The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 06/17/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #89

Episode Date: June 18, 2013

Matt "The Immortal" Brown calls in to talk about his battles with substance abuse and how he got to where he is now. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is also brought to you by Hulu Plus. Visit huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Streamed live on 06/17/2013

This episode is brought to you by Hulu Plus. With Hulu Plus, you get total control to watch thousands of shows wherever you want and whenever you want. Binge on full seasons and watch your favorite current shows like Community, South Park, S&L, and more. Right now, our listeners get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus by going to Huluplus.com slash Joey. That's Huluplus.com slash Joey. And it doesn't matter if it's uppercase or lowercase now, guys. So get ready to Brock. You believe this shit?

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh, motherfucking shit. It's Monday, motherfuckers. Get up. It's a beautiful day to be alive. God gave you another day. Open your eyes.

Look around and go, God damn! It feels good to be a motherfucking gangster. Gonna get up. I'm going to wash my balls. I'm going to cut my fingernails and put some shiny polish on it to top of them up. So if I finger bang somebody, I finger-bang him with authority.

Are you saying you get manicures? I don't get manicures? You put your nose? Shut the fuck I'm dropping knowledge on these motherfuckers early on to let them know what type of day it is here today. We got ACDC going back to 70- fucking nine. Highwood-the-Hale, one of the greatest stories, albums of all time. Hit it leave.

Oh, shit. Break out the reefer. Kill the bitch next door. We're getting down, motherfucker. This is a church. Hit itly. Are you? kidding me or what?

That's Bond Scott right there. You understand me? He was like 90. The rest of the band was like 20. This motherfucker you can kill them musically. I'm too fucking excited. How are you guys doing? It's kind of hard to sound tough when you're like paint your nails, motherfucker.

I'm painting nails. You put that clear stuff on it and it's strengthening. So when you're fucking, you can take a bullet or knife to the fingernail. You can fucking poke somebody in the eye. You got to cut your cuticles. You got to fucking fire your little fucking thing so your hands look nice though you know what I'm saying you have fucking look nice my feet are fucked up I got that fucking turtle shell up my big toe that fungi toe got a cut it with a fucking bulk cutter what's that what's a turtle shell

I got hitting a toe with a dumbbell 20 fucking years ago okay and it's green and it's never gone away and I got to cut it it it grows downward like a dinosaur's a fucking nightmare I got to put a tape on when I go to kickboxing it's embarrassing booze and it's a asshole and the dick that matters. Wash them fucking things. It's going to be 2000 today. You're going to be walking around. Shit's bouncing.

The maple syrup's coming out of their sides. What's today's date? The 17th? Sure. Let's go with that. No, it's a 17th. You know, let people know it's a beautiful dead of a lot.

Get up, wash your pussies. Wash your dick. There for reals out there. I hope you had a great weekend. Hope you had a happy Father's Day. I had an all right Father's Day. I lost a fucking cat. Wednesday.

Yeah, you were saying that. It breaks my fucking heart And it was one of your like I like all your cats But like She like all of them kind of play And gray was kind of like She kind of just sat there

And like kind of watched and like slept And she was like she's like Me and kind of like you just kind of Sets back kind of like watches Gray's a fucking dirty bitch Don't believe it Gray likes to Gray would hide outside of the

We have a we have a We have a whatever A cat litter box in the In the fireplace with a curtain So nobody could see him And gray would hide outside the curtain And attack cats when they stop shit.

Oh, really? So when they come out, she chased them. Can you imagine somebody chasing out of your bathroom? Your ass is just going back to form. You know what I'm saying? Like, he just took a shit. You just get your clothes on, you wash your hands. You open your bathroom door, and there's somebody there to chase you.

So that's what she would do. But what happened was, I got her, like two years ago, the lady downstairs gave her to me. She was an outdoor cat. For the first six months, she would fuck around by the door. She stopped one day. She goes, where am I going to go? I'm meeting like a fucking soldier.

I get shrimp, I get treats I get fucking catnip, he brushes me She was the one, the reason why I'm really missing Grace because she's the one that slept With me at night Yeah And she slept in the chair across from me And as soon as I fucking turn

You can hear Yeah And she'd jump over and make me rub her And her tail would get hard And I'd scratch her back Then she'd drop and roll her on her back And then when I'd scratch her stomach She'd bite my hand

And take the fuck off You know what I'm saying Like she would attack my hand I would watch her with my sleep at me a mess What she would do to my hand and she would watch it, and she would jump on it and try to pound it. So the other night,

I don't know what the fuck's going on. I hear all this, well, first of all, we got to backtrack the Tuesday night. I went out to do comedy Tuesday night. I come back, and I got two fucking transvestites that live across the street.

They're not, like, committed. Like, in the daytime, they're men, but at night they put a wig on, so that makes him a chick. So in the daytime, he's Big Mike, and at night he's Monica. Have you seen this? No way.

Yeah, dog. They live right across the street. No, I know that. I never heard the Big Mike and then Monica. Yeah, he's Big Mike. in the daytime at night she's fucking Monica so I come home to you and the boyfriend is worthless

he's fucking worthless at least Monica has a car and has a job and does shit or had a job at Target and they fired it because they found that she was Big Mike you know whatever the fuck happened it's not my business but I can't believe Big Mike doesn't get the right kind of guy huh

can't believe Big Mike doesn't attract the right kind of man no all the guys are stiff he's the blonde okay so every time he changes it's a disguise I don't fucking gay. I don't mind if you're gay. I don't mind if you want to dress up, but commit. They're like under construction. They're always knocking my door, selling printers. They try to sell me a fucking camera. They're really creepy, motherfuck. The gay guys are always like on top of it. They're always on top of shit. They go to the gym. These two are fucking two fucking

lops. That's what they are. Two fucking muds, momos. What's a lob? A lop. A fucking guy that sits around all fucking day, like a mook and he gets fat-heavy in here. D- dun-d-d-d-d-dun-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's what's what. you hear when they walk. That's the fucking song you hear. You know, did you see about the dinas? What the fuck are you talking about dinosaurs? It's 2013, get out of the fucking house. The one guy comes anywhere. I get home and he's at a flashlight. Fucking 10 o'clock at night. They're out there with flashlights. These two gay guys don't have

fucking jobs, but they're out there looking for a skunk. Like a skunk family, like a baby fucking skunk family. So I just walked past him. And I had those two morons. I had two morons, three, four down. The guy that's a writer. that looks like Fester and his fucking creepy wife. They were down there walking fucking past, and they're all out there looking for the skunk family. Really? Fucking a skunk family?

To put them in a box that said eggs on it. Didn't even have a vet on it, a cage with a piece of cheese. Had fucking eggs on it. I don't say nothing. I go upstairs on my fucking business. The next night I'm ready to get to fucking Salt Lake City, which I'll talk about later. Tremendous, those people, those people fucking crazy.

And I hear this commotion outside. So I go to my dawn. from the landlord about some shit. I read that and that's when she got out. Right there, it was when she got out. And you're usually good about it closed it over there. Really fucking good. And that's what I don't understand. So I went back

to the computer. I was doing some writing. I said, fuck it. I got to go anyway and get gas and get some more weed and a Cheebo Chew for the flight. Yeah. I go to the gas station. I go. I get the Cheebo chew. As I'm walking out of the door, Monaco, aka Big Mike, is walking up my stairs

And he goes, your cat just went off the fucking off the stairs. And I go, what cat? No, I don't have a cat here. And I go, what are you guys doing? And they're out there. They got the skunk fucking corn. I go, listen. So I go out there and I look at this, and I go back inside, disgust it.

When I come back out, eight minutes later, they're still fucking out there. And I go, listen, do me a favor. They left a box. They left a box. And when the skunk came out of the fucking bushes, he was going to go on to that box. Now, guess who's going to walk into that fucking box is four in the morn and stone to the gills? Moire. So I looked at both of those fucking homoomero.

sapiens. I said, listen, get the fucking box and move it, all right? You guys can't leave that shit there, because I'm going to get sprayed in the morning. I'm going to be fucking pissed. Take the fucking box out of there. So, they take the fucking box. I go back to sleep, whatever the fuck happens. I get up at 4 in the morning, and right there is when I noticed that Gray was gone. Because she didn't come

in the bed with me. Jeez. So I jump in the shower, I run out, I go, Greg, Greg, Greg. No, Gray, I gave him treats. Gray always comes out for treats. She was gone. So, listen, that was Wednesday night. She disappeared. time for three days when she lived downstairs. The way

she left, Gray loved me, and I love Gray. Do you know what I'm saying? She liked the house. She was outside for six years, fighting for a fucking life. She got attacked by a raccoon or something. They made her go in, they stitched her up, and for her to go back out again, I don't understand what

happened. So in my heart, I know she's not coming back. I don't think she was just hanging out outside and didn't expect you to close the door? Fucking five days, Lee. So you're telling me, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night, she's been gone. That's five nights. She ain't coming back to that fucking cat.

That's sad. I like Greg. I don't fuck do you think I feel. No, yeah, exactly. How do you think I feel? I got high yesterday. And I went to the car. I was taking my daughter swimming.

I took the baby swimming with goggles on. She was like a fucking flying German. I come downstairs yesterday afternoon with the fucking... With a diaper bag and whatever shit you got to take to a pool. And my wife came down, and the two fucking transvestites were outside, checking out garbage that somebody else put out there, like racks and shit like that. Yeah. And if I would have had any balls, I would have hit them with the fucking car.

