The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 01/30/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #51

Episode Date: February 1, 2013

No guest today, just Joey and Lee, old school. As you heard in the beginning the live video stream is moving to USTREAM. THe link is: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/the-church-of-what-s-happening-now-with-joey-coco-diaz This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo Code CHURCH for a discount at check out.  Streamed live on 01/30/2013

Hi guys, this is Lee. Don't normally do this, but there was an announcement that happened after the podcast yesterday. As some of you may have seen, Stickam is no longer with us. So we're still going to do the live video stream, but we're moving to you stream, which is what a lot of you wanted from the beginning. So Joey and I will both tweet and Facebook the web address, but in case you wanted to go find us first, to go like us so you can get a notification when we're going live.

I wanted to give you the address. So a lot of you probably have been to Ustream, and it's just Ustream.tv, but our specific channel is usstream.tv slash channel, C-H-A-N-N-E-L-L-L-V-ch-ch-church, dash-of, dash what, dash-s-s, happening,

dash now, dash with dash Joey dash Coco dash Diaz yeah so that's fucking really obnoxious to say so it's

Ustream.tv slash channel slash the church of what's happening now with Joey Coco Diaz and that's just a dash between each word and between the T and the S of what's. Yeah so we will be back live

Monday at 6 a.m. We hope to have you with us and we'll be back if you're listening to this later and we're usually live every Monday and Wednesday and it looks it's a lot of fun and you guys get to interact with each other so we hope

you watch and thank you for watching with Sticcum and hopefully it only gets better with you stream so now enjoy the church of what's happening now from Wednesday January 30th 2013 thanks shit oh shit

crank that leaf oh shit it's The church of what's happening now. Wouldn't you fucking kidding me or what? Wednesday, June, June. I don't see what a bikinis yet? Hit it, hit it. There's a thrill of it all, Black Sabbath.

Kick this motherfucker. I'm not hearing nothing. Kick this. Motherfuck. I want my eardrum blowing up here. I don't think the people listening to here. Who gives a fuck what they want to? Blach that motherfucker.

Oh shit. There's the young John Osborne. Are you kidding? song that's real of it all. I brought the sound when I'm in a fucking freshman high school. I listened to it twice and I put it away. It scared me more than fucking master reality. But listen to John

Oswald. Hit that motherfucker. Taking a motherfucker deep into murky waters in the underworld. Won't you help me, Mr. Jesus? Stone to the gills here, my man, Lee Lee, Ceyat, Haley. What would you tell? When you see this world in heaven.

How's everything going today? How's everybody out there? The church or what's happening? Now get up. Stretch those toes. Thank God for giving you another fucking day in his hellhole. You're going to go out there. Somebody's going to suck your fucking dick today

because that's the type of dude. You are, you know what I'm saying? And if you're abroad, somebody's going to go out and suck that fucking bat today because you're ready, motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying? Lysayette, what's happening? I'm already feeling that goddamn chocolate

This is how we roll This morning We lost the guest So I brought the chocolate I got it off together I got kryptonite Ooh What are you fucking nuts

So what If that don't want You know some people show up With champagne They think they cook Whatever fuck you This is how I show up What?

Stop it Little container Cryptonite You know what I'm saying This is a shit That killed Biggie at the hospital What's got with you And Lisaia

Yeah talk to me I'm feeling great I uh Yeah I'm feeling fucking awesome Man I'm a Do I lie to you? Who loves you

more than mealy. Nobody. Nobody. I know you got a father and a brother and a mom. They love you. They love you. You know, so nothing bad happens to you. Me? I make sure the humps and the bumps. We got some chopper this morning. We don't got bang and we don't got banana bread because I got to save that for big, big, big, big, big events.

But we got this little shit here right there. But I didn't. Listen to what happened last night. I had a spot at the Ha Ha. Okay. You know me. I like to work out at the Ha. It's like a speed bag. So about nine. I wrote until about 930

And then I said I looked at my weed supply And I had like a butt left I had enough for today But I'm coming over the least What I'm saying I'm like the three wise men I'm not gonna come over with fucking one thing

I'm coming over heavy I'm coming over like Tony Soprano And episode four First season When Junior tells them Become heavy That's how I came I'm not gonna insult you

Yeah you came with two chocolate bars I'm more A chocolate bars and a fucking grandma This kryptonite Which is deadly But he gave me a white piece of chocolate there He goes take this one see what you think So I dropped that at 930

Just to see what happened You know me you gotta test the waters You're not gonna go to the beach and not dip your fucking toe So I inhaled that by 1030 at the aha I was on fire I went on stage I closed it out to about 1115 And I realized how high it was 1115 I went home

And usually I go home and I fuck around the couch And I pet them And I checked on the wife They were passed down in a kid and I just took my pants off, washed my hands, brushed my teeth, and went right to fucking bend. And I woke up to celebration by Sister Sledge or whatever the fuck it is this morning.

And I felt it. So I said, you know what? I'm lucky I got a bar for Lee this morning. Because you know me? I got to bring you a fucking bar. I got up at 4.45. I washed my pussy. I ate a little freaking delth.

Had a protein shaking now. I'm here with you. The church of what's happening now. Wednesday. January 30th, you bad motherfuckers. Go out there and make it happen. was the anniversary of my first arrest. 30 years ago, I got arrested January 29, 1983.

For what? Possession of stolen, possession of a, like, a burglary, too. I had something like that, stolen checks. I had a couple possessions of. So what year wasn't? 83. How old were you? 21.

That's the first time you got arrested? Yeah. Because you had the Carmine thing, or like? No, I had been detained. Okay. This is an arrest. been attained before. Mulfugger's trying to pull me over

until they realize the power. And then this time I got arrested. It was in Fort Lee at Clifside Park, New Jersey. Okay. I was trying to bounce. I was trying to write a check.

No, I didn't write a check. I got my hands on some checks and gave him out. A guy got caught writing. I got caught with possession. I don't know. Some shit. Mr. Holloway had to bail me off.

He was Holloway's father. I forget what it was. It was amazing, though. It really is amazing, getting... Let me talk to you guys about something. I have no guest today, and I'll tell you guys what happened, because I usually live my life by the seat of my pants or whatever happens, happens.

I grew up and given that terrorist downtown. With the Balzanoos and the speciales and all these Italian families. And sometimes I try to get guests from down there. Do you know that every guest I've tried to get from that area has dropped on me? Oh, well, yeah. I mean, for people who don't know, when we went to shoot the documentary,

there were three or four people who just wouldn't even be on camera. No, it's amazing, the hometown I come from, but it's amazing that this neighborhood, remember when we were, and I told Lee, I go, Lee, this neighborhood downtown is really fucking sensitive. It's by McKinley School in North Bergen. It always has been. I go, be careful with that fucking camera. Sure enough, somebody called this out.

Like, right away, right on Charles Court, that guy came out and he goes, put that fucking camera down. I looked at you and I go, Lee, put the fucking camera down. Yeah. Because I know how these people are. They don't play. But I wanted to... It's funny because I grew up down there and...

It was crazy. I mean, at the age of 13, we were snorting T.A. Crystal, which, you know, it's fucking angel dust, no matter how you fucking chop it. You make believe you know it's T.H.C. Crystal. But it's fucking guerrilla tranquilizer. And, you know, we'd do it on Sundays. Three of us, it was 10 bucks.

Three of us would get high. And then it felt like that was a great neighbor. There was a lot of paying the neighbor. but with the Carmine thing and his son dying in the eighth grade. And then one of our really, really good in that circle friend, Dominic's Michelle, Sicilian kid, he drowned. And there was a lot of fucking allegations about the drowning and whatnot. I wasn't there.

