The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 04/24/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #74

Episode Date: April 25, 2013

Joey's cousin Julio Rodriguez calls into the podcast. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at check out. Streamed live on 04/24/2013

Oh, motherfucker Wednesday, April 24th, 2013, it's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. Let Tupac tell you. What? Hit it Lee. Tremendous. Tremendous. And then it's sparking for you.

Are you fucking kidding me? Put that on. Listen to that, Lizarex. Are you kidding me? I'm slitting up to stare through my rearview. Are you fucking kidding me? That's the only fucking way to do it. It's to stare at that motherfucker rearview

and tell it, suck my dick. That's behind me, motherfucker. It's a whole new day. It's Wednesday, cuck sucker. What? Feel that motherfucking heartbeat. That's not something in your chest. That's your fucking soul.

Go out there and take it, you fucking dirty cuckuckuckers. It's Wednesday. What's up, Lysayat, you bad motherfucker? Not much, Ben. flying Jew today looking good with his green shirt. You know what that spells? Cash, motherfucker. That's what every Jew should have. A green fucking shirt on

with a green hat with a fucking green ring with the money sign on it. That's a real Jew. When I start my Jewish chapter of my fucking religion, fuck Yamakas. You got to wear a big ring with cash on it. That's the way we do with Jews. You got to sue somebody every day. You got to take a slip and a fall from time

to time. Science, motherfuckers. What's happened? No, much. You were so quiet when you came in and all of a sudden you're... Nah, you got me all fucking pissed off this morning. You want to eat no brownie. You're going to eat that chick's pussy less than she slept on the couch again.

Wait for you to tear her up. She knows what I'm telling you. She knows I'm coaching you. She knows I'm in your corner. I'm like your Mickey. Eat her fucking monkey. She sleeps over with her legs opening you. I was inside watching the Boston game.

I'll fucking kill you, cuckusker. She came over way after the Celtics game. I don't know. You probably taped it and fucking watched it and analyzed it. No, she fucking... She has a... boyfriend. He's coming in today and he's leaving Monday. You could have gave her a stabbing

before the boyfriend. The boyfriend would have been tasting your little ju-dick in there. Instead, now, you got, when you tag that fucking thing, you got to chase Magoomba's fucking ass. You know what I'm saying? That's suck it. What's happening? Beautiful people? What do you want me to tell you?

What are you looking? You just look at it on the side. How high are you already? High. That's it. It's high. It's six in the morning. How high? How high? What I'm a fucking Chinese? Hi! I'm fucking high. What are you on me That's the way you're supposed to start A beautiful fucking day to be alive. Had a great set last night to laugh at you with

Dom Herrera. Cut some people off on the way down at Little Canyon, you know what I mean? That's it. Not the same shit. Went to acupuncture yesterday. I forgot to put my fucking alarm on this morning. Oh, shit. You know, that acupuncture sleep. And now the acupuncture, that night I fucking sleep hard.

If you could do it more often, what do you do it more than once a week? Really? Because you seem to like it. You seem to get relaxed by it and stuff. You know, I like her. I've been going for fucking five years, six years now, steady. Every Tuesday, six fucking years, you know.

She's moved four times. She broke her ankle. She got sick. And I, you know, I love it. I love the whole... So if you had millions of dollars, you wouldn't, like, have her move into, like, a wing of your house and just do it every morning?

Fuck, yeah, stick needles in my dick and my fucking eyeballs. Can you imagine me with acupuncture five in the morning? I'd be a fucking savage. I'd be throwing darts from my window, blowing my... Blowing me the fuckers from my... window throwing Chinese darts in them you follow I'm not as bad as you but I don't like needles I don't think I can do it no listen

I still fucking cringe every time every fucking time I still cringe she stuck a needle in my neck yesterday I can feel it in my tongue oh geez I have a family story where because I hated needles and I used to have to tell my doctor when I was ready for it and one time she didn't listen to me and didn't it just went for it and I swadded her hands

and she stabbed herself in the fucking hand with the syringe because I don't like needles Dog, they used to have to hold me down. Shreif is tremendous. Here's the P.O. I think it is. This fucking great weed. I was telling you got PR from NoHo Organic.

10 bucks a gram, 26, 27% THC. You let this motherfucker dry to a brittle, tremendous. So why do you let it dry? I've always wondered that, because you would have it set up in like your desk. When you have it wet, you can't really smoke in the paper. It doesn't cook too good. It's wet. You got to keep lighten it.

when it's dry, you cut it with a scissor and you just chunk that motherfucker up into a paper, so you're smoking chunks, you're not smoking buds, you're smoking dry chunks, you burn right through that fucking thing, the smoke, I love it. Oh, Shady, I'm always worried about the fucking smoke detector in here, but Walk, let's look at it down, we'll shoot that

motherfucker, what do you think? I don't have a smoke detector in my house, I got smoke detectors everywhere, but they don't detect this much smoke. Oh, yeah, luckily we've been okay with it, but... Oh, yeah, fuck, yeah, it's a beautiful day, Lee, who gives a fuck? We've got an edible for us, a little anti-dolaris, 100 milligram, I'm going to eat 90%, and you're going to eat 10%.

Yeah, we'll see. That's how we do it. Lee, we're fucking in the church of what's happening now. If you don't set an example for these fucking young kids today, I eat an edible, how are they going to act? How are you going to act? How are you going to act when your rims don't fucking? I ain't clean.

I didn't know eating an edible at 6 in the morning. I was leading an example. It's a daily requirement. If you're going to be in the church of what's happened now or death, you know, whatever. I don't give a fuck. It's a state of mind. Somebody asked me a day, like a 14-year-old kid hit me on the email and said, What this squad mean and what is it?

I don't fucking know. And I thought about it. That squad means you give light to the person next day. What do you mean by that? Light, bro. You make somebody's fucking day once a day. That's it. That's it.

You just make somebody, you blow somebody's mind by saying hello, maybe you opening up a door. That's it. I was thinking about that yesterday. We talked about it a little bit like a while ago. But I was thinking about it. And I talked to two people every day. I talk to you. I talk to my dad every day.

and it's a weird thing because like I don't like I have people who I could call my best friends and we go months without talking and it's just a it's weird to like I heard I you were on the guest tonight Bert

you're on his podcast and he was talking about how his wife called him on the road and she was like I think Joey just drove by and looked at the house and it's just it's a weird thing about you then I was thinking about that yesterday because you called me and I was like I've talked to two people every day

It's my dad, and it's Joey D. as a fucking 50-year-old Cuban comedian. Why have a friend if you're not going to have a friend? Yeah. Nothing bothers me more. Somebody goes, and I have these certain friends that do that shit. They call you. You know, you call them to say hello, and they're like crying, and you're like, what's the problem? Did you hear about Joe?

He died. Joe who? Joe, whatever? And then you're like, when was the last time you fucking talk to Joe? Yeah. I seen him two years ago. We did some blow together. That's not your friend.

That's some fucking acquaintance you're making. And you're just crying to make fucking drama upon the situation. I can't stand that shit. Yeah. I've had people die, and I've seen the face come in. And you sit there and you're like, what the fuck is, you know, you see it. You see it fucking come. Listen, it's not the guy that's crying at the funeral.

My buddy Jimmy Burke would die two weeks ago on Easter. And I'll tell you what, man. I call his fucking number every day. Really? Yeah, I call his number. And his wife disconnected it. And I want to walk to Jersey and stab her, but I can't because that's her prerogative. but you don't really feel your love for somebody at the time.

It's once they're gone and they make your world that much lighter. Like I look at certain things and certain people in certain situations and I say to myself, once that's over, I know that I'm one day closer to dying because I can't imagine not having that person or that situation in my life. I can't imagine having a life without Superbad. Really? Or Harry at this point in my life.

I can't imagine. I'm 50, but I've regressed into being like a child again. I can't imagine having a life without my cats. I was thinking about this morning when I was making a fucking coffee. You know how they're up. They're fucking up at 4.30 and a meow, and you're picking them up. And they're what put me in a good mood late. A lot of people don't know.

Nobody wakes up in a fucking good mood. Nobody wants to wake up. What the fuck wants to wake up? You know what I'm saying? Especially us in our situation at 4.30. It's very easy for me to turn over and call you and go leave. I ain't doing it today. Yeah.

You know, I make a commitment, you make a commitment. Once I get to it, once I pee and I wash my hands, I brush my teeth, and I walk into the kitchen, there's always one or two of them that's torture them. And you want to kick them. And as you go, how can I kick something that's giving me love? How can I kick something that's rubbing up against my fucking leg? You just get out like, what the fuck do you want? And you pick them up, and right there is when my day begins.

