The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 03/20/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #64

Episode Date: March 21, 2013

MMA fighter and all around great guy Conor Heun calls in to the podcast. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Streamed live on 03/20/2013

Oh shit. Oh, my fucking God. It's Wednesday. March 20th. March 20th, motherfuckers. Not June 2nd, not fucking January 8th. It's March fucking 20th. What have you done so far this fucking year?

2013. Here we are, motherfuckers. The church of what's happening now. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. I got my little brother Lee Syatt over there, 55, fucking pounds lighter. 58, get it right. I'm drinking water.

fucking carrots and a blender like a fucking Ali. What he's making it happen. Look at his smallest back. You don't have those bags under his eyes looking like fucking young Frankenstein. Kick that motherfucker Lee. Little scorpions there. Little animal magnetism.

Are you kidding me or what? Break out the Quayloos. Oh my God. Love me till I die. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Huh? It's like a heavy way to start the day.

We ain't fucking around here today. It's Wednesday. You got no time to fuck around. Most people, it's the middle of the week. Get the fuck out of here. It's Wednesday. Just another day to go out and stab a motherfucker. Oh shit. Kick that motherfucker. You know how they have people who record the GPS is for cars? I want you to record an alarm clock. They'll play a song and say something like that. Whatever you want to do, babe. Turn the fucking music. Don't want to put this e-cigarette in your eyeball.

Listen to this shit. This is the real fucking song. It's not Michael Shank on the guitar, it's Rudolph Shankner, I think, the brother. And the other guy, Klaus, whatever, they're a bunch of fucking Germans. I love it. Are you fucking kidding? Turn that shit off.

I might stab somebody. What's happening, brother? Not much, man, I'm feeling great. I'm feeling good. What's happening out there in fucking Podcastville? We're back, bitches. We're back. That's right. We never fucking left. Joey Diaz's his main fucking partner in crime. Lee Syed

the Jewish descent. That's how I like them. Everybody all right. Everybody beautiful today. Get up, jerk off, wash your ass, do some jumping jacks. They're waiting for you out. There's an asshole waiting for you to fuck, suck. Or throw a tic-tac in something. What's up, Lisa? Talk to me. How's the juicing going?

It's going great, but I had something weird having last night. What happened? I felt bad about it. Like, I don't really feel guilty that much, but I felt guilty. I'm taking a trip in a couple of weeks. What are you taking a trip to? Just Vegas for the weekend. But I'm leaving right after work. And I'm going to drive there, and I was like, oh, I'll stop and get food.

And I got really excited about stopping at McDonald's and getting food. And I know I'm not supposed to, and it'd be bad, but, like, I got, I was excited. I was looking forward to it. It's over. You're not doing it no more. And then, but, like, an hour in. Like, I've been thinking about this for, like, a week because I'm, like, doing nothing but craving food. But last night I was sitting there, I was like, if I just went to Ralph's or anywhere and got some turkey and made some

turkey sandwiches and even if I had a bag of chips that would take just as much time be cheaper and it'd be easier and like I felt guilty for wanting like for wanting it like it's I mean you lost all more weight than I did for wanting one the McDonald's yeah no more McDonald's that's out of your mindset it's like me with cocaine it's out of your life yeah but you you I mean with cocaine and what you did with weight too I mean you must have like the cravings and it's just I felt guilty for having them. I was hungry last man. I was fucking starving.

When I stay home and I don't do comedy on those type of nights, like last night could have done comedy, but the problem is I get home at 12, 12, 31, then it takes me an hour or four or sleep, then I got to come back here at 5. Yeah. I don't want to do that to the people.

I don't want to do that to myself, and I'm running all fucked up all day. So I stopped doing comedy on Tuesdays. So last night I was home. And again, Lee, I had two fucking apples and a knife of peanut butter. and I went to bed.

Yeah. I have cravings every night, but I'll tell you how I take care of my cravings. You ready for this? Yeah. Nothing's going to be worth it. Nothing's really going to be, and that's why I say to you,

I don't understand when you put, like I always say to you, when I was in Jersey, I would go to the Berkshire dining and get a steak sandwich deluxe, which is chopped steak on two pieces of toast, mildly toasted with butter. Yeah.

So the gravy goes in. to the fucking steak and the French fries. That's what I want to eat at 12 o'clock. And then an out burger, ain't going to cut it for me. Yeah. And then out ain't going to cut it for me. I don't really like those fries. I don't like any of those fucking fries.

Anybody gives you. I do like five guys fries. Oh, yeah. You can't get those at midnight or 11 o'clock. No. One of two, what's real important is, you know who's got the best fries in fucking all of California? Who?

You know that dirty, fucking dingy store on Lancasham up the block from the Ha Ha Ha ha. It's like a little hut. Have you ever eaten in there? I think I know what you're talking. You know? They have a little steak sandwich

and they have a chicken terriaki for lunch. I mean the chicken terriaki you take your life in your own hands or you eat it. There's a lot of colors that I've never seen on the chicken unless this fucking chicken

grew up in the Bahamas or something like that but their steak sandwich is delicious but their fries are off the hook. I don't mean to throw you off. What I'm trying to say to you is nothing is worth it. And that's what I thought about

with a turkey sandwich. No chips. yeah that's no chips that's weight watches two pieces of whole grain toast or bread a little turkey a piece of Swiss little mayonnaise

and that's it you eat half of it you put the other half down you eat an apple or a pear or a Chinese apple you put that down and you eat the other half you know Subway I fucking hate Subway I fucking hate Subway but if you're starting a diet Subway is good because you you will usually eat

eat a foot long. Yeah. I could do a foot long and a half. Of course. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I ain't got a bullshit you. But I'll do a six inch with a half a bag of chips and a Diet Coke.

Because I can't eat a fucking sandwich like that with water. I'll fucking hang myself. I'll hang myself. And I hate Diet Coke, but you drink what you drink. Yeah. And I feel bad at talking about it because I don't want to be boring. But I mean, the reason the way I liked podcasts years before I did this one is I like what people are honest. And it's what I'm thinking about, and it's just, I never really feel guilty,

but I felt guilty for like an hour yesterday thinking about it. You have to. But there's nothing wrong we're thinking. Yeah. There's nothing more than we're dreaming and saying, I'd rather you say to me, Joey, on the way out of fucking town, I want to stop at the garlic restaurant and take a meal to go. Yeah.

You know, like I told you yesterday, and I'm the most guilty of this, but I find this out when I travel. Last week, I was in New Orleans. Yeah. I would love to go get fucking red fish, a piece of red snapper with two eggs, that Andioli sausage, two pieces of toast. I sell it for the oatmeal. I had the fucking oatmeal. That's a sacrifice.

Yeah. And I made that oatmeal taste like pussy. I made it taste like a good piece of ass. I made it taste like a T-bone steak. You follow me? So don't ever worry about that there's always something. That's what I never knew either. I never knew that was options either.

When you're a fat fuck, like we are, we don't want options. No. No, we went to Rouse, but we couldn't find a parking spot. We're a fucking, you kidding. There's always a parking spot at the supermarket. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So don't ever feel ashamed of that, man.

Hey, listen, I dream of fucking steaks. Oh, yeah. I dream of a T-bone steak and a big fucking potato. But I'll tell you what, when I was a kid, people would say to me, hey, Joey, wait until you get older than you metabolize them. Oh, fuck you, dog. your metabolism slows down only when you don't you know let me tell you I'm I do everything I can

I do everything I can I walk the baby in the daytime I tell you what I've been doing lately I've never did before the lip lip lip the epilipatical oh elliptical yeah the elliptical fucking machine you know somebody said didn't Joe had always told me it doesn't put that much pain on your knees I have a little pain on my knees I've been eating the strong bone against this I'm not I started doing the epileptical a week before I left for for New Orleans no no I started in New Orleans okay At the hotel they had one.

And it's funny how I was always, there's a guy at the YMCA in Hollywood that this motherfucker is always on it. But he goes into like a trance and he's redone his body. Wow. Like his body was a bodybuilder's body, big on top. He's lost 60, 70 pounds.

He's a doorman. He's a doorman in Studio City, at one of the bars, the cheesy little bars on Ventura there. Yeah. And whenever I drive by my wife, I see him. He's a white dude.

He used to be in male porn. Like, he used to be a porn guy, and then he changed his life around. And he's the one that's always talked to me at the Y about the epiliptical. And I'll tell you what, my arm's a fucking hurt in the middle of my back hurts. You know, I started on there for five minutes, Lee. Went on there five fucking minutes. I was huffing and puffing and I was dizzy. I was cursing everybody out.

