid that was a rocker even back then. Didn't even speak Spanish. His parents

couldn't control him. I knew for a fact that dude was a fucking killer. There was a couple killers in that fucking crew. And we had him at McKinley. Charlie Gizzy was the one I cracked the joke about that whenever a plane would go by. He'd get up and get a machine gun and shoot the fucking plane. I mean, we had a kid Richie

Columbo that would fucking stab you to death. There were just a few fucking kids in these grammar schools that were dangerous motherfuckers. I'm telling you that right now. And all these schools had them. I know McKinley had four or five of these dangerous fucking kids that, you know, turned out to be fucking something like ended up doing 20 years or whatever. The Denny brothers, the Denny brothers with three kids. One of them had a marathon woman.

The chick that, suck 24 Coxes, the sophomore. That's what they called the marathon woman. Then the other brother was Mike Denny. They called him the devil. He's doing 20 years for killing them. his wife in North Carolina. I mean, I'm telling you, and I grew up with these fucking guys

in the vicinity that I knew them, but especially like the Gizzies. I knew fucking Charlie Gizzi's, and I smoked pot with him, and I bought drugs from a couple times. I knew that was, that were all in that relation with Gutter Brown. If you

ask me again, I'll knock you down. That's why I did heroin at 16. Gunter Brown had no problem was he giving me a fucking $10 bag of heroin 16. No problem. where I fucking flipped out watching No Quarter. Anyway, a little fucking music. It's Monday morning.

A little something for the spirits. Where's Tony Bennett, cocksucker? Well, Tony Bennett. Everything today is black except Tony Bennett. Out of respect, this goes deeper. It's Monday morning. January 21st already, people. Oh, shit.

To pick up the pieces. What's happening, Lee? Banana bread Wednesday. I don't know, Lee. I don't know. No more banana bread this week. All right. You talked a big game, and all of a sudden there's no more? Lee, you were fucked up the other day.

I was saying. You were slow with the fucking national anthem. I wasn't slow with it. I really listened to it. You were slipping. Yeah, whoever made that video, I loved it. The other thing is, I wish you had left it in the part where he said turning on again, and I turned it on.

Oh, my God. That was fucking crazy, man. Because I don't think people understand, because everyone heard, oh, like she puts it in the butter. I can't even explain how high I was. I had like two small little pieces. It is crazy. Listen, people, the banana bread is the craziest fucking...

One thing I loved about getting high, when I started at that age of 13 with Carlos Perez and Dominic Spichielo and Jimmy Balzano and those guys, we used to play a game. We used to snort a line of THC and go into the city and lose each other. and the goal was to end up on 178th Street and meet each other and then go back on Lincoln Tunnel or something. That morning, we lost each other.

We started at 10 to 6, and next to you know, it was 7.30, and we were fucking higher than fuck. I left here. I was higher than fuck, and I got thrown into taking a walk with my wife and going to lunch with the kid. Oh, I passed out. Oh, I was higher than fuck when I left here.

And it's amazing that the banana bread doesn't have limit. tonnet. Like everybody else in town has like 40 milligrams. Like I just had an iced tea I was going to bring over here for your friends. An ice tea? Yeah, 40 milligrams of T-8C. Oh, that's cool. I like that. Don't do nothing. Tell you, 40 milligrams is what I watched my fucking dick with.

Where were those anti-delores brownies? Do you remember how big... Which ones? The little chocolate like you cut it. It was small, but you cut it in half. 50. That fucking got me stoned. What are you talking? It was 100 milligrams. Yeah. So, 40 seems pretty good. It's 50. Yeah. That's...

You, I gotta put you in that league. You're a major league. I gotta get you up there in 100 milligrams. I almost missed work. I woke up at 6 and I was like, ugh. But I don't know, I don't even know how to explain it. But when you have something like that, I don't feel sore, but it's, I don't know,

I feel it kind of like I either had a massage or something. I told you. I ain't fucking with nobody. Listen, guys, listen, I ain't one of these guys with the tattoos and the T-shirts and use hemp and Betty Ross. Listen, I don't give a fuck. I get hired to get fucking. stone to the fucking gills. But

you know, a couple of years ago, I had a two-take. All right. Six, five years ago, I had a little two-take and it was a root canal and it didn't take. So over the holidays, I had it over the holidays. Six or seven days I had this fucking tooth.

And I remember getting so high at night just passing out with the fucking pain. Like, I'm about to pass out right now. But I would pass out and I would go, wow, that's amazing that it really would outweigh my pain. Yeah. But the biggest Contributed a weed I had was when I first started losing weight, like, and working out and hitting the bag, bouncing around, your lower back hurts, your knee hurts, your feet hurt. Speaking of that, how's the strong bone working?

I don't have no fucking pains no more. You know, I'm a real advocate on the fucking strong bone. You know, a lot of people come here and they'll tell you the alpha brain, they'll say you this, that, this. I love alpha brain. Alpha brain is fucking tremendous. I read another review on it. It really does. Alpha brain gets you so fucking intensified

That you just you know Alpha brain a little breast milk And some weed excuse me for the burp That's that protein burp What'd you think of that fart before I farted? Oh my God He farted and it was so good There's probably like 10 feet in between

And I was just getting ready And I was just standing up And it's like in the cartoons When it's just yellow smoke and it just hits you It hit me I sprayed febrize And the febrize like died Bounced off with that hemp protein

straight up in the morning with a little banana in it. Oh, it got me going this morning. By the time I get home about 7.30, my asshole will be ready to percolate. That motherfucker just comes out like a soft serve, like a doctor. I got to light a candle

and a candle for the candle. You know what I'm saying? That's how I roll. Bitches on a Monday. Fucking beautiful morning. Get up. Write your goals down for the day. Write your goals down for the...

