The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #048 - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... Wednesday, March 17th..... Happy St. Patrick's Day...... Today, we talked about Hollywood..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, GABI.COM...... Go to https://www.DraftKings.com and enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.GABI.com/UNCLEJOEY And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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It's Wednesday. Happy St. Patty's Day to everybody. Let's get this party started. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? Happy Valentine's Day. Half of you motherfuckers will be marching, whatever, getting drunk. You're probably fucking lit by now. You filthy cock suckers.

And I don't blame you. I remember when I was younger St. Patty's Day, I went, fuck it. I used to go nuts. You start snorting, you start snort and coke the day before on St. Henry's Day. You know what I'm saying? So by the time Patty comes around, you're ready for that motherfucker. Thank you very much for enjoying the Theo Vaughn podcast. Listen, man, we're going to start Zooming once a week because this is just, listen, I love talking to you guys.

I love letting you know what's in my heart. But to be honest with you, I've been feeling a lot better since I've been doing the Zoom's a a lot of pressure off me. Plus, I got to see my friends. We've been talking on the phone. We've been just talking. You know, I've been talking with all these guys. So now when I see him in the Zoom, it's like it brings a lot of emotion back to you. It lets me know how much I love Dio. I love that kid. I love that kid with all my heart. And I'm happy he came on and I'm, I'm happy I kept in touch him. And that's what we do. You keep in touch with your friends, the ones that matter. Some people don't matter. They tape it off, you know. Me, I try to do my hardest.

when I see somebody doesn't have interest. I lay off them, but that's the rule number one of the fucking joint. You got to give a fuck about your friends, and you got to check in with them. Not text them, check in with them. How you doing? What's going on? How's mom's doing? And, you know, it's a tough pandemic for fucking everybody.

I was just telling Mike that my friend's dad died. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you the type of guy I am. I've known this guy for three months. Three months. So if you want me to tell you, he's a good friend and a lie to you. You know, these people. You don't even know the fucking person.

So what are you so fucking, you know? But he's such a great guy, this guy, Mike. He's such a great guy. He's done me so much, so many good things as I've moved here. I called him the other. They check on him and he goes, Joy, I can't talk. I went my father in the fucking hospital. You know, I didn't think about it.

Then we have a mutual friend. The guitar, the guy who gives me guitar lessons, told me that his father had COVID or whatever. or whatever and uh or the whole family got it and you know just one of these fucking horror fucking stories that you read today so i checked in with him every day you know Friday Saturday you know and then last night i got the call that his father passed and i didn't want to bother him right off the bat like you don't want to jump on somebody right off the bat so i just let him know that i was thinking about him but i got to tell you something guys while i was doing it

I got fucking teary-eyed because it's like, when does this shit end? I don't even know this motherfucker that well. It's not like he's one of my friends from 40 years or 30 years or 20 years. But at one point, your empathy starts to fucking break. You start looking at these people. I got home before. I had to do a thousand fucking things this morning. I get home fucking 10 o'clock fucking, you know, the computer,

Facebook, a kid carrying his mother in a fucking casket. I want to see that. I need those fucking memories in my life. But that's what's happening today. So if it's happening to you, I'm fucking sorry. Our hearts go out to you and your families, man. But back to this motherfucker.

Listen, guys, when I told you the other day I was fucking around, heartbroken about J-Lo and Alex, do you really think I'd give a Frenchman's fuck? It was a joke, you dumb fucks. I was just fucking around because most Americans are at home going, oh my God. What are we going to do?

about J-Lo and Alec. What are you going to do? She's ran through the fucking mill. She's run through the mill. From rappers to roller skaters, to ice dancers to dancers, baseball players. Now everybody thinks Konseko is fucking... Konseko knew.

She's going to run through this fucking guy, too. Konseko's over there now with a Swami thing reading palms. Like somebody gives a fuck about him. Go put a fucking needle in your arm, you cuck, sucker. It's like, you know, these fucking women in L.A., And it's tough to describe. Like, it's tough to describe, you know. Now everybody wants to cancel Bill Burr.

The guy didn't even do nothing. But they set themselves up. These motherfuckers are setting themselves up because it's like, why do you have him there? You know he hates the whole status quo shit. You know, there's a bunch of us that hated that shit from day one. Myself, Joe Rogan, Bill Burr. That ain't for us.

Can you? Listen, when you, if you, if you're ever, sitting there with your family during the Academy or the Grammys and you're like I wish I was there get up and go bang your head against the Walton Times you have no idea how bad those things are I know people who have gone in between commercial breaks they got extras sitting there and they have to get up they don't let you get up it's a fucking nightmare you see from the bottom of the bow those event things are fucking jokes they're fucking jokes amongst us so if you're gonna call Bill Burr

to do one of those things. Bill Bird's gonna shit on it. That's why I love Bill. You can't take nothing from us. Listen, you could only cancel us if we let you cancel us. That's it. You could cancel us if we let you cancel. Like me, they wanted to do that thing about the girl 23 years ago.

You're in no danger. You're in no fucking danger. You're in no danger about cancel nothing. If you were going to cancel me, you should cancel me about kidnapping the dude. But you didn't. You didn't give a fuck about a guy handcuffed in a trunk of a car. with fucking handcuffs on in there fucking like Momo fucking no you didn't care about him you cared about some girl that nobody fucking knew nobody knew but that's the world we live in today

and that's what we so every comic most comics 90% of comics are walking around like what can I say well you say whatever the fuck you want to say you let the pieces fall where the fuck they fall if they don't like it switch the fucking channel that's it it's that fucking simple I'm not going to say what I want to say from my heart because I'm scared that you're going to cancel me. Go fuck yourself. That ship sailed. I canceled myself in fucking 19, in 2007,

when I stopped snort and coke, I canceled myself. So you're in no fucking danger. But it was nice talking to Theo. You know, listen, man, me and Theo have been going through something for the last four or five years. Me and Theo always have deep, deep discussions about comedy and how it should be done or whatever. And we both came to the conclusion last week.

Before we did the podcast, we were talking on the phone like a week before that. And I go, now I know what was eating away at you and I. It's that we were burnt out. Number one, number two, we were living amongst those fucking people. What's straight up people? He's from New Orleans. He's the Louisiana from the South Boy.

He's not into all that fucking Hollywood bullshit. You think I'm into the Hollywood bullshit? I know exactly who the fuck I am. I'm a felon. They don't want me. I don't want them. They don't want me around them. I don't want them around me.

And they make believe like, oh, we love joking. No, you don't. But I know that going in. As long as you know it going in, you're not going to get your feelings hurt. You're not going to get upset. You're not going to get mad. Nothing's going to happen to you.

