The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #042 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: February 24, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... Wednesday, February 24th..... Today, we talked about the being a Father, Change & Joey's 6th Grade Band.... This episode is brought to you by ExpressVPN & CBD Lion...... Go to https://www.ExpressVPN.com/Joey Go to https://www.CBDLion.com/JOEY And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

Greetings! It's Wednesday the 24th of February. The joint is brought to you by ExpressVPN. Let me ask you a question. When you use the bathroom, do you close the door behind you? You don't want people looking in on you, right? So why would you let people see what you look at online? Using the internet without ExpressVPN is like going to the bathroom and not closing the fucking door. Did you know that the creepy internet providers actually spy on what you do? Every single website you visit. And then they turn around and sell you info to ad companies. Is that what you want?

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get 20% off your order delivered right to your motherfucking house let's get this joint started bitches it's Wednesday what's happened you bad motherfuckers it's Wednesday the 24th of February

I got no snots in my nose today everything's beautiful let's start off by thanking Governor Murphy right now fucking Governor Newsom is getting darts thrown at that cock sucker but my Governor Murphy is on the ball and shit. We smoked a number yesterday. We fucking got it all out of the way. So it's legal

in New Jersey. So for all you haters that were fucking, uh, talking shit in the beginning and goofing on me, ha ha. We could smoke it wherever the fuck we want. I don't want to smoke on the podcast because I've been smoking on podcast for the last fucking 10 years. What's another joint? Go smoke a joint by yourself, cocksuckers. But anyway, it's a beautiful day to be alive. Fucking, uh, something happened. And today I'm going to tug at your heartstrings again because this tugged at mine. I've been thinking about this for a while. And again, I let life throw me fucking signs. You know, I could come in here, like I said, until we get things going.

And the numbers are going down in New Jersey. I think it's 088 point transmission. So things are starting to fucking whatever. I'm trying to get the kid needle over at CVS to get a shot. You know, I'm trying to put the pieces together. But that's not why we're here today. I'm excited about tonight doing some stand-up.

My leg feels better. I heard it the other day, but I went to the doctor Monday after the podcast and fucking, I went to therapy and they just said I just pulled a little fucking muscle.

The knee is good, so I'm good, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, a muscle. It was just a little muscle. You put a little heat on it, I put ice, and that's it. What the fuck you want from me?

You smoke refa. That's what we do. You want to heal a little CBD lion, some refa. But what I want to talk to you guys about with something that happened on Sunday in my house here.

And it's going to, someday it's going to blow up eventually. You know, I don't know when it's going to blow up in my face. Sunday, we, I went for a ride, I had to run some errands. My daughter and I should have talked about this on Monday, but I saw the law and order on Monday night. And that's what made me put this whole thing together. Sunday afternoon, my daughter and my wife went tubing. last weekend in Pennsylvania with a bunch of moms.

They had a great time. You know, my daughter's having a great time here. That was the whole thing of me moving was for her, and she's living the life of fucking Riley here. So they went tubing, and it was weird because Saturday night I had a show, and I didn't really think about it. You know, when I got there, I looked at the time.

It was 8 o'clock when I got the Uncle Vinnie's, and then I said, you know what, they usually go to bed around 9.30. Let me call them. and just say good night. I call my wife. She's like, what? We're at the fucking pool.

We're at the pool. These listen to them. And they were jumping up and down. So at 9.30, when I got off stage, I talked to Leona. You know, I talked to Jim Florentine for a couple minutes. And then my nephew drove me back. And on the way home, my wife called. And she goes, I just want you to know we're in the hotel.

You know, we're going to take showers and stuff. And you call us whenever you want, whenever you're ready. I go, okay, I'm just, I'm on my way home. I should be home 20, 30 minutes. Whatever, I don't fucking know what I told them. I come home that night. I walk up the stairs, blah, blah, blah, blah. I, you know, make my tea.

