The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 03/27/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now Live #01

Episode Date: April 3, 2013

Former boxing World Champion Vinny Curto joins Joey and Lee live from the Ice House for the first live podcast. The sound is different than in studio but we had a great time. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Live from the Ice House on 03/27/2013

Everybody in this bitch getting six. Everybody has a bitch, guys. You excited? Yeah. All right. Well, Joey's going to come up first and talk to you guys, and then we have Vinny Curdo, the boxer.

And, yeah, it's exciting. So here it is Joey Diaz. Even though, my man, Lisaette, the Flying Jew, put that podcast together every fucking morning. This guy puts it together. Look at him. He lost fucking 90 pounds. Jucin.

fucking juicing. That's a new thing. Nobody wants to go to the YMCA. Fuck it, I'll eat 19 carrots every fucking day. And the way they sell it to you, you're going to get kale and carrots. And you're like, yeah, yeah. And the more like cauliflower, then you put ginger, and you're like, you lost me, dog.

Where's the chicken? Where's the fucking pizza that motherfucker? And I even told them, if you could juice like a Big Mac, how many fat motherfuckers would juice a Big Mac? And then you've been juicing, I've been juicing, dog, because I've been juicing. It's a big mac, but you didn't ask if it was a big mac. You just dance if I was fucking juicing. Big goddamn difference, all right? I'd be juicing.

I love all that. I juice lasagna and fucking Cuban pork chops and burritos and shit. Oh my God, a nice fucking jalapeno and a burrito juice that. Drink that, you see the fire just drip out of the ass. Like butane. You ever like like butane on fire? None of you motherfuckers ever lit nothing on fire growing up. I've been asking people lately, no pyro's here growing up, nobody?

You weren't pyro too? I fucking loved it. But you were a girl. Like when you were born, you're a pyro. You lie down fire. You try to pee on it. And if you can't put it out with the pee, fuck it. Call the fire department. I don't know what happened, Officer, but somebody lit a fire down there. They burnt a bunch of boxes and shit. And it smells like peas burn them.

So you better get down there. down there. It's a cat or some shit that's on fire. What's your light on fire? What's the worst thing you lit on fire? I've got to get a girl scout for lighting a cat on fire. That's my girl right there. That's... Are you Jewish? Okay. I'm looking for a girl Jew that can light shit on fire. That's... Me and her can make a big fucking living, you know what I'm saying? What's up? There's always been hurting. That's right. Fuck, a little yarmac on you.

shaved a little monkey put like a star of David on there that's the thing who's better than me with a fucking point point right at your little plate right there it's Passover huh you gotta fucking where's to choose that it's fucking Passover you should be home eating crackers

looking out the window thinking about how you're fucked up and shit but but you're here putting it to I like it. Fucking Wednesday night, March Madness. How about a big round of applause for the waitstaff? Working very hard for you. Don't forget to tip them.

Listen, half of you's a stone. We got food. All right, you're stone, and we got food here. And they won't put them in a juicer. You follow me? Can you imagine nachos and a fucking juicer? How good day would be at night? Because I wouldn't eat nachos.

I just sit there naked and rub them on my face and on my stomach, you know what I'm saying? People come out. What are you doing? Rubbing nachos on my fucking balls. Everything. You follow me? That's when you're really fat. I can't wait to be 500 pounds. Like if I was 500 pounds and rich,

I'd make a YouTube video every day just me rubbing eggs on my cock. The video would last like three minutes. YouTube would cut me off every day. Every day I show like a hundred dollar bill, me lighten it on fire, and me taking them like eggs and just rubbing them on my... fucking, it's over.

Because I think a millionaire's don't really fucking do what they're supposed to do. If I was a millionaire, I lived my life differently. Like, whether they want to get a Lexus or convertible or Beamer, fuck that shit. I'd go into slave driving and shit like that.

Like, I get like a rickshaw, like the skinniest Chinese guy and the valley. I make him run me all over, fucking the 134 to 405, fucking. Get an HOV, it's two of us. Run, cock, cuckler.

Run, chino, run. I'd be whipping this motherfucker. Run, Chino. I have another one in the trunk tied up just in case. This guy twists his ankle and shit. I just shoot him and put the other one up in front.

Get up there, cocksucker. Get up there. And I'm just saying a Chinese guy because they drive rickshaws. It could be anybody. I have a white guy. I don't give a fuck. I have a white guy.

A German. You know me. I don't give a fuck. I have a guy. up as Hitler fucking whipping him down to 405. You cock sucker, that's what you get and shit. Right or wrong, if you were rich, would you live in a big house for what?

All that air, paying for air. Every night somebody would bathe me. Like somebody who you wouldn't expect, like a strategist would be driving around all day. Let me pull right over. Excuse me, are you busy this evening? Here's 5,000. I want you to come over and bathe me

in fruit cocktail juice. You understand? and put the cherry up my ass and put me to sleep. No fucky, no sucky. Just read me a bedtime story. And give me a bath, rub my toes. Can you imagine that? Being 50 and somebody just rubbing you every night

with a bubble bath and shit, putting devil horns in you. That's my dream right there. That's what I would spend my money on, that party and it's... Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha. Look at me in Bulgaria. Who gives a fuck, all right?

I'm right here in fucking the valley, getting my balls washed with fruit. fruit cocktail juice I love you motherfuckers that's been up the producer of this show Lee Syatt bad motherfucker thank you very much

coming up here tonight this is the first time we did this or we're doing this so we don't know what the fuck to expect I mean we're like Puerto Ricans we don't even have juice stands like we don't even have fucking microphone stands we got a hold of ourselves we're like Puerto Ricans on the fort

say hello to these people Lee what's happening What's up guys there's a couple back that they got nachos when he said juice nachos I almost stole them You almost what? I almost fell their nachrona. All I know you. Let me explain some to you. You haven't eaten in how long?

36 days. Dirty six days. This motherfucker is ready to eat anything. Like he's starting to hallucinate. Like I was waving a finger in front of him the other day. And I could tell he was looking at like a chicken, like a chicken thing. You know, those things they have that you dip the fucking shit in.

Have you told them about the hot dog's place over on North Hollywood? They were happening in bacon. That's what I like. Oh, the Mexicans. Oh, my God. Listen, Oscar Meyer is a great man. He invented the hot dog and shit, and he put it on a bun with mustard and relish.

That's great, Oscar. But that was fucking 1888. Then a Mexican came, Pedro came by one day. And he said, we're hopping if we put fucking bacon on that motherfucker. But not if we put a slice of bacon. Like if we wrap this motherfucker with Oscar Maya bacon. Have you had one of those at night, guys? Lee, tell these motherfuckers how good they are.

When you walk out of a club and you see that hot dog man, how hard does your dick get? Because your heart's like to pound, like you're 14, and you're about to suck some tit. You know what I'm saying? Remember when you suck tit when you were 15, how excited you got? Your face got red, you couldn't think and shit. We loved one of Joey shows, and he knew where it was, like three blocks down.

He parked in the red, like, on the wrong side of the street, and ran up to him, and the white. they weren't even ready yet they had to go get the buns out of the car you had they ordered done and oh they put like onions on it and like pico de gallo and holy shit and if it's on good friday i wait till midnight that's how i wrote i get there at 10 to 12 and i stare him down you understand the whole fucking family i want a taco at fucking 12 o'clock i go then i'll fuck him up because he's got chorizo tacos beef tacos langua and cabesa and then he's got the fucking hot dogs so I get two of each, you understand?

And that's to start off it on a diet. That's like the diet plan. They got to take like four chorizo ones to go because it's Friday and Saturday. God forbid you go home and there's a good movie on that one. And you don't have no chorizo tacos. You follow me? So we took some to go that night.

I really discovered the guy about a year ago, but I really started rocking them when my wife got pregnant. Because if you have a wife or a girlfriend that's pregnant and you don't bring shit home when you go home at night, You're a dead man You follow me They'll just fucking stab you when you're sleeping

And anything They'll eat anything They'll eat a scab off of Puerto Rican's head They don't give a fuck They'll eat a fucking yum yum donut A hot dog They don't give a fuck My wife was eating like a savage

And I was right there Knuckling up right here Going Donor for donut And hot dog for hot dog We don't give a fuck in this house Fuck Weight Watchers They can suck my dick

Weight watches never ran into that Mexican dude with the hot dogs With the fucking bacon on it That cock sucks It's like a walking contradiction because I really want to be healthy and I really want to go to the gym every day and I really want to...

But how can you pass up on great food? You know, and that's the problem we have. If you're fat, don't feel like, you know, society's making fat people feel weird now. And they should. We're fucking annoying. You know, three of us on our elevator or skinny guy has to get off

because the bell goes on. You follow me? You know, we're fucking annoying. We're fucking annoying. care system, but fuck it. Those hot dogs are good. I don't give a fuck about a month in the hospital. Friday night without a hot dog. You weigh that shit right there. You're like, what do I care when I'm 60th? They got a bag on my head.

These hot dogs are good to fucking go. I love to eat guys. So I'm trying to find a happy medium on how to eat and stay healthy and do jumping jacks. You made me do jumping jacks after the podcast last week. I had it. I had them. I did. I almost passed out from laughing. Because he looked so cute doing him. He had done a jumping jack since the 8th grade.

Since he took the president's test. Remember the president's test? Remember that shit, guys? I failed it. I failed. I couldn't. I ain't going to lie to you motherfuckers and told you I got a patch. I paid for my patch.

Fuck that motherfucker. Remember when you pay like three bucks? Mommy, mommy, look what I got. Then she'd give you a 10. You're still net at 7. Who gives a fuck if you lie? You know what I'm saying? I failed that test.

I could never. do a pull-up till today I can't do a pull-up can you believe that you can't even and was that the one that you could like you sit down and you like lean forward to measure your reach I'm like three feet tall I can't I never reach it? No no this is the one we had to like do 25 jumping jacks

25 sit-ups pull-ups fucking uh... Oh I didn't have to do pull-ups all that shit you gotta do a 25-yard sprint it's a fucking nightmare you know and I was in shape as a kid I got fat later on like when I was a kid I was a hustler so I had to be in fucking shape

and you know you got to jump fences and you got to climb through windows stuff being a fat fucking being a burglary you never seen a fat burglar have it if you ever see a fat burglary like this guy's a fucking loser this guy what's he thinking

he was born to lose this fucking guy but uh we've been talking a lot about dieting lately and health and you know I'm 50 Lee's 24 and it's funny when I was 24 there was always that 50 year old guy I used to say, wait, wait till you get old someday, and you eat a hot dog, and it takes two days to burn it off.