I had nothing to fucking do with it. But I could see those kids that were directly in that circle, which I was in that circle, Sabatino, Dean Orpman, Richie Vanitya. We all loved Dominic. Dominic lived two doors down for me. We're never the same. You know, it was like every time we've seen each other, we talked, but we would never, because it's got to come up. It's got to come up.

It's a subject that you and I can not hang out and have a beer with without saying, hey, man, you think about Dominic or whatever. And it doesn't come up to the point to a lot of people that were in that age group, that were hung with us. They're fucked up. Yeah, and especially when you were kids, like now friends you see, you'll see them once a week or twice a week. when your kids, especially in that area, whether it was the weekend or after school or the summer, you guys were probably together all the day.

We went together all the time. When we started doing drugs, we started doing drugs in the packing. This kid that was in a quadrored, Carlos Perez, I loved him. He was a Cuban kid that I loved dearly. I mean, loved because he was the only other Cuban kid.

Yeah. So I understood what he was going through, living in this area or whatever, but he came up at the time when we first got really heavy into drugs as kids, 13, 14. This is before my mother died. So we were smoking pot

We weren't doing blow A heroin or nothing like that We were just drinking and smoking And doing acid And mescaling and doing a lot of T.A.C. Okay On our road to fucking nowhere Because we were hanging out that pool

Where I got the Kueh To eat Lucy Snowbush's pussy In fact, we were going to talk about Lucy Snorbush Because he said when he heard the story On Joe's podcast He nearly fucking died Because he also ate Lucy Snowbush too He also broke into a house

And ate a little snatch too But I haven't seen Carlos. Like, I don't remember the funeral, nothing. And then Carlos Perez disappeared. And my life went on. I didn't have time to pick up scrubs in. I was trying to fucking just, after my mother died, I was just trying to put the pieces together and make a living.

And I lost Carlos. And over the years, I asked, and people said, he said, hello, he lives in Miami, whatever. And when I went to Miami in April, he showed up. And we hugged and we talked. And, you know, the family was there. And he's like, be careful. don't say this in front of my kids.

I don't, you know, and we had a great talk and whatnot. But we didn't have a talk. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, we had a talk, but we scratched the surface. And him and I knew each other a lot better than not going deeper than that. Yeah. I'm not going, bro, what's going on? And it's so funny that while I was talking to him, I could see it in his face.

I could see that he had the same pain I had from that neighbor. That neighbor gave us a lot of pain. That was, we had a great world. going. We were making money. We were young kids. We were crazy. We were fucking crazy. It's such a dark neighbor. I mean, the whole hill is a fucking cemetery.

But those kids got fucking crazy. A lot of people got fucked up in the neighborhood. So, about a month ago, Carlos Perez's wife hit me up on Facebook, and we spoke on Facebook, and she goes, call the house now. And I called the house, and I spoke to Carlos for about 30 minutes, and it was very light.

And then I spoke to him a week later for about 15 minutes, and it was very light. communicated with him on Facebook. And yesterday, I'm sitting there going, who do I want on the podcast? I'm going to go, let me call Carlos. And I called Carlos, and we talked for about 30 minutes, and I went right into it. And Carlos, before we go any further, you know, we never talked about the pain. And he knew exactly what I was talking about, because as he was breaking down on the phone,

I started breaking down, because this is the first time I could tell. I'm looking for this kid Sabatino to call. But I grew up with it. It's a great guy that always calls me, and he flaked on me. Frankie Bousana or flaked. So I realized over the six months I've been doing a podcast and all the kids have flayed. And it's because, man, it was fucking painful. It was that painful.

And I always thought growing up that I was fucked up because my mother died or my father dying or it was way before that. You think so? The Dominique, especially how death destroyed me as a sophomore. My mother died in November of 79. My best friend, one of my best friends who I grew. up with. We ran together. Drowns November, August of 80. Not even a year

later. My mother used to call him Fangulo and he walked by. He was part of the family. He was in the house. My mother died, I felt terrible. But when this kid died, it was like, I was telling life, that's it, I'm done. That's it. You motherfucker sunk me.

Because first I had Anthony's death in the eighth grade who was my Gubba, and then I had my mother and then I had this kid. And it sunk me. It sunk my whole emotional I had no faith as a human anymore. I had no faith in the world. Not only had God take my mother, but he took a kid two doors down for me

for a love of fucking Christ. Who was this kind of fucking monster? Yeah. And it took me years to get back from that. Trust me today, guys. I'm happy he wouldn't have called because I wouldn't have been emotionally ready. I was trying to get myself ready for this call

because just talking to him on the phone, I can feel the pain. It's amazing. It's amazing as you get older and you think you have all the answers to your life and you identify what it is that's fucking up your life because when somebody hit me yesterday about drugs or something,

what did you do? And I told them to start writing. When you want to get off drugs, start writing because you have to see your life. Once you see your life on paper, it'll help you understand who the fuck you are. A lot of people don't know that part of therapy. That was a part of therapy I didn't know about,

but once I started doing it, I realized that writing about my life in the early part before I got hooked on drugs made it a lot easier. And I tell you, man, this fucking Pousinpoch, Foyne Flake, remember Pete called with the phone, his phone didn't work. Pete Bousanato called and all that. That was just part of that whole thing. This kid flake and somebody else flake from downtown like an hour before or also. Because they never want to talk, you know, until this day, the kid I'm talking about Don McSichiehl, his sister contacted me about. six years ago on Tom Likas.

She had heard me on Tom Likas, knew it was me. I had lost contact with her, and then she contacted me again on Tom Likas, and we reconnected and we were friends until she left here. She went to my wedding, her mother came out, I mean, this is how close I am with the special house.

Doc McSister, who was, you know, seven years younger, had contacted me to get facts on the brother of what had happened that day because there was a lot. But his death had nothing to do with drugs or what It did, but it didn't The whole thing about it was

It was the end of a neighborhood It was the end. It was the fucking end of an era It's like when you, it's like the daytime Brady retires That's it It's it It's the end Like it was it Like I never wanted to walk in that street

I took you out to shoot the documentary again That was it My life changed for good That pushed me over the fucking edge But I never knew it and they've been new until yesterday in the shower. And it's really weird that I lived all this life and finally identified.

Because these kids, they're still from it. So everyone from North Bergen we've had on was from North Bergen, but not from that two street area. Not from that area. That area is fucking Knuckle City down there. That was Knuckle City down there. And I've tried.

I know other guys that I love to reach out to. You know, when my mother died, I moved in with the benders. I love to reach out. As a matter of fact, I just found out what happened why I got thrown out of the Benders about a week ago. I just got the story from somebody who ratted me and the buddy out that there was a cop that I lived, that was family with the Benders.

The brother, right, yeah. And somebody had said that we were involved in drugs and they looked into it. I just got the whole story last week. So it's too fucking heavy. But I just want to let people know that sometimes you're trying to get off drugs, man, or your life.

Pain drives a lot of things and it's funny because those two kids that died downtown I have a picture of my wall you've seen it yeah picture of Dominic and I have a picture of Anthony I'll tell you how I feel about it a lot of people always go oh you're so What's the we're so happy in the mornings or you're so Positive positive or whatever let me tell you something why because those kids couldn't Those kids couldn't one of them lost their life in the eighth grade a month before graduation and the other guy died sophomore summer. And when I look at those pictures in the morning, it reminds me of I have to do the things that they couldn't do. Whatever they couldn't do in that

fucking hole, I have to do. So they're laying, what is it, horizontal with a fucking hole. In the daytime, I can't be fucking horizontal. Yeah. I have to be straight up because they lost their life. Those kids lost their life. So a lot of times, that's what motivates me. Now, I've heard stories about people who go to war and even people in disasters, like the survivors have like, I think it's called Survivors' guilt.

