The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 05/08/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #78

Episode Date: May 9, 2013

Eddie Bravo, musician and Founder of Tenth Planet Jiu Jitsu calls in this morning.

I'm a straight rider. You don't want to fuck me. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Are you kidding me or what? Wednesday, May 8th. Today you've been fucking waiting for all your goddamn life is today.

Get up from coffee, a couple jumping jacks, some reefer, whatever. You're ready for the fucking day. They mean business out there. That's why I got Tupac on for you today. So we ain't fucking around. But, my ambitions is a ride. Get your fucking bikes, motorcycle, get your tricycle. I don't give a fuck what you do today.

Today's your lucky day. The best day of your fucking life. Trust me, I'm sorry. I got my main man Lee over here, sparking numbers. Oh shit. Jesus Christ. What happened? Tupac was about to drop.

Oh shit. His ambitions is a ride. Oh, shit. A beautiful motherfucking day to be alive. And the best thing about this, you're in this, fucking world. Get up, cock, sucker. Glee, you didn't put shorts and I ain't do jumping jacks with no shorts. I can do jumping jacks with no fucking problems.

May night, what is it, May 8th, Wednesday? What's going on today? Something's going on. You came in, I get home from work at like 3.34 in the morning. He gets mad because I'm not fucking writing jokes, doing push-ups. You can't do this 24 hours. I'm not on below. You can't.

I walk in. You were at eight free seconds. Why weren't you doing dumbbell curls? I come in people. He's sitting down on the fucking couch like a mombo. His face. Yeah, because I've been up all day. He's been sitting there for three hours.

He got home at 3.30. He's been sitting there. You could have taken a nap for a night. You could have taken a shower. No, because then I won't sleep for the... You could have greased your hair due back. Who might be presentable for? You know what I'm saying?

You haven't taken a shower since eight in the morning yesterday. Your boss got a smell like a fucking little Arizona. You know what I'm saying? Oh, geez. I don't know what I did to deserve this in my old life What I'm trying to say to you is anything better Than sitting there watching fucking ESPN That's what I got a problem

No it's not Not at 4 in the morning About fucking basketball They got nothing to do with you You know You know what I'm saying You don't gamble Or you did gamble

And you came back on the fucking bus With With Los Angeles A bus stop You fucking shit That 800 killed you You couldn't fucking sleep for like a week You're Jew blood.

Yeah, a few days. Yeah, I could see it in your face. You were all discombobulated. You went off to juicy. You went to McDonald's. I didn't go to McDonald's. Every day he called me. I heard you were jumping up and down with Mexicans and McDonald's having 18 cheeseburgers.

I haven't been to McDonald's. Don't be lying to me. One of my good sources said you're at McDonald's, you went in there with a fucking disguise. You have no sources. You sit at home and he talked to Superbad. That's your source. Superbad fucking knows. It's funny.

I've had Superbad now. I haven't had him But he's been in my life now for six fucking years And you could tell Like soup bed's my fucking little buddy It's what are you doing? You like these fucking things? Yeah, I don't know

I'm sorry I'm sorry my my stove is in a good letter You've been smoking for 30 years Like this one for your uncle Joe That one was fucked up anyway Like this one for your uncle Joe I talk to the people All right You're slippingly

I'm slipping Everything's good though It's fucking Wednesday You got the week I had a good day yesterday With the acupuncture I fucking rolled a little bit yesterday Learning some shit

You know It's just a typical fucking wizard We got a great guest today We got music We got reefing We got everything you need To make this day The fucking best day

Of your life I don't even know what happened In the news And I don't want to know Yesterday I took my wife I had to dinner last night She got on about five So I didn't watch Barbara

Fuck Not Barbara Walter's the other one Diane Sawyer That's my girl I think you I caught the tail end And nothing was fucking going on So I don't even know what's going on in the world.

Fucking the Koreans, they shut the fuck up. You know, they finally went to Mount Fuji or some fucking restaurant. Nobody remembers Mount Fuji. Mount Fuji was the original, what do you call that shit? The original, uh, Benny Hannes. When I was a fucking kid, Mount Fuji was this shit and they served you. They didn't give a fuck if you were 10. Those Japanese people served you.

Do you know that me? What? When I was a fucking kid, Mm-mm. This joy is tremendous. It's a mix of it. like nine different explosive reefers. What it really is.

I'm going to be so stoned. I've lit like 18 joints for you. I think that's what you just wanted me to do. Wait until I got the edible for next next week. Because my buddy told me that he drinks kale shakes too. He's on a juicing thing and he just figured out how to put the reef in my Dolcher. You're done. Good.

Well, what happened when you were a kid? No, that's why I'm sitting here with you. I'm seeing fucking stars right now because all that fucking huffing and puffing with the joints. You swim yesterday? Yeah. How many laps? I did 10. I can do, like, they're in back, so five of those, and I can do a length, and I, like, I have to take a, like, a 30-second break.

You got a little goggles? No, how many goggles for. Because I don't want the chlorine going in your eyes. That's what they do. That's how they invented the fucking chlorine, the fuck with Jews eyes. So they can't see how much money they got the bank. I still got it, even on a Wednesday morning at 6 a.m. with no fucking lighter. Jesus Christ.

No, but yeah, I've been liking that. I'm very proud of you, Lee. I'm adding that to my thing. And sorry, this new job has been tough. So, but I'm... Did you interview it to the new one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I will see what happens. But, um, I, uh, I haven't done a YouTube video yet.

I'm going to start. I'm doing it before I go to work today. That's what you could have been doing for two fucking hours. You see what I'm saying? Lee, you can't bullshit me. You think like I come in here and I pick on you. I don't pick on you. I have not seen a video.

I know there's 90 people hit me up. Where's Lee's video? The WU, there will be one before I go to work today, but I'm adding it, starting from yesterday, I'm doing 30 straight days of the juice, and I'm going to do 30 straight days of working out. You can't do 30 straight because then you're ripped shit. You got to give yourself. In the pool, I'm not going to rip anything. I don't want you're fucking reconsideration to rest. I don't want you killing yourself.

This is what you fucking promise. I'm not going to hurt anything in the pool. It's still blowing it. One day to fucking rest your joints. You just started this thing. I don't want you to throw your back up, and you can't do it. God forbid. You can't do that.

I can't do the podcast. I can't sit there. If I called you from a hospital and said I couldn't do the podcast, you'd come over to the hospital room. And drag you the fuck out of there and beat you to the death until you can do the fucking podcast. That's how much I love you. Exactly. Because you got no time to bleed.

You got no time to bleed in this life. You got no time to none of that shit. You don't even give fuck out. If you get shot, you're like Denzel and man on fire. He got shot and he was in the pool fucking doing laps. Remember? Yeah. That's you.

If I shoot you tomorrow, you ain't going to hospital or none. You're going to break into a farm. Let me see it steal a fucking syringe. Oh, I can never do that. That's the fucking cage. I don't fucking... That's the entire reason I don't want to get diabetes because I can never get myself nuts.

And this is why we got to take care of this shit because the juice isn't help you. But the exercise builds insulin. The insulin fights the fucking diabetes or something like that. I ain't a doctor. I'm going to see Dr. Steve tomorrow in Arizona. He used to talk to me about that. That's very important.

Right now you're in good. You don't want to need that shit. So you got to get that dick going. This is a, you know, 24 years. You end up one of those jellybelly dudes that shakes when they walk. You ever see those dudes? They all shake. They got a Starbucks with coffee and sugar in it.

And they're fucking walking down shaking, doing that fucking hemmy shake. Get your shit together, cocksucker. Jelly belly? Yeah, jelly fucking belly. You know, the fuck. All raggedy, riggedy out listening to all you hear is jump, jump, jump. Jump those dudes that died last week, whatever the fuck. Oh, Chris Cross.

Chris Cross. You used to sing to that. Didn't you know when you were a little kid? used to dance that 94. I think I was sick, so I was a little bit too young. But, yeah. I mean, I heard it, but yeah. Don't be lying to me, cock's talking.

Everything's good in your world. Everything's great. You have no idea. Little commitments become big commitments, bro. You're a fucking savage. A couple days in the pool. It's good for your mind. It cleans you out.

You got something to talk about in the podcast. Yesterday I ran out of air. I almost drowned. Trust me. It's fucking beautiful. Yeah. It's the best. I was talking to this person at work yesterday,

and she said she used to swim, and she could do 60 full laps, like back and forth. in a row without stopping. Oh, it's amazing. And I was like, holy shit. I can do one. But listen, you got to start somewhere. And that's the most important thing of the church

and what's happening now or Debt Squad. We're taking you out of your fucking comfort zone. Yeah. Once a day, that's it. Something you would not do. You think I like going to Jitoo yesterday with fucking people putting faces and feet all over me and people sweating?