I put my fucking capsules in it to go to sleep. I was already to go to sleep. And all of a sudden, the phone rang. I thought it was too late to call him. I go, you know, by now they're probably asleep. The phone rang at like 10.30, maybe, 10.45. And it was my wife. And she goes, my daughter, your daughter wants to say,

good night. And when she was saying good night to me, it was weird. She was like, good night, Daddy. And I'm like, good night, mercy. And I didn't think about it at the time. I watched the night, you know, I was watching the honeymooners or something. I was, I taped the 930 honeymooners and I was watching them because then they come out on 11, 1130. So I was watching the 930 honeymooners. And I was, you know, I was paying attention to the honeymooners. I was talking to her at the same time and she just kind of said, love you, daddy, miss you. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay, I go, I'll see you tomorrow and my wife goes, listen, we're not coming until later because we're going to get up and go to a pool at nine. We're all going to meet, eat breakfast, and go to the pool at nine.

I go tremendous. That's even better. Let her get her fucking yaya's out. What's you're going to do in the neighborhood? It's just cold here, you know? So I do what I got to do on Sunday. I run Samarans. I go to my buddy's house, my Gumbah's house.

We smoke a numb by I come back. I'm sitting on the thing. I got ice on my leg. I'm minding my own fucking business. And I hear the garage door open. I go to girls at home, you know? And sure enough, a couple minutes later, the door opened up, and it's my daughter,

and she's walking towards me, and she's fucking bawling, right? And I'm like, what happened was, if she sits on a certain side, when she opens the door, she always hits my car with the door, and my wife says something to her. You know, she's fucking eight, you know. She doesn't know.

She doesn't understand the, I showed her the dent and she apologized and you know that was it so I saw coming towards me crying and I go what happened I thought she was going to tell me I dented the car mommy's mad at me she fucking dropped her stuff and ran to me and I was on the reclining chair she just I mean guys she just dropped on me and started crying and I go what's a matter of mercy what happened is mommy mad at you what happened And she goes, I've really missed you, Daddy. I really missed you.

I don't ever want to be without you again. I didn't like it when you used to leave and do comedy on the weekends, but I knew you were making money for the house. But ever since we've been in Jersey, I don't want you to go out no more. I missed you a lot. She goes, I don't even like being without you. You know, next time we go on a family vacation, we all have to go together. blah blah blah blah

And guys She was glued to me the rest of the day I guess it traumatized that You know we've been together For the last fucking year But the last year We have not been a part At any end or all

I've been with them Every fucking night For a year now Since February 29th Of last year She's been with me Every fucking night 8 o'clock we watched

Bunked and fucking Jesse Trust me I watch all those shows I know you're looking at me going, Joey, you're retarded. When you have a daughter or a kid, you got to watch those shows. That's time, you know, so I don't watch them all day with her. So we have a window. Her shower was at 7.30, and from 8 to 9, she watches Jesse and bunk.

And sometimes I let her stay up till 915. Like, I play the attorney for her. I say, Mom, she did her homework when she hit the mitts, let her fucking stay up till 915, and she stays with me. But this is what has happened. Like, she was like, I just don't want. to be without you. I'm like, this is fucking weird, you know.

Okay, whatever it is. She's eight. She's a young girl and I'm going to fulfill her wish, you know. Okay, you want me to stay? I mean, she doesn't mind me doing comedy or whatever, but I think she just wants me in the house. I have a process with her every night. She comes down.

We eat dinner. We all go to a separate corner. She finishes homework or does one of the programs to learn math or Spanish. and then we all jump in showers. Everybody has their own shower. You know, I got my little manscape cave and Mama's got her bath and Mercy's got her shower.

And then we hook up again around 10 to 8. We hook up, we sit down either in the living room or in the family room downstairs and we watched whatever those kid shows are. You know, bunk, Jesse, I don't even know. And I, you know, I'm high half the time so I'm sitting there watching them stone, giggling all big city greens i fucking i fucking love big city greens you know all those shit i watch

that when you have kids you that's part of the time i mean she sits right on me and we watch this thing and that's our schedule at night and then at nine 15 she goes up i give her about 20 minutes and i go up there while she's still falling asleep i kiss her i tell her god bless her in spanish that your grandparents are watching over you and I grab her foot and I always touch her foot I have the same process every night I come down I hang with my wife

and when my wife goes to bed I walk my wife back up there and I go in the room and check on her again and pull the cover on it and make sure she's okay and throughout the night I'll go in there like if I wake up at 3 in the morning the first place I had this to my daughter's room to check up on her make sure she's okay

the bed the teddy bed the whole fucking thing So now that we got through with that one, I had to tell you that to get to the other one. It's like 60 minutes the other night. They were telling a story about the judge who got her husband and the son got shot in New Brunswick, East Brunswick, the Supreme Court judge in August.