Because that's what really happens. Our metabolism slows down. We think we could still eat a whole Entemans fucking bread, you know? But you eat anything now that goes right to your waist. I go to cakebox, I go to wine through the epileptic, I ride the bite, but it's just fucking brutal. But I just believe in being a healthy fat guy, you know. Don't put salt in your food, drink a lot of water, walk a little bit,

get your heart going, eat those aspirins, and take your chances. You know? Every time you order a burrito with fucking chorizo and it. And now, I figured out how to cook Cuban food because they got recipes on YouTube. It's over.

Oh, my God. They got a recipe for lobster creole. It's called Longothin Chilau. My parents used to make it, and I used to throw shrimp in it, too. And it's like the fucking tomato sauce with the green peppers and the onions and ate lobster tails

and fucking shrimp. Oh, tremendous. White rice and some fried bananas. Oh, my God. Again, Weight Watchers has never bumped into Mr. Fried Bananas. You know, Weight Watches is very limited. He only judges McDonald's and hamburgers

and cheeseburgers and shit like that. Is there going to place to eat a Cuban sandwich? Because I saw that. I saw a video of it. And I've been craving that for about three months. Portos. On Brandon Glendale or on a Magnolia Boulevard. And if you see who's clapping, it's the Armenians. They're the only ones that go to...

Cuba's... don't go to porthos. You go to fucking porthos in Glendale. It's all Armenians. I love it. It just shows you how good the fucking food is until you get flattered. You're like, wow. I heard the lines like out of the door. Out the fucking door. And on Christmas Day, you're not getting in there. You got to get that 4th day in the morning

and stand out of line. It's like somebody's giving away free blow jobs. Nobody ever gives away free blow jobs. You ever notice that shit? Like, come the first hundred people get their dicks up. Come by your windows or something like that. You follow me? I gotta fucking get that shit.

Like, that's a marketing tool right there. First 100 people get that. No, first hundred people get their name entered to get their dick sucked. That's a no-brainer right there. Because that's for real. Like, if you take a girl on a date, that's a lottery ticket. But you're paying a lot of fucking money for it. You know what I'm saying?

You don't know what's going to happen. I may go for the tin. I may squeeze her ass. But with a lottery ticket, you bet a dollar for a blowjob. That's not that bad. You lose. So what? I lost.

I'll sign up again tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? It's just a dollar for a blow job, you follow me. Then you could trick them. You could show up with a chick

with like a hole in her throat. I got to find one of those here. I didn't see one of them in Jersey. Now, in your, in your coat case, would you have done that chip in the hole in the throat? In a fucking heartbeat.

I would have fucked her and picked her up by the hoof just that, oh my God. And then I would have picked her by the pussy hoof and hit her in the throat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha you like that paro you like that right around to hit you the neck

why don't you put it in my mouth nah i just want to hit the fucking and she's trying to and you tie her hands that's what you do so she's trying to reach for her up here put it up more no i want to put it in your fucking throat you dirty fuck we're definitely gonna go the hell for that one way How many animals have you had to do? A bunch. I had a cheese cookie. The anti-Tolaris cheese cookies are 180 milligrams, and they taste like Lipton soup.

The chicken soup with the little fucking things. It don't even taste that good. I guarantee if you take the cookie and put in a bowl of hot water turns into fucking chicken soup. I ate one of those. I got pretty fucked up. I was in a bad mood.

I took a nap. Because that's what happens. If you eat an edible and take a nap, it ruins it. Yeah, you wake up. I know, because you know. Because you give me the fucking your dose, and I've been smoking for like a year. Oh, I get this guy fucked up.

But he's a soldier. He keeps coming back for more. The best with the banana bread that day, that he was breaking it up. That was the funniest thing. We did the National Anthem, and I gave him a piece of banana bread, and he was breaking it like a Coke rock.

He's smearing it on his hands. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, I mean, you know, me. I go, eat that. fucking dingley. Stop smear it all over your hands. I don't like how it tastes. When you drink those kale fucking shakes,

that's kind of... A normal piece of bread, if you squish it, it would turn into a ball, and I thought it would go down easier. But there's so much weed in it, it doesn't do it. It just breaks apart. It's like a bud.

I swear to God. Banana bread breaks up like a fucking bud. By the way, this podcast is sponsored by On it. So if you're a friend, fat fuck, you're looking for some alpha brain, go to anna.com, order the kettlebells, do what you need to do. You don't get 10% off the kettle bells and the ropes

and shit, you just get 10% off on the vitamins. So go to Honet, get them alpha brains, smoke some pot, and have a party by yourself. Because alpha brain, you snort that shit, you go fucking crazy, you fuck yeah, you grind it up. You get some alpha brain, you put some baking soda, shake that motherfucker up. Smoking out of a cracked pipe, you'll be a new fucking man.

You watch Law & Order on that shit right there. Girls like ground-dipped aspirin, if you were doing it today, what are you doing ground-dipped alpha-brain? Fuck yeah, that'll get them going. Because seriously, girls come over three in the morning and they want to do your Coke, and they want to, like, fucking hold on to that bra. You got to lose that bra.

You want to do some coke here. You got to do something here. You're showing up on the fucking mooch program. You got to do something. You got to walk around with your thong on or something. So they want to show up all fucking cisterly, so I'll give them aspirin. I don't give them aspirin.

I'll take bare aspirin. Shut that shit up. One time in New Mexico, I was shooting the longest yard, and I fucking met this girl. She's like, let's get some coke. And I swear to God, I crushed up like 10 of those fucking aspirins. And I had coke, but I was holding it to me. And I did the whole thing.

Like, I put the phone out in vibrating. I was like, hello? Oh, my God, who's this, Noriega? I'll be right downstairs. Noriega's downstairs. And I came up, and I had already the, I had already, I may believe I'd pissed, and I take the aspirins and crush it up

and put it like a little fucking bubble gum wrapper like aluminum foil. So I had it in my pocket area I had the good stuff too but I came up I laid the whole it was like a mountain of aspirin and she's like you do a line first I'm like oh

this shit is tremendous so she did two lines of fucking coke of this aspirin I swear to God like two lines this is like a third big line and she's looking at me and she's looking at the porno and her hip started moving, right?

I'm like, this aspirin's on fire. I just finished the aspirin. I'm like, fuck her. If she's getting off on the aspirin, why fuck it up for her? You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to give it a good stuff and throw her off. I just gave it. Then I gave it like two lines at the end out of it because I felt bad.

You got it. You got to fuck around. You know what I'm saying? You just can't give them what they want and they take advantage. You know what I'm saying? You know, I used to do a podcast before I started with this one. And we used to have guests on. Beauty and the Beast.

And one of the best, best, I mean, one of the best guests I ever had on that show that we had to stop the podcast and look at each other and see what the fuck was going on, was this next gentleman. And I've always wanted to save him for something good. I haven't even put him on the church yet. That's how good he is. Because I knew he wouldn't do justice to an interview on the phone. I've had a lot of people interview on the phone. The guy I'm bringing up is one of the, he was a welterweight champion. I mean, he's from Boston.

this guy's a bad motherfucker he's the folks to fight Hagler I mean he fought Vito Antifermo his record speaks for himself he won the title when he was 44 fucking years old half of you motherfuckers are 30 and you can't even walk to the fucking store

and this guy was 44 so it's a pleasure to me and he got me my first audition ever in this town he played a he played Bruce Willis's bodyguard on Miami Vice on the first season

which a bad fucking episode and he was also on one of my favorite movies of all time, 29th Street. I'm going to bring him up to the stage now. Mr. Vinny Curdo, where are you at, brother? Yeah. Oh, you're a good. What's up, buddy? What's up, baby?

Tell me something. Tell me something. Sit over here next to Uncle Joey. How are you, my friend? All right, okay? I was a lot better this afternoon, okay? What did you do this afternoon? I don't know.

I feel right at home with these fucking lights on my face. So tell me your full name. I'm not going to say nothing. I take the fucking fifth. What is he saying? What is he saying Godfather to? When he goes, you know, what did you do for the family? Bumpers.

What is he saying? I did bumpers, whatever. The family had a lot of bumpers. Buffers, that's the word. Buffers, yeah. So tell us your name? My name is Vinnie Curdo. Where were you born?

I was born in Boston. Massachusetts nationality Italian Italian Cubano and Italian and Cuban When did you start boxing? I started fighting my eye when I was actually I had gloves on when I was two years old And

It was really funny my father used to He used to tell everybody he was a drunk He used to drink, drink, drink all the money drink everything he told everybody I have my son's an ex-champ My son's an ex-champ I'd be under a bench in the bar And he tell the bartender yeah he's gonna be a champion

They were, you know, go bring him upstairs. The type he's any good. You know, it was a really rough child. I don't want to make anybody get sad here, but this is what it is. Anyway, so there we are, climbing four rickety fights and steps. Each landing, my father brings a little bit of a secret of seven, right? And we had to this big door on the fourth floor, a big racket going on. I opened the door, right, and we fell into this place.

It was beehive activity. There was two guys hitting the speed bags. There was two black fellows boxing. There was four Puerto Rican guys in heavy bags. There was a beehive activity. And I was shit in my pantry because my father should have matching the guys in the street. I figured I'm going to get fucking killed here professionally.

Two guys that were boxing, they didn't hard, fast, and with precision. Something I wasn't, you know, ready for him. So my father passed down the road down table. I was so fucking happy. Right. And I was watching, and I was watching these guys' box. And I'm believing when the bell rang to end around, they hugged each other.

They kissed each other on the cheek. everybody at ringside gave them compliments and this light glowed within me and I had this look on my face against this black fella never forget him Freddie small first guy saved my life say kid you want to do this I said I don't have any money he says show up that's payment enough I want every day made myself good because the reaction I get I lived off the adulation of people that I trained with and and lo and behold some 26 28 years later I fight for three world championship and I won one of my final attempt at 41 years of age. Holy shit.

Who was your first fight against? My first pro fight was against a guy named Victor Taco Perez. That was his name. It was in Miami. It was in Miami. I turned pro with Angel Dundee and Miami, the Fifth Street Gym, the world famous Fifth Street Jim. And I stopped him in the fifth round.

