The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #041 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: February 22, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint! It's Monday, February 22nd..... Today, we finished talking about Mourning & the Real Cause of Uncle Joey's Father's Death.... This episode is brought to you by Manscaped and Blue Chew...... Go to https://www.Manscaped.com/Joey Go to https://www.BlueChew.com and enter Code: JOEY And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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receive your first month for free and as usual I want to thank blue chew for sponsoring the joint now without further ado let's get this motherfucking party started you know what's saying it's Monday morning we got shit to talk about what's happened you bad motherfuckers welcome to Uncle Joey's joint it's Monday I think 22nd, it's Julius Serving's birthday. Maybe, I don't know. I don't know who's fucking son. It's always somebody's birthday.

I know it's my niece's birthday. What the fuck is her name? Eva, that's what the name is. It's her birthday. I want to wish her a happy birthday. I know she don't watch the podcast. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? For starters, thank you very much

for all the birthday wishes and stuff. I had a great time. I didn't do much. A couple people came over. We ate a fucking Carvel. You know, like two people came over, the neighbors. We blew out the candles. My buddy Joe Rao drove me down to Uncle Vinny's.

That was it. The Friday show was great. Saturday show was great. Saturday night, one of the guys, what's his name? I want to give him a little shout out. He brought me a nice little present. What the fuck? I hate one.

I can't see without my fucking glasses. My man's name is Eric. Lou and Lori Friedland. I want to give them a shout out for dropping off some nice little presents for me. Laurie dropped off some nice fucking cookies. I think they killed me last night. I ate both of them, nice little T.A.C. cookies. And Eric brought me a little guest pass to Carvel, like a gift certificate for Carvel.

I got like $9,000 in Carvel gift certificates. Did you know that? You know that fucking Lee gave me one for $100 fucking dollars? $100 at Carvel. I think I'm down to like $92 fucking dollars since we've been here. I swear to God, who could eat $100 worth the fucking Carvel? Maybe when I was 20 I could eat that much fucking Carvel. But now I can't eat that much fucking Carvel.

I took a little, it was just a little bite. I feel guilty. Like I get all guilty that I'm going to get diabetes and shit. So that's why I don't fuck around with sugar. But it was a great weekend all in all. You know, I was telling Mike before the podcast started, I just, I don't know. know about this fucking comedy stuff anymore. I love it, the whole thing, but I think that

somewhere I met my match. I'm, you know, like I said, I got the whole, I got next Wednesday, which I'm excited about. I got the whole month of March, I had Uncle Vinny's, which I'm excited about. I'm going to see what type of writing I can get done, you know, with the book and everything else. You know, I'm writing, I'm doing a lot of fucking writing lately.

And it's just to get stories going. You know, I got a part. to help me with the book, Erica, and it makes my life a lot fucking easier because I'm, you know, this is not my genre. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. So I finally surrendered myself and got some help. That's what you do when you need help. So now what I'm doing is I'm just trying to write the crucial stories of my life. So when we get them, like I have like points.

What were the turning points of your life, you know? So I've been doing all that. So I got a lot of shit going on. But something happens Saturday night that I want to talk to you guys. about that this is just to show you that we're all very vulnerable to life and what's happening. I'm not fucking, I have nothing to fear. Like, I'm not scared of a lot of things that most people are. I'm a married man, you know.

I'm also a comic, you know, you go out, you do comedy. Part of comedy, when I got into comedy, yes, I enjoyed the drugs. I enjoyed the sex, I enjoyed. There was so much to fucking comedy that I enjoyed. It was what I was cut out to do. saying that all comedians are a sex addicts or drug acts and I was my thing and I wasn't a sex addict I just liked fucking going crazy going out at night drinking getting high and doing comedy the whole fucking thing over the last three or four years because of what's happened and the pandemic

you know how you treat the opposite sex is very under a microscope now at least it is for me I had to make a conscious decision on, you know, like, I have my friends. I have my Felicia's. I have my great quigglies. I have my, you know, I'm friends with a lot of women. I talk to a lot of women during the week on the phone. I check in on them, you know, friends from Crystal. And there's just so many female comics that I'm friends with.

And we talk during the week, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, none around here. I really, the only woman comic I know in the neighborhood around here is Bond McPherson. who's married to Rich Voss. I talked to a once a month of Rich is on the phone and we're fucking cracking jokes and he'll go Bonnie, tell him, you know, but besides that, I really don't see any more female comics. Deont and Uncle Vinny's Saturday night, Dino, the owner of the club,

great guy, comes in the back. It's me and my nephew, Jimmy Florentine, and the owner, and we're just bullshitting about the show and, you know, and Dino comes back there towards, We're getting ready to leave. It's just so fucking weird. And he goes, Joey, one of my friends is a dear friend of mine is here. And she liked to meet you.

Do you mind? Do you mind? I go, no, no, no. She's a friend of yours. Tell her to come back, you know? I mean, there's no pictures, nothing like that. There's no hugs or nothing. So it was funny because she came in the room and the room is a little, it's a small

little fucking office. The green room, there's a couch and a couple chairs and cute little place, you know. And Dino walked out, and my nephew Luke walked out who drove me. And then as the girl was walking in, Jimmy walked out. So now I find myself in a very uncomfortable comedic position that 20 years ago I would have been in. You know, I would have loved to have been in. A girl wants to meet you after the show. That's always fucking great.

Anybody wants to meet you is great after a fucking show. but with everything that's happened over the last fucking two or three or four fucking years with all the bullshit guys i fucking froze like i fucking froze she was a mom she was married she had two kids she had a two year old and a six-month-old she was attractive she just moved from florida a couple years ago she was a realtor she was very sweet she just wanted to say hello she was a fan of the comedy store she watched a documentary all that stuff but i didn't like i treated it fine like it was great i we spoke and i spoke to her but the whole time i couldn't feel like i couldn't be me like i had had my hands on my sides like it's so weird what this is done to us

as men and woman this whole fucking thing now how we have to treat each other now like you know If this was three years ago when she would have come backstage, I would ask her to sit down, do you want to smoke a joint, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but because of all the fucking shit now, you can't. Like, I came home last, I came home Saturday night, and I fucking, like, it bothered me for a few minutes. I was making tea. Like, I make, like, a little tea before I go to bed. I'm watching TV.

My wife went away this weekend. The girls left on Saturday morning. They went tubing with a bunch of mothers in the neighbors. I was alone. Uncle Vinnie's, the show ends at fucking 9.30. We were home by 10.15. You know, so I, you know, I came home, I cleaned up, I changed. I fed the cats, you know, I played with one of the cats.