Bill Burr is handling everything he does. A hundred percent right. He stuck up for Gina Carrano, which he had every right to, we all do because they fired her over fucking nothing over some stupid shikers they were scared she said the truth so what they're trying to do now is fucking if you say the truth if you if you feel in your heart you're saying the truth say it who gives a fuck if they're gonna cancel what they're gonna do take away your little shit job what they're gonna do just don't be a fucking

jerk off about it stand and commit it's so funny when you first get into comedy you write jokes and sometimes you're not ready for those jokes. You write a joke and you say it and you laugh and you go, fuck. It's a funny joke, but the audience isn't getting it because they could smell the non-commitment. If you say a joke like, hey, I'm gonna fuck I'm gonna be big, say it. Be yourself, say it from your heart, say it from your soul.

So they know when I'm on stage, they know every fucking word that's coming out of me is fucking true and they know I'm taking. them for a psychological ride you know I used to have a bit about doing coke with my cats Jesus Christ you don't know how many times I had fucking people reach out to me and go do you really do coke with your cat it's a joke it's an it's an it's an exaggeration of a thing that's what makes it funny but do you think I'm so convinced I'm surprised I'm not canceled over that because somebody actually wrote in my Wikipedia that I did

coke with my cat and that the cat die I mean this is how fucking the land that we live in so if you want to cancel if you want to get cancer you can let them cancel you I'm not going nowhere Bill Burr's not going nowhere as you can see the Leah's attacking now attack Brian Callan I give them all the fuck and I give them all the heart in the world because let's think let's talk about something here that I wanted to talk to you people about just to let your head know where we came from there is no place on earth like Hollywood people will you've heard that expression sell their soul they will sell their soul male and female in Hollywood you change you and here's a

sad thing you don't know when you're in it you don't know when you're in it for me it was 2004 I learned quickly I learned during the taping of the longest yard. Great movie, great taping. I had a great time fucking doing it. But I also learned about smoke getting blown up your ass and how people in Hollywood love to blow smoke up your ass. And it was one of the first times that I actually allowed somebody.

I'm being honest with you guys. I allowed somebody to blow smoke up my ass. I actually believed it. I should be ashamed to myself for fucking believing it. That's what you get. You got a smack to the face when you believe it. And you smack yourself in the fucking face because you're a fucking idiot. You don't believe what these people tell you.

You look at them, you're smiling. You go, okay. Great. After you're on a set, you see the fucking hypocrisy and the bullshit. And you just work with it. You laugh. You smile. Yeah, sure.

Right. Whatever. Lunch. Yeah. Have your people call my people. You know, that's all bullshit. That's all bullshit. So don't believe the fucking hype.

A couple weeks ago, this thing came on. I don't know if a lot of you guys have HBO or not. So it's not fair for me to talk about this, but I'm going to tell you what happened. HBO did a four-part miniseries. I think it's a four-partner on Mia Farrow and Fucknut. Woody Allen. Allen.

Okay. The thing was about accusations, accusations, accusations, accusations. I made a conscious decision after the second week I looked at my wife after resolve and I go you know what that's the last time I'm watching this and my wife's like why and I go you know why

because we don't live in California no more and we're not part of Hollywood no more and this world has nothing to do with me anymore this is not who I am anymore this is not who I want to be anymore these are not the people I want to be

around anymore I made a constant fucking decision a conscience conscious decision July 12th last year that I knew it was time for me to go I have a gift that I know when it's time to go no didn't they just

try to shoot didn't they just shoot a lady and take a watch off some guy's hand on in Beverly Hills and Beverly Hills and it wasn't time to go there's still people even in LA living in denial or waiting it out or whatever the fuck they want to do

LA ain't going to get no better and ain't going to get no better This is called a downward spiral of California. It's a fucking shame. I love the place with all my heart. You know, when you were a Jersey boy, you grew up thinking that someday I'm going to go to California and serve for whatever the fuck stupid dream you have when you're a fucking kid, you know. That's why I'm glad you stopped me from coming out there like two years ago.

Yeah, you called me one day. He's like, I'm thinking of coming out here. I go, for what? For what? I thought I needed to be there. I go, we're almost done. And I told you that. Yeah, you did.

I told you that. We're almost done. It's just a matter of time. Sit tight. Nothing's going to happen here. I already was reading the cards. I was already done with L.A. in 2016. I was pretty much done with L.A.

And I was pretty much burnt out on comedy. The flight home from Las Vegas after the Netflix shooting was the longest one hour of my life. It was, I had to have the longest one hour of my life. It was, I had to have the longest talk in the world. I have had a, you know, I've had a couple long talks with myself. You have to from time to time. You know what I'm saying? Either you have to have to have a long talk with yourself

or you have to smack yourself in the face from time to time, okay? I don't fuck around, okay? Every once in a while you got to have to bitch slap yourself or fucking, that's what you do to friends. Oh, you know, this is why I don't lift my hands to nobody, because I don't, I don't even, I can't even control them. You know, if you're going to be that stupid, just smack yourself and wake yourself to fuck up, you know.

But I made a conscious decision. I'm going to get the fuck out of here, and I did, and I was very happy. And that's all behind this. But I'm going to tell you, before you read any more about rapes, alleges, accusations, anything like that in L.A. I want you to, I don't know if you saw the, the, uh, the, uh, the, um, the, um, the, um, the, Mia Farrow versus Woody, whatever. But I'll tell you what happened.

This is what I said, this is it. Because this is what the mentality is in L.A. Just to let you guys know, regular Americans, regular people overseas, Australia, just to let you know how pathetic these people are. She found out Woody was molesting the kids whether or not, this is the accusation. she found out she was molesting the kid while she knew and she approached him and she accused him she still worked on his movies do you understand what i'm trying to say to you guys so wait a second so Joey Diaz comes to my house rapes my kid calls me up a week later or i don't know what he did to him molester grabbed him i don't know he

the accusation, I had to stop watching. All I do know is I know that he found like Sun Yi's naked pictures at his house because they kept different residences even though they lived together. They kept separate apartments. So what you're telling me is that after I, let's just keep it simple here. Let's just keep it simple so your head don't blow up. You know, because if you believe that I gave a fuck about J-Lo and Alex, God knows what you'll believe. I didn't know I was that good of an actor. Let's pretend I molested my little brother Mike's kid here. I don't think Mike would work for me no more.

I think Mike would call the cops, and I wouldn't blame him. He's not a rat. He's just protecting his child and other children from getting molested from a gorilla like me. I don't... It might be the second thing I do. Yeah. I don't think Mike would take a call from me and go, I'll be up there Monday to do the problem.

podcast for you, I forgave you about molesting my child. Because that's unforgivable where I live. As a matter of fact, where I come from, not North Bergen, not New Jersey, but where I come from, that's an act of I could shoot you in the fucking head and call the cops and tell the cops, I don't know what happened. He molested my child and the cops are, okay, we'll drop them off in the weeds for you. Thank you for getting the molester off the fucking streets. but now we live in different times.

You can't be doing that shit. She sold her soul. Yeah. She sold her soul. But it's not just me of Pharaoh. You hear these stories constantly. So you rape me and then when Brian called you, you actually went to the audition to play his wife.