No, but you got to go into fucking... Out of your comfort zone to grow. Every once in a while, you want to grow. Why live on this fucking earth if you can't move forward, if you can't fucking grow every day? I'm not telling you got to be Jacqueline. By the Lord knows, I'm no fucking Jacqueline.

But yesterday I worked out. I walked around my daughter for an hour and a half and a fucking... Who do you email? No one. What? You watch around with your daughter? I'm watching, you cuck-sucker. You're sending fucking secrets to the Russians and the Cubans or something. Walked around my daughter and you're burning she. You're getting some son. And that's all

I ever asked you. You think I come here and I break your balls, man. I'm not here to break your balls. care about you. You're turning into Bo Jackson, dude. I saw that 30 for 30 yesterday where he played football and baseball. You're doing kickboxing, juts. Everything. I'm fucking walking. I do the epileptical. I did a hemp four shake this morning from on it. I fuck, you know,

it's the little things. I went to that pop a doze last week. And I'll get anybody from Austin to email you. First thing you do when you go to pop a doze is you ask for the fucking bread to dip your your gumbo or your lobster bis. I ate there, but I didn't eat any of the bread.

you know what you gotta cut deals with yourself it's a little fucking deal you know what tonight I'll smoke three joints but I'm not gonna drink alcohol tomorrow I'll drink two joints tomorrow I'll drink two margaritas but I won't smoke reef and I won't eat the you know we got a fucking that's all I say to you yeah just told me you should you could have done a video but I need those videos to be more alert those beginning videos you look like you wouldn't inspire me to juice hi my name is Lee I'm trying to inspire anybody yes you fucking are you're letting know that fucking Lee, boom, boom, Sayyat, the little Jew from fucking

Boston did it. And how do they do it? Because he's joining, he's getting a bunch of people and you're juicing. You used to sit there like, you were Jesus in the hole. Yeah, because I'd eat for a week. It's way. It's day four. God's suck. Let's see you do this podcast on a

week without food. That's not what I want to do. I never committed to that. If I committed to that, then I'd jump up and fucking down. You wouldn't jump up in there. I would come in here and go, this sucks dick. Or I would smile and go, you know, we're pushing ahead. We're making it happen here.

I'm Lysayat, the flying fucking juice. I was. Yes, you were. Look at those fucking video. Hey. And you're shooting yourself from the side like a fucking momo, like a moreto-von. It's the same. Like, fucking angle as this.

But you got to shoot straight up. Why would you shoot from this fucking side? You're a film student. You're looking like they tied you up. they made your fucking drink juice I want your alert you gotta make these you gotta inspire these motherfuckers

you gotta be like the National Anthem that's what the National Anthem fucking does to you get to the they play a national anthem to fucking make you sit there like Jesus it's a shit day to be a fucking American fuck no

they play fucking bazookas and bulldogs and fucking bam bam every time I hear the National Anthem I gotta hear fucking guns somebody getting shot like falling down. That's what you want to fucking hear.

That's what they should do at football game. Instead of these guys going to the fucking chair and wasting takes, fucking shoot them on the football. Bam, bam! As you're playing the fucking thing, Whitney Houston. Well, everybody's getting fucking down. Hit me with some music. Hit me with some fucking music. I'm excited.

I was trying to find the Star Spangled Banner again. Well, fucking find it. Don't, you know. Listen to this shit. This is what I'm saying to you. It's a beautiful fucking thing. to be an American. I haven't heard no fucking... What is this league? The Soundgarden.

What happened to the National Anthem? Okay. No, no, no, no. Kick this. This is a jam here. Soundgarden. Second fucking album. Bad Motor Finger.

One of my all-time favorites. You do a hit of acid, you put this fucking hour, mom. See how far you get. Holy shit. By like the third song on the first album. I think it's Rusty Cage. Then it's this. It's a tremendous.

this fucking side. Well, just listen to this. Listen to this. And his lyrics on this, people, fucking Chris Cornell, he, if he didn't lose his voice, it would have been fucking scarier for you, Cox. Look at this shit. This is pulling your hair right now. You got some mushrooms in here, some reefer, a couple fucking bazookas. This is it. This ain't has to stop. There you go. Hit it, Lee. What are you fucking nuts? If you got that number rolling, it's your fucking day today. Oh shit, this is better than Ashland. When you hit this shit, right now you're just stabbing a motherfucker. Hit it. Listen to this shit. This guy's going to war right here. You're on your fucking horse. You're going. You stare at me and your Jesus Christ pose.

You don't want to be my slave. Are you fucking nutsly? Here we go, Lee. Kick that. Like I need to be saved. Are you fucking getting me, Lee? Are you fucking kidding, Millie? No, no. This is the fucking backbone of stabbing somebody right there. I love it. So if you're in the mood to stab somebody, put the fucking iPhone on, iPod, whatever,

put this song on and go out there. It's a beautiful song. Jesus fucking Christ Pose, 1991 sound gun, bad fucking motor finger arm. People always ask me, Joey, you want a fucking arm to work out, write comedy,

put in your fucking car, cut off Asians like an Asian. You put this fucking, you put this bad motor finger God damn. What else is on that album, Lee? Let's find out. What the fuck, Lee?

You're sitting in like a Mama Lucille. What? Every time I type something, who you email him? You been whacking off lately, Lee? You're getting pale in the face. You got to stop whacking off. If you're going to juice, you got to stop with the Stamin' kid. You can't take the Staminkin juice out of your helmet.

When you stop all stop? I haven't been whacking off. Yeah, right. I swear the guy, I don't whack off. Your home for all that, all those hours you're not, oh yeah. I don't believe it for a second. If I'm going to whack off, I'm not going to whack off at home, me. What do you mean?

not going to whack up at home. Because it's boring. You got to put a tuxedo on and go somewhere and whack me. What are you talking about? You're reading Shakespeare. I don't fucking know what you're about. Lee, I got two and a half joints in me, plus the one I did at the house, plus the two edibles from last night.

You know, I ain't got time for this shit. Meanwhile, you're on the couch watching the Sports Center. I'm talking about the fag fucking basketball playing. I was going to change basketball. God. Whatever his fucking name is. Oh, my God. Now they won't shut the fuck up about it.

Oh, no, of course not. Unfucking blame. What they all need is in my world. hemp force to push that hemp out of their fucking assholes. What do we got, Lee? Here we go. We got a rusty cage, outshined. Oh, shit. Slaves and bulldozers. God damn.

Jesus Christ post. This is what I'm talking about. Face pollution. Somewhere, searching with my good eye closed. Room with a thousand years wide. That's a classic. Mind-griot. I'm telling you. They were fucking around here. Holy Water and New Damage. This is when they were doing H. They were eating fucking rotten pussy

down on Al-Qaeda beaches. This is the sound god was making it happen, though. They're up in Queen Anne and it's so fucking funny I'm such a pussy Lee Why? Because I didn't shoot heroin up in Queen Anne Man man I don't think that makes you a pussy It's a pussy, that's a pussy move

Especially who with the credentials I'm trying I'm saying Of a general shows up He's got he did heroin He got VD He ate some chick with chlamydia You gotta have certain medals Who's the general?

The general This is a fucking general That's the fucking stars he deserves The hero Like he did this He saved a cat from a fire You know he did heroin with fucking deep purple

whatever you gotta have some fucking credentials can you imagine if I would have done like a line of heroin with Allison chains I wouldn't even talk to you exactly I think you have all the credentials that you can have and still be a line I'd be backhanded you I get out of my face you know I'm saying I did heroin with fucking Alice and chains heroin's scary I've seen like I've seen videos and stuff and

like they just in the way they nod out that's too much that's a party what do you mean that's a party that's a little line of heroin you put a little black sabbite and I'll forget about. You wake up, you're right back. Where you started from, even better. I'm telling you.

You think I'm fucking kidding you. I used to do it all the time. I love a little wine of heroin. I just never shot intravenous. Jesus. Like in my toenails or something like that. I wouldn't have fungi on my toenail. This podcast does not support the views by Joey Diaz.

You're telling people to go do heroin. I didn't say nothing. I just said when I was doing it, you know, when I did it, I enjoyed it. This is how I liked it. You know, I went on whatever, Warrior Poet podcast. They talk about mind hallucinating experiences.