And then I thought about that, you know, you always think about your set. I taped my set, so I was listening to it fucking, I had to turn it off after fucking eight minutes. But I thought about the girl, how I treated it. I treated a great. It was a great conversation. went out front and spoke with her some more with Jimmy and Luke and Dean and then she had a girl with her.

I thought she had a husband with her. I went out to meet her husband. She had a girl with her. I said hello to the girl. You know, the girl had two because Uncle Vinny's is B-Y-O-B. So she had two beers to go. I'm like, you're taking those to go? Jersey people don't fuck around. They take those beers with them. They bring them in. They bring them in and take them with them.

We didn't, you know, we're not going to leave him here. We're taking them. So it was just weird. I was nice to her. I was very sweet to her. I was a gentleman. We had a great conversation, but it was just weird how the times are now limiting you on what you can and can't do anymore. Or at least in my eyes, I hope I'm explaining this right to you guys.

And I hope I'm coming through clearer to you. Like, I don't know if you're 22 right now or if you're 38 or if you're 44, you know, how do you date? how would you go up what if I said to you you don't like to take you out

that I don't even know how to ask them about I had to sit there last I was watching the honeymooners and I'm sitting at watching the honeymoon is thinking about how a Joey Diaz a single Joey Diaz could act in today's world

if I was single I wouldn't know where to start especially now that I don't do drugs like if I had a drug was Joey Diaz I don't know how to ask a girl out I wouldn't even know where to start Half the courage I got was from alcohol and drugs To ask a girl out

I wouldn't even know where to fuck to start You know talking to a woman It's the weirdest fucking thing That all my life I've had best friends that are women I have friends in Colorado I still talk to I have friends in L.A. I still talk to I have girls in Jersey Jesus Christ

I got like six best friends Of the girls in Jersey And for the first time my life The first time of my life, like I've had awkward conversations with women when you get divorced. That's an awkward conversation, you know. But this was an awkward conversation on my end.

I felt that I was limited on being able to be Joey Diaz. And that sucks dick. Like, I wish I could, you know, even a hug or how you doing or whatever. We can't do nothing anymore. Like, you got to feel like in your head that somebody's going to take a picture of you. You know, like I said, I had to stop taking pictures of people at the hotel. Like I won't take a picture with somebody at a hotel There's no fucking way

There's no fucking way no more If I'm in a hotel and I see like a girl Come with me and want to take a picture You're out of your fucking mind She could put that picture up and say He took me here on Twitter and fucking You know Did things to me and I didn't do nothing

I was just checking into the hotel You know I started with that about a year ago When I was traveling with Dean and Kate Like listen man We're not taking pictures at the hotel Because if you go to small towns Everybody knows if you go like the Pittsburgh Improv, the Dayton Funny Bone, there's certain hotels, you know, there's the only hotel in the town. If you play in Connecticut for like, let's say, uncle, I forget the name of the club, you know, everybody knows that you're staying there.

It's the only hotel in fucking town. So people come from other places to check in, and they're sweet people. I mean, I have nothing against them. They never bothered me. They don't knock on your door. Nothing like that. But I'm just saying that what happens if you take a picture. with a girl at a hotel it says to Hilton, she could take it home and say whatever the fuck she wants.

So this is how crazy it has become, you know, I mean, it just fucked me up totally. And I just wanted to talk to you guys about it because when it fucks me up, we got a problem. Like I'm, like I don't want to do it. Like I felt like I'm Zianzari. Like what he got accused of, like that he didn't treat it right or whatever. Like that's what I felt like last night. even though it was a great conversation and the whole thing. I just didn't feel like I could be myself.

And that must be shitty for guys now that, you know, they feel that they can't. There's so many things with this cancel culture now that just fucking puts you, that has to make you aware of your actions up to the upscale minuscule of what comes out of your mouth because somebody will take it weird. You know, this cancel culture bothers me the most because what if you're a guy like me?

What if you're a guy that's 27 years old, you make a fucking mistake, right? You know, whatever. I'm just using kidnapping. Let's just say that right now. It's good. Times are hard, okay? You're not getting unemployment, but you have a friend who has weed, pills, coke, whatever, etc. I don't know.

let's say he says to you you know you can make money selling coke all right and you don't know what you're doing but you're doing away you know you get a call you drop the coke off one day you make a mistake and you sell an eight ball to an undercover cop I don't fucking know I don't know what the laws are or whatever

you come out of fucking prison you serve your fucking year and a half you do your probation you know you get married you have a kid you do everything that's expected from you but there's only one problem now you went to prison is that a smack like I was very fortunate that I went to prison and it rolled off me like a fireman's hat like I didn't let myself get caught up in it okay the reason why because I knew I was dead I always know I was a loser

I knew that at that time let's just say at that time I was a loser I knew I was dead and I knew it didn't matter i was going to get into comedy but i'm talking about guys today that listen to this podcast that watch rogan whatever you how about if you just got out of jail today how would you feel would you want to go for it to go to be a better person because people are going to say to you hey it doesn't matter 10 years ago you went to prison for fucking selling cocaine do you know what i'm saying like it's not it's not worth the fucking aggravation for me to do something with my life because they're going to hold it against me.

People are going to hold it against me. Every time I take two steps forward, somebody's going to say, hey, what are you talking about? You got charged for selling fucking cocaine. So do you understand what I'm coming from with this? This is what bothers me. The cancer culture, listen, if you want to get cancer, you get canceled.

You can let them fucking cancer you. Or you could fight for your fucking life if you feel that your actions or the allegations were wrong or they were incorrect or whatever the fuck you have to fight you have to say something to protect yourself you just can't fucking sit there but on the other hand there's the psychological part of it that little wind that goes through your mind because remember everything starts with the flip of the switch it starts with your mind your mind has to kick in and your mind your heart and your soul all have to connect for you to make that fucking move in the right direction.

But when you get something deep, deep, deep into your psyche that you go to yourself, why am I even going to try? Why would I want to go back to college and try to get a fucking degree if in fucking three years from now somebody's going to throw up in the paper that I got arrested for fucking cocaine, even though you did your time. See, by me doing that time, for me in my mind, I paid my dues. That's what it's called. You paid your dues.

you got punished and you did it now it's time to move on it's like being a child when i was a child my stepfather didn't believe and hit me he would make me right what did he call those things i will not steal from the store i will not steal from the store yeah i will not steal from the store i would have to do lines a thousand times after i would do those lines you're forgiven that's it it's fucking over it's time to move on not anymore now you live in a country where you have to actually think about, oh my God, I covered a girl's mouth at a fucking party in college in 1998 and in 2019 before I become a fucking Supreme Court fucking judge. She wants to raise a hand and say that I covered her mouth at a party in 1998.

