The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 03/03/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #60

Episode Date: March 4, 2013

Juliana from Auntie Dolores calls back to the podcast. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount. Sttreamed live on 03/03/2013

This podcast brought to you by Onit, bitches. Go to Onit. See what they got. Put church in the box and get a little discount coming your way. Hit it. I get a communist for fun. For a green card. I got a car to carve him up real night.

For a green card. I got to carve him up real night. Oh shit. Oh shit. The church of what's happening now. Sunday night, special edition. You streamed the Flying Jew. Hit it.

Whiggle, dog Fuck it Let's do this Sunday night Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit

Go Lee Wiggle Funkler Joe Give me a little crab Give me a little crab What's the crab Oh shit Lee motherfucking Sayat

Sunday night 12 midnight on the East Coast 9 Pacific You fucking Savage Oh shit Oh shit Shit.

What the fuck's going on, Lisa? What's happening? You played Scarface with me. I like it. For a fucking green card. He's going to carve you up real night. See how lucky you fucking motherfuckers got green cards? You're walking around some fucking crazy Cuban.

I was about to chop somebody up for a fucking green card. So get out there. I mean, it's late night. You got nowhere to fucking go unless you go mug somebody homeless and shit like that. Which is always not bad. You ever kick a homeless fucking dude? No. Right in the stomach league?

You kicked a homeless guy on the story? No, I'm just saying. But, you know, What the fuck? I rolled the guy. Like, it had to be maybe freshman year. I went out when I did some of the H.C. Crystal, like, Angel Dust. Yeah?

With three other savages. There was some guy asleep on the street. Kennedy Boulevard. We went into his pockets, and we was half of it. And we just started pulling him and dragging him down the fucking street. It's horrible. I think all those terrible times. It was right in front of the Board of Education.

In North Bergen, that Board of Education, One time I was with this kid, Joe Lucci, he did about two hits of fucking acid and we're walking on Kennedy Boulevard and he said, hold on one second and he threw his hand through the glass at the board of education and he got like 18 fucking stitches in his arm.

I started running so I wouldn't faint. You know me, I don't need that aggravation. I faint when I'm not fucking, you know, but I'm not high. You imagine when I'm high. I fainted on my birthday before that. I've been good with fucking needles lately. Especially had the ear infection.

Last two times I went to acupunctions. Not this last week, but the week before, she needleed around my ear. Jesus fucking Christ. And I take it like a man. The problem is when I'm high and you get the needle inside you, that pain escalates a little bit and it takes your mind away, and that's what makes me faint. So for the people you want to know.

What's up, you're cock suckers? Sunday night, you're up. I know you've got to get up and go to bed tomorrow and get up and go to work. And I'm going to fuck it. You start the week off with a little fucking headache and that's it. You go to work, but at least you hang out with Uncle Joey on the Lord's Day late night.

What's up with you, Cox? liquor. Not much. I'm feeling good. I'm in the middle of a rough work week, but other than that, I worked out for the first time of the day, so I feel good. I heard you walked from here to Mike's jersey and got a sandwich and walked home. Oh, Jersey Mike's, that thing? I haven't seen that. I haven't been there, but no, I walked a mile and a half on my lunch break. Did you really? Yeah, fucking... You get new sneakers?

I did. Um... Come on. I did. I got a pair of new balance. Look at you. What did you drop from? Oh, wait-wise? No, how much? Oh, like 70 bucks? Did you go to one of the marshals? Fuck that. I can do it online.

I don't leave the house. Did you? Look at you. You go to Amazon.com. Did you click the fucking Bannock's dot? I didn't. There's no talking about people. He don't even click the fuck.

How'd you get it? New Balance.com. They were cheaper than Zapples. I went to New Balance.com. I like what they got. I went to Adidas. com. I like what they have.

They didn't have a lot of, they got a lot of 2X stuff at Ditas.com. I wasn't shocked. Adidas has good shit. You know, I found these at Footlock of 2Xs. Yeah. That's not too fucking bad. I have wide feet, so I have trouble going to the stores, but they have them online.

New Balance has everything. Yeah, I learned. I used to buy New Balance. I got Hollywood shoes, like those shitty shoes outlet. Yeah. They got a bunch of the 660s or whatever the fuck number it is. And then somebody filled me in about them. I went to Columbus.

I gave the shout out to the guy last week that the salesman that sent me the card and all that stuff. Yeah. So, no, I'm happy with my new. I do the Dolce run on the treadmill with my new balance. is the 990s and I fucking love I got no lower back pain

so you know if you look on the run and then again I ain't no fucking runner all right so I don't know about fucking sneakers I just know my feet

don't hurt yeah that's the most important thing you know I went to see a friend's kickboxing class the other day

okay we were gonna meet he had a script idea or something for a script but you know a web series it's very funny

very fucking funny once he's play garbage man like an acid type show you know they pay he's got a financing he just has to

just has to try to go through YouTube, I guess. YouTube is doing original programming. Oh, yeah, Tony. So we went to meet over there, and it was funny because I got there early and I got to watch a fill-in teacher because the school was fighting somewhere,

like competing. So this was a filling teacher for the 3 o'clock class. And I'm no fucking Joe Rogan. I'm no, you know, the other guy, but I could tell a beginner in kickboxing on a beginning of a certain martial. by the way he punches or he kicks or how he twists his legs or you know he puts his hip into it and sure enough they asked you know who were the beginners and there was four beginners and one guy

that was experienced well I'm watching this guy making these guys crawl on the floor and like run and get up and do burpees and I'm seeing people hold on for their back and I'm looking like these people that you give your life till they tell you their personal trainer and you go see them for three days and they're on this Nazi fucking exercise workout that they read about, you know, they don't even think about that you're 35, they don't even think about that you've had knee surgery, they don't even fucking ass. No. They just proceed to make you go on the floor and do fucking alligators and spinning back gigs.

And I'm sitting there watching this guy, and the guy is a good fighter, and he's very interesting. But he never, you know, as a personal trainer, you'd go to see this guy two times and you'd go home. Because you got, you know, like I told you with the strong bone. The thing I like the most about the strong bone was when you first start working out of it, whether you jump rope or whatever the fuck, your feet hurt, your bones and your feet hurt. You're supporting three, four, fucking hundred pounds, 250, whatever the fuck it is, your feet hurt, and if you feed hurt, you're not going to do nothing. That's the whole thing.

The biggest thing, at least for me, is especially when you're first starting, is you're looking for any excuse to quit, honestly. You really are. So if you go to a class and the fucking assholes treating you like you're in the advanced class and you're training for an MMA fight, you're like, fuck this. I'm going to go home and have you. a burger and be happy. It's amazing how

when I was trying to quit Coke, I was always looking for an excuse and I wouldn't say nothing to know, but it was just a personal excuse. Like, holy fuck, I got a hang now. I can't tell you how many times I said I was going to start a diet and then I had fucking,

like they had, like everyone at work was going out for burgers. I'm like, oh, well, today is ruined so I can't have, why I have good meals for the rest of the day, I'll just have bad food for dinner and then I'll start tomorrow. And then I'll be like,

oh, well, the week's ruined. So I'll go, I'll start next week. I did that like 8,000 times. No, we all do. It's just not dealing with what's in front of you. That's all that is. Hey, dog. Listen, the fucking country is not,

I was listening to some speech by the president's wife online or something about one of every kids is a little fat fuck. You know? And you sit there and go, how does a kid become a fat fuck? Yeah. I didn't become a fat fuck. So I was about nine.

Once I got out of Catholic school for a while there, because in Catholic school, you were moderated. You didn't play, you know what I'm saying? I didn't know from second grade to fifth grade. I played in the fucking school yard every day. We crossed the street where we got ice cream like once or twice a week. But it's not like when you're home when you're 10. I was a fucking wild man in New York.

I had a Chinese restaurant down the corner. Once I got thrown out of the Catholic school, and I went back to Jersey, I gained weight. But then when I became 13, you know, once you start working on, you jerking off and liking girls, I kept it all. So I was, I mean, there's a picture that I were standing. Hanhope has. Remember, I was 37 when I moved here. When I moved to you, I was 225 pounds.

Really? Yeah. When I moved to L.A., Stanhope still has the picture somewhere. I think he gave it to Rogan. I was 235 maybe, 2.30? Wow. Because I remember being, getting up to like 245 when I got locked up for a while in Seattle during that whole crime spree. I went up in Seattle. I weighed myself and I was like 243. and I remember that I went on a I didn't know anything about dieting I did but not like breaking it down

I want on the water being broke tuna diet yeah you know I ate tuna I love I always know that when you need to lose weight you eat tuna out of a fucking can you lose weight it's as gross but it comes but it reminds you after three or four days it's like juicing you just get used to it

you flip that motherfucker over you get a few apples you eat tuna and a few crackers and some apples and after a while you go for the you go for broke or whatever the fuck you do you know, so. But it's like anything, anything you want to do, even with writing. For 10 years, I lived here, and I procrastinated writing. You know, how lucky are we that we got together and we go to work.

Like, I go to work, and you know that, I go to work. There's no, you know, when I fucking sick my teeth into something, we go to work. There's no fucking around, no, well, this week I'm sick, you know. It's amazing how many things I become part of and how many things dissolve on their own without me even saying anything sometimes. I got to call a couple weeks. go for a pilot. Yeah.

Hey man, how you doing? I'm a friend of a friend. I want to call you. And I go, you know what, man? It's only a couple lines. Like, I was like, just call me when you're ready, like a week away. I forgot about it. This guy called me in October. He called me last week.

Are you doing, man? We're ready now. Oh, I got to go to New Orleans, but it's amazing how they were shooting for network and there was all this, you know, fucking what's the, you know, they were in a rush.

Yeah. In October 8th, they were in a rush. And now you're getting back to me. Fucking February 26th, last Tuesday, you got back to me. And that's these people. You know, they... Something else came up.

So fuck everybody I had talked to about the project. Now I'm ready. Really? You fucking Jamok. Now you're fucking ready. What's up, Lee? You're staring at me? Like, you're thinking about a fucking cheeseburger.

Look at Jake. No, I'm doing it right now. You're looking at me. If anybody, I could talk, Joey, you're driving me. Fucking cheesecake. look at you. I can tell. It's all right. I love you no matter what.