I mean, it sounds like you kind of feel like that. Absolutely. Absolutely fucking lovely, bro. Anthony was 13 when he died and he was a fucking straight up little 5'5 guinea. You know, you can't replace a fireball like that

in your life. You know, I remember Joe Roken talking about reincarnation. How do you believe? Do you ever believe that I could kill you? No, no, no, no. Do you ever believe that somebody could... You're going to die. Nobody that has any fucking heart

is ever going to believe they're going to die. So I don't believe it. Yeah, I believe that I'm going to die. You're going to take my physicalness. I'm going to hit by a car or die. But where's your soul and your spirit go? Where the fuck do they go? When you see somebody in life that's fucking very alive...

I mean, you see a lot of people that walk around with sandals and their shoulders are sunk and they're moping around. When they die, they fucking died. But you see some people who are fired up all the fucking time. You think Mark Cuban is just going to fucking die? Is that what you think? You think that these Jews were 80 million?

Look at Mitzi Shaw. If you see Mitzi Shaw, she's like a fucking Moor right now. God forgive me for saying these words. You know, she doesn't know what room she's in, but she got too much money to fucking die. You know what I'm saying? When somebody has that much light in their life, I don't think they can just die.

I don't think a person can just die when they have that much life in them. I don't give a fuck who you are. And you see some people that they're waiting to die. There's people walking around. We all see them. You can tell this guy is just waiting for the next fucking Buster Cup. Yeah.

But there's people, even after they get fucking gun down, run over by a car, you cut their heads off, you run it over with a fucking bazooka. You're not going to kill them. You're not going to kill who the fuck did their soul. And I always believe that they're people. So when I see this,

when I wake up in the morning, I put my slippers on and I look straight ahead, and I see Dominic and Anthony, I think about it for like five minutes. Then that's it. But it gives me that much strength because they couldn't do the things I'm doing now. I thought about them when I was doing crime.

When I was doing drugs, when I was coming down off the Coke, because when you're coming down with drugs, that's when you think about all that pain. You don't think about it while you're on the way up, while you're snorting and shit. You're having a good time. The chick's going to suck your dick.

What? It's when you're coming down. And she's passed out and you're all alone. And that's when you're thinking about your life and what the fuck went wrong and what you don't want to do and you break down. You see Man on Fly when he's fucking drinking,

and at the end, he's going through all these emotions in his life at the end of the night. Did you ever see that? Oh, I love that movie. Well, that part, that part is very fucking strongly. You know, he's going through all these emotions. I was going through the same things I would go through at night when I was coming out off the blow. I would go through not suicidal tendencies or suicidal tendencies. I played him last night, fucking tremendous.

Not suicidal tendencies, but I would go through, you know, where my life went wrong and I would get fucking really emotional about different parts. All right, enough with that shit. Where's that music you were going to play? Let's get this party. Mother fucking started. It's January 30th, Wednesday, midweek. I like these people always go. It's hump day.

I'll go fuck yourself, you fucking pussy. Get the fuck up. Hump day. You think life's got time for fucking humps, like I said. If you want to be fucking horizontal, go shoot yourself in the fucking head. You're alive. Get up. Get up, motherfuckersers. Hit it. Where's that little jam you have for your...

It's that time, Lee. Lee. Oh shit. Oh shit. Let's do this, Lee Lee. It's Midway Mark. It's January 30. You got, you guys got shit to do.

You got your goals written. It's a beautiful fucking day. Go out there. Hello, all this stuff. Your dick. This is not what I expect you. You don't want me to play. This is a bad chance.

Oh, Wednesday morning. Man, we got to get a little bit. Hitily. I am sick. with my lily we're smoking up the reefer we're gonna eat some fucking chocolate we're gonna get real fucking stoned to the church of what's happening now for all you kinda suckin da da da da da da da da da da da golly oh shit blow that smoke you bad motherfuckers what is what i'm talking about get up wash that pussy wash that thing life is

wait a do-a- I wish you had a little wit what? Bawtham! With the wiggily, what's the music? What a little, this joke? I had two pieces of trying. Walk, walk, walk, wop. They had enough fucking Italy.

Dance, cox up, do you think? What are the hits? No, I've had enough hits. I've got through two joints. Two joints. Two joints. What do you mean? Two joints?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm saying the lungs for 2 o'clock. If you're not high by fucking 6.30s morning, you'll be fuck yourself, cocks up. You'll be passed out at 2 o'clock. I'll be Columbus tomorrow.

You're going to leave tomorrow? Oh, fuck, yeah. I'm excited too. I like Ohio. Like I said, yeah, I got nothing wrong. I'm going to go. I'm going to eat fucking good. I'm going to go hang out with red band people. I'm going to do some jumping jacks.

Draw some sidekicks for Jesus. I'm not even working out at one of the movie Thai school, something. Something. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I just joined a gym last night. Come on. And then I'm going to join Weight Watchers this weekend because I've been thinking about it. You get 10% off at Weight Watches, you tell me.

I do. Come on. Everybody gets 10% off. Tell them you're friends with the singer the black gym. No, yeah, but I've been thinking about it. I turned 25 in July. Okay. And I was thinking about it.

And I was thinking about it. Because people, it's nice to hear it, but people tweet at me like, oh, you're so lucky you do this. And it's nice to hear it. But I was thinking about it. And the one part of my life I'm not really happy with that I have the most control over is how I look. And I've, people, people joking me, oh, you're going to go back, get back in shape. I've never been in shape. It's just everyone in my family, except for my brother, has, like, the same demons.

And it's just something. And I wanted to ask you, because when you were a little kid, you seemed to be skinny. So when, like, when did you start getting big? When I moved out of L. Really? When I really, really went from, I went from my two. 230, 220, into the 260s, 270s. Yeah.

Well, that was about 10 or 8 or 9. My mother had the bar, so I used to drink all the sodas. Yeah. And I got a little on the fucking fat side. And I, that was it. I shot that, I got rid of that. And then when I moved to LA, the sleep apnea hit me the age. Even now, it's really hard to lose the weight compared to what it was three years ago.

Three years difference, it's that much harder. And then what got me thinking about it was you talking about getting off of drugs. And I don't think it's the same. But it's not, I've lost weight before, and it always comes back. But for me, what it is, and what you've always said for people who are trying to get off drugs, is you have to make that decision for yourself. And I think maybe the times I've tried before, I've made the decision, but you can't make the decision and then have a cheat day,

or then, oh, just tonight I'll go to McDonald's. and for some reason I was thinking about it and turning 25 and I've been overweight for 25 years I just don't want to do it anymore so my goal is to lose 10 pounds a month for the seven months until July

or 6 now You could do it Lee it could be done and you're a sweet kid and I can see you're a young guy you know and like I said to you the differences of 25 was I was a rail because

I was fucking working out doing blow and fucking you know walking in New York so you stay skinny here in LA and let me tell you what the hardest thing of is whether it's a diet whether it's being a comedian whether it's being a plumber

it's sticking with it it's doing the same shit every day and what I liked about Weight Watchers when I met you you were on Cyber Slim whatever the fuck. Nutra System is great now there's a place Mick Beddon called a dear writer friend of mine was telling me yesterday

there's a place that you get food from here $27 a day it's delicious $27 a day That's a lot of money For the yeah it's about Whatever the fuck Seven times 30

It's $2.10 a week It's 840 a fucking month But that's what you spend at the grocery store You know I spend that eating in fucking three weeks And that was my thought process I always I didn't want to join a gym Because I was like

Oh it's 40 bucks a month But that's four trips to McDonald's That I don't need to take And I uh So yeah I just made the choice to do it and there's one by my work and there's one by where I live. Weight Watchers is not a diet. It's a lifestyle change.

