The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 04/08/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #69

Episode Date: April 9, 2013

Adult Star Tabitha Stevens calls in to talk about taking leaps of faith and changing your life. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount. Streamed lvie on 04/08/2013

Hit it, bitches. It's Monday. April fucking 8th. Here you go, bitches. The church of what's happening now, my man Lee Syatt, aka the flying Jew, fuck Passover.

And you got your host, the king of fucking swing, mad flavor. Hit it, Lee. Little something for these motherfuckers on Monday morning. What? Oh shit.

Spark that number. Watch that fucking asshole. Do it. Little Angus Young. Young. Young. Are you fucking kidding me or what? The coffee should be ready.

The toes should be fucking washed. The joints should be rolled. It's Monday. What do you got to lose? Take a chance. Columbus did, cock sucker. What the fuck do you got to lose? You're sitting there.

Hit it, Angus. What? Are you? And I got a Cheebo Chew. This fucking podcast sponsored by Onet. Go to Onet.com and get your fucking... Hit it. Hit it.

One more time for us. It's Monday, brother. Loos enough. Take the stick out of your ass. Fuck it. You fucked up last week? You got another week. And if nobody don't like it, fuck it.

They don't have to like it. You're the one at the fucking supermarket by yourself with that fucking envelope. Here you go a little bon scott on you. In the garden. This is how we do it, motherfuckers. Just blasting this music. Get up, dance. Stretch a little.

Do a jumping jack. Leave one quick one with Uncle George. Quick jumping jack. You hear your pants on. Come on, come on. Come on, Lee. Jump, you fuck. Jump.

What's happening, brother? Not much, buddy. I had a great weekend, but I want to hear about yours first. You had the exciting one here. Fucking excitement. I was in Nashville. I was in the sticks. Fucking Nashville's a great city.

Nobody's been to Nashville. Tennessee is a great city. Yeah, because you love music, so that must be like... I love music. But, you know, every... Like, I've been to Memphis for music. I never really rocked it out in Nashville. Like, I've been down to that big street where people talk about.

I've never been there. Fucking nice. beautiful. When you make a turn onto that street and you're up above the hill and you see down all the lights, it's like a section, it's beautiful. Nice people, great fucking food. Oh, I love the self. I went to this play Jimmy Kelly used to eat the first night with my

niece and my wife fucking tremendous. We took our niece out to dinner. My niece, they're from Bradford by Myelin and all that shit. Okay. And it was just amazing. It was amazing and it broke my heart to leave because I saw my wife's parents

with the baby. Oh, yeah. And I never had a grandmother or grandfather or fucking cousins. She had three her cousins there that were picking her up, singing a song, playing with her. Because I was killing you without your daughter and your wife last week. You were happy for like a day or two. And then I could tell you like, fucking, I miss those guys. The house is quiet. You know, you've had noise for 90 fucking days straight.

You worry, you know? And then when I had to leave, I was worried about the cats. You know, when I'm on the road, I worry about those fucking cats. Oh, yeah. Because there could be an earthquake, a hole in the ceiling, one of the, and leaves, you know, and we're driving back, and I'm worried about the cats, and I see a fucking dead cat on the road, and my heart stopped, you know. But it was great.

Nashville, fucking Zanis, is a fucking great club. Oh, cool. It really is. That is, you know, what happened to me there was in 98, I walked in there with Stanhope. Okay. And I had an open for him, and I ate dick, and I got turned off. Right away, when you eat dick and you're a young comic, you think the people aren't cool. Yeah, you blame it on that.

Yeah, it wasn't their fault. It was my fault. You know, I went out there, cock. or too dirty and I didn't know it was part of the Bible Belt and you fuck up this show is 1115 so if you're not dirty you're not gonna be there anyway my mistake You don't say you're there for a reason you're fucking cock sucker how about you in Vegas talk to me I we I had a I had a great time because I and there's some history of it in my family and part of it's the food But I I love addicted to stuff I love gambling I fucking I love it I'm always gonna love it and that's why I can't go that often because I actually I ended up on top, which is fucking unbelievable for Vegas.

But it's dangerous for me there. But I love it. It's a... But I know if it was my choice, I would never leave the casino I'm at. And I don't understand walking up another street. Oh, yeah, that's the fucking... Listen, we were talking about this before going away on vacation with people or certain people. Yeah.

So, yeah. I love my friends. They're great people. But when you're going to do something like Vegas, it's not going to be like the hangover, but you can't go with people who don't like that sort of stuff. You don't go somewhere where it's the gambling mecca and the drinking mecca and the having fun mecca with people who are... Don't have that. Don't have that gene.

And that's fine. I don't have that gene. You do know that. I don't have that gene. Like, I fucking first time I went to Vegas, I knew it wasn't me. Well... That's a weird... I went out when I was younger.

And I found out a buddy of mine was in a bathroom doing blown. only got arrested and I had no interest of ever going there because I knew they watched you in the bathroom. Oh yeah, well they watch you're everywhere. So I had no interest in it. You're saying, Joey, it's very sad that you won't go somewhere because of drugs. Then I went back. I used to work for a sports betting service. Okay. We would go once a fucking month with 14 guys. Jesus Christ. And I'd be so fucking embarrassed. At this time, I was, you know, it was 20 years ago. I was 30-something. And here I would go to Vegas and all I'd want to do is get my pipe smoked. and get a grandma blow and lock myself in the room.

You follow me? But I'm not a hookah guy. I'm not a strip club guy. No, yeah. So I would basically go, walk a little bit, play a slatter to, get something to eat and go to my room and do blow. Oh. And they would make you go to Circus de Slai and make you go to strip clubs,

and I fucking hated it. See, I'm not a party guy. Like, I don't go to the bar. They give you free drinks at the tables. I'd be very, all I did basically, was I stayed up for 24 hours one day because I just go from the sports book, which I'm terrible at,

to the blackjack table and back. And I get Magers, Marks, and Coke. I give the waitress a dollar chip every time and she comes back every 20 minutes. And I can't tell it. There's a sense of family at the blackjack table, like especially around 4 in the morning and everyone's drunk and giving high fives.

It's called like the party pit. There's like this like 80s hard walk section of the, the casino I was at, and I was there every night to like four or five in the morning, and I love every minute of it. I was thinking on the way back how much I'd have to make and how much I have to spend if I could go every weekend and win an extra like five or six hundred bucks. I was going through my head if I could do it.

It's amazing that you were thinking like an addict. Oh, absolutely. I was telling you that, you know, when you live like that, you have to live, sort of like I live now. It's a daily thing. Oh, yeah. I enjoy that. A lot of people don't like that.

A lot of people can't live without that guaranteed at the end of the week. Yeah. I was one of those guys until I was about 20. I was about 20. I said, what are you fucking kidding? I can make eight bucks now. Or I could take a chance. Columbus did.

Some days you make 40. Some days you make 400. But at the end of the week, it's better than $250 a fucking week. Yeah, I met this guy there who, probably maybe late 20s. And he'd been there for like 10 years. He's every day. He's at the sports bet. He says he makes $50.

a day, just guaranteed basically on that because he makes smart bets and he spends all day studying it. And then he said he plays 80 hours of poker a week. And that's how he banks his money. He uses the sports bet as a way to pay bills. And my friends didn't understand it.

And I totally did. If you were going to make a minimum wage or spend all day gambling and I would do that in a second. I would do in a second. Listen, you're stuck at a fucking wage. Here's a chance for you to make the... You know, first of all, the will you have to have when you wake up every morning is a fucking nightmare.

Yeah. Because I didn't like it. When I was 18 and 19, I was good at hustling, but I didn't like hustling. I didn't like it. I thought you loved it. At this age, I wanted to be Joe fucking Wasp. I wanted a day job. I wanted a 401k, but I was too stupid.

Not too stupid. I didn't have the formal education. I could always get a fucking job. I could get a job flipping. You know, when I got out of high school, the big thing for my buddies was going into a lot of them were pretty smart guys. So I went to the stock market and all that in Florida and up north. And they would always offer me shit. I had a job bartending at 21 that would pay 60, 70 grand in the city.