Yeah, it was on 60 minutes. And she was just explaining how, you know, judges need to have privacy. You know, I didn't know judges got fucking threatened like that. Listen, and me and my wife were talking about this. I go, I'm a fucking felon, and I've never, ever even thought a threatening a fucking judge. That's, that's, listen, I'm a fucking convicted felon, been to prison. I've never threatened a judge.

I've never had a problem with a fucking police officer except one. I've never raised my hand to an officer. One time, the guy that had arrested me, not Jimmy Kohler. I give him props in Boulder. His partner didn't like me and I didn't like him, and that happens in life. any other cop. Look, cops drive me

to fucking Uncle Vinnie's. Either retired cops, active duty cops, every fucking Tuesday. It's either my nephew or my fucking best friend or my other fucking best friend that's a cop

and NYPD cop. So every week, you know, I like cops. I got nothing against them. I got the, but suppose they get like fucking hundreds of thousands of threats.

But when they were telling the story about the Spanish judge, they had to go into the other story about Trump, how he, He tweeted something about a Supreme Court justice about blocking the fucking travel ban or something. And with the kind of threats he was getting, he had to go to a restaurant with a bomb sniffing dog. Like I would never even dream a threat than a fucking judge.

I fucking see a judge. I would give them the utmost respect because they have applied themselves to the law, something that I fucking dream. I would have applied myself to them. but I, you know, I am fucking sticking to laws. But I respect that. There's some part of me being a cop, being a fireman, there's some part of me as a Cuban.

I don't know what it is, being an immigrant that I got the utmost respect for fucking judges. But that's not my point. My wife was mad because she goes, why do they have to throw Trump into this? And I go, because they had to use that to explain the story. So, back to Monday night. Monday night, me and Mike do the podcast Monday. Monday night I'm sitting downstairs and I'm watching fucking law and order, the regular one. I don't watch SVU.

I don't like that. SVU. I did an episode, but I didn't fucking like it because they talk about rapes and shit like that. So it bothers the fuck out of me. So I am waiting on law and order organized crimes. You know you're going to see me on one of those fucking episodes or many of those fucking episodes. I'm going to try to get on that motherfucker. the sooner as possible.

If anybody knows the producers or whatever, let them know. Uncle Joe, he's fucking interested in law and order organized crime. I'm ready to go. I'll play whatever they want me to play. Greasy Joe, Fat Tony, I don't give a fuck at this point. Let's bring it on. Anyway, so sometimes when you tell a story, you got to show an example or something else to tell a great story.

You want to see a great storyteller? Fucking Sammy the Bull Gravon. That's a great storyteller. But anyway, Monday night's episode of Law and Order. You know, they play 82,000 of them. I've seen 84,000 of them. And I've seen each episode 20,000 times. But sometimes we just sit there to cross a bridge to wait for like, I'm dying up here or something to come on.

We'll watch the tail end of a law and order. And there was about a girl that wanted to reach out to her father, her father and her mother had had an affair. And she had gotten pregnant. And she wanted to reach out to her father. and the father was now married. He had a child of his own. He had his own family. And he didn't want nothing to do with her.

You know, and I thought about my situation with my ex-daughter. I mean, listen, for me to move on, like I've mourned my daughter quicker than I mourned Ralphie. Because with my daughter, the quicker I moved on from my daughter, the quicker. I mean, it was just holding me down the pain. But I still think about it every day. I know I lied to you people. I lied to you people and tell you that in my mind she's dead. You know I'm lying to you that she still crosses my mind every day at some point of

a day. And once a month, I look her up on her social media just to look at her, you know. I don't reach out. I don't, I don't cross the line. I respect her, you know, whatever she wants. If she doesn't want to talk to me, that that's something that I have to deal with, you know. But what really amazes me about my daughter, the other day that I didn't understand is that

for the first time in my life, if you see me and I look good and I look happy and I'm having a good time, I got something for the first time in my life that for years, I mean, and I'm not, you know, your mind is the strongest fucking weapon in the world. Okay, your mind is so fucking strong. And you have to learn to control your mind.