Now I'm up to 30 minutes. Yes, I did 30 minutes. I went to my wife yesterday to a mommy and me thing at the Yard. That's awesome. So she went to Mommy and me, and I went over to the fucking, to the elliptical, yeah. Well, I did the bite for 20. Yeah.

I did the Dolce diet for 20 to run, the two-minute walk and 30-second run, and then I did the 30 on the epilitical, and I was fucking done. Yeah. I went home, my wife made fucking scallops with shrimp around them. Oh, nice. I'm on these big salad.

I've been ending the day with a salad, you know, I don't know why. I wake up in the money, take a nice shit. It comes on. But in the apples last night. I woke up this morning at 4.30, basically the shit. I heard Fidel go, meow.

I look at the clock and I go, you know what? I got a half hour of sleep and I go, fuck it. And I can feel it in my stomach. Those are those two apples. Oh, wow. And I didn't get on the scale you because they're only going to scale on Sundays. But let's see what the fuck happens. You know what the fuck.

You got to try it, you got to try at home. That's it. No more fuck. You know, the country's going through this obesity shit that I've never really understood because we're eating shitty food. They just voted that down in New York, right? The big soda tax. Let me tell you some.

That is the worst fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. Then voting it down on the time. No, just the whole fucking idea. Yeah, yeah. Just the whole fucking syndrome of the, that you're blaming a big... And this guy comes out with something new every fucking day. Now it's the cigarettes in New York. But if you know anything about Bloomberg, he's done a great job in New York.

He really does. He's cleaned it up. Hey, man, I grew up in New York in the fucking mid-70s. When I showed you pictures, there was garbage on the fucking streets. It was everything. Yeah. If you want to watch a really good movie to see how dirty New York was, watch our Latin thing by the Fonnie All-Stars.

It's on YouTube. They've broken it up into nine fucking pieces. And look at the street scenes. It's filthy. New York is a miracle now compared to it, but you charging big money for big fucking things of soda is ridiculous. Although soda does kill you. I mean, the guy's got a point.

You know, when I was a kid, my mother had the bar. Yeah. So we would just buy all the soda from the bar and bring it home. Oh, of course. So we would bill it to the bar and have my refrigerator upstairs. You should have seen it. It had Coke, seven up cans, back all away

like 35 of each yeah Coke 7 up Matamba which is a Cuban soda and he don't bed which is iron beer another Cuban soda

and that ran deep and after that was just Heineken's in my house my mother was a hynigan drinking and she had 20 of them in the freezer and she'd pop them open

and mix them with fucking tomato juice so whatever the fuck that is I grew up on soda oh yeah there's no fucking lemonade my mother made lemonade lemonade and iced tea

from time to time if you wanted ice See it came in a container, in a paper container that you opened up like milk container. Did you know that in the old days before Schnappler and shit? It came in a little thing that was like a missing fat kid on there. Have you seen this missing fat fuck? Last scene going to McDonald's or whatever. Where's the reef of Lee, cock sucker?

You're holding out on me? I'm the one holding out. Yeah, I don't know what happened to that joint we rolled here. You smoked it. No, no, I wrote two of them, Lee. Don't be, you always try to trick me, cocksucker. Where is it? I don't know.

Lee, don't message me today. My emotions. I got shit to do, unless the thing went into the keyboard or whatever. No, I don't think it's that small. What the fuck? Oh, this joint was gigantic. This man was a work of it.

There is right here. What I'm talking? Look at the size of this fucking bad. And I brought the bubble gum today. T-H-C bubble gum. I puked when you had me doing it. When I was eating, and I'm not eating now. He's coming.

He's like, you have two pieces of this. Just one little piece of bubble gum. You're okay. One little piece of bubble gum. I'll pass out. What's what you need? You're going to take a nap after I'll leave anyway. I won't make it to the nap.

What the fuck is the matter with you? You go on this fucking eating trees, and now you want to eat a piece of fucking TAC with gum with your uncle Joey. What the fuck's going? What's the world coming to? It's horrible. Hmm.

I smoke some butter leave. Huh? Huh? It's the morning. Why are you acting like this? You didn't drink no coffee here. I don't drink coffee. Oh, you said smoke, and I know what you said.

What the fuck you think I'm talking about here? I don't know. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, cock suckers. For you fat, fat man alert. Fat man alert. You go to New York and drink soda like it's a fucking... Or you could drink bar. Fat guys don't want to go to New York now because they can't drink soda.

There's a fuck what people drink. Well, let me ask you this. What they said was one of the reasons why they turned it down or one of the reasons when they were talking about it was that it wouldn't... You could still buy like two or three sodas. couldn't buy anything bigger. Would a band stop you?

Wouldn't you just get a couple more sodas if you wanted it? You know, man, sometimes you figure out where these fucking people get their thoughts from. Yeah. Cocaine was 100 of gram, but didn't stop nobody. No. Didn't stop any bond. There's a town in Massachusetts that banned bottled water.

Good for them. Good for fucking them. Finally, somebody sees these are real scam in fucking life. It's ridiculous. I like to test bottle water and see how clean that fucking water. I'm sure it's not anything cleaner. I see what swamps they get it from.

I want to see the fucking glacier. I want to see the fucking glacier they get this water from. I don't believe this shit either, but the water is filthy. In three years, you won't be able to drink the fucking water from the ocean. They tell you now what they're putting in it. What have they been putting in it for the last 3,000 fucking years? Oh, yeah. Well, look, I could read the...

There's an ingredient on it, isn't there? Oh, there should be. Yeah, it comes from some fucking resort. No, no, that's one. Ralph doesn't put it on there. Fuck, no, they're all in the water business. They're all in the fucking water business now. You go to the dentist, he's in the water business.

Absolutely. My dentist's in the fucking water business. The dental bottles have his name. He gets the water from some fucking faucet. You ever see that bullshit with tent. Penn and Teller? No. They had an episode of bullshit where they actually went to a water bar in Beverly Hills.

Oh, yeah, and they did in the back out of a tub or something? I heard about that. Out of a fucking old. And these idiots believe, you know, you've, But, you know what, if you're going to act like an idiot, we're going to keep treating you like an idiot. Whether it's buying iPhones every four months, whether it's fucking buying a remastered and re-digitalized movies for the eight time. You know, they keep reselling beetle albums, and these idiots keep fucking, by the way, I will tell you something. This weekend I got a little baked.

I was trying to write that letter for Omar. Okay. I was trying to redo my buying, a bunch of shit. And I was listening to fucking the Beatles, Sergeant Peppers. Lonely Hearts Club band. Are you fucking kidding me? When you put the Beatles on now today, people, if you're not a beetle fan,

listen, I don't give a fuck, I'm not going to get mad at you. If you think I got posters of the fucking Ringo and John on my wall, you're mistaken. If you think I grew up with posters of Ringo and John on my wall, you're fucking mistaken also. But do me a favor today. In your spare time, either put Revolver on or Abby Rhodes or let it be.

Put on one of those fucking albums. and see what these guys really were about because you're going to listen to me and go, Joey, what the fuck are you talking about? I want you to think. It was 1966. It was 30 years ago today. Are you fucking kidding me?

I mean, that's Sergeant Peppers was so good. And see, a lot of people don't know the history. At that time, listen to this shit. They were lying to people. Oh, shit. Listen to this shit. Are you fucking kidding me?

It was 30 years ago today. 20 years ago today. Whatever. Who the fuck knows? I've been smoking dope since 5.4. What are you done with your life? Listen to that rawness. It's 1966 or something.

789. This is 40-something fucking years old. These guys revolutionized music and when you listen to this, you're going to say to yourself, oh my God, I thought fucking tool meant no! I thought Pink Floyd, no!

The fucking Beatles have invented all this shit. All this shit. Noises everything. That guitar. Are you fucking getting in? They weren't fucking around, so do me a favor. You're not doing nothing until they put the one out. Revolver, Abby Road.

I don't give a fuck what I'm to listen to your history. Everybody wants to read about history. Oh, are you blinking? Freed the Slays. Leslie who laid it down in music. These are the guys right there. Did you ever see that movie they did? It was like a long, hard night or whatever.

That was a great movie. To help. You know, now you're watching. What the fuck was I thinking? It's like watching the. the monkeys. That's a weird scam.