It's amazing when I write my goals down, bro. That's what I put three kickboxings, a yoga. a workout, you know, I'll read three pages of a book. You know, I've been working with Omar Lopez, and I'm writing this fucking book, and it's a nightmare, because I can't find my troupetoe. So we've got to narrow down on a paragraph a week,

a sentence a week, a sentence a day, and a week. You know, we got Testicle Testaments is up tomorrow for sale, but Testicles Testicles, the show starts to get up in February again. Okay. So I've got to give you the dates. We got February, March, and April. But what we're talking about was, when I first started with the workouts

that would hurt the most and I went to Kushmore at the time and Kushmore used to sell two cookies for 10 bucks these little oatmeal hash cookies just these little fucking cookies and you would eat both on and the next day I would not be sore at all my knees wouldn't hurt

my feet wouldn't hurt my ankles wouldn't hurt so now what I do is to be honest you know the strong bone takes about a week and a half to get going into your system yeah I'm already up to my second thing. And again, it's like when people say to me,

what do you think about melatonin? Melatonin is fucking great, but it becomes like everything else. You get used to it. Yeah. So now you've got to get on something else. So I don't do the melatonin no more. I've just kept it to the reefer.

I mean, the real reason why I smoke reefer is to fall back to sleep at night. Yeah. You know, I went to bed. I went to the ha-ha. I got home in a quarter of 11 last night. I talked to my wife for a little while, playing with the baby.

I think I went to bed at 12. You know, I was walking around at 3.45. I saw that. I was walking around at three fucking 45 this morning. I was getting coffee like nothing. Granted, I'll take a two-hour nap later, maybe three hours. Yeah. But that's how I am.

If I didn't have to meet you at six, I would have got up, got some coffee, and I would have rolled a fucking joint and a half of this bazooka debt, and I would have smoked them both, and by five o'clock I'll fall back to sleep and get three more hours. Yeah, sleeping pull are dangerous. I used to be on them. And then I also... Can't fuck around with sleeping.

There was a commercial during football, I think. It's a new sleeping. pill that you're supposed to take if you wake up in the middle of night it's not like but like the amount of bad things that could happen from it where it was like an extra two minutes to the commercial and the

weed my friends asked me because I work nights I have some friends here they said oh are you going to be able to sleep I'm like the weed I'll be asleep 10 minutes after Joey leaves and I feel like those sleeping pills are dangerous man all I need is just a push to get me to sleep once I'm in there it's just to shut my mind off I think

are the things I have to do when I lay down sometimes and then you say, fuck it, let me just get up and do them. And then you get up and you realize that you're only doing them at 50%. So you're wasting your time. It's the law of diminution returns. So that's what the fuck, what's the music you got for these beautiful black people today? What do you got?

Jesus Christ, what you got for your uncle Joey today? Here's something that you feel like this. Oh shit. Oh shit. Ooh. I played this this morning, too. Let me tell you. My love James. And I should play I look James Brown for your people. But this is as deep as it gets.

This is where your mind frame should be every fucking morning. Revenge for waking the fuck up. Black and I'm angry. You understand me? That's me. James Brown, I got fucking black veins in my eye. Here we go to those red veins and the black people getting there. You go to Memphis?

Isn't that from the week? No, because they're angry and shit. Those are African bloodlines and shit. What? Oh shit. Get down with my girlfriend. What? Monday, the 21st of the month.

Get up, cocksuckers. Next month is the month and all the Jews get angry. You paying the same amount of rent for a fucking short month? Oh shit. I'm already thinking about it. Payback. You want to see. Only do it.

Bad motherfucker you. And Wednesday, we're coming to you live from... Nerdist Studios. 4 o'clock in California. 40 time, 7 o'clock Pacific time, like I was telling you, and I'm sorry to fucking interrupting myself. I get stoned and goes fucking nowhere people. This is what you need to do, right?

So I get the strong bone now, and since you get the tolerance to it, I did one thing. Okay. I got it in my system, and then I did the other thing to get it fully in my system. Now I'm not getting any pain at all, and I switch it up with the hemp protein, and I'm taking the immune now for the flu that's been going around. gotten the flu. I could feel it. You had that threw a fucking clammy out that had it all in there. I smoked dope

with somebody or something. In Irvine. I woke up Friday morning. I spit out this black fucking lung of death flu with Chinese. They had a fucking fortune in there. So I could tell it came from China, this fucking flu. And that's what the fortune said. You're going to get the flu. And I fucking

was on my toe. You ever spit on your toe by mistaken in the shower? Because in the shower, I brushed my teeth even better. Like, I've been doing everything. You brush your teeth in the shower? Fuck yeah, right? when I get up in the morning. Where are you going to go? That's the second thing I do after I pee.

Well, I'm peeing and I'm putting the shower on. Yeah, well, I understand that, but I mean, I guess it makes sense. What do you brush your teeth? After. When you come out of the shower and then you got to keep walking, that's an extra three minutes with that fucking horsebread. Fuck it. You go in the shower.

You'll wash your hair. Then you throw some conditioning on that motherfucker while your hair's conditioning. You shave. You scrub your body with the washcloth, your asshole, your nut sack. It just feels dirty in there. Like, I don't know if I want, like, my tooth. brush in there? No, your toothbrush is still outside. I just reached my hand, like a

Puerto Rican, like Fester, and I fucking brush it, shh, shh, then I spit it all up, and I get it all in there, and I shave in there, and I get the whole patois, you know what I'm saying? I mean, look of this fucking, look at this fache brute here, you know what I'm saying, I got to look handsome, and then when I come out, you're Listerine that

motherfucker in case you got any pussy hairs, or asshole residue in your mouth. Oh, good Lord. Because the toothbrush don't get an asshole residue out. No, it doesn't, that's what I'm talking but they'll turn on and get farted on. Don. Bro, we got it all set up for you.

You're getting a surprise far. As a matter of fact, I might even drop one of these protein farts on your face. How about I fart? Not you. Oh, God. Who shot that duck? A little something for you.

