The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 02/11/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #54

Episode Date: February 12, 2013

14 year-old-podcaster Cassius Morris, Host of the That Reporter Kid Speaks and Creatures of the Net Podcasts calls in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. This podcast is also brought to you by Berries.com. Click on the microphone in the top right and enter HAPPENING for deals starting at 19.95. Streamed live on 02/11/2013.

Oh shit. In their masses. Just like witches at black masses. Oh shit. Oh, shit. Monday, February 11th. If you're a fucking Aquarius, it's your birthday, I think. I don't know what the fuck's going on.

Lee Syed here, the flying Jew. Uncle Joey Cocoa Dia is here. It's Monday. A beautiful day to be alive. Get up, your fucking maggots. Warpigs, bitches. Hit it. What the machine keeps turning?

Yes and hatred to mankind What the fuck is this shit? I can't freak. Hit it! You don't have to wiggle this one here. This is a non-wiggle song, right? Banner. Oh shit.

It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Hit it. Hit it. Don't know, no, no. Lower. This is the fucking whole thing right here. This is what he just starts stabbing the bitch. Oh, shit. How come his voice sounds normal, isn't this?

Is it just before? Like 20 years of heroin? This is 69. This is 1968. When they were still a band name, Earth. Hit it Lee. Watch this shit right here. That's Tony Iommi.

The baddest motherfucking Italian since Columbus. You understand me? Fuck God Ian Capone. It's Tony Iomm. Hit it. Oh, shit. They only started the war. What?

It's a beautiful day to be alive. February. 11th. We're here at the church of what's happening. Now, I want to start out. by saying, what's happening? Lee? I'm doing great, man. What the fuck you've been? I haven't seen you in a week and a half.

I've been building furniture. I'm fucking, I hate it, but I did it. You love it. You're like Captain IKEA. Every time I'm like to, you just walk around IKEA, picking up chicks. That place is fucking disgusting. It's disgusting. There were 8 million people there. I bought a table and chairs, and it took me about four hours.

Yeah, it's a fucking nightmare. No, no, no, no, no. Ikea's not for me. One time, and I was like that. And then you buy it. Your wife's good at it, though. What do you mean? Terry is really good at it, putting stuff together?

Oh, my wife's a fucking sandwich I can't do it Doug listen you give my wife fucking 20 minutes and some space And she'll have that living room My wife has torn apart computers I've seen my wife what she does She's one of those people

You just give it 10 minutes And she'll figure it to fuck out Yeah Me on the other hand I'm fucking a moron I can't fix I can't even do a fucking all change You know when I was a kid

If I had a flat on a bicycle The bicycle sat there Oh yeah Of course Who's going to do something I'm not good at fucking I'm not mechanically inclined I had good friends

that one we kind of, I had a kid next to me, the one I told, remember I went to my house? Yeah, yeah, the bike guy. Valentin Farrell, but I had another kid, Clemens. He was a fucking mechanical genius. He's a truck driver today, Henderson, but he got mad him because he had crabs. It's tough to fucking, you know, not crabs, those little fleas when you're a kid. What do you call?

Lice. Lice. He had lice as a kid. And he blamed you for it? No, everybody knew I didn't have fucking lice. I was a ringwormy type of dirty. The worm's awful. I had that from the woods because we used to walk behind the woods behind our house.

Was it in the woods? Yeah, they have woods behind our house. They built over it now. I mean, that was 30 years ago. But back then, the woods were our personal playground. That's the first place I seen somebody fucking. In the woods? In the woods.

I seen Maloney. Steve Maloney, this kid two, three doors up from me. He's dead now. He was fucking his girlfriend up there. And he, like, dug out something. So he could fuck her. So nobody would see him as they were walking by. But we found him.

We've seen him fucking one time. It was tremendous. We were like in a sex grade. He rocks at us and shit. I'm only a few years out of it, but it is more exciting when you're, kid and you can't go home because your parents are there. Now I have an apartment. It's like, eh, who really cares?

Nah, but when you were a kid, you got to fuck outside. You know, before like the 8th grade, 9th grade, you're fucking outside, you're finger banging outside in the winter. Yeah. You know, you're sucking tits in the winter. There was this girl who used to live by me, like, a couple streets down, and she was the first girl, like, I was in love with her, first girlfriend, and we had dogs, and we would take, like, four-hour walks with the dogs just because, I mean,

I was, like, 13, and, like, it was the first boobs I felt, and it was just, You tie up the dogs and get it by the tree And make out with a mall of the death Yeah And we'd actually try to fuck a bitch outside That's how savages we are Oh that would have I can't even think about that We would fucking go take off your fucking pants

I'm gonna be in eighth grade behind St. Michael's And there was a little... Behind your church? Oh fuck yeah that's where you get your best pussy's Behind the church when you were kids Who the fuck goes back there to look at perverts Nobody That's the first place you go

As a young fucking kid back there And one time Like I was St. Michael's church in the Union City, and we were playing, I was like in the eighth grade, CYO Ball, and she was a cheerleader. And I dated her for a while. Colleen Maynes, a little redhead from Union City, New Jersey. You know what was crazy about that? I think I told it on a testicle test, and I never told.

That was the first person I haven't met that didn't have a mother, and I couldn't deal with it. Their mother had died at childbirth. Jesus. So it was two sisters, Pegg and Colleen, and the father lived with them, and that's why. You know, we could Fuck in her house Because the father worked But we

I think I fucked it one time You know In the eighth grade It's not even fucking You put your dick in there Blood comes out You fucking cry You run home

Like a little fucking pussy But That's the first person I haven't met That didn't have a mom Like I was blown the fuck away Yeah I couldn't believe It like you don't have a mom

And the way she told me You know My mom died And uh You know A childbirth or something When she had me And it was just really weird

She's on Facebook now. I looked her up. I never really said nothing to it, but it's amazing how when my mother died, that's the first person I thought of. Like, right away, it was, like, my first intro to that. I never forgot her name or anything because it was the first time I had met somebody.

You don't have a mom? Like, it was fucking mind-boggling to me. That's what happens. Like, I hear stories about people who, like, whose parents were criminals. And, like, until they start going to school, it's like, oh, this is just what parents do. And, like, they don't realize it's different

until, like, they see it. So, like, for a kid who sees someone without a mom, they're probably like, what the fuck is going on? And of course there's a mom. No, no, no. The mom had died. That's what I'm saying. So for you. It was mind-boggling.

Like, I couldn't even fathom what she felt like. Yeah. Like, I would go over there and ask her, like, every time we, whatever. I didn't think we drank them. We didn't do drugs. We were kids. The reason why I stopped dating it was because I was going to go to five-star basketball camp. And it was the weirdest thing.

But that always irked me. And it always bothered me because part of it. The other reason why I didn't like her anymore is because she didn't have, I don't know, it was kind of weird. Not that she didn't have a mother. I don't know what it was. It freaked you out that much? Freaked me the fuck out. So when my mom died, I understood her.

I understood what she was coming from and helped me realize a lot of fucking things. Until this day, I think about him. But the situation that had was I did try to fuck her outside. But the worst one was right after my mother died, like in 80, like 1980, 81. Okay. I came into some money. I did a bank with this guy, not robbed a bank with a gun. cash some check and we each made a ton of fucking loot like 20 grand and I was throwing away money

like it was nothing and I went up and I and this girl wanted to hang out my name was Anna and I remember I took it behind the fire department it was fucking freezing I mean it was you know January in New York like what's this last weekend you know my buddy Felipe Spars who played Nyack New York at the improv and I don't know who booked them there I don't know who the fuck booked them there because me I don't even go to East Coast in February to do. And I'll tell you why, because you're going to get stuck. And for me, I can't handle getting stuck. I don't like it at all.

I can't handle it all. I'm fucking being stuck. You ever see those people in an airport? Look, look those fucking dummies. I was worried about you in Florida because when it's the East Coast, like they probably couldn't get planes, all the planes to Florida. No, no, no. But I had direct flights, no, no delays.

And I took the first one out. I don't fuck around. I look at that shit. You know, I beat the flight out of Columbus by a fucking pussyhead. Oh. But it was funny because I told the story in the job. Joe Rogan podcast once about Anabigiani how the first night

we hooked up, oh, we had hooked up before, but there's one night I got a really drunk, we both got drunk, we were like juniors in high school, and we were drinking nips, you know, and nips are in the little ones, they don't have them out of here. Oh, beers, I thought you meant a little buzz of hard liquor. It was beers. Beers, yeah, those little nips. Eight packs. Okay.

On East Coast, they have eight packs, right? You haven't lost them? No, I thought you were talking about the little tiny bottles of hard liquor. No, those airplane bottles, but nips are the fuck, well, maybe by this time now, but when I as a kid nips with those little eight-pack bottles. Okay. Bud nips the eight, seven-ounce bottles, so they go down smooth.

Okay. They don't get fucking warm. No, that's a few goals. Right. So I took it behind it and we must have gotten drunk. I sucked on a little funnel titty's my finger hurt. And the next day, it snowed. We were like, let's meet here tomorrow night.

Let's do it. Jesus. Let's do it. Okay. And the next, that night overnight, it snowed like a foot. But that didn't stop me. I got a fucking shoveling on that bus. And I went up on a bus.

I went up there. dog and built the fucking igloo like a love igloo out of fucking snow this is how crazy i was i mean but we're all that crazy when we're 16 and somebody gives you lets them finger you whatever the fuck it is yeah how do we even get on this shit with fucking people behind a church what's wrong with you late did you ever fuck somebody behind the synagogue no you never finger bang somebody behind temple in the eighth grade or nothing no what that like every time everywhere you're talking about seems like the place like people will look first like i try to hide no you got to fucking go do things right in front of them if not i mean i could never make

out with a girl at a house with a father and mother upstairs. That was fucking beyond me. That freaked me to fuck out. I don't like that. Your mom sneak down. I mean, you're upstairs sleeping next to your wife and you know exactly what's going on downstairs. You know those little filthy fucking animals trying to grab your daughter's titties and shit.