A bunch of the stuff I watched in school in about the 70s and stuff like that about film history. And the monkeys was a made up band that went crazy popular. Like, I don't even understand how that's possible. You know, in studio today I'm friends with a guy that I think the drummer

Mickey Dolan's. Okay. He's friends with, so every time the guy would do something that fucking knucklehead would show up with his little fucking hat on. Like he thought he was the drama. He thought he was like fucking John Bonham. He drives me crazy. And every time the guy calls me in for a meeting for something. He goes, we're putting this together. We're going to have Mickey from

that. What the fuck are you doing? And then when they they wouldn't play together, who the fuck knows? They did a reunion thing. Who gives the fuck? I was a greenhorned fan. I was fucking the Beatles. Oh, geez. You know to smoke some of this with me? I just did smoke. You got me over here solo. Burn some calories. Come over here with your Uncle Joey. It's a beautiful day to fucking be alive. Is that your plan just the scam to get me to work out, walking back and forth?

Why not? You're going to have to go to the workout eventually. I know. You can't all do this drinking fucking pineapples and plume trees. Eventually, you're going to have to go see the bitch. I know you don't want to do it. You don't like it. You know, you think women might take it in the ass?

No, but they do it because I've got to pay the rent. Luckily, I don't have to pay the rent by working out. Eventually, you will. Because you need to pay the rent, you need to work. out because you need to be healthy. Yeah. It keeps your diabetes. You got diabetes in your family?

I don't think so. I definitely have heart issues. I don't have diabetes, though, luckily. That's one of the main reasons I forgot to do this. I got drug issues of my fucking family, heart issues. Those fucking junkies. It's really, what happened, buddy, I'm sorry.

No, no, no. I was just saying like the diabetes is one of the main reasons why I decided to do this. Do you believe in any type of religion at all? No. Do you think there's a higher power? Do you think there's somebody who guides you in particular? When I was younger, I would have said absolutely not.

Just, I had a bad experience with it, because Judaism is a weird religion when you're not. I was reform, which is like the lowest end. And if you're not Orthodox, it's kind of a weird thing because you don't speak Hebrew, so you're just sitting there and doing stuff that they tell you and you don't understand anything. So I don't believe in God just because it doesn't make sense to me. I don't want to say that there's no higher power just because no one, to me, to me, it kind of sounds stupid if you say absolutely not.

That's just me. But I don't think so. But then again, I mean, it just, I think the, I more believe in, like, karma and stuff like that. I definitely believe in that more than something that's, like, a higher power. You believe something that guides you at times? I mean, you think back to your 25 years. I mean, you don't remember anything before you're 10.

You think that you're 15 years, do you think you lucked out at times? You think luck was made by, you know, opportunity and what people say luck is opportunity and whatever together. I believe in fate than I do in higher power. It's funny. A friend of mine is and I got to call Monday night. That a friend of mine that I knew had lung cancer. He had that son, the son cancer. Melanoma, I think.

Melanoma in his head and went to one of his lymph nodes. Fuck. He's a great I mean You know, I'm very lucky Because yes, I had an unorthodox childhood And for some people They'd feel sorry

They go, oh my God, how'd you do it? I did it because God took my family I've said this a thousand times I want people to think about this God took my family But he gave me something else He gave me the gift of friendship

Yeah People have no idea People will live their whole life And not know what the gift of friendship is Because they'll run with people And they just live their lives when you really think about your life and the people around you, you know that Jesus Christ, this guy was my friend

for these particular reasons or whatever. And as you know, in my childhood, a lot of people tend to run away. The people that stayed around, I love with all my heart because I know what was going on at that time and it was very easy to fucking run. In life, it's very easy to run. It's very hard to stay. And especially with friends.

And sometimes there's a guy that you know he's your friend, but he has a bad fucking month and everybody runs from him and if you stay together you're strong and I never ran on a friend I really never did I never really tried to

unless the chances you got to tap out there comes a day but it was weird in 83 I didn't know where I was going I was just a lost fucking kid you know I was 21 years old I was 20 I had no

direction I get emails from people I had no direction guys no direction guys no direction. I was my own disciplinary. And I know one thing about that time. I think back about it. It was February of 83, and I will tell you something,

if I didn't leave New York at that time, I wouldn't have made the holidays. Wow. I do know this. I do know with all the repercussions that I did in 1982 from all the shit I was doing, that eventually it was going to go to somebody. By that time, I hadn't beat my godfather yet

for the money and I hadn't really gone to war my stepfather, but I had gone on the war with other people. And I knew that something bad was going to happen. It doesn't take a genius to know you're going to go into the city. You've got a bag of Coke. You're going to get out of a car and you're going to walk into somebody having a beef and you're going to catch a bullet. Something was going to happen to me.

And it's funny, growing up in high school, there was this family of the Burkle's. And the one that was my age, we didn't get along. We never got along. This is what adds worse to the street. story. We never got along. He was a little group called the boys or something like that with a bunch of good guys

but I had a party and they were invited and I disrespected them at the party and they got pissed off of me because I didn't pay attention to him. They thought I had just invited them to the party at my house. I invited everybody. They didn't like who was upstairs and they left. I don't give a fuck. That was 30 years ago.

I still talked to them now with we're adults and there was a lot of those guys that went with me that dissolved. Nobody never said nothing to him because they didn't want to go to war. It just happened. But Birkle was one kid when I was a sophomore or junior. I went up to get

a weed one night or something, and he was with four of his buddies, and he thought he was tough, and he came over to me, and we kind of wrestled and they broke it up. And we just left her at that. We never really talked or communicated. And do I have ill feelings from? Whatever. You know, I wouldn't

piss on him if he was on fire, but he had three brothers. He had one brother that went to Brown. He had another brother that was fucking gone. He had another brother that went to the Air Force Academy. And I had never known him. I knew that they had, were just tough kids. They were tough German kids.

Big kids. They're very intelligent. The mother was a principal. These guys were oh, like Ron. Ron, the one I didn't get along with, was a fucking dunce, if you look at him. But school wise, fucking cow, he was off the level A's. These guys drank every night and smoked pot and did ass and listened

to music and lifted weights. They were power lifters of sorts and whatnot I'm in this Joe Marys bar like I said I have nowhere to go in my life I'm just sitting in this bar even Quayle was doing blow doing crimes and no direction he walked in and it was like we started talking about something and next thing you know you started pushing Colorado on me if I wanted to go and we chipped on the car together we bought a car together and he had to go I don't know if you know this story he had to come back to Colorado but I was about to rob this drug dealers So I kept saying him, dog.

Give me two more weeks. But it's like anything else. It seemed like I didn't want to go. Yeah. Like I was stalling him. So he left without me. And I went to a travel agent and bought a ticket. I was going to have him pick me up an aspirin.

And all of a sudden, three days later, I see him at the bar. And I go, what happened? And he goes, the transmission blew. I had to get towed back. And right there, that was my sign. From who to this day, I don't know. because if that transmission wouldn't have broke, I would have never gone out there.

Yeah. But that transmission broke and made him come back. And when he came back to, he got, I left for sure. I left whether or not I robbed. I think I robbed somebody else and just left just out of fucking principal wall. That kid's been really sick.

You know, he had the cancer, and he came out here, and we hooked up. And he's another guy that's a church of what's happening now. He called him, Jimmy Berkel. Yeah. And he said that, you know, when he found out he had the cancer, when he got a little better to go back to work, he said, I'm not going back to work.

He goes, if I'm going to die in two years, I'm going to die on my terms. I'm going to fish. So he became a professional fisherman for two years, and he entered some contest, and he took 80th and some Baja fishing thing. So I really admire him. But I got to call you, and he was on his deathbed.

Oh, no. If I didn't say goodbye to him this week, I would miss him. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to go to Sacramento Thursday. Yeah. And I haven't heard nothing, so it's Wednesday. Even if he dies tomorrow, the wake won't probably be. It's a big family.

The funeral won't be until Monday. So I could at least fly home, fly out Monday, take a nap, and wake up and go to the funeral and come back Monday night or Tuesday morning. Is he done San Diego or is he back in Jersey? No, no, they're in Jersey. Okay. They're in Jersey with their wife and stuff, but it's just really weird that I thought about. I didn't know who brought him into my life.

