The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #034 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint.... Wednesday, January 27th.... Today, we talked about Karma..... This episode is brought to you by Manscaped and Bluechew...... Go to https://www.manscaped.com/JOEY Go to https://www.bluechew.com and enter Code: JOEY Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint

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What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday. January, whatever the fuck of this. I don't even know anymore. I'm so sick of the fucking date. I just tell, say a date to remind myself what fucking day it is. What's happening?

You bad motherfuckers, everything's good. The stitches are out. So we're three quarters there. I got a little fucking stitch story for you. So I fucking, you know, I'm all, I'm fine. All weekend I'm fine. I do my exercise. I go to PT. Monday morning I got to go to PT and I got to get my stitches taken out.

It was the other way around though on Monday morning. How to go get my stitches taken out and then go to PT. I'll tell you, when I woke up Monday morning, I knew it. Like sometimes you wake up and you're like having one of those days now. I've been sleeping fucking phenomenal lately. The best sleep I've been getting the last two years has been since I've gotten this surgery downstairs. I've had a couple rough nights, like the beginning was a couple rough nights. I didn't know how to time the medication, the pain, shit like that. But the last week, I've been getting some fucking good sleep, a couple fucking power naps, you know, shit like that. But I get up Monday morning and I'm just not feeling it.

I can't call the doctor and tell them I can't go down and take the stitches. I'm just beside myself with fear. I don't know why. You know me. It comes out of nowhere. anxiety with me comes out of nowhere. I'm feeling fucking crazy, a little hubats, I take a shower,

I eat breakfast, I put my daughter in the car, you know, the whole fucking thing. She goes to school, and then me and my wife head there. I get in the car. I go, hold on one second to my wife. She goes, why I go?

This anxiety or whatever the fucking going through is making me want to go to the bathroom. She goes, what do you want to do? Do you want to go to the bathroom and be a couple minutes late? I go, you know what? It's right there on the tip. I think I can hold it in.

I'll be fine. I go, I'm going to be fine. So I get down to the doctor's office. You know, for some reason, guys, I get myself all worked up. We all do, but I get myself super worked up when it comes to fucking needles. I go upstairs, I check in, you know, that you have to fucking text, and then they fucking tell you want to come upstairs. And then she calls me instead.

She goes, come upstairs. I come upstairs. As soon as I walk in, I'm just not feeling. it. I'm fucking hot. You know, I got a hooded sweatshirt on and a sweatshirt and it's cold out and it's layers. So I got a T-shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, a sweatshirt, and a hundred sweatshirt on top of that. I fucking, I talked to the guy, one of the guy listens to the podcast. I talk to him.

I say hello. I say hello to girls. I sit down and he goes, a doctor will be with you in a couple minutes. I go, listen, how much of these staples are going to hurt to get taken out? Now, I ain't got like 10 staples. I got like a fucking row of a whole. pocket staples. So whatever it's going to be, I'm already getting anxiety just telling you motherfuckers the story. Whatever it's going to be, it's going to be a couple fucking minutes.

So I asked the guy and the guy goes, it won't hurt, especially since you had him for two weeks, it'll be a little easier to take him out. He goes, the doctor's going to come in and talk to you for a few minutes and then we'll pull him out. I go fine. I'm just sitting in the regular chair. They take my blood pressure. It's okay. Everything's fine. My office. oxygen levels are fine. My pulse is on the money. Ooh, tremendous. All of a sudden, I'm sitting there. I'm just working myself up. Working myself up. And finally, a doctor comes in. I look at him. I go, what's going on, Doc? And he's like, let me look at the stitches. He goes, oh, the swelling went down. You look good.

Let me see you move it around. And he looks up at me. He goes, what's the matter with you? And I go, Doc, I'm just not feeling it. I think I'm going to pass out. He goes, your skin color is as white as the mask. My skin color just went white, and I started fucking sweating, right? So I go, can he get me some water? He goes, ah, I knew you had a hard time with the surgery in the beginning, where you did fine. I'll be fine. Let me just drink the water, and I start drinking the fucking water.

And, oh, my God, this is terrible. I just get this feeling that I'm going to pass out and everything spinning. In fact, when he got up, there was two of them. Like, when he came in, there was one of them, but when he got up, there was two of them. I'm like, oh, I'm going to fucking faint. So I got to do what I usually do. I just got to take the bull by the horns.

He goes, the water's going to come in and then get on the big table. We'll pop it up for you, lay back, and he'll take the fucking stitches that, right? So I put my little Santana on. That's my music for needles and shit. And I lay back.

And he's taking the fucking thing. He starts taking them out, guys. And it's just like little needles. but everyone is just impacting me like everyone it's like little acupuncture needles they ain't shit guys between us it doesn't hurt at all like a normal personal good joy what is wrong with you because but because it's me I'm like aye aye aye aye aye and I got the fucking Santana on and I'm aye aye aye I into myself and I look at the guy the guy looks at me goes how we doing and he goes you're sweating and I go I know I'm

sweating I'm fucking dying here he goes if it makes you feel better I can't go over bridges. He goes, I can't go into Staten Island, I can't go into New York, I can't go into Jersey, I'm stuck because I have a fear of bridges, so I'm like, holy fuck. But when somebody tells you their card,

it makes you feel a lot better, you know what I'm saying? So it calmed me down a little bit. It didn't calm me down all the way. It just calmed me down a little bit, and I'm like, oof, oof, and he's pulling them out, and he's hitting the tin with him.