Yeah. And I want to fucking talk about some on this one. What's the problem here? It's fucking heroin, dude. That's scary shit. Whatever. It's a whatever. First of all, you can't even fucking get it in most places.

What do you mean? You can't get it? It's not where. You know how it is to get H? Unless you're in that circle? I have no idea. Nobody's ever come up to me and said, hey, bro, you want to buy some matches?

It's so weird how society makes you think that these drugs around the corner. You have to be in that loop. In all those years that I was doing blow. It's not like people, I go to somebody's house, And they go, hey, I got no blow. You want to do some heroin? No, because one is the other. They're each something different to each fucking person.

Yeah. So blow people, blow people, heroin people, heroin people, heroin people, meth people, meth people. I wouldn't know where to go get blow right now. If you sit there's going to get me two kilos of blow, I know exactly where to go and that, like, the number of call. Not that I see him all the time, but I know that he would open a door for me.

Yeah. Or a few people would open up a door from me. If you ask me about heroin, it'll take me a month. I don't think you'd have a bad one. If you ask me about ecstasy, it'd take me two fucking months. If you ask me about speed, I never bumped into meth people. So drug dealers are like maybe they have weed and coke, but they don't have like, it's not like they're a store, they don't have everything?

A lot of guys that I dealt with that, like the good ones, the good, yeah, listen, I dealt with people in like in Vegas. There's a guy in Vegas that you should deliver right to my fucking room. And he'd give you half-eight ball. eight balls, quarter ounces. If you bought a half-eighth, he'd sell you a knockout package, which was like two Vicodins, a couple of volumes. So he had downs and he had coke.

Okay. But he never had, like, heroin and coke. Jesus. You know, he never had nothing like that. So I'm telling you the truth. Right now it would take me, you know, an hour to get you a package, but it would take me two days to get your heroin. That's crazy.

Thank God I never had. Unless my buddy Bonehead was alive. Who's Bonehead? Bonehead was the one that sent me the heroin out of him. in the mail. I was going to say, yeah, your idea, in one of the drugs, testicle testaments, you said that you wanted to get off of coke by doing heroin, like once a week. I was doing it. I did it. I did that for a summer. That first summer that I met, remember I was just telling you, Superbad. Whenever I look at Superbad and I look, I think deep

about Superbad, it makes me think, because Soup Bad was a cat that. I really saved my life off the blow in a very avant-garde way. Last night, I got up and I put ice on my knee. Okay. I took some whatever, two of those pill, Armstrong. Okay. No, no, two of those.

It's really, don't say strong bone does that, because people always email me. I got a pain in my ankle. If I buy a strong bone, would the pain go away? No, it won't. Okay. No, it won't. No, it won't.

I don't want to promote it for healthy if you're working out before it gets to that pain. The strong bone to help you set everything up and give you the calcium and the fucking energy that you need. What's that talking about? about Cocksuck, you know what? About the summer with the super bad?

Summer with Superbad. So those cats lived outside. Out of all the cats, they stayed out there the longest. By the time they were out there, they had different denominators. By the time that that litter came, the previous litters had made little homes for them. Everything was in order. So those cats stayed out there a lot longer than they should have. You know what I'm saying?

So they were born like in April. Yeah. And by fucking June, the four of them were out there rocking. And I remember I went to Nariariari. Nashville with my wife and I came and that's all I worried about in Nashville. It was three, four little fucking cats. And when I got back, those four little kittens were still there, four days later with the mother, mama. And something happened, but I used to see those cats, and that was the summer I was doing heroin.

I tell you what I was doing. I had learned the form. It's like kung fu, but it's something different. It's not Tai Chi. It's the other one. And my buddy Jason Urbisi knew a couple forms. Okay. And I would do the form.

forms in the morning and I would play with the cats outside in the sun I was 415 pounds I wasn't smoking cigarettes then and I would do these forms 18 hands of whatever it was just to get me rested it's like a Tai Chi it's a very slow Kung Fu it's it's a I learned it through him to Kempo okay taught it to me it's a it's a I forget what the fuck is gung something doesn't really met Chi gung okay it was a chi gung form it was 18 hands of peace 18 hands of something and I would do it every morning in the sunlight because of the backyard where we lived in Hollywood,

the sun was fucking perfect. And it had this cocoonle that was the weirdest thing. It could be 100 degrees out in Hollywood. And it had this thing in the backyard. Because what we basically had was two buildings connected. And there was a little thing in the middle where there was flowers

and people could sit out there. Then to the left, this building was very cool in Hollywood. It was there so long that they made a barbecue pit. And you can just come down at night barbecue steaks and sit outside. Oh shit. Okay. And then the other side, there was a laundry room, which went with stairs downstairs, and in front of that,

there was these trees. Lee, it could be 100 degrees out, but you would go into this foliage in your backyard, and there was like an air conditioning cocoon. Okay. It was very cool in there. It was amazing. So you'd be doing these forms out there? Out there with the cats busting my fucking balls.

Now, do a lot of people take in stray cats? I've never, because, I mean, I never had cats, but like, it seems like I've never heard of people taking in the stray cats. Listen, man, there's an ass for every fucking seat. Sometimes you're driving down the street and just something. You see a cat

or sometimes you live in a neighborhood where there's a cat that just showed up on there. They started scratching your fucking door. And you start feeding it and feeding it and feeding it, being a good Samaritan. And one day, there's a possum in the neighborhood or a fucking raccoon and you let the cat in and now the cat

becomes your animal. Now like there's that one By where you live now Who I thought was gonna be cool Like it was rubbing up against my legs Right But then like as I went to leave it Like swatted at my feet

That's the neighbor's cat He's half retarded He's a great He's a beautiful cat Yeah But he's half retarded But he was you and it's action Have you ever had one like you brought in

And like you had to like that back out? No No No I've been very fortunate with my cats It hasn't been like That lady's kid That lady's really cool

On the corner Yeah That's her cat. Oh, okay. She's had him since he was a kitten. But that cat, I seen him one there. I found him on the street. And I knocked in their door like 8 in the morning,

and you're cats outside. Because I know him. I forget what his fucking name is. Barbecue. I don't know what his fucking name is. The owner came out. The guy who lives in the house, and he picked him up.

He was asking me where I saw him. I go, he comes out through that back window. He pushes the screen in. And in the middle of that, the cat fucking scratched him. It opened up right in front of me. Like, it was true. Right in front of him.

I had to go inside and fucking... That cat's crazy. That cat. And when I came home, when he was in front of my house, I thought it was gray. Oh, okay. And I started parent,

petting him. Yeah. And the motherfucker started parent. Whatever, hissing. Oh, geez. Making that noise. Yeah. And I'm like,

this ain't my fucking gray. Fuck this bitch. And then he did something else to me. He got in between my legs one day. Yeah. He laid down. He made believe he was cool. And then he turns into fucking

Bell of the Ghost. He's got claws and shit almost punches. him in the stomach. And now I don't fuck with that cock suck at all. I see him on the corners and I walk the other way. I got good cats on my block too. That's a sad I got Biggie and there's

and his buddy B.W. He's black and white so they call him BW. They're fucking huge and another black shark, they call him Smoky. They all live in a house. They're a gay couple. Fucking really cool gay couple. And I think that the lady in the back works at the vet.

And they have three cats in front of the house. Whenever I walk the baby in the carriage, I see him in front of there, and I come over and fucking biggie comes right over there for two years. He used to tell me to go fuck myself. Yesterday, he was two feet from me. In fact, when I picked up my wife yesterday, we went out of the dinner, I told my wife, I go, I had a great day. Smokey was two fucking feet from me.

So I pet whatever and have a good time. Because the last time I asked you, you said she was a little bit too young still. Is Mercy like interacting with the cats at all? Yeah, super bad. really? Superband puts her head on her leg and she'll rub it and pull it and smack it but she's been really cool with him. She's been really cool with him. There's like

two or three cats that react to her so that's hilarious. So you're going to Arizona tomorrow? You got me talking about cats on this fucking podcast. I'm sorry. You know I'm all excited this morning you slowed me up. I get emotional. I'm going to Arizona tomorrow with Ari Safia. This is a great

little room stand-up live. I did the Gayberg Glacius TV show. Oh, that's where that was the film? It's a fucking huge room. It's got 600 fucking seats. You know, if we sell 2,300, I'm fucking happy. You know, they'll be happy. It's a Thursday night gig.

I'm going in and out of there. Then my nephew's coming to spend a week on me. Oh, cool. From Fresno. This is his last week of college. And it breaks my heart because he's a football player from my hometown, from North Bergen. Okay. I got the T-shirt on, Florida.

