The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #015 - Joey Diaz, Joe Rogan, and Lee Syatt - The Church Of What's Happening Now Live

Episode Date: November 27, 2014

Joe Rogan, Comedian and Host of The Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, joins Joey and Lee Live. Recorded live 11/26/2014

Thank you very much for coming out. Let's just get it started. Coming to the stage, Joey Coco Diaz. What's happening? You bad motherfuckers. Happy Thanksgiving. Thank you very much for coming out. You know what I'm saying? I'm happy there was no traffic and I was fucking pissed off.

I'll run over a protester. I don't give a fuck. No, I'll hit a fucking protester. If it's with me seeing you guy, I'm hitting that motherfucker. I'll take that cock sucker right down. Fuck you, you protest. Stay home, write a note, listen to black music, you know what I'm saying?

You're gonna fucking protest. Get the fuck out of here. Get the memo. There's no future in protesting. There's no fucking future. You go out like an idiot. Ha ha ha ha ha. What?

What? What the fuck? I'm gonna get dressed to go out and get pepper sprayed. That's a great fucking curry. We'll get pepper sprayed and kicked in the stomach so I can tell people,

get the fuck out of here, all right? Even a hooker got a purpose. You know what I'm saying? She gets a cum shot to her face. She's getting $50 fucking dollars. What are you going to walk around and get pepper sprayed for free, you fucking dummy? Fucking pepper spray, like a fucking idiot

and shit. Those are the same. Don't these people fucking do anything? Who finds time? Like, you know what? Fuck the gym. Let's go down there. And protest for Ferguson. Listen, man, it's fucked up. You know, there's nothing we could do. But me get on the 10.

stopping good people from going to work I'm going to do fucking nothing. Alright? Stay home. That's it. Listen to Al Green, now you know. Next time, pull a gun. What the fuck do you know about being a cop? What the fuck do you know about a fucking black dude coming at shit? What the fuck do you know? Just you don't and neither do I. So move on

with your fucking life. Let's go protest downtown and throw eggs at the cop. What's that going to fucking do for you? A police record. Now you've got to go somewhere once a month and talk to some fucking Harvey Homo about what you did last week. Have you been protesting? What happens if you're... How the fuck you... Do you imagine you get like a misdemeanor in jail? Like I'm in jail next to you all coked up his shit. What are you in here for a smack of the motherfucker? You know what

what are you here for running over a homeless guy? What are you here for protesting? The whole room just shuts the fuck up and stairs at this motherfucker like, do we smack you first or bit slap you or fuck you in the ass? Which one? And what order? You know? fucking people. I'm sick and tired of fucking people making me feel weird. Like I gotta feel like I fuck... It's like when you watch TV,

they always make you feel fucking weird, you know? That's Sarah McLaughlin with her fucking animals. You ever get stoned and that commercial comes on? You're like, you're ruining my fucking hide, cocksucker with those ugly fucking dogs. I got, I already got seven cats. Fuck you and your fucking...

Sad commercial trying to make me fucking feel bad. Because you're a fucking moron. I'm over eating a turkey sandwich of mayonnaise. And you're fucking talking about dogs getting beat up. What type of bitch are you? Put that shit on the morning. Ruin somebody else's fucking day, you dirty bitch.

You know who really was trying to make me feel fucking bad, those ISIS victims? They come on, yeah, nah, what the fuck? What the fuck? Why don't we gotta fucking feel bad? Because mind your business. They all want to go volunteer. You're on your fucking business, all right?

The fuck. And the parents, I'm telling you, he's a good boy. You know what my parents would say? Fuck him. Fuck him. You should have mind this. I told him to stay in Jersey. He could have slept in the house, no rent.

But no, he wants to go to Bangladesh and help fucking Arabs. Fuck me? Get it together, cock sucker. At least the Mexicans just chopped your head off on YouTube. There was no drama, right? To hear you with a Taco Belt commercial? Boom, that's it, it's over. Mexicans don't fuck around.

They're going to cut your fucking head off now. Today, they don't stand there, black guy with a black suit on. I'm going to kill you with a fucking accent. Fuck, no. They put you on TV, they put the camera on you. You blink three times, and they chop that motherfucker off. And they go sit there and cry and make me fucking feel. You know what you?

You know what, dog? I'm no blackbell and karate. I don't fly through the fucking air. But I'm 306. You understand me? You want to chop my fucking head off? We're going to have a problem. I'm gonna fucking go.

I'm gonna grab one of you by the fucking ear. You know what I mean? Or poke in here. I'm just not gonna sit there where you let me cut my fucking head off. I'll grab your dick so fucking hard. I'll twist it as you're chopping my head

I'll fucking bite that motherfucker. I'll bite your fucking dick while you're chopping my head off. You understand me? When my head hits the floor and my eyes blink like a chicken, your dick will be in my fucking mouth,

cocksucker. I'll be a faggot in hell. But you'll be a dickless motherfucker. You understand me? When I get the hell, I'll give Satan that dick and tell him, there's more what I came from, Cocksucker. I love you guys. Thank you very much coming out here tonight.

Coming to the stage, my main man, Lysayat. Where's Rogan at? He's out there somewhere. Go get him. Tell him we're coming in here. The whole fucking family. Why we're fucking around tonight? These people are waiting to hear about Ferguson.

They're waiting to hear about black people jumping up and down. Joe Rogan, come on up here, my brother. Let's do it. Like I said, happy Thanksgiving to you fucking savages. A lot going on. Thank you. Like I said,

thank you for driving around the protesters. Fuck those motherfuckers. There's no future in being a protester. It's all white people. Is it? Yeah, it's white emo dudes with, like, really, like, mediocre beards. Mexican dudes and shit.

They look at a bang. I don't trust Mexicans. White chicks. I want to see the ones. sneakers. I want to see the mud on the sneaker. That's how I know the motherfucker's real. He ran here. He saved those fucking sneakers. The Mexican dudes. If you jumped the fence to get into America, you would never throw those fucking sneakers out. When you see a night commercial, you're like,

Nike? What the fuck did Nike do for me? I jumped over here with black sabbacos and shit. Cost me $2 at the market and shit, those. Some fucking jume. I made them down here somewhere. Joey Diaz will get you excited about shit you don't even agree with. They'd be like, no, man, throw those fucking shoes out. That's evidence. It's got Mexican soil on it. You're going to save your shit.

It's good luck. What's going on, baby? Talk to me. I'm just mad at white people. I'm upset. What's going on with Bill Cox? White people are shooting black people. White people are protesting.

It seems to be white people the problem. That Ferguson shit is going... You know, my buddy has a dealership day, and I've been calling him every day to check up on him. It wasn't his dealership, was it? No, it's around the corner from him to lift that dealership on fire. And he said, he goes, you know what, I served to everybody who comes in here is pretty much black, so I'm not going to have a problem. But it's fucked up. They can be going crazy everywhere.

They broke into black businesses. They broke into the guy who the kid robbed before he got shot. They broke into his business and looted it. We're just waiting for the aliens to land at this point. Wait for them, just give us a fucking bitch slap from the sky. Like, you fucking dummies. They looted at a dollar store. It didn't even make sense.

Like, don't they usually loot TVs? They lit it a dollar. Maybe there's some shit they specifically had their mind on. But the whole thing was, that was a powder cake to begin with, you know? That place, there's no jobs. It's just a fucking elbow. Exactly, exactly. And it was a powder cake.

And you know what? Those people, whatever, we weren't there. We don't know what fucking happened. But they feel bit slapped. So. There's a lot of people that are looking in a superficial sort of a way where they're trying to fix the problem. Like the cop shot the guy, the cop's bad, let's fix this. The real problem is the area itself and the lack of hope.

These people have no way to get out of there. It's horrible. If there's no jobs and every one of your neighborhood's a fuck up and it's all crazy and chaos and everyone's a criminal, try growing up there and seeing your own way through it. It's a one in a million person that recognizes the folly in that life. You know, it's hard. If you're a kid, it's hard to blame the kid. It really is.

It's hard to blame any kid that grows up in that kind of environment. You're fucking surviving. You're doing whatever you can do, and you're getting by with whatever you can get away with. That's the reality of our world. And if we continue to ignore poor areas and continue to go overseas and fucking steal people's minerals and shit, you know, we're going to ruin life. We're going to ruin life. We go over to other countries and pretend it's super important that we get their oil. And meanwhile, we're letting, the number one resource we have in this country is human beings.

And we're letting a bunch of human beings just grow up in a fucking zoo. Just chaos. Just so many problems. Just arrests and cops and, oh, and poverty and no jobs. And you ever see that Michael Moore documentary on Flint, Michigan? No. It's so depressing. It's so depressing.

