The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #026 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today, we talk about those who've helped us the most in life and the new year ahead of us all..... This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew & Onnit...... Go to htt...ps://www.bluechew.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.onnit.com and enter Code: CHURCH And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Greetings from Podcastville, you filthy cock suckers. Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, there's a new year coming, and you want to start the year off fucking stronger than debt. Slinging dick and hanging out fucking condoms, you understand me? How? With Blue Chew, listen, there comes to a point in a man's life where the machine's not working like the machine used to,
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Starting point is 00:01:17 So right now, they got a special for the joint listeners. Listen, you got to end the year off fucking strong with a bang. You won't get this by fucking, you know, Thursday, but you'll get this by next week and you'll be slinging dick. And if your dick is working 100%, it could always be working at 150%. You want the fucking woman to leave the house limping. If she ain't limping, you didn't do your fucking job, all right? That's where Blue Chew comes in. Visit BlueB-L-U-E-C-Cube.com and get your first shipment free when you press code Joey.
Starting point is 00:01:56 just going to pay $5 for shipping. That's it. Again, that's blue. Like the color of your nut sack when you show up at a house filled with love juice and Canoba juice, whatever the fuck is in there. That fucking dick vein will be popping when you hit that blue chew dog. So bluechoo.com, use code Joey. And I want to thank Blue Choo for continuing to sponsor the joint, Uncle Joey's joint. The joint also wants to talk to you about the best.
Starting point is 00:02:30 On it, listen, you're starting a new year. You want to start off at the right foot. You've been a little go goots lately, you know, the pandemic, the president, your asshole, your grandmother's dying, you know. It's too much to even focus into. That's why I'm here with AlphaBrand. I just finished a cycle, and I'm going to restart the cycle again. on the fifth before my knee surgery, so I'm fresh, I'm ready to go.
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Starting point is 00:03:52 delivered right to your fucking crib. that's on it, pressing church and that's 10% off delivered to your fucking crib Happy New Year, Cocksuckers Let's get this party started B' bam What's happening?
Starting point is 00:04:23 What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday. I don't know what it is. The 30th, who gives a fuck? All we know is it's the end of the fucking year. That's it. We did it. We started off with the church
Starting point is 00:05:01 and now we're here with Uncle Joey's joint and we got from point to A to point B I don't even know how to fuck this happened You know, I would love to do a year And recap for you And recap the highlights of the year There were no fucking highlights in this fucking year You know, I had a great time, you know
Starting point is 00:05:22 I had my moments But this was a fucked up year And I gotta tell you something You know, the only conclusion I could come up with and this is just a fat fucking old man that's a felon but I'm Catholic and I have religious beliefs you know I have different beliefs
Starting point is 00:05:44 whether it be in levels of Buddhism or whatever the fuck I believe that the earth you know went off his axis on January 26th or 25th or whatever the day Kobe died it's been feeling shitty since that day
Starting point is 00:06:02 I'll never forget driving home with Steve Simone and something just wasn't right. The air wasn't right. The way the leaves were blowing. And we landed as his plane was, his helicopter was fucking crashing. So when we got home, I saw the news and the fucking,
Starting point is 00:06:24 on the internet. And I was like, fuck. But, you know, it's been nothing since downhill from that right after that. We found out about the pandemic. We closed down. We opened up. We moved as a family.
Starting point is 00:06:39 We were forced to move as a family. Now we're closed up again. Well, not really. With 25%, I took my wife out to a restaurant the other night. There was nobody fucking there. But, you know, L.A. is locked up. I hear that the fucking numbers are spreading like gonorrhea. And L.A.
Starting point is 00:06:59 One out of fucking 20 people. so my heart goes out to you guys out there. You know, I think it's just time to stay in and play it safe. You know, I don't know what plans you have for New Year's. I was just telling Mike, I was online looking at Kiss is doing a buy, a show from Odubai, whatever the fuck. Dubai, whatever. They want $39.99 up to $1,000 for a fucking ticket for pay-per-view.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Hey, man, you get a couple of your friends together, do a little COVID test. on them, whatever the fuck you want to do, and smoke some dope and invite them over, because nobody's going to get to do shit on New Year's Eve, and I'll tell you, even the numbers in Jersey are down, so
Starting point is 00:07:43 maybe cutting the bars to 10 o'clock was a good idea, or whatever. I don't know. I'm not a scientist. When I'm going to sit here, follow the fucking science. All I can do is my business, not breathe on your fucking neck, and do the best I can. Wash my hands
Starting point is 00:07:59 before and after you touch your dick you know got to wash your hands before you touch your dick next thing you know your wife is smoking your pole she shows up coughing with congested lungs because you wanted your dick suck have some fucking have some class have some dignity anyway yesterday yesterday i was at the park with my uh daughter uh monday i was at the park with my daughter fucking beautiful day here in Jersey, 55 degrees, 57 degrees. Kids were playing, you know. My wife was in physical therapy.