On a Monday morning, get your shit together, people. Get up, wash, do something. Anyway, oh, my God. This is real hemp right here. This should put this on the box of the microphone. We'll pick up a fart. Yeah, that's the next technology. Me to send you the odors that are coming.

straight through your fucking computer screen you can put you porn on and smell the chick's feet a pussy it's a tremendous techno what is it Lee what is it what

what what do you mean what is it what is it what what what what so anyway joe deans is like

flip the sweats or something not what I'm trying to fucking say here is that go in there I know it's getting cold across the country it's very cold

in Canada get today today right now we're fucking talking, go to onit.com. Order the three pack. Get yourself to hemp protein like I'm farting right now. If you're going to get invited to Valentine's party,

why not fucking drop one of these hemp protein farts in a motherfucker and rock their world? It's going to smell in this room. I fart in the car two days ago, and I sent my wife on a mission. I go, take my car. She called me midway. She's like, I'm driving with all the windows open

and it still smells in here. These hemp protein farts, they just linger. And then get yourself to strong bone if you're a fat fuck, Or if you're a little heavy, you want to lose some weight, and you want to do some circuit training or something, and get yourself the Shroom Tech immune. Give it a shot.

And then later on, try the Shroom Tech, the other one that they have, because they have the sport and the immune. Try them both. See, sports to work out, it's got those mushrooms or cyborgs, whatever the fuck they call them, and it makes you run high and jump fucking quicker. It's like juke sneakers.

Run high and jump quicker. Yeah, whatever the fuck it is. Why are you laughing at me, Lee? I'm a little stone. Lee, what is it? In about 24 minutes, you rolled three joints. Like, it was nothing. Two joints, cock suckers.

No, it was at least three. And I still got, well, I smoked one at the house. Okay. I'm not damn right. But you ain't no Swami. Let me do some shout-outs here today to my people. Leroy neckbone, happy fucking, uh, Bon Luther King Day.

You're my favorite fucking black dude. I'm going to give a shout out to Jasper Williams. A kid I grew up with that showed me the black fucking culture. when I first came from Cuba a shout out to my brother Constantine Rain Keb D. Foster, you black motherfucker. Alex Anuga

Eric Mitchell, you bad motherfucker. I want to give Gregory O'Connell Michael, whatever. Answer this motherfucker. Let's do this. What pass am I, mano? Who do I have on the fucking line today? Oh shit.

Oh, shit. shit, the great motherfucking Ivan Salivari. How are you, my brother? Good morning. Good morning to you. Thank you very much for calling today for you guys

that know there's one of my I love this guy with all my heart he's up in Seattle. Too bad I can't come see him because I got that warrant. The great Ivan Salivari. Give him a round of applause. Say hello to him flying Jew.

This is Ivan Salivari. Hey, Ivan. Hey, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? Good, good. Who's good? This is the Flying Jew.

We work together. He's my little co-host here in the church of what's happened now. What's with the questions? You know what I'm saying? I'm sorry, I apologize. What's going on, Ivan, up there in Seattle. Talk to me. Oh, no, maybe just do my thing here.

I just, you know, I got done with the tournament this week. I'm dying to get you out here once and for all, man. We've got to squash that fucking wand that you got out here and bring you up here. Now, you're the owner now, or Salivari-M-M-M-A-Solivary. What's the name of the store? school? It's Ivan Salivary and A. It's a school over on South Lake Union here downtown Seattle. And what do you teach over there exactly? Well, my style, the transitions of all those. So you have regular people that go to your school and fighters, correct?

Eating potatoes of lifestyle martial arts. And then we have... You're very fortunate, Ivan, that you did fight in the fucking UFC and some other organizations. Who are some of the people you fought? Oh, my God, man. I'm going to Andre Seminoff. Wow. Out of Red Devil. You know what, Joe, you're making me think.

What are you doing it? I ain't making it think, no more, no more. I just want people to realize who the fuck we have on the phone here. You ain't no fucking hobbyist throwing psychics for Jesus. Oh, no, no. I've been asked it for a bit, man. I've been out for a while. I fought in K-1 and K-1 in the night for a bit.

So, yeah, I've been doing this for a while. I love you at all my heart. You always make me laugh. Tell these cocksuckers how we met. Oh, my goodness. We were on the sack coming out of your train, and I'm like, what, what is that? Is that really?

Oh, my God, I thought it started talking. And, yeah, man, it was nice. You know, you were really cool. We were in the middle of the fucking desert in New Mexico, in the middle of nowhere, right? And, you know, you were but the first show. You were just really cool. We had a good time on that movie, man.

I still think about that whole town. how much we used to laugh. It was cool, man. It was just like so many little, you know, I'm not Hollywood at all. You know, I don't hang around in California or, like, movie, etc. Like that, and it was, like, it was a little shocking

to see that many celebrities and, you know, I mean, how the movie business worked and all that stuff in a pool of sweat, you know what I mean? For, you know, many, many years, so I don't see that. And you were, like, so kicked back, and we kind of gravitated to you, you know what I mean? because you were more real, I think, and more able to talk to and hang out with.

And it was cool, man. It was really cool. And it bumped out. I mean, it was crazy hanging out with him those days, man. Really crazy. Remember we used to take the vans in the morning, and we used to get to arguments. I used to call him Godzilla and shit.

In Japan, you big fucking Godzilla, cocksucker. Always fucking late, and Maurice always clowning people. Oh, my God. The wrong people, man. You know how he is. the loud mouths and just clouded people. And you're nobody here making children. You've had a movie start.

You're the trailer of one of the people in the movie. Shut up. You know, and this is what these people have no idea. And I'm going to break it down for you motherfuckers that are at home watching this or listening. I was in a movie. We were in a movie with Adam Sandlin, Chris Rock, and all that shit.

That's great and dandy. But in the trailer next to me was Ivan Salverie, Maurice Smith and Bob Sapp I want you to wrap your fucking heads around that I want you to wrap your fucking heads if something would have happened on that set that was just in the trailer next to me the one on my right was

what was the name Goldberg remember he used to rip the door off the fucking hinges because it would lock And you know what? And sweetheart He was so cool too Another fucking cool guy Across from us we had Kevin Nash

Another monster and what was the other guy the ball had a guy from Texas the wrestler that was Goldberg No that was Goldberg No no no no no Austin Austin Steve Austin

That was our neighborhood That was because we weren't in with the civilized people We weren't with Nellie No And it was Lobo and Nick Tituro That's where who was in the back We called it the ghetto That was the back

That was the fucking back You know the sergeant and Chris Rock and Nellie and those guys were in the front... Upper-clad neighborhood. Upper-clad neighborhood. They had us in hell in this fucking thing because there was always drama.