I don't want you to eat a cheap, but I want you to do this Jews and then be healthy and live your life and slings on the dick. You got Rosie in Boston. Wait for you to come with that little flying Jew dick across the country and put in her little fucking p-hole. You know what I'm saying? Don't be taking this out of the podcast. You know, you love that little freak. I caught him crying in a car the other day. Rosie watching fucking

what are you watching by yourself? The notebook. The notebook. No, I don't know. I'm trying to play along. What I was thinking about, though, and I forgot how good it is to walk around, because where I work, it's very industrial. And I walked around, and you notice things you don't notice when you're driving. Like, I walked by, and there's a sports memorabilia place, and I ended up being shitty.

But, like, it was cool. Like, I went in, and I looked at some old baseball cards, and it's just, it's for people who, because a lot of people, I do the YouTube videos, And a lot people say I'm going to start just walking around your city is a cool way to go. You can go into a store, and it was a lot of fun. You know, I don't know if you know this. Don't caution no money to walk. Caution money to join a jam. Caution money to go swimming.

Caution money for food. But don't caution no money for walk. So your fucking stories, you can't run them by Uncle Joey. You got any music from you over there, comes on it? Yeah, sure. I'm over here, sparking solo. Fuck this joint. I'm going to light the bat of debt, the one that Lee likes.

Every time I smoke, this is Lee, what do you call me? hour later and tell me. No, my fucking, for some reason, only my lower half leg gets high. My head never gets high on that shit. I don't know. What gets high on this? My legs. Just your legs? That's it. Just from your little ways down? Yeah. Next time we smoke is go for a walk from here to Bangkok and come back, cuck, sucker. Jesus Christ. That's what I used to do. You know, that's, listen, the easiest way to lose way for me is to smoke some fucking reef and go to YMCA. You know, you forget you even there. Next thing you know, you're on the treadmill. You've

been on there for 35 fucking minutes. Listen to rap or something like that. Mm-mm-mm. We're back, because look at this fucking monster. So thank you very much. The improv was a lot of fun last night. Fucking Brea was great. Brad, listen, when I started this little comedy venture,

they contacted me, that guy, Dan, from Bray, contacted me four years ago. He goes, you know what? People always ask about you and Bray. Come on down to Bray and start a Wednesday. Nobody would come out, Lee. I'd give away 40 tickets. That's it.

Nobody would come out. How packed was that, motherfucker? It was, like, we, I've been there a couple times with you now. And usually it's like, it's full, but there's like a little back area that maybe not be, I don't think there was an empty C in the house last night. No, no. And testicle testament, which was fun. Oh, yeah.

And that was a testicle testament leader. I've been writing for the last two months. I didn't think I could pull it out of my ass. No, that was, a bunch of people said it was, it was one of the better ones than I think it was. Yeah, testament five. It fucking, because I sat there for two months, cried. Yeah. I cried a lot, man, when I wrote that one.

Because it was about, I don't know. It was like, and now, let me tell you about what's going on now, Lee. I talked a lot about my uncle on that. Yeah. That was September 20th of 84. I came out here and tried to rob my uncle at gunpoint. We got into it. And it was basically about feelings.

It wasn't about nothing. Me and my uncle were always tight since I was a little kid. I used to come out here. So Wednesday night, I go down to the ice house, and I tell Lee and I tell everybody else that showed up, which was another packed house about this fucking uncle that told me I would never amount to nothing, that my jeans were bad.

I took a personal, so I tried to rob the motherfucker to show him, and he caught me, and we didn't talk, and we hate each other, and I would call him from jail, and fucking tell him I was going to fucking kill him, and I would prank call him. He never figured out with me, and I went to doing an audition a couple of years ago, and I was in Malibu,

and I remember pulling over to the beach and putting two and two together. This is Malibu. Wow, this is Malibu, and also I'm like, I used to come there as a kid with my uncle, I finally went on information, and I called my uncle, and he answered, and we talked, and we're friends today. You know, and we've been tight. We go to breakfast, lunch at Langers on Mondays, and we get this Cuban place.

He's the one you went to a Dodger's game with. I bought the tickets at Costco, which Dodger season is coming again, right up the fucking corner. Break out your fucking hockey helmets. So I like my uncle. He gave me a second chance, and we've had beefs in the last year. year. I said some to him when they got pissed to me for like four months. But I got to call for my cousin Thursday on the

drive to Brad. Have you spoken to him? I go, no. And I go, you know what? He's sick. And he ain't going to tell you. He's really sick. Like, really sick. He could die. He's been going to hospital visits lately. He hasn't been filling me in. And I've been thinking

about him. I kind of broke down the last two day. You know, and I called him. We were going to do breakfast today, but I fell asleep up to the farmer's market. And then we're going to do dinner and he was going to some fucking place, some barbecue place, so I got to see him and I invited him to go to New Orleans with me maybe.

Oh, nice. And, you know, I don't know what this fucking gig is, but it's amazing that I had a hatred for him for 20 years because he told me the truth. Sometimes people, he told me I was a piece of shit, and I knew. I knew it. I knew a direction I was going. He even told me, I'm surprised you're walking around. They haven't been shot

and ended up in prison. And I took offense to that, and I tried to strike back like a fucking underboss piece of shit that I was instead of taking a high road of green with him and getting my life together. I finally did. So I want to do something with him. Or when I come

back, I'm going to take him to Dodgers down in Arizona. Oh, spring training. That should be nice. I want it to be proud of me. Do you know what I'm saying? I want him to go to whatever fucking planet he's going to go to next and tell him, you know what? The kid didn't turn out that fucking bad.

You know, even though he had some problems early on. He pulled the 22 on. me or 38, whatever the fuck it was, or both of them, I wasn't that bad. So that's what I'm very thankful about. So that's it. I just want to let people know that.

I love my uncle. We all have a relative that we love to death, and he's that relative. Me and him related as a kid, you know, when you have an uncle, you know, I was growing up in Jersey. So to me, having an uncle in California, it was like a dream come true.

I would brag about him to people. Yeah. And it was always that escape. I always knew, growing up, even before my parents died that if something was to happen, I always had an out in California. I don't know why. I don't know why.

I always had that thought. So, for years, after my mom, I'm not moving to California, but then when things are getting hairy, I'm thinking about moving to California. He's like, I don't want you here now. I don't need you here. I got my own fucking dilemmas. You come here now? What are you going to do? Yeah. You know what you was right? That's all

I was going to do. For me, all my grandparents passed away when I was very young. So I had this aunt and uncle who were my little bit older than my mom's age and they turned into like my pseudo-grandparents and your parents came from Cuba so you obviously didn't have any grandparents. Was he kind of like a grandfather sort of thing? No, he didn't know fucking grandfather. He's a young guy in his shit. I knew he's not that much older than you, but like kind of taking that role.

No, no. You don't think so? No, no. Grandpa's a grandpa. An uncle's an uncle, you know? An uncle's an uncle's a grandpa. My grandpa's a grandpa. You go fishing with your uncle.

Your uncle don't talk to you about. Your grandpa don't talk to you about eating some chick snatch. But your uncle will. If you have a grandson, you'll do that. Yeah, I'll pull him aside and say that chick you brought over. You got to stick your tongue up a little fucking quiff. So we've been discussing the whole plan with the chick. The chick, and Lee saw this girl, and she's cuter to fuck.

Now, the next step is that she wants to fart in Lee's face, but she wants to pee on his face a little bit with his mouth open, and Lee's cracking on me. Like, I don't want to do it. You call me at work. You call me at work, and you're like, all right, here's the deal. She just wants to piss in your... No, no, no, you open with...

She wants this shit on your chest. Yeah, as a joke, but then she doesn't want to shut on your chest. She got too much class. She wants to pee in your mouth. Just one time, a little squirt, and you're over there having fucking conip fits and crying and telling me... You don't make a couple fucking mill. Not a peeback. Like, I peed on that fag and fucking New York that time in the fucking...

In the studio. Yeah. Not like that. Like, I peed on them. Like a whole gallon of fucking light beer. I'm talking about a couple drops from her little noodle right in your mouth. No. You open your mouth.

Come on, Lee. The mouth is the worst part to get that in. Lee, you eat pussy, right? Yes. That means you eat piss. What's the fucking thing? You're going to get pissed. They have a little P-coding on that fucking clip.

A coating is different than getting it shun at you. Well, what's the difference? She's not got to shoot at you. How about she pisses on a sponge and just squeezes on your face? No. Like a soldier, you shit. That's the whole trick. They did in Bangkok.

cock and 78. This is the worst. Come here. Smoking, I don't go to you. I just smoked. Smoked. Where's the music leave? You're fucking slipping, cop, second. Oh shit. A little bit the fucking who here. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I'll stone to you, I'll say. Look at you a little vid. You're looking like Simon Barr Sinister.

You know what I'm Simon Bossinisters? Where are you going? Where you go? We ain't finished. Blow that out. What the fuck? You're juicing, you fuck. It's good for the juice. Read about it. Marijuana and juice. They have a whole fucking chapter.

They even want you to put the reefer in the fucking juice. You know how good you'll be in shape? You'll be a flying marijuana jar. Who wants you to put that in the juice? No one does. Fuck yeah. Twit Lee Syatt, at Lee Syatt. If he should put a little bud in this fucking juice tonight.

And we'll put it... And you still got to make a juice tonight, right? Yeah. We'll put a little button after it. How's that? Yeah. Fucking no, cocksucker. You won't let the chickpea on you

in the mouth a little bit. You won't... We're going to talk about guitar. Dittin, ding. What the fuck? We get it together. I have to do. Did you smoke some weed yet?

Yes. I'm going to watch this, cocksucker. Hit it leave. We don't get foods again. Oh. What the fuck, wait. Did you smoke some of herb? Yes.

All right. I want you to get your shit together because you're slipping. Bray was nice. We had a nice fucking weekend. Nothing's going on in the news I give a fuck about. You know, there's basketball. March Madness.

I don't know the team's yet. I get hooked up like about a week and a half and we'll talk about March Madden. Van der Lees Silver knocked out Brian Stan. I was nervous for you. I don't know if it was that part of the fight before that where the guy had a bloody nose. And I was just looking at you.

No, I was alive and kicking. You know what I was talking is. Heck the Lombard. lost the decision to Yucan O'Khani, whatever his fucking name is. Eushen gets on top of you, whatever the fuck. He was on top of Yushin not doing nothing. That's the weirdest thing. He got on top of a guy.

