The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 06/24/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #91

Episode Date: June 25, 2013

Comedian, actor, and writer Mick Betancourt calls in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is also brought to you by Hulu Plus. Visit huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Streamed live on 06/24/2013

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It's Monday, April 24th. We'll take your right with fucking Black Sabbath To let you know what type of fucking week it is. Lee Syatt, the flying Jew in the house. Oh shit, already crying about it. He's not eating edible. Let's see, cocksucker. And you got another piece over there too.

Oh, it's a beautiful fucking day to be alive, cock suckers. Get up. Shine your shoes. Eat some oatmeal. Put a fucking crease in your pants. Look sharp. Get out there. Slings some dick.

You can either sling dick or get dick slung in your face. Oh shit. First of all, I want to show people, for people who are watching, this is a piece he gives me at 6 in the morning. Why are you talking over Ozzy Osbourne? When did you fucking become? Because it's not a huge piece. These are the little ones.

These are the little ones. So you're going to eat 20 milligrams. Did you see your eyeballs on the plane? And you already fucking cry. I didn't eat none on the plane. Yes, you did. You already fucking crying. You took pictures of your eyeballs.

I eat the fucking piece. You're going to sleep anyway until 6. It's 6 in the morning. I have to be at work at six. I already had one piece. You had a little bit later. I'm not having this whole fucking fucking toots your old size piece.

You're going to get me in a bad mood. You're always in a bad mood. You're going to put the show in a fucking bad situation from the start. Eat the goddamn piece of chocolate. Please. This is a chibot choo. This is quality fucking chocolate. I know I had a piece.

Danish people. I'm going to have a piece later. No, no, you don't have to have a piece later. You just eat the piece I gave it. I'm not giving me. I'm going to eat that piece right now. If you can fucking put this to bed. I'm not eating this whole.

And by 7 o'clock you're behind. When I get the fuck out of here, you just go to bed. Yeah, and by 8 o'clock, I'll be still... Yeah, right, and you're going to bed. So what's the big fucking deal? Just eat the fucking chocolate, please. What do you get me on, and bother for on a Monday? You know, people fucking dying, and, you know,

everyone will eat my kid? Get together, cucksuck. You get together. I had a great week in Lexington, Kentucky. Fucking great people, great club. The people, stop fucking around to the desk and eat that chocolate. I'm going to have it. fucking beat.

You see I got to deal with people. This is the shit. See this size of this piece. The yellow fucking shirt. Look at the size of this piece. Look at the size of this piece. In comparison to what I'm asking. Yeah, that's the whole thing.

You're not supposed to eat. I'm giving you a little corner. You gave me half. Please. You're ruining the fucking show by crying. I'm ruining this. I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wanted a date last night.

He shut the phone off this morning. He's in love. I'm not in love, but I had a good time. We talked about sex. And you believe this shit? No. We talked. And again, he's talking about sex with a fucking bro.

You realize she listens to this, right? Oh, God's the fuck. What the fuck is wrong when you're talking about? No, because you give me shit for not talking like this. It was a good day. What did you take it? We went to Santa Monica. We went to, it's called Robata Bar.

It's like an Asian sort of grill thing place. It was good. We went there. We had a drink, and then we went to the pier. Did you ride into the rides? Yeah, we did. We went on the Ferris wheel. I know you did.

You got a damn right. I did. didn't touch a titty or nothing on the Ferris wheel. I didn't do that we made out and stuff, but no. Look at Lee, making out, talking about sex on his first day. Look at him. He got a new haircut. I did get a new haircut.

No, it was a... Did you tell her you were juicing? I'm not juicing right now, but I mean, she, I think... You got to smoke some of this? You're going to sit there like a fucking zon. I have smoked it. People think I don't do anything because you see this. You don't do much.

We didn't smoke. We didn't smoke. You took a little hit and you blew a little smoke out. You don't even paying attention. You can't remember to put the headphones on. This Lee fucking smoking with it. You're the business. First of all, that's not all I smoke.

The fuck. We'll show these people. I can't smoke this fucking number. I can't smoke that much. Because if I smoke every time you make me smoke, I'll be fucking dead. I have to pace myself, unlike you, who smoke 18 joints in a day. And you wonder why you have an entire jar of peanut butter at night. This fucking guy cries constantly, people.

He's already crying about San Jose. I have, I cried constantly. Eat the fucking chocolate. I swear to God, I'll stab me right on camera. Cuckucketkin. What about you do to do to this joint? Nothing. Just hit it. See, right there.

Always a complaint. Just hit the fucking thing. Let me see you. Inhale that motherfucker. Let's do this shit, right. Inhale it. Ooh, that's a boy. Hit those little Jew lungs.

Get the fucking yarmacas out of there. Let me see you do a couple jumping jets. Where's the chocolate? Right there. Let's fucking eat this thing. Let's get the day started. This is the church of what's happening now. We ain't got time for this shit.

We got Americans listening to this shit. People going to war. People fucking crazy. People are scared to leave the house. I don't eat my. Eat the fucking chocolate. God damn it before I fucking throw this knife back you. Cuck, sucker.

Unbelievable what I got to deal with. Beautiful day to be alive. We're here. The church of what's happening. Now, man, a lot of shit happened over the weekend. A lot of shit didn't happen before we would get this book. What the fuck are you here?

Lee went over. A lot of shit happened. A lot of shit didn't happen. Where's that piece of chocolate? I still didn't see. Let's go. Right now. Let's go.

Right now. Get it out of it. You want me have another piece now? Let's go. That's not, that's not the piece. I'm not having no piece. I'm not. I'm not.

A piece and you're gonna have to eat it on camera. Eat the fucking piece. I'm gonna eat the fucking piece. You wanna go bad right now? You can finish it? You won't know how to press anything. No song, no calls? I'll go to bed right now.

Money is the whole fucking piece. You believe this is chibotee. He's embarrassing me in front of the Cheebo Chew people. I know. I love their product. The product is too good to eat an entire fucking piece. You're only in an entire piece. Just a corner of a half.

I've been having edibles since September. And you've been having edibles since you were fucking 16. No, I'm going to cut you in a little piece. Either you eat that fucking thing, I'm going to cut your little fucking piece. You're not going to do any. I'm going to eat as much as I want. You're not going to tie you up.

I'll put one of these things in your asshole with a turkey base that you'll be high for fucking 32 hours here in this room by yourself. It's up to you, Cox. I'll tie you up with the Israeli flag. So anyway, this is that a fucking... Why are you going to put a turkey baste on my ass? Because that's what the fucking hip kids do in Hollywood. No, it's not. And they go and they jump up and down to the Jew band.

