The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #017 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & CBD Lion...... Go to https://www.draftkings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.cbdlion.com and enter Code: CHURCH/JOEY And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

It's Monday, November 30th. Deep, deep, deep from the heart of Jersey, Uncle Joey's joiners brought to you by Draft Kings. Listen, it's over. Thanksgiving's over, gobble, gobble. It's a whole new fucking season. This is working with no dough. We keep it low, and we make a little money

with some motherfucking draft kings. How? It's been a rough year, but the game ain't over yet. It ain't over to the fat lady sings. Tonight, we got a tremendous, game. We got Seattle minus five and a half against the Philadelphia Eagles over and under's 49 and you start there. You're going to win tonight and roll into tomorrow night. Baltimore, Pittsburgh, kick off 8.20 Eastern. Right now Baltimore's laying seven and a half

while everybody else is sleeping off their fucking turkey hangover and getting trampled like a schmook, whatever the fuck happened last week. This week, you're going to get a chance of W. money when either team scores a touchdown. You think I'm fucking with you? You heard me right. One single touchdown, boom, you made it. This is what you've been fucking waiting for. All you got to do is sign up for the promotion of Draft Kings and use promo code Joey

and wait for the ball to cross the fucking end zones. That's it. On top of that, Draft King Sportsbook is giving all new users a chance to earn a sign-up bonus up to $1,000. Listen to me. Download right now. Today, you're going to make some money tonight on a Monday?

You want to start the week off right. Right now, download the top-rated Draft King Sports app now and use promo code Joey, J-O-E-Y, when you sign up, either to get the either miss bonus offer. Double your money

if either Pittsburgh or Baltimore scored touchdown in Tuesday night's game. That's right. It takes one touchdown. and you double your money when you use promo code Joey during sign up for a limited time only, only at Draft King's Sportsbook.

It's that easy. Tonight, when you win a little money, you got Seattle, but remember the over and under is 49. So you got a little angle that makes a little Guitous tonight. Then you come back tomorrow night. Tuesday, December 1st, you start off the month,

and they're sucking your dick. You understand me? You can bet on the fucking touchdown. One single touchdown, draft kings use code joey it's that easy and here's the lawyers the here's what the lawyers make me say you ready you got to be 21 oldie you little young cuck sucker get out of here go play fucking tiddly winks new jersey indiana pennsylvania only deposit bonus requires a 25 times play through what you're gonna do anyway it's only fucking december 1st we got college basketball we got pro fucking football we got college football we got everything

coming. We got fucking bowl games. We got everything. So sit tight. This is a money-making month. Go to Draft Kings right now. Download the top-rated sports app and use promo code Joey. All right. Like I was saying, you got to be 21-old.

Deposit bonus requires a 25-time play-through. See draftkings.com slash sportsbook for details. And if you got a gambling problem, call 1-800 gambler. And if you're in Indiana, call 1-800-comblers. 909 with it. But if you don't have a motherfucking problem

and you're ready to start making a little bit of baccala, here's the fucking chance right now. Draft King's Sportsbook, use code Joey, and let's pick up some fucking, fucking Getus. Uncle Joey's joint is also brought to you by the goods, CBD Lion, whether it's the milk chocolate that comes in dark and milk chocolate, the vapor pens,

the Roland, the kinesiology, tape, the fucking tincture. Listen, whatever you, however you want a CBD to work, it'll work for you. Let me tell you a little story. For months, I've been rubbing the cream on my knees and on my legs after the shower for moisturizing purposes, whatnot. It's been working great. I feel great.

You know what? I went away from the tincture for a while. And I started using the tincture again, maybe five nights ago. I got to tell you something, the pain in my legs and, got away 50%. I took the weekend off from working out just to give it a really good recovery. But I got to tell you something way before that, the CBD Lion got in there. So I'm going to tell you from a personal fucking viewpoint. CBD Lion is the way to go. Go to CBDLion.com. Read all about CBD, CBN, the benefits and what it could do for you and start from there. Go to CBD line,

Pick what works for you. Whether it's the backball, the kinesiology tape, the vapor, the tincture, the gummy bears, which are delicious raspberry, tropical, orange, strawberry. Start there. You like something, you pick it. You put code in church or Joey. I get you 20% off the liberty house. I'm the best CBD out there in the market today, okay?

It's that plan and simple. No fucking around. No excuses. You got pains. You got anxieties. There's no cure-alls. you. What I'm telling you is I'm going to help you moderate your pain, moderate your anxiety, get your better sleep, make you feeling better about yourself. That's what CBD Lion does,

all right? And with that, let's get this motherfucking party started. Look who it is. What's happened? What's happened, you bad motherfuckers Monday morning, slinging dick, feeling good. It's the last day of fucking November. This month is pulled in May. For all you care, you're fucking still on lockdown. You're on Hitler status. What are you going to do? It's fucking Monday. It's a whole new week. And you got to fucking pull, you got to push fucking forward. I had a great Thanksgiving. It's crazy.

This was my first Thanksgiving back in Jersey since it had to be 84. Yeah, 80 fucking four. I haven't had a Thanksgiving here. So that's 36 fucking years. And it was tremendous. I had a great time. Listen, in California, it was great. The weather was great.

All that Thanksgiving Day would probably be 90 degrees. People would be jumping down. But there was nobody there. You never felt the holidays in California. It was a holiday and you gave you a significant other kiss and you had people over. But it was really tough to feel the holiday if you don't see the fucking seasons change.

Like I never even thought about it. You know a guy like we don't give a fuck about leaves. I hate fucking wait. Fucking three weeks we had to rake leaves. I couldn't I did it one fucking day and then I told my wife just borrow the fucking blow up and we'll blow the leaves I hate fucking all that shit with leaves. The only time I blew leaves is as a kid, you blow them into the street and you make little fucking piles and you put bricks under there. Tremendous and when the car comes down, boom, he hits the bricks.

And we would set you up. We put them every 40 fucking feet so you thought you had it beat. And sometimes we let you, if the first one would be free, like you'd be, you'd be, you'd be. be free. Like, you'd be expecting to hit a wall, and it was just leaves. And you go, woof, and you'd step on it. And then we bombard you with the second wall with the leaves. Come on. We need to get dealing with some fucking novice. But once you see all that stuff, the leaves changing. You just see the process of it. It just felt like it. I had a great day. I started out. I went to see my one brother, whose wife died. I went down to Tom's river. It was fucking 70,

degrees. And my line, Mike, it was fucking 70 degrees at lunchtime when I got down there. I brought like this fucking hooded sweatshirt. I'd take it off. We're sitting outside. I saw got the lady who raised me for a few years. I got to saw my brother Mike, the brothers, the sister, you know, we sat around for about an hour. But I wasn't eating there. We were just going to meet there as a little hub, say hello to each other at 1130. We sat there from about 1130 until about 11, just saying war stories. My brother looks great. God bless him. And then I got in the car and I went to Jackson

where my other brother was, and that's where my wife and daughter were. And we just, it was just a fucking great time, man. Nobody talking about Instagram. Nobody talking about fucking auditions. Nobody talking about what you said on Twitter. Nobody even mentioned the fucking movie.