But I didn't. I didn't say nothing. I said, hello. But as I pulled away, I got so mad. The old Joe Diaz, it just, I got started to get madder and madder and madder and mad that I didn't run them over with the fucking car. Jesus? That's at what? You know, I remember when I was 16, I did what.

fuck I did and I didn't give a fuck there was no repercussions so I could do crazy shit and not give a fuck but I did what I wanted to do and I wouldn't have to leave and get a headache later on it's when I don't say something it kills you don't say something and I live in hell because if I say something I'm a scumbag

and if I don't say something I live in fucking hell and I can only live in hell for a little while before I fucking go crazy like it just it just goes off yeah and I'm 50 years old that's never changed. But over the years, I've taken it all in longer. Like the situation I had before with the thing with the fucking podcast,

you know, when I wake up on Friday morning and 6 o'clock, it's a beautiful day to be alive. That podcast ain't up. My blood pressure goes from zero to fucking 60. Every minute after that, my blood pressure goes even higher. Yeah. Until I fucking say something. Then when I snap, people go, no, you're not a good person or you're fucking crazy.

So I win. I lose no matter what. Yeah. You know, that's why. If something bothers me, I have to address it. There's some people that could let it go inside of you and fester. If I fester it, I will take a fucking bat and break your fucking neck. So yesterday I saw him, I got in the car dog,

and by the time I got the burmack, I wanted to take that corn throw on the fucking, by the time I got to the pool, my wife didn't know this. My wife said something to me later on. By the time I sat down at the pool, I went into an anxiety blackout. Out of anger? I have anger, and I felt like it all hit me at the cat. I had disappeared and wasn't coming back. So it was just one big...

So you were... You think they scared Gray away, or... Well, listen, I could do two things. I could go take the two fucking transvestites and bang the heads together. And I could blame it on them. I could blame it on myself and not checking the door,

because like you said, I was always very good about it. Yeah. I'm not the type of that. That's the problem with a lot of people. A lot of people would love to blame on those two fucking transgender, whatever fuck they are,

which doesn't piss me off at all. I was friends with them three years. They have animals themselves, so I know they feel bad. But the blame should be on me for not checking myself. This is what happens when you get high. This is what happens when you're fucking stoned every night. Just that all gray needed was that little hesitation. And that's what I tell people.

That cat could have been anything leave. That could have been somebody sneaking up on me. That could have been me leaving my wallet on top of the car. This is what I talk about life. You always got to stay on top of your shit. And sometimes you think you got it under control, but you fucking don't. We never do, you know. That's why I always do the same shit every fucking daily.

So when I get on the car and I'm on the 405, I go, fuck! I left the fucking plug to the phone. How many times you leave the charges? See, I travel. How many charges I fucking leave behind? Millions, millions. When I break out of the system, I have a system when I pack. I have a system in a hotel room when I pack.

When I break out of that system because the phone rings. Yeah. You get a thought. But everything goes fucking kapoor. Like I said, I have two ways of thought and this is for people at home.

Listen to what I'm saying to you. We have our automatic thing in life is always for the blame on somebody else. But at the bottom line, it feels a lot of easy just to put it on yourself. Live with it, move on, and learn from it.

Something that took me fucking years. You know how I learned about me? By getting thrown in prison. Really? Yeah, that's why. I never claimed responsibility. Now I claim responsibility

for the Kennedys. Who shot the Kennedy? I did. I was eight months old, but I shot him because it makes me feel better about me. If something bad happens in my life now, it's my fault. Because I didn't control it. You know,

things are going to happen in your fucking life. You're going to wake up, there's going to be a flat. The guy across the street might fucking shoot you. Who the fuck knows in your life? It's the thing that you can control to let down that drama. The shit that bothers you. You know, I have social anxiety lately. Fuck, Lee. I smoke a joint.

I go on. I'm ready to get a shot. do you know what I'm saying with all these shootings like I'm waiting to get shot now are you really yeah like in the back of my mind you know how I feel about myself so in the back of my mind I go out and I'm sitting at a coffee shop I drink my coffee and we gotta go we gotta go before fucking Lee Henry Oswald shows up whatever's name was you literally lived in

and before you left Jersey for the last time you had like 18 people looking for you ready to kill you you still walked around went to the same bar fuck didn't give a fuck here you're like you know the coffee shop and in Burbank, you're like, it's too much. It's fucking too much. How about a little music, a little wannabe around?

It's Monday. You got somebody who passed or who's gone. Give them some love today, motherfuckers. Light a candle, think about them. Something good. Want to be around to pick up the pieces. When somebody... Oh shit.

What's up, Lily? I'm going to smoke some dope. You know, they're like a fucking mook. You already smoked two joints, by the way. Sure. Oh wait, so before we get into this, how did Marcy like swimming? Did she like swimming with you? She fucking dug it.

Yeah. She had goggles on. I'm telling my mother, my wife, my mother, my wife got a goggles. And she went in there and I took her from side to side, so I got to go this morning and sign her up. Oh, really? You can do this a lot? Yeah, I'm going to do this once a week. Did you have like the arm things on?

You're not allowed to bring fucking things on unless they're applied by the U.S. Coast Guard. What kind of fun? fucking shit is that? They can't put arm floating? Nothing. My wife bought it like a frog with a fucking shade on it. She looks like Johnny Depp and fucking Pirates of the Caribbean. It's got like a little thing and the wind could blow her

across the pool and they gave it an Incheney on the Finnsignet. Are you serious? Yeah, because people drowned. Hey, it was a public pool. You know, and it was funny because a lot of people came like, man, man, I listened to the podcast, a couple of crazy Armenian kids. This one white, nerdy kid came over. He was pale. He jumped

on the pool. He's like Joey Diaz. And what's happening, baby, so he goes, what are you doing here? You know, it's so fucking weird. Guys, listen, I couldn't live my life in seclusion. I could never, ever, or do I want to? This is why, when I first came out of here 10 years ago, what I wanted to do in my life and what I end up is two different things, but it's what I wanted to do, listen, man, I'm stoned 90% of the time.

You know what I'm saying? And that's a light estimate? That's a light estimate. need is somebody taking a picture. I don't know how those fucking people live. But you got to imagine it's got to be a huge tradeoff. Is it worth of money and not being able to go to something

that you fucking love? Like simple? Really? Lee, I got to send you to rouse to get me a fucking odd dog. You know what I mean? Does it happen to you a lot? No, no, no, no, no, no. I was just thinking about that yesterday. I was just thinking about that yesterday that somebody asked me what I was doing

there and I go, someone with my family. And the kid goes, you know, there's a public pool. There's a nicer pool. I go, I learned in this shit. I don't know why people, people assume, I think, because they see you on TV in the movies that you're rich, people ask me all the time, so is Joey's house and mansion? And I'm like, no. Like, they look, they're like, he must live in the hills. No, and I couldn't.

You wouldn't like it? No, no. A gated, a gated, a dravats? I could live in a gated place. It's kind of nice, but I don't like all that pizzazz. I never liked that. I've never liked that. And listen, it's nice to have a pool in your backyard.

Yeah, that'd be nice. It's very nice to have a pool in your backyard. Felicia has a great fucking pool in her background. Oh, yeah. But, you know, I don't have that money. Yeah. But even if I did, I want my kid to see the same thing as I saw when I came from Cuba. Even though my mom had money when I came from Cuba,

what the fuck do you think I learned to swim the back of 205 West 88th Street? I had to go to the Bronx to the Boys Club. You know, my mother had that dry cleaner in the Bronx. joined the fucking city leagues in the Bronx. So my mom would just take me with her to work and drop me off in the Bronx and then I'd get a ride into the city later on. But I was part of a fucking boys club

in the late 60s where you had to do the president's fitness program. You ever fucking do the president's fitness program? Like with a push-up? Jumping jacks and push and climb a fucking bar and I couldn't climb the ball so I never got the patch. You know how there's never to get the fucking patch?

You know what that dustiest? Terrible. You still thinking about it? I can do everything else, but I couldn't do the pull-ups. So it killed me. fucking killed me. But the point of the story, I went to Jones Beach.

You know, they took us to shitty fucking beaches, Coney Island. We went to a bunch of fucking places. I forget, like, where they took it, I don't know, they didn't take us in Jersey,

but, you know, when I was in the Bronx up there in those days, I was a young kid. My mom had Guitas. That's when my father died. My mom had big Guitas. Yeah.

And I was in a public school with fucking black kids jumping up and down, fucking water, and I loved it. Yeah. A little Puerto Rican kids, a bunch of dirty Irish kids.

I fucking loved it. I fucking loved it. So yesterday, I'm thinking of those times, being a kid with fucking, I remember I was in the Bronx with this kid Jasper Williams. I've talked about it. I can never forget this black little motherfucker. He used to take me to my house. He was like my brother, and I don't know how I lost contact with him because I don't try to lose contact with kids like that.

I can't even think of all the last time. I saw him, but I was so fortunate. I didn't know how to speak English. I knew fucking nothing. And listen, I didn't get left back to the seventh grade because I was stupid. I fell in love with a chick over pussy. A lot of the kids, Cuban kids, I grew up, but all got left back because they couldn't speak the language. Yeah.

So they came over at nine or eight, and they got left back automatically. They didn't give a fuck in those days. And it's so weird how these kids in those early days, they adjusted me right off the bat. They told me exactly what I needed to know. Who's fucking better than me, Lysayah? That's awesome. Who the fuck, Lisa? How was your weekend, buddy?

It was great. Well, fucking Denver, you're a piece of shit. I knew we were going. You got me to believe it. I can't believe it took this long to talk about it. But you called me up until Saturday morning when I was leaving work. And I fucking at that point, I was like, fuck it. You scared me Friday night.

Because I said I would do it. I said I would do it. Because, like I said I would do it. Because, Lee, you were a nice fucking kid. I was going to put you on the magic. You were going to take me anywhere. And Lee, let me tell you something. I hate fucking $800 on plane tickets.

If I would have came, Lee, you would. You would need $2 in plane tickets. Today? Today? Today, you would have came back and packed your stuff. No, I wouldn't have. You can't talk to me. Lee, I know you.