You're like, they jump up and down. I am going to July 6 at the Avalon. You fucking struits July 6 to jump up. I like having fun. I'm sorry. He likes that. Fucking fun.

What fun? What fucking fun? You're gonna go jump there and smell armpits. Jump up and down. What girl are you bringing? Ashley again? No, I'm bringing the girl on a date with last night.

You just met her and you're taking her to the concert. You didn't even give her a stabbing yet. You don't even know if a fucking muffler smells like taco chips. You don't know. What does taco chips mean? You're a fucking... You're Hispanic and you don't know. know what a tortilla chips are.

It's called tortilla chips. You're gonna eat that piece of it. I already had two pieces of it. I'm not eating a whole piece. I'll leave you alone. No, you won't. You're not gonna leave me alone. I'll leave you alone.

Give me five minutes. What five minutes? I'm gonna break the other one out in five minutes. Chibo choo was very nice. Cheebo two is great. They have a fucking strong-ass product. Who asked you? Who asked you?

What the fuck do you know? You ate the corn? Because you made me eat them. Look at this shit. Look at this shit. They got the hybrids. They got the fucking indicas. They got the sativas.

They got this thing with pain relief That's 60 milligrams these little fucking things And this guy over here is crying You know what? I'm going to hit you in the head with this fucking computer mouse And then you don't have to get two stitches And you're going to need fucking pain relief for your skull cut sucker This is what I got to deal with people

But seriously Kentucky was great last week And I mean The last two weeks I've gotten to like This last week was the Bible Belt And years ago I fucking ate shit in the Bible about West Virginia And Charlotte and all

that so I just stopped going back yeah but I started thinking about it you have to stick it out with them you have to hang up there and talk to them and explain yourself but the funniest thing happened because sadly and then I realized that there was no warning signs or right out the door whenever I'm performing there better be a fucking warning sign so you I would think that would upset you that doesn't upset you no I want people to know what they're getting them fuck themselves into okay sometimes people at a restaurant eating they go why are there people standing over there oh let's go over there who's this comedian he appeared on general hospital. So they think they're going to go in there and see some

fucking guy talking about, you know, the news and what's going on in Pakistan or whatever the fuck. And I'm up there talking about eating ass and stabbing a cat and fucking Lysayat and all of a sudden they just run the fuck out of there and I don't want to do that to people. I don't want people to have a bad taste in their mouth. I mean, I want you to do the research.

I do the research for everything before I fucking get out of the house. Yeah. And that's even before the goddamn computer. You call them people. You see this movie? What is it about? Blah, blah, blah. No, these fucking people, you know, they just go out. So sure enough, I told the management, I go, listen, I'm going up there and tell them. So I went up there and said, listen, cocksuckers, I'm going to tell you something before this show even starts.

Either, you know, this is not a Christian group. So I don't know what you heard on the radio, whatever, but I got to tell you more. So I go up then and tell him, three minutes into a joke about, not even a joke. I was telling about the food. The food was so fucking bad at this restaurant next to the comedy club. Oh, really? The mashed fucking potato. Listen, if you fuck up mashed potatoes, just get up and pay the tab.

because you can't fucking mashed potatoes. How do you fucking mashed? It's milk, potatoes, and butter, and salt and fucking pepper, and maybe a little mayonnaise, whatever people add. Everybody adds a little different thing for flavor, just horseradish, whatever. I don't give them a fuck. These mashed potatoes were fucking horrid. And that's all I said.

Some guy got up and he goes, fuck you fat Tony. And he goes outside, he told the manager, Jesus fucking Christ, that was vulgar. That's exactly how he told the manager. Really? Jesus fucking Christ, that was vulgar. believe he said fuck you fat Tony

I fucking lost that I loved it What's fat Tony That's the guy I played in the longest shot Oh is it really You gotta get your shit You gotta leave

Lee Lee Lee Lee I'm sorry I don't know What the fuck Anyway so no So that was great I had a great time The hotel was great

I swam I fucking did the epileptic I did a bunch of shit And I came home yesterday My plane was delayed three hours Yeah you called me I'd two him Like he's supposed to be in sleep by

And let me tell you what the best one was. What? I get off the fucking plan and my car battery's dead. What the fuck? Somebody banged into it and they went, beep, beep, beep, beep. There's something fucking weird happening. So I called Subaru.

They wanted to come in an hour when I've seen this fucking Puerto Rican in a tow truck. I gave him a 20. For $20 a guy on a tow truck would jump up and down on a fucking Sunday. You know what I'm saying? It's hysterical. Hey, listen, money talks and bullshit walks.

I always remember that shit people. Yeah. I see these people at the airport, these old ladies, they have these guys pushing my wheelchair. and they give him a fucking dollar. You give me a fucking dollar. I'll throw you off that fucking ramp. You understand me?

Fucking, give me a fit, cuck, sucker. I'm pushing your smelling hair spray. Listen to this fucking ear beating about your grandson that played. You know, tennis and fucking know the day. Who gives a fuck? You got to fucking take care of people. You got to tip them. You got to slip them.

I think the guy 40 bucks. I don't give a fuck. Just jump me and get me the fuck on the 405 and get me home. That's all I care about. It's Monday Lee. You got the butt. Very important. Let's get this out of the way just so people know how the fuck I feel.

immediately. Rest in peace, James Gandafini. It was a shame. You know, when somebody dies, especially somebody in Hollywood, you read all the shit people saying, all the phonies come out of the fucking woodwork and how this, whatever. I never met the guy. I never met the guy.

I never breathed this fucking air. You know, I knew friends that were mutual with him. I will tell you one thing. I think the character, how he played in Tony Suprano was fucking great. What he did in true romance was fucking great. What he did, I've seen him in a few movies that he was great. The best thing people said about this guy was that he was very humble as an actor. And he liked the party, like the rock and roll, you know.

But I don't know if you people know this and let's get this shit out of the way. I watch the Sopranos every day at 5 o'clock when my wife comes in. I have the baby. I watch Spongebob till 5. And I'll watch, if it's the first two seasons of the soprano, I'll watch the whole episode. If it's anything after that, I'll watch 10 or 15 minutes of it, just to see what he's doing in the episode or whatever. I'm going to tell you something, people, just so you fucking know.

Yesterday, me and my wife was sitting on the couch playing with the baby, and I was giving her a bottle. I was trying to put it asleep, and I had a half hour to kill. It was seven, whatever, it was 10 after seven, whatever. And I taped the honeymoon every night at 1.30. And I taped the episode of when his mother-in-law came over, and he put an alarm clock and gave her three minutes that he would start trouble. She would start an argument.