I mean, I didn't grow up with him. He was three, four years older than I was. and it's so weird who brought him in was it the spirit who brought this guy in at this time it wasn't karma because the only karma had coming to me was bad fucking karma there was nothing good about my life we got a call come in what's up buddy hey how you doing hey good morning mr hune how are you kana hughan on the phone today ladies and gentlemen thank you very much for calling brother yeah thanks for having me man yeah i appreciate it you know i'm a big fan of the show i you sit to, you know, listen to one of them on the treadmill,

and not the treadmill, the exercise bike. Okay. I'm in the gym, and, you know, it always makes me laugh. Like, I'll be on the bike over there riding, and people look over at me laughing my head off. Like, who's this asshole on the phone with? You know, I got my headphones in on the iPhone, but, no, it's great, man. Good to hear you.

Good to hear you. So you've had both your surgeries? How many surgeries have you had? Fuck. In my life for just recently. No, no, just recently. So this all, this last injury you got was against Ryan Couture, correct? Yeah. And what exactly happened?

Well, I've got, I've got torn labrums in, or I had torn labrums in both the hip. You know, people are familiar with the labrum in the shoulder as being like sort of a ring of tissue that surrounds that joint. Well, you got labrums in your hips too, and basically they create a seal between the ball of the steamer and socket of the pelvis. And if that rips, like when it's sealed up, it keeps some flus some like lubricant in that joint. But when that rips, you know, either from trauma, from 500 kick the day on the heavy bag, whatever it is, when that rips out, then that lubricant drains out.

So the joint isn't as cushions, isn't as lubricated. And then you get your early onset off your arthritis. You get all these issues. tissue breaking down. And so, yeah, after that, after that fight with Ryan, I went in and got checked out. And the docs basically said that both of my hips were shot, that I had torn labrums on both sides, and that the joints were all messed up, basically. And they wanted to go in.

A bunch of these doctors in L.A. wanted to go in and just give me a double hip replacement, you know, chop off the top of both my legs and hammer a metal rod down in there. and, you know, and say, okay, here you go, dude. You got two metal legs. And I told him, you know, my dad's got, you know, a dual hip replacement like that. And he's, you know, he's still out there. He's snowboarding.

He's doing jiu-jitsu and he's doing his thing. But, you know, he had them put in, I don't know, 20 years ago. So he was probably, no, it wasn't even 20 years ago, maybe 15 years ago. So 10 years ago or something like that. But he was like, you know, 50 when they did this. I was, I'm 33 at the time, you know, and they're like, you know, you're pretty damn young to have double metal hips. So luckily, my mom sent me a letter, or a newspaper clipping. She knew I was dealing with it after the surgery getting looked at going to all these different doctors,

getting different opinions. And she sent me a newspaper clipping of this doctor that had just moved to Boulder, Colorado, and how he was sort of a hip, one of the top doctors in the world, and he had this new procedure. So I flew out to Colorado, or actually drove out to Colorado, to see him and get his opinion. He basically said, yeah, I can, you know, I'll make your hips better than they've ever been. And I'll get you back 100%. We'll get you back in the cage and, you know, get you ready to go. So then I said, let's do it.

You know, I did my research on him. And then August 3rd, they went in in scope, my right hip. They went in and repaired the labrum, cleaned up the sort of the shrapnel in the joint from that fight, you know, or just everything leading up to that, you know, basically my life and cleaned that out. And then 10 days later they went back in or 12 days later they went back in and did what's called a PAO, which is just, you know, it's just cutting-edge surgery, basically. They said that part of the issue, part of the reason that my laborin tore in the fight kept, like I was born, you know, dogs, Rottweilers, that's where I'd heard about it before. But apparently people get it too. And I had a mild case of hip dysplasia on the right side that the doctor looked at everything.

He said, okay, I'm going to go in and I'm going to repair the damage from this fight. I'm going to repair the labrums that you tore. But the, but it may happen again. You know, if you're going to go out there and a kid gets the hook, on you and flatten the out and it's tranking on you or, you know, you get caught in one of these submissions just because of the way your body is shaped,

you're sort of at a greater risk for this to happen again. So instead of just repairing this tissue and hoping that everything's going to be all good, I'm going to go in and I'm going to perform this paracetibular osteotomy, which is this fancy hip surgery where they go in and

they basically cut the pelvis and rotate it to give you a different connection you know, between the socket of the pelvis and the ball of the seamer. And they go in, they cut my pelvis in three places, twisted it forward, basically gave me a whole new beach down there. And, you know, they told me that I'm going to be able to freaking, you know, head kick everybody and then put my ankles by my head

and do all sorts of shenanigans once I'm out of here. But, you know, so I'm just sort of waiting it out, you know, taking it slow and then, you know, going through the process trying to learn the lessons or whatever. What was really interesting last night is when we spoke, you basically said that that's it. You're not fighting anymore. And I was blown the fuck away on how you told me

and how you spoke about your future and what you were going to be doing and opening up a gym. Like most guys would be cracked. You know, I would be fucking cracked. You're a young man. You still have five or six years left. Yeah, you know, it's, you know, it's, you know, it's, you know,

know at some points it's difficult you know uh i guess making the decision announcing the decision to retire uh i announced it uh back in in january two days after my mother's birthday a little uh little late birthday present for her because she was she called me crying when she heard she heard about it my dad's house with you i put up on the internet and she was you know she was oh thank you that's the greatest gift anybody could ever give a mother never having to you know know that their son's going out there to to battle but And, you know, yeah, it was, it was sort of hard to give it up, but, you know, I feel like I got into fighting for certain reasons. I got into fighting to overcome fear.

And I've done that. And, you know, I'm no longer afraid. I no longer, you know, other people no longer have the ability to make me fair, marginalized, or fear for my physical well-being. And that's a tremendous gift that I've gained through this whole process. and and I sort of feel like I've proved, you know, I've proved everything that I really need to prove. You know, there's a million guys out there training and, you know, a bunch of bad motherfuckers, you know. And to know that I was in there at one point, you know, sure, my goal was always to be the champion. And it's hard to give up on those goals.

But one of the things, you know, that I've sort of realized through this process is that you have to grow, you have to evolve. And, you know, I'm sort of looking to go from. from a soldier, you know, that soldier mentality grind, push forward, hard work, never give up to a general mentality where a man can look at the situation and say, well, I might lose this battle to win this war and can make executive decisions and not really marching forward, like a soldier just blindly going forward to scrap, you know.

I've already proved that I can scrap, that I can fight through adversity, and it's time for me to take the lessons that I've learned on my journey towards sort of this place. Those to other people, you know, nothing beats, you know, seeing a look on a kid's face when he gets his first win and, you know, in a wrestling match or, you know, when he lands his first combo in sparring that you taught him, and he's like, oh, man, this shit works. You know, when you can take a little kid who doesn't believe in himself,

you know, a 12-year-old kid, and give him some techniques and some tools so that he feels confident about who he is, and he doesn't feel that other people can marginalize him, you know, you're changing the world. You know, you're given a kid who could have been bullied and become a bully, given somebody the opportunity to live as their most authentic self.

And that's, you know, that's beautiful. That's fucking beautiful. And I hope you motherfuckers at home are taking notes. That really is beautiful. One big question I have for you is when you went into fighting to overcome your fear, what were you scared of? What was the really, what was the fear?

that you really had because I we're all fucking scared kind of or something I go to acupuncture to fight my fear of needles believe it or not yeah yeah I mean that's that's that's what it's all about I think you know doing doing the thing it's hard to do you know it I feel like fear is is a teacher for us and it it points out areas where where we may be deficient you know and by by confronting that fear and by looking looking at fear in the face you saying hey, you know, yeah, I'm going to go in here and I'm worried about needles. I'm going to go get some acupuncture and hope that it helps me deal with my anxiety.

Well, just the act of taking action is incredibly empowering, you know, and that's one of the things that's great about fear is that it can inspire us to action. You know, they talk about that fear response, that flight response, and in humans it's fight, flight, or freeze. And they talk about how a lot of people there, you know, encounter these difficult situations, or traumatic situations and they freeze and they don't ever shake off that negative you know that negative vibe like a deer you know the deer runs out in front of your car it freezes and then it does that little and shakes itself off and runs off into the woods and it's cool but humans don't really do that you know a lot of times they get they get frozen in these moments and they don't move in that residual you know traumatic you know negative energy or stressed out fear energy gets stored in the body So learning to, you know, to process that and to move through that or to take action, learning that, well, okay, when I'm scared, running's fine and fighting's fine, but take action.