Come again? Do you understand me? So this is what runs through, this is the mentality. of Hollywood. They don't give a fight. It's like the people who went to work for Woody Harrison. Listen, I'm not mad at you.

You got Maoist. You had his name, Woody Allen? Yeah, not Harrison. Yeah, whatever. The people that went to work from, like a lot of people who work from in films, they get heat for working from. You know what I'm saying?

I don't judge nobody for working from. I don't pay your bills. So until I pay your bills, and I can judge what the fuck are you saying even then. But they work for them because they need the money. knowing that he's a fucking child molester or whatever. He's been falsely accused or properly accused or whatever. You know, so think about what people will do in Hollywood.

That's just the mindset of Hollywood. When I watched me a Pharaoh speak, who I've always been a fan of, you know, I loved her in Rosemary's Baby. She reminded me of every actor I spoke to in L.A. Like, they all have that common thing. you know what I'm saying like they'll do certain things but it was very sad to me you know and I just told my wife I'm not watching this no more because I like I told my wife if you found out I molested fucking mercy would you work for me as a if I directed movies she looked at me and said you'd be in jail you know that that's not here or there but that's just to let you know the mentality of where I came from you know I it never got to me like that I I I'd tell you to go fuck yourself and I did and once I got off to cocaine that's when I really saw Hollywood for what it was and after that people didn't listen after the longest yard people didn't really want to

work with me I'm not I'm not ashamed to tell you I love Adam Adam loves me but he had a producer who didn't like me because he came up to me and wanted me to do something and I told him to go fuck himself told him right to his face I was looking for a job when I found this one you talk to me like a man and don't fucking talk to me at all. Until this day, me and that producer don't get along. He retired, he quit, he's moved on, he's a gazillionaire. You know, he was a good producer.

I'm not here to say he was a bad producer, anything. He just approached me away that I don't like. I told him what I felt. That's why sometimes you see a post a longish yard and I'm on it. And then you see another post and I'm not on it. That was all his doing. To break my balls. At the end, he put me the last in the thing.

He did everything he could to break me. But at the end, I kicked ass in that fucking movie. He did everything he could. He did everything he could to try to die. Everything. You don't understand how. I still remember the day I had to shoot the scene with the fucking in the locker room, with the thong on, with my stomach hanging out.

That was my fucking idea. That was my fucking idea because I wanted out of respect for Serrano or Major League. If you ever see the Cuban guy in Major League, when the owner of the club comes in, he's got a thong on, and she smacks them in the ass. I'm not saying that some hot chicks gonna smack me in the ass, but out of respect for Serrano,

I thought it would have been a funny scene if I just wore a jockstrap or whatever. There were these two fucking, you know, white little college kids from Paramount or whoever company there is talking to Adam. When I went up to Adam, I said, excuse me, like a gentleman, I had the jock strap already in my hand.

I go, Adam, I want to wear a jockstrap in this scene. And he says to me, and the two dudes are talking to Adam, And they're like, don't let them do it. Adam's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you want to do? I go, you ever see Major League? I want to wear like Serrano did. I want to wear a fucking child.

Bro, he's like, let's give it a fucking ghosty. Right away, the producers, like, no, he's not doing it. Adam said, let him try it. Let's see how it looks. Like, bro, and you know me, they were like, where are you going to do? We're right here in the thing. I go, just put a towel up. You ever see when the fighters go to weight themselves and they put a towel up?

there was chicks in the room they were fucking line directors the chick from scripty that fucking I said I don't give a French as fuck Adam didn't give a fuck about my balls one day they fell out of my shorts

like I was sitting there I was sitting on a bucket and my balls fell out of my shorts and people were talking about me and I didn't even know it like I was high I'm looking around because New Mexico is gorgeous

I'm just looking around at the scenery and all of a sudden Adam Sandler walks up to me right here the corner of my eye and he goes, Joey, I don't mean to insult you, but your little punching bag is hanging out. So he would call my one nut the punching bag. So that's how it started.

So after that, he's like, dog, how big are your fucking balls? That's just one of them? Jesus Christ! He goes, I didn't know. People's walls could even be so fucking big. But, no, it's it. Listen, I don't even know how we got on this subject.

I'm sorry. Yeah, you know, accusations from people that lost their souls. Yeah, all these fucking people in L.A., so I had to unwind from that. You could tell I'm a lot better doing. I'm doing a lot better than when you first saw me and I was like this fucking mummified in front of here.

I'm a little bit more loose, you know, things are happening. Because I was beat up. Those last four years were fucking torture. Torture, the more you think about it. And after I talked to Theo, not on the podcast, but before that, I understood what was going on. And I understood what was going on with him. And I understood what was going on with me.

So us two just psychologically fucking worked it out. And we figured it out. And it was great seeing him on that screen. And I mean, that night after we did the podcast, we spoke again about what we spoke about on the podcast, you know, the fun we had, you know. Listen, man, I'm very proud about a lot of things. I'm very proud that I did 880 episodes of the church.

I'm also very proud I ended it and started something new And you guys are now witnessing the growth as we do it Some people couldn't take it after two episodes and they left and that's fine I'm not mad at them To each his own I think the first six episodes this podcast were fucking all over the place It's been the last maybe month month and a half That we've been on pace and getting a grass wall So I thank you for sticking around

And thank you for understanding the process it takes to have a fucking podcast and to do a podcast you know everybody always criticizes this one or that one I heard something the other day

that was fucking hilarious a friend of mine sent me a video it was on YouTube and he goes I want you to hear these two fucking jerk off comics see the problem

see what you guys didn't know what was going on was that and Lee will tell you Lee will tell you because Lee and I talked about it all the time

the routing was they would call Joe Rogan first and if they couldn't get through the Rogan, they'd hit me up at the same time. So if Rogan raised their hand, then they would blow me off. You know what I'm saying? So if I would say you want to come on the podcast,

and Rogan would say no, then they would come in like fucking happy as shit, you know what I'm saying? Listen, here's the problem with the podcast that everybody got confused with. I did, when Rogan started this podcast, let's say 2010, to be conservative. Oh, no.

2009 let's just go with 2009 liquid fucking debt it's just sparkling water tremendous I think there's a website for it check it out my girl sent it to me from Nebraska Colleen I love it with all my heart I told I try it it's fucking tremendous like a carbonated water in the fucking 80s when you went on Johnny Carson for you guys who watched a documentary or maybe you don't know how comedy works when you go on something you immediately blow up what does that mean joy we don't know what that means well when rosanne was at the store mitzi saw in the original room and she liked her so much she told her to open the main room and then while she was up on stage in the main room two people from the tonight shows saw some one

person i don't know the exact story if i'm hacking the story up let me know i'm just trying my fucking best and they put on the tonight show Once they put you on the tonight show, if you killed and Johnny Carson went like this to you, you just became a half a millionaire. You just got a half a million dollars worth of work. They're going to put you in two films, and every comedy club in the country is going to watch it. That's just by Johnny Carson going like this, okay? Johnny Carson went off the air, then it was, um, the show, that was on Comedy Central

with the guys. Great fucking show. Patrice, Rich Voss. Tough crowd. It was tough crowd. If you went on tough crowd, you blew up. Then it was Opium Anthony.