Nothing. It was just regular. just talking. That was it. My daughter got bombarded playing with dogs. One of the dogs knocked her over. Everywhere she went, she got a little fucking toy. And then we were headed home.

I was just telling Mike, the last three nights, we've been out to like 10 o'clock at night. It's been like a fucking different life for us here. That was Thursday. On the way home, the Florentines were like, well, over here waiting at 7.30. We went over there,

and it was still fucking a party going on over there. So it was still nice out that night. It was still cool. We just played outside. The kids played some ball a little bit. The parents talked some shit outside. Some of his brothers was there. And I came home, me and my wife looked at each other and I'm like, that was fucking great.

That was fucking great. You know, Friday, I had to take my daughter to a kickboxing camp from 10 to 3. She was in kickboxing, which freed me and my wife up. We did a little lunch because it was our anniversary. Wednesday we couldn't go anywhere. So we took a little fucking lunchy pool. You know, we drove around, we got to hang out. So that was nice. Three o'clock. My fucking daughter, my wife tells me, she had 12. She's like, oh, by the way, I hope you're on your own for dinner tonight because we're going out. Some girl around the corner invited us over for Christine for Thanksgiving for

kids. So we're going to be there until fucking eight o'clock at night. I was like, Jesus Christ, these guys are doing more than we did. They're doing more. They're doing more. now than we've ever done in our fucking lives. And Saturday and Sunday, we're fucking, you know, off the fucking charts too. Saturday, she had to go to kickboxing. From kickboxing, I took it to the fucking park. From the fucking park, we went somewhere else. From there, we met some friends and went to fucking eat.

And then from there, we went over to Jimmy Florentine's brother to watch Jimmy Florentine's live show last night. I'm happy that you guys download it. I tweeted up the link for you. We went over there Saturday night and watched that till fucking 10 o'clock. And then Sunday we went to fucking great adventure to the fucking outdoor

with the animals and shit like that. It's a scary situation. It just never stops. But this is how a family lives. You know, usually I'd be getting home on a fucking Sunday. I hadn't missed all the Thanksgiving. Last year on this weekend,

I was in fucking Miami. And this week coming up It was a year ago this Friday When all knew you Mother fucking bad New Yorkers, New Jersey's and you Brooklyn Cucksuckers converted on Town Hall and we sold out two fucking shows

What a difference A fucking year makes. What a fucking difference A year makes. Last week We were all getting ready for Friday night at Town Hall, Saturday night at the fucking Wilbur. We were getting fucking ready. I'm getting ready for Dick this week.

I'm getting ready for the maybe the release of some new fucking Christmas movie or some shit, which the movies are closed. But listen, guys, we got our fucking health. We got each other. You know, a lot of people getting COVID. So please be careful. Take care of yourself.

You know, hey, listen, everything is a cavoidal situation anymore. Because you don't know where the fuck you're going to get it. But if you leave the house, put your fucking mask on the... I don't give a fuck. I was listening to Ozzy's bone. away, thank you for all the support on Ozzy's Boneyard. I blew myself away with the songs I picked. I must ate eight Kuelus that night because I was fucking brain dead during the day. I just didn't know how to act. This is my first time ever on Ozzy's Boneyard, and I didn't know how to fuck to act. I didn't

know if I could go wild. I didn't know if I could talk about eating assholes. I didn't know what I could talk about. So I tried to keep it as mild as I could, and I gave me the best songs I could. I couldn't believe they kept rotten apple by fucking Allison Chains, you know. I pushed about, I, listen, I listened to Ozzy's Boneyard a lot. You know, I listen to Ozzy's Bornyard, lithium. I mean, I'm a fucking serious XM guy. Studio 54, Octane. I listened to fucking everything.

And I wanted to play songs I had never really heard on there before. You know, I've heard Soul Stripper on there before. I haven't heard Animal Magnetism on there. before. I haven't heard a lot of the shit that I played on there before. So, listen, a little fucking tap on my back for once. Because I think I did okay. Let me get the fucking one of these flies off my shoulder here. I still got one. I found one of these flies the other day. In the box. He just flew out of the fucking box. But I love you fucking guys for supporting me. And tonight is the last play at 6 p.m. Eastern. So if you want to

to give me one more little piece of support. Ozzy's Bone Yard at 6 p.m. Eastern. You know what? I don't even know. The other night, they told me they were playing at one in the morning, Saturday. Sunday morning, I get in the car to take a ride and there I have my voices on. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing

on here Sunday morning? So, I never know when the fuck it's on. Enjoy it if you hear it. Thank you for listening to the whole thing through. Don't just hear three fucking songs and throw my algorithms off, cocksucker. Once you put it on, sit there, The ass grows roots and hear it all the way to the end.

Don't fucking embarrass me, cocked something. But even I was listening to the Ozzy's Boneyard. I had an interview this week with Billy Sharon. I think that's his name. He interviews Ozzy Osbourne. They do some pretty fucking great stuff. And they were talking about California and the fires. You know, who the fuck knows?

I forget what I was going to tell you now. But I just wanted to thank you for supporting me on Ozzy's Bone Yard. And it was funny. There was an event that happened this weekend. That really made me think about just my life and what made me turn out how I did. I don't know if I had, I told you motherfuckers. I got a thousand stories.

The only problem is 2,000 I can't tell. This one I could tell. You know, a lot of people who see me now, that are a little older than me, always go to me, wow, you know, it's great to see. you know, it's great to see you become a man. He goes, all I remember is you with that fucking jufro bouncing that fucking ball. That's what people always say to me, bouncing that fucking ball, bouncing that fucking ball.

Doug, I love basketball, you know, but I want to get a story out there that a lot of people don't know. And I don't want to, I hate when people blame marijuana for everything. You know, I lost my car keys and then some jerk off will say, stop smoking pot or chewing in your brain. Shut the fuck up. It's always marijuana. Don't blame marijuana around me. It's not the reason why. A lot of people get confused about me. They think that after my mother died is when I went off the deep end a little bit. And I got to tell you something, guys, I disagree with that. I was going off the deep end a little before my mother died. And there was just a series of events that I didn't know how to handle as a young man that happened to me.

No boy scopes raped me and nothing like that. I was very fortunate. I'm just talking about life has a weird way of fucking, you know, of just showing up on you. And you, my struggle in my life, listen, the first church of what's happening now was about me telling me telling me, and leave my stories to if you look at it in a fucking micro way it was me telling me my stories as a young man so he could grow up into something better that's what the church was about okay with uncle joey's

joint without a guest it's basically about the actions i did why i did them you know let's go and check on these things because I'm just, once I came back to Jersey, I changed. You know, we all change every seven years. We've talked about that, but I got to be honest with you, we've changed during this fucking pandemic. We've changed our views on a couple things. We got to see things we hadn't seen in a long time. We got to visit things on our mind. We didn't get to visit a few times, you know. I was talking to Josh Wolf the other day when we're talking about comments. material and he asked me what I was going to do with my material for March was I still doing it

and I told him I was still doing it but it's not who the fuck I am anymore he was talking about a particular bit I was doing and I'm like I've been running the bit lately I don't call vennies but it's not who I am anymore I got to start from scratch again like whether the fuck we were in March we're just not the same fucking person no more I don't give a fuck what you think Somewhere along the line, we got jaded, a thing called jaded. Okay, that's when something happens and we lose little trust towards things. For some people, it was trusted towards their employers. For some people, it was trust towards the system.