So what was it that had me scared? I was scared of getting beat up, which is ridiculous. But, you know, it's something that stems from stuff when I, you know, a real little kid that I've come to understand. you know, I've been in probably, I don't know, 165, 170 street fights, and I've never lost. But I'm still terrified, you know, not anymore, but I would say probably up until five years ago, I'd be terrified. And I remember, you know, sitting in high school in Spanish class. And I had some kid I was supposed to meet at the flagpole at 3 o'clock. And I remember getting up to go to the bathroom and puking.

because I was so nervous. And, you know, at that time, I was probably 100, you know, I guess not, yeah, probably 100 and some wins in wrestling. I'd been on, you know, the world team. I'd wrestled in France. And I was still terrified to go fight. And, you know, when I got to Eddie Bravo, I was at 10th Planet, and I met Jason Chambers and Amir Renovardi and those guys, there were some guys there, Kate Fletcher, who were already

pro fighters. and they, you know, saw that I had some potential, and they, you know, suggested. And the idea was like, man, I was, I was puking, you know, that kid told me at noon that I was going to fight him at three. And I was puking and fucked up. And I just hated how that made me feel. So I was like, some guy was going to be meeting up in three months. Like, all right, well, that's fucking scary as hell. So sign me up, you know.

It's amazing how I still get scared 22 years later before I go on stage. And I get more scared at the little things. Yeah. Like, yeah, I get scared when I'm with Joe and where the 3,000-seat arena. That scares the shit out of me. But if I go to the Ha-ha on a Tuesday night and there's 14 people, that fears me even more. Yeah, it's my biggest fear. And people have no idea how you get this fear, you know, five, four minutes before you do something.

And all of a sudden your body starts to break down. You got to pee. You got a shit. your stomach hurts, your eye twitches, it's amazing how your own mind plays tricks on you. And then two minutes before I hear my name called Fear inside of me tells something And my balls inside of me tell fear to suck my dick

And they get into an argument And I hear this argument inside my head Like fuck you bitch, fuck you, I'm scared Why you keep doing this? I always thought that when you attacked your fear That you were like a masochist Like I always thought like even for acupuncture I would sit there in the beginning and go,

why am I going through this? Nobody would do this because they're scared of needles. They just avoid needles. And now, yeah, six years later, I go acupuncture every fucking Tuesday. You know, so it's, that's fucking beautiful what you said today. I mean, your attitude and how you sign,

you said you're going to go work where? Where are you getting certified to become a personal training? You're going to open up your own. I mean, you inspired me at fucking 9 o'clock last night. I was like, Jesus, I got to go fucking do something. Collins has had surgery today, and these fucking guys opening gyms. Now, you're from my favorite, favorite, favorite place in the world. In fact, I spoke to four people from Boulder yesterday.

I spoke to Antonio Ledizio, the old man from the restaurant, who's going to call the podcast next week. Sure, my buddy of mine actually built, was building a boat with him. You know, a friend I grew up skateboarded with Ledizio was building this boat, and he had a friend of mine named Carson, Warren working with him on it. Very. They've got these alternative school programs out here, you know.

So I had a buddy in high school getting school credit for fucking building a boat. That's pretty rad. It's amazing that a lot of people have no idea about Colorado and they have no idea about bold because, yes. Oh, it's so damn beautiful here, man. You lived here. You know, they say St. Now Watts' curse once you lived in the Boulder Valley, and you've seen the Boulder Valley,

it'll be forced to return to it. It's scary because I spoke to those people yesterday and they put me together because my biggest complaint is the airport. That's it, Connor. That's my biggest complaint is if I got a gig in Kentucky, you know, in April, you get a fucking feet of snow in Boulder or in Colorado. It could snow at a whim in April or May. I think when I lived in Aspen and shit,

they used to say the snowiest months were April. Yeah, well, that's before this global woman, Joe. you're safe out here now. It's fucking doesn't snow at all. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

We've literally, we've never had, you know, I live up in the mountains just outside of Boulder, up, Lee Hill, you know, I'm up there. I used to live in 2085 Lee Hill Road. Yeah? Yeah, that way, right by the bus stop there. In fact, I was telling me, I was telling Lee that when I lived in Boulder,

you know, Lee had never been my co-host here, the Flying Jew had never been to a strip club. And I said that when I got to, I know that. I heard him yesterday. Yeah. That guy's got to live. He's leaning up. He's doing the juice fast.

Oh, he's a fucking savage. He's on that road to him. Yeah. He's got to get out there and seize life by the balls. I'm going to try. Thanks, Cumber. Boulder, the bus stop was the strip, was the only strip club when I lived in Boulder. Now you put some nitros in there, correct?

Yeah, yeah. Nitro opened up the first time I ever went to Nitro was right after I'd made my debut on Showtime. on showtime. I fought this kid, Marlon Matthias, and he broke my jaw like a minute into the first round. He was from the shoebox academy, crazy motherfucker, switching stance, dropped out of Southpaw into regular, through a backhand with his left hand, an overhand right that I ducked right into a knee and busted my jaw shut. So I was wired up, and I came home after that fight, after I got my jaw wired, and Nitro had just opened up. So I had just gotten my win bonus.

I won on TV despite the broken jaw, and I was down there acting the fool, trying to talk to strippers through wired, shut teeth, and throwing my wind bonus at everybody, you know. But, yeah, the bust out. That was the original. And they're owned by a church, or they were. Do you know that?

Yeah, yeah, that they got sold out or brought out, and then they were left to the church or something, and then the church hire some got to run it. Right. No, but something happened that some stripper freak went in there, liked it so much. He died and he left it to the fucking church.

How crazy is that? Yeah, there's some... You know, kind of, I tell this story to a lot of people because it was very... You know, first off, I'm from Jersey, and I grew up in New York, but I grew up in New York when they would shoot you in Harlem,

when they would share a white kid in Harlem. And, you know, because of that, I had credentials. They'd shoot you just for being there? Just for being there. But let me tell you something, my friend. I never met the people I've met ever than in Colorado. And let me tell you, let's take that a little deeper.

There's some people in Boulder who slit your fucking throat and take you into the mountains. And I want people to know that. I stress it in Boulder when, you know, in L.A., when you're driving and you give you your finger to some Mexican gangbanger, and he chases you with your lowrider and calls you, hey, S.A., that's something completely different in Boulder. And I will tell you this. I had a friend in Boulder who took me to his home once, and he lived in the one of the one. those basements in the hill he was like yeah i had to be 20 something and he had to be maybe 30 and this

guy was one of the baddest soldiers in the world in 1968 and he had retired to boulder and i go with him to the v a and he we talk and he was a normal guy but every once in a while and when i had my problems with my ex-wife this guy came to me and offered me his services and i said to him we can't just killed this guy. And I remember him look at me. This is going, this is exactly he said to me, he goes, this is bold. We don't need a gun to kill a motherfucker.

And I go, what? Like an Eddie Bravo student. Oh, my God. I go, so how are we going to do this? He goes, we're going to take him into the weeds. We're going to smack them around a little bit. I got a tree. We're going to tie him up to the tree, and we're going to put maple syrup on him. And we're going to leave him out there overnight

and come back in the morning. He goes, there won't be a fucking bone left. They'll be like an A little bow and a tooth. And I looked at this guy like, he goes, we'll just rub him down with the maple syrup. I'm telling you. We'll come back. There won't be nothing fucking left.

And he was as serious as fucking disco, Conner. And he had a buddy who was just as crazy. Somebody had thrown acid out of him in Vietnam. He was one of those guys that hung up on the hill with the Pichugi juice on. Yeah. Do you know those dudes? And now he was a hippie, but he was a dangerous fucking hippie. Like, I learned some fucking wild lessons in bolder.

I got beat up in Boulder. They broke my ribbon Boulder. The cops don't fuck around in Boulder. Did you know that I smacked the guy. You know, man, I fucking smacked the guy once for calling me a spic. And I had two felonies in Boulder. And I thought I was going back to jail for life for a soul. And Judge Bellapani, one of the best judges, he's the one that sentenced me to prison, threw it out of jail.

Because in the city limits of Boulder, you can't use a racial slur. Did you know that? Conner? Yeah, they have a lot of A lot of pretty progressive laws out here If I call you a white fuck and you smack me It gets drunk. That I'm cool?

It's cool. You gotta love that. It's a wild west, right? Do you know why? J.J. Flanagan, in 94, 93, he smacked a woman up on the hill because she called him a nigger. Do you remember all that you were too young

when the CU football team with Salinassey? It's good. And coached. They were good? When they were fucking really good. When they were fucking really good. Yeah, with Bresan Falam and Darren, Darien Hagan. Darian Hagan.