North Bergen High. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's what this is. A North Bergen alumni shirt. And it's a... This guy. kid isn't my nephew. He's somebody that I was

raised in their homes. I wasn't even tight with his mother. I was really tight with his uncles. But brother tight. His uncle did a lot for me growing up. He used to let me watch. Let him with him at night. He used to feed

me. I'm real tight with his uncle. But he has an aunt. He comes from a family. That's like the Brady wants to have three boys and three girls. Okay. One of the girls Adam, but his aunt was also, two of his aunts were also very fucking tight with me. And when I was growing up, you know, in life people do things for you, then they hold it against

you later on in life. They'll say, well, that motherfucker slept on my couch or whatever. These people never fucking said that. But the girl, Janine, is the one that should really be, because when I was in my deepest cocaine fucking haze, when I was eating on the garbage cans and living with two, two. t-shirts. Yeah. This was the winter of 84.

When I was just a mess, you know, I write about it sometimes. I don't know what happened to me. But that December I was a mess. And I would sleep till like five in the afternoon on somebody's floor, somebody's basement. I would just sleep till they got home from work.

Wow. And I would get up and I'd wait until it got dark and I'd be hungry and I'd either go to hashways with $2 that I'd get and they'd give me like a special for $2 or I'd go to Janine's house, Jennifer's house, and I would go around the back and she would bring me her father's clothes

and I would take a shower and I would put on my jeans but with their t-shirt and she'd get me like a spare hooded sweatshirt and she'd feed me give me like a sandwich and she never told nobody

now there's people in life that maybe she was getting high at the time maybe she was a junkie Janine's never touched the fucking drug I don't think she drinks Oh really? She's got two kids, a husband and I told the younger sister

I go whenever you see Janine tell her this is what she did for me I go none of you motherfuckers because I renewed digger? She goes, we never heard those stories. I go, Janine wouldn't rat me out. I used to call her Wallflower. She never fucking ratting me out about those stories. I used to sleep on the downtown bed. That's crazy. We'll finish this in the same.

What's happening, baby? How are you doing, dog? I cannot believe you're a fucking awake. Of course. I'm not going to flake on you. Did you go back to sleep or did you take a little nap and wake up? No, I woke up. up around around six or something and that right when you text me i was kind of like in a half of days and i just stayed up what time did you go to bed my on the podcast right now yeah yeah we're just

talking here what the fuck oh okay i didn't know okay uh what was the question what time did you go to bed uh one o'clock you're a bad motherfucker Eddie Bravo on the line, ladies and gentlemen My brother, my fucking master The Man of the Hour What's going on, little brother? Yeah, just listening to your show How was...

Your heroin diary Oh, no, no, we're just talking about an 80 After I met you, I got in really bad shape in 2007 And my friend was sending me heroin And I would do it on Mondays And I wouldn't do coke the whole fucking week And by the end of the summer I had an idea, I was in a conversation,

contact 60 minutes and go, I got it. If you do heroin, you won't do coke. And I came to my senses and fucking rest everything. You know how that goes, Eddie. How was class last night, Eddie? Class was awesome, man. It was great. Had the 10th Planet Vista Boys coming up from North San Diego.

They make an hour and a half drive every Tuesday. I love Tuesday night's down. So it was a good class. Every night's a good class. And you do classes four nights a week downtown. This is your new location. Yeah, downtown L.A. at the Tapout Train Center. It's a beautiful place that I've been there for maybe six months now. I love it. I love everyone there. I love the management, the owner. It's awesome. And I teach Monday, Tuesday nights at 8.30. So if you're worried about traffic, there's no traffic going up. So I got guys coming, like I said, from San Diego, from Simi Valley, from Anilove Valley, from Thousand. and Oaks. I got people coming from

everywhere, because it's right there, centrally located, down, we got some coast of Mesa come up every week. So wherever you're at, downtown L.A. is centrally located in my classes. There's no traffic at 8.30. So when you get out of there, 1030, there's even less traffic.

I love it. I'm going from Sherman. Look, I'm coming from deep in the valley, and I make that drive six times a week. And what time do you leave your house at 8 o'clock? That's That's when I usually call you, 8 o'clock and check in with you because I know you're driving. Yeah, 8 o'clock, I'm on my way to class. And what time do you make it then by?

20, 8, 25. That's pretty fucking good. Yeah. Now, it's really funny. When we were coming up, you know, we all, we all studied Bruce Lee and whatever. And it's so weird that he became friends with Steve McQueen. And people got to meet Steve McQueen would tell you. that, you know, he would wipe his

ass with fucking movie stardom. He would wipe his ass. He would give everything for him. He wanted to be Bruce Lee. And Bruce Lee, who was this badass motherfucker, would give up everything to be Steve McQueen and get international stardom. And it's so weird

that I think the same with you sometimes that I would give up everything to be as good as a Jiu-Jitsu as you are without training. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like you're, I watch your video I watch you, Marcelo, you know, I watch the renter boys, the Gracie, but you're a fucking star, and I was telling somebody about this, and we were talking about your predecessor, you know,

the guy who you learned from, which is John Jack Machado, and they said he's a great teacher, but the person also said, but Eddie Bravo is a better fucking teacher, you know, and I, what did you take from John Jack, Eddie that makes you such a great teacher? Well, first of all, Jean-Jacques is imagined. I don't think I'm a better teacher than him. I've learned so much from him. I mean, I can't even tell you. It would take me two hours to explain all the stuff I've learned from him.

He's awesome. And the greatest thing about Jean-Jacques is it was kind of obvious early on that I was taking an unorthodox path in Jiu-Jitsu. You know, because it was the UFC that got me into Jiu-Jitsu. Jiu-Jitsu didn't get me into the UFC, so I was a UFC fanatic. I was when I first saw UFC, I saw UFC, I was just, I was obsessed with the UFC. And Jiu-Jitsu was a way for me to be involved. It was like, wow, I don't want to be in a Cajun fight, but Jiu-Jitsu is sort of like a UFC. So it was a way for me to participate.

It was awesome. I grew up a big football fan, and I loved playing street football and flag football and shit like that. But anyway, so when real quick, as a white belt and a blue belt, I saw that the ghee was a problem in the UFC. I saw that in the beginning of hoists, you know, no one knew how to fight on the ground, so bad ghee habits really didn't come into play. But after a while, when people learned to defend jihitsu,

and everyone started training jiu-suituit, the ghee became a big problem. So right away as white belt, blue belt, Herbal Bob, I started a question the ghee, and it's purpose in MMA. So, but John Jock never, never discouraged my, my, me analyzing the ghee and breaking down the state of Jiu-Jit's doing all that kind of stuff. He never, ever, ever steered me away from my path. He just guided me along, and very few instructors on the planet, whatever do that. Most instructors want everyone to learn.

exactly what they're doing and think like them. But Nizhan Jok, and I'm not just saying that. He never, ever questioned. And I had the president of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu call him up to calm me down about being vocal, about being, you know, I thought the ghee was the problem in M&A. The Ghee was a big problem in the U.S.C. And when I opened up my first school, I didn't teach him to the Gigi. board jih jihad i wanted to bring jigsit back in the u sq so i thought i'm going to do my part and

teach without the gie and make my gie as enemy ready as possible and uh um and jock he never ever sat me down and said listen you can't say this and listen you can't say that you should be doing this and you should be doing that he never did any of that he just sat there and just watched me like it was like i was his experiment this whole time you know it was almost like that And he had a big influence on the rubber guard as well. As I was putting it together, putting the pieces together, he was there to say, hey, try this or try that, even though he wasn't even flexible,

and he really couldn't play rubber guard because he's just not flexible. He just not flexible and not being very sensitive knees and knee surgery and stuff. But he was very instrumental in helping me put it all together. and you know and he is the first no-gee god in Abu Dhabi, you know, back when Abu Dhabi first busted out, it was a bunch, it was a no-ge tournament, it was in the Middle East, and it was all the best crappers in the world that they got to get bad, all the best key champions, all these legends and all the legendary wrestlers and UFC wrestlers. What you had was a bunch of boring matches of jiu-jitsu guys who didn't know how to, set sweeps and submissions up without the GED very well.

And you had wrestlers who didn't need handles, collars, and chokes. They were the best at controlling bodies without clothes. Oh, not without clothes, without clothes, without handles, without keys. But they didn't know how to pass the guard. They didn't know how to submit. So you had a bunch of stalemate. Most of the matches were really boring. Early Abu Dhabi, very boring.