Everybody lost something during this pandemic here. And we feel a little jaded. Like somewhere along the line, somebody could have done a little better. But, you know, you can't sit there all your life point. Your fingers are fucking people. sometimes we have to accept what we do and what happens around us and how we respond and how we fucking react so when i was a kid i got thrown out of that catholic school my mother sat me down and she told me we had two situations on the table we could do it her way or we could do it my way if we did it

my way first it was fine but the first time i slipped i was done i was after do it back to her way and that was military tactics that was uh you know getting searched and thousands other fucking rules that would have been put in place i decided to play it my own way the first thing life did to me once i got out of cat to school well what life does to everybody you know everybody gets their first fucking ass kicking and it's called from a thing called love we all get beat up by love each one of people that have watched this, whether you're male or a female, encounter love at some young age, and you get the shit knocked out. It doesn't work out well for you at one point or another.

You know, I know 90% of the people watching this fucking podcast have somewhere along the line had a, you know, a year off because there's something for the first heartbreak we've ever had, you know, maybe we were cheated on, maybe we were lied to, you know, we all watch these fucking romantic comedies and think we're going to show up just like that splash. A chick's going to show up out of the ocean and be a mermaid and I'm going to fall in love with her for the rest of my

life. Little does she tell you that she's got a brother who's a junkie, her fucking, she used to be a hooker but a pussy fellow, you know, they got a thousand stories. But that's not the point here. The point is here that when I was like in the sixth

grade, I fell in love with this fucking girl and you know, towards the end of the sixth grade, when I first went to McKinley, my first year, I felt very insecure. You know, the only thing that had me a little secure, it was some Cuban kids in the class, you know, so I felt a little bit more secure of McKinley,

but my insecurity fucking levels were completely off. I was a martial artist at the time at that age and the whole thing, but when I went on to the sixth grade, I just, my insecurity, levels were the all-time low. And then that summer, I started hanging out with these guys and, you know, we were robbing trains and whatever. And I still didn't have an identity, but from things that I did, it gave me an identity.

I had to be the craziest one out of the crew to obtain any type of identity. So they started calling me crazy Coco, whatever the fuck they were calling me, you know. And I ended up falling in love with this little young girl. You know, when you're a kid, you fall in love with girls. And at the time, I wasn't as popular as the other kids or whatever. So the girl pulled me aside, and she told me that she couldn't date me during the school year, that she would have to wait to the summer. That's how stupid I was.

That's just, that's what a girl tells you when you're fucking in the sixth grade. That same girl is the girl at the strip club that tells you, that tells you to meet her at Denny's after the ship's over and you go to Denny's with your three asshole buddies and wait for her and she never shows up. Well, that's the same thing that happened to me. At the end of the fucking 7th grade, she told me that she didn't want to fucking be my girlfriend.

She wasn't ready for it yet. And first of all, just falling in love with the girl, my schoolwork went from A's all the way down to D. I mean, I couldn't focus on anything. else but this girl. I couldn't wait to be around her. You know, we don't know. We don't know anything about love, so we, we act out what we see in movies. I always showed up with flowers to a house. I had to take a grandma to the movie theaters when I was a fucking kid. Fuck that bitch today. I would have never taken nobody's grandma to the movie theaters and sat there with the grandmother

in between. I had to do the whole fucking thing, deal, guys. And then she tells me she doesn't want to be my fucking girlfriend. And then that summer fucking school, I did so bad with my grades the whole fucking year. I had to go to summer school. But she drove me crazy. And we were in here's the funny thing, guys. I got no reason to lie to you guys.

There was no sex involved. If she would have gave me a taste of her pussy, my head would have probably blown up. I would have moved out of the fucking house. This was just sucking tits and dry humping. That's how weak of a fucking kid I was. This was just love. I was just in love with her.

And the fucking, you know, sixth grade, going into seventh grade came. I thought we were going to go into the eighth grade together, but I got left back. You know how bad you feel when you're insecure, you're fucking Spanish, you got like eight strikes again,

and now you get left back. It was the fucking most humiliating thing in my life. You know what the most humiliating thing about it? It wasn't getting left back. It wasn't. her breaking my heart. It was that I was smart. There was no reason for me to get left back. I was a smart fucking kid just off the cuff smart. How can I get left fucking back? It was fucking infuriating for me. It was infuriating for me. Thank God they put me in a guy's

classroom that his name was John Verone. The only thing I had to get me out of that left back hole and that broken heart, the only three things I had were music, karate, and a thing called basketball. I fucking went to karate. I listened to some of the music that you guys are getting on the music review right now, the album of the week. And I played basketball like it was commitment. I got that girl out of my fucking head one way or another. and I committed my life to fucking basketball.

If there was a drill you could do to get better, I did it. If there was a book you could buy, I fucking did it. I got a list of all the ACC colleges, all my favorite coaches at the time. The coach of North Carolina, Dean Smith, and the guy from fucking Duke and the guy from Georgia Tech, and I wrote them all handwritten letters and told them to send me their fucking workouts

of what their kids were doing in college. And I stuck to that workout. I had heard a rumor that Jerry West, before the day even started, shot 300 fucking free throws a day just to get the day started. And that's what I started doing. Winter, spring, summer, a fucking fall. If it snowed out, me and my guerrilla buddies would go there with a fucking ice pick and a shovel. And we'd shovel the courts, put fucking on our own pockets by ice that fucking. and the shit that they put on the fucking ice,

and we'd melt the ice, and we'd play basketball with a fucking basketball that the oxygen was frozen in. The ball wouldn't even bounce. That's how much I loved fucking basketball. I did everything I could. And then guess what happened in the seventh grade? I had more fucking heartache.

We went 0 and 7. We were the fucking doormat of the fucking league. Me, a kid named Chuckie McBreen, that's a head coach of Ramapo State. college. I just spoke to him Thursday. He's one of my brothers in life were brothers to the end. His brother Bruce, you know, we played bad. I mean, they taught me everything. Chuck McBreen schooled me, you know, he had gone to Boo's basketball camp. So he talked me into going to Willis Reed basketball camp. I went to Booz basketball camp with my man Ralph Fuso. We still

talk on the phone, too. Forty fucking 50 years later. I did everything I could. I went into that eighth grade, and our fucking goal was to be at least five and five. There was seven games. So if we could be, yeah, seven games. So if we could be fucking four and three, I would be fucking ecstatic.