Yeah. Weight Watches is the same lifestyle change. Now, when I left New Jersey in 85, I stopped eating at night in Colorado. Was it because I had a lifestyle change with Epiphany at 25? No, because in Colorado, there ain't no motherfucking place to eat after 10 o'clock. You got cocoa's, and after you have three cheeseburgers that suck, you're going to go, what the fuck? I'm not eating no more.

So that's what happened. A diet is a diet. A lifestyle change is a lifestyle change. You know, this morning I got up and I had a whatever special K that tastes like dick. Is it what I like to eat? No. But I know that at this age right now, that's what I need to eat. I need to eat something that pushes out the fucking shit, keep everything clean.

You know, three eggs, a steak with whole fries, a milk shake. That ain't going to help me a box of cereal. Yeah. But you understand what we think. what we need to eat and what we do eat is two different things. You know what the Weight Watches is I call Weight Watches County Jail Diet. When you go to the county jail, you eat cookies,

you eat chips, you drink juice, you drink water, and you lose weight. Why? Because everything is controlled. The portions are controlled. Six ounces is six ounces. Four ounces of a steak. It's four ounces of a steak. And guess what? You eat it and you live. Yep.

You get hungry for 10 seconds afterward. You go, I got no option. That's the same way you have to treat your life As you notice I get up on Twitter Every fucking morning And I do the same pathetic shit And after three or four weeks

I tweet the same pathetic fucking song And I'm sure you people that see my music Like this guy's an old fuck You know playing music from this generation You know every morning I get up And I say it's a beautiful fucking day Every morning I get up before the podcast And I say namaste

And you guys are probably home going I'm not going to follow this guy no more. What I'm trying to teach you guys is come rain, sleet, slow. If you're working on your dream, you do something every fucking day. Period. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if your pussy hurts.

I don't give a fuck if you went out last night. When I was doing blow until 5 o'clock, I got up at 7 to check the breakdowns to do the same shit every day. And this is what people, people want to do something for two months. Then that's it. You know, let's get down the basics here. Comedians come up to me like, what are you doing? How are you doing what you're doing on iTunes and all this?

I'm with you guys. I'm with you guys. I didn't write this book. I know that a couple of years ago, Dane Cook had great success. His great success came from intermingling with these fucking savages. Yes. Intermiggling with these savages.

When I was a kid in 82, when I was going through all my fucking problems, there was nobody I wanted to talk more in the world to him than to Ozzie fucking Osborne. you know and it is musing and I didn't have a chance to talk to him and I'm not saying I'm your guy Zazi Oswald but I know that we can have a fucking conversation

Yeah there's a guy on here on Twitter who sends pictures out every once in a while He lost like 200 pounds in a year or something Oh he writes a blog He wrote the blogger Listen man Whether it's 200 pounds Whether you want to be a comedian

Whether you want to be a fucking plumber Whether you want to go to school To be a fucking lawyer whatever You gotta get up in the morning You gotta do the same shit every fucking morning Because the morning you stray away from that That's one morning Then it's two mornings

And there's three mornings Then you're away from your fucking habit One thing I do every day is I get up I drink water like I use two different principles I use the The way of fucking diet Yeah

And our buddy Oh Dolter Doter Dorte says to drink a glass of water As soon as you fucking wake up To get your metabolism going That's not part of weight watches You know how much I want to drink water

Is the first glass of the day With that bad breath fucking water And Cobbs from the last night That you didn't brush your teeth or whatever I don't want to drink that water But I understand what he says I don't get cramps anymore. There's little things you do in Weight Watch

that make you change. So, listen, man, you know, do you have any I fucking idea? I got to blow my nose. I went to acupuncture yesterday. She stuck a bunch of needles in my forehead to drain me out of this flu. Excuse me. And if I've got a boogie coming out of my nose, what do you want me to do? It's not like I got a vanity barrier here.

Do I look like a guy that does fucking vanity? Look at this fucking mug. It is what it is. There's no reason to put powder on it, or oil or grease. This is what you're going to get. So go fuck yourself. What was that talking to which is what you need to do. Oh shit, we almost forgot the chocolate bar. We already had the chocolate.

Well, let's have another one. That's one between two of us. Let's loosen up. No, I already had fucking two pieces. It's all right. So you have a third. No, I fucking need to survive the day. What, survive?

You're going to sleep after I leave. Yeah, I have to wait you up in six hours to go to fucking my old apartment. Come on, come on. Here you go. Look at the tiny piece with arms. The power of Christ compels you. Jesus Christ. That's my friend about you.

What's a little piece that do for you? You're going to do a little way. I bet one serving size of that is the one piece, and I've had two of them already. So you want me to triple the serving size? Yeah. I don't need to see the devil today. Listen, the USDA,

whoever the fuck didn't give servings out for this? It says, eat a chocolate bar, rea for a day, keep the doctor away. No, I'll be like redband and take an ambulance to the hospital. So the point of the story is, whether you lose a way whether you want to write a book listen

I'm trying to write a book okay and I would write chapters here two pages here and one day or more God bless him said do me a favor just write a sentence a day right after you do your tweets

and all your bullshit stupidity write a sentence a fucking sentence I got my life down to a sentence but guess what I've stuck to it for three weeks yeah I want

All a diet is or a lifestyle change, as I call. You're not on a fucking diet. It's a lifestyle change. You know when I first met Terry, and I was doing blow and shit, I would get up, and she's from the South. She would make me three sunny-side-up eggs. We'd eat the whole package of bacon.

Jesus Christ. Half a loaf of white bread with sticks of butter and potatoes. Here's what gets better. I would take a shower. I'd smoke 15 fucking cigarettes, a couple more bonkins. in my car and 35 minutes later I'd be at McDonald's getting two number ones with orange shoes all right and then I'd wait till about 1130 and I'd go to the green tea

Chinese restaurant on sunset with Mike Fabman a bunch of the fucking steps and we'd sit in and have the lunch special then I'd go home and I eat the leftovers for the night before and I take a nap then I get up and I go Terry if you're going to go to the store get me a Cadbury bar. Those can't berry fruit and nut bars and I eat the whole fucking thing.

Then I eat dinner whatever the fuck she made. And then at about 8.30 I get a container of New York Superflex chunk

with a big thing of Coca-Cola and I eat the whole fucking container with the Coca-Cola. If I go to the store and I go

do comedy I'd go wherever the fuck I had to go do and guess what I'd do then on the way home I'd stop and get nine tacos and I'd go home

do a gram of Coke and go to fucking sleep. Did you hear exercise, nothing, or water or anything? There was nothing. There was no fruit in my life then. There was nothing. How I lost that 115 pounds was by eliminating six, seven of those meals. So what you realize is, like, when you go to prison, what did I say to you last week?