As soon as I pick up that first cat, and I rub them, and I'm pushing the coffee in, and I'm putting the fucking little, A little coffee cup and the thing. Yeah. Right there. As soon as I kiss him, that's my day. I'm a new fucking man. I just did the most positive fucking thing in the world.

I gave love. First thing out of bed, nobody has that opportunity. A lot of people don't have that opportunity. And even if I had a dog, I bend over, pick up the dog, give him a kiss, rub his tummy. No matter how fucking mad I am about what the fuck, I got to get up. I got this little motherfucker that's trying to give me love,

and here I am hiding in the bedroom. I don't want to fucking get up. How are you fucking not going to get up? Yeah. Right there I won. right there I won for the day no matter what else happens the rest of the day I got a flat

somebody dies somebody gets hit by a car I don't get to roll they don't want to me and hire me at that club no matter what I started a day in a fucking positive I bent over picked up that cat

you know how many times Harry sits on the fucking cat food every day you know that's your favorite that motherfucker sits on the gallon of tank food every day and meows at me in the morning and there's time and he don't meow

See, he didn't meow for the first three or four years of his life. He just started meowing in the valley. That shit's in the valley. Every since we moved to the valley, he meows, like real, you know, if he's hungry, he'll fucking break your balls. But he sits on top of the fucking cat food. Let me tell you something. You don't think that cat is that intelligent that he doesn't know.

That's the cat food? You know why he sits there? Because I pick him up. He gets all tight and shit, and he holds my fucking things. And his eyes get... But he looks at me. He knows I love him. I kiss him a thousand times.

I tell him I love him, you filthy motherfucker. And then I put him down, he does this little thing, and then I feed him. He gets purposely on the thing so he's higher than everybody else so I can pick him up and hug him in the morning. Really? I've already won, Doc. My day is starting. Then my wife comes out, and she's smiling, the baby's smiling.

You know, you can't fucking lose. Yeah. And that's why I tell people sometimes it's so important to have an animal, not because you clean little boxes or because it's easy to pick up girls at the park It's a conversation piece because an animal will change your life in those little ways. That's something that they don't sell you a pick-up. That's something they don't sell you for a fucking commercial. That is so fucking positive to have a pet.

So that's why. What the fuck was the question? I'm high. Let's eat this fucking edible out of respect. Oh, Jesus. What the fuck? What do you got to do today? Nothing.

You got a podcast, I eat 30 tonight. That's 14 hours away. Look at it. The body of Christ compels. Look at the size of this edible, right? That's huge. All right, and I'm going to give you this much. Right there.

Look at how much I ate, ladies and gentlemen. God damn. Tough in the fucking nails. How are you going to have? 100 milligram. Pop it. Don't be walking around with it like it's a, get some chick's fucking panty.

If I don't make it tonight, people, you know why. Yeah. Many people listening to this podcast right now with daddy of your fucking edible for breakfast. Yeah, they'd like to do it once, and after four times it's doing with you, like, oh, shit, the stuff Joey eats aren't... You told the story last time about how you sweat for four straight hours. I don't know how you'd delete them. Listen, you gotta have a bad experience or something from time to time to make it more enjoyable on the other end.

You know what I'm saying? So, no big deal. Just a bump in the road. If I would have crashed the plane. If I would have been Denzel. Then, you know, didn't Denzel catch crash or playing in the movie or something? He, uh, he, like, was drunk, but he flipped it over and landed it safely. I didn't even see that.

It was Sully, Sully, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was a white Sully. Because Sully, you could tell, his name is Sully. That motherfucker's always drinking. I get something in the morning, he eats an edible and drinks just to fucking make it to the shower. Yeah, it's weird. I, uh, I like weed more than I like drinking, but, like, edibles for some reason,

take it to a different level. Different level. And the alcohol, for me, takes it to a different level. You know why I don't drink? Why? I don't like the taste, and I'm a pussy. You know what I'm saying? But you want me to tell you what?

The biggest reason why I don't drink? Because I might lose control. Really? You think so? Always. I might. In my mind, it's not me. It's the deep, deep, deep, deep joint in my fucking brain that won't let me go past that. No, let me ask.

I'm going to ask this, and it's not, I'm not asking in a judge-y way. But you smoke a lot of fucking weed. And you eat edibles all day? Yeah. You don't think, like, some people would consider that, like, losing control of weed. Absolutely. Okay.

So you just see the difference between weed and alcohol? Like, you'd rather lose control of weed. The weed comes me down. The weed makes me want to read a book. Okay. The weed makes me want to write a joke. The weed makes me want to go to the gym. Okay.

The weed makes me want to sit down and spend time at home. Makes me think. Maybe wants to go eat with my wife. You know, the weed don't make me new down. What does drinking make you want to do? You can't go to the gym. You're not socially. slept lifting weights with alcohol in your fucking breath.

You can't, you know, I don't get it. I never understood alcohol to the sense. And yeah, by this point in my life, I'm a little bit more. My tolerance is higher than most people. But I live in California. My drug of choice is marijuana, and it's always been. The other shit I did was stupidity. If I knew now what I knew then,

I would have smoked pot the whole fucking time and not worried about nothing else. But we make detours in life, and that's why you live life. through your fucking rearview mirror. You look at it and you get stronger and you fucking, that's it. That's it. Yeah. I would have never, I never understood.

I have a friend right now, and she's in fucked up, but she's in the hell. Yeah. She's turning 40 tomorrow. She can't stop fucking drinking. She calls me whenever she's fucking drinking. I made the mistake on Sunday at Tonga. No, Monday night. She called me and I was driving back from the Laugh Factory.

Okay. And I told her. And she goes, when are you into Laugh Factory again? And as I was saying it, God damn it. Tuesday, I realize I can't take this girl anywhere. You know what I brought, Jody. Okay. I can't take her anywhere, even though she's one of my closest friends in the world,

and she cares about me and gives me all the love in the world, I can't take her way because as soon as she has that first alcohol, her whole fucking head changes. She's not the same no more, and she has to stop. But I can't tell her. Who the fucking mind to tell her? You follow me? Yeah.

It's like people are saying, tell Lee, not to go to go. He's got to go feel his fucking lumps. Who would have told me something at 24? Nobody. At 24, that's when I got in trouble with kidnapping the guy, you know? So nobody would tell me shit. I had a letter for myself, and it's so weird. She called me twice yesterday.

Because you see her, every time she shows up, it's a fucking melodrama. Remember at that fucking comic book place? Yeah. She was a nightmare. And she tries to hide the alcoholism, but she can't. Not in front of me, because all she has to do is talk, and I know she's drank that day. Oh, really?

Because even if she gets up at 8 and has three drinks and goes back to bed at 12 and sleeps it off, I can tell. Really? Yeah, because I know her head. I know how calm she really is. She's embarrassed half the time. So when she walked in and started that fight with that poor fucking gay kid, off the bat, right there, I decided she can't come to any other thing that I do. This is not the first time. This is not the first time.

A couple weeks ago, she showed up with a storyteller show and drove me fucking crazy. It was talking about shit at 10 o'clock at night that you don't talk to people only in the morning. Shut the fuck up. But she called me last night. And I'm like, I'm not answering this fucking phone call. She's not showing up until... Because I only had an eight-minute set. It's a five-minute talk with...

Whatever's name is. And you're out there with Dom I Herrera. Oh, okay. That's it. You never seen his show? No. You do eight minutes, then he comes up and he interviews you for five fucking minutes.

Oh, cool. I had to follow Chris Catan. Really? Chris Catan was dead. That's crazy. Dian. I haven't heard that name for a while. Dian's slow death.

That's what he's doing stand-up. Dying a slow death. trying. He's been going on the road lately, but he's trying. He went up, I think he has like a writer, and that always sucks. Yeah. That always sucks, unless you're writing, and you can put everything together. Like, he gives you a tag, and you give him a callback or something, and he puts it together. You know, that always fucking sucks.

That's a weird thing about stand-up, that it's, like, the only thing where you kind of have to do it yourself, or it feels kind of weird. No, but a lot of people hire writers. But even if I were to hire a writer, he would have to be a dear friend and know you. he'd have to be a dear friend and know you that much that he could say, hey, I thought about a joke

about you and your wife and kid. I thought about a joke about you and acupuncture. And then he could help you, you know, when Chris Rock would do his specials. The genius, the ones,

you know, I forget bigger and blacker. Yeah. He would get together with Jenny, Richard Jenny, Nick DePaolo, and Louis C.K. Jesus.

And let's say they would give him $250,000. He would take $150,000 and chop it up. He'd give Nick 50, Lewis K. 50, and Richard Jenny 50. Okay. And he'd go, listen, here's the deal. You're each going to write 15 fucking minutes.