I mean, I remember those wrestlers making margaritas. Do you remember that? They had a blender and they would send the guy on the fucking thing for the liquor store. That's how strong this movie was. They would send them to the liquor store

to get margarita mix and beers at 10 o'clock in the fucking morning. And on a movie set, you guys were probably sitting around for eight or ten hours a day doing nothing. Doing nothing. I asked him, nothing. It was crazy. It was really fucking crazy.

I was the guy that was cross-dressing in that movie? Yes. You know what? I just seen those guys. I just did a TV show and two of them from the longest yard were there. And I'll tell you, we were sitting there telling stories and cracking the fuck up. And it was just... Who was the actor that was...

Tracy Morgan. Tracy fucking Morgan. Tracy fucking Morgan. Tracy fucking Morgan. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? And here I am. I don't even know what to describe this feeling.

And like I said, I remember being hot as fucking Bob Sapp couldn't pick me up. There was a scene where he had to pick me up and he couldn't fucking pick me up. I was so fat. This guy was throwing people around in pride. And he couldn't fucking. and pick me up. Amazing. That movie set

was really, really cool, Dave. We had a good time. That's why I had, and my ex-wife was there when we were just gay. God.

Yeah, your ex-wife came to visit. Your ex-wife came to visit. That's right. Over in New Mexico. We have some good training sessions

up there, too. Remember, you took me to, it was difficult to breathe up there, surprisingly. Yeah, you know where you took me?

We went one day to Alberto Crane school. That's right. Alberto Crane has a... The Jadidicent Black Belt out there. Let me tell you something about Alberto Crane. He's got a 7 a.m. class that starts in 30 minutes

every fucking day. 7 a.m. in Burbank off Coenga and it's fucking packed. I had a, you know, every morning before I do the podcast, you know, I'm trying to stay in shape and get healthy so I do a protein shake. But for some reason, this is why I put a banana in it

and some peanut butter. What's coming out of? my ass if the fucking NASA got it, the farts, and they put it in a jar, they could drop this over. Iran and Iraq and all this shit. Those motherfuckers wouldn't know what to do. How bad is this fart, Lee? How bad is it?

I'm about to pass out. It is fucking terrible. And I fart it like it was nothing. I think he likes it. He's got no choice. He's the technician. He's the producer. He's got to sit it out like a savage. He's got to be like a police during Hurricane Sandy. He's got to sit there

on the beach. But the fucking, I just fart and I caught the heat, that first batch of heat, I almost died over here. Fucking terrible, terrible. Remember, you know who else was pretty interesting? No, no, no, you gotta have a good time. You know who else we had a good time with in that movie

that blew us away? The Big Indian. You know, the... Oh, Dalip. Deleep. The leap. Damn, he used to eat like 30 eggs for breakfast. How many eggs?

Remember, he would eat 30 eggs for breakfast. Do you remember that he would eat 30 eggs for breakfast? remember that he would take a box of food home at night? Yeah. Like they would give him, like, fucking a pound of chicken and rice and potatoes, because that was like his late night supper. He was full of. We went back to a little week-long or whatever month-long hotels that we stayed at.

Yeah? With the kitchenette and all that stuff. And that dude, my goodness, I could take it. Like, I remember him having takeout and brought in. And it was incredible. It was bag after bag. His hands were literally huge. They were like bigger than my head.

Man, it was incredible. It was, yeah. He was a polite bowing and shit. He's the jawline. You know what I mean? You know, you're just jawline? God, my goodness. He was a real fucking, he was a real sweetheart of a guy.

He really was. And we started making him perverted. Like we started talking about pussy and eating fucking Hindu ass and shit. and he couldn't believe it. Hindu ass, he was loving it. He was loving white women. Remember he bought sunglasses, he was done.

You know, once you come from India and you're in Hollywood and you see some big fucking pussy, he didn't even want to go back to India. He was done. He took the flute, he took the flute and broke it in half and killed the snake.

He said, fuck it. I'm staying in Cali, slinging dick, eating eggs. What's in the future? Ivan Salivari talked to me. Well, maybe he could fight you and there. I've been, you know, I'm still trying to maintain myself in the fight game. But right now I'm focusing on the gym, focusing on my tournament that I have,

the tournament called G-Sov-X, submission grappling tournament. They're doing very well. You know, I'm focusing on my fighters, especially on the circuit of fights that we have out here. You know, kind of maintain myself in the NBA community. I still talk to Maurice, I still talk to Bob, I still hang out with the old heads, Josh Barnett, Dennis Hallman, all the old heads. You know, we still hang out once in a while.

We hang out Jeff Munson, I see that old part once in a while. And we hang out and have a good time. And still try to maintain and roll around on the mouth once in a while, you know what I mean? So I'm very fortunate. I'll tell you this, honestly, dear. very, very fortunate where I'm at. You know, I mean, I wake up in the morning, I have my cup of coffee,

and I get to box and wrestle all day. You know what I mean? And to be able to do that, and you're also the creator of the crucifix. One of the best moves of all fucking... I don't know why. My grandmother made the crucifix. All right.

