The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #031 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: January 18, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Today, we talk about accusations This episode is brought to you DraftKings, ExpressVPN...... Go to https://www.draftkings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.expressvpn.com/joey And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

Greetings from Podcastville. It's Monday, the 18th of January. Uncle Joey's joint is brought to you by, motherfucking Draft Kings. If there's a week to place a bet, this is the week. You got my man Dustin Porriere against the Irish fucking mallet of debt.

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And it starts tonight with three games on D&D. The joint is also brought to you by ExpressVPN. Listen, I think by now you've already seen everything on fucking Netflix, even the Spanish shit. But with ExpressVPN, you can trick the computer into thinking you're in a different country and you'll be able to watch just about anything in the fucking world. I think it's called the Dark Web. You already know a VPN will protect your privacy online, but it's taken my TV watching game to the next level. My wife,

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McGoo, thank you for all the well-wishes and everybody checking it on the knee. It's doing great, man. I'm way ahead of schedule. I actually walked up steps. I got a 90-degree angle on my bend. I've been having PT. You know, every night I get a call.

Hello, is this Mr. Diaz? We will be over tomorrow at 10 o'clock. They come over, they walk me, they beat me to death. I'm doing really well on the medication guys, between CBD Lyon, the Tylenol, 650 milligrams, and the oxies they gave me. I fucking alternate them around. And you know what?

I was a little panicking because I was running out of them because they told me to take two every fucking six hours. But I was getting too fucked up. And I was. I was getting too fucked up that day. They low my blood pressure those things. Tuesday morning, thank God. My wife came down in the middle of the night to check on me.

She fucking woke me up. She's like, you're sweating up a storm. I had to take off my sweatshirt, take off my t-shirt, and she checked my blood pressure. She had to give me, like, fucking salted taffy to bring me back up again. So I was like, you know what? They sent me new prescriptions,

and I'm used... The only time I really use the oxies, you know when you need them for at night, at night, because you don't want to wait. up at four and a morning to pee and being that type of pain you'll never fucking fall asleep again so I've been all like I said I've been doing it I've been doing my own pain management so I rub some CBD on I take some CBD gummies in the daytime I had two boxes of my might as well start eating those motherfuckers that 10 calories apiece they've been great in the daytime

then at night I used the tincture which gives me a little bit more I can pump in 5,000 milligrams under the tongue. I got some great flavor things shit that fucking tastes great. So that was my main concern going into the surgery. I know everybody's concerned is he going to go off the fucking reservation with the pain medication. Thank God I'm not a fan. And I knew that I pretty much tapered off. I started tap it off on Friday. So it's fucking Monday. I feel great that irkiness you get from norcos like all that little weird feeling if you're living in the twilight zone. Agitated? No, I'm not agitated.

When you come down. Yeah, you could tell him not agitated. I've been fucking great. I've been, listen, man, I'm 58. I don't expect to, what do you expect to be

tap dancing the next fucking day? I don't expect that at all. It's going to be some hard fucking work. I got, today's my last fucking home therapy session this afternoon. This afternoon I get my stitches taken out.

And Wednesday, I started I started my buddy's fucking physical therapy place. So I'm going right from one place right to the other. You know, I didn't Google this surgery. I usually Google everything, you know, on the half a fag. But I learned the hard way when my wife was having a baby. I googled women having babies at 43.

And holy fuck, it was the worst pregnancy of my life because I basically thought she was going to fucking die on the table. So I said, you know what, if I read anything about this knee surgery before I fucking have the surgery, guess what's going to happen? I'm going to fucking cancel it because I'll get too scared. So I think Tuesday, Wednesday, I started Googling and I went to WebMD, what to expect from your knee surgery, recovery time, exercises, and I've been taking it fucking seriously.

So right now, in my mind, like in my mind, I still have a little pain, I still walk funny, I need the fucking stroll to walk, the whole thing, the crutches. But in like every, in their mind, I'm fucking way ahead of schedule. So that makes me feel fucking great. So for you guys wondering, thank you for all your support with the knee stuff. Last week, we talked about accusations about what it takes to accuse somebody and what it feels like when you get accused. I really, really thought about it all week.

It's been something that's been on my mind for almost a year since all this shit started. How does an accusation start? You know, how do you get it confirmed? you know with somebody you know I called my girlfriend when I got home that that's not good enough you know that's just not fucking good enough you know there's just so many fucking things

when yeah I have a dear friend that comes over here a lot and sits with me at night and watch his football I mean when I talk about with dear friends I'm talking about let's say I go back with him when I'm 13 and in fact he gave me Led Zeppelin

to some of Maine's same with the Allman Brothers Live from the film war on a track like it was a it was some these different eight track and he recorded two albums over it you know like two albums over the eight track so he gave me that when i was like 13 so you know for years i would see him and go you're the motherfucker but he didn't he him and i were tight tight friends. When I was 13, he would, you know, he was, I think he's 60 now. So we started hanging out when I was about 13, you know, he had two younger brothers and I hung up by his house. And as I got older, he got his driver's license. And he was always a clean guy, you know, he always was

going to be a fucking cop. But, uh, he had a friend that dealt weed. He wasn't one of those guys that was, you know, uptight about being a cop. He just, uh, he just wanted to obey the law, you know, and he turned me on to a guy that me and him ended up being good friends and selling weed for years and whatever, that doesn't matter. But the other night, Rayo came over here, and as he was leaving, he picked up a picture of Anthony Balzano. I don't know if you guys, I do the album of the week on Patreon. And I did a segment about Kiss

and I actually showed a picture a friend of mine who had died in the eighth grade. I had gotten this picture from his dad before his dad died about five years ago. And I got the picture about 20 years ago, and I, at first I started using my wallet because he was my best friend, and I figured if I had my best friend that close to me, but I didn't want to lose my wallet, and I lose that picture, and I never knew. So I just left it at home, and I did, like, an altar for him and all my other buddies, and the other night I had the picture of him out, and Joe Rayle was leaving, and his wife was here, and my wife was downstairs in the basement. And Joe Rao picked the picture of Anthony, and he, and he said, and he was, and he was,

He looks at my wife and he goes, look how good looking your husband was in the eighth grade. And I go, sorry, but that's Anthony. He goes, that's amazing. I forgot how much you guys looked alike. We were like fucking twins when we were kids. They called us both pepper nose, you know, because we both had big noses and we were skinny.