And sometimes it is mental illness. Sometimes it is. mental awareness, but sometimes your mind could take you into fucking deep holes. And you, like, you know, I don't know, Minecraft, Warcraft, I don't know, my daughter plays some game

and some guy told me not to let it play it because it takes you into different levels. Your mind works the same way. You know, let me just give you this example. I know we've been talking a lot about it, but I have to give you this example to understand, you know. So my father dies, my mother dies. In 84, my uncle pretty much rejects me, who's blood.

In 84, my godfather pretty much rejects me. He asked me to sell Coke. And in, I don't know, 2004, my daughter decided she wanted to disown me also. You know, so I'm coming from a place where in your mind, if you really want to be, feel, you know, like if you really want to feel bad for yourself, I got every right to do so and say that nobody wanted me. I mean, nobody wanted me at the end of the day. My mother fucking took off.

My dad took off. You know, they saw me at the hospital. My dad's like, I'm not putting up with this big foot, big-eared motherfucker. My mother took off. My uncle told me to go fuck myself and Grant. I'm straight with my uncle today, and we love each other daily. I spoke to him last night.

You know, my godfather, he could burn in fucking hell. Last I heard from him, he's in Boca Raton, or one of those, the keys. For years, I thought of going down and stabbing him in the fucking lung, but what would that do? You know, my daughter doesn't want me. You know, my ex-wife won't, whatever. So part of me always has felt as a rejected person.

I mean, if you really look at it, You have to be real with yourself from time to time and look at the fucking what's in front of you. You have to say to yourself, nobody wanted me. Nobody that was my blood wanted me, you know. And yet, now I talk to my cousins and, you know, and listen, my cousins came into my life way before any of this thing started. My cousins came into my life in like 2009,

right after I got married, my two cousins raised their hands. They came to the comedy store. No, I met. them at the improv. I got a call from the improv that they had seen my name on the gazebo. I wasn't even at the store then. So my cousins, yeah, I'm in touch with my cousins now and, you know, I got a little successful after I met my cousins. They're very successful. Eki and Emma, and I talk to them were still tight. Today I'm tight with all my family members, but for a couple of fucking years there, I walked around knowing deep down the side that nobody fucking wanted me. And I know a lot

of you people that watch this show or listen to the podcast, whatever, have at some point in your life felt that way. You know, my ex-wife didn't want me. You know, after a while, it wears on your fucking soul. I don't care how fucking tough you are, you know. And you know what? I'm happy it happened because it toughened me up for comedy. It toughened me up for comedy. Getting used to read a lot of people, you know, it's very hard to start.

comedy, but it's very easy to quit because the rejection. Nobody likes to be rejected. It's at any level, whether it's a date, whether it's a piece of gum. If I come up to you and go, let me bum a smoke, go fuck yourself. What? You know, nobody likes to be rejected. So for a long time, I felt really fucking rejected, you know. The first time I felt like I belonged to a society was when I became a community.

But besides that, I always was a fucking lost soul. Once I became a comedian and Mitzi Short took me in and my wife took me in, I still had those feelings that nobody wanted me. I still had those feelings that nobody wanted me, but they had settled down over the years. When I got married in 2009, that settled it down a little bit. know as things went on then my daughter was born that settled it a little bit but I still have these from time to time I'm just human just like you guys I'm a sinner you know I cut when I bleed you know and I put my pants on one leg at a time just like you I have emotions and I have shortcomings and I have you know and we all have them some people don't want to

acknowledge them I have made a career I I have made a life out of acknowledging my weaknesses so I can make myself a better person. I've always tried to be a better person. But unless you look at your weaknesses with an honest fucking view, it's not going to fucking pan out for you. So for me, I was just trying to be honest with myself. Nobody fucking wants me. You know, I got to figure something to fuck out. You know, so that's why I think comedy came in.

I mean, as a kid, my mother was a great mother to me. a great mother. But in my mind, after she died, like I said, the mind is a powerful fucking machine. And if you start adding fucking Adderall and all that anxiety medication to it, that's why the mind is a power machine. People hang themselves, whatever.