It has nothing to do white, black. Just anyone, there's white people that are born in Flint, Michigan, that were there working in those plants, those auto plants. and they pulled out of there and those fucking poor people were starving. It's just, it's dark. You know, we have it super easy here in California,

super easy here in L.A. If you're living in a really bad neighborhood and shit just goes terribly wrong and you're stuck there and you're a little kid, who the fuck are we, you know? Who are we to try to figure out what it's like to live that life?

You know, I always tell people. Welcome to the comedy podcast here. We're always very fortunate. Trying to make you happy. We get to travel a lot, you know? When you land and, parts of Philadelphia, we see some fucking truth. When you land

in Buffalo, we see what economy is when you land in Pittsburgh and you're performing in Pittsburgh and they don't open up downtown until there's an baseball game. Downtown doesn't open unless there's a fucking baseball game. Buffalo is dead. Cleveland

is dead. These are places that it's just going to take anything to let them go off. Somebody shot some kid in Cleveland, unarmed kid in Cleveland Saturday night, a 12 year old with a BB gun. I don't know the whole fucking story. I'm surprised they're not going off there. Well, there's a 911

call and the 911 call is someone calling up to police complaining about this kid scaring the shit out of everybody. He's pointing a gun and the guy in the 911 call says, I think it's fake. I think it's a fake gun. But I don't know. He's scaring the fuck out of everybody. He said shit like on the 911

call. And then they went and just shot him in two seconds. The cops pulled up and just started shooting. And he's 12. Yeah, this is the world we're living in. And not only that, imagine being a fucking cop. Imagine your job is showing up. You're in an unbelievably impoverished neighborhood,

and you're showing up every day, and someone's either shooting people or robbing someone, and it's just everyday people are lying to you, and you're just shell-shocked. You mean, you want to talk about PTSD. Guys get PTSD from six months in Iraq. You can get PTSD like a motherfucker for 12 years in the police force. If you're in the police force for 12 years,

who knows how that fucking is. guy's functioning. You know, we're assuming they're keeping it together because, you know, we, like, base our ideas of cops on fucking movies or something, you know? You know what I mean? Like, a real cop is a person and a person that has to be the enemy, the professional enemy, with a fucking uniform that alerts everybody to your presence in some fucking stupid car with bright lights so everybody knows where you are. And you're just traveling around near people who hate you. And you're supposed to arrest them. Oh, good fucking luck. Well, how much has it changed? because I have to listen to Joey talk about

like cops would come and talk to him and let him go and now they're not doing that, they're just coming and shooting you. I see it in L.A. I see a fucking traffic jam in L.A. And when you get there, it's a fucking cop car pulled sideways talking to a fucking homeless guy. What's the use? What the fuck is this? It's Monday at 8 in the morning. Lee, is this not true the day I was yelling at the cops?

From my car, he was yelling at cops in rush hour traffic and I was on the way to breakfast. Move the fucking car. Move the fucking car. You can't be that fucking stupid. You're a police officer. So there's a 50-50 situation here. You know, once you get fucking jaded here, there's a 50-50 situation.

On a Monday night, I might get a call to save a pregnant woman. The chick's having a kid. And I go up the stairs and some guy fucking shoots at me. I'm gonna go home and go, Jesus Christ, I tried to help somebody and somebody shot at me.

That's in the back of my mind. You know what? Now when I get out of a car, I'm shooting first and asking questions later. I can see that happen. Yeah. You could see that happen. You know, I've seen, I didn't see the interviews with George Saddamopoulos, but I saw

Whatever the fuck his name is. George Sataropolis, whatever is. Ringo Star, you know, Caratop, whatever the fuck is. If you look at that guy, he's not an intimidating guy that white guy. Stephanopoulos? No, no, the white cop, he's interviewing. The guy that shot this kid, he's not an intimidating guy. You know, and this kid was six foot six.

I don't know, I wasn't fucking there, but I could just imagine. I know what he was. is to be scared. And I know what it is to say, oh, he's coming back. I'm just going to shoot this motherfucker. Oh, you're coming back? I'm going to go get a fucking bat now. You want to come back? You want to come back? So there's a thousand situations that could have happened. Like I said, we weren't out there. But I can't imagine being a cop for $30,000 a fucking year. There's people that are looking at this. This is one of the things that's been disturbing me. There's something that's really transparent. There's people that are looking this as an

opportunity to be down. Like, as an opportunity to express your, indignation, your anger at the system. And some of them are ridiculous. There's this one guy who's talking about, he's an old white dude who's talking about there is no excuse. If a man is charging at every police officer, if they shot everyone who charged at them, there'd be thousands of people dead every year. Like, hey, dick, there are. Like, there's more people have died by cops than have died in Iraq. Is that true? Yes. Yes. More than 5,000 people have been killed by cops since the Iraq war is going on. More than 4,000 Americans died overseas. More people have been killed by cops. So, yeah, it happens. Stupid.

First of all, you're not even paying attention. He's not even Googling, okay? Like, he's made a YouTube video with no Googling. Like, come on, man. So that's one thing. And two, like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about because of 200 and whatever, was he 250 pounds or something like that? Six foot six, he was a six, 250 pound guy who you already shot is running at you? And he shot him in the head. And you telling me you shouldn't shoot him again? What are you fucking crazy?

You really think you're going to stop him from taking your fucking gun? What are you fucking Steven Seagall? What are you going to do? Do you know some shit? I don't know? Because I'm shooting them. If I shoot somebody and they're running at me, I will keep shooting until they stop running at me. That's generally how I operate.

I'm not saying he was justified in shooting the kid, but this fucking idiot in this video saying he should have been able to handle him without shooting him after he shot him four fucking times already and the guy's still running. That's fucking Michael Meyer. That's some Halloween shit. He's still running.

That guy's shit in his pants. He's a white guy with a weak chin. Okay? He's white like paper. He's got red pubs. They're fucking on fire as this guy's running at him. His butthole is like literally clinch to the point where his legs are numb

and he's just unloading. Now when he shoot him the first time? I don't know if it was the first time, but he got twice in the head. I heard that. If you shoot him once and they move, you shoot him again. That's what you do? I mean, I'm not saying he should have shot him, but I'm saying, like, this idea that somehow or not that he's going to be rational

while he's shooting a guy is fucking crazy. He's in the middle of a life or death struggle, allegedly. All right? It's one or two stories you believe. If you believe that he's a cold-blooded assassin and he just set out to kill this kid and he could have avoided it, or you believe that he freaked out, and the guy was chasing him and he shot the guy

and then after it's over everybody starts rioting. That seems more likely right? I mean I don't know what the fuck happened. I wasn't there but I would hope that he's not like some cold-blooded killer and I would hope that what everybody's doing by overreacting

instead of thinking about this one cage let's just talk about police brutality in general because there's plenty of evidence of police brutality that's accurate and real and we should look at in terms of why these people freaking out like that and the job might be fucking too much. It might be too much for a lot of people.

Did you see that video where the guy beats the chick up on the highway? In L.A. She's walking down the street. He grabs her, throws her on the ground, starts fucking Mark Colemaning her. He's ground and pounding her on the highway. And someone was filming it, and he didn't know they were filming it. Like that guy, what the

fuck? How can you do that? Oh my God, and they hit him away and they said it's under investigation. Let me ask you something. What's the fucking investigate? You punch him in the head? you put the handcuffs on. He should have mounted her, first of all. He's in the half guard.

She's blocking a lot of his shots with her. He's got shitty technique. He didn't even have to hit her. He should just arm barred her. I saw a lot of police brutality growing up, never on me. But I saw it in the Burgen County jails and like in the tombs where the motherfucker's come in and they're bleeding from the head.

And they're still talking to shit. Like, fuck you bitch. Yeah. Like, I'm still standing. motherfucker and they throw them in the cell and like you're not getting stitched up after court i don't give a fuck bitch i don't give a fuck fuck you and the judge i'm being in that burton county jail one night and we both went for bail and this guy was fucking the droplets we're dropping from his fucking head they wouldn't help him they wouldn't help him and he was sitting there in the

droplets and he's like you know i'm still bleeding your honor and the judge wouldn't even make believe like he was talking so i've seen it right there right next to me once i see a guy bleeding the cell, I don't say shit. I didn't say a fucking word the rest of the night. They bailed my ass out. I wasn't scared of the fucking jail cell. I was scared this guy bleeding all fucking night because I'd snap eventually.

But I've seen police brutality, and I've seen when 10 cops come to break up a fight. No doubt. And you turn around, and boom, they hit you with a police thing. They busted my buddy's nose one night. So I've seen it. But again, I'm not on the other side of that fucking car. I don't know.

When I'm coming out of there, I don't know what to expect. I'm coming on swimming. Things have changed, people. We got animals out there. You got fucking real deal animals. I think, you know, it's obviously a tremendous tragedy because a kid lost his life. And he could have grown up to be a great person. He could have had a different path and been a great person.

