The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 05/22/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #82

Episode Date: May 23, 2013

Vinny Curto, from the first live episode, calls in to talk about the kickstarter for his upcoming documentary, Search CURTO on Kickstarter to find the page. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is also brought to you by Hulu Plus. Please visit huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Streamed live on 05/22/2013.

All right, this episode brought to you by Hulu Plus. With Hulu Plus, you get total control to watch thousands of shows, wherever you want, whatever the hell you want. You can binge on full seasons and watch your favorite current shows like community, South Park, S&L, and more. Right now, my listeners can get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus by going to Huluplus.com slash Joey. That's Huluplus.com slash Joey. Go there right now, and let's get this fucking Hulu party started, bitches. Oh shit. Oh shit. They'll be hiding in the street.

What are you fucking nuts? Or what? Wednesday, May 20-something. I don't know what the fuck is. 23rd. Second, I think. 20 seconds. Yeah.

Get down, motherfucker. I got the who. Won't get fooled again. That's the fucking mantra for the day. Don't get fooled again. Tell her to suck your dick before you buy a McDonald's. And get your shit together, bitches. Mad Flavor here with his little brother.

The Flying Jew, the Flying Jew, the flying drama, the lover of debt, the mad lover from Jerusalem, Lee, boom, boom, Sayat. What's up? What's up, baby? Look at you, losing more.

You're looking like as fucking, as skinny as the microphone. You're like a microphone with a big fucking head at the top. That's the one thing. What are we're going to do about our big heads? It's never going on.

We can lose a thousand fucking pounds, all this surgery, all these fucking people looking like Kardashian's stepfather. And fucking, they can't do nothing with the human head. No. It gets bigger between their head and the ears.

I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. My head's always been huge. I can't help it. Let me tell you something. This reefer. Yeah. From No-Hore organic. They got the two batches, the Colombian gold.

Yeah. Uh-oh. Oh, yeah. You just shake your pants. That's a fucking beautiful day to start a Wednesday. That's a fucking protein potter. On it at work again. On it, hemp plus.

On it, strong bone. On it, fucking alpha brain. On it. Get on it. Cock sucker. You just hit your pants. There's no way you didn't shake your pants. I was just a long extended disco version of a fart of love.

You follow me? Hope it's a beautiful day to be alive. Get up, eat your fruit, do some jumping jacks. Eat read for coffee. Get ready. It's a fucking beautiful day to be alive. It's yours to fucking keep. What's going on with you?

Tell me something. What happened last night? You went to work. No, it's... You've talked about it a lot. And it's made me think about it. You've done a lot of... You call them $100 day movies.

Right? Yeah. and I've only been here two and a half years, but I've been lucky and worked on some pretty good shows and worked with you, but I've also worked for some pretty shitty companies. Yeah, we all do it. And I'm just done with it. It's just when there's so many people here,

there's people who are trying to spend the least amount of money and make the most. And, I mean, for people out there who have shitty jobs, you can't really stand. You have to, it looks bad on you if you, because if you don't do a bad job, If you do a bad job because the company, it makes you look bad and it's stressful. And I'm starting a new job next week, which I'm happy about.

But it's just, it stressed me out. And the reason I wanted to talk to you about it is the first thought in my mind was I wanted to get that jack. Because of the jack in the box across the street from my work. I wanted that order I told you about guys about it on the YouTube videos. And it, like, it took all my, like, it sounds stupid. But do you ever, like, stressy? Because, like, that's for, like, two hours. That's all I could think about.

And I didn't do it, which is new for me. But, I mean, you must stress eat. I mean, you get stressed out. I don't know. I don't know. You don't do it? I don't know if I get, when I get stressed, I can't fucking eat. You know, it's not like I got to me.

Oh, okay. It's, when I get stressed out affects my fucking soul. Oh, fuck. I get pissed off, so I can't eat until later on. It gives me on you. I want cheeseburgers. Especially don't eat jack in the box. I didn't.

No, I didn't. When I think of jacking in the box, let me tell you what I think about. What? I think about. people cooking food with, like, lesions in their fingers and losing out and shit, like this thing on my chin. Well, it's the butter milk. It's a butter milk to us.

I cut the fucking chin again. You know, that's what I think about people sneezing on that commercial with the fucking dentist sneezes in the guy's mouth. That's what I think of a jack in the box. They pay like $452 an hour and you got like the bottom of the fucking end jobs. Don't eat there. No, I didn't, but it's just... My wife brought home fishing chips from Jack in the Box. Yeah.

For the cat. For the cat? For Finney. You like, Finney liked the fish. Okay. It was fucking, it wasn't fish.

Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't. Cat, I don't know. Who the fuck knows? What else? You're going to quit this job? What is your last day? Friday.

Fuck that. So, yeah, so Friday. And you got a couple weeks off. We do testicle, we do live fucking podcast next Wednesday. Yep. And we move on with our lives. Yeah, we're going to do it.

You got to get a fucking job and settle in and put your feet in there. Enough of this moving around. Yeah. You're going to have the man of a thousand references. You're pretty soon they're not going to hire. You're going to have to go back to that lady and eat her ass. No, she's, they called me this week, and I said, no. I told you.

She's got a crush on you. No, she doesn't. She's 50 years old. That's right. She's going to rub that fucking head, put that vagina on your head that's better than a rog game. You'll look like fucking Elvis Presley in two months. You have no idea how many things I got. I can't eat egg drop soup now because of you.

So disgusting. You don't eat egg drop soup. You want to go to jack in the box. They don't have fucking egg drop soup and jack-in-the-box. You know, no, they probably do. No, they don't. Fucking people. You know, it's funny because I thought about you.

I always think about this show, and I think about the people email me, and I think about the whole fucking week in general and blah, blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah. And I was thinking about when I was 15. Yeah. I was 15. I walked into freshman or 14.

I walked into my freshman fucking algebra class. It was a girl named Lisa that had the prettiest fucking face in the world. Her ass was big. Mm-hmm. You know, she was on the... borderline of being you know big girl whatever and I found love with it she had a fucking a pussy through the jeans was tremendous I just remember the fucking clogs used to have clogs yeah with little with a little gem in the middle that were

brown clogs and she wear the blue jeans and her shirt and she had mediocre boobs where her face could stop bird shit in midair it was beautiful it was just fucking beautiful and I fell in love with I had this secret crush on and I was dating other girls and slinging dick or whatever the fuck being a half a fruit cake and it's a fucked up story it taught me a lot at that age I was really in love with it and boom my mother died I made out with her

like a month before my mother died and I grabbed her tear of something and I was in love and then when my mother died she came to the funeral and stuff and it was like I had this secret love affair with her in my mind and I was scared to tell her you know so I would keep it we talk on the phone about general things but I was really in love with her

And this went on. And one night we got into an argument. We would always talk for six months and then not talk for six months. Yeah. And we got to an argument that Joe Marries. We were still in high school. We were like juniors in high school.

Going a bar? And we were fucking in a bar already, right? Like 10 of us. And her and I had a couple cocktails on us. And something happened. We got into an argument. And she goes, you got to remember, I would never fuck you.

Because you're just not my fucking type. And like you the other night, it killed me inside. I never said none to know, but I didn't cry. I didn't. It just fucked me. with me a little bit, you know?

Yeah, of course. And then it became what everything else becomes in my life. You know, like, you can't do this. You're fucked. Now I'm going to fuck you. Now I'm going to fuck you. Now you prove me wrong. A, I'm in love with you.

And B, now I'm going to fuck you. Yeah. And it started, my pursuit started on her junior year. And going into senior year, I quit school to load trucks. But I wouldn't have to be at work until 9 o'clock at night or 10 o'clock at night. So in high school, I would go. watt for a few hours and then go low trucks all night. And one Monday night I went out and she was drinking vodka and it was starting to get cold.

