The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 02/18/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #56

Episode Date: February 19, 2013

Omar, Joey's book editor and Joey's friend Steve call into the show. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a dicount at checkout. Streamed live on 02/18/2013

Oh shit. Oh shit. It's Monday. February 18th, Dick Syatt's birthday. Are you fucking kidding me? Or what? Get up, cocksuckers. It's a beautiful day to be alive.

What? Lee Syatt's in the house. Hey, go. Oh shit. The flying motherfucking jute. Giving orders, cocksucker. Monday, get up. Write your goals.

Do some jumping jacks. Whack off. Do something with your life, you miserable cocksucker's. It's a beautiful day to be alive. That's Dick Syed. Who the fuck are you kidding? When you get to be older, you appreciate these days.

It's going to rain out. You have to go nowhere. It's present this day today. Either the Harlem Globe Charters are in town or they're not. Fuck them. What? Pop music. Hit it Lee.

Wiggle for Uncle Joy Lee. Talk about it. Give me a little wiggle. It's Monday. All right, let's do this. Oh shit. Monday, February 18th, the day they took the devil to see.

Tomorrow's when they bury them at the sea. A lot of people don't know that. I hope you're getting up, starting your fucking exercise routines, or you're drinking coffee, you're making your daily notes, or you're writing your goals. You're doing something, cocksucker. Lisa, what the fuck you've been? I've been here, man.

You don't call. You don't call. You don't hear from you no more. You're a big shot. You got the girl staying with you. You don't call. You forget about me. What's happened?

How did you do this weekend? We hung out with my dad. We went to this called the Inn of the Seventh Ray. It's like a kind of a cool, hippie. Place in Topanga Canyon. I had a nice brunch. We went and saw a movie and had some sushi last night, which is great. Where'd you go for sushi last night?

It's called Iroha. It's in Studio City. It's just like a really small place, but we sat at the sushi bar, and it was a lot of fun. He had some sake. I don't like sake. I mean either. I don't know. He likes the warm.

I had cold, too, and I'm not a really huge fan of cold. I don't like, I got, you know why I don't like sake? What? The hangover. I got fucked up one night drinking sake and do a blow. I got up the next day with a fucking Japanese headache. You know, it's like fucking in the side. That's what I don't like about alcohol is the payoff the next day.

That's why it's never agreed with me. It's not that I don't have something against alcohol. Every night I go out and I want to say, wow, I wish I could have a fucking margarita. Last night was I watching late last night, something. I was going through the channels and I watched VH1 and Jenny McCarthy has a show now. She does? God bless him. It's got awful with her and some girls dancing.

She had Eve on there. You know that black actress Eve with the blonde hair? Yeah. I fucking love her. I've seen her in person once. She's fucking tall. Is she the one with the tattoos right here? Yeah.

She got blonde hair. She was in barbershop. Yeah. Bitch is banging. Oh, my God. I would eat that black ass. What would you do that black ass? A little dick side of that?

Would you stick your fucking tongue in there and mix that little coconut milkshake around? I use my pinky. Oh, pinky. Everything. You can punch it. You can do it. That's a black pussy. You can punch that motherfucker.

But she's a little bit. had a margarita glass. Okay. But like a margarita and whatever the fuck you put in there, I tell you, I wanted to go right to the Mexican place and have a margarita. Oh, they're good. Oh, they're good, man. I used to go to a place in Boulder.

I forget the name of it. You can only drink three margaritas and they cut you off because they cut it with grain alcohol. I would get fucked up. And then you went in there for lunch and they had the minute. Rio Grande. That was the name of Rio Grande and Boulder, Colorado. After three margaritas, you had to leave.

Jesus. They wouldn't. They would tell you. You're only going to do three, bro. Don't even think about it. You might do four, but you're going to fucking die. Do you like them frozen or with ice? I like them with ice.

With ice. I like a nice margarita, a little tequila. A little... Quantro? Quantro, that's tea. Fuck at least. I went to baritending school. Did you really?

For how long? It was a weak class, but no one... I mean, I don't know how it was back then, but now no one's going to hire you without experience. It's for any job. No, no, no. I went to bartending school. Yeah.

What made you go? After college? before coming. No, it was like a April break during college and a buddy and I went and we went and it was fun. It was just, it was cool and it was a, I thought I wanted to be a bartender and it would be it's always upsetting when you're a server

because even when the restaurant's dead, a bar is always busy. So it's it's, uh, it was fun. I mean I like I like making drinks but I never went and actually did it. It's funny because I went and did it but I would rob the joint. I swear, I wish I was lying to you.

I went to, what happened was I got job. It's funny because I'm writing about this right now. This part of my life I went back to New York and I had nothing and my buddy goes, I have a job for your bartending. It was 12. 52 an hour. The most money I'd ever made. You got paid to do it? Oh shit.

Yeah, I was union. This is 84. But he goes, I'll get you the job but you got to go to bartending school. And he goes, get the job with us, go to banquets. They pay 1710 an hour. This is 1984. At the Sheridan Center on 52nd and 7th. It's still fucking there. It's beautiful.

Yeah. And I was a kid. I didn't know. I was like, what? And he goes, yeah, you got a job over here, but you got to go to bartender school. So they send you to the American bartending school for two weeks it was or something.

Yeah. And then they placed you, but I already had a job. Oh, okay. So all we had to do was, and basically the reason why they sent me is because I had the front bar. So I had to make rusty nails and all those kind of Glenn Livitz,

all those kind of like, it wasn't a vodka fucking orange juice bar. No. It was basically cosmopolitans. This is 30 fucking years ago. This is 84. So I went for the two weeks, I took this job at the Sheridan Center, and I was just, Dicky, I wasn't ready for it.

That's just sometimes when you're 20, you're just not ready for this job because everybody was stealing. You know, everybody had the keys to the licking bar. So you would call me, go, I'm on my way to the city. Where are you going, Dick? I'm going to go to the studio. I'm just saying, I'm going to go to the militant bar on 80th Street. I go, you know what, meet me in the parking.

We'll have some drinks outside. I'm going to get a bottle of Corvassier or steal a bottle of Don. Everybody was robbing this fucking place. There's no way to tell if you do it. But Lee, I never worked in a place where everybody was robing. The first thing they told me was you got to rob because if you don't rob, then they're going to know because there's going to be extra money in the register. These guys didn't leave nothing in the register.

It was like a couple of Puerto Ricans and a Jewish kid. These guys were the biggest thieves in the world. They had the rooms. They had everything. So when they did get caught, guess who got caught? I went down because I would, you know, they would say, don't buy booze on the street. Just go upstairs and take out of liquor,

I got it was You couldn't even imagine And everybody had a fucking key The maids Everybody had a fucking key to this liquor thing So I got Suspended Okay

I got suspended and then I had no job They were like you suspended for six weeks Two months so I would go and Get jobs Through the American bartending system I call them and go hey I need a fucking job They call him back in two hours All right go see Louie down on

18th Street and I go to Louis I'd work a shift and I'd rob the fucking place They called me like on a I will live. Did you rob the fucking play? No, I didn't rob the fucking place. What do you got for me? Where does I want to be around? It's Monday. It's a beautiful day. Get out there.

Oh, shit. A little Tony Bennett. It was funny. I was watching Analyze this. It was on. The end of it. And at the end, he's this is what De Niro gives, what's his name? The psychiatrist. He gives him a night with Tony Bennett

in his backyard. Oh, really? So he's like, Tony, one more. song. He's like, all right, let's hit it, guys, and he plays the fucking song. What's up, Lee Syatt? Some, somebody. Oh, shit, we're bringing you back, Dick Syatt. This is what you danced at the freshman prom, didn't you? Dick Syatt's in the room with us today. Lee Syatt's cool as shit, Dad. I gave him a pot cookie one time before a flight, and he almost crashed a fucking plane.

What happens he? Fucking. I gave him. I gave it to you. He ate the whole thing. This is when NOCC had the best cookies. Those cookies are now at Devine, but they're $10. Those cookies used to be $3. Because nobody knew that they were the strongest things in town. Nobody knew.

People were crashing cars. And it's a big cookie. It's like... Yeah, it's a big fucking cookies. It's like two or three normal cookies. And we drove up to your house. And you could probably sit here if you want to... Yeah, that's...

Come on. We drove up to your house. And he said, all right, just... have a little bit and see what you like and I remember we went to Starbucks before his flight and he took it and then

I thought he was going to go and have a little bit but you got nervous I opened it up before the flight and I didn't want to go through security with a pot cookie because it reaped it did smell yeah it did smell right and when I got there they were armed security guards you know with

uniforms on this is at LAX and it was intense for me to get through security, you know, with your belt off and your shoes. So I sat down on the sidewalk and I ate the entire cookie in 10 minutes. And I remember asking you, how high will I get? And you said, it will all depends on how much you eat. But nonetheless, I ate the entire thing. I got through security and I looked at the first available chair.

And I fell into the chair. I had five hours, I had a five hour delay. So I'm getting so high that every time I tried to get up, I would fall back. the chair. I couldn't even stand up. And some people would come by me and I'd go and pointed my boarding pass until one person said, I think you missed your flight.

I was sitting in the chair for five hours and I was so high, I missed the flight. And they said, I think you missed your flight. Come with me. And they took me to the airplane and they were just taking the jetway up. You know, the thing you walk into the airplane with? They were

just taking it back and they opened it up. for me to get in and they plop me in a seat. And then I took an ambient, a sleeping pill. I took an ambient along with the pot cooking. And I don't remember anything. It was a six-hour flight to Boston. The next thing I knew, they was shaking me saying, sir, sir, you have to get up, sir, you have to get up.

And I was the only person left on the plane. And so then they had someone walk me to my car because I wrote on my ticket where my car was, so I didn't know anything. I didn't even realize I was walking with anyone, and he had my luggage, and I was just hanging on like this. He brought me to my car, and I slept for two hours. I just found this out.