You know, people were dying again on Opin Anthony. Then it was Howard Stern. But then it was a reputation of fucking Joe Rogan. That if you went on Joe Rogan, you blew up. Yes and no.

Did it bother a guy like me that people would say something like that? that that would be so shallow. Yeah, because the first time I went on Rogan, I was already doing comedy 18 years. I had already done five or six fucking major films. I was a regular at the store. I was kind of co-headlining already. I was starting a headline and co-headliner. I was not a headliner. I'm not going to tell you that, but I was headlining. Big difference in being a headliner and being a comedian that's headlining. I wasn't a headliner. It took me a couple years to learn. Thank God, rest in peace, Greg Haraldo taught me what a real headliner was.

When I watched him for a long time, I just, you know, Ralphie Mae was a true headliner. Joe Rogan is a true headliner. Bill Burr, off the charts headliner. I was a comic. I was what's considered a comics comic. I performed for the back of the room. There's no money. in the back of the room it's comics comics aren't going to pay you so that's what i was i was considered a comics comic that's when you performed for the back of the room so for years i didn't give a fuck about the audience i had to make the comics left that's and that's great too that's a great thing to have too when you're a comics comic that's a very good reputation i have but you're not really a real fucking full-blown national touring headliner there's a very

And I understood that at the time. In 2008 or 9, 2008, I said, I'm going to take six months, and every Thursday night, I'm going to drive to the Irvine Improv and see who the headliner is. And the first Thursday I drove down. It was Greg Caraldo. I did not know him. I knew he was from New York. I knew he had a TV show. I watched Greg Carraldo.

I watched Patrice O'Neill. I was headlining, I wanted to become a headliner. I watched all that. Joe Rogan was always a fucking headline. That motherfucker always had a tight hour. And it was a tight hour. It was hung and it was weave. I was just out there throwing stuff.

Anyway, the purpose of this is for me to tell you that when I went on Rogan, I never, I'll tell you some secrets. I'll tell you some secrets that happened later. But when I went on Rogan, the first two or two or two, three years, I didn't know what was going on. I just went on there with the impression to be funny. I went on there to do what I loved doing the best, making my friend laugh.

I love making him laugh. There's certain people, when you make them laugh, it brings a warmth to your heart. When I would make that man laugh, it would fucking warm my heart so much because I knew how hard it was to make him laugh. and for him to go crazy. And I knew, and I know this shit that he likes for me to say.

Like, I know that when there's a roomful of people, he wants me to go into one of my tirades. He fuels that shit. That's why Joe Rogan is one of the best. Adam Sandler is one of the best because they don't put a thumb on you. They want you to be funny. I'm the same way. When I, I tell my features, go out there and fuck him up, make it hard for me.

I don't give a fuck. Go out there and fuck him up. Kate, Dean, Carmen Morales, Chelsea Skidmore, all of them. I told them all. Go out there and fuck them up. Don't worry about me. Because when I was opening up for Rogan, he would pull me aside and go, dog, get your shit together. Go out there and fuck them up.

And I would look at them and go, okay. And I would smack myself. I'd get my shit. That's four left. That's four fucking rights to the fucking right side of one day. When I fuck up, I beat myself up. Enough enough. It's time to start beating yourself up, cock suckers.

That's it. I would go out. I would get fired up, and I would go out there, and listen, I was such a bad comic at the time. Like, I was a good comic, but I was a 50-50 comic. I couldn't control my destiny. I didn't know what direction I could go in. So all that being said, I heard this fucking little chat between two jerk-off comics, and it was about that one of them is going to Austin

and he didn't get invited on Rogan's podcast and that he heard that the last time his friend did it, nothing really happened. Well, and that when the other guy did it, nothing really happened. Well, you went on there and you weren't funny. That's what happened. You went on there and tried to be a smart guy with Rogan

and you weren't funny. when I went on Rogan's pot, then, after I found out all this shit, people come up and go, oh, you're so lucky. You get to go on Rogan whenever you want. I go, no, I don't. No, I don't. Ask Joe, I have certain dates. The last podcast of the year and 4th of July. If you check all his podcasts, check.

I always did them in July and the last one of the year. There was a reason for that. There was a reason for that. And every time I went on there, I had, I prepared myself from that fucking morning to the time I got there because I knew I was going on and I wasn't going to fuck around. That was my secret. Now, people would go to me, why don't you go on there a lot more? You should go on there a lot more because I'm not a stupid whore like you. I go on twice a year and my fucking chances of killing are even stronger.

If I go eight times a year, I'm going to bomb two or three times. It's the fucking number. It's a magic number. But twice, my chances of bombing, yeah, some podcasts were better than others, but I always left my soul on the table on the Rogan podcast, the same way I did on my table, the same way I did on my table, the same way I did on stage. These motherfuckers want to go and date, and you saw it when you were there. People contacted me to go on my podcast, and Rogan's podcast.

because they thought it would change their life like this. Guess what? Nothing changes your life like this. And even if it does, if you're not prepared for it, what good is it? What good is it? You got to be prepared for what's coming at you. Just because you want it doesn't mean you're prepared for it.

Did you ever think about that? Just because you want it, doesn't mean you're prepared for it. And how do I know this? Because I saw this. Not a hundred times, close to 500 times. I saw 500 comics come to L.A. to fucking steal Hollywood office feet. And guess what happened?

Ditch, that's what happened. They didn't put in the time. They went there with reputations. They would take a shortcut. They'd go to Montreal. They would get on new faces, get a deal. and then they'd make a mistake. They show up to the,

and then everybody wants to see them when they get back to L.A., they start doing showcases. But one of those nights, you pop into the improv, and you've got to follow a savage like Bill Burr, fucking Doug Stan, Hope, Rogan, myself,

what happens to you? What happens to you? You don't know how many times I had people coming up to me at the improv going, dog, can you switch with the guy in front of you? Because he's got industry coming to see him. and he doesn't want you to disrupt their set like shit like that and I and I

understood I'm gonna be honest here I understood but at the same time I felt bad for them because if some you know many people came to see me in 23 years maybe 10 these motherfuckers had people coming to see them every night but when people came to see me I fucking blew up that room I didn't give a fuck who was in front of me I didn't give a fuck who was behind me I didn't let none of that enter my mind because that's when you fail you know that's when you fucking fail

that's what and and you know a lot of comics they know that you have a showcase and they'll get like at this comedy store if you had a showcase for somebody they would put an asterisk next to your name and that let the other comics know you didn't have a paid spot that you had a fucking showcase

so what would they do? anytime you were talking to somebody, they would come up over and say hello and hug you like they really cared about you. So I would introduce them to the fucking agent. That's what they do. That's what they do in California. So I had to tell people,

don't put a star next to me when people want to come see me because then there were comics that didn't get stage time and would call and say, I have a showcase for a certain company. Can you put me up? There was a certain guy that was doing that all the time.