Do something. Neum in the ball, bite him in the neck. Do something, Lysayat. What else? Was it the fight where the guy fought the Hawaiian dude? Mark Hunt? No, that's definitely true. He was a seven-foot guy against Mark Hunt, Hawaii.

He broke his fucking jaw. And he broke his head. Do you see that? He tweeted a picture today of his x-ray. His fucking skull has a guy. cracking it. No, he does. Yes, he does.

Can you imagine getting hit that fucking hard in the jaw? Would you keep the... That's what I call a tennis camp. Excuse me, what is your next enrolment?

I become a fucking ballerina. I'm not... Listen, man. I'm going to tell you something, guys. Let's get this shit out of the way.

I got beat up early on. Like, one time at 15, by John Bender. He broke my fucking nose. And one time I got

beat up in Hudson County Park, and I tried to mug that fucking pedophile slash fag, whatever. I'm not getting trouble for that. I should have called him a pedophile. He was really a Sandusky. He was no fucking like a flame or nothing like that.

There was no flamers in 1980. I came across the park. It was all the distorted fucking people. And he threw a beating on me. And one time I got a beat in Colorado. I got choked in Colorado. I almost got stabbed in Colorado. So I understand it.

I didn't like it. Nobody lies getting hit. No. But there's a certain I could just, who the fuck likes doing stand-up? You don't? I know that somebody says, said to you, why don't you go up on stage last night?

You were like, in front of 300 people, fuck you. So I understand it. There's fighters that are like, Joey, are you fucking crazy? I wouldn't go up there and talk. I would never. That's the worst thing in the world for me. But they'll take 22 fucking punches to the face and the knee to the head. Me, you need me. I'm done.

Even if I don't get knocked out, I'm getting knocked out. Do you follow me? Even if I'm knocked out, I'm knocked out. I'm going down. There's no reason to stand up there and slug it out. I'm 50 fucking years old. When I was 20, maybe I'd jump out of window And hit you with a stick or something

The worst for me is getting punched in the face La Bonny I can handle I got fucking hit with a wiffball bat But I hit a dude with a wiffle ball bat one night Those sting Oh, those fuck you have no fucking idea Especially when you put socks in those things You put socks and make them heavier

So what you do is you cut the fucking bottom off And you put rocks in there And then you fill that up with socks And you push it down like a fucking cute tip in a cannon and it becomes that top becomes top top top top heavy yeah when you clock the motherfucker in the head with momentum and all they see is a light and pop pop pop pop pop they go to fuck fuck down I had this buddy one night uh Tommy Russo good fucking good fucking white dude I grew up with you know had his problems you know his father the mother whatever the fuck but one of the

night I knew him growing up and one of the nights we became friends I was walking home all coked up, a couple ludes in me, me and this Louis Castellito and Kurt DiLorenzo down in Miami right now doing whatever the fuck they're doing. And we saw this guy, and Didi Contaro. This dude, Didi Contaro, they call the Manchop. And we saw this guy, Tommy Russo, and he's walking around with his shirt ripped. And we were like, bro, what happened? He's like, this guy jumped me. And I've told this story before on some back because this guy jumped me or whatever.

And we went, we found the fucking wiffleball back. And we just stuffed it with fucking rocks and shit and the guy was at a bar drinking And we called the bar and told the bartender to tell him to come outside that his ride was waiting When he came out and I hit him with that fucking lift ball back because I like Tommy I just and I forget what the guy's name was he dated like a hot chick in my hometown I like Tommy and then Tommy proceeded to hit him with a fucking right hook to the fucking head had a right straight and this guy went down and his eyes went to the back of his and I thought the guy died and I ran like a little fucking pussy dog I thought he was dead

I didn't know that's the first time my life I seen somebody go down like that and just his eyes going the back and he stopped breathing his mouth open and he gave that last oh of that dog I ran like a fucking mother from the next day they said he was alive and he wanted to see us and he was like I'm sorry for hitting your buddy oh ain't no problem we got him you had somebody with a wiffle ball back I just changed their fucking life. I got hit a lot, man. Just a plane with a football ball that would hurt. I got hit with a new chuck.

One time. And the real octagon ones, the four-sided ones, the whatever, the six-sided or whatever... In a fight? Or were you playing around with it? No, I'm in the city trying to get coke and some guy tries to mug you. Some guy chases you. I got in the fucking back. I've got clocked, dog. A mugger had nunjucks? Bro, listen, when they're crack codes and they're trying to get coke or whatever,

they'll hit you with everything on your fucking got. You know, you're fighting these motherfuckers. Who knows what they... You know, they start off with a knife, they come home with a fucking, I don't know, with a yo-yo. I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. You never know. People do desperate fucking things. When I went to kidnap Bella, I had a machine gun.

What the fuck? And all I needed was a fucking a backhand. I could have bitch left him and kidnapped him. You follow me? Some people show up with a fucking, a little marksman repeat. And some people show up with a fucking bazooka to you out. I mean, what am I going to tell you? It's just the way life is.

Jesus. You want to smoke some more? No. What the fucking Sunday? I have to be up in fucking 10 hours. You're 24 years old. 10 hours. And we're going to be doing this one of that hour.

You could go a bar. Fuck a chick. Eat her ass. Come home. Eat her again. Bang her again. Throw her out. Sleep three hours and be a soldier at 24.

What are you crying about? Stop. You're juicing. It's supposed to give you more energy, ain't it? You're supposed to be doing jumping jacks and fucking flying around like the PX-90 and shit. Look at you. Did you make a tape today?

I'm doing after. this. You're doing it after this. What were you doing at work today? Were you working? Yeah. Fucking, it's, uh, yeah, working for the entire 12 hours. Did you gut shit? Uh, it's, uh, more, it's more of like a maintenance sort of thing. I gotta watch it all along the way. No, bro. What I was saying? Brea was nice. And then next is New Orleans. New Orleans is next Friday and next Sunday. And that's it. And I come home. I got Sacramento. I got to go to Nashville. You know, and it kills me. I got to leave my wife. for a week, but her sister's coming out.

Oh, good. Yeah, we got the whole fucking Yang Yang family coming out. I'll catch them for two days when I fly out the next week, so it's not. She's not alone. I don't have to worry about it. She's got a little help. You know, she's been the trooper with the baby. Baby sleeps, you know, it's amazing.

I've been home playing family. I've never had this opportunity. Yeah. And you've been home? You've gone, you went to Florida, and then you haven't really been? San Jose. I went to Columbus. That's it.

I've been home. since December 1st, bitches. I've been home, you know, and do I like it? Yeah, I do a lot when I'm fucking home. Well, you know, we, I put it together from Macaza. I'm not like most guys who are sitting there. I really enjoy going out, but, you know,

you're not going to go to fucking Maine in February. It's 10 degrees. I can't go up there. These guys went to Columbus. They had great shows up there in Columbus. Joe Rogan and Red Band and... Trippolene. They went to Cincinnati. But they were sweating it. They were sweating.

sweating the fucking weather for a few days. It's cold out there right now. Yeah, fuck that. We got some good guests to there. We got the chick calling back from Auntie Dolores. Oh, sweet. She's, you know, because I had some questions. You know, sometimes it's funny.

You have somebody call in, and you ask them questions, and I'm no fucking interviewer people, but I never claim to be, so relax. But you guys have great questions, and you'll send me back and you help me out. So a couple people want to know about her gluten-free and that they have sugar in them and the allergic to them

and we spoke to the other day she was coming to town so I said fuck you just call on Sunday night and we'll ask you some questions got to be a quick podcast Lee got to get his fucking beauty sleeves got to get his toes rubbed the fuckly

I'm working 100 hours this week oh stop your fucking crime before the stuff I do with this now what do you do you got to climb what do you got to dig a fucking trench you're sitting there looking at kids flying and fucking some dog spinning around in circles

then you put a two edits in and you send it back to the bus then you get up and you go get a fucking donut you talk to your buddies about Captain Kirk what are the fuck you cock suckers talk about then you go back you sit down again you do two or three more tapes

which I understand you're hard working I love you to death but the whole time you're sitting there you're doing jumping jacks or holding a torch and you know you're mugging somebody at gunpoint you're sitting there it's nice

you got air conditioning on right yeah your feet are up your shoes are off no I'm in six different bays at once. I gotta keep walking around. You put porn on, you bang one on. You call Rosie. You speak dirty to it.

You make those little jerk off noises. You make those little Staminka noises. You do those little fucking Jew noises. Those little Jew noises, Jesus. I love you, cugsucker. Who are you kidding here? You have to work 10 hours.

It's like a part-time gig. Look how much smoke there is in here. But, look at this shit. It's like Chong's fucking bathroom. What is wrong with you, dog? How much did you smoke in here today before I got here? It's a terrible thing I ever have it. I can't help myself.

Do you get high at work? No. What the fuck? This is what I'm talking about. America. You don't bring a number? Today you didn't bring a little dut-to-huts? I'm constantly around people.

What am I going to do? You spray a fucking number, then you put some bonach on you? No. Did you give more information? I did. You cocked, suck. I told them what was the Spanish person and then my complex.

I didn't like it. You got some freaks out there today. You got a little Filipino freak in front of the fucking place. Jesus Christ, I'm being surrounded. No, no, no, no, I'm serious. I'm serious. You had some nice fucking people out there. Oh, nice.

You had some hot chicks in the building. I don't know what you're doing with your life. I don't know either. Get it together, Lee, cock sick. What time are you going to make? We're going to put this bud. You people will be... At Lee Syed, hit him up.

If you want to see Lee, put a little bud in his fucking shake. People are doing it. I don't like it. And he sleeps like a baby. He'll sleep like a fucking baby. This fucking guy is the biggest resistance in the world. All I've ever done is try to help this little car. He thinks like I'm trying.

I want a chick to pee on him. You know how good that is for your skin? It's not. Listen, in 1990 I had this Puerto Rican chick piss. I mean, a greyhound bus. It's the best thing that ever happened. No, you didn't. My foot fungus went away.

It was tremendous. Hey, fucking bullshit. What do you think it? She was leaving. Listen, it was on the way from Rochester, the Buffalo. She had a little health issue. She had like crabs or gonorrhea or something. No big fucking deer.

You can work through that with some penicillin. Pee is the stuff that your body's like, no, I don't want this stuff. This is bad. What? No, it's not. Fucking Fugita drinks his own piss. A chick dropping three pistols out of a little pussy into your mouth would change your life. No, wouldn't.