You get sick. You got sick on the way. You would need $8 in gas. In San Diego on the car ride to San Diego. Yeah, because I didn't get sick. When you went, how many times? Listen, you know what he said to me Saturday morning that he went to college for four years? I didn't say four years.

He said when he graduated from college that this is not what he expected. And right there I knew. It was a joke. He cracked Friday night. Dude, guys, look at my Twitter. The picture that Connor sent is a picture from online a random website. In big yellow words, it says copywritten. If somebody wanted to go to Denver, to ask a lick, a lick and ass would get thrown in the face.

He wouldn't think into it when I called. I didn't think into it. It's big across the asshole. It's just copyright. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, no, she didn't. Does she have an AIDS test? I mean, I mean, I was something. guys that you should have heard. He was

cracking on his own. I wasn't cracking. I wasn't even smoking dope with him. I wasn't even smoking deli. You're a nice, nice kid. You know what? Let's leave it that way. Now we're going to leave it that way. Because I know. You're going to have. You fucking

call your own bluff. On Saturday morning he was still saying to me, you know, I went to college for four years. I wouldn't need this. Right there, I knew. I knew that, listen, as soon as we got out of the playing ticket on that high altitude. You know what high altitude does to you?

It does nothing. It does nothing, you fucking mom. If you had spent $70 on an 18 layover stop, you wouldn't make me take that flight. I would take him to fucking Boulder. That girl would have come in. You would not. Listen, we smoked hash at the house one time.

His face got so red. My wife had to give him a can of soda and put ice cubes on his head because he was fucking ready to pass out. If he would have that girl's asshole with a tattoo, as soon as she would have pulled her pants down with that pussy and dominated him, he would have had a heart attack. You wouldn't have done shit. And then you would have called your mom or your dad

and he was sent your plane to take. Joey brought me here. Look what you did to me. If my mom knew I was going to get on a plane to Denver and get my face farted on, she'd have me back and she wouldn't let me out of the house. That's my point. That's my point.

But I was still going to go. Check Twitter. I thought I was ready to go. No, you know, you wrote it. Yes, I do. It's just after you said to me, what am I going to do with my life? What's going to happen?

What am I going to? I mean, guys, it was. He didn't have shit. I wish I would have taped it because you guys were going to leave. Are you fucking kidding? I'm looking at the picture. It's copyrighted. It's infringement.

I don't know. It's infringement. I just said he got it off line up of a random fucking website. Your piece of that. And what happened this weekend? The two dates didn't pan out and the chick on the couch. Nothing. What two days?

The chick, that's 19. The father. What happened? You're booed. You're not going for these fucking girls. I am. I am going to. No, you're not.

You got to go for these fucking girls. I am going for it. You're playing with them and you don't show them the helmet and that's why they disappear because they want to see that you dick. You know what they want to be fine? I'm not showing anybody on my couch. What the fuck is wrong with you? That's the weirdest fucking, you're going to send me to jail.

I get things. Come here. Let's smoke this number. People like to make you happy so they say, oh, he's crazy Uncle Joe. And then I get these little DMs at like four in the morning. Don't listen to him. He's crazy. We're scared of him. This boy.

guy, you have no idea. If I were to take him into the magical mystery tour of death, this poor guy today would not, this podcast would not be happening. Trusting on Tonya. I would have knocked on the door this money. He would have said, go away. Go away. Leave the key.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm never talking to you again. The girl farted in my face. She sucked my dick. I'm itching. He kept asking me if she had herpes. I probably knew she had herpes. A thousand fucking times. She had herpes, gonorrhea. How do you know?

Why would you judge a woman to attack? Because she has barbed wire around her asshole. That doesn't mean that maybe she's into fucking fences or shows. Yeah, she's into fences. Maybe she's into fences. And she's into fucking Pamela Anderson, that movie, who know? What are you talking about? Fucking weirdo.

You know, you got to loosen up. You looked at the picture and he fucking analyzed it. I didn't analyze it. There's a big, fucking huge, huge yellow letters. Listen, don't. You don't want to lick nobody's ass. I don't. You don't want a fucking 20 years and I used.

gonna call me and go, I should listen to you. I mean, I don't think you're fucking like one of these Hasidic Jews with a sheet with a home. No, I'm not. You don't want to lick a monkey. You don't want to come on her neck. You ever come on a woman's neck? No.

Not because I didn't want to. Why would you come on her neck? Because maybe she has a sore. I don't fucking know. It's just something. Something. Did you ever come on a chick's face? No.

No, you didn't. Because you're scared. You'd be too polite. That's it. What are you got the aluminum floor? What are you making aluminum foil? I fucking, it's been sitting there because you had to wrap up the rest of the edible

like a week ago. You ready for an edible to that? Fuck you. Fuck you. I love you, Lee. I would never want you to go into bad war. You know what? Like when I was a kid and I went to those peep shows

and I sucked that black tit. It affected me for life. You don't need this. My favorite one is the pregnant hooker when you were getting off the bus or whatever, the pregnant black hooker. You shared a PCP with or something? My God, we went and bought PCP.

and got fucking fucked up talk. And there was no on it in those days. There was no like fucking alpha brain to get your shit together. So you were fucking done on your own, man. It was amazing. It was just, you know, you're a nice kid, Lee. You don't want to eat an asshole, I understand. This chick would have taken it to, you know, I said to him on the phone at one point.

What are he going to do when this chick shoves a tongue up your ass. You could have heard him. There was nothing about it. Did you hear him? Look at him. He couldn't take it. No one wants a chick to shove their tongue. Keeps up your key still.

Listen, when they got a little pink in your ass and they're sucking your pipe and they're licking your little fucking taint. That's a party. No, that sounds like a terrible party. So you understand. I never want to be invited to her. Do you hear what?

Do you hear what I got to deal with? So there you have it. How does it go from me smelling a part? And for you women, listen. To you're looking up the asshole. No one wants to look up the asshole. Next weekend, we're going to be in San Jose. Ladies, come out, just take them into the class.

Like three years, you just got to take them. You ever see the movie Almost Famous? And they take that little fucking skinny kid that six chicks and just de virginize them. I'm not a virgin. Yes, you are. You're just as good as a virgin. You're just as good as, you know?

Because I don't want to take a looking at my ass? You ever show a finger, a chick's ass when you're pumping it? No. You're a virgin then, comes up. I know you're a virgin. I don't want to shit on my fingers. I don't want to this fucking assy threw you to the car of. Because you banged it two years ago.

And then you didn't want to give her a stab of the right way. Don't want to see through you to the car. She's fucking 18 guys, but she won't even lick your fucking nutsack. You didn't pull her hair. No. You didn't call her a dirty hole? No. What do you would think they want to do?

You think they want flowers, this dynasty? No, but there's a space between flowers and pulling a random girl sitting on your couch his hair, calling them a whore. You've known for eight years. You already gave her a stabbing. If you only just jumped on and got her into side control and put that leg over on the mouth, and gave her a stabbing. You're still romantic.

What do you want? Doug, what do you think she's doing right now? You think she's going through romance? No, she's getting fucked like an animal. You could have done the same thing. You're a savage league. Someone's sitting on your couch and you're just going to pull her hair you fucking whir, what do you expect to? She loved it. Take me.

She waited for fucking Magoomba for three weeks. Where's Magoomba today? He's back in fucking Boston, lying the white chicks. Jesus, great. Three months she was on that couch. She's 22. You know what is going on inside of a little monkey? What?

What do you do? You put a robe on with your dick hanging out? Like, like, fucking the guy from Playboy. I can't put a robe on him and tell him like 40. Sure. You put a robe on? You put a robe? Do you dicks? Do you have a robe? Yeah, I got two robes. I got a thin one.

a winter one. That's why I smoked pot in my fucking robe with slippers and everything. I just started wearing it. Do you have the one with pockets and you put some? I got pockets. I always forget my cigarette in there or a joint or I left my wallet in there one day. I forgot like I. What are you going to buy? What are you going to buy in a... Sometimes you pay for a plane ticket. My wife calls me. I put the thing in my pocket and I take it off and take a shower to unveil. The next thing you know, that's what happens. Well, if something cool happened to me last night... What happened? You drove to Northridge? Yeah, but fuck you. Yes.

All right, what happened? On the way home, my car was dirty, and I went to go get a car washout, one of the gas stations that had, like, the standalone ones. And when I got out to wipe it down afterwards, this guy was at a bus stop with his girlfriend. It was like midnight. He had a suitcase with him.

He goes, hey, man, I run a detailing thing. And he had a briefcase full of headlight stuff, and he had a huge over-packed suitcase with every cleaning supply you could, wanted. At the bus stop. At the bus stop. He came up. At midnight. At midnight. He helped me do a couple things. He said he ran out of business cards and he had

an index card with his Facebook on it and his phone number. And you know what man? I just thought of, because you talk about it. Like, you should not have a job. This guy's out at a bus stop at midnight with his stuff. So that means he was out all day trying to do it with his girlfriend. And he

comes up and he lets me use some stuff for free. He has a van that he goes and brings it. He comes to your house. out here. And I just wanted to give him a shout it's Eric's car wash. If you go to Eric's detailing on Facebook, it's him. Eric with a K. He doesn't even know my name. I didn't say I would do this, but it was just

I thought it was cool that he was like out there just trying to make a buck at fucking midnight. And Van Nyes where all the hook is hang out. So yeah, it was just I thought of you when I saw it. I was like, oh, that's great. You gave him a couple bucks? Yeah. How much you give him? I gave him two bucks. I gave him two bucks. Well, he didn't clean my car. He didn't give him a fin?