Because they're going to the tin, and I'm hearing ding, ding, dink, and to myself, I'm like, one of these fucking dinks gonna stop. One of these dinks gonna end. I didn't look at my leg one time. I just kept looking away and shit and fucking I had my earphones on, and I'm like, and I'm still hearing the dinks. And I'm like, one of these dinks gonna fucking start.

And finally, I felt them by my knee, and he goes, you're done, Mr. Diaz. And he goes, how are you feeling? He goes, you don't look good. I go, I don't look good. I don't feel good. Let me just finish my water and I'm drinking my fucking water

He goes, this is what we're going to do I want you to sit here for about 10 minutes You're not going to go anywhere I don't want you to get up You have nowhere to go I'll call physical therapy Tom you're going to be late Just sit here for about 10 minutes

And wait for this to come down And then we'll let you leave Is that okay with him? I go, yeah, I'll be okay in 10 minutes He's not out of the room one minute And I feel a missile from here Just come like an adrenaline missile just come down and it's just a little explosion fart like a boop but dog it was right

there that shit I had to take when I got in the call my wife was in my asshole ready to get served I could hear it percolate and it was percolating my ass but I'm dying right I'm half fucking dying like I'm like oh oh oh but it was between fainting even harder or shitting dog I said I'm not gonna faint and shit my pants that's definitely not gonna happen Out of somewhere, I just got the strength. I just opened my eyes. I picked my leg off. I threw it over the fucking table.

They looked at me and I thought, what are you doing up? I go, dog, I gotta go to the bathroom. And I think out of the three of them, the doctor, the nurse and the male nurse, I think the male nurse was like, hurry up. Because he knew, he knew it was a pure adrenaline shit. I fucking flew in that bathroom and 22 chunks of shit

just came flying out like I was bombing a country with shit. I had a flush like three times. It smelled so bad in that fucking bathroom. I had to open the door. Thank God. There was nobody in the waiting room. So I go back.

They're like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay now. They thought like I'm probably vomited or something. They didn't know it was the quickest shit of my life. It just flew out. I think it was one wife and I was done. So when I went back to sit down, I went to put my sneakers on the guy.

I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah, you're still pale. I'm trying to get the fuck out of this. before the shit comes out of that bathroom and it starts reeking all over that fucking office. I left it like a little open. I left the fart fan. But it was out where the patients were sitting. So there was only like two patients back then. They were both against the wall.

So I tried to put my sneakers on or try to get ready. I had to put my sweatshirt on and my hooded sweatshirt back on. And also I'm talking to the doctor. He's telling me about he's got to give me another prescription for therapy and another prescription for some fucking pills. for anti-inflammatory and dog I'm standing in the hallway and all of a sudden I could actually smell my shit

from 10 minutes early and it's fucking thick. It's fucking thicker than debt. I fucking took those prescriptions and before any of those women in that front office could smell it, I tore ass out of that fucking office and I ran to the fucking, I told my wife, we go let's get out of here

before they figure out I destroyed that fucking bathroom. It was embarrassing as fuck, but somebody's got to do it. That's the Wednesday morning shit story. I want to lay on you. You know, we always lay some type of shit story on you. There was one last week, because they give me these pills at 7.30, they got to take them. I think I got four left. They're like two to, you know, because all the drugs you're eating, make your stomach get off full and shit like that. So this, you know, I don't know what it's called.

Constipation. Yeah, what's it called? Constipation from the pills. This missile shoots right through the constipation. Who gives the fuck? I figured we'd open up with a little chot-cha, just to break the ice, you know what I'm saying? It's Wednesday. We got to go, who's going to be uptight? Did you get your vaccine yet? No, who gives the fuck? You're still going to die? Who gives the fuck? Anyway. Everybody now with the fucking vaccine, it's not enough. The school teachers ain't getting them. It never fucking ends. It never fucking ends.

At least we got ourselves, we got our lives, our minds, and our own hearts and stories. I got an email on Patreon the other day. That was pretty interesting and we'll discuss it. It was how do you know, did you ever feel karma being served? He goes, because right now I'm going through a bad streak and I ran wild for years like you did. I want to know if you ever felt karma while it was being served. And the question took me back.

for a second. I'm like, fuck, yeah. You know, I was on a, I went on a row, you know, jerk off wise from the time my mother died to the time I got arrested. When I got arrested, that was karma being served and then son.

And I knew it. I knew it when I was thinking that jail cell that this is for all the sins I did, blah, blah, blah. When I ended up going to prison and I got sentenced to prison I made a constant effort while I was in there that this was I had a new start

and a new beginning which is always great to know that you have a fucking I'm sorry about my eye I got one eye that's up here or one that's like here I'm like a junior cyclops I don't know if I put too much

Vizine in one growing up I don't know what the fuck's going on in my eye but I noticed that the other day in one of the videos when in between me going out on bail and me getting sentenced from December of 87 to August of 88 I did feel the karma being served everything a lot of bad shit happened to me my house got robbed I got arrested I got arrested for shoplifting um I fucking ripped my arm open I needed a bunch of stitches in my arm I never got

the stitches because I'm a pussy but I ripped my arm open the story's endless I was just it was just karma being fucking served, you know? And there's things I think about today, and I go, when am I going to pay for that thing that I did back then? You know, I mean, at least I'm on, this is why a couple weeks ago I did the podcast, and after I did the podcast, I was mad because, you know, so what, some kids steal some fucking videos from me.