So what the fuck, like, you know? I mean, we're fucking young. We go crazy, too. Like, I knew if I didn't rape somebody by 22, I was never going to rape somebody. Because that's when you're the craziest. You're 13 or something. I don't know.

seeing somebody's titty when you're dirt and your face gets fucking red. Oh yeah. Your blood, you can't even fucking think. You're like, God damn. That was Titanic for me. That movie Titanic. That was crazy.

Why? You got horny? Yeah, when she had the boobs out for the painting part. I was like, now it's probably like 97, so I was like 8, 8 or 9 or 10. So I'm like, yeah, she had boobs out. And what happened to you?

Did your little dude dick get hard? I don't think I can get harder then, but it was... You didn't get hard then when you were 8? Sure, you get fucking a hard on. Do you really? Yeah, yeah. You can get it's hard. Did you get it's like 11?

happens. You know, it just gets hard. You don't know what's going on. You're all confused. You're watching TV. Yeah. You think it's HR puffing stuff. You know what the fucks.

Really? So, yeah, yeah. I can understand what you're saying. I've been there like, when you're young, you're fucking, like I remember we had this guy Nelson on the block. Remember I showed you? And he would, we were like 10, 11.

And he would let us watch him fuck his wife for like a dollar. Jesus. Like they all chip in behind his window. You think about this craziness. by the way I had a great fucking now people want to hear that shit we used to give him

Adam Nelson was the neighborhood uncle but he wasn't a perverted uncle he never tried to do shit to us like we would give him money for weed and he would get us two joints because he was a waiter and New York City yeah he was an older Puerto Rican guy he was probably 30

and he had a black friend and they drink behind there but he had this girlfriend that would come over that had his kid but she lived somewhere else even then fucking people were animals mama's dainties. And when he would come over, he'd go listen, my girl's coming over. If you guys want to see me fuck, and give me a dollar

apiece. And me and like eight savages would get together. He doesn't sit under his window and fucking he'd fuck her. But I never forget this late as long as I live. At the end of the whole thing, she would always go, give me milk, daddy, and it would drive me fucking crazy.

My head would, I had to go home and like, at that age 10 or 11, you didn't even jerk off. You just went home and looked at it. I don't even know what you were staying. You just knew something was fucked up in your body. You're like, what the fuck is this feeling? I can't even think. My face is red.

Another time, my mother brought a chick home. Right before she died, I was like maybe 14. My stepdad was still in the house. Okay. I was probably 13, maybe 12 and a half, 13. And I was asleep. I used to always go to bed early when I was a kid. My mother had the bar.

So my mother would always come home and wake me up. Yeah, like, I brought your food, or I brought you this, or I brought you that. So one night's you wait for there's some people I want to meet you downstairs So I had my pajamas on I just walked downstairs You know thinking

And we had the living room area Okay And then under the garage We had downstairs to a little thing That it originally was like a boiler room Okay But my parents put a wall around the boiler So it was beautiful

Oh like a finished basement Yeah yeah They paded it And they had a bar down there And they had a TV And they had the fucking remote control Not the remote control But the string from the cable then

Okay You go down there and watch TV, so at night they go down there and listen to music, and they had booze from the bar. And one night I go down there is all these guys I know. My mom brought home all her friends, my stepdad's friends. And there was broads there, but my mom came and introducing me to this one chick. Yeah, she wants to meet you and all this. So then she'd come over to me and she's like, you know, do you want to dance? And we started dancing.

We started dancing aggressively. My dick got really fucking hard. Jesus. Right through the fucking pajamas. And all my mother's friends like, go upstairs, change. You're going to get lucky tonight. I didn't even know what the fuck was going on. And I went upstairs and I combed my hair and I put like cologne on.

I put like a suit on. At 3 in the morning. 3.30 in the morning. And I went downstairs and they were all clapping and shit. And I started dancing with a salsa and up close. And I think she started touching my dick or something. And they're like clapping. And then I just blacked up.

So this dad, I don't know if I fucked her pussy. I just remember the next day my stepfather and mother saying, did you eat some, did you drink some listerine? Like, I don't even know what the fuck. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, my mom didn't fuck around. That's why when Shared didn't mask people were like, that was wrong. Fuck you. My mom did it when I was like 13.

Brought a tremendous piece of pussy. And I don't know if I did something. I really don't. I think I passed out. So this day, I can't fucking remember. It fucking kills me. But I went to San Jose last Thursday. Yeah. Let me tell you something.

San Jose for me is like, I don't even know. It is one of my favorite fucking weed cities in the world. Oh, weed city. Yeah, you go up there a lot. A lot. A lot. And it's like family. It's like, I already know.

Every part I go, I went to original Joe's. I bumped into 10 people. I went to fucking McCormick and Schmitz. I bump into nine people. Hey, what's going on? You want to get it? It is a fucking high capital. And there's not, you know, the economies,

it was like the Silicon Valley. I guess everything went down. That makes sense, yeah. Everything went down up there, but they're still fucking nuts. And every time I've played up there, the crowds get more and bigger and bigger and crazy. And it seats 400 fucking people.

Jesus. This one had like 300 people. I had the top, not filled, but had people up in the top. And afterward, people smoking dope. You know what? Yeah, you called me. By the way, I gotta do something because somebody, unless I left it a fucking home, this was great.

I met these dudes. Motherfucking. See, I get all this shit. There you go. I don't fuck around. I met these dudes, and they gave me this fucking thing to smoke oils out of him. Like the other thing I have? Like the Panukkah?

And there's Ziggies Smoke Shop. 209 Ziggies. So if you're up in that area, go to Ziggy Smoke Shop, the bad motherfuckers. Good guys. I laughed my ass over them. They posted pictures on Twitter. On Twitter. Afterwood, I mean, they were just fucking great guys.

So if you're in the 209 area, they're going to send me a hat. 209 Ziggy's and shit. I think the DS brothers go up there for fucking their shit. So if you're in that area, Ziggies, they gave me a fucking great, great fucking, whatever we call a hot oil pen. And when you think about it, a lot of these weed companies and stuff are really mom and pop stuff. Because it's like the last mom and pop thing Because they don't only have commercial or

Weed stores yet at least Well they have a couple of them here Oh did they really? Yeah the pharmacy's very commercial That's where everybody goes and hangs out Oh my God I meant like uh And they pay $20 more for the fucking weed

Did you know that? Jesus but it's not like a McDonald's With this 8 million of those specific ones It's still owned by like one person Right but it's a mom and pop Like where I go NoCC is mom and pop The Vine is mom and pop

Uh They're all on mom and pop operations Yeah So I understand what you're saying. It's back to the... Where's I want to be around? It's fucking Monday. We got to pick up the piece,

a little something for the fucking spirits. God damn it. Oh shit. Lysayat, Monday morning. Get up. Wash your pussy. Drink some coffee. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive.

Get out there. Oh, shit. To pick up the pieces. Goly. When somebody pray. Yaha. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Some somebody twice as smart. The Pope doesn't want to be around anymore.

Fuck the Pope. We got Tony Bennett. Oh shit. Fucking tremendous. Tremendous little fucking jam. Yeah. Really sits off the day. It's the church of what's happening. Now, I'll tell you, before we get started. I about a shout out to my fucking sponsor. I love these motherfuckers honors. Did I bring you the honest shit yet?

Today. When we meet, today, I have four, I'll give you honest stuff. Okay. I got three weeks till I shoot this movie. Oh, shit, yeah. I was telling you that I got scenes with De Niro. It's just me and him. Is it really?

Fuck yeah, guys. Listen, guys, let's get this shit out of the way. I didn't come up to be an actor or a comic or nothing. Listen, I did this just to buy me fucking time until I figured out what the fuck happened. But I always knew one thing. I always knew to me the most powerful force in my life was when I would go to a movie and I'd see somebody on the fucking thing. You know, and I think of De Niro, and I think all these fucking guys.

And, you know, whenever, listen, guys, I'm a fucking fat, motherfucking ex-calling from North Bergen. Who the fuck am I? You know, you guys could put weight on that. I don't see it. I break it down every fucking day because we all put our pants on one leg of the time. But last week, I'm looking at this thing where De Niro was stepping on, you know, the Hollywood Hall of Fame and all this issue. I can't believe we took it that long. Yeah, they're fucking, well, they get one to Jimmy Kimmel first because he's done so much.

better work you know all these other fucking people you know adele's got a star before denaro you know so but that doesn't mean nothing what I was looking at him looking like dinner only is getting old and I'm like wow so that day I get an email from the movie and they're like hey you got a new you know a new script so I looked through the script I called the kid back and I well can I ask you a question just for curiosity he was playing kid and he goes Robert De Niro you know there's a scene with me and him jumping rope oh shit there's a scene with when I go on the ring and he's getting beat up and I fucking you know so guys

I'm a fucking felon to winter. And here I am in a fucking thing with De Niro, one of the greatest actors of all fucking time, the top ten. So how fucking lucky am I? Am I going to go out with a fuck? Do you see me a little hat with a feather on it now? Like trying to be French?

No, because for me it's a job. But this is one of the things that hits home with me. So I've got three weeks. I start shooting March 6. I got three weeks to fucking get ready. We'll see what happens to you come back. Oh, I'm going to be a fucking savage when I get back. That's fucking De Niro.

De Niro, Staloneone, Kevin Hart, Alan Alde. fucking kidding me I'm a fat fucking kid from North Bergen, New Jersey. But I stuck with it. Then that's the number one thing that we're going to talk about today because I'm sick and tired of people. I can't get this done. You know, just start with, if you come to me now and you go,

I want to get my life there, I'll say, do me a favor. Put good morning down on Twitter every day. And I guarantee after three weeks they stop doing it. And it won't even take three weeks. And that's it. And that's the same thing that happens in this country with diets. That's the same thing that happens in the country with your goals. Everything goes away.