It's union bartending. Only I didn't know the opportunities of 60,000, 70,000. I wanted to make that in a month selling Coke. You know, I was too stupid to do that. At the time, it was just too much. Now, if I really sat down, I could build an empire, sell them below a 50, but who wants that around you at this age? I don't need that in my wife now.

But a lot of people don't know the thing of getting up in the morning and going, I'm at zero. I got to get up and rock the house. Go to breakfast, grab a newspaper, look at the fucking lines, you know, put your fucking bed in. Yeah, and you said you, we talked a little bit, and I'm awful at it, and I should have called Danny B. But the only real way to make money is either put down $10,000 on a game. One game. Or the thing I did as an idiot, which is do parlays, and you hit three out of four every time, like a frigging retort. an idiot. That you're throwing away your money.

And then what I did is, is I'm only betting 20 or 40 a game, but as as soon as you see one of your parlias lose, you're like, oh shit, I go, but another one. And it's fucking, it, uh, I lost like 300 one day. And then that, that was the night I didn't sleep. I was up until, oh, you're a Jew. I was in the system. I went

from the sports bet, and I went to a black deck table, and I didn't sleep until 11 a.m. The next day. I love it. I love staying up that late. And there's so many people up at the, at the casinos, it never ends. And it's a different zone. Oh, it's awesome. Nighttime is beautiful.

I love being up at night. It's like a fucking zone. You can hear the echofelia in the fucking air or whatever the fuck's in the air. You could feel it. Somebody was explained to me once that when you, I live with cats. Yeah. So cats are alert at night. When I come home at 2 in the morning, sometimes I sit there, sometimes I don't have to turn the TV in them. They're on fire, and I can feel it. And I walk into that. And I'm there fucking around with them. It's three in the morning.

I'm there throwing a ball or hugging them or kissing them and they're biting me, you know? Yeah. It's amazing when I was telling you, I just missed Finney, because Finney was the one that would always bite me at three in the wall and shit. He's been dead for two months now. Three months. My daughter's three months today. Can you imagine?

Is she really? Three months, fucking old today. Little I want to be around for that. Let's get this fucking day going. Get up, bitches. You got the world by the balls. I don't care what fucking situation you're in, because you know what? You're a fucking lie.

Fuck. Take the safety then off. Hit it, cock-sucker. A little Cheebo-Doo, double dose. Lee, what's this story? Hold on it. You gotta take a bite on Uncle Chip. I'm not gonna take a bite.

Take a little tip to you sleep. You gave me a little bit and I was fucking stone for about eight hours and I gotta go to work tonight. I'm gonna let you do the cheap oh two by yourself. You were so stoned when you love my house the other day. Stop crying, alright. I'm not crying. You're just giving the strongest, most concentrated piece of shit in the world and you think it's funny that I get to the fucking meeting we're at 45 minutes early because I'm nervous about driving.

What am I do with you? You're gonna stop giving me the... most concentrated shit that you can have because you've been doing it for 30 years. I've been eating pot for a year. You've been smoking pot for 30 years. Smoking, it's two different fucking things. Yeah, well, it's the body of Christ. There's the church of what's happened now.

The power of Christ compels. You got to eat a little tip. You got people already tweeting me. Say, fuck, bleed, throw them out the window, stab them. No, they don't. You know, I got a knife, four feet from here. Everyone's nice. Look at this.

You're the only, you're the only thing. It's funny to see how I get. Looks like a chocolate. Take a little tip from the bite. How about giving it another thing? No, fucking no. Like a little tip. That's what you even last time. No, no, I'm going to give me half of that.

No, I can't. I'm not eating shit. I'm not eating it. Look at it. I got to go to work tonight. Look at how small. No. Look at that.

That's a little dick, that's for you. That's for you. Look at what we're eating. People at home. I'm eating this fucking little piece of cat shit. And Lee's going to eat the tip and he's still fucking crying. Come on. No, I can't.

I have to go to work tonight. I can't. I'll do. I'll leave you and I'll throw the knife in him. stab you and the T.HC will sip into your bloodstream. How about that? That sounds great. You fucking... And people are like, oh, you should eat with Joey.

You don't understand how fucking strong this is. It's Monday, you cock's up. You gotta get the people. That's it. Wait, I see your... Wait till I see your dixia. What? What? You can't...

I'm gonna talk it behind your head. That's because you get to go home and take a nap. What nap? I gotta go to fucking sunset. I gotta rip the house up today. What are you doing on sunset? I gotta go to fucking for a hearing text. Remember what I got there?

You're gonna be raising your hands of things that don't exist. after eating that thing. You can hear I want to be around and then I'd be like Mr. Diaz, you don't have the headphones on, and the hair test isn't starting yet. I ate one of these last night at about 5 o'clock, and I went home and answered like 85 fucking emails.

Oh, you were tired last night when you called me. Oh, I was lit. I was, you know, I don't sleep on the fucking road. The night before, the show was supposed to 1115. It started 1145. I didn't get off-states until 1.30 in the morning. I basically went back to the room, closed my eyes, and got up, and it was five months.

the fucking morning. It was five in the morning, but you know what I made to tell you what I got out of this trip? What? I made somebody's year. I made my wife's year. Really? You know, yeah, I really took care around this trip. I went all out for her. The family was happy.

I got on these guys. That's 16 years old. And I got to tell you, I'd known her since she's, you know, two. You know, I've been dating, Terry. And when she was six, we started talking a little more. and talking. I've always liked it.

Because at that age, you can finally start having a conversation with them. I've always liked that. You know, Terry's got a brother, and she didn't have a father. The mother and her broke up, and the father moved to whatever, so it was like my situation, but I always have a sore spot for Kristen. And Kristen has a boyfriend now. She's 16, so she called me. Did she go scare him a little bit? No, no, no.

She called me, and she's like, Uncle Joe, you know, he's nice, and you can't fuck with him. And she didn't tell me that. She's a great little girl, you know. and I was worried about it. She has potential to go to college for basketball. Oh, really? Yeah, she's 4.0 student, you know, Spanish. She'll call me up with that accent.

Uncle Joe, what is romantic I mean? And I just fucking crack up, you know, I'm just dying. It's like a reality show when I talked around the phone. It really is. I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. But on the drive back, the boyfriend called, and, I mean, I thought she was 16. You know, what the fuck do you want?

I know about a 16 year old girl. Oh. She impressed the living shit out of me. Really? That's not what I expect. Did you say? Her boyfriend's 20, man. No.

What? The boyfriend's 20 for starters. She's 16. When we went to eat, my wife, lap, so she could turn. She's like, you're cool, Uncle Joey. And she was just telling me what's going on in her life. But she doesn't like that the guy plays video games. She's 16, okay?

Okay. And she's like, Uncle Joe, you know, can I ask you a question? She goes, mom. My aunt Terry said, you don't play video games. Why don't you play video games? I said, you know, my attention span. But I explain to you what I tell people about life. That's the beauty about life, that we all don't like the same shit.

Yeah. You know, we have our own things. And she's like, no, you don't understand. He works three days a week. And he's going to go back to school next year. Oh. But he plays video games all the fucking day and all night. And then sometimes I call him.

He's asleep. So we got in the car and something happens. fucking he called her and she's like uh did you go for that thing today he's like no he goes you know why you didn't go because you were playing video games and all this and she's just and it was just amazing when she got off the phone to hear this little 16 like i'm gonna have a call to podcast oh great because she's i i took the mother off once the next day and i go you did a great job of this girl doesn't want to go to her senior class trip she thinks it's fucking gay a junior class trip to whatever. She wants to go to Florida with

the mother, to Disney World with her nieces or something like that. Just her attitude to see, I don't like kids living ahead of their time, but they got to think. I was that way, and I'm sure you were that way. Oh, please. I was fucking hard. I didn't go to my eighth grade graduation. Did you know that at least I am?