I don't know. I'm not a specialist on it. But just alone, the mind is a fucking powerful machine. Because they'll take you and put you into a corner that you don't even know you're going in you're painting yourself into a corner that's why you always have to be on top of your mental health you always have to check yourself shit i watch these podcasts you know i sit down i watch them and i'm like i'm not right today i feel good today i feel tip top fucking my go i had a good night's sleep i thought fucking monday i was going to go to fucking

the doctor and the doctor was on time i needed another surgery there was just so many fucking things you know i'm not i got my relief band on you know me dog i'm happening i'm happening i'm ready to go but for years i felt very very very very rejected and then mercy was born and like i told you motherfuckers fuck you i i'm you know i got a i have to show you that i'm strong so i have to say that yes i i you know Jackie's gone. My older daughter's gone. There's nothing I could do. I don't, you know, she's dead to me.

But if you know anything about my heart and my soul, you know, I'm lying to you guys. You know that I think about where she is every day. At one point of the day, it's not like I cry. I'm not going to bullshit you. No, I just think. And once a month, I do go and check on her social media. Once a month, maybe once every other month, I Google her to see what she looks like today. You know, the last picture I googled of her, I could see my cheeks in the face and my smile.

Does it hurt? No. It feels like a finger in the ass. Yeah, it fucking hurts. It hurts all the way to the core of my soul. But the higher power threw me a consolation prize. And I have to accept it because she's more than a consolation prize. She's my heart, that little girl.

So when she ran in here the other day, and just jumped on top of me and fell like that. And I mean, her weight was dead on my chest. I had ice on my knee. I'm like, what the fuck? She was just dead. And the tears were pouring from her eyes. And I was, you know, just, I just held her.

And her mother came in, and the mother looked at me and went, you don't know. And then when she went upstairs, the mother told me, she goes, it started about 9.30 last night. She goes, it started on the hills. She said she wished Daddy would have came. just to watch that she knew I couldn't fucking go down the tube because of my knee. But she goes, then about 9.30 came.

And she remembered the honeymooners and that's your date night. And it was fucking off the charts from then. And my heart, yes, I feel fucking special as fuck that my daughter loves me. And so I had to write her, you know, I journaled to her too. That's another one of my fucking many fucking jobs. I journal. I tried a journal to her. And this journal I wrote it was listen, man, if you're going to

freak out about me, you know, if you're reading this, I'm done. If you're reading this fucking journal, it's because I'm fucking capoots. This weekend you went skiing or tubing, whatever the fuck. You were gone for one night and you came back crying. I appreciate the love

and I appreciate the tears and stuff. But if you're reading this, I'm gone. And if you cried over me being gone one fucking night, you're going to lose it like I did when my mother died, when your grandmother died. I go, so keep it the fuck together. All right. Get it together. You know I love you. This is why I write this journal. You know I fucking love you. You know I care about it. You're not going to have any doubts. Not like me. I sit here today wondering what the fuck happened with my mother. She's not

going to have those doubts because as soon as I fucking punched the ticket and they throw me in the incinerator. I wasn't going to get buried and go through the whole thing. Fuck that. I don't want no creepy funerals, no more. After that last funeral I went to that's it. Now they put a net over here. You got to hold your hand. No, no, no, no, just burn me. And then you got to go, I got to go visit the grave every month. I got to go now when the fucking snow clears and undig my mother up there because that's going to cost me a fucking arm and a leg up there to fucking, no, just burn me. After they burn me, they're going to give her a box. And it's going to have all the no-book. books that I've written journal to her so she knows all my feelings how I felt throughout me being her dad and her growing up she's going to know from the videos I you know that I'm not too proud of but

you know what are you going to do about that she's going to see the video of me and Rogan getting in trouble she's probably going to giggle you know she's going to see all these things but she's also going to read that journal and reading and seeing is two different things and appreciating. She's going to appreciate that I wrote that journal. I wish my mother would have wrote a journal to me. I want to give a shout out to Jack's Teller from Sons Anarchy to turning me on to writing a journal to his kids. I thought that was the most brilliant fucking thing I ever saw in my life.

He used to write a journal to his kid. Or I want to give a shout out to the creator. But for right now, Jack's Teller fucking did it first. When I saw Jack's Teller did it, I'm like, that's exactly what I got to do. And you got to be that honest with them in the journal. write that journal for your kid Now you're like Fuck you Joey

Fuck you First I gotta write a journal for me every day Now I gotta write one for my kid You want your kid to walk around When you're dead like a fucking mama You ever see these kids They walk around My father died

Like I did I was a fucking retard When my mother died I was making stories up in my head That I was gonna get A half a million dollars From somewhere That there was a hidden will in my head

You know That's what happens to kids When your fucking mother died die as young and you don't have a support system and you don't have somebody to tell you the fucking truth around you. It took five years to somebody to tell me the truth. I didn't want to fucking accept it.