I know a chick who's been quitting drinking for fucking 18 fucking years. And I love it day and we get into it and she'll call me after we don't talk for two months and the first week and a half she's solid. If she says she's going to call her 4 thursdays, but then after that she drips again. You know you don't hear from her

for six days. She tells she's going to meet you, she don't meet you. And I've been telling her for years. You could keep dicking around with this little rehabs and AA meetings. You need to go the fuck away for six months. You know, your parents got money. It's not like you're missing a boat. You're not doing shit. Because I see that, you know, little commitments become big commitments guys little commitments become

big fucking commitments again little commitments become big commitments start with Twitter just start with saying fucking good morning every day every fucking day I wake up in the morning except on the weekends and I play three fucking songs for you people I write some stupidity disgusting shit you know what

half years are sick of it already I'm sick of fucking doing it but you know what I do it for to show you motherfuckers what consistency is for two years now three four five days a week week. I put three fucking songs on for you and I tell you to wash your pussy or stab your neighbor or you know go fucking you up the

ass. I tell you to do fucking something with your life okay, but just to show you guys people come to me all the time how do you do it on Twitter? Write on it every day. Not about you taking a shower because I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about you going to the gym. I don't get, I want your social commentary to the world

when something occurs. That's all I want, how you see it through your eyes. Comedy is the world through my fucking eyes for you. Everybody sees shit a different way. We see it. If me and you go into a room and when we walk out I say, what did you look? Oh, he had an Israeli flag. Oh, he had a printer. We both

going to see different fucking things. That's the beauty about life. Yeah. That you see different fucking things. So, I got three weeks to get ready. You're going to help me. Okay. And, you know, I'm going back to the gym heavy. You know, I'm going to run a little bit because my knees are back. I got some great running shoes. I couldn't work out last week.

I fucking all with this ear infection and the and the infection I got. So I'm really working hard. You feeling better? Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better. The ears, I can't hear. You know, just a good fart or something, but I can't hear. But I want to do really well in this movie. Last time I worked for Peter Siegel was the longest yard.

And I didn't think he liked me. You know, and I'm really proud that he gave me a shot. Fucking eight years later, he gave me another shot, Peter Siegel. So I'm going to go down there with the best intentions I have, but part of my training routine is going to be fucking on it. Because I know my alpha brain, when you're in front of De Niro, you've got to be

fucking sharp for your lines. This is the second movie I've done with him. But the first one, I didn't have lines with him. We were in the same stage. I would see him and, you know, he'd eat lunch somewhere else. I'm not going to say I ate lunch. He don't want to eat lunch with fucking Cubans. So what I'm trying to say is, let me tell you something in the real world. I don't believe in nothing. I believe in what the fuck makes me, you know, I believe in something that shows me. I'm from the show me state. I'm like a half-Missourian. I'm that's been very good. So I'll go back and listen, man, this flu for me could have been worse. It was

just a little cold. But I'm sure it's because I'm the immune. So it's fucking wintertime. Everybody's crying about getting sick, my ass, my pussy. Take fucking Anit immune. Go there right now, Anit.com. They got the immune, they got the alpha brain, getting the protein. If you're going to work out, get the strong bone. Get my arm into the shot today.

You're not going to be fucking sorry. Go to Onet.com, order whatever the fuck you want and put church in the box up in the fucking corner there, put church. And you're going to see, you're going to hit me back in three weeks and go, Joe, you know what? I don't know if this feels, I can make any feelings on this. I mean, you can't feel fucking immune sport.

Immune sport is that you're not getting sick. what you feel. Yeah. But the other shit you'll fucking feel. The alpha brain you'll feel. Go to honor dot com today if you got something sharp

and give it a shot. It might not be for you. I know the strong bone is definitely for me. I know the hemp protein is for me. It's filling up with the fiber. You know, am I losing a lot of weight?

No, because I fucking eat like a savage. I went to West Palm with the West Palm. I got some bad Cuban food this week in West Palm. Bad Cuban food in Florida? Yeah, but it's a fusion. I don't like fucking fusion. Give it to me a lizard.

I want to listen. Give me a lizard. No, they want to put a tangerine juice on the fucking lizard. You got four days till fucking four, four days till Valentine's Day. You want to be dicking around, going from store to store, buying jewelry. Fuck no, get us something that you can both enjoy. Go to berries.com.

Okay, they got these chocolate-cutting strawberries. I'm going to get my box tomorrow and bring them on Wednesday. We're going to use those fucking kings, all right? Forget all this shit. The prices start at 1999. That's over 40 fucking percent savings. What you're going to do is, and they're dipped in white, milk, and dark chocolate. What you're going to do, you get some with nuts.

You get something with up nuts. You're going to go to fucking, where is it? Berries.com. Here's how do you spell berries for you fucking momos? B-E-R-I-E-S dot com. Click on the microphone of the top left-hand corner or right-hand corner happening. Order your fucking berries today,

and she'll get them Thursday. The beauty is you smoke a joint in the garage and you eat two or three of those fucking berries. So you're not just getting them for her. You get them for you and fucking her. That's how we roll. So go to berries, cock-suckers.com Get your cherries berries. It started in 1995.

I think it's free shipping. I don't fucking know. And pro flowers. You can do all your ordering right there. Like I said, just go to the right-hand fucking corner and type fucking church. Happening. Sorry. See what happens when you smoke weed in the morning into the microphone. I love you, motherfuckers. This gives some shout-outs before my main man calls Rocco or BC today. Dabadukas, Dave.

I love you. I don't know how to fuck the spell it. Darba Caducas, Dave. Dane, I love you. Danny Rockwell. Stay black. Eric Lemos Chris Harland Diego Jordan from fucking Peru down there

Making fucking half grams Disappeared Dona Moon I like what you're doing And Dan Chavello down there At the fire department In New Orleans I'll be down there in three weeks

Eating with you motherfuckers Jumping up and down Eating Papa boys Whatever the fuck you guys got And a lizard And who the fuck knows You know what I'm saying And before we go ahead

I just Uh For the berries is great for girlfriends But it's For people out there especially my age. I send my mom something every Valentine's Day. You're going to send a berries?

I sent her berries. And I sent her, just before he came, I put a card in the mail. And for people who are out, like, working away from your mom, I mean, hearing you talk about that girl and you, I know it means a lot. So take, for the 20 bucks, even if it's just a card, even if you can't afford the berries. But do something. It means a lot. Yeah, yeah. Do something, man.

That's very nice. You leave a fucking... Somebody sent me an email yesterday. And they were like, ah, we love the show. Do us a favor. Take it easy on the way. I got a fucking beat Lee up the time of time.

Leeds my fucking son. Lees my adopted fucking gangster son. I'm going to turn Lee into a fucking mean, fight machine. But at times at least 30, he's going to be one of the top fucking things in this town. Trust me, I'm telling you. Trust me, I'm all going to laugh at this shit. I'm going to be an old man.

This fucking cock-sucking Jews going to be taking care of this. Fuck all you cocksuckers out there. It's Monday, bitches. Get your shit together. Write your goals down. Get on the scale. Quit smoking. You could start all fucking over again.

Fuck what they say. You can't do it. You're not going to fuck these motherfuckers. They can't stop you. Get up. They used to tell me I was too ugly. You're too old to do. Fuck you, motherfuckers. And now I'm doing a movie of fucking De Niro and Stallone and Kevin fucking heart. I'm a fat fucking loser from North Bergen, though.

If I could do it, you can do whatever. I'll fuck you want in this goddamn world. Tell them, where's the music? You're running through all the music. Here we go. Put some black sat back. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Get up and move, Coxuck. This little thriller for you. Oh shit. Michael Jackson in the house.

Oh shit. We know about this, Lee. Let me see the wiggle from Popple. Go. Oh, shit. Let me see the wiggle. Lee. Oh, shit. That's it. That's all you got from me Lee. What do you want to do? You got to fucking move. You got to fucking move. You got to fucking move. How do Michael Jackson do? Come on Lee. Well, I can't do the crotch, move on me. All right. Fuck, Lee. Kill me. You don't want to dance. You're supposed to my dog and shit. I was telling me when I got here today that I suffer from this one thing and it fucking kills me.

And it's called child support. Let me tell you something. I had a lot of fucking drama with my ex-wife. A lot. A lot of drama with this fucking kid that I don't talk to for the last nine years and a lot of shit was done and a lot of shit under a fucking bridge. You know, I used to live in a car

and send money and they wouldn't get it. There was always fucking something. Well, my daughter's 20 fucking two now. And yesterday I get to the airport. I go to take money out for the cab. And it gives me the money, but something, something just made me hit the balance inquiry. And they took $3,700 out. So now today, when I leave here, I'm going to go home, eat breakfast.

And I've got to get on the phone with my attorney at 9. That's 140. Then he's going to call her attorney. Then fucking, they're going to have to call some child support thing. And go, what the fuck happened that they pulled this money? This is why I'm mad. I thought it was over at 18. Yeah, so this is what I'm saying to you.