Geek guys just do not know how to move, no Gede in a technical way. without punches. And then the wrestlers, they didn't know how to pass the order to finish, but they can control the shit out of you and stall you out. And that's what happened. The match after match was born, but then John Jacques shows up his first UFC,

or his first Abu Dhabi, which is ADCC, and he submits everybody. He submitted everybody and took the goal. All of a sudden, a star is born. He basically saved Abu Dhabi. It just looked like garbage until John Jacques showed up.

And the reason he showed up and... What year was that, Eddie? That was 98, I think. Hey, Eddie, it's Lee. When did you start jujitsu? I thought you had been doing jujitsu for, like, forever. It sounds like it's new. I started jujitsu.

Well, I mean, I don't know. There's 19 years ago new. I started it in 94. Okay. So you're doing music and other stuff before then? Oh, yeah, yeah. I was producing music on, you know, on boxes and shit. when I was 10. I was making music my whole childhood. All through my teens, I was playing

drums and speed metal bands, big, big metal head into the German thrash scene, all through my teenage years, writing satanic lyrics, and then moved to Hollywood, made the big move in 91. When I was 21, I thought I was going to get serious. Moved in Lawrence County to really get to dance about music. And I started, I wanted to stay in. shape. So I wasn't, I wouldn't be a fat rock star. I was really concerned about that. I'd look at Inbeye Moms being.

He got fat. And all these guys were looking like shit. I don't want to be that guy, you know. And I got into martial arts. I was a big Bruce Lee fan and got into, I couldn't find anything Bruce Lee around where I worked. So I joined a karate gym. I was doing karate for about a year because it was right next to my work.

And then that's when I saw UFC 2. And after I saw UFC 2, quick karate. and started to look for some jiu-jitsu. And at the same time, I found jih Tzu. Well, when I found Jiu-Gitza, it was just too damn expensive. I actually found J-Jitsu, and it was too expensive. So then the next choice was J-Cundo, and I wanted to do something Bruce Lee. So I joined the Cass Magda Institute in the Valley Off Recita.

I did that for a little bit, and then I got some better shifts at the strip club, made some more money, then I went back to Jiu-Gitsu and started training Jiu-Gy-Gy-Gy-Kundo for two and a half years together, and then I finally quit J-KUndo all together and just did J-J-Jitsu full-time. Because I've been training one day a week J-G-G-G-T-Su in the beginning, because that's all I could afford, $80 a week. And then Tuesday, I would do that on Friday, and Tuesday and Thursday I would do J-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-Undo. It was, I was saying J-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-D just so I can keep it simple. It was just so.

It was a lot of Filipino martial arts, Pali, a Screamer, and a Ceylot, basically the Danny Inisano system, which included some Bruce Lee stuff. He was Bruce Lee's best friend back in the day. He was a game of death. He was a little Asian guy that he fought with a Munchuk. But anyway, I was doing Jiu-Jitzy Friday, Tuesday, and Thursdays, and Thursdays, Thursdays I was doing Chikundo. And what ended up happening is I would be trained for like a year and a half like this.

and there was guys that just started training but they were doing jih Tijuana five days a week. So I was doing once a week. So within like two or three months, they would catch me, and it would be really embarrassing. I could do that been training three months would tap me only because they've ever trained five, six days a week, and they just caught up for me really quick.

And it became embarrassing, so I had to make that choice to quit Gekundo. And it wasn't even nearly as fun as Jiu-Jitsu. Jiu-Jitsu was so much fun. I would never miss my Friday. I could have one hour of sleep, totally hung over, feel like shit, but you weren't taking J-Git-Too. I would drag my ass to the gym, and I'd sleep afterwards.

You're not going to take that Friday away from me. There was nothing that was going to take that Friday away from me. But when it came to Jekindal, man, I could have a little, I could be driving a class. If I just cough once, I'd go, you know what? I shouldn't be training. Make a U-turn and go back home. I was looking for reasons to not go to Chikundo.

It was just like punching the hand, punching the bag. It wasn't real sparring or anything. It's not that fun. But you get to, you spar 100% from day one. And back thing you did at least. And it was just so much fun. I could wait. I would be hysterical trying to.

I would run red lights. And when I would get there to class, I would always be running a little bit late because I drove a long way. It was so much traffic. And I had work. So I'd always get there like 20 minutes of late. And while classes on, I'm in the dressing room going nuts, changing.

It was hysterical. Like, I couldn't change fast enough. And I had real long hair back in the town. My hair went down to my waist. So it took me forever to tie that motherfucker up and the ponytail and wrap it up and put a bandana on top. And then, oh, man. And then I was hysterical.

I just, so I had to quit Gekundo and do jiu-jitsu four days a week. And from that point on, it just became an obsession. a great way to stay in shape. And once you quit Jikundo, you started going to Jiu-Jitsu five nights a week? Four nights, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. And that was John Jock in the beginning for you? Well, in the beginning, yeah, it was John Jock from the very beginning, yeah. Wow, that's amazing.

And you got your black belt from John Jock recently, or how long ago, after Abu Dhabi? It was right after, I did. I competed in Abu Dhabi in 2003, so it's been 10 years. God, damn years. So it took you 10 years to get your jitou black belt? It took me 10 years. And immediately I opened up 10th planet. We're actually having our 10-year anniversary, 10th planet 10-year anniversary.

May 31st. May 31st. It's Friday. Everyone's welcome. It's at Bardo on Vine, about a block north of Hollywood Boulevard. It's called Bardo. Friday, 10 o'clock, 2 o'clock, we're going to have a promotion ceremonies. We're going to have all the moons, all my schools from Southern California there,

giving out promotions. And you're even going to go up there and do a little set. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm going to come down. Thank you very much for that. I appreciate that. Oh, please.

This is your family, Eddie. Out of all the people I run with in L.A., I mean, the other day, Lee, with the flying Jew over here was saying that he talks to his father every day. he talks to me every day. And I talk to Eddie every day. At one point of the day, I call Eddie, I check in, see what's happening. I yell at him about something. He sits there.

I tell him about the fuck. A 10th planet Hartford is doing this shit. You know, because I watch your schools. I love what you do, you know. It's like a fucking passion of mine to watch what you do and the whole thing. And I giggle. I go on your webpage. I make sure everything's in tune.

And I can't yell at you no more, so I just don't. But I love everything that you. do, you know what I'm saying? Another thing that we have in common that's you know, you talk to people any problem and they bullshit you. Everybody wants to sound, you know, especially in different in this area, everything's fucking amazing.

If I hear one more person tell me fucking amazing, I'm going to stab them, I'm going to fucking light their eyeball with this joint. But we're fathers, Eddie. And we hung out eight years ago when we weren't fathers and we know how crazy we are and now we're fathers and we talk to each other

like we're fathers. When we talk to each other now there's no more craziness. It's what is your boy doing is one of my daughter doing. What's Mercy doing? What's Dee doing? And that's it. Yeah.

Yeah, it's it. We used to talk about the Indians showing up and how you embarrassed Joe and took his car in Germany. And we talk about all this craziness. We talk about, you know, the night when you brought the black chicks into the VIP area,

you left the day with me and Joe. And Joe Noah. That's the day he decided to shave his head. Was that not? night when you let us, it was all over. He was steaming. And we called each other the next morning and we fucking howl. And now we don't even howl no more.

We're like, what's going on over here babysitting? Boy, he just took a big shit. And I'm over here watching her turn. You know, and it's just fucking hysterical. How life changes now. You know, we were always talking about what you did. I was in Austin last week and I was like, man, is there a folk go to jam with Austin?

I was just thinking in the drive in. I felt like eating meat. I'm like, yeah. And I went to that Fogo de Chow with Eddie. And I was thinking about that night, we started drinking at the Fogo de Chow. And that's the night you went into the hotel room and it wasn't your hotel room

and they chased you and you fell and hurt your knees. Yeah, oh my God. Can you fucking bullet? There's the shit I think about on the road when I'm sitting there in a cab driving. When was the last time I was in Austin? Let me think. It was me, you, Alex Jones, Aubrey,

right it was a bunch of us yeah and we went and your fucking indian started early and we went and did a show and then i lost you that was that was one of the craziest weekends of all the time we hung out with alex jones we did a show uh that's one of the indian episodes man the indian came out big in austin where i ended up uh i don't i i i just they threw me in a cab they sent me to the wrong hotel i'm i'm in standing in line at the wrong hotel and that's when i won't up, I don't, I don't remember the cab right there, I just woke up looking at this hotel clerk, just standing right in front of her, and I woke up right there going, where am I? I was in the wrong hotel.