Yes. It would change your fucking little. I'd end up in a padded room rocking back and forth saying, fuck Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz loves you more than life and fucking self. You understand me? You're taking a ride of your fucking life. But thank God I don't do heroin and blow and get you in a car and take you. car and take you to Vegas for a weekend.

Jesus Christ. Fuck that dude. Get him to the fucking what's that dude. Jonah Hill and that fucking Irishman. I'll get him to the Greek. I would make that look like get the fuck out of here. I'd have black chicks farting on your face. You'd be beating ass. They'd be lighting your foot on

fire. You'd be fucking shit. Lee, what would you do? You'd be shooting a little snorting a little harrow. I'd never make you shoot him a little bump just to get the party started. We shave your beer. We strap explosives on these. Fuck it. At this Point Lee. This is a church of what's happened. What music got with me, Lee? Why are you tortured me?

You went through all the music? No, you didn't. I played fucking two songs. You didn't lick me up tonight. What happened here? What can I say? You didn't have the who ready for me? You didn't have fucking back at the hotel. That's all the music you got? That's all I was given. No, Lee, I gave you like 18 fucking songs. Why you got here an hour before the jam and shit? What's going on with you, Lee? I can't smoke dope. You know more. Do you have any shoutouts for us?

I got no shout out. I was going to give you a shout out. But now you want to shout out, lick my balls. That's what you get. That's a shout-out you fucking get, cock-suckers. You have to get me upset. You know, my blood pressure side. They got me on those steroids, though. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, I got one more day. It was a five-day package for this ear shit. Oh, those kind. Okay. So they got me on steroids, and they got me on antibiotics. Let me tell you something. I think it was yesterday. Look at this fucking room.

People, you have to. Show them the camera. Look at the fucking room. fucking smoking that. This is a podcast. We do it free. We live it free. Listen, people have contacted me,

can you put it into a radio format and pitch it? I don't want to fucking be a radio station. I want me, if right now I want to take, let's say Lee wasn't here right now. Do you think I'd be dressed up? I'd be fucking, I'd have a shirt on that be under here scratching my fucking nuts.

You're still doing that. I got pants on, Lee. What the fuck's wrong? Which I can dig deep. You can scrap right the helmet. You can scratch the top here. But right now I got an it's deep in my ass under one of the creases. I can't get to that fucking thing right now.

I'm sorry. You know you're a chubby dude, bro. We got creases and I'm fucking... Why are you gigging for? That's it. No more reason for me. What can I say? I'm going to smoke this by myself.

What else is in your future? Nothing for you right now. Nothing. That's it? I want to know what you're thinking about for the movie. I really want to shoot some with my uncle. I really want my uncle to talk about... what I saw it, what a child, you know, one of the reasons my uncle and I fought that time

was, he was trying to explain to me his disagreements how my mother raised me. You know, but meanwhile, he's got a wife, he's got a mistress, and he's got a mistress, another mistress, and he gets her pregnant. He's got two original kids, but he's telling me this shit in 84, and this is what's pissing me off. He's telling me about how my mother raised me wrong, they showed me this, and how I was a loser to the time. It was just mind-boggling that this was.

I could see if this was a street person. Yeah. This was my uncle. And even though it pissed me off years later, when I found myself in prison, I realized he wasn't lying, which is one of the hardest things to ever face when somebody's telling you the fucking truth. And people do it all the time in our lives, and we don't want to fucking hear it. You know, there's some guy hit me. Fuck you, you're fat fuck.

You're out there giving fucking fat health diet tips, but you're a fat fuck. Listen, I might be a fat fuck. I lost 100 pounds. I got a little wordage here. I'm still at three fucking. 2007 now so I'm like you I lost some fucking water weight. I'm gonna tell you something guys if I inspire

one person to take a walk then my fatness helps somebody you follow me cock sucker so suck my dick and call me shorthy I was born in 1940 dropping me you didn't set up no music for me over here looking at me like oh you're 55 oh you're maybe to take 18 fucking heads off a joint and you're mad

at me for not looking for music Jesus Christ wait till I show you the kale edible I brought you from fucking now from divine wellness they gave me this edible with kids. How about a little Superfly? I'm in the move for Superfly. What was the last time I was superfly? Probably the last time we played it. I don't know when you played it last week. You gotta get your shit together. There we go. Oh shit.

Oh shit Lee. It's that time, motherfucker. It's that time and the nightly. I'm happy we can do it tonight. Me too. Because I was depressed when you called me at first because I didn't know what was going on. You follow me? I just couldn't leave for two for a week and not. Call up, brother. Call in. I'm waiting on you. I did text you this afternoon. I can't tell you.

I'm on the air. I'm on the air, right? Unbelievable. Unbelievable, huh? People these days. Unbelievable. This is why you don't do fucking shit in your mind your business. Oh, something happened to me the other day to work, and then fucking really pissed me off.

Talk to me. So, um, I have, I have a... an iPhone and I have about 18 of those chargers from different versions of shit and I bring it to work because my phone dies and I couldn't find it and I'm at work the other day and I'm asking around for one and this girl

takes one out oh I have one you can borrow and it's mine and I know it's mine because I had wrapped tape around it and she sat there and lied like looked at me and like fucking lied to me and fucking it made me so angry and I at first I didn't say anything like I was like I'm not going to fucking

I'm not going to fucking say you stole it or anything because I couldn't prove it. But then I stole it back, and it's just, I can't, people who would look at you in the eye and say I didn't steal something, and just, it fucking pissed me off. Talking to these, hey, listen, I can't say that I haven't done it. People come to me and say, you rob my house. Are you fucking kidding me your family?

I can't say I haven't done it. But at the same token, I understand. Did you get it back? I stole it back from her. All right, then what the fuck you're crying about? You're supposed to steal it back. What are you going to do? You're going to walk around like Abe Lincoln?

I'm trying to come up with something to talk about. I don't know. I just, I just... No, no, no, no, no. I'm happy that, you know... What are you going to do? People are going to steal your fucking shit.

People are going to do weird stuff for you. Yeah. There's wild people out there all the goddamn time. How was that person when I was younger? You know, but I never stole, like, a car stair. Like, that ruins your fucking thing. Yeah. I just robbed your Coke.

Took a couple hundred. You know, I never understood the reasoning of breaking into somebody's car. There's a, you know, Ford and Chrysler, and all those cars have a radio on it that once it's disconnected from the car you can't use it. Really? Yeah, it shuts down. They did 20 years ago.

Jesus. I never understood robbing a car. They catch you in the car. He's got nowhere to fucking go. I was in a stolen car one time, and it was the creepiest feeling. Not that you felt creepy, but you felt bad because you'll know

that if you get pulled over, you're going to jail, And what a dumb way, what a dumb reason to go to jail for. Yeah. You're in the fucking car. If you chase me, I got a gun on me, and all I need is sturdy yards to get rid of the gun in the sewer or something. That'll slow them the fuck down. They need 24 hours to press charges on me.

I put in the fucking sewer, it's or whatever. You got time. But in the car, you got nowhere to fucking go. I never understood that. And you people are listening like, Joe, we never robbed the car. Yes, we did. Everybody robs a fucking car or relatives' fucking car and one point another. Yeah.

I just never understood the magic of it at that young age to rob a car. I wouldn't even fucking do it today, Ronald McCutter. You show up. You got no music, then we got no reefer. We have plenty of reefer. How do you know? Because you just wanted two joints. You want to smoke another one?

No. This is what I'm talking about, like. This is what I'm fucking talking about. That's terrible. But the ear infections down with the steroids and make them a retain water, and I hate fucking doing them. It was five days, and they give you a package. You have to take five to four.

the first day, four the second day, three the first day. So it's the weirdest thing, because you've got to take one for breakfast, one before lunch, one after dinner, and two before you go to bed. The first day say to you is, oh, by the way, you're going to get side effects. One of the side effects, you can't fucking sleep at night. So, I'm going to be as honest I can with you.

It's like sleeping on blow. You sleep, but not really, like the lights aren't turned off, it seems like you ever sleep, but the lights are? You can't fuck it. That's what it feels like. So for the last couple, like last night I slept, and that ride back from Bray's, is a motherfucker. And I did it three nights

and a ride. I used to do it four. Can you believe calmly at one time? Used to be Tuesday through Sunday. Jesus. So you had Mondays off?

That's it. And those are the days you flew. Those are the days you fucking flew. Yeah, there's a couple guys I'm blanking on his name right now who just, they don't even have apartments.

They just live on the road. Tom Rhodes, who I heard about recently. That must be crazy. Fucking living on the road. I did it for five years. Jesus. I did it for five years.

Now, does he pay for a part of his hotel or he just tells the club? Like, I'll come and do the whole week. All right, here's the deal. Most clubs have a hotel room for stars like Joe Rogan or, you know, Kanye West. No, not like Kanye West, but like Kevin Hart, Bill Burr and shit like that.

They also have a condo. Yeah. All right. The condos have, what do you call that shit? It's just a regular, condo with a TV and the refrigerator stuff like that. So what you do is you headline the week. And if the club

owner likes you, you could ask them, because I stay the extra two days and pay the maid. Oh, okay. And then you pay the maid and let's say the maid wants 40 bucks it's a lot better than doing you know what I'm saying, than fucking paying her than paying the hotel room. Yeah. I did it, Lee. I used to leave

for eight months of the time, a year and a half of the time, and I did it. It could be done. You know, it's funny you brought this up today. Something really weird has been happening lately. What's going on? We doubled in emails. Yeah, I don't mind. I fucking hit every email back tonight. I must have sent 60 of them. I don't mind.

I still got like 60 to send. Okay. But something's been going on lately. I'll tell you what is. Rogan said something to me first about it. And then I started getting and I was like, wow, that's fucking weird that he said something to me and all of a sudden now I'm getting these things left and right. Okay, when I started

doing comedy, I started doing comedy really into it. Like, I started doing comedy and you're iffy for two years. Like, you started to die. Somebody will ruin you. Like, I'm going to do comedy, then I would do it. I started, as a comic, I would do it once a month.

And then I would tell people, I'm a comedian, and I would do it once a month. That's it. And I would do, like, these big shows or whatever. And I would get, like, you know, whatever, dumb, hacky fucking laughs. And I would get upstage and then there'd be a headliner. And I talked shit.

Like, last month I did a show with the phone. You follow me? So then that people are supposed to be fucking impressed by you. But the whole time I was missing the beauty of it. I was missing the work part of it. The work ethic part of it. You have to get on stage. And when I went to New York, I learned it.