I almost shot him, my uncle. We almost went to war. I don't want that to happen to my daughter. I want my daughter to know what happened every fucking step along the goddamn way. Do you understand me? I'm sorry, I'm thirsty.

I've been talking too much, you know what I'm saying? But it just really shocked me. that for the first time ever, like, and besides you guys, I mean, listen, you guys are my family, you guys come to the shows, you applaud and all that, and that filled a, that probably filled a big void in my heart, you know? I mean, we all do something for a reason. I mean, I've turned this podcast the last three weeks into something since we have all this time on our hands.

It's a great time to self-analyze yourself. and see what's going on, what's not going on, what's going wrong. This has been a fucking tremendous. This is, it's, I hate this pandemic for taking lives. I hate this pandemic for shutting schools. I hate this pandemic for a lot of things. But this pandemic has a silver lining to it. Everything always does in a life.

This pandemic has a silver lining because every day during this point, pandemic. I have gotten stronger and better. Yeah, my comedy skills went down. Maybe as many people aren't watching the podcast as they used to, maybe I'm not as funny as I am no more, but I have changed. I have truly changed my thoughts, my way of thinking, you know, how I look at things, and I see how other people have changed their ways of thinking. I'm watching what has gone on in a regular world that wouldn't happen to Tom Segura. I just got a call from a dear friend of mine that has been on a podcast. Tom Rhodes had an incident in his life.

I mean, he's okay. You know, I'm not going to talk his business, but, you know, he had something to happen to him that would never happen to somebody in the lifetime. So the world, yes, it's on its access. But this gives you a time to just one hour a day. I don't want you to fucking dwell on it for eight hours like a jerk off. You know, Mike got me a guitar. I want to thank Mike.

I bought a big round of applause. My brother, Mike, got me a guitar. You know, I told Mike goes, we'll do some lessons. I go, Mike, right now, my head is not for lessons. So, yeah, and then I went on YouTube, and I pressed in guitar lessons. Holy shit.

Holy shit. I feel like a fucking asshole. Because, I mean, you can learn how to do anything on the fucking line. My friend told me to type in the knee surgery they did on me. You can see the surgery being done. I don't want to see that shit. But I typed in.

how to play the fucking guitar and I was blown the fuck away so I watched three different videos and there was one long head guy real dirty white guy kind of loved him we looked like a junkie I could tell it one time he was nodding but his fucking videos are fucking good and he could play so I watched his one video and he said that for the first week all I want you to do is pick up the guitar at night for one hour and just play it and just get used to handling it don't connect it to any amps or nothing. You know, the first night I got an amp somewhere. I was only coming here and blow it up.

Hello, Cleveland, you know, by myself. But I don't know how to do none of that stuff. But I think I needed a hobby. And I think Mike fucking solved the trick for me. So, you know, sometimes it takes somebody else to fucking figure out what you need in your life. Sometimes you do need a little push. So for the first week, I'm just going to sit there at night for an hour after my wife goes to bed.

it's a fucking great guitar I'm just gonna play it with my little pick and make believe I'm Keith Richards every night I'm somebody different so I've been doing it for three nights now the first night I was Keith Richards the second night I was David Gilmore and last night I was Jimmy Page

boy I was a horrible Jimmy Page tonight I'm Tony I owe me you know what I'm saying yeah I'm gonna have to cut my fingers off and then Friday I'm gonna be Vivian Campbell I got a different count every night and then Monday my Monday by Monday I'm going to have my first lesson, I think, online.

And then I'm going to dress up with the suit like that one guitar player that wears a suit with short hair. He's fucking great. What's his name? Jack White? No. No, I don't know what his name is. He wears a fucking, like an $800 suit. Fucking, no, not Prince.

Fuck. That's next Wednesday. I'm going to be Prince. I'm going to do sign of the times by myself. Boom, boom, boom. I'm going to have somebody play the bass of you. Boom, boom, boom. by themselves, but, you know, listen, this is a secret passion in mind for years.