He would lose his mind when you called him pepper nose. Me, I didn't even give a fuck. They had been calling me spick for two years prior. Pepper nose was a fucking break. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, who gives a fucking? fuck about peppinose you just been calling me spick for two years so i didn't give a fuck uh him and i were really good friends and you know he died the eighth grade and it really took a chunk out of who i

was till this day i still think a lot about anthony 40 fucking eighth grade you know may of 78 this fucking kid died but one thing joe said to my wife you know joe was like wow now i remember how much you guys look alike and one thing joe was like and one thing joe was saying he goes one thing i remember about you guys are you guys were fucking tight like he goes you guys had a fucking huge crew down there guys when i i thought when i lived on 48th street i had like a rolling tough crew when i moved north bergen in 73 it took me a couple years to go out but once i went out i attracted a crew that we were some hard-hitting little fucking kids we weren't bad kids big difference we were just hard-hidden kids we played

everything. We played in the woods. We played bed. We just did everything there was to do. We hustled. We went down to the train tracks. This is before the metal lands was even built. And we used to cut fucking punks and sell them door to door, punks or sticks that you land on fire and it gets rid of mosquitoes and shit. It's like that mosquito spray, only got to light them on fire and shit. I mean, we just did crazy things, you know. We were robbing trains. There was a year there. I didn't even know where the fuck I was. I just went to martial arts and hung out with these kids. But the one thing did stand. I don't know how many of us there were.

Just off the top of my head, myself, Dominic Spichiel, Michael Spichial, Valentin Farrow, this was just on my block. Then on Charles Court, you had Sabatino, Dean Altman, you had the four brothers that the Balzano's beat up the first time with the sister. You had Prongay, the two guys, the two kids who the father was the Iceman's assistant. You had Alona Mertons. You had the fucking Arezes. I mean, you had so many kids.

I forget what this Italian kid's name was. I thought he was a fucking psychic. And my mother wanted me to kill him because he gave my mother the wrong information on the basketball game one time. You know, you just had so many fucking kids. And we lived and died for one another. We were out there all day playing. And those girls, I still remember those girls, we were all tight. In fact, till today, it's night, this, we're talking about running with somebody in 76, 75. Today, I still talk to Lisa, Gina, Marjorie, Grace Savoyer.

I still talk to so many girls from that area because we were so tight that Joanne Kellett, there was no sex. We were kids. We were kids. The only thing we did that was wrong was we played Buckbuck. I don't know if you guys know what Buck Buck Buck. Buckpuck is some guy gets against the wall, and then some guy holds onto his waist with his head going that way, and then everybody holds each other's waist,

and you create like a human chain. So let's say you have eight people bent over, like they're going to take it in the ass. I don't know if you've ever seen this game. So it's eight people bent over, like they're going to take it in the ass, holding on to each other with a guy standing on the wall. He's called the pillow, and then let's say you have six people on a team, they have a team of seven.

Okay, so it's seven people against six bent over because the seventh guy is the pillow. He's holding and he's coaching. He's telling you, hold on, Mike, don't bust your fuck. Because what people usually do, so what you do is you take a run and jump. You come running like 20 fucking, like 20 feet.

You take a running jump, And then there's one guy bent over. You push off of him and you fly into the air until you land on somebody. So let's say our goal is to land on Mike. We know Mike has bad knees. Our plan is, listen, everybody land on Mike. Mike can't hold him all of the suck. So then boom, boom, we land on Mike.

The next guy goes, he lands on me. Now I got like three guys on top of me. I'm punching Mike. I'm squeezing Mike's ears. Mike's like, I don't mind people on top of him. of me, but why are people poking my eyes out and all this shit? We were kids, we weren't really poking each other's eyes out. We were just, like, smacking each other and shit like this.

No big fucking deal. So this is the only thing we did. Then the girls got involved. Once the girls were like, we want to play. We're like, girls, I hope you know what we're going into, because your tits are going to be squeezed, all that shit. And they're like, as long as you're not rough with us, we don't give a fuck. I think the girls played with us like two or three times,

and when they got together and said, fuck you guys. You guys, I think we ripped off a girl. We almost ripped off at tit because you have to land on that day also had a so here these girls playing buck buck and now they're bent over holding on to another girl and men are landing on top of them and we have to break the chain So all we would do with the worst thing we would do those girls in those days was like pull their hair And they'd be like ow who's the fucking faggot that's pulling my hair when I get out of this I'm gonna fucking kill you fucking queer and all this we would just you know we would just you know we would just that's the worst thing we did to those girls. If we bought a four pack of wine coolers, they got beers.

If we bought beers, they got beers. If we had weed, wait. Do you think I would still talk to Lisa, Gina, Marjorie, and Grace? If we weren't tight with those girls growing up, we were super tight with them. Whatever we did that, and then, when we went over, like the Hill, the Union City, and West New York, we would always take them with them, and we'd watch their fucking back. We had a girl, Kathy, God rest of the soul.

I was tight with. I mean, we were all fucking tight. Okay. I moved to McKinley in 73. I go to Sacred Heart School for boys, but I don't actually go to McKinley until sixth grade comes. Now, I don't have to tell you how I felt first day of school. I knew some people,

but most importantly, I knew Anthony already. So I knew nobody was going to fuck with me. Anthony was in the class. I was in the sixth grade. Anthony was in the fifth grade. Anthony had a brother who wasn't a sixth grade name Jimmy. I was tight with him too. And he had a brother in the eighth grade named Political Pete.

I was tight with him too. And he had a brother older than him, Big Frank. I was tight with him too. But my main dog was Anthony. Me and Anthony were together every day. Me and Anthony were all doing, already doing like little scams, like Betton. We would like, I don't know.

We didn't do nothing big time. We'd rob like a bag of concrete. You know, we were just kids. We were just too faggy fucking kids, you know. I loved him dearly. He loved me. And, brother, it was, we were together every day. It was two things.

When I walked home from school, he lived a block still north from me. We had two options. Either I would go to his house. Well, I would wait at the bottom of my corner, and he would walk towards me, and we would go to Charles Court or Liberty Avenue or wherever we were going to fucking play or 38th Street Court.

38th Street Court already was dominated by older kids. There was like 12 of us, 10 of us, but we didn't want to mess with the kids at the park because they were older, they were drinking already. They would fucking, they wouldn't bully us. They would just torture us, make us fucking play basketball with them and foul us and all this shit.

No big fucking deal. All right, to make a long story, short, I in the seventh grade, I finished my sixth grade year, and I go to the seventh grade, and I had a teacher name Earl Kingwell. Earl Kingwell was a very, very good teacher. He was a scumbag, but looking at Earl Kingwell today, the reason I like reading is because of Earl. Earl was a little heavy with his hands. He smacked a few students, and he got beat up for it. There's a thousand stories I can tell about Earl, but this ain't about Earl today. Earl was rough on me in the seventh grade.

I don't know what it was. I'm not saying he was... I think he was heavy with me because he saw the potential in me. He saw I wasn't a stupid kid. And going into the seventh grade, I had no problems with school at all. Never had a problem with school.