I thought he drove immediately, but he slept. I slept in my car for two hours, and then I drove, and I got stopped by a policeman, a Boynton Beach policeman. And as he was walking up, I got myself together, and I said, good morning sir can you tell me what I'm doing or not doing that you know had you stop me and he said you're going 14 miles an hour in between two lanes on 95 on a major highway right yeah yeah I was going 14 miles an hour in two lanes and I so I luckily I had my suitcase right by me

on the front seat and he looked at my suitcase and he said where have you been I said oh I just came back from L.A. visiting my son I had a red eye flight and I guess I'm a little disoriented. So he said, are you going right home? I said, yeah, and he let me go. No ticket. But can you imagine? I mean, I should have been arrested or detained five times in that

one night. Somebody should have said to me that, you know, did you take medication? Are you okay? Do we need to call family number? Nobody gives a fuck. Nobody knows nothing. No. No. All night I came in contact with five people completely and totally wasted so that

I didn't even know where I was. I could see no backdrop. It was just white paint wherever I looked. But nobody stopped me, including the cop. You're going to get fucked up today, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. We started the morning off with a little bite from bang. Remember the chocolate bar I gave you guys?

Yes, that's right. This is it condensed. Oh, God. We're getting fucked up. We're taking a mental ride today. And we might go to San Diego Park. I got to cancel my 11 o'clock, so we'd go. Over there, fucking, it's a trip going on the track today.

Oh, yeah, be a big day. Yeah, it's a big day. They're giving away free fucking umbrellas. They know it's going to rain today, too. It's cloudy out already. Joey called me last weekend and I'm here. We're coming on Monday. They're giving away umbrellas.

Fuck yeah. You've got to catch the track when they're giving away umbrellas. Let me tell you, I took the family. I took the wife and the baby to the track day. And we had a fucking blast. My wife had a blast. The baby slept through the whole goddamn thing. Great.

You know, people think I'm crazy. Like, you took the baby? Like, I went to a restaurant the other day. And it's like, how's the baby doing? Did you... Oh, she's still at home. I go, no. She's in the fucking car.

She's not her way in with her mother. The girl's like, are you serious? She's not supposed to take the baby out? The immune system has said, listen, that baby's been out since the second day. I've had that baby out every fucking day. Wherever I go, you know, you're not busy. If I'm busy, I can't take the baby to an audition. Why would I do that?

But if I'm not busy, let's go. I take them to the park. I think I thought of the fucking tract the idea. My wife was like, are you serious? Let's stop at Red Lobster. We got appetizers because you can't eat that shit. We just got like the crab cakes, which they fucking discontinued. And the lobster bis soup and I had a salad.

I went right to the, you know, because if not you eat it, that to track them, that's not really that good. They're fucking hot dogs and fingernails on your hamburger. You don't eat that shit. But, no, I had a great time. So hopefully today. And you got to catch those days when they give away shit. my best memories of all as a kid is when you went to a stadium and got something

Oh yeah, when you're a kid like that I'm a fucking kid For a while I had I went to the Red Sox game And like the first 10 years of my life I asked my dad We'd go to things and I'd be I'd get snacks

And then I'd be gone before the first inning was over But when I was like 10 I was like when I was 10 I could finally sit But we got I got a little mini bat Signed by the third base coach Sure There was nobody But I had that thing until I was 18

because it was an autograph and it was a free bat. Yeah, that's the whole thing. They give you bat day. The Yankees had bat day when the Red Sox came to town. That's what you want to do. Have bats when fucking people around that you want to go to war with, you know? I wasn't a big Yankee stadium guy. I was more of a Shea Stadium type of guy because my mother was a Met fan.

But, you know, they always gave you shit. I like it. And the track in the Middlelands, they used to give you windbreakers. You know, they weren't windbreakers. They were lying. that was just a piece of fucking plastic. Yeah. But at least you get something

when you go, I don't stay all there at the track. I go for fucking three, four races and I lose my mind. This place is fun because it's not total degenerate, it's not a degenerate kingdom. Like if you go down to Hollywood Park

on Friday nights, they have a dollar beer, dollar admission, and dollar hot dog. You'll never make it back to the car with your winnings. It's by the forum. Have you gone to Englewood?

I've seen it. I've never gone to. The forum. You go to a fucking car. concert at the phone. When you walk to your car, you're scared. That's big out there, but Hollywood Park. Santa Nita, there's Filipinos, which they're always going to be Asians, at any fucking institution

around here, because those Asians gamble. Those motherfuckers gamble. They love it. You go to the Commerce Casino. It's full of them. It's full of them. And they bring food to the... Great fucking food. Ari does it all the time. You know, Ari's a poker player. Our friend Ari. So he'll go there. He goes, no, I eat lunch there.

They bring it right to your table. He goes, it's tremendous. Seshwan beef. and great Chinese food. Rudy, our friend, used to run the Commerce Casino comedy room, and after they paid me, I'd go over and get Chinese food. Not bad, not great. Egg rolls or nothing, but the food, you know, it's not bad. It's a real Chinese, and they throw down.

And like I said, I'm not degenerate gamma or nothing. The reason why I like the track, if I tell you, Dick, it's the sun. The sunshine. You can't beat it. I grew up an aqueduct. My mother was an aqueduct guy. I would go to aqueduct and play two-hand touch football in the grass. They had, like, a grass area,

and your mama, and the way and we'll go, see you later. Come in if you want money for soda. Because there was kids out there throwing a football. So I go, I go, and I wait until they bring the horses out, and I watch the horses, I look at all the horses, how they're looking. It's a lot of walking, though. But you get some exercise. We do some exercise today, so it's good.

What's the one in upstate New York? It's a nice one. There's a bunch of them up there. But I went to, like, the Meadowlands. That's what was my favorite one. I walked home from the Midlands a couple times, broke. Aqueduct. How far?

How far as the middle ends to North Bergen? 10 miles. If that. If that. You've seen it. If that. If that. Not really.

Not really. Three or four miles. I'm lying to you guys. Okay. And I went to down the shore. Momith is very nice. I've been to fucking Roosevelt, race, Twain, Yonkers.

You've got to bring weapons in there. And then there was a place, O.T.B. Off-track betting. Right on a hundred seventy-eight. You can port authority in their best fist fights I ever seen in my life. Best action. I would go there just to giggle.

because I used to have when I bartended I had to be there at 5 you know me I get up at fucking 6 in the morning I'd walk around until 5 in the afternoon so I'd go into the city get a nickel bag

go to see a movie and then I go to OTB for entertainment that was my entertainment I go to court do you know I'm a big court guy I don't go out here but when I live in Manhattan

I go to court every fucking night I thought you didn't avoid it no I go to court and get a sandwich and sit in the back and fucking that's entertainment right there late night court 10 o'clock Oh, they must have that in the city.

They have the 24-hour courts and man out. You see people come and stabbing their wife. Like the cat on fire, you've got to give an explanation to the fucking judge. That's the best. Any other than you can go to daytime court. Go to the nighttime court. Get to bring a sandwich. Some coffee, a few donuts. You have some fucking great time.

Lee Lee. Leigh! I don't know if you know this. I'm going to be 50 years old tomorrow. I never expected to Saliya. Dick Zayat in the world. It's so funny. One of my friends is calling in today. And I thought about them over the weekend because I went to eat bagels with my wife the other day. We went to this place.

I was sitting there going. I can't blame it to be 50. And I was thinking of all my birthdays. And I'll tell you what, guys. You know what? I haven't had a good birthday. You know, we remember shit. I have a great memory.

I can't remember any birth. The last good birthday I remember was we had a party right after my mother died. My mother died in November. And that February, we had a party at that house. It was an old school high school party. No girls allowed, just guys. I don't know how many fucking drugs I did. I don't know how many joints we smoked.

The music, it was great. It was just a bunch of guys. I'm going to have one of the guys calling from my 16th birthday. Now I'm 50. And I was thinking that was the last really, the birthday before that. My mother was alive and I hit the number for five grand on my birthday. It was a big snowstorm in New York.

So I was looking at the baby the other day, and I was looking at my wife. I'm like, this is the first time I found warmth. You know, like my birthday. Tomorrow, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. people keep calling and what are you going to do what are you going to do?

Nothing I'll probably end up doing nothing I'm definitely going to kickboxing tomorrow I want to say I worked out on my 50th birthday you know I don't know what I want to do I'm just I'm just happy in the place that I'm at that's what your birthday is you know sometimes you have a birthday

you have all this pomp and people come over and you're like what the fuck that I do this shit for you know when I was a kid my mother had all those type of parties where I had to wear two suits and people came over she had a pinaata

then she had like a morning pinyana and the afternoon pinyanas have candies and the night pinyana had a couple grams of blowing there for the adults so she would always go go on the floor and get mommy a nice aluminum for they'd stuff them with fucking fucking cat Cubans crazy motherfuckin. Lee! What the fuck is going on

this morning? You're not talking to me, your dad's here? You're not smoking, though? You already smoke some more? We already smoked. Do you want to smoke more? Sure, that was before. We got to set this edible off. It's one thing, cocksucker. I'm going to give some shoutouts real quick. What time you got late? It's a beautiful day.

625. Oh, shit. We got our buddy calling. My man, Omar is calling today. The editor of my book. Nice. And we're going to talk about writing for people who want to write or whatever the fuck they want to do. You know, I'm trying to give people the best of the what they got here.

I want to give some shoutouts. I got some good ones today. My man, William Heim Kemp, his stepdad is a fucking big fan of this show. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Dead Squad, Australia. I'm watching you, Cocksuckxuckers. Danny Rockwell.