Listen, when you see 10 comedians, five of them are failed musicians, okay? And it's the other way around, too. So I know that I failed as a musician. No, I played the band, but we, lip sync. We were like kiss in 1975. So we were put You're dressed up and everything No, come on Mike

You know be better than that No no no we just wore jeans And sneakers and covers sneakers And I was the lead singer Because my voice hadn't changed yet So I had a good voice And my man Dean Lepreet Played the guitar

My other buddy John played the bass And my man Ray Canella Who I still talked to played the fucking drums His father was a jazz drummer So we would meet over his house every day What I remember the most about Canellas was that his mother used to have salsa. So you would put Kool-Aid in the class and used to salsa to make Kool-Aid.

God damn! That shit is good. I used to drink every time I go would I make 19 of those fucking Kool-Aids with Salsa. I'd be fighting for two fucking days after that. I was in a band. We didn't have a name. We were preparing to play in the school thing. So what we did was, like, Dean really did play the guitar.

And John was like a beginning. bass player and Ray was a fucking great drummer and I was a great singer you know I had that Michael Jackson quality to me you know what I'm saying? Yeah I really did so our first song that we sang was helped by the Beatles

now the only album we did was helped by the Beatles the whole soundtrack whatever so we would sing the whole album with the album line and then we tried to do it without the album on it was a fucking disaster so every band we played every band we play we break two needles the three of us but we're not the beetles anyway

you call me right you can call me see whatever the fuck you can call me dmc i don't fucking know what were we talking about the band so this is what fucking happened with the band all right we were doing great we were in the sixth grade every day we rehearsed i was on fire i was like fucking what was his name when you see the motley crew movie the dirt Yeah, like when they, Neil, Neil, whatever his name is, when they first got him, that was me, dog. I was fucking hot and shit in the sixth grade.

In the sixth grade, Mr. Lovito used to let me go up in front of the class every Friday and sing My Eyes Adored You by Frankie Valley in the Four Seasons. So every fucking Friday, I would be a crooner. I would dress up like with a shirt with my big fucking ears and I'd sing, My eyes adored you. And girls would go, take a walk, get away from us

like fucking girls hated me. I would make believe like I was a crew in the like in fucking the godfather though I never laid a hand on you my eyes

adored you get the fuck out of here so I started doing that so they were like you can sing you should join our band we're looking for a lead singer so I was like

fuck it I'm in so I showed up down there we rehearsed for like a month dog did you ever play in the school listen to wait till the fucking zinger here So we kept doing it, doing it, doing it. But we didn't want to do a beetle. We didn't want to do all Beatles songs.

Like all of us weren't into the fucking Beatles. We all voted on help. Yeah, that was the best one. I need somebody help, not just anybody help. You know, I need someone help. When I was younger, so much younger than today. All that shit, I loved that. I loved all that shit.

But the rest of that, I didn't. dick so we had a vote right we were like what are the songs do you want to add dean was an animal you know dean leprete my boy he was an animal and so it was ray they had older brothers so they were showing up with step and wolf you know they was showing up with all that shit and i'm learning the lyrics i remember step and wolf uh oh we another song i'm gonna play the night i forget i forgot we we wake up every morning on a long clock's morning take the 815 to the city is that cool taking care of business taking care of business

yeah da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I'm telling you dog we will so we got into that but the bass player didn't want to play that he was like we either do Beatles or I quit and we're like, God damn it. We're just getting going on whatever,

taking care of business, the one born to be wild, okay? They had older brothers, so like the music taste world, not like, I don't know if they showed up with Led Zeppelin. I love to lie to you and tell you they did, but no, I would love to lie to you. It was Steppenwolf, born to be wild,

if that's who sang it, taking care of business, The other song that they had that was also big was, Give Me Your Money, Please, and help. And then we weren't going to switch it up. You know, they had more ideas. In the sixth grade, if you notice, when I do the album of the week, I don't talk about the sixth grade.

I wasn't really, you know, I wasn't really too, I was into pop music in the sixth grade. I knew who El John was. I know who, you know, love. Yeah, love to love your baby. Don't mention Don't mean Marie, please. That's my mom. That fucking Donnie Osmond caused me more pussy in the seventh grade than anybody.