It was a six round fight. And that was amazing. You have no idea. I was down in Miami and I was starving. I was living on the beach. I was sleeping on the beach waiting for this guy to come to see me. I fought on the Olympic team and I fought in Miami

and a guy comes in the dressing room and he goes, hey, here's my cop, my name is Angela Dundees. I like what I saw out there. Plan A don't work, you go to plan B. Problem with most of the fight is don't have Plan A, right? So I said, yes, so I took him up and after I got out of the Navy, I went down there and I was there for two weeks to Angela wasn't around.

He was at least somewhere and right, and I was starving. I used to eat out of a garbage bin in the back of this restaurant called the famous restaurant on Washington Avenue. And I was going to the gym. And finally, Angel comes to the gym. And he goes, hey, kid, I want to see your work today. I was so freaking happy. Finally, I'm going to get my chance. He could have put me in with King Kong, right?

Anyways, I get in there with this black fellow. He starts throwing a little jab, a little slow jab. I come over to the top, bum, bum, bum, right? And he throws another slow jab, and I come on bum, bum, bum, boom, boom. and I am a gunner company. All of a sudden, he unloads on me. We were loading. Everybody's jumping in the ring where I stopped him.

I said, hey, fuck him. What are you doing? He goes, he just boxed at Jimmy. I said, Jimmy, how is he? He goes here? Jimmy, how is he? I just boxed with the farm of the headway champ of the world. I was so frigging hungry, right, that I proved.

That's where I made my bones. Next thing you know, Angela Lundlin get me a hotel room. I got a, I got a, Wolfie's a place. It's like Danny's here. It's a restaurant, but I signed my name and I ate, and it was really amazing. And my career started.

But here I am. I don't know if this is doing any good, but here I am to tell you the story. And I've been with numerous stars. I'll tell you a story if I get a chance, right, about Sylvester Stallone, and you'll never believe my dealings with that guy. Anyways, make a long story shot. I'm in Miami at the Fifth Street Gym, the famous, world famous Fifth Street gym. I'm training, and a fight supposed to happen at the auditorium, and one guy who pulls out, and I got, Richard Jucetti comes to me,

he had Larry Holmes, comes to me, goes, hey, kid, you want to fight? You want to fight? You want to fight? You want to fill in? I said, buddy, you're kidding, I'll do anything right now, right? Boom, he's all right. So I fight, I fight this real tough kid from, I don't know where he was from, but he was Mexican, and he came to me, he said to me before the fight,

and I'll forget this. He says, I goes, I'm going to pray for you. I said, don't pray for me. Pray for your fucking self. What are you talking to, right? I'm going to go in there and break your fucking head. What are you nuts? I pray for me.

Anyways, he was a bonding and Christian out of prison. Anyways, make a long story shot. Yeah, I mean, it's not, it's fine. You know, and it was so funny. I did my homework. You know, when you fight, there's records and everything, right? I'm looking for this guy. I'm looking, I'm looking, right.

Right. I said, you know something? at the way and I said, you know, where have you fought for the last five years? I said, where have you been for the last five years? He was doing five years. I'll tell you, this guy

was right been ready, and he came to fight. And, of course, he was chewing nails and picking dumbbells up all the time and fighting those guys. He was a pretty guy. He was fighting the guys looking to do something, and whatever. I'll tell you, but I want a war I had. And I fought the fight of my life, and my career

started, and next thing you know, I wrap off 30-something straight wins. I fight the middleweight champion of the world in Madison Square Garden in a 10-round non-titled fight with a guy named Rodrigo Valdez. You heard of the guy from Columbia? Hey, well, one to two four, okay.

What year was this? This was 1974. Half these motherfuckers weren't even born. I was 11. I was 11. I was 11. I'm in his old folks home now. There's one lady she likes me, but she walks with two canes.

Anyway, and I was talking about getting late. You're kidding, we think about it. That's what we have the orgasm when we think about it. But anyways, you know, so I get with Stallone writes, Falon's the fight, like he loved it, he jumped over. You know, it was so funny. I'm in the ring, I'm saying, this guy, Stallone, I'm supposed to be fighting for him.

Why don't the fuck he come in the corner like everybody else, right? He waited last I won the fight, right? And he jumped over the fucking top strand. He picked me up on the show. I'm looking at Richard's kid. He's, I want to break this guy's head, right? And Richie's laughing. He goes, go along, go along.

He's a big name, right? So I'm fighting with him. Make a long story shot. We had a big falling out, which I made up with him. Recently, actually, recently, I ran into him. That's another story. And I made up with him. And so I'm at, I fight on TV, Cesar's Palace.

the main event at Seasons Palace, right? On ESPN, in fact, the undefeated kid from Cincinnati. What a war. I got busted open and everything, right? Make a long story shot. I'm looking for Slide. And I tell him, it's Richie. Where's, so what's calling? He goes, well, he left.

I said he left, right? Well, where's my money? I want to get paid. I fought a war, 12 rounds. He says, well, I slide got it. I said, well, how am I going to do anything with it? I don't have any money. He goes, well, you have to talk to him. So I dragged him right through the casino by his throat, brought him to the,

the window where they have the money. I said, now get me $5,000, right? All of a sudden, the security swooped in on me, right? I said, all right, you guys. I gave you my heart and soul in there tonight. Yes, you did, Mr. Guror. I said, and I'm going to tell you what. And if I fight you guys, you're probably going to get me,

but I'm going to take two or three years and fucking whip me. I'll tell you that, right. I said, but this prick is going to pay me. I didn't get paid tonight. They left my money. They let go with me, let go with him. He said, Richie, you're on your own.

He stopped. Give me, give me a market. Give me a market. Give me a marker. $2,000. Give me $5,000. Give me $5,000. I take the $5,000. Tell Sloan, kiss my ass, right? So, I'm outside, my eyes bleeding.

I'm outside, Jesus Paulus. I said, what the fuck just happened? Right? That's not a 12-round fight with a beast, right? I beat the guy. The guy leaves with my money. Big fucking stars. The best of us going, wait until I won, he jumped over the fucking top strand and picked me up on his shoulders. He got the glory that I

didn't get, and I was pissed off, right? I wanted the money, right? Anyways, and this guy comes up to me. This big, remember this big head right? Bernardo Mikado from Columbia. He found out anyways, he used to start it. Ben, Ben, Benito. Joe, Godfurt, want to talk to you. Joe Fuddin want to talk to you.

I said, slow down, slow down. He said, oh, slow down. I said, hey, Joe Korni. Who's Joe Korni? He owned the Mustang Ranch. I said, fuck it, yeah. I didn't I read the Mustang Ranch. That sounds like a better fucking deal

in the rest of Sloan. I have two tickets, two tickets, slow down, slow down, but it's not. Too ticket, too thick, slow down. Slow down. I give me two tickets. two plane things. We jump in the plane, go over to Reno.

I went to this place, the Mustang ranch, right? I said, wow, I don't believe what's where there's a big light in the dome. You can see it from the highway, and you go down on this road, right, and the gate opens up, security, everything. And like 15 girls come in, you know, come in, they stand around this thing,

and says, Joe and Sally Conforti's Mustang Ranch, they all wind up around it, right? Right, and all of a sudden, oh, no, you have this, one heavy set abroad, she used to come up. Oh, you're the fighter, wait a minute. And she's not the fan, and there's a beautiful line came up. But anyways, they said, we want to talk business first.

We can't do this right now. I said, why? But anyways, anyway, so I go to speak to Sally and Joe. So I go, sat and Sally, he's a real sudden. She was, Vinny. So I got to tell you, Vinny, that was one hell of a fight. And what you need is a manager. I said, yeah, well, you know, I went from manager to manager, you know,

when things like this happened, look, I didn't get paid. She goes, well, I'm prepared all for you on $150,000 to your contract. Would you like to do that, Mr. Grasso? Do you want my first bond? Right. And so she brings over the contract. I sign the contract and a fucking broad comes over, right? With a suitcase, she opens it up, has a fucking money counter.

I'm sitting there. I can't believe in this black fellow that was with me. Right. He wasn't allowed in the rents, but what do you call it? He was so special. He was my buddies. They were never dumbed. I said, she goes, now, Vinny, for signing that contract,

we're going to give you a 24-hour. pass. So I look at Gilman. I said, what the fuck you're talking to me? He goes, Kurto. That's like all you can eat for 24 hours. I said, I'm so. I come down to the fucking Mustang Ranch. I go into the front door and I said, and this lady comes, heavy, said, girl, she's, oh, you must be the fighters. Oh, I'm, I'm, I think, you set caught. I mean, you go with men and you, I said, what are you are fucking, I just thought 12 fucking rounds with a guy, right, my eyes bleeding. I come down and have some funny. I just know if I suck off.

What the fuck's wrong with you? Suck what? Oh my God. What the fuck is wrong with you, right? I said, I said, well, I have to know everything you like you. You like posing and lingerie? I said, what are you a fucking nut? I said, I'll tell you what?

I'm not going to end up fucking whacking you. You're fucking, she don't know. I have to know everything and why. So, well, no. So anyways, she calls the first line. The first line comes. I said, wow. She goes, wait a minute, wait a minute, she goes,

the special line, right? The fucking special line, who do I give a shit, right? Anyway, another 15 girls, these are a lot better. So I said, okay, this one, no, wait a minute, hold. That one there, no, no, wait a minute, that one there, that one, no, no, I said, wait a minute, she says, all of you, so they all escorted me into this thing called the orgy room, right?

The fucking argy room, anyway. So, me, I have this, I have this fantasy. I'm a sick fucking puppy. I have this fantasy, right? The Big Broad fights with the Little Broad over me. The Little Broad wants me and the Big Broad wants me. And the Big Broad smacks the Little Broad around, right? But all of a sudden, the little broad gets the gumption up,

she hits the fucking Big Broad, knocks her out. Then I get, you know, then she wins, but I fuck the loser. That's my fantasy, but I'm a sick bastard. I mean, I don't tell you the truth. What the fuck? But anyway, anyway, so, we've going through this stuff and this broad comes in right this fucking broad comes in right she's dressing whips and changed and i'm bleeding over my fucking 12 fucking sticks

i'm bleeding like a pig for the thing they didn't sew me up i ran out i'm jumping up on a fucking plane i got there right i'm bleeding like a pig and she comes up with a whip she smacks me she's now you're going to listen to me i say hey lady lady i just fought 12 rounds please lady right don't fucking smack you especially in my fucking kind of bleat you. You listen to me. I said, lady, all right, I'll go along with this, right?