And I'm going to write 15 minutes. And together, we're going to put together the strongest special in the fucking world. And you could credit yourself that you wrote. So you would see him at the store on a Monday night. But he had come from the improv and the laugh factory. And some Mondays, he would show up with Lewis K. Some Mondays he would show over Richard Jenny

And some Mondays he would show up with Nick DePaolo That's genius Because you get three different fucking flavors On your set So if you watch those old Chris Rock specials You could see Nick DePaolo's humor You could see the control of Richard Jenny

And you could see the outlandishness Of Louis CK's act all in one I'm not saying Chris Rock is a joke to you By no means But it's always helped But you have to have people that you came up with The only people that could write for me like to have something like Josh Wolf or Brody.

Okay. You know, Josh Wolf would be the perfect writer for me because he knows me. Twice a year, Josh Wolf will call me and say, bro, I wrote this joke. I can't. I don't have the balls to say it on stage. You do. Take it. And it's a brilliant fucking joke. But you get yourself into a situation. I've

done one joke that somebody has given me. And it ended up that somebody now said that he wrote it and now had a war and had to spin the guy's face at the fucking improv. Then I had to do a movie with the guy and his body guy was there. It was fucking classic. So that's why I don't like it. I'd rather come up with the thought and the idea of myself.

You know, people pay for your point of view on something. Yeah. Not for somebody else's. But that's how good and tight him and his friends were. When they do a special, boom, it would all be fucking together. How good was that Billy Corgan called the other day? Oh, that was great. He was great.

Listen to the podcast yesterday. He blew my mind. You know, there's nothing better to talk to somebody who's informative. I'm not that informative. maybe about three different disgusting subjects that you don't want to know about. But I really get impressed when somebody knows their turf. Yeah. Adam Richmond from Man versus Food knows his turf like the back of his fucking hand.

He knows New York to the dot. To the dot. You could say to him, yeah, I'm looking for a stationary store, but I'm also hungry for Chinese food. Give him a minute. He'll go, I know exactly where you're going to go. You're going to go to 100? 383rd Street and St. Nick,

there's a Chinese restaurant right next or there's a Kinkos. Go order Kinkas and go get an egg row while you fucking wait. You follow me? There's people that know. Then they know the sports history. They know the restaurant history, know the history of the city. He was not knowledgeable about Miami. I've always had, like I said, I've always

had a sore spot in my heart from Miami. I remember being a kid and waking up in the morning and smelling the cut of the grass and how the humidity smelt in the morning. It was completely different than New York City. I was in a concrete jungle. And here I'm in a fucking swamp with alligator two blocks away

smelling this morning do it's always been every time I smell it I got a tear in my eye because I think about Rodolfo and I think about my cousins and I think about the life I had then

I was fucking nothing it was simple there was no drugs in my life you rode your bike you fell down you put some fucking tincture on your knee and you were back

the next day waiting for the motherfucking ice cream man Lee what? What are you going to say you ready for smoke another join what do you want to do I already feel this edible

kicking in But no, it was cool for me to listen to him because he's, he's like mid-30s, I think he said. And it's, uh... He's fucking Jewish. He's a Jew. You got those Miami Jews. Those Miami Jews are top of the debt dog.

They got the fucking stamp from the man, Maya Lansky. Yeah. You know, that's the shit right there. There's a lot of Germans down there, Lee. I want to talk to this. Got a little fucking pissed off last time. Yeah, you said that. A lot of fucking Germans working behind counters and shit.

Jews must be starting to get itchy. Probably. I'm like, did you get? Anybody get to watch Inside Comedy with God damn Robert Chimel? No. If you get a chance, watch Inside Comedy on Showtime with Robert Chimel or go on Hulu and get the episode with Robert Chimel. It really, he's a Jewish guy, his parents were the Holocaust. There were Holocaust survivors, and he tells us a story about doing a set, and his father came up to him afterward.

He goes, you know, I always want to be a stand-up comic, how these Jews would listen to Bill Cosby. and Richard Pryor and you had to go upstairs and Robert Chimel grew up on that. And deep down inside his father wanted to be a stand-up. So after he shot his first HBO special, he went up to him, he goes,

you know, I always want to be a stand-up comic. I never told nobody that. But I was in Auschwitz, and I married your mother and all this shit. And then somewhere along the line, I lost it. He goes, tonight I relived it. What fucking beautiful special. I was a big Robert Schimel fan,

but I became a bigger fan. You know, do you ever hear me? I was telling somebody one day that when people come up to me, they call me, they go, you know, I've been writing. And then you go up on stage, you do a dirty joke. Yeah, yeah. You're not writing. Judeas ain't no fucking writer.

You know, when I talk about Jews or whatever, that don't make me a writer. I don't like when somebody does a dirty joke. But I like to see somebody working clean. I fucking love it when I see somebody working clean and he's getting callbacks and he's fucking and, you know, just doing material. I love all that shit, you know? And in a way, it's a shame to me to do dirty miss shiaterio. Really?

But who the fuck I am? Yeah. You know, what do you're going to do? You want me to be somebody I'm not? It's never going to sell. People are going to see right through me. I want you to know what's in my heart and in my soul. But he was saying that people always say to them.

They look down on dirty comics. They always say they picked the easy way. And he goes, fuck you. It's the fucking hard way. And that's how I feel. Anybody can go up there and be clean. And I like clean comedy. This is what I'm trying to say to you people.

But man, when you go up there and be dirty in front of people that don't expect it and you sell it, that's a whole different situation. I got an interesting call here day from a manager when we were talking. She goes, you know, when you were doing the storyteller show, I was watching you on stage how people weren't buying you. But you didn't give a fuck. Your commitment was all that mattered. And after three more seconds, they were buying into you.

Okay. And by the end of your set, they were all Joey Diaz fans. You ever have people that said, you know, I'll, I'll have people. I say to you, I'm scared of commitment. You know, in any aspect of life, nothing's going to really happen unless you fucking commit. Yeah, exactly. Nothing.

You know, even us, we did this, we fucking commit. So you got to commit. This is the most important fucking thing. I forget about that every day. Nothing happens until I fucking make it happen. You follow me? You got to commit, Lee. Like the brownie, it's hitting me already.

It's hitting me too. I can feel the tingles up and down my spine. How about a little musically? Oh, shit. Here we go. Let's do this one. What? What are you looking at me?

We're for. I love this shit. Oh, okay. I love Allison Chain. This one here destroys, man. Get up, cock suckers. Shoot that everyone. Allison Chains, we got the Reefer.

We got the orange juice. We got the alpha brain. We got the jumping up and down today. It's a beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, I want to be. side. Down in a home. You're going to be down in a fucking hole in an hour.

Oh, yeah. I'm already... Look at you. Look at sharp. There's a little green shirt on. The beleys all tight. Were you walking around with the shorts on when the chick was here last one? Yeah. Why don't you put a robe on? You've got to be a robe on. You've got to be a Jew. Put a robe on with nice fluffy sandals. I don't have a roll. Manicure your toes. I looked at your toes. When was the last time you cut those fucking things? Last week. You got nice toes. Why are you looking at my toes? Five, six more years, you're going to have fungi toe. Like me, you got to cut that shit with a bulk, a bolt cut it.

Wait till you get that fungi to and that nail grows over the fucking toe. It's yellow, but when you get a nail cutter and you stick it in there and you pull some of that loose stuff out and you roll into a ball and sniffing. Fucking tremendous. You have no idea. You just want to spend all day just smelling different things that come out of you.

Why not? That's what's all about. You got to have fun. I would sniffing some earwax this one and myself and shit. You're going to sniff some fucking airwax? I probably have when you sniffed earwax? Why not? It's on your finger. What are you going to do?

Put it on the cat. You can't do that. I'm a cat. You got to look out for these motherfuckers. Listen, I'm going to tell you something. I can't tell you motherfuckers enough. As you guys know, we're making shit happen over here.

So people call us from time to time, and they're like, hey, Joey, can you do this? And I read the fucking deals. Like when I saw when we fucking had the strawberries, Sherry's berries, we're stoners. You know, anybody who fucking has food for us, a strawberry dipped in chocolate? I got to pass it on to you.