Wasn't that because you had to do it twice or something? No, because I went to basketball camp. Oh, that was that one. That was why, because I didn't like that. It sounded good on paper to me. I never went to any of my primes. Okay. I never went to. It sounds.

good on paper, but what I thought about, it gave me fucking anxiety. No, let me ask you something. Go ahead. I was fine with the boyfriend thing until you said he's 20 and she's 16. I was fine with it too, but they both go to church together. They're both in the same church group or some shit. I was talking

about that with my friends this weekend. I don't think when you're in your 20s, anything below 18, like it just seems like there's something wrong there and it's not on her part because I understand. why it's alluring for her but as a 20 year old you're dating someone who's just able to drive they've known each other for a while and I asked I go to a lot of your girlfriends date uh older guys

and she goes I have three of my friends that date 19 year olds and 20s and I go those your grandpa have something against it oh please how the fuck do you for the thing I feel you know he's 20 getting 16 year old pussy that's wrong no yeah but they both go to the same church group together they both that same church dynamic. One thing about my niece, he's a fucking Bible beater. Okay. She doesn't talk to you about it. We don't even discuss it. She's told me she's watched some of the

videos and whatever, but no, no, no, she's a little bit of a Bible beater, which I have nothing against. As long as it keeps her in school, you know, that's the biggest area for fucking meth. Is it really? Yeah. That part of the fucking Tennessee, she says you could smell the downwind.

Oh, shit. In the mornings. You could smell... Like the cooking it? Yeah, the cooking it and stuff like that. Fuck. So, you know, it's very interesting to see a... I always have this illusion of what kids are like, and then I ran into a fucking brick truck with this bitch. Yeah.

Because she's like a little Nazi butt. I also seen the resemblance to my wife. Okay. My wife is a strong-willed bitch. All four of those sisters. The two sisters, the mother, you know why? They're Indian. That's a difference.

Terry's very sweet on page. But Terry's a bitch when it comes to her. She's my wife and I'm telling you this. You know what I'm saying that in a weird way? No, no, no, no, no, no. She's a fucking, when it comes to work and taking care of shit, like last night my wife goes,

so what's going on this week? And I just started spitting names out to her, who had to send a check to her, whatever. And she just started writing checks. My wife and me have that same demeanor. When it's time to fucking rock, it's time to rock. This time's I call her at work.

And she'll tell me, what is it that you want? and my feelings are going to hurt for three minutes and then I realized A, I know her And B, this is why I married her Because I didn't want a fucking candy coat You never want a candy coat So I've seen the connection Which make me find love with them even more across the board

I love my great I love my mother-in-law My mother-in-law is My mother-in-law is the old lady From Outlaw Josie Wales The old Indian lady I think it's Outlawed Josie Wells I'm not sure

Somebody please correct me on Twitter. Oh yeah, yeah, the Outlaw Josie Wales when he goes to the store to buy the goods and she asks the lady, you're the guy that they're looking for. You know, there were some people here looking for you and he goes to pay her

and she goes, no, no, no, no. Catch me on the next time. She tells him something but what she wraps it around is I'll see you again. You're a bad motherfucker. I'll catch you on the way back. And I don't know. You have to look it up on YouTube.

he goes to a general store and she's an old lady and I think she's doing it she's either smoking a cigar she's doing something fucking crazy what's going on it sounds like the ocean sounds like how about the beach

or is this fucking chandy chew already fucking hit me I have no idea yeah no your wife is very cool but when you were talking about your niece the first thing I thought was um is it

I know there's a little bit of an age difference but it seems like like with your first daughter and her, there might be like a, is that, do you gravitate towards your niece because of that? I gravitate towards young girls at that age because of that. Uh-huh. Because I ask them questions just to see what my daughter would be like at that age or whatever.

Yeah. I've always been very respectful. I've always been a fucking young girls guy. Like, I always get along with young girls. I have another niece, Jay Lynn. Okay. And she's three. And I made, you know, those YouTube videos, the camera I have, the blogging.

It's all with Jay Lynn. Oh, that's awesome. And I can't put it on YouTube because people are going to shoot me. But it was her singing and all that shit. And usually, last time I was there, she was kicking me out of basketball game. And her mom's like, she don't kick nobody. But that's what I bring out in kids. And I don't give a fuck.

At least I bring something out of them. It's because you're a 50-year-old kid. I mean, you're serious. But you're a goofy motherfucker. Oh, please. I love fucking around with kids and talking to them. By the way, anybody watch, before I even get this going, because I might fucking break down.

We got seven minutes. Anybody watched 60 minutes last night? If you didn't want 60 minutes last night, it was fucked up. What was last night? Fucked up, Lee. It was about, it was about the shootings in Sandy Hook.

Oh, no. Oh, the parents went on. I saw the problem for that. Oh, my God. And Jeremy Lynn. It was just a great 60. Listen, guys, I watched TV. But, listen, since I was 10,

there's not a lot of shit. I fucking like watching, okay? If I want to watch some, I watch Bill Maher's HBO show. I'm going to tell you what I watch religiously, because it cuts my news in half. It's the news that I really want to hear. It's the politics that I really want to hear when I like Bill Maher. All right, so you heard it from. And I like Diane Sawyer.

I was just going to like... Diane Sawyer is like listening to Lexington. It's too commercial for me right now. So I got to go to whatever. But my other, I cut through the chase. And I go straight to fucking 60 minutes. And sometimes 60 minutes sucks. But sometimes I have a terrorist on their son.

This last week, I taped. I didn't know if I was going to be home I didn't know if I was going to be asleep and I come into the room last night I'm watching my wife hold the baby as tears are running out of her face and I knew what it was already I looked and I go fuck

and I sat down and I watched these people and talking about it and oh my fucking God I would never want to trade my life with those people but there was one lady who really fucking hit home with me and she spoke about

the kid he asked he he's great I'm crying a 60 minute and say he looks like Anderson Cooper. He might be a little gay. But who the fuck does, right? He might suck a couple more poles than fucking Anderson. And I love Anderson Cooper too, by the way. Let me blow my nose.

I didn't put my drops in this one. Yeah, because the Sandy Hook thing happened right when your daughter was about to be born or just had been born. I don't remember the thing. 1214. 1214. And if you put it together, it's 26, the number of lives that were lost. So, uh...

Jesus Christ. The fucking guy goes. How do you live with yourself? The lady goes, you know, some morning, someone's going to crawl in a hole and whatever, how you would when you have a loss. But the one lady goes, you know,

and it was funny because yesterday when I got over the afternoon, I was looking for all the papers. I was looking, I had weed, and I was looking for all the papers, and I wanted this drawer, and I wanted this little compartment there, and you'll notice that I have a little shrine

to all my brothers that are dead, you know? And I just put a new one last week. I had to put George Berkler in there. So I put this I look at this little picture And it's Anthony Bousanel He was in the eighth grade when he died But he was by Gumba

And I looked at the picture And it was like In my mind I didn't know he was dead I didn't psychologically tell myself he was dead I told myself that I'll see I gotta see Anthony soon

Wait wait you were thinking that The other day Before the fucking Sandy Hook Even came on yesterday When I get I got it in 11 I 10 and I started cleaning the house

and whatever. Then I started going on the computer to catch up on what I was missing, emails, and I was looking for papers. You know how I was rolling to join before to get the party started? I'm looking for the papers, and I saw that his picture was twisted.

I have a little thing of all my soldiers, and his picture was a little twisted, and it's a picture of him with his eighth grade graduation picture. Okay. And in the back of my mind, I just took him for granted and I go, I'll see him later.

Like, I always think like that. Like, these people of me aren't really dead. They're around me, and that's what she was saying. he goes, he goes, how do you deal with this? And she goes, this is how I deal with this. He's around me, I talk to him. I feel his fucking warped.

He's not gonna. This is how I made believe my mother was around. And when I was a kid, I was an only child, how I made believe my father was still around. By, you imagine, you don't imagine, you dream. You don't even dream. You put it somewhere else

that these people are still alive somewhere, and you feel they're warmed. And when she said that, I knew I wasn't fucking crazy. That's what I'm trying to say on a Monday fucking morning here. Jesus Christ. But it was just, it was beautiful. Then the Lensalry thing was even better.

Oh, the basketball player. You know this kid was a player every year in California and didn't get one's fucking scholarship? Jesus. Did you know? I didn't know that. I didn't know nothing about this kid. You know, he was by the Golden State, whatever, Apollo's Alto's area. Okay.