Oh, a little boven. There's this fucking guy, right? Playing with himself. I go, who the fuck is that? What fuck is that? A fuck he's that? Right? And all of a city's going, no, no, no. I said, I said, I'll listen, the girl comes around

with the fucking whips, she comes around and she smacks me at. Boom, I said, that dead did it. Boom, my head is. Fucking shut. Right over the fucking camera, right? The fucking, the fucking security swoops in me. The fucking security swoops in there.

What the fuck you should expect? I said, this fucking kind of hit me in my eye. I can hit by a professional. I can hit by some cunt with Schwarz and change. You're going to fucking dominate me. You fucking cut up and fight for years trying to get a world championship. You all going to fucking dominate me with a little fucking whip you, you fucking shit.

You fucking who are. You fucking hoot. Anyways, so I go back to the race. I'm there for a couple weeks. I got to tell you this. I'm there for a couple weeks. So I'm in, you know, now I'm getting to know the hoars

and everything else, right? They're like everybody else. They got a job. They do, you know, they do different things for work, but that's what they do, right? Some of them have, fucking pimps can't come on the place.

That's why they have guys like me there for. Anyways, yeah. They're just like everybody just have a job, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyways.

Ah! I'm sitting now in the kitchen listen to some fucking hoarse story about how her kids and this dad she had a family, her husband don't like what she's doing but she makes way more money than him and I'm trying to nice and nice everything.

All of a sudden Gina comes running oh Vini, we have a problem Mr. Gina, that was the main that told me what do you suck dick you do this or right? No no no no no right she goes we have a problem my God one of our biggest customers here and we have to we have the

satisfied but we don't do guys right but we don't have people that do that do girls, right? I said, what are you fucking talking about? She was he found his wife to be serviced. I said, and what the fuck you want me to do? I'm a fighter. I'm a motherfucker. That is why, no fucking problem. She was like six foot one.

She was like 19, 20 years old, which for me, that's diapers. But anyways, this one here, I'm saying I'm not wrong one of my finest fucking moments. I don't give a shit, right? I don't give a fuck, I'm sorry. I came in to be a fight, and I end up a pimp. It's not a pimp.

I ended up a fucking whew! I was a hole when I was a fighter, never mind a fucking hole doing this. So I said, so we go inside, right? When our husband's there? So I said, you know something I can block on anything? I've had problems in my life you would never believe, right? So I said, fuck it.

So I jump on and we start kissing and we're getting him. And he's in the back of me. I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, pow, pow. I can hear him. Ging, gung, gung, greg. I said, pal, back the fuck up. If I feel any warm fucking cross

on me, motherfucker, I'm gonna break your fucking head right now. I swear to glad I'll put right here, you go, don't ruin it, don't ruin it. That's that right? No ruin it. I don't, do it. So, I fucking,

so I do the duel, I'll go to the town of a minute, that gives me fucking $2,500. I felt like a real fucking whore. I did And the kid Gilmore He's about to keep

He's Gilmore The bucket He goes Colonel I heard you're a hell Right I said Gilmore It's not fucking funny

I said Let's go spend it somewhere I don't even want the fucking money Right So we're driving

Right We're driving Going to this Other The whole house That he knows It's called The kick cat

The Kit The Kit cat I'm going And again What the fuck Right Anyways So

So we're driving Over the sudden We're We're Fucking coming The fucking I'm coming He's

What the fuck I look at him He's He fucking on drugs Like, grab, like, whoop, who, who, right? Oh, shit, he goes, Colonel, don't worry. I'll be like one of Jerry's kids. Oh, right.

She was out of the fucking man, right? Oh, come. Then they grab, the fucking cop comes over and hits him in the fucking head with it. Boom! This bitch is fucking and I jump out of the car. I said, you motherfucker, I mean, you're real tough with the fucking bathroom.

All right, the guy's high. You have to hit him like that. He goes, I know who the fuck you are. He goes, that's the Mustang Ranch vehicle. He's going to jail. Now, you're going to get a ticket for insport Nation in public. He goes, and if you don't bring the fucking car back, we're going to take you in, too.

I said, you want to know what those bats and sticks? You're two fucking, you're tough guys, but you're too fucking tough. So he writes me the ticket, right? So, two weeks later, I'm going through the metal detectors in the courthouse in Las Vegas, right? Who's standing there? The two fucking cops, right? Two fucking cops.

Right? And I said, oh, it's the tough guys with the bats, with a The guy's high, he can't even walk, and you crush this fucking skull. Two fucking cuts. The one guy got so mad. He went, boom, he hit me in my face. I can't, then came the left hook. Boom!

And his buddy came, his partner. Boom! The right hand made the cross on the floor. Cut two. Cut two? I went to the holding tank. Who's there with a bandage on his head, Gilmore? He says, Colonel.

Welcome to the Great Bar Mottel. I said, fuck you, Gilmore. What's not for a great mom old dog. Now I'm in fucking, I'm going to get like six months for hitting these fucking dogs. You don't believe it. So anyways, they call, they call Gilmore out before the judge. You can't see the judge. Call him up, we're listening, right?

And he goes, he goes, he goes, Your Honor, I work for joking before he goes, be quiet in my courtroom. He goes, Your Honor, I work for the Mustang. He goes, 30 days contempt of court, I want to hear that shit no more. Now, before I get started with any other cases, I'm so angry. He says, bring me in this fucking courthouse right now. Guys that like to hit my fucking police officers on the street. I don't want that fucking guy right now. So, get on my hands and knees, and I pray.

And I pray. And I pray. And I get up and I say, I want to know what? You've always been in my corner. I fucking need you this time. I go out before the judge. Guess who the fucking judges. That same guy that paid me to bang his fucking wife.

I said, how you doing, Your Honor? He goes, oh, my, he says, with the two officers involved, all the occasion, please approach me, say, wait a minute. He goes, let me tell you something. Kermitamai, James, the valuable, the Mustang fans provides a valuable service in this community.

A guy gets up in the morning, he's going to kill a fucking cop. He's what I said, fucking cock, right? He goes, he gets angry, he goes against the gun, he knows how he's going to do it. He's driving, he sees the needle. He goes, you know what, let me check out the Mustang ranch.

He pulls down, he goes, it gets late. Frank, he's calm, cool. Goes home, falls asleep, and a fucking cop lives today, you fucking idiot. He's got to get the fuck out of my office. I said, thank you, Ronnie. I'm going to story in my life.

I take the pleasure and hanging with the fucking best, bro. And, uh, you know, this is it. This is what life is about, man. But you know, it's not always, it's not always, it's not always, it's not always been that bad for me. You know, when I was a kid, my father used to, my father was a bad alcoholic. My mother was a lesbian and my father was gay.

True story. I'll tell you. That's funny, I know, but it's true fucking story. I used to meet his boyfriend. I used to see her girlfriend all the time. Anyways, make a long story shot. They got married back then to appease normal societal practices. Right?

back then yeah back then my grandfather was one of them boom I can start over again right that's what he would have did my mother's the same thing anyways he used to take DCG he goes asshole come in here that was my name

if you call me A Vinny come here I wouldn't fucking answer him it's true story anyways he's to say here's the 38 revolve pick it up I said no I don't want to pick it up pick it up I said now put it to your head he goes now if you know the champion of the world

right you take it up This gun on one leg and you put that you pull that fucking trigger and that bull's gonna into your brain Rickishay, mash it everything in his pack. You don't win the title you pull that fucking trick. I went on this lifelong journey trying to do everything my power not to put that fucking gun to my head. Make a long story shot. I got three shots of the world title, two shots of the world title. And my third attempt, on my final attempt at 41 years of age, I was, you know, I spoke to a guy named Jose Suleiman, who's the president of the VBC and he told me I'm gonna give you a shot because you go on the road you fight these six seven fights You have to win every one of them and then you we have this world boxing federation cruiserweight out of we're gonna give you a shot at

Now you lose one fight one fight on the way over he said it's over and you can call boxing call it a night you had a great career So I fight two three fights and I win them all and then I go to this one place in boys yadhoads I was standing out there there's little key with a sign said Vinnie curder would you please sign my poster So I walked on, I said, wow, I got a fan. I've got a fan, right? He says, well, I got a fan, right? He says, I said, I'll see you inside. He goes, oh, no, we only could afford the gas to get here.

He said, we can't afford tickets to go in there. I said, oh, really? I took him and his father, put him in front row seats, right? I fought the fight, I fought the fight, and I won the fight. And I took pictures with a kid, I hug and kissed him. He really touched me, right? And I gave him 100, I think it was 100-something-dollar. I gave him first pocket because they paid me a little money.

I gave it to him, right? He took the money. Now I'm in another part of Idaho, and I'm fighting. Now, when I was, two cities before, I was in the gym boxing. I was in the gym training, and I saw these two guys boxing. One guy was a kid that was green, and another guy was beating the shit out of this kid.

He was hurting him real by. Say, hey, whoa, whoa, pal. Lighten up. This guy don't have any experience. What are you doing? He goes, mind your own fucking business. Right? and they were, beat on the guy. I said, oh, no, no.

That's my business. I took the guy he was killing. Out of the ring, I put the, I had pants and shoes on. I just went out there, put the gloves on, I gave this guy a vicious fucking beat. I said, how the fuck do you like it? Right. Anyways, his father, his father was one of the heads of the WBF,

you know, he was working with Slimont. I didn't know that. Anyways, so I go to fight, and it's one other city. I go to fight, there's one other city. And, and I see, I, they said, This fight has been changed from 10 rounds to four rounds.

I've never fought a four round I'm fighting my life. And I'm thinking, what the fuck is that? And I look at ringside. There's the father talking to everybody. Right? And they're going to send me, I said, well, the idiot don't realize that I'm going to end up to just go out there and blast this guy out because for four frigging rounds. I'll fight like an animal for four freaking rounds.

He's an idiot. Which I did. I dropped him twice. And in the last round, he almost didn't make, but he made it. And then half an hour to get the decision. And boom, I lose the fight. My chance for the world championship was over, and I bowed my head. I couldn't believe it.

And the father was smirking and smiling. I get out of the ring, and there's that little kid that he gave the $100 to him. He goes, Mr. Kerto, he says, here, here's the tape. Go sure everybody you really won. He bought a camera with that $100 I gave him. And he took the film of my fight. This is a true story. And he said, go out.

