The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #046 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... Wednesday, March 10th..... Today, we talked about a lot of things..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, Lucy Nicotine Gum & Stamps.com...... Go to https://www.DraftKings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.Lucy.co and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.Stamps.com and enter Code: JOEY And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

Greetings from Podcastville. The Joint is brought to you by Draft Kings. I don't know if you live behind a fucking rock or whatever the fuck, but the biggest college basketball tournament of the year is heating up. This Sunday, the brackets come out, and the clock is ticking as the seeds get ready for the tip off. Get off the fucking bench and get into this tournament action. Bet $4 on the underdog.

If they win, you're up to $256. That's fucking insanity. It takes four bucks to get a shot at winning $256. The bank is open, bitches. If anybody knows about being an underdog, it's your uncle Joey. But look at me now. There's no better way to put your college basketball knowledge to the test than to put your money where your mouth is with Draft King's Sportsbook. Do me a favor.

Let's cut this shit. Download the top rated sportsbook app. Draft Kings Sportsbook app. Now use promo code Joey. When you sign up, you're going to turn four. $4 into $256 if the underdog of your choosing pulls off the upset. Where have you fucking... Who takes care of you like Draft Kings?

Nobody that co-suckers. That's Code Joey to turn $4 into $256 for a limited time only. You got to start this weekend with this. Listen, the brackets get released Saturday or Sunday. I don't fucking know. But I do know. This is the way to go. Draft Kings.

Right now, download the fucking app. The top rated Draft King Sportsbook app today, right now. And for a limited time, right now we're going to take care of you. $4 to turn into $256. Who's better than fucking you? Nobody. Go to Draft King's right now and download the app and use promo code Joey. Here's the part the lawyers make me say, you got to be 21 old.

Go fucking get your roller skates. New Jersey, Indiana, Pennsylvania, new customers only. restrictions apply see draftkings.com slash sportsbook for details now if you have a gambling problem you got to take care of it you got to call 1-800 gambler or in indiana 1-8009 with it but first download the draft king's sportsbook app right now

and tell them uncle joey sent you there's a tremendous game tonight with san antonio versus dallas you could start your fucking action tonight and you'll be ready for this weekend's action And if, listen, and if college basketball ain't your fucking thing, they got NBA, golf, hockey, they got a full-length casino. So go to Draft Kings app right now, promo code Joey. The join is also brought to you by my favorite Lucy nicotine gum.

Listen, it's March fucking night and you still haven't quit. You've been telling yourself you want to quit, you want to quit. When you're craving a smoke, you just need a little something to satisfy the habit. That's why I love Lucy. Things may be rough, but you don't need to smoke anymore. Right now it's time to get your health in order. Get Lucy today so you're prepared when you get the hitch. Keep it on you from when the craving hits.

The craving's only like 60 seconds. So you subscribe so you have it when you need it. Lucy gum actually fucking tastes good. It comes in three flavors, winter green, cinnamon, and my favorite pomegranate. If you don't like the gum, they also got a cherry-eyed flavored lozange. That'll make you jump up and fucking down. and salute the flag. Listen, with me, I love the pomegranate.

I love the fucking cherry ice flavored lozenges. Take a chance, Columbus did. Why do you want to keep fucking smoking? Get healthy. Go to lucy.com and use promo code Joey to get 20% off all their products including the gum and lozenges. That's lucy.com, use promo code Joey.

And here's the lawyer part. Warning, this product contains nicotine. No shit derived from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive fucking chemical. But you already knew that, so just go to lucy.com and be sure to use promo code Joey. The join is also brought to you by stamps.com. Listen, you know what this life is about? Saving fucking time and making a little bit of money.

That's what it's about. But time, let's face it, taking trips to the post office and how you want to spend your fucking time. That's why I recommend stamps.com. You could send letters, send packages, anytime, anywhere, right from your computer. Stamps.com has saved businesses, thousands of hours and tons of money. My wife has been with them, I don't know, 10 years. You can wave the package at your house, put it out in the thing, and the post office picks it up. The same with UPS and get discounts up to 40% off in the post office rates and up to 62% off UPS shipping rates.

That's a lot of fucking stamps. Stamps.com is a no-brainer. Stop wasting your time by going to the post office and go to Stamps. There's a no risk. No risk. This is what we're going to do. Use promo code Joey, okay? You're going to get a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale.

No long-term commitment to contracts. Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone on top of the home page and type in Joey. That's Stamps.com. Use promo code Joey. Stamps.com. Never go to the fucking post office again. It's time to get this fucking party started. It's Wednesday morning.

Candles are lit, motherfuckers. Do what you need to do. Uncle Joey loves you. Things from Podcastville, you bad motherfuckers. It's Wednesday. The 10th of the month. I'm happy you're fucking here. I want to thank Dean Delray for coming on on Monday morning.

He made my week just looking at him. You know, just reminding me, I do miss a lot of fucking people in Los Angeles. I do miss the Rogans and all those guys. But it was nice having them on here. I wasn't kidding you guys when I told him that he helped bring me back a little bit with the with the D.L music and just the music all around. He was a dear friend and I fucking love him to death. So I'm happy, but we didn't get a chance to chit chat about what's been going on in my life.

The end of now I'm fucking sitting there watching TV. I'm minding my own fucking business and all of a sudden I see this fucking the Kardashians, right? And I'm sitting there and I just I just saw that it was coming. coming on. I didn't even, like I didn't click on to whatever the fuck it was. And I'm thinking to myself, what the fuck is the attraction with these people? How the fuck did they stay on TV all these fucking years and people got sucked into it? You know, I've tried watching it a couple times. I mean, the show isn't bad. I'm not putting it down. I'm not sitting here saying that. But who fucking sits there religiously every week following the fucking Kardashians? It's like,

you know, they've created like a fucking, it's like a fucking soap opera, living, soap opera. The husband turns fucking LGBTQ. He switches fucking governments. Kanye West is fucking crazy. The sisters must have like a fucking plastic surgery farm or something. The Chubby

Sister, I saw a commercial with her that she gets migraine fucking headaches. She looks like a million fucking bucks, the Chubby Sister. To me, she's kind of cute. She's a sweetheart. People always cheating on and, you know, I don't know what she did to deserve this, but I mean, it's the truth. I just don't fucking know.

You watch these things and you're like, what is the fucking connection that people have to this? You know, but people have connections to podcasts. People have connections to different shows, you know. But that show, there's just certain things that I've never bought into. It's like the connection to Megan Markle and that fucking pale cuck sucker from England. I don't get it. I don't fucking get it. Listen, I don't give a fuck of what goes on in England, especially right now with COVID and the people dying and the pandemic and the fucking vaccine and the fucking.

96% and which you know it's like a game of jeopardy whether we're gonna live or not which fucking now they added an extra fucking thing so it's either Pfizer moderna or fucking johnson and johnson johnson is one shot so pretty you know you don't even know people fucking call me joy how to get a shot listen we got a friend that's it and then my wife got in there because she's a smoker and she's 50 and she's got heart problems you know i'm waiting i'm gonna wait like a month or two to the mass exodus before I get my fucking vaccine. I will get it eventually. I'll probably get to Johnson Johnson.

It's one less fucking torture session. You know, listen, before I get a needle, it's a week of fucking trauma. Like if you call me right now and go, we need to see you March 29th in the doctor's office and you need to do like a fucking hard test or something and we're going to put ink in your vein, I'm fine till a week out. Just sit here with me. You'll see me melt, deteriorate right in front of your fucking eyes. I think I'm just going to do it, Johnson and Johnson going there one time.