Amanda Nunes and her family. Anita, I love you, dirty bitch. Chris, the in-rig student, engineering student. I love you guys, as usual. My man, Leon Delavaga and fucking Bill Killer and all the cocksuckers that watch the show. My girl, Jill Himitsu and the MB Leaf, I hope you're feeling better up there.

Christy Olson, you sexy motherfuckers. My main man, look at him. Up awake from Chicago, PJ Strachian. You bad motherfucker, Billy Killers here. All the faces are here today. I hope you have a great day today. J.R. Gomez, you cocksucker. I hope you have a great day today and do what you need to do.

Always, let me tell you some, as I was coming in, and I told you guys that an amnic shake this morning was the best thing I've ever tasted on my fucking wife. You know, I lay off the proteins and I go back. You know, I sweats. Like one week, I just eat something. And then the next week, because I don't want my body to get used to all the proteins and shit.

I had the on it protein powder. the chocolate, the hemp? Hemp force, yeah. Guys, that chocolate tastes. That's one thing. The chocolate tastes fucking good. You got to put some ice cubes in there to thicken it up. But I got to tell you some,

it's the best taste in chocolate you've ever tasted in your life. It's like a black hooker's fucking pussy. You know what I'm saying? It's like a Obama's wife's pussy. That's what it would taste like. A little chocolate, little monkey. You eat that thing. Those little curly black handsily, that's good for the teeth.

You know what I've been told. That's what I've been told. Go to Onit. Get the fucking... Onit.com is the place you want to be if you want to start getting a little healthy to your life there. Go to Onet. Get the Hemphorce protein shake. Mix it up with the three-pack. Get yourself a little immune.

And the testosterone just came out? The T-1, the plus T-1. I'm trying to get a packet sent over so I can take and I can let people know how the fuck it is. Onet, Changing Lives, one fucking physique at a time. I've got to go for a blood test tomorrow. Oh, geez. I don't give a fuck.

I'm used to... I did so many blood tests the last year and needles. Last week I went to the acupuncture. She must have put the last two weeks, because I can't hear it on my left ear. And she's trying to clean it out with tea. The fucking tea she gave me the herbs taste like if a hooker was dead

and they cut her pussy out and left it under the sun for a year. Oh, no. Oh, this tea tastes so fucking bad. But those Chinese and their herbs, man, that shit works. I'm starting to hear a little better. But the point being she must have stuck 15. fucking needles all around my ear. To open up this side, she stuck them in my

shoulder, in my hip, in my knee, and in my ankle. You have no fucking idea. I'm used to needles now. At this point, not the ones they were talking about the other day. Some friends of mine would fucking, they put needles in their knee to drain fluid. I can't deal with those things. But I'm used to

acupuncture needles and blood tests. They don't bother me no more. By the way, I was telling Lee yesterday, I got to meet Adam Richmond for Man versus Food yesterday. Yeah. And I was blown the fuck away. Yeah, he said he's a good guy.

Good guy, but not only that, knowledgeable as a motherfucker about food. You know, you meet these people out here. They're host of these TV shows, and they know nothing. You're like, how the fuck did this guy get this job? He knows nothing about movies. Half of these motherfuckers don't know dick. This fucking kid knew, and he's Jewish from Brooklyn. He knew everything.

He knew where the best Chinese Cuban food was in Manhattan. That's fucking tough to fun. He pinpointed the restaurant. He told me where to go. He said, where not to eat white fish from in Columbus, that those Jews are struggling out there. I mean, he told me some shit. He knows the country. And I've always stressed that out.

Everybody always wants to be cool and show you if they traveled internationally. You ever get those people like, oh, I went to California to see my son. Oh, I went to Denmark, and we've seen the pyramids. And you're like, what the fuck? Who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying? Who gives a fuck? Nothing against Denmark.

I did a book report about you. But I'm just saying that, you know, there's. many great places here in this country. I like when people said to me, man, I went to fucking Minneapolis. I got a great cheeseburger. That makes my dick hard. It's America, cocksucker, you know? Everybody's talking about the bad economy and this and this been, meanwhile,

you're in fucking Europe, walking around with a bunch of people with fucking long armpit hair that smell like onions. And, you know, you want to go fucking boobie economy? Go to Kansas for a week. See how they live over there. Nothing wrong with fucking Kansas. No? Nothing wrong with Lawrence Kansas in those places. I love all those fucking... Oh!

While I'm on the thing, I'm going to be in New Orleans Lee hooked it up, right, Lee? Yeah, did you do the link yet? No, I didn't even see the link. I forwarded it. We'll put it up today, but there's a... You're doing a show at the Lanoet Comedy Theater in New Orleans. Oh, shit.

Like March 8th and 10th, right? March 8th and March 10th. The 8th is a Friday night. The show is at 10 o'clock, and Sunday, it's at 8 o'clock. If we sell out both shows, only 80 seats. We'll add a third one. I just wanted to go light. I know things are...

You guys had the soup ball and a bunch of shit down there. It's a small place. Lano Oute Theater, one of the best comedy place. 2011 so I'll put it on the web page and let people know we'll get this fucking party started Oh and then about on it and actually now Amazon on your webpage there are links on Okay on your webpage and for the on it one it just says get on it has your face on it right and then For Amazon for no for on it and Amazon okay so if you click on that you don't have to put in church It'll do it for you and if you go to amma if you go to joey cogo diaz.net and click through amazon and get a

I just got a whole bunch of stuff for my place and it's just a it gives us a little bit back. I know people were asking for it so we got it. Yeah, I don't want to ask for donations. This is great. If you go to Amazon, you're going to order something. Click through our link and we get a couple pennies and it's good. We get a couple fucking milkshakes and everybody's fucking money.

Oh, this is what I just got. I just got a juicer. I was telling you what did you think. What did you think? We're going to do it for the first time today. You're going to do it yet? No, I'm fucking, I'm going on a juice fast and this is the last weekend I have to eat food. So we got the juice stuff. We're going to

do it for lunch today. He's been talking about fast. I thought he was Jesus by now. What the fuck? We're getting steak tonight, but that's... Steak tonight, we're throwing a fucking blender with a cucumber. I don't... I have that. We're going to have that for lunch, but

I'm starting Wednesday. What are you going to have for lunch? The juice. We went last night and then, we got the kale and all that shit. Carrots apples. Apparently Jordan did it. Jordan Lee to get skinny. Yeah, I see that. Jordan lost a lot of fucking weight. He said 80 pounds in September.

He looks like John Moved for McGoo. Yeah, so I'm excited. And I'm actually going to do, if you follow me on Twitter, I'm actually going to start doing, I don't know how often I'll do it, but I'm going to do a YouTube thing following it, just sort of to keep me so I won't slack off. You want to lose some weightily? You're ready? Yeah, I mean.

You're sling some dick like a fucking flying Jew that you are, cut some. And that's your father's eye at the helicopter. Oh, did you see the little logo I have now? The flying jeet. That was very funny. You like that, huh? Yeah, JR made it. Don't think I'm going to Joe, he takes care, you cock sucker.

You thought I was just making shirts. I told him, it's a commemorative shirt for the show, a long-sleeve shirt show. Yeah. I'm beautiful. Flying Jews has his own fucking insignia. You're his dad, the helicopter, you know what I'm saying? It's me. The flying Jew and the helicopter.

I like it. Ha ha ha ha. Science, bitches. And then, uh, when he, is it this weekend or next weekend for Brea? Next weekend for Brea. This Saturday, this Friday I'm with Joe and Anahun. This is the week with a... Ronda Rousey and Carmuch and Ben Henderson.

Dan Henderson's fighting Leodo Machito, and there's a good fucking Lavar Burton. He's fighting that fucking Tarzan from Brendan Schwab from Denver. Those two hard-hitting motherfuckers. So I might go down. I might not. I might just watch it at the house. Where's the fights?

Anaheim. That's something down there. So he asked me last night. He goes, are you going to go on? I said, see if you could give away the tickets. If you won't give them away, then I'll take some. But if they don't sell out. He gets a bunch of them.

so I'll try to get you if he doesn't sell out but I think it'll sell out just because of Ronda Rousey they're good in L.A. The fights aren't bad now at L.A. They're like Vegas. It's the same fucking people.

Do you see that ad they're running? She's hot. Like I know she was hot, but they put her in like a really sexy dress. Like a red dress. Yeah. What would you do with that little monkey

after she worked out for an hour? Why did she always have to work out for an hour? Because that's when the monkey's nice and soft and somebody kicks that monkey and terrorizes that thing. Would you eat it? Lee? She's hot.

Her arm, she's really built. She's tough. So what? Let's say she gets you the head lock and takes your head and puts it in her fucking muffler. What would you do?

Would you tap out or you just take the ride? You just submit yourself. You love to that. It'd be fun. It would be fun. Fucking fun. That chick punches you in the face. I love it.

It lets me smell her little feet and shit. Suck a little toes and then suck her ass after she works. I think Dixiah. That's a party where we come from. These fucking youngsters don't know. I just want to be invited. You can dick whip him in the head.

Have you seen the little girl that lives here with him? No, I have. I know who she is. Back. Cute little ass. Lees all their sweating and shit. Wipe in his face and his yamika. Ari Shafia was up to that day.

Yeah. So I go, Ari, you want to go eat? It was Saturday. So I took him to the neighborhood with all the Hasidic Jews. We had a fucking pisser. There was one walking at us and we just beat. He looked at us and said, what's happening, cock sucker? Me and Ari died.

Ari froze into his chair like he's like I'm sorry We were just beeping Because if you drive on Chandler They're all over Oh that's where they are We saw a girl A Jewish girl that was a fucking 12

Me and my wife Ari and the baby were in the car She walked right in front of us One of those black dresses she was called This bitch was banged with little glasses on My God she was beautiful Dick Syed Makes me want to go to Israel The rucks

You know what I'm saying Fucking My buddy, a villa was going to call up and not only talk about the birthday party because I didn't even tell them I was going to talk about that. For some reason, I've been into ACDC again. Don't know why. I go through all, I love my music.