You know, I'm going to be mad and do a podcast and yell at a podcast. That's fucking hypocrisy, Joe. For years, you stole videos like a mother. I didn't steal videos, but by the time I was stealing videos weren't nothing to steal. I didn't steal no videos, but you understand my point

that I'm a hypocrite because I got pissed because some kid was stealing videos. For years, I stole everything that wasn't super glued down and all of a sudden I'm mad, you know? So I felt that those nine months,

karma was being served. I did pay for a lot of my sins, a lot of shit, a lot of skeletons that had in the closet, came out, You know, like little personal issues that nobody really knows about that we all know about ourselves that we can't control came out, you know. I felt it being served, you know.

But it's so weird also when you serve up karma, it's, it just feels great when somebody has fucked with you or somebody has wronged you or somebody has done something to you in the past. And you take the high road, you take the high road, but still karma still, even if you take the Listen, when it comes to somebody messing with you Or somebody doing something wrong to you Like the things I did to people all that all those years There's no there's no high road You know, there's no you could either take the low road and keep being a fucking jerk off or be a high road and apologize

What I'm trying to explain that There's no fucking you know when you're waiting for Carmen to get served There's no high road expect the worst You expect the fucking worst you know Last week I told you about when the girl fell off the bike and shit like that, I still think about what if my daughter falls off the bike. Is that going to be karma served for that? So do you understand me? I have a lot coming to me.

I've done a lot of good things and I've helped a lot of people that I wasn't supposed to help. I've helped them out of the kindness of my heart to kind of even out the game a little bit to even out my karma. But I'm definitely a big time believe in karma. And even when you don't want to serve it, there's times you serve it. Like, this times you might have a misunderstanding with somebody. And you didn't take it that wrong, but the people around you took it wrong. And years later, you get the opportunity to fucking stab the dude or whatever. I was thinking about this story there.

I was telling you about a guy a couple weeks ago called Jim Wheeler. That when I got out of bail, he got married. and there were people that were going to his wedding that didn't want me at his wedding. So they didn't come and he sent them the gift back. Jim Wheeler was my dog. Jim Wheeler knew I was a wild man. Jim Wheeler and Joe Rogan are basically a lot of the same person, the way they treated me.

With Jim Wheeler, he knew I was a wild man and he knew that I would be crazy, but he respected my car sales ability. He respected what I did, my hard work. He respected me when I worked. When I went to sell cars, I fucking worked. I went out there on a lot. I wrote letters. I made phone calls.

I followed through. My day was a lot different than a lot of other guys, even though I was a fucking junkie. And when it came to comedy, listen, I'm a fucking criminal. Joe Rogers never even been arrested. Joe Rogan's never been inside of a prison. Joe Rogues never inside of a county jail,

inside of a cell. Joe Rogger's never done cocaine. Joe Rogan's never done a drug. You ask yourself, why does a guy like Joe, well, why would somebody like Jim Wheeler hang out with me? Because they have respect for how I, you know, held myself up in comedy. You know, with Joe is comedy.

Me and Joe have the same mentality towards comedy. It's all of fucking nothing. You got to commit, you got to write, you got to get out there every night. There's no fucking excuses. And that's it. That's how you get my respect when it comes to comics. You know, with Jim Wheeler, he liked me because, you know, he, whatever.

You know, when you're in a car business, you move around a lot. Stores go hot, stores go cold, pay plans, a new general manager comes into a store, and he changes things around. The life of his car dealers, they move around like every six, nine months. Every once in a while, they catch a break for three or four years on a nice dealership, but they move around. My man, Big Joe, over in St. Louis, you know, Joey Falado.

He, you know, he moves around every two years. Sometimes he's doing F&I, which is finance. Sometimes he's just a closer. It just depends what type of deal they close. It's not that they're bad people that they're moving around. They got to support a family. In Jimmy Wheeler's case, you know, he had two kids. They're going to support a family.

So he got me that job. To start this story off, we got to talk about Jim Wheeler. He's the one that gave me the job in the Subaru place. After I got out of prison, I didn't sell a car the whole month of December, and he had to let me go. But throughout that, he always had a job for me, okay? Jim Wheeler always had a job for me.

So forget about Jim Wheeler, forget about Joe Rogan. I'm going to take it to October of 83. I was living in Snowmass Village, and my roommate is Jimmy Burkle, God rest of soul. And at night, three, four nights a week, the only, I was 20 at the time. So I didn't turn 21 until 84. so I really couldn't go to bars in Colorado when I first got there.