Stanford didn't fucking offer him, well, God, to UCLA. And he could play on the year. Yeah. Went to Harvard. Went to Harvard because they offered him a position of the mask. the war fucking team. The kid's phenomenal. I don't fucking, I didn't know he was the player of the year in California, but that's likely

you know how big fucking California is. There'll be black people in California. And a Chinese guy fucking wins the player the fucking year of water. You fucking getting me. Lee, what's the music? It'll be a little fucking El Raton Chale Feliciano live. That movie was on last night. Soul Power

was on VH1 and I turned it on as fucking James Brown was coming on. But today we're going to listen to a little Carlos. It's a hit it, brother. Where's the reef, Lee? He's not. No, if you have a chance to watch the Sandy Hook, they watch it. Oh shit, me.

What's the story, Lee? You want to smoke on the number with Uncle Joey? Yeah, absolutely. We got a caller. We got a fucking great call today. Yeah. It's a beautiful day to be alive. What else?

Get the fuck up. Get the fuck up. It's over. Listen to fucking George Santana on heroin. Listen to the shit. There's a great little fucking video. This is great, yeah. It's, uh...

Yeah, that's crazy. I don't think I can watch that, to be honest. So, and I read something terrible this morning, and I just read a short little blurb about it. There's been a lot of people of kids recently committing suicide, uh, being bullied and, uh, and stuff. And this little girl wrote a note, I don't know how old she was, but she said it wasn't your fault.

It was the bully's fault. Like you were a great mom. but then she hung herself on a tree that she knew her bus would pass by and I just, it's, uh, that stuff fucking destroys me. I, because I, I was bullied.

I mean, and I never thought about killing myself, but it's, uh, fuck no, you know, you're like, play blackjack and eat fucking, uh, chicken cutlets and shit like that, you're bad motherfucker you. Um, yeah, that,

that stuff always destroys me, but one thing I wanted to ask you quickly, because I don't know if you even have that much to say about it. Um, but all this, this, Rutgers basketball coach thing that's going on. It doesn't bother me at all.

That's what a coach is supposed to do. He was throwing it at the feet. He didn't, in all the videos, I didn't really see anything. I had an elementary school, a gym teacher who was from the Army, and the thing he would do, he would take a basketball. And if you weren't paying attention, he would never hit anyone, but it would go right over your head. And everyone loved him. His name was Mr. Die. And these kids could transfer that I had no problem with the coach acting like that.

To be honest. I have no problem with a coach doing a lot of things. You can't fucking touch me. Can't fucking touch me, Lee. You can't fucking touch me. Okay. You can't fucking touch me.

Nobody should be able to fucking touch you. Then why did they stay? Because they're under a fucking agreement. It's like a fucking poor chick with a rich old fucking guy that's got nowhere to go. It's like a battered fucking woman that's got nowhere to fucking go sometimes. Are you thinking of that seriously?

Me? I would have knocked that motherfucker out like we did in high school. You know, Mike Runny. I'll call him right now. He's smacking. the fuck out of the baseball coach. And that would have been fine too.

I've seen Louis Alava punched the fucking principal in the seventh fucking grade, okay? You never let nobody touch you. Never. I don't give a fuck. Okay. That's your body. That's your fucking body. Oh,

oh shit. Oh shit. Is this my sexy girl? I decided not to wear any clothes to church today. You're not supposed to wear fucking clothes. to church. I got to wear clothes just because I'm fucking

here, and leaves in the room. If not, I'd be over here scratching my nuts, sniffing my fingers. You know how we're doing, beautiful? Oh, yeah, I saw your tweet about how you need to clip your fingernails. That's right, because you never know if you... Sure, you never know. I always stick my finger up my ass when I have sex. Sure, not my own ass,

just I wiggle outside to get the party started, you know what I'm saying? Sometimes you got dead dick, you did one too many lines of coke and you're eating that monkey, you got to put a little pinky in your ass just to motivate things down there. My girl is calling in today. How are you, my friend?

I am doing very, very well. How are you? I know you had a busy trip. It's a busy weekend. Yeah, everything. You know, when you fucking got to do shit with the family and carry packages, I was carrying teddy bears and kids.

Kid, it was pretty great. It was great to be in Tennessee of my wife. How was your weekend, my love? I'm trying to remember what I did. I was in San Francisco. I'm like, my love. My brain is like a big whirlwind. But, yeah, no, it's great.

Which the weather is better. You know, I'm saying. Were you here in California? Were you in Las Vegas or were you in New York for the weekend? I couldn't understand what you'd said. No, I was in San Francisco. I live in Las Vegas, and I will be going back to New York, actually. So, yes, I do all of them.

And you were originally from New York? Originally, yeah, from Long Island. So I have that, like, accent. If I really wanted to come out, only when I'm going. Okay, no, no, I heard it the other day on the phone, so he must have had a glass of wine, did you? I wanted to say what... Well, I guess I'm contacting, yes. Just to let you know, you're the first adult princess to ever call in, you know?

Really? So it's an honor to have you on. Yeah, yeah, I've never really had anybody from the industry call. You know, I go on Sam Tripoli's show, and I go on the shows, and there was always a lot of girls called in, so I didn't want to step on his toes, but when Kenji called in and I spoke to him, him and he spoke highly of you and I looked at some of your work and I was fucking impressed but what impressed me to both about you when we started talking the other day and how sharp you were you're a sharp little fucking tack thank you well when you took a lot of cock you got to

get that way it just kind of happens it kind of hits it's up in your brain and it goes way deep down your throat and it hits up you know when it blow the load and then it kind of sparks something in you and you see things clear now I'm joking um but Seriously, yeah, thank you. But yeah, you know, it's like Ken is my ex-husband. I was married to Ken. He's my second husband. I've been married four times.

And Ken and I stayed cool, where we're friends. And when he told me, he was on your show, I'm like, get out. I'm like, Joey's funny as fuck. I'm like, really? And he's like, yeah, like, is it cool? Because I go on. And he's like, yeah. And it was actually my friend, you know who Shibouti is?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, he's awesome. So Shibouti was the one he tweeted. And he tweeted me, he's like, your ex-husband's on Joey's show right now. I'm like, he is? You know, and I was just like, no.

You know, so I just like, right on. And then I got a hold of Karen and, I'm like, you got to hook me up with Joey. I got to be on Joey show because I like it. And so he's like, okay. So it worked out very well. Thank you so much for having me on. No, thank you. But it was funny.

You know, what we do on this show is just, you know, Tabbata, I don't know when you talk to different people, when you talk to some girl. I mean, I don't know how to say this. You've been around. You follow I'm saying to you? You've been around the block. And sometimes you see a 20-year-old girl that's just getting into the industry or whatever you bump it,

so she's very sweet. And you know that something's not right there, but this person can do a lot more. Do you ever have that feeling about somebody? You're like, wow, this person can maybe do something better with themselves. And... You're out of the business? No, maybe in the business.

Maybe somebody is... You know, people evolve. Maybe they would be a good direction. or something, but it's really weird how people get stuck in their lives. You and I were having a conversation about divorce because I've been divorced once. I'll tell you, it was as devastating as losing my mother. The first divorce, I've never been divorced before, just my divorce. It was devastating because I lost everything, you know, emotionally and financially

and all this shit, and it was tough to recover. But the best thing about my divorce was, I got into comedy because I had nothing. I had nothing to lose. And you were telling me the story of the other day In between divorce is how you were married to a guy And you look beautiful And the guy wouldn't touch you and you lived like a princess He gave everything

Tell us the story I really love that thing Oh it's true I was married at age 23 And he was a nice guy And financially yeah It was great You know I didn't realize we had a lot of money

Actually he did I can't say me Because he's the one who really worked But I wasn't working I became a housewife and he was so busy working all the time and here I was going to the gym six days a week you know I had really long blonde hair

you know big boobs and I looked good I really took care of myself and he was what happened was he would go to work earlier in the morning and he would come home you know like about 5 o'clock in the evening

I had dinner you know he would take a shower and he'd fall asleep on the couch and I had to get him up and have him go to bed So our sex life really suffered. If we had sex once every three weeks, that was good. And when you're a newlywed and you're young, you know, the 23-24-year-old girl who's going to the gym and taking care of herself,

you feel like there's something wrong with you. You feel like it's you. And I went to psychiatrists. I was on Prozac. I would cry in front of the mirror every day for two months. I did. I cried every night before I went to bed. And I thought it was me.