I'm going to bring a mattress with me and put it next to me in case I fucking fall. You don't know how many times I fucking hit the deck over fucking needles. Last time I fainted was a shot to the ass when I got married. Before that, one time I was in acupuncture, and she didn't lay me down. She just laid me this way on the table, and I was on like a chair, just like this one with wheels. And I looked up and I saw like a needle sticking out of my fucking shoulder. And I was like, that's how I tore my. my first meniscus on the left side.

I didn't tell her because I didn't want to feel bad, but I just looked over and I saw the needle sticking out on my fucking thing, and I fucking just rolled off the chair and fell that way. So that's what I'll do. I just bring a little fucking, like a wrestling, like a Fuji mat, you know how Fuji sells mats and shit?

And I'll tell a little Chinese guy, listen, before you shoot me, once you see the sweater beat go down my face, fucking take the needle out because I'm going the opposite fucking direction. I'm even going to position my chair so I can just roll off onto the fucking thing. That's it. Listen, I hate fainting.

I hate the feeling of going on then. You're losing fucking consciousness and shit. But you got to do it. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to take a piece of this Lucy Coe right now. This is my motherfucking little, here's my favorite out of all the flavors of pomegranate.

I got to tell you guys something that I never told you. I don't know if you know this fucking story. I quit smoking. I smoked twice in my life. Like an asshole. And you guys, listen, we'll talk about it later, but I've told you guys for years. I'm not, I'm no fucking surgeon.

I'm no brain genius. I got my own problems. But I have jumped out of my, Mike and I were talking before the podcast. And he goes, people want to hear your opinion on that. You know, when I was a kid, when my mother first died, I don't know if I've told you this. I did acid.

I started doing just one hit, you know, here and there. And then I was doing it fucking every night. And then I went like on a tear. I heard of these guys. There was a group of guys in my hometown. They didn't fucking drink. They drank every night throughout the Iran contract. When they were holding those hostages, that was their thing.

That was their way of fucking whatever. They drank for 144 days straight. I don't know. I don't know. It was 1979, 1980. I took a different route. I started taking acid every fucking day to deal with life

and after my mother's death for a year or maybe two from maybe the beginning of 1980 to the middle of 81. I was a part-time masculine salesman. I had the little dots. I would go up to Pennsylvania on the weekends and buy three, four hundred, five hundred,

whatever I could sell, you know. But part of that, I was taking those. And I have told you guys that, you know, part of my coming back after my mother died What kept me together was my friends, but it was also that I was experimenting not with the fucking tubes and a jacket on, none of that shit. I'm not half a fucking fruitcake. I was fucking dropping hits every night and my tolerance got high. I was dropping five hits a night. I would drop four hits like it was nothing.

And then I would go home in the peak of it and listen. to music with earphones on and reflect on my mom dying you know you could it's like an out of body experience you can look within and heal yourself i mean it helped it didn't heal me but it helped it kind of helped you know i know a lot of people right now that are micro dosing and now the other day i read an article that people are using it as a way of therapy and and for me i agree with it uh what i prescribe but i'm not a fucking doctor i'm just telling you what works for me and it was you You know, like a lot of people get mushrooms and they order empty capsules on Amazon and they fill them up. I don't know what the way it is.

And then they'll just see what they need every day and they'll microdose mushrooms for psychological reasons, PTSD, for trauma, whatever. Even for what I was going through, which was lack of focus. You know what I'm saying? Thank God I went back on the Schroom, on the Alpha Brain. Thank God I got back into reading. I mean, listen, I was reading books. I read the Howford book. and I read my friend's book

and I asked myself, what the fuck did I just read? And I couldn't come up with a fucking answer. So I just went back to reading books that I had already read. I'm on my second one. In fact, I wanted to read a section out of there for you guys. We're not up to that part yet.

But I took acid as a comeback. I took acid for years. And then cocaine took over, yeah, and then we moved on. But let me tell you something. In the beginning, what kept me alive was doing acid. So, you know, I don't know what you're going through or whatever, but I know a lot of people, like, that's why they legalize these type of drugs.

I think, you know, a lot of these people taking these mushrooms. I know Josh was doing it. I heard Duncan was doing it. I know Dean Delray does it from time to time. And you know what? And Dean's not a junkie. Those guys are not drugheads. They smoke pot, whatever.

But they say it helps them with their well-being. So if you're going through something, I don't know. It's just an option maybe. But I was laughing before the thing. I was talking to Mike, and I was talking about Lucy gum. It's not bad, and I used it. I actually ate all the fucking Lucy gum when I got. I had to call Lucy Company and get more.

But I started smoking at 32 years old. When I moved to Los Angeles, it was 97, so I was 34. I had never smoked a cigarette. I couldn't get in a fucking car with you if you smoked cigarettes. And finally one day, I was like, fuck it. You know, I was watching comics. And I noticed that even Josh Wolf, a lot of guys, Doug Stanhope, a lot of guys would smoke before they went on stage.

And I asked them, why do you smoke before you get on stage? And they were like, well, it takes care of the nerves. I go, really? Because I used to be fucking nervous like we all are with your butterflies. So I picked up a fucking cigarette as much as I hated. And it was one of the worst habits I haven't picked up. Never mind, a plan of Sam and all the problems I had cocaine. I'll tell you, man, cigarettes are fucking horrid.

Cigarettes are fucking horrid. So I started smoking cigarettes. I went from, I would buy a pack at night. And then as I was going home, I would give them away. But then I also enjoyed the, if you do coke, oh my God, cigarettes are fucking the shit. When you do coke, that's the shit. You just burn through those fucking cigarettes. That's why I was saying the other day with the Doug Stanhope podcast,

when I used to see Steveo get two cartons of cigarettes. When I was going home with an eight ball or a gram or two, I'd get like two packs of cigarettes, maybe three, buy two, get one free, that type of shit. That's how, but I was smoking, you could ask anybody, Josh. Wolf, I could smoke two packs of fucking day. I wasn't smoking casually to smoking two packs a day. That started in 1997. When I got together with my wife, she smoked. And I smoked.

So it was not a bad, it wasn't a good fucking combination. and she was smoking Marlboro Lights 100s. Are you fucking crazy? My wife is a fucking savage and I was smoking camel lights but then I got to the point where I would smoke whatever and this is how I quit.

I just between the reefer you know that's why you hear that fucking wheezing in my lungs. It's not, bro, my lungs are fucking tanks. They've been through hell. You have no idea what my lungs have been through. If I could pet them, I would. If I can do something for my lungs,

I fucking would. my lungs have been through hell. They have been through hell. They deserve all the love in the world. I think about my lungs all the fucking time, and I rub my chest, and I tell them, thank you. Because when I smoked, I smoked. When I snorted, I snorted.

My poor lungs have been through fucking hell. They have been through hell. This last time when I did the fucking surgery, I did a chest x-ray, and he goes, your lungs look pretty good. I go, no emphysema's? You go, no, not from what I'm saying. I'm like, fuck, like eight years ago,

I had emphysema. So me, come. Cutting down on the wheat since I got back here and all this shit has helped a lot. I sound a lot better than I'm a lot happier. But let me tell you, I quit smoking. A lot of people don't know. This is the technique Uncle Joey decided to use. Because I didn't think that I tried the patch and it made me dizzy.

I tried the pill. There's a pill you could take and it fucks you up. Mentally, you know, I'd be at the comedy store thinking I was a fucking juggler and shit. Just the pill made you fucking crazy. I don't know what it's called. I don't want to know. Chantrum, whatever they're shantrum. Chantex, I don't fucking know.

I don't fucking know. So this is how I quit smoking. I said, fuck this. I got an eight ball and I went home and I brought one cigarette upstairs. That's it. And I snorted for like three fucking hours dying for a cigarette. Because anybody who snorts Coke knows if you don't have a cigarette, you lose your fucking mind on cocaine. Same thing with drinking.