So it's obviously a tremendous tragedy. But the biggest tragedy is that everybody's looking at it as like this one incident. That's not the biggest tragedy, but one of the parts of the tragedy that disturbs me. He said everyone's looking at this one incident. But we got a real problem in like bad neighborhoods all across the country. Camden, New Jersey doesn't even have cops anymore. In Detroit, you could buy a house for $400. Like we went to Detroit to film that sci-fi show.

It's crazy. I mean, you can't believe how poor. They're basically camping. You're running into a lot of people that are camping in a city. I mean, that's essentially how people are living. And it's not just a few. There's no jobs. I mean, it's supposedly coming back to some sort of

of Renaissance, that's our real issue is raising kids up in poverty and crime. And raising kids up around poverty and crime, they grow up and they become a part of the same, they perpetuate the same thing that they've seen their whole life. It's a cycle. That's the horrific thing. I mean, not just

that this kid lost his life, that's absolutely horrific. Not just that, you know, that whole place is just riddled with violence and crime, but it's just like there's almost no way out of it, you know? There's almost no way to fix it. And that's why a lot of these people are up in arms, you know, Detroit. because they got nothing else to do.

They've already been kicked in the fucking balls. They lost their plant. Their plant moved to China to make Hong Kong, whatever the fuck they're making. You know, there's 16 weeks of fucking unemployment ran out. Obama didn't give them a fucking extension. You know, they've already refinanced their fucking house. What's left, guys?

What's left? They go out there and fucking burn stuff and, oh, we're going to disverter. I bet you there's half of those people just wanted a guilty verdicts. They go get a new TV or a new fucking skateboarder. something, because that's what they do, looting. I'm not eluding. Yeah, that was the weirdest thing that I saw

was not just alluding, but I saw, I follow a lot of, like, weird people online that I don't agree with, but I'm just interested in their point of view. Like, I follow a lot of, like, really super hardcore progressive people, like super hardcore liberals, super lefties. And this one dude was saying

that private property is only protected if people respect you. And I guess people didn't respect these corporations. And then it said, fuck the police. And I was like, what? And there was like a fucking H&R block with a rock through its window.

And then there was a picture of a BMW dealership that said fuck corporations and it had its window smashed. And this guy was like retweeting that like, yeah. You fucking idiot. You're using a corporation to make this message on your stupid phone, you fucking dummy.

Like that's, a corporation had to make your phone. A corporation to put together the internet. Corporation made the computers that are servers. You need a car to get around. corporations make those cars. Like, BMW's not evil. They're making nice cars. That's it.

You don't have to throw a rock through their window because the kid got shot in another state. Like, that's fucking ridiculous. And then to right fuck the police on that. No, you just fucked BMW over. The police weren't even involved. It's like this weird thinking. Like, we're going to burn this motherfucker down.

You live here. If you burn it down, you live here. Maybe he was Jewish and he had a complete different set of issues. You know what I'm saying? It's a good possibility. He goes, fuck the fuck the fucking. Keeps a grudge.

I'm going to throw this rock through fucking BMW. That's an old school grudge. They used to make Nazi engines for airplanes. Yeah, no shit. Didn't Volkswagen, wasn't Hitler, driving a converter with Volkswagen way back then? I think Hitler had an Audi, too. I think they had like some Audi race car they made for Hitler.

It's worth like a billion dollars or something now. It's a cool looking little, like, tick-tac box with wheels. They had stupid-looking cars back then. Meanwhile, you know Bill Cosby, I'm going, thank God that shit. is going down. It takes the heat off me for five fucking days. You know he is saying that. He was like, ooh.

He was praying for that motherfucker to come back guilty. He's in a fucking cave right now with dirty movies. Burning that fucking chemistry set and shit. Because you know he was making them homemade quailudes and shit. He was double-dosing

those motherfuckers, dog. I've done some creepy shit my name. I'd have a dose the person's drink, dog. I'd give them aspirin and told him it's coke. You know what I'm saying? Whatever gets a blow job at 4 in the morning. That's American ingenuity, giving a freak. Because I'm saving that rock, so I know for sure you're sucking dick.

You understand me? I might bring you home, you might have a boyfriend, and I'm throwing worthless coke at you. That shit ain't gonna happen. I used to, you think I'm fucking kidding, you, dog. I used to be... You think I'm fucking with you. I had a girlfriend. I had a little freak on the side

that I would go over there and eat a little monkey when I was coked up. Put coke rocks on a pussy and shit. And when that bitch had a period, I would stay fucking clear from that house and shit. She'd be calling me, come over. Fuck you, you got a little fuse down there. I'll catch you next week. I ain't wasting coke on that.

She was just shaking her head in disgust. She was like, this motherfucker, what's wrong with the period? What's... Why are you so upset? What are you scared of? Fuck that. No. They got that fucking bloody thing

I ain't coming over. Fuck you. I'll save my Coke rock and jerk off. I don't give a fuck. Because even if you suck my dick, I can't finger bang you while you're sucking it. So I just got that one hand up. Fuck you.

Vote for me. I don't need that shit. I want to grab something. You let a girl piss on you? You let a girl piss on you, but you won't fuck a girl with a fucking... You seem concerned. Yeah.

Because he... tells me every week you need to lick an asshole you need to let go piss on you Don't listen to him listen to me I can translate He doesn't mean everything he says he's a lot of things he says are just funny by a woman There you go never been pissed on me yeah I'm sure yeah there's a lot of moments in my life that are really cloudy I look back and think I'm not sure you know I I could lie I'm not just exactly I could be lying to myself but a lot of shit that happened If you go over your own life You ever talk to somebody whose memory of an event was totally different than yours?

Like, one of us is fucking crazy. I know who the fuck it is. You have a story that's very different than the one I've been fucking bouncing around my head. When you start having booze and weed and then all of a sudden you're home, you're like, what happened? You know, there's those moments where you're in bed, you're like, okay, I guess we made it. You're just kind of waking up. And you're like, I don't check your cars, no blood on it. Okay, okay.

Didn't hit anything. How do you? Okay, whatever. I saw a guy Thursday night in Philly I hadn't seen in 30 years. And after the show, we hugged and a bunch of guys. And we took pictures and he pulled me aside and goes, the last time I saw you, you had a bag of Coke with a bloody nose, a ripped jacket, and a thousand dollars cash. You were living under a rocket ship.

And I'm like, you're fucking cloudy, Jack. There was no thousand dollars. You understand me? Why would it be under a rocket ship if I had cash on me? He goes, you're right. You've come a long way. I know. I was under a rocket ship at a park.

You know those parks that have rocket ships? You slept under that? And I went under there because I thought the cops were looking for me, and I just went under there with a bag of coat. I was bleeding from my nose. I just kept wiping it. I would wipe it and put it. Coke rock up my nose.

Just hope. And that's when he came by. He's like, what are you doing? Hold on one second. Let's get this. This Coke dissolved. Next thing you know, he's watching you in a fucking kids movie.

Yeah, can you fucking believe that shit? The dog who saved Christmas. I watched that shit with my kids. They love you. It's hilarious. I told them their mother was out of the room. I go, if you only knew what a freakie is. And they're like, what does that mean?

Nothing. He's just crazy. He's just crazy. They're six and four. They haven't figured that shit out. Oh, my God. That's so funny. They love you, dude.

They love you. They love those kids movies. And knowing you, as long as I've known you and all the crazy stories you told me, I fucking how when I see that you're in a kid's movie. I'm like, do these motherfuckers not have the internet? Do you have any idea? One day, one of those moms is going to Google.

He was so funny in the. movie with the dog. The dog who saved Christmas. What's his name? It's Joey Diaz. And they go directly to a video of Joey's balls. What am I saying? How is this on the

internet? This is not the same guy from the dog movie. Oh, no, kids. That could be a real fucking problem. You've done five of those. They're like little bombs waiting to go off. They don't know. You know, someone's going to get fired at Disney. They're going to get fired at Disney.

fucking fired. And the best is when I go to those Disney parties and they hug me. Tell me how funny I am and I'm like, if you only fucking knew. I just want to hand them a business card that has the exact podcast where you talk about using your fingers

to pull tinfoil out of chick's ass where you're banging her from... Oh my God. But I don't know how, like, this is why I have no trust in the system anymore. Like, I lost trust. When people tell me things,

like, things are gonna hot, shut on. Nothing's gonna happen, all right? I've done this a thousand times. Just look straight, shut your fucking mouth. Years ago, they caught a producer. This is a note from Nickelodeon on one of those shows where they leave the door open and you come in naked looking for the kid

and you sit there like... To catch a predator. This is a true story. They caught one of the producers from Nickelodeon. So now when you go to Nickelodeon, you have to do a background check. You don't even hire you. So they caught a pedophile that worked for Nickelodeon.

Catch a Predator? Catch a predator. And they got out there. So when you go to Nickelodeon for a thing, you don't go to a casting director no more. You go to Nickelodeon. Before they give you the size, you do a background check. So once I did the background check, I was like, there's no use of me sitting here. Like, I should just go home.