Prison takes care of every fucking phobia. Because you realize, so you have to put your mind in prison. Because you realize there's none of that shit available. So for breakfast, instead of eating a half a loaf of bread, and I told you, I would get an English muffin cut it in half, one egg, scramble it with a piece of ham,

cut it in half, put the one piece for tomorrow and save one for today. I'd eat that with two apples and a banana and a glass of fucking iced tea with fake cancer sugar. And then I would have like a sandwich, whatever the fuck. You know, when we go to a deli,

what do you get? We got a big piece of Italian bread with potato chips and salad and a fucking Big soda and then we get a second soda Yeah I'll tell you what you go to that same deli You get a half a sandwich With the diet soda And you'll fucking walk out of it and live

Do you follow me So it's your mind what you think you can eat And what you want to eat the two different fucking things And what you need to eat Are two different fucking things Lee I have a lot of confidence You're a young man It's something like starting to exercise at 40

Your joints are sore and shit You could do this and it takes 20 minutes a day of walking You know, I had Nacopholia Being the Beast He's the one that got me on a diet program With the bag Get in front of a punching bag

And just hit it I don't want you to be Muhammad Ali And throw punches Just stand in front of it And put your weight into it And hit the middle Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam You do that for 20 minutes

And you get on a bicycle You walk Lee, you're a young man Yeah You're a handsome motherfucker You got plans You gotta Rosie She's on the boat

She's drowning right now You got this black chick That's gonna fart in your face The first, you know, we've been talking about doing a live telecast. And at first, I didn't think Lee, you know, when Lee sees, you know, 3,000 faces, I thought he would act a little fucking weird, but I think Lee's ready now. Lee's not even a comedian. Lee's a sharp fucking kid.

You're a sharp guy, Lee. You can handle yourself, you had it, you speak well, you fucking, you didn't eat your piece of chocolate, though. That's what you did. I eat two pieces of chocolate. Come here. The power of Christ compels you. I can't do anymore. One more little piece.

I only had double. I only had the... I can't have anymore. It's weight watches. It's got two-poly. No, it's not. It's chocolate. It's the opposite of weight watchers.

You got smoke more pot with Uncle Joe? Sure, I'll smoke some more. That's why I love you. You're a fucking... We got some music for Uncle Joy. Sure, why not? Oh, shit. You okay?

Yeah, everything's good. All right. Oh, shit. Can't do a Wednesday without big. You know what I'm a Wednesday without a birthday. You know what is a Wednesday? A Wednesday without birthday. Wednesday without a Wednesday.

Biggie is like a Wednesday without sunshine. What? What? What's this? Like, My buddy Lee smoking this herb. You guys are all getting a little window into it. Every time he calls me, he does one of these songs.

What? He doesn't want to do one of these songs. Every time he called me like, yeah. What's your thing? Until I call weed. Huh. Hey, my, Bubby.

Buffy. What a bee? I was smart to hurry up so I can get drunk. I can get drunk wild juvenile ripping mics and shit New York You know I'm gonna get some shoutouts That's squad Connecticut

I see you cock, Tucker It's Alexington Kentucky That's walk Kentucky I'm coming to Lexington Watch that monkey All right, let's do this Alex AM 7519

I love you Michael Devil Brin I love you too Renegades, mailman, I love you, opera, life designs, Victor, Carrier, and Lewis B.A. I love you, cut you know what I'm saying?

Oh shit. Oh shit, remember, I'm at the home of this funny bone off motherfucking weekend, Friday and Saturday, next Thursday I'm in San Jose. But I want to be a boy. I want to blow up, stack my glow up, so school I didn't show up. I fuck the flow up.

And check myself, though. Before I wrecked myself, disrespect myself. What? What? No. All right. All right. One hit.

That's serious. One of the fucking salary. You're doing that. All right. All right. So February 7th, I'm at the San Jose Improv. What else, Lee? February 12th, me Ari Shafia and Duncan are at the Long Beach Laugh Factory.

Oh, shit. And we're doing one of those once a month. It's going to be cool. I'm telling you guys for the first time because I love you, motherfucker. You're a perfect. It's going to be called American Desperados of Podcast comedy or some shit like that. Me, Ari Safia, the Flying Jew and Duncan Charleston. Ari and me are going to do a 10-minute storyteller.

All three of us are going to do stand-up, and then we're going to close the show off of the fucking podcast. Call a Laugh Factory. You're doing it once a month, the first, the second Tuesday of the month. Lee Syatt might be the first guest. Things that happen, people. So get your shit together. Get your shit together. It's not just about the soup.

Talk to start with a fucking Super Bowl party. I'm any Super Bowl parties I've been to my life. None? Maybe two. Okay. Those more. Four quarters. I got to sit with fucking strangers.

You know what I'm saying? I'm going to sit with people that I run with every day. So we all, there's no misunderstandings. Everybody's always got to bring a friend or some fucking chick that is a Christian. I don't eat this shit. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Did you see that they...

What's a matter. You got a knock and leave if you don't mind. Yeah. Um... Yeah. Um... As cold is draining. I'm sorry, people. I'm sorry.

You got to take care of you. I'm trying. I didn't let the fever come. We talked like a week or two ago about Lance Armstrong. And now they're saying that Ray Lewis did something with some sort of performance-enhancing stuff. And this always seems to come out right before the Super Bowl. And if they knew, they knew a while ago. So I don't know if they're lying.

I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if it was true because he's been, he's 40 years old, and he's still fucking running around. But I think it's all entertainment. Like, I don't think they really care. They release this story around the Super Bowl to raise interest. Listen, Lee, let me explain some to you. There's news in this world that matters

and there's shit that happened that doesn't matter. Yeah. Society looks at 90% of shit that doesn't matter to take your mind in that direction. Because at the end of the week it doesn't... Do it really matter if Beyonce lip-sink or not? Did it really fucking matter? Did it affect your world?

When you put your gas in the fucking car They changed the price of your gas Or your gasoline Did your son? What did it matter? What did it matter? Every news station I had on that night Talked about Beyonce, not lip syncing Or lip syncing.

Google, does it fucking matter? Does Joey Dears matter? Does the news matter? At the end of the day, nothing of this shit matters. It's what you let in. Yeah, it's what you let in. What stupidity you fucking let in?

You know, Ray Lewis, I tell you what? Here's a guy that was on an eve. He went out with some guys one night. And for you fuck heads that don't know anything about life, that's why I always tell you, respect your fucking life. Because your life can change in a drop of a fucking hat. You don't know how many white guys I've seen in fucking prison, young kids that went out.

You know, I was talking to Mick yesterday, and this kid goes to a martial art school in the valley. And the teacher of the school has been in martial arts since he was like 10. And his claim the fame was he would, Go to parties in the middle of the valley. He's tough parties and he'd go into the kitchen. Excuse me. And people would say we don't know this guy.

And he put a mouthpiece in. He'd tell all these motherfuckers to go fuck himself. And his goal was to fight his way out of the house. That's all cute dandy. But what if? What if? What if? You throw a punch, the kid drops,

and your knuckle just glazes his temple. And this kid goes on the floor and starts convulsing and dies, Which I've seen fucking happen. Yeah. You ever see a person get hit in the fucking head and start bleeding and start shaking on the floor? No. At a fist fight at a white castle or Burger King's mistake.

Somebody gets hit in the head with a pipe. You know how people use that expression. I'm going to hit him with a fucking pipe. Well, one night they get three beers in them and they do that. And this kid dies. And now you're in fucking prison for involuntary manslaughter. It doesn't matter what the fuck your father knows or your mother knows or how much money you got.