It was like November of 81. It was starting to get cold and she was drinking vodka with iced tea. In those days, ice tea didn't come in a bottle. It came in a milk container. But you could buy 16 ounces. Okay. You know, you can vodka ice tea. Jesus Christ.

So I was telling Greg Fitzsimmons that they used to be this pizza paul in my, and by the high school Knicks, I showed you, across some hashways. Nick, you, and he would always, my friend would always buy an ice tea. You do, he would always go, Nick, you suck. And Nick would go, fucking nuts. And he would call Veneery, Vanier, across the street, he'd go, Vanieri, you fucking Jew, you suck. And Vinary go, what do you want from me? That iced tea is a nickel cheap or across the street.

He was Catholic. He wasn't even fucking Jewish. So the funny thing about this is we were out there one day, and something happened. I said something in the pizza place. She was in the pizza place with her girlfriends, but her iced tea and her vodka were outside. Okay. So they froze up. The iced tea froze up.

So I said something to her. And I went outside in front of my friends. And this bitch came out with a vodka, with an iced tea thing, and threw it at me. Like with her cup. Yeah? And threw it at me. And she started walking with her girlfriend. She was drunk about something.

She was tripping on something. I hate drunk girls. And she started walking. And I fucking picked up the iced tea. And I chased it. I went behind and poured the fucking frozen iced tea on the head. The little icicles hitting that. head and we didn't talk yeah and I thought it was over I didn't give a fuck yeah in the

back of my mind I'm still gonna fuck this bitch I just gotta figure out a fucking way and even at that age I figured it out I said you know what I'm gonna avoid this girl and I started avoiding it big high school parties I wouldn't go to them I'd snor coke with my friends instead I go to Harlem I wouldn't avoid them yeah she started asking we didn't talk and then one February my birthday I went out because we would celebrate like six birthdays in a row when I was in high school we went out and we walked into the bar. I remember so everybody was so coked up.

They bought an ice cream cake. They just fucking melted. This is an ice school. It just fucking melted. Like nobody fucking touched the cake because everybody was coked up. That's how embarrassing these stories are when I tell you people

how much of a loser I was. And something happened. Some guy walked home and tried to make out with her. So I got the call the next morning. Hey, you got to talk to that guy. And she called out of the blue and she wished me a happy birthday. And that was my time.

I had to make a call the next morning. I had to make every word out of my mouth count. I was going to fuck this girl. No matter what was going to go down, I didn't know how I was going to do it. I was in love with her. I was going to do it. And I just played the handoff right.

I avoided her, because I went back to school. I tried to get my high school diploma. I avoided it because I would leave school like at 1230. And one day she called me and she started asking me questions. I'm like, I got this fucking girl. And she did blow. It didn't smoke pop, but we all did blow then. We would go into the clubs in the city, like studio, the fun house.

We would all go out on Saturday. Saturday nights. I wasn't a big goer out in those days to those clubs. I would stay at Joe Marys because I knew going into the city and shit. It was, it sucked. Yeah. You know, here at Joe Marys, my neighbor bar, I'm stuck there. I could get a fucking rock of Coke. I could borrow money if I need. I get free drinks. You go in the bathroom. You can blank yourself into fucking Palookaville. At a studio and all these clubs, you've got to go to the bathroom, people watching you're $20 to drink, $20 to get in. You're a fucking high school. Yeah.

Ooh, this fucking real is tremendous. So, something happened. I started seeing her more and more, like talking to her. And I had her. I just didn't know when. And one day, like in May, like around the senior prom, because I didn't take her, nothing, she asked me. She goes, when are we going to do this?

Really? Yeah, it was fucking crazy. And then I played it off. I was scared because, you know, I'm a little scared cunt. Sorry to use that word before fucking lunchtime. I'm a little scared bitch. I tried to avoid it. Once she put it on my lap

And she was like, what do you want to do? I was like, I don't want to I'll tell you later And then I had it And I started robin I graduated high school And me and my buddies Went out of fucking thieving tear

Yeah, the 82 or 83-Gy? Yeah, well I'm 82, something We just started stealing So every night we'd get six, seven fucking grams of toot In those days we used to buy coke They already came in a bottle Okay

From my high school teacher Mr. McGrath The camel breath because he used to smoke camel cigarettes. He used to have these fucking vials and a gram was in there perfectly. We'd go to his house and buy four or five of those fucking things. And I would always talk to her at five or six

and she'd tell me where she was going to be. I just wouldn't fucking show. That's how much of a scared little fucking girl I was back then, Doug. Jesus Christ. So here I was robbing houses and shit, but the girl I was in love with that was ready to put it on me. I don't know what she was going to put on me. I know she's put a monkey on me

After she said those words I played it off Like I didn't want to hear about it no more That's how fucked up fear works Now I was in my lap And I was still fearful of getting it right there This is what I always For those two years she's all I thought about

When I was with all the girls That's all I thought about When I was dancing or having a great time I would look around If she wasn't there I'd go fuck And now for the first time This girl was about to drop love on me Yeah

And I chickened out like a little fucking pussy dog Oh shit And when I was definitely supposed to me then And I got fucked up, passed out. They had to carry me home. That's how much fear I had. That I was supposed to meet her at a bar,

and by 9 o'clock, I was gone. Gone. I couldn't even handle the success. I just started drinking, doing fucking Coke, eating fucking gorilla biscuits. And by 9 o'clock, the next morning I woke up, and my friends were like, dog, you fucking got fucked up early. And one night she left with another guy. She got so pissed at me.

Some guy walked home, and I think they made out of something. So once I heard that, I was like, that's it. I got to get back to fucking business. So I bumped into her in a club, and I wasn't snorting that night. It was a happy hour, because in those days, Tuesdays, you went to McSawley's. You know, you went to Shalely's in Jersey City. It was two for once.

You got an Alabama slammer and a mug of Hineken for a dollar. You still know your weekly scheduled 30 years later? 30 fucking years ago, Doug, I don't fuck around. Wednesdays was ladies' night at some club. Thursdays was something. mouse. I mean, it was fucking tremendous. We had a steal, but we also had a budget. We were stealing, but we

also had a budget, you know? And I remember I met her out, I gave her with a Coke. I said, hold on to it. You know, I had like an eight ball that I was selling at the time. This was my summer in high school, my first summer at high school. It was like a week. I'm already selling

blow. I was doomed to fucking lose. I give her the blow for something, and I go meet up tomorrow, and then that night I took it to this place, Fort Lee called Picolissimo, right? Fucking tramsis. Oh, Trow was a bad motherfucker even back down. To the lobster fraud Diablo?

The Lobster Flah Diablo on Monday nights, it was 1495. During the week, it was like 2250. When you're in high school, 2250, you fucking take you for a loop. A chicken sandwich from Burger King is 99 cents. Here I am eating lobster fra. But, Doug, I can never describe lobster fraud diablo to people from this place. And I've ordered a thousand times after this, and it was never like this. But I used to go there so much.