But I go, I already drove here. Let me read for the fucking roll. So I went in red, they were all giggling and I put it down. I go, that's great. You know, because once the police report comes back, this tube gets thrown in the garbage, right? I got a call. Two days later they hired me, not for one episode, but for three. And they love me.

They're like, we love you. Oh, my God. Like, it's fucking amazing how I keep passing. Did you ask them? No, I shut my fucking mouth. I don't say nothing. I don't claim liability because then if they come to me, they go, oh, Mr. Diaz, who up to speak to you?

You had a conviction for kidnapping. Whatever. I could always go, what name did you look at him? Jose Diaz, are you fucking crazy? No, listen, don't believe this. there's a thousand Jose Diaz. It's John Smith in the American language.

Jose Diaz is John Smith in the American language. If they look deeper, by the time they look, I'm done already. I've already shot the movie. I've eaten the crab service. I stole this shirt,

and I'm on my way home. You understand me, by the time they get the FBI and the FBI, NCIC, I'm already done. NCIC? Yeah, but I know all the agencies, John, right?

You gotta know the animal you're dealing with. But it's amazing, you know, when you get a plane ticket now, as soon as you log your name and that thing, it's over. Did, they're looking at you in a satellite from fucking Russia. Seriously, a lot of people, when you go to the hospital, they do a background check. As you're getting stitched up and they're taking the fucking glass out of your ankle, when you come out, I'm like, excuse me, Mr. Diaz,

there's a guy here to stay here. You know, it's that quick, but I can't believe that Nicola and hired me. I'm not mad at them, but this is just to let you know. Just take the chance. Just go down there. Who gives a fuck? Deny it till the end. Make them pay for the deep, deep, deep background check. Don't you think, though, that, like,

with show business, that they give you a little bit of extra room because they want, they want someone who's a character, and a lot of times characters have, like, really fucked up backgrounds. So they look at you, and they go, yeah, but it was like 25 years ago. Oh, yeah, it was a long fucking time ago. What year was it, that you got out? You got out

in 88? No, 91. Okay. So that's 24 something years, right? That's a long time. In Seattle, now in Seattle it's very interesting. I got into a... I got into a misunderstanding at a bar. And when there was a cop upstairs, but he was Puerto Rican from New York. So when he ran down, he pulled me off the guy.

And when I slammed his back, there was like six of those guys, and it was me and Ron Reed. At the time, I was maybe 36. And Ron Reed was my age now. basically an old fucking man with glasses. Ron Reed weighed 120 pounds. I was so fucked up at that time in my life. I was going through a divorce.

I was broke. I was living in an office. I went and grabbed that cop's gun. On the way back, I grabbed that motherfucker gun from my left hand. I was like, I'm going to shoot one of these bastards now. And he grabbed my hand. He goes, think about what you're doing.

Never came up in a police report. When I slammed him back, that's the first thing I went for you. I thought he was that cool. that he would let me pull the gun out and shoot him. In the back of my fucking line, you know, it was like lethal weapon when he gets the gun, him and the black guy at the end,

they shoot the fucked up guy. But this is shit that, you know, how lucky am I? Like, when I see this shit, I'm going for a gun. That's why I want to know this kid's police record. The kid in Ferguson. Yeah, I want to know. You start off slow.

You rob a doctor's office, you shoplift, you might assault somebody. Then you go for a cop's gun. He was 18, but you know what? That's the society that that motherfucker lives in. Yeah. So you follow me? Yeah.

So what if he would have, you know, gone for his utility gun and shot me in the back when I was going for his server's revolving? Because that's how fucked up I was. I thought that if I went for the gun and shot him, this cop would go, yeah, they'd stick to them, and they'd stick up for me, whatever the fuck. So same fucking shit, people. I'm really stoned. I don't know where I'm getting at with this.

But that's why. I know what you're saying, and you're a really good example of how someone can be in a bad place and do a lot of fucked up shit, but be a very good person. And I think we don't ever want to consider that. We want to consider that this kid did some bad things or he robbed somebody. He's a bad kid. But I think you have to look at the environment that they're developing it, that they're growing up in. Always. I've given people that second chance because I've thought about my life and I know where I was.

Once your central nervous system and belief breaks down, most people don't come back to me that, guys. Bless you, dude. Bless you. Look, saloo. I ain't lying. Let me ask you this, because you've been through it. You've been like, you know, you're a great upstanding member society. And you were a criminal at one point in time.

You are. You're a family man now. You pay taxes, the whole deal. You know, like, what could be done? What could be done for those kids, for the Michael Browns that are out there in the world that are just in this terrible situation? situation. Where you've been there. One fucking word. That's hope. Right now I'm dealing with a friend of mine

who is a kid tried to house himself. And the kid, the parent called me, yeah, you know, but what's going on? I go, listen, you have any idea what is to be raised without a father? You fucking don't. Okay? You fucking don't. She's 18. She's never met her fucking father.

You know, she's been raised by her grandfather. You know, you have questions, you have doubts. You're acting out. She's cursing. She didn't try to ice herself. She took cough medicine, that's what they turned it into. But they found out she's drinking, you know, whatever. People have to, I always want people to check that.

What's he going through? In my situation, I had lost a parent. I lost one word, bro. Hope. All you need, today I called the guy and I thanked him. I wished him a happy Thanksgiving who saved my life in 1984. Right now, 30 years ago, I was in hell, guys. You have no fucking idea.

I was living in people's basements. I had a winter jacket that was ripped. You know, I was doing blow every night. I would sneak into people's house in the daytime and take showers and take one of your t-shirts. You have no fucking idea. And one day I bump into this guy in the street that was a teacher of mine. And he pulled me inside. He looked at the fucking shape of you.

And I worked this drug dealer over and I robbed him and I called Mr. T and Mr. T picked me up. And he didn't change my life, but he slowed me up for 30 days, 60 days for me to take a look. And I stopped doing blow for a year. But he saved me. I called this guy today. He gave me one word, he gave me hope. You know, he talked to me, he told me what was going on, and I believed him, and did it put me on the right track?

Yeah, for a while. But I always had hope after that. Even when I went to prison and I was looking at nine years and shit, I was like, I'll come out from those nine years and I'll turn my life on. Just a little bit of hope. Just somebody to believe in, somebody to believe in you. Once somebody starts talking to you and you find out they lie to you,

there goes your hope. There's so many little things when you're 18, 19, you have no fucking patience for. You know, I destroyed the little family I had left with lies and shit because of my anger towards them. They didn't give me enough when my mother died. They didn't call me every day. I was furious. I robbed my godfather. A guy who put water in my head in the fucking thing of the church, you know, because he didn't call me for two years.

You know, I was so angry. And I look at that now. I didn't rob my fucking godfather. you know, $20,000 because I hate him or because I was a thief. It was because of the anger that was in my heart towards him. So that's it. It's just hope.

You got to give a kid fucking hope, man. You know what I think is also important to think of, and I don't think most people will take this in consideration when you think about people that are in a life of crime, is that it's very likely if you lived their life and took all the steps that they took and all the things happened to you that happened to them and went to the same places, did the same things,

you would be them. You would be them. if you lived their life. And we don't think that way, because we always think of our life and like, hey, I would never do that. Right, because you live in fucking Altadena. You know, like, it's nice there.

You know, you have a fucking Toyota. It works. You get to school. Everything's fine. You got a part-time job. I'm not fucking robbing cops, right? But if you lived that kid's life, it's very possible you'd be doing the exact same thing.

We don't like to think of that. People like to think of everybody as being, we were all unique in our own environments and unique in our own life experiences and our genetics and everything. But the reality is, if you were living that guy's life, it's very likely you would do the same thing. Like, what makes someone exceptional

and what makes someone stand out? A lot of times, it's not just who they are inside, but it's also their environment, and the things that they learn, and the people that they emulate, and the positive forces around them is what a lot of times makes great people. And a lot of times, bad people,

you would be that person, too, if you live their fucking life. And we don't want to think about that, because we don't have to. You know, I don't have to live your life. You know, I was, I went to high school in Newton, Massachusetts. Like, I wrote in my high school yearbook, Fast Times at Hebrew High. It was like, it wasn't dangerous at all. They were nice.

You know, it was like mostly Jewish school. They said that that was offensive, though. They wouldn't let me put that in there. I'm like, why can't I say that? That's not even mean. It's true. There's, like, a lot of Jewish people. Like, a lot of my friends are Jewish.

Why can I say that? It's offensive. Okay. So I didn't put it in there. But my point is, if I lived your life, it's very likely I would have been doing the same fucked up things that you were doing. And if you lived my life, you know, whatever. I blame environment in a lot of ways, but then look at Lee's girlfriend. She's from fucking Wallahara downtown, you know?