And there's people who like to drink because they smoke. So I was like, listen, the only way I'm going to quit smoking is I got to fucking torture myself. This is the type of guy I am. I break myself. There's a certain discipline you have to have as a man

that you have to look at yourself and go, you know what, I'm going to torture myself. So I went home, I got an eight ball of Coke, and I took one cigarette upstairs, and I threw away my wife's cigarettes out the window. She had quit already. She had quit already. She had quit.

There was like an emergency pack. I threw him out the fucking window. We lived on the third floor in Hollywood. I got this eight ball. My wife was sleeping and I started snorting at 11. I had one cigarette. Finally, at 3 o'clock, I broke and I smoked that cigarette. And I had another four hours of snorting before I could get another cigarette.

But I knew one thing. If I could go the whole night without a fucking cigarette, like four or five hours, that's the strength of a thousand fucking, that's the strongest shit. once I realized I could go I could snort coke without smoking cigarettes I was good to go and I'll never forget the first night that I did it after that night

I still remember waking up and having a call from Ralphie Mae and him picking me up and I knew he wanted to smoke reef and I was a little bit on the fucking weak side and I listen if you smoke weed you know that when you smoke weed if you smoke cigarettes there's nothing better than smoking a joint and follow one of

Marlboro Light, ooh, with a cup of coffee, who's better than fucking you on a Monday morning? You were sitting there with a fucking joint and a cup of coffee and then you blast out a cigarette.

Ooh, it feels fucking tremendous. I didn't think, you know, like I was saying on Joe Diaz project this morning, yesterday on Patreon, I was talking about fucking, you have to, it all starts with your mind.

Like, your mind has to see it. You ever ask you, like when I quit cocaine, I couldn't see myself, quitting fucking cocaine. I couldn't see it until one day I could see it and then it happened with cigarettes like I got sick and tired of stinking like cigarettes I got sick I just got sick and tired I always having to have a fucking cigarette around me and I had to go outside once my wife quit smoking I couldn't smoke in the fucking house and I just know that you know when you weigh 400 fucking pounds it's not good for when I was doing the longest yard I was smoking three fucking

packs a day. No wonder I was 418 fucking pounds. Four packs a day. And that kid Lobo Sebastian in the movie, he was getting a free cigarette from Marlboro. So he was giving me fucking cases. Marlborough was just swinging by and going, you know, just mention us in a movie

or whatever. It was fucking amazing. I was taking home all these fucking cigarettes. I was 400 fucking pounds. How much time are you going to last being 400 fucking pounds smoking cigarettes? So I said, fucking. I'm going to stop. One thing at a time. One thing I, you know, everybody wants to quit everything all that once.

I'm going to go on a diet. I'm going to quit smoking cigarettes. It's not going to work out. Somewhere along the line, it's going to fucking fall apart on you because you can't control that many things. I just focused on not smoking. And I still remember Ralphie Mae picking me up and that's being behind our compadre, smoking a fucking number.

And I still remember going, fuck, I need a fucking cigarette now. And I held it off. Pretty soon it was day number one, day number two, day number three. when I picked up nicotine gum. So nicotine gum helped me in a way. It was a lot better in the fucking patch. I don't know why I'm telling you this fucking story. But I figured I'd tell you the story anyway.

If you're going to quit smoking, I mean, this is the way to do it. I forced myself with the fucking ape ball just because I knew it. And you know it. You know if you do blow or you drink. There's some people that once they quit smoking, they quit drinking. Because they don't find the enjoyment no more. You know, it goes hand in fucking hand. and I understand it.

But anyway, that's it. We'll just talk about that and leave it at that. I had a nice fucking weekend this weekend, guys. I really, you know, man, you look at me, you go, Joey, you're looking way better. You're thinking clear, my eyes are clear. I don't look like I'm fucking, you know, happen a bag all day. I got the weight of life lifted off me, and I got to become a regular person. You don't know how nice that is to just be a regular person for people not to fucking want pictures

Just for people to treat you regular after a while was just you know we went through an overwhelming period I'm not a fucking cry baby I'm not you know it was just overwhelming as a comic When I moved that's what the relief is you know But my weekends have been getting a lot better than they were You know I'm gonna do these four shows left and then I'm just going to search whatever Joey Dears wants to do. Joey Dears doesn't know what his next step is. I know that the three chapters are finished for the book.

So my agent asked for an outline and tomorrow I'm going to talk to my partner in Crime, Erica, and we'll have a subtle outline. So the wheels are moving, guys. just because I'm not doing stand-up doesn't mean that I'm not fucking working you know it doesn't mean that I'm not right and it doesn't mean that I'm not doing a podcast I even released a Spanish fucking podcast this week

it's God awful I released it on Patreon my Spanish is fucking horrendous but you know what man it's time to get out of my comfort zone and try different fucking things you know I'm getting I'm at the 70 30 mark right now with my messages whether it's Facebook

Twitter Patreon, I'm 70-30. What does that mean? 70% of the people are doing great. 30% of people are fucking struggling. And I'll tell you, I'm one of those, you know, I'm one of those people. I'm in that percentage group.

But I could tell you that I was a lot worse when I got off the plane in August. What made it good was in re-enjoying life, re-finding what brought me pleasure. It wasn't just comedy. it just wasn't doing a podcast my life was just ran away from me sometimes

you know thank God it didn't run away from me on drugs and shit like that I just life was moving too fast for me and for a lot of other comics I've spoken to a couple comedians the last fucking few weeks and they've all said the same thing to me that bro the amount of work we were doing was

you know in the old days comics went out Tuesday through Sunday you knew where you stood Now you have podcast You have to be a guest on podcast And you have to fucking work So we were working Triple time

What we are usually comic does And this is This isn't from my mouth This is from other comics That were like You know, we felt we had to keep up With Tom Segura Like we all felt we had to keep up

With that speed And now all of us I fucking sit there laying there Going what the fuck is our next move So you think You think about you know So for me I have to get out

on the weekends. I have to do something else. I have to do some completely different. And for me, I found refuge in my friends. I think that if you're going through something right now, I get it. I understand it.

But you've got to reach out to your friends. I mean, therapy is therapy. If you need to see a therapist. But before you get out of control and go see a therapist, I think you friends, for me, man, Listen, I wasn't having a bad week last week. I had a great week last week.

I'm off the fucking pain pills. That was the number one thing. You know, I'm moving forward. It may not seem to it to me sometimes. I'm a little hard on myself. But I'm moving forward. I'm doing things that I never did before. We're at the two month mark from the surgery from the knee.

I'm walking better. I do not trust it. You know, last week, Sam Trippley was in town at the dojo comedy. love Sam. I was supposed to drive out with Jimmy Florentine on Thursday night. Jimmy Florentine's son had a game so he couldn't go Thursday night. Friday, my wife was already had a dinner date. She was going out with her girlfriends. And Saturday is our night here. We do honeymoon, White Castle, you know, we do all that stuff. We do all in the family. I let my daughter watch all in the family.

The other day, he said something. It was like a racist term and she didn't know what it meant. I said, don't, you don't need to know. Don't need to fucking know. But every Saturday is the same thing here. We watch Bunk and Jesse on Disney. And then at 9.30, we throw on the, 9 o'clock, we throw on all the family. And at 930, we throw on the honeymoon. So Saturday, I was going to go.

Saturday night, I go, you know what? I got to see Sam Tripley. Fucking, I called my, my, I was at a friend's house Friday. And I called my buddy up. My buddy called me up, George out of the blue from F&D frame. And he calls me up. He's like, I just got hit by a guy on a bike. Now, George is my brother, but he's got a fucking weird sense of humor, and I love him to death.