But then something happens. The little boys in the seventh and eighth grade, I fell in love. I fell in love with this girl. I mean, I mean, just I don't know how it happened. I never had interested. I mean, I thought girls were always beautiful. I thought about the day I would like go on a date,

you know, shit like that. But at that time, I wasn't looking for a girlfriend or nothing. I hung out with this kid, his name was Albi. We were both speed demons. You know, our connection was we rode bicycles. And, you know, we rode motorcycles. At night, we'd all walk up the hill. Eddie Lamenca, Mario Arias, Albi, just all of us were into motorcycles.

We were just innocent, stupid kids, Anthony, Frankie, Pete Bousanel. We were into motorcycles. And every night we'd walk up 38. That's how we ended our night. After all the basketball, all the football, all the fucking, you know, running up and downhills at night, we'd meet. And instead of getting high those days, we'd walk up 38th Street to Carvel. and we get a cologne or a chocolate shake. I'm talking about 10, 12 of us,

and then we go to a Kawasaki dealer. There was a Kawasaki dealer on 39th and Kennedy Boulevard. Then we basically go to the jerk off all over each other. You know what I'm saying? Like, oh, someday I'm going to have that bike, you know. We're not going to get shit. None of us are going to buy shit. I had the ability to buy shit

because that would just make money at my mother's bar. At the time, I probably had like a YZ80, not Kawasaki. Zizuki made a YZ80. Don't quote me on this or tweet me if you do know the exact ones. It doesn't matter. Again, we were all very tight and then one thing happened one day. Boom. I go to Albi's house and he's got the cutest sister in the world. She's in the other, she's in the seventh grade. She's in the other class. And I don't know. I don't know. I just, I think like maybe

January of February. I, we saw go roller skating on Sundays. Like a bunch of fags at the Paramus Mall. We would all get together and go roller skating. Kids, I did it all. You know, I don't want you to think that I did it all. 10, 12, 15 of us, a parent, two, three cars, you know, one parent had a station wagon or whatever.

And I just kind of took a liking to her. And I drew up to fucking mustard, you know, You know, I drew up, I got like flowers one day, and I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, and she said she had to talk to her family. I was like, what the fuck? I get myself involved in them. She talked to a family.

Her family said, yes, you could be her boyfriend. You could start by doing little things, going to the movie theaters, and taking the grandmother, which I've talked about, how much I fucking hated to this day. It was the only time I did it, with. It was the only woman I did it with, and I felt just fucking like a fag. But it was old Cuban tradition. So I took a, I don't know, I wish I remembered what stupid war went to see, and the

grandmother came. I think I took it to like two or three movies, and the grandmother came. And then, since I was friends with the brother, I was allowed to go over to the house. And the deal was this. we were going to just kiss and make out no sex and then June before the eighth grade announced that we were a couple you know right away I don't know I felt something weird

why do we have to hide and all this shit you know you already went to your family and told them they kind of like giggled at us we were too young you know she was into Donnie and Marie and on Friday nights I would go over there and wife Donnie and Marie. And then I smartened up and I'm like, fuck you, Donnie and Marie. I'm staying at home and watching Red Fox, Sanford and son,

and fucking the show with Pretty Prince, I forget what the name of it is, Chico and the Man, you know. Anyway, no of this really matters. I'm just giving you background on what happened. So June of whatever year that was comes, and she comes to me and says, you know, I've been thinking about it. I don't think I'm ready to have a boyfriend yet, and I'm heartbroken.

I was never in love with a girl before. I'm fucking heartbroken. I fucking, you know, fall to pieces like velvet revolver. I just, you know, I don't know how to take it. But what had also happened throughout the year was that I had fallen in love with her so much. So that I had just, I didn't do anything else. I didn't go to karate. I didn't work on my math.

I didn't work on my geography. I didn't work on a lot of things. I barely read, I was in love. I was in love head over heels. What do you want, man? I was a stupid romantic. And in the meantime, my grade slipped.

My mom didn't know. Not only did she not, wasn't going to date me, but I also had to go to summer school. That didn't stop me. If you guys know anything about me, That didn't stop me. I, you know, got on my hands and knees and prayed to her that she would fucking, you know,

please reconsider being my girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. And we still messed around. We had never had sex. Let's get that straight. We kissed and I sucked the titties maybe. And that was it. One day she really looked at me and said, look, I don't, because we got caught playing hooky and my mother went off on her. And it was just a lot for both families.

She didn't like... My mother called her a whore and shit in Spanish. My mother called her mother a whore. It was just not bueno for everybody here. So we decided just to break up. We're like, listen, this is causing too much problem. I immediately was heartbroken. I think I stayed home for a week.

And I had to reprioritize. Not only that, I failed summer school. I didn't fail summer school. I played hooky from summer school to be with her. and I thought that Carmine could cover up and help me out, I ended up getting fucking left back. You have no idea how bad I feel. Listen to all these words I'm telling you,

because you're going to have to make a decision at the end of this. I got left back, so now I got left back, I got no girlfriend. My friends are laughing at me behind my back. Not Anthony, you know. I had tight friends and like, hey, man, it happens. Fuck that shit. You get another girlfriend, you know?

And I'm like, I'm not one other girlfriend. I want Nikki, you know, I'm a fucking half a fag. I'm a Catholic kid. At that time, I had been in a couple fights, but I really believed I would never, ever do anything bad. Like at that time, I just didn't have it. I didn't have any anger in my heart or anything like that. So I sucked it up, guys.

I went to summer school. I got thrown out for attendance, and then I realized that I was going to get left back anyway. I took my lumps. I avoided going to Charles Court. You know, I said, that's it. I can't go to Charles Court for a while

because I'm too in love with her. I want to get over. And I dove into basketball. Dove into basketball. Head fucking first. Going into seventh grade, my second time, that's all I had.

I wanted to play basketball. I loved going to, karate. I redove myself into karate and I fucking rededicated myself to the books. I was back. I had this walsh in the eighth grade. You know, I went in there and talked to her. She spoke to me and told me, you know, that we'll be watching you if you fall behind or have any problems. This doesn't have nothing to do with it. But I'm fine. I get over her. I'm playing basketball. I'm back in the groove of things, don't get me wrong. It must have taken me 90 days to get over. You know, maybe, let's say October, November, I'm over. I see every day at school,

you know, we kind of talk. And I was friends with a brother. So, you know what, man, I had to push it aside. At that early age, in the seventh grade, the second time, I had to learn that, you know, this is part of breaking up of people. You have to move on. And that's it. So we immediately became friends. You know, she was a cheerleader on the basketball team. There was no getting away from her. You know, we just became friends again.