I've been listening to Marilyn Manson again. You know, I go through cycles of shit. Excuse me. And I've been listening to ACDC power rage and let there be wrong. Rock because I was not listening to the radio they're going to make a documentary about the singer. His name was Bond Scott.

Okay. The guy wasn't a good-looking guy. He wasn't a dancer. He wasn't even Rod Stewart. There was just something about Bond Scott that made you want to jump out of window. If you listen to all those albums, you know, like we play a little bad boy boogie for

this is Angus Young and Bond Scott. Angus had to be 18, 19 when he made Power Age. Maybe a little young. He was 19 when he did let the highway the hell, or 21 when he did the highway to hell. He was a kid when he did all these albums. Listen to this little fucking bad boy. I love this shit.

Hit it, Lee. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It's Monday, February 18. Get out there, you bad. Motherfuckers. A little ACDC for you here. Oh, shit.

Is that little brownie kicking in yet? It will be. A little bit, yeah. It takes about an hour for me. Oh, we got. Oh, yeah. I'm going to switch to your call a little bit. Oh, yeah.

We'll listen to you. See these on the way back. Omar. Jerry. Omar says you're okay. You know what I'm saying? What's going on, beautiful? It's a beautiful Monday morning.

I'm sitting here with the flying Jew. How about you, my friend? How about you, my friend? Hey, nice to meet, Omar. You too, you too. Let these motherfuckers know who I'm on the phone with Omar. So my name is Omar Lopez, and I'm Joey's editor or putting a book together

and I'll talk it to him the other day and I said, you know what, we got to get on the podcast, we've got to talk about this thing. This thing is coming now later this year and it's been an incredible journey because people have to hear about this. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

Thank God I got you around because I have no idea. I just go on these little writing things, but it's been, we've been talking for about a year and a half now, you know, I don't know how many pages I've written the shit that don't matter and shit that matters.

But it's amazing. when you write a book what you go through because you know it's like you're writing a book about Abe Winkin or Dick Syatt or Lee Syatt you're writing about yourself and there's chapters that I get to that I got to take a couple of days off because my head's going to fucking explode like what I'm writing about right now was what I should have been writing about Omar a year ago with you you know I was sending you the wrong things I felt about my life that I really wanted to get out that I didn't want to write about things that people already knew. I wanted to write about the things that what nobody knew.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, as Joey Cocoa fan, starting from the Joe Rogan podcast, Beauty and the Beast, this podcast, Testicle Testaments. I mean, you have so many different avenues where you've told your stories and you've told different elements of your past. And this is an opportunity, as you're right, for you to show a little bit of a different side of yourself, maybe tell some parts that you've been holding back to me that's really personal.

I think the things that really explain who Joey Cocoa Diaz is, how he came to be. And, you know, it's been a really crazy journey because all the things that you've experienced, anybody that's been following Joey for a while, know that there's no lack of material when it comes to Joey. and the difficulty is not in trying to find things to talk about but in working all these things together into a cohesive narrative something that makes sense because there's so many good elements in there you've got to just piece them together

now and it's that's what I'm trying to do now as I'm writing it I'm seeing that I can't take somebody on a long like right now I'm up to this part in my life which I never discussed it was from I discussed it briefly with you and I can hear your jaw drop. It goes from February of 84 to like January of 85, which I never really discussed when anybody.

It was just a horrible part in my life. I was sleeping in alleys. You know, I disappointed everybody who I shouldn't have disappointed. You know, it was one of those parts in your life where you just go on a fucking dad where you disappoint your uncles, your moms, your dads, and everybody's done it. Everybody's been for three-month hair.

You know, Tom Seguri, Yes, they told a story of him waking up in the hospital. He drank a GNDDH, whatever that shit is, and he OD'd, and that they gave him a piece of paper, and he wrote on the thing to his parents, Are You Mad of Me? And they wrote, no, we're disappointed. And disappointment in somebody being mad at two different fucking things. And I've always worked to, they're dead.

The people I disappointed are fucking long gone, so it doesn't really matter. I have to wipe that disappointment from my slate. You know, and that's what this chapter is doing. But I'm, bro, I've learned so much from you. You know, we've set so many different things. He's had me read different things and look at it. It's been an unbelievable journey. And it's really what I always wanted to do.

I'm an old job. I mean, I don't think anybody can really appreciate it unless they've gone through it. To try to put your life, your thoughts on paper, particularly for somebody like you that does not have a background in writing. You know, you can speak for yourself from working with you. The most difficult part has been developing that writing practice because there was a while where you were writing and you were trying to say everything that you wanted to say in the pages that you were writing. And that's great until it stops you from being able to write. If you feel overwhelmed about how much you should do about the quality that it should be.

You know, Ira Glass, he's the host of This American Life on NPR, and he has this really famous quote that I'm just going to paraphrase about how when you're a beginner, you have appreciation for what's good. And your appreciation is deep enough that you recognize that what you're producing isn't at the quality that you know that it could be. And that can stop you. You just have to get past that. and that's what it's all about.

So we got into this practice of tiny habits, of setting really, really small goals, really manageable goals. And in that way, if your goal is just to write a paragraph or a sentence, then you do that, anything above that is great. But you don't feel like if you've written a page or two, that you're too overwhelmed to continue. And I think that's been really successful for us. No, that's been, that's really worked.

When I get back now, I'll send you last week's work, and I was looking at it last night, making little corrections, and it's just amazing that I've been sitting down. There's a few days where I actually sit down and write a sentence. That's it, and get up, and the whole day it's killing you. It fucking kills you the whole day. I've got to get back and write the paragraph,

but no, I'm going to write the sentence, so it makes, I've been even trying that, and it's worked, you're a fucking genius. And like I said, you know, I contacted Omar last week, and I said, Omar, I want to get this out by mid-November, So now I got to really double up. And now, you know, I'm trying to write comedy. I'm trying to put a special together with Lee.

I'm trying to write a testicle testament on the 27th, which this is what the testicle testament is going to cover this particular part of my life, which is the worst part of my life ever. But I felt that that's where I could work from. Instead of what everybody knew about my mom dying, that wasn't what drove me crazy. It was the years afterward.

So, Omar, you're a fucking savage, man. I can't believe. Thank you. Thank you, Joey. I mean, it's incredible to me, the journey that we've been together, and it all started. This is to give everybody out there, hope for Twitter. Let me tell you how this happened. I was on Twitter, and I saw that Joey put out a blog post, and it was, I never forget this.

It was Halloween, and it was called, it was about the hustle that he used to do during Halloween. You remember this? Yeah. Yeah. And I read it, and I was like, whoa, I mean, the content was really, really good, but the writing itself needed to be cleaned up. So I just took it and edited it and then emailed it to you, and that's how we got together.

And then it was just an opportunity. I know how you're talking about it. If you can't see a way, make a way, making your own opportunities, finding the hustle. And, you know, it's incredible to be able to do that with you to really make a way to connect it. you in this way as a bigger fan as I am to be able to help you with this prize. It's been unbelievable. I don't know. And then we met in New York City. We smoked dope on the rocks

in Central Park and we hung out. We talked about ideas and I could see how hungry and how very good you were at your job. I could see that he was, there's nothing I love more in the world than hustle. Nothing makes my dick hard and hustle because I did it. I did it.

When you contact people, you know, last week we're talking about jobs all more. You said it hit it on the head and I was telling Lee that the youth America goes on the web page today and they're fighting everybody else with the same job that everybody else is looking at. You're all chasing the same fucking nickel. That's dead. That's dead.

You send resumes to those people just to cover yourselves, but that's dead. You have to walk up to construction sites. You have to go to where people aren't going. And I admire that. Today, some chick sent me like, I love when salesmen send me postcards. You know, I deal with so many salesmen

to get one postcard at the end of the week. You deal with 15 salesmen. The percentages are terrible. So when somebody does send me a postcard, I feel obliged to buy from them because they're really working their crafts in 2013. The other 14 people I talked about, they're the ones that you see at the bar. You know, things are bad. You know, I can't sell nothing.

No, this is prime season. But Omar's a hustler, same way like Lee. I appreciate that hustle. When people contact you and, you know, money talks and bullshit walks, you know. And sometimes you got to do something and say, look, And when I see what he had done, I got it. When he made the corrections, most people have too much of an ego, no, I read it.

I'm like, wow, I get it. This is what I should be writing like. And now I do comedy, and we do the videos and everything. But my real thing, you know, when I first read Old Man in the Sea, I fucking died. You liked that book? Fuck yeah. Oh, I had to read it for school.

Oh, no, that's how I read it also. But that was what I wanted to become. I'm an only child. all you need is a fucking corner. Like right now I'm still stuck on I'm writing. You know, I'm reading it for the third time. Yeah, Stephen King. Just what he says in there, connects with me about, you know,

you find this little fucking corner that the sun hits perfectly with the energy, and you sit in that corner and make little fucking notes. It could be, you ever see a writer's room where he writes? It's disgusting. It's disgusting. That's where you're at home. In your own disgust, it could be a little, because you're usually surrounded by books and scripts and peps and peels.

papers and concert tickets and all you have this is a little corner and that's what I wanted you know and I'm happy Omar gives me the opportunity every Monday to send them something and to you know he doesn't call that's right we're going to put it together so everybody that follows jolly look out for that book coming out in the fall and it's going to be great what else are you working on now all month because you've done a lot of things on your own yeah yeah yeah so my day job is actually an education uh an education advocacy I don't have to tell you, Joey, about the condition of some of the schools in New York and around the country that are not where they need to be. And my work really centers on that, changing those for the better because if there's one part of our society that we need to get right is education.