You're going away. You're going away. There's somebody who died and paid. That thing stays at you like. herpes. I'd rather instead get AIDS because at least with age, you're going to have an end. You know, when you kill somebody and you have that on your fucking chair. Look at this idiot

yesterday in LA. You hear about this Indian yesterday? That's why I hate all this shit, because life never forgets nothing. Life never forgets nothing. In fact, life lets you get comfortable. There's a guy in L.A. that sold the house. His house burnt

down in 2006. Did you hear about this? No. And he rebuilt the house and he sold the house. And this idiot This fucking moron When he sells the house He tells the people By the way I had a dog that died

His bones are in there I'm gonna come get him In a few years When I get settled The new house owner said No worry So the new house owner Was doing a remodeling job

On Sunday Hired a landscape company Come in with a fucking whatever With some machine And they discovered bones Human bones Oh shit So they went

They arrested the guy The guy gave himself up. He said himself when he sold the house, the dumb fuck that he was, that there was bones in the yard, sold dog bones. So now, this guy was at home with his feet up, jerking off watching you porn or you young hot chicks

getting their dick, their pussy suck. The same one he killed. It's probably a check that the guy killed. Everybody in the neighborhood said he was weird. So this guy thought he was gone. He was done with it. He probably caused a fire at the house. That was the night.

ever move away from that house? But why didn't he take the bulgin' him? He waited. He fucking, he just who knows? My point is karma waits for no money. You never know how you're going to get how it's going to come back and smack you in the face. You never know how karma. So this guy's at home

with his feet up watching an episode of Cold Case and he gets a knock on his door. They found fucking human remains at his old house. Can you imagine that this guy thought he was out of the fucking weeds? Out of the fucking weeds with some of them. What I'm trying to tell people is your life could change. at any fucking minute. And I apply everything to the fucking prison.

Because when I went to prison, I took a lot out of it. There's no nothing. There's no fucking, there's no nothing. You just live your life with the sin, and that's it. So I know life could change. So Ray Lewis, this motherfucker went out one night after he won a Super Bowl. Whatever happened, somebody fucking died. This Ray Lewis guy went out to the NFL never again had a fucking problem.

Never again. Never again. The only problem he ever had was being too fucking tough. and having too much heart. So in our country, what America's about, that's a success. Is it not? They put him in jail for a year. Didn't give up anybody.

Didn't give up anybody. That's why they threw him in jail. His friends didn't give up anybody. That guy died. I don't know if Ray Lewis got sued. But ever since then, he hasn't had no problems. So in my eyes, in America's eyes, is what we reflect on, the guy paid his dues to fucking society.

Did he not? Yeah, no, he did. Okay. So now eight years later, well, he tested, whatever. You know, Lance Armstrong's Strong. If you know anything about Lance Armstrong's, let's get this out in public right now. He's a piece of shit. Even the people who live in Austin will tell you,

Lance Armstrong is a piece of shit. He's been a piece of shit for fucking 20 fucking years. If you can look at Lance Armstrong and not know he's a sack of shit, then you've got a fucking problem. You better reschedule your fucking street smarts. If you can't look at half these people to know, they're sacks of shit. You look at me like, you know what, Joey? He's a criminal.

Maybe he can be a dick from time to time. But you know what? My heart's right there. I'm not here to rob nobody. It'll be a scumb back to open up a can't. I hate these motherfuckers that try to rob you without a gun. What that means is they're fucking fakes, and they set up these foundations and all this shit.

And at the end of the day, they're fucking bullshitters. They're fucking bullshutters. And this happens 60%. And all you Christian fucks that think because you're dealing with a Christian, he's more honest. You motherfuckers are the biggest fucking thieves in the world. When some guy comes up to me with a cross, whether it's any denomination and tries to mix up with business,

that's when I know you motherfuckers are the thief. Don't throw that into the fucking mix with you're religious And what you do and what you give to the blind kids Because you're a sack of shit You're still fucking your receptionist up the ass And you're telling people you love your fucking wife So stop being a fucking two-faced fuck And that's what Lance Armstrong is

You go to Austin, go to a restaurant And say who comes in here And who's a dick and a scumbag? It's like going to Pittsburgh How many people hate Ben Rothenberg Or whatever's fucking Yeah They say the guy's a sack of shit

They say the guy's just a piece of shit three more dollars than you that these other people bow down to they're pieces of shit anybody who's got three dollars and holds that over a human being to think that they're better than you those are the biggest pieces of shit

that's why I can't stand BMWs and all that shit that's the reason why because you're telling me you're better than fucking me that's what you're fucking telling me you sack of shit and meanwhile they won't even let you you ever go to these BMWs in the 405 and put your blink around and try to get ahead of you and they look straight ahead with that cut

look on their fucking faces. So maybe they got three more dollars with you, but they forgot what the fuck it was to be a fucking human being in a person. That's why I hate these motherfuckers at $3. I hate them, especially here. They think they're better than you. They cut you off, bitch.

I got a 19 fucking whatever Subaru. I will put a dent in that fucking beamer and Geico will pick it up. I'll take you out of commission for a week, motherfucker, because I don't give a fuck. I'll get myself one of those old Cadillac Biarisers that you can put a fucking bazooka to

and the car won't fucking blow. I can't stand you motherfuckers with money that think you're better than other fucking people. It just, it just drives yesterday. The babysitter came over yesterday. Okay. This is going to be the main one. Jeremy Laroca's girlfriend's going to watch the kid on date night and stuff like that for us if we go to a UFC. And then the main one that's going to watch my child five hours, six hours a day came in yesterday.

And I was embarrassed. Why? She's, I don't even know how to describe this. First off, she used to work for Felicia for 14 years. So her references are impeccable. And before that, she was in Boston for 10 years. Okay. And she raised two children for a doctor out there, you know, took care of them.

And she was telling me about the hours. She works, blah, blah, blah, blah. I never... Listen, when I got to comedy, I got to comedy because it's the only thing I wanted that I loved. Okay? That's why I always tell people. Pick what the fuck you love and go for it, you know And never

I could tell you this never in my life I never think of being rich or having money And cutting people off or being better than anybody Because I know we all put our pants on One leg of the fucking time So I know all this shit I just wanted to prove a point with my life That I can do something

You know like Ray Lewis You did shit work all your life Now you want to prove a point I never did it to make money or whatever the fuck I don't even know what my point's going I'm fucking so stoned today. You know what I'm saying? It's that on it, that fucking alpha brain

mixed with this chocolate bar. It'll take you the way you fucking need to be. You had some breast milk to that shit. You're on fire like Madonna's asshole. The babysitter. Both. So, you know, I've always started doing movies and shit like that, but I never really thought

of having a butler or something. So she comes over yesterday. She's like, so, you know, not only do I take care of your kids, I'll cook for you, and I'll do your laundry, and clean the house. and I got to tell you something if you think I don't like people touching me fucking

well I don't mind hugging people I love people so that's the way you express your love but when I'm talking about love is like going to massages and people touching you if you think I don't like people touching me like that and hookers and all that dirty shit I can't stand people doing my laundry league yeah and your wife

Terry must hate it she loves doing stuff she wouldn't yeah me and her do our own shit I do her laundry I don't even like my wife doing my laundry it's a real man I don't want my wife touching my socks. They're disgusting. I like a bleats a little extra. You know, my fucking underwear disgusting. Like every other fucking man I know, they're disgusting. You know, so I don't people, I don't like people touching my other ones. So I felt like I was, I feel that sometimes in society, people get a Spanish house sitter to boost their thing. Like, oh my God, my housekeeper

and they talk about it in public. I don't want that. I just want somebody to watch my daughter that I could leave the house and feel 100% confident about that nothing bad is going to happen. Yeah. Something bad does happen. it's handled. I don't have to have 20 phone calls and stop what the fuck I'm doing. I'm not looking for a maid as like a merit button that a Boy Scout fucking has. Yeah. You know, so I just felt embarrassed about it, that I'm finally going to have to have somebody come over part-time because it's going to be part-time. I want to raise my kid.

I want to be there. You know, part of the other thing that's society, we just drop our fucking kids off and we complain when they become retarded or they kill somebody or they, you know, if you're going to have a kid, you got to be there. You got to be there. My wife makes okay money. You know, if I go out on the road and fucking jump up and down, I'll make okay money. And I can afford this woman. And I can also have the child 20, 30 hours a week. I mean, what do I write?