At least we paid up. I played above 500 ball. But then we couldn't find a fucking coach. And a coach wouldn't fucking coaches. So I turned to Mr. Burone. Now, the reason why Mr. Barone is so significant in this story, is because Barone and I didn't like each other when I was in Mr. Kingwell's class to the point where the first day of seventh grade, they put me in his classroom because they said, you know,

if you're definitely going to the eighth grade, you sit upstairs with an eighth grade classroom, but if you're going to go into a summer school, you're definitely not going to the eighth grade. So you have to sit in the other seventh grade class where you're going to be in next year. dog for those four hours he tormented me he goes how's it gonna feel sitting next to me every fucking day I'm gonna fucking torture you

you blew it over a girl I was livid so when I got up to leave I saw his car keys were on the desk with his house keys and a bunch of other keys I took the fucking car keys and I threw him away in the fucking garbage out of the dumpster and shit two hours later

I'm on my bike I'm on my block hanging out with my friends and I see his Nissan or Toyota car coming up the hill and he's like, where the fuck of the rest of my keys, you fucking scumbagged, you're going to fail. We went at it.

We had an argument in the middle of the street. But here's where it fucking turns. I go into the seventh grade. I, you know, failed out of summer school. I failed out of summer school. So, guys, listen, I had BTL on my fucking four. I was born to lose.

And here the whole time this is going on, my mother doesn't know anything about this. I'm keeping this as hush, hush as you fucking can at the house, okay? Nobody knows nothing about nothing. So now I go to summer school. I'm over there having me with the Combine Balzano crew. You know, his crew has got power up at the school. You know, maybe he could do something for me. I'm fucking around.

I'm playing hooky from summer school to hook up with. with the girl that broke my heart. How much of an asshole am I? And after four days, they came to me and so, listen, you had more than three absences. We gotta throw you out of summer school. And I'm like, yeah, but I got plans. I'm gonna go to the eighth grade.

I'm gonna end up, we don't know what type of plans you got. You didn't go to summer school. We can't move you forward. I went to Carmine. I went to other people that I knew at the township. And they were like, you didn't go to summer school. We can't fucking help you. So I still remember walking into Barone's class that day in the seventh grade.

And I'm like, I'm walking into a kid's class, a guy's class that fucking hates me for stealing his keys. I might get left back again just out of principle. I might spend my whole life in the fucking seventh grade. I went in there, man. And the reason why me and Mr. Barone are still dear friends is, He never said nothing about it. Somewhere in his mind, we started from zero. I didn't know I was a fucking just dumb kid.

I didn't know where to go in my mind. So I just went along with the fucking flow. I didn't say much. I did what I had to do. He made a remark at me from time to time, but it was never the way our relationship was before. And then to the grace of God, something.

I found out that fucking he, uh, he, uh, I found out that he fucking, uh, uh, was in the basketball hall of fame. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So I want to be of a fucking great basketball player. But my nemesis, the guy I hate, the guy that I threw away his keys, the guy that tormented me,

is in the basketball. Hall of fucking fame. I found this out in conversation. So I said, fuck this. So I didn't want to embarrass them at the school. I didn't want to really pull him over at the school because I didn't really want anybody to know I liked this motherfucker. I was still playing off.

Like, I didn't like this motherfucker. So I got on a fucking bus. And I shot up to 90th Street, where he lived at the time. And I remember walking down the hill. And, you know, I took the fucking. phone and his address and his phone number from the yellow pages. There was no internet. You had to go on the yellow pages and hope that person paid the service because back then either you paid not to be in the book or you paid to be in the yellow book.

I don't know. Don't quote me. It doesn't matter. You're like, Joey, what's a yellow page? Anyway, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. There's an old man talking to you. I actually went to his house like a man right there, 12 years old. I knocked on his door. He answered like, you're the last person that should be on my fucking doorstep. And I was like, Mr. Barone,

I want you to teach me about basketball because he had a basketball right in front of his house. And he fucking looked at me like, kid, you got some fucking pair of balls. And he goes, let me go upstairs and put on my sneakers. His younger brother had been on North Bergen State Championship team. So he came downstairs.

And right away, we just went over fundamentals. We went over a bunch of shit. You know, I talked to him a little bit about college ball. I mean, I talked to him a little bit about high school ball. You know, I wanted to see what I was getting myself into. But it was just like stand-up comedy. You know, like when I look back at my basketball career and how I fucking dove myself in it,

it's like stand-up. I got a job at Cooney's, a club called Whitson in Colorado. and I watched and I watch fucking comedy from February until I finally got some balls between my legs and went up on stage on July 19th. So I knocked on this guy's door. He fucking helped me with basketball and brother that and then I went home

and I committed myself to basketball. I did everything I had to do. I lifted fucking weights. I used to sit on the wall like you put your back against the wall and just sit there to strengthen my legs. I would run at night at McKinley School with a girl named Kathy Moran

with still dear friends who would get together at night and just do cross-country fucking running and I would play basketball 8 to 10 fucking hours a day In the summers, my day started at 8. I would take my bike and ride up to the fucking projects

and take 300 jump shots just like fucking Jerry West. I mean, I was all, fucking in going into the eighth grade. As a matter of fact, the summer of me going into the eighth grade was 77. I found out about different camp that was going on in Jersey City called Superstar Basketball Camp. And it was run by Bob Hurley, Billy and Danny's fucking father, the guy that fucking brought the Hurley brothers into the fucking world. Because he coached St. Anthony's at Jersey City.

So I went down to his camp And that was the week that Fucking Elvis Presley died August of 77 Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with And I went down to this camp And in my category I won outstanding rebounder

Listen guys That meant more to me That had taken me out of the fucking Shallows of the grave I was in Between the Catholic school thing The fucking The girl who broke my heart getting left back

the fucking Sunday school listen guys I tell you about all the good things I never tell you about the bad things because I didn't want to be... Listen, if you want a violin, I'll be a violin I'll sit here hour after hour every week and just play a violin

for you of all the bad shit that happened but I just talked to you about the good stuff that happened because we don't need to know about the bad shit that happened but it's time that I came out with the bad shit that happened. it was bad. My fucking...

And this is way before my mom died. I don't want you guys to say... You know, I did a podcast after that whole thing with that. I'm not going to tell you with who. I did a big-time podcast. And with the thing with the videotape when I said that the 20 chick sucked my dick

and I meant that the same chick sucked my dick 20 times, the same retarded chick. It wasn't 20 different retards. Who would suck my dick? You have to be fucking retarded. especially at that time in 97. But after I said that, I'm like, I don't even know what we're talking about.

Like, that's how fucking on fire I am. You didn't put it out, no. No, so I did this fucking podcast with a guy that's a popular guy. And, you know, he was trying to blame my life on my mom's death. Listen, if you want me to sit here and play a violin, for you and tell you the reason why I did coke, the reason why I stole, the reason why I became a criminal, and the reason why I threw somebody in a trunk of a car was because of the death of my mother. If you want to buy that, I'll tell you that. If that's what you want to buy, that's what you've been

that. That's the story you've been buying from every fucking hooker with a fucking has a heartbreak story. Every hooker has a heartbreak story. If you want to buy that story, that I went downhill after my mother died, you buy that story, but that's a complete bullshit. And I never sold it that way either. That's a complete bullshit story. My decline was descending before my mother died. And it was because of the story I'm about to tell you. So everything I did in my life was to be a better basketball player.