Oh. You could have made his day You're following me two bucks You're just action I'm feeling who's made this day I just read it out In our biggest fucking listeners In LA

I got an email from a kid the other day Yeah I'll hear what his name is His name is Jeff Lovett And he said he met me over 10 years ago After a gig And I started thinking about it

And he came up to me We started talking about something And he asked me for money And I remember I don't really give a lot of like street people I'll give him a couple bucks This guy gave like a 20 to. And he said that.

I told him to get his life together somebody, instead he went and shot heroin. He took him three years to get his life together. And then one day he was watching TVs. My name is Erwin. He saw him. And he waited, and then he went on IMDB. It's a great fucking email, you know?

Do I remember this kind of shit? Yeah, because I know in the back of my mind when I go out sometimes, there's a lot of people out there like I was, out there just trying to wheel and deal and scam. And I understand that. But there's a lot of people you see the pain their face sometimes.

And sometimes just give them the fucking five bucks. Just give them the 10, just give them to 20, because you're making their day. How many times people make you a fucking day? Exactly. People make my fucking day all the time. You know, it's amazing. How about the guy that sent us this fucking sweatshirts?

Yeah. Those cool-ass sweatshirts. Those guys are a fucking vet. You know, and this is the things that make my dick hard. This guy's a fucking vet. Okay, when I lived in Boulder, all I did was run into vets that cried. This is clothing made by vets with pockets for cell phones and iPhones. And wallets, yeah.

Explosers. triggers and devices. This is a real fucking vet. What's the guy's name there? Because I didn't write it down with a fucking jerk off. I have his Twitter, but let's see. Let's see. His name is Jamie Isaguire, I think. It's IssaGuire and it's

If you go, it's Twitter, Y-A-Z-S-F-I. Yeah, we always have cool motherfuckers in our lives. And, you know, even my boy from, even to Foyer with his clothing line. I mean, we just have some fucking cool motherfuckers that are around. It's a cool sweatshack. So we'll look. Hey, let's talk about one thing.

Let's talk about fucking Utah and wise guys. Let me think. You call me after the show and so it's crazy. Well, my fucking agent calling me. He's going to Salt Lake City. I'm like, well, find a fucking deal to this lunatic cut. Where is he sending me? And then I went on the website. I saw all these people

going. And I'm like, and then Felipe went. Felipe loved it. Felipe fucking loved it the two days. As soon as you get off the plane, it's fucking beautiful. Is it really? It really is beautiful. It's close to the mountains, right? Isn't it? Yeah, you're right up there.

And I got the elliptical, and I fucking did my thing, too, when I was there, and I ate good at the cheesecake. I got a salad. But a salad at the cheesecake factory is like a salad at fucking California's pizza kitchen. Yeah, they're like fried chicken. They just put fucking shuping. You could taste the sugar. You know, you could taste the fucking...

I was thinking about that. I was thinking about that time I was yelling at you. I'm like, because I had the Chinese chicken salad. Oh, so you that's just as bad as the one I wanted? No, no, no, but this, I told them not to put, like, the rice in it and all that shit. And it was still fucking sweeted and fuck, so. Cocksuckers, I hate that shit. But I will tell you one thing, man.

I'm getting a lot of thanks from people for turning them on to Hulu Plus. And I'll tell you what, I feel good about it. Lee, a lot of people contact us for dumb shit. A lot of people really do. And a lot of times we'll turn down the money just because what's the use? Yeah, I used to get mad at you at the beginning. I'm like I could use the money. What's the fucking use?

I don't want to, I'm not going to sell that to people. This Hulu is fucking good. And I'm going to tell you who's really digging it. It's my wife. My wife digs it because that's what she's been wanting to do for years. She believes in that streaming and all that stuff. And she's up a lot with the shows. Yeah, man.

She likes it. So, you know what? Thank you for talking me into it. Thank you for the Hulu people because it's a great product. And I'll tell you, if you're not fucking going to the box and putting Joey in, don't matter, put capitals now with a big dick at the end. You get two free weeks and then you sign in for a set. Even Rizzo.

Even my friend Martin Rizzo. He calls me, he's a friend. He goes, I listen to the podcast and I went out and did it. So I appreciate you. guys going out of the way. And you don't have to sign up at the end if you don't want to. No. But it's like we were looking at it today. They have a monk on there. They

have a bunch of other shows. They have Smackdown. What did they have? They have Arthur. What's the kid? Have you shown Mercy Arthur? I used to love that where I was a kid. No. Arthur of the Ardorf. No? And then they have Third Rock from the Sun, which I think is hilarious.

But this fucking Utah I was blowing the goddamn away. The audiences, the people. cool motherfuckers hugs rea pot cookies pipes I got a pipe that's made out of walnut oh shit that's fucking tremendous

no was it as a comic you would think or as an outside person you would think because of how like religious it is they wouldn't be cool with it more well there's Mormon than there's regular people there that aren't Mormon

okay a lot of people in the country do not understand that not everybody's walking around with an anti-fucking coffee shirt on you know what I'm saying fuck starbucks shirt on it's just uh it's a religious You have to respect it. And that's the way it goes. I don't know much about it to put it down or to praise it.

So I just keep my fucking mind shut. Do you notice the difference? Or it's just there's normal people. There's people who dig you everywhere. There's normal people. Listen, I'm sure that a couple Mormons were there. You know, it's not what they believe. You know, I used to do comedy.

I start in the Pacific Midwest, you know. But I did a lot of comedy in Montana and Wyoming. A lot of places you walk into, and I'll tell you, there's a lot of Mormons that come here, watch the language. I do what I do. You know what I'm saying? I'll tell you what else I did this week.

What do you do? 715 Mass. Oh, you're going again? I went yesterday. Do you like it? I don't know. I like it.

I got to lie to you people. What's weird? It's long. You know what? I was sitting there yesterday thinking about kids. It's 40 fucking an hour. Hour 15. And it's very nice.

Listen, going to church is a very community type thing. You go in there next door they give away donuts and cookies and coffee after the thing. You get to talk to people and whatnot. I like all that. I like when you promote the community because that's what strengthens a country. Before you have a country that's strong, you have to strengthen communities.

That's where it starts. In communities, it starts in five blocks fucking at a time. If five fucking blocks can get together at a time, this country, you can't do nothing to us. You can't do dicta us. But we have our prejudices. We have, you know, the way we live.

We have so many freedoms that it fucks us up in a way. You know what I'm saying? We have so many fucking freedoms than the way it fucks you up, especially now. What do you mean by that? You know, listen, man, I believe in a little community getting together. When I was a kid, everything was your block. Yeah.

Everything was your block. You didn't leave your fucking block. Then when you found out there was 10 kids on the block next to yours, you went over there and you crossed. And, you know, you had two things to do. You fought them or you played with them, and you became a team now. And then the kids from the third block came together.

So now you became a community. Now on the 4th of July, we go to Lee Syatt's house and we all eat, everybody knows about. about everybody. You follow me, which is good and bad. But in a way, I call you up and say,

Lee, I'm in an audition. Mercy is playing with Susie at your house. Do you mind if I leave it for 15 more minutes? Fuck no, Joey. They're having a great time. Yeah. You follow them to everybody helped each other. Okay.

That's how you raise a child. It takes a village to raise a child. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes I'm gone. My goal right now is in a couple of years to get a little going, get the podcast going, sell merchandise,

and start a program. wherever I decide to live with mercy that father's come out once a week. Not everybody works all fucking day. Every mother works all day. Yeah. And one parent, three parents could go out there and guard a block so kids could go out.

I don't want fucking kids looking at computers. The reason why people come to these show and go, Joey, I never mugged the hooker and took a wig is because they were fucking on the internet. I need kids out there getting sun, getting dirty. I'm with you until the hooker part. What hooker? No.

Kids got to get dirty. Yeah. You got to get dirty again. I look around in the daytime. I don't see fucking kids. I see kids going coming from school on a skateboard pushing. I don't see kids out there playing... And on your phone.

Yeah, I don't see kids playing fucking two-hand touch. You know, the other day, though, I did go by the skate park with Mercy, and I seen a bunch of kids skating smoking dope. You know what the thing is, man? I... Like, even in my town, which was a little more... You want it on this? So you're going to sit there, like, fucking...

Yeah, give me one second. Two-ton comedy. But, uh... Like, it calls me. It's a $160 per kid to do a sport each season at my school. That's across the country.

They took arts. I didn't know that. They took art out of the curriculum, a music program. Yeah? Out of the curriculums in school. So now if you want to turn your kid out to school, so I was even thinking of taking a fucking art class.

Just to learn. I don't know fucking art. I didn't have painted a fucking picture. I painted like a heart with a straw, you know. Oh shit. It's Monday, cock's up. Do you a jumping jack? You're up.

There you go. Get that blood going, you bad motherfucker. Look, you got undesign on the hair balls. hitting your legs. You're going to commandos. Why am I going to wear undies? I know you had undies on when that chick was standing the couch, cock sucker. Right or wrong? You couldn't go out there with an undie and

open up your leg and a ball pops out. You know what? So you get a thinking. I was doing my laundry on Friday because I thought I had to go to Denver and I had no clean underwear, which I hate. So I went commando. I don't know how you do that that often. I don't like it. It's terrible. I don't know how you do that constantly. The truth was

I don't like it either. We always, we all. wear underwear as a kid, but when my mom died and I had to make decisions, it was either underwear or cocaine. What would you pick? I can live with jeans, with no fucking... You just decided to not buy underwear? I just stopped buying underwear. I can spend you don't fucking need.

I can save time on laundry, and I just you know what I'm saying? That's one less piece of fucking laundry. You're more of a Jew than I am. It's not being a Jew. It's that you learn to live without. I was a spoiled mama's boy, and all a sudden the lights got cut off, and I got to live a certain way, and you pick what's important.

and what's not. It's like when people say to me. It's like you. It's like you got to go to me. Hey, come on, let's go eat lunch. And all of a sudden you're driving and you go, you see a sign. And you go, oh, my God, Chinese food. Let's pull over. It looks good.