People have to look at that and go, Jesus Christ, what stupid things have I done in my life that they're going to call out on me? Why even get up? Why even try to better myself? You know, that is what I don't like about this whole fucking cancel culture. It's that people are going to be going, why should I fucking do anything? They're going to hold everything against me. When I went down with the fucking felony, when I got out of prison, yes, for two, three, four, five years, I lived very embarrassed.

I was very embarrassed. It took me a while to finally come to grips with it and say, I'm moving on. And I'm going to become a comic. I said comic, not big time comic. I'm not going to become Kevin Hart. I'm not going to become Richard Pryor. I'm going to become a comic. That's all.

That was my goal. How am I going to become a comic getting on stage, writing material, and just changing my lifestyle. And here we are, whatever, dirty fucking years later. But nowhere in that thing that somebody was going to come back at me and go, well, you're not really a good comic because you got in trouble in 1987. 1888, which nobody has ever said because I've been very honest about it. I've been very honest about the details. I've been very honest about what happened,

how it happened, and my state of mind. I have thought about this for years. This is, that was such a fucking, there's like 10 or 11 things in my life that I have re-analyzed and analyzed. I've done my own cycle analyzation. I don't think I could have gone in front of somebody.

and could have said those things to them. You know, between the stand-up, the podcasting has helped a lot and my thoughts and my notebook and cycle. I do my own. I want to know what made me say that. I want to know what made me do that. For the last 13 years, you know, besides comedy, beside my wife, besides anything else I've been going on in my life,

I have in my journaling, there's also, I included my, my journaling why I did these things. What made me do this? What made me do that? You know, I think that the addiction problem I had. When I had my addiction problem, it was all of unresolved matters. Again, this goes back to mourning. This is just a different way of mourning.

There's a couple of, a few types of things that I like mourning. I had to go back and psychoanalyze. Once I got clean from cocaine, I wanted to get to the root of that fucking thing. For no other reason I wanted to get to the root to what the fuck was eating away at me that would make me want to do coke and pick up my face for a fucking tweezer and steal and fucking lie. What would possess you? What, what is it? Is it DNA? Is it something, you know, so I dug deep within myself while most people are learning about politics, while most people are fucking absorbing

useless fucking information because 80% of the shit that we're absorbing is useless, we're just avoiding looking within and going what the fuck made me call her that. You know, I'm writing this book, you know, and I have to be honest. I'm writing a book with a girl and I have to be totally

honest with her on every level. I told her a story about when I went to court with my ex-wife and at court, I beat her. One of the last times we went to court, it was about, they wanted to charge me with assault because I smacked her boyfriend because he called me a racial slur.

Whatever happened, I'm not mad or anything like that, but after that situation on the walk out of the courtroom, the judge told my ex-wife that if she ever didn't give me, me the kid they would uh you know charge it would contempt the court and all that shit no big no big deal and i just went off on it i started saying all these things that were lies you know um because of you know i was hurt i was very very hurt by the action she had done and i started saying a bunch of things to her in front of her husband to agitate her agitate her husband

and just you know i just it was just a child this thing. I was very immature. You know, now I see that at this age, that I was very immature at that situation. I let, I let my anger win, you know, cooler heads prevailed. And I said a bunch of things to her. This, this occurred in 1995. You know, I had one, whatever, I think two months later is when I left Boulder. And, you know, I thought about my daughter. I thought of my daughter. I thought about, you know, everything I had done, going to prison, all this shit. But one of the things that ate away at me for years was what I said to my ex-wife while we were walking to that car.

Even, listen, my ex-wife, the beef I had with my ex-wife was very simple. And I'll break it down to you guys. She moved my daughter in with a man without my permission. Okay, without... And when I say permission, I don't... You're like, Joey, who the fuck are you? not even permission, just let me acknowledge that you're putting my daughter in with another man. Now, let me explain myself to you.

If she would have done that to me in North Bergen, New Jersey, and I would have stabbed the cops that came and said, you're good. Like in Jersey, we're good. Like a woman in Jersey taking your child and moving in with another man, I understand you don't love me no more. I understand you don't want to be with me no more. I understand all that. That's all part of growing up

that we all have to face that one time or another. People do fall out of love. I get all that. But if she would have came to me and taken me for a cup of coffee, a nice tea, I don't give a slice of pizza,

and said, Joey, I met a man. I'm in love with him. You know, I know this is going to hurt you, but I'd rather be up front with you. I want to move in with him and start a family and move my daughter and with me.

I'll tell you what. It would take me 10 days. I would have got up. You know, I would have got up and told her to fuck herself. It would have taken me 10 days, but then I would have gone, you know what? She came to me. She told me the truth. The guys, and if she would have said, you know, I'm telling you this.

And then I want you to come over and check out the house. meet him for yourself, you know. It was like, give me a half a blessing. No, she didn't do that. That disrespect ate at me to my core. That's a very disrespectful thing in my world. Maybe to you, it's okay to move your kid and one another girl or with another man,

if that's what you're into. For me, I felt it was very disrespectful. I felt she had cut my legs off, you know. So for years, We spoke on and off, you know, after 2000, after 95, my wife and I spoke on and off, you know, I would call, I would just leave a message and go, you know, can Jackie call me or whatever? And then Jackie would call me. This was in L.A. in the beginning when me and my wife first started dating, and then they went to England. They took her out of the country and they went to England.

Then there was a long period we didn't talk. And then we talked again, and that's when she told me, you know, I changed her name. There's nothing you could do. She doesn't want any contact with you, whatever. This had to be like 2009, maybe. I don't know. Was it 2009? Yes, because she would just get going into college.

So, you know, I waited a few years, you know, my feelings, you know, I was, I don't know. I knocked my wife up in 2013. And after about two years, just to show you guys that person I am, I called my ex-wife and I go, listen, can you give me a call back? You know, she doesn't, she left this line open just so I could call. So if somebody ever says, you took him, her from Joey, she could go, no, we always kept this line. There's a certain line I call and then she'll call me back. You know, it's not written down. It's written in my fucking soul, you know.

I called the number and I go, when you get a minute, can you call me back? And, you know, I had forgotten. I even left the message. She called me and she's like, you know who this is. And I'm like, no. And she's like, shame on you. We were together for six years. You know, the conversation started off nicely.