I says, oh, my God. I took the tape, grabbed my stuff, and I go all the way to fucking New Orleans. I got there late. I stopped in my car tonight. I get up and was late. I'd run in and Mr. Suleiman was just ending the WC convention. He's Mr. Kerto.

I run here as Mr. Suleiman. He goes, Mr. Kerto, we had a deal. One fight because you're all rage. It's over. I said, I got a tape here. A little kid took of my fight. I said, if you think I lost this fight, right, I'll quit, I'll go home,

I'll retire. They viewed the tape. They couldn't believe they're outraged. Right? They sent word back. They said, now you'll never get another WC, WBC fight up there and they gave me my shot to go up there and fight for the world championship and I went up to Boys Aahoe in Lincoln, Nebraska and I fought for the

the World, the WBF Cruzeway title and fought a very difficult 12-round fight many, many years before that this girl came to me and she says, I'm pregnant. I said, yeah, blame the other 22 guys in the widget than before. I just, I really don't want them to do with that, but you know, nice try. Okay, sure, you're never going to see this. All right. I fight the fight, and I'm fighting this fight, and I'm fighting a battle, and then the fourth round, this guy crunches me, boom!

And I start sinking, I start sinking, I hear in the background, get off the fucking ropes. Sound just like my father, right? I listen, I get off the fucking ropes. I come down the stretch, and I win the World Championship. Right? I come down the street, and I heard him, I said, wow, my father's with me,

that prick is with me. Anyway, anyway, anyway, Anyways, I'm in the dress room. I got a knock on the dress room. This kid's six foot seven. Handsome kid looked like Joseon Sego, but he was two inches tall. I had his father. He goes, he goes, wow, he goes, great job.

I said, thank you, buddy. I said, it's really a pleasure. He goes, you want to know what? He says, he says, I followed you my whole life and showed me this scrapbook look like mine, right? He says, and let me tell you something. He goes, I'm so proud to be our son. I said, what? He said, yeah, my mother told you one time that she has a baby.

That was me and she kept all your records and his mother since passed away. And he showed me all the records. What the fuck? Everybody cries. My buddy is my buddy. That was the guy she was talking about. And boy, oh boy, who! What a ride my life is at. And it's been a real pleasure to try and entertain you guys.

I was trying to be funny, but, you know, how the fuck you feel? fall and act like that. What the fuck? I don't mind you. I don't mind you. I'm fucking falling out like this. I,

you know, like Lee and I had spoke, Lee's been bugging me about a live podcast for a fucking year. I'm like, Lee, knock it off. They're uncomfortable.

And when he, when we had these dates here, I said, Lee, I can't tell no more fucking stories. I can't write them as fast as I'm telling them. So he goes, let's do a live podcast.

And I tell you guys, I wanted to give you a podcast that live that I knew for a fact I could count on somebody. And this is it. For me, this was it. And this is just, you know, and yeah, man, you know, if I was where he was right now telling these stories, I'd break down and cry every fucking 10 minutes because I can't believe it in my fucking goddamn self.

I'm going to go home now tonight. And I'm going to go home. I'm gonna fucking roll the joint, smoke and brush my teeth. And then, and then, I'm gonna go put the TV on. There's not gonna be anything on. But before I go to bed, I'm gonna walk into a room. And I'm like, kiss a little baby. That's my daughter.

I'm 50 fucking years old. I had a wife. I had a kid, nothing. All this shit in my life. You know, comedy, being broke, living in a fucking car, and getting towed. My apartment getting towed. And you look at this.

kind of shit and you sit here, you know, he just showed us a thing of his belt. Him with his belt on him, the cruiserweight belt, and he had three guys in him hugging him, and he said, all three of these guys are dead. I'm the only one here. What do you think this fucking guy feels like? So when you get

to that point in your life, you're like, I'm on a journey. I'm on a journey to help somebody. This is weird. I wasn't supposed to make it to 25. Never mind 30. Then 35. When I hit 40 guys, I thought a building was going to land on my fucking head.

I wouldn't walk under buildings. I'd walk in the street next to cars. So if a building came down, you know, when I got a movie or something, I always look around like a plane is going to land or something. When I take off on a plane every weekend, I'm like, this is the day I die, and fuck it. It's been a great run.

I'm in the eighth row. You know what I'm saying? It could be worse. I could be an expedient in the back with fucking you know, three guys with handcuffs on. So, I also have a nightmare of, you know, it was a thought that flashed in my head, you know, that I had an action or something,

and I had a tracheotomy, and I ran with you and you were real horny that night. Why, I'm right. What happened? I said, I had these flash, these flashes, these visions in my head when you were talking of me having an accident, and I ended up with a tracheotomy,

and I went to Q1 on your horny's fucking night. Go, go, go, go, go. What's a tracheotomy, a hole in the throat? See, I'm fucking. See, this guy's a smart motherfucker. I want to say something really quick. I know a lot of people here are my age, like, in the 20s and 30s, and just listening to the stories you guys have,

it's really amazing. So, I mean, just listening, it's been a real, it's been awesome. It's been... I got to tell you one of the... One of the last thing before... None. Go ahead, go ahead. You want to, you know, I realize in my fight career how the other fucking half lives.

This is true story. I'm fighting, I'm fighting Madison Square Garden. And a guy that's rat bastard piece of shit I'll say that I don't give a fuck. I named Sammy the book, Revano, right? Call me up, I was in Miami hiding from the boys in Boston, right? Call him him and he goes, well, you want to do a thing with a kid up here with a kid named Willie Willie Classes? We'll change in name, you'll make a couple of dollars, and I need money so bad. I said, yeah, all right.

So I get up there, I'm in the ring, and all of a sudden. the Madison Square Garden announcer Jack Granby says and then this corner weighing 160 pounds and he looked at me and he goes Vinnie Curto now I've got to fucking lose the fight on my name but you're going to fucking kill me

anyways and I fight the fight anyways I fight this fight I fight this fight and I'm losing the fight the people are booing they want to kill me they're threatening me and everything Puerto Rican's that they're fucking nuts right it's threatening me I'm no fucking kill anyway so I go back

in a corner, I'm sick right, and he goes, what the fuck's wrong with you? There's no fucking law against fighting back. I said, well, I don't feel too good. All of a sudden, I come back up to the fifth round, and they start clapping. I said, what the fuck? If I asked the guy in my corner, the gym, but they play them? He goes, not you, you fuck, right? I said, no, he goes, no, Sinatra just walked in.

So, Frank said, I walked in, right? So he walked in, oh, shit, I met him a couple of days. Shut the fuck up, you got to fight in front. Anyway, anyways, so I'm fighting, and he sees him with one round, I'm throwing the fight, right? Sinatra says to the guy, Gillie Rizzle, this guy used to hang with him all the time. He goes, go see what's going on.

He goes, this kid's a marvelous fight. He goes, remember what he fought at the front of? Go see what's going on. So he comes back, he was, he's doing the thing for the bull. Sinatra said, he goes, I never like that guy. Tell the kid, it's off. So, Sonatra, so, so Jilly comes to my gunner. That kid, win, it's off, right?

My conno. What the fuck you? Hey, fuck you. I go out there's six round. Boom, boom, boom. The guy goes flying at the road. Fing, boom, boom. All of a sudden, I'm going to clinch.

And the same of the bullet's rigs, I'm going to kill you right here, you motherfucker, right? I'm saying, why don't they make up their fucking minds? I didn't know that I went together, right? I didn't know they went together. Anyways, before I come down to stretch, I get a draw. I don't get a loss in my record. I won the last five. Off of a sudden, I'm in my dressing trying to get the fuck out.

I wasn't a guy banging on the door. He goes, hey, kid, he says, come on, a sonatra's on there that wants to see you. I said, yeah, tell him my little woman's the end of the guy. I ain't going to get the fuck out of here. All of a sudden, this big guy that I know. does a lot of work and I did some work for him and he's really dangerous guy and then he goes I you're not gonna go with him I said they say it wasn't going up here at the fucking day

you get the fuck so we go to this place called the Waldorf story right I go up to this top floor of his big fucking mahogany doors I was thinking about fucking pulling one of them doors I got to grab five grand with those fucking doors I walked in there there's a big grand piano white grand piano his wife Barbara was sitting here he was sitting at the grand piano with a I looked at him and said, wow. He goes, yeah, he goes, what the fuck are you doing? He goes, I said, what do you are? I said, look, he goes, I heard the story.

Give me the five-minute version. He goes, I'm going to send you somewhere. He says, I'm going to send you somewhere. He says, but right now you have to come with me, right? So I went on him to his house, and Frank Sinatra drive in Palm Springs. And so we're there. It's a Monday night, football night, right? So Sanacho, all right, guys.

There was Joey Bishop there. There was Don Rickles there. There was Dean Martin there. Right, wait. and they're all sitting and they go yeah what kind of hot dogs you want guys so the guy at the corner

they went to the corner store they fucking hate him so he wanted the hot dogs he wanted he sends his free hot dogs yeah he sends his fucking jet

to fucking Las Vegas to pick up the fucking hot dogs he wanted right right they fly back the hot dogs and I'm looking at them

fucking hot dogs like a fucking desperado how do I eat like four of these before they even see me you know I mean they gotta be worth like 500 each

with the fucking jet fuel right fucking gupt to the fucking hundred of these couldn't ever believe that was the time when I really saw I sent the fucking jet

to Las Vegas to pick up the hot dogs he wanted for the Monday night football Paul ladies and gentlemen we just can't end it like this with a Sinatra thing you got to tell us

the story about the kid in Montreal real fast kid in Montreal no no so who are these people that contacted me Michael Gouros. He says he was family to you. You used to date his sister. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well,

this is another story. I go all this girl, so great girl, nice girl, right? And we go out for four or five years, don't hit it off. I come back and I run into a sister. Right? And her sister and me hit it off real well. We were always good friends. So I ended up marrying the sister. Michael Gouros. Yeah, Michael Goro's sister.

And I had a couple of kids with her, and he used to always, he was a heavyset kid. He used to always get beat up. I always protect him all the time. I told all the guys in the neighborhood. They all know me, right? Hey, minute. I said, see him?

Hands off. Leave him the fuck alone. You're going to deal with fucking me. He never forgot that. So I heard you, he wrote you in the podcast. I was really thrilled about that. He listened to the podcast of Beauty and the Beast, and he said that you had grown up in his house

and you were like family, and then he was sad that you didn't mention him in the podcast or anything about his family. That's what he said? That's what he said. He said he was very sad that you didn't mention him. He was very special to you. Fuck him.