And she did. He throws her out, and he throws the wife out, and then he goes to make a recording. and he does this recording but he starts talking about the mother-in-law. She's a blabber mom. Norton goes, relax. You can't send her that,

and he makes another album. And this one is a really good one where he says, I love you. But Norton made the mistake and sent her the bad album. And she comes home and it's really weird because it's a great fucking written episode.

And to me, to me, to me, in this world. Like even when I was growing up in 70, everybody came home and said, oh my God, Santa Night on, I thought of Saturday Night Live was okay, but not enough even today the other night i got stuck watching that set myers whatever you

fucking people are watching and think is funny i don't get it that guy's never said a fucking funny thing of his life but it's that american type comedy where you go oh my god whatever the fuck it don't matter me it doesn't really i don't even watch it so i don't give a fuck when i was watching that honeymoon episode yes i was watching my wife's face because i had the baby shoes on the computer and my wife doesn't really and she was fucking howling there was a couple parts and then with norton i was fucking howling And when the episode finished, I got, I called my buddy, who's a big honeymoon. I go, you know what?

I've seen this episode 2,000 times. And here I am crying. I'm crying because how brilliant it is. I'm crying because I'll never see anything like this again. There was three writers for the honeymooners. Sign out of Live, I've got 30 fucking writers. 30 plus the people who do the sketches. Yeah.

Okay, when you watch a TV show, they've got 10, 7, 8 fucking writers. So when you see that junk, that's what eight people have collaborated on. and a network of geniuses have fucking collaborated on and said that's a TV show, okay? So, it's like my friend Lee was saying that he got an email and Sunday said to him, do you guys do a production meeting.

You know, you can do all the production meetings and all the jumping down, all the makeup, all the outfits, if your show sucks, it sucks. If you don't put your fucking heart into it and you don't fucking get to the bottom of the writing, it sucks. Okay, now let's talk about what I'm trying to tell you.

Sons of Anarchy is a good show. Is it going to go down in the anals with television? No. That fucking breaking bad's a good show. Is anybody going to remember that show in fucking 10 years? No. All these fucking shows that you people watch, they're okay shows.

They're okay shows for now for entertainment. Listen, I'm going to tell you two times so you fucking know this. It's not because of Jersey, and it's not because of fucking the mafia or whatever. Watch the first two episodes of The Sopranos and see what television and what film should fucking be. And if you don't believe, just watch it.

Watch it. Didn't last week they voted the best television series of all times the American Movie Academy or some television thing. Probably, yeah. Let me explain something to you. They can't even do a mob movie anymore because the Sopranos was so strong. Because they got into the nuts and bolts. What we discussed on Friday, when I got upset here on the show,

because I was telling you people, anybody could tell you a story. It's telling you the state of mind. That's what they have to sell you. That's why this podcasting is so popular now. And radio is a fucking dinosaur. Because we're telling you our state of mind. It's no more, hey, Lee, did you see what? happened last night during the NBA finals

no it's motherfuckers talking about getting a fart to the fucking face another poor guy saying he never took a fart to the face which if this was serious or some tough guy would go yeah cheeks fart in my face all the time you understand me that's the beauty of what's going on right now and when

you watch there's a story in the seventh episode of the Sopranos he's taking his daughter up to college okay to look at colleges a mobster taking his daughter up to look at colleges and she confronts him and this is where the bomb comes up between a daughter and a father

because they're concerned about the boy. He has a son in the show and he's got a daughter in the show. The son's a fucking mutt like most little kids walking around today. That's why I would never have a kid like that because if I had a boy that was like that, I'd shoot him. I'd take him shotgun because a boy of mine can't act

like that. But he got his point across to the girl. The girl, his daughter is very sleek and very streetwise and she confronts him in the car. Daddy, are you in the mafia and he has to fucking tell has something. He has to tell us something. Yeah. HBO was going to

cancel that show because in that episode he goes to college and why he's getting gasoline. He sees somebody who rattled on a bunch of his friends that's in a witness relocation now. So he went and killed the guy. HBO didn't want a mob boss killing anybody. The show

was a mob show about 2000, not a mob show about 1800s. That's what the problem with all the mafia shows you see today. That's why nothing's ever going to stick. Because there's still living in 1970. Hey, Gino,

Gino, Nicky, and fuck, it's the same fucking shit. Yeah. The Suprinos was something

different. Listen to this episode, I'm telling you, he kills this guy. When I'm a mob boss, I'm supposed to

send Lee to go kill the fucking guy. No, he killed the guy. He choked him with his bare fucking hands.

HBO said not to air the episode to reshoot it. And David Chase shot it and sold it just like that.

And the show became what it fucking was. So before you put on fucking breaking bad, you bust my balls, but whatever. Just watch the fucking Supriano. That's, so RIP

hit it. Hit with a little fucking music from the Suprinos for these cock suckers. Let me cut into my next edible edible number two going down, Lee. Are you with me? Are you with me, Lee? I'll have another piece that one I already have. All right, eat the fucking piece. Because if not, you're going to have to cut a piece of this and you're going to have to inhale one of these. Stop your crying. Stop your

fucking crying. All right. In a little while I'm going to bring you some honor to honor, too. It's time we put you on some honor fucking protein powder with your little blank. That's a boy. Eat the fucking thing. You gotta chew it. You can't swallow it like they got to chew it.

So the electrolytes go in your mouth and you fucking get out. The one you had this beacon was leaking THC. That's a four-stress. It's a DECA. It's going to be fine. This is a DECA. This is a DECA.

This is not a baby. Did you see the fucking label? And the other one was a DECA. It was a white label. Okay. And what's that? This is a green label. Okay.

This is a one dose. And it's a medium. Look. Look. There's a little baby one. This is a, uh, hybrid. Good.

I'm gonna get stoned. It's fine. We think Uncle Joy would take you to the fucking murky waters in the world. You love taking me in the mercury waters. You're gonna have that already in San Jose.

You think it's the best thing in the world. You're gonna have those proms on your own this week in San Jose. Wait to those fucking Manson followers get a hold of you and start making you eat cock with T.8C in it and that chick parts in your face up.

Please, you're already aggravating. I'm trying to make the week easier for you by you getting high this morning and dealing with this shit because what's gonna happen to you starting Thursday night's going to be fucking ugly in San Jose Thursday night. I don't have to

go anywhere until I just have to be at the show. I don't be anyone on Friday. I know. I know. Wait. Wait, wait. What are you complaining about? If I was you, I eat this fucking Chee-Bo, the whole thing just to prepare you for what's going to happen to you Thursday night. If that was you, that's... You eat the Cheap-Bo Chu no matter who you are.