This is what I'm fucking saying to you. So there's always fucking drama. You know, when I first started comedy, when I was really the pain that drove me to the comedy at first, yeah, I had all this other shit, but the shit that made me go fucking crazy was going on because I started comedy like in 95 when all this is going on with my ex-wife and the daughter

and she wasn't letting me see the kid and I have to take her to court. So part of my pain, part of my fucking drive to do that was this fucking kid. And when I came to Colorado, I mean, listen, I wanted to stay and try to be a fucking guy. good father, but it was never going to happen, guys. You know, and I'm the type of guy

I'm stupid. Like, you know, I was telling Joe Rogic the other day that. You know, I like working where I live. Yeah, I'm one of those dummies. Like, if I live in Boulder, I want to, in the city limits, I want to work in Boulder. I like all that shit. Yeah. I would have never left Colorado. Like, right now, I'm looking for a place to

relocate, to raise the kid, and I would love to go back to Colorado. But in my heart, I think I disrespected Colorado. It's such a great state. It's God's country. I got a Fell in there. I just did so many fucking bad things there. I'm like,

I feel like they won't take me back. They'll take me back to the state will. I'm talking about like the mountains. The fucking mountains are a strong fucking power, bro. You think so? Oh, they ain't nothing like the power of the fucking mountains. The mountains has his own fucking realm.

The ocean has its own fucking realm. Yeah. And you see him. I've always told people, I live in Seattle. I used to feel really weird. And then somebody said to me, because up towards that way, it's the deepest point in the world.

Like, that's why they have submarines up there. Bremerton because that's the deepest way they could get underneath. So different parts of the country affect different fucking people. The mountains affected me fucking differently. I'm telling you this. It's like I would move back to Colorado, but I'm stupid, but I know danger. I'm a fucking dummy, but I know what danger is. And I know when I'm in danger and I know when somebody else is in danger.

And for me to live in Colorado would put them in fucking danger. Because all I would have to have is one bad day, and I would go over there and stab them all. because I don't like those people. I don't like what they did and how they did it. And I avoid them. Like I avoid my daughter and I avoid them. Nobody does not want to talk to their daughter. But I avoid them as a whole because they're going to start playing with me.

And what I do is hard enough. You know, when I first moved? You know how hard it is when you first move it? You know how hard it is to get spots and get on stage and write jokes and people to talk to you and agencies and this and this. So I was getting beat up from both angles. And one day, finally, I was on like my best behavior. and I looked at a piece of paper they sent me

and I called her up and I said, do me a favor, bro. Let's be honest with each other. Like people should be in real life. You don't fucking like me. Yeah. And let's be honest. Let me tell you one better. I don't like you.

If you were on fire, I wouldn't fucking piss on you if I was walking back. Why do you talk to me? Why do you say hello to me? Don't even fucking bother talking to me when I call there. In fact, order a phone for my daughter, so I bypass you dumb motherfuckers.

I don't need conversation with you people. No. And that's the way I feel about life sometimes. You know, people don't like each other. Why do we talk? Go fuck yourself. Some people, no matter how much therapy they go, they ain't going to like each other.

No. That's just the way life is, bro. Who are natural enemies? The shark and the fucking monkey? I mean, somebody's a natural enemy. Sometimes in life, people become natural enemies, especially during a fucking divorce. I just got an email yesterday I answered

about some guy that's been two years. They still, bro, you have no idea. Divorce is one of the worst fucking things that could happen. Yeah. It devastates you more. than the loss sometimes. Even if she didn't do anything, if you moved back to Colorado, you'd have that feeling.

And you don't want that around your new daughter, so it's better to go to someplace with a new, happy... I know me. I know me. I know when somebody's in danger. Yeah. I know when I'm around somebody, I know when that person's going to say something, I'm going to fucking smack them. So I avoid them. I have always been one of those people. You know what? You can avoid. I'm going to go down there and bang heads with you?

For what? I'm too fucking old now. Yeah. I was too old at 25. You know what I'm saying? I was too old at 25 to, bang heads with you. I'm not one of those people. I'll just move on the other side of the fucking bay. I don't give a fuck. But it's just so weirdly that this was like

a curse for me. This is like a lifelong curse for me. Yeah. And, you know, I can't tell you the emotions I have about these people. Like, even my daughter at this point in the fucking game, you know, you're supposed to be a fucking Diaz. I didn't do nothing wrong to her at all. I didn't do anything wrong to her. By this age,

23, I would have had to figure the fuck out or whatever she is. 22 or 21. I would have had to figure out what on and I would reach out because I reached out to her two or three times on fucking Facebook or whatever she won't fucking reach back out to me so that's the mother yeah and you know what I started a new family and this carries

over no matter what happens with them this will always carry over even Terry said something to me that day she goes when I first started dating you I always felt like I was I was the punching bag for Kathy for what had happened with you and her like I was the one that was suffering we were never going to get married we were never going to have kids

so this is more shocking this is why my wife was more in shock yeah and every I tend to get better about it and now I'm angry all over again. That's fucking 37 Honellas. You know how much how many planes I got to fucking take to get that leave? You have any fucking idea? So and I'll get it back. That's not the point.

The point is at this point my fucking life, you know, I start out in the mornings and a great mood. I really do, man. I really fucking do. No matter what happened the day before I know in my heart it's going to be better today. Yeah. That's why I always stress today. I'm not worried about tomorrow

or yesterday. It's today where you've got make you move. And today where you've got to worry about. You know, me and you always have discussions about I don't worry about nothing unless it's in front of me. You know, why worry about something a month away? We don't fucking know. We get hit with a fucking tropical lightning bolt and not know what's going to happen. And you're like, can you imagine we worried about all this shit, you know?

Yeah. It'll be, I think it'll end up good because I think people like, my friend and my friend who's staying with me and I were talking about it, how people don't realize they're being assholes and how they can do that to other people. I think with your wife, with your ex-wife, it's going to end up that she is going to take a couple weeks and it's going to be annoying. But she's still to live with herself and then she's going to see you in a movie trailer with Robert De Niro. And she's going to be stuck up in her shitty life in Colorado. No, my wife has a great life in Colorado. She's got a good husband.

It's not as good as that. No, it suits her. I mean, this doesn't suit. Listen, when I fucking left Bold, it was a very tough decision for me. But it was the decision of that. I have to go do something in my life to prove to my daughter that I'm not this person that this lady accuses me to be

in all the fucking angles. Part of my drive is my daughter and the other half is the people who help me. I never wanted them, I never wanted somebody to go, remember when he stayed here for a month and we fed him? Look at him, he's just a fat fucking junkie in L.A. Now, he's not doing none. He's not doing comedy.

When I do these little things, it's for the people that help me out along the way. You know, the Ascalis is this family from Jersey sent me something the other day and they have three boys and three girls and I was really tight with one of the guys still am. He's my brother and I'm tight with two or three of the girls.

The nephew just came out here to play but the funny thing is that they have a sister, the medium sister that never smoked, never drank, never knows my world and at the end of the day she really saved me. There's two people who really fucking

saved me. I think about it all the time. She was one of them because in 84, I was in such bad shape that I was sleeping on the streets like in parks and I was sleeping like in people's backyards and shit. And I would go to her house at night and she would give me one of her father's shirts.

She'd give me like $5 and I'd take a shower in her downstairs basement. She was Mike's medium sister and Jennifer's older sister. She's in the medium. And she never told nobody. Like when people help you there, I was like, oh, Coco came by here tonight. I had to feed them and give them $10.

This chick never said nothing. I used to go there, I mean, 8 o'clock and knock on the window. Or they used to have, like, a patio. This is November in Jersey. It's fucking 20 degrees. And I would sleep on their lawn chairs in the backyard because the mother couldn't see out that way. I would sleep underneath the thing back there.

I would sleep in people's backyards. And she knew it. Janine would come out at night and fucking bring me a sandwich and the shirt and the fucking... I mean, there was something from another person. world. It just, it was amazing, the people who helped me. And I called Jennifer, I've been told her

Jennifer a lot, the sister, not the one that helped me, but another one that was good to me. The whole family was good to me growing up. And I told, I said, nobody ever knew this. I go, when you talk to Janine next time, you fucking tell her that Coco never fucking forgot what you did for him. Never, never, never, never. I see her pictures on

Facebook now with her kids and her husband and then George. Crazy retort George, you know. Let me tell you something. George went to let me into his house that February of 85. God knows where I'd be right now. Yeah.

God knows. You know, so it's really weird to people who helped me. I never wanted to let them down at no level. Did I ever want to let any of those people down because they've done so much for me? Yeah. You know, and you can't. Even you. You've done a lot for me.

We've done a lot for fucking each other. Yeah. And I don't like to, you know, it's weird that the other said, man, we go over at 5 in the morning. We're wide awake and we talk shit. Lee, you're a fucking savage. Thank you. I talked to a lot of young kids. They would have given up on this bike.

They would have given up on this fuck. They would have given up on this, you know. Well, I told you already, if it hadn't been for D doing the Mad Flavors' and stuff, I would have been home after my first lease. I didn't, because I hated the job I was at. So, I mean, yeah, 5am is not great, but doing this stuff. And one of your boss's name is Hashim, is he not? No.

You sure? Yeah. You work for Hell's Kitchen? Yeah, but. Yeah, I do. Maybe he works on set, because I don't work on set. Yeah, I think he works on sets because he, his wife, I talked to his wife the other day. Okay.

And we were talking about what his husband doing. She goes, yeah, he works on Hell's Kitchen. Okay. No, yeah, he must work on set. That's way long ago. But I think a good chance with your daughter, because if she's going to be about 22 now, 23, this is the best time because if she had 22 years of her mother just saying all awful things, it's going to take, if he separates from it,

it'll probably be a good thing. It's probably the best chance you have. Listen, man, just because you know, you do movies and you do comedy doesn't mean you're a good person. I mean, I've always blown away on how America portrays actors and stand-ups like they're fucking douchebags. You know, once you meet them, you'll notice that they're fucking douchebags.

So my accomplishments in the movie and comedy shit, which I've had none, should affect my fatherhood, my traits as a father. That's what people get confused. I just wanted to prove to her that I could stick with something. That I wasn't going to be a fucking nomad. That I wasn't just some guy that was a flash in a fucking pan. I wanted to prove to them that I was something. I want to do something with my life.