And I go, listen, before I say anything to you, I just want to tell you something. That conversation we had in 95 outside the police station when I told you, you like carrots in your ass i mean i said some fucking crazy shit to her in front of a husband i go i am deeply deeply deeply sorry i didn't even talk about my daughter to her i didn't ask where my daughter was nothing i said i just want you to know how embarrassed i feel about the words i said to you i wish that you find somewhere in your heart to forgive me you know forget the kids and all this shit for my actions that day. And her reply was something, you were on drugs,

it doesn't really matter. You know, she was just being a fucking bitch to me. But I know in my heart that I truly apologize to her. So I told this to Erica. I said, you know, that she goes, she was laughing all weekend about the story with the carrots and all that stuff. And I go, you know, as a man today,

I feel very ashamed. about that story. I had to write it out. You know, I had to write an apology to her. I never mailed it, but I felt so bad about that going off. That till this day, I, you know, I had actually, what made me go off? Well, I had the right to go off. Let's get this straight because of what she did to me with the child. I had the right to go off. I didn't do anything bad to her for her to move, you know, that the parents lied to me. I would call, because she told me she was living with her mother. So I would call the mother, and the mother would go, she'd be there not home.

She's sleeping. They're in the shower. They weren't skiing. You know, this was going on for like a month and a half. So I had to find out the fucking rough way, you know. And it fucking hurt. It really hurt. And, I mean, it cut my core.

It didn't cut my core that she had gone with the guy. I had nothing to do with the guy. What bothered me was the disrespect and not telling me. that she was moving my little three-year-old girl in with another man's house. So I hope that you find or understand where I'm coming from. I mean, nobody has the right to go off on anybody, but I want you to understand what she had done to me

and what I had felt in my heart. All she had to do was just come up to me and say that. In the book, I'm putting the apology in there. Like, it bothered me so much that I searched for years on why I had said those things to her. Like everything I do, I psychoanalyze over and over and over until I get that answer

and then I move forward. I'll get stuck on it. I mean, listen, the worst thing you could do as a man is think. I'm telling you this right now. It's the worst thing that you could do as a man is fucking think. It drives you fucking nuts. But you have to process things.

You can't run away from that. You know, we were talking about that through morning last week, that I ran away from all my problems. I was one of those guys. I run away. I'll deal with it later. You know, we'll deal with it tomorrow. No, no, no.

You have to deal with it because if not, you're going to get stuck, and that's when the addiction starts. That's when the pain starts. That's when all that fucking shit starts. And I remember even, you know, I tell people all the time, like people hit me up on Patreon. or, you know, Facebook or Twitter. And they're like, you know, Joey, it's been a week since I haven't done drugs.

You know, I'm really trying. And, you know, I always tell people the same answer. You know how many times I quit doing Coke? 10,000 times. 10,000 times. It took me 10,000 times to quit for it to finally fucking stick. You got to keep trying. You're just not going to stop doing it.

You know what I'm saying? answer you have to fucking try. I tried quitting Coke 10,000 times. I started quitting Coke in 2000 1.

You know, 2000. I remember still it'd be in 1999 because I never got high on New Year's Eve. So I never got, that was bad luck. I never wanted to be high on New Year's Eve

to start the year off. I'm one of those fucking assholes. So I would always get high on the 30th. That would be. be my New Year's Eve because I always had shows on the 31st. So the 30th will be my last.

I would always be, this is it. This is the last one I'm going to do Coke in 1998. This is the last one I'm going to do Coke in 1999. I wanted to quit doing Coke license in 1998 when I got into the comedy store. But that's how strong my addiction was. So what happened was for me to get off the fucking drug, that was my main thing. The comedy was going great. my relationship with my wife was men's amends i mean we weren't married we're boyfriend girlfriend

but something wasn't right so i had a psychoanalyzed so i would start anything i fucking did i started questioning my own actions over not doubting never a doubt questioning why i did that why did i steal this at this time so before i got clean in two thousand Like I was telling Erica Before I got clean I had been struggling Like it just I just didn't quit I didn't want to go to a rehab

Because I saw 20,000 different people go to rehab And nothing fucking happens Because nobody could get to that core of you You're the only person that could get to your own core It would take a psychotherapist Again a psychiatrist Fucking Eight years to get you off drugs

through talking because you're peeling off the layers, you're peeling off the layers, you're peeling off the layers, and that's exactly what I did the other direction. And I figured out that it wasn't, like for me when I was doing Coke, what would make me do that every night? What pain that I have inside me?

So I automatically threw it at my mother. I dumped my cocaine addiction on my mother. It was the pain from her dick, that caused that addiction. I started thinking about, I'm like, wait a second. She's been dead for fucking 10 years. She's been dead for 15 fucking years. She's been dead for 20 fucking years.

How am I still fucking doing this? These are the things you have to do if you want to get clean and you want to move forward. If you're stuck like I was, a lot of people are fucking stuck in life. A lot of people are going to be stuck during this pandemic because everything slowed down, everything fucking stopped.

So once everything stopped, that gives you time to fucking think, which is horrible. You've seen what has happened by giving people time to think. Everybody's statements. Now Marilyn Manson's in trouble. Everybody's in fucking trouble. Everybody's remembering what's been done to them the last 20 years during a pandemic. When things stop, you start thinking. For me, I knew it wasn't the death of my mother.

the reason why I snort coke. I knew it wasn't that, come on, I was fucking snorting up a storm before I got fucking married and before the little girl was taken away from me. What the fuck was the root of the cause of me snorting coke? It was eating me alive.

Every day I would take a time out from fucking until today. Every day I would put a little side apart of what, it was like a game show on my head. What makes Joey snort? I swear to God. It was called What Makes Joey Snort? And I would sit there and go, what the fuck would make me want to do this to myself?

I used to have huge. If you look at any video of me before 2007, I always had a pimple. I always had a gash on my face. There was always a gash on my face because I would get coked up and they hate and see how some people cut themselves. Some people slash. I did the opposite. I would take a tweezer and feel that there was a pimple. in my face and I would dig in and dig in and dig in until there was a hole this

fucking big in my face I swear to fucking God so I looked at it is I'm not a slasher I'm really a cutter you know this hatred that I have for myself is usually those people that cut themselves you know I went online I read about it I didn't tell anybody about my secret about me picking my face you saw it when as soon as you see me I would have a fucking pimple here I would have a pimple here I would have a fucking band-aid here because it was self-fucking mutilation. I hated myself. I fucking hated myself. I didn't know why, what was it that fucking makes you want to do something like this to yourself? You know, I was too embarrassed to go to a psychiatrist. I was too embarrassed to go to my wife with

this fucking problem. I was too embarrassed to go to anybody with it. I think I had too much pride, so I had to figure it out on my own. To be honest to you, I wanted to figure it out on my own. To be honest to you, I wanted to figure it out on my own. I didn't want anybody else to figure it out. I wanted to figure why I was fucking broken. And after fucking years one night, after I got cleaned from Coke, I was journaling one night,

and some nights you'll be journaling and something will come over you. And all of a sudden, it's like a power takes over your hand. After you're journaling for like 10 minutes, like take a situation of your life. Take a just journal about the eighth grade. My eighth grade experience.