So that's where I really center a lot of my focus. And in my life, it's been an example because, you know, my parents, they didn't have much of an education. and they came from the Dominican Republic, and they moved to New York, and just like you, I'm an only child. You know, and they put all their eggs on this basket, if I didn't make it,

that was it. And I was able to make something to myself with the help of a lot of people around me. And so I'm really, really grateful, and I think the best way to show that gratitude is to be able to give back and to help and make the world a better place, just like you are,

but making it all of us people. You know, Omar, it's amazing. My daughter's six weeks old tomorrow, And that fucks with me, Ray. Like by the time she gets to school, they're going to be 45 kids in the classroom. You know, one teacher teaching

45 kids. You know, has society gotten to the point where you have to put your child in a private school to guarantee them an education, a decent education, like the ones we got? You know, these are all questions that baffle you. You know, even the daycare situation. Now, I finally got a woman to come in.

But I heard that there's these places that you go and your kid, it's like a meat factory. They got one teacher for three kids, and I know I have one kid, and they take all my attention, you know. It baffles me, like what the future is for education, what the budget cuts and this and this. How are these kids going to do it? There's no after-school programs left in this country.

You do know that, correct, Omar? That's right, yeah. You know, and every week, I mean, what are you going to do with these? I'm thinking of putting something together. You know, I love kids, and I'm like you, Omar, I think about my life, and I know where my parents went wrong and why I weren't wrong,

and I fill those voids. I'm like fucking living spackle. And I know that people don't have jobs now. So, you know, I had an idea to move into a community and to have different dads do something with kids every day. So Monday, Dick Siat's got them. Tuesday, Lee's got them. Wednesday I got them.

And we play stickball, you know, we throw darts. But half hour that you read a book or talk about a movie or something. And this isn't something that you're doing to get paid. your community. It starts with your fucking community, you know. When I was getting raised, it was about, it takes a community to raise a child. What's that? It takes a village.

Yeah. It takes a village. To raise a fucking child. And it petrifies the shit out of me, old mother. I drive everywhere. I don't see kids on a street playing no more. What was the last time you stopped your car? Because there was eight kids playing two-hand touch football. And one of them told you to go, fuck yourself.

Wait till we do this play. I can't wait to bump into that bunch of kids again. That'll never happen in this country again. that don't ever happen. People don't let their kids out no more. It's, uh, so I really appreciate. I'm even thinking of homeschooling.

Like I was like, maybe I should open up my own fucking homeschool and start with my daughter and have other kids coming for three hours, take a break off. You know, I'm taking, I'm taking all different options for my daughter.

And it's not only from my daughter. I know people that have, you know, in this economy, two parents have to work. We want to put this kid in something. When I was being raised, you went to the PAL. Am I lying Omar? How many motherfuckers

I went to the PAL and shot pool with the cops and play back? Those programs are all gone. They're all gone in this country. Or they're really expensive. When I was in high school, like eight years ago,

to do any sport was like $200 per season, per kid. Can you believe this shit? In this day and age, there's a football high schools that don't have a football program because the state can't afford it. The fucking kids got to pay for their own

to play football. This day and age, in this fucking country. So, I don't know what direction's going. I thought that was all on the fucking arm from the city when you played what is it, Warner, Pop Warner football and all?

What happened? What happened to all that? Well, Pop Warner's still alive and kicking. So I appreciate what you're doing, Omar. You know, we got to start like an after-school writing program and shit. Let's get it together. The school of what's happening now? The school of what's happening now, the church of what's happened now.

Omar, what do you think is the most important thing? Like, when you read a book, what do you want from that author? Yeah, so a lot of what we're working on, you ask me when I reach from myself, it's finding stories and characters that I can relate to people with vulnerabilities that's something that's interesting. You know, I saw three movies recently, all very, very different, Django and Lincoln, all very, very different movies.

But what tied them all together, was that although there were all sorts of different characters and themes and whatever, it was about somebody trying to overcome the odds to do something that's different. It eventually changes them to the people around them. And the books that most impact be the ones that are able to translate that the best. And that's why the story has so much power because nobody is able to translate how much stripe and stuff that they've gone through to become who they are today as you can

and in a way that's entertaining and as funny as you can. So outrageous, so uncensored. I mean, we all live our lives with these constraints because we don't want to offend. And in a lot of ways, it's a very, very positive thing. It allows us to have a society the way we're not hurting each other's feelings and we're able to live positively.

But you also need outliers. There's any people that are able to step outside of what's acceptable and just say it's on their mind and in their heart. And to have a character like you, a real-life character, Joe Rogan always calls you a real-life cartoon. That's exactly true. That has somebody like you in the world needs to be immortalized on a page and being able to write a story that that captures all that,

I think, is a tremendous opportunity. Well, I'm happy you're in my corner, Coxucker. That's why I love you. You can catch me Actually, you inspired my Poudaneda a long time ago You never called people Savage So I made it Writing Savage All right, that's why I love you, Mr. Writing Savage

Well, I'm happy you call I will get home and email you Your weekly stuff And we'll do this every like 60 days Just to see where we're at with the book And Omar, thank you very much for calling And for being there for me You got it. Take care, Joe, take care, Lee.

Nice to me, Omar Have a good day, Papa. I'll call you later. All right. Yeah, it's fucking tough. I was going to ask you, and he brought it up a little bit, the blogs. Is that, like, before you did that, do you ever think you'd write a book? No. Like, it seems because that's the way to do it.

You start with a blog, then you go to a booker. You start with web episodes, and then you work on movies or TV. So it's a... You know, I started on MySpace, and what I did was the same thing I'm doing with you fucking guys on Twitter. Every Monday, no matter what I did, the first thing I did on Monday, I sat for two hours and wrote a blog. The first three months, it took me five hours. right, two paragraphs, you know, just to sit there, spelling was wrong,

punctuation was wrong, I had been out of college 30 fucking years, who still remembers that shit, you know? And I kept doing it and doing it. The problem I got now, I probably have a book of Myspace. I just can't get on MySpace. I just can't get on MySpace. I forgot everything. I forgot my codes. I forgot everything, so I'm fucked. So I want to start over again on Mondays

and start doing a Monday morning blog and how the story affected me, you know? this testicle testament is going to be really good on the 27th because it's shit that nobody ever heard before. Like I mentioned stories on Rogan's podcast or Dunkin's and people get half the story or something. You know, like I was telling them more that I was writing what I thought people wanted.

You know, my mother diamond, which is all bullshit. I was fucking crazy way before that shit. And I was crazy than bad shit years after that. And I talk about that period, where I just went fucking A-Wall where I was thinking about how I did an ounce of Coke one afternoon from one in the afternoon to six in the morning. I went to a net Philadelphia basketball game, huh?

Six a game? And I got fucked up with the bartender. Who does this? I took a date and I got up to go get a drink and go do a line of Coke in the bathroom. And I ended up staying at the bar staff. When I got to the bar, like I was going to go to the bathroom, I seen this bartender with a bow tie all alone by himself.

I go, I go up to the guy, I go, let me get a vodka tonic. And he gives me, in those days, they already had the machines that they're computer eyes. And I go, what the fuck is that? He goes, dog, what can I do? You know, I go, I get my 30 bucks. I go, fill those fucking glasses up with vodka. He's looking at me like, I have the secret.

And I go, you want to do a blast? Now this guy, his hair is done right, his bow tie is tight. He's got a white shirt. It's fucking iron. I go in my pocket, and I remember I had like a big baggie with these rocks. And I just gave it to him. That's how crazy I was. I gave him.

I go do a bump, come back, and fucking fix this computer. This guy did, came back, he was sweating. His bowtie was loose. He fucking disconnected the whole thing so he could free pour the vodka. This guy definitely got fired. But he was as crazy. We started doing Coke in the first quarter. By the fourth quarter, he wasn't even taking care of other people.

People were there with money in their hands. He was like, I'm busy, I'm closed. He was sweating. The bow tie was off. The shirt was open. He had armpit circles. we were both coked up and I remember going back

and the girl's like where the fuck have you been like this is just one of the and I remember driving a home and I'm going don't you ever call me again like I've never been so humiliated it was like

I was crazy I was just fucking crazy but that's when the guy got shot in the foot the story I told I was doing coke with the guy with the underwear and the gun fell out

and shot himself in the fucking foot I mean Dick this was six months of this this just wasn't this was like every fucking week Something was getting shot. It was just amazing.

I remember going, I had the scam, but I would get on the plane. People's Express. I would get on the plane on People's Express, and you had to pay on the plane in those days. You've never heard of that before. Never, never been done. You didn't make reservations. Did you know that?

Look how fucked up he is. This guy's having him to take him to rehab. He's no good dick. In those days, people's Express, you didn't have reservations. You called People's Express to find out what time the flight was. you had to be there. It was first come, first serve. Yeah, she says Newark to Miami, Newark to L.A., Newark to England. $69.

But first come, first serve. So sometimes you pull up to the airport and you're like, fuck this, let's get out of you. You didn't have to park on it. You knew where you stood because it said, whatever. There was a line. What the fuck are we talking about? You're talking about that period. I would get on this plane, Lee, Dick Sighat.

Seriously, I would get on the plane. and when it came to me I get to beer and they have an open tab then at the end of the flight they come and you have to sign your credit card and they wouldn't even know if it was stolen you just signed it

there was times I wouldn't even I'd get on the plane with no credit card that's how much of an animal I was and I'd say it's in my luggage and they go all right when you get your luggage go see the lady fuck you go see some fucking lady I don't even have a credit card

you didn't even need a license in those days to fly remember that dick you didn't even need a license you go to the fucking wood window go, I'm fucking Jesus fucking Hitler. Boom, you're on the plane. Jesus, Hitler, plane 2A. Nobody asked you questions. Like, that's how I used to fly. It was just, I think of these things.