And this time we were just friends. She was becoming a beautiful girl in the eighth grade. In the seventh grade, I still wasn't really dating. That had taken the fucking wind down on myself. I did become a fan of like, you know, classic love songs, you know, Baby come back. Any kind of fool could see. There was something, all that type of pop. All that shit I became a fan of and I dedicated to her. But somewhere along the line, I just got over. I got so involved in basketball. You know, I wanted our teams to be so good.

I got so involved with hanging out with Anthony and his family and Dominic Spichial. You know what? Nikki went away. Like whatever. So the winter, came, the winter came and went, and then the spring came, right? What comes after the winter? The spring, right? So the spring comes. At this time, I'm still a speed demon. You know, I got a motorcycle, I've got a 10-speed, I've got one of those bikes that just, you go like this, the sissy bar, whatever the fuck, and the high thing, and I've got to ride around, like, those fucking dudes you see on, like, all the gang movies and shit. Like my Debo bike, I had, like, a Debo bike, right?

Debo died, right? Debo, the guy from Friday and he had a bike. I had a couple different bikes. Turns out the kid next door to me, Valentin Farrow, was a tremendous. And I mean, again, another nice, sweet kid. He didn't even know what he was doing, but he just liked working on bikes. You could bring him a bicycle

and he would fucking take the whole thing apart. I mean, he was brilliant. He knew shit that I didn't even think of him, though. And he could take the insides of a fucking rim apart and tell you where the fucking war bearings were slipping. I mean, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? But just learning with him and sitting with him, I learned little things.

He would say, I'm not just going to do it to you for free. You're going to have to meet him with the same fucking age. He would be fucking way ahead of me, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he would fix up these bicycles. Between you and me, the Gizzies, Doug Jimenez, all these kids were stealing bicycles. and they would bring them to giving that terrace, and we'd buy them, you know, three, four dollars, ten dollars, five dollars.

And then our goal was for Valentin to do work on them, and we'd take them up to Union City and sell. That was our little scam at the side. Me, Anthony, Valentin, all of us. That was our little scam. So I think Charlie Gizzy and Doug Jimenez brought us three bikes a week, and we'd redo, you know, I'd go buy a can of primer, spray paint, You had to take the VIN number off, the bicycle, so you either had a, we had a fucking,

oh my God, it's, guys, you know. It didn't, it wasn't a VIN number. It was like a 10-digit identification number. Like when you first bought a bicycle those days, if you were a decent kid, you used to have to go down to the police station and get the bicycle registered. I don't know if you know this.

If you got a view, back when people were decent and things were decent, as soon as you got a bicycle, you were instructed to go to the police station, station. How fucking much times have changed. You were instructed to go to the police station and fucking register your name and they would give you like a sticker, don't steal this bike. Fuck you. Those are the first ones you stole. Because people felt secure with the sticker. It was like a restraining order. Like he's not going to hit me. Next thing you know, you're

OJ's wife on the concrete floor, right? No, it's the truth because people think, oh, I got a restraining order. I'm safe. Yeah. See how many people have died of restraining orders? don't believe the hype. But all these kids believe that they had the fucking if they had this little gold sticker

from North Bergen Police Department or West New York Police Department or whatever police department your bike wasn't going to get stolen. You were done.

We had the fucking stuff to take the fucking sticker off and then Valentin figured out some chemical to take the adhesive box so you wouldn't see the sticker and then we would sand it down

and then there was a kid next to him, Clemens. That family had fleas. Like they all had, what do you call that shit? When everybody has to have a crew cut? Lice. Lice. They all had lice. So you got to like fucking stay. You got a social distance from him 50 fucking years ago.

I swear to kid. The Clemens, everybody had lice. It was well known in the neighborhood. In fact, the white kids would tell the other white kids, hey, Clemito Kere Pio. That means that he's got bugs. Even the white kids learn how to speak Spanish. to code other white kids about the Clemens's.

And the Clemens'ers were a nice family. But Michael Clemens was the shit when it came to a bicycle, and so was Valentin Farrow. So they could whip up a bicycle within two fucking days. A bicycle would need... You could bring it. You could bring a fucking microscope.

I don't give a fuck. You still couldn't tell that was your fucking bicycle. That's how good these two fucking morons were at doing bicycles. So I lived right next door. I was neighbors with Valentin Farrow. And next to Valentin Farrow was Michael Clemens. So every time my garage door would open, I'm exaggerating here.

Three days a week, I would have either Michael Clemens or Valentin. They would already be outside with the bicycle upside down. You ever see those guys, the bicycles upside down? And they're spinning it and they're putting fucking oil on the thing. Dog, every time I went on the house, let's fucking, just for the chase, just for the clarity. Let's just assume they did it four times a week. So every time I would go out, I'd go, wow, you got a new bike, and he would fucking be going, look at these rims, and you would hear it spinning,

and his shirt would have oil on it because you put oil, like, three and one oil, and when you spin it, the shirt would, he would have like a streak going from the bicycle, all his shirts had the same fucking streak on it from the oil. So, you know, every time I go out, he'd go coax. What are he doing? I'd go nothing. He'd go coax. take this bike for a ride. When they tell you to take a bike for a ride, that didn't mean to go to the top

of the fucking hill and come all the way down 90 miles an hour. That was to ride sitting down, right, under control, to ride the bike sitting down just to see how it felt. And then you stood up and you peddled, you know, and then you brought the bike back and you go, Valentin, it felt pretty good. And then he'd have like three of us try it. Like he was, you know, me, my, my, Michael and Dominic or Anthony, he'd have three of us try to fucking bicycle. I got on the bicycle one day, and I come out one day, and he's got a bicycle. He's got a 10 speed, a regular silver 10 speed. He had just finished painting it.

It was silver with black tape on the handlebars. It was like an English racer. Like a long thing like that, something that we had never seen before. At that time, we were still into these fucking things, you know. He had an English racer, and it was a black nice seat with black electrical tape on the handlebars. He put silver caps at the end. I mean, Valentin was a bad motherfucker, and he spray painted the bike silver. I didn't think twice of it.

I come out, Valentin, what's happening? Mr. Otino was out there. What's going on, Otino, Puerto Rican Charlie, whatever, the Puerto Rican fag I told you. Puerto Rican Nelson was out there. I come out and I'm not thinking anything. He goes, Joey, Coco, you want to take a, take, I was taking my bike out. He goes, no, no, no, no, I want you to take this bike out, see what you think. I take the fucking bike and I go for a ride.