Right. You know, a husband, a mom and a dad, and two people living in the house. You know, I mean, Lee, you told me last night they looted. Yeah, during the Rodney King riots. They were poor. They were here from Mexico, and I was talking to them, and the mom is, like, from Mexico, and she said her nieces and nephews, the best job is to be in the cartel, and moms want their daughters to marry people in the cartel, because they're the only people with money. They said it's actually not a bad life, but it's fucking... If you're in that environment, right? If you're in that environment, it becomes normal.

I was just in Mexico City, man. Super nice people, like, the nicest people ever, they're jammed into this place. They weren't even honking. Like, they have gridlock, 24 hours a day. Like, when you're, during rush hour especially, nobody stops for red lights. They just kind of, like, fucking merge. And nobody freaks out.

Red lights are, like, suggestions, you know? But that's their life, you know? You get, even if you're over there for a few days, it becomes normal. It's like, well, this is how we drive. You know, nobody, like, those things that they put in, like, white neighborhoods, like, keep this clear. What the fuck out of here? Nobody.

They would laugh at you in Mexico, oh look, we're not supposed to go into there. But if you go into there, then you're never going to get over there. Fuck this, they just go. It's just chaos. People want to cross, they just have to just smush in, and then everybody waits, and then they smush in more, and fucking cars go by, and jam them in. That's their reality, though. If you live there, that would be your reality.

Like, I get that people want to engineer our reality in a better way, because they don't like police violence. And it's a huge problem. But it's also a problem there's so much fucking crime. It's also a problem there's no hope. It's also a problem. The extreme poverty is the real problem. More so, and maybe the cause

of a lot of the violence, both from the cops and from other people. There's just craziness there. We're lucky. We're here in Pasadena chilling at the ice house. There's nothing going on here. Everything's cool. Everybody's friendly. You know what I mean?

This is lucky as shit. We're in a good spot. In the summer of 75, I was hanging out on my block, giving that terrace, right? And I was hanging out with these dudes playing stickball, whatever, kicked the can, a bunch of crazy little Italian motherfuckers, there's a Nottis and shit. And there's this family of the Clemens.

There was like eight white dudes in the house, and they were very nice. They were very mechanically inclined, but the word got out that they had fleas. And that's always bad, right? When the word gets out, the family has fleas, oh, my God. parents in the 70s.

It's like having VD now, like Clemityo. Oh, my God. So even the fucking, you know, in Spanish, the Spanish people were saying, psalm, right? His name was Mike Clemens, right? The Spanish people would tell the white kids, psalm, don't hang with them.

Clemente deiojo. So the word got out. But the white kids was telling other white kids in Spanish, Clemito quinoi peonetioho, right? So Anthony Balzano, We were playing one day, and I guess Clemens tackled them. And he goes, get off me, bro. You got fucking Piojos and shit.

So the kid's like, what's Piohos? What the fuck is that? He goes, fleas, motherfucker. Your whole family got croukas. Even the fucking girls. It's like the fucking Marines in that house, right? So they got into a fish fight in this street. This is a true story. Mr. Clemens came out.

And he grabbed Anthony off his kid. And he goes, get the fuck out of you, you get him, motherfucker. And he goes, I'll be back in five minutes. My father, right? And we're all hanging out. Me, a bunch of us, a Chial, Valentin Farrow.

Valentin Farrow was a Spanish kid that his mother used to whistle from. But there's like a dog whistle. Nobody heard it except Valentine. He could be 18 miles away. We could be in a motorcycle. I got to go. Valentin, where the fuck you're going?

We're robbing a motorcycle. Come on, hi. All right, we're all hanging out. A bunch of us fucking thrown. Oh, some of cops' car come up. Two police cars, and unmark one and a marked one. Carmine gets out of the car. Mr. Clamito comes out.

Get the fuck off my block, Carmine. It was a thing beside kids. Get the fuck out. And Mr. Valzano was like, open up the fucking thing because they had the screen door. He was like, I'm up the fucking screen door. I want to talk to you. He goes, I said, Carmine, go home.

I'm telling you right now. Now all the neighbors in the block came. I said, Carmine, go home. I'm telling you right now. Nothing happened. I'm going to call the police. He goes, we are the fucking police. I just want to know what the fuck happened.

Now, get out of here. He fucking opens up the screen door and he grabs Mr. Clemers. Mr. Clement pushes him. He goes, that's fucking a soft-hand cop. They put the handcuffs on him. Bright and broad daylight. Four and 15 in the afternoon. He turns him around.

He starts bit-slaping him. Right. Baw! Ba! Just bah! Bah! All of us were like, oh shit.

Oh, shit. He uncuffed him. Mr. Clemmas went down. The family came out. They were bandages of me shit. Mr. Bazan looked at this. He goes, any problems here in the neighborhood? No, they said nothing.

We all went into the house and shit. Mr. Clemens got up, but he's like, I'm calling the police. We are the police. Shut the fuck up. They all got in the cops. They backed out of there, and he, for years, that guy's like, I'm calling the police.

That was police brutality. He had ice in his head. That's it. The neighborhood's going to shit. And everybody went in their house and mind their business. Till today, Mike Clemens won't be my friend on fucking Facebook. I try to... For years.

I've been trying to Facebook that motherfucker. Because me and Mike were tight and shit, but me and Carmine were tighter. Mike was good with a bicycle. Mike was the type of kid that come over your house. They're like, Mike, what's wrong with my bicycle? You get on it? Coco, you got to put oil on the chain.

You know what I'm saying? And he turned the bike around and all the chain feet and shit. You gotta tighten this. You gotta put the banana split. I think I have a washer in my house. He was a nice guy. So I feel bad because that was the first time I saw it.

It was hilarious to me then. But now it's pretty fucking sad because it kind of broke up a neighborhood, you know. It's fucking crazy. He just started smacking him. This dude just fell down like a cartoon thing and he just uncuffed from the left from there. And the family came out and people were mowing their lawns and shit. So fucking... Wasn't that like your first day in the neighborhood?

No, no. What happened the first day you went out? Another fight happened. Dang, another fight with it. Every time there was a fight, you know, when you know your father was a tough guy and a cop, you're gonna push the envelope a little bit. You know, and Anthony always would go,

I'll get into a fist fight and then tell the fucking adults, go fuck yourself. Fuck you, I'm going to get my father. Let's see how tough you are, motherfucker. And within 10 minutes, the fight. Three times I saw him beat a gym teacher up. Mr. Totoro, I saw him beat a gym teacher up. The next day they, the next day they,

this was in the seventh grade, He beat him up when he was in seventh grade, because, again, the kids were saying, Cocoa Car de Moco. I was playing kickball, and I was kicking the ball, and all the white kids were saying, Cocoa de Moco, and he kept saying, don't talk Spanish on my fucking gym class. So that was the wrong thing to say.

They're like, what the fuck you get in that, motherfucker? He goes, I don't want to hear Spanish, which was correct. It's America. Speak fucking America. He was just trying to prove a point. It's the truth. It's fucking America, cocksucker. I agree.

My mother would always tell me, you can speak Spanish in the house. Don't be speaking Spanish out there. I don't want these fucking people to look down on you. Speak your fucking language. You're American now. She wouldn't even let me talk with that fucking Ricci Ricardo list. I'm serious. They took that shit away from me at an early age.

There was a sign of fucking man, how are you doing? Fuck, no. I'm a fucking American cock sucker. So, I remember before that years earlier, it was a teacher, Mr. Fontana. Two kids were speaking Spanish on the baseball bus. He told him to shut the fuck up. They didn't shut the fuck up. He threw him off the bus.

The kids had to walk 40 miles. 40 miles. Yeah, that was a big issue. Wait a minute. It was a big fucking issue. Were you going to school out of state? No, we're playing, you know. Let's say you were from North Bergen

and you played baseball on Seaside Heights. It's 60 fucking miles. So he really made him walk 40 miles? I guess they called the parents after 20 miles. What would you do to that teacher if he did that to your kid? It was a different society then. See, I don't know what's going on with Adrian Peterson. I know he got in trouble for hitting this kid.

I don't know what extent. But when I was growing up, if you went home and you told your parent you got in trouble, your parents smacked the fuck out of you first. Then they took you to school and then when they found out what happened, they fucked you up again. So you understand me? Like parents were like what? No, no, no. Wait a second.

You didn't get thrown off the butt. when they start smacking it. So you were scared to call your parents in those days. Because, you know, so it was different. So that was, that kicked that off. But I remember eating dinner with my mom one day. And tell a little story, and she's like, he's right. He's America.

Speak the fucking life. It's a different era. You know, it was a different era. People hit their kids back then. It was normal. Like, everybody hit their kids. There was, when my parents were growing up, everybody got hit. I mean, they all talk about it.

They're like, you just, you just, They would laugh at someone saying, do you hit your kids? Like, who doesn't? So then my parents sort of deviated from it a little bit. They kind of sort of stopped hitting their kids. They only hit me a couple times. And then I don't hit my kids at all, but my kids hit me. My daughter will fucking leg kick me hard.