What you're talking. What about wanting to fucking huddle him? Would you bother him or you get a fucking handle with me? You're going to deal with me? Want to deal with me? Or you want to deal with him? What you want to deal with him? He'll tell me.

He's not a rap. For you, he's going to be a rat. What was the young kid's name? Michael. No, the young kid in Montreal. Oh, the young kid in Montreal was Francois. Francois. You want to tell that story?

I wrote, well, Sinatra, after I got, I leave, I go, I go to, I leave, I go to you. I go. check this all. I go to to fucking Las Vegas. He does a show at Caesar Palace. And we're there. And just to add to my story,

the validity of it, he says they're filming this tonight, Sinatra says to the audience. But when my six little friends carry me to my rest in place, it's going to come out. But salute, and he's made a drink, right? And recently, like a couple of years back, right? This big,

big, big, big book come out. It's called Sinatra in Vegas. All the DVDs, all the times you ever did. So I looked in this book, and I pulled the DVD, that's what I was there that night, right? I put it in, there I am, before and after the show,

backstage, and after the curtain came down, Sinatra, because he knew I had problems with certain guys. He was pointing a guy in the audience, and they had the stage hands, grabbed me and everything, right?

It was amazing. And then to get this movie done about this kid, I had them, I had the lip sync read, read the stage hand thing, he was saying, yeah, he goes, I'll get curtailed, those guys don't look closer.

Right. Anyway, a long story shot. I get to Montreal, I have no money. Here I am fighting for $50, $100,000 a fight, and I got no money. I'm walking the streets of Montreal. It's fucking freezing up there.

I froze my fucking bellini's off. Anyways, and I'm walking the streets, and so finally let me try and get a job. So I go in this Italian restaurant called Buffonis. I go in this Italian restaurant, and I know, and I said, look, I said, I've seen a sign out there, and the guy spoke Italian, so I spoke a little Italian to him.

And he goes, oh, he goes, he goes, you know how to wash dishes? He said, sure, I'm not to wash dishes, right? So, I got a job washing dishes. And he said, and if the guy looked at me, he goes, you know, he says, you don't look like you should be washing dishes. It looks like you used to, you still do, because he knows my nose.

That fucking flat badger coverage follows me everything. Anyway, there's another guy out here tonight, part of spot him in the audience, I mean, outside. He was a fight right away, we ran into each, we stopped comparing fucking noses. Yeah, but I had more fights than you. That's why mine's flatter. Anyway, the all story shot, this little keep was looking out, looking out, looking and looking at.

So I said, who's there? And so the father, you know, the father, he goes, oh, Vinny, that's my son. He knows you're a fighter. He's very loved boxing. I said, well, I couldn't understand why he was so sad. So I said, I said, you want, hey, buddy, you like fighting? He goes, oh, yes, Vinny, I love to fight. I will train high.

You train me? I said, yeah, buddy, I'm going to train. We're going to train. We're going to have to worry. So I started training this kid. He was getting beat up in school all the time. These buildings were beating him up because he had a bald head.

He had a bald head and used to wear a beret. And they didn't understand. The father didn't tell anybody. The kid had leukemia. And he had more hot, more balls than anybody I ever met in my life. And he showed me, he showed me, you know, I thought I had to,

I went out to march when he was sent out to Montreal because I had to leave the country. America turned his back on me. He sent me to Montreal. all and I thought I was feeling sorry for myself and feeling bad and here's this little nine-year-old fighting for his very fucking existence and he had more and hot and balls than anybody ever met including myself right and he saw me a fight so I wanted to train him he had three wishes I'll cut this I'll make this

quick he had three was one he wanted to have a fight and he wanted one with those guys that were bothering him two he wanted his mother and father to like each other again love each other again and three there's a mountain out in Montreal it's called Mount Royal and at the top there's a cross right and all the fight is just to run to the top and kiss the cross and come back down and he always wanted to do that

so I promised them we're gonna do that anyways we worked together we trained together I sure know how to fight and I didn't know he had leukemia at the time and I showed him and he had so much out anyways we made the match in the gymnasium right and the first bully was a real

punk bully right and he gets up and he runs out I said, I said, Francois, watch out. He's going to come right at you. He's going to throw bombs. I said, slip, sweep, weave, weave. I showed him all that stuff. Keep the jab in his face.

The kids don't drop that right hand to the body. We worked on it for two weeks. Jab the face, right hand to the body. Little kids have potbells and up. They don't do exercise, right? Long story is shot, right? He goes out there to fight. The guy comes prancing across the ring, the first round.

And he hits him with an overhand right, and Francois goes down. Right. I jumped up. I said, Francois. I said, I was going to stop it. He goes, no, no, Vinny. I said he's going to come out of you. He thinks you heard.

No, no, no, no. The kid comes francing across the ring, and Francoe puts the jab in his face. Right? The kid, like this, and he throws the right hand to him, boom. Dead.

Dead. Kid rolled over, right? So I jumped in the ring. I'm so fucking happy, that little prick, right? Right. Anyway, I'm so happy. I'm looking for Francois.

Where is he? He's got his hand under the kid's head. Trying to help him. And I, and I said to him, I said, what the fuck are you doing? You can't fucking do that.

This prick fucking tortured you for fucking years. Francois looked at me, he goes, Vinnie, the fight is over. Anyways, anyways, anyways, that was his first wish. And we have this picnic. It was so beautiful. His father didn't know how to get close to the mother

and the son, you know, he was prodding them on and made me come and bring flowers and everything. And they had a beautiful picnic. Royal, my beautiful picnic. And they got to love each other again, right? And then I have this big fight with this kid named Eddie Mello. God rest of the soul, he passed away.

And at my fight was a big, big fight, and it got me reinstated, Sinatra helped get me reinstated in the United States with this win. I beat this guy, but what an inch of his life but believe me, what a great fight I had. And Francois collapsed in the audience.

And they took him to the hospital and his cells, the white cells with leukemia. They said they didn't have much time and I was looking at the father, looking at the mother and I said, I said, look, he realized two dreams, right?

He wanted Jews to get back together and you're doing pretty good. He wanted to have a fight and I didn't know he was sick, but he had to fight and he won. I says, but his last wish, and they said he don't have much time, his last wish is to run to the top of the mountain there and kiss that cross.

And I said, I would love to do that with him in my arms. And they took him off to, took the things out of his nose. We got to the bottom of Mount Royal, and I ran up to the top of the mountain with him in my arms. And he looked at the cross, and he said to me,

Vinnie, I see your grandmother. She's so beautiful. Right? I always told him that was the one that took care in my whole life. I never told him what she looked like. My grandmother was a strikingly beautiful woman with hair down to her ankles, and she was tall and beautiful.

when she passed away. And he said, she's so beautiful. I couldn't believe it. And he turned to hug me, and I felt him leave. And I screamed on the top of my lungs. He made it! He made it! Right?

And I brought him down. I put him in his mother's arms. You wouldn't believe it. At the funeral. The wise guys that the father borrowed money from all the restaurants that he went to hell, whatever. Nobody knew. The kid was dying.

And the father, they thought the father was a gambler and a womanizer. And he sold all his restaurants trying to get leukemia treatments, leukemia treatments, right? And he showed up at the funeral. Everybody showed up at the funeral. Everybody, and he used to live with, I used to live with, and I used to live with,

and I'm not proud to say this, but I used to live with this transvestite. True story. And this transvestite was named Cologne. It was a guy. And that was the only fucking place I could afford, right? And she was, she or hit or it, whatever, was fucking happy to have me.

I said, fucking, I lived there, right? I used to wake up in the middle of the fucking night, right? I smelled some bad fucking stink, and I get up, quick boom, and I hit him in the fucking, like he said, he stopped staring at me. Unbelievable. And France's wife used to come all the time and tell her, look, I don't care what you have between your legs. Get in the bathtub.

You put the water to soap, and you clean. No, she's look at you. You're a pee. But you want to be like you are? Be like you are. Be like you up. A big, clean one. She shows up at the funeral.

And she shows up at the funeral dressed like a man. And she's unbelievable how she says. She's a French while. You teach me to be proud of what I am. And I'll never forget you for that. And she's always calling mon pape. That sexual snarl. Yeah.

That's the fuck I used to say all the pound. How fuck is that? How fuck is that? But she thought it was sexy. Anyways, it was amazing. The guy who put the pressure on him, gave him the money for the restaurants, and he didn't know that the kid was dying, right?

He came with two fucking bags of money, put him on it. He goes, the principal I took, but all the juice you pay, I don't take money from that guy. That guy's my friend. Unbelievable, right? He gave the family the money. And I wrote a screenplay called Francois.

And we had a big deal going with it. It still could happen. There was a couple of problems with the contract, and it still might happen. But I want to tell you, it's been a pleasure to be here. You guys are great. Thank you. One last thing.

Any questions? Hit me. Hey, Coco. How come you don't like to listen to your voicemails? To messages? Yeah, your voicemail. Because there are a waste of time. Why would you leave a message?

I believe in cutting down all the bullshit. Everybody has a fucking smartphone, right, or whatever. Even if you have a stupid fucking phone and I call you, it tells you what number called. Right? Why would you want to leave a message and waste lung power? Every time you talk, it's one less fucking word. So I don't want to hear, you know what I'm saying?

It's 2013. What are you going to call me and tell me? Hi, I'm going to go up to the ice house and see you tonight. It's going to be great. What are you fucking retarded? So that's why I don't like messes. I don't want none of that shit. If I allow text, then I have to text.

Then everybody will text me. I don't do what everybody else does. They do what the fuck I do. You follow me? I don't text. I don't want to have to look at a fucking thing when I'm driving. When I talk about business,

I don't want people to fall into the texting thing because that's how accidents happen. And I like hearing people's voice. if I care about you and I love you I want to hear your fucking voice if you want to text me text somebody else and I tell people all the time people who text me you know what I do to them

I call them at four in the fucking morning when I get it and I call them three or four times and they'll never fucking text me again because I'll say that you call me no I text you well I'm calling you motherfucker you follow me

because in three years there'll be something else other than texting and then in two years there'll be something else So if you know this about life, you've got to stop it somewhere. Because if not, they'll just keep raping you. You know, a car manufacturer puts out a new car once a year in September. You know, these fucking phone people, and these people, they want to release a new phone every 60 days. And then they talk about the economy being bad.