And it really wasn't. And he was working to secure our future. Of course, I see that as I get older. But I just thought, you know what? I don't, I'm not happy. And I had friends approached me at the gym. He used to go to the gym who were in the adult business. And they asked if I would do a scene.

And actually, they asked if my husband would do the scene with me. And I said, no, you want to do it. But I wanted to see it. So I went and I got an HIV test. I had a test when you go to work. And this is back in the 90s. So this is 95. I went, and I was 25 years old, and I went from Vegas to California, got in a plane,

and saw a movie, watched them film it. I wanted to see how they did it first. He said, oh, I could do this. It was easy. Went in, and it was so natural to me just to go in and do a scene. And once I did the scene, I never went back home to my husband. I stayed in California. My mom moved me out of the house that I was in.

I told him to keep everything. I didn't even want my car. And, you know, he had a big house, everything. I'm like, I don't, you know, I want $60,000. That's all I want. It's $60,000. I don't want your IRAs. I don't need your business.

I don't want anything. You have 60 grand, and that's fine. And, but, like, we're being married over two years together, over three. That's not a lot of money. But I was like, you know what? I gave up everything. I went into something that I knew nothing about. I knew nothing about porn.

Not a damn thing. But I thought, you know what, this could be fun. And you know what? I will, because I'm going to work. I'm going to make a name for myself. I told myself that, and I did. So, yeah, it's kind of similar in a different way. Your story, you know what I'm saying?

But it's the same thing. It's really the same thing. You were there, you had everything, but you weren't fucking happy. And one day, a thing opened up, and it said, and whatever, it's in the adult business, you went, you fucking rocked it. Because I saw the one tape with you attacking some young guy or something, a delivery guy, I loved it. I fucking loved it.

You attacked it. You know, well, people understand. Anything is better than sitting on the fucking couch waiting for something to happen in your life? Anything. Oh, yeah, you're not going to get anywhere. Nothing. And you know what? And I get a lot of flack because it's porn.

And it's kind of like, and right now I'm doing other things like I direct show, I'll help direction. My husband's teaching me. My husband is a director, actually. But I produce shows. We have a regular show that we're working on now. I'll tell you about it later. My mom to announce what it is.

But it's more of a mainstream show. It has nothing to do with porn. But I get a lot of flack. because it's oh well can you've done something else besides like you know porn porn's distressing porn is that and I'm like if it's so disgusting then why do so many people watch it you know they're like really and I don't see it that way actually I feel more liberated and free from doing porn and I've made a lot of money I I've done well for myself I made a name for myself yeah there are a lot of that I've lost some respect from people yeah but those are the

people I don't want to be around anyway yeah no no no you're reading up with that Hey, the people I don't respect you, they don't stand out in line with you at Rouse and pay for your fucking groceries, so they could all suck your dick, or in your case, they can eat your ass. I'm the same way. I mean, I was a criminal,

and I know that growing up, I lost a lot of friends because of the things I did, but they're not there with a fucking hand down or they're not there helping you. In this life, you have to do whatever the fuck you've got to do, and now you evolved. I mean, yeah, you did it, but it was a stepping stone.

It's not like, there's two lives to every fucking job. Right now, 50. When I got into comedy tea, I got to be honest with you. I got into this to party. I wanted to be Lenny Bruce. I wanted to shoot everyone at night and hang out with strippers and jazz musicians at the Chelsea Hotel in New York

and I wanted to do comedy and that was what I wanted to do. This is why I got into this. I didn't get into this to have a kid and have a girlfriend and pay taxes and, you know, go to seminars. I paid this to this a fucking peer. I did this. Yep. And people don't they don't. They don't. They don't. And for you to say that, that people judge you to stop being, you know, I love when people stop being, my friend.

I fucking love it. I love when people go away. They can't take it. They can't take it. No, I love it. I love it. And I love when they disappear with no drama, you know, instead of confronting me and saying, I don't like how you live you alive.

I rather you go the fuck away because, you know, you weren't meant to be there anyway. That's why sometimes I'm heavy on people because I want to see if they'll hang out. If they don't hang out, fuck it. You weren't supposed to be around anyway. So what's this big thing you're working on? Talk to me, T. Oh, this big thing? Yeah.

I can't even talk about it yet. But all I can say is that 13 episode TV show. And we're working on it. We started, sorry, the voice is all cracked. I'm like, oh. I've got a load to the throat down to me. But so we're working on that now. We start filming next week, actually.

So it's going to take a while. But it's good because it's going to do well for me. So I'm actually self-financing our show. So just because of the performance, you know, it's so horrible, Joey, that I can't even finance my own show. But, yes, we're doing it ourselves, and it's pretty cool. Once I can tell you exactly what it is, I will let you know. I want to even come in to see you.

That's cool. I'm going to come and hang out with you. Yes, no, you can do whatever to fuck you want, but let me ask you something. And let me just, the beauty about this society that we're living in front of entertainer now, in any level is that you don't need anybody no more, T. You don't need anybody no more.

You know, you want to get your word out there. There's a webpage, you can write a blog, you'll take pictures of your asshole, you can stab other people and put them on there, and eventually, if you have enough belief of what you're doing, you'll get the word out there. Oh, yeah. No, I think that's social media, especially now, too.

It's like Twitter. It's huge. I don't like Facebook thing. Facebook thing bugs me. I don't want it, but I don't like it. No, but there's too many fucking Christians. on Facebook. I love you on Twitter. You're the real fucking deal. I say

like some anecdote like, hey, get up, wash your ass. It's a beautiful day to be alive. You just twit a picture your fucking ass the end of day. I woke up to a picture you ass and I would have bang one out, but I was in a rush. You follow me? Sometimes you just can't fucking bang one out when you, it's like carrying a body and moving around. But that's the

way to say hello to people on Twitter. Fuck all this nonsense. Have a great day. You saw somebody a picture your pussy for breakfast. You leave the fucking house with a different look on your face. You follow me? I just saw a chick's fucking monkey on there on Twitter. And nobody says nothing to you. I love it. I fucking love it.

Oh, yeah. You get the right half. No, I do that. When I reach a milestone, like, let's say I was at, look, Twitter's weird. Numbers just going up and down. It's really weird. Like, let's say I hit 80,000 dollars. That would post

to take care of the monkey. You know what I'm saying? But then I stayed up for, like, big numbers. But I always post the morning like I wake up. With some beautiful titties. Beautiful titties. with the sun shining on them.

Yeah, that's the night. See, I say good night. It's the lady. They're called the ladies. The ladies come on a pretty Tuesday. So, you know, and post-a-ditty-tits all day tomorrow. You know, so to me, it's kind of like it's a body. And if you can't put it take the body,

don't fucking click on going to look at it. That's how I see it. Oh, it's beautiful. I love that you do it. I fucking love it. That's why I became, when I saw that, I'm like, you know what? She's got it. She's got the fucking right attitude.

Fuck around. Fuck preaching, Nietzsche and all this shit. Here's a picture that'll get a smile on your face. Bam! I love you, T. From the bottom of my heart, and I'm happy you call then, and I want you to call him once a month.

I want you to give me a fucking... Make a portion up for me that you come and report to these church of what's happening now. Pick a movie of the month, or one of your favorite scenes, or a historic day and Tabitha Steven's life. I love to get you on here a lot more. I love you at all my heart.

Thank you, and I'll talk to you soon. What are you going to be in L.A.? When you're in L.A., tweet me, and we'll do something. Oh, you know what? We're doing a live podcast, so I love to get you on if you're in LA. We're doing it about the Ice House.

We just put up the Vinnie Curto, one of people liked that. We took, we got a nice recipe, and you would fit perfectly in one of those to tell a little bit of you. When are you doing those? Because I have a podcast, too, actually, that I do. I show you up my. Yeah, and I'm in Vegas Memorial Day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so then, yeah, let's get together and we'll just work everything out. Yeah, because I'm going to Vegas for the Memorial Day, but July 4th for sure for the year. UFC with Joe, we're doing a show. But, man, I think I'm just going to go and watch the fight, so I'd love to call you up, and if we could meet at the whole time, I'd love to do a podcast with you, wherever the fuck you do it, I don't give a fuck. I don't know if you do it live.