I sit here sometimes and look at my wallet and I got a fucking, I have a fucking screen actor's guilt card. Yeah? You know, that's the truth, guys. I have a fucking screen actor's guilt guy. Now, am I saying this to you to, no. But I've been in the fucking screen actors guild since Jesus. When you were sleeping on the lawn chairs,

you never thought you would be in one of the biggest unions? No, I've been a member in the actors guild since 97. That means for 16 years, I've been fucking around with actors and shit like that. Do you think I would have known that 10 years ago? Do you think I, well, not even. When I moved here, I never even thought I would do a fucking, an extra role. Yeah. Like, I'm telling you the truth.

I was like, how do I fucking. become an extra. I don't think I can't have fucking done an extra row. Is somebody calling? Not yet. Unbelievable. I don't know what happened to this fucking guy. He's supposed to call now. These people fucking forget they fall asleep. I don't know what happens to these cocksuckers.

Let's see. I'm trying to get this party started. People ain't calling me back and shit. You know. But that's great. Hearing your stories, my dad didn't have it as bad as as bad as you did with the first one, but my dad

got married. He moved to Miami. when he was about my age around 21, and he got married really young. And all he's ever told me is don't get married young. And just hearing your stories, just... I'm sure there's some that work out, but it just freaks me out, just hearing all the stories that happen. Hey, man, things, you know, things always work. I'm not going to tell you that in my first...

Listen, I've never fucking told you in my first marriage. I was an angel. I didn't cheat on her. I didn't do anything, that stuff, but it wasn't really me. But no one's ready at that age. No, no, but I wasn't ready. Listen, I could lie to you and tell you. I got married for simplicity.

Yeah. I got married because she thought she was going to make my life easy. I had laundry and a cook. And I had somebody I could fuck with that's not what marriage is about. No. But at that age, what I had been exposed to, that's what I thought. So here's this nice fucking girl trying to do her best, and I'm out there selling Coke.

And, you know, I mean, it was like I lied to her. So I understand her anger or whatever. And that's fine. I was angry at her. You know, I thought she cheated on me. I was angry at her. That's fine. We move on.

But now we have another factor in this. There's a child involved. So now we have to both do the best. And I could sit here and tell you that, was I ready for a child at that time? Fuck no. But the love and the commitment was there. I was willing to try.

You know, I was willing to try. And after I had contact with it, I was around there, I was willing to try. I was willing to take class. to be a better dad. In fact, I even took a couple. But they didn't care about that. No.

They didn't really care about that. They looked at it as the position I was in life, you know, instead of where my heart was. You know, and I was watching Valley Girl yesterday. You ever see Valley Girl? No, what's that? Valley Girl is Nicholas Cage is one of his first movie with this girl about the Valley.

And they show DuPaws, and they show all these places in the Valley. Encino Bowl, and they show all these places. Okay. And it's about this girl that lives in the Valley. And she hangs up with these Valley dudes are all football people, but she dates a guy from Hollywood. That's crazy. Nicholas Cage. He's got blue hair and he's fucking leather jackets

and he goes to bars and he drinks and he... And she's in high school and there's one scene where her father is played by the guy that played the chef in Apocalypse Now. He was the Apocalypse? Of course, yeah. The guy that played the chef from Louisiana. Don't get out of the boat. They told you not to get out of the boat that guy. He's great. He plays a hippie dad in the valley. And he talks about how she goes to the car. goes to see him one time and she goes, you know, and it really not, when I put the movie on,

there's a ton of movies on, Rounders is on, there was a bunch of shit on yesterday, but I chose to watch this movie. I was just, you know, when you fly, you want to unwind, you know? Yeah. And I'm watching this movie, and there's one scene where she goes to him, and she's like, Dad, you know, I got a problem. My friends want me to be with whatever because he's a jock and he's good looking, and he's blonde, he's a quarterback, but I want to be with Randy, but he's different.

He doesn't dress like us, and she told him, he goes, Listen, who gives a fuck? Yeah. It's not what is around you. It's what's fucking inside of you. You know, when people look at like the black guy brought to the thing. Yeah.

He came to my wedding. Dante's one of my best friends in the world. Dante's a scary dude. But I live in Hollywood with all these fake motherfuckers. And I do know that at the end of the week, if I ever got myself into a bad position, Dante, without hesitation, would be there for me with a stick and a fucking mouthpiece

and new chucks. And we could end up back to back and we'd fight it out with whoever the fuck. That's why Dante, is still around me. Because I know where Dante's from in his heart. I know Dante's got a kid. I know Dante's been shot.

I know Dante would do anything for me. He's been around me for fucking 12 years, you know? So a lot of people must look at me and go, look at your fucking friends. I don't judge people by money or if they're on TV or none of that shit. I judge people by their fucking heart and how they attract. Especially out here. Yeah. Where people think because they've been in a movie, they're better than you are.

Get your shit together. How about the people who've done a movie 20 years ago? Exactly. And they still wear that fucking badge on. Like, I was in that movie. Fuck you. It's 2000 fucking 13. You know what I'm saying?

Even Avatar is old. Oh, yeah. I know it drives me nuts. It's people walking around with the swag or stuff they get from working on a show. Like they walk around with crew of Sweet Home Makeover or whatever from 2000. And they walk around with it. And, of course, they always have it on. It drives me.

It drives me fucking crazy the shit that I put up. Especially on set, as a Coke rock from the 80s that had a fucking blow out of that fucking nostril. I don't know what happened to my 640 call, so let's move on. But what we're talking about? About just people in this town. You know, I worked on a set about three months ago,

and the director was a fucking ego. I mean, guys, a fucking ego. Was this guy funny, or had any more talent than the people I run with? Fuck, no. But he was an opportunity. He became an ego, this guy. I'm not going to tell you his name,

because it really doesn't fucking matter. It's the situation. And they were very white on this set. I mean, very white on his way. And I didn't give a fuck. I was only going to be there for three days. They were paying me. I don't give a fuck.

But the day of shooting, they were listening to Bruce Springsteen. You know, and I fucking can't stand that shit. Born to Run, the song, I could tolerate. You know, but the rest and all that shit, I can't. And he had born to run out. And I went up to one of the ADs, and I'm like, are you fucking serious?

Blasting. Yeah, I was going to say, Not on the radio. I'm like speakers. Speakers blasting. And he goes, oh, no, he's personal friends with Springsteen.

So he always plays a fuck. He's personal fucking friends with Springsteen. Like I'm supposed to be fucking impressed. And all these other people on the set of like grooving to this shit. Like this is great. And I'm like, you know, I'm from Jersey. This is the last fucking thing I want to hear. But it's weird the people you meet out of here, guys.

And once you come out here, you see. And you're right. They have their little shirts. They have to let you know that they've been on that show and whatever. get on those sets, they all have them. All the camera guys from all the shows they work. You know what, man, it's amazing that we give all the light

we do. And don't get me wrong. There's a lot of actors that I love, and they're fucking amazing. Yeah. But they're not changing medicine. They're not curing fucking kids with cancer. No. Do you ever see a poster of these fucking people? These people that make inventions for us to go through with our lives, or these

vaccines? No. We don't see anybody who changed. What about the guy who the baby last night in D.C. who had a lump his fucking head. And the surgeon who went in there and took the lump out of his head and sticks him up now the baby's alive. Do they do a fucking thing about him in today's paper? Do they do a thing about him? No. But Daniel Day Lewis plays Abe fucking Lincoln, who nobody fucking knows who Abe Lincoln is. Nobody fucking ever talked to him. And we're all saying he's got a brilliant portrayal of fucking Abe Lincoln.

That's the shit that fucking gets under my skin. That's the shit that go, oh, well, he did such a... You don't know these fucking people. You know, one of the saddest things ever was like Joe Pesci. love. He's one of my idols, Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci won an Academy Award for Goodfellas playing himself. Yeah, of course. But you guys at home saying, oh, he was great. No, there's a thousand characters that people write to themselves. They don't have to do anything for. They just play them fucking selves.

But you people are like, oh, do you know this guy? No. Then how the fuck do you know what he's playing? And what the fuck he's not playing? This is the shit that just burns me the fuck up. Yeah. You know, acting, stand-up, they're all different variables of artists. I love. I love. doing stand-up. I had a fucking blast this weekend in West Palm Beach on stage

because they were uptight Jews and I had to smack them around a little bit. You know, they're Jews with three dollars. Yeah. Well, we don't live in Miami with them Spicks. We live in Palm Beach, really? You fucking dummy. You live in Florida. Everybody got lizards. You know what I'm saying? Everybody got lizards, bitch. So, you know, the Palm

Beach people were the first show, I had to go out there and just smack them. And I went out there and I said, you know, it's great to be down there because at least not one thing, I'm around real fucking Jews. Those are Jews with Chevroletes down there. They ain't like these fucking hebes out here driving beepers and shit like that, make them believe. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

These are Jews with Chevroletes. You got to give them a little respect. These are Jersey Jews. These are old school Jews, but they still, they left. They took the ride. People came up to me. After I'm really Jewish. That was hilarious.

But he goes to people next to me were furious. You know, you're Jewish. Yeah. Let's make a fucking joke here. Everybody's so fucking uptight every goddamn. Oh, I tell you what else about that Valley girl, me and my wife were saying, at the prom. Because he was a junior. juniors in high school.

Uh-huh. They were at a prom. Okay. And the band was playing. Let me tell you how much times have changed. Valley Girl was put out in 19, 83. And the band, you know what song the band was playing? Tell me, are you queer boy?