I ain't saying nothing. I ain't saying... If I was you, I'd eat the whole fucking Cheebo-choo. You always eat the whole Cheebo-choo. That's me. I always, because I'm a savage. preparation for Thursday because what they're going to do to you on Thursday, I don't want to be around. I'm going to leave you up there. What do you mean you to leave me up there? I'm sneaking out the back door and leaving you up there with the people

and watch. I'm excited to go up there. Everyone seems cool. Look at that real cool. Wait till you fucking three of these Cheebo cheebo shoes. You got 90. Three cheaper chews. You will up there. No, I won't. I'll smoke with them. And I'll have like... And there'll be 80 people standing around you're clapping. Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee. You're not going to have a choice. And I'll pass it around.

And I'll pass it around. Do you eat that other piece? Did you finish it? I did. I know I didn't finish it. Fuck you. Let's finish it. No, I just had three pieces. That's enough. No, no, no.

Fuck you. Go, go. God damn. And everyone who gives me shit, the amount of high I get. The amount of... He's only got to deal with a fucking college graduate cries. No, because you talk shit and say, I don't get high. You know full well I'm getting high because you call me hysterically laughing in about three hours.

I don't fucking call you. Have you moved? I call you to say what's going on? Do you want to go swimming? Can I help you? Can I help you? Can you help me? All you do is, as soon as we get off, you rub my head, you laugh for about 35, five minutes,

and you go home, and you call and you make fun of me. I don't make funny. Yes, you do. You know. You're my fucking gumbari. I know. I'm trying to get you ready for the real world. It's a cold, this is the real world out there.

It's a cold fucking world out there. And you know what that world needs? And you still want to be friends with Ashley and hang out with three, her brother and the Chinese. I haven't seen them for like two weeks. Don't lie, cock's a lot. I haven't. You know what? I need this to calm down. It's a beautiful fucking Monday to be alive.

Why are you talking over Tony? He ain't singing yet. I want to be around. To eat some out of bones. With Lisa, I have this Monday morning. Lee, this is in your future. as I'm gonna be a snap with my fingers I'm all snapped out yeah see you're all calm down now so I uh I was thinking about something the other night I went to the comedy store

our buddy Steve Simone got me a ticket and I realized why I think people enjoy this so much because for me the reason why I do it I'm insanely jealous of hanging out at the comedy clubs Like I, you couldn't pay me to be a comedian. I don't, that's not the thing I want to do. But like the amount of camaraderie, it seems like people have at the comedy clubs. And I know the different comics can be assholes. But in general, it's like, it's like, I think the reason people like podcasts is, like you're hanging out with comics. And they all seem to always be having a good time.

Like, I love comedy. Like, I just love going to comedy clubs. I went by myself. I didn't even, I didn't even call anyone to go. I just, there's nothing. it's like a movie, but it's better because you get your drinking, you don't have to be quiet, but like you're watching entertainment.

I don't, I fucking love it. I just, even even bad comedy, like, even like kind of like generic comedy, not bad comedy, but generic, can still be funny and it's just, like I saw Mark Curry who used to you haven't seen for a while, he was great, already came back,

Tony Hinchcliff went up, it was a great show. So, I mean, it's a weird thing because I, like I was thinking about podcast, like why they so, so popular. I think it's because people are, at least I know, I'm jealous of like the stories you tell of just, not even being on stage, but like hanging out at this thing,

hanging out at the comedy clubs. You know, it's funny because when I read that movie, ladies and gentlemen, when I read the movie, when I read the book, ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Bruce, you know, he talked about doing these strip clothes. And at the time, that was my state of mind. That's where I wanted to be. I wanted to be alone.

I thought I wanted to live my life alone. I thought that, uh, I definitely wanted to have drugs in my life at night. You know, I definitely, that was part of my life. I like the whole, whatever. And there is a very weird camaraderie. You know, you look at me, I'm 50, and I'm all about friendships, and I'm all about belief, and I'm all about a lot of shit.

Because I know at the end of the fucking week, sometimes the bonds you have a friend destroying your own fucking family. Yeah. I had a bond with a lot of comics. It was really weird. But my, it's like what happened to me, At 18, happened to me again a couple of years ago, and it happened to me at the comedy store.

I expected, I always thought that comedians were, look, there's 20 million fucking doctors. Oh, shit. What's up, baby? What do you say? There he is, my main man, McBentoncourt. What's going on, my man? Good morning, man.

How did the fucking ribs come out yesterday? Let me tell you something. I got this thing called the Traker Grill, right? it's a smoker and a grill all in one seven and a half hours when i opened the fucking grill the ribs fell apart that's how juicy they were what did you put on them for a rub did you rub anything did you put barbecue what'd you put on that this is how i do it hit me mustard you got to get hinds yellow mustard brown sugar worcestershire take it in that shit then you hit it with the rub i smoke it for three hours every hour i check in pour a glass of apple juice over

each slab, then I take them out, hent them in tin foil, I cover them in brown sugar, drizzle them in honey, put a little apple juice underneath, tent them, cook them at 225 for another three. Then I take them out, I hit him with the sauce, and then I smoke them for another half-hour hour, hour to set the sauce. Unbelievable. So the whole thing's eight hours out the door. You're a fucking, what time did you eat till? I started cooking at about four in the morning, and I wanted to be. eating it about midnight. Jesus Christ.

That's true. When I called you was so happy. You were so proud. And you're like, yeah, come over. Eat a fucking, come on. I'm like, this guy's loving life today. What's going on? You're working?

Yeah, I'm going into work today at 10. I'm cruising around now, checking in with you. I'm writing on a new NBC show called Ironside, starring Blair Underwood and a bunch of other great to up-and-coming actors. and super excited about that. Got a podcast going called the Nick Bettencourt show. I saw it.

And who's on this week? Who's on this week? Cindy Cappanara. Okay. You know, I saw that you had Jack McGee on there last week or the week before. Jack is phenomenal. You just started this podcast. This is your fourth episode, and I saw you had Jack McGee on there.

And I got to tell you something. I did a movie with Jack. For you guys who don't know what Jack me is, he's the far. in the fighter. I did a movie called The Boilermaker with Jack, and there was a $100 a day movie, and the reason why I did the movie was when I saw Jack at the table read. Oh, no shit. That's the respect I have for Jack. Then we did the movie. It was 18 days straight, and I got to really know him. He's an old-timer from the Bronx, you know, and it's amazing that you look at a guy like that.

He's got some great fucking stories, like we all do that have been around the block once or twice. he's got, you know, stories of heart attacks and the whole fucking deal. And I was talking to you last night. Mick, how long have you been clean on drugs now? Clean off drugs. 11 years. Completely everything, correct?