He got fucking nailed because they told them one night, where's Fox? Come produce him. Go get him. Or you're not going up. And he's like, I don't know what happened to him. Well, you're not going up. But I have a 915 spot too bad.

You're not fucking going up. It's that fucking simple. Sorry, Charlie. The best tasting tuna gets to be starkest. Can I'm saying? It's that fucking easy. But it's just crazy that an experienced comic would think that one appearance on the Joe Rogan show would change their fucking life forever.

that's so between that mentality and the Mia Farrell mentality next time you hear about accusations or this or that think about what I just told you the people that think that one thing is going to change their fucking life because that exists out there listen I know Tiffany Haddish when she was babysitting I congratulate her for her Grammy you know I go back and forth through it from time to time I check up on her I still remember having a conversation outside the laugh factory with her with Ralphie and her telling us about her growing up and whatever. I love that girl. I give her all the respect in the fucking world. But look at her blow up. Who knew it was going to be a movie, Girls' Night, right? Girls' Night, four women, four African-American women go,

that girl was busting her ass for fucking years. She used to go on the road with red band. Her own red band are dear friends. You know when she blew up, people felt fucking calling me. like she's not worthy. Who the fuck of you to say she's not worried? People attacked her to the end. I'm so happy she won the fucking Grammy.

I'm sad she beat Bill Burr. Bill Burr lost the Grammy, but he knew that going in after you insult the Spanish people and the guy's piano solo. That's true. Listen, you ever go to one of those things? You know, at the end of I was watching the Blue, the Green Book.

The Green Book won the Academy Award two years ago, Nick Von Longa, the story of his father. and I'm watching these fucking fancy people, you know. You ever see those people who are all fancy and dressed up and they're clapping for some piano, playing a violin? And you're sitting there going, I don't get it. I don't get this. What's all this shit?

What's all this glamour and fake shit for? Like, you would really go pay to see some guy like pay a fucking bowl. Like, I don't fucking see it. And in the movie, if you watch, because I watched the movie the year and night, it's a very great movie. He tells the guy, that's the same guy. The guy that's the star in that movie, the African-American dude, that's whose head was starting to get square.

The night I took the ketamine. That's the same guy from the Green Book. That's why I always felt bad when I watched the Green Book. I'm like, I felt bad that his head was tripping out that night. I was tripping out on his fucking head. But there's a part in that way the African-American tells Vito Morgensen. We have to talk about your last name. We have to change it.

it's too long people might not be able to say it balaanga and you know and he tells him how smart they are and he tells him he has to watch his diction the way he speaks and he goes what are you talking about diction i speak great you know and he goes no you curse too much and you fucking they can't he goes all right i'll tame down on my cursing but then he goes another thing we have to worry about your name he goes these are cultured people they're intelligent and all this shit You can't be talking that way. But in the other side, he's telling him that he had to change his name because people wouldn't be able to say it.

He told him right out. You ever watch that movie with Mike? He told him right out. He goes, if they were so fucking smart, they could say my name. If they're so fucking smart and so cultured. Like, how culture is that what it means to be cultured, to sit there with a fucking tuxedo on, to watch a three-piece band, do whatever.

You know, listen, I appreciate the end. instruments I appreciate the work you put into to playing the piano I appreciate the work you put in we had the violinist on the show who did a great job Eliza I love it at that you know I appreciate all that shit but I don't appreciate fucking people getting dressed up with tuxedoes whatever with the wife looking like she's going to a fucking wedding and you sit there and make believe like you're enjoying this. Nobody could enjoy this. That's torture.

That fucking piano at the end. What are you saying? Because I didn't watch the Grammys. I knew it was on. It fucking interrupted my Queen Latifah. They almost killed himself. Yeah, it interrupted my fucking equalizer because I watch 60 minutes every week.

I'm a 60 minute type of motherfucker. So it interrupted my fucking, you know, I saw it was coming on when 60 minutes got off. So it interrupted my fucking equalizer. And it fucking, you know, I didn't watch it all. His presentation wasn't on TV either. He said, I bought a suit.

I thought this was going to be on TV. Yeah, who the fuck knows? I would have told him no off the bat. I don't want to be down there with those people, puking and whatever. But at the same time, like, I wasn't going to watch it. I just gave up on Grammys and Oscars. If Ricky Javis was hosting,

I would have watched the monologue just to see him go off and make people uncomfortable. Again, even Ricky Javis, every year they make them. the host and every year you know that whoever hires him has got to be giggling in the back because he loves saying people get uncomfortable the same thing the same reason why why would you hire bill burr a guy that you know doesn't give a fuck about what the fuck you're doing here he don't give a fuck about the grandmas none of us do none of why would you hire one of us why would

it's like hiring joe rogan he's like up there and tell him to fuck off i'm not doing this shit None of us want to do that shit. So when you do hire a guy like Bill Burr, you know what you get yourself into. I would think. You know, you fucking know he's going to go up there with his fucking, you know, Boston attitude. I loved it.

I didn't see the Grammys, but I saw the next day people attacking him. And right away, they're yelling for cancel culture. Now you're looking to cancel fluffy for the voice of Speedy Gonzalez. Oh, my God. I thought that was fake, but yeah. but then the song of the ear was wet my pussy or something like that so we got we got a you motherfucker's got a fucking pick get your shit together you really fucking do this is getting old

now guys you know and and see what most people don't understand like most people are living in fear from this i know a ton of comments like you know what fuck you i'm saying what the fuck you i'm saying what the fuck I want to say. I'm doing what the fuck I want to do and I'm saying that how I want to. Right now, listen, I got three shows left at Uncle Vinny's. I'm going to take some time for myself and the family for the summer, get my head together, you know, fall in love with comedy again. I did write a little half a bit yesterday. Ooh.

Just thinking about something and I wrote it down. So I got a couple new things I'm going to try. What happened last week was I went to a fucking christening party. before Uncle Vinnie's and I wasn't focused. I didn't laser, I didn't even look at my notebook. I thought I would remember everything. So I went down there and ate a bag of dicks. At least I'm mad enough, mad enough to admit it.

A lot of guys would say, I killed. No, you didn't. You know, I'm the type of guy that tells you how it is. That night I came home. I taped my set, but I already knew already. There was nothing to listen to it because I didn't even try out nothing new. I was just up there going through old shit, just trying to fucking find myself or whatever.

But this week I'm a little bit more ready. I got three more sets in for the month, three more Wednesdays. And after that I'll take a breathing, man, when I come back, because you figure the soprano movie comes out, September 24th, I'll start itching like in August because I've been in the house for a year and a fucking half by that time. So just give it time. Before you could fucking successfully do something, you want to love it.