He told me I hit by a bike, and I landed on my ass. I'm like, what are you talking about? I was involved in the conversation, but I saw it was my brother calling. I don't want him to think he got mugs, so I excuse myself for a second. I go, what's going on? He goes, you're not going to believe it. I just got hit by a fucking guy on a bike. I go, where?

He goes, in front of my business, I landed on my ass. I go, what the fuck are you talking about? Are you okay? He goes, yeah. And let me call you back when I get home. So I never thought about it. I didn't call him back Friday night. You know, I was busy with my daughter, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Saturday, I call him and I go, hey, man, I need a big favor from you. Because, guys, I can't drive at night. I live in the fucking sticks. There's no streets. There's fucking deer everywhere. The highways I could see. But once I get off the highways and get on those numbered fucking things, I can't fucking see. I called him up.

I called Georgia. But George, what are he doing? You busy? He goes, dog, I'm just recovering. That fucking bike hit me so hard. I didn't even go to work today. I'm fucking hurt. And I'm like, what are you talking about? And he goes, yeah, I fucking flew up in the air. When I got hip at the bike, I just flew in the fucking air and landed. And I go, what are you talking about? And he goes, yeah, the guy hit me, apologized. He was a nice guy and stuff. But George went flying. So George is like, I'm not going out. So I was like, you know what? My wife wasn't driving me to whatever. We didn't have a baby.

said I can't get a baby so they're just on a drop of a fucking dime. So I miss Sam, you know, I felt terrible about it. I felt fucking terrible about it. But in the other hand, it's a different life I'm living right now. Right now, I couldn't imagine going somewhere and getting COVID for a reason that I shouldn't be there. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I like, and if I would have known, I would have just got out in the daytime and done lunch with him. That would have been my easiest fucking bad.

So my apologies to Sam Tripley that I didn't go support him. I love him to debt. He's my brother. I just don't have it no more. You know, I got obligations at the house now. I'm a different fucking man. And that's what's going on in my world. You know, Sunday I went down to my brother came up, the one whose wife died.

I went down to see him in Thomas River from 1130 to 2.30. Their family took me in. And then from there, I went to Bobby's house. And I hung out over there in Jackson for about three hours with my wife and their dog. And, you know, their mother-in-law lives with them. And Mercy and the mother-in-law gets along great. So this is the same lady I hit on 40 years ago before my mother died. I hit on Faye at the fucking park now.

She's my daughter's favorite. She's like a fucking standing grandmother here in New Jersey. But on the way back, it was interesting because my wife was like, you know, I could see the change in you. Like, what are you talking about? She goes, when you were talking with Mike, I could see your guys 40 years. You could see the 40 years.

When you were talking to Bobby, I could see the 40 year friendship, you know. And he goes, but you were Mike. I like fucking fricking frack. You guys are on your own fucking language. You get up at the same time. You know, exactly. I mean, me and him were brothers, you know.

So I got to see him. But my wife always The reason why I'm with my wife is because she My wife isn't street heavy But every once in a while she says something to me to blow me to fuck away You know every fucking three weeks. She'll say something to me An observation that she makes with me That I'm like fuck you know I didn't even see that you know like she saw that

So she's like you don't know how lucky you are I wish I had that I have that with my sister But I don't have that with any friends. I go, you know, it's tough to explain to people. I mean, I must confuse you guys when I say my brothers. Because I tell you, I have no family. I keep saying my brothers. They're my brothers.

I don't know how God made it. You know how Mary got pregnant? Remember how Mary Jesus' mother was like the Immaculate Conception. Nobody fucked. Like, nobody fucked. Like, my mother didn't fuck nobody for me to be brothers with these people. But the way God or life or the universe made it happen, they're my brothers.

Bobby's my brother fucking you know Mike is my brother his brother Steve is coming off for some refilator he's my fucking brother

you know I mean I have 10 people Jimmy Lebrano Georgie I mean these guys are like blood

to me I look at their fucking eyeballs and I know what their next move is going to be you know I found out this weekend

after six months why I moved here the reason why I moved here was this week for weekends like this one, you know, to just go out and explore. And my daughter and wife Saturday were gone until fucking 9 o'clock at night. I was here alone until 9 o'clock. I mean, I did a bunch of shit.

I did I had to do. I went to the gym. I got together with Mike. We dicked around a little bit. You know, but she was gone until 9 o'clock. Most husband would be paid. I was like, you're having the time of your fucking life. they weren't doing this in California

nobody was inviting this off of play dates unless they wanted something from me you know what I'm saying like people in the white his own next thing you know hey can you talk about this on the podcast when we get the fuck out of here that's why you invited my kid over here nobody gives a fuck nobody gives a fuck

or who the fuck I am or who the fuck I'm trying to be nobody gives a fuck I want to talk to you guys about fucking something I don't know if I told you I got my first fucking guitar lesson Monday at 30 at Zoom. Jimmy Page, look out, cocksucker.

I'm coming to lay your hands on fire, you fuck. I'm going up to fucking Seattle and cutting Jimmy Hendrix fingers. Somebody already did that. Somebody did that. That's why they had to separate. Jimmy Hendrix and Bruce Lisa. I don't know. I don't know the whole fucking story.

I took my first guitar lesson. I did it on Zoom. You know, I do all my stuff. It's stage to sound or sound to stage. I don't know if I'm backwards or forward. That's why I do my ads for Spotify and all that stuff. and I found out they did lessons there like the piano lessons my mercy's friend Nicole has piano lessons over there and she called mercy

she goes the guy over here knows you're dead so my wife was like yeah Joe goes down and do his ads and stuff like that so when I had to go read the ads last week for rogan I fucking talked to the guy and I go you do guitar lessons out he goes yeah he goes what type of guitar do you want to learn I go well my buddy I thought that you start on a on a classical guitar, but he gave me the fucking best guitar in the world, some fucking strata caster deluxe or something. So I go, I don't know.

And he goes, yeah, fucking people learn on the fucking electric guitar all the time. He goes, I got the perfect guy. He goes, give me your influences. And I told him, you know, I loved David Gilmore.

I loved Paige. I love this guy. I mean, I love so many fucking guitars. You know, I love Tom Morello. You know, it's so hard to land the style. You know, today I opened up yesterday. I opened up a rock lobster on Patreon. I love that guitar at the end of Rock Lopsie.

That little heroin addict could fuck that guitar up like it was nobody business. Rest his soul. I think he died after the second hour. But listen to the beginning of your own private Idaho. Like if you listen to the chords on the beginning of the own private Idaho, Jesus Christ, that fucking guy didn't fuck around. There's live footage right now on YouTube of Rock Lopser, like them in a bar from 79.

Watch that shit. that motherfucker guitar player he shreds another guy I like that a lot of people don't ever talk about is the little fucking midget from fucking the cars oh shit he's from strong islands some little guitar player the guy does the leads on candio and all that shit that guy don't fuck around i forget what his name is one of you guys are tweeted to me i love that shit i fucking you know my my my influences rage from clapton the racist a couple weeks ago you people are all mad to clap Because in 73, he said some racist shit. He was on heroin.

He was in love with fucking George Harrison's wife. Give him a break. You know what I'm saying? Can you imagine being in love is somebody else's wife? You hate everybody, Arabs, Spanish people, black people. You don't give a fuck. You're in love with somebody else's wife. You know, I love Clapton.

I love Paige. I love fucking Gilmore. I love I owe me. You know, Angus, forget about it. You know? The other day, I was listening to Let the Be Rock, and I was trying to learn the chords to overdose by myself. Oh, my God.

I almost overdosed on pain. It was so fucking horrible. I was, because Mike, and everybody was like, oh, you can teach yourself how to play the guitar. Just put like an album on, whatever. And I'm on YouTube. So I said, fuck all this shit. I'm just going to get a fucking Zoom lesson.