You know, I started the eighth grade out, blah, blah, blah, blah. I enjoyed, I collected comic books. I was part of a glee club. You know, you write out the eighth grade. There'll be a part that when you're writing, your mind will break away of what you're thinking. And just you writing, like when you, you ever like, listen to like Chris Cornell lyrics

the guy from Co-play all those guys are great lyricist you sit there and you go where the fuck did they get that lyric from how did they come up with that lyric they kept writing they kept writing they kept writing they kept writing

and they touched their fucking soul like something with me it happens a lot with Chris Cornell it happens a lot with the singer from Allison Chains there was a lot of singers Fuck Nut from the Doors, Jim Morrison, you know, these are guys I admire because of their writing.

But I think that sometimes when you do a lot of journaling and you're writing, something takes over. I don't know what to describe. You people are going to think I'm crazy. It's like a spirit. Something takes over and starts writing. And then you go back and you go, fuck, where did I get that from? I wasn't even thinking about that.

I finally realized that the pain of. had that was killing me that I had never fucking processed and we talked about this last week and this is why I didn't get to it last week but I wanted to get to it today so we conclude that conversation on morning it was my father's death in all my 11 years of podcasting think about it I've never spoken about my father's death you can't find the podcast I just say he died of a fucking heart attack. Well, today we're going to fucking tell you what really fucking happened. So you guys know what was eating away at Gilbert Grape all these fucking years.

You know what I'm saying? What was making Joey Diaz pick his fucking face? What was making me spend 80% of my salary? What was doing all these things to me was the death of my father? me I didn't want to do the work see I was like you guys I didn't want to do the work I just blamed it on the easiest thing the death of my mother

a bad breakup we always assume it's that big thing in the back of your mind you're like oh sure I'm fucking getting high I'm in pain you know my mother died my father died my brother got taken on a car accident but there's something that led you to that bridge. You didn't just get to that bridge by itself.

There's something that got you there. Yes, that event is traumatizing and stuff. But there's, you know, there's an earthquake. There's always small earthquakes afterward. Aftershocks. This is called before shocks. Something happened before that that you didn't really process. We're going to talk about this.

this a lot because I want I think the big problem with us as human being is especially now during the pandemic is that we haven't gotten in touch with ourselves this is what's helped me so fucking much as a human being when people say to me you know what dog I'm telling you right now yes getting off the drugs was a big plus for me the cocaine all that shit but the the bigger angle for me was getting to know who I was and getting to know what made me tick that's That's bigger than a college degree. That's bigger than the religious experience. That's the biggest thing you could do for yourself is finding out what really makes you tick, why you do the things that you do.

So now it explains and now it makes your apology a lot easier to people. I apologize for people all the time. I'm a human being. I'm not fucking perfect by no means. I make mistake. I live in my fucking head. I say weird things. So I have made, since I went to prison,

I learned that I had to come to terms and I had to take responsibility for my fucking actions. You have to take responsibility for your actions, no matter how simple it is. So I became, I fell in love with the apology. I was such a fuck up that I fell in love with the apology. My dick gets hard. when I look you in the eye

and apologize to you. My dick gets hard when I look you in the eye and I can be honest with you, sorry, I got an itchy fucking calf. It's so fucking dry around here that my fucking legs are all dry and shit. You know, my dick gets hard

from apologizing to people. It makes me that much stronger. It pulls a huge weight off me. I've always, I did things early on in my life that I stopped. doing and then when I stopped getting high I went back to that process and it made my life that much easier when I was a sophomore in fucking high school right after my mother died a girl came up to me one day a really cute girl everybody loved this girl they thought she was really hot

she came up to me and she said hey man you have a friend that's really cute I don't want to hook up with him but I want it to be kept discreet is there any way we could do this I go we could do whatever however you want to do it she goes i broke up with my boyfriend and i don't want him to find out i don't want anybody to find out and i know you're dear friends with him can you uh hook me up with him and i go yeah you know for you i'll do anything she goes and i'm going to do something for you i'm showing up with a girl so you could uh she just broke up with her boyfriend and she wants to hook up with you uh do you Would you mind?

Do you like her? What do you think of it? I'm like, do I like her? I think she's fucking beautiful, you know. She had broken up with her boyfriend. They had been broken up for about a month and a half. Now, I was fucking 16 years old, 17 years old. Mother was dead already.

Okay. Problems were already starting. But my main, who my mother raised me to be was still intact at that time. She had just died so it didn't really, hadn't really affected me. I was just going on with my life. She had broken up with this kid and the kid was a tough dude. The kid was a tough dude and he was a good dude. That was the other thing about this.

He was a good fucking dude. So I called the girl up. I go, listen, man, we're going to hook it up. Me, my buddy, going to meet you and her. You know, we'll get a car. We were young. I mean, you know, we were going to like get beers and maybe hang out and smoke a joint. It wasn't about sex.

We were young. It was basically, I knew. that the girl that I was going to hook up with, I knew she was having sex already because I knew her for a few years. She had a few boyfriends and, you know, there were long-lasting relationships, you know, like one, she dated a kid like in the eighth grade for a year and then in high school she dated another guy for like two years. She had broken up with that guy. When I called her that night and I'm like, hey, we're going to do this, but before we could do this, I got to do something and I'll call you back so the next day at school the kid's name was Fernando rest in peace

I went up to him he's like hey how you doing I go can I talk to you for a second and he goes what's up I go listen man I know that you and your girlfriend just broke up but I've always had kind of feelings for her his fucking face went pale his fucking face went pale I go I have kind of feelings for her and I hope that you don't mind if I take her out a date. And I told her the kid, me and her, and, you know, it's a double date. I hope that you find it somewhere in your heart that you think it's cool. He went fucking pale. He was a Spanish guy, Latin machismo, you know, the whole thing.