I come back, he goes, what do you think? I go, I dig the fucking bike. But I think there's something wrong with the handlebars. he gets the big wrench and he fucking whatever he goes take it again I go okay I take the ride I go downhill and I make a left this time and I can see again that

when I made the left there was some hesitation in the staring so I go let me keep going I go I go to it was 38th Street Park given that terrace Charles court didn't liberty happen all the action was on

Charles Court. Liberty had a little bit of action for kids. Vanitychecks, Phillips, Vinnie Neglia, Vinnie Warhead, not really, the Canales, but everybody would meet in the middle in Charles Court. So I take my bike, I go to Charles Court. Again, I need to do another left. When I make the fucking left up that block again, I see there's something wrong with the bike. I hear kids playing. I go to the top of the block. It's Charles Court. There's 16 kids out there, girls you know and they always were doing something you know fucking stickball or buck buck or hide the fucking kick the can they were always doing something so i put the bike down without thinking anything of it and now charles court is a cul-de-sac with a middle in the middle is an

island that has two houses on it one facing that way and one facing the other way no big deal I go up the corner here and I'm on this side. Let's pretend this is the island. It comes all the way down and then this is where the leads off back to the streets to and you go over to either the park or whatever, but it was basically a cul-de-sac with a little island.

And it was such a big block that three sets of kids could be playing on it and nobody would know. I can have a set of kid at 3 o'clock, which was usually the case. The Dobsons, the Robson, The Robsons lived at 1 o'clock. Sabatino lived at 12 o'clock.

There was kids that lived next to him. I said him before, the ones that were the Iceman's friend's son. And then there was Alona Mertons and the Areas that went down this block here. Okay? So you could have 20 kids playing at once. Nikki was the girl that I dated, that I was in love with, that now I was over with.

Like I was, she had gone her way. and I had gone my way. We were still dear friends. Her brother was still part of our little bike crew. I don't think her brother was there that day. I think her brother was riding motorcycles with Frank, and we were on the bike because Albie was a year or two older than me. I was the same age as Nikki.

Now that we have gotten left back, we were still the same age. She was just in the eighth grade, and I was in the seventh grade. a cool relationship obviously we played basketball uh i played basketball she was my cheerleader nothing bad happened we got along we went to the movies together we got slices of pizza together our seventh grade year obviously we went oh and seven it was the worst season of our school's fucking life so boom no big fucking deal everything was cool we're playing it's got to be april March, April, around there,

because it was still beautiful. It was a beautiful day out. And I don't know what we're playing. You know, I love to lie to you. I don't know what we're playing. And I, somebody yells, Cokes, we're going for a bike ride. Nikki's taking your bike.

So I'm on the other side. I'm on by Sabatino. And I go, what the fuck you said? And he goes, we're going for a bike ride. Nicky's taking your bike. I go, no, because the bike, the handlebar was loose. So instead of me chasing them that way, I tried to cut them off the long way. It wasn't even a longer way.

It was the same distance. I tried to cut them off at the bottom before they got to Union Turn Bike. That's the main street to go back and forth. my job was to I was going to cut her off and go Nikki be careful all I wanted to do was to tell her that the bike was off okay that's it just before you get on that bike Mike the fucking steering wheel is off don't come crying to me you know I know how to handle it I know I've been riding these fucked up bikes forever but I don't know what she's thinking you know we all rode bikes together but still let's just be what let's just be safe and sorry as

I'm running for them. They think that, you know how people run away from you when you're a kid? Like, like, oh, he's coming again. I was boo and whatever. So I'm running towards her and Sabatino and whoever else is on the bike. And as I run towards her, she looks up at me. And sure enough, she's going to make her right. The thing gets stuck and right for 12 feet from me.

I see the bike twist and I just see her go over the handlebar and I see the bike land on top of her. Guys, she fucking goes over the handlebar. The bike lands on top of her. She actually gets up and looks around and we're like, are you okay? And then after she said, yeah, we kind of fucking giggled.

We're kids. We're like, that was a tremendous fall. You know how kids would. This is what kids would do. That's a grade four. Holy shit. Are you okay? So we picked her up.

We got her up. We, you know, she was fine. She got back on the bike. I go, I wasn't chasing you to not let you know. I was chasing you to tell you that the handleball was fucked up. This is what I was chasing you for. I wasn't chasing because I didn't want you riding the bike. I don't give a fuck if you ride the bike.

Nothing happened. Everybody witnessed what I witnessed. Everybody that was on those bikes. At that time, there was six kids on that bike. Nikki was number seven. I was number eight. Eight of us witnessed what happened. As a matter of fact, after she fell on, the bike landed on top of her.

Was when all of us got there with the bikes. We all missed the fall by five seconds. And we're like, are you okay? She was looking around. And then we're like, what the fuck, Nikki? And that's when everybody started giggling in the circle. We picked her up. Took a home. I never thought nothing of it.

I never thought nothing of it. Next day, I go to fucking school. I fucking get into my seventh grade fucking classroom that I got left back, and Barone was my teacher. As a matter of fact, she was in the eighth grade. I was in the seventh grade. And Mr. Brown pulls me out in the hallway, and he goes, did you hear about your girlfriend?

And I go, no. I don't have a girlfriend. He goes, you know what I'm talking about. Nikki Areasid, did you hear about it? I go, no, what happened? She goes, she's in critical condition in the hospital. She had a blood clot

in the middle of the night. They had a ticket to the hospital, emergency blood clot, and she's on life support. She's going to fucking die. And everything in me fucking stopped. I mean, I love that girl. I was over her,

but I loved her. The same way I love Kate Quigley today, the same I love Felicia. You know, I learned in early age that you can't fuck everybody. That's why I still talk to Gina. That's why I still talk to Lisa Messina. That's why I still talk to all those girls. Because in the early age, I realized that you can't fuck everybody.

You've got to have females as your friends. They enhance your life. I felt really bad about the Nikki thing when they told me in school that morning. So right from school, I went right to a fucking house. knocked on the door her mother was there they asked me what had happened i told her what happened you know we were all there other kids are coming to check i got a bunch of us went over to see what that happened to new york we all told her what happened she didn't remember you know she was in a coma so we waited for a couple days and she came out of a coma and then they actually we i think

They allowed, they didn't allow us to see us. She didn't want nobody to see her in the hospital because they had to shave her head. So, you know, I'm not thinking anything of it, guys. I'm just feeling bad about this girl. You know, she's in a coma. She's coming home. When she comes home, we all go over there.

I went out of my way. I bought a box of exotic fucking fish. You know, those, you know, the nice red ones. I didn't just buy it. Yeah, in those days, before COVID and shit, you went up to the Chinese store and you stuck your hand and the thing in a bag, you counted out, I bought 25 fish, and you paid them 25 cents, whatever.