And they would go like this, tell me, and they would put their hands down and shit like that. Listen to how much our society has changed. Like, the word is not queer no more. You don't even hear queer. No. Like when I was a kid, people say, yeah, but Elton John's queer. You know, you don't even hear fucking queer. no more. I mean, you don't hear

these terms. It's amazing how much society has changed. Remember a couple weeks ago? I played the Sanfran Son from 1975 when they said nigger on NBC. I played it. And fucking, I got a thousand emails going, you made that up. People thought that I had a

what is it when you put some... Soundboarded, like, nigger. I would never do something like that. And I'm sorry if I had to say the word, it's Monday morning. But fuck it, we've all heard it before. Let's not play fucking, like, we don't say it at home and shit. that sample the sun bit

same thing how much society has changed we can't say nothing no more money no nothing people get insulted that's why I love these podcasts I listen to podcasts all the time

but after three minutes I could tell if you're trying to do a radio show the difference the difference on a radio show is two things we're not selling you nothing we play what the fuck

we want to play but most importantly it's unedited and we can say what we want from our heart why would I do a podcast with my main man Lee and get you up at 5 o'clock

if I was here to please you people. I'm not looking to please you, motherfuckers. I'm taking you into fucking our world. Me and the fucking flying Jew, you know what I'm saying? Oh shit. Hit me with some music. A little warpigs. Let's get Ozzy Osbourne going for these people. Obviously, we're going to wait for my next call.

My main man, Cassius Morris is calling. Oh, really? Yeah, my little buddy. He's 13. He's got a fucking podcast. You think this guy sat at home and said I'm not going to do a podcast because I'm a young guy? Move it up a little bit. Move it up. Move it up a little bit. I'm going to rock these motherfuckers out.

There's a right here, right here. But move it up a little bit more when they start getting the guitars. We already heard this. Okay, move it up. A little bit more. This is amazing. This is the first thing I heard of the sound.

I thought my fucking head was going to blow up when I heard this. I really did. I remember my room. I don't know who I was with. Listen to this shit. Hit it. Oh shit.

You look at the shit, Lee. This is pure. This is the drummer. The drummer is really great. Bill Ward. Yeah, Cassius Kong is a big kiss fan, right? Who? Caches. I'm rolling a joint, people, out of roaches.

You got any more weed in house? No, you took it all last time. No, I didn't. You had that big butt, Cossack, where is it? I thought you had it. No, the one that you had here with the baggie? Yeah, you took it. No, I didn't take it all, I take it all.

It's all, no. You didn't take it, you rolled from it. I thought you used all that. I don't know. I don't have to look for it. Look for it. Look for it. And, uh, it applies to our...

to Hollywood and stuff, but also applies to everyone else. A lot of people are looking for jobs and it's nerve-wracking going on job interviews but something I had to learn and to remember is these people are just normal people. Like you're going in for a job and you get all nervous and I know it's hard but don't be nervous.

I mean, they're people, they're just like you and they're hiring you for a job and they're not special, they're not like a geniuses and it all, you have to remember everyone's just people and you got to relax. Listen, brothers, they all put their pants on one leg of the fucking time, guys. Yeah.

You know, they all fucking put their pants on one leg at a time. Yeah. I used to go to auditions and be fucking really scared. You know, I go to meetings and be real... First of all, they're looking for you. They want you to go in there and tell them what fucking part, what time it is. Yeah. They don't know what they're looking for, so you got to go in there and tell them number two.

You got to put your pants on one leg of a fucking... Everybody puts their pants on one leg of the time. Don't ever be intimidated by anybody for a job, to walk into a room. I remember my friends going skiing today And he was asking me He's like, you used to ski a lot in Colorado I'm like, yeah

You don't work It's funny that I didn't know how to ski I never skied in Jersey It's too fucking cold out there with those penguins And then I moved to Colorado And I wanted to ski and I was scared And my neighbor had a problem

And I lent them money His father passed And he goes, I can't get the money to you So I come back from the funeral And he could have beat me And he came back And he uh He goes, you know, as a favor, I'm going to teach out of ski.

He was a big-time ski instructor, and he worked at Sport Kalin. Okay. Look at his fucking Jerry now. It's a beautiful motherfucker day to be alive. So, first day I went up there, he couldn't ski with me, so he just gave me skis. And he goes, walk over there with the skis, and don't tell you. And it took me an hour. From here to the car, it took me a fucking hourly, from how long I kept falling, the whole thing.

And then he finally took me on a lesson. And Lee, I fell in love with skiing. I went from 185s to 205s. I fucking loved, and I'd ski the black shit. Every day, when I went to New Jersey, those nine months, I fucking, my heart was a thunder from not skiing. I was like, I can't wait until you get back to Colorado. I loved that.

I found something that I was in great at, but I was good at, and I was solo. So I put my walking on, I get really fucking high, eat a mushroom, and I go up there and it'd be cold. That's my type of shit. I like it called with goggles on. But here's the beauty of it. I never wore no of those fucking outfits.

Really? Yeah, like I wear jeans. Jesus Christ. With like a giant jacket. You know those New York giant jackets that are puffy and they keep you warm in the winter? And goggles

and some baseball hat on backwards. Blaring black Sabbath. And I go up there and all these people be up there with their fucking brand new skis and their outfits and glowing and helmets and all this shit. And this is a little motherfucker from New Jersey because at that time I wasn't fat. I'd be fucking skiing circles around them with my little jeans on. Zooming down the thing.

And just because I didn't look like a skier, but in my mind, I used to get intimidated by people I thought, oh, look at them. It's like when you go play basketball, there's that guy with the extra knee braces and elbow braces. Like he's some fucking guy. I don't be intimidated by those guys. Those guys just looking for fucking attention. going there and rock their fucking world. Yeah.

And even out of it, let me tell you something, guys. When you do the work, you should never be intimidated. The only time you can be intimidated is when you don't do the work and you have nothing to eye. But if you did your time and you've got the experience and you're going for a job,

you're telling that motherfucker what time of this. Yeah, that's, I was really... Look, you ain't or you out? Huh? You ain't on this fucking number. You're going to let me sit here all day. I don't know how you take it from the little tiny. I can't even...

It's not even tiny. We got an inch here. You can't even... It's not as big as your pinky as your pinky. But what I was going to say, the first dropping information you're on, you're intimidated, and what you learn is that all they want is confident. They want to know that you can do that. So just fucking be confident and make jokes.

That's all I can say. But remember, everybody puts that pants on one leg at a fucking time. Don't even be scared or intimidated from nobody. You know these guys that you go do something and they're all dressed up and fuck those pussies, bro. Fuck those fucking pussies. Yeah. Doesn't matter what you look like.

Go in there, put your heart on the fucking table and your balls on the table and says, I'm here, motherfucker. And if you're not doing that, shoot yourself right now into it, because it's not going to work out. No. You know, when I go to these fucking auditions,

I go in there and you see people who have been in fucking tremendous movies. You know, they're in tremendous fucking movies. You know, when I went for Spider-Man 2, that guy was in there from Oceans 11, the big guy that George Cooney beats up, beats George Cooley up in that room. And he was going up for the same part as me

and Spider-Man 2. Oh, shit. You know? And Spider-Man, too, They were like that Pauley Walnuts was going to get the role and Goldberg went in for it, the wrestler and all these people in the room and I walked in there, looked around these motherfuckers

and I go, you know what? I'm at the comedy store every night. You know, I went to acting class. I'm going to go in there and get this and I made up in my mind. There was a couch behind me. And the read. There was a couch behind me with a fucking thing.

I went in there with a white t-shirt on with a New York Yankee hat on with a newspaper on the mireup. And this is the same chick that cast pretty women. Oh, sure. Like, I never forgot her name. Now I forget her name because I'm three joints in, and it's fucking 10 after 7 in the morning.

And I went in there, somebody else would have been scared already. Like, right there, they would have lost a war in their head. Remember, the first place you lose the war is in your fucking head. What the mind could conceive, the body could achieve. If you fucking believe it, you'll fucking do it, okay? You'll fucking do it. Nobody's going to fucking stop you.

So I remember that the big guy came out and Goldberg came. I didn't know Goldberg. I just knew he was. was a wrestler and he was a face and I knew when I walked in that room for me to get these parts I got to rock this motherfucker yeah so it was the same thing I was supposed to walk into camera and go if you want to get to him you got to go through me and then he would blow me up okay right there was a couch behind me and I was 415 fucking pounds it was 80 degrees outside and I just parked my car and had a black warm up on with this shirt on the fat sweat and the cocaine sweat was

coming out of me by the fucking gown. That's when I used to get, I used to always doing so much blow that the underarm on my white t-shirts was yellow. From the chemicals, from all the pills and the shit I was doing and the alcohol. And you could smell it. Like I would walk the next day and I could smell the fat ether burning into my fucking fat and shit.

So I walked in that room. And I knew right when I walked in that fucking room, I looked at that couch, I go, here's my chance. When that thing hits me, I'm going to fly back take the couch and knock it everything down. And that's exactly what I did. I fucking sold that audition, motherfucker. I went backwards, knocked that table over

and rolled like a fat fucker that I am. And her and her assistant, when I looked up, they were like this. They could not fucking believe it. They couldn't believe in there. Like, can you do that again? I did it again. That was it.

And I'll never forget going in there the first day of shooting. And I wasn't shooting that day. But Ramey, Sam Ramey, coming up to me, and going, dog, that was a great fucking audition. And that's what my specialty is. Like, people have no idea from comedy. I have to learn how to grab you.

My mother knew how to grab you. I went in for an audition a couple weeks ago for this lady named Suzanne Vash for some stupid show. And I go, how are you? And her and her assistant were giggling. And her assistant was giggling. I go, what's up? You told her the story when I came in here with underwear on? And she goes, I'll never forget that.