Everything. 10 years, just over 10 years, no cigarettes, and no booze, nothing that affects me from the neck up for 11 years. And you used to be a druggie or an alcoholic, which one? Well, an alcoholic, but if you had a little blow, I would partake in that and then try, to find where the nearest safe was. Well, the nearest what?

I try to find out where the nearest safe was. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the same way. I'm the same way. It's just weird that now you're writing on a show. You know, you're one of those comments I've known for a long time, and I love to death because there's no fucking around with you. I see you.

Yeah, there's no time for the point. Yeah, I see you, and I know what I'm getting. I give you a hug. What's going on? You don't hit me with, oh, my God. I just came back from me. No, you just want to, you know me. fucking around putting the pieces together

and then I go home and I see your name at the end of a law and order SVU. Who the fuck's better than you? You know what I'm saying? All these other fucking people they walk around with an NBC shirt. Nothing bothers me more when somebody walks around advertising what the fuck they do. Remember in the 80s

and 90s comedians would put a suit on with sneakers and you felt like smacking them in the fucking mouth? Like now I see these people like whenever I see people with that artistic Sinatra hat in Hollywood I want to smack them right in the fucking face because, oh, I get it, you're a camera dude.

You ever go to a set and you, if you go to a set and you can tell who the director is from his outfit, he's a fucking mook. And you know what I'm talking about. You know those people, especially when it's a woman director. They always have to have three nose rings in their fucking rings, three rings in their noses, and a fucking tomahawk and a blonde stripe

and, you know, a tattoo of a fucking snake attacking a Puerto Rican. You know, they always got fucking nosed. something on to let you know I'm the director and then you go to director and they suck it's like a guy it's like a comic with a lot of credits everybody knows though that's snake hey Puerto Ricans

so you gotta say that it's half the director's fault for the tattoo but in a way he's replicating a truth but it's so funny how they dress up to the fucking part that's always burned me up when you see me I want you to think I'm a union electrician yeah I mean well you're saying that's it that's how I dress I wear a

I wear a pair of brown dress shoes, jeans, and I wear a blue hoodie when I'm on set and I look like a grip. So a lot of times when I tell somebody listen,

I need you to go over there and do this. They're like, I don't know, I'm your boss. It's fucking crazy. You don't have to fucking scream it out. You just got to be a gentleman, do your job,

work hard, and don't be a fucking, I don't know when it became okay to be a fucking asshole and not get checked. I mean, when we were coming up, if you ran your mouth, you got, fucking, you got checked. Someone punched you, and then you go, you'd get snapped back to reality. That was the point of getting punched.

It wasn't so that the other guy could act tough. Those were the rules. You ran your mouth. And then when you got punched, you got snapped back to reality, and someone go, hey, why are you got a fucking black guy? And you go, I ran my mouth, and Tommy fucking checked me. And they go, oh, good. You're good, no, yeah, we're good. That was it.

That was it. That was as complicated as shit had to be. Well, you live in here, nobody can get checked in anything. You can't even look somebody in the face and go, hey, bro, you did this wrong, you cut me off. They'll put, and then this is the best. They put the defensive on. They get tough with you. Then if you bit slap them, they're down 911.

Oh, they can't. They lose their shit. They lose their shit. I've never seen motherfuckers like this except here, where they start a fight with you and then down 911. Yeah, it's very, I don't understand what's a, it's a weird controlling thing. I don't buy in any of them. I won't say shit to anybody. You want to fucking cut me off the traffic.

Go ahead. I got more, you know, I got kids now. Fucking go ahead. You want to be sick on the freeway? Go on you, man. It's just to, you know, I had to reprioritize a lot of stuff because, you know, when you get out to L.A., it's a whole other fucking universe. You know, the stakes are high, so you want to get in the game a little bit. But like you just said, there's these weird rules where you can't check anybody.

So why? I don't even entertain the idea anymore because you're the one that's going to wind up and cut. you know it's funny when I did the movie with Jack McGee I knew these people were fucking wheelers and dealers I took the role you know it's the movie where I quit doing blow Mick it was

it's a shit movie it was a good movie believe it or not with John what's the guy from the deer hunter John oh the blonde head got it died oh the blonde hair got hurt no no no no

he's in the movie Jack McGee's in the movie one of the guys from sons of anarchy and this boiler maker and I did the John Cazelli No no no

Look at Deer Hunter The third actor John Savage John Savage John Savage isn't Wasn't the movie Good looking dude That motherfucker made some good movies

And he was also Undo the right thing So I saw him at the table read So I take this job with Jack McGee And it just so happened That's the week I get clean and sober I'm off the blow

And I take this fucking job And you know when you get Clean and sober the first seven days you're walking on fucking eggshells. And you know that God, the first 30 days, the first 50 years, you're walking on eggshells. So I'm about a week clean. And I start this movie and I get that Thursday, Mick. And there's nothing I hate Mick when they don't have food on the fucking table.

Nothing pisses me off more with the union dues that I fucking pay. When I go to a movie set and they got granola, those fucking logs that I can't stand. those granola blogs with peanut butter chocolate chips which fucking I can't stand and then they have like the the apple with the orange and they have water like if I go to a movie to do that and that's what you have I lose my fucking mind you do know that also you're seven days off of coke so you haven't eaten in the last 15 years so now you want you got some time to catch up on no no no I'm telling you when I do those things I get serious I pay master fucking dues and say so Thursday we get there there's no food Friday we get there there's no food Friday we get there's no food food and they're sending you out for lunch, which I had never been sent out for lunch only on Spider-Man, but they tell you to walk down to the corner on Spider-Man and they pay you 25 bucks to eat out. So they give you 25 bucks and the meal is only 10. So you make 15 fucking bucks. So you make 75 for the fucking week. If you look at it that way, these people are telling you, no, go eat lunch, off the lot. And we're working off the 170 on Sherman Way. So I know

it's fucking crazy. Finally, I go back up there on Sunday. Again, there's no food. And I say, say something to Jack McGee and a couple of the other actors. I say, guys, can you do me a favor and help me out here? Because this cannot be. They got to have something. And meanwhile, all these actors are talking behind the director and everybody's back going, Jesus Christ, one of these people are going to have food. So finally, it's Sunday. If I got to work on a Sunday on your movie, Mick, do me one favor. First of all, don't make it a 12-hour day. And second of all, you better have fucking food there. People are coming away from the their families to do your fucking stupid movie.