I went it above and beyond. I bought her roses. I bought her a case of the goldfish. You know, we all chipped in and got her a card, the whole fucking thing. And I went over there, and the mother was cool. Everybody was cool. You know, we all talked.

I'm sorry. She had the bandage. and then the mother took me again downstairs and said, so tell me what happened again? And she goes, listen, she got on the fucking bike. The bike was around, you know, the steering wheels weren't working right. And we chased to tell her that the steering wheel wasn't working right.

She thought we were chasing her to get her off the bike. And she went over the bike. And that was it. And ended at that, guys, that was it. Do you know, like fucking three days later, I go to fucking school and one of the teachers pulls me aside

and he goes, we need to talk and he goes, this kid came in and he goes to, he didn't see it but from his angle, he thought that you might have pushed her or whatever. And I go, that wasn't the case because we were never there. We all saw the thing.

He goes, well, well, he says, from where he was watching. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got there. As she had landed already and the bike had fallen on top of her. And that was it. I go, no, nobody pushed her.

That's a lie. Nobody pushed her. Nobody could even push her. Nobody was close to her. But then the room was started getting out. Coco must have pushed her. Coco must have pushed her. The guys, to this day, I'm telling you,

I didn't push her. I went to actually, I even went to Nikki, and I go, Nikki, let me ask you a question. Did I push you? And she goes, you couldn't have pushed me because you were 10 feet away from me. She goes, the last thing I remember is looking at you and flying in the air. Boom, that's it. I graduate, I go to the eighth grade. She goes to the freshman year.

Now, let me tell you how good looking this girl is freshman year high school. She wins Homecoming Queen with no hair. That's how beautiful this girl was. I love this girl with all my fucking heart. Love it with all my heart. Wanted to sleep with her. Wanted her to be my first girlfriend, the whole thing. Brother, it just didn't happen.

Okay, so we're friends. I get to high school. I see her in high school every day. We talk. We share weed. We share money. The whole thing. what I'm telling you now is the joky side of it that you're going to think it's a joke that I told on Joe Rogan.

When she recovered from that surgery, before the surgery, she was just a skinny, 13-year-old girl. When she recovered from the surgery, the bad part of that surgery was, whatever part hit her brain made her tits grow. I wish this was a joke. I wish this was a joke. And I mean not make a tits grow to like, you know, nice tits. I mean they were like triple D. And then on the flip side, she became, what's the word? When you become kind of a hoary? She started sleeping with a lot of guys.

Permiscuous. The reputation on the sleep, the word got out that she started sleeping with a lot of guys. Okay. So my mother dies We're still friends My mother dies in 79 This all went down in 77, 76 My mother dies in 79

I'm moving with the Benders In 19-fucking 80 I'm supposed to graduate high school in 82 She's supposed to graduate in 81 Hear me out I'm sitting at the Benders watching football One night And the door knocks

And Mr. Bender goes There's a broad waiting for you at the door I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? No girl has ever called for me. I thought this was a mistake. When I go for the door, it's Tricky-Nickey. With big tits on, a miniskirt, fucking looking tremendous. I go, what's happening?

And she goes, come we talk for a minute? And she tells me this guy that she was dating, was going to take it to the prom. If I could take it to the prom instead. I was between me and you guys. I was so, like this has. to be 81, right? I was on drugs, you know, I was on acid every day. I was still living with the benders. So it was before, I got thrown out of the benders, April of 81. So I was still living

with the benders, obviously. And she's like, would you take me to the prom and all this stuff? She goes, if you take me to the prom, I will fuck you to death. And I'm like, like, like, guys, I was scared. I'm not going to lie to you guys, she was way advanced. Like, you know like I could tell she had just got it from me she was a woman she was fucking men already like that was her thing that she wasn't dating high school guys she was fucking men that's why she said that the guy she was that's supposed to take it to the prong couldn't take her because fucking uh i don't know his fucking wife i don't know so i'm like yeah you're gonna fucking my brains on i mean oh my god she's telling me all this stuff she's gonna suck my dick at that time

I had never gotten a blowjob or nothing like that. I'm like, wow. She scared me so much that I hid from her. Like I hid from her. Like, I'm like, you know what? After further consideration, I'm not, I'm not fucking messing around with this chick. This is not going to happen.

So I told her some excuse about fucking why I couldn't take it to the prom. But it just wasn't for me. I didn't even went to my own prom. I'm going to take some girl to a fucking prom. I told her I couldn't go and I didn't go to the prom. And that was it. never saw her again maybe saw her a year after that

I saw her in the neighborhood blah blah blah blah blah blah Facebook fucking MySpace opens up one day and you know like we all did

we all went on MySpace and we saw people and one day who do I see but Nikki and a ninja fucking suit on right with like only her eyes and she's like doing karate things and I'm like

Is that who I think it is? I read the profile, and sure enough, I look in the pictures, and it's her. And I don't know what we did in Facebook on MySpace on those days. If we friended people, followed them or whatever, I followed them. I think a week later, I got this fucking huge note from her saying that I ruined her life. you know, that her life was never the same. She could never hold a relationship with a fucking man because of what I did to her and all this.

And I'm like, what the fuck? I'm thinking this is like a girl from Boulder. Like maybe I'd date a girl in Boulder and she got it wrong and maybe, no, this is who this was. So I immediately, you know, hey man, I don't know if what the fuck is your problem, but I loved you. I mean, what is your fucking problem?

And she goes, well, I thought about it throughout the years, and I felt that maybe you did push me. And I'm like, no, you didn't say that. So fucking the next day, you know me, dog, listen, they're going to shoot accusations at you every day, right? You could do two things. If they're real, you could address them if you're fake. Whatever, me, the ones that piss me off are the ones that are the ones that are

completely fake. If I did something, I'll cop to it. You know me. If I did something, I'll cop to it. I don't give a Frenchman's fuck. What are you going to do now? I'm 58 years old. What were you going to do back then? I mean, I was one of those guys. When I was 28, I already had it, but I already knew that if I, you're not going to accuse me or something. You're just not going to fucking accuse me. And none of you guys, nobody knew about this. Nobody, nobody knew about this. This is just, this is just so, before you read an accusation next time, more you read it with this type of mind an open fucking mind because this is what happens to people dog i lived it i have fucking lived it so i had to call a friend of mine the next day from that

neighbor and go hey do you still talk to her call her up and see if we're going to change numbers and talk my girlfriend call me my girlfriend that girl called me a week later and she goes i took her out to coffee blah blah blah she feels that you were chasing her I don't know what the fuck she felt, you know. But her life has never been the same. And she put that fucking accusation on you. And I go, can I ask you a question? You were there that day.