He's like, if I was you, I wouldn't fucking do it. And I would watch my fucking back, you know, and I go, wow, this is weird that by being honest, somebody gets mad of you. So by him saying watch your back, that really fucking pissed me off. Like I'm not like now I'm going to have to fucking do it. Because the guy's threatening me. I'm trying to be a fucking man here at 16, 17. And this guy is telling me to watch my fucking back. So he was a year older than me.

I'm like, all right, we'll see what fucking happens. Something happened. I think my mother died. And me and that girl was supposed to hook up that night the week before Halloween, like a week before Halloween. that was the night that I stayed out late and my mother smacked me when I got home at six in the morning she ended up at a different party we never hooked up so after my mother died that kid came to my mother's wake and he goes can I talk to you for a second he goes hey man I threatened

you that day I want to take it back because I didn't realize what you were doing you came up to me like a man most guys don't even have the balls to do what you did you came up to me like a fucking man and asked me if you go out with her on a date he goes i'm sorry about your mom and you have my blessing take her out and we didn't hook up till years later i mean but this is and let me tell you this me and that guy stayed great friends for years every time i came to jersey would come to all my fucking shows and maybe a year and a half ago he passed with a heart attack i sent uh his wife flowers in the card and some help and we stayed friends from because that's how I was raised.

You talk, you ask permission, you talk to people. You know, you can't move in my fucking child with some fucking stranger and not fucking tell me. So that was what I was pissed off about all those years. But as I was saying to you guys before, I'm going to talk to you about the death of my father, and then we'll wrap it up. I know I've had you here for a little while.

I've never told this story. And I'm going to tell it to you guys right now. My father was born in Cuba, came to the states early, and he connected with a bunch of Jewish guys on the Lower East Side. There's a book called The Something Connection. I got it outside. I have to go get it. It's one of my favorite books I've ever read because somebody pulled me aside when I was a kid one time and told me that those. were my dad's friends.

It's two Jewish guys in there. And it was a long story. But what happened was this. I always tell people that my father died of a heart attack. My father did not die of a heart attack. My father died of heroin overdose. And it wasn't a heroin overdose. He thought he was doing a line of Coke.

And it was pure heroin. And when he did the line of fucking heroin, and it just, he went into a coma. You know, it was just too much heroin to put up your fucking nose. He thought it was Coke. It was 1966. And he was Union City's first Cuban committee man.

So he went into the bathroom. Somebody gave him a package. They thought it was fucking Coke. He went into the men's bathroom. Did a line, he came out, and he collapsed. And he started vomiting. He went into a coma. and they took him to the fucking hospital.

At the hospital, he died of an overdose, but they couldn't fucking say that. So they said he died of a heart attack on the newspaper, and they never signed his death certificate. And my mother had a ship the fucking body back to Cuba in a rush before, you know, the autopsy results, whatever. Nothing ever came from it. I've always told people it was a heart attack, you know.

I found the obituary, you know, looking through my mother's stuff and they said heart attack. All the obituary said heart attack and stuff, but my mother sat me down one day. It wasn't even my mother who sat me down one day. I told you guys that I had a family in Miami, the Castriones, Rodolfo. I love him, you know, Rodolfo was like my uncle to me. And it was him who told me the story. You know, every summer I would go. go down there and spend the summers with him.

And he would treat me better than his fucking kids, you know. And I would spend three weeks with them every fucking summer. Two weeks at the house where I would work. And then the third week, my mother would come down and she'd join me, Rodolfo, Vivian, and the three kids. And we'd go like Miami Beach and we'd spend the fucking week. And, you know, it was great. The point is he treated me like a fucking better than a son. and one day in 1976,

I remember the summer because it was the summer the Eagles came out with one of these nights. That's one of my favorite fucking jams of all times. The Eagles came out with that song, one of these nights, and I met a girl down there

in Miami, Rebecca and Natasha. There were two sisters, and I fell in love with one of the sisters, and we were calling back and forth. Anyway, the point of the story is this, that I asked him once. He was going, he was, I was about 11. In 76, I was 13.

And I went down there and he pulled me aside one day and he goes, can I talk to you about something? And he goes, I don't know if you know this. I don't know if your mom has told you. I didn't want your mom to tell you. But do you want to know the reason I treat you the way I do? Because I asked him once I go, because you always say, always tell me I love you more than the sun.

I asked him, why do you always say those things to me? He goes, I'm going to tell you something. Your mom's going to be mad at me, but I'm going to tell you the story anyway. He goes, in the night that your dad died, they were having a party at the bar. He goes, I lived three doors down.

At that time, me and my wife lived three doors down from you, your dad, and your mom. We were always together. We knew each other since Cuba. we reconnected in the States and we're best friends he goes I had to do

something the next day he had to do like a meeting he had like some meeting he was a big outdoor boat guy he was a big boating guy this Cuban guy and he had to do something with a boat or so he owned like a boating company down the shore somewhere in Jersey

I don't know the details but he was starting to tell me the story he goes let me tell you what happened they were having a party at the bar for your father because I my birthday is the 19th my father died February 26th this Friday will be his 51st anniversary no if he died when I was three it's his 55th anniversary this Friday or the 26th whatever yeah Friday so he pulled me aside one day when we're sitting there he goes you want me to tell you why because I'm responsible for your father's

that. I go, what are you talking about? My father died of a fucking heart attack. He goes, no. He goes, we were kids. We didn't know what was going on. We were doing cocaine. And I fucking, I knew my mom did coke. But Radalpha was such a straight fucking guy.

Construction company, nice house. You know, he's telling me this. He goes, when we were kids, we used to do fucking Coke in 19, fucking 66. Can you imagine that shit? My dad was 36. years old. That's why I never thought I would live over 37 because

my dad died at 37. So he goes, they were having a party but I had this big event the next day I had to do and I had to be there on time. I had to be clear-eyed and I couldn't drink that night. So they kept calling me from the bar saying Rodolfo come over. There's

a fucking tremendous party. There's broads, all this shit. There's coke and Rodolfo kept saying, no, no, I'll hang up on it. I guess it's some part of the night. they gave somebody gave my dad an aluminum foil and my dad went into the bathroom he came out he vomited they called him first and they said redoufo hurry up over here monolo's in trouble he did a line of coke and he had a heart attack and he's like fuck you guys you guys are just playing games with me

that's not that's a fucking lie bye and he kept hanging up and they kept calling them saying redolfo fucking hurry up come over here he's dying we don't know what to do my mother was calling him we don't know what to do and he's like knock it off already stop calling here Manolo's fine and he kept hanging up the next morning he woke up and somebody told him Manolo died last night and he said that he didn't make it to

his meeting that he cried for like fucking two days he did all the events of my mom and then they went in search of to see who had given him that cocaine that certain cocaine because once they found it in his pocket once the cops came or whatever they were like it was heroin there was this is why I never I always made myself a promise as a kid that I was going to do drug like you know that if I ever did

get into drugs I would be okay but I would never do fucking heroin after my mother died I did heroin with Gunther Brown I did a heroin a couple times in prison and I did a heroin in 2007, before I cleaned off a Coke, I was snorting, and I never shot it. But that's what bothered me the most about heroin, because my father died of heroin. So when, before I quit the fucking Coke, and I realized that it wasn't my mother's death that had bothered me. It was my father's death that I had never mourned. I had never really remembered my father.