And I learned a couple things. I learned, like, ping, ping, ping. So it's just on the bottom. The G chord, and then I play it. So last time I did my fucking exercise My wife went to bed And I came back here and did my little thing Today Mike's got to tell me how to hook up the fucking amp

For my lesson tomorrow Because he wants me to have my fucking amp And I'm off and running For you motherfuckers who sent me emails on Facebook That said I sucked God bless you God bless you God bless you

You're cooking with all fucking measures here I just took my first guitar lesson I expect to suck for the next three fucking years How's that one for you? So if you thought I was trying to be Jimmy Page, it was a joke. Do you guys know the difference between a joke and a fucking, you know, I'm no guitar player. I'm barely a fucking comedian.

I'm barely walking and chewing gum at the fucking same time. And you people put me down, some guy that just woke up on a bad fucking day, saw a video of me playing the guitar and fucking Facebook me that I'm terrible. I don't know what I'm doing. No shit, Sherlock. You just fucking notice that? You're a fucking genius for noticing that. ride shuttles.

It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing that, listen, and I get it. You're waiting for unemployment. Your job furloughed you.

Somebody close to your past from COVID. You know, these are frustrating times. But fucking lashing out of people. That's just not, it's not cool right now. We have enough fucking problems going on. Well, Megan Markley said,

that the kids are pale. I don't give a fuck. People are dying of fucking COVID. Was that something about the kids being pale? She doesn't want the color or the kid. I don't know. The British people, somebody in the family says something to them about,

oh, are you worried about the shade or the color of your child? Those ugly motherfucking, listen, for fucking a prince family or king or whatever the fuck they are, they are the ugliest white people I've seen it a long time. I haven't seen ugly people like that since I went to Munoz,

New Jersey. They're fucking pale. They got problems. The one prime minute, they're the ugliest, the old lady. I don't know what the fuck. Listen,

you know what? I stay out of that shit. It's got nothing to do with Uncle Joe. I got enough just walking around and trying to be a fucking dad. Now I got to worry about Megan fucking Markle and what she's

fucking doing. Who gives a fuck at the end of the week? I just give a fuck about this circle right here. I give a fuck about Mike. I give a fuck about you people. I give a fuck about your lives. If you're healthy.

If you're hungry, if you're eating, if you're fucking down, if you're happy, whatever. That's what I give a fuck about. The people in my fucking immediate circle, how I can't help them. People in England, what am I going to do? I can't even send a shirt to Great Britain. Did you know that? Really? Yeah, there's a fucking new tax.

You've got to go around, so I can't send merch to fucking Great Britain now. I don't know what's going on over there. But me, you know me, I mind my business and I keep pushing. As far as the Spanish podcast, this is my plans. I'm going to lay it down on Patreon for a few weeks I'm going to talk about music and shit like that Introduce a little music just for a few weeks And then I'm going mainstream with the Spanish podcast

I'm going to have Zooming guests that speak Spanish You know whatever Controversial guests whatever You know It's funny I was sitting for three weeks trying to ponder How I was going to do this podcast in Spanish And again

I went back to Joey Diaz's faggy side You know We all have to have our faggy side of us and no disrespect to nobody we all have our little fucking side that procrastinates everything you know you're not special we all have it including me you know it's not procrastination is that i don't want to fail nobody wants to fail but you know what if you don't fail you're not going to fucking learn anything so for three weeks i was fucking sitting there you know how am i going to do this latin podcast blah blah blah spanish podcast i really

want to do it. My Spanish isn't up to par. I understand that, but I don't give a fuck. So yesterday morning, Monday morning, I woke up. I had to go to PT and I got up early. You know, I kissed the baby to go to school, but blah, blah, blah. She goes out to the front. I watched until the bus comes. I came back in and I go, you know what, today's the fucking day. No more procrastination, no more thinking. No, that's the problem is we overthink everything. And I'm included. I raised my I'm guilty of that shit too. You try to overthink, especially now, when you have nothing else to go through your mind,

you overthink everything to the last detail to the point of you get scared. It's natural. It's whatever. Me, I got up. I was fucking Monday. I got up in the morning. We did the podcast, whatever, mercy.

And I'm reading again. I told you that for me to get mentally strong and for me to help write, I knew I had to read. So Jimmy Florentine gave me the biography. I read that first. Erica gave me her book. I read that first.

My comprehension levels were horrible. You know, when poor Mike, Mike is a saint, and he's trying to teach me the guitar, and I can't comprehend it because he's my friend. I can't comprehend what he's saying to me. I got to have, I'm very anal when it comes to that. Like, I could, you know, like my cousin just called before. I like to jujitsu.

I wanted to learn jujitsu. You know what? You go down there. You want to learn a little. actually you got a private whatever but I'm the type of guy I want to learn from a professional like when I lift weights you know I have somebody there with me I do semi-private training you know why because I want somebody to watch me I'm not a weight lift I don't know what the fuck I'm doing when I was a kid yeah I did five six or six

behind the neck bent over rows one arm all that shit and what happened that my shoulders all fucked up I can't raise my shoulders up I've been working on I've been doing functional training but if i'm not an expert in something you know a lot of people do their own thing me i know i'm a fucking idiot okay before we even get this conversation started i know me and i know what i could do i know what i can't do and there's nothing wrong with having shortcomings we all have fucking shortcomings but one shortcoming i don't have that pisses me off is that i procrastinate but i do have fucking balls Like that's the only thing that pisses me off sometimes, that I catch myself procrastinating something. It can be anything.

Wednesdays when I wake up and I got to go do calmly, I procrastinate it. It's just something natural. And then I think about my balls. And I go, what the fuck? You know, I just got to read this to you, just an excerpt from a book. I thought it was very interesting to me to read this. I thought this was great. This is from the book, The Corporation.

I picked this up just because I had read it before. It's a great book. But I read this and it really made me think about me. And this is why I started the podcast. This goes back to the move. This goes back to fucking everything. One thing that could be said in it often was about Jose Miguel Battle was that he had big balls. Cohornis.

In Latin culture, it is important. as in most patriarchal societies being noted for having big balls was a metaphor for courage and the highest form of praise. Machismo is the logical manifestation of the philosophy. The belief that all life originates with the male organ and the precious seed that is, after all, conjured from within the testicles. Big balls connote power

because a person with big balls is a person without, fear that's an excerpt from the corporation and I kept it I even fucking kept the card in there I kept reading because I wanted to read that to you the meat balls is everything when you see me get up in the morning and I write that thing and you're like he keeps talking about balls and assholes and grab your balls is because in my society balls are fucking everything from a Cuban standpoint if you don't have fucking balls it's not going to work out for you. You understand me? It starts with your fucking balls. It connects with your fucking brains and then you make your fucking move and that's it and that's fucking that's that

fucking easy. But it all starts with balls and you got to grow up pair from time to time. And trust me, it took me a long fucking time to have balls because people, I could continue reading that. It also said that having balls means sometimes that you're not that intelligent and that's where I come in. I'm not that intelligent. I never sat across from you and told you I'm intelligent. I have told you one thing. I got the fucking balls to back up whatever the fuck I tell you.

And I back it up 150% whether it's my comedy, whatever. When I beat myself up, it's because I sucked. It's not because, you know, I don't like to lie to myself. I'm straight up with myself. So when I read that, I got so fucking pissed off. I'm like, that's absolutely right. My culture is about fucking balls. Look, go on it.