Same thing. I went in there, and there was all these big Italian dudes. This was a pilot for ABC called American Family. Okay And there was this guy You know those families That live on a block And they're crazy

Yeah Like they had like It's hot out Instead of having a pool They have a kitty pool And they're washing the wife down With the hose And they're like look at us

We're fucking animals You know Like we got to figure out Who needs a pool Look what we did Yeah It was the same kind of guy And I'm sitting there

And I'm sitting there And I'm sitting on all these guys Walking out I've seen on TV At that time I was never on fucking I didn't know nothing I see all these guys

I go How can I beat these guys I go What are those guys Those guys are weird usually They wear like bikini underwear. They're really fat or something. I go, I got no bikini underwear.

I know what I got. I got tidy whiteies. I had sweats on and a shirt that I could just take off. Like I didn't have a t-shirt underneath. So I figured out, I go, I got to go in there, and I got to do all this shit, figure out how to do this. Because then I'm going to let me take my pants off. You never ask.

No. You never ask somebody. I'm going to take my pants or they're going to say, no. You do what you do. Let them worry about the fucking pieces later. Don't you ever ask permission. to do what the fuck you do. You do it and then worry about

where the fucking everything else goes. And for some reason they both looked at me and they go, Joey, give us a minute, we got to fill something out and they put their heads down and it was like God was in the room. I looked at them. I pushed my fucking sweats

and I just took my sweats down and I took my t-shirt off and they popped their heads up and they're like, are you ready? And I'm like yeah. And all of a sudden, come on in, jump in, living like a doctor. I said that.

I go, living like a doctor. and they fucking hit the computer off and it was over. It was fucking over. They knew right then and there. Like, this guy's got it no matter what. And I remember being in my car and my agent calling on,

I just got a call from ABC. Did you really take care of under? You fuck, yeah, I did. Because I don't give a fuck. When you want something guys, you fucking go for it. Don't worry about it. Let the pieces fall what the fuck they may. Don't ever be intimidated.

You got a job. You go in there. You know, like a lot of these people look for, if you're looking for a job today, when I tell you to get up, I'm not telling you to get up and read the paper. That's what every other idiot is doing. This is what American kids don't realize

that every other idiot's doing it. When you open up the paper or you go online, what's the webpage to get a job? Craig's List. Craig's List. And what's the other one? Where's she going to? This Monster.

Okay, so guess how many people are going to all this shit? All of them? Everybody. So you've got to create your own page. So what do you do? You walk into places by yourself. You see who's looking for places. in a notebook and you make that list.

All that shit you're doing, that all counts to your job. That's all the confidence you're going to get. That's the confidence. That's where you get your confidence in preparation. Preparation is where you're going to get that confidence from, so you know, and you put on a fucking suit and you grease your head. Not at 1 o'clock, not at 2 o'clock, not at 2.30. That's not going to work.

At 901. But Joey, they don't open until 10. You're going to be there at 9.01. So when the owner comes in, he sees that you're there for that. And whether he's hiring or not, you're going to walk in there and go hi. My name is fucking Lisa, yeah, and I'm looking for a job. I want to know if you guys

lean in the editors or whatever the fuck it is that you do. And they either say, yeah, you're nay. But at least you're not chasing the same fucking nickel than every other kid in America is chasing who's got a fucking political science degree or whatever fucking degree you are. So that's how, you know, it's like right now people, everybody has the same sponsors.

If you listen to 10 podcasts, you're going to hear cherries berries, or you're going to hear whatever. That's why I add the fucking thing, how I do it with my own flavor, number one. And number two, I always look for people outside that round. You know, I hit people up for sponsorship, but they say no, they say no, but at least they know I'm looking. But that's how you do things, guys. You don't chase the same fucking nickel as everybody else.

These fucking people are all looking at the same job board. They're all looking at Craigslist, getting thousands. You can't go to those. You got to go to the other ones. You know, there's times when I get home now, the breakdowns will be out. They're acting jobs. Yeah. Look, I take that fucking envelope.

I take an email. I take my picture, and I email my picture with the fucking breakdown. I have an agent to do that. But I want to do that, to let them know. I'm looking for this fucking job too. Yeah. And if they have an office that I could get to see, a lot of casting people's offices are on lots.

Yeah. So by the time I get them the envelope is going to take. No, so I don't go to those. I go to whatever they get seen me. I want them to see me and feel. People always call me up, Joey, how do we get an agent? Do we send, I said 200 envelopes. Nobody got back to me because everybody's sending 200 envelopes.

You're doing what everybody else is doing. You want to do what nobody's doing. So that means you've got to get the envelope, stuff it, put a suit on, wash your pussy, grease your hair nice, brush your teeth, shine your shoes and go down there and give them the fucking envelope and then they'll see you. Yeah. And they'll go, oh my God, he's nice looking, he wears clothes, they can't see shit that you have in your pictures.

So please people, don't ever be intimidated by the job. You control your own fucking world. Don't let nobody control your fucking world. You're the Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. Tell them, cock-suckers. And the worst part about that for people who are applying online, if you walk in there and they're like, alright, he's already here, why am I going to call these people in if he's already here? I'll just give him the job.

and call in. Call people. You want a fucking job? You apply for a fucking job. The first thing you do when you get home is to write a thank you note. Okay?

A thank you note costs a stamp and your time. I'm not telling you to send them a bottle of champagne. I'm not telling you to send them berries. I'm not telling you

to send them flowers. A thank you. Fuck you. A note. Okay? And then on the third day after that audition, you're going to call that

motherfucker and thank them. And they ask him if there's anything else we could do to help you get that make that decision. Is there an extra reference? That alone, nobody else is doing.

Then seven days you're going to call them. They're going to fucking, you're going to call them to you either get the job, but they give it to somebody else, but at least you die fucking trying. All these people are telling me, oh, I can't find the job. I just, it's unheard of to a guy like me. I understand there's many people living in small communities, and there's just so many opportunities available.

But in big cities, you get something. Or create your own fucking job. You create your own fucking little gig, man. That's it. That's what we got going on today on Monday morning. February, motherfucking 11th. Oh, shit. 2013.

What do you got playing the rest of the week? The rest of the week, I got this, and I was talking to my dad. Every time you asked me that, I'm like, I got work, and that's about it. You got the exciting stuff, you got the exciting stuff. Yeah, I got the gym. We're going to hook up today and talk about what we're doing the rest of the year. Yeah. Where we're going to shoot the special, where we're going to take the CD at.

We're trying to put testicle testaments together as a show. We're trying to do a lot of things. You know, I got to get back to work. I'm still pissed about that 3,700. $100 now. I'm fucking furious about it. I wanted to fucking cry yesterday. But I know that, you know, that there's nothing you can

fucking do, you know, in the real world. But I'm happy. We're here. We're healthy. At least it all I can think about it is it's good to happen before the movie came out because then they'd be hitting it for like 10 grand or something, so you'll get it all legally figured out before that happens. Yeah. No, it's, for a long time. This situation really hurt me.

It really took me down a notch. I know that when I stopped doing blow. It was because I came to terms this whole part of my life. It was tough for a long time. It was tough. Oh, and the child support, all that shit, fucking took away a lot from my life, man.

You know, I want to put the situation to bed, but I don't even want to talk to those people. Like, I'd really like to call and talk to them and put the situation in bed. I just don't. I just don't want that realm in my life. Yeah. That's why you pay the law. Even that cock sucker. I don't know what, you know, if you have any idea what I

paid in lawyers the last three years. If you have any idea what I paid the lawyers from 92 to 97, your jaw would fucking drop, man. This wasn't all worth it. This wasn't all worth it for both of us, you know? So, you sure this fucking phone's on today?

Yeah, it's all right now. You're sure? Because cash is supposed to fucking call. I don't know where this little cocksucker's at. He's over there and... He tweeted about it, so... He tweeted about it, you sure? Oh, here he is. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. There's my little brother. Hey, how you doing Joey?

What's up, buddy? How are you today, my friend? I'm awesome. How you doing, Lee? Hey, nice to meet you. What's going on, my man? You're done with school? No, it's actually 11, 10 a.m. here. I got driven home from school to do this, but I'm going back after. Hey, Cassius, how old are you? Tell the people how old you are and what you do. Well, everybody, I'm 14 now. I turn 14 to November, and I do two podcasts.

One you may know me from, that I actually had Joey on. It's called That Report of Kids' Speech. and the other one, Creatures of the Net, and I've been doing those shows for a while, and I do YouTube videos and a whole bunch of stuff like that. You are an amazing fucking young man, brother. I've been watching you. I'm a fan. I know you had Red Band on there and Eddie Bravo on there, correct?

Yeah. Eddie Bravo, and you talked about Kiss and everything? Oh, yeah. Did you watch the tribute to Dee Snyder this week by any chance? No, I didn't catch that. Okay, they had a tribute to D. Snitlander. We have a dear friend named Craig Gass. You know what Craig Gass is?

Yeah, the comedian. Yeah, I actually messaged him last night, and he's going to do my podcast. Is he really? Yeah. Tell him, I said, hello. Where'd you meet him at? Well, I heard about him on the Gene Simmons roast, and then I saw him on the videos from the cruise and stuff,

and yeah, he's doing the podcast in April. Okay, it was funny because he does the segment on Gene Simmons, you know, thanking D. Snyder, right? And he goes, and it's not going to be funny. I'm not giving any justice. but you know how Gene Simmons always starts to sell shit in between his interviews, you know? Yeah. That was the sketch.

So it's Gene Simmons going, you know, you wanted the best. You didn't get the best. You got Dee Snyder. And then he goes, and also he hit cash register go off. And he starts taking out all this kiss stuff. But the best is they flash to him and he's got a blunt and it's burning, right? And somebody goes, Gene, is that yours? And he goes, me?

No, I don't smoke. This is the Ace Freely edition. You could sprinkle cocaine in there. I almost fucking died. He would, he would. You know, I know Ace Freely. Oh, yeah. Oh, do you really?