Starting point is 00:08:40 She heard her planchis, catasus when we got here playing badmintem with my daughter, so she had to wear a cat for a few weeks. So she's still in physical therapy, you know. They're trying to get stronger and stuff. She joined the gym to start going now. But I was just sitting at the part of the first. with my daughter we walked around we i helped to get on some of the stuff she saw some of the kids from the school you know whatever they're playing it's fucking beautiful out you know i go to take a piss
Starting point is 00:09:12 the door is locked now i got to hide behind the tree i'm getting anxiety because if you're pissing a park and they catch you they they label you a sex offender because you're at a fucking park now i got to register as a sex offender because i'm 58 and i got to pee and i got to pee and every hour on the fucking hour. So I'm up there by the park. And, you know, towards the end, the sun's starting to go down. It wasn't what it's starting to go down.
Starting point is 00:09:39 It's like 3.30, 4. You know, it's on the edge. It's strong. And she was on the swing. A little girlfriend had left, and I went over and sat on the swing next to her. And that had been the first time we had sat next to each other on a swing
Starting point is 00:09:52 since I, you know, it was a great little moment. I even reminded her of it. and we giggled and we just talked about our year. You know, I told her, you know, that she was, she did great. She was a big girl, you know, she handled it great. I asked her what she liked and what she didn't like. I talked to my daughter a lot.
Starting point is 00:10:16 I try to communicate with her a lot, you know, and what she liked, what she didn't like so far, you know. She gave me kid answers, but she also gave me some, pretty intelligent answers. And I was pretty, pretty impressed with her. She was, she was saying that the schools in LA don't have hallways. What the hell is wrong with that? They have no always. They didn't have a gym and didn't have a cafeteria at school. And that was supposed to be one of the best schools in LA. That's how fucking brainwash you get out there sometimes. That that school didn't have a gym, a cafeteria, or hallways. They just walked out into the fucking,
Starting point is 00:10:57 you know, into the fucking street, whatever. So, you know, we were talking about shit like that. And from there, we went to Carvel. We went to a real Carvel and picked up a little tiny, tiny cake for my wife, because that's a tradition. And this year, like in L.A., we have to buy it at Rouse, and they won't even think of putting a fucking happy birthday on anything. And if they do, they spell it wrong.
Starting point is 00:11:24 It's some Mexican chick that sells Spells birthday with a V So fucking, you know, it's a fucking nightmare. So me and Mercy, I go, What do you want to do? We went over to Carvel. And I go, what do you want to do?
Starting point is 00:11:40 You want to fucking, because at Carver He'll have they got Sundays. You could take like six to go or whatever. So we just brought a tiny, tiny cake. And a couple of friends came over at 5.30. And she was tickled to death. did not expect to get a cake. And then her and I went to a store.
Starting point is 00:11:59 We bought her a card on the way out. My daughter was like, I think Mommy would like this bracelet. It was just some cute little kid bracelet. It was like, oh, let's get it for mom. If it makes you happy, you know. And we came home and when mom got back, we all had a thing for her at 5.30 and we fucking took her to, you know, I think she had tears in their eyes.
Starting point is 00:12:27 It was great. It was just great to make somebody's fucking day, you know. Listen, man, one thing about me is I'm not, a lot of people always go, oh, your mother died, you had to raise yourself, you know, people don't know about what you went through. No, a lot of people don't know what I went through. But a lot of people don't also know how much help I really got.
Starting point is 00:12:52 I don't want you guys to think. I think I'm a fucking, I walk on water. I got a lot of help from a lot of good people. A lot of help. I can sit here for fucking hours and tell you how much help I got from great people. And yeah, this is way before the comedy and whatever. And that woman upstairs is one of them.
Starting point is 00:13:12 That woman upstairs saved my fucking life. She gave me a chance that I thought nobody would ever give me again, you know. She gave me a chance that, be honest with you, I didn't want. I didn't want the chance of being in a fucking relationship. I didn't want the chance of having a girlfriend or responsibility. Fuck being married and having a fucking kid. Fucked all that shit.