No, the economy's back because we're fucking assholes. And we buy that fucking phone every 60 fucking days. So that's why I'm with all that. I like technology, but I don't like my wife is a lot. fucking nerd with all that shit I officially have like nine computers in my fucking out you follow me she's got one in the baby's room now in the living room you know because you got to do what the fuck what the fuck get a pen the piece of fucking paper you know but we depend on all you can any can any of you

guys call your boyfriend's number you don't know it you have you have no idea what your friends numbers are anymore if you're fucking phone blows up and you're getting fucked up the ass. In Monrovia, you can't call none of your friends on a pay phone because none of you motherfuckers know their fucking phone number. So think about how lazy we've gotten as a fucking society that somebody calls us one time.

I ate a banana bread in New Jersey last year and my phone died and I had to call my wife to give me the numbers off an old phone in my house. That's when I figured enough with that shit. I got to know my friend's numbers. Now I know Lee's numbers, I know my house number, and I advise all you dumb

motherfuckers to do the same. Because someday there's going to be a rocket ship or something that's going to hit one of these satellites and who the fuck are you going to call? You don't know. You don't have a fucking number in your head. So these are the things that we're slipping. So that's the fucking answer to your questions.

I don't want to. No text. Just call me like a man. If you don't call me, think that you're hiding something. Like when I get a text for a comedy show, I know he's hiding something. There's a, by the way, and that's what he's going to say. I couldn't write it on the text.

I don't even want that to happen. Tell me what you need. If I'm a piece of ass, then you text me. Right? You text a booty call at two in the morning. That's who you text. I'm not a piece of ass. You understand me? My piece of ass left about 30 years ago. It's just wrinkled now with hair on it.

And little cheesecake holes. whatever the fucking phone. And then if I answer the phone, here's what really kills me. But I want to get my messages and for them to be business. I want them to be business-related. I know that if I have a message on my phone,

it's business-related. I'm going to get money. So if I answer it, it's a... Oh, I need your address to send you an invite to the wedding. I will call you back and go, no, no. The wedding is your fucking business.

That's not my... Don't leave a fucking answer machine on my thing. Unless it's fucking business. Oh, I hate fucking... All that shit. All that shit drives me fucking crazy. And ask people who call me and make believe.

Ask the people who call me and leave a message what happens to them, how I torment their lives. Because I'll torment your fucking life. I will go to a dentist office and rip every magazine thing out and send you every fucking magazine out there. Until you'll never... You'll be too busy writing back notes to text the motherfucker When I get through with you, you follow me?

Holy shit What, concess? Nothing, I'm never going to leave you a message now. No It's funny that when sometime with his old phone He would text me and like it would make me It would have like confused me because he doesn't text And it would say like I'm at the cinema

And I found out like two months later He would just like smash the phone He didn't know how to pick it up when he was busy And it's like automatically text I'm at the cinema I'm at the bath Who the fuck talks like that? I'm at the cinema. You know what I'm saying?

If you got a text like that for me, you're like, there's somebody getting at that, motherfucker. That ain't right. He would right. I'm at the fucking movies, cuck, sucker. Call me back later, you fuck. When I called you, when I called you in the gay voice,

how come you hung up on me so quick? Does I hang up on me? Yeah. I didn't hang up on you. Listen, here's the deal, people. I can't fucking hear. I can't hear. For 30 years, I always like listening to music with earphones on, because my thing is,

I don't want to listen to your fucking bad music. You don't have to listen to mine. That's the deal I have with roommates. I don't want to hear your bad fucking music, but you don't have to hear mine either. I don't want nobody to listen to Black Sabbath Master Reality at 3 in the morning. Nobody needs that shit. But I need it. You follow me?

But I don't want to hear your dumb shit at 3 in the morning. So that's the deal. So from listening with those fucking earphones, and I just don't put it on. I put it on fucking 10. I have an iPod that I ordered a power booster for. Holy shit. So my iPod, I have a power booster

that goes into the iPod and then I put the speakers into the fucking power booster. And that's what happens when you're a professional marijuana addict. Okay? I want to smoke the pot and put the earphones on. I don't want to hear nothing. I want to forget

about all my problems. I want to hear the symbol. I want to hear the singer as he moves away. from the microphone. You can hear the like that. That's how badass I am. I'm from the 80s where we used to have real to real and you can hear the fucking

sing going like that. That's what we were. Listen to the fucking, don't listen to the word. Listen to him breathing. I did my fucking job. So that's why I'm deaf so that's, don't forgive me. I don't fucking hear nothing. So that's why you tell me to turn the music up on the podcast. I have it up. You just kidding?

All fucking time. Turn that motherfucker up. Have you been somewhere where the music's so loud you can't fucking think? It's tremendous. It's tremendous. One, nobody could talk to you. That's the best right there. When they come up to you with a stupid story and you're on cocaine or something.

And you're like, don't talk to me, I can't hear. You're wasting your time, I can't hear. But the truth is, I don't want to hear you. I don't. I want to hear the fucking music. So I like that fucking music to just be loud. Even in the mornings, everybody gets pissed off at me. Same thing with me.

People call me a mean fucking time. You follow a world champion box, right? Does it hurt when you get hit? No, come here. Boom, you bastard. How did that answer? Does it hurt when you had stupid fucking fucking stupid. And the real reason?

text bothers me, I can't see. So if you text me if I'm driving, I'm fucked, I can't see. So fuck the glasses. Again, I can't see. If I look at that text, it's a stupid fucking text, like happy day

or whatever, again, I'm going to call your back and choke you to death because I put glasses on to read your stupid fucking text. It's just crazy. I can't do it no more. I can't. There's just been too many technological fucking changes over the year, you know, but I want to hear people's voices.

I got nothing. You got anything else, guys? How did you and Lee? I emailed him a couple times. I said, I've always loved comedy and I wanted to work with a comedian, and we met at a comedy club a few times. We met at a comedy club for like a month and didn't do anything. We just talked. And it's been

two years, and it's been great. So, it's, it's amazing. It sounds like a fucking relationship. It is. It really is. You know, you, you, you, In this town, we have what's called. We have managers and agents, and you have a publicist,

and you have an attorney, and everybody wants 10% except for a fucking manager. He wants 15%. And they don't do nothing, people. They do nothing. They wait for you to go out and hustle it, and then they do it. I cut all that out.

I got an agent. That's it. And Lee. And Lee and I, like, we're management, but we're partners. And we just sit down, and we hammer shit out. And, you know, he tells me the truth,

which is very big. He doesn't tell me it's funny if it's not. He'll tell him he didn't like it or he didn't like that video and we work from there. You need that. He's not here blowing smoke up my ass telling me it's fun.

He's getting kicking. No, you know. That would be great. Somebody blowing smoke up here. That's what else I would do if I was rich. Like if I was really fucking rich. I'd just sit at home right night

with my legs up like that. Anybody go to yoga here? What's that? Happy baby position. Happy baby is my favorite position. I would just hold like that I would pay somebody $5,000 to blow pot smoke up my asshole

just to see if I would get high Nobody's ever done that Nobody's ever said hold on one second I don't smoke the vaporizer No more Would it be the like the fume The thing the beekeepers used to get Like the thing that goes like this

No no no Somebody would have to take a hit off a joint And blow the smoke up my ass That's how I wanted You can't substitute Somebody blowing smoke up your ass it's not something that you know you just say well they're gonna no no no

am I crazy guys do people want to get farted in the face like is it am I the only crazy one or does everyone else think it's weird back me up here that's weird a little bit no everyone else wants it what getting farted in the face I thought they all back again again people hold on one second

there's the problem with Lee okay I don't know if anybody heard the podcast when Lee sat across from me and he said that he was 24. Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Give me 10 fucking minutes, guys.

You don't know if you guys heard the podcast, but Lee said he's 24, and he felt that his life was moving too fast. That he didn't think that he was getting the most of life. Not because he wasn't going to the standard. You know, when you're 24, you think that you should be going, that your life should be like American fucking bandstand every week or whatever the fuck it is.

But it really isn't, all right? So Lee came to me and I went there, I was looking at Lee. And I just thought, I go, just as a joke, nobody's ever fart in Lee's face, even by mistake. I've eaten pussy from behind and sniffed an asshole. Because that's me, that's my world. You know, if you're eating a girl from behind, you might as well snip her asshole.

You're there. Even just to compare it to yours. You know what I'm saying? And you don't stick your nose in it like 100 miles an hour and put the fucking nostril to it, but you smell around it lightly, you follow me? So I talk to Lee when we have coffee about eating ass and pussy, because that's what guys do, ladies.

When we meet, we talk about you get some pussy lately? And he's like, no, I have it. I don't like it. It gave me heartburn. Whatever the fuck. Me, I love eating pussy from every angle. I can hear from every angle. I like putting it.

I don't want to fun in the face. But that's the whole patois. No, it's not. Like they hang you upside down from your ankles, and you drop me down like pink at the Grammys into a chick's pussy. I'll do it. I don't give a fuck. I want to eat pussy

with all the blood in my head. And my tongue, not blood on my head, the blood in my head. I'm upside down, you dumb motherfuckers. And you can't take and you're eating pussy.

It's got to be a different dimension, you follow? I'm just saying, or you hang her upside down. Or you take a belt, right? And tie around her waist real fucking tight and around her legs

so the fucking just clit looks like it's gonna blow up or something. I'm just, the same, you know, they go to a blood test, they tie the arm around, and the vein pops up, it has to work on the click though. It just

swells up like a tooth. So, how did we get in this conversation from eating that? So, you know, I knew that Lee never smart smelled a woman's asshole, which, you know, not everybody does, but if you're back there, you might as well, that's all I'm saying.

So I said, Lee, how about have a chick fart in your face? Because nobody's really had a chick fart in their face, unless she really want to, you know. And if you went to a girl and go, do me a favor of fart in my face, she would feel a little fucking weird. I don't know if I could fart in your face.