That fucking cock-blocking cock-sucker. I lived through Donnie. Then I got caught with fucking that cock-sucker office in the gentleman. Richard Geer, he fucked my shit up for years. Forget it. I'm not even talking to you motherfuckers no more. So we were going to expand and play. But John didn't.

He just wanted to do Beatles. He was a legitimate. He was a fan. And he still is. And I loved him for it. But we're like, John, we want to expand. he got all divin on us so we had a vote

and we voted him out of the band and then we continued but we couldn't find the bass player there was only one other bass player but this kid was just too heavy like not fat like he wasn't fat no no no no

oh he had in the sixth grade he already had long hair he already had like a fucking mustache like a beard you know he was one of those six graders he was already like dating like girls he had groupies and shit he was a tremendous guitar player and the baller

player. He could do whatever the fuck you wanted. So we were going to team him up. He said, you know, we'll do two guitars on one song or one bass or whatever, but he couldn't keep it together. I think he started glue. He was doing whatever that drug wasn't, whatever it was big in the 70s, that kids were doing, he was doing.

Was he either glue or sniffing toothpaste, and he wouldn't show up for fucking rehearsals and shit, so we fucking fired him. But I'm going to tell you an interesting story, and we'll close with this. When my mother died, guess whose family took me in John

the bass player we fired yes there was no hard feelings there was no hard feelings there were hard feelings there were hard feelings but he had a heart and he at that age he was a good man he's still a good man and he decided

it was his father but that's really weird that we voted him out of the band and four years later I'm living with him this fucking house. Life has a fucking weird way of fucking showing up and kicking you in the stomach. And that's it for this week,

Wednesday, the 24th of February. I want to thank you guys for watching Uncle Joey's joint for fucking always being there for us, for supporting us. You know, we got your back. Don't forget tonight

there's a great fucking game on. I think it's Memphis against New Orleans. I think that's what it is. If you're not, fucking around with Draft Kings. Tonight's a good fucking game. It's a good line.

The line is a little fucked up. Take a look at it on Draft Kings tonight. It's going to be a fucking great game. And that's it and that's that. It's been a fucking full fucking week. I got shit to do on people to see. But I really learned a really big fucking lesson Sunday. That I just, your mind is too fucking strong sometimes.

Don't let your mind throw that all negative shit on you. You know, we could all throw pity parties. We could all throw pity parties, but I refuse to, and I'm happy I didn't. I'm happy that I don't throw pity parties in my mind anymore. That was a bad thing to do, and I have my daughter back, and that's all that matters. If my older daughter ever wants to come into my life, she's always welcome. Always welcome, whatever happened between us, I could care less. I love them more today than I ever loved her life just.

doesn't always work out the way you want it so you have to adjust to it yourself and take what they give you and be grateful and that's what i'm doing right now every day especially with uncle joey's joining with you guys so uh thank you for watching thank you for patreon thank you for being here and i'm sorry if the patreon podcast was fucked up today i hi i want to welcome carra to our staff She's going to be helping my niece Is going to be helping me on On Patreon She's a college student

She just made the honor roll And there's no jobs by her Where she's going to school up in Rochester So I just told her father You know, her father George is like my brother He took me in in 1980 And here we are And we're still friends

And so I wanted to repay the favor So she's on our new Patreon Payroll also Thanks to you're still friends. you guys so thank you very much for watching the joint i love you guys don't forget to support our sponsors cbd lion express vpn draft kings relief band cbd lion i don't give all of them give them all give them all of them all use code joey on it respect them all i love you guys have a great week thank you very much for being here and we'll see you monday morning tip top motherfucking

a go. All right, I want to thank you fucking savages for putting up with my bullshit on another beautiful Wednesday. It's going to be a great week. It always is, but before I go, I want to mention two things to you. Number one, C.B.D. Lion. Number one in my book. Solid.

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You don't leave the door open so people can look at you. What are you at a music? Now, using the internet without express VPN, that's like going to the bathroom and not closing the door. Do you know that creepy internet providers actually spy on what you do? Every single fucking website you visit. That's why I tape that hole over the computer. And then they turn around and sell your info to an ad company. You ever fucking go for a plane ticket?

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I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week. I'll see you next Wednesday at Uncle Vinnie's. Right? Tonight.

Tonight at Uncle Vinnie's. Yeah. I'm an Uncle Vinnie's tonight and all through March. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week and I'll see you Monday morning.