You don't want to feel like you're forcing it. That sucks. Have you ever tried to force anything? It sucks, whether it's make them believe you into something. It just sucks. And sometimes we do it. We do it. We do it.

You know, that's why people end up sick. That's why people end up fat. That's why people end up because it makes you unhappy. You know, they have a thing in this country where they force your hand at the age of 19 to pick a major in college. And then you pick that major and you graduate and you go out into the job market and you figure that this is not even close to what I wanted to do. You know, what about these guys? Well, my father was this. I'm going to be this.

And then two years in, you're realizing you don't do it. You don't like doing it, but you're doing it for somebody else. You're going to end up sick. You're going to end up fucking depressed. You're going to end up miserable. You're going to end up doing something. you don't want to do one thing about me is I'm a loser by trade I'm a loser I've come to that conclusion a long time ago but guess what I don't do whatever the fuck I don't want to do I've never

have that's the problem I have that's what makes me a loser that I don't do what I don't want to do I don't want to do it I just don't do it that's it and that's the way it's going to be for me to do something I want to do it from the core of my balls when I come in here at And I practiced on that guitar. You know, when I first started, when Mike gave me the guitar, I was going through videos on YouTube. And that's how I knew that I couldn't learn online because I had gone through a few videos and videos, it was just hard for me to learn from videos.

My mind wasn't into it or whatever. Thank you for all the people who are offering guitar lessons and videos. I love you, motherfuckers. And in time, when this thing clears up, we will do. We will have some fucking fun. We will do some things that are different, you know? Maybe on Patreon, we can do a guitar thing. I don't know, but we'll burn that bridge when we get through it.

But the one thing I did pick up from all those videos I watched, and I gotta tell you something, I watch close to, without exaggeration, maybe 50 videos on the guitar. Basic guitar stuff. I picked one thing up. I picked one thing up, and I love that guy. I don't know, he's a goofy-looking dude. dude, he's got glasses.

I wrote his name down so I could watch the rest of his stuff as I progress. Because I liked what he had to say. This was a video about being older and picking up the guitar. Not being a young kid and picking up the guitar.

This is for people that. He goes, when I was teaching people the guitar, every once in a while somebody would come in that was way older than me and I'd have to teach him. and I'd have to change up my style, you know, to teach a 50-year-old or a 60-year-old or a 40-year-old. He goes, because I just worked with kids.

But he said something that was very interesting that I've always believed it. He goes, make a goal. You ready for this one? Again, we're talking about goals. Make a goal that you're going to play the guitar five minutes a day. That's it. He goes, and I don't want you to put your guitar in your case. I want you to buy a stand for your guitar.

It's very important that you have a stand. And he goes, because if you're beginning, he goes, I don't want you to practice more than five minutes. I want you to touch that guitar every day for five minutes because I know that you'll improve a lot better. If you play that guitar five minutes a day, than 30 minutes one day. I listened to what he said, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, that is brilliant.

And guess what else he said? He goes, and it also teaches you that you're not going to play the guitar for five minutes. You're going to play it for 30. Let's you pick it up. But your goal for the day is to pick it up for five fucking minutes. That's it. So basically it's just pick it up. Pick it up, strap it on, play three chords and put it down.

He goes, I'd rather you do that. Then not pick it up at all. And guess what I do every night now? My life has changed here at the house. Listen, I'm like you. I can't watch no more fucking TV. If I got to watch one more fucking TV, nobody has made more in residuals than Stelvesta Stallone.

They've played every Sylvester Stallone movie he's ever made in his life. There's nights where he has four movies on at once. I love Sylvester Stallone, but I had to give him a break. I saw the first Rambo 20 times during this pandemic. I've seen Rambo 2 80 times. Trust me, my dick still gets hard

when he shoots the Vietnamese dude with the arrow when he blows up. I love all that type of shit. I have seen, you know, the other night lockdown was on. It was so funny. The next day, a guy on Patreon asked me, have you ever seen the movie Lockdown?

Because he saw it. Yeah, because he saw it. I'm like, oh, my God, it was on last night. It's about him. prison and they fix a car whatever nobody has made more money and so best it's the over the top the wrestling one cliff hang i watched the other night at fucking eight o'clock you know you you could just watch so much tv guys you just start getting soft and during the

pandemic even with my fucking thing i would do sit-ups at night i got i said all right i'll start doing a hundred fucking you know put my knee up and just do sit-ups and then i started reading thank god i'm reading now I gotta pick another book because I finished the book I was reading so I got to pick another book that I've read already and I was looking at it last night I couldn't come to a conclusion I think I'm gonna read the Pleasant Avenue connection just because I'm trying to get my comprehension I'm trying to get focused again my focus is all over the place but on top of reading the fucking guitar has moved me from point let's say in the alphabet from z is the worst that your mental state could be and a is the best that your mental state was when i got the guitar

i was probably at q and now i'm probably at fucking g i'm getting closer to my world guys i'm getting closer to my world every day and listen yeah we were There was fear involved. There was the anxiety of the move. There was the anxiety of whether my daughter or my wife would like it. There was the anxiety of the career. There was the anxiety of the podcast. There was all these different anxiety that just met and fucked me up completely.

And I'm not, you know, I'm not ashamed to admit the fucking truth. Did I go see a therapist? Not really because it's against what I believe. But I used my friends. I used all my friends and I ran my idea. is by them and I rap with them and anytime a friend wanted to see me and the weather was nice I fucking run to his house and I'd sit in the backyard with him and even though it was eating me alive inside that I might get this COVID and die look we're still fucking here knock on wood

every fucking day you know I've gotten through this and it's been hard but the most the happiest thing the thing that makes me the happiest is that you guys have seen it I'm just not telling you a story from 10 years ago, you know, 10 years from now, I won't be saying I was a mess. No, I've been telling you guys, that we've been going through this, but I haven't been doing good.

I'm not doing well. I'm doing better. I'm doing better thanks to you guys, the Patreon, the videos, the little fucking around. Now the Instagram, now the guitar. I'm almost there. I'm at G, and I hope you guys are at G too.

Everything helps. I've cleaned up my diet. You know, the pain pills are gone. The knee still hurts. I get frustrated. But what am I going to do? It's only two and a half months. I got two more weeks and I'm out of the fucking weeds.

But the point I wanted to make is that, listen, man, I don't know what condition you're in, what mental condition you're in, how you're doing, you know. There's a light. We're seeing this light. So whatever you're going through, now is the time to start getting ready. Remember we kept saying this is all going to be over soon. This is all going to be over soon. This is all going to be over soon.

It ain't going to be over yet. We still got a little bit to go, but there is a lot at the end of the tunnel. You know, last Thursday I got a call that somewhere I was at had fucking COVID. Somebody that tested positive for COVID. I took the instant test on Friday. I took another test. It wasn't the rapid test. It's the one where you worked for the email.