They knew it. I would walk into, I was so crazy. This was a fancy fucking Italian restaurant. People were playing fucking, you know, the violin. And I'd walk in, and the way that would see me, and I'd go, lobster fra, that's how fucking crazy I was even back then. They would go, shh, shh, relax. And I would just keep saying, lobster fra, lobster fra, that's how much of retarded I

was back then. And they would sit me down, they'd put a bib on you? Yeah. They put a bib on you. A lobster bib, and they would come with a fucking dish. pasta and around the dish was clams and on top of the clams with fucking muscles

and on top of the muscles with shrimp big motherfucking shrimp not like Louisiana oil spill shit they give you that was the fucking crazy and then on the top of fucking lobster that would choke you and the lobster would have a shell on top but it was already cut for you

yeah oh no tremendous and they would clean the claws on and they'd have the claws on this fucking dish and you would show up 18 dollars for fucking 14 and you'd show up but they got the fish right out of Hudson this shit you'd walk around with fucking no one of them crazy ain't all that ink and shit ink and eel blood

and eel shit and you just mixed it to fuck up guys you took the clams out of the thing and you started monging with a loaf of fucking bread I never forget they brought my friend this was the real deal they brought my friend but we leave like $50 tip so they had to fuck with us yeah my friend said if you go to

peak a lease and we don't fuck with those fucking people and you know what I met the owner, 20 years fucking lady, he lives in Florida now. I met the owner in Fort Lee, New Jersey. And I told me, he was like, man, you're absolutely right. So I took this chick to pick Alicia Moly with the Coke she was saving for me, that Thursday night. Yeah. This is like on a Thursday night, this romance start.

This is a fucking true story. I'm dropping on you. I never even told this story on testicle test. I haven't heard it. This is a painful fucking story for Uncle Joey. I'm dropping on you on a Wednesday morning, but that's how I fucking rode with you. You follow him saying? I'm like, you can't show up with one fucking gun.

So that Thursday night we went to lobster friediala. Okay. And we had like a gram and a half a fucking blow. And I had some cash in my pocket. I don't know what I had robbed that weekend. Went to Lopso Frondea. When I killed her at the Lopsie Fra Diablo place, the violin guy came over.

I gave him a fucking ten. She was in fucking awe. So we'd get in her car. Yeah. And we drove to Edgewater. And there used to be a boat there called, like, it was a movie theater there, and there was a boat that you got on there and ate dinner.

Disgusting. And we would go there and smoke pot and do coke from time to time, and you could hear the rats. would scrape on your car. Why would you go there? Because you could snore coke there and the cops wouldn't fuck me. Even the cops were scared

to go on the edge water. There was a movie theater there. I saw like splash there and I saw a lot of fucking good movies that I saw Ghostbusters there. A lot of little fucking great movies I saw at that movie theater. It was like a two movie theater.

But the boat was called the Binghamton. The Binghamton and you went there to eat the food was like cafeteria food. But you know you were on the boat. That was the whole mystique. The boat didn't fucking go no. You were just on a boat. So we're back there, and next thing you know, we're swamping spit.

We got a bottle of wine. I'm chopping up the fucking coat. We start swapping spit. And it was, she just broke down. She goes, I've been in love with you for two years. When you don't call me, it drives me crazy. I would just stop talking to her. Fuck it.

I ain't talking to you no more, bitch. Bam. But that last, I didn't stop talking was all fucking. That was Hitler-type manipulation. I was putting that bitch. You know, I was just torturing it because I knew. I knew I had nothing to lose. Yeah.

I had nothing to lose. I hadn't gotten none from her. I didn't know if I was going to... And at that time, I wasn't looking for her for love. I was looking for her more to save me. I was looking for a girl to fucking save me. I didn't have a mother. I was on there.

I was half a fucking criminal. I was confused. I was looking for a girl to go, you know what? I'm going to get an apartment, move in with me, drive me to work. Okay. That's what I was looking for.

I was trying to play like a butler or some fucking rich chick or something stupid like that. That's the mind fuck I had in my mind. So that Thursday night we go to this fucking behind, this boat and was swapping spit and were doing blow. And I took her panties off right there and I ate her pussy, but I put a Coke rocked in her pussy. Right there, dog. Opening fucking day.

No drama, Lee, no nothing. I rubbed a little pussy, a Coke on her clit. She didn't know what was going on. I remember I was eating and she was banging the top of the fucking hood because her head was stacking out of the glass. I had her legs up. I was eating her in the front seat like a soldier. I have this image of you thinking it's like the scene, the club scene in Goodfellas. And you're just in there screaming, fra, frah, fron, like they're pissed off.

I'm telling you. I would yell, Fra, fra, and they would lose their mind. Like, you gotta have some class. You can't be a speck all your life. You gotta have some fucking class. I can't believe you went to someplace to get a Friday hour for a date, because for people who don't know, that shit is spicy.

I'm telling you, dog. I used to fucking kill it back there. Jesus. So I ain't a little monkey on Thursday, and I left a day. Went back to the bar and we greeted everybody. Like, nothing happened, but she knew. Okay. Friday night, we went to another part. We went out, and I forget what we went that night.

Went back to a house. Me, stinky? My buddy stinky? Because he used to date her friend, Tasia, Tasia Romano, big fat piano from the time of... How romantic you, you heard, and stinky. So, we went over there. Nothing happened. And that Saturday, I went to a party in my man, Stephen Villo's house, who's called the fucking podcast.

Yeah. And there was a fight. And one of the fights, I was selling Coke, and I had cut it so much that it wasn't even Coke no more. Right? And I was selling it to these fucking dummies from downtown. And I remember the one kid's name Mike, came up and he was like cocoa this cocaine coke I want my money back I just gave his fucking money back because I don't want to deal with this jerk off and the girl

was there Lisa and my buddy Roger whose brother I went to eat with Wednesday Thursday night at the palm oh okay yeah brother Timmy because it's Timmy and Roger Timmy was the getaway driver and the Michael's jewelry heist fucking Roger and me got into a misunderstanding okay one of my best friends in life got into a fucking argument about something and he pushed me I pushed him and one of the times he went to push me I grabbed the fence and my hand went through the fence I got a poke in my hand I didn't faint or nothing because my girl was there at least I had no option but they're not faint and this is what I tell you Lee I took a we left her and I left

in her car went back to a house we were watching TV we started swapping spit I think ate a pussy we started talking about having sex she said she couldn't have it until she got married but bubba pop and I was like fucking depressed, you know, because in my mind I was going to fuck this girl. I just knew it. It was going to take time. We got into an argument and I said, you know what? I don't need this shit. And I walked out of half.

And she lived on 69th Street. Okay. And I was living on 85th Street that. A couple avenues, no, it just wasn't a straight shot. And I walked, the avenue, it was like an hour walk. When I get to my house, when I made the turn, I was living with the runnies. When I made the turn on to the block, a car was parked right there. She was waiting for him.

Yeah. She goes, let's do it. and I got in the car, she drove me to her house, we had sex for a minute and a half, whatever the fuck it took me to come. That was it. We didn't sleep, so we slept a few hours. I got up, I got lunchtime, went home,

I talked to her maybe four days later, and we argued about something, and then we went back and forth a little bit. Yeah. But I knew right there that I just, it was really weird. It was like a, we were like in limbo, and then I robbed a jewelry store,

so I had to leave. Do you regret it? Do you regret sleeping with her? Well, here's the deal. She never copped to it to nobody. Like, I never told nobody growing up. Okay. We were all in this circle, and I never wanted to tell me about it.

But she never really copped to it. She really never copped to it. And then years later, like a year later, she started dating a good, dear friend of mine. And she was telling people, I can't believe he took my virginity. So it kind of hurt me for a long time. I didn't know what the deal was. She wasn't proud of what happened or whatever. It was the way.

And then I seen her one day buying Coke at my friend's house. 84 I was living with him and he came over and we said hello to each other and then I got accused of robbing the house You want to hit of this sure you do some jumping jacks I got accused of robbing the house yeah that was a friend of hers and I called her to do a plane ticket for me Me and Glenconti stinky were gonna go to fucking some Hawaii or something I called her up And she put me on hold and then she got back on the phone she goes listen I prefer not to ever talking to you again If you don't mind don't call this number again And that was it.

That was the end of it. That's crazy. But I remember the pain I went through those two years. I was in love with him, man. I was in fucking love with him. And that's why I say, look at today, it doesn't fucking matter. She won't talk to me. Not that I give a fuck.