Oh, my God. Yeah, you remember those guys? Fuck you. I used to remember the Stones playing where CU plays. I remember hearing the Rolling Stones. You know, I used to, I don't know if I was telling you last night that I had. You know, my dad, my dad, he, uh, my dad, Actually, both my folks are from Jersey.

My dad's from Glenrock and my mom's from Asbury Park. Oh, shit. Yeah, my dad actually was working at Ultimont. He was working security at Ultimont for that Stone Show where the hell of angels were. And he wrote a college dissertation about, you know, it was ironic that, you know, as Mick launched under my thumb, that they lost complete control. But yeah, Jersey Boy and a Stone fan from growing up. Street Fighting Man is one of my dad's favorite songs.

Oh, my God. You know, and I went to Boulder recently, and I couldn't believe how much it grew. And it changed. It's ridiculous, man. Now you've got to pay for parking. I got the credit card things. I mean, I guess it's just, you know, coming into the 21st century or whatever. But, yeah, it's way different.

You know, 29th Street Mall, Crossroads Mall was gone. There's this whole new business development over there. You know, they basically eliminated the nightlife up on the hill. You know, the homeowners association up there, I guess is powerful, and, you know, putting a lot of pressure on the city for zoning stuff. So, like, Kay's China is pretty much the only bar that's survived up there. And you got the Pearl Street Mall. Here's the beauty of it.

I tell you what the best thing about Boulder is. You're going to laugh your ass off. You're probably going to hang up on me. But I tell you why, I used to go all the time, the Europa Institute. I learned more about Lodder. at the fucking Noropa Institute. I would take the seminars there. My buddy went to work there for a guy

who had HIV in the restaurant there. They have like a vegan restaurant there. His name is Lenny Martinelli. Well, the guy found out he had a couple months to live. He just gave the business to Lenny Martinelli. Today, Lenny still owns the kitchen and owns restaurants around Boulder

from that donation from that guy there. Excuse me. But I used to go. and take the seminars. I went and took a walking meditation. A great school. Fucking unbelievable. And people, when I tell them that, they look at me like, Joey,

you used to go to the rope. I'm like, dog. Whatever, man. People's, people's consciousness level, outside of this town, you know. They call it the People's Republic of Boulder. That's why. There's Colorado, and there's the People's Republic of fucking Boulder.

You know, 20 square miles surrounded by reality. You know, it's crazy that the cop that arrested me and shit that hated me. He's still a fucking cop there. His name is Detective Dave Seeper. He's still a fucking cop there. And it's amazing that, you know what? I'll tell you what, Connor. I love that you call in today.

I loved it. This is one of the best calls I've had in a long fucking time. I hope that you young guys take some fucking notes from this general, as he called himself. I loved it. The whole fucking thing. Yeah, thanks, buddy. So what's your next move? What's the next move?

you know right now i'm uh i got a great job teaching mn mn and a defined defense martial arts just off of uh 11th street it's like but it's just off pro street uh between like walna and canyon up this little alley there's a little boutique gym in there where i teach uh monday wednesday friday and uh just doing that i'm you know i'm studying for the nest of personal training exam i take that test on the 30th and 24 hour fitnesses is professional fitness trainer over there, their business operator with that black belt, Zinganos,

and blotering it on the, he's a bad motherfucker. And so we're going to open up our gym, and it should be first time that a traditional Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt and then Eddie Bravo 10th playing a Jiu-Jetsu Blackbelt have teamed up in the big league since, you know, the NFL, elite X-E.

And so I think that that combination, you know, the knowledge that I'm going to gain in the next two years, working, you know, in Boulder, a 24-hour fitness coach, We'll be ready to take over, start building, you know, building an army, warriors the light. Is the fighter fund still open to people? No, you know, I shut that down. I mean, you know, everybody, that was really a humbling experience.

You know, they really stepped up to give me a platform to sort of get my message out. Initially, ZUFA wasn't paying for the surgery that, you know, I got on the social media and started talking about it. People seem to be kind of outraged, you know, a couple articles or a couple thousand dollars or a couple hundred thousand dollars actually for surgeries here and there probably wasn't going to be worth the PR nightmare, you know, of having somebody in the sport. He's sort of a veteran and, you know, pretty, we like that. So, you know, Zufa stepped up when they stepped up to cover the surgery, you know, I, near the rehab. So that's really what the fund was for.

And luckily, I got a gangster-ass doctor. blowing him up because yesterday and just said, okay, basically, I'm going to perform surgery right here in the office because you're a tough guy and I want to get you back on your feet and get you chasing your dreams again. So, yeah, super blessed me. And that whole fund of fighter thing, having to reach out, like having to really humble myself, you know, that was a mental battle for me. You know, it's like I'm a, sort of came up, you know, not as hard as you got real disenfranchined right up into that point in time. I'd been, you know, studying. I've been going to school.

I didn't drink. I'm a virgin. I had all these ideas in my head. Like, if I do all this good shit, then I'll win the state title. The other way, and I was like, all right, fuck, and I'm going to take it. You know, I'll get whatever I want. It's like, whatever. All right, I learned how to be a boss following these rules and guidelines

that I believe we're going to bring me, you know, this to make money. I need to take money. And I always said, you know, I'll be in jail or dead before I'm broke. Well, that's a, it's better to be morally rich and financially, bankrupt than the other way around. Having to, you know, having to reach out and ask, you know, I used to, I was laid up the way that I used to, or I could humble myself and I could reach out to the MMA community. And it was a very, very hard decision, but one that I'm very happy with that I had that opportunity and that, you know, when I reached out and I said, hey, I'm broken,

you know, I've been out of work. I've been laid up for, uh, there's a year, you know, over a year now since my last, my last fight. And, you know, it was a long time before I could even get up on my feet with all, you know, all the surgeries I had. I just started teaching probably, I don't know, less than a month ago. But so for me to go from like, okay, I'm in this town, like, all right, I'm angry, I'm pissed off that I'm hurt. I could go, you know, go hard and do some things that I was going to regret to do that

rather than, you know, going back to the streets. And the blessing and really what it did in my heart to see the outpouring of love from everybody, really in my wallet, the fund of fighter guys, you know, contacted me, and that all happened. This whole process has just sort of reconfirmed. It's like you do the things it's hard to do when the power comes. You keep walking forward.

You keep your head up. You keep getting up. It's just life you be provided for. And time again, you know, I'm broke as a joke, but the guy had a deer run out in front of my deer or whatever the other day. And, you know, apparently that's not collision. It's comprehensive. So, and the damage wasn't too bad.

I could, you know, I just popped the hood out, and it's a little broken grill or whatever. But I got a check from the insurance company for $1,800 to keep me grinding. You know, so I've got to start in the universe provides. You don't get what you want, but you get what you need, brother. Yep. And you're a good dude, and you're a gentleman. And when I saw that, that's why, you know, you're a good fucking dude, Connor.

You've always been a gentleman of me at the events, and you give me a hug, and I can't even know. I don't even know you're a fighter sometimes. I think, who the fuck is this guy? That's good, man. I'm trying to evolve. You know, I'm trying to leave that angry little kid behind. No, no, but at first, I didn't even know. Sometimes I would go, Eddie, who's this fucking guy?

He goes, that's con. I go, oh, my God, I had him confused. I thought he was just some nice gym guy or something. And, you know, you're a fucking great guy. And I knew that sometimes it takes something bad for something good to happen. Yeah, sure. And you saw it right in front of it. And if I would have told you this two years ago, you were going to fuck yourself.

But sometimes it takes up. Yeah, you've got to live it. Yeah, sometimes it takes something bad for something good to come out, man. So I'm happy you woke up early and gave us a call. And I want you to call back in about a month and let me know how you're doing. I'll talk to you before then, brother. Sounds good. I appreciate it, Joe.

Thank you, kind of for all. You know, we love to hear of the church. Keep up the juice, guy, and tell me you're doing big things. I know that's not easy to do. The type of sacrifice you're making. But one, you know, you're inspiring people with your YouTube and talking about it and showing anybody that, you know, hey, I'm going to get out here and I can grind this.

You know, you said yesterday or something. Only the first five days are bad. And you're doing, you guys are doing good things. So keep doing it. Thank you, brother. That means a lot. Have a good day, my man. Stay black.