And she goes, yes, I was. I remember how hard that bike landed on her. I go, do you in your heart, did you see me push her? And she goes, from where I was standing, none of us, nobody was close to her. Nobody was close to her. not even by a fucking long shot where they closed her. So she goes, I want you to do me a favor. I don't want you to ever think about this again.

This is why, till today, I am so, I understand accusations, but I don't like them and I don't like downtime because it lets you think of those stories. Like, I've thought about that story 10 million times, and I still had to check my heart to check to see if I could, do something like that. There was no way. There was no way. But in her mind, her life had become such a shitbow that it retracted back to me in 75 with a bike fucking incident. And you know what? I got so crazy about that situation. I interviewed like six people. Like I recall people,

talk to them a little bit and then said, hey man, I got to talk to you about something. Do you remember when she fell off the bike and they were like, yeah, we were all there? go, did you, all of them, anybody who was there? I think I conjured up four witnesses, five witnesses, three of them were girls that were like, nobody was even close to her. When she landed, we all swooped up on her and picked her up. We were all that got there on the same time.

Today, she doesn't want to be my friend, whatever. It hurts my feelings. It does because we were so tight growing up. But on the other hand, It just lets you know about accusations. What I can, you know, fuck. I fucking hate them.

I fucking hate them. And it's not just towards me. It's towards anybody. Because I understand what you're feeling when you didn't do something. And you got falsely accused. People who sit in fucking, what about people who sit in fucking prisons for 30 years? Until some poor little white dude comes up with a stitch of DNA.

You ever see it's always, It's always a black dude who's in jail And it's always a white dude who gets a piece of DNA To save his fucking life Think of something like that happened to you So that's why when it comes to accusations guys At any level Whether it be he sent me a text message

To he did this to he touched me Any of those accusations I react to Because it sucks being falsely accused of something Until this day It hurts my fucking feeling until this day I'm like maybe I have something coming back to be comically because of that but I could look you in the fucking eye and tell you that nobody touched that chick and in fact if anybody would have

saw me touch her anybody in that neighborhood they would have raised their hand because that's the type of neighborhood we're from we'll tell you the fucking truth so when I talk to you people on accusations next time you read an accusation about something that happened 30 fucking years ago think of two things there's an i don't know if you've ever read the sammy the bull book sammy the bull has an interesting fucking book the one that he sold they made the money from he has an interesting an interesting chapter in that book and it's about after he joined the gambinos he went and had to be somebody's understudy he had to be this guy's understudy every day the guy made him report to him the guy was an older italian

guy and all the guy cared about in those days was fucking fruit and growing vegetables i forget what the guy's name is in the book he had his fucking cigar and he he had his feet goes whenever you went to see him he'd have his his feet rolled up uh his pants rolled up in the mud this is why i'm using the story just so this is how i look at things he said that he got to become a gangster under him because this tato o'rerelio that was the guy's name was Tado. Tado taught him two things. Tado taught him one thing that was very important that I learned growing up, okay? He said that while he was there every day, somebody were coming with a beef. Like, Mike would come in and go, fucking, Joey took me on the road. He was supposed to give me

500, but instead he gave me $400. You know, he fucking ripped me off. And then, and then Tato would all right, Mike, go home, let me talk to Joey the next day and see what Joey has to say. Without Mike's knowledge, Joey would come the next day and Todd will ask him, what happened? Why is Mike mad at you? And he goes, I took him on the road and I paid him. He said that you said you were going to give him 500, but you ended up giving him 400. I go, no, ask him again. I told them that if I sold out the show,

I'd give him $500. I didn't sell out the shows. That's why I gave him the $400, but I still paid him as though. I still paid for all his dinners, and I still took great care of him. The next day, Tato sends for Mike, and he goes, I had Joey here yesterday.

He enjoyed your company. He loved you to death. He said everything went great. He said that he said to you, yes, he'll pay you $500 if he sold out. And then the guy will go. Oh, I didn't fucking hear that part. And he goes, you know, from sitting there all those years and watching that,

I started doing something extra, and that's listening, listening, listening to two sides. And see where the, bro, there's two sides to every fucking story. Okay. I don't know if you guys watched last week, there was a big thing going on with Carlos on Bobby Lee. Guys, I fucking love Carlos Mencea. I love Carlos. Carlos, in the very, very beginning, helped me out a lot. I don't like, and you know how I feel about Bobby.

I love Bobby the fucking death. I don't like, you know, it's a beaten record. It happened 20 years ago, move on with your life. What I don't like about it is that still, after 20 years, Carlos is still like weaving. he's chugging and jiving Carlos we love you it's been 20 years just say yes I stole the joke and move on I watched that you know somebody called me and said you watch Carlos on Bobby Lee at least Bobby Lee had the balls to fucking confront them I go I tried to confront him during the warmups of you know like

when somebody comes to a podcast and you're setting up the lights and you ask him where am I sitting I confront them then I go, let's talk about the joke stealing And he looked at me and he's like What joke stealing are you talking about? And I was like, I'm not even going to go there. Like, after all these years, if you're still fucking banging your head

Saying to yourself, I was not involved in it, I can't thought, they even did a documentary And put you on it and called you a joke thief and whatever. I'm not mad at Carlos. I don't care about Carlos. Carlos is a nice guy. He worked it out, you know, whatever. He still goes out and does comedy.

He's a fucking road warian. I don't care. But even the other day listening to it. You know, they hated me because Mitzi gave me the name Ned. Oh, I started running the light because Dice and Mooney

were running the light. Well, why I came from? You don't do what everybody else does. You do what you do so they go along with you. Like, I could walk off here and you could contact the store, ask them in 23 years they ever the fucking light one time by mistake I ran the light I got involved in a joke I ran the

lot I got off stage I apologize to the comic and when the comic got off stage I apologize to him again I apologize to the fucking the chick in the boot I apologize to Jeff I apologize to everybody when you run the light is very disrespectful but that's not what we're here for we're here talking about accusations if you got accused or something you got two options you could either fucking lie or you could say yes this is how i did it this is why i did it let's move the fuck on and life is done but for you to sit there and stuff all these years for me with the nicky thing it makes me want to cry like why don't i almost broke down and cried before when i was telling you the story because i cared for her that much that i cared for her that much that much that much

If she was just a girl and I fucked or whatever, no, I cared about her that much. And I cared for her more after I dated her because I realized how much of a fucking jerk off I was for falling in love. It was too young for falling in love. But the point of all this is accusations. Accusations fucking suck. But here's, let's go to the main course of this whole thing was. Where there's smoke, there's fire. So also remember that.

Now, if we were sitting here having a conversation of three chicks flying through bikes around me, it's pretty tough to Joey to get himself out of that one. Not that I'm getting myself on anything. I'm just explaining to you how it goes. When I got accused in 85 of Robin, Joanne Ligio's house, a very dear friend of mine, again, what year is it right now? 2021. This is 1985.