And I'll tell you no. Because I know a place I haven't gone over 10 years where it's solid, plus it's 449 to eat for fucking for lunch. And it's Chinese people when you're not going to bleed out of your fucking asshole. I went to this place and the food was horrible. Who told you to go there? There's a place up the corner that's been solid for 20 years. but you want to be Christopher Columbus without a fucking reference

Go fuck yourself Or they go on Yelp and they believe some fucking white guy That likes fucking Miracle Whip You follow me? You're gonna hang out with somebody who eats fucking Miracle Whip You're gonna believe him that the meat is good at this fucking place Oh my God, we had Miracle Whip Are you fucking kidding me? So fuck you and Yelp, cocksucker

A family member tells you it's solid It's fucking solid People know what the fuck I like I have a friend that knows we've been together for 40 years He's that close to me He knows what kind of movies I'm gonna fucking day. You think he's got the boss to call him in. Go see you hangover three.

Buck, no. Because he fucking knows Papa don't play that shit. My favorite part is fuck Yelp. Like, Yelp is great. Yelp is great for some things. Not for fucking a restaurant review. Some people eat, some people, would you take a Yelp review on a fucking restaurant

that the guy eats fucking Swanson's TV dinners? If you go to some guy's refrigerator and there's three Swanson fucking meatloaf dinners and he said to you, go to his friend. restaurant the cuisine is fantastic would you take his fucking opinion you're eating fucking meatloaf cock sucker

that belongs to swanson you know your assos gonna look like worse no no no stop right there I'm gonna tell you when Lee popped when I cracked Lee when I told Lee that the chick stopped shit for two days because the chick was gonna stop shitting on Thursday night to this girl

so Friday and Saturday she wouldn't a shit so by Sunday she would have been farting glow and heat You know if you don't take a shit for two or three days and you keep eating. We were going to have her even, we're going to see, we're going to meet you.

The plan was in the morning and we're going to meet a tent. There was no plan. You're making a stuff right now. There was a fucking plan. But you cracked. I can't tell you this. The plan was to bring you over there in the morning

when she got up. We were going to give her a bunch of coffee and oatmeal. And by the time you got there, the fart that would come out of her ass is going to be throwing heat. That first fart, and we were going to put nail polish on her ass

to tighten it and vinegar juice. That's going to tighten it and vinegar juice. to tighten it. So when she farted, it looked like her ass blew up. I told him that. He nearly started crying. No, I didn't.

Yes, he did. Yes, he did. No, I don't know if I want to do this. I'm quitting. I'm not right there. I remember going to the hotel room going, you know what? I love Lee too much. What call?

Stop these lies. What's happening, Mr. Brown? What is that, bro? How are you, buddy? Thank you very much for calling. I know you got a busy schedule of training for this fight, but always a pleasure what's going on in your world tarzan

same old man just waking up and taking care of the kids and same thing I do every day man how many children do you have I got twin boys two and a half years old oh my god

you got your hand I got a five-month-old baby girl my hands are full but you wow and what time do you go train I train twice a day and you go like in the afternoon

and back at night? Usually in morning and late afternoon or the evening, but, you know, my schedule is, you know, I can go when I need to go, you know what I mean? All right. And how long do you have the boys till? What time do you have them to? Well, my wife stayed at home, but, you know, I like being up to spend much time with as I can. Yeah, I have her.

Right now when I finish this, I have her to 11. My wife went back to work and I said, The lady comes over. She'd come over at 9. I say, you know what? I put her in the carries. I take her for a walk, and I think, and I write jokes. And it's great to spend time with him.

I've always been a big fan of yours. After the last fight with Jordan, I knew I had to get you on. I just didn't know how to get a hold of you. And look, you were right on Twitter like a fucking savage that you are. And now you've got a big fight against Tiago. You're on a five fucking fight winning streak. Talk to me. How are you feeling?

I feel good, man. You know, I'm just trying, you know, it's been, you know, with this wind streak and everything, man, you know, life has been changing a lot, you know, so I'm just trying to take everything and just, you know, keep my head straight on my shoulders and, you know, keep my eyes on the prize, man, that's what it's all about, you know, I'm not really trying to, you know, fall into all the hype of all this shit and not trying to, you know, get too comfortable with my situation. And, you know, that's the hardest part, you know, like, it's easy to become real complacent in this situation. being within Cubans, man, like that helped me a lot with that situation, you know what I mean? Because, you know, they're not complacent, you know what I mean? And it's a different world, you know what I mean? So, you know, you learn a lot about yourself, you know, going through a thing like that, you know? So that helped that a lot and, you know, and just, you know, reminding myself all the time where I come from, things like that. You know what I mean?

Just keep me on a straight path, man, straight towards where I'm trying to get to. Matt, I got to tell you something. I first saw you on the Ultimate Fighter, and they talked about your story, how you were on drugs, and you almost died from heroin one night, and look where you are now. I truly believe in my heart,

because I've been there. I'm 50, and I went to prison, Matt, that you will get a title shot and be a world champion just because if you keep what you went through in mind, because at one time, you and I both know you were fucking dead. Right. You were fucking dead. You woke up and you probably had a tube in your arm.

I never woke up in a hospital. I woke up in a fucking hotel room with blood coming out of my nose and it's the same fucking difference. And I see where I am now and it's amazing. I see what you're doing and the great thing. I don't even know about the twins. This adds to what's going on in your life. Were you ever scared, Matt, we talk a lot about fear on this fucking show

because everybody's got it and nobody knows how to fucking deal with it. Everybody's got it and, you know, some people drink. Were you ever scared? Scared it in the ring? No, no, no. Just when you woke up, like, what was going to, what were you thinking that morning when you woke up in that hospital bed and about your life?

Man, it wasn't necessarily, like, fear at that time. I was more afraid of, like, you know, facing people, you know what I mean? Like, you know, I was really naive at that time of my life. And I think, you know, I just, like, didn't even really give a shit if I died. But then, you know, like, once I realized, like, what had happened, like, I was scared, you know, like, people were going to find out, you know what I mean? Like my mom, you know what I mean? And my dad, you know, just my family more anything, you know, you don't really think about, like, what that's going to do to them until it happens, you know what I mean? I was just so naive, you know what I mean?

even, I mean, even like after it happened, like, I was still just ultra-naive. But, you know, I mean, I just didn't think about, you know, what I was doing. And then, but after, you know, it happened, I realized, like, God, man, if, you know, if I would have actually died, you know, you know, my mom would, you know, would off the deep end, I think, you know, and my family would have actually missed me, you know, even though you know, we were having our issues and stuff, but, you know, it was my fault because I was on drugs because we was having our issues and stuff. You know, they still love me, you know what I mean?

It's amazing. I got locked up and I could handle it. I didn't give a fuck, Matt Brown. I could handle it. I could have scrapped in there. I was bookmaking in the joint. But I would see when people would come to visit me to look on their faces.

And that's what made me turn my life around. The look on people's faces who care about you. And what you do to them is horrible. What they go through at work because you stay in this fucking hole and they got to go to work and live their lives and you know in the back of their mind, you're there. You're doing, you're putting, so I understand

what you're coming from. It's beautiful when you start thinking about the people around you. That's what makes you clean up. That's what it was, you know, my big thing. That was exactly what it was, you know what I mean? As a good way to put, you know, because it's all about, you know, if I didn't have, you know,

if there's nothing to live for, you know, And then it's easy to sit there and just get shit-faced all day and whatever. But then when your family comes around and you realize they really do care about your stuff, then you actually have something to live for. And then you got into MMA? Yeah, that was a huge part, you know. That was a gigantic part. You know, the original first couple of times I fought, you know, I was all fucked up, man.

I was all coped up and, you know, probably drunk and, you know, who knows what I was, what I was on. You know, definitely definitely coked up. I remember doing that the first couple times and you know, and then finally one day, man, I went to a fight I was all coked up and man, I got my fucking ass beat

this dude, he was going, it was his last temperature fight before he went pro boxing and his kid just beat the living piss out of me. And that was the first time that I ever lost and I mean, I lost in street fights, you know, man. you know, I ain't one of them fuckers. Like, I never lost a street fight.

You know, I mean, I lost, man. You know, that ain't always fair. You know, I mean, people whoop my ass in the street a couple of times. But in front of my friends and a crowd of people, you know, in a fair fight. And I got my ass beat like that. That's when I was like, man, you know, I'm up to get into a gym and start working on this. And then I went to a gym, got my ass beat even worse. And I realized I had these people in a gym.

gym that are fighting serious. These guys, you know, they ain't out there getting fucked up like I am every night. And I love this sport so much that it just woke me up. And I was like, man, the only way that I can do this is by getting straight. And I enjoyed it so much, too, that after work or, you know, whatever was going on in the evening, I didn't even care to go hang out with my other buddies and go get fucked up no more. I was very content at being a gym, sweating my balls off.

give me something to live for, giving me some ambition in life. And I said to myself, I'm going to do this, you know, whether it straightens me up or, you know, whether I make it big or whatever.