They're going to call the cops on them. They go, I don't know what I said, but she's, it was a black chick, she goes, I'm going to call the cops right now, and that woke me up. And the cops, you know, those cold words, it's like, when you're under hypnosis and they say a word and you wake up, the cops that woke me up. I looked around and I thought, oh my God, where am I? And I slowly just walked out like nothing. I just walked out and as soon as I walked out.

I thought maybe she already called the cops. I started running full clip and I'm slow as fuck. But I was running as fast as I could turn the corner. I had boots on that had no traction and I slipped and fucking scraped my knee up. And I woke up the next morning and I'm in my mind. hotel I don't even know how I got there I don't even my knee's all bloody and I'm laying there it's 9 o'clock in the morning I got my clothes on still my pants the roof like how about fuck did I get home I had no idea and then you're telling me and Joe the story and I got Joe for

an hour on the plane after Joey he's blacking out what's next he's blacking out Joe who gives a fuck he's having a good time he's having a good time that's all that matters who gives a fuck if he blacks out he's having a good time I blacked out of thousand times. I had a great time. You probably told that black team, you're going to tickle her asshole with an Indian feather. And she's like, fuck you! I'm calling the police, you Indian motherfucker. But it's just so weird that we talk now and it's... What is that?

That was my... When I rode down my window in my car, I'm sitting in my car, the cops pulled me over and maybe pull off my window tent on the side, so the inside of my window is off. and what I It's so embarrassing I pull up to the gym and I got to roll down the window to get that parking ticket

and if anybody's walking around and it just sounds like a teradactyl just got shot out of the fucking sky when I hear it here's gonna rock hold on I don't know what that fucking was I think you got a chicken in the truck so you're out in the fucking car talking to me

yeah I don't get reception in my house too good Oh, okay, okay. I thought you were in the car deal. Important calls I got to make, I got to drive down the street. Fuck AT&C. Fuck you.

Hey, listen, man, this fucking Sprint phone I got. I got the new iPhone. I had a Sprint kept sending me emails. You're a value customer. You're a valued customer. And then I seen Red Band tape Joe one night on stage. And I saw what the camera does. It's fucking amazing.

So I went to Laurel Canyon there. They have a old phone. The old Sprint phone was on Cold Water And they closed it down And they got to Laurel Canyon I went over there, I got my phone Eddie, I've had this phone two months Somebody told me the iPhones are great

Just don't drop them They're like the iPhone's the best thing in the fucking world Just don't drop it That's when it starts fucking up Do you know that for the first time In 10 years 18 I'm with Sprint I can fucking call you from under the pool

Do you know what I'm saying? My phone rings in the fucking air Eddie, it's been fucking up lately my fucking Sprint has been fucking up lately I'm kind of upset now it's fucking up it's dropping calls people that I used to talk to all the time

the fucking phone is dropping during conversations I think this fucking Obama shit yeah you get used to that shit yeah but this is Sprint this ain't AT&T with AT&T it's an occupational hazard it's like being black and getting arrested

because you're standing out in the corner all fucking night you're black and you're on a fucking corner you're going to get arrested. It's AT&T. Why people keep buying AT&T is beyond fucking me. I've been on Sprint. You know how many times I talk to? I know somebody's on AT&T when I talk to them, Eddie.

When I talk to somebody on the phone, I can tell whether they're on AT&T. That's how bad it sounds. Well, that's the secondary thing. That's like three fucking minutes in. But who gives a fuck about AT&T? I got the mask to Eddie Bravo on the fucking phone. What's next for Ten Planet, brother?

Talk to me here. Like I said, the Ten Planet, anniversary party, that's immediate. Then, uh, uh, you got headquarters everywhere now. You got headquarters in Germany, fucking, uh, Connecticut, you know, you're like dog shit. You know what? I'm going to Australia. I'm going to be at 10th, Atlanta, Melbourne, uh, May 25th, and at KMS in Sydney with Fari.

Uh, he's a great guy. He's hosting that seminar. He hosted my seminar about eight months ago. And I was also at 10th planet Melbourne. So May 25th, May 25th, May 20th. May 26th, get on the Nibiru Forum and get some more info on that. Then I'm going to be in Mexico City. June 22nd, I think.

10th flat of Mexico City. Also, June 15th, Danny Kokopov, first 10th, a black belt. He's going against Justin Rader in a superfight at the Midwest submission challenge. That's in St. Louis. So June 15th, there's a submission-only tournament. Everyone's welcome to it. It's a tournament like Naga, Grappler's Quest, except it's submission only.

And the superfight of that event, like I said, Danny Pocopos, my first black belt against Justin Rader. At the 20-minute match, no points, no advantages, submission only. So watch out for that, kid. Now what's going on with that new league you were working on? The punches, and then when you get to the floor, there's no punches? Oh, yeah. Combat Jiu-Jitsu is happening May 19th. at the club Nokia. It's on the University of MMA show.

That's an amateur show. They have the best amateur show in California, University of MMA. We have two combat jiu-jitsu matches happening on that card. And combat jih Tjitsu is, you could look at it as super-team M-M-A because there's only strikes on the ground, standing and it's just wrestling,

or you could look at it as extreme jiu-jitsu. Because to jiu-jitsu guys, it seems extreme because you could punch, you know, right in the face, punch the head when you're on the ground. As soon as one guy's on the ground, you can start punching. Standing, it's just wrestling. So, look at you know, like I said, it's team M.A, super safe M.A. Or extreme Jiu-Jitsu. It's for guys that are on their way, the grapplers that want to do M.A.

But they want to take some baby steps, and this is the perfect sport, the perfect arena, to make sure you want to get in the cage, you know. Try it first with strikes on the ground, then later try it with strike standing. If you get in there too soon, then you can take a shit right to the head and I can just change your shit altogether. So all you grapplers out there, you look into MMA, I suggest you get into combat jujitsu. It's coming. Jesus fucking Christ.

Eddie? Yes. Oh, I thought something happened. Okay. Eddie, no, no, I got to ask you one more question. I forgot what the fuck it was Then you dropped the goddamn phone I know I know what I had to tell you

Eddie you know whenever I travel I gotta be honest at you whenever I travel You know people come up to me and they go great that you came to town And I get the people that say where's the flying Jew But I always get One tent planet t-shirt at all my comedy shows And I always get one or two guys that come up to me At the end of the night and they ask me how you are

Are you very serious? You know they always always want to know about that either. And it fucks with my head. Because... Why did it fuck with your head? Because they all take something from you from different avenues. You know, like this guy came in and he said

the book was the best thing that ever happened to him. About three months, a guy came in and he had taken all the pictures from the DVD I did with you, my stomach hanging, and he made me sign all of him. And he said that his jiu-jitsu game was fucking shitty until he watched your DVD.

And he learned so much from your DVD. at home that he went able to go to his little school and put beatings on people, you know? And that's really weird that people take something from you on every level. People see me on stage or they hear me. With you, they read about your technique. And I've read your book, I've looked at it. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I get all fucking confused.

I know the chapters that other things you have in there about your life and whatnot. But these guys all take something from you. And that's pretty fucking remarkable. Those are the things I don't say to you, you know. So you're doing God's work, man, when your little fucking DVDs and your books and your NBuri Forum, you know, there's a lot of people that don't have Ten Planet.

There's a lot of people that have green belts, I'm sorry, blue belts teaching it. They're learning from a blue belt at a YMCA in Tennessee. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's pretty crazy, man. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's hard to wrap my brain around it sometimes. I actually have to remind my,

how crazy it is. And, you know, every day I'm reminding myself how lucky I am. And I try to get into that appreciation zone. Or you think about it enough, and you just,

it's like meditation. You just, you can't, you can't overlook how lucky you are. All of us, we're all lucky. We're all superstars, you know.

Compared to people that live in Liberia or in fucking Guatemala, you know, we're all rock stars. We are. that's the reality. And you've got to remind yourself of how lucky you are every goddamn day, man.

And it's crazy how we, our audiences, they cross over all the time. I mean, you know, throughout the 10th planet, the history of 10th Planet, you've been right there, man. Everyone knows that me and you are boys. You know, everyone knows you've been in my DVD. You've, you know, so many of those things.

10th Planet Cushes that we did. And, you know, your comedy and 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu are intertwined forever, man. Every show you go to is going to be some 10th Planet people there for sure. All those fucking shows. And every seminar that I do, there's Joey Karate fan. There's Joey Coco Dei fans. Every seminar. Everybody knows you at my seminar.