I went down there Friday and took another one. He told me, because if you got it, it won't it's not gonna go in your system if you had contact with that person on a certain night i had contact with that person on a tuesday night i got the call on thursday so he goes give it like five days so you know i don't want to give it to mike i don't want to give it to somebody at vinnies so i went again yesterday and i got the result this morning uh that were fucking negative so i feel a lot better but i'm i'm i was tripping on this like i said in time we'll get the vaccine right now let it roll out let people do what we're doing. I'm not doing much. It's not like I'm going to concerts right now. It's not like I'm doing comedy shows or anything. I'm doing one show a week to 41 people and you know we use all the precautions we can and I gargle I got the nose spray. You know the no steroid I used that used to be $36 a container and now it's 200 a container and they make me pay for it because it's anti-COVID spray. So at the same time it's a

a no steroid it's also like anti-covid something it went up it shot up because people are using it to avoid whatever it's my regular nose spray i've been using it since two thousand thirteen since i got the fucking nose job i go once a month i go through two bottles a month and they raise the fucking prices up but that's that's the medical system you know well that's how i got the fucking surgery i was hooked on afrin I was hooked on aphrine since my cocaine fucking days. And then I started jujitsu and I couldn't breathe out of my fucking nose unless I brought afrum. I just found an affront.

I was looking through one of my fucking sports bags because we open, listen, the reason why I haven't opened up, I'm very sorry to a lot of you people. I love you guys to debt. And I know you guys like to send stuff and you offer stuff to me. It's not that I don't want it. We got two sheds out there. One we had to take down to put the generator in. We gave it to my man, Frank Puma, across the street.

And the other shed is filled to the brim with boxes from the move. Once I get those fucking boxes cleaned up, then I'll put my P.O. box out there. You can send me whatever the fuck you want to send me. I'll take whatever you got. Shoes, weights, fucking, you know, when I left L.A., I gave away so much stuff that I never got to. enjoy because I didn't even know half the shit existed.

I was just finding it. I would come back from the road. People would give me pictures. Look, Mike broke two pictures over the other day. Two great fucking pictures. Somebody sent them a year ago and he forgot to come see me at parks or something happened. I don't know. Guys, I got a

storage shed filled with boxes. Let me empty these fucking boxes and see what I got in this shit. And then you could start sending me my stuff. I'll put it on the podcast for you, whatever the fuck you want to do. But let me me just clean out these fucking sheds i don't want to get another p o box every time i would go to a p o box it would be a car load on the way back the trunk the trunk would be fucking in a

super room tremendous shit people sent me the best shit in the fucking world protein shakes this everybody you know listen man everybody's trying to promote their stuff and i appreciate it you know i got a lot of i got a lot of stuff that was junk too don't get me wrong wallet clips and shit that was just garbage but I like this stuff people make with their hands that's the stuff I never got rid of like like this right here my future brother-in-law Steve I loved when people drew pictures of me and people were coming and go that is the ugliest Joe Diaz ever said and I go I don't give a fuck somebody put time into that somebody sat down and put time into that I'll put a frame on it and then sell it I'll do something but I'm not just going to throw it away somebody put time

into that. I wish I could draw half as good as some of these people that have sent me are. I wish I could draw half as well as them. That's a fucking gift all to itself. But hey, we get what they give us. To me, they gave me the gift of gab and big balls. I got no looks and a medium dick, but I got big balls and the gift of gab. We all can't get the same shit. I can't change a light bulb. I'm half Polish. I can't fucking change oil. You know, I can't do no. It's hysterical because I swear to God, I must have been on the podcast. And some guy on Patreon, who's a sweetheart? We had tons of conversations before that.

He fucking went off on me. You have to take the pan the fucking, the, whatever the fuck, the vaccine. At that time in the beginning, a month ago, I was a little unsure. I wanted for them to roll it out to see what the fucking results were going to be. Plus they're going in order. Plus they're going in fucking order, you know. And you know, people, he's like, well, you have a celebrity status? No, I'm not a fucking celebrity.

I'm a suburban, how's that? I'm a suburban house dad. First of all, I was never a fucking celebrity. I was a dirty comic that got lucky. So I don't know why you keep using that word celebrity. You never see me at celebrity golf tournaments or celebrity bowling tournaments and celebrity and nothing. Because I'm not a fucking celebrity and I don't want to be a fucking celebrity. I'm a fucking dirty comic that got love.

lucky from time to time people put me in their fucking movies that's it well you're a celebrity you should fucking go down and get i said listen stop right there i go first and you know he was telling me he was polish but that's how a conversation grew because i like paragis i like stuff fucking green peppers goopki i like polish food yeah that's what you call it gumki it's it's it's it's stuff fucking peppers you guys got the correct annunciation i'm retarded i just call it gunkie So he says to me, you got to get, and he kind of like went off and away. And I was like, I can't fucking believe.

I got the only Polack who could put a light bulb in telling me that I need a fucking vaccine. 20 million Polacks. And I got the only one that got screwing a light bulb yelling at me. But fucking, I think he unfollowed me. I think he left. I think he got pissed off. Yeah, but we were friends.

You know, like we were fucking on there, fucking around. So if he did get upset, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You know, I respect. I've elected Polacks all my life because they're the only ones that never bitch throughout this whole thing. Right? Everybody makes fun of black people. Everybody makes fun of Chinese people.

They get pissed. Spanish people get pissed. You've never seen a parade outside of Barnes & Noble with people going, take the Polish books down. You know, 100 Polish books, how to change a light bulb. They've been writing fucking Polish jokes since the beginning of time. And these people do not give a fuck. There has not been one protest.

There hasn't been a parade because they don't give a fuck. too busy eating Paragis and drinking vodka. You don't go to a Polish fucking wedding? No. Four fucking days. You never been to a Polish wedding? Oh. Oh.

You don't know what life is until you go to a Polish wedding in Buffalo. It's six fucking days. It's six or seven days. They're eating, drinking, dancing. I forget the dance they do with the fucking dresses. Forget about it. When you want to go to a real party, you go party with the Polacks. They don't fuck around, Jack.

they do not fuck around Polish weddings are sensational if you're into that stuff I'm into fun like Greek wedding I don't want to yeah I don't want to go to a wedding and sit there and everybody bang a glass and she kisses

and I can't curse in front of the old fucking grandmother because they're gonna die and the six flower maids are a bunch of cunts anyway I don't like those weddings those weddings you don't even invite me to those fucking things but if you're gonna have a fun wedding you know jump and fucking five firecrackers and people get bought you know draw hammered and nobody cares nobody's

gonna be judgmental towards you and if you want to take your vest off and dance with your fucking shirt you know those are the weddings i like those uptight fucking weddings save for somebody to fuck else i'm so upset because i was looking forward to go into jalo's and alex wedding i was looking forward to going to that Puerto rican fucking wedding like i was gonna get invited get the fuck out of here you you cute been fucked. Puerto Rican weddings are fun too, but I didn't give a fuck about J-Lo. I don't

give a Frenchman's fuck about Alex Rodriguez. I mean, I loved him as a baseball player. I didn't get mad at him about the steroids. What are you going to do? People are going to do what they're going to do? But, yeah, I guess they're not going to get married now, so I can't believe I'm going to miss that wedding. You know, I won't be

able to sit next to Kim, you know? What do I give a fuck? Anyway, we had a great week. We had a great time. Uh, that's it. It's just another fun fucking podcast. Another week is gone. It's March 17th, the St. Paddy's Day.