You got to grab your fucking bingo and go out there and sling fucking dick. And I'll keep saying, when I read that, I stopped in my fucking tracks because it's true. I've eliminated the machismo shit from my life. When I was a kid, when I was like 18, 19, I had that Cuban machismo, and I realized it wasn't going nowhere. That jealousy, all those are fucking weaknesses. To me, they were. You know, you get jealous with girls. You get all that shit out of remove from my.

life because I knew it wouldn't work and that takes fucking balls to do that shit it just won't fucking work man and that's why listen everybody knows and that's why everybody will fucking tell you I'm not that fucking smart I'm not that fucking good looking I'm not the fucking keenest guy in the world but when it comes to balls I'm right there with the fucking best of them I don't give a fuck yeah I don't like needles but some people don't like I know guys I have bigger balls and me and say to me I don't know how you do what you do.

But I have a friend that is fucking deadly. Deadly as a human being. Deadly. Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you? When I talk to this guy, he reminds me once a month about how he has, he'd rather die than go up on stage. It's a scary thing. I've offered him like five grand to do a guest set.

Just one minute. Go up there and just do a fucking joke. Like I told him when I did like theaters and shit. shit. I go, come over to New York and you have to conquer that fear and he's like, fuck you. That's one fear. I don't want to conquer. This guy has killed before. This guy has done 20 years in fucking jail. You know, he just got out maybe eight years ago and we became friends again. You know, I've known him from grammar school. Listen,

his biggest fucking fear. This guy has stabbed people. He's put guns in people's mouths and shit. He doesn't give up Frenchmen's fuck. He's told me things that have made me fucking cringed. But his biggest fear, he goes, I don't know how you're doing it. He goes, you're doing that and made me love you even more. He goes, when I watch you and those fucking comedy central things, I'm sweating for you.

He's like, I'm up there sweating for you because I don't know how to fuck you do it. He'll stab 10 guys. He'll shoot 10 guys, but he won't go. He says he's even embarrassed to talk in a group of the table. I felt that

before. People get embarrassed people just don't like it some people just don't like it we all don't what makes the world go around is that we all don't like the same thing can you imagine if all of us were the fucking same i think a guy left patreon a couple weeks ago and i know i'm gonna say this and you guys are not going to be happy with it he asked me what my favorite bill murray is that his name movie movie was i told him right now i go i'm not a big bill murray guy he was like how can you be a comedian not be a big bill murray guy go don't don't everything's not for everything.

I'm a big Harold Ramis guy. I loved fucking Bill Murray and Stripes. You know, I didn't like Ghostbusters. I walked out of Ghostbusters with the dude who stabbed 20 guys that did 20 years. I went to see Ghostbusters. I used to go to movies with him. We used to go to movies all the time.

Charles Bronson movies. We were fans. You know, he's not from North Bergen. He lived in Fort Lee. But this guy just got out of fucking doing time. We used to go to movies all the time, And we had the... We used to go to movies and concerts together.

And we both had the exact taste to the shit. Me and him would go to a movie and also we'd just look at us yourselves and go, let's get the fuck out of here. We walked out of Twisted Sister. We walked out of Ghostbusters. We walked out of 20 fucking things together and we would just go home.

I remember one time I gave him hair to ass and he went home. I go, what? He goes, I'll never do that again. Yeah, because you went home. Who the fuck goes home on the head of fucking ass? to look at your mother and father. That's fucking humiliating.

You should have stayed out with me and walked around and gone to the park and throwing bottles of people, anything. But you don't fucking go home and I hit the acid, but anyway, that's the way life works. It's how loud. Yeah, you're gonna go home

and fucking look at the walls and shit. The first time you do ask, you need to be around three or four people and, you know, talk and fucking walk or whatever the fuck you're doing. Listen to music. But you just can't fucking go home and sit and stare at your fucking,

your parents. You can't lose your mind. I have a hard time just getting high with my wife in the fucking house. I go outside to get high, come back in there. Look at you like your fucking Johnny Creepo. And that's just fucking weed. Can you imagine on acid period? Everybody's looking at you.

You're all fucking, your eyes are glowing. I don't know one time we did fucking ketamine in the fucking office. I'm not going to tell you that. That's the only time we fucking, for the guy who had the secret tape of us doing blow from 2006. I've got undercover footage. I'm Joey Diaz's going to blow. No, we never did blow. And that's Lee.

We never did fucking blow. We had blow in the office, but we gave it away to people who had a guy that dropped off a package from time to time and would say, here, take this, I don't do it no more. And there was a picture of Lee. I would hide it behind Lee's picture. So if the cops came, they thought it was Lee's. There was a picture of me and a picture of Lee behind the door. So they had alleged to it, like it was like an artist's drawer.

take the fucking picture and put the package there. And then when somebody would come in that did Coke, I'd ask them, you want some blow? No, really? Yeah. Boom, and they fucking take it. But one time a guest came and they brought some fucking ketamine. I was like, what the fuck?

And I did like two or three lines. Lee did like two or three lines. And then he left it behind. Like he took a baggie with him, but he left like a half a gram on the fucking table. And you know me, Doug. All habits die hard. I'm like, Lee,

What we're going to do with this? We just can't put it in a package. You know, you just can't put it away because it's going to be here haunting us. Let's just fucking finish it. Now, the first two or three lines weren't that fucking bad. I got to be honest for you. They weren't bad at all.

It was when we split that little pile up, me and Lee. It was like 9 o'clock at night. We split that little fucking pile. And I thought nothing was going to happen. We had an edible in us. We had a bunch of shit in us. And dog, after I did that line, I got up to pee, and I was like, oh, shit.

shit. I am fucked up. So I went in, I peed, I washed my hands. I got my fucking bag of, I gotta get the fuck out of it. He's like, where are you going? I got to get the fuck out of here. I went downstairs,

I got my fucking car, and I had to light. All out of drive was to a light, make a left, go down past one light, and I was home. So I'm like that. You would never fucking see cops, and I would, you know,

and I didn't have any alcohol in my breath, so I was fine, you know, unless he looked at my eyes and they were pinned. I get in the fucking car on this fucking ketamine and I make that left turn

at the first light it's Kofax and I'm on Chandler and I'm making the left on to Kofax and as I'm making the left around it felt like I was in a fucking at an amusement park wee

like I made the fucking left and like we I'm like oh Uncle Joey's fucked up on this ketamine but at the next light was where Yum Yum Donuts was I'm sitting there at Magnet

And I'm looking at Yum Yum Donuts and shit. And I'm like, what the fuck? The sign was starting to wave. And I'm like, Joey, you're fucked up. I get to my block. I make the fucking left. I pull up in the driveway. And when I take my left foot to land on the floor,

I open up the side door, the passenger, the driver's side door to get out of the car. And when I put my foot on the fucking door on the floor, I can feel it creeping. unless the drug was in full effect. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm fucked up. I walked in out all the nights. Usually when I get home at night, my wife's out.

Very seldom with that fucking living room TV be on. It was like 10.30 on a Sunday night. I'm figuring my wife is out. She's passed out. The scary thing was we got to the office like at four. The podcast was like at four. and we got so fucking high we stayed there

till like fucking 9.30, 10 o'clock. The podcast finished like at 7. We were just so fucking high talking back and forth all three of us and the guests left and then we had that pile on we did it.

When I fucking walked in the house I opened up that door and I seen the TV was on I fucking shit my pants. I'm like, God damn it now I got to face my wife and that somebody I have a hard time face someone

I'm fucked up. So I honey, I'm home. I got, you know, she said, yeah, I could, I could hear you. I went into my fucking office, and I'm sitting in the office. I got like a hooded sweatshirt, like a hoodie, a t-shirt on, whatever. And I'm like, boy, it's getting fucking hot in here. And I'm like, whoo-hoo, it's getting fucking hot in here.