I want you to go above and beyond that. Do you know what I'm saying? Like if you're supposed to just have food, get bagels on a Sunday and show us that it's a little bit that goes a long way in life. I'm in sack. How the fuck you think I treat people? I treat them like royalty when I do. When Jack did my short film, if you go on Daily Motion, anybody that's listening,

Jack and I did a short film where he plays the dad and Donald Logue, speaking of sons of Antarctica, and a cop. opera is in it as well. Beth Grant from the artist. We did a little short film. We shot it over three days. I had a caterer come in from the time we set the cameras up in the morning until they went at night, four meals, a craft service table.

And we did it upright, even though it was a small independent film. I did union waivers, you know, low budget waivers. So we kept it all union and money went toward everyone's pension fund. I mean, that's how you do it. That's how you do it, man. And do your business right or you're a fucking, asshole and you cheat people and then it comes back when

karma kicks you in the dick so I get there Sunday everybody's bullshit and my blood pressure is fucking 190 over fucking a thousand I'm Cuban and I'm not doing any blow and it's the Lord's Day I'm Catholic and it's bothering me just to leave the fucking house

I ask the actors I go again and then put no food I go watch lunchtime I'm going the fuck off and at lunchtime I went out then I grabbed the gun I go where's the fucking food and she goes I don't know. I start yelling. The producer comes out.

He starts yelling. Within 10 minutes, they got the whole fucking supermarket there. But you know what? The whole next 16 days, nobody talked to me. They treated me like I have fucking AIDS. Yeah, man.

They all pretty much, like, didn't mess with me because they were like, man, I can't believe you talk to the director and the producer like that. What are you going to do? Sit here and let these guys fuck in the fucking ass. And I checked them like a man. I checked them how you would get checked on the street.

See, the old days, I'd be throwing tables and shit. This time. I asked her a nice thing and I wanted to produce And I go, bro, you gotta fucking do the right thing here You can't have me here with no fucking food on Sunday That's rude That's just rude And I think the guy was like from Detroit or something

Which really got me pissed off He wasn't some Jemoke from fucking out here This guy was like from these coast that had the flavor He knows he's a fucking Catholic You gotta fucking put food out for motherfuckers on the Sunday Yeah Sundays You're crossing a serious line if you fuck what we want So you can't

I don't care if you just crawl out of a fucking cave Sunday, Sunday. So every time I see Jack, he's cool. He always gave me the love. He always called me Wild Man after that. He's like, you're a fucking wild man. But I had to say something. And now these people never did nothing

with the fucking movie, and they're doing plays. And they keep emailing me. Come watch out play. I'm like, fuck you. I reply, fuck you. Where's that fucking movie? It's not even on Amazon. I haven't made a fucking dime from it yet.

I'll see a play if you set out of food tray. Yeah, I can see a fucking play if you put out some fucking pickles and shit. Nothing pisses me off more than that when I do those movies. Because you work on movies that they give you more fucking food than what you do do with. Then you go on something else and they got fucking nothing. I'm sorry to get you off the track, Mick. I know you're working hard.

What's going on in your world, Mick? Talk to me, God's second. I'll talk about food all day. I had a dream about the combo sandwich last night. You remember that? What combo sandwich? Oh, yeah, the hot Italian with the fucking sausage in the middle? Yeah, I mean, what's better than that?

The fucking sandwich has another sandwich on it. The sandwich is topped with the sandwich. Oh, my God. That fucking Chicago. I remember I used to go to that club on the south side. and the guy at the deli where I ordered delivered, he'd make me a pipe out of aluminum foil and he'd give me a little reafer every time I order.

That's what Chicago's all about. You follow me? Awesome. Fuck in the town. That's Kenny down at K.J. Riddles. Fuck, yeah. I love, let me tell you something. I'll be in Zanis in October or something,

and I'll be downtown and I'm happy. I have friends down there, but I love this outside of fucking Chicago down there. Harlem, whatever that fucking street is. They got some Chinese restaurants. Oh, my God. They got a steak and shake across the street from a white castle. What are you fucking kidding me or what?

You know what I do with the white castle now when I get it? I just throw it. I buy it. I drive it back to the room and then I just throw it in the toilet. I cut out from the middleman. Come on, Doug. You're killing me. I eat two of those things.

Every time I go to any, like this week they had them in Lexington. I didn't go. But every time I go to Riddles on Friday nights, I get two of them with some fries and a diet. Pepsi. Watch, what's this? There you go. I just farted for you.

Live on the air. That's what the White Castle did to me. It went right through my fucking system. Ooh, that fart is tremendous. You just even mention the word White Castle. Forget it. You're fucking welcome to Jeannie bottle.

Lee, you got to whip for this fucking asshole yet? You just shit your pants. I didn't shit my pants. It was just it ricocheted off the chair right into the microphone. You know how I do it? I know fucking the piss. Two baby angels just got their wings

Oh Forget, I'm just Ret Lee, you're ready for another edible? No This fucking guy Fucking Are you eating edibles at 630 In the fucking

Thank you You know how we do it Don't get ready for Monday They ain't fucking around out there on Mondays no more We're already Pop the Cheebo chew I ate three strong bones And an alpha brain

For an on it I'm ready to fucking go I'm ready to jump out of window With a cape on Oh my fuck Like Ben Stiller permanent midnight. I'm telling you. I eat an edible when I get up on Monday mornings

out of respect. I got a meeting over at fucking night. I got a meeting of a production. Meeting at one o'clock. I'm going to go over there and rock their world. They're going to ask me for ideas. Mick, you know, we have to have a good time, Mick. I don't give a fuck no more. Just make sure no one says

White Castle at the meeting. No, no, because that fart was tremendous. It was the root. I had some fucking horrible food in Lexington at this restaurant. They had state meatloaf. It was meatloaf built around the steak, and the crust on it was bad. I've been farting. You know, you got to shit while you eat?

That's fucking always a bad sign. When you're eating something, you got to shit right? You're like, I got to go shit. That means that that fucking dragon meat went right to your stomach. What am I going to do? What's the plate? Portellos, right? That's a place you guys like?

Well, yeah, I mean, that's more. I'll accept portellos, but as far as beef sandwiches go, I like bone of beef on Roosevelt Road, the original. in the neighborhood that I grew up. That's a good one? I mean, I... Oh, so fucking good. They got that chocolate cake

that tastes like you're eating chocolate pudding. That's dynamite. I eat Lou Malnadi's pizza when I'm back home. I get a combo sandwich. I go to Gene and Jude's, which is the best hot dog in the world. I actually just overnighted some of those hot dogs. Had those Thursday.

It's funny how when I lived in Boulder, that's the first time I ever had Chicago hot dog at Mustard's last end. Fucking delicious with the pickles and shit on it. Tremendous. Oh, yeah. The bright clean relish. You get a little celery salt on there.