Go out there, March, drink, have a good time. Just don't get COVID. I don't give a fuck what you do. I mean, last St. Patty's Day got fucking, uh, fucking canceled. So I guess this one, I'm going to be smoking, puffing, eating. I haven't eaten an edible in the daytime. And so. fucking long since that day with the spray with you tomorrow might be the

fucking day I can't stop on my way home I get a corned beef you know what I can't even fucking do an edible in daytime no more my responsibilities are so fucking high now it's not like LA where I'm not gonna take an edible now I'm not gonna take an edible tomorrow happy St. Patty's Day to all you motherfuckers I love you thank you very much for watching. Thank you very much for understanding what we were talking about. But again, today's podcast was basically about fucking when I saw that Mia Farrow and whatever thing. So before you believe any more accusations or any more stupidity that comes out of L.A. and the Hollywood scene, remember what I told you. Mia Farrow continued working for Woody Allen

after she knew that he was molesting her children and that's what Hollywood is all about. So I'm happy to be out of that scene I'm happy I don't live in that anymore and I'm happy I'm not in that entanglement of bullshit anymore

I'm in New Jersey now bitches the other day I went to eat with my wife Sunday these two parents called us up and they said do you want to meet at the park we're going to play some baseball it was a kind of nice day so I went over there with mercy and my wife and mercy had the glove I had a break in because mercy starts softball next week thank God so she's doing this Saturday

we're taking her for a mini camp like me and a friend of mine because my wife was supposed to get a fucking COVID shot on Friday but now they call it there might be a problem so I already made plans for Saturday to take us on my you know because the second shot is a little fucking tougher so I made plans just a buddy of mine from North Bergen is coming down he played professional baseball he got drafted so we're gonna take it to the batting cages and just you know I've been messing around with her this week with the glove with the glove we got what is too small for a fucking softball I don't even know what I was going to say to you motherfuckers or if it didn't even matter but the week fucking changed now so

we're going to start playing softball. No, oh, so I went to the fucking field and the kids played and Mercy hit the fuck out of that ball. She was just having a problem catching and whatever. And then about 3 o'clock, it started getting a little cold and the wind started coming in.

So one of the parents was like, anybody hungry? Me and my wife was like, we could eat. So she, the one couple, they're just a nice couple, all of them. All of them are nice. That's who I spent New Year's Eve with,

these people was in a bigger setting. My daughter and their son plays together, and they're great. The kid's great. So we went to eat, and as I get up, I'm walking towards the door. I got my mask on.

There was maybe 18 people in the restaurant, and the weirdest thing happened to me. Like, this is, some kid just came out of nowhere. He goes, hey, how about a picture? And I looked at them and I go, without even fucking breaking beat, I just went, nope, and I just kept fucking walking. And the lady that was with my wife, you know, because they were all talking about the lady that was talking to my wife

was next to me. And she goes, is that how people treat you? And I go, no, he's just a fucking jerk off that has no class, his mother didn't raise him right. She goes to people do that all the time I go people come up to me and talk to me all the time Do I love it If you're a gentleman or you're a sweetheart of a girl

Come up and talk to me Come up and say hello Listen I don't like your podcast But I like young Rogan I don't like your jokes But I like your podcast I don't like your podcast But I like it when you did Ari's show

I don't give a fuck If you're honest with me You want to come up and talk to me Talk to me you know I'm not going to take a picture with anybody right now during COVID for your health and for my health let's just stop with the fucking pictures okay not right now in fact that's the second picture I had to turn down since I've been in Jersey which is a sweet thing for a

guy like me you know a couple weeks ago I was having a I went to get lunch with my wife and before I got out of the car you know and some kid just knocked on the glass never brushed his hair meanwhile I'm on the phone with my fucking agent just knocks in the glasses. Let's take a picture. Get the fuck out of you. Take a fucking hike. No mask.

No nothing. It's COVID season. People losing their lives. Put your fucking camera away. All right. Put your little fucking camera away. Because I'm not taking a picture with nobody. I don't want to feel responsible for me giving you COVID.

And I don't want to be on the other end of receiving. And since we don't know if you have it or I have it, let's just shake hands and part ways. You want to come up to me. you want to say hello say hello you know people coming through hey man say hello Joe Rogan for me sure whatever tell Rogan to come here next time yeah i'll fly him up from moston to come eat at your restaurant in jersey you know you don't know you have no people you have no idea so you know for me right now they ain't no fucking pictures put your camera away you want to talk to me come over and talk people do it all the time you know i mean don't come

up to me at a restaurant when i'm with my family and a table but if you see me at a park or something like that come over say hello hey man I like what you did on this I didn't like what you saw on this podcast and I'll talk with you I'm gonna tell you what happened a couple weeks so I did a periscope that kid no he reached out he reached out and he apologized like a man and I said because you apologizing that made us brothers that just made us brothers thank you for apologizing now anything you need reach out to me on he was a Patreon guy.

Oh really? Yeah. And he got my number and he wanted to call and ask him how I treated him. I was like, man, first all, I appreciate the fucking honesty. That's it. You'll never hear about this again. I'll never fucking curse you. He messes me on Patreon like a man that he is. Because listen, if I'm your uncle,

I want you to be a man, the same way I'm a man. I'll tell you what's going on. Treat me the fucking same way. And we'll be fine. But don't just come up to me like, hey man, I bought a picture. He was trying to show off in front of his friends, and I was like, nope. And he just sat there, his face turned red. And I just kept walking because I don't give a fuck.

I hate the pictures. You're from Jersey. In Jersey, you're not supposed to be taking pictures anyway. So put the fucking camera away, cuck, sucker. And that's it, and that's that. That's another episode of the motherfucking joint for March 17th, 2021. The light is almost there.

Don't go. Don't get too excited yet. There's still another shoe that's going to drop. But for now, the light's almost there at the end of the tunnel. Pick yourself up. Read a book, go for a walk. The weather's starting to get nice. And that's it.

We're almost back, guys. Thank you. Make your fucking plans. But keep them loose. Because you never know what the other shoe is going to drop right now. Remember what I told you. I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart. Have a great week.

I want to thank all. all our sponsors. But now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors. Have a great weekend. Love you. Stay black. All right. I want to thank you savages

for listening today. I want to thank nobody. Nobody came on. I was all confused. It was just me alone giving you motherfuckers an earbeaten like a lot of scotagas guy in Spanish on Patreon.

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