Starting point is 00:13:36 I just wanted somebody I could sleep with, maybe go to a restaurant with once in a while, and maybe go to a movie with no fucking commitment. And boy, was I fucking wrong? She took me from fucking A to Z and to that. I look at you guys and tell you I'm happy, you know, she took care of me. Ralphie Mae took care of me. Josh Wolf took care of me.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Joe Rogan took care of me. Ari took care of me. You know, Duncan took care of me. You guys have no fucking idea what it takes when you're a comic and you're, when you're an artist in any art form, art understands one of the things that you have to do as an artist. is help people, is help other artists, maybe open up a door for them. You know, Mike showed up with a light, ideas. That's what we do as artists.
Starting point is 00:14:34 We give each other ideas to be better. We make each other better. Why have a friend if they make you the worst person that you could be? You would think about that? Sometimes we hang out with people, like especially for a guy like me. had to coke for 37 years. I had a ton of friends that that didn't do nothing for you
Starting point is 00:14:58 but bring you, you know, bad situations. You liked them at the time, you know what I'm saying? I mean, hey, you shut up with an ounce of Coke. He ain't that bad of a fucking guy. But, you know, when it comes to artistry and all this type of shit, I don't even consider myself that. I'm just saying
Starting point is 00:15:16 that there was a lot of fucking help involved. And one of those people that helped me was my fucking wife, man. She fucking helped me. And in ways that, you know, I mean, one of the strongest things she said to me that really let me know that she was paying attention and that she really cared about me and loved me compared to any other woman I had been with was something that blew my mind one night. She told me when I was high. I was high and I was just getting in and she didn't know I was high. She told me, not high on reefers. either. She told me that she could tell that was something that didn't have a mother's love.
Starting point is 00:16:05 And that fucking destroyed my insides, boy. Finally, somebody had figured me to fuck out. Remember how we talk about calling you out and shit? There's a big difference between getting called out and getting figured out. Somebody fucking figured me the fuck out. I don't know. I don't was blown away that night. I went to fucking sleep and I was like, holy shit. What the fuck did she just do? She just exposed me. Those words from her fucking killed me. But I was, I had the attitude of somebody who was raised without a mother. That is fucking horrific. That is fucking horrific. And again, If it wasn't for my maturity at the time or whatever,
Starting point is 00:17:03 I would have probably lost it, called her a cunt and stormed out of here. And this video would probably never be happening right now. Thank God I didn't storm out there like the cunt that I am. I got insulted, you know, for all you people who got insulted easy. I can't believe you say that. Sometimes stay, warm off the argument, throw some cold water on it, and think about the words that those people, people are saying to you. I'm not talking about some jerk off at a bar who wants to throw a left
Starting point is 00:17:34 hand and fucking remark at you. I'm talking about somebody who loves you and who's close to you. And for some reason, wants to say something to you to make you better. Don't fucking steam off and call them an asshole and tell them fuck you. And listen, I've been guilty of it. But I also know where those people are coming from. There's a lot of people out there that want to give you advice just to make you fucking feel bad. But there's a lot of people that are out there to give you advice to build you to fuck up.
Starting point is 00:18:05 Those are the ones you want in your life. The ones that give you advice to build you to fuck up. Not the ones that give you advice to fucking knock you to fuck down. Fuck those motherfuckers. I don't need them around me. It's so weird how, you know,
Starting point is 00:18:21 Patreon has been great because it kept me together. It took my, you know, anxiety away. It calmed me down in a lot of ways. It took my mind off what was going on around me when I was moving in the pandemic. But it also showed me something. It showed me that there's a lot of people that were stuck like I was, and I'm having an opportunity to help them. And I'm not talking about a financial way. For some reason or another, and it didn't happen on Facebook, and that maybe once or twice on Facebook and it happened maybe once or twice on Twitter. But here's something.
Starting point is 00:19:05 Here's the weirdest thing. When somebody sends me a tape of their comedy, it breaks my fucking heart for you to say to me, Joey, can you look at my comedy and tell me what you fucking think? Don't do that to me. You're putting me in a spot. Why don't you just tell me to suck your dick. You would make it easy. At least I know where I stand. I don't know what the fuck I stand when I fucking, you know, when you would tell me that you want me to look at your stand-up. It just isn't fair to me. I would feel as if I would feel as if no matter what I said to you, I was putting you down. That's why I could never do like I had a hard time with Kill Tony. I like the concept of it,
Starting point is 00:19:58 but I don't want to chop somebody down. I want to build them up, you know, in a funny way. And listen, some people say some bad jokes, and we all goof around. Lord knows I've said bad jokes, and people have said stuff to me, and I haven't taken it personally. But these are dreams.