Dick, and do you ever think about this dick? Like, you did it as your youth? And you go, I should have been dead. Somebody should have shot me. I mean, I should have got hit by a car. Like, what the fuck? Life is weird like that. You feel guilty?

I mean, what do you go through, Dick sometimes? How old are you today, by the way? 60. God bless you. You look like you're 40 fucking nine. Look at you. I said to Lee, I'm old. I feel so.

Now I feel old. You don't want ball up top and the hair's gray and sagging a little bit in the chin. It's what's in your heart. Your heart's 30 years old. When you see it broad, your dick still gets hard. Yeah. That's all that fucking matter.

Look at Lee. I don't want to hear this. Shut the fuck up, Gap. That's your dad. That's what you're going to... At 60, you're still going to be slinging dick. You got to look at him and go, wow, I got to get my shit together.

I'm going to be 60 someday. Like my dad. I'm going to be slinging. He's still looks good. He's healthy. Yeah. He's got the glasses. He's doing great.

God bless. Bazzal tall. Fuck you. Thank you. But anyway. Fuck yeah. It's a fun time and I'm really glad to be here with L.G. We're going to go to the top steakhouse in L.A. tonight.

Which ones tonight? Animal. Now where is this at? It's in Hollywood, like West Hollywood, I think. Yeah, it's on sunset, I believe. So this is better than any other steak? I did a search online for Best Steakhouse in Los Angeles. Really?

And a list of 10 came up. And what were the other nine? Do you know? A lot was like Ruth Chris. Lowry. Dan Tannis. Really? Yeah.

Anybody up here? I don't think, I mean, let's see what's the best thing. Look at the shape of Lysayat. This is what I deal with Dick. He comes in, he gets high. This is what I do. I know.

I'm to put him in a Jewish rehab down at the building. I'm Beverly. What's the name of the Jewish rehab down there? You know that. Jewish rehab? Yeah, what's the thing they do every September? Shalba. Shalba, they do something, like a telephine.

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, they have a rehab. That's where they get to telephine. It's a Jewish rehab on a... I'm not joking. That's hilarious. Because my friend went. My friend went, but they're fucking, they're cynical.

Don't fuck you. There's no piss. There's no piss. Don't throw rocks at you, you shit. Don't fuck. I'm not kidding you. They don't fuck around. They threw him out. They threw him out.

He did something. Like, he got there like five. minutes late because they let you out for a while they threw his ass out they don't fuck around Shaoba what is it the bar something with a bar I have no idea what the fuck gonna juice in my next thing you're gonna say you're bad at be a bad at math you know what I'm talking about

uh... who the fuck knows who the fuck knows so you're 60 I'm gonna be 50 I can't believe it I can't believe I look at my wallet and sometimes I find like my union card and it says Memphis is 97 I can't believe it Like, I think this is a fucking dream. Even right now when I'm living, you know, and it's weird because this is how I took care of my mind.

After somebody dies in your life or you have like a mishap, it feels like a dream for a few days. Like somebody close to you passes or something. It always feels like you're involved in a dream, and then you always say to yourself, I can't wait for this dream for me to wake up. You never wake up from this dream, you know? And I'll tell you something, Dick, I'm going through the same thing right now with the baby. I look at this little girl and I'm like this is a fucking dream

I'm waiting for somebody to wake me up right now and it's not that I love her it's a for you know like I was telling Leah I'm sure that my wife went to parties with kids with wives and they were all talking about their kids and my wife felt like she had cancer

half the time because she was 42 and stuff and you know I can't imagine being a woman and not having a child and being in a circle of those fucking heathens and they were all talking about their kids because women are fucking brutal compared to guys, you know, what you must feel like, and I was thinking about how my wife doesn't have to go through that anymore.

Like, now she's got a kid and she's happy, and I'm happier for my wife than anything I've ever been for him. Like, I felt like I finally came through for her, and I made her happy, you know. I never thought I made her happy, but I used to look at my wife and I don't know what the fuck she's doing here. What's she doing here? Looking at Mad Flavor World and a bunch of fucking cats,

I mean, you know. But now I look at my wife and I feel like I did my end. So it's a really good feeling. What do I got left? Hopefully I can live until 74. That's the average age of a male is 74. That's if you've lived a good life and taken care of yourself. Between the Coke and a couple hookers, pussies, and shit like that, you know.

I might live till I'm 65. I never really ate hooker's pussy. You leave? No. Jesus Christ, don't lie to me, because you're dad's yet. Last week you were telling me you ate some chick out. You know, well, no. No, you're asking a hooker.

I'm not hooked, you know, whatever. You still didn't have a bag your little roommate yet? No. You didn't rub that little fucking helmet on her cheek when she's sleeping. Thank God. She's hot. She's hot. She's cute.

She's cute. She's cute. She's just a friend. No, I mean, she's just a friend. She's fucking cute, though. I mean, see her? No, not, yeah. She sleeps with her little ass up.

Got a little roasting shit. He makes believe, like, you don't sit there and just stare at it while she's sleeping. Jesus Christ. He just stare at it. And they just stare at me, believe, like, how can I start this fucking process? Maybe I'll tick her feet or something like that. You gotta wake her up one night, Lee, with the helmet, rubbing it on her face a little bit.

I'll come out. I'll call you for bail. No, what, bail? She's gonna go, Lee, what's gotten over you? Nothing, though. You're just here. You're here, I was here watching Lord Order. You were right there with your little ass popping up. I can hear you gurgling. Lee Syed on Dick's birthday and shit.

I don't know what I'm doing for my. birthday tomorrow I got nothing to fucking do I got nothing to do nowhere to go nobody to do it with I'm just gonna hang with the wife and the kid tomorrow sorry about that I got a pubicare stuck in my fucking throat no I got nothing Lee no pussy for Uncle Joey what else we got for

that Lee on top we gave the shout outs we did the fucking music we talked about the book we talked about birthdays what else you got Lee you got nothing else for me that's it that's all I can look at the shape of you Lee why do you do that shit to yourself I can't even imagine Why do you smoke this dope?

I can't have no more reefer for you. No more fucking reefing for you. Look at the shit. Now what are you going to do the rest of the day? I'm going to wrap the roll another fucking joint. That's what I got to do. What do you think, Dick, you're in? I'm gone.

Should we roll? I've been gone for a while. My body is here, but my mind. Nah, it's time to roll another fucking number. Let's roll. This is the last of the, what is this called? I don't even know. White fire.

Oh, shit. This is what they gave to Abe Lincoln before they shot up in the head. Lee? What? Got some music for Youngwood Joey? Do you want to do, uh, finish some ACDC? A-C. Finish it while I roll this fucking number here. What are you?

You tormenting me? Dixiah, you're ready to smoke some reef and get this party start? Oh, absolutely. Fucking Lee's buying breakfast for all of us. Yeah, we got muffins. Did you get the money in the mail? Did you get the last? Yeah, yeah.

Yes, thank you. Oh, fuck around me. Hit it Lee. Blast this motherfucker. Don't want to tell you no story. Tell you no lie. Hitily. Are you fucking kidding me?

Or what? February 18th. Dick Zayat's birthday. The present. Fuck the present. I'm telling you, I want Mrs. Obama. That's what I want. Every time I see her in TV, I fucking go crazy.

I can't find the glue with this. What the fuck are you laughing about late? You're supposed to be helping me. You're my buddy. I'm trying. One of my bitches calling me? Not yet. All right, here we go.

Hopefully this is it. I can't find the fucking doom. Amazing radio. Huh? Nothing. Amazing radio. That's right, Cox, Dr. Sometimes, you know, what do you want to do?

You want me to give a shout out to who or whatever? Put some fucking commercial on. We got no commercials. The only commercial here is read for Coxucker. That's it. It's Monday, February 18. What the fuck you want for me? Conversation.

One conversation? Put the fucking V-1. You understand me? We're giving you energy you can't get from those. TV shows. Who else rolls a joint and funny while listening to ACDC? Who? Who? Who? I witness news? Fuck no.

Fucking cock suckers, Dick, Syatt. No good. Look at this weed. This weed is sticky here. Then a motherfucker coming at you on Monday. You understand me? You know why? Because I ain't got time for this shit today. That's why. I'm going to go home. I got to write some jokes for fucking Omar. I'm going to breakfast. We're going to breakfast. What are we doing? People? You guys, you're mummified.

Look at the both of you. Oh, both of us. You look like three fucking monkeys without the little bandages on you. And now we're going to smoke this fucking submarine of debt. This is what John Leonard smoked. Put on some Beatles for us. That's what we need this morning, right? Little Beatles? How about beer prudence? That's a good little

jam. That's a good little jam. I figure it if I asked you, did you ever see the Beatles? Me? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I saw them. I don't know. In England, 68. I was fucking four. What are you fucking nuts? Oh, what? Lysiah. Didn't they go into the 70s? Nah, they broke up like in the 71.

By that time I was still playing with my GI Joe's. Grab your balls and remember why. God put you on those fucking... These ain't cigarettes, rejoined me. There's a fake fucking cigarette with steam in it, cocksucker. This is like my favorite song. It's tremendous. They don't make this like this thing.

Here we go, cocksuckers. Here, Leelie, won't you come out and play? Hey, Leelie, won't you come out and play? I'm going to go bring this number over to the Deerper. prudence over there. We got radio shows, bitches, and we started with fucking nothing. With nothing, you know, complaining.

I think we forgot we were on here for a little. What is the fuck? Wait up, over here smoking, doping, doping. It's President's Day, cocksucker. Get up, salute the flag. You nasty motherfuckers, get up. Get up. It's a whole beautiful world out there, you cock-suckers.