Yeah, I looked older and I had fake IDs and stuff, and I snuck into bars, but I didn't want to go to bars. I didn't want to go to it all the way up to Aspen, and there was a couple bars of snowmast that you'd go to, but during the week, we kept it light. We went to this hotel called the Crestwood. The Crestwood had the coolest fucking staff at the time, plus they had a section for employee housing where all the employees lived,

and it was just a fucking party. couples, couple girls, couple guys. Always a great time. The leader of that whole fucking click up there was a guy that named was Vince Hall. He's dead now. Rest in peace. Great guy from North Carolina.

He must have been about 40. To me, I was 20. He was just an old fucking man. But I respected him. I liked him. He was into fishing, a lot of fishing. So he'd go fishing five, six days a week. And he cooked fish on the grill.

for us and it was me and they in 83 I didn't work there in 83 I worked around snowmass and I would go to the crestwood at night the employee housing was on the corner of there was at the end all the way at the end of all the condos they had like their own maybe two floors and they had a jacuzzi outside of that that condo and we had like a little gated area and then we had a yard back there I mean it was all wilderness back there was a ski resort back there What am I saying? So we hung on out there a couple nights a week. We'd meet by the jacuzzi at seven,

we'd just jacuzzi, bring up a couple joints, bring up a few beers, and just bullshit, you know. We were all in our 20s, 21. There was a couple clicks. There were a couple of us. There was 10 dudes from like Monroe, Louisiana. One dude worked there,

so his friends all worked, hung out with him. And there was some other dudes from Mancato, Minneapolis. They were badass motherfuckers. They lived 17 to an apartment. There was 17 of them in a two-bedroom apartment in my building in the D in Creekside apartments in D building. They lived on the third floor. They all had jobs and they all just lived in a man. They all lived in an apartment just to ski because they were never there.

They all had two jobs. They all worked on the ski on the slope in the morning. And then the night they'd work at a restaurant or retail or everything was about skiing. everything was about skiing with those guys and jumping off cliffs and mountain diving and fucking going you know when you raft in the summer these guys were fucking cool the dudes from mankato one of their guys worked for a rafting company so if you were bored you'd go rafting on Saturdays on the fucking arm and the other guys they fucking I mean they were just great guys they were just they also worked for a fucking all the other ski resorts so we all had passes from different mountains

it was just great being 20 up there but during the week it was us me Carl this guy Kipp he had a friend from Chico California you know there was no girls that hung out with us

I could lie to even tell you there was bitches there was no bitches it was just like six or seven guys there was maybe some of the girls that worked at the hotel Vince me me Carl

and these guys and we would go there and talk shit and we would go home by 930 and we get cold and we'd go home then there was another group the guys that were like 25s to 26es and that guy's name was Doug and they hung out with a guy Mikey and they had another guy I forget what his name was he was like a Viking looking

motherfucker and shit like that and they were okay with us and then there was another crew that worked at the hotel and they were between 28 and 32 I remember one of them I forget what his name was like Steve but I still remember being in a closed room with him and he was like an adult I'm fucking 25. I'm 21. He's a fucking adult. We're all 21-year-olds. And he's like,

I wonder what Van Halen is going to sound like with Sammy Hagar. I'm so excited about that. I'm like, you're 29 years old. What are you excited about? But you're a fucking old man. Can you imagine? I'm like telling him an old man.

Now I'm 58. I'm fucking twice his fucking age. And I'm telling him, I go, you're a fucking old man. You should be out doing shit worrying about Sammy Hagar. What the fuck is wrong? But he was a good guy.

He was one of the dudes that I went to Denver with him. We rented the plane. It was me, Cato, Carl, and this guy that used to always say, set the herb man free. That's all the dude would say. He was a white dude. And every time you'd see him, he'd say, let's set the herb band free.

So he hung out on that crew, too. And they were all nice guys. We were all very nice. I swear he is there was never a problem. four months I lived up there. I would go up. I didn't even drink. And I would chipping for beers, you know, never a problem.

Everybody liked each other. I like the Louisiana guys. I like the guys from Mancato. I love fucking whatever. The fucking whole brothers, Kipp and his buddy from Chino, we were all tight. One Saturday night,

and I remember this like it was yesterday. But I remember the story the other day because I was just thinking about karma being served and how our lives work out. One Saturday afternoon, we're sitting there. I don't know what we all did. And we all met up there about six o'clock and we're just hanging out, having a good time talking shit, basketball, football, whatever, whatever 20, 20 year olds do. And a car pulled up. And it was this guy dug and another white dude. But at that time, it was employee housing. So, That must have been 15 people in the house and like eight of us or nine of us outside.

And Doug and his fucking friend, whatever his name is. I still remember what the guy looked like. Get out of the car. You know, they were too cool for school. They walked past us and went into the fucking house. So we had like a tub, like those metal tubs. And every night, whatever you showed up with, they just put in the tub. And then Carl will get ice from the fucking ice machines.

And we just cover it up. whatever was in there wine coolers beers whatever the fuck they had in there some nights there was 50 beers some nights there was 80 beers some nights there was six beers so on this particular night there's like fucking 50 beers it's like six of us hanging out talking shit doing bongheads you know my feet are in the fucking jacuzzi maybe and Doug and his buddy come out and they're like hey guys how you guys doing and they were they used to hang out of the bar called the woody creek tavern they were like two dirt merchants you know like we didn't hang out of those guys guys guys doing they were like two dirt merchants you know like we didn't hang out of those things. I used to go to Woody Creek just to get Wii with my buddy Cato. I forget what his last name is Cato. That's what we used to call him. I forget what his real name was, but his street name was Cato. So these two guys come over and it starts off fine. We're talking.