So I went on an all night, you know, I went on an all-hour. brigade to find out who my fucking father was. I had an investigator. He got me all this information. And it put me more at peace. This is back in 2007. I think Joe Rogan gave me the money to pay the investigator. I never told them what it was for for me to find out what had happened to my father.

They buried him, whatever it was, an overdose. Because years later, somebody pulled me over and said he got shot. And I'm like, now you want to fuck. And he tried to call around and ask around. I asked my uncle. My uncle was like, no. My mother's brother was like, no, I was there that night. I saw him going to the bathroom.

I saw it all go down. It was very fucking sad. Till this day, we don't know who gave him the aluminum foil. And that was it. Once I figured out that it was my father's pain that kept me doing coke, I stopped in 2007. Once I identified what the pain was from for years, I blamed it on my mother, Anthony Balzano, and Dominic Spatial.

I blamed it on those three debts all at one shot. But after that, it wasn't that. It was the death of my father that I had never processed it. And once I processed it and I hired the investigator and I found where he was buried in Cuba and everything, one day I just got off the fucking cold. just like that. And that's the fucking podcast.

What the hell's that motherfuckers? I've never told that story. I was very ashamed to always tell that story. Very fucking ashamed. I never told it to my friends. I never told to anybody. So after the last week, the podcast about morning, I figured, why am I lying to these people?

Let me finish out and tell them the story on how I really got fucking clean and sober from cocaine. Yeah, to something. I read on IMD, I read on fucking Wikipedia that one of my cats ate the Coke and they OD'd. I don't know who wrote that in there. Whoever wrote that in there, you should be shot and hung. What really happened was,

I went upstairs and had two cats in the bathroom that were dying, and my wife was taking care of them. One of them died. The other cat I hated with all my heart. His name was super bad. But my wife told me that DJ had died. I told to close the door please. I just go close the door.

I can't take it. And then I'm stuck with that fucking super bad. He's going to fucking... And I said to myself, wait a second. I have eliminated all the problems in my life. I found out what the fuck was bothering me. It was the death of my father. This is the perfect opportunity.

I opened up the bedroom door. I went into the bathroom. Super bad. The cat was laying up. on the floor. My wife had put two towels on the floor with food and they had anemia. I guess if your cat lives outside, they get anemia, some shit like that. I fucking got up. I went into that bathroom. I closed the door. I got on my hands and knees. And I said, God, if you saved this cat, as much as I hated that cat, I didn't like super bad because he came

from a litter of four and there were three Siamises and Superbad and the three Siamises I still got two of the girls and Superbad DJ was his brother he was also Siamese their mother was fucking two cats at once

she was fucking the samurai and she was fucking the black and white big cat so they both got a pregnant she had like a mixed fucking load so she had three Siamese cats and one Superbad cat like one black and white cat I didn't like him because he would make DJ the one I DJ was Jimmy Jr.

I was going to bring him upstairs in a couple of weeks. I was going to break it to my wife in 2007. But fucking I wanted the cat to get bigger before I brought him up. You have to wait a certain amount eight weeks, 10 weeks. I don't fucking know. So every time I look outside, fucking Superbad would be on top of a tree with Demi. And I, and DJ. And I would go, fucking DJ, come down here.

and DJ would come down and Superbad would step that, but Superbad would make DJ do crazy things because he was a crazy cat. So I was like one day I'm going to fucking kill this fucking cat, this Superbad, I didn't like Superbad because I liked DJ. But I had DJ and Superbad in the fucking bathroom. My wife had him in the bathroom. When she came to me and told me that DJ died,

I was like, God damn it, I love that fucking cat. Sure, fucking Superbad, fucking live. The cat I don't fucking like. and I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what am I fucking saying? I got up. I went into the fucking bathroom. I got on my hands and knees, and I pet this cat as much as I didn't like him. He wasn't even perrin.

He was three quarters dead. I was petting him. Petting him, petting him. And I said, God, if you let this cat live, I will never fucking do cocaine again. never ever again now between us I know I was bullshit do you know what I'm saying

like between us I know I was bullshit I had lied to God I had made a thousand promises to God before that I never came through on like this is just a bullshit story you know I looked at that cat and I pet it and I said God if you let this fucking cat live

I will never touch a fucking grain of fucking salt Never, never even look at cocaine again. I got up and I'm like, whew, I hope that fucking works. Let's see if that promise comes true. Well, let me tell you something, man. Like I said, 14 days later, I couldn't fucking believe it.

28 days later, I couldn't believe it. Three months later, I couldn't believe it. And now 13 years later, I'm sitting. in front of you is telling us that I quit cocaine over a fucking promise to God that a cat would die and Superbad's dead

he died last year, died two years ago, December 17th 2019. I miss them but it was a promise to a fucking cat and me fucking getting to the heart of the matter the pain because you got to root out that pain. Don't blame it on that one thing. It's not

that one thing that you're blaming it on. It's something that happened before that, that you never really, it bothered you, you didn't process it, and then something else happened, and together they became painful. Do you know what I'm saying? So if you got any pain

that you need to get rid of, again, I'm sick and tired of telling people, I answer these questions every day on the platforms, get that fucking notebook and write it out. You don't need to see a therapist, you don't need to see nothing like that. You could get to the heart of the fucking problem all on your own. You just

have to be fucking strong enough and be willing to peel back the fucking layers like a banana. You got to keep going in there, keep going in there, keep going in there and going, what the fuck is wrong with me and why am I fucking broken? And your problems will fucking disappear. I'm not saying I don't have no problems today. But pain free, I'm fucking done with pain. That pain that makes you want to do stupid shit and I haven't been done with it. It took me 44 years to fucking figure out how to deal with it. I'm going to save you 20 fucking years if you do what I fucking tell you. I'm not like I'm known Anthony Robbins, nothing like that.