Where's Deer Prudis? What happened? John Lundon trapped out? Somebody shot it in the middle of the song. Oh shit. Monday, Lysayat is fucked up. Little bites by bang. Their fucking rude motherfuckers big bangs,

but the big bite will do it to you. Early morning, we're already fucked up here on the President's Day. You think we give a fuck? This is I got to live with no safety net. Right? Mr. Syatt? Absolutely. If you can do it all over again. No fucking safety net. All these fucking, I ain't got to keep a job till I can paint.

Get out there. Quit that fucking job. Get out there and paint. Believe in yourself. If you can't gamble on you, what the fuck are you going to gamble on? Five black guys in Boston throwing balls? Go fucking your mother-p-p-p-ass. You dirty bastards. Fucking douchebags that they are. Where's my main man, Steve Avillo, from the past masters, calling up. A good friend of mine I grew up with, yeah, this has been rough this week. I'm happy I'm with you guys because I didn't know how this podcast would go.

Look at the shape. You look like fucking Gandafini when he let himself go with the beard. You're all high and shit. Look at you. I love it. I love this little Jew fuck. He's the best. He's the best.

He's going to be a fucking star. In 10 years, he's going to be like Rocco or Bece. He's going to fucking be working. Let me tell you something. We got a lot of good feedback on Rocco. Really? Rock will call me a day. Some kid offered to pay him to sit with him.

Rocco's like, I don't want him to get paid by these kids. I just want to talk to them and help them with their careers. That's how good of a guy he is. Yeah. Hopefully he'll help us shoot our special. Yeah, I hope so. Give us that George Collin magic that we're looking for, Lisa, I'm at. That fucking Richard Prime.

Lee, I got a half a joint. You're four feet away. What's the problem? Look at the date. Sit down. I know what happens when you get up. I can go down. You're going to be sitting there until 4 o'clock today.

This afternoon, right. And don't worry. If they ain't know where to go, it's Claudia. Right or wrong? You're right. Claudia. It's going to be one of the last. those days today. There might even be a law and order

marathon just because it's President's Day. And that's how we do it. It's a Monday fucking morning. Get out there. Write your goals. Do some jumping jacks. Do some sit-ups. I'm going to go to 10 o'clock kickboxing maybe today, I think. Wow, you're going to do early, okay. Quick and get it over. Now I've got to wait until 8-30. I'm doing

Tripoli show tonight. Oh, nice. At 8.30, so I'm going to even bring Dick. They got some porno chick sucking dick and licking balls. Forget about it. We want to get you a little Jew finger up here, wrestling. Your 60th birthday? Who's better than us? What's the cover on that? There's no cover.

It's Dick Syed. It's free. You walk in, you take your dick out. It's all over. You know what I'm saying? It's like me at Kids Are Us or the baby. That's how you get your dicks on. You bring your baby to Kids Are Us and you just take your dick out in one of the hallways.

Those women fall for it. They love it. Every woman in the world talk to me, a babies or us. My wife said, I had to go in there and do something. I went. I go, let me hold the baby while she was testing the swings out of some shit. I swear to God, 50 women came over and talked to me. Oh, shit.

Oh shit Oh shit It's my little brother Steve Avillo What's happening baby What's happening man You know me dog Over here

Trying to put together The church And what's happening Now stone to the gills Of my man Lee Syatt His father's in studio Today

Dick Syatt is his birthday Say hello Steveavillo Happy birthday Hey what's going on Steve What's up Stephen Villa How you doing

I'm doing good Where'd the band play this weekend Everybody's got A little fucking I'm all right, you know. Are you off today, my friend? Yeah, yeah. Did the band play this weekend?

Yeah, we played yesterday. Where at? We played yesterday. Over in, uh, pardon me, over in Queens. How was that? So, it was a great show, man, great, great show. I got to tell you, I watched that, you know, I've known you since the beginning, and I've been a fan of what you do since the beginning, but the other day, somebody posted

one of your reels up, the pastor's reels up with, you know, you guys are singing a few songs, and oh my god that fucking uh youtube song was amazing was amazing calypto what i can feel da da da da da da da and that fucking juie sacks she adds uh such a different dynamic to your band so if you guys get a chance go see the passmasters go look them up you have a web page steve yeah wwww wwwpastmasters.com or you can find us on facebook at uh you know htpp facebook www. www.com forward slash past masters. You're fucking beautiful, brother.

I can't believe that you stuck with it all this time and you become a... And you're a great singer, Steve. You're a fucking great singer, man. You get to hold a few notes and... Oh, no, no, no, I know what song you were a little rusty on. Walk this way. Was it walked this way? Maybe.

Yeah, you guys got to hit some high notes there. I like that. You're a fucking sad. The reason why... The reason why I want to you to call... That's a tough act. No, that's a tough fucking act to follow. You know, the reason why I wanted to talk to you, Steve, is you and I went to, we had gone to 20 concerts together.

Oh, easy. But one of the concerts we went to that, I still sit there and shake my head about is ACDC warming up for Ted Nugent at the Garden, August 1st, August 4th, 1979, which, that's what? That's got to be 30 fucking years ago. Oh, God, more than that. And I was...

34. 34, 35. I was listening to Ozzy's Bone Yard. You ever listen to Ozzy's Bone Yard on Sirius X-M? I listen to it every day. Every fucking day. And they had on some ACDC song, but they also were talking about that they're going to do a Bond Scott documentary.

Oh, cool. And you and I were talking to the other phone, and you said that you still remember Bon Scott running past you with Angus Young on his shoulders. Yep. And if it's one thing from that concert, I remember, first of all, we were talking about the other day about a reality thing that I was telling somebody that in those days

when somebody play up Masters Square Garden, there'd be 60 kids from North Bergen. Minimum, correct, Steve? Minimum. Because you had the field, you had 51st Street, you had 46th Street, you had 88th Street. So everybody sent representatives from all those fucking different parks and you go to one of these concerts, and you see 60 kids from your high school,

and you're like, this is the fucking garden. This isn't like, you know, the Orange County Fair where, you know, high school kids go hang out for sure. This is the fucking garden. You had to ask your mother to take a bus into New York City. So these kids, you got to see Lisa had. I give him some chocolate fudge, some 180 milligram. He's fucked up, a villa.

He looks like we did when we were 15 in the back of the shit. Anyway. And it's just an amazing thing that I love. Like lately, you and I always talk about music when we talk, and we always go through our phases. Like sometimes for a month we'll listen to Pink Floyd the Wall or, you know, Sergeant Peppers for a month or Abby Rhodes for a month.

And this last month, it's been Let There Be Rock and Power Rage. And I've been listening to him basically because of Bond Scott and what he brings to those fucking albums. What do you think about those? Bon Scott was the man. You know, I'm not taking anything away from Brian Johnson. Brian Johnson, you know, you thought when Bon Scott was gone, you know, who could replace this guy? ACDC is done.

You know, so, you know, you can't take anything away from him. But Bond Scott, to me, that was the epitome of the lineup right there. So those albums are phenomenal. He was an old man, too, compared to the rest of the band. He was a fucking old man. You know, he was 40, and the rest of them were 20 or something like that. They lie. It says that he's 31.

He was the fucking 31. There's a video on YouTube that he's got no shirt on. And he's just dancing and singing. I'm like, look at this fucking lunatic. And they loved him. They loved what he brought to the band. He was really a leader. But nobody ever gives him credit.

You know, like you'll never hear Bond Scott's name in any conversation, nothing. No. Well, maybe after this documentary, there'll be a little more, you know what I mean? To me, you know, that's the ACDC stuff that I love the most. No, I love that. And again, that take away from that first. album, you know, out through

Highway to Hell, you know, let that be rock. If you want blood, you got it. That's the live one. You got Power Rage, which is a fuck. Power Rage has one of the best lines I ever heard in my life. Everybody was flying across the sky.

Superman was out of town. I fucking love that. Superman was out of town. When the fucking Superman out of town? You know what I'm saying? Superman's always in fucking town. But, uh, You know when Bons Scott died, right, Avills? Yeah. Bons Scott died on my birthday, the year that you guys drew that party for me in my attic

where we got fucked up with Louis de Nigger, Louis Hernandez. Yeah, yeah. Okay, that's... And I was telling these guys in the studio, that was my 16th birthday. And, you know, my mother had died three months earlier, and I was feeling terrible. And for some reason, we had no school that Monday, like today. And I got the door, and we went over there, we brought beers, and we smoked dope and I think me and Loubs did acid

and I was telling my wife Thursday went to get bagels and we were sitting there and I had the baby with us on the table and I'm looking at my daughter and she says to me my wife goes what do you want to do for your 50th birthday and I really don't know you know I don't know what I want to do and for some reason I went into this fog and I said you know the last good birthday I really had was when those guys drew that birthday party for me in the attic

because I was still didn't know what was going on Like, I was still fresh to the death and the whole thing. So this week, it's going to be my 50th tomorrow, so I figured I'd have you on the show as commemorative and also to celebrate Bon Scott's... Because he died that Tuesday, that same day when we were in the attic, getting fucked up. Bon Scott was overdosing on his own alcohol or whatever the fucking happened.

Yeah, he drank himself to death. He drank himself. He fell asleep in the back of his car and froze. I'm like, so weird way he died. I still remember going to school the next day them saying Bonds Scott died and I wasn't cracked or nothing I mean who the fuck gave a fuck in those days

then a couple months later our boy died out John got shot and that one I remember because we were hanging out it was a Monday night football game and I did Asson and went home and I was living with the Benders and while I'm sitting there with Jimmy Bender fucking Howard CoSell is saying that he just got shot

and shit when you're on acid you just giggle even if your mom gets shot the head. You're like, what the fuck happened? That they shoot the wing off. I love you, Stevenville. I'm happy you called in today. You made my week. Thank you for being there 17 years ago,

and thank you for being here today, my friend. Happy 50th and many more. All right, my man. We'll talk this week. Yep, absolutely. Tell these motherfuckers. Give me a pick for the week, and where are you guys at next week? We're actually off until the 2nd of March But we're at the Mason Jar and Mawa

Beautiful, if you're in Jersey And you've got electricity and all that shit Go see my man Stephen Villa of the past mass of the Mason Jail. I'll give you a call later this week I love you buddy Thanks for calling in That's how we do it, Cog Sucker

Oh shit That's it, it's birthday Next time I talk to you guys I'll be fucking 50 on Wednesday And Wednesday we're not doing it in the morning We're doing in the afternoon podcast. Three o'clock. Okay.