Flowers, I got to pass it on. to you because I like flowers myself but I really like Onnik and I'm the you know they do what they fucking do and they keep getting better and better whether it's a kettlebells whether it's these fucking uh they have hemp horse bars now they make them in bars now

fucking protein bars you know what I haven't tasted it but I called Joe and he says they taste fucking better in the fucking milkshake so I called it and I had them send me like fucking ten of them you know what oh shit but you know if you go to Anna now they got the coconut oil and sweeten your coffee with they got all these fucking things on it go to Oner and dot com look at the web page the best thing you could do that they have none of the best

scam you could do if you want to put the shroom tag and the alpha brain and the fucking coconut butter together is to go and look at the different packages they got you save fucking hundreds you save hundreds if you want to go that route you can get like strong bone with alpha brain and maybe some hemp fucking protein i don't know 99 dollars or something like that go to fucking on it take a look at what they got the kettle bells the fucking ropes if you don't want to get none of that stuff at least put some good shit in your fucking body I mean, I don't blame you. You go to fucking, whatever, and get some ropes and hang yourself off your grandmother's

fucking legend. Pull yourself up there. Do whatever the fuck it is you got to do. But at least if you're going to hang yourself, do it without a brain. You follow him? You know, I'm fucking with you. What I want you to do is give it a shot. Go to Onet.com.

Read the fucking packages. See what they got available to you. Where your shortcomings are. If you're a fat fuck, try the strong bone. It works for me. I went to kickboxing yesterday. It was three people, which meant he jumped in, which meant everybody had to fucking do 95 kicks and jump.

He wanted me doing flying fucking knees. I'm 300 pounds. There's no fucking knee. It's a centrifugal force coming at you. So, you know what? I was sore. I knew I was going to be sore. I got home last night.

I drank a fucking bunch of water after acupuncture. I went yesterday morning. I 10 in the morning to kickboxing. Oh, shit. Yeah, I usually go at night, but this whole week I got fucking action at 8 o'clock. I like the 8. I can either go at 6, which is packed, and I can't get no parking because they're fixing Magnolia. Okay.

Or if I go at 8, there's parking. Oh. And it forces me to do something late at night. It sucks for me to work out at night, guys. Sucks. For you guys that work all day and then go home and eat and go to work out, I fucking applaud you motherfuckers. You guys that go to 8.30 at night, Jiu-Jitsu, I fucking love you guys.

If I start an army, you'd be the fucking first one in it. Nothing bothers me more than working out at night. Like that late? Yeah. But now, since I have the baby in the mornings, first thing I do, I go home and make a few notes. I eat a little breakfast with my wife. Once she leaves to work, I put the fucking kid in the Australian.

and I'm out of there. And I try to get a mile or two in the morning. If I could do that, that at least tames me down. You follow me? You get a few thoughts. She falls asleep. She gets a little sunshine. Who's the loser here?

Have you brought a boom box and put it in the bottom? So you could like blast Led Zeppelin as you're walking down the street? No, she gets her at the house. You don't need. When we go out, it's for a refuge. Not because I want to. No, man, I'm getting there in the paps to get the fuck out of the house. Yeah, that's a big day one.

Yeah. You're like being, you're not really going to, You're not like a real big crowd person, but you also don't stay in the house that often, which is kind of interesting. No. Is that because, is that since, like, when your mother passed away, you had to move from house to house and you probably couldn't stay there all the time? Even when I was a kid. There's nothing good happening at the house. I watched TV like everybody else.

I watch those. I try to watch as little TV as I can. Yeah. There's, you know, you, somebody call her? No. Oh, you get the fucking best of all worlds. You know, I love to see. sit there and watch TV all day. I'd love to watch

Dariotto. See what I'm saying? What's up, baby? What's happening, brother? How's everything? Everything's good here. How's the weather in Jersey? Man, finally, I think it's starting a break, so... That's what I already said. My buddy moved to Brooklyn. He said it was fucking freezing the last two nights. Well, last two nights started like 30 days.

Man, I'll be there this weekend. How's colds it going to be? Good, man. He's coming out, too, from California. Yeah, a lot of people coming back for the fucking fights. I'm going to the fights. I think Joe called the other day. He goes, hey, I can't get you no tickets for the fight because Henzow's going with John Rallo. Right.

I think I'm sitting with those savages with Henzo, John Rallo, and their girlfriends, and one of Rallo's students from Connecticut or something is coming down. So that's who I'm sitting with it to fight. That's you're going to be straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. How are you doing, Papa? There's Julio Rodriguez on the phone.

You know, guys, as much as fucking family. What do I know? You're 40 years for sure now? Yeah, maybe a little bit more, I guess. Yeah, yeah, and a lot of people, you know, I was telling him, Julio this, and we were talking, Julio grew up, we grew up together, he taught me how to play hoops. He's Puerto Rican, for all you motherfuckers, I always goof on, on the fifth of the month to get to Puerto Rican.

See, I got the power to goof on Puerto Ricans because we're fucking Cubans. Cubans, Puerto Ricans, same shit, a different smell. But I grew up with my man, I slept at his fucking house, and, uh, what's up, Papa? What's going on in your world? Man, I'm in Mexico for this to see what's going on down there in Mexico. So what is the show you're doing? I'm doing Duero de Gigantes, Eminem, Mexico type $100,000 grand prize. I've got some fighters from Greg Jackson's camp,

sometimes from the Rino's fight team. How'd you get involved with this? My attorney, who's also my student, submitted by name. Now, how long have you been involved with martial art, Julio? Oh, Marshall Art since I was eight years old. What, 48 years now? Now, where did you go at first? When I knew you, you were involved with it, and I was involved with it.

I was going to Wayne Norlander on New York Avenue. Kevin Norlander, you were going to Kevin. So was I. Kevin Norland. I went to Kevin Norland. In Union City, Gush and Roo Karate. That's why I started in Jersey. Yeah, USA and Goji Karate. Peter Urban was our Grandmaster.

Yeah, yeah. Is Wayne Norlander still around? Was that his name? Wayne Norland or Kevin Norlander. And then I used to go to Fujabai Kung Fu on top of the bottom of the barrel. Yeah. Yeah.

Seafood. and we used to, there was to be a bunch of us that from Union City that used to go to a basement on New York Avenue on like 22nd Street we beat the fuck out of each other and then we go back. Yeah, yeah, and then we go back to my mother's house

and my mother's bar and drink sodas at the bar and shit and that was our big... Exactly. We were all... Yeah, man, those were good times back then. Yeah, man. You know, we were talking yesterday how we grew up in the numbers business.

Oh, man. You know, how... You went it to an office It would be by 10 phones set up And we had a We both had an unofficial uncle That would take us into the city On Sunday, on Saturdays

And we'd have to meet you and your brother Gillo God bless his soul And we'd go into the buildings And we'd have to run errands And go pick up money I remember being like fucking 10 And having $900 in my pocket

And thinking to myself Somebody's gonna fucking kill me in the Bronx But nobody would touch us Because they knew Who the fuck were It'd be bad news for everybody. You know, he rehired me again. I mean, that family took great care of me as a child.

He rehired me again after my mother died, you know, for a little while. I used to just go to Harlem and on 118th on Lexington. Oh, it was one-16th around there by La Marquette in Harlem. Right on the corner. And that pays me a little store. There was never candy. There was never no candy. There was a book of dreams because if you had a dream about a horse, you could look at this book

and it would tell you what number it was. Yeah. Yeah. kinds, all kinds. That book of a Paloma was 24. I mean, pigeon was 24. And, I mean, we grew up

in that weird thing, but I still remember living in your house because what happened was I used to be scared of sleeping in my house because there were spirits in the fucking house. Right. So ever told me I could go live with her, so I would go to my mother's, and this is probably the sixth grade. I mean, I was fucking young. Yeah, it was when I first got

thrown out of Sacred Heart School for Boys with Jamie Exart and those guys. This was... Yeah, yeah, Jimmy Exar, yeah. Yeah, so So this was... We used to play ball. We used to play old. Yeah, and I ended up playing for St. Michael's C-Y-O, with Steve Richardi, with all those motherfuckers,

with the kid from the Green Bay Packers. Yeah, Frankie Winters. Frankie Winters. I mean, that was... Paul Sebastian. Yeah. Oh, my God. We are high-staps...

You know who else? Let me tell you something. I mean, we're really related in a lot of ways, and it's so weird that we were tight, and then we both became teenagers. You're a little older. and then I went to North Bergen, you went to Emerson, wherever the fuck you went, you didn't Hill.

And then my mother died, and then we lost contact, and then you started hooking around my stepdad. Describe my stepdad. I always try to, on the Duncan Chorsel podcast and different stories, I've tried to describe one to these people. In your best description, how can you describe one?

Man, original. You know, I remember after my mother died, I lived with a family, and he was a cop, Bobby Bender, North Bergen. And this had to be 1980, Julio. Maybe you remember the story. Something happened to Juan on 52nd Street or 57th Street, and two kids tried to attack him.