I don't care what happens. I'm going to come to this gym every fucking day from now on. And it worked out for me. And then the UFC came a calling. You got into the ultimate fighter? Well, I actually went to the trial to get on an ultimate fighter. I just moved to New York City.

and was working as a personal trainer man had a fucking great job and I was going in New York City for like two or three months and they were having tryouts over in Newark, New Jersey and I didn't even expect to get on you know I didn't have a great record in the May didn't have a big name or nothing I had no real you know anticipation of getting on the show

I just went over there just tried out just took day off work and went over there they called me a couple weeks later and man I'll shit in my pants like damn they actually called me they actually want me to move back to Ohio got back to 100%

training and the rest is history bro and then you got into the league as an ultimate fighter which is fucking a gift and a half you won a couple you lost a couple you got better and better

and look what you're doing now I mean it's just now you're fighting Tiago and I tell you man after the Jordan fight I think you're right there. You're a fucking savage. Yeah, man. You know, it's it's all about

for me it's all about consistency. You know, I lost a few fights, but, you know, I never wavered for my consistency. I always stay straight on that path. And, you know, I never let it give me down. You know, that's why you know, part

of the story, you know, behind my nickname me, a lot of people know, but what it really means to me is, like, no matter what you do to me, you know, I'm going to be back in your face. You know, you could beat me down, you can do whatever. I can lose the next 10 fights. I'm still going to be training my balls off.

I'm still going to be, you know, I'm still going to get that ring, and I'm still going to get in somebody's face. You know, he's not going to slow me down. And to me, man, that's a good way to live life, you know what I mean? Fuck yeah. You don't matter what happens. Fuck yeah. And then I watch you on the pre-fight thing,

and I see you hanging out with fucking Cubans. And at first, I'm like, what the fuck is this? kid doing? I wish you to talk to me and stuff. This is not good for you. But it changed you. They're fucking great people, those Cubans, aren't they? Oh, yeah, they're amazing people, man. I was so surprised. And, man, you know, I'll tell you what, man, when I first hanging out with them, man, I was actually a little bit depressed, man. I went there, these guys go, the number one team of wrestlers, the guys that are number one, you know, live.

So the number two guys don't get air conditioning. The number one guys get the top floor and they get air conditioning. So I see these number one guys, they ain't got a damn shower. We'll go down five flights of stairs, get a five-down bulk of the water,

carry it up to the bathroom to get a little cup and rinse off. That's how we take a fucking shower. You're talking about the number, you're talking about bronze, medalist, gold medalist, world champions, and these motherfuckers are taking a shower with a five-down

bucket. You know what I mean? So at first man, I was like, man, this is fucking sad. Like, you know, I was really depressed. But once I got to know the guys a little bit, man, they're so happy. You know what I mean? They're just such good people. Now, I was like, I wasn't even depressed in there.

You know what I mean? Even though the shitty conditions they're in, the horrible conditions. They say they're happy. with what they got. Yeah, they're happy with what they have. And here, we're fucking pissed if our fucking screen on the iPhone gets broken.

Exactly, right? I get pissed off. You know what I mean? My fucking, they sorted me on my vegetables at a fucking restaurant, you know what I mean? Or a fucking steak

is ever cooked or something. These son of the bitches are, you mean, they're lucky to get a fucking, well, they don't get red meat, you know what I mean? So, you know, I mean, they're lucky to get a fucking, fourth meal on the day, you know?

Let me ask you this. Now, how was the training of the boxing was world-class for you down there? The boxing was beyond world-class, man. You know, the best Cubans, man, they don't get to get out of Cuba, you know?

They stay in there, and any real box should tell you, man, Cubans are by far the best. I got to experience that, man. Them guys, I never seen boxing like at my life and I sparred with good pros you know some pretty

fairly high level pros you know I'm a box with you know by thousands of people right I never seen anything like it in my life the first kid I went with man was a 18 year old kid world champion at first I was like man he's fucking 18

I'm not just man this guy you know I mean fuck dude he danced around me like a like I had never seen in my life man dance around fucking like a butterfly and stinging like a fucking bee man it was fucking crazy you know

and how was the communication for you? What's that? How was the communication? Well my my trainer was with me okay yeah you know he was he was able to

translate you know he's he's half Cuban and he speaks Spanish fluently so he was able to translate but you know them guys that You know, I was around them for like a month, so they would learn a little bit of English. I was trying to learn Spanish the whole time. I want to go back sometime, and I want to learn Spanish better, so I can communicate a little better.

The one woman we stayed with, my friend's wife, you know, we stayed with him and his wife, and his wife spoke. It was pretty good. So the communication was all right, actually, you know what I mean? But at first it was kind of weird, you know, because I, you know, there wasn't no way for them to come up to me and say, hey, you know, we're happy that you're here or this and that. So it ended up. So at first, you know what I mean? I'm like, he's motherfuckers don't even like me. You know what I mean?

But, you know, like I said, after a week or so, man, I mean, some of the coolest people I ever met in this whole world. Well, listen, man. And now you got Tiago Alves. And it's a fox fight, correct? it will be okay so they got Foxes I guess either owns a speed channel or is buying a speed channel and they're going to

convert it to what they're going to call Fox Sports 1 Oh that's right And it's going to be the first So it's going to be UFC on Fox Sports 1 One Beautiful look at you and shit Moving up

And it's in Boston August 16th right 17 17 yeah yeah Matt man You know like I said I was a fan. About a year and a half ago, two years ago, I got an elevator one night after one of the fights, and you were on there by yourself,

and I couldn't believe how tall you were, and I got scared, and I just looked straight ahead. I wouldn't even say nothing. I'm like, man, I told Rogan the next day. Man, I seen Matt Brown. He ain't fucking around, Leslie. We were fucking dying the next night. Well, you big.

Holy shit. That shit's so funny, man, because if I would recognize you in an elevator, man, I probably would have been nervous myself. No, I, listen, I'm a fan, man. and if you listen to that thing when I went off on MMA junkie about you against Jordan Mean before the fight

because, you know, they always a guy wins one fight and they blow them up like, you know, fucking, what do you think? That Matt Brown's a pushover? That's what they made it seem. Like, this guy was going to go in there and bully you and he was a good fighter and he did what he did, but you just went fucking bananas that fight and I knew it.

And I'm a fan, man. I really am a fan. I'm fucking happy you called and listen, a lot of things on this podcast, you were born to beyond. We talk about fear and we talk about having nothing one day and being there and you're there, man. You should be very fucking

proud of yourself. Yeah, I mean, you know, I try not to think about too much, you know, like, I don't want to be like proud of myself. I mean, I'm happy with what I've done, but this is just the beginning of the world, you know what I mean? This is just scratching the surface of the opportunities in this world,

you know what I mean? You know, I'll say, again, like, if you start getting proud of yourself, you know, that's when you start getting to place. that's when they become content and that's not me you know i'm gonna keep pushing and i'm i want to go further and further you know there's a endless possibilities out there and i want i want to keep on it you know i want you know be happy with where i'm at and then you know plateau out be stuck where i'm at i want to keep moving on you know even beyond you know the ufc and everything you know you know i want to get that title and i want to you know uh go as far as i can with it and

I'm not going to call the title shot. You know, I'm going to tell them, you know, I ain't calling it a title shot. I'm not going in there to take a shot out of it. I'm going in there to take it. You know, and that's how I live my life. You know, anything I do, you know, Master Yoda said the best, you know. You know, he said, do or do not, never try. So I stop trying to that shit, you know what I mean?

I just do it now. That's exactly, you know, how I live my life now. I love you, buddy. very much for calling in and good luck I'll be fucking cheering for you and I love to have you back on after you win man but I'm down in time man I enjoy it much and I'll see you in Columbus for sure I love to buy your lunch and go out and fuck around a little bit and hear some war stories you're a savage yeah sounds like a plan brother thank you very much man I love you Matt Brown good luck all right and the flying Jews here he's gonna go see you he's going to

Boston I think so yeah I'm from from Boston so I'm gonna be there he hates the flying That's all right. I love it. But I was looking at his record. It's interesting. He lost four out of five before this fight win streak. And it was interesting listening to him talk about not stopping. And he also, you and I were talking about it the other night after the fights at a couple things.

A, fighters don't fight as much as they used to. And B, that they get complacent. So it's like, it's cool to hear like he went to, like Cuba, which no one would have to go to. Like, he went to get better at something. And then it's interesting. he does a lot better when he He fought in November For the windstreet

He fought in February, April, and June Of 2012 That's once every two months Then he fought in December, April And now he's gonna fight in August So like he fights every two, three months tops And it's just a You don't see that that much anymore

Man he's a tough fucking kid And just his story Just Odean on H and then putting your life together That's what we talk about here guys Don't be scared of dick Who gives a fuck what happened yesterday What's going to happen today and what's got to happen

fucking tomorrow That matter Because of fuck So what I OD'd a bunch of times I never went to the hospital Nothing You didn't OD?

Yes I fucking did On what uncoke I ODD one time On fucking Valiums In Beaumont, Texas Oh yeah you know One night One night

When I was about 17 Or 18 I kind of passed out of the party At Joe Lucci's house I fucking ate like Three Quailudes Because in those days Sometimes

People were making Quailudes In their basements or what. So every once in a while you got one pill that was bad, but the one after that had double dose. That's a good one. That's the fucking heavy duty one. That's the one they gave me.

And next to you know, I'm passing the fuck out. I'll deed. Is that what? I don't even really, like, I know it means overdose, but I just don't know, like, when I think OD, I think it means like you, like, are shaking and you do weird stuff and your phone from the mouth. You're pharma.

I've never been with somebody who OD like that. Like I've seen people phone I don't know what people do. People do. People OD like that. I've never had to drop somebody off at the hospital. Thank God. You know, I've heard stories of people party and having a good time. And then I'm just the chick starts fucking, you know, palpitating,

whatever the fuck they do on the floor. Jesus. I don't know. I wouldn't know what to do. Yeah. I would crack. I leave you there. I wouldn't know what to do.

I run out that fucking door and go call the doctors. I don't know. Would you take the adrenaline needle and shove it in their heart? Listen, if you ever... Like, Pulpiction? If you were having an adrenaline needle at your heart, of your house, I don't want to hang out with you. I really fucking don't.