But I'm telling you that it worked for me. So if you got a pain, if you can't stop drinking, if you can't stop doing coke, if you can't stop doing pills, and you know you're in pain, not like physical pain, but something is bothering you inside. Don't go with what you think is that process. Think a little deeper, go a little harder. You know, that's what a psychiatrist does. They peel off the fucking layers for you.

You could do it on your own with a notebook and it feels a lot better because it's just yourself. You worked out the equation on your own. And that's the podcast for Monday, February, 20 fucking second. It's a beautiful day to be fucking alive.

I want to thank all you guys for watching. This wasn't the most entertaining podcast of the year, but I wanted to finish off the conversation from last week, from morning. I want a little RIP to Brody. I think this is his anniversary also of dying this week.

I didn't want to do a podcast about Brody and a podcast about Ralphie. It would have been too much death but my heart goes out to brodie's family my heart goes out to brodie's bench my heart goes out to marisa alvarado for putting the park bench together and the whole thing and i also want to thank uh i don't want to thank i also want to send much love and light to my father who's been dead 55 years this fucking friday i love you guys with all my heart you know if you got a problem fucking you don't need to call anybody. You know exactly where to go. Tap into yourself. Tap into your soul, get a notebook,

and start fucking writing. And hopefully, you'll feel better, you'll feel great, and you'll stop doing the stupid shit that you do. For me, it was very hard doing this podcast today and telling you guys about the fucking cutting. I never cut myself. I would just pick myself and telling you that my father died as a junkie was very hard to do it. But that's what this podcast was. podcast is about. It's about the truth and getting it out there and for us to learn something from one another. Thank you very much for watching. I want to thank fucking Blue Chube. I want to thank Manscaped. And I want to thank you guys for watching. Have a great week. And I'll see you guys Wednesday. Tip Top motherfucking Magoo. Stay black, cocksuckers. Yo, before we leave,

I also want to thank my future brother-in-law, Steve, for making me a little fucking statue of Uncle Joey. I don't fucking know, but it looks good, and I appreciate the hard work he put into it. I don't fucking know. I don't know. I think I'm a little bit more handsome than this motherfucker, but it's Uncle Joey's joint, bitch,

and I want to thank you personally, Steve, my future brother-in-law. Thank you. All right, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you. for taking the time out on a Monday morning and listening. I know you got a lot of shit on your plate. Thank you for taking the hour. You know, whatever the fuck it is.

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Go fuck yourself. When I show up with Blue Chew, I'm showing up with fucking science, cocksuckers. Blue Chew is an online prescription service. No visit to the doctor's office. No awkward conversation. no waiting online in the pharmacy. The process is fucking simple.

You sign up at bluechew.com. You consult with one of their licensed providers, and once you approve, boo-ya, you receive a little prescription within days right at your door. It ships right to your door on a discreet package. There's not going to be an envelope with a big black dick on

and nothing like that to embarrass you. Not even your mailman knows. Bluetooth tablets are made in the USA, and they're prepared and shipped directly. It's cheaper than the same. going to a pharmacy, save time, aggravation, embarrassment. And you know what? Be a better lover.

You want them to call you back, right? You got to show up with a fucking nice, hard big dick. And they got a special for you right now. Blue Chew, try Blue Chew for free. For free. Who else does this? You think I'm going to show up with some fucking Susquehanna shit? Use promo code Joey at checkout.

Just pay five hours for shipping. That's it. Bluetooth.com promo code Joe. to receive your first month free. Free, free. I'm showing up on a Monday with something for free, cuckers. I want to thank Bluchu for sponsoring the joint. But right now, go to Bluetooth.com,

pressing Joey and get a month for free. Let's start the week off like that, all right? Who else shows up with something for free on a Monday? Fucking nobody. The joint is also brought to you by Manscape. Listen, you're stuck in the fucking house. It's freezing the debt. You can't masturbate all fucking day

and stick fingers up your ass. You gotta go fucking for Brokey, all right? You're gonna go on a date. You went out last weekend for Valentine's Day. Did you take care of yourself? When I'm talking about taking care of yourself, I'm talking about Manscape, Cocksucker. The best!

It comes the Lomore 3.0. The best fucking ball trimmer known to mankind. It's the only ball trimmer with the advanced skin-safe technology that won't nick or snag that beautiful fucking nuts act. You've seen my nuts sack. You know it's fucking beautiful. Don't sit there and make believe you don't know what I'm talking about.

Protect your fucking family jewels. Protect those balls of death. Plus, if you get the Manscape Performance Packers, this is the only way to go. You got to get the whole package. You just can't get to the Lawmore 3.0. You're wasting your time. I want you to do a complete overhaul on your nut sack dick pole. You understand me?

They also throw in what's called the crop preserver and the crop reviver. It keeps everything smelling good. fresh, it fucking takes the wrinkles out of your nutsack. You see me lately, how healthy my glow is? Why? I fucking put it out my face. I don't give a fuck at this point anymore. I'm 50-8, I got one foot in the grave and one on a banana peel. But my favorite is the crop mop ball wipe. You put it right in your little wallet, it's a little package, and just in case you bump into somebody who wants to suck your dick, you're prepared. You say, give me a minute, you turn around, you pee in the bush, you wipe your little ball sack, and you're

dick and your little helmet with the thing and you fucking throw it away and let the fucking guy down the corner when he picks up the dog shit pick a use that to fucking pick up a I don't give a fuck the crop mock ball wipes are tremendous nobody is getting the whiff of my nuts unless manscape has gotten there first and I've been with manscape for years but wait there's more clean out your stinky fucking nose hair with the weed wacker you saw last week that's not I fucking had as soon as I fucking finished I ripped that thing fucking snout out and I weed whacked my fucking nose, no more fucking

snotts. And now you can top it all off with their cologne name refined. Tremendous fucking I wish I knew French so I could describe like sen jenasse qua. When you use refined fucking

a gentleman always cares for his fucking grapes, you understand me? That's how fucking tremendous it smells. They got you covered when it comes to your nutsack and your dick bowl. over there at Manscape. So do me a favor. Go to manscape.com

slash Joey. Manscape.com slash Joey. Take a look at what they got. Take a look at the 3.0. Take a look at the fucking weed wacker and get 20% off and free shipping at Manscape.com slash Joey. Again, that's 20% off and free shipping

at Manscape.com. I want to thank Manscape. I want to thank Bluechew, but most of them. importantly, I want to thank you fucking animals for giving me your Monday an hour of your fucking time and letting me fucking talk shit. You guys are my fucking psychiatrist. I love you guys to death. Have a great fucking week and I'll see you on Wednesday ready to go. Dip top motherfucking Magoo. I love your cocksuckers. Be safe.