On the weekends, I smoked a little bit of pot. I was a fucking top athlete. I went to karate every fucking day. So on top of my basketball, on top of the, and I delivered newspapers, and I fucking went to my mother's bar and had to help her with shit every day. So my days were filled. I would go to basketball practice, deliver papers, walk up the hill to my mom's bar, help her, and then do a 7.30 karate fucking class. I've always been a fucking animal. Nothing's ever been handed to me yet.

You got to work. You got to get out and fucking move. So I went to fucking. And superstar basketball camp. I want outstanding rebounder of the fucking week. And you guys could check this all out with Mr. Hurley. You contact the guy named Jim Hague that I was on his podcast. He's a sports writer for the Jersey, from North Bergen, Jersey City guy,

great guy with St. Peter's Prep, I think. I know all those guys. I went to five-star basketball camp. That's Howie Garfinkel's camp. That's one of the best camps in the country. I went there with Fairleigh Dickinson University's coach Greg Garenda. We go back deep, motherfuckers. This was a different Joey Cocoa Diaz.

This is way before stand-up. This was way before fucking people got put in the trunk of a car. This is way before his mom died and he became a junkie. This was just when I was regular Joey Cocoa Diaz trying to fucking make it across. Yeah, I was embedded in the Carmine Balsano house, so the word got out. So that helped me a little bit to get across. but I was earning my strengths on my fucking own. Nobody was giving me dick.

Once I fucking won the outstanding rebound that Hurley's fucking joint, I went into the eighth grade. We were fucking spot on to win it. It was me, this kid, Chuck and McBreen, this kid Dave Ruiz. I forget who the center was,

and we had a kid that had just transferred in from New York. His name was, he was Dominican, his name was Louis Hernandez, and like I told you about thousand times, no disrespect since he was the only person with an half row within a 10 mile radius

they just gave him the name Louis de Nigger that was it and no disrespect nothing racist I don't want fucking black lives matter marching on my house

we're talking about 1978 it was a different time in this country do you understand me so relax get your fucking put away your petitions

so fucking right away let's sign a petition Joey said the N-word. I didn't mean like that. I was just saying what his nickname was at the time. Louis Hernandez had legs. That was it. I forgot to tell you.

The front row was me, Louis and Dave. That was the two forwards and the center. And the two guards with Chuck McBreen, who today is the head coach at Ramaphos State College and this kid by the name of Anthony Balzano. How's that one for you? So it was us.

fucking five we're going to start and our plan was to take that fucking league apart but fucking September David Ruiz shows up and tells us that his father got a job downtown and he's got a transfer the fucking Kennedy school so that ruined our fucking plans

we had to come up with a new idea I still remember Mr. Barone calling him Benedict Donald right to his face in the classroom the two months that he had to sit there before he moved He would just talk purposely call him Benny. Benny, Benny and Dave would go, what did I do? Benny.

Don't even say a word, Benny, Benedict Donald, Benny. So Dave Ruiz is a great kid. God bless him. I know he still lives in the area. I haven't spoken to him in years. So Dave Ruiz goes to Kennedy School. And now it's me, Louis Hernandez. I can't remember who we use as a center.

And we had fucking Chuckie and Anthony fucking Balzano. And we had a great season. We had a great time. We ended up going four and three. Four and fucking three was a winning record. And here's what happened. First, we had a coach, and then he quit. Peter Ware quit because he couldn't pass the background check.

I don't even think they did a background check back then. I think he just raped too many kids in the word having gotten around yet. I don't fucking know what he did. He was a good guy. He was a great guy. I shouldn't even have thrown that rape joke. and he was a great guy. Something happened.

He just couldn't get it together. And then we had this guy, Joe the German, who was a racist motherfucker. And we got him fired. There's more of the story. We'll touch on it later and shit Joe, the German. And then he got fired. And then Mr. Barone, who wasn't a coach at the time,

he was just a seventh grade teacher. We did a thing where we went outside in front of the high school, and he was walking out of the high school. high school. He just happened to bump into us while we were out there doing our thing and we went over some plays. Do you know what I mean? There was no basketball rim around, but he just told us plays we should do. It was plays based on numbers, a one to five series, whatever the fuck it was. And we ended up going four and three. At the same time, I played for St. Michael's and C.Y.O for Union City. gave a shout out to

whatever when he died. Tommy Heinzen a couple weeks ago he had gone to that seat. The reason why I played for St. Michael, C-O-I-L was because of Tommy Heinzen. He led the county in scoring, blah, blah, blah, blah. I had options. I could have played for St. Augustine's

in Union City, or I could have played for Our Lady of Fattenham and North Bergen, but I went with St. Michael's because for a lot of people know St. Michael's was the saint who batted fucking whatever the devil, whoever converted to the devil

out of fucking hell. And in other words, he's fucking all gung. So I ended up going to St. Michael's under the plane. We had a green fucking, you know, we had to be like leprechauns or some shit. I don't know what the fuck we were. But it was a great experience

throughout my eighth grade year. And I was being curated. I was being cultured. I was going to be a fucking a great add-on to any of the schools I went to. Whether it was going to be North Bergen or whether it was going to be St. Anthony's. You're looking at a guy that was being spoken to go to St. Anthony's in Jersey City,

one of the top high school basketball fucking schools in the fucking country. You guys could call Dan Hurley, do whatever you want. Everybody knew this. It was me from North Bergen. They were looking at me, Wadi O'Donnell, and Chuckie fucking McBrane. They were looking at us three. We were getting invited to different AAU games. I played on the St. Anthony's AAU team with a guy named Mandy Johnson.

A bunch of us. I mean, everything was looking like I was going to go to St. Mike, St. Anthony's. But I knew if I went to St. Anthony's, I wasn't going to lie to you. I was going to sit the bench. I was going to probably be a pretty good seventh or sixth man, maybe an eighth guy. But that wasn't going to start. They had talent from all over the fucking state. I decide just to go to North Bergen.

I go, let me. St. Anthony is great for my resume. But my mother hasn't produced any pictures of any of my cousins being over six feet. So before my mother produces one of those pictures of one of my cousins that are over six feet, but she kept telling me my dad was six foot four. So your dad's six for four before he died.

You got a chance at this. basketball shit. But I wanted to see pictures of other cousins that were over six feet. And she couldn't produce none of them. So I ended up going to McKinley. I had a good height. I'm the height I am now as a freshman, five, ten and a half. I was lanky. But I could do something that a lot of people couldn't do. I could fucking rebound. I could rebound. 38th Street basketball court was not a 10-foot court. It was nine feet, 10 inches. It was missing two inches to be a complete 10 foot court. And I was just missing slam dunking on it.

That's how high of a jumper I was. I had worked on my legs so much. I got a bicycle. I would put the basketball in between the front tire and that little space. And I would pedal up my hills 20 times. I would walk around with fucking spats around my ankles. They're one of the worst things you can wear. Those weights you wear around your ankles.