You didn't keep them when you're doing Coke all that time? What's that? You didn't keep an adrenaline? Oh, yeah, yeah. I got 10 of them at the fucking house. No. All I had was hot water and a cell phone. That was the fuck.

A beeper. No, I... That's why I sit here sometimes, and you got to wonder. Like, I never wanted Terry to pick me up off the floor. Yeah. Can you imagine walking out and T. One morning, I'm on your fucking floor. I stayed over here, and I got a package

and watch TV and brought beers over. You know how bad of a way to start the day is like that? Yeah. And I was going there. There's no way. You think so? Yeah. Yeah.

When do you think it would have happened? I would have been gone by now. I would have died like two years ago if I wouldn't stop. Jeez. You can't keep smoking those. I would have had a stroke. Something. Something.

I would have been all crooked. Something would have fucking happened. You know, just the blood pressure was too high. The weight, the cigarettes, the eating. Something. The sleep apnea. Something. I'm falling asleep on a chair.

Now with the baby sitting up, I'm falling asleep on planes. And you couldn't do that before? No. I would have a hard time getting up on a plane and losing my breath on a plane. There was a couple times I looked at the store. It's like, you better take this motherfucker down. I can't breathe. You know, it's bad enough to be fat.

But then to be fat and fly and sit in the back, and that belt don't fit around you. Oh, look where I looked at that stuff before that happened. Yeah, once the belt don't fit around you, you gotta get the extension. You know, after she shows the thing, if you're gonna get the, she shows, you gotta tap her over. Let me get the fucking extension. Once you're to that point in your life, you're gonna fucking die any fucking day. So, like, you never said coke in that.

It was all weight stuff. You didn't think it was going to be the coke? Listen, you're eating bed, you're smoking cigarettes, you got sleep apnea. You're not taking care of yourself. You're not sleeping. and now to add a fucking cherry on that Sunday of bad health, you're going to do blow. And not just two bumps,

but a gram and a half to push your heart to the extreme and then right back down and then go to sleep for three hours and do it all over again. Every time you don't fucking sleep, you get fat. You got to fucking sleep. That right there is bad for you. So I didn't know. I didn't fucking know, guys.

You don't know this shit when you're fucking out there partying and doing drugs. You don't fucking worry about taking care. yourself and taking vitamins and all that shit, you know what I'm saying? Did we go through two bottles of weed today? No, that was old shit. Let me give some shoutouts, two bottles of fucking wheat. I got Mikey

Dolan. I got my man, Dan Mason helping me out with that fucking idiot last night, the douchebag. My man, Dominic Salas, over in Utah. I love you, Coxuck. I'll see you next time. Trevor Brooks, The Monkey. Jeff Love it. Nick Nelson. Stefan Eschelman.

Kyle, Stefan Escherman is a fucking and he's a long time. I can't get rid of him. He's like fucking herpes, but he's a good man. He drops a lot of them good knowledge on me. Kyle Dining,

Scottish Paulie, and Jason Pagg. I fucking love you. Don't forget this week. We're in Louisville, motherfucking Kentucky. And next week, I'm at San Jose.

The San Jose Improv with the Flying Jew. Hopefully some chick hit me up this week on Joey Diaz.net. And let me know that you're coming to what show and if you're going to fart

in Lee's face. I'm going to take it to the green room and bring the mad flavor camera. And you fart in Lee's face right on his hands on knees. There's too many emails to answer. Bring edibles. Bring Godzilla cookies.

Bring it all, bitch. And I got one. Edgar Ruiz. He's come up to a bunch of the shows. He's turning 25 today. So happy birthday, Edgar. Happy birthday, Edgar. He's coming to the shows.

He lives in LA. So what show is he coming to? No, he came to some of them. It's birthday. What the fuck? Are you talking about? What are you talking about? You're going to swim today?

Sure, yeah. What's your day look like today? What are you going to do? I got work at. I had six, so I'm gonna... How's that working out? Are you liking it? It's all right. The show's gonna end in like two weeks, so when I get back from Sandals, they might have to find a new gig.

See, right now, you would have... Coming home, right now, you were gonna home. Editing the fucking thing with the fart in the face, putting it up on YouTube. Club, strip club. There was no... There was nothing. There was nothing gonna happen. No, puns was gonna happen. If you had popped me a bus ticket, a ferry ticket, a ticket

to ride one of the rides outside of the grocery store, you would have made me get on it. There's no way. There's no way you can eat tickets. There's no way. I made a mistake. I know that you would have started crying. I would not have started crying.

I would not have started crying. Listen, Connor, don't fuck around. He hasn't been on Twitter. Where are you? Where are you? He hasn't been on Twitter. He's been going to get a new job, but he told me. We would have taken him to the fuck.

You would have fucked up in front of Connor. Conahue is an old cowboy. I know. I was ready to do it. We were going to tie you up. Both of you have disappeared. Tice some fucking maple syrup on you and leave you up and fucking Chautau park, sucker. You do that.

all over. Lions will get you. Can you imagine we were to tie jump, put maple syrup, put a corn in the fucking cob in your pocket. Keep dancing, coxswag. I can't wait. I can't wait to tape when the chick comes up and I was going to fart in your face in San Jose and your face turns fucking red and you

start, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Fuck, fuck, I hate you. I hate my life. Fuck you, I didn't go to college for four years. I'm going to quit. I'm going to work for Felicia. I'm going to do that. I can't wait. I'm going to have this on tape. So people see what I got to deal with in my fucking life. People see the anguish and the pain I have him.

What do you have to deal with? You're lucky. And have fucking Matt Brown helicopter over here from Columbus and throw a beating on your cuck, sucker. You're lucky I love you. Have you been getting any on it products? I got to send some to this jihitsu kid in fucking Connecticut. But I'll tell you what, man. Some fucking moron yesterday said to me, hey, Joey, sure you're working out or whatever.

It supplements you. I'm on testosterone sippinate, which fattenes you to fuck up and retains a bunch of fucking water. The other test is a shit that lubricates your job. joints okay let me tell you something when I go to that stupid jit-to class or I go to kickboxing fucking class I have orthotics in my feet I don't wear them no more because I lost a lot of the weight because I would get Bersaitis in my fucking heels and it's a nightmare to take that needle to the fucking heels so I always took that stuff for your joints to go disseminate fucking mixed whatever now I take the fish caps

I do as much as I can because I can't take the but I also take the fucking strong bone I get no pain so before you open up your mountain go well it's a to testosterone, it's helping you. No, it's fucking not. It's the fucking stuff I take from my fucking goddamn joints. I'm a fat fuck. My knees should be gone. I have a little fucking right knee problem, left knee problem, but I got surgery on, I still got it. But, you know, you're an old fat fuck. I played hoops. I used to run across George Washington Bridge, and knees are going to fucking hurt, man. I know people who want two different who are getting knee surgery. What do you call them, knee replacements? I'm still right there because I take care of my

grease those. I fucking stretch everything. I try to stretch. I try to stretch. I try to stretch Every fucking day. I was thinking about going to yoga today. Oh shit. From 1145 to 1. Why not? Why not? I got to get my shit together.

Besides that, that's it, people. What the fuck do you want? It's Monday morning. I hope you got a good lesson today, man. You do heroin, your fucking OD, whatever happens to you. Your life ain't fucking over, man. You still got the world by the fucking balls.

Go out there and grab it. It's Monday. Who gives a fuck what anybody says? Who gives a fuck? What are you going to do? Sit there? Tell it, cuck, cuck. And my main man, JR, called me.

I know, Joey, it's summertime. We don't know fucking hoodies. We don't need no hoodies. Go to joey-deas.net. Check out the tour schedule. We'll be coming to your town, whether it's Dr. Grins, whether it's fucking Portland,

whether it's fucking... We're coming. Chicago, everywhere. San Francisco, Nashville. We're coming. So just keep your shirt. I can only be at one place or one time.

I got my main man, Lisa, out here, flying Julio. What else is going on in Coxuck? What do you got to say? How many dates you got this week? I have a date Sunday When do you predict to have sex

I mean give me a date Let the viewers You can't plan sex I don't know Hopefully soon Are you gonna attack one of these freaks Pretty soon Are you gonna take them out of dinner

And come home with a handshake And talk about the iPad What am I gonna do with you? I don't know what I'm gonna do with you? I was an ugly kid Growing up But your age I was ugly I couldn't get no fucking pussy

You're a handsome motherfucker I want you to stop I have a date Sunday Sunday Next Sunday. No, Sunday. This Sunday. Yes.

Yeah, next Sunday. That's eight days away. I work Monday through Friday at night. What do you want me to do? There's no lunch dates, but no, you're fucking sleeping. A lunch date? That's the biggest friend date in the world. This lunch date.

Well, yeah, come. You have to come over here and you make a little pasta and cock. You give a little pasta and a little cock. You invite her over. You light some candles. You make a little matianada. What a great first date. You give a little stamin.

You get you. 2 p.m. have some little pasta and some cack. Cock, yeah. What the fuck? Come over. Every woman wants a stab at lunchtime. They go back to work. They're happy. They file. They go on the computer. They call people. They read people magazine. What the fuck? Women like

all this crazy. That's so fucking funny. You got to put cock on the menu. A little pasta and cock. You go on these dates. Every day I see you got a new blue shirt. I just came back from a date. No, I didn't. I've been on one date. And what do you meet these people? I'm Christian Mengle? No, I meet them on a little. You go to a Jew website?

No, I don't got enough. Why don't you go to a Jew website? You have to pay for it. I don't want to date Jews. How much? How much? I have no idea. So go put the $3.

Maybe there's a nice Jewish chick. It's more than three bucks. I don't like Jewish girls. I don't know two Jewish chicks who likes you who have said to me, Lisa and attract a fucking dude. Well, I'm sure they're very nice, but most Jewish girls are, I've never dated. I've never dated one. Why not?