Two hours a day. I go work out an hour and a half a day. I talk to you, cock sucker. I don't do much. But you can't bring a kid to a meeting or something if that happens. No, no, no, no. Yesterday I did. You did?

Yeah, I had to. That's great. I went home. I had a meeting up at CBS Raffer, and I go, you know, honey, get the fucking. And I grabbed my child. I took them. Hey, listen, man, this is my life now. What do?

These are the things I didn't do the first time. The first time when I had a child and I had a wife, these are things I didn't do. I didn't pay attention. So you only get one shot at this shit. I got two. So I got to do the right fucking things. The same thing with you people.

You only get one shot at doing some. You got a second chance. Do it the best that you fucking can. Why fuck around? On it, you bad motherfuckers. On it, on it is the place to fucking be. I am finally convinced you smoke some dung. You take a fucking Shroom Tech

Whatever the fuck it is Let me tell you some A lot of people around me are really really sick I was sick for one night I was at Flappers Friday night And since then I've just been draining Look at the size of my nose Look at the size of my stomach

And my tit there's a lot of mucus in there So I'm draining fucking heavy And I'm shrewish because of the Yonet The not the power But the Shroom Tech Immune Amute I'm still taking the Sport Tech The other night at kickboxing

Last night I didn't go to kickboxing It's when I go to acupuncture She tells me that to do much And I missed the 10 o'clock in the morning kickboxing So she goes don't do much after you come see me So I'm gonna go tonight But Monday I did really well My breeding levels are up there again

You know I like that I'm not smoking cigarettes At night anymore Even as a sport Nothing I'm trying to do my best It's hard losing weight though I'm having a hard time lately I'm eating my vencibles

You know Terry's been making a lot of salads lately We make the arugula salad With the fucking red onions Delicious Oh shit So I applaud you on your new diet You're a handsome guy

I got a lot of shit going on You're a bad motherfucker You want to some more chocolate No It's weight watch I can feel it It's not weight watch But for you

You don't feel not This is I'm already There's not even reef for that chocolate See I was fucking It was There's no reframing You don't eat chocolate

With no reframing This is protein You barely eat anything Without reframing This is high protein High fiber I want to get home And for the

You know I ate an apple Last night Okay I didn't eat an apple Before I went to bed Do you Smoke out of it before you eat it?

No, what's the matter of this? Why be a hypocrite? I'm going to smoke you that eat you. What the fuck kind of shit is that? Well, it's not a bad idea. That's what happened to give me eight hits and two pieces of chocolate. We'll come smoke some more with your uncle, Joel. All right.

Three joints, though. I don't know how you take it off that little tiny joint. I can't, I can never get anything off of it, and you suck it down like it's a milkshake. I'm going to get some. I don't know how you take it off of it. How about I burn you in the hand with this fucking joint concess? Come get some.

you. I'm about a shout out to my man Lee Syatt. Do me a favor. If you want to do what Lee does because once you do this Lee, I'm going to put you the on the product. I'll put you on hemp protein so you replace a meal with that to get started for your protein levels because the more muscle you have,

the more fat you're burnt. So we've got to get some muscle burnt in you. And then we're going to put you on some alpha brain. We're going to also get you on some shroom, not shroom tech, but the strong bones, so your joints don't hurt. Okay. Because you got a nice neighbor to walk around.

You got an iPod, don't you? Yeah, I got an iPod. What do you put your music on there? Honestly, I have, since podcasts have come on, I don't have much. But there's one thing, and I think I might save it for the live one. I kind of want to play up-to-date, like, even like the Dup-Step stuff, and just see how long. Just see how you react to it. What Dub-step?

Okay, it's not Dep-Sep, but this one is really banned I listen to you that's, like, electronic. It's called Infected Mushroom. And ever since we started this, I've been thinking, what if I just closed one of their songs and watch your head explode? Put it on. You would hate it. I'll put it on. This is what you listen to?

When you're alone in the shower, is what you whack off the? Oh, shit. That's what her asshole is going to sound like at the live. Before you put mushroom technol, think about with this fucking black chick. I'm going to give her a deuce to fart in your face. She says that that's what her asshole opens up. That's the noise it makes. Oh shit.

Ha ha ha ha! You miserable cock suckers, do your goals today. Drink some water, walk around, go get a blood test, go do something healthy. Whatever. I don't fucking know. Smoke some dope. Do something healthy. You want to hear it?

Yeah. Ten seconds of it? Hit me. This one, they don't sing in, but they do have a lot of songs. Let me hear of some place. I told you, I wanted to see how you react. Eat some chocolate. Come here.

I am. I've already. Let's listen to this music together. Let's eat some chocolate. You know, listen to this mushroom music without doing fucking mushrooms. This is the youth of today. They want to listen to mushroom music

and nobody wants to do a fucking mushroom mushroom. Come eat a piece of fucking chocolate. We know how hard you work for your paycheck. I want to hear two. So we help you keep one. But no, I'm not going to get back. You have to do it for Israel.

If you're not going to do it for yourself, at least have to fucking decency. Do it for Israel. Eat a peace phase. Right now, those soldiers in there. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, man, fucking... But these shows are crazy. I showed you the videos.

They take, like, warehouses, and it's just people from front to back. What you got to? I've been to five. I love it. Of this here? Yeah, I love it. I'm the only one not on Existency.

I'm the only one not on Exeter. I get drunk, but... The next time's they're in town. We're gonna go. I don't even go. One more. I'm fine. Come on.

It's fucking Wednesday, the 30th of the January. There's the live audience, the Churchill's out of the time. That's go. That's go. I'm gonna be trying. You see me crying. You see me fucking crying. I can't cry.

Because we got people. And look, what are you going with that? You're on TV. I don't know. Wow, you left a lot older than I thought you would. There's a lot less of tin than I thought it would be. Well, what would be chocolate? That's right.

I'm going to eat my head. Yeah. Robert Perez, I love the cops. I'm gonna have you birthday. What happened? It tastes like weed. What do you want to tell? No, I don't have no weed.

Stop. Lee, you're my family, I love you. No. Let me tell you something. My son listen to that music. I rent the boat. And I go out to sea and throw him off the fucking boat. You understand me?

Why are you listening to that shit? I love it. You love it. That's the shit you grew up listening to? No. I mean, I love regular stuff, too, but... Do you dance, let me? Put it on again.

Let me see you a way. I don't dance to them. You just jump up and down. You do jump up and down. Oh, yeah. Jump up and down. I can jump up and down. I'm on and setting the board against.

What the fuck? But this one's cool because the reason why I like it and I like the show is, I don't know if you hear the guitar and stuff. A lot of techno or electronic bands just sample. These people have a full band out with them and it's fucking awesome. Well, let's go play the fucking song. song. I want you to jump up and down too. We're going to do a little side of my neighbors. Fuck the church. What neighbors?

Come on, let's go. Come on, what the fuck? I can't do this no more. You don't want to commit to this contest. Put the song on. I see you're going like the Rose is watching. Man, she's a lot. Come on, let's go, man.

It's just a little... How do you move the hands? You just like jump up and down. That's how you jump up and down. No, I don't, I don't want to go see them, but I've been to like five or six shows. Do you know what I? Two of them were in LA, one was in Israel and a few in New York. I would take the bus from Boston in the afternoon to New York, go to their show that gets out at like three in the morning and take the first bus back.