I would run with those things. They separate the front of the fucking knee from the knee. Oh, that's what they told us then. Who gives a fuck? I look like some fucking, whatever the fuck. Some fucking train of tea. I'm not a train. I'm just telling you what they told me.

But I actually did all those things. I worked really fucking hard. Now that eighth grade basketball was fucking done, my eyesight was on freshman year. I was going to North Bergen and I was fucking starting and I was going to start my four years and I was going to go to a great college I had inspirations up the ass

I had a kid named Michael Corrin out of Jersey City who started not went not played not fucking wore t-shirt started for North Carolina the Tahoehill started his freshman year I had to fucking beat that who the fuck starts

at North Carolina their freshman fucking year. Michael Jordan, that's who starts. But another guy, Michael Corrin. Michael, somebody got hurt in the middle of the season. O'Coran started playing as a freshman and they fucking made him play

and they fucking started him. And then in the NCAA finals against UNLV, he fucking scored 30 points or something like that against fucking, I forgot the guy. He was a great basketball player. He could.

shoot 40 footers, I swear to God. This guy can make 30 footers with his eyes shut. But 10 years ago, he tried to shoot himself with a 22. He put in his heart and he missed. What good are you? You am saying? Can you believe that shit? His name was Glenn Gangesek. He played for the Knicks. He was 6'5 white guy tougher than debt. I give him and his whole family props. They were out of Boulder, Colorado. That's how small my fucking circle runs. My Jimmy runs. He was out of fucking Colorado. I fucking, you know, respect to them, whatever. But that, anyway,

Michael Corrin started. So my career already had an outlook. I had a goal. I didn't know anything about goals. Then I'm not going to tell you I was writing goals back when I wasn't right no fucking goals. My goal was to go to high school. Start my freshman year.

Play for me. varsity, my sophomore year, not start, hopefully start, this is very embarrassing to tell you guys this, but this was my plan. Start my junior year, start my senior year, B.L. County, and hopefully end up going on a Division I school. That was my, that would have kept my mom off my tail. That would have kept everybody off my tail. The problem was, I would have still had to tell my mom my senior year, my junior year, my junior. a year that I wasn't graduating. Something must have happened. I would have had to come up with a lie because my mother had never known that I had

fucking gotten left back. I didn't have the balls to tell her. It would have broke her on the inside. My mother knew I was smarter than that. I knew I was smarter than that. But because I didn't hear the fucking system, I got fucking left back. So everything I had in me was headed. That was the plan.

Freshman year start. sophomore year start I play varsity not start knock on wood if I was that good I'd love to start my sophomore year because then you got

there's nothing but up and in June even senior year all county all state and I could have gone me myself checking me green White E. Donald could all go on to Division I schools

that was the fucking plan okay towards the end of my fucking 8th grade year, our dear friend and shooting guard, Anthony Balzano died. That deflated me a little bit. I still continued to play. I wore my fucking wristbands with his numbers in it, whatever number he was. In grammar school, I think it was 32. That cock sucker beat me to Julius Erring's number before I could do it. And my whole eighth grade summer, that's all I did.

No girlfriends. A little bit of Riefer. I played basketball every fucking day. And if I went up to Union City, to my mom's ball, I did whatever the fuck I had to do up there. But I also went to Gilmore and played basketball in Union City. That was the hot basketball court. That's where good basketball players fucking went.

At that time, I was also going to Hoboken, the Fort Street Park, taking my ass down there, some hooping and shit. Two guys, one guy was going to Boston. I did everything I could to prepare for freshman year not to have any problems. I didn't want any fucking problems. I was starting my freshman year with no fucking hassles. Freshman comes, a freshman year comes along. School starts. I go up there, they're pushing me to play football. They're like, you got to do something. You got to do something. to go into the basketball. And it goes your best bet is to play football

because one of the defensive coaches is the head basketball coach. And if you go in that way, you get to fucking talk to him that way. And now by the time basketball season comes, he'll know you and you'll be a basketball player. That was an option for me. That was an option for me.

But you know what? I wasn't a football player. I was a basketball player. I had trained hard. I had worked hard to be a fucking basketball player and that's all I wanted to fucking do. So instead of playing football, you ready for this one? Grab your seats, cock suckers, sit down.

I ran cross-country track. They gave me some sneakers, some red fucking sweatsuits and it made me go to Hudson County Park. At first they tried to make me a high hurdler because I could jump really well but my speed wasn't any good. I was always quick, not fast. Big difference.

Being quick and being fast is two different fucking things. Some people could do a 4.3 fucking 40. It takes me like two years to do it 40. But can I get to that location in a certain amount of time? You bet your ass. So I get the freshman year. They want me to play fucking basketball. I tell them to suck my dick out football.

I tell them to suck my dick. I'm going to be a basketball player. I lifted weights. I did everything I could. I come November 15th, I fucking try it out for basketball. Everything, I made the team. My name was on the list. I'm looking to fucking start.

You know, they did a couple weeks. I mean, the coach's name was Dan Reardon, and he was a good basketball coach. He opened up the year focusing on defense. For the first two weeks of practice, you did not touch a ball. You did sprints. You did fucking sprints. And you did more sprints. You did guerrilla drills.

That's where you fucking walk around like a gorilla practice on your defense. And we worked on cutting off fucking baselines, cutting off passing lines, cutting off running lines, cutting off all routes. That's what we focused on. To me, I could handle it. I could do it.

whatever the fuck you wanted me to do. I was agile. I was quick. You know, I could shoot, I could rebound. I had fucking heart, you know, or I thought I had heart. Well, you know what? After the first three or four weeks, we started putting the fucking teams together and I wasn't starting. What are you saying? I was on the third team of reserves. I wasn't starting. I wasn't on the second team. I was on the third team of reserves. It was mind-boggling. Yeah, I had been hurt over the left back. Yes, I had been brokenhearted by the girl. Yes, you know, I had other things that were not working out for me as a young teenager, but not to fucking start. When I could wipe my ass with everybody else on that fucking court, I mean, I was worlds amongst those other guys.

on that fucking court. Except for Chucky, Whitey, Mahoney, we all knew together. Everybody else I could run with and fucking jump higher than. I had more balls with. This guy wouldn't see it. I thought,

eh, he wants me to earn it. I got nothing wrong with earning anything. I'll stick it out. Two, three more weeks. By the time the Christmas tournament starts, I'll be starting. There was a Christmas tournament and I didn't even play in the fucking game.

I mean, there was games where I would just dress up and not get put in. You have no idea the heartache I had that. The fucking heartache I was going through and the fucking embarrassment

was fucking painful, Jack. People are coming up to me going, what the fuck is going on? Why isn't this guy starting you? And every time somebody would ask me that, it would fucking bury me into a fucking deep, a fucking predicament. I ended up, you know, the basketball season started in, you know, November of 78. And we were done by probably January of 79.

And I was done. I was fucking heartbroken. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to face my friends. I didn't know how to face the coaches. I didn't know how to face myself, you know. It affected me so much that a month after fucking basketball, I quit karate.