All right, buddy. I'll talk you later. Always. I hope you guys listen to it this, motherfucker I had to say because I talked to him on the phone. He knocked me off my chair yesterday. I had a different guest lined up. Okay.

And I went with him after talking to him. No, he's a great guy. I saw a few weeks ago that he followed me on Twitter or something, and I looked him up, and that was great to listen to. He had the fun to fire the thing, and I spoke about it. I spoke about it on these podcasts, and I spoke about it on this one, and that's what we do. That's what we do sometimes we help people. What music you got from me?

You haven't played a song, Coxfuck? Yes, I have. That's, uh... Oh, shit, a little biggie on a Wednesday. Pick up that fucking bong. Hit that motherfucker eight times. It's Wednesday. You gotta go out deep like a Marine with medals.

What? What? Liggas on the corner. I ain't forget you, niggas. My triple-bean niggas. Oh, shit. What are you going to do, Lee? Whoa, whoa, oh.

Wiggle from Joe, Lee. You want a piece of gunpow? No. Get your day's starting? My day's over. It's still, I'm still on yesterday. I want to smoke some more time? No.

You sure? Let me see you wiggle from Uncle Joey. What? That's a funny thing that people don't talk about a lot. And you know, from comedy. it's kind of the same thing and it's the same in every profession but

in sports you always think people are making millions of dollars and everyone's Anderson Silva driving the fancy cars with endorsements but Connor he fought and he was still professional fighter but he was still in the lower level and then he got hurt

and Zufo wasn't going to pay for anything and he can't make money and he he needs the insurance check to get by and it's inspiring to hear people because it would have been easy for him to go back. It's like me trying to go and back at Indian McDonald's, him doing something he wouldn't be proud of.

It's something you don't think about. You think a professional fighter is always going to be rich. So that was inspiring. People are you on TV. Yeah. And they assume you're rich. They don't know that Fox Sports pay shit. You know, half of these Fox companies pay shit.

You know, you think like they, TV is a thing like, oh, they're doing you a favor as an announcer. I don't even want to tell you what Fox pays to announce some fucking fights or games on a lower level fucking. So I just like, listen, man, one of the biggest things that holds us back as human beings, it's fear. Fear will fuck with you more than anything in the world. You know, I've been doing stand-up for 22 years. I try to write a joke every fucking day. I try to perform four, five times a week.

That's 25 sets a month. And I'm telling you guys that on the drive there, I talk myself out of this business. Never mind comedy. I talk myself out of the fucking business. I'm going to get a job selling shoes at footlock. You know, it's ridiculous. What, if you let fear fuck with you, it'll fuck with you. It will fuck you up the ass and make you stay in the goddamn house and depression will set in and all these things come with it.

But it all starts with that. I'm telling you, that fear grows like a fucking weed. Do not let it fuck with you. If you see something you want to do, tell fear to suck your dick. Fear is the guy that puts a negative shit in you. Listen, man, when you want to do something, the odds of you doing it with the people around you is tough enough. Yeah.

Even with the juice, and I broke your balls, maybe your mom said, don't do it. Anything you want to do, you want to cross the street, people will say why not to cross that street. Of course. You know, if you want to cross that street, you're going to fucking cross it. Do not let fear stop you. Email me at joeycocodias.net. Let's talk about it.

Go for it. Dieting, a career. Whatever the fuck you want to do. You know? Bro, I have fear every fucking day. Every fucking day. I have to go to meetings. I have fear.

It would kill me. It would kill me if I let it. I swear to God, I'm the most scared guy. I've said it once. I've said it a thousand fucking times how scared of life I was as a kid. but I had no choice. Then my mother died. Oh, my God.

Then I had no fucking choice to take life by the fucking bullhorns and knee it in the face. What are you going to do? Yeah. What are you going to do? I hear people say a lot that when you're not scared to do something

it's time to do something else. Yeah. So yeah, that's pretty amazing. You have to fuck. Bro, I love fear. I love fighting with my head. Love it on a daily bed. No, I'm not going to eat this pot cookie.

It's eight in the morning. You lose that fight every day. I love you, motherfucker. There's Wednesday morning. Let me tell you something. Ever since I got on the epileptic or whatever the fuck you call it. I tell you what, man, my back and my shoulders have been a little sore, so I went back on the strong bone.

Because I usually, you know, I don't take everything every day. I'm on the hemp protein. I'm on the fucking. I got the tea finally in the mail. The testosterone booster. Oh, cool. I'm going to try that with you guys and let you know about that. But I would go to fucking, I tell you what,

when I go to that webpage and read what they have, I get so enthused about. this shit and I remember why I like their product so much. Yeah. You know what else? I forgot about that I'm gonna we go on. I took him on the road. New mood. Oh yeah, that helps you sleep. Fucking amazing. So please, if you're having a problem with sleeping, you got the new mood, you got the fucking immune sport and you got the fucking alpha brain. If not, get the strong bone, get your exercise technique going, get your mind going. You know the idea I was in a bad mood. It was just going over to the water. So I went to kickboxing Monday.

Yesterday I went to fucking, I did the other thing and tomorrow. Today I go to kickboxing. Tomorrow get up early and go over and do the immune, the epileptical, and I'm on my way to fucking Sacramento, bitches. Also, next week, we're at the Ice House doing a live church of what's happening. Now, my man, Vinnie Curdo. Did you hear that, bitches, live? The fucking Savage, the main man, the flying Jew, will be there. Again, what was that?

Live, bitches, 626-577, 1894. Get your tickets now, $10. The cheapest fucking live podcast you'll ever see in your life. Have some drinks. It's Wednesday night. What are you going to do? Watch Andy Dick on dancing with the stars, you fucking maggot motherfuckers.

Then we got to Miami, the South Beach Comedy Festival. Let me tell you something. I need that to sell. I need to go to my Miami peeps. Let me tell you in Spanish. Oh, yeah. Bonte la Pila pilla, cahorio. He complied off ticket.

For the fucking South Beach Comedy Festival, I'm there. The 19th, they're going to add the 20th. If we do a show on Miami on the 20th, let me tell you we're going to do outside the film wall. We're going to burn that motherfucker down with Reefer ass. You understand me? that's how I'm going to smoke pot We got the banana bread lady

Some people travel with their acupuncture is And their trainer I travel with the banana bread lady That's how I fucking roll So I can make banana bread in any fucking city She's going on tour with us lead So you might as well put a budget in for her Banana bread lady write it down

She's going on tour with us That's illegally writing it down The tax refund What tax refund? Oh well I did want to talk about It was something interesting For you fucking morons That Nick Diaz is going to jail

Let me tell you something My wife is an accountant. Okay. So as soon as I moved in with my wife, she started making some changes in my personal life. And she wrote a list for me. Like, these are things you have to take care of. Take care of this child support and lower it. You have to do this.

And every month we would tackle things. You know what the hardest thing was? What? You know, I started dating my wife in 1998 or 99. Okay. And by 2002, she had talked me into two years to do this. I'm going to tell you guys what it is. You're going to fall off your seat.

and I'm not going to go to jail because I took care of it. Pay my taxes. She talked to you into it. Do you know I didn't pay my taxes from 1998 to like 2002? Did you guys know that at home? Because after my divorce and I got into comedy and I read the Lenny Bruce book, I really, really wanted to be a fucking comic, like a renegade comic. Like I wanted life to forget about me and me to forget about life.

I wanted to be the road worry. I didn't want to pay taxes. I was going to drop off the face of the earth. That was my plan. I wasn't going to pay shit. The old child support, the old credit cards. I wasn't going to do nothing. But it wasn't that I was scared of my responsibilities,

is that I was scared of getting the ball rolling. Like how they would browbeat me when I went down there. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I am here to join ring watches. Now you're fat fuck? Where were you for 20? You know? So little by little, we made different moves.

Like my wife got my child support law. and that was painless. You know, they said I owed a certain amount. My wife went over to the check cash in place and got all the money orders that I had gotten for child support and gotten the receipt so that lowered it by $40,000.

And my wife just did a bunch of shit. But one of the things, when I went to the IRS, I hadn't paid taxes. I used to take my tax receipts and rip them up and throw them away like the $1099. I wouldn't put a $1099 in there for nothing.