The hot pork peppers, the steamed poppy seed bun. It's a shame. Hot dogs are bad for you, ain't it? Can you imagine like hot dogs were really fucking healthy for you?

How many... Everybody would be healthy. Those motherfuckers are so good. God. I don't think there's anything that is good for you, man. That's the fucked up part.

I'm getting a little older now. I've got kids. I'm trying to be healthy. And I don't know what I can't or can't eat. It seems like everything's a fucking cyanide. You know, and sometimes you don't eat. I had cereal. I love corn flakes.

I fucking love corn flakes. But they get boring after a while. So I took two corn flakes, and I mixed it with a box of frosted flakes the other day. My head almost blew up, Mick. Oh, yeah, that's next level, shit. You do a little, honeynut Cheerios, frosted flakes.

I do a little mini-weets, and then I tap a little cinnamon sugar over the fucking pop. Damn, that's deep. For a guy who don't smoke pot, how'd you come up with that one, make better, go? I got the internet You're a fucking trip

So you've been clean 11 years brother You miss it Was it hard to get clean You know I knew I was going down Not in a way like It's funny I acted more like an animal When I was in my teens

In early 20s Just from being young Was very difficult for me But You know People saw the way that I was partying And they were like This guy's like

Farley man He's fun He runs it to the wheels come up And Farley it just died So once people started telling me that, I'm like, am I like, and then I started getting that little bit of awareness, and I'm like, I'm going to fucking die. Like, I would go out for three days and just run it hard. And, you know, I couldn't have sustained that. And I feel like if I would have went for about another six months, you and I wouldn't be talking right now.

You know, you always think that. Like, I quit six years ago. And I know for a fact that the point when I was ready to quit Coke, you ready for this? at one point of the night after I do like two grams of blow by myself the bottom of my spine would hurt oh yeah yeah

like that's to the point that I was in like I'd get electric shocks on my spine from time to time and just wiggle and I knew it was fucking it was like I was getting hit with one of those fucking taser guns like I was downtown LA you know but that's when I knew and I know that you can't recover from that

that's the shit that affects your central nervous system that's the shit later on you know I was watching that Richard Pryor documentary the other and I gotta tell you man I think the blow had a lot to do with that disease and that shaking he had Mitzi Shaw's got the same fucking shaking

you know at one point when I was when I was towards the end of my drinking this would be in 2001 if I was out drinking past three in the morning I made it deal with myself because I didn't want to drive on the street

I would just drive home on the sidewalks so I'd have people in the car and they'd be like what the fuck man and I'm like I'm driving out of the sidewalks but I wouldn't touch the gas pedal. So I just coast, you know? And I thought, well, if someone pops, who the fuck's going to be on a sidewalk at 4 in the morning?

And plus, I'm just coasting it like two miles an hour. I just tap the brakes and I can stop. I thought, man, I'm the safest fucking driver out right now. Meanwhile, I'm driving 5, 10 miles on sidewalk. You know, I was telling shit about, you know, my state of mind when I lost my mom, when I was a kid, when I first left New York City, fucking Nick, it was scary, you know?

I broke down on Friday. I really didn't. I went home and had a hard day that day because I put myself there for the day. You know, when you sit back now, I'm fucking 50. That was 30 years ago. And I look at that shit and I'm like, God damn, Mick, what the fuck were we thinking? You know, it took me a long time to get over that shit when my grandfather died. He died in my arms and no one else was around. And that was the only guy after that point that it had really fucking gone out of his way on a continual basis to be nice to me and teach me some life skills. Once that happened, I remember going into Ascension Church When no one was there

Down a block from my grandmother lived And I just spit on the fucking cross And I'm like, you know what? Fuck you. Fuck you. You took everything. And man, I lived the next 14 years in my life Like I was in a fucking trench war with God.

Those wounds run deep, man. You know, it's amazing when you lose your faith in a religion that you, you know, and not in a religion and a God that you believe so much in. At that point I didn't believe in no fucking God. The Buddha could suck my dick. Jesus could suck my dick. The Israeli God could

suck my dick. Moses could suck my dick. You know, and then you relapse and you end up going back to church. Are you back now? I'm back. I'm back. I went to Mass last Sunday morning. It was a fucking nightmare.

You sit there and you go, how the fuck did I do this as a kid for an hour and 15 fucking minutes? And as an adult, I want to get the hell out of here. After I hear the first organ fucking hump. Well, I baptized my daughter over on St. Charles, on Lancashim. And then I went back. But I got out of it for a long time, and I got confirmed when I was about 30 years old.

After prison, I went back to Sacred Heart or whatever the fuck it was in Boulder. And I got confirmed. That's crazy, man. Yeah, I went to Catholic grade school, Catholic high school. I went to Jesuit college for a year, but I can't overlook the shit the church did, man. I think that Catholicism itself has a good message, but the church is too much for me, man. I can't, you know, thousands of fucking men abusing kids and then systematic organizational cover-up, man. That's a little too much for me.

No, no, no, it's fucking deep and deep, but it's like that kind of thing. else, that's what it became. That's not what it was. That wasn't the intention of it, you know, as much as you want to ignore that, you can't at times. Well, the message is good, but the messengers, but the messengers are fucking kids. The messengers are fucking kids.

Oh, it's like my uncle said. My uncle says it's a religion of faggots. I fucking sat there at Langers and I waited for the lightning bolt to break the fucking table. But I guess the pastrami God's a lot heavier than our fucking God. But, uh, no. It's a perfect hustle, man. Once you marry yourself to God and you say,

I'm a messenger of God. You fuck old ladies and kids up. Those are the two people that get hurt the most. Old ladies and kids. That's amazing. That's fun. You know, when I was growing up, you know, I grew up in the 70s. I didn't even suspect that, Nick.

That wasn't in my world. I never even, when I was 14 one time, I wasn't even hitchhiking. It was a snowstorm, and a guy pulled over and asked me if he wanted to ride. And he didn't touch my cock. He went from my basketball, which was. was posted in between my legs, but that was the only time I could say

any sexual misconduct was done against a guy like me. And it's either because I was an ugly fucking kid or because your body language, something about how you were raised at home. It's got to be something. There was a teacher in my high school who was very basketball-oriented.

And he'd come out at night and take the kids to play basketball, and then after he'd buy his sodas, and he'd take us into New York City to watch the Rucker League. And I I asked around for years after that. After I found out about teachers, I asked around if anybody, if he ever molest,

and everybody said, no, he was just a nerdy, cool guy that didn't have a fucking life. But it's usually those guys are the ones that, you know, try to make you fucking dress up like fucking Aladdin and suck your dick and shit like that, you know. I don't even know if I need to dress up like Aladdin. There was a teacher in my school, Miss Stephens, who sucked dick like a motherfucker.