They drink their beers. They say, can we take another one? Carl's goes, go ahead, man, help yourself. They take another one. And then, I don't know where they go, all right, we're going to leave. And the guy, like the guy that was with Doug. kind of like said, we're going to leave now. And he went, and he spit, like, I don't know.

It didn't come off, right? And then he took two beers, gave him to Doug, and he took two beers. And as they were walking away, Carl goes, oh, where are you going with those fucking beers, man? You didn't even ask for him. And the guy turned around, he goes, hey, fucking redneck, man, I don't have to ask for fucking beers. You know, I'm just taking them. I thought they were there. He goes, no, but I'm telling you to put them.

down and the guy goes well since you said it like that I'm not going to put them down now I knew I didn't know what everybody's ability was in that I knew I was a little nuts I knew the one guy from New Orleans had broken some guy's arm like a month earlier and asked him he was like a judo guy and he just broke the guy's fucking elbow threw him up so I knew the judo guy was a badass motherfucker I knew nothing about car car was six foot one lanky big hands big knuckles but car was nuts like me he's the one he's the one he's the one that said hey bring back the fucking beers what the fuck you guys think you're going and the guy was like very disrespectful he's like what the fuck is your problem redneck boy or some shit he goes

I'm taking the fucking beers and Carl looks back on he goes I'm telling you put them down put them down and the guy goes I ain't putting shit down he goes I'm only gonna put them down to knock you to fuck out or something like that and car goes you want a fucking prime motherfucker. So half of us get out of the tub. Vince, his brother, comes out and goes, what's going on? I go, you know, so we all go over.

The guy's got the two bottles in his hand. And he's like, what? You really want a problem? And Carl goes, I'm going to tell you to put the bottles down. Again, the guy goes, I'm telling you, I'm taking these with me. He didn't even say, whip me, and Carl threw a punch that I had only heard once before

that was that loud. dog he hit him so hard that when the guy's face turned whatever he had here hit the floor like three feet away he busted his fucking head with his hands guys I mean there was just an explosion of fucking blood the guy went down like Tom Segura remember how Tom Segura landed on his arm and shit the guy the punch just went pop and the guy just went boom and he fucking just dropped hit his head and then Carl took the beers out of his hand. He goes, I told you you were going to put the beers down. And he took the two beers out of his hand.

And he goes, Doug, put the fucking beers down. And Doug goes, I'm going to put these beers down. But what you did? You weren't right. What you did? He goes, what did I do? He goes, the guy threatened me, and I stuck up to myself. And that's when his brother goes, yeah, Doug,

I think he got the wrong fucking bunch of guys here tonight. You know, I saw the whole thing go down. He threatened my brother, and he called him a fucking redneck and all this shit. put the fucking beers down and Doug goes we'll see how tough you motherfuckers are I'll get you's back so we laugh at it

the fucking they got bro they had one of the fucking tourists had to come down and put a turban around the guy's head the guy was bleeding profusiously they had to pick him up into the fucking car

and we all went in the tub like we don't know nothing cops came like a half hour but later and they asked what happened we're like we have no idea the guy must have been drunk when he fell from skiing

nobody did do nothing. Now, it was a Saturday. Sundays was our big day. Sundays, we used to fucking meet at the snowmast. There was a snowmast club. It was like a big fucking gym that I was a part of when I was a volunteer fireman. I think I told you about that story on the church. We won't go into it. But you could, they had a big, huge property. You didn't know I was a volunteer fireman. I don't remember that. Let's not get into that one. So every Sunday we would meet at like, oh, 10, maybe 9.30, me and the New Orleans boys, the Mancato boys, Carl, Kit. It was a bunch of us.

And we play two-hand touch football. Two-hand touch, that's it. Real gentlemen, everybody had a good time. And then we'd go by the New Orleans boys, and they would make like a gumbo or they would fucking fry catfish up. This is, this was just a dream. I was just a kid out of Jersey. I had never been to Colorado. I had never had friends like this before.

But every fucking weekend, we did the same shit. Once Friday came, Friday night, we all went to the same. And there was no cocaine involved. You didn't hear me say nothing about Coke. I wasn't doing, these, I was doing Coke, but these guys didn't know I was a thief and that I snorted Coke by myself. These were just great guys.

We were all young, and we're all just having a good time. So on Sundays, we play fucking two-hand touch football. And we got so good at it that we became a team. And then we would play like the guys from the Conoco gas station from old snowmast. We were playing some guys from Basalt. We would play some guys from fucking Aspen, you know, from restaurants. It would be like snowmast.