That means we're going to go on 3rd. 36 years ago, was robbed during the night of a fucking football dinner or some shit, which they're usually doing January or February. I was accused of it. I lived in Creskill, New Jersey. I called the cop North Bergen police the next day when they accused me. I said, I got a fucking alibi. I don't know what time they stole it,

but I couldn't have robbed it because there's three different fucking people looking to kill me in North Pergin. I'm not going to North Bergen, especially rob a family I know, but they had the boss to say, I robbed them. They made the accusation. Some people believed them. Some people didn't. But guess what? I never got mad at the people that believed them. I never got mad at the people who took their chance, who took their back. Why do you think? Because with there smoke, there's fire. I'm a fucking thief. So, yes, I robbed Michaels. I'd robbed a couple things. Now I got no leg to stand on. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? So where there's smoke, there's fire,

So next time an accusation comes out about an actor, a comic, a fireman, somebody close to you, I don't give a fuck, it's true. Use logic first before you make your final fucking, before you go in there with your words. I see people condemning people online, and this is what pisses me off. I want you before you agree with that accusation or disagree with that accusation. I want you to think about both fucking sides. Think of both sides. Think of the accuser and the chick or the man accusing them. Think of how the fuck they feel

Maybe they didn't do it Maybe there was a chance that they didn't do it Did you ever think of that? I always Before I fucking dive into something I always like to look around Check around It's like when I found out about Ron Jeremy

Did I rip them off my wall Although I didn't have them on my wall I mean on the podcast No I talked to two different pornos producers Who told me horrible stories That I did not know about That you didn't know about

That nobody knew about that gave me the power to rip that picture down of Ron Jeremy but I didn't rip it down before that just because

once they arrested them you're coming down once I hear stories and they get confirmed then I make my fucking hypothesis which best basically is an educated guess

and I attack so when they try even when they tried to go after me this year if you look at that video, there's so many things you could attack. What are you attacking? What are you attacking? Was it Joe Rogan laughing? Was it 20 women? Was it sucking my dick before the Joe? You didn't even know what you were attacking. You didn't know even know what you were accusing. I'm accusing him

of laughing. I want you to think about it nine months later that they were accusing poor Joe of laughing. Of laughing. That's how bad of a time we got. And he addressed and I don't give a fuck I laugh so what who gives a fuck and they move the fuck on and that's what the problem is today you get accused of something you didn't fucking do it you fucking stand up and you fight for yourself the same way I've done for years I've done a thousand things if you come at me right now and accuse me of kidnapping can't well you can't accuse of kidnapping I've never been accused of kidnapping I've been accused of kidnapping but not convicted of

kidnapping that's a big motherfucking story I'd be convicted of burglary, big fucking story. So if you accuse me on a burglary, if you say to me right now, Joey, my house got robbed across the street right here in Jersey, yeah, I could be a suspect because robbery was in my fucking circle,

you understand me? But no, don't accuse me of something that I wasn't, like a tree jumper, or something like that. That sucks being accused of a tree jumper, rape, and all that shit. That shit sucks. So next time you buy into one of those things,

Before you buy into it, do all the fucking research you can. Okay? In my case, I did research for all these guys that you couldn't do. Because I'm actually, I was living in L.A. at the time, and I could ask around and I could see. You people are just going off assumptions and videos and whatnot. Get the full story. Next time a comic comes to your town, go to that show, pay for a ticket, invite him out the dinner, talk to him. Get his opinion on it and see what the fuck went down and what didn't will go down.

This is why I don't like accusations and I don't believe in them. And that's the fucking podcast. It's Monday the 18th of January. It's Martin Luther King Day. One of the greatest men of all fucking time. He set us fucking free. He straightened this out until fucking whatever. Anyway, who gives the fuck about all that shit?

I just want to bring you to church today on a Monday. Let you know I'm doing great. I'm feeling great. And that's a story you didn't know about me. A lot of people didn't all about me that. Till today. It bothers me. And the bother of that was that it was a false claim.

If it was true, fuck it. It's true. It doesn't bother me. There's a lot of things I've been accused of that I didn't do. And that I was so far off the path of doing that it didn't even make sense. Again, if somebody robs you or something's missing in your house, I'm a suspect. I can't get myself out of that one. That's the fucking facts.

I love you, cuckuckuckers. Have a great fucking Monday. Have a great week. We're on Patreon If you want to see the album Of the week Last week, I don't know What the fuck it was

I don't know What it's gonna be this week But we're just having a good time Over there motherfuckers I don't know My next stand-up date is We're just trying to get off All through all this fucking COVID

All I know is I'm gonna try hard This week And finish my first chapter I'm maybe a paragraph A two away It took me three weeks To finish a chapter I should be ashamed of myself

But Doug, I did it thanks to you guys. So if you're writing a book, maybe we can write this together. We're all in the same doghouse. We all bleed when we get cut. I love you guys with all my heart. Welcome to week three of January and I will let you know. I will post it exactly when I'm finished with the first chapter. But here's a sad thing about it. As I looked at the book last night, there's like 18 more chapters. I'm in fucking hell. I'm never going to finish this. But anyway, I love you guys with all heart. I'm going to stick to this. This is my goal for 2021, and this is a goal we'll be sharing together. If you want to tweet me and let me know your goals, be more than welcome. If not,

go fuck yourself. Have a great week. Uncle Joey loves you. And now for a word from our motherfucking sponsors. All right, you cock suckers, I want to thank you again for listening to the church. We had a good time. I got to talk to you some shit that nobody's ever heard before. but you heard it today. Hey, anyway, before I get out of here, the joint has been brought to you by ExpressVPN. Like I told you in the beginning, you've been in lockdown for almost a fucking year.

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You bet a little, and you win or not. And then you win a lot. you know how we do in a draft case but don't get distracted because I'll tell you what you're still in the middle of the NFL playoffs and you still got NBA basketball tonight we're going to make some money

we got three TNT games alone plus we got a couple other NBA games plus a couple college games and all you need to do is pick one winner to get your bank roll started you roll into Saturday you're ready up 5,600 bam you pick up your 257 who needs fucking unemployment

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lurking around here with a fucking kiss of that problem but if you you If you're all clear, fuck it. Download the Draft King Sportsbook app. Use Code Joey, and let's make some fucking cash the third week of January. I want to thank Draft Kings. I want to thank ExpressVPN, but most importantly, I want to thank you, motherfuckling for always having my back. Stay black.

Have a good fucking week, and I'll see you Wednesday morning. Tip-top, motherfucking Magoo. There you go. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with?