When I went back to Colorado, 94, I applied it. And I knew a couple things. I learned a couple things in New York. A, it's stand-up comedy, right? Yeah. It's you and a microphone, right? Yeah. By yourself, right?

Mm-hmm. Understand that. and learn from that. It's you by yourself. You're not in a fucking part of a band. You're not part of a fucking, a heel band. You're not part of any of that shit.

You're by yourself. We get confused as comics. Especially myself, I always heard that I was very funny, so I thought that I was going to do that one performance and have somebody see me and change my life. That's what you have in the back of your mind. So the back of your mind that you're doing blow,

you're racking up your credit. carb bills and you're thinking to yourself hey, one person's going to see me and I'm going to become a fucking star and then you get into a local club and now you start working with, you know, for me I started working with Paul Rodriguez and Steve McGrew and

and Anthony Clark and I would do guest sets at the comedy works before I got thrown out of that and you get to meet these comics but in the back of your mind you don't really want to meet them for them you want to meet them because doing or set in front of them is going to change your whole life

and when you realize that these comics live in L.A. and they have their own dilemmas and whatever, you kind of get disappointed and you're like, fuck that dude or something because he didn't help me. He can't help you. He's trying to help himself. And it comes to a point in stand-up or even in life, in any part of life

where you're fighting of addiction or weight, whatever the fuck you're doing that, you realize that nobody's going to help you. You get online, you read about it, and you act on it. the same way you did with the juicing. You follow me? You saw the fucking film.

You got inspired and you do it. The same way it would stand up. Well, I always get two popular questions on Facebook and on the Gmail account off Joey Dears. The most popular is I'm getting into stand-up. Do you have any tips? And I try to explain the abridged thing. What are they saying when you do a turn paper, you get the fucking book? Yeah, the spark notes, yeah.

This is the notes. I'm going to give you the fucking liner note. Okay, that's it. I'm going to give you the line of note, right? Every day and get on stage every fucking night. I don't give a fuck if it's a, if it's a poetry reading or karaoke. My first year in comedy in Boulder, I did poetry readings. And Lee, they would help me.

These are people where they wouldn't put fucking deodorant on. Would you do poetry or would you do comedy? Oh, yeah, yeah, I'd go up there and read poetry. Yeah. Should I stab you right fucking now? I go and do comedy and they would hate me, but I knew that by that time,

94, I knew it was about stage time, and it's like joining kickboxing for me, you know, or joining jujitsu for somebody. The more you go, the easier it gets. So once I put that in my head in 94, I would go to the poetry readings

as a number. You know, the more auditions you go to, the high the percentage, it's like anything else on life. It's just throwing spaghetti against the wall. with comedy, you have to get on stage. You have to get on stage. Every five minutes counts.

And you have to log it. Your first five to six years in the business, you have to log it into the fucking notebook. What night you go on stage and how you did and what material you did, and whatever. I didn't tape every set. But I know when I bomb or I do okay.

You know the phone. Like last night, I didn't do okay the second show. I did mediocre. I didn't take them where I really wanted them to take them for a late show. They should have been easier than fuck last night. I didn't take them there. I wasn't prepared mentally. I wasn't prepared joke-wise.

I went somewhere off the tractor I had. Once I go off the path, it's very hard for me to get it back. I was high. It was the last show. I was tired. But it's weird that you have to keep getting on stage. It's like to become a good editor. I didn't become a good editorly.

By reading about editing? No, yeah. How long did you become an editor? How long did you fucking edit? since freshman in high school so I'm at fucking year like year 12 now seriously uh no year 10 yeah

and how long does it take you to become a professional fucking editor well I'm not even there yet I uh it's weird it's um I have probably fucking another two or three years before I start getting like TV gigs like I'm an assistant editor right now

so uh it takes about five or six years but there's people who've been doing assistant editing for like 10 so like my next gig or two and like that I'm going to start looking for it but people ask me a lot of time like how did you get that and it's just there's somewhere I heard that it's like

you have to do it for 10,000 hours for like that's what like the hacky thing to say but it's just like there's a lot of people who think they're funny or something and I mean I tell jokes in my head and I make it laugh but I introduced you at the ice house

the other night and I got on stage and I don't know if it was the ice house or if it was every stage but those fucking lights are bright as shit. Bright of them shit. That right there is like a, listen, there's a big difference between the funniest guy and you're blocking getting on stage.

Yeah. And people really have to, it's a hard lesson to teach people. Yeah. And it's very hard when they're at the office and they're talking about their wives and they're committed to it and they really know it. It's like what Joe Rogan talks about with the UFC, you know,

you can be a great Friday. Your first fighter at the UFC, it could be tough to lights, the people. You're not used to that. Your mind's not used to that. Your mind's He's not used to taking a punch and people cheering on, yelling. You used to fight behind a fucking McDonald's and smacking some guy three times and you run through your car before the cops get there.

You know, these are things. And, like, I don't like when people don't respect stand-up. People like, I did it one time. You know, I got laughs. And you're like, no, you didn't. You got lucky. Laughs is when you make a fucking living doing it. Laughs is when you're doing it.

And I see a lot of guys that are making a great living and whatever. I didn't make a living until 10 years ago doing it 15 years ago, but that's not, the thing that's been involved in lately is I've been getting hit up for people trying to do a shortcut. Oh, everyone wants a shortcut. But it's amazing how I've been doing a podcast. I've been podcasting with you for half a year. I did it with Felicia for two years, and I do it with everybody else for about six hours.

So I've been podcasting for two and a half years. I've been getting Facebooks about it, MySpace is about, you know, different situations, different conversations. Now, obviously, you get Facebook messages, and we've got the Gmail account. So now I get to answer, you know, like I said, but now I'm getting hit up for, can I, what do we need to do to open for you in these towns? Now, I know when somebody has been doing the work, I know when somebody's doing a shortcut, you're like, Joey, how do you know? Did you get a conversation we were having last night, myself in Silent Bob? Oh, what brother? Yeah.

His brother was going to be the original flying Jew. his brother came up here we shot a video between you and I he was horrendously bad first he took head shots first he kept telling me he was a photographer oh you told me about him we did the headshot but this is Hollywood

yeah and you always want to give the underground guy a shot so I said sure I'll take headshots with you I rather give you 200 than some fucking scumbag he did these head shots lead that I had to basically take him and rip him up I never said nothing to him about

I ate the 200 I never had the balls to say they were terrible because sometimes that 200 to him meant the world. Yeah. Do you follow me? So what was I going to do? The $200, I'm going to cry about. He came up, he had the equipment, Lee, you would have died. And he kept telling me he knew what they were.

That's why I got so furious, but I didn't say nothing. Then he kept telling me he wanted to do film. He had an editing course. You know, I thought he went to school. Finally, I found out it was online. You know, you make videos? He never cut the video. He kept shooting it and then turn it off

And starting up again That was his edit Again, we put the video up I didn't have the heart to say nothing He disappeared on his own Because he lived 45 minutes or what I love the kid I still called him once a week

He calls him one day He tells him he's got a job Making $18 a dollar guys 18 dollars a fucking hour That's great 60 hours a week young man This is three years ago guys Okay, how long did I meet you?

Three years ago. He gets the first job putting fields down for football fields. The sod down? Yeah. So during the all season, the company would take you to New England for three weeks. Wow. And you put the whole fucking thing down. When you do the baseball one, I don't know how it works.

Then from there you go to St. Louis for three weeks. So you're on the road. But the first, this company, since they're out of here, they do San Francisco, San Jose College. Anything football related from Cal, the crew, he got on. So he didn't have to leave. So they had him up at Fresno for three weeks or something. Something went down, and he quit. 18 bucks an hour, he quit.

His friend got him another job at a manufacturing plant. Again, union job. Didn't you hear me and his brother tell him the stories? Every job he got was 20 bucks an hour. Wow. This guy doesn't get like fucking regular jobs. He gets union jobs. And every job he's there for three.

three fucking weeks and there's a problem. So he calls me one day and he goes, hey, I'm going to be in Hollywood because I meet with you. So I met with him and I told him what we need. I go, listen, I need some guy to make some videos. And after a while, let's start shooting shorts. The same way you and I did. Yeah. And I said, this is what needs to be done. I got a camera from Gabriel. I swear to God, it was two or three weeks before you or maybe two months before you. When did we hook up, September? Yeah, something like that. Yeah. I got the camera June. So I hooked up with him in July.

Bought him lunch. Did the whole thing. Same spiel I gave you. This is what we'll do. Never heard from him again. Never heard from him again for 18 months. And then one day, he called me and I go, what's up? And he said, hey, I show you have a documentary, bro. And I go, yeah, who did you do that way? I go, my friend. And before he could say something, I just unleashed on. I said, here you go, motherfucker. fuck you you know you had the opportunity you never called back no bro I was busy

you know fuck you you had 10 opportunities and not to mention you've had 10 jobs that are all tremendous jobs that you quit what you want is somebody to give it to you again how do I know I was that guy when I was 21 I wanted to snort coke on somebody else's account and dance and eat pussy and go out every night but I don't want to do the fucking work one day you realize you got to do the fucking work you know and that's what these people think that they, even if you do, let's say I let you open up for me in fucking Chicago, how's your life going to change? If you're not doing the word, it's not going to change for you. You know, it's so funny, like the big thing amongst comics, I swear to God,

the last two weeks, everybody wants to be on the Joe Rogan podcast, but it's hysterical because everybody thinks by appearing on there one time that life's going to change, and it's not what you do on that podcast, is what you do afterward that makes the difference in how you react to the light that that podcast gives you and your doors that get open for you. But people don't know that. Yeah, because I've, on him or on another podcast, if I like a guest, I'll check him out.

But if I listen to one podcast and shit, I won't listen again. And the reason why this has worked is, yeah, you started on there, but they went to you on Facebook and Twitter and you do the music and stuff, and they like it, so they stay. It's, I don't know what the time.

term is but when you're selling something you don't want a person to come back once and buy something that's why you're not like an asshole to them you want them to keep coming back and keep coming back so if if if you do a good job it's like with jobs out here jobs in my industry they never ask for college degrees they never ask for for anything like that they never ask what your GPA was they ask for references and you have to have good references and you have to do a good job and that's all that matters. Don't ask for your school scripts. Nothing. What do you call those? Not scripts? Reels? No, your school

transcripts. Transcripts? No. I'm sorry for sniffling my boogie. Somebody complained to me that they to stop fucking coughing and shit. What do you want me to do? I got a fucking puck in my ear. It's a minute. Check your grades. No, I've always said that school's not about grades. It's about the commitment. You're there for five years. Now they

they know that you'll do something for five fucking years that you're not a flake. But it's amazing. how that kid never spoke to me after we made the documentary. Really? I've always asked his brother, tell him to call me. He won't call me because he feels that I fucked him because I made it with you and we did the videos and we do the podcast.