I don't really want to talk to her. One girl came over to me about three years ago. Another really good friend that I went to grammar school with and shit. Yeah. And she came home to me, took me aside. She goes, you know, when I was in Florida, I talked to Lisa. She goes, you guys, she told me you guys hooked up. but I didn't know for sure what she meant by that and I left her that that

but it's really weird until today she can never admit that we did what we did yeah you know she never caught to her first that's crazy it's a that's a weird thing but those relationships are weird I have an ex like that who we don't talk for months and it's always fights and it's a it's people you have the most in common with I think why they have nothing in common with it I mean I was fucking 30 years ago who the fuck knew You know, my interests were then stealing and doing fucking drugs. I mean, you know, unless she's Bonnie and fucking Clyde, what interest does she have? You know what I'm saying?

I mean, those are my fucking interest right there. Hit it Lee. Let me get some music for you, cock suck. It's Wednesday morning. Get the fuck up, you eat some oatmeal. Do a few jumping jacks, push-ups, crunches, whatever the fuck it takes. Get your blood going, think about what you got to do, write your goals for the fucking. Where's the music?

I was going for your first talking. You got me fucking talking to me. You're talking to me. I can't do it. Hit me. Oh, it's that Wednesday, a little biggie smalls. The anthem. Respect, motherfuckers. Sweet, you don't leave me here smoking my own myself? I just smoked so much.

It's Wednesday. I don't want you. Are you going back to sleep? I'm going on and doing jumpers? I'm glad I haven't slept yet. I haven't slept yet. I haven't slept yet. I've never slept here.

I worked. No, I didn't. What? All day yesterday. Hit, potley. Let me see you do a jumping again. Come on, baby. It's Wednesday.

I can't use that excuse every day. It's Tuesday. It's Thursday. It's Toyota song. Hit it leave. You bad motherfucker. I wish I'm in Harry yet so I can get fucked. My.

Hit it Lee. Let me see you do a wiggle with you. Wait, wait. Let me change the camera first. Wednesday, you know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying. It's fucking craziness. It's Wednesday.

It's a beautiful day to be alive. I got to go for my weekly shot today. to meet my uncle. You're still doing that? Fuck yeah. I got to go for acupuncture yesterday. She killed me. You know, I get carried away sometimes. I went to fucking. So I got a new schedule. When I'm in town, I go to kickboxing or jih Tzu. And when I'm out of town, I get on the epileptical when I'm at the hotels.

Because every hotel has one who's an epileptic machine. So that's my new workout. Whatever else, they got to do the bike. I do sit-ups. I do push-ups. A couple jumping jacks. So I go to this place Monday night to Muay Thai, America. I go down there. I took my aspirin. before I went. I don't take those pre-workout things.

They make my heart beat too much. And I really got an edible in me. Who needs a fucking energy pill? When I got a setiva chibo-choo in my fucking lung capacity. So I go to this thing and I'm having a great time. I did two rounds of jumping rope

which I always mix it up because of my leg. So I do like one round, one three minutes of jumping rope and then I hit the short bag for three minutes. Then I do whatever he teaches us. Then we do three rounds of mitts, three rounds of tie pads, then we do three rounds of sparring.

Oh no, I went fucking nuts, that night. I did two rounds of fucking jump rope. I did an extra fucking round of sit-ups, and then I ended up staying to spa longer. Like after everybody left me and this girl, and this one guy were doing round robins. And we just kept fucking around. Jesus.

So I left there at 9.40, feeling good about myself. I woke up at 3 in the morning to take a piss that night. And you skipped one of the things you did. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. out of my back hurt. My knee was stiff.

So I got up yesterday, my knee was really stiff to the point where I couldn't even ride on the computer with my leg like that. I had to stretch it out. I had to sit sideways, like something was wrong with my fucking back. Yeah.

So it was perfect because I had to go to Dr. Amy yesterday anyway, so I had to put some fucking needles in there. She lasered that motherfucker. Jesus. I got home yesterday. I put some ice on it. I drank a ton of water, and I was going to go cake box.

I was going to do a couple things last night. I went to bed at 930. Like a soldier. 930. My first pencil. So it was at 3 o'clock I woke up to look around to see what was crackleacking. I went back to the bed. I got up at 419 on the dot.

You like go through like a whole lifespan in the day. Like you wake up, you're 18. And by the time you go to bed, you're like 78. Go to bed at 9.30 at night. What else am I going to do? You want me to go out and look for fucking trouble. For 50 years I went out and look for fucking trouble, nothing good came from it.

That's what good came from me? Every time I come here, you come here when I'm like at... You're 24 fucking years old. But I just got home from work. I can't watch an hour of sports center. You could have bed at 930? Bro, I would be at a diner eating fucking a fruit bowl with a broad

before I'd be watching Sports Center. You're not smoking dope. You're sitting there like a vampie. I gave you a bag of dope this fucking big. Did I not? You give me four joints that I don't want to smoke because... I would bet a million dollars. You never went to a diner in Jersey and got a fruit bowl.

No, when I lived in Jersey... I didn't say that. I didn't fucking say that. We're not in Jersey. Yes, you did. No, no, no, no. You live in California. They got fruit bowls.

In Jersey, you ask for a fruit bowl from a Greek. Don't break it over your fucking head. Fruit bowl. You either come in here for a cheeseburger deluxe. You go fuck your mother. You understand me? You know a cheeseburger deluxe is? Is it the sauce and the lettuce and pickles and tomatoes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a fucking cheeseburger made by a Greek. He doesn't cut his fingernails in like 18 fucking years. So he's got the seasoning right in his fucking fingers. You know what I'm saying? And he puts that burger again. Nice toasted bun. Everything is perfect.

But that's not what makes the cheeseburger, motherfucking deluxe from these coaches. It makes the cheese. No, it's not the cheese. Well, the fucking, first off, they don't put the burger. They only give you the burger on the bottom. They give you the bun on the bottom with a burger on top of that with the cheese. Then on the side of that is the bun, they leave it to you.

And then on the side, they put three fresh tomatoes red like a motherfucker. Yeah. Not these, you go to tomatoes. Not the hamlet tomatoes, yeah. Yeah, these are fucking radioactive red motherfuckers. this reef is tremendous. I can tell. This is better than one a day

fucking vitamins. Fuck one a day. Smoke some of this shit from NoHo organic. So then they give you a half of fun They give you a whole thin, sliced raw onion with three fucking tomatoes

with lettuce and a bun. It's your choice what you want to put on there. You got mustard, spicy mustard, German muscle on the table plus you got your fucking ketchup. Nice.

Then next to it, they put steak fries with mozzarella cheese on the table. these motherfuck. They don't put cheese on them. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. They don't. I'm trying to tell you. That, if you came to me and said, Joey, fuck the juicer.

I went to the Greeks last night that he had cheeseburger. I said, give me a hug. Because if you understand me the worst, what I'm talking about value here. If you're going to go, sink the ship. Don't waste your fucking tears on Burger King on McDonald's. If you're going to go, go. If you're going to walk on ice, you might as well

fucking dance. When I go to East Coast, I'm counting points, and I'm fucking fuck you! I'm eating like a savage. That's hilarious. We got a call coming in. Who's this? Vinny Curto.

Vinny who? What's up beautiful? What's up, buddy? What's going on, man? You sound fucking great. I thought you, I fell asleep last night, so I didn't know if you called back or not. I was fucking tired, Vinny. Vinny, let me tell you and me both.

Vinny, let me tell you him. The reason why I wanted you to call real quick today, you've done Beauty and the Beast. You did the live podcast. you called into this one before. You've put together quite a fan base on the show and through Dead Squad. They felt your fucking pain, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, really my honor.