So this went all the way up to, we started doing this like in August. And we went all the way up to, I think in November it got too cold. started snowing. But every Sunday we do this. And then sometimes after we play football, we would just go into the back with trucks and go shooting. Everybody had guns. You know, the Mencato boys were hunters. They would hunt deer and the New Orleans got there. They weren't from New Orleans. They were from Monroe, Louisiana. I'll never forget these motherfuckers. And they were into shooting. So sometimes we would play football, take our guns afterward, and go in behind snow mask like there was just acres and acres that you could drive in deserted roads and

we just set up targets and all of us would shoot shotguns and he would let me shoot his shotgun I would shoot his double barrel he would let me shoot like whatever so it was pretty interesting it was just a bunch of young guys and we were having a fucking blast nobody was fighting there was no sex nobody was fucking nobody else was girlfriends it was just kids having a good time And then this fucking Saturday night, this happens with this fucking jerk off. All right. So we forget all about it. We get up the next day and we play football and we go shooting.

So we got our guns with us. But instead of going back to Louisiana that day, we were getting fish and we were going to grill them on the grill up by the Crestwood by the employee housing. And we were all going to hang out over there. We didn't even, you know, I think it was mentioned one time about what happened the night before. that fucking car had knocked out Doug's friend nobody really got into it so we're all sitting by the jacuzzi we got guns in our bags

you know my guns don't like the car like I was with somebody else who had a car I like to say it was Mike Roboog but I'm not sure and all of a sudden four cars pull up and it's Doug the dude with the fucking turban that car had knocked out

the reason why I said he went down like Tom Seguors because he had a broken arm too he landed on his elbow or something happening but he had a broken arm and he came they got out of the car he didn't have nothing the guy but dug and all his friends had sticks and shit fucking sticks and shit and fucking they're like we're gonna fuck you's all up blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and then Vince came out and we had like 10 people in the house all the new Orleans kids were there and half of the man Catoans were there so we all just rose and we go you You want to fucking fight, motherfucker?

We'll fucking fight. And Vince goes, I don't know what this is about. All I know is that last night I witnessed you try to bully my brother, and then my brother knocked you to fuck out, fucked you up, and now you got the balls to come back here and start more fucking problems? Well, look what we have here. Do you really want to fucking do this? Or do you just want to bang it out?

Well, the one guy goes, well, I'm his brother, and I just want to crack at your fucking brother. And Carl goes, fuck it. Let's do it. give a fuck of you. His older, his younger brother, I don't give a fuck. I'll knock out, I'll knock you out the same way I knocked out your fucking brother. I'm

sitting there going, holy shit. And we got guns, too. They don't know we got guns, but the New Orleans boys they weren't scared of fucking pulling their pistol. So I'm like, this is going to get fucking ugly. The guy comes out, car gets out of the fucking jacuzzi, they wrestle for a little

while, car gets on top of him, pounds him like ten times. We pick him up. It's all over, but the out, right? So when all this was going down, I was kind of yelling. Like, I'm like, this ain't going to happen. I go, what should happen here, Doug? Doug was out of line. I was never too crazy about Doug. Let's get this out of the way. I like Doug and I, you know, like Doug was one of those guys that you just, he was an acquaintance. But when everything was going down, they were going to beat Carl up, you're not going to hit Carl in front of me. And I got vocal with Doug. I go,

Doug, you got some fucking pair of balls coming up here with these fucking guys. That's disrespectful. This is our fucking thing here. You came up here last night, started trouble, and now you're going to come back today and start more fucking trouble, Doug? And he's like, you know what, man? Maybe we should put our fucking gloves on.

I never liked the Yankees too much anyway. And I'm like, let's fucking do it, bitch, you know? And before we got down, they broke us up. And they're fucking, no, we're going to be cool. Card already beat the kid up. So Vince kept saying to him, you already got beat up. What's next? We beat up your grandfather.

You know, like, you already got beat up, you know, so take him in the fucking car and get the fuck out of here. A little argument, it was like 20 minutes of argument, and we all went out separate ways, but Doug kept saying, yo, New York, I'm going to be looking for you, and I kept saying, whenever you want to, bitch, right? You know, and I was a little scared. He had me by five years, you know, whatever. I had never been in that position. I'm a little scared. I go home.

I don't think about it. December comes. January comes. I go to New York. I fucking end up homeless. I'm here 18 months. I go to fucking Boulder. I'm in Boulder in 85. I head up in San Francisco. And now finally, November of 86. This is three years from the time with the fucking karma. I go back up to Snowman's Village. I hook up with Vince and Carl. I'm hooking up with the boys and we're doing our thing. And one day out of the blue, I go, hey, guys, what the fuck ever happened to Doug? And they're like, Doug, you mean shotgun, Doug? And I go, I don't know.

Doug, the guy that came up that day and Carl smacked his friend around, they're like, you have no idea what happened with this fucking idiot. He's getting high with a girl one night. They're doing coke at a hotel in Snowmast. And he was, I never got high with him. But supposedly he was one of those creepy guys when you got high with him. I never got high with him at all. Like I said, at that time I was doing coke.