He had any hustle. He also was tight with Gabriel. He did some thing for Gabriel. Gabriel loved it. But he went up to Gabriel and he goes, bro, I've been doing this for eight weeks. I went like a thousand dollars a week and Gabriel goes, here's the 500.

Have a nice fucking life. Yeah. You stepped up to Gabriel a fucking wrong way. Gabriel has 19 people on staff. Gabriel pays. Jesus. Do you see his picture he put up? Like 30,000 people? Oh, please. Did you see this video?

No. The Harlem. What is the Harlem, whatever? Oh, the Harlem Shake. What is that? Can you bring it down? I don't even know what the fuck it is. There's YouTube fads. That's how old I am. I don't even go play it for me. Can you play? What does this sound like?

I'll play the music for you. You can't see it. Someone did one, and it says one guy, and then the song breaks, and then they all dance around. I'll play the music for you. Because I've seen something on the news the other day where they were underwater. and somebody fucking played underwater. But I heard the music and I'm like, somebody said, Gabriel had one,

somebody else had one, somebody else had a Harlem shake shop. Like the Miami. Miami. So, like, right now, like, you guys just, like, kind of doing this. Oh, shit. This is what the country's going crazy about? Yeah. And now there's, like, a group of people, like,

dressed up weird doing nothing. But it was funny. There's... You think it's time... Why don't we play it and we'll smoke fucking dope over it? How about that? You and men will jump up and down like these fucking momos. We could do one.

This is it. Yeah, this is it. Listen to this shit. Oh, no, this is a different one. It's just, this is another group of it. But it's funny because there's a YouTube video of Harlem reacts to it. And apparently Harlem Shake is like this or something. Let me see.

Let me see. People in Harlem do it. Let me see. And how did you, did you repeat you this? How did you come? No, someone posted it. But apparently it's like a dance they do. And they're, they're pissed.

pissed in Harlem because it's like all these videos are a bunch of white kids just doing it in offices and shit so speaking of the dead squad Harlem got to get out to the fucking el dominicano has got to get out there and inflict some fucking pain don't be doing the Harlem shuffle if you live in fucking canoga park no yeah they get pissed about some shoutouts to these cocksuckers they were good people this week here the savages of east new york you understand my man garcia the porto rican's mexican whatever the fuck it is up there raggio That's squad Toronto, D. Wiggles. J.R. Steiner selling shirts like a motherfucker on Joey D. is not net. For you, people don't know, he's also in charge of Brody Stevens shirts,

the Lester shirts. Go to J.R. designs. I don't know exactly what the fucking thing are, but he's on Twitter. He's a good man. He's my brother. I love that black motherfucker. Trevor Damara, Alex Stone, the bro with swag. Jim Pitzinger, Stefan Sloan, Alpha Mind Mike. and my man Mark and Charles

They came to the show on Braille last night Sitting there getting this D machine on I love you guys Thanks for coming to all my Orange County shows And supporting like a motherfucker The Harlem Shuffle Unbelievable, I didn't know what it was It's nothing

I don't fucking listen dog I mean I can't I'm too busy to listen to music I listen to some shit today That I want you to find Okay Okay And this is what we're gonna do

We're gonna start doing this because I totally, I want you to find Eric Clapton, eyesight to the blind. I want you to play that real quick. Eyeside to the blind? Yeah. And quick, I want to give a shout out. Alvega, he was very nice.

He talked to me after the show. Alvega is a good fucking man. So the very weird thing is that I always talk about the 70s having great music. If you get a minute, people. I played The Hoot tonight because I was watching the Hootia. It was nice and stoned. Doing homework for you, people. Trying to look for fun stuff.

And I found this video. Play it. Lee, and it's Eric Clapton. I watched this movie as a kid. Listen to this shit. And you gotta watch, and what we're gonna do is we're all gonna line up next week.

And I'll tell you, at the end of the podcast, we're gonna put this video on and play it and all watch this together and smoke dope. This is Eric Clapton and the fucking Who, Mick Fleawood,

in a church. Roger Dultery, they're all draft. This is craziness Lee. What? Oh, shit. Look at Lee's fucking talk about your woman. I wish you could see mine.

You talk about your woman. I wish you could see mine. Every time she starts to love She brings eyesight to the blind. Lee, this is so fucked up. Why? This thing, just when they start. Go a little deeper. Go into a little deeper one.

Once they start walking down the pews, it's a church. They're walking around with a Maryland Monroe statue. It's amazing. And then they start drinking and they show you the picture of Malin Monroe to heal you. It's a bunch of people going there to get healed. And Malin Monroe is a goddess and she heals you. This is crazy. And look at all the suits they have on.

Now you want to wear Pink Floyd got there. Is this a movie or a music? This is a movie called Tommy. It was a musical. With Elton John playing the pinball wizard, just tremendous. Listen, I could be some blow hard and tell you, oh my god. listen, it's a movie that if you last past a fucking hour, you might as well

get $100,000 producers is so fucking bad. I mean, it's not bad, it's that it's slow. It's a rock opera. Today, we can't, we got to watch shit, we got three minutes fucking videos. This takes an hour, but to watch the mind of whoever fucking put this together, these are musicians do.

And I was watching this going, you know what, man? Wow, they should do something with this. America can't deal with this type of shit. This shit came out in 74. I didn't forget about it. That's one of my all-time favorite songs watching Clapton. That's when he was still on heroin.

Look at his face. He was all fucked up. Oh, shit. What? Nothing. But, um... What was it back? You had me thinking, did you ever go and see that Chinese, uh, 21 and 21 movie?

No, I've been busy all week. I didn't see it. I only made nine million bucks this weekend. You know, identity theft was number two. Yeah. And the number one movie was Jack the Giant Stry. That didn't really kill him. Fuck.

That looks so. bad some guys this is America who want to see that fucking movie well you want to see Jack the Giantslayer fuck I don't know what to tell you no more you know what you drink the Kool-A with the rat poison in it because you're killing yourself to live worse than fucking sobbing I hate killing yourself to live on by boy I've had I got a smoke that that movie is all green screen I can't stand it and I don't know if 21 and over was good what did you hear what was there I didn't see I didn't see I didn't hear anything you got you have a college buddy who went

with his little hat with a propeller on what were the first fucking reviews. I'll look for it when I'm playing this. I tell you, I'm starving right now. Me too. You know, I got like the house. What? Chinese apples. What are Chinese apples? No, apples. It's just fruit.

Oh, okay. I went to the farmer's market today, tremendous. My buddy ordered Chinese food last night. He was just texting me. He told me the order. Fuck. What did you get? Fucking orange chicken. What's your favorite Chinese dish?

General Gouser, General So's. I like dumplings. I like egg rolls. But know what I really like? What's that? Those boneless spare ribs that get, like, a little bit crispy or, like, a burn. I got that sweet sauce out? Oh, yeah.

So you like all that sweet sauce shit. I had a spare rib on my birthday from P.F. Chang's. Italy! How was it? Oh, shit. Let's put it this way. 21 and over on Rotten Tomatoes got a 31%. Which means what?

I was in a movie that got zero. I was in a fucking... O movie. It got what? 31% can't be that fucking bad. Let me put it this way. Jack the Giant Slater, I know it was terrible. I haven't even seen it.

That got a 52. Oh. Oh. How do they rate that? I know a chick that works from Gray Drake. I think she works for Rotten Tomatoes. I used to do her podcast, a movie podcast. Okay.

Well, let's see. A good day to die hard got 16. That was better than fucking... Did you see Die Hard? Yeah. I heard you loved it. I didn't love it. I didn't love it.

I mean, it's fucking, what, number six? Is that number six or seven? It was a good action movie. You want to jump up in now? No. I saw it, though. It was cool, though. I saw it in an IMAX, and it was fucking, I don't like 3D, but IMAX is good.

If you can see it in IMAX without 3D, that's a good way to watch a movie. But, yeah, I can't stand those fucking, fucking green screen movies are fake. I don't like fucking those to listen. I thought people could tell. People can't tell. I can't deal with that shit. I can barely deal with it. Even the Chinese connection,

when Brucey goes into the Kung Fu's doing it swings around. And he grows, you can tell it's like a Japanese doll with fucking fucked up wig on her there. You know, that pisses me up. But you're not bullshitting me, you know? I don't want to see a fucking 3D movie or something made from it. I can't no more.

I can't. It breaks my heart. I'm depressed about 21 and over, whatever. I thought he was going to do good or at least be like, the comedy fucking movie of the year. I'm waiting for four fucking no names to take comedy where it belongs in a movie. That's what I'm waiting on.

You know, how many fucking times can we go see Jonah Hill, who I love, with the other guy and the other guy and they make a fucking movie by neighborhood watch? I was watching that the other. How bad is that movie? Oh, I haven't seen that. You know, it's just, and it's supposed to be comedies.

I remember, like, something about Mary was a comic, comedy that I spit the fucking popcorn out of some part. You know, I laughed at something about Mary. as gay as you motherfuckers might think but that's what a comedy is to me it's not two people smile at each other like fucking Paul Rudd. I can't take him no more.

I can't take another fucking Paul Rudd movie. I was watching one there and there this guy's kissed everybody too. He's ain't everybody's ass. Jennifer Aniston. Yeah. He's done movies with all of them. I don't get it.

Where's the fucking humor in that shit? Lee. I'm kind of sad about it but I think this next anchor man is going to be the end of Will Ferrell because Anchorman 1 was great. It was awesome. And like that was the first time.

introduced to him. I didn't see him on SNL. You never saw him on SNL? I was too young. I love it. He's great. But fucking... He's got some great. His last couple movies have just been so bad. Well, they put... Listen, first of all... Oh, we got... I'm Aunt DeLauris calling it.

What's happening, you sexy savage? How's it going, man? Good, how are you? I'm great. I'm great. What's been going on? It's had a nice weekend. You know, the weather was really nice. I went to a baby shower today, you know, regular weekend stuff.