I quit karate February 19th, 1979 on my fucking birthday. And I quit karate because, because I wanted to do drugs. See, with the peat, the jocks I hung out with, we got high once, maybe twice a week. We did a couple fucking joints, busted out the Vizine. But then, with karate, they were more nerds.

We would go to Chinatown. We would do shit like that on the weekends. We never really fucking got high. The pain from that basketball and from that coach, from Danny Reardon, and from what I had just experienced was just too much. It was ready to start party. And shortly after that, like, this was February of 79,

I hit the number on my birthday for $5,000. And within two weeks, I got into the drug selling business. I was selling a little weed, a little meskin, a little acid. By the summertime, I was doing P.H.C. Crystal was 79. My mother ended up dying that November of 79, and I never really got back into basketball after that. And it's always been a heartbreak in mind. And this weekend, you know, after it went down to my friend Bobby Bender's house

and her mother, you know, his mother-in-law was like, all I remember you is is as a kid with an afro and a fucking basketball. And I was like, wow. And then to top it off, Sunday, yesterday, I got a text, not a text message, an email from a friend of mine in Florida that said that he had lost my number and he had just gotten an email from a friend of mine

or from my webpage or something and that he wanted to reconnect with me to give him a call. I was really excited. I had wondered about this guy. I had lost all his information. we haven't spoken about seven years. And when I called him back, he goes,

the reason why I was calling you was, he goes, I went to a pool thing today, and I bumped into a kid, and we started talking, and the kid sounded like you. He goes, he was from Union City or something like that. He told me what the kid's name, you know, the kid's name was Rudy or whatever. and he goes, we didn't talk about, he goes that the kid said, they were talking, and he said that he knew me for the last couple of years since basketball, but the kid Rudy said, no, I know him since he's a fucking kid.

And he goes, what a lot of people don't know about Joey Diaz, a lot of people don't know was that he was a really, really, really good ball player. really good. He could have gone to college. He could have done great. But the powers of be the coaches fucked them that year. The coaches just didn't that coach, you know, listen, between you and I, I always knew that coach rocked me. I always knew he didn't like me. I pulled him over a couple times and tried to talk to him and he would always make some snide remarks. And after my mother died, I wanted to fucking kill him. I was like, fuck it. I'm going to go back and knock the fuck out of him

or do whatever the fuck it is. I'm going to do that. And I remember when I came back here in 91, I drove by the bar where he used to hung out and I thought it was time to go in there and fuck him up a little bit for what he had done. But he didn't do anything. It was me who did it to myself by not fucking...

I was a good point. player, but I wasn't the best player. I wasn't a good defensive player. I would always let you pass me and tried to steal the ball from you on the side. Yeah, dada, yada, yada, yada, whatever the fucking bullshit was. It ate away at me for years. Then my mother's death happened and then that quitting basketball shit ate away at me. And there was only one fucking redemption. and that redemption came on July 16th, 1991. That was a day I got on stage. That was the only chance I had of redeeming myself.

So all those years, while I thought the pain of me getting high was about my mother and it was about my father and it was about the situation and I was blaming the world for all my problems and I was fucking not taking responsibility for my actions. And in my world, it was always somebody else's fault. In that situation, it was Reardon's fault. And because of that, he's going to die,

or I'm going to hit him with a stick, or I'm going to get people to hit him, all these reasons why. No, they all came to me when I walked off that stage, July 16, 1991. But if I was going to do this, I was going to commit to it. The same way I was going to commit to the way I did basketball.

But this time, I wasn't going to let nobody control my fate. There weren't going to be no motherfucking coaches, bitch. I was going to be the fucking coach. I was going to be the commander, the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. And this is why this happened, this comedy. I've had enough time to think about this. And this kid hitting me this weekend was the final piece in that puzzle. You know, I've had a lot of time to reflect on shit here.

You know, I know what comics are going through right now. A lot of comics are having a hard time, not financially. They're having a hard time what their life used to be and what their life was. Me, when I kissed that fucking comedy store goodbye in August, I knew it was probably the last time I would see the building. Am I saying that close? No, no, I'm not saying anything like that. What I'm saying is I kissed that whole part of my life goodbye.

But I take it back to the lesson I learned when I was 13 and 14 about quitting something. You don't quit something because somebody puts a lid on you. You quit when it's your fucking turn to quit. When it's your time to quit, when you're content with the job that you've done, that's when you fucking quit. I quit calm. I quit basketball because, oh, the pieces didn't go my fucking. fucking Joey's way, so he's going to fag out as usual and fucking quit. Thank God I didn't have the

same pussyness when I got in the fucking comedy. I don't know what made me tell you the guys this story today, but I feel that people and, you know, in weird places, the holidays are here. It's going to make you think about your future, and it's going to make you think about what things you want to do. You're looking at the job you have now, and you're seeing how secure it is, do I have a future doing this? Am I going to be replaced? Is COVID going to keep campaigned my bill? This is all things you got to think about.

And this is what I thought about and this whole thing was what helped me, what made me the comic I was today or what I'm doing today, what's still keeping me relevant, wasn't the funniness and all this shit. It was the lesson I learned about quitting as a 15-year-old. You never quit nothing, especially when you have that much passion for something. You never quit nothing, you never let something get it. Get in the way between you and your fucking dream and what your mission is. Fuck that shit.

I just want to let you know because I know a lot of people have hard times now. And sometimes, listen, I can probably afford a psychiatrist, but I'm not going to go see a psychiatrist. Right now, these next few months, it's not going to be about, this or that. It's going to be about your mental health. It's going to be about your mental health. Trust me.

Another lockdown in California. Another lockdown across the country. No PPL loans. People are still trying to get unemployment. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You've still got to push forward every day. And most importantly is you can't quit. You can't quit at any level.

It's not your shoulder. that makes you queer, it's not your need. You know, for me, I told everybody I quit basketball because I had that lung infection and I couldn't run anymore. I didn't quit because no fucking lung infection. I quit because I was a fucking pussy and I let something hold me down.

Don't ever, ever, ever, ever in this life let something hold you the fuck down. You understand me? You push forward. I'm happy so much today that I got to tell you that story because it was on my chest for a long time. And I'd finally put that one piece together,

the element that was missing, which was me quitting basketball. That stayed with me for the rest of my fucking life. That's why I attacked comedy as hard as I fucking did by me, because of me quitting basketball. Never quit dick. Look at it, analyze it, realize it, see, you know, for me, I'm five for 11.

What were my chances of making it in the NBA? But that wasn't for me to decide. That wasn't for me to decide. My decision was to keep pushing until they told me no one. Even then. Even then. Even then. I was just watching a football game, maybe Thanksgiving somewhere where they were talking about a guy.

He got drafted. He got hurt. He was loading shells in the supermarket. Somebody gave him a fucking shot. Yeah. Somebody will give you a shot. But you got to earn that shot. It's not like somebody's going to walk into a bar and go, oh, you're the most handsome guy I've ever seen.