Yeah, I met him maybe 20 years ago to a friend that knew him from Connecticut, and he was fucking crazy at the time, you know. I've always been, I tell you, Ace Freelie's a badass fucking guitar player. Absolutely. One of my favorite guitar players of all time. So what else is going on in your world? Talk to me, a little brother. Well, I'm getting pretty busy with the podcasting, you know, trying to,

build up a presence on Twitter and stuff, just definitely trying to push this stuff. And, of course, listening to the church of what's happening now and all the other podcasts out there. You listen to a lot. This is your life, little man. I really got a lot of respect for you. I really do.

I thought by now you fizzle out, meet a girlfriend, suck some tithies and tap out. You're still here with us. You don't give a fuck. This is your world, brother. Well, thank you, and it's mutual. Like, all these podcasts I've listened to of, like, they've made a huge difference in my life

in the whole positive energy and thinking in that way. know, I can't not listen at this point. Good for you, man. And what grade are you in? I'm in grade nine. Wow, and how's school going? It's going pretty good, trying to catch up on the work, and, you know, building up a larger peer group

and, you know, trying to get them involved with the whole death squad and podcasting scene. And it's coming along slowly. Now, do your friends at school know what you do and they encourage you? Yeah, I spend most of my life. I always tell people I spend most of my life answering the question, what's a podcast? But once they get it down and I explain it, they support it and they see some of my videos, you know,

but they aren't really as involved as everybody out there on Twitter. But do you have any girls at your school that know what you do and they think you're a fucking little savage? You can say that. Okay, that's what I thought. Girls like what you do. I mean, you're a good-looking kid and stuff. What type of grades you get?

They're all right. Better than last year. I'm getting, you know, A's and Bs for the most part. and your house is together. Your dad's a police officer, correct? Yeah, he is. And people always ask me, by the way. People always say,

oh, you know, it must be so hard living with your dad as a police officer. You can't do anything. I don't do, you know, legal stuff and all that, but my dad isn't any more strict than any other dads, you know. He likes what you're doing? Yeah, my parents actually listen to the podcast sometimes. They like the episode I did with you, the first episode there. Okay.

I forgot who I was on the phone with and I started cursing and saying shit, but it's amazing. Now, what do you want to go with all this? Well, my goal is actually to be on some kind of syndicated program, be it radio, like on serious radio or something like that, or a television program, like where I interview people, not like a typical talk show, but something like that. And be able to make a living, doing something I love and modeling after the people that have inspired me to do it. Now, you want to go to college, correct? Yeah, I want to go to college for broadcasting or something like that. What schools have you thought about? I haven't really thought about many.

We're just getting ready for high school because out here in Canada, high school starts in the 10th grade, and the 9th grade is still middle school. So since we're talking about high school now, we're also talking about colleges. There's actually this one. It's a school for the digital arts downtown. They let me have a tour, but I was too young last year, So next year I'll be able to go, but it looks like there. There's a lot of cool stuff.

So what you do in Canada is 10th grade, 11th grade, and 12th grade you graduate? Yeah. Okay, so like for us, we go to four years of high school. You only go to three. Okay, that simplifies. No, no, brother, I read your tweets. I read your tweets. I read your Facebook stuff.

I've listened to the podcast. I listen to Eddie's, you know. I listened to you had somebody else on there. After that, I can't remember who it was, and I listened to it one day on a flight. you're very interesting and I admire you man I wish I had the smarts to do what you're doing

at that age I really I mean there's a lot of people we can put on the podcast and stuff but I really wanted to get you out there because you inspire the fuck out of me oh great thank you so much it's like mutual now it's an honor that I can inspire the person that inspired me to do this in the first place along with everybody else in death squad yeah I'm at 14 like I was telling Lee early I know if you listen I was at the titties and you know

sucking tithies behind girls grammar school and fingerbag. Well, I haven't lost interest in that. You what? There's no loss of interest in that area. Okay. No, no, I know you're a little pimp too, but you're a little pimp, but it's so weird how I could never see a 14-year-old having the discipline that you have and just the balls to reach out to say, hey, do my podcast, cock sucker. And I really enjoyed it. Like, I had a good time talking to you. I love kids.

I love, you know, I shoot myself in the head because I wish I was doing this at 14 or doing something in the entertainment field. And I had no idea it was what I liked, man. So I'm really proud of you. I know Lee and I have talked about you a few times. Keep doing what you're doing, man. Thank you so much. I will. And thank you guys so much for having me on, too.

And, you know, I love to get, like, I don't know anybody. But if I did, like, if I ever bumped into Brad Pitt or something, I'd tell him, you better fucking. do the reporter kids podcast, cocksucker, or I'm going to stab you in the neck and shit. What are you got planning for us? What's the next, what's this year? What else are you doing? Are you ever coming to the States to visit us?

I mean, I'd really love to go down to the state, yeah, and do some podcasting, but really what I have planned now, I might be doing something with, I'm going to be doing something with the trailer park boys or just bubbles coming up pretty soon. Probably in March, I got Craig Gas lined up. I'm working on Gene Simmons. hopefully and hopefully eventually Joe Rogan but other than that just book in any you know any cool guests and spur the moment stuff and jean Simmons what have you gotten so far from jean

simmons well i called his uh publicist office because he has a new publicist now and i called her and she seemed kind of interested i says an email so i'm going to wait for a reply but anybody listening tweet jean simmons saying do creatures of the net creatures of the net that's the one and what are you going to talk to them about on there basically uh how about his daughter why don't you get his daughter on the podcast to start off with. Yeah, that actually sounds like fun. I actually, we were tweeting back and forth. She wanted people to Photoshop something

for her, and I did, and we were just tweeting about that, so I think I could probably get her on there. Yeah, that would be great. She's a sharp kid. I watched the show. I watched the show, bro. The Toronto concert there. Did you really? Yeah, she looks good in person. Let me tell you that. Oh, bro. You're preaching to the choir. I've always

thought that Sophie's going to be a fucking savage when she gets older. Yeah. And she's got her dad's mind. So she's like to be one of those crazy-ass fucking Jews. I mean, he's a crazy-ass Jew from Long Island. You want me to tell you something, man? I saw a kiss when I was a little little kid and I didn't even know I've seen him.

You know what I never told that story ever? I have a crazy cousin, Al Cuello. He's a fucking crazy cousin. But in the 60s, you know, in 68, 69, he was like an uncle to me. He watched me a lot. He took me to see them rehearse one day because he knew one of them or something. I didn't know it was fucking kissing years later I haven't seen an owl about 10 years

Not since his brother His son robbed the fucking guy at the At the hotel next to the comedy store But he told me We talked about it I go was that fucking kiss And he goes the girl I was dating her uncle Something with kiss So I seen kiss when I was a kid

I didn't even know it was fucking them I don't even know what year it was or whatever But yeah And you know like I said one of my best friends growing up Was a big time kiss fan and he died, and we buried him with all the kiss albums and all the kiss stuff he had in his room. But, man, I love what you do, brother.

I really love what you do. And seriously, I don't pat nobody in the back like this. You are a bad motherfucker. Fuck Brad Pitt. Fuck Adam Carole and all these punk-ass bitches. You, my friend, at 14, I give you a lot of credit. So if anybody is listening, what are the names of your podcast, brother? That Reporter Kid Speaks is where I have, like, comedians and stuff,

and the Kiss podcast is Creatures of the Net. Okay. Has Brody done your podcast, or Bert Kreisher and any of those guys? Yep, I was talking to Bert about it, but, yeah, I had Brody on episode 19. Okay, I'm going to go listen to that one, and I'll talk to Bird on Thursday. Listen, man, you need anything, you'll let me know, and I'll call into the podcast whenever you need pretty soon, all right? Great, thank you so much. You hit me up for one of the months, and I said I couldn't do it that month. You've always been, I'm telling you, you're a sharp motherfucker.

So listen to the reporter kid out there, cocksucker. he's the future. Thank you guys. Thank you, Cassius. Have a good week at school with the bitches, all right? All right.

And wear condoms. All right, bye. Bye, buddy. Fucking great kid. Just inspires this shit out of me. Just amazing that a kid at that age has the discipline. Yeah.

Do what most fucking adults can't fucking do. So you were looking for inspiration on a Monday? There it is. I wasn't going to tell him not to go to college, but by the time he gets there, he'll have like what five years of

part of experience that's all people won his experience he could get out of it without going to college that kid's going to be a star before he gets out of high school he's going to interview somebody or something somebody and that's what he wants to do his mind hey listen at 14 nobody knows what the fuck they want to do you give the same stupid answer

I want to be a fireman I want to be a football man and get the fuck out of here nobody wants to be a plumber cock suckers and that's it that's all we got for you today again if you're starting that exercise routine or your mind or you just want to start getting into shape Go to onit.com today. Buy the three pack.

Get some protein. Get some immune for the wintertime. And get some strong bone if you want to run around or jump up and down. Go to on it.com. Press church in the box in the corner and get your percentage off. Also, like I said, listen, it's fucking Thursday, people. You only got so much time. Half of you ain't getting paid till then.

Go over to cherries berries. Go to cherries berries. Tell them Joey sent you. Go up to the right-hand box. It's little microphone. And you're going to put in, what are they going to put in? Happening, Cocksop. Pay attention.

These all start at 1995. It's a great little gift. They're sexy. You can put a little, you'll put a strawberry chocolate, put a little pussy and lick it. You just machine gun it with your finger and finger bang that little muffler with your fucking pinky. It's a party. She'll never call anybody else for that. And besides that, that's it, brothers.

I love you guys. Have a great week. And we will talk to you on Wednesday. Also, some dates for you. What are they? February 27th, I'm at the motherfucking ice house. February 28th till March 2nd. I'm at the Bray Improv. Call for tickets today. What's the song you got for us today?

The one I picked out was I want to rock and roll all night by Kiss? Let's do it. Let's do it for Cassius Morris.