And he was at this time, he was 50-something years old. One was old when my mother died. He was 50-something years old. And supposedly somebody attacked him. He took the gun from somebody. He shot the one guy or something. Do you remember what they were talking about? I know he had the problem in New York with the body in the car

when he took him a little Lincoln Tunnel. but I know as a kid when I was 8 at a Santa Ria party in 148th Street I seen him shoot this guy named Yiko in the fucking leg for just talking to him I seen him bro

he warned the guy and he just shot him in the fucking leg and that's when I realized the strength of that I fell in love with him after that that was my stepfather until the end you know I tell people

when I used to see spirits at night he would come upstairs to the attic and give me a gun with a silencer on it he was crazy he was crazy I remember the story

I don't know the background to the story. I think somebody knew he, somebody tried to mug him, and he popped one of the dudes that tried to mug him. I think the kid was like 17 years old, he killed the kid, and then the other guy went running. Something happened, because he, Bobby Bender woke me up in the middle of the night,

he goes, they got your father down at the police station, asked him questions or something like that. We were talking about Santa Ria, how we grew up around Santa Maria, especially with our godmother Eva. God bless us. So I didn't know. she was dead. Like I said, last time I was home,

I went over there and talked to her, and you could see she was a little standoffish. Because Eva had a certain thing that she could see your aura, you know, and I love her children and stuff. I mean, it's just amazing. Man, she was probably one of the tough...

I seen a dude, you know, I didn't believe in Santa Maria for a long time when I was a kid, and I seen her do some shit that after that, I believed that there was something there. When you had a conversation with her, when you see her spirit come down, after that you believe that there was something out there.

Like, that's why there... There's something out there. She was money. She was fucking money. And Lee, in the room with me is the producer Lee Syatt, the Flying Juice. Say hello, Julio. Hey, Julio, it's Lee. You guys met when we were in Jersey.

I met you a couple years ago, dude. When you were doing a documentary in Jersey, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's funny that we were talking about another guy that was family to me also because we had... I brought this guy up the other day the conversation with Billy Corbyn.

We were talking about Miami and the brutality of the murders. What had happened when the Cubans got there? And I told him the story about the guy we knew Tati, who was Andres Garcia, and he had a brother Monchi that was a drug dealer in Miami, but he had done it for years with no problem. And all of a sudden the refugees came over in 79 and they fucking killed him. They ran over him with a car. They ran over his fucking head with a car with some shit. But I think about that guy Tati from time to time.

I told you a story yesterday that when I was about 10. or 11. I used to have this skinny girlfriend, Nikki, and he saw it one day. And one day he gave me a fucking little container that had cocaine in it. And I go, what the fuck is this? He goes, listen, next time that skinny chick comes over and put this in her pussy and eat her pussy. I was like 11. And I put it in my drawer and I saved it there for like a year. And one day my mom comes and she's like, isn't this true that he gave you something? And I go, yeah, she's like, give me what he fucking gave you. How long have you had it for? I had that coke for a year and a little capsule.

That sounds like Dante. Tadzie was a bad man. it was you know man I try to tell people the experiences we had growing up and some of them I put under a carpet but other ones and even your brother look at your brother he's not with us anymore you know and you and I both know

that something helped us because we're not supposed to be here you know for sure I'm not supposed to be here I was telling you last night that one of the last times I seen you when you were a cop at that time I walked into the spot it was June 30th 1985 and I

just got somebody from a settlement. I did one of those suits where you sue somebody with the Jews and I had to leave because they were going to kill me and I knew this. I knew that I had the doors closing in and I went and I saw this girl Regina Gordon and she pulled me aside and she goes these people you robbed who were big time in North Bergen they know

you did it and they know who you did it with and they're going to come looking for you and then I bumped into you and you said hey bro you should be leaving this town because somebody is looking to fucking kill you or something like that and I couldn't believe you said it to me because I had known you those years as a kid, you know? Right.

And, you know, you're, you're family, so I got to give you a heads up. And I just can't, you know. It's funny because when you told me you were angry with me in a way. Like, it was like I had done something that somebody had came to you with or something and you were angry or, and I never forget that. I was very hurt by it, you know, I didn't know what I had done because we had grown up together. We were kids.

Right. Well, I'm still not going to let nobody get at you, you know. I might have been pissed off at you, and hey, I call you. Man, thank you, bro. And, you know, I'm proud of you. You know, we grew up in Union City, but I see you working at the high school in North Bergen, and I know you do security at the high school, and I know that, you know, your main focus in all the pictures I watch

is you working with kids and helping our kids. And, man, you know what? That's my instant, too. Like, right now, if I could, I quit doing comedy. I wish I could inherit, like, $10 million, so I could fucking go work at the center and just help kids and just talk to kids, man. Helping kid did a great thing, bro.

I mean, you know, if I can turn one service to others, you know, I'd run here on earth. I mean, you know, I send stuff like that and choke people out, but, you know, if I get one kid, I'm more productive. What are you doing this weekend? You're going to be around? Yeah, I'm going to try and see you on Saturday,

but Sunday I'll go for the TV show, to the reality show. Well, what I'm going to do is this. I fly in Thursday or Friday morning. I don't know if I have tickets for the comments. show but I'll see you sadly maybe a chance dragging in. I'll meet you for lunch like a 1230. I have loops together.

I think maybe I'll shoot over there with Higgen Machado. I know Higna machado is going to be here. I've got to attend a seminar with Higin, Michael Santos, Daniel, where you see you? Brother, I love you ma'am. Now, where's your school at? Where's your thing going at? Well, I have a school

and, uh... Nothing in North Bergen, nothing in Hudson County? No. Well, West New York-Sutton County, bro, you forgot? Oh, West New York. I thought you said Westfield. I'm sorry. No, West Seahork. I'm like, what the fuck's he doing on Westfield? I'll open up another school and listen. I'm going to try and have it.

Well, brother, say hello to North Bergen. I love you to death and thank you for calling and taking the time. I want to have Yon again. See you on Saturday. We'll have a drink together. All right, brother. Much love. Stay black and beautiful.

All right, bye. Thank you, Papa. All right. Later. It's funny because I didn't really want to go on a lot of protesters this morning with this guy. Okay. I really want to scare people off that much. We're going to work him in little by little.

You know, he, the lady that we talk about is a lady who broke that dish when that undercover cop was bothering my mother for a long time. Your Centeria grandmother. Yeah, this is, this is, and we were talking about it yesterday. Just talking to him makes me want to cry. Really? Yeah, because I knew him on the other side of my life. I knew him when my life was easy. When I was a kid, I knew him when my mother had a bar, when we go to my mother's bar and have soda.

His brother was a tough motherfucker. and his brother beat me up a few times and taught me he taught me bro you know that's the way my mother knew that the kid had smacked me around a little bit his brother was the original street kid

like hey you know those kids you're seeing movies that are dirty but they go home at night they got like 55 bucks and they put money away because the mother's sick that was Gillo Gillo ran that house

when he was 11 or 12 I'm telling you this from experience the mother was always kind of sick she had a boy that had beat or something one time fucking gillo almost drew the kid out the window gillo didn't take shit gillo was one of the best things that happened to me at that age i was a little soft and he grabbed me and he fucking tut like they said he used to take me to the monastery to play basketball i was in north bergen i was a white kid from north bergen this monastery with these

porto rican they jumped through a fucking air and they drove and they had beards and 11 and shit you know so i'm happy that you know and i was angry with him for a long time julio because i thought he had not me or my stepfather. He knew my stepfather wanted to shoot me. These guys knew, man. I tell you, I'd tell you like a brother. If I were, tomorrow is the 30th anniversary that I left North Bergen, New Jersey

the first time. Oh shit. And it's tomorrow with Jimmy Berk who died on Easter Sunday, so tomorrow's going to be a hard day for me. I'm going to be fucking, wots, whatever. But it was 30 days. But 30 years ago yesterday, I found that I can do anything because I left North Bergen. Just leaving North Bergen.

Just leaving. You know those people from Boston? that they'll never leave. Yeah. You go back and they get old and they tell you about the neighbor in the supermarket, how they got it in a meat counter now. You know,

and you're supposed to fucking jump out of your skin. That's it. So, like, listening to the story, explain why you were mad because it sounded to me like you did you a favor. The truth of the matter is, my mother knew their mother and everybody was friends.

And when my mother died, I didn't see him, so the next time I see him, he was working for my stepfather. He was helping my stepfather with different things. He was a cop. Okay. And I had fucked over my stepfather and his nephew with Coke.

Not my stepfather. My stepfather wasn't involved in drugs. Me and him were the different war. He had all these problems at the time, and he wanted me to sign a paper that there was no will. And meanwhile, I'm walking the fucking streets broke. So I told him, I said, do you give me fucking money? Or I ain't signing shit.