Now, are you in Southern California? No, I'm up north. Okay, when are you coming down? I'm going to be down there next week, Wednesday. Wednesday, Thursday, Fred. So what are the dates? This Wednesday coming? Yeah.

Okay, I won't see you, but Ari's out of town, and Ari wanted you to do his podcast. I thought you were coming in the following week like that Monday. Well, we'll put it together. No worries. I really do want to do that. I just, something came up and I got to get down there. No, no, no, no worries.

We'll do it next time. Yeah. But I was telling these guys. Yeah, next time for sure. I'm going to be coming down there more often now because, you know, I got the right people in place and stuff. And just for a few months there, it's been so, so busy. And we've been a bit understaffed.

And now it's going to start getting a little slower. So it gives us a time to breathe. of a little bit. Okay. No, the reason why I was... I was telling these guys that when you have a guest on sometimes, you forget questions,

and then they get off, and you're like, shit, and then people email you. And it was the weirdest thing, like three people emailed me about you last week. Oh, really? And all of a sudden, boom, there you were. And I'm like, oh, my God. How funny is this?

And there's a friend that I have M.B. Leaves Girl. She lives in Canada, and she thought if she went to Maine, she could get your products and I'm like what gives you the impression you could do that and she's like well because I have the license and I'm like I don't think you

could do that and it's I want to specify with these people what they can and can't do off your webpage because I know you got hit up by a lot of people after you did the podcast and they were probably yes send this weed to Oklahoma and you're like

are you fucking retarded you know are you a fucking mutt what is wrong with you You can't even believe that they have the goal. Like, you're like, really, guys? No, you know, it's just people are misinformed. And the laws around all this stuff, I mean, they vary from state to state, and we've only got 19 states on board.

So people from Canada sure don't know how it all works. So, but in every state's different, which I'm finding out now, because we do want to branch out into other states, but there's really strict laws around how it can be done. So we just want to make sure we're following all the right steps. Now, are there any edibles in Canada allowed at all? Do you know? In Canada, I have actually no idea about Canada.

I don't think so. I don't think it's, I don't think Canada's is legal there in any way. There's other countries that do have it. I think Spain is one. And Israel is leading a lot of research, too. I mean, there's other countries out there that are on board. You know, it's amazing that people hit me up, hey, I live in Miami, can we go to Auntie Dolores website?

And you sit there and go, and even if they had the license, so this is basically enough. I wish I could, but there's no interstate commerce in this industry because that's a federal crime. It would have to be recognized federally as medicine. They'd have to reschedule it and all that before they can allow interstate commerce. I mean, that's never, probably ever going to be allowed. I mean, it is someday great, but I don't think that's in the card, you know. Now, the other question I had for you is another follower on Twitter

or somebody who listens to a subscriber, I should say, hit me up and said that he was out here and he got the license and he was very concerned about either gluten-free or what's the other one of these guys concerned themselves with? What products you had that were gluten-free? So I asked the popcorn, I think, right? Yeah, the popcorn, gluten-free. and the peanuts are gluten-free. Right, okay.

By nature those foods don't have gluten in them. But we might be making another gluten-free product soon. We're working on something now. Now, my man Lee over here is on a juice diet, and he can't eat nothing. What can he juice? You got any of them over there? You can send over to this fucking guy

could put in his juicy juice to get him flowing. He's all up tight. Well, Lee, you have a lower tolerance than your buddy, Joey, right? Yeah, that's putting it lightly. Okay. Yeah, you might want to stay away

from our products, but you might, you know, I think you're right. He gave me a hundred. Oh, I always give him everything. I give him everything. I hook him up.

I put this fucking guy in a different dimension. He calls me back puke and crying. Oh, that's no, no blaineer. I'll tell you what's really good. Your pretzels are fucking amazing.

You got them down for, you got them down for the 27. milligrams of THC. I think there's a couple more milligrams in there. I was loaded the other night driving the fucking brand. I was in that HOV lane with one hand over one eye, one of those fucking nights.

Oh, I was fucked up on the pretzels, cutting off motherfuckers. You know what? So great about those pretzels is we have people that enjoy them for that reason, and believe it or not, we've got lots of cancer patients that are using it for pain and nausea. I mean, they love the pretzels,

They can stay off the sugar. You only need a few at a time. I mean, each one has four milligrams. You could eat four, you could eat eight. You can eat a whole bag. It's just... I eat half a bag before I leave. And then I eat another half a bag when I get in the house about 10, 30, by fucking 12, 15.

Are you kidding me? Or what? It's back to the hotel. I'm fucking seeing colors. I got a blast night at three. I was so high. I had, Allie was under the covers, my one chubby cat to sign me. And I had gray above the covers in between my legs.

Like, she just cornered me. And I was so fucking high. I had a pee. I got up. I looked around the room. I couldn't move. It was like the cats had kidnapped me and tied me up. I went right back to bed.

I dreamed in color until about six. I was so fucking, if you eat like your edibles at night and fall asleep, you wake up in the middle of the night to pee, everything is fucking beautiful in life. You pee on the toilet seat. You pee on the carpet. You pee on the cat. Fuck them.

Well, don't you have a newborn baby? you're telling me that you wake up in the middle of the night and everything's beautiful. Let me tell you something. It is amazing. That little girl goes to bed at 8.30. I hear them. I hear them once a week, maybe at an off time. But the word on the street is, because I don't hear a dick.

I don't hear shit. The word on the street is she wakes up at three. So she sleeps six and a half hours. She gets up. My wife changes it, puts a tip back in their mouth. And she goes straight till 7. When I get up at like 6. She's still in the room sleeping.

My wife is making breakfast. So she sleeps till 6.30, 4, 7th. We're very lucky. Yeah. Yeah, we're very lucky. So that's really helped things. And she was on fire today. And it's really weird because every day you see something new in your child, every fucking day.

Especially if you get high like me. I'm stoned. Did she just say something to me? You know what I'm saying? Like I get that fucking hot. Does she just say Christopher Columbus or something? I have to realize I ate some of your Carmel corn. I eat your edibles like four times a week.

I've slowed down on the smoking for athletic reasons. And I've eaten more edibles. Like tomorrow night I'll eat edibles. Tuesday and I'll get fucked up because I got to go to bed. I've got to get up early at 9 and fly out. But I'm happy that you're still doing your thing. Anything you're adding to the lineup for the Spring Collection? Talk to me.

Yeah, I want to tell you about that, but I have a question for you, actually, is it just occurred to me. Do you medicate before you perform? Before I what? Before you do your stand-up. Oh, please. Oh, fuck, yeah. Here's a thing, though.

Let's say, like, I couldn't eat. You have, like, just for the people at home, you have one cookie that's a black wrapper. I don't know how much. Yeah. It's a 112. It's your highest cookie. Then you have 100 milligram small bite.

and then you have a couple smaller bites after that. I could probably eat the 112 and a couple of pretzels and get up there and rock the fucking room. Rock it, like you're to a different level in your head and then drive home, go on stage, go home and eat the other half a bag and drink coffee. Drink fucking coffee.

And I start writing jokes about 1230, and that's when I call Lee and torture Lee about chicks pissing in his mouth and how he's going to make a man. million dollars that's how high I get Lee knows tell her Lee how fucking high am I I have three or four friends are like dog I'll fucking hire you

right now yeah he I know when he calls me like between 12 and 1 that nothing good's happening because he if it's two he's just getting off a stage or something but between 12 and 1 is the night he didn't do comedy or not he did an early

spot and he's just up like listening to the music and smoking or flying like I'm just looking for the Me, all I need it, you know, there's nights, listen, I love the effects of medicating, and I always have, since a young man, especially when it comes to music. Yeah. There's nothing like going through YouTube and finding shit you haven't heard in a while, like old Beatles and, you know, right there, it's time for a pretzel.

You follow me? I find the Beatles on the roof the other day. I forgot that one. I had like three fucking pretzels at three in the morning. I don't give a fuck. I'll eat those for breakfast. Lee knows. I'll kill those animals.

So what's new in the world of Anthony Dolores? Hit me. What's the spring collection? Well, we're trying to develop a candy, actually. I don't want to talk too much about it because it's really... Right, right. It's early development. But we're trying to do a candy that's going to be real high potency and really tasty,

rather small, and possibly if we can do it sugar-free and gluten-free and all that, we will, too. But the main reason we're developing it is because we want to develop a CBD-rich edible that's you know fairly healthy and

um really packed with the good stuff um because nobody's um nobody's got the CBD rich

um products out there like like we think that they should be out there there should be more of them so and we haven't done that yet so that's probably our next our next product uh me you know I'm a fucking bull and I love

eating marijuana smoking it I love everything you know I get anxiety I love it I love eating it and not smoking for a while and flying and getting fucked up on a plane yeah and right now like a guy like myself or Lee we're looking to lose some weight we love your stuff and I know that you I looked at the caloric intake some of your stuff is two three points weight watcher style it's really low I was really in shock yeah yeah well there's because there's so much medicine packed in such a small amount of food there's really because sometimes people look at the nutrition facts, that's for the whole bag.

You're really not supposed to eat the whole bag at once. Like the whole bag of caramel corn or a whole bag of pretzels. That's a lot of sodium, but it's not meant to be eaten like that. And the brownie bites are so small that there's not a ton of calories and the fat content's pretty low. So, I mean, we try to, it's hard to balance all this stuff out. We want the products to be medicinally potent, right? And then we also want them to taste good.

and we want it to be healthy and it's hard to get all those elements in one product, you know, let alone align and so we won't put out a product unless we can achieve all three of those at least to a certain degree, you know? I know that you're up in Northern California and I, between you and I, I love living in Southern California

I love what's going on down here with the movement but somewhere in my heart I feel that it's a little stronger up there, like people being more innovative up there, as far as different edibles and different things. And I was at the San Jose Impro for a few weeks ago, and somebody brought me a fucking little, you know, one of those jolly ranchers. Not really a jolly rancher. It was a, what's the chocolate ones?

Oh, Titi-Role. It was a Tutsi-Roe or something like that? I think that 175 fucking milligrams. Is it that Cheapachie? I thought what it was. I don't know what it was. It was a little... What are the Chebichu's? They're little boxes or something like that, square things? Yeah, and they're very potent.