Listen, I got to give... Let me put this out there. I got to give, you know, Joe Rogge a big prop, you know, for even mentioning me, in that situation. You know what I mean? I was like, I was just super young

and in my first year, I see when I had this move over, on Andre Seminoff. And that was a horrific fight for me in the sense that I pummeled this motherfucker. Pommeled him in every capacity possible,

and I couldn't submit him. I couldn't beat him, and I was like, holy shit. I got to kill the motherfucker. In the middle of the cage, you know what I mean? I was like, holy crap.

guy is so hard to, you know, be. And thank God, you know, I got a takedown, and I was able to maneuver my position into that, you know, from side control, into my front-side crucifix, which I don't know if people know out there, but the front-side cruciface is basically the isolation of the head by controlling top position and controlling the far-side arm and the near-side arm. So the far-side arm you control with your arms or the near-side arm you control with the legs. So I'd isolate the head and you're able to pummel down on the head without

any obstruction. And the referee stopped it after like 50 hits. A long answer's hit, 50 hits. So I've helped my career so much. You're a bad motherfucker, Ivan. And I'm happy that we stayed friends. I'm happy that, you know, you have the boys and I just had my girl and we watched each other. Congratulations, Joe, by the way. Congratulations. Yeah. How is it? Not to sleep.

shitty diapers and, you know, be scared for the rest of your life because you've got to take care of a young lady. Yeah, it's been a piss of the last. Tomorrow's two weeks, and it's fucking different. But you know what, man, my wife is happy. And that's the most important fucking thing at the end of the week. She's in another fucking planet.

She's in another dimension. She's doing great. And that's the more, like I said, you know, once that's good to see that, when you see it, You know, like I said, I was married before, and I had a daughter before, and I kind of failed. And now to see it from a different angle. Like, I realized how fucked up I was when I got married 30 years ago. I was fucked up.

Like, I was fucked up, because I remember all these stories about mugging hookers and all this shit, but I don't remember about my daughter being born, being around this one reminds me, and it makes me think of how fucked up I am. But, Ivan, I'm happy you call today, and I'm happy you're a friend, and is there a web page that these Cox seconds could go to and see your school and what you're doing up there? Absolutely. I've been excited at every M&A.

You just look it up, you Google it, and my gym will pop up. You know, if you're interested in my tournament, it's G sub-ex.com. If you're interested in coming up, especially all you guys down there, we challenge any, California, you know,

grappling, submission, jih-jitsu, anything, you know, a guy out there to come up here and try to do something. dare you, we're triple dogs dare you. And you're up there with Alice and Chains and fucking Bruce Lee.

You're up there making it happening, Chris Cornell and fucking... Yeah, the home of the real martial artist. Fuck, yeah. That's the truth of that.

We're the original martial artist, man. That's the fucking truth of them. Yeah, you got here, Maurice Smith, Josh Barnett, Dennis Harmon, old schoolers,

man, so, yeah. That's good that you're up there. We just had a year of year. Oh, that's right, yeah, yeah, December or something. Ben Henderson,

you know, defended the title against Medeas, very good card. Did you go? Yeah, we had a suite. It was awesome. A sweet? It was really cool.

Yeah. Look at fucking Ivan up there. Living like a doctor slinging dick. Stop. Jumping up and down. Look at them. We all chipped in, like a bunch of guys. You know, dude.

Got a sweet, it was really, really cool. But it was a good card, man. Really, really good card. So what did you think of this week's card? I didn't see it. I was stuck doing the tournament. Oh. Okay, you didn't watch Vida?

Vito kick fucking... No, I heard he pungle him, though. Yeah, he went after him. He looked good. He looked good. Everybody's saying that he might have been juiced up, that he might be pissing hot, but, you know, everybody's so fucking negative.

You just can't give a guy a shot. Maybe a guy just worked hard. He looked that fucking chiseled, you know? Gonzaga looked really good. You know, a couple of fights were good. The next fight is when? Oh, this week, we have Chicago. We have...

Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, we have rampage. against Tuxara and you have Dotson against Mighty Mouse I think you got some great fucking fights who are and Clay Gwito man he's from here he's from Seattle no shit oh that's right he said he trades over AMC with not human all those guys how's my man the Puerto Rican the boxing guy who the guy that's right yeah how's he doing he's doing really well man he's up at the community college you know

I mean, he works at the community college. He does the physical education program over there, and he's got a boxing program over there at the community college in Seattle Central. So, yeah, he's doing really well. Yeah, he's doing really well, really well. Does he help you out at the gym at all? He comes down once in a great while.

No, he's got a little thing going, you know what I mean? Okay. And so I got to go. I got both. You know, that's enough, man. That's good, oof. That's enough of, you know, striking coach ego. You know what I mean?

So, yeah, Maurice. He's out of Vegas right now, but, you know, he's one of my main striking instructors over there. Who is that? Who's your main guy? Maurice Smith? Oh, is he? Is the old man your main striking instructor? I didn't know that.

Yeah, no, baby. All right, I'm going to go on the webpage. When I get out of here, I'm going to go take a look. I didn't know Maurice was up there with you full-time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's not right now. He's in Vegas right now, but, yeah, he's up here. He's my guy.

You have a good fucking school over there, man. You really got it going on. I'm proud of you, Ivan. We have a good crew. We have, you know what I mean? We have some really good coaches, you know, coach Johnny. You know what I mean? One of my lesson coaches.

You know, we have a bunch of guys that come through, you know what I mean? That, you know, obviously Josh, you know, Josh Barnett comes from once in a great while. Beneth Hallman, Jeff Munson, all those guys. I mean, it's a tight-knit family. It's a small area for what it is. You know what I mean? You know that.

Seattle is a small city, big town. But surprisingly, we push out a lot of good guys out of this little area. Ben Henderson is from this area. You know what I mean? You know, DJ, Mighty Mouse is from this area. You know what I mean? So there's champions with the kids. with the current champions from the Northwest,

from the Seattle Radio for that matter. Hey, man, there's nothing to do when it rains. You got to do something inside. You know, goodness, man. You know, when it fucking starts raining there. Boy you're raining there. Damn, when it starts fucking raining there, you got to stay inside.