I just wasn't doing coke with them. Nobody really in my circle knew I did coke. I kept the secret so I could rob everybody so they would never think it was me. So I go, yeah, shock and Doug. I guess that's what they called him, Shocked on Doug. The one that fucking call knocked his friend down. He goes, oh, that motherfucker was doing coke with a girl one night. and for you fact checkers that you find everything please find this find this and post it when I did the

the Ryan Sickle podcast I told the story about the guy that shot the four kids and somebody found the article for me in Boulder and the Michael Bell article please find this article about shotgun dug snowmast village 85 so he's getting high with a girl all right the girl gets up goes to the bathroom or he got up and went to the bathroom. When he came back, he said there was more coke there than what there was. It was like five in the morning. And he's like all coaked up. And he's like, man, there was more coke here before I went to the bathroom. She's like, I don't know what you're talking about. You know, we've been just to a coke. And he's like, there was more fucking coke there. You better fucking get the coke out or I'm going to fucking

kill you. And the girl's like, what are you talking about? I didn't take your coke. The guy goes in the back room, comes out with a shotgun, puts it to the fucking girl's head. And he's like, Give me the fucking Coke back, you fucking bitch. I'm going to fucking shoot you. Well, somebody was walking by and seen all this going on. They dial 9-1-1 and swats around at this fucking house. And he had the girl at gunpoint, like, give me more coke or I'll shoot the fucking girl. Like, that's what he was asking for.

This is no joke, people. This is a true story. He held the girl captive until they brought him more coke. This is fucking insane. He kept yelling that the girl took his coke and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. finally they fucking made him put his shotgun down they arrested them and nobody knew what happened to him including me I don't know what happened to him so what year is this guys that I'm telling you about 80 fucking 5 okay right there 86 right there I forget all about shotgun

duck all right but I always knew I wanted to smack him in the face I didn't like that Yankee remark and I'd never heard that before I'd never heard somebody calls me a fucking Yankee. So I was like, that motherfucker called me a Yankee. I got to get him back. So I asked people what happened like, he's probably in jail. He's probably dead and buried by now. But there's a thing called karma. And Carmen never fucking forgets. That's why I love you motherfuckers that think you get away with shit. You don't get away with nothing. I'm 58. And I've seen shit unwind. Like I've seen people like Mike come up to me and say, Joey, we got to go beat up this fucking dude.

He did this to me. And I'll go, don't. Give it a month or two. Watch what this guy gets himself into on his own. And sure enough, he gets fucking stabbed. And you're like, how did you know? Because you knew the direction he was going. And I've seen it a thousand times.

I've seen it a thousand times. You don't have to fucking, you don't have to call out everybody who crosses you. Because eventually, they're going to fuck themselves up. And then you can laugh in their face. And then you could fucking send them that tweet and go go fuck your mother now cock suck or whatever you know that's why you got to be careful when you rub shit in people's faces you got to be real so i'm not thinking nothing about

doug nothing my life is going on we're going to take you back to nineteen ninety four i did time I got into comedy and I went back to Jersey 93 and I tried to get my life together after the divorce and I tried to do some comedy I got a job limo already you guys have heard the story

now I'm back in I go back October of 93 November 93 I go back to Boulder, Colorado. I want to be a dad I want to be a fucking father I moved to Ovalta first I got a job of like

Douglas Toyota but I wanted to move to Boulder I'm not a Denver guy I'm a Boulder guy at the time I don't know what Boulder's like now this is at the time so I finally get a fucking

apartment in Boulder and I'm hustling I'm trying to make ends meet and December comes along and boom I get a fucking somebody's telling me that Jim Wheeler's looking for me so I go really

I called Jim Wheeler back. This guy always had a job for me. He calls me and he goes, Joey, I got a fucking perfect job for you. No suits, no ties. We're going to work at a Carlot named Sprinkler. Sprinkler, Carlot, and Longmont, Colorado. He goes, I told the guy all about you. I told him that you could speak Spanish. He's going to give you a $5,000 advance, a $5,000 bonus, and he's going to give you a demo to come work here and your hours are going to be 10 to 6, six days a week. I go, this is the perfect fucking comedy job. It's not even in Boulder, it's in long month. Between you and I guys, at that time, I wasn't very proud of going to prison,

so I kept it under the hat. I felt very out of place. I had been out of prison four years, and I still hadn't told. Unless you knew me, I wasn't very open about that conversation. I was very embarrassed at the time about it, and I had every right to be. I'm still embarrassed about it, but I did something with my life, so it's not as embarrassing as it was back then. But when you first come out of prison, I know for me I was very embarrassed about it,

and I wasn't as open as I am today about talking about anything. I didn't say shit to anybody about it. When Jim Wheeler called me, I go, Jim, is he going to check for felonies? And he goes, nah, don't worry about nothing. I'm going to get your license. You're going to be fine. Because you need a license to sell cars only, you know, not only a driver's license, but you also need a sales license.

And sometimes you can't get it if you have a felony. So he goes, don't worry about the license. I got you. So boom, I got the fucking sprinkler. Finally, you know, I'm going to get some fucking fine. financial help you know I mean I was making ends meet but this car this job would put me in the you know four to six seven thousand a month range and I could really do comedy and really you know like this will really help me I still got my nights to myself this job meant the world to me

I fucking went there elbows and assholes brother you know me dog I just don't talk to talk I walked a walk I sold four cars and four days I made like 2,000 fucking bucks First week, I think I made $2,800. Second week, I think I made like $2,400 selling cars. I mean, this was a great job. It was easy. It was for people that kind of had bad credit, so they paid a little extra financing,

and you made money on the financing. It was going to be a perfect job. It was already like December 15th, and I had made $5,000, and I was going to go off, and this is it. This is going to be my sales job. I got myself a sales job. I got my comedy career going.