Like she knows how to throw leg kicks. I taught her to pivot. So like, she'll come on. I told you I want to play go fish. whack and she fucking hit me with an Anderson Silva to the thigh. I'm not kidding. She fucking leg kicks me hard. It's hilarious because she's six.

Around 10, it's not going to be funny anymore, right? Like, hey, bitch, that shit hurts. At six it's just silly. But yeah, they're not scared of me at all. My dad was fucking terrifying when I was a little kid. The power of the belt is so strong. I want you to think about this. I don't know how old you guys are.

their age bracket, but the power of the belt is so strong that sometimes when you see Scarface, the most, you know, the movie Scarface, the first scene when they cut the shoulder off is very, like you're fucking, when you saw in the movie theater, you're fucking breathing, but the beauty of Scorsese is one of the most deepest scenes in fucking Goodfellas, just when he's whipping him with the belt. If you're for real, you fucking cringed up in that chair. He fucking comes over with that belt. If you're for real, you've ever got hit with a fucking belt. You know, you fucking cringe up. That's a real scene, Jack.

You can hear that belt fucking whipping. That's tremendous fucking, you know. I mean, it's not Denzel and glory. But, you know, Denzel and glory, tremendous. You know, it's too... Nobody could take that shit. That little skinny girl and 12 years of slave. Nobody could take

those type of beatings now. Well, how about you go back to Roots and Kuntikinti when they made him change his name to Toby? Damn. Do you remember that shit? What's your name? Lap. Kuntikente. What the fuck. We were watching it on TV going, holy shit, they're making him change his name. Whipping him until he changed his name. Oh my God.

Child. You fucking, oh my God. You didn't want to leave the house the next thing. You're like, God. How many dudes convinced their girlfriend that you don't have to go to the church to get married but just jump over this broom like they didn't roots? Remember? They jumped over the broom. That's how they got married. They would jump over a broom together. They probably made that shit up for the movie. just kidding it was like some Hollywood shit

fucking spectacular on ABC yeah after the second night you didn't leave the house they did two of them we were kids they did that one and a show called rich motherfucking man poor man with Nick Nolte and shit but roots was like a cultural event Roots was like probably one of the most important events for like alleviating racism in my childhood

well yeah woke you up we really know we just saw the picture of Frederick Douglass And the dictionary, he closed that motherfucker. Remember the first time he saw a picture of Frederick Douglass? Our generation. And that dude became the dude on Star Trek, right? The guy, the blind guy? Wasn't he the same dude?

Lovar? Wasn't Lovar? Right, right. In fact, he's a producer. He's a producer. I read for him in an audition. What is it? Lovar Burton?

Yeah, Levar Burton. He was Kuntikinti, right? He was Kuntikinti. That was a crazy fucking show. Because, you know, we were forced, white people were forced to pay attention to slavery. for like the first time ever it was on TV and that was back when there was only four channels

yes yes three right yeah it wasn't even Fox you're right three let me tell you how deep my Jimmy is that shit opened up on a Sunday night and that Sunday night I went to see the band yes at the garden and they were so fucking bad that I walked out of there

like I had gone to see them every year for like three years but this time they were so fucking bad I think it was 78 78 because I was a freshman in high school and I said I'm going to going home and I remember going home putting it on and it was fucking tremendous. It was fucking... It was crazy documentary.

Crazy show rather. Crazy series. Mini series, I guess, was it. Now they'd have nothing. They tried to bring back Dallas. Fuck that. Once the guy died, the show was dead. Once Larry Kegman, whatever.

What's his name? Larry Hagman died? Yeah. So, tremendous fucking night. We went from Ferguson to a fucking cop beating somebody up. That was the best neighborhood ever that I grew up. That was the best neighborhood ever that I grew up. Ruin. Whenever I go to Jersey, I always go down that block. That is my, I have a picture of that, of that block. On that block, we had a guy that answered all your questions. He was a Puerto Rican pervert.

His name was Nelson. He was a waiter in the city. And like, if you went to Nelson and go, Nelson, what's marijuana? You want to smoke something? Yeah. Gotta give me five dollars. I'll get your nickel bag. He always was a hustle. But the best hustle he ran was the sex game. Like we went to him first. And we're like, what's going on with sex, dog? He's like, well, you gotta suck tetties, you can fuck, but better yet, come by my house at 7 o'clock tonight. Sit outside my window. I want $2 from all of years. We would give him $2, and we would sit outside his window

and he'd fuck his girlfriend with the curtains. We couldn't see, but we could hear. Fucking tremendous. Tremendous. And we were all like 11, and we'd be out. We like we giggling on this shit. He'd be, let me suck your pussy. And we'd like, ah.

And at one point, at one point you got so horny, your head would just get red as a motherfucker. And you just walked home with a limp and shit. You're like, it was fucking crazy. Nelson, Nelson, I never forgot that motherfucker. He lived in like a one bedroom under like a family in Jersey. So we would walk into the backyard. He told us about booze.

He taught us about weed. Never molest us, none like that. I always told us about pussy and shit how good it is when you shoot milk in their pussy and we were looking at them like this oh wait till you come in that pussy is tremendous and when milk comes out of your dick no it doesn't

that's hilarious that was a good fucking neighborhood dog then there was a hot chick up the corner and she used to have a daughter and she used to be a fat dude that was 20 years older that would come over and fuck her and we would torment her

he was like her, he was like her mistress and we would come over and put that's, we, fuck Eddie Murphy. We didn't put a banana in your tailpipe. We used to put fucking big potatoes in his tailpipe and he'd try to start his car and he couldn't start his car. We were tormenting dog. We were the real deal

in that fucking neighbor. We had this Italian guy, O'Tino, that hated everybody, Cubans, black people. He was Italian, he'd wear a little hat in front of his house. And he just sit there,

just like that. And he just sit there with a knife, eating like a pear or a peach. And when I walk by, I go, how you doing, Mr. Otino? Keep walking, Spickie.

That's it. That's it. That's it. Keep walking. Don't even think this. Keep walking. Don't even think to stop it. And whenever my mom would have a Santharia party, I'd walk by and go,

hurry up home. They're cutting chickens. You know what I'm? I don't care about racism. It was hysterical. It was hysterical. That block had so much fucking heart. I remember one time they were moving across the street and the guys went back together and me and my buddies robbed that house.

While they were going to get more shit. We're in the eighth grade. We just robbed this house. And we got a stereo, we got a bunch of shit. I took the stereo with the two speakers. Guess what? The kid was cool. The kid was a great basketball player. I started being like his best friend.

I'd invite him to the house. Let's go up to your room. You can't go to my room. Raul was his name. I never forgot Raul and shit. Tremendous fucking block. Nothing but hard on that block. Timmy O'Neill still lives in that fucking house. His brother used to bang the angel

of the Salazzo twins. Angel. But he used to fuck her outside. Let me tell you the dedication this guy had. He would dig a hole in the side of the mountain. And fuck her in the side of the mountain. And we would watch. And he'd be fucking and he'd look up. I'm going to get you, motherfuckers.

This was a tremendous fucking thing. Why did he fuck her in a mountain? Because they were crazy. I don't know. I'm so confused, but entertained. You think I'm going to go over there and ask him, why are you fucking in the mountain when you live right over there? I would have to know.

That's me. hysterical. I would have to know. What about the guy who worked for the Iceman? Like two doors down? The guy for the Kuklinski? Now the side around the corner was Charles Court. I lived down giving that terrace.

The next block was Charles Court. Charles Court was one of those loops. In the middle had a little island. Giocona lived on that island who you met. She went to dinner with us one time in Atlantic City and Sabatino and Dean Orkman and all these families. On that corner there was the Prongays. And that was the guy who drove Mr. Softie truck.

And we used to always ask John Prong. He talked, why don't your father stop to sell us ice cream? He used to go, because my father won't sell that type of ice cream. You know what I was going? That guy lived right around the corner. After all that shit went down, the mother changed the name. Let me take it back deeper. But hold on saying, you're talking about the Iceman, the murderer.

The guy was, they made that HBO documentary. They don't understand what you're talking about. They're all looking at you like, ooh. This was his, this was the ice cream man. But here's what it gets fucked up. Like an 81 when Mr. Prongay died. I saw Mrs. Prongay at Gennaro's a club in Hoboken. They would let us in there without proof.

And I ate a quailu one man. I started swap and spit with her. She's like, Hong Kong, what are you doing? I'm in love with you, Ms. Prongay. She's like, come on. I used to serve your milking cookies. Get out of here. I heard she's still fucking hot.

I heard that bitch is still banging, dog. I always loved the older women in my neighborhood. I used to play basketball on 38th Street Court, and across the street was the Cardnellys. 35 years later? Oh, bro, I taught Bobby Bender who's married to... You seem incredulous.