I take the fucking hoodie all. And do you believe it's still fucking hot in here? I'm like, whoo, that's too fucking hot in here. And then I took my t-shirt off. I'm down to just titties now sitting by my shirt. myself in front of the computer screen. Something I don't like doing. I don't sit in front of the computer steam with my top off because I got that camera on me so somebody I could be watching me with my fucking shirt off my tits out. I don't eat that in my life. So I'm like I'm gonna get off

this I shut the computer down and I just sat at my desk getting higher and higher the edibles and the ketamine will fucking I think ketamine is like an animal tranquilizer. The guy who gave it to us told us that they they tried it on experiments that too. That's another drug that they working on PTSD and different fucking forms of brain fucking things. They're using ketamine also. So he said, it's good. They give it to retarded people. I don't know what the fuck he meant.

I know for a fact, I was fucking retarded at the end of the night. I was sitting there fucked up. And I'm like, I got to tell you something. I better go out there and sit with my wife before she comes in here and sees what's going on. So I put my t-shirt on. And I went out to the living room and I sat with her. She was watching True Detective. that I don't know

I think that's what it's called on HBO this had to be two or three years ago she's watching true detective and I'm sitting there next to her I'm like hi and I just sit there

and she's not even looking at me but I'm watching this TV and I'm getting fucked up and it was I forget it was the guy from Blade the guy that played the head vampire in Blade it was his season

and the African American guy that was in the green book and I was looking at the African American guy that was in the green book and his head kept getting square like for some reason I'm watching the TV and this brother's head is going from being a regular

fucking head to like a box like it got square and I'm looking at this and I'm looking at my wife and I'm looking at my wife and I'm like oh my God this brother's head is getting square or I'm seeing a fucking square oh my God and finally I started freaking out and my wife

is looking at me and I'm sweating profusiously I'm trying to cover my face with them I'm trying to just like wipe it with the fucking thing I'm sweating there and finally his head got so fucking square i couldn't take it no more and i go honey you gotta fucking change this and she looked at me she goes fine change it what's a what's a big deal i mean you gotta fucking change it that's it and she goes okay fine and she got up and went to the other room to watch it i'm just sitting there like fucking i switch the channel to some fucking channel just to sit there

i was so fucked up i didn't tell her that night that i did it i told her like the next day i did some ketamine i was like i hold of you what the fuck is wrong with you i was so fucked up from that ketamine she went in i think i said there for another hour i came down and that was the end of the night it wasn't that bad of a drug it didn't fucking kill me or nothing i never did it again i'd tell you that much i don't even want to be that fucked up i don't want to be that fucked up ever again ever since i moved here i made the move i can't handle a lot of shit no more i can't handle what i was doing in in l.a like edibles you don't see me eating those fucking things in the daytime the last time we were fucking around here one day do you remember i sprayed a couple sprays of

my mouth. Jesus. Two hours later, I was in fucking planted Mars. So my edible consumption is done. That shit is all done with. I use edibles now to go to fucking sleep. I pop three of those fucking edibles and a cup of tea at night that kick a motie. You don't even see me till the next day. Sometimes I fall asleep on the fucking couch here lately. I've been making it upstairs because I don't want to fall asleep in the couch and have my wife come down and get me. That's a fucking nightmare but anyway it's been a great fucking week man and I'm happy you guys are still supporting me I'm happy you're still part of the fucking joint you know I'm having my struggles but I'm pushing fucking through guys this is very hard for me to do but hey

we're trying our fucking best so what I'm gonna mix it up a little bit I'm gonna try to do a Zoom guy on Mondays and then we'll have a little chat on fucking Wednesdays until we get the new office and then we'll fucking go full boat out but man without a plan is not a man at least i got a fucking plan and then the latin podcast the spanish podcast is also going to go mainstream once i figure it out and i get my spanish down and whatnot so we'll have two podcasts going one exclusively in spanish one exclusively in english the joint in english and la de scotaga in spanish for you people who don't know what la de scotiga

means in spanish it means a fucking earbeaten what i give you people every monday and Wednesday and every Thursday and Friday on fucking Patreon. It's a fucking earbeat in the life. Some of you enjoy it. Some of you're like fuck you, fuck you, I'm making a pass. But hey, if you're here, I love you and if you're not here, I still love you too. I don't give a fuck. People got to come and go. I'm not the only

game in town. I know that going in. So I'm appreciating you motherfucker still watching a podcast, still supporting me, and still being on Patreon. You know, I got a kind note the other day. That's kind. I got to get that. I must have been the scallops I had for lunch with the brown rice.

I'm trying to be a little healthy. You know what I'm saying? The other dollar, this fart is tremendous. I just got a whiff of it. It's fucking tremendous. If you've noticed I haven't been farted on the podcast as much. You know, somebody sent me an email the other day, and there's a very nice email. You know, I don't like to base the podcast around emails.

When I do get an email, I'm like a fucking priest or a lawyer. It's my business. I will never do it. You send me an email, and a lot of people on Patreon, say, this to me like hey man i've never said this to nobody so when i address an email sometimes it's because i might see it on facebook or patreon or a twitter or something like that but somebody sent me a very kind note and they said that they had listened to the joint a couple times and they were a little disappointed they said i'm not going to lie to you i look first of all with me i love honesty

I fucking love honesty. If you're, listen, there's a way to say things and there's a way not to say things. You can't go up to somebody and say, hey, you suck. But you go up to somebody and say, I disagree with what you're doing. If you say it correctly in the right way, unless you're dealing with a fucking jack off, they're not going to come at you. It's like when I told the story about Matt, when we were talking about with Doug Stano, I told the story about Matt, whatever his name is, that came. and gave me a talking to, you know, I took it wrong. And at that time, I was a jerk off.

And yes, I walked to the train, the bus station, and then I walked back to fucking smack them. But days later, I came to my wits about me. That was like, the guy was right. You know, what's right, it's right, you know. I love honesty. A couple weeks ago, some girl on Patreon said, listen, I didn't up to tear.

I up to tear with a motive. I wanted to talk to you about stand-up comment. I go, just come down to Uncle Vinny's and do a fucking spot. I simplified her fucking life for her. She goes, I never really, whatever, you know, don't ask me for a spot. I'm not going to give it to you. I'm just letting you know how I respond to different fucking people. If you send me an email with honesty, I fuck, my dick gets hard.

I don't, I don't give a fuck if you put me down and go, Joe, you're too fucking fat. Now, I've had people reach out to me and say some kind things to me. Hey, man, you're slipping over here. You're doing too many jobs. We had people that reached out to me. on the podcast and I accepted them and I didn't yell at them or go back at them it's when you come at me like a fucking jerk off that sure you know sometimes I go that person's having a bad day I won't even re-answer them but sometimes I'll lash out we all do you know you're doing

something nice with your kid you sit down you open up a message and it's somebody fucking attacking you for no fucking reason and saying a bunch of shit to you that shit doesn't piss me off it just makes me feel sorry for you you know know like what the fuck are you thinking but this guy wrote me a kind email and he was like listen i've listened to you for 10 years i love everything that you do this podcast i listened to the first four episodes and it was kind of disappointing whatever to me whatever but he goes i went and i took a breather i listened to a few churches and i thought about it after watching the churches what you were doing you were trying to reinvent yourself and i didn't see it that

That's why you don't smoke on the podcast. That's why you never wear the white t-shirts on the podcast no more. That's why you don't fall on the podcast no more. You're coming back as an older, wiser. You know, I know the podcast came. I'm a 10-year fucking veteran of it. This isn't the best podcast out there. There's 20,000 better podcasts than it.

But you're not going to get somebody who is as honest and has the heart that I have in telling you a story or talking to you about a situation or anything like that. That's where my strength lies. Some people don't like that. Some people rather hear, you know, none, whatever, just a conversation. There's a lot of podcasts I do, and I don't get the point of them.