And, guys, the easiest thing in the world for me was to cut a deal with that. government if you if you owe taxes first of all they're only going to charge you for the seven years back so let's say you stop paying taxes in 2000 it's 2013 correct yeah they're only gonna take it today if you went in there today and there's no line i want you were you sign your name being hose deers you go up what's happening what happened you didn't pay your taxes in 2001 no worries what year is it 213 we're only going back to 2006 so you're only responsible

for seven years. Wow. All the other shit gets forgotten. Yeah. So you go, you do a paperwork, you set up a fucking payment plan, and you pay. You know what my payment was?

$150 a month. For like fucking 80 years, no, for like five or six years. I doubled up on them and I paid them. I went to the state board. Same thing. I think my payment, $10,000, I think my payment was $96 a month.

So for $2.50 a month, everybody wants to settle. Everybody wants to get paid. Because you can't pay when you're in jail. You can't pay when you're in jail. So if you owe taxes or you're scared or something, again, man, fear used to be my best friend because I let it beat my ass. I was scared of getting browbeat.

Go down there and take care of this. For people who read that thing that Nick Diaz is going to jail, you're going to go to fucking jail? He's just going to say, look, I've been smoking dope for 18 years. I'm an MMA fighter. You get punched in the head 15 times. You tend to forget shit, okay? Taxes is not number one on your list when you get hit in the head fucking 18 times.

So that's what happens. You go down to IRS You make an appointment You walk in You tell them the truth And that's it I'm done with my taxes Done like I'm fucking legit

If Joey Dears is legit Who didn't pay taxes for 12 fucking years Can you be legit people please This is fucking easy This is easy Why get these You know you don't pay your taxes They throw you

They threw blade in jail Oh just gonna say it With his fucking fucked up Pete And biting white women and shit They threw his black ass in jail They don't fuck around Yeah, but the difference is they gave him a chance to pay, and he said, like, didn't he say, like, I'm not going to pay it,

or, and he owed millions of dollars? You tell the fucking government, you're not going to pay him to see what they do. Listen, listen, let's say, I don't know if you guys know this, let's say you're on a fucking, let's say you robbed somebody. Let's say you wrote checks. Okay. And you sent out 20,000 checks, and you do 10 years for that.

When you get out of prison, you got to pay those residuals. Let's say you got to pay. $5 a month, you will stay on parole until you pay that off. So the quicker you pay that off, the quicker you'll be on parole. They don't fuck around. How much of your own restitution, 40?

We're not going to let you go. So you're going to end up in jail because you don't want to pay the fucking $40,000. They will take... Everything is all about paper today. But as long as they get their paper, they won't be mad at your people. That's a legit fucking statement.

So please, if you hold that shit, when I read that yesterday, I go, they got to throw them in jail. They didn't throw me in jail And I walked in there When I was fucking 39 or something Walked in there

I hadn't paid taxes in years I hadn't paid taxes on Charlesville I didn't pay shit But I went in there And I don't want you people It's like oh Joe are you No I didn't step up to my responsibilities

I have a woman fucking talked me into Going down there My wife was a solid American Talked me into going down there And now I understand I understand it's not worth to go into jail It's not worth to fuck around with those, you know how it fucked up the correspondence is

from those people? And let me tell you something Lee, they go right for your back to come. Oh yeah, of course. They don't play. They don't ask permission. You don't even get a note from the bank. You know how you get a note from the bank? How we're taking 1800? A fuck no! You wake up, you go to an ATM. You go to a restaurant. You just bought the Japanese chick a drink down the corner

and that bitch of drinks and that bitch a drink. And your card comes back, decline. That's a long fucking day for you. Oh, no. That'd be terrible. And that's it. What else? can I fucking tell you. It's a beautiful day to deal. Is someone knocking on the door? Yeah, come on in here, beautiful.

What the fuck is this? Hi, guys. I forgot that you were doing a podcast. You forgot! What kind of shit is this? This is Lee's beautiful roommate. What's her name? What's in the preview? This is Ashley. Ashley, because I thought I was going to say Cassandra. What I keep thinking of Cassan? What's happening?

Ashley with a fucking flower in your head. Come over here. Say hello in front of the camera. Oh, God. Come on here. The fucking voice. Say hello. Come over and say hello. and shit. Go here, come on over. Say hello. Say hi.

Where am I? How is this word? Oh, man. Hey! That's it. That's Lee's Lee Lee's roommate, the one I've been talking him into attacking

in the middle of the night. She's a cutie. I say, rip that fucking flower off her head, Lee. Look at Lee. He's turning red now. Jesus Christ. Look at that, Lee.

Look at those sexy fucking bra she wears. Look at how leopard bro. What would you do if you do if you ripped that motherfucker off. I caught him sniffing one of your bras dey like this little perversed, cock sucker. I sniff his underwear. It's what?

He snips your underways too? I'm sure she does. See, Lee? And you got those cute underwear. You still wear those leopard underwear, Lee, with the fucking flowers? You know, you know. With the fucking Israeli star around him?

By the dick. That's what we got to make, Lee. Underwear with the Israeli star and the Peeho comes around of a fucking star in the middle of it. Have a good day, beautiful. Thank you. What do you think about that?

See? That's a fucking idea. You call me up, he wants to make Jew shoes now. I did a joke about Jew shoes. He wants to be in charge of Jews shoes. Those Jew shoes I talked about, the ones that has a Sicilian Jews chasing. It's your idea. I like the alarm

clock. You like the star, the star of David, and your dick comes out of it. They won't let me back in Israel. I guess they will. They'll let you in it as long as you have your cash. Listen, you sell, you know how many millions are in the way you could sell with your dick sticking out of the stuff? Yeah, to fucking Palestinians.

you want to burn them, no one's going to. Fuck the Palestinians. You're going to sling dick with that. You take the dick out of your fucking star of David, and you take a picture for Playboy. Are you kidding me? You know how many fucking Jews are by those? Lee, that's it. I got to go hang out with real Jews. You're not thinking.

You're not thinking. It's a beautiful day to be alive, cock suckers. Get out there. I love you guys with all my heart. Thank you very much for paying attention to the podcast today and for listening and for supporting Lee on this fucking juice weight loss. you've been shitting lately? You're all right? Not much, man. What happens when you bang out?

What comes out of your little piggyock? Same stuff. It's still thick and shit? Yeah, it's not green. It's a small like celery, your little pick yaks, burn. Like I said, I don't taste it. You don't smell it. Look at this guy here, knock on the wall.

Look at that guy. Look at this guy. Look at that fucking beer. Everyone who lives in my complex is like 80 million years old. Good. They serve breakfast here or anything? No. It's a fucking apartment complex.

Don't forget, Sacramento this weekend. We ain't fucking. around. Don't forget to go to honor.com. Put in your order for either strong bone. Try out the Shroom tech for your immune system. Put church in the box C-H-U-R-C-H in the box

Get your little discount and put on the main list And on top of that they'll send you email alerts And everything I have sales Or send out t-shirts Or get a chick to do alpha brain and suck you Do you ever chick suck your dick on alpha brain? She's focused. Anyway

Do I do shouts out today? No. How about Chris Boyce? How about my man, Art Skier? How about my man James Engler? How about my man Pellegrino? How about metal bread 420? Where you been?

cocksucker. How about my bad Brandon Cardi? I love you fucking people. You understand me? Get your shit together. We're part of the church here. It's a family. I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm so fucking high. That bubble gum. It went right into my system. What do you got to end of

day with me, Lee? I got some... And don't forget he got new hoodies. He got new long-sleeved shirts. Support the podcast. Everybody always calls me up and want to donate three dollars. I'm going to take your fucking dollars. Put three dollars together ten times. Get a fucking t-shirt. We'll this party start.

All right. Have a great fucking week. I love you guys. God bless you. Remember next week is Holy Week. We're going to have a priest call in and a fucking rabbi on next week to explain. I'm serious.

Oh, cool. You don't know a fuck around dog. I love you, people. Have a great day. Stay black. Oh. Check it out now. Mm.

Mm. Baby. Oh, shit. Lysayette. I like this. Oh, dun-na-dha-dha. To all the ladies in the place with style and grace,

allow me to lace these lyrical dushes in your bushes. Who rock grooves and make moves with all the mommy. The back of the club. Sipping my witness where you find me. The back of the club, Mac, it holds my cruise behind me. Mad question asking, blunt passing, music blasting. But I just can't quit because one of these honies,

big he got to creep with, sleep with, keep the epic secret. Why not? Why blow up my spot? Because we both got hot. Now check it. I got more Mac than Craig and in the bed. Believe me, sweetie.

I got enough to feed the need. No need to be greedy. I got mad friends with Benzis. See, no problem.