I went, one of the times when I took a two o'clock bus to New York, went, saw the thing, was waiting in Times Square for my bus back, I went to the 3 o'clock a.m. show at the Ha-ha in Times Square. There's like a ha or a ha-ha in Times Square Comedy Club. And they had a 3 a.m. show. It was some of the worst and weirdest comedy I've ever seen. Who the fuck do you think goes up at 3 o'clock? You're not going to see Louis C.K.

with his entourage going up at 3. It was like an Asian guy and I don't know who else. But I got to talk bad about Asians. Leave them alone. They're up at home. No, Asians are fine, but he couldn't speak English. I don't know. You know, him eating three pieces of chocolate.

I'm surprised. I can't believe you get on a bus by yourself to go jump up and down. Yeah, I love it. Still, put the music on. Let me see you jump up and down one time. Let me see your wiggle for how. I'm going to see how you jump up and down. I'm going to see how.

Let me see you jump up and down. Jump up and down. How do you do your hands? You put them up and you just, it's fucking, it's like a rave almost. It is a weird. Good man, yeah. You can see that? There's not these on no much.

You don't do exercise in nothing? No, the one thing. I'm going with you the next time. We're going to do ecstasy, and we're going to fucking put the bloggy out, and we're going to fucking tape you jumping up and down the whole thing. By that time, you'll be 70 pounds lighter. You'll be slim jim again. You can shave your chest and just go in there with your little leather hat on,

like Rob Halfen in 84. They come to the next time they're in California is like San Francisco in April or something. All right, we're going up there. We're doing some heroin. We're doing some heroin. We're doing Jew pellets. We're doing everything. Gorilla biscuits.

They're from Israel. They speak Hebrew and a lot of their songs. Okay, this is why you like them because they're Jews I know, that's not why when I When they're on stage, they speak Hebrew Yeah, a couple in the couple songs Good for you, man But uh...

I love you, Lee. When I lived in Israel, I went to one of their shows And that's where I got into it, but uh... Lee's a closet freak. Lee wants me to... Lee's on the edge, he just needs a little fucking push. One of these shows are gonna get a $10 bag of white heroin To give Lee a little...

Sure, that's the shit from China. So I know there's black tar, there's white? There's black tar. That comes from down to Mexico But the best shit, the shit I fucked me was that white heroin. white shit. That little Chinese shit, forget about it. You're like rubbing your nipples.

Oh, it's so good. One fucking gack of that on top of two lines of blow, forget about it. Heroin looks fucking from Breaking Bad when they do it. They just fucking, they look dead. Oh, yeah. But they shoot the thrill. Yeah? We're only going to do a little line just to get the party start.

We'll do a little pukin, and then we're back. I kind of want to try mushrooms. You do? We'll do some shroomings too. We'll do everything later. All right. You know what you should do? You should have that chick fart in your face. and do mushrooms, so it farts like a blizzard. Aren't you not supposed to have, like, unhappy things happen?

No, that's a happy thing. A chick farting in your face at any level. Listen, trust me. There's a bunch of guys out there that I'll tell you. A chick farting in your face. It's like if you want a ham sandwich, but you get a tuna fish sandwich. It's like, I'll fart in a face.

I'll take it. Go to onet.com. Is that your new thing? A fart of face. Fart in a face. I'll take it. You know, who the fuck are you, to judge a woman, and the tell a woman.

I'm not and take that. Who's texting you already? Is that Rose? No, it's Enbeileaf girl. She said, don't do heroin. Who's that? She said, don't do heroin. Yeah.

Who's Mary Leapherne? No, N.B. Leaf Girl. Who's Embedleaf. Oh, that's my girl. She's sending some love. That's my beautiful. She's beautiful. I love it.

You know what I like about N.B. Leaf Girl? She's a fucking sports done. She loves. Oh, yeah. She loves hockey, football. Yeah. She loves all that stuff. That's sexy when a woman talks football.

Oh, it all kind of love. At the same time. You know what I'm saying? like it's fourth down. Suck that fucking helmet. What he got? What type of me? How about a little burning up by Judas Priest.

Okay. A little burning up by Judas Priest. Before I let you go, that was my favorite. One of the best things, one of my last girlfriends, would give me a blowjob during football on Sundays, and that was just, that was my favorite day. He must have been with a box of wings right there, close by. You were in fucking heaven, weren't you?

With a computer, your little band jumping up and down. Judas Priest, I already forgot what we were playing. Burning up, your fuck. Off the hell bent for leather album here. And I said, I love you guys. It's been a great week. Next week we've got great fucking guests. We got a doctor calling in about Sleep Apnea.

I got a surprise guest for Monday. I'm not doing Super Bowl Sunday. I'm going to be flying back from Columbus. I don't even know who's playing. The Ravens against San Francisco. Great game. Watch it. I'll be in Columbus, Ohio, Friday and Saturday.

Boat shows 8 and 10 o'clock. Nobody's coming with me. I'm going solo. I fly rather Joe being Vegas with Brian Callan and Ari Shafir. I think Duncan's staying home. He's recuperating. I spoke to Duncan. My thoughts go out to him.

He's doing great guys. He's at the send you a love. Lee Syatt's here. What else? So Columbus, Friday and Saturday, 641-4-1-471-5-6-5-3. Give him a call. What? I said, bam, I don't know.

You got my stone. I said, bam. Can you believe this fucking guy? Should we stab him now or later? This is what you got? You got you. I love you, Lee. You're a good man, so we're not doing Super Bowl Sunday.

We'll be back Monday, February 4th. It's going to be February ready, people. We made it through one fucking month. It's my kid's birthday next week, two weeks. Yeah, February 8th. You'll be a month. I'll be out of town. I'll be rocking with you motherfuckers in West Palm Beach.

But I will be next Thursday in San Jose. What else, Lee? Go to On it. Get your package together. Get your health packets together like Lee's going to be doing. Take the three package, get an alpha brain. If you don't want to sharpen your brain, just want to start on the immune system, get the new mood, get the Shroom Tech immune, and get yourself the hemp protein. Tell you what, excuse me, the hemp protein is the best fucking protein you'll ever taste.

And I hate all that shit. It's delicious. You can't wait to get home and make a fucking shake. And it will help you. What's the matter, Lee? Nothing. I'm agreeing with you. We got the shake.

We got my girl Jill Hamutsu. We got Dead Squad Harlem, Dead Squad Connecticut, Dead Squad, Connecticut, Dead Squad, Iowa. I feel you, motherfuckers. Shirts will be out. Hopefully next week, the new shirts. Go to Joey Coco Diaz.net. Leave me in last message.

Let me know what you're thinking. Let me know if you can help. I don't fucking give a fuck. Have a great week. Remember, get up, write your goals. Take a shit. Wipe your ass. Don't go leave the house with stinky fucking nuts.

You never know when you're going to run into a bus of recovering cock suckers. You know what I'm saying? prepared. Any last words, Lee? No, I second. Look at the shit, Lee, never again will I give you a piece of chocolate? You made three pieces of chocolate. You get three. And about two and a half joints.

Two and a half joints. And I've been up. This is why I love this guy. Listen, Uncle Joey loves you to death. Have a great fucking week. Go out there, knock him dead. Live out your fucking dream. Your dream is what keeps you alive, motherfuckers. Hit me a little. You know, everybody's like, oh, Ralph

Hart was gay. Why do you listen to that shit? Judas Priest, one of the best live band Zevile. Listen to Unleashed in the East. The 70s in Japan. Hit me with a little fucking Judas Priest, brother. Little Rob Halford. Whether or not he was gay, whatever's got to the talent. This talent, you dumb fucks.

Wait, what do you do? I don't... It says it's playing. I hear it. It's jammedly. It's jammed. It's a bit up. We've got to make a love.

Let's time. I try it. I try. Hit it. It's a burning off. Oh, shit. Have a great day, people. Stay black.