Oh, yeah, as long as I can do a topless podcast. Yes, I do a topless podcast, and I even take a nut sack out. You know me, I'm a fucking savage. I'll do it naked. You know what me, I don't give a fuck. I'm 50. You know, I'll show you some balls and it'll make fucking people cry. Oh, well, yeah, take those balls and take those.

Oh, please. I'll do a scratch and sniff. We'll do like a 3D section on the podcast where you can do a scratch and sniff. You can like an interactive screen. You can scratch my asshole and sniff your fingers. Whatever. I don't give a fuck. I'm Catholic. I love it. I'll cut my finger at all.

Are you a Catholic also? All right on. Awesome. All right. We'll talk. Have a great day. All right. Beautiful. Thank you. You too, sweetie. Okay, thank you. Bye, mama. So whatever the fuck you decide to do?

I mean, when she was telling me the story the other day, It was breaking up here. It was an amazing thing because she made a move. You know, when I was married, I was in hell. The first time, this time I think about it, Lee, and I get sick. I think about how I used, like how I like coming home now. Yeah. You don't know what it has to, you don't know what it is to have a life

when you don't like coming home because you don't like the person you're married to or the person you live with. Yeah, and the thing that sounded similar to yours, I mean, your ex-wife did some pretty shitty stuff with the baby afterwards, but when you broke up, it was kind of the same thing. Her husband, in reality, it didn't do much of anything wrong. He was working hard, and he wasn't fucking his hot wife, which I don't understand, but when you're working hard at what didn't happen,

you and your wife just weren't, our ex-wife, weren't meant to be together, and she did shady shit afterwards, but it was basically the same thing. You went and did comedy. I was done, guys, when I got divorced in 1991, That June, let's say that June of 91, I probably had every major credit card and a couple grand in the bank. I had zero debt. I didn't believe in debt then. Do you know that?

Yeah. I had zero debt. If I wanted something, I bought it. If I had a credit card, I bought a plane ticket, I paid it off at the end of the month. There was zero debt. I started with my credit from a college visa card. Once you get your first loan or your first program, you get a visa application, the mail, pre-approved, with a $100 bill if you sign it. they want you.

They want you out of fucking high school. They want to lure you in, you know. And I'm not kidding you. I never had no credit. I always got paid cash. I had bank accounts, but my mother's name. My mother had them and stuff like that. I wasn't one of those type of guys.

And what were we just talking about? I'm fucking out of here. About your divorce. No, no, no. I'm talking about the thing. But by a year later, I had all those 15 credit cards maxed. out. Really?

I was in so much fucking debt, guys. I mean, I'm not even kidding you. I was dying. I was selling drugs. I was doing comedy for $50 a fucking week. You know, every Tuesday, I had to broker for a stake, and the rest came out of Valiums. I sold Valiums. I sold Valiums, so I couldn't sell Valiums anymore. I'd get 100 of them for $200.

I'd sell them for... I don't even know. I don't even know what the money was at the time or whatever. But this is what made me get into comedy. Because I had done comedy that July. We broke up that October, but I was doing it as a hobbyist. Yeah. I would have become one of those people that I fucking hate in town. They do it, but they always have something else to do,

and they just have a business car and shit like that. When we broke up and I was confronted with nothing. And even then, I still didn't. It took me two years to really grasp what was going on in my life that I was going broke. And after I stopped feeling sorry for myself was when I said, I have nothing to lose now. I have nothing. Yeah.

I had nothing. I had a white Nissan 19 whatever fucking car. If it was in 91, think about it, Nissan, yeah, no, when there were Dotson.

Oh, that's how old the car was. I went from having an Accura, a brand new, and a brand new Ford truck to having a fucking Dotson. And that's how I got to come in 1994.

I got separated in 91. I didn't even really zip into comedy till maybe October of 93 was when I said, you know what? This is what I need to do. It's not getting any better. It's not getting any better.

The addiction was bad. The money for the kid was bad. I had nothing, so I might as well go for it. And I went for it. It's the best time to go for something. You got nothing. You got no way to fucking go. It can't get no worse than what it already is.

Exactly. And sometimes it gets better and sometimes it don't, but you'll never know until you fucking wrap your hands around and say, suck my dick. Am I lying? No, that's all you can do. Look at you with this gambling thing. You know, you like it.

And I know you're a smart guy. You can make a living off. You're going to take a couple of knocks. You're going to call a couple times and say, I need five grand for three points for a couple weeks because that's what you need your bankroll. The most important thing in a sports is a bankroll. As you learned, Parley's son dick. Oh, yeah. So you have to attack one game at a time.

And eventually you'll learn that the game that's on CBS, Not the game you want to bet. No. Most people say, I don't like bet that because I can't watch it. You follow me? So they highlight those games. Those are the games that have action on them. You got to bet the New Mexico States, the Wichita States, the fucking...

Even me, I called you in Syracuse. My friend said Syracuse going to upset them. It was close. But then it went, so it wasn't that fucking close. But the one time I won, they don't do it often, but they made a mistake. on like Friday or Saturday night, it was probably Friday. It was Oklahoma City playing the Indiana Pacers, and they had the Pacers favored by three.

You know NBA. I know a little bit. I know I'm more than a casual fan, but I knew that Indiana shouldn't be favored over Oklahoma City by three. So I bet, and I won like $2.50. And I was like, oh, shit, because, I mean, it was awesome. But it's kind of like with... And they say in Blackjack, you have to wait.

Like, you really have to have a lot of money to play because you're going to lose a lot in a row. And you have to wait until it gets good. You have to wait for that one time they make a mistake. Like he said, you told me not to bet parley's. He said, wait for that one game where they make a mistake. And put, you say, we say, like, put the house on that motherfucker. You just, that's how you have to do it. I think.

When gambling, the more you're dilly-dally, the more you're going to fucking lose. Don't, you have a high chance of losing? Straight up. Yeah. Can you imagine dilly down? Like, when I go to the track and I bet two trifectors. I'm Dilly Daly. Yeah.

I'm Dilly Daly. You take that one fucking horse and you blast it for everything. It's going off eight to fucking one and you keep going. You keep going on to the next race. And the next race, it might be a three to one. And you're there. At least you made $2 on your fucking dollar. You know, but at least, and you know,

you got a whole, you know a horse is going to win. Yeah. There's no money at the end of this fucking horse. It's going to go off, whatever. There's no fucking money. Why? It's like throwing spaghetti against the wall. So your movements are very,

calculated. You just can't bet like a fucking Puerto Rican on the fifth. I got to check in my fucking hand. No, your movements have to be very calculated. Because just because you know that you might win, it's like that chick at the bar that you know you're gonna fuck it. You fucked 80 times. You're coming her mouth

and the eyeballs. But, you know there's drama attached to it. Yeah. She's a good piece of ass, but you know you're going to hear you about the father and how the brother beat it with a fucking broom handle. You don't want to put up with this shit, you know, follow me? That's that fucking thing. So sometimes you just lay off until the good one comes along.