Very potent. My God, you're talking about fucking potent. I didn't look at the caloric intake. I like to look at it so we could talk about it. But that's what you're always... I mean, we're all looking for like your cheesecracker. That's a fucking big bang for, you know? That's big bang.

Some people could handle the smaller dose stuff. Lee doesn't like more than... 50 milligrams. He gets fucking, you know. Yeah. Well, I have a question for you. The last time I ate one of the things, one of your things that Joey gave me, um, I hadn't eaten and it really,

it really went fast. What, like, what do you recommend, like as far as eating? Because like it, like, I, I hadn't, not eaten before and it really hit me fast and it hit me hard. Well, what did you have,

exactly? You have to ask Joey what I had. I know it's chocolate something. I gave him, uh, Yeah, the 112. I chopped it three ways. Me, him and his father, and they were fucked up when I left here. His father hugged me,

and his central nervous system was hugging me. No, no, no. Let me explain some to you. His central nervous system. Oh, I'm sorry. You there? Yeah, all of a sudden, I haven't. Hold on one sec.

Go ahead. Is it on your end or my... No, no, we haven't moved. We haven't moved, so... Okay. I can hear you know. It's funny because I chopped it up and I chopped it up at a quarter of the

six. By the time I left at 725, him and his dad were fucking gone. But the father went to hug me and I could feel his central nervous system was hugging me. It wasn't even his hands. I could feel like his veins grabbing onto me and he goes, I'm sorry.

He even knew it. He fucking knew it. He's like, dog, I'm in trouble. I left him a box of Girl Scout cookies. His father ate the whole fucking box. You understand me? They were supposed to go to some steakhouse or something, and we were supposed to go to the track. I called the 11, and I knew Lee was on it.

You know when you talk to somebody there on their stomach and they got their head in the pillow and they got water next to them? And they pick up the phone, they look at it and they're like, oh no, I got to talk to this guy. That's what it was when I called him. That's how fucking high he was. And I knew it. I knew he was that high. Yeah, that's a lot of medicine.

if you got a low color. And getting sick is no fun either. Oh, that T-A-C-O-D is tremendous. I think that was a little bit my fault. I took a swig of water, and for some reason, as soon as it hit my stomach, I just went up. Well, one thing that's, I don't know if you guys know it, but a CBD can act as kind of like an antidote

when you have too much T-C going in your system and you've got anxiety and you just feel really bad. What works as an anecdote? Smoke CBD. Smoke like harlequins, you know, one of these CBD-rich strains or eat a CBD edible, you know, because that actually will balance it out. What's a CBD fucking edible? Well, it would be an edible that was made with an oil extract or butter extract that is, you know,

using a CBD rich strain like harlequin or one of these other strains that have, you know, that particular cannabinoid is richer. Listen, after you eat a fucking edible from me and you're there sitting there in the room spinning and you're puking. You think I could talk into taking anything else from me ever again? It's not going to happen. It's not like you're doing blow and you eat the fucking orange peel and you come down. Remember in the 80s?

If you did two lines of Coke, they said you want to come down, get an orange and suck the peel. Fuck you. That don't work. That works once or twice. Then you're back to looking out of the fucking window. The fuck out of here. Okay, well, I'll send you some medical journals on the... We need some anecdotes.

Like when I killed Yoshi and he was driving around in circles when I gave him like 80 of your fucking cookies and he was driving around in circles for eight hours. We needed an anecdote to save you then because Carl's Jr. didn't work. When Carl's Jr. don't fucking work when that don't take it. You know what works, but I tell you one time, I ODed on T. T.C.

And I drank a bunch of war. water and I puked it out and the water was green and I went home and I was sick for two hours after that it was fucking green I had sweat I had sweat in my titties it was coming everywhere I had to take all my clothes off in the car I was down to my underwear and party socks I had the windows wide open and the air blasted and I oh my god it was fucking horrible I even had to drive on channel this nobody would see me but fuck it somebody saw me oh boy well yeah well yeah yeah well yeah The hard part is when you're starting hallucinating and feeling chip and all that. I don't like that.

I mean, it's happened. It happens all the time in the kitchen, especially when we're developing new products. Because you're constantly taste testing things and you're working on the potency. You really don't know how strong it is to get the finished product tested. And before you know it, you're, like, high off your ass and you're trying to, like, develop these recipes. You can't even, like, see straight. I'm going to suddenly up there for a week on this vacation. to just go by you every day and be the taste tester.

Every day he'll sit there and see what he looks like in the beginning when he walks in. And when he looks like when he walks out for five days, he's got to do it. That's this Christmas present to see you. When am I going to see you then? If I don't see you on this trip, when will I see you? Well, I was looking at your tour schedule, so I could, like, figure it out and get down there when you're around. And I guess I could, well, maybe you and your buddy can get together and tell me what's a good time. time to come down and I'll try to shoot for that

you know you know what I'll talk to Ari and I'll see if you can come down and we'll do a we'll have you on Ari's live and the septic tank and we'll fuck around and we'll eat and get high right there on this spot you know what I'm saying it'll be like a beginning and end type stuff how's that sound my love

sounds fantastic I tell these guys what webpades to go on and it's only in California the rest of you cock suckers just mind your business cover your ears what's the web page And only in California, and we certainly love getting new members, but there's tons of dispensaries carrying our stuff. So if you ever have questions, you can email info atontadolores.com,

and you can visit us at ontadolars.com. What else? Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, all that stuff. I'm going to follow you on Twitter. I even know you're on Twitter, Auntie Dolores. And if we ever end up in another state, we'll let you know. we'll be you know it'll be on Twitter and everything but we'll

let folks out there know because we did get a lot of emails after that last talk we had yeah no no no I know because people were emailing me they love you know they love your stuff and there was a lot of people that had hit me saying they had tried your stuff and they liked it Ari turned me on to the popcorn

so Ari's a big fan he gets it in Hollywood somewhere so you got fans down here you sexy savage don't forget about I won't forget I can't wait to see you next time I'm down there Okay. I love you. Have a good weekend. Thank you for calling in.

You too. Take care. Bye. Bye. All right, Lee, so how many requests we have? Let's go make the milkshake. We're going to put a little nice butt. This weed is strong.

Yeah. Lee, I love you. I know you're working tough, and I know I'm happy you took the time out to fucking do the podcast tonight. We want to do it tomorrow or Tuesday night? Want to get some rest tomorrow? We'll let them know tomorrow.

See how you feel. You're going to take a little nap, and you'll wash your pussy. Yeah. You'll trim you a little bee. You're going to drink your little fucking green shake. I have to make it for tomorrow, but I haven't. I've already had it to.

You're going to have one before you leave the house tomorrow morning, just a little bit. No, I fucking, I get up and I have it first thing in the morning. You do? I have a first thing when I get to work, yeah. Look at you. I'm proud of you, and I know the whole fucking church community is proud of you. Now when I get back, I'm going to do my thing. I'm going to give you that commitment, all right?

I'll let you try the juice tomorrow. No, I don't want to try nothing. I got my own fucking juice. I've got my own problem. I love you guys. I love you guys for watching us on Sunday night to know we're ill prepared tonight a little bit but I'm stoned, I'm sucking sorry.

It happens sometimes, all right? We got my girl to call from Antidloris. Go to antedalores.com and see what's going on tomorrow night. We got a few people calling into the Sharp motherfuckers, a comedy writer. It's one of the best comedy writers I've met in this town. So please, 9 o'clock again tomorrow night. And then that's it for like six days.

You won't see you, Cox's up there. So you know that, right? Yeah, I know. Yeah, so I won't be seeing you guys. But we'll figure something on. I'm going to surprise you, motherfuckers. We'll figure something out. That's it, Lee.

What do you want to tell these cuckers? Check up my YouTube videos. I missed yesterday because I was out until like one in the morning. Doing what? I do the YouTube videos for the... When were you two of one? Well, no, I had to drive back to my work and then I got back here. Get it together, cugsuck.

What's what I'm saying? Should have came here first, done the video, then you're on to Bria. That's how you do things. How? How am I going from Beverly Hills to up here, to up here, down to Brea? Because you made a commitment to these. people so you gotta fucking I'm doing one time

I'll be up early tomorrow I'll forget go to brown paper tickets New Orleans don't fuck around there's only 160 when I call Lydia they leave we don't have like 42 left or something like that don't fuck around don't make me cry to me and say Joey I didn't know

what the fuck you knew you knew my man Dan Savich over at the firehouse they were all waiting I got some people waiting they got heavy duty artillery we got alligators we got Puerto Rican chicks we got the whole fucking thing happened down there at the lot knew it Teter You can buy it on your phone

that you're listening to this. That's right. I'm brown paperticket.com. Latinuit theater March 8th and 10. At 10 o'clock and March 10th. 8 o'clock. That's how we do it.

Friday and a fucking Sunday show because I'm off to set on Monday morning. And that's it. I don't know what else to tell you. I love you guys. Lee. What music you got fun with Joey today? Do you want to listen to killing yourself to live again?

Sure. Put a little sabit on. Get this motherfucking party started. Late night. If you're on the East Coast, I love you for staying up. You know what I'm saying? Fuck it. Fuck it. You might as well smoke a number. Maybe go down to the cocktail bar.

What time is it? It's 1 o'clock in the morning. It's early. The night's just getting started. If you're in Arizona like JR, whatever, don't forget, if you need shirts, hoodies, the fucking long-sleeve shirts, the commemorative, Flying Jew, they're going like hotcakes. Go on Joey Diaz.net. Get yourself a little shirt supports the podcast of Flying Jew.

Don't forget if you're starting an exercise program, before you do anything, go to the doctor. if you're over like 28, you've been doing blow and eating ass for the last 10 years and you just woke up and you want to get healthy. Go to doctor first. Do a blood test. Then go to on it.com. See what they got on there.

What works for you? The hemp protein with the high fiber, delicious, the fucking immune, the shroom tech. Tremendous. I get sick again. I'm back on it. And the bone tech, the strong tank, I gave it a rest for 30 days. And now when I come back, I'll go back on it because I was on it for 60s straight. That's how I like to mess them around.

just so it's like triptophan. No matter how much tryptophan you put them eventually, you'll stop sleeping because your body stocks up on it. So thank you very much, cocksuckers. That's how we wrote here. The special edition of the church of what's happening now, my friend couldn't call it at 10 o'clock, but fuck it next time.

I want to give a shout out to all you guys for backing me up all the time and my little flying Jew buddy here. Lee Sayette. We love you. Stay black.