Why I do them? I really don't because it's just too much. I want to get something from, you know, I want to bang from my buck. You know, when I listen to a podcast, I want to laugh or I want to learn something, you know. With the church, we were doing it. And that's what he said.

He goes, you guys are doing drugs. You guys are doing it. He goes, I kind of missed that. But now I see what you're trying to do. And he goes, I'm happy that you didn't give up, and I'm happy that you push forward, and I'm happy that you're doing it, you know, and that's what it's all about.

It's balls. Keep sticking to your fucking plan and keep pushing. This is weighing everybody down. This has changed the game for everybody. You ever turn on CBS? Blue Bloods is on six days a fucking week, right? Fucking everything is on eight days a week. Have you noticed that?

I mean, this is affected everybody. What I'm trying to do here is just lighten your load for an hour and let you know that you're not going through this alone. I'm going through this. You could see it in my fucking face. I mean, yeah, I'm happy that I'm going through this, but everybody's going through something. You're not going through this alone.

You don't need to turn yourself into the loony bin. You don't need to... The best therapy is your friends. Your friends are right in front of you. Reach out to your friends. I've been reaching out, and I felt a lot better. I've reached out to... All the comics that left LA from Theo to fucking Josh Wolf to Bert.

I mean, you know, I didn't know. The Seguura's moving to Texas in a few weeks. Reach out to your friends. They're the best therapy. They love you. They know you. Don't not reach out to them because of what you're going through. You don't need extensive therapy or whatever.

If you, if the love of your friends can't help you out, then you turn to therapy. But your friends are there for you. They should be there for you. That's what they're there for. tell them what you're going through. You know, I was honest with Rich Voss and Jimmy Florentine and everybody. I told them, man, I'm struggling with this. I don't want to go do comedy and big venues and shit like that yet.

They get it. We go meet. We all wear masks. We go to lunch, whatever, you know. We're pushing through this. Push through this. Don't give up. Don't let this situation take you down.

We'll be back next Monday for another fun-filled week of podcasts and Patreoning and Facebook and talking about my. stinky balls until then I love you motherfuckers enjoy the ads and have a great week remember uncle Joey loves you and now to a word from our sponsors all right that was a nice little chit-chat on a Wednesday morning what the fuck you know I'm saying it's your uncle Joey talking to you from the heart as always before I leave I'm gonna talk to you about a few things for number one stamps motherfucking dot com you know much time you can save by fucking going with stamps.com

Let's face it, taking trips to the post office, and how you want to spend your time. That's why I recommend Stamps.com. My wife has been with them for 10 years. She loves them. You can send letters, ship packages anytime, anywhere, right from your computer, and pay less. Get discounted rates from USPS, UPS, and more.

Stamped.com has saved thousands of hours and tons of money for businesses, whether big or small. I don't give a fuck if you send out three hats a month. Stamps.com is going to help you, You can save time. If you've got a business, Stamps.com is a must have. Print U.S. postage for any letter, any package, any class of mail, send anywhere in the world.

That's a schedule pickup and make the mailman will come to you. Who's better than you? Nobody. Or drop it off yourself. It's that simple. But get discounts up to 40% off post office rates and 62% UPS shipping rates. That's a lot of stamps. Stamps.com is a no-brainer.

No wonder a million small business. is already used stamps.com. So I'm inviting you guys today to stop wasting your fucking time by going to the post office and standing there and just go to stamps.com. There's a no risk trial, okay? Use promo code Joey. I'm going to throw you a special offer that includes four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale.

Who's better than you? Nobody. No long-term commitment to contracts. Just go to Stamps.com, click on the microphone on the top of the homepage and type in Joey. That's Stamps.com. Use promo code Joey. Stamps.com. Never go to the post office again.

And from the heart of Jersey, we're brought to you by fucking Draft Kings, the best. Listen, right now, download the Draft King Sportsbook out. Why fuck around? Why play games? You know how much fun I've been having on Draft Kings?

Do you have any fucking idea? No, you don't. It's fucking fun. They got a nice parlay for you tonight. I was telling you at the beginning of the game. you got San Antonio versus Dallas You can bet the game

The total There's odds boost There's teasers And listen You're not gonna fucking You're not gonna go over your head Because you're already Fucking right there

It's not like calling the bookie And telling them to put a betting That you gotta pay the rent $2,000 and you don't have it No, you can't bet it You can't play You keep it small And you fucking bet

And you make a little money From time to time I mean fuck The biggest college basketball tournament Of the year Is getting ready your fucking heat up and the clock is ticking as the seeds get ready to tip off get off the fucking bench and get into tournament action they're gonna listen they got a deal for you this

weekend you bet $4,000 under the dog if they win you're up to $256 that's fucking insanity if anybody knows about betting on an underdog it's your uncle Joey look at me now I was an underdog there's no better way to put your college basketball knowledge to the test than by putting your money where your fucking mouth is with draft kings sports boys College ball ain't for you? Okay. Draft King Sportsbook has great odds and promotions on the NBA. NBA fucking playoffs, golf, hockey, and so much more.

They got a fucking tremendous casino. Draft Kings is America's top-rated sportsbook app. It's safe, secure, reliable, and you withdraw your money when you want. It's your fucking money, knucklehead. Who's better than you? Nobody's going to take your fucking money. Right now, download the top-rated draft king sportsbook app. Today, use promo code joy when you sign me.

up and you could turn $4 into $256. And it starts tonight with San Antonio at the Dallas fucking Mavericks. It's like tonight. Tonight you got to play right there. That line is soft. Look at the fucking totals. So by the time the weekend comes and the brackets come, you'll be ready to rock to turn $4 into $256 for a limited time only at Draft King's

Sportsbook. And here's the part the lawyers make me say. You got to be 21 older. Take your fucking roller skates and roll down the hill. New Jersey, Indiana, PA only, new customers only, restrictions apply. See, draftkings.com slash sportsbook for details. You got a gambling problem? Call 1-800 gambler or in Indiana, 1-800-9 with it.

But if you're all fucking down to fucking play, download the draft king sportsbook app now. And tell them Uncle Joey sent you. Stop fucking around. The joint is also brought to you by Lucy Nicotine Gum. Listen, it's hard to quit smoking. You know, I did it. It's fucking hard.

I did it differently, though. I'll tell you how I did it later. When you're craving the smoke, you just need a little something to satisfy the habit. That's why I love fucking Lucy. Things may be rough, but you don't need to smoke anymore. Get Lucy today, so you're prepared when you get the itch. Keep it on you when you're craving hits. And subscribe so when you need it, you have it.

Lucy gum actually tastes fucking good. It comes in three flavors, winter green, cinnamon pomegranate My favorite is the pomegranate And if you don't like gum They also got the cherry ice flavor Lossens that will make you jump up and down And salute the flag 25 fucking times

Try the pomegranate Try the pomegranate Try the cinnamon But it's better than you fucking ruining your health With cigarettes Uncle Joey's joint listeners Do me a favor Go to lucy.co

Use promo code Joey To get 20% off all products Including gum or lozenges That's lucy dot co use promo code Joey at checkout. And here's the lawyer part. This product contains nicotine derived from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive fucking chemical.

But you already know that, so just go to lucy.com and be sure you use that promo code Joey. I love you, motherfuckers. Stay black. I hope you enjoyed the podcast this week. I'm on Patreon, $3.5 and $10 album of the week, refra of the week, fucking Spanish podcast, whatever. I'm doing it.

I'm hustling. We're hustling. We gotta keep moving forward no matter how you feel. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week. And thank you for listening to Uncle Joey's joint. Now go fucking make something of yourself and be a savage cuckers. I love you.