I got really good at comedy living up there. That's the truth, because that's all you do. You do fucking comedy. You know, there's no time to do nothing else. It's fucking raining out. Are you the person of your fucking mind, drinking coffee? No, you know what?

rain didn't get to me. It was, it's really hard to explain to people. It wasn't. But I lived in Colorado the year that snowed 20-something days in a row. Yeah. And it was kind of like living in Seattle. I remember being in Seattle looking out your window and it's fucking raining again. And the thing that's good is if you don't have a job in Seattle, you look

out the window, you close the fucking curtain and you roll over and put out another three hours of high-powered fucking sleep. Yeah. And you wouldn't miss a beat, man. No, there's nothing going on. It's really hard when you get these, like, California people coming through to Seattle. And especially when they come in the summertime, oh, my God, it's so fucking gorgeous.

It's so green. It's so beautiful. The lakes, the mound of water, the sun, right? And then they said, one motherfucking winter here. And they freak the fuck out, man. Oh, no, it's amazing. They can't take, like, two weeks straight of, like, rain. It's not even rain.

It's, like, drizzle rain. Drizzle and gray. It's like buffalo, but it spits. It's buffalo. It was great even in the fucking July. Yeah. Two weeks straight to that shit, and they start freaking the fuck out. You know what I mean?

They can't handle it. You know, they start going, oh, my God, I got to get back to California. So, yeah. No, but it does, you know, I mean, it is home. You know what I mean? And the reason, you know, the, you know, it's so beautiful. It's because of that fucking rain. You know what I mean?

We have the beautiful mountains, the lakes, the ocean. You know what I mean? And, uh... The ocean's fucking cold. I used to live in an hour. Al-Qaeda beach. Fuck you. Those penguins are down there.

And those white people, they love it for it to be Baywashed. They're out there with the bikinis on, trying to make it real fucking warm. But relax, Gakshuck. There's a penguin in the water. I used to go take... I used to take that little ship over to Brementon for the ferry.

That's a motherfucker. The ferry. And it got stuck one time. I didn't live there. Fucking 19 people fell off. I used to go to the other place. Was it Brementon? Yeah, yeah.

Bremittons were the Navy's at, correct? Yeah. You know, I told her. thousand times. That's one of the deepest points in the United States. That's why the submarines are up there, because they could drop right from fucking Brementon. What the fuck you think you're dealing with? I used to love Seattle. And I'd be up there with you're visiting you, but this Warren holds me back. I feel like a black man. That Warren holds me back in Seattle. I can't go up there and get my fish.

They do not forget. I'm dying to get you up here, man. Now let's see if we got to do it. comes, I would love for you and Logan to do the little comedy tour that you guys do. I would love to see that, man. You know what I said? There's a lot of the guys that follow you, man. I got my boys that follow you. You know what I mean? Your podcast and, man, it's dying to get you up.

You got to squash that. You got to really. Well, here's what's going on right now. I got this offer to shoot a comedy special in a prison. They're trying to put it together as we speak. And one of the things I have to take care of this warrant. So we're going to squash it. I'll be able to come visit my main man.

Ivan fucking boom boom salivary and shit I love you Ivan I love you don't forget about me man thank you very much for calling today and for shouting a hello and what's the webpage again Ivan Salivary M&A or you can go to my tournament webpage and that's G some X

g somex dot com and listen whether you're a beginner intermediate whether you want to beat people up You want to mug people. Go Godda on the Ivan Salerrelli, MMA. Learn something. Get your life together, getting shape. He's a good dog.

All right. I love you, Ivan. Don't forget about me. I love you, good. Thank you so much. Stay black, all right. I'll be calling you next week to say hello. Big hugs to you.

Take care. You too, brothers. What's up, Lee? You're sitting there like somebody who took your last fucking Yamika? No, I'm good. For anyone in Seattle, it's Ivan Salvery Mix Marceal Art Studio,

and it's 206. 652, 8381. When you go to Seattle, you're going to visit and do some jumping jacks. When I'm going to go to Seattle? Soon, we're going to send you on a smuggle admission. I know a guy up there that needs 20 pounds of mushrooms. Oh, good.

Yeah, that sounds like that's a fucking meal. You're the man. Who was the last time you mule the package? Never. That's the fucking problem here. I got nervous the one time I took weed home to Boston. Like the first year I was here, I brought some edibles home.

I was petrified. And then I didn't eat them all in Boston, so I was bringing them back. and TSA had something I've never seen before they brought like a mobile checking thing to the gate and they check every other person in the line getting onto the plane they went into your bag

and I just got lucky and they picked the guy in front of me they wouldn't have found it anyway they don't even know what they were from it. It smells like weed. It's fucking... Yes, it does. You can smell it immediately. You take it out of the wrapper

and you rap in something else and it says love from mom. You say, what the fuck? Mom made me an oatmeal cookie. Are you accusing me? something, Mr. T.A. say, man. You got any music for me? Well, I have the one we're, I was going to end with,

but we could do this in the world. What music you got for your uncle Joey? Let's see. Here we go. What's this? Fear of a black man. Oh, shit. From Martin Luther King. There you go. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. You like Pee? I like Pee. Yeah, Papa Gives. Oh, yeah. Get your shit together, Lee. I thought you're talking about Joe. I ain't gonna fucking smoke cut in weed with you no more.

If you back to this way... I was telling Lee, when I came in here that, yeah. I always have a good weekend, as long as I got you guys. Again, don't forget, testicle testaments is going on sale tomorrow, the fourth one about how I got the comedy and all that shit, but I was telling Lee about that. Every week I write the goals of what I'm going to do in the work out. I go to kickboxing, you know, Muay Thai,

and that's fucking three of those a week kills me, because you got a jumper open, all this shit. And then I added a yoga, and then I had this fucking weightlifting thing where I do the Dolce run, and I ride the bike for a half hour. You know, there's no reason to be lifting weights, no mom. Big enough. I'm a big fat fuck. I just need to lose some of this and get my cardio back.

And it's funny, you mention it, that the strong bone is helping my joints. I do feel a big fucking difference, you know. And now my wife's got me walking with the baby. So we've been walking. to the park and back, and then we stop and go a long way and shit. It's been fucking killing me, man. It's fucking tough. Oh, yeah.