Everything's going on track. Finally, Sprinkler decides to have a Christmas party. December 18th, December 17th, one of those days we're going to have a Christmas party. We're going to sell cars until three. And then from three to 70s is going to have to spread out food, the whole fucking thing. I get there. Everybody got T-shirts on. I think I sell a car.

And all of a sudden, we closed down and we're about to have a party. And it's still cool out. It's still, you know, 60 degrees out. It's Colorado. It's 60 degrees. In fact, it's so cool out, we're playing basketball. We're playing basketball. All of a sudden, you know, more people kept coming, you know, like the sprinklers party, more people kept coming.

It's 1993. Who's at the fucking party? Who looks at me and goes, you remember me, man? I go, yeah. shotgun dug and he looks him and he goes hey man don't call me fucking shotgun and I go all right I won't say nothing so now we're playing basketball and we're covering each other right I'm covering him he's covering me I'm pretty fucking good in basketball even though by this time I'm 30 something I'm not fat I still got a few

moves and shit I'm taking him to the hoop I'm out rebounding him he's making little comments he said oh you guys got good playing learning how to play ball in prison. Bro, my blood pressure went up. 2000 over 2000. So I started calling him a shotgun dug. Shotgun, what's the story? He's like, don't call me shotgun.

I go, well then check your fucking words too. And he looks at me. He goes, I can say whatever the fuck I want. I go, remember 10 years ago when you said at the car hall and your buddy's head almost flew off his fucking shoulders? And he's like, that was them, but this is now? and all this shit. We're playing basketball.

And I'm like, I can't lose his fucking job. I can't say nothing to this kid because I can't lose the job. But now, the guy that owned the fucking place, whatever his name is, is outside also. And he's watching, we're playing three on three. And he's watching us playing this fucking game. And finally the guy goes,

yeah, Joey got really good in prison. And dog, I was never so fucking embarrassed in my life. I waited. And also everybody goes, yeah, the game is over. all right, let's go inside and eat. And we all got dressed and shit. And, you know, it's just your regular carolot with like a trailer.

You ever see like they all have a trailer, like a metal trailer? And fucking, you know, wheel is my boss. Jim's there. You know, and I love Jim to death. And we're all talking, we're eating, I don't know, pizza, whatever, Mexican food. And I'm so fucking pissed.

A shotgun, Doug, because he ratted me out. He told everybody I had been to prison. I was so fucking embarrassed. Plus, I still ought him a smack to the face from fucking 83 in the fucking Crestwood that day. So I look at him, I go, Doug, you want to smoke a joint? He goes, he looks at me kind of weird. But he's a stupid fuck. Me, not knowing me, knowing I went to prison, and whatever, knowing what we had just gone through,

I wouldn't have smoked the joint with me. But he agreed. He goes, yeah. I go, let's go around the back. So old man sprinkler, I don't see us. I get him around the back. I go, you ever saying to anybody about me going to prison again? He goes, fuck you.

I grab him by his ears like I grabbed a dude in prison who had the long hair, dirty hair. I grabbed him by the fucking back of the ears. And I pounded his head against that cunt, that fucking trailer like 20 times until fucking sprinkler came running out with Jim Wheeler. Jim Wheeler grabbed me off him. Sprinkler grabbed me off him. Shotgun Doug was crying. He was fucking crying.

I go, yeah, now don't call, you know, you were fucking telling people I went to prison. How's it, you know, I told you not to tell people. How's it feel now, motherfucker? And he's like, well, fuck you. You were calling me shotgun. I'm like, but I didn't mean it like that. I just thought that's what they called you. I didn't mean it like that.

But you know what, man, as I was walking away, like I looked at him. And I'm like, you know what? Fuck this punk. Karma just got served. I got fired. The fucking guy came up and he was like, you can't raise your handy on my lot. I'm going to have to fire you.

He's like good friends with me. And I told him, I said, bro, it was just a misunderstanding. There was no customers. He didn't know who he was talking to. It took me fucking 10 years because I was still mad at him from that night when he called me a fucking Yankee.

I had never heard that expression before. I'm like, what the fuck is a Yankee? I never heard that before. Like, we don't like you fucking Yankees. So it took me 10 fucking years almost to the date. It was like 10 years and too much from the time he called me fucking Yankee to the time I banged his head off the trail.

I lost my job. They paid me. I didn't go to jail. How did he get invited? He was in the car business. When he got out of prison, he got, listen, the car business, when you go to prison and you get out of jail

and you really are a human being, like you really need to work, the car business is nine, 10 the only place that'll take you can make a hundred grand cooks yeah he was making he was working for a wholesaler since we sold cars retail he was working for a wholesaler and that's how he ended up in this fucking party but it's a small fucking world brother that's why you never know that's why don't get pissed be patient and you never know they call dumpo dog yeah now they call them whatever dug fucking poor dug i banged his head like 20 times off that fucking wall

That's when I was fucking buck wild too. Anyway, that's my story about karma, and that's Uncle Joey's joint Tuesday, January 27th. Listen, we made another fucking month, man. That's all I'm happy about. January's done. January's behind us. Next time I'll see you guys as February fucking 1st.

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Take a hike.