That's a thing with that sports bet. But then you're hitting it from all angles because while you're making money there, you're playing cards. Correct? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So it's a hard fucking thing. You've got to be really sharp. You can't get high. You've got to be sharp. And the other thing is and one of the main reasons I'm not going to,

I would love to make it living off of it. But I went to, like, I went to a local bar in Vegas yesterday for lunch. And I see it all the time in the casinos. And I saw it in San Diego. The people who are there all day every day and are just sitting at the slots, constantly putting in money or constantly making bets are the people that fucking lose and that's, uh, there's doing too much

of it. Like, like just the Tabitha who just spoke, she's not the porn star who's going to be there at 50 doing a $100 a day, whatever. You always have to be moving forward and at some point gambling isn't going to be enough to do it. So you got to be careful because I can feel myself getting pulled in. I won yesterday and all I wanted to do was take all my winning to put it on one bet. That's all I wanted to do. I didn't do it, but and my friends didn't understand that. I couldn't, to me, I'm like, how could you not want to do that? But to me, like, I wanted to just do it, but I didn't, but. Action. It's called action, brother. It's called action. And some people fucking love it and some people don't. And some people are scared of it. Oh, I love it.

somebody you're looking at somebody that's scared of it but you did a lot of sports betting i did sports betting to a certain fucking age okay and then i stopped you know what that age was what 21 i sports really bet and heavy for one year and i knew that a it wasn't my company b i it could be it could be but it's and c the first thing people told me two people came up to me after my mother died after a year after my mother died and said you don't gamble do you and I was like no they're like we don't think you should because your mother she was not a good fucking gamble

so I knew it was in my blood and I didn't want to fuck with it yeah you follow me so to me and I've told this on the podcast a thousand times it became that if I'm gonna fucking lose money to somebody I might as well put it up my nose and at least look out a window my dick suck with some chick that's fucked up or something to me what that was having a good thing time was yeah that sitting at the bar with a 70% of me losing with other fucking eight losers sitting there hoping for something to come in yeah that's not what I

really wanted to do by no fucking means no you follow me so yeah that's not what I was in to it just didn't work for me it just that whole world didn't work for me once they get you leave they get you but you have to be really smart about it I lived with a kid that was up 50 fucking grandly oh yeah my mistake he was a fucking a retard. He was one of my best friends in life. I miss him dearly. But he was a retard people. I'm telling you right now. The kid didn't even talk.

He was funny. He was my brother. But he didn't even fucking talk. And I saw him bet a thousand times Paul A and turned that into $60,000 over four or five months. This guy was betting and going to sleep.

He was calling him bed and going to sleep. And wake up in the morning and go fuck and he lose and we both got into the cycle and it was one two three it was like six of us at this time and we'd sit at the bar and then when we lose we have to go steal that's how that whole chain thing started that's how all these fucking stories started with me at that age that's when all i did my shittiest fucking work was when i was gambling i was mixing my addictive fucking personality with the gambling personality and just me of losing a parent and being in fucking limbo in my mind and put it all together.

And half the time I was putting bets in with people I knew. And sometimes I was putting bets with people I didn't do and tell them to suck your dick. Now you can't go to your favorite hotspot for a fucking month. Because even though if he wasn't going to beat me up, I don't want to be interrupted when I'm fucking doing my thing. You're following me. He got my 200 dog.

You told me last week it was, I don't need that aggravation. So I had that going on. Plus, you have people looking for you for stealing. You got people looking for you for owning them for drugs. So I had this whole thing Yeah So I don't know what the turning point my life was I lost $800 to the same bookie that my roommate lost $30,000 to

And this was the guy who lost it on the Super Bowl And then never bet again Never bet again never watched sports again And it chiseled him It sizzled him for the rest of his life It ruined him Ferdie never recovered from that And I'll tell you what the parents blame me

And another friend of mine Steve Villo Who's called the podcast Yeah I talked to him Steveavillo is one of the sharpest guys You'll have known Well, the sweetest men that walked this planet. You know, I see the post he does on Facebook.

He's got the bandmasters. Yeah. And they travel around, past masters. I'm sorry, they travel around. He told me one time that Ferdy told him after high school that my mother hates you because you used to have parties at your house and I would go and get drunk. You know, that's the kind of family he came from. But about two years ago, I seen the younger brother on Facebook, and I hit him up and said,

have your brother call me, and he didn't return my call. So I knew that. That was still running in their family. It was because of us that he gambled. That really fucked him up because he had to get two jobs. He had basically worked from six in the morning to midnight, five days a week. He slept four or five hours, and he went back. He pumped gas at night and stole at the gas station.

He took back to something. The daytime he worked at his father's restaurant. And when I went back and saw him years later, he wasn't the same person at all. I could tell he was a little mad at me and apprehensive because I split on the 800. And I asked him once, What happened with that guy? Did you pay him all his money? He goes, except the $800.

I told him to go get you. You pay him the $800. I'd pay him the $800. So I always knew he was mad at me because I told the guy to go fuck himself. I wasn't paying him $800. I went to Colorado, you know. But it was, I don't like it. Until this day, I like fucking around with it with people.

I see a move and I'll report it. Like I like the Sunday night totals on football. That's where I'm really fucking good. That's it. That's scary. I can't like that. That's it. What does it call like Grand Salami?

baseball where it's like the they add up all the runs and you do a plus or minus yeah that's that's what I like I like I like blackjack because I feel like I'm in a little bit more control because I I decide what it's uh what like what like what like when I'm going to hit and stuff like like that but I can't if I could if I live closer I'd go to Vegas every night I know you would you want to leave there's nothing wrong with it as long as you understand the other side of it you understand what could happen you know I've I always enjoyed the movie Rounders. I don't know.

I heard that movie. Matt Dillon? No, Matt, what's his name? Who's in that movie? Rounders is a great fucking movie about a poker player. It's about Matt Damon with John Malkovich playing the Russian gangster at the end. Yeah, it's Matt Damon, Edward Norton, Paul Cicero, John Titoro. Oh, tremendous movie.

John Turo is tremendous. It's about gambling. And it's about this kid who loses a ton of fucking dough. And then he swars off gambling. and he gets at the Chick for the Fantastic Four is it. She plays at the Poo Hall at the Poca Hall in New York. And it's funny because a money amount on Facebook, he, when we were kids, he was a gambler.

He was a casino dealer, one of those underground spots in New York. Oh, okay. Like, if you live in New York, you gamble every night, too. I'll send you into a place. I make a phone call, and you're in a basement in fucking Spanish Harlem that looks like Las Vegas. Oh, really? Looks like Las Vegas.

They got food. They got chicks sucking dick there. I used to go to one on 181st Street in Broadwater, an Amsterdam. It was a parking garage? Yeah. A parking garage at night. The top floor, everybody thought it was parking.

They turned into an illegal casino. Jesus. A fucking parking garage. And you get blown, you get heroin, you get your dick sucked. The last time I went over, that went over there with a friend of my, Christy Lorenzo.

And he used to have a brother named Bonehead Amy. I talked about him on the podcast. And they had a sister called Donna. They had a girlfriend. Amiel Bonham, got a girlfriend called Donna, who was Chinese and Italian. Guys, when I tell you, this chick was fucking banging. And I was 18. I'd wake up over there, hung over.

And I looked to see it was in the living room, and she'd be completely naked with her legs open, sleeping. And I look into a pussy, and I fucking, my head would almost explode. I'd run out of there. I'd go to this gambling casino one night, all fucked up on sleeping pills and shit. And I see Donna in there. And she goes, you could get me out of here. And I had a car downstairs. I was all fucked up.

I had woken up in a car. I had been out with friends of mine. They left me the keys. I took the car keys. I left my friends in the city, and I took this chick down over to a hotel in Fort Lee, New Jersey. This is fucking crazy.

We must have done it. It ain't wall of blow. Nothing happened. Here I was in a love with her. She was going to show me a pussy. Nothing fucking happened. So that's the way to end a Monday morning fucking podcast.

That note. Don't get it to gamble. Leastick of what you're doing. No, I'll be fine. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. If not called Davey on Kuhloh. She fucked up.

I was going to tell you they call him. Don't you have his number? I'm sure I do. You fucked up, he got away. Did you check the messages this last week? We had a couple people call in, didn't we? Ralphie Mae said he called it on Friday. There's one message, apparently, yeah.

I don't know why he'd call him on Friday, but, yeah, I think we have one message. But anyway, listen, let me give some shout-outs real quick. Let's talk a couple minutes here. Let me give some shout-outs. First off, to my main man at Nashville. I got to give Nashville fucking Debt Squad a big shout-out. That dude's a sharp fucking guy. I met him.

He got me into Zanis. doing a great job for that squad and that squad as a whole. You know what? You motherfuckers are popping up everywhere like roaches. They got Kent, they got everywhere and we're going to try to see all he is this year. At least I am. We're fucking the flying Jude Duncan's back today.

His mother passed by deepest condolences if you go on Duncan Trussell send him some fucking condolences there. But the most important person I met this week was a little fucking skinny kid named Hank Diaz. Him and his partner came to the show and outside they fucking hugged me and they had to go to work

Krogas. They stock shells at fucking Krogas. That's all ugly. It's a job. It broke my fucking heart. I wanted to cry right there, but there was too many fucking people. These guys came to the show and then they're going to fucking work all night. He got to stay black shirt on it. So I got to give you a lot of love. And I love Kroger's.