So three o'clock, California time, six o'clock, East Coast time. You can watch it. Dick Syatt's got to get taken to the airport Wednesday morning. So why start late? Let's give him a different flavor. I'm trying to get this girl to call in. And that's it, buddy. Did you have a nice podcast?

I had a great podcast. Are you fucked up enough? Yeah. Yeah, I got sentimental when I talked to that kid. I did. We got fucked up. And after that, I never went back into that house. Like, I found my mother at this house.

This is the house I had grown up in. And I would go to it every once, every three days. Just to take a shirt out. Like, I never took all my clothes. When I moved out, I left clothes, and then I would go. And then against my dad's like, I don't want you in there hanging out. My stepdad. And I had a fucking party with 16 guerrillas.

And we got fucked up, Dick Syed. You should have seen this attic. It was filled with smoke. But I'll never forget, we had a friend with Louis Hernandez, who was Dominican. Great kid. Great baseball player. Great athletes. Still a great friend.

He's a psychiatrist today. He was the only black kid in the neighborhood. So I used to call him Louis the nigger. I tell people, he ain't black. And I'd say, I'd go, he's Dominican. We don't give a fuck. He's dark skin. All right, call him Louis the nigger.

But I'll never forget that party. He was pissing. He was puking. He had his head in the thing. I never forget. I went. I go, Louis, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, man, I'm sick.

I pulled his head out, pissed. He was like on the floor, and I picked him back up and put him in the pisser. The next day, he's like, what happened? How is your party? I go, dog, you were in the fucking toilet half the time. We were drinking like guerrilla juice and THC crystal and acid.

I was living with this family then. And they knew I was crazy, you know? But they didn't know exactly the amount of craziness I was. Like, I would always come home late, fucked up, but I walked into that house at 7 o'clock. I never forget they were around the dinner table eating like spaghetti and meatballs. And I walked in pale. You should have seen their faces.

I regret that for the rest of my fucking life because it took them a month to get over that and how fucked up I was. life goes on and here we are I'm still a fucking loser but I got fucking two good Jews at the end of the week that's all that matters

you gotta have a fucking good Jew in your corner you know what I'm saying we try if Jesus would have had a good Jew you wouldn't have these problems right now the Pope would have still been slinging dick fucking Pope is quitting

what type of fucking organization first one in 600 years I don't know what's going on over there you know I like the Catholic religion in my local sense in my world, I'm very loyal but all that shit I just tune out you know

Yeah, it's a weird concept I mean To be something nonstop It's like being the president almost On a smaller scale But being it You're never off Like if you're even just a priest

You're pretty much a priest full time So to do that for your entire life Must be Must be fucking stressful I thought about being a priest for about a fucking week No you didn't Yes I did when I went to Catholic school I don't know

I didn't want to molest of the last kids. I didn't know. Look, in those days, I didn't know fucking priest did that shit. When I went to Catholic school, you never heard of that. You know, but you also never heard. I never liked the Cub Scouts. I do got to tell you that. Why? The Cub Scouts, the Boy Scots, experiences I had, was not kosher, but I never

repeated it. They didn't go for it. They didn't go for the fucking dick. But they were kind of weird, and the kids that were hanging out were kind of fucking retarded. So I didn't dig it too much. You were a boy scout? For how long? I did it all the way through Cub, and I did it. I like Cub. I did it all the way

we blow, but something wasn't right. Like, I like the kids that I play basketball with one of these kids. They were a little creeped up. And the scout thing, he wore his socks a little too tight. He was too into it for a man. You know what I'm saying? He was just too into it. You know, when you're fucking 10, I can see you want to go out

and burn trees and kill bugs and shit like that with a costume on. But when you're 50, it's tough to want to see a guy. There's got to be more to this fucking story. Yeah. The guy was rich. You know, the gas station. Something wasn't right. Yeah.

You don't leave me here all alone to smoke this fucking joint. That's the type of, in your house, what kind of host are you? Can you imagine this Dick Syatt in this day and age? I can't believe it. They fucking host doesn't even smoke. I'm over here solo like, you know, like Mussolini. Anyway, what else we got on top this week? That's about it.

That's all you got from you. I'm happy this kid called. I was a little sad about it. You know, how do you want me to fucking fear? I thought I was going to be dead at 50. Here I am doing a podcast with the Syap brothers. you know what I'm saying making it happen here and that's it that's all we got for you

we gave you shots out you know what I feel like when I do this podcast and these kids a lot of people don't understand I feel like Carol Burnett remember when we're kids Carol Burnett would come on at the end she'd sing that song and she'd tug her ear and shit and you look to Carol Burnett she always had a little fucking tear in her eye

remember at the end and you're like what the fuck is she crying she got Harvey Corman and she got the other fucking dude who were true comics those motherfuckers are true comics and I can just imagine how she felt that she had an hour to share with these fucking douchebags with you crazy motherfuckers who get up twice a week to watch this.

Thank you very much for letting me and Lee come into your fucking world and bust your balls and talk about it and thank you for ordering chocolate and for taking it because some guy tweeted me and he said he took one of those chocolates and put it in his girlfriend's pussy like I said I swear to him. No he didn't. Yes he did. He sent me the strawberry and you can see where the hair was all worn out

by the chocolate. We had shoved it into the chick's pussy. I wrote the name down, but I'm not going to say it because... But I love you guys, because this is what I'm getting. We're fucking creating something. We're being us. We're ordering strawberries. We're getting stung.

We're having a good time. If you want tour dates, go to joey-dears.net. Joey Co-Co-Diaz. No, Joey Dears.com. Oh, isn't it? Yeah, it's Joey Dears. Try it. Joey Dears.comnet.

Okay. Why are you confusing me? Joey Dears. Go over there and go on the merchant nights, and that's what the hoodies are. Everybody keeps keeping me up going, where's the hoodies, where's the hoodies? Looking fucking Lee, giving out bad information. It used to be Joey Cuggoodeo.

Yeah, but we changed it. We changed it. If you don't tell me. Joey Diaz.net. What the fuck? This is what I'm talking about, Dick Syatt. You see what I'm talking about? Yeah.

He's slipping. I might have to have you stay up here on the couch, molest that girl on the couch, and fucking live here with us. What do we got on tap? We got Brea Improv next Thursday to 28th to February 2nd. But Wednesday, we're going to do a testicle testament at the Ice House, 830, 626-577, 1894. Dick's eye out will be. No, Dick will be back in Florida

trying to figure out what he went wrong and how he's going to move back to L.A. with his son so he can be in this chalked at all the fucking time. So you're working now, brother? Yeah, I'm doing some freelance. I'm doing podcasts as a matter of fact. Okay, and what's your podcast? You want to push it on here?

You want to promote it? No, it's actually, you can only listen if you're an employee of this company. What are you, a fucking Scientologist? Only Scientologist? just do podcast, listen to it by themselves. It's the world's biggest accounting firm, Accenture. Okay.

I don't know if you've heard of it. Yes, I have. Anyway, it's a big business consulting firm. So I interview some of their top executives and they play them on podcasts. So the employees, like 190,000 people around the world can listen to it for, you know, to get a flavor of what's happening in the company.

You're a fucking savage. See, the apple don't fall far from the tree. No. Look at your both ears of stone. Oh, what are you going to do? You can both go lay down and hug each other now until about 4 o'clock. What the fuck you're going to do with your life? Look at you.

Your eye. I'm ashamed and deeply embarrassed. Do you understand me? Embarrassing me in front of your dad getting this high. I can't imagine what I would do that for. You're going to take them to breakfast now? We got muffins yesterday because I don't think we're going anywhere. Muffins.

Muffins. We have muffins and cookies. The guy fucking... Oh, we got thin mints. That's right. We got cookies. Thin' mitts from Bert Kreis's daughter. I went over and picked up ten fucking boxes yesterday.

So I brought over a box with my man. Bert's got two good daughters, so you got to support the Girl Scouts. You never read of a fucking Girl Scouts, you know what I'm going to be a fucking Girl Scott. No. So that might fuck around with. I'll pay whatever they got. I go to their baseball games, whatever. So support a Girl Scott.

Fuck those little commie cock-sucking boy scots, little douchebags. Next Wednesday, testicle test. Thursday through Saturday the motherfucking Brea Improv March 8 March 10th New Orleans get your shit together Lot New Art Theater

We're gonna post it up on What is it? Brown paper tickets The link is up So if you'll give it to me later We'll post and we'll get this party started Just search Joey Diaz and brownpaper tickets.com Okay, we'll put this together

20 bucks And $20 tickets half of it goes to 9.9 taxes for Katrina or some shit and it's a small venue so please come on out let's laugh a little bit let's eat some fucking pool boys and smoke some

I write that Lee you got some how about a little ACDC What did you have? You said I had Leonard Skinner Which one do I do? Do it, that's good That's even fucking better A little Leonard Skinner

for the end Dick's I had happy birthday From the bottom of my heart I love you and I'm happy You're here today brother Thank you I'm happy he takes care of you still He's a good boy Yes he is the best

that's my fucking little buddy that shit hit it wait cock sucker you didn't dance today either yes I did I wiggled right at the beginning did he wiggle this morning did he wiggle did he wiggle this morning he's a wiggler he's a wiggler oh shit oh shit what do you think was it good to him yeah did you like it