I saw Bobby Bender when I went home last time for breakfast who lives... who's D.D. Cardenelli's husband and her mother used to be hot when we were kids. And at night, she knew it. When I was playing basketball, she walked in... She had a French poodle that was blind.

So she had to walk him across the street. And she used to always wear hot pants. And I used to look and say, one day I'm going to fuck this lady, right? I had the hot for Mrs. for Didi. I used to have, and her old man, her husband used to sit up top of a rocking chair and watch her from the balcony.

I'm like, one day I'm gonna catch this bitch outside. I'm gonna fuck it. So like two years later, I got all fucked up one night. I prepared myself, I'm gonna go and I get Didi. And I hid in the bushes, I swear to God, Joe Rogo. I hid the bushes, like a junior Cosby. I just hid in the bushes. I'm sorry, Cosby Jr. whatever the fuck it is, right?

I hid in the bushes. I was all fucked up. I drank and I snored a TAC crystal with a bunch of us and we listened to Led Zeppelin too. And we were lip syncing and shit. We got all fucking crazy. And they're like, where are you going? I'm going to fuck Mrs. Cardenlli, right?

And I went over and I hid in the bush. She came out. I crossed the street and she had hot pants on. I'm like, I love you, Miss Cardnelly, and we started talking shit. And then I felt over here. Like I touched her little thigh. And she's like, what are you doing, Coco?

I go, let me kiss you, Miss Cardnelly. And she's like, oh, Jesus, fucking Christ. Are you drunk? And I'm like, no, I'm in love with you. She just, she let me kiss around and she's like, go home, you fuck. And that was it. That was it, dog. Nothing.

I touched a little thigh and shit. How's a crazy fucking night? You know the crazy thing? I've known Joey for 20 years, and I still haven't heard all the stories. I still haven't heard all the stories. There's still new stories. Oh, my God. That's ridiculous.

Those are fucking ridiculous. I've known you for what? years now or something? 16, 16 years? How many years? When did you mean? Yeah, so that's like 16 years. That's a long time. And I still hear new stories. This is giving that terror stories. That's ridiculous.

This is fucking crazy this story. That's ridiculous. We were like the first Spanish people. It was us. I would have loved to see you try to kiss her. That must have been amazing. Like if I go back to a time machine, fuck George Washington crossing the Delaware. It's an old dude in a boat. I don't

give a fuck. I would want to see you. I would want to see you try to kiss that lady. Drunk, little, little Coco. All fucked up. Telling her you love her. Leaning in. I was like that episode, Little Rascals,

Oh, Miss Crabtree. I got something heavy on my heart. That's one of the greatest episodes of all time. Can you still watch those? Yes. Okay, that was a bill. the Bill Cotsby rumor, right? He had bought those, but that's horseshit, right?

He bought them, and you can't see him on television, and he re-edited them. But, for all you racist people out there, you go on YouTube, and the most racist fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. There was only one racist thing I've ever seen, but I'm like, holy shit.

And that's the episode. Yum Yum, Eat them up? Yeah. That is the most racist thing you will ever see in all your life. When I'm telling you, because I don't usually get a affected by that shit. Because I think that way also, but I'm not racist.

When I saw that, my jaw drop. They could put that on you as a child. When you go home tonight or tomorrow tweet me and go to Yum Yum, eat them up. Now, online. For real. There's two of them. There's one that's the real footage and it's just fucking brutal.

And then there's one that somebody did a remix too. And he goes like, Yum, yum, yum, eat them up. young humming him up. And this is like, you know, buckwheat goes to see his uncle at the circus. Right? He doesn't know what to expect buckwheat.

And this fucking African dude comes out with full regatta. Supposed the guy was a big time boxer. In the 40s or the 30s, look at this shit. You got to put the volley. So the guy was like a...

I think it was wrong. And that's all this black guy says is yum yum eat him up right but they take him to a house and then he gets a bottle of like what's it's something black people drink I just don't know what it is malt liquor

and it's like a gallon of it and he just drinks it and then he hits himself with the bottle over this is it this is the little rascals I think it's not even a black guy I think it's a white guy with black face,

which makes it even more offensive. He's yelling, yum yum, eat him up with these little kids and they're running away. Just here. Just here. I mean, it might be a black guy, but it might be a Hawaiian. Oh, my God.

With some makeup on. He's throwing bananas at him and shit. Yeah. He's trying to keep him at bay. He's throwing bananas at him. That's just wrong, man. But Cosby supposedly bought him and took all that kind of shit out of

like anything that's racist. You know, if you go online now, there's two Sanford and Sons when he goes to court and says all those shits to the judge. There's one that's very clean, and there's one that lets him go off. So go to YouTube if you want to see it. Well, tell the Sanford and Sons one, because it's one of the funniest lines ever on TV,

and they edited it. You know, guys, Sanford and Son used to be on Friday nights after Chico and the motherfucker man or the other way around. I'm not kidding you. Sanford and his son was on an 8. o'clock and cheek on the man was at 8.30. At that time, those were the best two common. Norman Lear. I used to watch both of them by grandfather.

You motherfuckers did not go out. I don't give a fuck if a woman called you and said, I'm gonna suck your dick at 8 o'clock. You'd say it's gotta be 905. Because from 8 to 9, I'm not fucking moving. If you were real and you appreciated comedy, that's what you did on Friday night. You got a pizza and you watch Sanfinson with 80 your buddies, you smoked a joint, you giggle like a fucking. fucking kid. And Sanford gets arrested. Red Fox. One of the greatest stand-up

comics ever. Lamont gets arrested who's Red Fox's son and he comes home and tells him the story and he goes to court. He has no attorney. He's going to represent himself. Lamont gets there. Next to you know, Red Fox shows up as his attorney and it's a black judge

and he starts fucking throwing heat and he brings six of his blackest friends. And every time he says somebody gets a point across, his black friends get up and start pointing fingers and going yeah yeah yeah yeah it's fucking classic you know and he's got Rallo he's got all these fucking guys that it was boom bars and it's a white cop right he's like you know can I ask the arresting officer question and the judge goes yes you may and he goes uh you arrest any white people and the

cop goes yes he are they take a look around you look at all these niggas in here there's enough Knicks in here to make a Tarzan movie. This is... This is prime time television. This is right now. You know the shit you watch... Big Bang Theory. No, no, that's Big Bang Theory.

Two and a half men. Eight o'clock. And he goes, where's all these niggas in here? And they go crazy. Because it's all black people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the judge goes, yeah, well, I'm black. He goes, yeah, but you're the judge.

You don't count, right? That's how fucking crazy this was. I sat there the first time I saw that. My jaw really dropped. I was a little kid at home. I had heard Richard Pryor and shit like that. But my jaw dropped. I had never seen that.

That's how much television has changed in 20 fucking years. That's why television's almost done. In fucking three months, you want to buy Game of Thrones? You don't have to pay cable no more. You just buy Game of Thrones, correct? Yeah, and then there's also, like, have you seen that Netflix show, Orange is the New Black? I started watching that. You can get away with wild shit on TV now as long as it's not on TV.

It's like you have to do it through this weird back door. So creative shows are being made, like House of Cards and Orange is the New Black. You can do those on Netflix now. And it's way freer than anything's ever been before. And you could probably have like a Red Fox type show on Netflix. Like it could actually probably work. But on regular network television, it's just, it's too hard. It's too censored.

It's too chopped up. There's too many people you're trying to serve. They're trying to serve the middle of the middle of America. middle of America. That's what they want. They don't want anything that deviates. Nothing that's controversial, nothing that's scary. Nothing's going to cost them advertisers dollars. Especially today, because today, if anybody says anything controversial, everybody wants to pull ads. That's the first thing. People want to boycott and pull ads. Because people have, you have the ability to impact things. And right now, advertisers

and television networks haven't figured out how to fucking just chill out and just let everybody go crazy and scream, and just, it'll die down. Some new shit will happen. Like, stick to your guns. If you think a show is good, put it on. If you think it's offensive but good, and it explains itself, well, put it on. But they don't have the balls. They're scared. Everyone's just trying to keep their job. Executives get fired left and right.

Any one fuck up they make, they're out the door. So orange is a new black. Is that on TV? It's on Netflix. It's on Netflix. And now, you know, Vimeo, which is just like an online service, they do that documentary with the culture high. You can pay for that. You can pay for a lot of movies and stuff like that. And they work

independent film directors, they have a new show called High Maintenance, and it's like their own homegrown show. So like different like online outlets are taking chances and creating cool new shows. So it's like that's what's going to happen. It's like networks fucked it up so bad or watered it down so much that the only other options are to do that. Well I mean it's it's kind of crazy. I talk to Joey a lot about specials on like TV and I always think they've been really bad. Oh tell them what you told. Yeah. I tell every special I just call him and if I've seen somebody they've been good and then the special stinks

it upsets me and then I watched yours that just came out and I called him and I said I don't think it's Comedy Central's fault I think a lot of the comedians just aren't ready to do it because it's the same people doing it. Well they give you an option you could do it at like 10 o'clock and it'll be censored or you do it at midnight and it's just

buck wild. But it's not even the sentient that you can say cunt I said cunty. But it's not even the words it's just the quality of the comedy. It's very excited about that. It's just not fun like a lot of the specials just haven't been funny recently. We thought it was the editing. For a long time, we discussed editing, maybe. Maybe when you do...