Everybody. They're all fans of yours. So, you know, obviously you've got way more fans than I do. do, but there's always going to be a double-tenth kind of fans at your shows no matter what, always. Oh, but I know how they come up to me and how they they're like, you know, you

walk in presence, Joe Diaz. You know Eddie Bravo. It says it on this page in the book or this video. It's just great to see what you've done, man. I'm proud of you and it's really great to call you my little brother. You're a fucking savage. Yeah, man. I appreciate

every day you're all, man. Go ahead. Now, a ticket's on sale. for this on May 31st. What are we doing, Eddie? No, no, everybody, you just show up. You just show up. That's it. Just show the fuck up. We're going to have guys from 10th planet of Burbank, 10th of Van Nuys, 10th Planet Vista, 10th Planet Riverside, 10th,

planet Corona. The Phoenix boys are going to show up. I'll see them tomorrow night, John Buntello and the boys. I'll see them at my show tomorrow night. Yes, yes, John Boteo, up at the head instructor, 10th of Phoenix. he'll be at your show. Yep, he'll be at the show tomorrow night. See, this is what I'm talking about. They emailed me last week already and said 10th Planet was in the house.

They're bringing bazookas, weapons, shing guards, mouthpieces. They're bringing everything with them. Yeah, my people love you, man. They love everything about, everyone misses them 10th Planet Cushes. You know, maybe one day, we'll do one more just for old time sake.

I love doing those 10thronic Cushes, man. Your reviews of the U.S. UFC, no one even comes close. You got all these new UFC shows popping up on fuel, all this shit. Like, I can't believe they overlooked and haven't noticed what you've been doing with in UFC reviews. If there was a show, if there was a 10 Planet Cusha on Fuel TV, oh, man, that would be the highest rated UFC review show ever. You'd break all records.

Well, look at what's going on now. I can't believe Dana hasn't seen that yet. I love Dana White more than anybody. Dana White thinks Chale Sunner's the New White Hope You know what the new white hope is? Fucking Roy, fucking with his little stomach Whatever his name is. Roy Nelson is the neck

Nobody fucking knows what they have, Doug. For years, he kept thinking it was Cheo Sonning. Cheo Sonner's going to bring white people back. Roy Nelson's bringing white people back and real white people. White fat people that have been in the corner eating cheese all their fucking lies. That's who he's bringing out.

So you never know, dog. You never know who does. fuck, you know, hopefully I'll be on fuel someday, telling them these motherfuckling, do you come Kim. I love you, Eddie Bravo. Thank you for calling. I know it's early for you. Hopefully I'll see you today.

Thank you for having me, man. Also, I wanted to let people know that I just started my own web, or a podcast as well. It's called Eddie Bravo Radio. You can get, it's on iTunes. It's on Stitcher. If you've got three hours, you know, each episode is about three hours. So if you need time to kill, you got long,

a long drive to work or you're at work and you could listen to the headphones. It's a great time killer. Eddie Brabara radio. Thank you very much. Love you, buddy. You're the wife and the kid a kiss. Thank you. Stay black. He's a great fucking guy. Yeah. I'm lucky to have him around, man.

He is. Hey, fucking Ali. Roy Nelson's the great white hope. I love him to death. That's it. Anybody can show up with a fucking six-pack and save you. Let me see a fat guy walk up with a fucking beard and not. motherfuckers out. Oh shit. So before the break, we're talking about how this girl, Janine, had taken care of me all these. It wasn't a year or so.

We were just friends. I was friends with her family, but I would go to her house, and she'd fucking bring me sandwiches in the backyard, and I'd eat, and she wouldn't wrap me out. Yeah. So, you know, a couple of years later, the oldest sister has a kid. She had two boys. Once Vincent and once Nicholas. And I was driving once.

I was driving my friend's fish truck. Yeah. It smelled like ass, and I saw them walking in the snow. And I pulled over, and Nicholas was two, and Vincent was like maybe four, and she was walking a bag, and her car got stuck, and they had to walk home, and I gave her ride home. And I became tight with that. I would stay with the brother.

Whenever I would go to Jersey and do my comedy shows, the brother lived on the 34th floor of the building, and I would sleep on his balcony. Jesus. You know, he would let me sleep on the balcony at night. So this family is tight with me. This kid graduated high school a year ago and got a full-fled scholarship for football to Arkansas.

Oh, cool. But his grades. Something happened with his grades. They didn't do the paperwork in time, the grades. So they made him come out and transfer to a college or a small, whatever, junior college. And then he was going to play football for the college, but the coach left to a bigger college.

So now he has to transfer to either Riverside or a school in Brooklyn, who's got a great U-Go job. So it's really weird that when I first came to Colorado, I was alone, Lee. I was fucking alone and bold. In Snowmass Village, at that time when I first moved to Colorado, it was a town called Besoft, Colorado. It's underneath, and I lived in a place called Holland Hills, Colorado.

It was a resort, like on the right-hand side as you're going to Glenwood Springs. Okay. And we lived in there. One of the guys that lived with us, one of our roommates, had a sister and a brother-in-law from California. And she would always come over to bring her brother food and would always say, you know, if you guys, you're always welcome at my house. And the guys would always go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And one day she came on and bring him food, and she goes, Coco, if you want,

my husband would really get a kick out of east from Virginia. And I went over there and I became friends of the uncle with the husband. It was funny that every Friday after work, she would pick me up, take me to a, I'd take a shower. Yeah. She would pick me up. We'd smoke pot. I was 19 or 20, and she was probably 32 or 33 or 35. They didn't have any kids, and I'd smoke pot with her,

and then she'd pick me up and she'd take me over, and they lived in a trailer, and then he'd smoke cigars, and we'd watch men movies, Rambo. I didn't even Charles Brons and crazy. And here I was alone in this city. I didn't know anybody, and they made me feel at home, you know, and they would cook for me. And I didn't know, I didn't know when this dick was going to come out. I thought they were going to tie me up

and make me suck a pussy or something but they were just nine fucking good Americans they were good fucking white people she was from California she was a hippie chick with freckles really cute yeah and he was a bus driver from Virginia

that had been in the service and now he was a bus mechanic he was very good with the so one night we're watching Scarface and we're talking about guns and I go look at that fucking gun it's whatever blah blah at that time I knew guns

and he goes you like guns and we closed the fucking door and he pulled this couch over and he picked up the fucking metal thing that he had and that thing this motherfucker had machine guns bazookas, explosives bombs, grenades

he was like an ex-fucking paramilitary fucking nut and these are the people you meet in Colorado. The short story they were friends of mine until I moved and I would meet them on the weekends and after we

After he became, after I was 18, I was confused, I was lost, I was 19, I was confused, I was lost, but I knew one thing, I was angry. Yeah. You know, I was really fucking angry. At the time, I thought I wanted to be a hitman. So on Friday nights I'd go to his house, we'd wake up early Saturday, we'd go to a bullet place, and he'd teach me how to shoot, roll, make little bombs, he taught me a lot of shit. Jesus Christ, I didn't know that. And every fucking week, and our big plan was to rob the bank and Aspen Christmas Day. on snowmobiles.

We're going to get two guys from Jersey. Really? Yeah, he taught me about electronics. He taught me about alarm systems. He just taught me. But it wasn't about him teaching me to be a fucking savage. It wasn't about her cooking. It wasn't about her doing any of this stuff.

It wasn't about these people in my relationship. It was what they had done for me. I was alone in fucking Colorado. And they made me feel. You know, they made me feel. So he's been out here in Fresno. for two or three months. We talk on the phone every day

me and my nephew. Every day I yell at him. Yeah, because I can tell he's a fucking, you know, Coco, I'm fucking bored out here. What the fuck? These people, and I got to say, hey, listen, you ain't here for a fucking social life,

a cuck sucker. You're here to hit the fucking books. You know, so last night he called me and I'm like, what's this fucking noise? And he goes, I'm in a Starbucks because the Wi-Fi and our dorm don't work and I got to do this last paper in a year. So I beat the kid up a little bit.

You know, he grew up without a dad, him and the mother, the dad broke up young, so he's been raised by the grandfather, and the kid, you know, I got to push him a little bit, but I always think about what Fred and Joy did for me. I was alone, man. I was fucking alone, and I hated going out to bars, and I didn't want to do blow,

and these people didn't do blow, they didn't drink, they smoked dope, he smoked cigars, and they ate. She would make a big fucking thing of lasagna, or, you know, a big chocolate cake for me, and you can't forgive that. You can't forget that. No. So what I want to do for my nephew this weekend, he's going to come in on Friday.