Don't get me wrong. I used to use the calling cards of Buffalo fucking Kroger's delicious. They got the fucking chicken, the wings bigger than your fucking head lead. 22 points a piece of you at Weight Watchers. So Hank Diaz, I love you. Your little buddy, you came out. Nashville fucking like I said

Nashville debt squad stay black There's a vet online His name is on Twitter He's at Y-R-F-I Clothing for the individual Not the fucking masses This guy's a Vietnam vet If you're a vet and you're trying to help other people

These are the guys I know there's him And there's another guy who used to make leather jackets You used to listen to Beauty and the Beast We would fuck around every once in a while These guys are out there They're disabled You know the little pennies they make

They sent it to other vets. This guy's a Vietnam vet. One of these fucking guys that, you know, did his fucking duty in San Diego and walks around with a fucking camouflage. These guys are a real deal. You know, I don't know if there's lists online because I've been interested in this.

If there's lists online for these veterans who make badges and different shirts and leather pieces and whatever, this guy makes hoodies for you, put your wallets in. Remember we're talking about my wallet? You offered me a wallet, but I thought it was one of those biker wallets

with the fucking chain, like Sons, I don't need that shit. I don't even like shit in my pocket, but this is not about, this is about him and what he does. You know, so help him out. Like I said, he's at Yarfi clothing for the individual, not the masses.

He's also, his name is Jamie Wysadjuid or Wigarra, whatever the fuck, I'm stoned. Sergio Otega, Ramiol Lever, Dets Squad Nashville, Dets Squad as a whole. And my man, Sean fucking Capuchino. You follow me, Lee? What the fuck? What are you looking at? Also, I'm not doing dick

till I get to Miami. Some people going back to Cali, Cali, Callie, Callie, I'm going back to Miami. Emmy, Emmy, April 19th. Two fucking shows. We need to add to the second with no fuck around. Go to South Beach Comedy Festival. Get your ticket now. It's going to be a party. I'm flying in weed right now as we speak. And they're dropping it into the ocean off fucking helicopters.

Some OG I got them fucking high today, dog. And that Chimo Chew didn't help. Fuck you, Lee, for not doing a Chimo Chew with your Uncle Joey. I saved that for y'all. I could have been a fucking Jew and held on to it. And got into a bunker. Don't pretend like you didn't. You told this already you had one last night.

Last night, but I could have done both of them. You don't be. I don't fuck around. I got to eat one foot each leg here. And then I'm in fucking Austin. I'm in Utah. I'm coming to Long Island. I'm going to Arizona.

This year we're going to a lot of place. I'm bringing Lita San Jose in June for the weekend with me. So June 25th, take it off. We're going up there doing some business. All right. I'm going to get you into the fucking reefing business of weed country. Anyway, you know, I love you guys. As always, listen,

guys, I got to talk to you about something. I don't know if you people know this, November 26th. I was smoking at night. I stopped smoking. The wife had the baby. I'm a fat fuck. Diet is so important, and especially here at the church,

we try everything we do. Fat man alert! So do me a favor, dog. I need your help too. I'm fucking dying. You know, and it's killing me, Lee, because I work hard hard. And I'm gaining weight.

and I don't know what I'm eating that's killing me. I don't know what the fuck it is. It's not like so it is. I don't know what has happened. And even when I eat light, I get on the scale and I'm even. I don't lose any fucking weight.

That happens. It's, I mean, it happens with everyone who's losing weight. You hit a plateau and you got to change one little thing. I think it's time to get Dolce back on it. I think it's time to go to Vegas

for a week and just hang out with Dolce. Oh yeah, he tweeted me a couple times. We talked a little bit over the weekend. It was nice. He's a good fucking dude. Doche's got the podcast. It's kick out. ass because people want to know how to

fucking get healthy. People don't know. People don't fucking know. Even if you think, you know, you really don't fucking know. It's a heartbraining. Yeah, and he tweets he retweets people who take pictures of making his food and someone tweeted a picture of his fried chicken, which I'm sure

isn't fried, but it looked delicious. No, it's in the oven it's delicious. I tell you what I really like is pasta. Oh, cool. I got to make it, you got to make it fresh, and I'm fucking lazy, and I'm getting fat of by the fucking day. Fat or ugly or fucking older Someone's cleaning the bitch

Yes I am getting old dog My ears are getting bigger You have to be like 60 You get those long ears Like fucking dumbball That shit's in my blood Everybody's trying to get that dip tucked At least you don't have my ear cut

And my head is growing by the fucking day You understand me My head lead is fucking bigger than ever Bigger than ever Where's the other camera Lee? It's coming I have the other camera I have to get something to hook it up

I was gone for two days For the first time in the year Give me a break That's my fault. We've been talking about this camera for three weeks. We've been talking about for one week, and I have the camera. I need to get something to hook it up. Give me one, give me a little bit of ready.

You got to get somebody to hook it up? I got to get something. I can hook it up. What is this going to take? What do you mean? What is it going to take? I told him it's going to take a week. That was three weeks ago.

No, I'm sucking. Each time he said it gets longer. I was talking about this four years ago, Lee. You're slipping, man. He is fucking slipping. Anyway, listen. As usual. Podcast is brought to you by on it?

Yeah, but. Here's the fucking, a lot of people have been hit me up. I've been going on it and they really like the strong bone. I'm not kidding you. That shit works if you're a fat fuck. And how do I go? Because I've been doing that fucking treadmill, that elliptical. And that's the test.

My hips hurt. My hips never fucking hurt before. I don't know if it's my hips. Some of my thighs or something. I think that was back in my ass or something like that. But, you know, that shit fucking works on your knees. I don't have knee. I was just thinking about this morning when I went down the stairs.

Stop it. I don't have fucking knee pain no more. No, yeah. I don't have any fucking knee pain at all. Not at all. Now I got the strong bone in my system, so it's been like four weeks. It's gone.

You know, I've never had elbow pain. I get my shoulders get stuck. If I sleep, it's fucking 300 pounds, a little fucking joint. But besides that, you know, when I hit the fucking pads or whatever, it feels great. Try, if you're a fat fuck,

just do me favor. I think there's only one size for strong bone. So if you're going to go for broke, go for fucking broke. Get the strong bone, get the fucking immune with the shrewd tech. Immune because that shit, like I said, my allergies have been on fire.

I've reacted to something lately. This is the only reason why I've been clogged up. I'm not doing blow. I'm here on fucking time, and I'm a soldier. I'm not doing blow. This is fucking weird. This has been like the last two years. The biologies have been fucking died.

I don't know what to do. So, but anyway, get the strong bone allergy. I'm fucking high. Get the strong bone. Get the immune and get the hep protein. You won't be fucking sorry. You know, for you people who don't like taste the protein and the milk. This is delicious.

Fucking delicious. The chocolate, if you're a stoner, fucking delicious. I'm not kidding you. You don't have an old-school chocolate that is you're drinking and you get like a chocolate mustache on your lip.

That type of shit that's nice and you make it thick or light. Trust me, people. Go to fucking honor.com. Type church in the box. C-H-U-R-C-H. Boom, there you go. Get 10% off.

You get fucking emails. When we get the kettlebells with my face, don't worry about nothing. We got you over here. and at the church of what's happened now. Like I said, I love all you motherfuckers. Go out there and go for it today. Don't fuck around. Cut the motherfucker off.

You got places to be. You're a soldier. You're with the church. I love you, motherfuckers. We'll see you Wednesday. Thank you for the love on the live podcast. We're going to keep doing these. We're going to perfect these until they sound like Julius Priest live in fucking Bangladesh, unleashed in the east with a bunch of Japanese people,

whatever the fuck it was. So I'm loving that. You're loving to go to Joey Deers. dot net for all your dates and t-shirts have been on fire. Thank you for support the main t-shirt, the long sleeve. You're supporting the podcast, you're helping us out. And that's it, Lee. You got anything to the T-Licke-Suck-suckers? No, no, thank you for listening.

You got fucking old stars again. What do you got for me? I got caught stealing. All right, hit it, motherfuckers.