And he came to me. He's like, well, I'll buy your car, but you got to make the payments. not buying me a car that's putting a down payment down. I need money. I wanted to get ahead. And meanwhile, if I would have taken that money, I would have blown it in three days and blown and wasted my life. Yeah.

You know, so I got mad at them for helping me and that. So now I go to this bar. I got money in my pocket. First, this girl tells me, I'm not kidding. This fucking girl. Now, this was, when I left in April, nobody had told me to leave. I knew shit was going to go down.

Okay. But I came back a year later and stuck around for another year. and that time they were going to kill me. At that time, I got a lot of fucking people's nervous. I had Garby Long mad at me. I had some fucking Italian guys mad at me. I had nine guys mad at me.

The guys, somebody's going to put a bullet at me one night. Somebody's going to walk into a bar. They're going to see me in Union City and West New York. Having a beer, excuse me. They're going to call whoever the fuck they know. And they're going to go, well, guess who's at the bar and Wee Hawking. You know, I'm from North Bergen. But Weehawking is like a suburb.

It's like if I went to Colver City. to drink. Okay. You know what I'm saying? Like we, I can't drink in Hollywood. People are looking for me. Let's go to fucking Compton and have a drink. We're here an hand with a bar with a bunch of brothers listening to the OJs. And next to you know, one black guy walks in that knows that somebody's

looking for him. Yeah. He owes you 800. Fucked that dude dog is here. Let me cap this motherfucker and the 800's off to my tab. Shit like that. These people are fucking crazy. So I always knew in 85. In fact, I wasn't living in North

I left North Bergen in December of 84. I was hiding out in Creskill, New Jersey. But I kept getting closer and closer. By this time, I was in Fort Lee, New Jersey, which is a smack to their faces. And I knew what buses to take, and I knew what angles to take, and what to stay off of them.

But they knew I was around. Okay. So they were looking. They knew eventually, when you're looking for somebody, you don't look from them. They're going to have to come back, and one of their friends

is going to rat you out eventually. You're going to have to come back. Yeah. So they all knew that time was on their side So I started coming around like in May To fuck with them Once I knew I was getting the 18 grand from the settlement I started making little appearances in North Bergen

I started doing some credit card shit And selling it And now people fucking knew This kid's still around We thought he was in Colorado Because by me going to Colorado It made them think that I was somewhere else When they were looking for me

Okay But all of a sudden hell breaks loose I do this bad shit living in Creskill hiding I fucking come on and I call my buddy because there was this bitch that I fucking hated her and her fucking husband

I hated them her and her boyfriend that were drug dealers I hated them so I figured that even though I had the money from the settlement and even though I had money in my pocket from doing the gas stations whatever the fuck I was doing

because in 85 I was doing a thousand things on my own I was going to rob this bitch to add insult to injury okay So I called two of my buddies We got in the fucking car We went down there I had a gun

My other buddy and the other buddy went up One of my buddies went up And me and my other buddy stayed looking down He climbed in That's the story I tell about the cat Attacking him That's that story Okay

So he got attacked by the cat We didn't kill the cat And then we just took the jewelry And the blow We got in the car and we left When we did that it was at 10 in the morning The building was nobody could see us Where he, trust me

I had done this a thousand times in my life I knew there was nobody out There was no recession then everybody was working Nobody was home And I was in a part of the building When nobody could see me And even if somebody would see me The way I was looking

The way I was acting I was acting like I was walking a dog So there was a little thing in there So you couldn't tell even if they just drove by for a minute And go what's this guy doing I'd be in the bushes right there Walking a dog There was a little parkway there

Nobody showed up It took us eight minutes to do this burglary We got in the fucking car We went up to the pawn shop, sold it, chopped it up, took the blow. These guys are my goombas. We celebrated. But this was done like in April.

After about two or three weeks, we heard nothing. So I didn't know. So by May, I didn't hear nothing. So they thought it was a ride off. They wrote it off. I get this money. I go into this bar in Union City called the Spot on 22nd all the way down there.

It's cool little funky. The bartender was my buddy Mike Askleese's uncle. Oh, okay. So I went with George. Mike Aske. This is June 30th and 1985. I walk into this ball with money in my pocket, thinking I owe the world.

I know I'm getting on a fucking plane Sunday morning. I already knew. It's Saturday 11 o'clock, but I know tomorrow I'm on a plane, and then I'm going to kill me tonight. There's no way. I'm getting killed tonight. I had a piece on me.

You know, the other two guys didn't even know I was carrying a gun. I was putting them in a bad position by being with them. But at this time, my life in 1985, I was 23. I didn't care about the people around me as much as I care about them now. I was a little bit crazier. I just thought if I was with Mike, nobody would shoot me

because his father knew a lot of people. Okay. So I walk into this fucking thing, and I see this girl, she comes over to me, Regina Gordon, who I had known for years, who's my ass, and she pulls me aside, and she goes, what were you thinking when you robbed those people? And it was like you pulling me aside. I tried to play that stupid game.

Like, what are you talking to mine? She's like, you're going to fuck with me now? They know it's you. They know it's you. In fact, this is where you were with. BAP and Bap, you were with Mike Ronnie and Glenn Conti and that's what it ended. I knew she had me and I go, who told you this? And she goes,

they did. They knew. Somebody had a camera, somebody fucking saw you, something happened. So, don't be surprised if you see the fucking husband with a gun. So right there, I go, come on, seriously. She goes, yeah. And they know people and the police force in North Bergen,

so North Bergen, police could pull you over and hand you to them or give you a beating for them. So you got a fucking problem. So this is Sunday night, 11 o'clock. I'm paranoid as this. I'm smoking pot. I'm not doing coke then. I'm not drinking then. Okay.

I'm probably drinking soda at the bar. Now I walk back to the bar with this bad news in my ear and I look over to the other side of the bar and who do I see, but who are you? In a police uniform. Talking to another cop. That's my cousin.

I grew up with this motherfucker. I walk over, I give him a hug. He kind of gives me like a straight-off hug and then all of a sudden he says to me, hey, you know people are looking to fucking kill you, right? And he was dead serious. And I'm trying to giggle, like, bro, he's like, I'm telling you, people are looking to fucking kill you. At that time, I had destroyed West New York with fronts and give me an ounce of blow.

I'll be back in 10 minutes. You know my mother. All these people got together and said, this guy's got to make an example of it. I didn't know if there was going to be my stepfather. I knew my godfather was after me like a motherfucker. The guy in the motorcycle. The guy in the motorcycle. He was relentless.

He was relentless. So I knew eventually something was going to go down. Okay. You know, so that night, once they told me, I told my friends, we got to get the fuck out of here, and I never went back for six fucking years. Okay, but, uh, they,

just, why, why were you so upset at him? Because, I mean, I know you grew up together, but it seems like he did you solve it. Because in my heart,

I felt he had crossed over to the enemy. For helping your step that out? Yeah. Okay. That's what I thought in my, in my heart. That's, my insecure had worked.

That's a big thing. You have a, And it took me 27 years to get over it. Really? Yeah. So just recently then? Yeah. Holy shit.

So that's it. We talked earlier about you with friends, and it's loyalty's a big thing to you. And I'm from Jersey. You know what I mean from Jersey means? You're loyal and you're stupid and you're loyal. You know, you're stupid and you're loyal. When you watch all those Jersey videos or anything, we're stupid.

We're not fucking five beta capers. but our stupidity means it takes over our law ofty. I don't mean people from Jersey are stupid. What I'm saying is we're so loyal, it's stupid. That's what I mean to say. We're so loyal. We're so fucking loyal. Even though we see those idiots on that shore, what is it?

Jersey Shore. Jersey Shore Show. We still claim to be from Jersey. Other people would bail. They're going from Philadelphia. I'm from fucking Pennsylvania. You know what I'm saying? I mean, other people would bail.

I'm proud to be from fucking Jersey. I'm proud to have synony. my fucking bloodline. I'm proud to have Queen Latifah and OPP. I'm proud to have Heism. I'm proud to have, you know, Michael Corrin and Dan Calendrillo. But our loyalty is all you fucking have sometimes. You have to be loyal to the people that give you light. How the fuck can't you not? How the fuck can't you not be loyal to people who give you light? You know who gives you light? You know who's out there chucking and fucking jiving? You know what I'm saying? When people give you light, you gotta give them everything you fucking got in this world. You gonna get me

all fired up now? Yeah. A little fucking... A little music for these motherfuckers on Friday What is it? Wednesday, Friday I don't even fucking know no more It's Wednesday, get up, April 24 It's a beautiful day to be alive Motherfuckers, where's the music league? A Winkfrey for next talk.