I'm going to put you in my next Hollywood fucking thriller. I wish it happened that way, but it fucking doesn't. But the lesson from today, Monday, November 30th is don't quit. Don't fucking quit nothing. Keep going. And if you do quit, it's going to live with you forever. That quitting at the age of 14, that irked at me for 14 years. till I got on stage.

Can you imagine getting eaten away at something? I knew a lot of things were eating away at me. My mother's debt, you know, me being a dumb fuck, the drugs, but it all started by me fucking quitting basketball. That's what really started. It wasn't my mother's debt. It wasn't, I could tell you a bunch of fucking lies. It was none of that.

It was for me quitting that it was against my beliefs. It's against who the fuck I am. you don't lead away at year for the rest of your fucking life. If there's something you want to go back to or something, you know, you get wives, I don't want you to be in a band no more. You get,

you know, people tell you, your art, whatever. Tom to all go fuck themselves. I want you to play your hand. I want you to do what you will put on this planet to fucking do. You know, if you want to train monkeys, but there's no money in it

and your wife makes you keep your IT job tell her to suck your dick you want to go train fucking monkeys because that's what you were put on this fucking planet to do and with that I leave you don't forget tonight 6 p.m. Eastern time

3 o'clock in California 2 o'clock in fucking Colorado Ozzie's Boneyard SiriusXM Channel 38 Number two, I want to thank you guys all for supporting me on Patreon. You guys are phenomenal.

We got another video coming up this week, the album of the week. And we also got a little Rifa product review coming at you. You know what I'm saying? A couple little podcasts. I take care of you over there. We have a good time over that Patreon. But if not, just stay here with me on Uncle Joey. I'm starting to get my fucking voice back.

I'm starting to get my mind back. Everything is working all at once. The alpha brain, the CBD line. Everything is working all at once. And I just want to let you guys know it's going to be another motherfucking great week. Except you are here. So, without further ado, thank you very much. I love you guys.

And I'll see you Wednesday morning. Tip top, Magoo, ready to go. Now for a word from our sponsors. this week's, it's Draft Kings. Don't forget tonight. The parlay you got, you got the fucking total

and the under, and you're going to take that and roll it into the fucking Tuesday night, Baltimore Raven, Pittsburgh Steelers game, and as far as CBD Lion, they're always there for you. Now, I'm going to pass out you on.

You're going to get the links. You're going to go smoke a joint, and you're going to go take care of whatever Monday has there are for you, cock suckers. I love you. Stay black. Thank you for coming to Uncle Joey's join again and for giving me another opportunity to come into your living rooms.

Love you. But before we go, like I said in the beginning, this is brought to you from the heart of New Jersey just like my main people, draft kings. They're right here in the heart of fucking Jersey. And this is the season to give and give big and make and make as much money as you can without fucking doing unemployment paperwork.

I'm going to try to make you a little bit. bit of fucking money here, the old-fashioned ways. We're going to hit the book. That's it. How do you hit the book? It starts tonight. It starts tonight with Seattle, minus five and a half, against the Philadelphia Eagles of Over Nunders, 49.

We're going to make a little money tonight, maybe on the total. Look at the total, okay? And then, tomorrow, we got Baltimore and Pittsburgh. This is the COVID game that they're picking up from last week. No big deal. These COVID games, they pay just as well as anybody else. off is 8 p.m. tomorrow night. This is what we're going to fucking kill him. All right. While everyone else is sleeping off, you're going to get a chance to double your money when

either team scores a touchdown. Are you fucking crazy? You think you're dreaming? No. You heard me right. One single fucking touchdown. Boom. You made it. You made the little geetters for yourself. All you got to do is sign up at the promotions at draft kings and use code Joey and wait for the ball to cross the fucking touchdown zone. That's it. You jump up and down with your little Asian friends whatever the fuck you want to do download the draft king sports book app now right now because draft kings is giving all new users a chance to earn up to a sign-up bonus of a thousand dollars who's giving you dick on on fucking november 30th nobody uncle joey's giving you a thousand dollars when you go to draft kings that's how you get the party started then you're gonna download

the draft cook's uh app and start making it fucking rain okay when i make it rain i'm want you to meet gobb-gobones. I want you to make a little money every night. $200, $150, go for $180. Start small. Build your fucking bank roll. But tonight, forget about it. Seattle, you got the total, you got the under, whatever the fuck you want you got, and you got $1,000 to start the party with, all right? Download the top-rated Draft King Sportsbook app now. Use promo code fucking Joey.

And when you sign up, you get this can't miss offer. Double your money if either Pittsburgh or Baltimore score touchdown. Tuesday night's game, tomorrow night's game. All right, that's it. That's right there. It takes one fucking touchdown, and you double your Guitus when you use promo code Joey during the sign-up for a limited time only from the heart of New Jersey right here at the draft King's Sportsbook.

And here's the part the lawyers make me say. You've got to be 21 older. New Jersey, Indiana, or Pennsylvania only. other states being added, go check and see, Tennessee, Colorado, whatever. Deposit bonus requires a 25-time play-through. Restrictions do apply. See draftkings.com slash footbook for details. Now, if you got a gambling problem, there's help for you. You call 1-800 gambler, and if you're in Indianapolis or Indiana, I'm sorry, call 1-8009 with it. But if you want to get this motherfucker, fucking party started. Right now, download the Draft King Sportsbook app, use promo code Joey.

We're going to get the party started right tonight with Seattle, Philadelphia, over and under 49. And then we're going to roll it in to the Draft King special on Tuesday night. Who's better than you? Nobody. Draft King's code use Joey, J-O-E-Y, and let's get this fucking holiday season started. The Uncle Joey's joint is also brought to you by. The best. C.B.D. Lion. They're not fucking around. This ain't some CBD company that's just opening up and putting eyedrops in there. And you're jumping up and down with your white friends. I feel so much better. No, you don't. You're just being Joe jerk off as usual. If you're going to work with CBD, go with the best. CBD lion.com right now. Roll on. Kinesiology tape. Vapers, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, gummy bears, bagels, bagels. balls, Jesus Christ. Next summer they're going to have a CBD firecracker.

You put up your ass and you just keep hopping up and down the fucking street. Go to CBDLion.com right now. We're not fucking around. We're going to give you 10, 20% off when you use code Joey. Church, whatever the fuck you use. It's better than the shit you're buying down the corner from some guy named Hugo at the fucking tire store. You dumb fucks. Go to CBDLion.com right now.

Pressing code Joey. church and get 20% off delivered to your fucking crib. That's it and that's that. It's CBD Lion in my world. Whether there's a tape, whether if you want to eat a piece of chocolate, you want to smoke a vapor, you rub this CBD Lion roll out of your nut sack,

whatever the fuck you need to do to make the party started. CBD Lion will get that party started for you. Go to CBDLion.com right now, press enjoy your church and get the party started. Have a great fucking day. I love your fucking. filthy animals. I'll see you Wednesday morning. Tip-top Magoo. I don't want to hear no fucking stories. I love you. Forget to blow off the candle. It's my fucking 80th birthday and

shit. I got to mention.