I think they just remind you of your mother. Go on Jew and Mingle. Don't know. Whatever. Maybe they go fucking Yamaka shopping together. It's dating. I'm not. I'm not going on Yamaka shopping.

with someone. But they don't pick out of yarmulika for that man? I have no idea. I don't think so. Can you imagine that one of your little Jew freaks pick a yarmica for your smoking? Shit. Oh, I saw that Asian girl by the ha-ha the other night after you left. She was doing, she was doing laps or something, because it went over to say Heidi Di Agostino

because that's where I parked. And as I was walking in my car, she was doing laps. She was cute. You like small ones. She was like really tiny. I feel like you could pick her up and like. How was she? Was she a hooker?

I don't think so. I mean, she was doing laps, like, around the block. I told you, they were all fucking hokers up there. Me and Lee met. That's when he was happy as shit. When he found out he didn't have to go to Denver. I was pissed up. I was pissed up.

Okay. Take me for a hot dog. So I called about 11.30. I went looking for Gray Saturday night for a little while. So before I went looking for Greg, I called Lee. I go meet me over that 1215 because if I don't find Gray, at least I'll be happy. We went over that motherfucker cooked up a hot dog for Lee.

You should have seen Lee made a nice time. Taco Philly, I had four tacos. Yeah, I love those hot dogs. I went home and slept like a fucking baby, you understand me. I can imagine. I love those tacos over there. He makes a good taco. Yeah, you haven't had the hot dogs recently.

No, no, I got to watch my weight. The tacos aren't much better for you. You get carnitas tacos. I love it when you speak Spanish. Why do you like that? It's funny, because you call them Primo. Gotta call them Primo. Everyone's Primo.

Dog, if you don't call them Primo, they got nothing, right? You ever see me at a restaurant? Who gets Mamoster bread? Me, because I call the bus boy fucking primo. That means family. While you're over there saying, excuse me, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I called him Primo. If I called a Spanish guy Primo, he probably would look at me like I'm an idiot. No, no, no, he'll say, look at this motherfucker.

I took Spanish 101 in high school. That's a motherfucker I want to deal with. I, like, that was the second time I had gone, and both times, you always beat his wife. His wife is always getting more supplies. You were there before that's even cooked. Fuck yeah. Why, you want, I'm going to go? go to the mingle, I go to eat fast and get the fuck out of it.

That's my little Christian mingle.com. So I went to church this weekend. I went to Utah this fucking weekend. I went to swim with my daughter. Had a nice time. I got to see you and bust your balls, went to get some tacos. That's what the weekend's all about. That's a good weekend.

Seeing family. Now this week, Louisville, San Jose, then Vegas or Rogan, that I'm home for a week, that it's the fucking Philadelphia, bitches. My birthday weekend. Well, here we go. It's birthday weekend. What are you going to do? I have no one.

I have no plans yet. You're going to take one of these fucking. Christian mingle chicks and stab her and drop her off at the 170? No, I'm not going to stab her. What happened with the Chinese chick? Did Ashley bring the Chinese chick this weekend? Oh, the friend? Yeah, she loves it. She lives with her. So you got to see her last night too? Yeah.

What? You're such a fucking moment. She invited me over and I went over and watched a couple movies. It was fun. I'm sorry I have friends. Asshole. For no reason. Just angry. A friendship now? No, I'm angry. Nobody. I'm just. They always come in pairs. That's why you're never going to give a girl stabbing

that shows up with a different way. I'm not giving either of them a stabbing anyways. So why are you hanging out with them for? Because I like hanging with them. I have a date Sunday. And what happened? I have one Sunday. A week.

And what are you going to do all week? Who are you going to... I have work now. How many times can you beat that little dick to death? That motherfucker is tapping out right? They've got bandages on his head. It's fucking all fucked up. How many times you work off a day?

Once. Once. That's it. Sometimes it. twice if I have trouble falling asleep. What else do you want to do? It's right out of the sleeping pill. And do you go on? How long do you go for? Is it like a workout?

Why are you asking me these questions? Do you smell your hand? I don't smell my hand, but it's kind of, I am picky about what I watch. Like, I can't do it just sitting there thinking about it. I just don't know what I'm telling me. This is on the internet now forever. You see what I deal with people? You see this? You talk about you porn too, but I can't do it with like the video quality shitty and I have to like like the girl. I have to be like into her.

Do you look at? Do you look at white girls? What are you looking at? Both. The Asian girls? Yeah, I like Asian. That fucking Asian girl. Tell these people how cute she was.

I think she was a hooking. You think she was like kind of proper looking? You think she was a hooker? Proper looking. That chick will get four or five hundred in a fucking New York City Street. She was cute. She was young. We were right there.

You and I both seen it. And what was your pickup line? Do you remember? You want to have done? Can't put? Excuse me? There was no picture. To buy your taco?

She was beautiful. You got to ask if you want a taco. There was other people. It wasn't a pickup line. Yo. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. We got a fucking taco. Let's talk to us. You're walking around naked. You see that little shorts she had on? Yeah. With the heels? She was tremendous with the little sexy glasses.

What would you have done to it? I like Asian girls. Would you have taken your little yang fart to the face? No, I don't want to take a fart to the face. Why is that the only sexual thing you want me to do that and lick my own jiz? If you're licking her monkey, would you flip her over on her stomach? on her stomach and attack the muffler and just lick it a couple times.

No, I'll flip her over, but why can't I just leave that area to itself? Would you sniff? Just out of curiosity I'm not curious. Give it a little sniffing. And what if it smelled like shit? Then you enjoy it. You sniff it. I'm not going to enjoy that? Chinese food. How bad can it be?

It could be bad. Have you ever smelled an egg roll? It doesn't smell good. Lee, you've got to get it together. All right. Put the herpies and the fucking thing. By the end of the year, we're going to get your sexually transmitted disease. I don't want one. You need one. I don't need one.

Don't that you'll be loose. You're not loose. Once you get one, then you're past your hump. Then you'll eat ass and stick fingers, rub armpits, and rub her cheeks. Who's going to want to do it? What fuck? I don't know. You got to go on the proper, you go on these Christian mingled.com. I don't. I'm already on. Put a freak.com. Put

all the Jews looking for freaks.com. That's called Craigslist. Did you do any jumping jacks? Yeah. You already forgot. I did it 20 minutes ago. Let me see. I'm gonna do one with you. I'm gonna jump in there.

Then we gotta go. I got shit to do. You know what shit to do. You're gonna watch SpongeBob. I'm fucking sore from yesterday. I'm swimming. You know, sometimes you fucking sweat. And you don't realize you do this shit.

I was in there for like 45 minutes. Kicked in and running. I came home. That's it. The people downstairs. I'm gonna flip them out. Listen. I feel good today from this podcast.

This Matt Brown's, fucking savage. I love to hear stories like that. You never hear shit like that no more. That's a real motherfucking American. Follow him. I'm Matthew Brown. Become a fan.

Do what the fuck you need to do. Learn from him. I fucking was the motive. He inspired me this morning. Yeah, his Twitter is I am the immortal. The immortal, bad motherfucker. And beside that, it's Monday. It's a 17th.

You got to do what the fuck you got to do. I love you guys. Thank you very much for listening. Thank you for being a part of this. You're going to Hulu, or you're going to sit there like a fucking What do you mean? What do you want to just interrupt you? Sure.

You got to Hulu these motherfuckers. I'm going to hulu you guys. So now that the show is over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus and start watching your favorite hit shows right now. Go to our homepage, joey-d-d-s.net, and click the Hulu-plus banner for your extended free trial. Or go to Huluplus.com slash Joey.

It doesn't matter now. They want you to do uppercase or lowercase. Again, the banner at joey-d-d-D-S.net or go to HuluPus.com slash Joey. And that's it. Another fun-filled fucking day. Remember, I love you, cock-suckers, with all my heart, seriously. I love that you listen. I love that you love the flying Jew, and we have a good time here.

This is just us. We're just family doing shit smoking a few numbers, and you go off on your fucking day, and you make things happen. All right, I love you guys. What music you have from? Do you want to tell you, you're going to blow my fucking mind. Oh, shit, we can leave.

Boom, gang. Little pigs, three different. Don't want. Kick that motherfucker, leave. Go out there. Shave, look sharp. Look people in the eye today. Tell them to suck your dick if you don't like what pays they're on for you. Tell them. Suck my dick. I work too hard for this shit. Nobody can take it from me. Go out there. Stabber, motherfucker. It's Monday. Oh shit, Lee. How's gone to you? Are you all right? I'm pretty stone. Joe Himitsu. Get well. And belief. I love you, cock sucker. Do your thing. It's a

big week this week. You got two weeks and it's a fourth of July. You're going to sit around with a bunch of fat bucks and eat hot dogs. So get your two weeks done, get in there,

sling some dick. It's Pink Floyd, bitches. Where's the other one? You had the other one for you. Put the other one. Get me all excited. It's Michael Jackson Day.

Michael Jackson's going to be dead fucking like eight years this week. No, he's not. How long has he been dead for? Two, three? Two, three. Four? I don't know.

Oh, shit. I don't think we've ever switched songs before like that. Oh, shit. Let's see you do the thriller. That's not that this is a swimming. I don't know a fucking thrill. Let me see you do it.

You know it. You were slinging dick and giving up public over this point in time. You know it's cock suck. I know you're one of those guys that dance for this and that third grade. Yeah, let me see. Come on. Let me see. Do this.

Get up. You have to do it. I don't know it. I don't know it. I don't know it. Come on. I was probably. I was probably.

I'm not even alive. Not even alive. Do the zombie for the people. Oh, you got to get up. I'm not getting up. You gotta do the sound. You gotta get out. Have a good day. Stay black. Love it.