But it's funny. But when we first moved to the Valley, I stayed at 270 for a long time, and it wasn't the diet, and it wasn't the working out. You know what it was? I used to walk her to the train, and then I would walk all the way around the neighborhood, and then walk home. I would walk her at 10 to 8, and I wouldn't get home until about 9.15.

it was a fucking long, tremendous walk, man. And I love it. I love walking. I've always loved walking. Walking is very good for you. If you have nothing else matters, walking is fucking great. So I had a great week of working out,

but sometimes I start with goals, and I got my goals in order now. You know, now to have the baby, I don't have much time. Like, when I go home now, she's going to want to take a shout. So I got the baby, and then we clean,

and then we do it, but then we go for a walk. So I don't see daylight until about 930 again. So by 9.30, I either take a nap, or I go back to yoga, 1145 today, and then I try to write here and there, and then, you know, I'll try to go to the ha-ha tonight and do a spot.

I know for a fact I got two shows of flappers Friday night. Saturday, I got something. Wednesday, I'm shooting something, so I will not be at the ice house with Joe and those guys. I think I'm doing Thursday night. But I was telling Lee when I walked in, and he didn't even know that I had to put Skinny Finney to sleep this Friday, my little Skinny Finney,

RIP, my little Skinny Finney. and I knew on Thursday I knew Thursday because he didn't eat the ham he loves fucking the boys had ham the deluxe slice thin he would go fucking nuts for it I tell the lady at Ralph

sliced this motherfucker thin because my cats like it and it's funny because when I first met Terry she had Finney as a kitten and I was like we took him on a date we and her went on a date to Lake Havissoe I was doing comedy that's when the car

car almost blew up Oh, Jesus. And we took Finney with us. It was 100 in the fucking... And Finney was a trooper, and I fell in love with Finney. I'm like, this cat's kind of cute. You know, she was spoiling him at the time. Really funny.

I'm like, no, he's not going to be half a fruit cake. So once I moved in there, I took Finney under my wing. Ooh. I took Finney under my wing, and I love Finney. I mean, I love Finney. You know, if you really think about it, Finney's like a son to me. Oh, my God.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Christ Almighty. This is awful. Awful. I love to go see a doctor and fart like this this fucking office. If you, oh God.

If you fart like, do you smell it? You don't smell. I'm clogging my nose. I got to blow it over there. You got to love this fucking fart. If I went to a doctor, he condemned my asshole right?

He'd just condemn it. He dialed 911 and they shut my asshole down and quarantine it. Woof. Good Lord. I love protein. powder. I love it. I'm going to drink three of these

next time I fly. I'm going to kill everybody in my fucking area. Because whenever somebody farts, whenever you smell a fart, you look around into the fat guy anyway. You have noticed that? Yeah, of course. Whenever somebody farts, you ever smell rotten ass? Who do you look at? You know, the first person you look at a fat chick

but it was funny because Friday morning I woke up and she said to me she goes, he's drooling from his mouth. And for about a year, he's been active. Do you smell at you? I mean, I'm not breathing. for about a year. He's been acting really weird in the sense that he's been

meaner. He bit me about three months ago. Really? He always bite me hard. But this time he was being, it was malice. He went to rip and I got really mad at him.

And about two weeks ago I got really mad at him because he attacked Sissy. And he's always been cool with Sissy. I mean, him and Sissy, I've always been cool. They've always played, they fought.

But he attacked her a little harder, so I got pissed off at him. But Friday, when I woke up, she said, listen, I'm going to take him to Nevada at 2 o'clock. And I played with him, and I could see he was drooling. He didn't want to be bothered. I didn't really say goodbye to him the proper way.

It seemed like she put him in a thing, and he was looking at me and the baby, and then he left. And I knew in December he didn't have much left, but I wanted him to hold on to see mercy. It meant a lot for me, for him to see mercy. I mean, he's been around since day one. Yeah. That cat, one night, I locked that motherfucker out when I was doing blow,

and that's all I think about. When you do cocaine, you get paranoid. Okay. So one night something happened but I used to snor coke in the garage and run upstairs and then shit

and sit in the bathroom for like an hour and jerk off and then I do the left like a little bit left and always save like a little line and do it and I go out and watch TV

or write jokes or whatever the fuck I was doing sorry about that and one night I must have left something in the hallway or something and he ran out into the hallway so I'm sitting by the computer

you had never gone for this apartment. This is the one in Hollywood. The office then was off the kitchen. So you got to walk into the kitchen, and then you made a left. It was a little tiny cubicle. That was my little office. And I had a window.

I could fart in there. It was tremendous. And I'm sitting there. Coked up to the fucking gills. And I'm hearing, you know when somebody's pushing your door? Oh, yeah. I'm like, oh, my God, it's the cops. And I went.

I did the rest of the Coke. And I lay in bed with the sleep at it. be a mask on. Just waiting for the cops to kick the door down. After three hours, you know, I was still paranoid in the coke. Nothing happened. I said, what the fuck? It's the cat.

And I never forget going out there and opening up the door. And he was like from drooling and from hissing. He was just drenched and sweated. I don't know what the fuck. And he just ran and he hissed at me for like three days. And I never told my wife what had happened because she killed me. Like, you locked them out, coked up. But I always thought about that. seen how Thai that was in him. I put him in a couple

videos, right? Yeah, he was in the first one. He was in the first one? He was in a year? Yeah, he was in a couple videos. Yeah, he was a good cat. He had been sick recently, and it was, I asked you when he told me, because the dogs do it a lot, but it seems like when they know something's going on,

like they'll wait until it's good for everyone. Like he, if it had happened two weeks ago when your wife was in the hospital, it would have been really bad, so it's a... She was fucking upset. I mean, she was upset just talking to me. And it was funny yesterday of the day before. We put him down Friday.