It's my honor to be a guest like the show. No, no, no, fuck the honor. You have put, you have put so much entertainment into the people. Listen to the podcast. Everything we do, these people fucking, you've killed them with the podcast, with your honesty and your stories. You never looked for nothing. other day I went across your

you called me about two weeks ago and told me about your Kickstarter page and you know what if any bro I'm like you I fucking forget shit bro and I'm sorry you know sometimes your mind is wandering and all of a sudden somebody from the podcast emailed it to me and said hey get

Vinny on to talk about this and I go you're fucking right so I called you talk about this Kickstarter program you got brother uh it's to raise money to doing a documentary on my life and they're raising money for the finishing touch

you know for the side of the cause is good enough to get finished so we can finish the project and this documentary

what does it talk about what you've told us on the podcast and the live podcast yeah most of the stuff I told you on the podcast you know

and it's tough about my life there's stuff about my life you know and we get some heat on it because of people you know people inquiring some film

people are white and also. I've got to get this documentary done, you know? You know, I watched the video that you put on the on the Kickstarter page, and it's funny that one of the biggest fucking topics, you know, Vinny, I come on here and I talk about robbing people and fist fight when I was a kid and growing up in Jersey. And the topic that twists fucking people around

is when I talk about fear. You know, when you're out there and you're a thief, sometimes you're not scared, but with little things, you get scared of. If it's to meet a girl, or if it's to do something, good for yourself, you don't want to move forward, you know, and one of the things that you caught me when I watched the fucking video 10 times, Vinny, by the way, which when you talk about fear and getting molested by your father and how you fought the fuck back, I mean, it was powerful.

Yeah, it's probably, yeah, it's probably, yeah, it's probably, it's going to help a lot of kids, you know, I mean, there's a lot of kids out there that are some of the same problem, but nobody speaks up, nobody says nothing, you know, so I, you know, so I'm a voice for them, and and uh they believe me they happen they're happening here something like me speaking out no let me ask you this phony how old were you when you went out your father yeah when you told them no more yeah i was oh i probably stopped when i was like i think 18 17 no it's powerful i never heard nobody tell a story like that before i heard people say you know they got molested and moved down with their life but you actually accused them and confronted them

which is fucking, that he was your father. I did. My dad, my dad to me was God. My dad to me was everything. And I blocked all the bad. You know, I blocked all the bad, and all I looked at him. It was good. But finally, I couldn't take him the law.

You know, to fight the world champion. And I, I, I thought he was in one of his rage, one of his moods. And he tried to counter me, everything. And I went to home. And they wouldn't bother me. and finally I looked up to God and I said I just got to stop I turned around open the door

I picked them up off the floor two in a chair I said you ever bought it again I'll kill you asshole asshole asshole I stuck my finger in his face because that was my name my name was the kid he used to call me asshole

he called me Vinny I wouldn't answer him it's funny it's also very painful aside for me well that's you know brother you have to turn it to funny so it's not that pain I do the same thing. That's why we become comedians. What's going on with you

besides the Kickstarter thing? I know you always got shit cooking, CBS, NBC, fucking movies. Movies and fucking Martians. I got a TV series. I believe showtime is to, I don't want to

quote myself, well, but my partner who got to think it's showtime interest for a series called Turtle. You know, and, uh, and, uh, it's very interesting. It's, it's, it's about my life. It's about all the, all my escapades from Frank Sinatra, and Sylvester's long, to, you name it. And all my, all my, my climate to the title three times,

fighting with the world title three times, uh, just the people I've met, where I've been, all my, all my wives and my kids, my children. And it's a very interesting, it sticks. You're a bad motherfucker. If I do say so myself. What do you got going on today, Mr. Certo? What are you doing today? What are you got going on today?

What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? Well, you know, I was looking forward to making sure I said this on your podcast. The people were so nice to me. Last time I spoke, I had been a good response, and I wanted to make sure to know what was going on and maybe follow me. And it would be one big, happy family, you know what I mean? Listen, like I told you, you know, a lot of the people.

of people listen to this podcast if we each donate a fucking dollar a dollar which we all have a dollar I don't ask you motherfuckers for dick I sit here I rub my feet I whack off on camera I show you pictures I take it in New York we got very fucking curto I need a dollar a dollar from you each to fucking Kickstarter we'll put this picture together for this fucking guy this guy's a savage he's giving us countless hours whatever you can donate would be very very well appreciated and help us get the documentary done, which will in turn help a lot of kids all over the world. So what happened between you and Andrew Dice Clay? How can people keep telling me to ask you what happened between you and Dice Clay?

Well, Dice, I always felt Dice. You know, Tice was a real nasty comic, and he would say some terrific, terrific things to young ladies in the audience, and their boyfriends wouldn't like it too much. They'd be wait for them after the show, and Dice should always say, made treaty called rigging. You know, because he knew he was going to tell him he was probably hit him or heard him,

but something to him. And finally, you know, finally, you know, I always, I stood up, I stood in front of guns and Chan Tenors and with him. You know, every, you know, I forget the guy here, I asked one piece in favor, and he made a fool on me. You know, I actually introduced me to this producer, and he had a guy posed as this producer. And I know, I know the guy who he had posed as the producer.

Somebody was going for sale. He had some kind of poses to producer. I was going to ask him. They go, hey, Kurt, what's going on? I said, people for you. Fucking Vinnie Curto. I didn't know. People keep emailing me saying,

As Vinny would happen with dice. As Vinny would happen with Dice. I thought it was a nice story. I didn't know you kicked his fucking ass. I don't mean to sound. I don't mean to sound. I get a bitch. It's my language.

That's a fucking. and that's a fucking He was running up to street down He was running down to send the boy I kicked him in the ass all of them together The last thing I got on and I kicked him And I couldn't catch him They kicked him in the ass

You were flying, you were crazy fuck So what are you going to do today? You're going to train the boys today, the girls? What do you got to do with? Yeah, we train all the kids I got all the kids from the neighborhood They go out I get them like every other week

And they come to all Well, how much you charge you all? That's the problem They look at me I put a big, they're so shocked. I don't care. I do anything. Nothing.

Make sure to get shows up. And where's the gym at? My gym is on, what's the street? Excuse me, wheeler. So if you listen to this and you're a kid and you're lost, go up there and see Vinny. He'll fucking straighten you out.

He'll try to throw some jabs. My gym was open. My gym is open. Everybody. I take him. I don't turn it. Nobody away. So if you're getting bull.

Whatever the fuck is going on in your life You're getting bullied Some kids taking your fucking lunchbox Go see Vinny Within a month You'll learn how to fucking walk with your lunchbox Open and your dick out I love you cock sucker

I'll see you next week All right let's do coffee I love you thank you Vinny kickstarter Okay baby All right brother If he'd give a dollar a fucking piece You can help this kid out

It's called Kurto I'm on the page now There's a picture of him and Stallone right as you open it, it's like a fucking movie post. No, this is, guys, a dollar,

a dollar. I don't know what I'm going to give. When I go home, I'm going to get my 100, whatever the fuck he wants. This is a dollar. How many fucking jokes at nights that he proved?

On the fucking podcast with Felicia, he made this sit there. I thought he was going to whip out of gun and shoot his boat. You have no idea what he's given us over the fucking. He's opened our eyes to a lot of shit. And listen,

all we got to do is fucking what he's got. That's what he's got on one side. of his brain. We don't even know what's on the other side. So do me a favor. A dollar apiece from all of you. I don't ask you motherfuckers for nothing. Nothing. You know why?

Because I love you. Lee, kick it. Let me tell you something. At the beginning, I told you about Hulu. Here it is. Use Hulu Plus. And on connected TVs, game console, Blu-ray players, Roku, Apple TV, PC, or watch them anywhere on your smartphone or tablet. Tell him, Lee. Break it down because you're a tech

guy. Well, I've been saying this before today. I love Hulu Plus is my favorite. So, this is why they fucking called you because you said it one time and they contacted. Yeah, it took a fucking month to get us back and talk to them. So

when Joe, when you said devices, listen to what they have. The Wii U, Apple TV, the Xbox, PlayStation, Roku, Wii, all the iPhones, iPads, you can do it on your Android, the Windows 8, the Kindle,

the Nintendo A fucking Kindle. A Kindle. Nintendo 3DS, you can do it on. If you have Samsung Vizio, Sony, LG TVs, you can do it on there. If it's internet connected, it's fucking awesome. So you like watching TV. Absolutely.

Now I can go on there and watch anything you said. Almost they have like 300 pages. If you go to their Hulu Plus's website, go through Joey Diaz.net, the banner. They have pages and pages of TV shows, movies. Movies. They have like over 100 episodes of Law & Order SVU. They have SpongeBob SquarePants for your daughter. They have like over 150 episodes.

A family guy you can watch. And you can watch it anywhere. It's, it's, it's not like it's, because for me, a nerdy guy. Why signed up? I'm done. I'm taking this shit with me. I'm done. I want to see what it's about.

Exactly. But for a nerdy guy. They got regular Law & Order? I don't know about that. I know they have Lonerner SV. I have to check for regular law and order. What about movies? They have Miramax, they have

The specific collection I'll look it up the names of it But the quality is great It's all HD It's not like when we used to stream TV Stolen from China That you could barely see It's so pixelated

It's so fucking awesome I'll look at the movies right now But it's it I mean I I had it months ago So it's I think it's amazing My sister I told her She said she had it already

It's amazing Yeah Now you don't have to have cable right No no Right, that's what she was saying. All you have to have is internet. All you have to have is internet connection. And you save on that.

So if you go to this Hulu Plus, what do you type in the box? Just Joey, I believe. And it's lowercase, not uppercase. So just Joey you believe or Joey for sure? Just Joey. Just Joey in the case. Yep. Joey uppercase.

Lowercase. You get me confused, upside bridge down the bridge. I'm like on the George Washington Bridge. Where's the Copscocke. Yep. And if you go to Huluplus.com forward slash Joey, you can do it there. All right. See, you took care of the.

fucking people. Don't forget. Go there pressing Joey. What do you get for free? You get an extended free... This is what I'm talking about. I don't show up with nothing. I show up with... Look, some music lead. Hit it! Where's the Riefer? You have all this. All right.

Jesus Christ. What? What? What is this shit? This is the music you wanted. Oh, Jesus Christ, Lee, you're starting from it. That's the end of the show. This is the other one. The fuck... What? That's the end of the show? I ask you. You didn't think I wanted to end on that one. It's called the end.

Why the fuck? How am I supposed to know? No more rea, edible is only for you. It's called the end. Jesus Christ. Oh shit. Little Donna Summer, we had this for Lee. This is out of respect, Philly.

You whack off to this Lee yet? No. A little feather in your ass telling you. I whack off the porn. I don't put it on a song. What porn do you put on? What kind of porn? You go to you porn like the rest of these wack a little.

I like red tube. It's better quality. Red tube is better. quality. I can't do it if it's not good quality. I usually like your dancing. This one's kind of freaking me out. You're doing it real slow.

Can you believe I got to put up with this shit? You're doing it real slow. What the fuck? What if a chick massages your asshole with a tongue? I am real slow. What would you do? Would you say, you're doing it real slow? No.

It wouldn't get that far. You're such a little fucking. You would let a girl lick your asshole. Please. and blow bubbles in it with a fucking straw. I don't give a fuck. I want a girl to fill her mop with club soda and put the fucking straw on my ass and blow in there.

I don't give a fuck. That's where the party starts. Hit it. Oh shit. It's so gross. It's Wednesday, motherfuckers. This is what it's all about. You got a party.

You got to get down. I already had my oatmeal this morning. I had a protein shake. That's why I cut that far when I first got it. It was stuck in a long fucking tube. What? Lee what? I can't even...

What? For a girl to, for me to let a girl do that. Can you believe this? There would have to be like a trap door that I would never have to look at her again. The far that you just laid and you're going to let her go lick your asshole. There's no way your asshole's been clean since the day you were born. Listen, this asshole was, this morning I took the scrubber dub, and I put the coconut stuff and I fucking did everything. I cleaned around.

Once I took that mirror and looked at my asshole that time. He didn't take a mirror and look at your asshole. Yes, I did it about three years ago. Just to see what it looked like back there. It was disgusting. So I knew that. I seemed like particles. Yeah.

I had floated to the back so you get that luffer. Yeah. You get the little luffer and you clean out around the rim of your fucking bottle. It's still there. That fart. No, no. That fart was clean. That was clean.

No, it wasn't. Now, the other day, let me tell you what did happen. Because I eat out on it products every day, whether it's the strong bone from my knees and my shoulders. I either go with the fucking, uh, the head protein pot like I did this morning. Sometimes I don't get gas. Sometimes it does give me gas. The other day, I had some hemp force fucking, I tell you what, these protein bars, I love the death. I left like 10 of them.

here. I got like 2,000 of them at the house. I eat one every day, 10 grams of protein. When I'm walking the baby around town, this is what I take with me. I don't have time, but let me tell you something. The other day, I farted and kickboxing class on the way in. When I left an hour and a half later, I could still smell the fucking fart, and I kept

blaming it on my gloves. You know how your gloves get sweaty inside? They smell like a fucking dead body. That's how it smelled in the air. It was one of those plunging farts, and it was stuck in my training shorts, like it had burned a hole. I wear underwear with the fucking thing. Yeah. And even when I got home, I smelled my underwear where I fought it through.

And it was like a coffee stain. You could fucking smell it. I love all that nasty shit. It's Wednesday, cock suckers. Get up, Vinnie Curdo. It's funny because one of the only movies that I really understood fear about. Like when I used to steal and shit like this, I was thinking about, because somebody made a YouTube video about fear.

And it's pretty amazing what they did with it. It's like a motivational type thing. And I didn't say it as a motivational. just going on a stupid rant about what I live through with my bro, I am so scared of everything. Like what? Like just, like, you're always going on stage, but little things. Like, in the mornings when I'm writing, I have this fear that I'm not, I'm just not, like, I don't, oh my God, I have so many fucking fears lately. That it's just, and it's starting to come back.

They don't give me anxiety. What do they do? They just make me freeze for about 10 minutes and think about what my next movie. is about my day. You know, I've always had little fears, but not like this again lately. You freeze? Like, to me, like, it seems like you're always like,

grab your balls, just go forward. Well, here's the fucking deal. Before, what makes us scare is thinking about the situation. Yeah. That's what overpowers us. You add some refit to that fucking power that adds to the fear. Yeah, of course. That's what will push you right into a fucking anxiety attack.

That's why your father ate the whole cookie. Oh, Jesus. It enhances the fear that you have. So I smoke every day And in a way It's put so much fear in me that once I just go fuck it I'm gonna do it Yeah it's done

Like the fear is gone So the weed has helped me medicate the fear At the same time it fuels it Yeah And again one of the only directors that's ever showed me fear And hit it on the head And you ask them How did you know about this

Or the person who spoke to you about this Was before Al Pacino shoots Salazzo and the godfather That was one of the greatest scenes of all time Not because he shoots a guy at a pizza place Whatever you get turned down by But because he thought about it If you're scared about anything

Put on that fucking scene What should I put in? Do you want to play it? Sure, play it. It's the Salazzo scene Just play Michael Corleone Kills Salazzo Okay And it's a beautiful scene Because he knows he's got to kill him

All right, you're going to kill somebody, people You sit at the table You order your fucking dinner Sorry, I didn't spray my flornays this morning When you get up, the cop that you're eating dinner with searches you You go to the bathroom, you put your hand behind a stall And there's a piece. Yeah.

You pull the fucking piece out. You put it in your hand because the guy told you Come out with your fucking gun in your hand blast it. I mean, it's a beautiful fucking movie. And he comes out, but before he goes in, He combs his hair a little bit. And he thinks, he hears the trains coming. That train, the noises that the train's screeching.

that's the fear that you hear because you go deaf. Before you do a badass fucking move in your life, when I was fucking burglarizing and taking motherfuckers down, I would go deaf for a minute and a half. I would fucking go deafly until I was in the car or if I was running, I would go deaf until I realized I caught my fucking census player. Did you find that?

Yeah, I got it. So they're sitting around the table, should I skip forward? Let's see what he says. They're pouring wine. Skip forward. Fucked this. I said. I said.

That's what I mean and your father was a business. You have a gross respect for your father. It was about business. Keep on? Because your father thinks

in antique ways. And I don't know. I'm an man of honor. He's He's going forward. What I want. He's bad to the bonus.

The studio didn't even want Al Pacino. Studio didn't want fucking Marlon Branda. No more attempts on my father's life. What guarantees can I give you, Mike? I am the hunted one. I missed my chance. You think too much of me, kid. I'm not that clever.

All I want is a truce. I have to go to the path. Bang! Is that all right? That's another word for I'm going to go kill him, motherfucker. They're checking him for a gun right now. I've rest him He's clean

I'll take it too long Go right to the bathroom Are you looking for the gun? Yeah he's in the He's leaving the stall right now But he's got the gun where Does he comb his hair Does he do all that shit

And here you go Yeah So he's going to the stall And it's one of the old-timey bathrooms Where they have like the string you pull down It's in the top of the box Right up there And he can't find it

He reaches up Can't find it Back to the table He's walking back to the table How does he compose himself? Did you see the fear? This is why he fucking a bad motherfucker actor. He finally found the gun.

Listen to fear building now. You think about your life. You think about what you're fucking about to do. He looks to the mirror. Yeah, he covers his head. He, like, composes his hair. There you go, people. You hear the train, that's fear.

That's natural fucking fear. Un-fucking blame. Right now, he's... He's just looking at the guy going, he can't even hear. Yeah, he's not looking at him. He's not even looking at him. He's just fucking thinking about, I'm going to kill this motherfucker. You hear that training again, motherfucker?

That's a director. So take your hangover threes and all your fucking kitty movies and go fuck yourself. This is a real fucking movie. There you go. Right in the head. There you go. When he's choking in spaghetti, the old guy, ain't? Yep.

Shut him in the throat. and then the head and the old guy does this is like a weird face there you go dog that's what you do with fear that's your fear today Wednesday

May 22nd what are you gonna do you're gonna lay there like a fucking mutt you know how fuck it get up take that fucking piece

in your head weed and the godfather says Joey off huh sets you off oh that part right there is the whole fucking that's what the whole movie's about

is about somebody stepping up in your life that's it yeah he had choice. There was no thinking. Somebody went after his father. He had to get up. He did that in a matter of two days. There was no planning. There was no fucking sitting there and going to the drawing board. I mean, it's a beautiful scene that he's sitting around with everybody before

that. It's a great scene. And he tells him this. And they all laugh at his face. His brothers, everybody laughs in his face. He goes, why can't I do him? Shoot a police captain. And all of them start laughing in his fucking face. Like, ha, ha, ha, ha. You old fucking whatever. What do you think? It's like the Army. You can shoot somebody from a thousand miles away. You've got to step up to him and shoot him all over that fancy Ivy League suit or whatever the fuck son he says to him.

That's an amazing. Everybody laughs to this fucking face. Guys, this is a movie. My point is the same thing in fucking society. You have an idea of people laughing your fucking face. You've got to fucking get up and kick him in the fucking cunt. In the words of Doug Stanham. You're not going to fucking sit there and take this abuse from fucking people.

We didn't even do shout-outs. Lee. We didn't do shout-outs. Lee. What a fuck you've been all day? I gotta give a shout out to my main man, Constantine Rain, aka the fucking Grim Reaper. We got my man, Lauren Rosenkirk, Mitch Martin, Ben Loki, TV, Joey Rookland. I love you to death.

James Smyerton, Kevin Newcomb, Daniel Hennessy, Ali Grace, Jefferson Humbaugh. Go fuck yourself, cocksucker. How you like them fucking hamper? Can I do one? One more. For a shout-up for one of our buddies. Yeah. Augustino was on TV last night.

I know when I fucking was home and I fell asleep. The Agostino's Lord of it. And speaking of that, the TV shows on Hulu. Really? Yeah. What's the name of the show? He didn't post that. It's a comedy.

It's N-U-V-O. It's stand-up N-V-O. There is. St-A-N-D-U-P-N-U-P. You know, I like Di Agostino's role, but he was good because I'll tell you what. He had the party last night, down the block from the house. He invited me, yeah. at the Greek place, whatever.

You know what? He called me at six and he goes, it starts at 10.30. Listen, at 10.30. I knew I was going to be on my 50th dream. Like I said, I'd like to go to bed early before I do the show. So I'd come to here fresh and be crazy and jump up and fucking down. What, Lee? What?

What, what is it, Cogsucker? Oh, nothing. I'm looking at you. So what are your plans? What are you and the girl doing this weekend? Break my fucking heart again. Tell the people at home what plans are made with Ashley. What are you going to do?

You're going to have a barbecue. All these fucking half of homoes are going to come over here. I can't tell you nothing. You're going to play fucking friends over here. Yes. Nobody's got nothing. Just tell her, listen, come over my house alone and bring a bikini and hang up on it. If not, now you've got to turn the psychological on.

Now you've got to turn the psychological on. You got nothing to lose. Now you're in the friend zone. You shouldn't be alone. I've been in the friend zone. You shouldn't stay alone. I'm just, you, like, I've come to terms with it. Like, yeah, she's great.

And if she wanted to, yeah. But, I mean, it's weird. I was thinking about it the other night because we talked about it for fucking 20 minutes, which I love. But it's... That's what the asshole has to do like that. You know I don't want to go to the asshole. If you look in her clit real good and you bite into it,

you hear the asshole go. Just like that. You don't bite into it, do you? Not bite into it with your teeth, but with your lips. You gum it like you eat it. And you just bite that fucking noodle. And you hear it just like that. You got to get it together, Lee.

What am I going to do with you? What I'm friends. Oh, here we go. Did you just hear that people? We're friends. I have other girls. I'm not friends with you. Like who?

Like you're on your business. Who? I can't tell your names because every name I tell you, you give him shoutouts every week. Well, I'm trying to get your fucking some fucking monkey here. You're sitting there beating off. You don't even whack off when she sleeps old.

You don't smell the blanket or nothing. She puts it between her legs. I've seen her sleep. I don't know I'm not going to smell someone's blanket. This fucking guy. What are you going to do this? What are you going to do? What are you going to do?

You guys are going to Santa Barbara and drink wine. No, we're hanging out here. What are you going to do? You're going to watch Hulu Plus. Yeah, of course we are. And drink. products. Have you given it an alpha brain? No. You get her an alpha brain.

Those are for me. I like those. You get a chicks get a horny. Give my alpha. No, they don't get a horny off an alpha brain. Open it up and put it in a fucking soup and see what happens. Jesus Christ. Don't you make clam a child for you? You and soup, man. I'm telling you. I'm never having soup anywhere near you. No, Hannibal liked to use soup. You got to use soup. I've never seen that movie. I hate, I hate scary movies. So, well, so let's back this up.

Because I'll fucking, I'll hit you with this table and the camera. I'll turn the camera off and kill you. So you've never seen Sounds of the Lambs. Fuck no. See, this is the problem. I have, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to end this podcast on that. If Lee's not here on Monday, listen, I don't know what happened to him. I take no responsibility.

Look at this. This is a face that wants to see happy movies. I read that book. Yeah. I made a mistake and read the book and fell in love with the book by mistake. How did you fall in love with that book? Because it's fucking amazing. And when somebody, I think I read it when I was locked up, maybe.

and it just, there was a couple books I read by mistake. The first book I read when I was locked up was Cujo. The second book I read. Jesus Christ. Yeah, the second book I read when I was, why, you never read Coo Joe either by Stephen King? Fuck no. I saw It, it. Yeah, it was good.

It was funny. Hit who? The movie in Stephen King. Oh, fuck yeah. So, uh, they all float down here. And the second book I read. The third one was the story about Russ Perot. Okay.

You know, I forget the name of that book, but like the thing. third or four. I forget, I read Silence of the Lambs and I was blown the fuck away. Blown the fuck away. You don't mind scary movies? I don't like that feeling. That's not a scary movie. That's suspense. It's in between suspense and some chick getting stabbed in the lung

when the boyfriend is swimming in the pond when he should be back by the fireplace tying her up, rubbing her feet with gasoline and giving her the high hard one on the fucking Saturday night. High hard one. Yeah, he's over there and fucking he's in the fucking lake with his dumb buddy. fishing or something like that

and the poor girl's there by yourself. No, that's stupid scary. That's scary movie. Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal. The Silence of Lambs is suspenseful. They were first done by, what's his name? What's the dudes that did Miami Vice? Let me look.

Michael Mann first did fucking that movie first. The Dragon, about whatever, when the people, Man Hunter. It was Manhunter, and that's when they introduced Hannibal Lecter. Okay. He did Manhunter, he did when he lived in Chicago, he did Thief, and he did something fucking. fucking else. He did Manhunter. Then they did Manhunter. The director? Yeah, Michael Mann.

Okay. What movie did he do? Mind Hunter. It's Jonathan Demi, right? That's the director. Of what? Silence of the Lamb. Right. Jonathan Demi. I'm not talking. What? I'm talking about the other one. Now he confused me. What else was I doing for? Jonathan Demi directed Silence of Lance. Okay. But who was the director I said before that? Michael Mann? Michael Mann. What did he direct? Let me look for him. Mind Hunter. Please help me people on Twitter, mine whatever. And that was the first time they introduced

Hannibal Lecter. He was in jail already. 1984. Okay, in 83, he did the Keep, Thief, Manhunter. Man Hunter. All right. Read Man Hunter. Man Hunter's with the guy from CSI, Miami. Okay.

That's the star of the movie. What's his name? William Peterson. Who the fuck do you think your people think you're dealing with cock suckers? So who played Hannibal Lecter in there? That was the first time, I think, because there's a book, And I can't remember the book now, people. The one about the fucking...

Brian Cox. I forget the... Who played the book? What was it based on? The book? Let's see. Thomas Harris wrote it. Right.

Fuck. Let me find out what book was based on. So Thomas Harris wrote that. And then Thomas Harris wrote Silence of the fucking lambs. I think. I'm almost positive, I think. This is all my prison years. So don't fucking quote me on this shit.

You got to... That's your homework. this weekend. He wrote Red Dragon. Red Dragon. So Mind Hunter is based on Red Dragon after Red Dragon. What are he right? Silence of the Link. Who the fuck do you think you're dealing with people? You want to read a fucking book.

Read Red, what is it? Red Dragon. Red Dragon. And then go right into Silence of the Lambs. Did you read both of them? There's Hannibal Rising? No, I didn't read. No, I didn't read after that. Black Sunday. After that just became bullshit. Oh, okay. I like just read Red Dragon

and then read fucking Silence of the Lambs. But you, you're watching Silence of the Lambs this weekend. Fuck you, no. When you watch, fucking, what's his name, play it? And he based it off Daffy Duck. That's how good of an actor he fucking is. I'm just giving you knowledge if you want to fuck around.

Whenever Silence of Lambs is on, my wife always watches it. What's the girl's name in the movie? Let me look. That's a classic fucking movie, dog. No, no, no, no, you got to watch it. There are a couple scenes in that. Jody Foss. Jody Foss.

Okay, named a... What about, there's a guy that's in a bunch of shows. He plays... The fucking villain. He's the guy they're tracking, Buffalo Bill. Okay. And he gets women. He gets chunky women, puts him in a hole and starves him.

Lee, you've got to watch this shit. And he starves and then he kills him. Then he uses their skin to make a skirt. So they're just hunting this guy. It's not a horror movie, Lee. It's not like people. It sounds like it. No, no.

So you're catching this guy. Your heart's beaten. Not because you're getting fucked in the ass at the pool and getting stabbed in the throat at the same time. Your heart's beaten because they're looking for Bill. But Bill is a fucking. transvestite, whatever. And there's a scene where he puts his dick

between his legs, and he puts a wig on and makeup. Like he's got a pussy. Dog, that's your homework assignment. But when he throws the fucking oil into the fat chick's hole and then like into the hole where he got the fat chick and his dog falls in there and she says, I'll kill you.

Bro, these are scenes that are brilliant. This is brilliant fucking filmmaking. That sounds terrible. So then you watch. And then Hannibal is with the chick. The chick I like. Just regular Hannibal. because after that, Jody Foster said, I'm not doing that one. That one was a little weird. I read that book, and it was a little mens-a-mort.

So, you know how we do it. But that's it, dog. That's all I got fucking got for you today. You got to get it together. I have it together. That sounds terrible. No, you're watching Silence of the Lambs is weekend with Jody Foster. You're going to enjoy it.

You're going to thank me. You're going to go, Joey. I'll never watch the fucking finale of the office again. Stupid. That was a great finale. It was a great finale. It did it. That's what the problem was with the fucking America.

It wrapped everything up so nice. It was a finale. I know. fucking great finale. Don't forget May 28th, the release of Testicle Testament 5, the last one, that we're putting all five with them together taking the show on the road.

Oh, shit. With the finale, Lee gets fart in the face. No, I don't. May 28th, we got the live fucking podcast 29th with the two tremendous fucking guests. I'm not even going to tell you. Wait till you get there. $10.626-577-194.

Like I told you, as always, bro. My main people are on it. I love them with all my heart. They're trying to save America. Eric or one fat fuck at a time. Okay, get the strong bone. If you don't believe, get the strong bone, walk an extra mile a day,

take the strong bone as directed, and get back to me after 30 days. Uncle Joey don't fuck around. Go on it and press what in the box? Church. This is what I'm saying. Lee Syatt, always on top of it. Go order these goddamn fucking

force bars. It's vanilla chai flavor. You got to love them. Worse than it could happen. You cut a fart at kickboxing. People still love you. Don't give a fuck. You're trying.

You know what I'm saying? What are you got to? Pulling on, Lee. Tell me something good. I can't wait for the podcast. And for people who might not live still in 1965, that you can go to the Ice House's website and get tickets for that. Who calls anymore to buy tickets? Wait until I get you got sick.

What's going to happen? Nothing's going to happen. Because you don't know what any of these buttons do. What buttons? Any of them. Keep it up, that's a fucking shit. All right, I got to get out of here. Before I lead, not the show's over.

don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus and start watching your favorite hit shows today. Oy, ta-la. Go to your home, go to our home, go to our show homepage, joey-dears.net and click into the Huluplus banner. Joey Deers.net not only has t-shirts and hoodies and all on my tour dates, it also has Hulu Plus banner for your extended free trial. So put in Huluplus.com slash Joey.

Again, click the Huluplus banner on Joycogodians.net or go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. And what are they pushing the box? Joey. But if you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey, you don't have to put anything. Anything. There you go. That's how we fucking do it. Have a great weekend.

We love you. Stay Black. R. IP, Raymond, Zarek. The end. Who's better than us? I don't know. See you Monday.