Hit it, fuck me talking. Who gives a shit? Nobody listens to this shit. I love this jam. Ever since I listened to this jam My daughter that day and my arms, I'm like, I'm still alive, motherfucker. Even though we're a whipping post.

Oh shit. Crack that leak. Oh shit. Wiggle for your uncle Joey Lee. And where's the setup today? To push her. Do a jumping jack. Do a jumping jack.

Fuck you. Fuck you. You're doing. Do a jumping jack. It can really talk. Oh, stop it. Hit it. Italy. Oh, shit.

We're almost on the hour. Get up. Watch that pussy. It's a beautiful motherfucking day. My money. Here you go, Lee. Oh, shit. Break out the Yamikas.

It's a Jewie fucking Wednesday. Time to a whipping boat. Are you kidding me or what? Dropping it. Are you fucking kidding me or what? Turn that shit off. I might have to go home and shoot some fucking Chinese heroin. You think Chris Brown can sound that fucking sincere

and that one fucking motherfucker today could sound that sincere in his fucking music like that. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is right. We got time to fucking around. That's what this podcast does. Make sure you look through all the fucking bullshit. Unless that dude was fucking...

Oh, Lord, I feel like I'm dying. Are you guys? kid me or what? He was feeling at league. That's pretty intense for a white guy to say. Bro, I'm telling you, these motherfuckers weren't even white. They were supernatural white. They ate wonder bread with macaroni and cheese in the middle.

And I loved it with dirty feet. They didn't give a fuck about showers. But look what they fucking produced. It doesn't matter. That's what they fucking came up with. These guys, they got the backwards hat and the two earrings and the fucking warm-up suit, and they can't sing for shit. If it's not an organ

fucking helping you, some bullshit guy writing for you. That was pure six, eight guys, white heroin, booze. You fucking nuts. Get up. Do some heroin. Do something. If you're just going to lay there and watch fucking TV, you cuck, stuckus.

What's up, dog? I've got to give shoutouts today. I'm emotional. You know what I'm saying? I'm emotional today. I want to give a shout to my main man. Jesus, the girl. He's been juicing. He lost 140 fucking pounds. Oh, congrats. You think he cried. You don't feel good. I can't do it. No, he's fucking. You were sitting here

last night I heard eating fucking McDonald's Cocksucker. Andy Rogers Debt Squad, New Jersey, Debt Squad Grand Rapids, Dead Squad Harlem, Dead Squad as a motherfucking hole. I love you, cocksuckers. Keep doing what you're doing. Spreading the word, giving life. Pick up a

fucking piece of paper, you know what I'm saying? That's what Debt Squad's all about. And Matthew Brothers, North Carolina Debt Squad, cool motherfuckers, Jason, fucking motherfucking. Jason. And that's it, dog. Don't forget. You know, I think I got coffee too.

Oh, bulletproof coffee. Fucking tremendous. I got a bag of it. I never opened. I forgot I had it. I put in the thing. I got all those little cups with that new machine. Finally, I had my wife on Sunday.

I go, look at this fucking bag of shit here. So she told me how to teach it and thing and put it in a... Wow. That's good. That's why I'm fired up today, probably. Good. Googly-moogly. Put that coffee on that fucking list, too.

Mixing with some alpha brain, jerk off on a chick's face, and smoke a joint. You'll be fucking off and running, mother. That's quite a recipe. What the... You got a recipe. You got it together. You've been slipping later. Give me that fucking edible.

You didn't send the fucking guy that CD. It took you a month to get the camera going. You went to Vegas. You almost had to blow a Bolivian guy in the airport to get home. You better get your shit together. I'm going to go to sleep now. You ain't going to sleep. It's over. We're going to go up and do jump and do a jumping jack for the people.

Fuck you. I can't stand. One jumping jack. One jumping jack. You know the deal. I'll do it from here. No, you got to do it right now. You want me to do it first? I'll do a jumping jack. That's what I'm a fucking. Piss me the fuck off.

That's how I am. I do like 15 of these motherfuckers with the people downstairs. Guys, give you a jumping jack for the daily. I don't want to hear no shit. Come on. You got to do a jumping jack. I just did a jumping jack, didn't I? No.

And I ate 90 more percent of that brown than you did, so I don't want to hear it. 90 more percent. I'll go over and stab you with this fucking e-cigret and a fucking jugular. Look at this fucking munt. Yeah, do the jumping jack. Look at it Oh You gotta see it

You gotta do more jumping jacksley Okay I'm stoned By the end of the month You'll be doing 80 jumping jacks I could do 80 jumping jacks You could fucking do 80 jump Your anchor would break

How much would you give me to do 80? What's that? Give me 10,000 I'll do 80 right now I let the shark fart in your face Only 60%. Let me tell you something I'm picking up

Burke Chrys or 745 and we're going up and doing this live podcast tonight. This is one of Lee's fucking inventions tonight. We'll get back crashing. You and him always get together. So, Lee runs this fucking shit for you, people don't know. He's a creative fucking force here. So

we're doing a live podcast that it's going to be like a Dead Squad festival tonight at the ice house. I don't give a fuck where you at tonight. Come from all points. South, north, get in your fucking car right now. As soon as you hear this, hang up the fucking phone. Put it in your pod. Put it in your iPod. Get in the fucking car.

and head, I'm telling you. I got an email this morning some guy's showing up with 8 pounds of wheat. He's just going to light up joints outside the fucking lot. We're going to get fucking, it's going to be like a Woodstock for Riefer tonight. Make sure you're there. Two shows, 8.30, I'm in the small room.

10.30, Rogan, Tom Segura, Burke Kreischer, Jesus fucking Joseph and Mary on the drums. John Lennon's coming. Everybody's showing the fuck up. Make sure you're there. Where else am I going? I don't even know. You're going to Texas?

Oh, shit. Let me tell you, I'm going to Texas. You know what my ass was going to smell like after two days between Chewys and the fucking barbecue in Austin? You have no idea. You have no idea. I'm going to get that over his chicken. I'm going to get everything at fucking Chewis.

I'll be down there from the 2nd of May to the 5th of May. There's only five shows. Don't fuck around. Then the following week, me and the other Jew, my best friend fucking Jew, Ari Shafir, we're going to be at Stand Up Live in Phoenix, get your tickets online. Listen, people, it's going to be a great fucking summer.

I'm going to Grand Rapids, Michigan. Oh, shit. Fucking August 15th, that week when the Super Bowl, when the UFC is in Boston. Okay. I told you that they all, you bam, I'm going to I think it's Dr. Grins. I can't wait

to go to fucking Michigan. Listen to some good radio. See some real fucking dirty white women. Michigan got the best dirty white women. I think Jenny Friedman and her Jew pussy are from fucking Michigan. I think you said that about every fucking state. What's that? Whatever state you're going to, they got the dirtiest white, Oh, I love him.

I love them. I love dirty white women with freckles and a little dirt on their heels. Freckles? Their assholes like gunpowder. It's a party lady. You follow me? I don't follow you. And that girl was, when I come here this morning, the girl's on the couch, she left,

leading, do nothing again. He followed it at the fucking scene. That's why I'm mad at this kid. I got a straight guy to fuck out. I'm not going to fucking... You know what I feel like that guy in fucking good fellas? When you help the kid, when he's bleeding, and all of a sudden I look at you and I go, nine fucking towels to help that guy.

That's what I feel like every time I see you. Why? I keep grinding you for. You're slipping. I had a girl cheat on me. I'm not going to... The girl's great. Who cheated on you?

A girl when I was in... The black one? No. Which one? One? A couple ones before that. You know why you cheat on you? Why?

Because you don't need ass. You don't want a finger bang of a sniffy finger. I don't want to stab them with a nice thing. You don't want to rub their feet with Bengay. You don't want to stick a needle in their heel. You know, you don't want to grab them by the hair and tell them the fucking. Who was the 18th president? We were having coffee

And you were trying to break that down for me You got a fucking I can't I'm pulling a girl's hair Punching him in the face Making them puke up their own Like swallow your jizz Punch them so they puke it up

And then swallow it again It would be fucking I would freak out I can't punch a girl on the face I didn't say the punch of her face Yes you did No it's a karate chop in the neck Just a fucking quadsoon

The fucking throat If you pick them up through the hoof and that monkey What's the problem here Lee? Because I don't want to lick a girl's asshole I just want to stay away from the asshole There's so much else I can do Me either you lick it or you don't Or somebody else will

Or you're gonna be giving away Every three years you're gonna be giving away A new computer Because some chicks and go Lee's cute I like him But he won't fucking stick his elbow in my ass He won't punish that fucking monkey You gotta get it together

I ain't gonna talk about this no more Because you're just disappoint me You're going to end up at McDonald's at the drive-thru window. I haven't been to one fucking McDonald's. Don't fucking lie, let me, cock-sucker. Want to go through my trash? Somebody said, no, bro, I know you're a professional eater. You probably throw it away and burn it.