There's a lot of issues. First of all, there's a big issue with doing a special, scary. A lot of times there's funny people, and they do a special, and a special's not that funny because they're nervous. You know, like, Hicks is special relentless. Not that funny. You know, that was the one he did in London. It was one take in a big theater.

Those are stiff. It's hard to relax and do, like, a regular show. But what I always wind up doing is doing, like, two shows. The first one kind of sucks, and the second one's usually funny. The first one you get it out of your system, and the second one you can use, and that becomes a special. No, yeah, I mean, it's just crazy how bad they've been. And I don't, it's just, we were talking about the Gerard Carmichael one. The first time I saw it, I thought it was pretty good.

But then the more and more I hear about it, it just he was too young. Well, you know, my first one sucks a dick. Go back and watch my first one, it's fucking terrible. You know, when you go back and look at your first stuff that you ever do, hopefully you keep getting better. but the other thing was they want to do things when they film a special that are bad for comedy they want to keep the lights on that's one thing they always want to do

they want to make the room really bright and makes people real self-conscious and aware they don't want it to be like a dark club for whatever fucking reason and I had a fight for that so in Denver like when you watch that special that's a club I mean there's very little difference between that show and a show without the cameras it's exactly

the same way it's lit up everything is the same but that's from you know I've been doing this for 26 years years. I knew the right thing, the right way to change it. For me at least, like, doing them in, I don't want to do them in theaters anymore, because I think when you're doing it in a theater, yeah, it looks big. There's all these people. There's a balcony and all that bullshit. But the reality is, like, you're watching it at home on a couch, you know? And, like, in your living room, your living room is very intimate. You don't feel connected to some theater. But if you're

watching it on a couch and the guy's in, like, a little club, and there's only a couple hundred people there, you feel like you're there. Well, I'm sure he's a nice guy, but the last Kevin Hart one that came out with the fire? I thought it was just ridiculous. Well, you're white. That's true. There's always that. I'm very white.

That is true. I didn't see it. He's a funny dude though. That guy's fucking hilarious. It's hard. It's also he's doing a million movies a year. That's one thing. Dude's getting...

He's just getting... So it's hard to have the time to write jokes. I mean, that dude is probably... He's probably got to like negotiate his way around money in his house. He's probably just got stacks of it. it everywhere. I try to get to his bathroom. Get away from this money. He's fucking everywhere. It opens a door.

It flies out like birds. It's probably hard to write jokes. You know? He's probably busy as fuck. On a workout material. Yeah, that too. He can't go into anywhere without 6,000 people showing up. So it's like he can go into a coffee shop

and work material hidden. You can still do it. You just got to do it. He can do it. He can do it. Chris Rock always did it, even in his prime. He would show up at the Comedy store in the middle of the show, just show up and do a set. You can do it. Just you've got to be dedicated to doing that, and you're also going to be willing to

eat dick publicly. You know, if you want to come up with a new material, you've got to be willing to eat dick. You've got to take those chances. My beautiful people, any questions real quick? We've got a couple minutes here before we get the fuck out of here.

You guys could go, get high. Do what it is that you do before Thanksgiving. Like I said, That's a good night. That's a good night to get fucked up. Just don't get fucking happened. Take an Uber. You know, do what the fuck you got to do.

Drink responsibly is what I'm trying to fucking tell you, okay? Can I just say I'm so happy you do podcasts? Why is that? Because you're one of my favorite people ever. And like you didn't, you would only do other people's podcasts for like a long time. When you started doing podcasts, I got so happy. I've never met a better storyteller in my life. You're the best storyteller I've ever.

met. By far. And you know what happens, guys? I got all this shit. When that kid came up to me last Saturday and said that to me last Thursday, that just threw me off. About sleeping on the spaceship with the Coke Rock? Yeah, because he wasn't in line. Did I remember that story? I think about it every six days

to keep me in line. You know what I'm saying? When I'm on the 4 or 5 getting mad because there's traffic, this ain't this fucking bad, okay? At least I'm headed home. There's a warm meal. This was a couple nights, guys. That would just sleep under this rocket ship and get high, you know. And this particular bag of Coke, he saw me at one in the afternoon, and the bag was filled. And when I saw him at four, he asked to buy something. And I go, all I have

is this. And he looked at me like, you cannot be fucking serious. You did all that coke. And that's the last time I saw him, Frankie, that's the last time I saw him. And when my friend told me he was coming Thursday night, they were driving from Jersey. He said, Frankie, that's the last time I saw him. And when my friend told me he was coming Thursday night they were driving in Jersey he said Frankie's coming and that's the first thing I thought of oh my god I wonder if he remembers how embarrassing that moment was that he saw this bag of coke at 1 o'clock and at 4 in the morning it was just nothing in the bag and I did the joke I had a great night we were talking outside and all of a sudden right before I got in the cab he pulled me aside and actually he said to me so I thought of all those times and sometimes me hearing that

somebody opens doors and I start thinking but I've been thinking about the Nelson thing for a while. That's classic because that's got to be on a TV show or something that this guy was the neighborhood he just answered your questions. The pervert?

Yeah, I mean he wasn't really a pervert guys. Oh yes he was. I want to be the guy who steps up and defines this guy. The girl he was fucking. I think towards the end one night he opened up the curtains. He charged five dollars instead of two because he would pay he would charge us

two dollars just for audio right we would just get to listen and then one night he turned the the light outside like the flood light in those days you had like a flood light those big lights he turned that off and he let us look at her while he was fucking she was fucking idiot

she was fucking hideous and she used to oh you know that's what he used to always talk about giving them milk and I would just sit there I didn't know. You know, there was another situation. We had an eighth grade teacher, and he was the mayor of Weehawken, and he had an assistant that took care of his dirty work.

So one time this guy coached us in the eighth grade, and he took us to like a Knicks-Six a game. And on the way back, he kept telling us, listen, if you guys have a winning season, I'm going to get all three years late. We're 13. We're in the eighth grade. We got basketballs between our thighs, because we're bringing them to the garden

because Julius Irving might sign him. The last thing on our mind was getting laid. And I'll never forget him going, I'm going to get his laid, I'm going to get his dick sucked. And I was in the back seat, like my friend in the front, he was mortified.

This is December of 78 or something. Now it's the summer of 79. We just get out of school. We're ready to go to high school. Everything is beautiful. Turk Jordan pulls up with the Cadillac. He gets out of the car and leather jacket, guys, come over

you, I brought you something. He opens up the car door and out walks this 60-year-old hag with fucking fake huge tits. I never forget, her feet were just fucked up. It looked like Mel Gibson

and Payback. Remember they were hitting him with a hammer? I remember, like, looking at her feet, like, ooh, like all of us, right? He's like, come here, guys. Say hello to Mildred. And we're like, hi, Miljard. Yeah.

And we're like, hi, Miljur. And he's like, remember I told you guys, if you had a winning season, I was going to get your dicks up? And we're like, yeah, we thought that was a joke. And we're like, well, get in the back. Who wants to fuck Miljur first? And we're all sitting there like, uh, uh, I got to go home. No. Oh, Mildred.

Did they stop using that name? Huh? They stopped using that name like in the 80s. There's no Mildred's. Last time I met that lady, I never want to hear Mildred again. Everybody left. He's like, who's going to fuck her first? Come on.

Suck your dick. And we're like, nah, we got to go home. We're going to a barbecue and shit. Everybody started walking back. It was like, you motherfuckers. Mildred. It's different. Those guys weren't perverts.

They weren't trying to suck your dick. They were trying to get your dick. They were trying to get your dick suck. Like, they were helping you out. He didn't want to charge just no money or nothing. He's a good guy. He wasn't a bad guy. I mean, who does that for kids now?

They can't. You get sued. They put you on a list. Nobody hopes kids out like that no more. They didn't even have like a sex offender registry back then. They didn't have an app where you could find all the perverts in your neighborhood. You know, you could just like find perverts around you, knocking their door. Oh.

Oh, my God. I don't know how the fuck I grew up. I'm like a fucking Tarzan. I was raised by apes. It's pretty funny. And it's fucking real. And he knows these people in Jersey. If you close your eyes, you've bumped into this.

This guy has a leather jacket, the sideburns, the chain. He's like, come over here, guys. Circle around. Who wants the fuck her first? What? We're playing basketball. She wasn't even making eye contact. She was drunk on something.

She was on Cosby pills. And will I? Oh, no. I love you guys. Stay black. Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving.