The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #054 - BERT KREISCHER - UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT

Episode Date: April 7, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... It's Wednesday, April 7th..... Today, we talked to The Machine himself, BERT KREISCHER..... This episode is brought to you by DraftKings, CBD Lion & LUCY Nicotine Gum...... Go to https://www.DraftKings.com PROMO CODE: JOEY Go to https://www.CBDLion.com PROMO CODE: JOEY or CHURCH Go to https://www.Lucy.co PROMO CODE: JOEY And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #BertKreischer Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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Uncle Joey on a Wednesday feeling good, looking good, got my COVID shot. I'm not even going to tell you what happened until next week because fuck it. That needs a whole different fucking podcast to tell you the story. But I did it and I got it over with. I'm fucking happy. It's Wednesday. It's a beautiful day to be alive. And I hope you enjoyed the podcast Monday with Eddie Trunk.

Good dude. You know what I'm saying? Good motherfucker. now I'm part of the fucking heavy metal family down here in Jersey with him Jameson and my man Jimmy Florentine. But this last week I, uh, listen, man, if I miss, I miss things about California. And, uh, but I'm pretty much settled here, as you guys could see by the smile on my face and my comfortability and my, you know, but I do miss.

what it was. I do miss what it was, what I was. I don't miss the condition I was in last year with, you know, the last eight years with the edibles and all that shit. But I do miss pieces of that life. If I didn't tell you, I didn't miss pieces of that life, I'd be a fucking liar. I miss a lot of the guys. I miss a lot of camaraderie. You know, one of the reasons I left L.A., one of the reasons I came back to Jersey. Let's get this out of the way was I wanted to be closer to my family. In reality, I have no blood family. I was talking about the guys that I grew up with and, you know, how they treated me when I was growing up. And I just wanted to be closer to them just in case we, this country did go into a hard time. Something happened. I wanted to be people around people

that I could trust. And not that I didn't trust people in L.A., but in L.A. you're out there by yourself. I wanted you guys to understand what it, and I'm not complaining. It was me, my wife, and Mercy, and yes, we had Lee and we had our own little clique, Steve Simone and all those guys. But as far as comedians, like big

timers, they were always on the move. So our only time to see each other was at the comedy store or any comedy function or nothing. It was very rarely that we did anything out of line. Once I moved out of Hollywood,

in 2010, I think we moved into North Hollywood first in Studio City. Up there, a lot of comics lived up there in that area. It was more, you know, I would bump into comics in Hollywood at coffee shops or if I went on Hollywood Boulevard to get something or something or something, but when I went to the valley, the comics that were up in the valley, when more family-oriented to the comics, you know, I would bump into different guys to 7-Eleven and whatnot. The one I was in shock that I lived three blocks away from was Burt Kreischer.

I did not know this. When I moved into that area, I lived basically close to Burt Kreisher. And then in time, I even moved closer to Burtchrecher because I wanted my daughter to go to that school. Burt was the one that told me to get into that area, that the school was a better area for my daughter. So in a sense, I went, moved to where I lived because of Burt, and I was close to the Burt. And at first, you know, when I first moved into that area, I think it was 2016. I did that tour for Live Nation. I was really closer with Burt. You know, we were doing the Burt cast every day.

We were over there more. You know, the legendary Ralphie story happened then. and it was a lot more fun. Then our schedules got busier. And that's what made me sad about LA, that I really wasn't seeing Joe. I really wasn't seeing Eddie. I really wasn't seeing Bird or Tom

or any of my other friends unless it was at the store. You know, for the holidays, we were all over the place, for different, you know, events were all over the place. But there was one holiday that I saw somebody for like the last four years

I was up in L.A. and that was Bert Christ, and we go to his house, and my fucking, he had these Chinese friends, I love him. We would just talk about Chinese food being her, and, you know, Bert's wife is great, and the girls. And I remember our last Christmas there, it was kind of cool out, and Bert had just put the pool in, and he was daring people to jump in the fucking pool and whatnot.

And my daughter's like, I'll jump in the pool. And the people are like, what? And she's like, I'll jump in the pool. And they're like, mercy, mercy, mercy. Mercy, and Mercy's looking on my, she's like, okay, I jump in the pool. She had all her clothes on, and she started running towards the pool. Right before she went in the pool, she goes, stop! She goes, Mommy, hold my ring, and she gives her mom her ring out of all the fucking things you could hold.

My sneakers, my socks, no, take my ring. I don't want it to get wet. We fucking died. Bert jumped in, my daughter jumped in, and that was the highlight of the night. Daddy, Mommy, hold my ring, and we fucking. until this day, whenever Bert saw Mercy go, Mercy, hold my ring, and Mercy would just shake ahead. So Bert was kind of family.

You know, Mercy called him Uncle Bert. And when I found out he was leaving for three months, I kind of got sad. And I heard he's coming back and he's leaving for two more months. So what I did this week was I did a little conversation with a little chat. And it was great. And it was great seeing him. And he looks great.

And you see it for yourself. enjoy meeting burr cuckers god damn what's up kid it's a great looking studio joey this is the fucking bar this is the uh the zoom uh room

as we fucking call it because this was the bar you know it's just you should have moved in here this is a great fucking bar that's why I called the podcast uncle joey's join at first because we were going to do it from the bar but then we couldn't get cameras and shit like that. You look good. So wait, that's not the bar your mom owned, is it?

No, no, no. This is a bar in my basement. That's in your basement? Yes. Fuck. We're going to yank this out, though, soon. Oh, I love, you know, we had a bar. We bought a new house and we had an old bar in it.

I wanted to keep the old bar. And it just, it was too much of a pain in the ass to keep the old bar. Like, the fucking... The to get back, you had to lift up part of the bar to get under it. And I guess it lost the spring. So the first time Ila did it, you know, she lifts it like this. And it fucking drops. And she looks, holds up her fingers.

And she goes, that was a close call. And so Leanne's like, we're getting rid of the fucking bar. That broke your fucking heart. How's the new house? We haven't moved in yet. We're still building, uh, the podcast studio is done. The gym is done. Leanne's podcast studio is done.

But we're still, we're going to be building that thing forever, I feel like. how you feeling you look great i feel great joey i gotta be honest with you i feel better than i've ever felt i'm working out twice a day um and i'm i'm not drinking a ton i'm having a couple glasses of wine at night but i try to keep it i keep it under a bottle and i'm fine you know i can get up early and work out i feel great um i'm probably the happiest i've ever been i just i'm bummed that like i can't get on stage that none of you guys are around like getting podcast guest is hard as fucking shit now. Like to find people that'll do it in studio and you got to like hope people come out

to L.A. and no one has a reason to come out to LNA, L.A. anymore? No, no. It's a nightmare. I had this, listen, when we started this, I said, fuck it, I'll do it a la Bill Burr. Yeah. You know, do Bill Burr once a week and try to get a guest. Getting a live guest is too rough.

Even for me, listen, stand up is rough for me because I'm putting 200 people in a room. even 41 people in the room I don't want nobody to get this whether it's light whether it's just a mild cough I don't want this associated with me at any fucking point so we had to

resume to Zoom and I think that people like you and I could Zoom because we have a prior relationship it's interviewing people that you really don't know on Zoom that doesn't work well for me like I said on the podcast I've had some bad ones I've had some hard ones

I've had some horrible fucking Zooms. And it's because there's nothing there. We have a culture, you know, we know each other, 10, 15 years. It makes a big difference on a Zoom. And I think that still comes through. At first, I was a little hesitant about the Zoom. I didn't like it, but Mike got it to work fucking perfect. It looks great.

It sounds great. It's about a good setup, too. You got a good setup. Like, some people do it. I did one. I'm not going to call out names, but I've done a couple where they do it on their phone. and you're like, hey man, step up your game a little bit. But you can't say anything to them because you're not sending them over their equipment

and they don't get it. Like I had one person do one from his car. Like did it from his car on his phone. And I was like, I just didn't use it. I was like, I cut it short at 30 minutes. And I was like, I appreciate your time. I was like, I fucking. It's very tough.

And I hope that people at home understand the effort that we're putting in. Like, it's tough. You know, what happens if you got a call from Tom, which you're, You did and he had COVID. You couldn't do the podcast. Oh, Joey, I did. So I did. I mean, I don't know how much of this I've shared or not shared, but I get a call from Tom and I go.

Now, Leanne and I both did, uh, Christina's your mom. Where's your mom's at on like Friday, right? We get a call. We both do it Friday afternoon. Leanne does it for an hour and a half. I do it for an hour and a half. I talked to Tom on Sunday and I'm like, uh, what's up? He's like, I got COVID.

I said, shut up. You got COVID? He's like, yeah. And I was like, where did you get it? He was like in the, in the, uh, rehab facility. We have, and I go, shut up. I go to push get it.

And he's like, yeah, push got it too. And I was like, when did she get it? And he was like, well, she started showing symptoms like Saturday. I'm like, I was with her fucking Friday. Leanne was with her Friday. Now, we're sitting with my parents in a big circle having wine and cigars. And I'm going, motherfucker. So he's like, you know, I think you would have shown symptoms by now.

It's been three days, four days. whatever. So then I got to look at Leanne and I go, wow, it was a close call. The next week, I'm with Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew for an hour and a half, he test positive. And I'm like, motherf-and-and-and- then I just, I stopped, man. I stopped. And I'll be honest with you, Joey, I'm not good with people right now. I'm not good being around people. Like, I'm very short. I, like, one distance. We went to Rite Aid the other day, and, uh, and I, all of a sudden, people start getting in line like it's, like it's 1987. They're like, up on your back and I just got out of line and walked outside.

I'm like, I can't have motherfuckers near me. Like, I haven't gotten comfortable yet. I'm happy you're saying all this. But you're the fucking guy that last March 10th. Yeah. When COVID was on a spread, you were at the garden drinking beers with 20 motherfuckers and didn't get it. That weekend, I'm like, he's dead. He's dead.

I saw you all summer on a boat doing theater tours. Listen, the Mickey Mantle. gene theory is fucking alive and kicking in my world. Don't let them tell you anything else. You have the Mickey Mantle gene and the Godzilla gene. The Japanese gene they didn't get, you didn't get it. Like, how many, how many COVID tests did you take? I've taken probably 150 COVID tests.

Me too. Me too. Every time. You know, I bought, I bought, I bought a hundred COVID test for myself. I bought them on. Rapid test. Yeah, the rapid test. Yeah, the rapper was.

It was just, you know, I got sick and tired of doing comedy and getting a call. There was 41 people in the fucking room. And I got two calls two times. And I'm like, you know what? I'm not doing shit. But to go back to the original, I do not feel comfortable either. I feel comfortable with Mike. I feel comfortable if I know where you do at night.

Yeah. I feel very comfortable. People who are going still to bars and restaurants. restaurants. I just, no, not really, you know, I'm doing a lot of kids stuff that you already did. Your daughters are grown. You know, I'm coaching. I'm not coaching. Jesus Christ. She's playing softball. So I go to softball. She just had a green belt. You know, you're going there with mass. The softball is outside. But I can't even imagine going on the road. I mean like it is the farthest fucking thing from my mind going to an airport getting on a plane going in a hotel having somebody asked me if I want to take a picture now just burns my insides it's fucking COVID season guy there ain't no pictures put that fucking camera away put that fucking camera away when I get vaccinated if I get vaccinated when the time comes today I got on the phone with somebody about a vaccination

because I'm trying to get the Johnson and Johnson. It's one shot. I'll faint one time. I'll sweat my asshole. I shit, my blood. It's just a nightmare for me to get a needle. Let me get the Johnson. But Joey, it only covers you 85.

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Just as long as I can get that card, because in a year, we're not going to be able to do anything without that card. No. They're going to communize us. We're not going to fucking be able to do dick without the fucking card.

and if you just get one Moderna it's not going to be in charge with the problem I got is that we have to do this every year if we got to do this every year then I'm not going to fucking do it I'm just going to take my chance that's when you're going to see people flood if this isn't every year thing people will start

leaving out like quick your ship in New York those will start flooding out to the suburbs if I have to now do you take a flu shot every year no I refuse to get flu shot I've never taken a flu shot in my fucking life because I listen I old a doctor I'm happy I moved from LA because I had a Chinese doctor and they're fucking

serious with their shit Dr. Wu. I had an original guy but he retired before the pandemic and he didn't give a fuck about whether I took the shingles shot or the tetanus shot. This Jimmy Wu guy was torturing me. He was calling me at home and shit. One of you coming down for your shingles shot and I'm like, and also the pandemic hit and he stopped calling. I'm like, thank fucking God they stopped bothering with these needles. Now you got to take another fucking COVID test. I just a COVID needle. I just don't even know. There's so much information

that flood you every day. That's another reason why I put stand-up aside. Yeah. Because I got so much on my plate to make fucking decisions. Now I got to worry about stand-up. When I wake up in the mornings,

I have to go do stand-up as I'm pissing. I'm like, fuck. I can't believe I got involved in this. And then there was two weeks in a row where they closed the place down, like I said, because customers had it. And I was like, that's it.

I'm not I'm not going through this anymore. We did. We did that first run. We did that first run and they were like, they were like, you know, those, the drive-ins don't pay really great, you know, because you got to have a, you got to bring your own stage.

You got to bring a crew of 12 people with you everywhere to set up the stage, set up the gear. You got to have a tour bus for those 12 people. Like it's just, it's very, it's not cost effective, those driving tours. It's fun. You end up making a little bit of money, but they had to, in order to do that first run,

we had to put, we had to do stand-up shows. in clubs and our first one was stand-up live and cal and his shop had just gotten COVID there I was like I was like listen we're gonna be really safe we enter through the back going to the green room we don't leave the green room we do our show we go out no one goes in the green room we get it in the green room and there's like nine people in the green room no everyone's not the fuck green room and we're like mother fuck that and then and and and I don't know the numbers I think the numbers they did like half capacity it seemed a little more but that's a big fucking club. The next place we go to

is fucking jam-packed. And it's like, no one's wearing masks, everyone's just partying. And you're on stage going like, okay, like, I get it. You know, this is Texas. We go to fucking Oklahoma City, and it is wall-to-wall. And they've got

fans on the stage blowing air to me because it's hot. And I go, turn those fucking fans around. Blow the disease that way. I don't want it blow it to me. You out of your fucking mind? And then I was like, I called off. And the last one I did was Salt Lake City. That was perfect. He ran it perfectly.

That was like perfect. And I just says like, no more clubs. I can't do any more clubs. Because look, they were taking temperatures. They were being safe. But like my brain wasn't right. Like I was, I'm up. Because you know, what really fucked me up about this disease is that it's fucking

four or five days that you got to wait till you showed symptoms. I'm like, come on, man. Like give it to me that day. I want it the next morning. Fucking wait there and wait till, I die. It's like, oh, I felt like you're in the zombie apocalypse and you're the last motherfucker in the barn. And they're all around the barn and you're just like, fucking, I'm just going to run into the guy that I'm just the one. You wake up in the morning, you drink coffee.

Like, oh, I got a sore throat. Dude, I got high with Rogan. So, so January, like, my special comes out January 17th. Shit gets crazy. Joe's like, yo, can we do the podcast like 24th, right? Now the, the pandemic is in. It is kicked in. No one's leaving their house. No one's on the 405. No one's on the 101. I make it to Joe's podcast studio in like seven minutes, right? I'm there early. Joe's there early. You know, what's crazy is he doesn't give me a hug. You know, whenever you see Joe, he gives you that racked you up and that big hug. Yeah. He doesn't give me a hug. He just stands off like he's mad at you, right? And you're like,

oh, shit. And then he goes, he's like, you know, how are you feeling? How are you doing? I said, good. And I'm like, cool. We go in. He's like, you want to have, I can use a cocktail. And I was like, me too. And then he gives me. my own joint, right? So I get my own joint. He's got his own joint. Start smoking. And then all of a sudden, I start getting paranoid.

I'm like, I'm like, get a little shortness of breath. Like, oh, shit, I got the COVID. My throats, I can feel my throat really intensely. And I'm like, I got to get the, I got to fucking, I just ended up murdering alcohol to get rid of the COVID. I have not, since I've got here, when I first got here, the first month of August, I smoked with three hands. I kept, I continued living like I was.

was living in L.A. When I moved into the house, September 1st, we had an earthquake here. What? Like five nights after I move into this house, I am fucking hammered. I am in my kitchen, stuffing my face with chicken cutlets and fucking popcorn and apples. And there's an earthquake. And I'm so fucking high that I go, you know what? I'll deal with this tomorrow.

And I just went to bed and I got up. And the next day, people are like, fuck you, jude. Joey, you brought earthquakes to Jersey with you. It was right in freehold, like 15 minutes from where I'm living now. And I was like, you know what? I got to stop. I was up at two, three in the morning. You know, my time zone had shifted.

So what I did, Bert, was I said, fuck it. No more edibles. I stopped doing edibles for a month. And then I started taking edibles to fall asleep. So at a quarter to 11, I drink my tea. And I put two edibles in the tea, capsules, ABX, the fucking syringes, whatever I have. And I watch Miami Vice, and by fucking 10 to 12, Papa's done. Really?

Done. I walk upstairs. I barely make it upstairs. I fucking stumble into bed, and I get my fucking eight hours. But I swear to God, like today, I have not smoked yet. Really? And you could hear it in my voice. There's no whistle.

There's no whistle. That's it. That's done. That's done. If I smoke three times a day now, it's a lot. Wow. You know, when I spoke to you and you told me you were going away for three months and then two months and that you were going to spend time with the girls, I asked myself, what happened to fucking Bert? This was a guy that could not function unless he was out.

This was part of who he was. And all of a sudden, he's telling me, I'm gone for five months. I'm going to stay with the girls for seven months. I'm like, what the fuck? I knew there was more. to the fucking story. You're like, I'm done. And what people don't understand is, like,

the last 10 years, we've been busting our fucking humps. And then there was 10 years before that that we were bumped busting our humps in a different way. So it's like, for me, I remember when they first closed everything. I'm like, okay, I could breathe March and April.

Yeah. And I'm like, I hope they cancel May. And I hope they cancel fucking June 2. You know, I didn't want to go to a casino in Cleveland. I wanted to stay at Nix. You know, and hilarities. I was like, I don't want to fucking play a deed. I just want to do Nix.

Nix is such a great club. It's easy. The hotel, you got the chocolate shake downstairs and the fucking, the food's amazing. The chocolate ball, yeah, the fucking across the street. You stay up late night and hang out and have a conversation with Nick and just fucking talk all right. Oh, my God. I love it. Nick's got great food over there at her laderies.

You know, people don't understand that, yes, I missed that, you know, I missed the guy from Bussar. He's a great guy from fucking Salt Lake City. Oh, Keith. Keith really fucking tried. I had to leave. I kind of canceled his room because I was leaving August 19th, and I was supposed to be in his room like September 4th. That broke my heart that I had to cancel,

but I wasn't ready to do a weekend. I hadn't been on stage in seven fucking months. I don't want people to see me in that condition. I don't want people to see me rusty. I hate that shit. Yeah. Yeah, I pulled out of everything. And then, you know, look, I'm, I'm,

I was at when we first started it and it was it was like I gotta be really honest I was driving I was in the bus we were driving from DC to New York and we were going to spend that week in New York and and everyone was talking about COVID but no one knew about it but I was partying hard as fuck hard as partying hard as fuck and we stayed a week in New York just to party like just a party we parked the bus outside in Jersey all got hotels in Soho and just partied every fucking night when the pandemic is raging right raging right I saw you the one night at the garden then the next night I saw a clip of you with 200 people around you at fucking you know Jay Big Jay's show Big Jay and Lewis Gomez Oh yeah that's right And I'm like if this motherfucker don't have COVID now

He's never gonna fucking get it Dude when we were when we were at the garden I did this twice right So we're at the garden twice Once it's for a basketball game And once for a hockey game And so when we go to we're at the basketball game they come up and they're like hey bert

we're gonna put you on the big screen i was like fuck yeah and they're like hey is it cool if you kill a beer would you have a beer to kill and i go shit i don't i don't have one let me go get one they go the winter on time people started pouring beers everyone started pouring their beers in my beer i'm like motherfucker this is exactly how you get COVID this motherfucker and meanwhile on the other side of town Michael yo's getting COVID at the Gotham

yeah so it was so weird that you're on you're at the garden at 48th street Michael yo on 20th Street with Big Ball Frankie and Jeffrey Gurion and three out of four of them get fucking COVID in the room. They're in the green room. The owner didn't get it. Chris Mozilla didn't get it. Chris didn't get it?

So there was four of them in the room in the green room talking. Three out of four of them went down with Michael Yoch going down the hardest. Lisa Lampinelli's ex had his fucking heart. He called his family and told him goodbye. Really? On the phone, yeah. So think about how fucking lucky you are that while you. You were at the garden jumping up and down drinking COVID beer.

Fucking Michael Yo is over there. It got them getting poor COVID and a fucking pneumonia to the point where he made a tape. He lost weight. So you're a lucky fucking dude. And then we did the exact same thing the next night at the fucking garden again. And then partied all the way up through Wilkesbury, all the way back down Schenectady. And then hit up did the beacon, did two shoes. Hung out with James Dolan who had Coke.

James Dolan test COVID test positive for COVID the next week. I'm doing shirtless pictures with him and his family backstage at the beacon. Go to D.C. And now the COVID's like everyone's talking about it. And I remember Joey, I remember, I remember in that, we're in the Constitution Hall, right? And I hear someone cough and everyone turned and looked. And I went, oh, this, I went, I got backstage. I go, guys, this is going to get real serious real quickly.

Like if someone shows up into one of these theaters with COVID, they're giving it to everyone. Like, it's going to spread like this. And then next week, we're in New Orleans. Once again, fly in on the red eye. We party all night. We're walking through Bourbon Street. We're stopping in bars.

We're having drinks. We take a general meeting. I mean, Joey, I'm everywhere. I'm everywhere. We're getting Cuban-Vietnamese sandwiches. Like, just fucking driving. We're driving around. no one's got a mask on.

And I remember seeing people with gloves on and going like, what fucking lunatics? And then they come into the bus and they're like, hey, I think they're going to cancel the show tonight. And I was like, no. And they're like, yeah, walk inside. And I look at all the, and this is when they start telling us, you know, people that are really affected are people over like 70. And all of the ushers, all of them are over 70 years old, every single one. And I was like, all right, yeah, I go cancel the show. and then they're like,

hey, I think they're going to cancel Alabama, they're going to cancel Texas, they're going to cancel this. I think they cancel in the two next weeks. I think you need to go home. And I was just like, and that's when I got scared. I was like, all right, we stay in the bus, we take the bus home. No one leaves the bus.

We drink all the booze that we have in the bus until we get home. And by the time we got home, we're stopping in New Mexico at the Walmart getting supplies because everything's empty in L.A. We're getting like, because no one in New Mexico believed it. I got invited to do a house party. They're like,

They're like, this virus isn't real. It's not going to hit New Mexico. But yeah, we loaded up. And I was like, God. And I remember saying, Joey, I remember saying to God in the back of the tour bus, leaving from D.C. to New York to party for a week. I was like, all right, God. Like, I need a break.

I need, like, I need something. I can't, because this tour was at that point, it was going every week until, like, June. And I was like, I just need, I think I'm going to end up dying if I don't get, like, a little break. like just something to some breathing room like give me a TV show or or like a something where I can work and I'm not partying like this because I go I can't do this I because you know when you you get it you know when you're you're partying and you're taking it so far that there's no bringing it back there's no like you're only going to that level every night and then you need that night that week home where you go all right I'm not drinking tonight and then you stop and then you can reset things and then you go okay now

we're back to normal. I was at that like pushing it where you know two shows I have a drink on the second show all of a sudden you're driving to through the night you're partying there you're partying through the night you wake up everyone has cocktails you pass out you work out like and I was like I just need fucking I need I need like one week just to reset things and then be careful what you wish for next thing you know and I'm not drinking for 60 days I'm sitting in the house of Leanne and Georgia every night going what do you guys want to watch on TV tonight huh? adjusting now. I'm great I'm really good now. Right now I'm in

the sweet spot. The girls just went back to school so they're like all of a sudden all the anxiety that they've had, all the depression they've had because it's been fucking really hard on them. It was very hard on the kids. It was hard on my daughter. Last June she was a different fucking

kid. Yeah. And it ate me alive because I couldn't help her. Nothing bothers you more than when you see your kids are having a hard time and you can't help them. There was no play dates no no there was a homeless was starting to go to that park that we used me you know the parade we used to do and end up at the park there there's homeless now over there like there's little gaps over there and uh you know parents wouldn't so we were with mercy from nine in the morning

we would go to that church on co on cofax and uh whatever the fuck there's like a church with the parking lot we would go there play basketball we would just looking in search of parking lots yeah it was it was just fucking insert your parking lots every day yeah riding her bike then we started having played dates towards the end but the damage have been done when we got to jersey the first couple weeks we were staying in corporate housing and we had a pool and she was great and then we started we moved in and she started uh meeting the kids from the neighbor and then my brother's wife died and they had like a little celebration from right when i got here. It was horrible.

And we all had to go there. And there was like 30 fucking kids. And we're all outside. It was cool. We were outside. We all had mask on. And I gave half my family those edibles, those capsules. And they were fucked up. Two of my brothers

had to disappear and go sleep in the car. But she had like a little anxiety attack because she hadn't been around so many people. Like she was playing with nine or ten kids. That had been the first time in seven months that she had played with nine or ten kids. We were like, where's mercy?

And we went looking for her. She was two houses down in the backyard just with a head and her hand, crying. Because she's like, I can't take the kids. They're moving too quick. I'm not used to this. And that's when I was like, thank God we got out of L.A. Because she was just, she was falling apart, to be honest with you. My wife was.

Ila had a rough run of it at the beginning because she just, she was like, yo this is what i like i'm not leaving my room and then she got she started saying to me i'm really covid conscious so i don't like i don't want to be around anyone like i don't i'm good and we were like yo you got to get outside she was like no i don't because georgia was riding bikes with friends and going like going on socially distant like hang out at the park she'd go on bike rides and ila didn't do shit and last yesterday they went back to school for i mean even taking i took ila to school for the first time she had like an orientation like two weeks ago And she was a mess, Joey, like just a mess.

Like she hadn't been around people before. And then yesterday they went and she came home. She's like, I made six friends today. And we were like, really? And she's like, yeah. She's like, dad, that was awesome. And I was like, really? And then Georgia comes in and she goes, I forgot I was kind of popular.

And I was like, I was like, really? And she was like, I have like a lot of friends. I haven't talked to anybody. And I'm just like, they're there today. And then they start spring break tomorrow. So what the. fuck is that two days and then spring break we just been on a fucking year break

what fucking spring fucking break well they did the same thing here they took all fucking Chinese holidays and Jewish holidays forget the fucking holiday no holidays yeah no now we've been out of school for a fucking year and you want to celebrate the year of the tiger

not not this fucking year forget about this everybody gets a pass this year Martin Luther King what the fuck we're on spring break this week but they're They've been back in school. You know, school started here four days a week with no hitch. They were dying to close it.

They were dying, anything. And they closed it two days before Thanksgiving. And let me tell you something. These fucking parents went fucking ballistic. Do you understand me? If you think they were going to lay down like those pussies where we lived in Kofax? No. These parents attacked the superintendent.

They fucking did a background check on him. They knew he was negotiating this contract. They brought it up at the Board of Ed meetings. And guess what? My daughter's in fucking school. Next week, five days a week, it starts. Well, that's what's crazy. It's like, L.A. follows all these rules.

And then you look at Florida, who's been raw dogging it the entire time. And their COVID cases are the same as ours. And we're the highest in the country right now. New Jersey is the number one for fucking COVID. it right now. And you know what they're doing? It's the restaurants. It's the fucking restaurants that are fucking putting in, you know, 90,000 people in there. You go to a restaurant on Friday and Saturday in New Jersey. It's an hour fucking wait. During the week, there's nobody in them. So if I take my wife out, it's during a week, if I go to dinner with a friend

that's during the week, Friday and Saturday, fuck you. They got you three feet next to the next fucking guy coughing and sneezes. So no. For real. Yeah, and they're not rolling out the vaccines how they say they're doing them. I don't know what the, you don't know. I'm what am I Fauci? All I know is what you read. I don't watch the news.

I don't believe what fucking they come on. You know, last time my wife turned on the news, I was at the computer. And the fucking opening line was that Queens and fucking Brooklyn had a transmission rate of 4.5 something. and Queens's was 4. Something. And New York City's was 2.7. And then they go, oh, the next story is a good one. New York is opening 75% capacity. So wait a second.

How the fuck are you opening? You just told me right now, the fucking numbers are the worst. So you don't, me and my wife looked at each other. Like, did you hear that? One minute they're telling you that the numbers are the worst. And the next minute, they're telling you that opening up the restaurants are 75%. You know what? I'm going to mind my business.

I didn't want to get the vaccine. I think I'm going to have to get it. Like just the Johnson and Johnson. I'm in New Jersey. Johnson & Johnson is made in New Jersey. Do you know nobody's got it in New Jersey? For real? Yeah, I can't get it Johnson and Johnson in New Jersey.

It's not the one to get. Johnson Johnson's the one to get, huh? It's a one-shot deal, and you get 80% I think, fucking, you know, from the whatever. But it's 99.95% that you're going to live. So, you know, you just want to get it if you have. existing whatever. I don't want to keep getting these calls, Bert. I don't want to do something, have a good time,

and then two days later get a call that the waitress had COVID. And now I've got to go take a fucking test. And now I already have plans with Mike to go to dinner and his family. And I got to fucking sit there and tell him, Mike, I had COVID. So sit on the other side of the table. We got to talk with a can and a string in between because I got fucking, I got fucking COVID. You know, I got to get, that's what you got to do. That's the only way you're not going to get COVID is if you get a can with a fucking

string and talk to your guy 10 fucking feet away. One day they tell you socially distance is three feet. The next day they tell you it's six feet. You don't know who to fucking believe anymore. Dude, I'm just, you know, I, not that I'm not worried about me getting it and me getting sick, you know, I'm overweight. If I don't, I don't smoke, I run. I think my lungs are healthy and I don't get super sick when I do get sick.

Like it, I've never got pneumonia. I had, I had swine flu. once, that H1N1. I had that. That was the worst I've ever been in my entire life. But I kind of was like, it's not me that I'm concerned about because I figure I can get through it. I've been sick before I can do it. It's Leanne.

I'm worried about Leanne because when Leanne gets sick, she gets fucking sick. Like, Leanne is like a bull. But if she gets sick, that woman shuts down. And I was like, and that's who I was, that's like my big concern is, you know, you'd go on the road. You'd be on the road doing it like a two-week tour. and I'd get a call going, mom's sick. And you're like, fuck. That's when I was like, to Tarleanne, I was like,

we got to get you vaccinated fucking immediately. Like, you're just not. Did you get it vaccinated? Yeah, Leanne's got, Leanne got her first shot. Terry got a second shot. Oh, yeah? Yeah, and she's feeling a little shitty.

She's better today. She got it Saturday. I don't think, I don't know when Leanne gets her. She just got her first shot. I don't know when she gets her second shot. She did the, she's, she's a savage. Like, I get anxiety about it, Joey.

I get anxiety about, like, getting in line and trying to get the extra shot and fall that shit. I just kind of like, I don't know. I don't know. Are you going to get the shot? I'm just going to register a Republican. I register felon. So I'm even worse.

But are you going to get the shot? I got an appointment with my doctor in like a week. I'm going to see what I can do. I mean, you're going away, right? You're going away for three months overseas. they're going to probably make you get one anyway. I think so. For the crew, it's a lot easier if you get it

so they don't shut down your production, you know. Are you excited about shooting this movie? Is it something you want to talk about it? I haven't talked about it. No one knows what it is. So don't tell anyone what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I'm really excited. It's going to be a fucking blast. Everyone thinks I'm going to rehab. Really? Is that what you're telling people? I'm telling everyone I'm going to rehab. But you've toned down you're drinking a little. You look great, Bert.

I feel great, Joey. You know, I like to have, I love to have a glass of wine with Leanne when we start making dinner. I love to have, like, we're doing a podcast in the new studio. I love to have a glass of bottle of wine, share a bottle of wine with someone. It makes a conversation flow a little better. What I'm not doing is, which I was a big, I was very guilty of is, you know, have that bottle of wine and then open a second bottle of wine or have a cocktail or have a beer or have three beers and watch TV. I just don't do that.

So like what I do is, last night's perfect example. I did a podcast with Chris DeStefno. We opened a bottle of rosé, had a bottle of rosé, head home. I got a ride home. And then Leanne and I opened a bottle. So I had like me and Chris and Don, Don, what's his name? Chris DePetta, Jesus Christ. Don DePetta, fuck, I'm an idiot.

We split a bottle of rosé and then I had a bottle of wine with Leanne and we split that. And so I had like probably around a bottle of wine. And then I just go over to the, uh, the recliner and I just start murdering waters. And I just drink as much water as I can. That's good water from my girlfriend and Nebraska. Yeah, it's great. I love this. In the back, I love it.

I love it. So I just murder water and then go to bed. No day drinking. And it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't, it helps out that I'm working out as much as I am. So I'm like, I don't want to get fucked up, you know, because I got to, I'm run in the morning, I run five miles in the morning and then I'm working out with a trainer in the afternoon. No day drinking? No, I haven't. No, no, no, no. I take that back. I did it Saturday.

One day a week. Yeah. It's not. Listen, it's six days that kills you. Yeah, yes. Saturday a little day drinking ain't going to kill nobody. It's Saturday. Saturday we do this. Saturday we do this workout with our girls and our trainer and like some friends will come like the hay slips, Sandy will come over and we'll do this like kind of family workout and then and then it ends around four and that's we opened a bottle of tequila for the rocks tequila and we did polar plunges what did you think about three minute polar plungees i love it what did you think about ron white quit and quitting ron white quit drinking ron white quit drinking ron white quit drinking by so much what the are you serious listen during this pandemic people are going to look within like even

you did you cut you drinking by 70 percent it sounds oh it's i've cut my drinking by so much but I cut my reed intake by 70%. You know. It's crazy that people just went up, that some people just started drinking more. That's the truth. A lot of people are going to go to rehab. A lot of people are fucking eating pills like they're going out of style.

Listen, when this thing started, I had 12 years. You know how they send you every 90 days? You get your prescriptions from Express scripts. When you're SAG, you get prescriptions sent to you every 90 days. Whether you need them or not, They just send them to you.

So they were sending me those little footballs. Yeah. You know how many times I took those? Like in the 12 years they sent them to me, I would take them on the road in case I couldn't sleep. Shit like that. I never really had that anxiety that I started getting. I would get anxiety once in a while.

You go to the store. You got to follow somebody. You get a little bit of anxiety. But no. The day they announced this thing and what happened, I started eating those fucking pills between the pills, the edibles, the reefer. I was going to, I was just passing out in the living room, you know.

So when, before I moved, I started tapering off the fucking pills, the anxiety medication. I got here, I went to a doctor, they gave me a different anxiety medication. I said, go fuck yourself. That's the one people are killing themselves, that other shit.

I just said, I'm just going to go raw dog it, breathe it out. work out and don't think about it. And the more I talk to people, I would go to lunch with Rich Foss. I would go to lunch with Jimmy Florentine. And then I would talk to you guys on the phone and see how you're doing. You, Theo, Joe, Eddie, this one, that one.

And through time, my anxiety started to lower, you know. Once I started doing comedy, my anxiety went up because the guilt kicked in. What if I'm here being stupid? I'm not even writing new material. I got no new material. I mean, up here wearing these people out, what if one person comes in here with COVID?

Do I need this in my life? And then somebody came through with COVID twice. They closed for a week. You know, I got replacement knee surgery. So it's fine. I'm done with the PT. I went through it. I'm off the pain pills.

But I ripped my IT muscle just a little bit. So they had to go in and just repair it just so it heals right and shit. I can't. My leg feels like a hard dick. you know when your dick is hard that's how my knee around it just feels fucking harder than fuck so until everything goes down i get vaccinated then we'll talk about comedy for right now i'm gonna focus on the podcasting my daughter's soft wall she got a green belt in jiu jitsu she's a little savage we just joined the swim club we're gonna i'm gonna take it to a different beach every wednesday

you know new jersey's got 18 fucking beaches oh yeah jersey so every every fucking wednesday day we're going to a different fucking beach we're going to eat breakfast here but eat lunch and dinner down the beach oh and i'm gonna we did that we took that's the best that's the best is the little trips one morning you know ila cannot wake up in the mornings and one morning ila one night it's like 10 o'clock at night and ila says it had just rained really hard she goes hey can we go up to mount baldy and see snow tomorrow morning and i was like yeah but if you if we do that because we had stuff going on during the day i said if we do that we got to get up it like like four in the morning.

Get up there at 6 a.m. so the sun's coming up. We'll go see snow and then we'll just hang out for like 30 minutes an hour and then we got to drive home because we had to do shit at 10 and she's like, I'll be up. Joey, I had so much fun with the girls in the car at 4 in the morning. Ila was like a jabber job.

She had a rock star energy drink and she had never had one and she's just next to me like she's on Coke and we're going to buy concert tickets. She's like, this is going to be the greatest day ever. Like just going off. We had so much fun And then the girls would get rally. They'd be like, dad, socially distant, because I was really strict about it. They're like, social distant.

Let's go to the beach, watch the sunset. And I was like, fuck it, let's go. And so we'd all get in the car. Leanne never went with us. Leanne always like, you guys go. Get in the car, go down to the beach, have a fucking blast, drive home. Dude, I've got to be honest with you, Joey. You know how much I've been gone in my career.

Like, I'm a road guy. Like, I go on the road. I'm cool with it. I get that's my job that's what I do but man being able to spend time with the girls at this age when this was the last year they were going to be gone out the fucking door

this is it man just one extra year just one year I got one year to spend with them and it wasn't even the whole year but God it feels like it every night at 8 o'clock I sit there we meet upstairs about 10 to 8 we watch Jesse bunked and big city greens and I sit there and I ask myself

When do I put a gun in my fucking mouth? And then I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The problem is what normal people do. Yeah. We haven't been normal for 29 years. I haven't acted normal. I didn't go to a wedding. I didn't do a thousand things I was supposed to do in the name of fucking comedy.

And now I sit there every night from 8th, from 745 to 9.30 watching Disney Channel, ready to blow my fucking brain. out but I go you know what in four years I'm not gonna have this she's gonna be want she's not gonna want to hang out with me she's gonna want to watch TV by herself she's gonna be 12 13 so for me this and for guys like you this was a blessing in disguise there was a fucking yes silver cloud to this because we got to spend time with the people who needed us the most how many times did we fucking book a date and then your wife tells you that on that date there's something for the kids and you do it and you feel like

a fucking jerk off. That's what people don't understand. We sacrificed, you know, you're in your hotel room on a Saturday, recovering from a hangover, and you call home to checking with your wife and the girls are having a great time, their friends are around, and here you are in some fucking bump-fuck town and some hotel room going, you know what, man, where I belong is there. This is my job, but this is where I belong, you know? So it's kind of like you're a walking contradiction. And that's what it started to become for me. I was a walking contradiction. I'd actually look at the calendar and go, all right, that week, I can't go out. You know how many times I booked the fucking week of, what's that shit they do at

Kofax? The war, the world. Fair. Worldfare. I was gone like two out of the fucking four. You know, it just wasn't fair to them. So for me, fuck it. I'm going to take some time off.

I'm going to hang with the fucking girls. I'm going to podcast my balls off. And I'm going to have a good time. You know what? The money, who gives a fuck about it? Who gives a fuck about it? You can't replace what we're doing right now. You can't put a dollar sign on what we're doing right now,

which is spending time with our girls. In a year, maybe in 2022, I'll feel a lot better, and I'll start hitting that road like a la Bert Kreischer to they put me in a fucking casket. But for right now, I don't want to go fistfight nobody for half capacity and 10 people might have COVID. Look what happened in Boulder last week. That could happen anywhere.

That can happen anywhere. You know, somebody walks into a comedy club with a fucking gun and a fucking anxiety pill in their fucking head. And all of a sudden, two people get shot. So you know what? I'm going to mind my business. I'm going to get healthy. Yeah. I'm going to get my family healthy.

Not that they're not fucking great. I mean, my wife has friends that just care about her. You know, everybody that we were meeting always, can you run a script by your husband? Oh, here we go. We don't have that here. Nobody talks about you about Instagram. Nobody talks about a script they want to do, a short film. That shit sailed, you know?

But I do miss you, motherfuckers, with all my heart. What are you going to do while you're in a way? How are you going to do two bears in a cave? So we backlogged a bunch of them, but Tom's just going to have guest hosts. And then, you know, I'm going to guest host some so that we can just have a bunch of the bank. And then Bill Burt and I, Bill and I just do our social. on on uh zoom anyway zoom anyways and i i don't think we'll ever go back to not doing zoom because it's so easy for both of us you know he's got two babies and i'm on the road and bills you

know bill when bill does the road he kind of shuts down he's not like a multitask kind of guy he's like focused on the road and so i'm on the road i can do it i i'm fucking work up until the show and then um but yeah and then and i backlogged a bunch of burqas we got a new studio and uh And I think I'm just going to, I think I'll probably, I think this year probably saved my life. I'll probably tap off of booze during that time away. And then for the other thing, too, I think I'll be off of booze for that. Although one of the guys that I were doing it with is a big weed guy. So maybe I don't know.

I don't know. But I don't, man, part of me is like, I look, you know, I also had that instance where I watched Tommy break his knee and break his arm. And that fucked me up. Like little things, Joey, like me and you are sensitive to little things. Like little things will flip us where we're like, God damn it. And the thing that fucked me up, Joey, was that they walked in. You know, Tommy's in the most pain I've ever seen him in his entire life. And the nurse comes in and she goes, I'm going to take your blood pressure.

Do you drink? And he was like, no. She's like, do you smoke? And he's like, no. He's like, do you use drugs? And he was like, edibles to sleep. And all I thought, Joey, is that if this was me, my blood pressure would be up my I drink all the time I don't know what pills you can put me on I was drinking when we did it I don't like all that shit I just was like fuck man I gotta get I gotta get like legit healthy like lower my blood pressure get in shape I'm we were playing basketball I was like 257 the fattest I've ever been 257 I look like I'm pregnant and it should have been me that got hurt you know I look at Tommy he's in good shape he's 235 at the time and then he's the one that got hurt and I had to take him

I had to take him, I had to get him out of his car into the downstairs. I had to get him comfortable on a sofa. We had to set up a sofa before he got to us. I had to show up the next morning with a wheelchair and a walker and get him off that sofa into a wheelchair, into a medical transport, and then drive with him in a medical transport in a fucking pandemic. Go to an orthopedist, then go from the orthopedist to the doctor at Cedar Sinai, get him checked into the emergency room

I spent the fucking five hours with him in the emergency room I mean it was like it was such an event that it made me realize how fragile life is and like if you're not prepared for the worst to happen physically then you're fucked you're fucked

and I just was like I have no muscle I don't lift I don't lift weights I run but I'm but my running is like I drink a bottle of wine on the treadmill you know like I'm not I'm just making sure I enjoy it. And I just, I woke up the next day, I called Joe. I apologize to Joe. I was like, Joe, you always told me to watch out for my knees. I didn't know what that meant. And he started laughing. He goes, what do you mean? I go, I just thought you didn't know how knees worked. Like, I thought you were

like, how the fuck was I going to hurt my knee? And then I go, Tommy blew out his knee. I didn't understand. You knew what you were talking about you were talking about? Joe's told me so much shit where I just blew him off where I was like, what's you talking about lifting weights? Why do I need to lift fucking weights? What's a kettlebell swing going to do for me? I'm going to get on the treadmill. Open a box of a line. Have a good time. I'm fine. I'm fine.

And I was like, I was like, I changed everything. I got a trainer immediately. Got fucking started running aggressively on the treadmill and running outdoors. And, and it's like, I mean, I'm talking like legit, like workout for 55 minutes lifting weights. I've got, today at like 2 o'clock my time, I go, I'm with my trainer. We'll work out for an hour. And then I'm going to do recovery, ice bath, do a sauna, do a podcast at, with Chris Porter, have a couple glasses of wine, roll home, murder some water, sleep good,

read a book, and fucking, and I'm telling you, Joey, I really think, I think when I look at this year, so many weird things happened and lined up, and I witnessed, you know, whether it's being on the road and seeing the way people behave during a pandemic, or going into the small comedy clubs and getting scared, and then adjusting my behavior, or whether it's being home for the first three months and not touching booze or drugs and just going like, I'm going to be clean. I'm going to be healthy. And or if it's just like, hey, not every night has to be me chasing spots at the club.

Maybe at night when your girls are home, you got a chance to go, hey, let's watch, let's watch like a series together. Let's all get into a series and watch all that series. And we'll watch two episodes a night. Like little changes like that, Joey. That's what I did. We all had to do it. Yeah.

We all had to adjust. I started playing the guitar. My man Mike gave me a fucking guitar. I've taken five lessons already. I find myself practicing. I started with 10 minutes. Now I'm up to 45 minutes last night. I turned the TV off at night.

Once my Terry goes to bed, I turn the TV off. That's it. I've already seen everything. What new fucking show? I can't sit there and focus on a new show. I can't even comprehend it. So let me just practice the fucking guitar. I'm up to my second song.

I'm playing. I'm learning. You know? So it's like This was a blessing in disguise We all needed to get off We were on a ferris wheel That we couldn't get off

No, there was no hopping off There was no I mean I set my tour This is my year went like this We did the cabin in whatever January But that Or no no we shot the cabin in November Didn't we?

I don't know I thought it was January Oh no no we shot it in January We shot it in January Shot it in January And I was like It was like All right

You shoot a special in November. You're going to work every week in December to write a new hour because you're shooting the cabin in January. You start your tour at the end of January. And then you go from January to June. And then we're going to take a couple months off to maybe do something. And then you're going back on the road. I mean, it was like, you're right. When you talk about a ferris wheel, it was a ferris wheel.

It was a ferris wheel. It was going fast as fuck. Faster than fuck. Faster. And I didn't realize it until after I got off it, three months, four months, five months. Now we've been off it for a year. And you go, what the fuck was that? What the fuck was I living?

What the fuck was I doing? And it was all fine. You know, we were great. It was a great fucking time. The store was great. I mean, but. Dude. It's almost like we got a little period.

You know, I'm not saying, like, look, things change. Things change and things changed. You know, that period of life I got to live where it was all of us in L.A. We were all starting podcasts. we were all loving doing podcasts just going in getting high getting drunk talking reckless just making each other laugh fucking as hard as we could and getting those people that found that because we've started it and people found it at the same time and you'd go in and do fucking the ice house chronicles where it was all of us just tag team and doing spots and getting fucking wasted having so much

fun and then going to the store and like the lineups just being like the most insane line that you've ever seen in your entire life that is that is a slice in comedy and i hate to say things have changed but they have you know i think it's changed for change for the better for a lot of things i think it'll be fun to go down like me and you were talking about going down to austin and getting to experience that world that's going to be fun spending a week there september i will meet you in austin i'm going to do uh jr I think hopefully, hopefully with

the creator of the Sopranos, David Chase, to promote the movie that comes out September 24th, so that's what I'm hoping. So I love to see you down there. I'd love to see you when you come back from wherever the fuck you're going. I got, I'm going to be going, once everything opens up, I'm going to be

traveling a lot and go and go out to New York and spend time in New York, you know? Like, and go, all right, I want to, I want to see Big Jay. I want to, I want to, I want to spend some time in the city doing spots i want to go out and see you and terry and mercy i want to i'm gonna you know go out to where all you guys are have dinner with everyone like voss and florentine and you and like go do like i really want to because i think you know go to austin and stay there for like i was telling joe i was like you know i'm i'm gonna be there for a week every month

to do two bears one cave and i go i plan on being a regular at at in austin and it could be you know, and being a regular in L.A. and just looking at things. And the way that things work now with Zoom, you can live wherever the fuck you want. If you want to travel. Yeah. If you want to travel, you can travel. Bird, I, I miss you. I miss your family. I miss you so much, man. I don't know what you're going to do once Tom leaves. That's your other support half over there. It's just me and Whitney. You and Whitney. We had, and Bert and Bill. You know, Bill's not going nowhere, you know. Sebastian. Sebastian still stays.

Has anybody talked to him? Yeah, I did. He's doing a podcast. We're doing a podcast in a week. I just did one of his shows with him. He's great. I mean, it's a small group that's staying out here. But I think you got, you know, you guys will come out for, you know, for at times to shoot stuff and do stuff. And maybe the story is.

I'm going to let this blow over. I'm going to fall in love with stand up again. Yeah. And then. we'll see each other, but if not, just plan on September and Austin for sure. September and Austin. Let's make it a date. Date.

It's done. I love you. I love you, Joey. I'm happy you took the time today to do this because I was just dying to see. I was telling people that, you know, we talk. That's great. You talk on the phone, you say hello, but to see somebody and to see them a year later and to see how we've progressed and that we're still here and that our podcast is still

good and we're trying, it's just fucking great. bird i miss you i'm gonna miss you when you're away if you could text me from time to time and just say what's happening motherfucker i don't think i could i don't think my text will reach half around the world but uh just keep me posted say hello everybody and keep loving those girls because i know i think that's what happened here also our house got so much stronger there were two things that were going to happen for guys like you and me either we were going to divorce leanne or terry or I love is when it gets stronger. Either they realize how much of a loser we were

when we were around full time because you and I would type of guys that we're around full time. We're big. You know what I'm saying? There's booze. There's Riefer. There's smoke coming out of the fucking rooms.

And what's the story on Netflix? They renewing your show? What have you heard? I don't know. I don't know. I'm kind of just playing it by ear. I got so much other shit going on. I'm like, I want to, I love working for Netflix.

man. Netflix was the greatest goddamn partner that I've ever had during this pandemic. That was a great fucking show, a special in the cabin both come out during a pandemic and everyone's got Netflix. I could not thank those group of people enough for the opportunities they've given me. I will do whatever they want to do in the future. I will do it for whatever they want to pay me. I don't give a fuck. They fucking, I had so many people come up to me and compliment me on the cabin.

Oh, dude, you murdered the cabin. Because I forgot all about it. That's how fucked up. The pandemic took me all away from it. Then I saw a trailer for it. And I'm like, fuck, they cut me from the fucking,

from the- It killed. It did. It was like the number one, unscripted series on Netflix for like a few weeks. Like, it was like trending. It was trending.

You're like, when you, if you can get trending, that's fucking, that's big numbers. And it, it murdered. It was,

I got a call from Netflix right when it, right when it's dropped. And they were like, they were like, enjoy your. success. Enjoy your smash hit. And I went, holy shit. Now I knew what an emu is. I never knew what an emu was

before. Before himu was, before canceled culture was big. We did everything. You were telling us, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I don't want to be in this shot. I just, my daughter, you know, she's getting older. So she's throwing away, she's getting rid of some toys in the garage when I

pulled in today. You know, I knew I was going to this talk to you today, But for some reason, I looked at, you know, she's got her Barbie dollhouses downstairs. And she goes, I'm going to get rid of them, Dad. And today I looked at him and I thought about the night Ralphie fell on your dollhouses. If I don't think about that once a week, I'm lying to you, Doug. I think about, I wish I had video of that. I wish I was doing video on the podcast because my favorite was me and you.

Ralphie's sitting right there. You're sitting right there. I'm sitting right there. And you're telling me a story. And Ralphie falls asleep. And you don't stop telling the story. You just look at me, raise your eyes, point to him and go, and you just keep telling your story.

And we can hear him going. And he kept saying, play, this vapor's too strong. He kept in the vapor pen. He kept saying, player, this vapor is too strong. But when he fell in the dollhouse, I remember you and I wanted to laugh and we couldn't. And I remember he had me outside and I could not fucking laugh in his face. I got to go. When I got in that car, I just broke down.

I remember I went around the corner. I passed the Starbucks, and I had to pull over off the Laurel Canyon and laugh and call you, and you were still laughing. So every week you're in my thoughts when I think of Ralphie falling into that fucking dollhouse. I love you, cocksucker. Thank you very much for coming on today. My best to your family. And we'll talk when you get back, but I'll see you in Austin in September.

Awesome, Joey. Send the girls my love. I'll talk to you later, brother. Love you, brother. Stay black. Love you, too. All right, I hope you enjoyed it. As you can tell, love is still there between us. Nothing ever ended. I wish him all the best.

I love that you guys love him. I love that he became Burke Kreischer. I love that he's the fucking party animal that he is. And you guys saw what I saw when I looked at that. Thank you very much for watching. Thank you very much for your support. Thank you to support on Patreon and all across the board. Listen, when it comes to this podcast, it's all I'm doing right now.

So I'm going to give you 100% of my heart into it, all right? Thank you very much for watching. And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors. All right, I want to thank you guys for listening. And on a Wednesday morning, Bert was great. You could tell by a conversation that we really dig each other. I still miss them. I miss them as fuck.

I'm going to miss him when he leaves for fucking three months. Who am I going to call? Who am I going to bother? Ghostbusters. But I'm happy you guys got to see him, and I'm happy we got to do the podcast. But before we go, real quick, I got to mention a few things to you.

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I want to thank fucking, I want to thank so many fucking people, Blue Choup. I want to thank everybody. Thank you for hanging. Thank you for watching. And have a great weekend. I'll see you, motherfuckers, Monday.

Tip Top McGoo with another podcast. Thank you for supporting the fucking joint and Patreon, everything else you do. Love you, motherfucker. is.