Starting point is 00:20:17 And sometimes people go a little too far when they fuck with your dreams. Me, I'd rather not go there so I don't go there. But I tell you what I'd tell you. do like. Like Mike does it a lot. A lot of people do this. They just send me music. They send music. And, you know, listen,
Starting point is 00:20:36 if you do a fucking town hall on pedophilia, you know, have you seen that town hall that's going around on some lady? Pedophilia will be accepted by the year 2020. Anyway, I can't do my work around that. I would love
Starting point is 00:20:56 to tell you guys that I could listen. to a podcast and do work, I cannot do it. Cannot even fucking come close to it. But I'll tell you what I can do, I can listen to music and do work. So for some reason or another, you know, it comes in patches.
Starting point is 00:21:16 It comes in patches. You know, for two weeks, everybody will hit you up with emails. They want an autograph. Go fuck yourself. When I'm my Joe DiMaggio. I'm going to go back and forth and packages and send fucking up.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Just wait till you see me. a fucking comedy show, a fucking autograph, whatever, we 10, and then they go away. Then the autograph people go away. Then it's like you get another batch of weird people asking for weird requests, you know. This wasn't weird. This was just people going, hey man, I'm going to send you some music that I play or in a band I'm in. And I'm going to tell you something, I think six people have sent me music and I liked
Starting point is 00:21:59 all six of them. A girl, Mary, sent me some a couple tracks and she sang, I want to be around. Holy fuck. It was fucking good. Another guy, try Lucky or whatever, had some bluesy stuff for me or
Starting point is 00:22:17 whatever. Fucking great. I mean, you know, I love all this shit. It's not like, listen, I don't want you to think I'm the masked fucking whatever. I'm not a judge off the masked magician panel. I don't want you to think I can get your job with Snoop Dock. I don't know anybody. So if you're sending me music because you think that I can make a call to Interscope
Starting point is 00:22:39 Records or something, guys, I don't know anybody in the music business. I'll tell you how bad I am with the music business. I can't even get you a booking at the Trubidor. I mean, nobody can right now. But who do I can, you know, I don't know anybody. But as far as what I'm seeing is, I'm seeing, you want me to tell what I'm saying? I'm seeing the same shit where I was at 91.
Starting point is 00:23:11 I'm seeing people who have talent. All right, look, this is fucking crazy. They have talent. They just don't know what the next move is. There is nothing. worse in the world than knowing that you have talent, but not knowing what the next fucking move is. It is horrible. You know, you watch TV, you see a guy playing an oboe. You're like, I want to do that. You know what I'm saying? You're like, that's like, the guy's saying,
Starting point is 00:23:50 he's like, I want to play the elbow. You don't even know what the fucking oboe is, but you want to play the oboe or whatever. You know? There's nothing. And then you go and you listen to music, you know, you go on YouTube, how to play the oboe, whatever the fuck, you know. Great obo soloists of the past,
Starting point is 00:24:10 whatever the fuck. You know, I don't fucking know. And then you fucking, you go to a porn shop because where else can you find an oboe? An oboe, who plays an oboe? You ever talked to anybody who plays an oboe? Have you ever met anybody who plays an oboe?
Starting point is 00:24:26 I figured they all killed themselves by this point. You play the oboe for a few years. You're walking through a porn shop. You drop it off and you go, I'm done with the oboe. And you walk right to the nearest bridge. You don't even leave a note. You're so fucking brokenhearted.
Starting point is 00:24:42 The oboe left you down. But you're at a point in your career where you don't know what the fuck you want to do. And guys, for you guys who have gone through it, how fucking frustrating. is it. And it's anything. It's law. It's plumbing. And I always love using plumbing. I love plumbing. I just didn't like the shitty smell, but I love plumbing. I could have been a great plumber if it wasn't for the smell. And he owed everything around it. You got to touch toilets. If it was new construction, I'm in. I can pick up a toilet. But if it's a toilet that's used, listen, I wouldn't touch that motherfucker with a hazmat suit on. Those toilets are. have COVID from the piss around it to the piss on the side to the piss on the other there's like 19 levels of degrees of piss on the fucking toilet but like I was saying that all these people have talent they just don't know where the fuck to start but again it's not 1969 where well Mike you know I like your band your guitar player is good I like the drummer I think we can
Starting point is 00:25:59 going to the studio. Now, you could just get two iPhones, four mics, figure it out, and fucking tape, and start sending stuff out to fucking, you know, the music industry has changed so much, just like so, the comedy business, that it's hands-on.
Starting point is 00:26:20 You don't need fucking, what's his name? Who's the guy that produced? But Lang, you don't need Mutt Lang no more. You are your own mut-fucking lang. Think about it. Think about it. That's it. The Mutt-Lang days are long fucking gone.
Starting point is 00:26:36 You could create your own videos at home, beats. You know, you could shoot videos. I know a friend of mine in North Jersey, unknown band, not signed by anybody. They put albums out. Music's okay. You know, it's not my genre of music. They shoot videos that, you know,
Starting point is 00:26:57 just because you're not with fucking you know Irish to records RCA records or whoever the fuck is left doesn't mean you don't have a fucking band doesn't mean you don't have a fucking band this is your year 2021 is about a lot of fucking things
Starting point is 00:27:16 that's coming up 2021 is a very fucking important year in your life it's going to be a really important year more ways than one this is a comedy podcast but I also try to make it a reality fucking podcast. Not a reality like, you know, you're going to meet your next husband on this show.
Starting point is 00:27:34 There ain't no husband's here, meet a millionaire or whatever. The reality is I try to tell you how the fuck it is in a comical way without our sluze on our fucking minds. You know, it's going to be a rough fucking year. I hope you guys don't think that at midnight, COVID's just going to fucking click its heels like the Wizard of Oz
Starting point is 00:27:54 and go back to Kansas wherever the fuck it came from. No, we're going to go in a little deeper. Mid-January is going to be a motherfucker. You know, hopefully the vaccines. And I hate talking about this shit. I'm just planning out the year for you, motherfuckers. So you've got two or three months of journaling and planning out
Starting point is 00:28:16 where it goes from here. Because once this fucking rocket ship is ready to take off again, you're going to be off and running. You've been on hold for two fucking years. You don't have to. If you're going to sleep, you better do it now. If you're going to rest, you better do it now. If you want to watch that series, you've always wanted to watch on Netflix.
Starting point is 00:28:41 You might as well do it now. Breaking Bad, the Sopranos, Star Trek. Do it now, because in five or six months, if you got any heartbeat to you, if you're a man, if you're a woman, If you got any such balls to you, you're sick and tired of sitting around. More businesses are going to be opened. More opportunities are going to be out there. So, yeah, you might be a little bit fucking down right now today.
Starting point is 00:29:10 I'm sure you are. I'm a little down, too. You know, I didn't make a lot of money last year either. I'm fucking, you know, I didn't have the road either. I missed the road, too. I'm heartbroken. But fuck it. You got to suck it up, cock suckers.
Starting point is 00:29:24 suck it up and no better days are coming. I don't give a fuck if you take the vaccine or not. It's got nothing to do with me. I just want you to be happy and healthy. That's it. I don't give a fuck if you want to take the vaccine. I don't give a fuck. It's got nothing to do with me.
Starting point is 00:29:40 It's none of my business. None of my politics. I don't care who you voted for. If you didn't vote, I don't give a fuck about that. All I want you to do is to be fucking happy. But the part to be happy is I'm telling you right now, as friends whatever you got left to do
Starting point is 00:29:56 painting that wall you know taking naps you better do it now because once this comes back we're going what's that no no sleep to Brooklyn remember Beastie boys
Starting point is 00:30:09 no sleep to Brooklyn no sleep to you're dying now we're going for it you've been at home fucking sitting on your ass for two fucking years it's going to be 18 months by the time this gets going.
Starting point is 00:30:25 So I don't know what your fucking expectations are. So you better start speed reading. You better start preparing. You know, you're going to have to do three years and two. Whatever the fuck you need to do, you better start doing it now. Get all this toughest shit out of your way. If you're addicted to something, get it out of the way now.
Starting point is 00:30:47 Don't wait to the first. I got to admire John Mullaney for what he did. My heart goes out to him. Or you guys know of a big fan of John. John fucking Mullaney's, and I loved the guy. But listen, during this pandemic, fucking, we knocked. The skeletons came knocking on the door. We had too much free time, too much mental capacity.
Starting point is 00:31:09 Everything was up in the air. We thought about things. I mean, I got accused of something from a girl that happened 22 fucking years ago. We were doing blow. We went back to her house, and I asked her a question. I touched her thigh. She said no. She drove me home.
Starting point is 00:31:28 And eight weeks ago, she remembers and wants to call me up and say, I didn't like what you did that night. Well, what the fuck? I've done 20 shows with you since that night. And now you remember? I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad at all for saying this. This is just what happened when you have all this free time on your hand.
Starting point is 00:31:51 All this bad shit. All these bad memories. because you think everything's around you, everything around you is mad. Everything that's drawing out of you. You sit out to watch the news. It's bad. You talk to your neighbor. I got laid off.
Starting point is 00:32:07 COVID. You talk to your cousin. I can't get unemployment on the phone. I keep pressing too. They don't even want to talk to Spanish people. You know, you talk to this guy. He broke his leg playing basketball. I mean, bad luck is around you, so it's drawing it out of you.
Starting point is 00:32:23 Don't let it draw it to fuck out you. Don't let it draw the negative out of you at all. At all. Just fucking keep it together. Because everything around you is so fucking negative. Everything around you. You know, ever since I stopped watching the news, look at me. I'm a way better person.
Starting point is 00:32:41 I got blood under my lids again. Watching the news drops the fucking blood, takes it out of your fucking eyelids. That's how much energy it was taken from you. I had to fucking stop. So don't get taken away. I know we had a bad year this year since March, but 2021 is going to be such a fucking great year.
Starting point is 00:33:03 It's going to start off slow. I don't want you to think you're going to wake up Friday morning and it's going to be gone with the wind. You want a blonde, they're going to be out there like grease dancing. No, it's not. It's going to start off a little slow. You might get a little bit more depressed, but don't let yourself get depressed.
Starting point is 00:33:22 January and February will be a little slow. I don't know what's going to be happening out in L.A. With the shutdown or what type of shutdowns you got. But isn't it weird that Florida is wide open? L.A. is closed and they have more cases than Florida. Makes you fucking think about a lot of fucking shit, doesn't it? You know, I don't know what's going to happen in January and February. Like I said, that's why I chose to do the surgery, January 8th.
Starting point is 00:33:52 so I don't have anything on my you know what if you know anything about my neighborhood it's going to be fucking cold as fuck in this neighborhood so there's nowhere for me to go I'm gonna chill write some jokes I promise you I promise you I will start I've been I ain't even gonna say I've been I'm trying to fucking outline the new book because I had to shorten it yet again, because I found shit that shouldn't even be in there. I just want to write the one book. Once you write one, it's like
Starting point is 00:34:30 killing somebody. Once you kill one person, the rest of them are easy. You're just got to kill the first one first. Get over that one. Then the second one's a little hard. The third one, you're off and fucking running. You know what I'm saying? So, that's all I want to check them with you. It was a bad
Starting point is 00:34:46 year. We had a great time. They couldn't stop me. I kept doing a podcast under whatever conditions. I wrapped up the mummy's head to leave towards the end. We had to wrap up his head when he was coughing.
Starting point is 00:35:01 The whole table would rattle and shit. The poor bastard, but he's up there in Boston doing great. He's got his Patreon going. You know, he's trying to make it happen and I'm happy for him. Lee needed to get out of L.A. also. Lee needed to just move on with his life
Starting point is 00:35:19 and, you know, get it going. I mean, we weren't going to do. I miss him. I miss Lee with all my fucking heart. I call him twice a day. I torment him. I tell him to open up his window. Feed the flies.
Starting point is 00:35:32 You know, I taught, open up a new restaurant chain called lizard meat. I got tons of ideas from him. He's not taking edibles lately. I think he only took edibles the night. And he twitched. He's just trying to take it easy. And I tell him, he wants to do all these things. And I'm like, what are you going to do?
Starting point is 00:35:52 Where are you going to go? I go, stay up there, stay with mom for a few weeks, put a little office together in the basement, get a little business going, get your Patreon going, lose 60 pounds, get healthy, and hopefully Leo will get healthy, and he'll get back to normal and everything will be... I mean, he is normal.
Starting point is 00:36:13 What the fuck am I saying? He's great. He's great. He still has a great sense of humor. We laugh. We fucking kid, you know. I was liking to do his... Zoom with them, but these fucking Zooms start to suck.
Starting point is 00:36:25 I don't want to fucking get zoomed up. I got a list of Zooms next week I'm doing. I think I'm doing that one with Duncan before I fucking go into surgery, talk about the state of the fucking Earth, the world, whatever. And that's pretty much it, guys. I just wanted to get on here with you guys and tell you, listen, man, it's been a fucking hell of a year. And I'm happy and proud.
Starting point is 00:36:52 that you let me come into your fucking house, into your home, into your heart once a fucking week for two hours a week. I want to also thank you for having my back when these lunatics tried to go after me for saying that somebody sucked my dick 23 years ago, who gives a fuck? Nobody gives a fuck about that person.
Starting point is 00:37:15 But all of a sudden they gave a fuck for that one fucking hour. Nobody gets a fuck. It's all bullshit. But I'm happy. that you had my back. I'm happy that you had my back on stage this year, whether you came to see me in Vegas,
Starting point is 00:37:30 at the Comedy Store, and Atlanta. We only had like three gigs together this year. We had Atlanta, Vegas, and Tempe on Valentine's Day. That's the only gigs I got. Everything else is at the Comedy Store. I want to thank you for supporting me there. I want to thank you for supporting me on the fucking Ozzy's Boney, You know, you guys have just been a...
Starting point is 00:37:56 Just fucking hope, man. I didn't know what was going to happen when this podcast switched. I had no idea what was going to happen when I moved. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I mean, right now I still love doing stand-up comedy, but I'm not falling all over myself to get out there. I'm not going to get on a fucking plane and do it. None of that shit's half.
Starting point is 00:38:22 happening whatsoever. I'll do it at Uncle Vinnie's. I got next Tuesday and Wednesday. Then I got the surgery on the 8th. And then it's going to be around two or three weeks before I could get back on. But once I get back on, it's going to be straight on to a fucking April. I don't know the situation with the Soprano movie with the many saints of Newark. I don't know what's going on with it. If it's coming on on HBO Max in March or if it's coming out in October. I don't know. I don't know nothing. The only thing I do know is with some bad motherfuckers.
Starting point is 00:38:58 We weren't from the church to the joint without missing a motherfucking beat. And you guys were here with me. We had a couple of difficulties, a couple of weeks. Who doesn't? You know, you're going to break a few eggs when you make a... You're going to break a few shells
Starting point is 00:39:15 when you make an egg, right? Shit's going to happen. Everything is not going to be perfect. I never said that was perfect. One thing I did say is that you could do whatever the fuck you want for your life. And next year is your fucking life. Next year is your world. I don't give a fuck when anybody tells you.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Yeah, we're going to start off slow. But once this gets going, every desire, every dream you've ever had, you're going to fucking execute. Because that's it. This can't happen to us ever again. This can never happen to us again what happened the last nine months. and what's going to happen. Listen, I don't believe in the super strains. I don't believe in this.
Starting point is 00:39:56 I don't believe in that. I believe in social distancing. I believe in respecting one another. And I believe that this will go away in time. And in time, we'll be back. And in time, we'll be bad motherfuckers. But you know what? Guess what?
Starting point is 00:40:13 We're already bad motherfuckers. We've just got to weather this motherfucking storm out. So I want to thank you guys very much. from the bottom of my heart, for backing me, for having me at every situation. I'm happy you like the fucking mind of Joey Dia's shirt. I'm happy you like what we're doing with the joint. You know, it's not the church. It's a joint.
Starting point is 00:40:36 It's something completely different. It's my heart to yours. I love what we're doing with the Patreon. And that's it, you bad motherfuckers. We're getting high. We're going to be around for New Year's. Keep your eyes open on Patreon. I might be doing a little something on New Year's on Patreon
Starting point is 00:40:54 just to check in with you, motherfuckers, wish you were to happy New Year something. We'll do something. So keep your eyes open on Patreon, YouTube, fucking Twitter. I love all you motherfuckers too. Facebook, but I can't do nothing with you guys. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:15 What do you want me to do? Send you a post on fucking Twitter. But Patreon, I might do a little live show. extreme knucklehead joint fucking countdown or something and that's it and that's that i want to thank you for supporting uncle joey's joint i want to thank you for finishing out to church with us this year and i want to thank you for being you and for always having my motherfucking back no matter what happens you know i got you you got me and they want to be with us we're together here we're connected whatever the fuck you want to do you know what i'm saying so
Starting point is 00:41:51 Thank you again and have a great New Year's. Be safe. You got to be home by 10, but you can stay up till 6. Don't forget, blue chew on it, you get your dick sucked. It's going to be a beautiful week. I'll see you guys Monday, January 4th. Have a great weekend. Stay safe. All right, you cocks up, because thank you very much for listening today.
Starting point is 00:42:18 You know, Uncle Joey's got your back. That's it. It's a fucking new year. This is the last podcast of the year. You know, we went through the church. What a fucking year. But anyway, Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by Blue Chew. Listen, you're getting older. Your dick ain't working like you used to, or you're 21, and you're throwing heat with that fucking popsicle stick. Either way, Blue Chew. can help you. Why? Because it's the first chewable dick pill. Same FDA approved ingredients is Viagra and Seattleis. Blue chew is prescribed online by licensed motherfucking positions
Starting point is 00:43:05 so you don't have to go to the doctor's office and wait online like a fucking dunce and people looking at you and you're making eye contact with some guy with a fucking fucked up leg. You don't need that. And it shifts right to your fucking door in a discreet package. Nobody knows nothing. Not even the fucking male man. Unless she's a female, then you want to know. Maybe she'll come in and check out the blue chew with you. Anyway, that's a fellow offense, fucking a male woman. Anyway, blue chew is cheaper than a pharmacy and you can take them any time, day and night, even on a full stomach. If you'd notice, I don't have nothing on the table. I had to give mama a stabbing last week for jingle bells. And you know me. I got five guns.
Starting point is 00:43:50 I got five bullets in my gun. I need one more fucking bullet. You want to do the thing. So you double up with blue chew. Listen, this is for whether you need it or not. Some people really fucking need it. And blue chew is tremendous. All right?
Starting point is 00:44:06 Because there's nothing like slinging dick and giving out fucking condoms, especially with blue chew. Nobody likes limp dick. Nobody likes coke dick. Nobody likes your dick to be soft. You want that motherfucker to look like one of Dung Young Hume's missiles over there in Korea. In fact, that's what they should call your dick, the Korean fucking missile crisis.
Starting point is 00:44:30 Because that's it. What else do you want to call it? We've gone off on a tangent here, but it doesn't matter. What matters is Blue Chu is here and it's available to you. And if you're walking around with erectile dysfunction or whatever, you shouldn't. This is the same FDA approved as VATU. Agron Cialis. Why the fuck are you fucking around with that shit that that guy that's a fucking loser at the bodega tells you?
Starting point is 00:44:57 He don't know nothing. He's got nine kids. He hasn't paid child support in 15 fucking years. He's hiding in the bodega. And you're taking advice from him. Take it from your uncle Joey. Go to bluechoo.com right now. Pressing Joey.
Starting point is 00:45:12 And what they're going to do is they're going to send out a free shipment. All you're going to do is pay for shipping. all right you're going to get a free fucking package all you're going to do is pay for shipping when it comes to your door your ball sack is immediately going to turn blue just from
Starting point is 00:45:30 touching the package why because blue chute has magic powers cuckers that's why your dick will be as hard you can you could nail fucking nails into the wall with your dick if your dick ain't doing that you need bluechew go to bluechoo.com
Starting point is 00:45:47 right now press in Joey and let's get the fucking party started. I want to thank Bluechu and wish them a happy new year for fuckers showing motherfucking youngsters how to sling some big dick. If these bitches ain't walking crooked, you ain't doing your job, all right? Bluchu.com slash Joey.
Starting point is 00:46:08 I also want to thank On it. Honit has been with me for years. I love to death. And why? Because they fucking put their fucking money where their mouth is. That's why the other way around. I don't know. Anyway, honor is the fucking alpha brain. Flagship of the organization. Why? Because if you take it and you don't like it, they'll send you the money back and they'll let you keep the product. Who else does that? What do you think? They're going to take the fucking product back and send
Starting point is 00:46:37 it out to some poor bassists like Chinese restaurants do. You ever send food back at a Chinese restaurant? Break it in half, always. I don't care if it's a rib, low main, break it in half. because if not some poor schmuck comes in and he's eating your lo-main with your fucking germs on it. On it, don't do that shit. They tell you, keep the product, shove it up your ass.
Starting point is 00:46:59 If you don't like it, it don't work for you. But if you like it, you're going to be back. And if not, go with the new mood. You got the alpha brain powder, which just dissolves in water. You got the fuck, the Shroom Tech immune and Shroom Tech sport. Listen, you can't lose it on it.
Starting point is 00:47:16 Go to honor.com right now. I can't give you nothing with kettlebells and the weights and stuff, but I give you 10% with all the supplements. The coconut almond protein chews are fucking delicious. Go to honor.com right now. Press in church and let's get this party started. Get 10% off sent to your house and start the year off right because this is it. It's a new year with a whole new fucking set of rules,
Starting point is 00:47:43 even though they want to give you vaccines and whatever. That's got nothing to do with me. you motherfuckers. See you Monday, the 4th of January, tip top magoo, days from my surgery, ready to sling dick. Have a good weekend, Cocksuckers. Happy New Year.

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