You're like a fucking, like OJ's fucking suit. You know what I'm saying? You probably pull over, burn it, clean all the fibers in your car, and make sure there's no fucking salt packages from McDonald's and shit. I guarantee there's a ketchup in your car from McDonald's from the old days. No? You just keep it there to sniff it. Just to sniff it, like when you finger a woman and you fucking don't wash

your hands. That's what you do, you do, your little nasty motherfucker, don't you? How do you keep a ketchup packing? I'd keep like a wrapper from the cheeseburger. Well, I know that. That's what you just, you just gave yourself up. I know there's a wrapper from a cheeseburger hidden under the seat. And it was you're driving on the 4 or 5 sometimes and you feel depressed about yourself.

You smell that wrapper and you're like, should I crash the car into the fucking gate right now and take out all these Arabs? Should I fucking leave? What are the fucking? What am I talking about? I have no idea. Why do you get me on this shit? I tell you don't give me edibles in the morning. What do you do? You encourage me. Let me tell you what really happened with this edible.

What happened? All right, so I had to do some shit. I went to kickbox and I got home. I took my wife to lunch. We had to make some missions. I had to go to church and get the bapt. I had to do a thousand things yesterday. My wife. And I stopped at the weed store and I got one of those Cheebo shoes. Okay.

The whole fucking dose. Oh, Jesus. I popped out about three o'clock. By eight, I was on fire. I went down to the whatever. I came back. And I was looking for this thing. I got one of these, too.

The owner said, take one of these. I couldn't find it, Lee. And for the life of me, I kept thinking that I ate it already. That's it. I got to go to therapy. You know what I'm saying? I'm eating edibles, and I'm forgetting. I'm eating edibles.

And I couldn't fucking find that. I was pissed last night. Pissed. Furious, pissed. Couldn't fucking find it. I said, all right, that's it. And this morning, as I was leaving, I looked over and there was on the floor laying there,

like a $20 dollar billets at the fucking train station. and I picked that motherfucker up. I go, Lee is going down, bitches. As soon as I seen it, that's all I thought about, how Lee was going down. Jesus Christ. What's going out from Boston? What are you hearing, brother?

Oh, everyone's doing great. They're opening the Boylston Street up today, like the area. But I hope everyone in the Midwest is okay. Do you see that this morning? Fucking St. Louis is, like, underwater, like the Midwest. What happened? Like the Mississippi River is rising because of, like, the snow is melting. Yeah, yeah, Colorado.

I got another foot two days ago. Jesus. Yeah, and I turned on CNN just because I want to see stuff about the Boston thing. And, like, St. Louis is, like, underwater, and it's fucking... I've got to call that buddy Joey Boom Boom Falado and make sure he's doing it okay. It's always something lately. Every fucking... What happens to the Koreans?

They went away? No, they're probably going to do it now since we're not paying attention to him. No, that's what they want. They're not paying attention to them, so now there's nowhere to go. They don't know where to fuck you, but we're not... So we've got enough problems here. I know you're going to tell me, you know, what's with the questions, But every time something like this happens, there's always the conspiracy theorist,

like the government did in there, they're putting these kids up. I think these guys did it. It seems like they did. But like, whenever the conspiracy theories come up, you, like, have a thought. Second one, like, could the government do it? I know the government does shady shit. But stuff like this, I mean, do you think that they're fucking faking it? Listen, I don't know what to think anymore.

Yeah. I feel bad for the 8-year-old child. I feel bad for the people that are still in the hospital. week later. I feel bad for the people from Boston. That's where my focus is. You know, when this shit happens. I could sit there with you and read

what's on Twitter and the two kids and listen, I don't give a fuck what the government does. It involves young lives. That's what it destroys us as human beings. You're destroying things. I hope in my heart. I hope in my heart this isn't some

government conspiracy is something something. Yeah. I hope in everything that I believe in. you know, everything that I believe in. I hope that this is just people being assholes. That's it. People losing control. That's it.

Yeah. You know, so that's what my focus is. You know, nobody needs to bury an eight-year-old child. No, that's terrible. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody needs to bury 24 children in a fucking grammar school and teachers. That's absurd.

That's the beginning of life for us. Once you break that down, what's next? I can't go to school because my kid's going to get shot. Yeah. I can't feel, you know, I can't even go. a fucking race now. So, as an American brother, you know, this is the best fucking country in the world.

Always has been. We'll figure it out. You know, but now, like I told last week, and people fucking tormented me that, what do you want from me? I'm a realist. I went to bed one night, and I woke up in the middle of the night, and I found my mother on the floor with her on purple.

You know, at 14, could you ever believe that something like that could happen? No. No, I didn't. I didn't. You know, I told. the story about Colleen Maines that I dated this girl and I would ask her where's your mother and one day she said my mother died and I thought it was the creepiest thing in the world. She was being raised by her sisters and her mother and her father.

Not the mother had passed, I'm sorry and I got to tell you something I broke up with her because I didn't even like the feeling of that how that felt that creepiness. Yeah. That creepiness and not having a mother. I didn't even want to be around me and look two years later my mother died. So when something like that happens who the fucking mind to tell you about life. I only know one thing about life. I got to give you a hug when I leave here. Because I can get my car, make a U-turn

and get hit by a fucking silo missile. That's the truth. That's all I tell people. This has been a fucked up year. There's been the movie theater thing, the Newtown, Connecticut, now this, it seems like it's happening more often now. So you're going to tell me that now every time you go somewhere, you're not going to look around and be more cautious, whether it's Costco, whether it's a baseball game,

whether it's these motherfuckers. You know, and God bless the people that go through this. I would never want to go through this in a lifetime. Can you imagine being on a fucking race and a bomb goes off? Yeah. Just to have some fun, a fucking race, an American race, fucking people getting together and running. What's next?

They've got a bomb fucking, the one with the, you know, I don't even want to get into it because some of your mistintrude is wrong. I don't want to, but what's next? Yeah, it's fucking. An airport? No, they already did a fucking airport. What's next? a park

a baseball game a UFC event a movie another movie theater what the fuck is next yeah it's uh it's crazy it's uh and Connor Hune the guy our buddy who called and he wrote he wrote to me on Twitter yesterday he must be listening

to a backlog he said like you have to uh really follow your instincts and there was a guy yeah yeah I seen that I spoke to him yesterday he's a good fucking dude yeah man he's a good fucking dude yeah he's a great guy

there's a one of the guys who helps identify the people in Boston he like made eye contact with the guy he made put his bag down and two minutes later the bomb went off like it's always it always feels weird if you're gonna like raise your hand and be like this seems where he left his bag here and you never want to do it but now you

when you go anywhere you're going to have to have to look you have to be alert no more fucking around and you have to pay attention what I've been saying since day one you know I was taught that you have to fucking pay attention you gotta walk around and keep your fucking eyes open what the fuck are you here? What the fuck are you here?

about pay the fuck attention look around and see what the fuck's going on when I get out of my car I'm looking at things nobody else is looking at I'm looking at why is that guy walking like that why is that guy standing there I look at all this shit and I can go in a fucking bomb today or get shot today but pay the fuck attention around to your surroundings and you know it could be anybody it could be fucking anybody you can't blame on the Arabs no more or nothing it could be fucking everybody anybody a white dude it could be fucking anybody You know, and this has been going on for years, but you're absolutely right. I mean, I still remember the Oklahoma City bomb.

Yeah. You know, you were a young fucking guy, right? 94. Yeah. Six. Six, you know. I mean, I still remember sitting there with fucking, and crying. You know, sitting there and crying.

That's feeling empathy, you know, for fucking American kid. Whatever. It's a, it's senseless. So my heart goes out to the people of Boston. Hang in there, you bad motherfuckers. Fucking the home of aerosmith and. Rico Petrcelli and fucking the Boston Red Sox 1975 team. I love Louis Deonton and everything that Boston fucking

Andre Tippett. I've been with you motherfuckers since the beginning. I love you motherfuckers. So hang in there. Cocksuckers. I got emotional shit. Let's do this, Lee. Play some motherfuckettuckin' music. I'll see you cocksuckers at the ice house tonight. I'll see you in Texas or I'll see you in Arizona. Keep your fucking eyes open. Pay attention. Tackle a motherfucker. Because that's all we got. We got ourselves. Our loyalty. and our fucking balls.

Take it, you bad motherfucking Jew, you. And if you're a Jew, act like one. Leave the house with a lighter. Oh shit. Oh shit.