He's taking a train to Burbank. So Friday we're going to go work out, you know. He doesn't get high. He doesn't eat edibles, nothing, you know. I got to go tell him a story. Yeah. I got to tell him a few stories because some shit happened with his family that he doesn't know about. I don't really think he knows what his family did for me growing up.

Yeah. He doesn't really understand what his uncle is my main. His uncle went for the longest yard premiere with me. His uncle's one of those guys that always believed in me. No matter what was going on, his uncle always said, fuck you motherfuckers. This is Coco. He's going to fuck it up.

So it's a chance for me to give back, you know. So he's going to come over Friday, Saturday. I'm taking him to the Ha-ha and to Universal City to do a spot. Oh, cool. When I go get the hot dog man. Oh, shit. So you were more than invited. And then Sunday.

he's taking the train back. On Monday, he's going back to New York. Because he's going to, it's done with school. Okay. But at least I get to see him. I feel bad that he couldn't come over a lot more, you know, the two months he was here, but I was always on the road and stuff. Plus, it's a three-hour drive to where he is.

So why is this getting you so emotional? Because I get a chance to get back. I get a chance to do for somebody what society did for me without asking for him. I didn't ask for it. I didn't ask for those people to be nice to me. Yeah. They had no reason to be nice

to me. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't Mr. a fucking All-American, but these people didn't give a fuck. Obviously,

I, I fill the void in their heart, and obviously they filled the void in my fucking heart. So you learn. You learn about life. These are things that you don't know

about when you're 24. You don't know why they're happening. You don't know why they're happening. You're like, why is this got to be nice to me? Why is this guy opening up his home to me? You know, are they going to fuck me in the ass? Am I going to wake up with a roofie with naked pictures

looking at the dog's balls? So, and when, you know, like I tell people, my life, a lot of bad shit could have happened, and it didn't, you know. Am I lucky? Am I better than somebody else? No, I just, you know, God deals cards at you. What you do with those cards is up to fucking you.

It's a beautiful motherfucker Wednesday to be alive. We had Eddie Bravo on the podcast. came and woke this fucking cock suck-up. Let me give some shout-outs and some beautiful motherfuckers here. Manuel Gomez, I love you. Dead Squad everywhere, you bad motherfuckers from Harlem to Dead Squad, Michigan, Grand Rapids.

I see what you motherfuckers are doing. Andy Hirsch, you're a bad motherfucker, Danelle Canoulli, Danielle Canuli. Kristen is a new listener. I love you. Spitz Shine, Tommy. Thank you for following Bobby Slayton. Tony LaQuasto. Morgan, you motherfuckers, make this

podcast by listening. What do you got playing for the weekend? Cocklicker? This weekend? I got a buddy's birthday and that's it. What are you doing? You're going to eat some pussy this weekend. Finally, a chick dumped fucking Magumba. So now you've got a chance. Now you've got no more fucking stories. You understand? What happened to Rose? She's gone?

No, she's still there. You still talk to Roos? You still sending naked pictures of yourself. No, I'm no negative pictures of your piece of shit. You fucking cock sucker with your little sinbad to sailor anti-Jubeid. So hopefully Give me an ETA and you and this broad What are you going to be eating her pussy?

I don't know By the end of the month Do we think we're going to tear this shit up This chick got a banging body people Bagan! This chick is cute, 22 Her skin is still soft The toes don't smell Her ass old

It doesn't even have the brown around the rim It's still fucking fresh Like with the rap It still smells like skin Jesus Christ I don't know man It's a tough thing I'm a shy guy

And it's shy she just to live on your couch yeah oh yeah it was flying there with a cape on with your little ju-d-dick out that doesn't work for everybody like I would pass out if I tried to like you would come over like you're over your dick on her face yet and I'm just

like I'm not gonna like when is this last day of the fucking juice and in May 31st so what are we eating an edible together for the people or you're gonna eat an edible for the live podcast May 29th so I don't want to hear no story so forget that shit let me tell you what's cracking you got Stand Up Live tomorrow, Thursday, May 9th.

Then we got Governors in Long Island, the 17th and the 18th. Then we got Testicle Testament 5 is coming out May 28 bitches on iTunes. Pre-order now, a dollar 99. Word on the street is, this is a fucking good one.

Then we're going to put all five of them together and we're going to take this on the fucking road. Me and Lee Syed is the road manager. You better not fucking slip because I'll fire and I'll fucking replace you with a fucking white person. Thinking good. And then I got fucking live podcasts at the Ice House, May 29, 10 bucks to get it.

I'm going to give you two great guests. I already got lined up. I ain't telling you dick. Tickets are available 626-577, 1894. I don't know what to tell you, motherfuckers. It was a great week. And I hope you guys got something out of this week. I know we're doing fucking great things together on the podcast.

We're going to have Men's Shave Club. I just told Ting to suck my dick. They don't want to pay nobody. These motherfuckers want to spread Ting. Fuck you, take my cock, cocksucker. What's up with you? What else is going on? So I want to report on Monday about you and this bro, where we're at?

By this weekend, you should at least be fingering it. I don't want no fucking stories, cock sucker. Enough is enough is enough. You're juicing, doing all this shit for what? For what? For that? For love. Not for love, but yeah.

You're in love with this bro. You want to give her the stomiki? You want to laugh. You want to pour a little stymika juice on her ass and make it forget all about Maguba. And you only get one shot to make a little. forget about Magoombe. You got to eat that monkey. You got a spanking. You got to spin her mouth. You got to do all nasty things.

You got coming to her eyeballs. Look at Lee. You're all red in the face, cock's suck. Spin on her mouth. You never spit in the chick's mouth? No. Then you make out with her. What? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? Everyone at the live podcast wants to make you happy. So they always take your side. No girl wants to get to spin in her mouth. That's gross. talk to a girl the night that was looking for chubby judas spitting her mouth. No, no.

I called you, but you were at work that night. No, you weren't. Any girl who wants to get to spit in her mouth is not a girl I want to hang out with. It's fucking disgusting. You better get your shit together. Like I said, go to Joey Coco. No, go to Joey Dears. Dot net. Joey Dears, not net. Get your fucking hoodies. You can wear it by yourself in the summer and sweat your balls off. Get the long. Glee, get it together. Get the, get the, get the, get the, get the, get the, get the, get the,

National Anthem out. Get the National Anthemoth. That's it. I'm pissed off. All right. Because we got to wait these motherfuckers up. It's over.

What else? Go to Joey Dears. We got T-shirts there. If you're not by two, go fuck your mother. All those T-shirts, they're on there. Go knock yourself out.

Besides that, I love you guys. Do something for me this week. All right. Do a couple jump. You didn't do no jumping, Jackson Lee. Yeah, I need to do it.

All right, I'll do it right now. You know me. Don't fucking threaten me. Wait, wait, wait. Let me just see if this is a good version of the, Let's find out. I have no idea. What are we doing, Lee?

What is the shit? That's the one. That's the one. Get up. Put your hand over your heart. Realize where the love's coming from, you filthy motherfuckers. It's the United States of America. We're the baddest motherfuckers out there. Where the Koreans this week, bitch? Making fucking Guilucoquies somewhere.

That's how we do it. Get up. Do it jump in. Lee, do a jumping jack. I swear to God, a fuck force feed you this fucking weed right? now with chopsticks cocks sucker there's what it's all about we forget about how important this fucking song is if you got a fucking problem

you got a fucking problem with something put this fucking song on and get back to me you fucking douchebags I'm sick and tired of hearing your shit about unemployment we're back houses they're getting built all right prostitution's up 8 fucking

percent people are using their credit cards the fucking loads are down the people are buying fucking homes again, interest loans are down the fucking biggest, the lowest interest percentage to buy a house, and I don't know how many fucking years. So if all you Obama haters and Rodney and Papa, get

your shit together! Stop blaming everything on everybody the fuck else. Maybe it's got to do with you. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Get up. Fucking hug your fucking wife. Fucking shoot a load of her ass and become a fucking American. And stop your whining.

I love you, Cox. That's like a Jewish keyword thing. You're like, the interest rate is down, the credit card deuce is up. You're like, it's like, that's right. So get it together. Get up and stop worrying about the shit you can't control. You control what the fuck you do today. It starts today, Bay 8th.

Get out there, cut off a fucking Asian. And have a great day. I love you, Cogsuckuckers. Joey Gilgadier is my main man, Lisa. I have to find you. That's all I got for you today.