I didn't have a big breakfast. You know what I'm saying? So, I want to set this up for Lee so you can have some fun. Who else gets a fart? But we'll do it on camp. Guys, you don't understand. We're going to do this on camera. It's like a

pay-per-view. Like, you follow me? Like, you guys, at home on Saturday night and on you stream I got a good evening ladies and gentlemen we're here live from the battering ram in downtown LA we have a comedy show

we'll do a cooking show a podcast and the headliner is Lee getting fraud in the fair hold on one second who's old enough here to remember the wild world of sports by applause okay hour close out the wild world of sports once a year

would have a thing a karate tournament it was Aaron something's karate tournament at the garden and what was the closing thing they did no a guy shot a guy with a 22 and the guy would take the bullet out of the fucking air with his teeth

no remembers that's on YouTube he would wear a special remember that shit he would wear the the brate same thing I can't find the guy to eat a bullet but I got a guy who needs a fart in the face really about the bad so it's the same thing

So let's say we'll have the chicken Like granola with yogurt Because I wanted to have like You know like a shotgun What's a Not bullets but the Shrapnel yeah Scrapnel I want to get scrapedno

What you never took a shit A little peanut came out And you play with it when you were Remember when you were a kid You took the peanut out of this shit And you play with it Same thing We'll have it eat like a

We'll have it eat like a bag of fucking Peanuts and shit And we'll have to eat for like three days No shit No fart and no nothing and just keep a handcuffed in the room. I have to go to the bathroom. You can't, bitch.

And then like two hours before the show, we tie Lee down, we put him in a chair. We have a chick come out and suck his dick to relax them. The whole fucking thing. He puts on like a bib and goggles and shit. The first time there won't be no goggles. Just straight. Commando. Fuck it.

And we'll put it like an inch from his face, and then somebody will kick him in the stomach real fucking hard. And then we'll push her over the bend. So it's like a good fart. Come up. with the trajectory and everything and then he'll just fall back and start it with just a fart

but then he'll get high and call me at like midnight and be like all right I talk to her she wants to shit on your chest why listen why I mean listen you would all pay $10 to see him get a fart to the face but a shit to the chest

that's 25 without even arguing you're like 25 take it I don't give a fuck and he's like well can't you shit on a glass no, this ain't fucking fairy tale land on your chest. Then I said, listen, I called, listen, forget the chest. He won't do this shit. She goes, I want to piss

in his mouth. Again, he won't take a little pee in his mouth, but he'll drink that fucking fucking. That's 50. That's going to and you're getting, what, 20%? 20% of nothing. You're going to make millions, dog. So this is what we're going to do. The first one will shoot it right here. The chick will fart in his face. You'll go back.

yell, aye, hi, hi, hi, the whole thing, and we'll tape that, right? Right away, you're home, like, what happened to Lee? What happened to Lee? What happened? You're fucking worried about him. Then he'll come on the podcast with an eye packs and like a neck brace on. Right, for like a month and shit. And then we'll schedule a big fart in the face. We'll get like a Japanese guy that eats like a thousand hot dogs, right?

Those skinny motherfuckers will fart. You ever smell like a skinny fart? They'll fuck your world up. A fat guy will fuck your world up. But one of those skinny guys that eats a lot. and don't gain weight. You ever smoke one of his farts in a van? They'll fuck you up. You guys know what I'm saying.

We can make some money on this. And I'll make his all producers on this. You're all in for the small stuff. Why is it a guy now? I thought it was just a girl. We're going to get a girl. I don't want to fight. You're not gay.

I don't want a guy to fight your face. That's right. I thought you just said a skinny guy. No, I'm talking about a skinny guy can fart. Oh, okay. You know, so we're going to get a skinny chick, too. You know those skinny girls?

Oh, my God. I can't get any weight. Oh, you're going to come for it on these fucking face. Because obviously, you eat a lot. You're a skinny chick. And we're going to get a chunky chick and a chick with big tits like an opera singer type chick. Oh, ba!

Oh. I think it'll be entertaining, but that's my taste. You know what I'm saying? Nobody in this room has ever seen somebody take a fart in the face and they would all pay for it if you really think about it. Even at Thanksgiving, can you mind being with your family? What are you doing next week? I'm gonna go see this guy get fart on his face.

People are, we're going to sound garden. Fuck all that shit. I'm gonna see. Lisa, I had take a fucking chocolate milkshake part. Like, this chick's, and we'll have to do something. She has to eat McDonald's for 30 days. That's a documentary. See, I got big ideas.

That's a documentary where we have big ideas. If she eats McDonald's, yeah, countdown to the park. Are you on Spike? Countdown to the Fart? And she's at home, like, doing sit-ups and shit. This came to you way too quickly. It's like you've been thinking about it for fucking eight months. What's it? You just came up with it like on the spot.

I don't like it. This is what my mind is. But how do you like to go with a fucking brother? It's so fucking gorgeous. So particular body. It dresses the way she dresses. You can't believe it, right? She's so dainty in every way.

Then you take it to your room and you figure out to do something, right? She doesn't have to her bathroom. She goes in the bathroom, Mike. She comes out, right? I said, you know, let me see if I look like, I'm trying to get laid, right? I go in the bathroom, there's a fucking truck. This big.

That killed every fucking thing. That's a beautiful thing. That's a beautiful thing. At least you know where you're staring, you know what I'm saying? At least you know there's more rules for that dick of yours. It's fucking happened to me. I'm all right. I'm, uh,

we're going to do this again next month. Uh, you're raffles and maybe we'll talk Lee into fart in his face and the whole thing. See, I just got a message tonight. Let's see who the fuck this is. And we'll abuse this motherfucker. So no end. Let's see who this motherfucker is.

Do you want to put on speaker for you? Oh, no, he's my uncle. All right. He's lucky. My, my, Yeah, Dodgers State The one I robbed in Vermont That's my boy

Oh yeah, no, we talk now, we're friends, we're tight Where the fuck, when did he call me? Because I don't even know who the fuck called me But, no, yeah, my uncle, I'm trying to get him tickets now To take him to see the Dodgers. We're tight again We're tight again, so I want to thank you guys For really being a part of this tonight

Because we didn't know how this is going to work But obviously, this worked out good We're going to try to get a screen and play videos and music and the whole fucking thing in here. So we're going to try to make this a lot stronger for you guys. And one big round of applause with my brother Vinny. This is guys. And I love this guy. I mean, I was at the comedy store maybe, and I'm going to be honest with you guys,

I was at the comedy store maybe three months when this gentleman walked into the store and made my fucking night. And when he found out I was Cuban, he loved me right away. He put me in my first job. my first job in LA was a fucking tough guy and a John Fogarty video Alright from uh And that's the he called me He goes $800 come down tomorrow

Came my first fucking job And this is what it's all about right here You know when I do these podcasts with you people Listen I'm not gonna ever try to fake my intelligence Because I don't have any Okay I'm not gonna talk about something I don't know about I know about one thing guys I know about fucking life

I know this to get your ass kicked And how to kick fucking ass but one thing on my podcast that's different than anybody else's is whatever I tell you I tell you with my fucking soul and sometimes I break down and cry in the morning because these topics are not I don't do a podcast like a radio show it's not for oiky dokey and oh my god look at the video no this is to get you I want you guys in the morning to leave your house ready to kill somebody okay I want you to get laid I want you to make money I want you to be fucking happy. I want all the thing. And that's why

I started this, but when me and Lee talked about this, the only reason why I did it with Lee in the morning was because, like I say in the podcast, I'm a KTLA type of motherfucker, okay? I get up in the morning, I put on KTLA. I want to know if there's traffic on the 405. Even though I'm not going to be on the fucking 405.

You follow me? I'm one of those nerds. Get off the 15 today. There's traffic on the 91. Don't go to Riverside. But I like that. I like the joking around part of it. But what I didn't like about it was the teacher who molested the kid, the car accident, the baby who got shot,

the family who got killed in the car accident, the bell fucking people who rock. I don't want to hear that shit since the morning. At six of the morning, you should be smoking pot. And if you don't, I understand that. You're a professional. You're not a loser like me. You should be listening to music.

You should be planning out your day, planning your goals, and your day should be beautiful. Every day when you wake up, I was telling him today on the podcast. When I went to prison, somebody came to him and they were like, hey, man, you shouldn't be so happy in the morning. There's people that are in here doing life. And what?

So you're doing life. What are you going to fucking live it every day? You got to smile. You got to go out there. So my podcast with Lee is about you motherfucker as being the best you can every fucking day. I want you to leave with a smile on your face and go, today somebody's going to pay for me getting up today.

Okay? Somebody's going to pay for me. That's the attitude. I want you guys to fucking have because if you're that special to do this shit, I want somebody when you guys and all of you are worth $10,000 a day. That's the

bad news. So they're slipping on you motherfuckers by paying you 100 a day or 10 an hour. So you guys got to do the rest now. When you listen to that podcast I want you, somebody has to pay you to get out of bed because that's how special all you are. So please keep that in mind. I love you

motherfuckers with all my heart. The podcast is Monday and Wednesday. Keep it going one more time. Lee Syatt the flying Jew. One more time. Vinikato. We're going to go somewhere to get something to eat on Tuesday. If you guys, we might have a party somewhere. Everybody just come, buy Lee a burrito.

And we don't leave until he eats 25 fucking burritos. We're going to do something. But thank you for the support. Thank you for the support. You're giving my little brother Lee Syed and his weight loss and there's fucking deletion. Thank you very much. Vinnie Curdo one more time. I'm Joe Diaz. Let's go some popcorn suckers.

Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the inconvenience. We have one server and he's got to get off your tab, so please just remain seated. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Any questions while we wait? Any more? What's going on?

What happened when Vinnie met Stallone recently? Did he apologize or anything about the money? It was so funny. he was with Schwarzenegger, and we were over at Giuseppe Franco's haircutting place, in Beverly Hills. And he looked at me, he was like real leery because he knows I was still, he didn't know if I was still angry or mad. And his brother Frank is a good friend of mine. And he came over.

And he looked at me, and I said, how are you doing, Slice? It was nice to see you again, man. I said, I want to apologize for the stuff we went through. He goes, Vinnie, it's a new day. And he hugged me. So I said, fuck it. That was great, you know. I hugged Savas de Stolone, Rocky.

It was a real thrill. It was really nice. I hugged him. I hugged Schwarzenegger. We buried that hatchet. It's no good to hold grudges. Grudge, you know, it'll ruin you. The answer, what do you call?

We are all infinite beings. We have no choice in that. But the only problem is with all of us, we tend to, um, um, um, um, identify what our self-imposed limitations. And that's the truth. So we're all special people, man. And that was wonderful.

It was wonderful to make his friendship. It was wonderful to get rid of a wrong and turn it into a right. A down and to an up. Thank you. All right, guys. Thank you.