And Friday I was okay. And I think Saturday, Saturday afternoon she went to food shopping. And she got ham and Swiss cheese. And I went to make a sandwich. And as I was making a sandwich, I realized he's gone. And he ain't ever fucking coming back with all the skinny

fanny. I haven't gone through that yet. I have a dog that's about 10 or 11. And I'm, I think about it every day. Oh, he's in Boston? Yeah. And I don't, I don't, I don't, I been like I can't get one now but I keep thinking oh maybe I'll get a dog out here I don't think I like having them die

just seems like it's gonna it's gonna kill me when my dog back home passes away oh listen man when any animal it's funny I told a few people and they got back to me right away they understood how much I love this cap what am I gonna do I can't get upset about it now I knew he was coming I got 14 years out of him and he was a good friend he was my son he was the only real son I ever had

I got him when he was nine months old, and I had him until recently, he's a boy, and I toughened him up, you know, I toughen them up. I used to play with him really hard and kiss him, and I gave him love, and I fatten him up, and he lost a lot of fucking weight to last year, and he went from being 18 pounds to six. He was six pounds of him?

He was six pounds recently. Whenever I would touch his back, I could feel his spine, his nerves and shit, and I just wish he's in a better place, and he forgives us for putting him down because he just had to go down. But besides that, on a fucking light note, it's Martin Luther King Day.

God gave us another day to fucking live, and we still got to go out there and do what the fuck we're supposed to do. And grab your ball, sniff your fucking fingers, get the yellow pages, get the want ads, and do what the fuck you got to do today? It's a beautiful day. And we've got to go out there and fucking make it happen.

Like I said to you motherfuckers before, do me a favor. If you didn't start your little exercise routine or your health and fitness routine or just drinking water, It all starts You're just drinking 8 glasses of water

A day And I've been drinking a lot more water Because my wife is freezing it now Yeah So she gets it out of the thing And if she puts it in the freezer Fucking delicious With little icicles in it

Delicious Especially when it's supposed to be 80 fucking degrees here Finally it's freezing For the past two weeks I'm ready for it Ah we deserve it out of here But besides that it's freezing

The rest of the country Stay warm If you got the fucking flu Take your medication Stay home and get it over with Don't go out early and then it becomes an ammonia. Take care of your health.

Your health is the most important thing. Fuck you. There's some basketball games and all this shit. If you don't have your health, you don't have nothing. This Friday, January 25th, I will be at Flappers in Burbank. Go to flappers.com and get your tickets today. Guess what?

Columbus, Ohio. Uncle Joey's coming back, bitches. February 1st and 2nd at the Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio. And where else I'm my league? I don't fucking know anymore. Don't forget. Let me check on. Cocodias.net?

Testicle testament. It's not on there. No, I got no dates. The new web page is coming. If you have an email, man, I replayed a lot of emails last week. If you have an email or you want to talk to you, remember about something.

Go to Joey Cocoa Diaz. Dot, the new web page will be up next week, hopefully. The t-shirts, I got to call my man, JR, and get those. We're going to get some church of what's happening. T-shirts for you motherfuckers. So you know. And besides that, that's all I got for you guys. I love you always.

Remember, Wednesday, the, 23rd. We would be doing a podcast at 4 o'clock Pacific. I'll keep you guys more posts. It could be like 4.30. It's going to go till 6. I don't know if it's going to be in every Wednesday thing. We're doing it live in the Norgas Studios.

We're going to have my man Aubrey Call from on it. And we're also going to have my other crazy friend call. The guy that just got out of prison and see what he's been doing with his life for last months since we spoke to him. And that's it. Mad motherfuckers. A different type of podcast this the other day. We got a little crazy.

We will get crazy again for you, people. It's Monday. It's Martin Luther King Day, a beautiful day, listen to Black music. What he got for me today, bro? For the last music? Yeah. All right, here we go. I've got some Michael Jackson for you.

Which one you got? I had a smooth criminal. What's the other? What's the thriller? All right. Where's fucking thriller? When you're thinking of Michael Jackson, if you're going to put Michael Jackson on,

you're going to put Thriller on. Yeah, but I was just from a different angle. Fucking smooth. criminal. Everyone puts the thriller on. You've been smelling too many in my fart, sandwich. Oh, they're delicious. I don't know if they're delicious.

Fuck it, that's a long song. Which one is it? Thriller, it's a 13-minute song. Fucking mad. Yeah, man, that's awesome. Flappers is going to be cool. Flappers is going to be cool. They got good wings, and they got delicious

fucking blue cheese, and I will have a few shirts there that I have at the house. So come down to Flappers Friday night. 8 and 10 o'clock we're going to rock this motherfucker. You could smoke weed on the street It's Burbank. Just don't smoke cigarettes. It's a $100 a dollar weed A hundred on ticket for weed

And a 300 on ticket for cigarettes So you make the call. No, it's free for weed. You don't get a fucking ticket. Where's Thriller? Jesus Christ I might as well get the fucking The National Anthem and yell at these poor people

It's like a fucking music video. Fucking Jesus Christ. This is why you had to prepare. I was prepared. I had... Smooth fucking criminal. You fuck... Where's the Riefer?

This is why I gotta give you this shit again. Because... Here we go. Let's see what we are in the video. Get up and wiggle, fucking Joe. Let me see what you got. Let me see. Do a little...

I know you came in that era. Come on. Come on. You know one of the moves. Come on. Give me a move. Come on. Oh, shit.

What are you doing? You know the move. You know the fucking move. Coguck sucker. Wiggle for Joy. Come on. Oh. Oh, yeah.

Lee Syatt in the house. The church of what's happening now, you beautiful. people. Twitter, Facebook, get your shit together. Wake up. It's a beautiful day to be alive. It's Monday. Let's make it happen, bitches. But see you guys Wednesday. Four o'clock Pacific. 7 o'clock Eastern time.

Direct from the nerdy studios because we love you. Testicle Testaments tomorrow. Wash your balls. Wash your ass. Get out there. You don't want somebody sucking your dick and they smell that maple syrup. Stay black. The church of what's happening now. Where's Michael Jackson's second? You got like a video and you won't get up and dance. And remember, Pink Floyd, 36 years ago, play animals. We'll cover it Wednesday. But...