I had a friend who would go out with me and get fucked up and then tell me to drop them off at the teacher's house and he would go fuck the teacher. Yeah, yeah, she was hot. She was a blonde. That was she liked. She fucked all the wrestlers. But, you know, that shit's been around forever.

So it makes you think how many teachers really fuck girls. The other hand of that is how many fucking of them, you know, had sexual relationships with boys in high school, whatever. I didn't hear about that. It's like I was always a co-guy. If somebody came to me in Hollywood tomorrow and I'll give you $1,000 for a $10 bag of meth, I couldn't find it for them. I don't know anything about meth.

Same thing with heroin. I don't hang with those people. I was a Coke guy and a Rifa guy. You know, I wasn't into sexual misconduct. So I don't know those people. When I meet somebody... Wait a second. When you were getting keyed up on Coke, you just...

What do you do? Just grind it out? You didn't get in any kinky shit? You know, yeah, I'll put a Coke rock up your asshole or something like that and eat your pussy, that's as kinky as it gets. I never went to orgies. I had one fucking threesome in Miami in 97. It was horrible.

I had dead dick. And I had one fat chick, and I had one fucking chick that was banging with fake tithies and the whole thing. It was a fucking nightmare. I'd never been a sexual deviant, bro. Do you know that I've never been a sexual deviant? I like talking about it. I like, what?

What the fuck are you talking about, Lee? Never been a sexual demon. I'm not a sexual deacon. I'm a sexual demon with the woman I'm with. I like eating pussy and eating ass and getting my dick sucked in 60-9ing. But I've never been like a sex club guy or an or an or a... Well, no, but usually when Coke's around it's... Oh, when cocaine's around, you're a fucking...

You're an animal. You're like Kennedy. You're a fucking animal. Yeah, I mean, there's no... It's, although it's funny. Like, I'm the guy that put weight on with cocaine. Like, people would smoke weed and get calm, and I'd be the guy fucking literally jumping off dresser's suplexing people. They'd be like, what the fuck? We've got Bob Marley on. We all just smoked it. Calm the fuck down. And I'd be like, wanting to smoke.

wrestle people, then I do coke and I take an app. You know, when I did coke, I would shut the fuck up to. But I'd get evil. It would all be in my head. I'd be sitting there in a corner just thinking about what my next move was. But whenever I got a woman back to the fucking room or back to the fucking Sandusky Manor with a Coke rock, because that's what it really becomes. When I bring a girl back after a date, I'm bringing it back to my home

to show my love and my home in those days. When you come with cocaine, you're inviting her back to the... You love your high on cocaine. I'm going to show you my love. Yeah. No, no, no. When you're high on cocaine, you don't show them love. You show them your Sandusky side.

That's when you bring them over and ask them if they'll suck your toes and rub alcohol on your dick with a feather. That's when you get all fucking retarded. And that's what my retardation were coming. I used to like to flip chicks over and put a Coke rock in their ass and eat that pussy and come on their face. I'm one of those simple motherfuckers. I love 69.

I think you call that a gentleman. I think you call that. Oh, I love all that shit. tit fucking them and 69. I love 69 and that's my favorite fucking thing. Sucking that fucking monkey when somebody's sucking your pipe. Top of bottom.

I'm in the bottom. I'm a bottom guy. Let me ask you this. Have you seen inside the candelabra? The Liberace movie. Did you see that yet? I got too, I don't see shit, man. Oh, my God.

I'm on the walking fucking stereotype with the kids. I don't see anything. Oh, my God. You got to watch this inside the caldolabra. on HBO move with Michael Douglas and Matt Damon, how smooth the old faggot was. Because no, everybody's now today is gay. The people that you see in Hollywood, they're gay.

Oh, my God, it was amazing last night, you know. Louis C.K. did 43 minutes. They're gay people. But old faggots, you don't see no more, those old school faggotry motherfuckers. And if you watch this inside the... They had this toll roll you because so much pressure was on in the closet. No, but this liberati,

you got to watch the whole move, Doug, how he sucked in Matt Damon, sucked him in. Sucked him the fuck in in this movie. And then it's getting your dick sucked from a fag with a wig. That's what takes it even deeper. He takes him back to his room, and Matt Damon is like,

things are moving too fast. I think I should get a whole terrible thing. He's like, don't be foolish. Stay on your side of the bed. I won't even touch you tonight. And Matt Damon's like, ooh, that's a relief. He lays down next to this creepy fucking fag with a wig on. The next thing you know,

he wakes up. You hear birds and shit. He opens his up. and he's fucking held in a wrestling position by Liberace. He's got a heart on. Liberace looks to him. He goes, ooh, look who's up. And he puts that cold fag mouth on his fucking pipe. And it's all over.

Nobody could recover from that. Even if I was there, a fag without a wig, without his wig on, with that cold mouth on my pipe, I just closed my eyes and make believe it's fucking Chelsea handler or something. I don't give a fuck. And later that night, you'd be helping push that fucking piano. Bro, the next night The next day I have a fucking

A bunch of rings and a cape on with silver fucking medals With a big yarmica saying, suck my dick What are we singing tonight? No, no, you got to watch that movie, people. Inside the Cadillabra, whatever the fuck of it is. So what days do you do? Are you doing the podcast live? Or do you tape it?

And then people could download it later on? We tape it and, you know, episode four dropped today. I'm pretty new to the podcast game. I'm really excited to get one out. I mean, the whole, you know, I've spent the last 15 years of the comic. I spent the last 13 years writing and producing and acting and dramas. So the kind of log line of the podcast is half comedy, half drama, all hearts. I'm trying to get people from both worlds to come on, not only just share interesting stories,

but I think that, I don't know if it's a dirty secret, but, you know, my intention with this is like when guys like you and I were coming up, it was all word of mouth, and it was really hard to get access to guys to get straight information. And I want people all across the country, and we're getting some people overseas listening to, to have access to people like Jack McKee, who can talk about going from the projects in the Bronx

to becoming a fireman. And then how do you go from there to be in over 100 movies? That's amazing. So, you know, yeah, I mean, so I'm getting people on, like Cindy Cappaneras on today, outside Chicago girl, who, you know, was from pretty much the back of the yard's neighborhood. What's the second city? You want to get a job riding for Saturday Night Live. I get 57. It's shameless. And, you know, there's a lot of women out there that want to become comedy writers. And, you know,

she came up with Tina Faye and Rachel Dratch and Colbert and Steve Carell and shares all those stories. And I'm like, and I don't want to ask a question. What do you do? How do you overcome failure? What happens when, you know, some people say, see a, flyer. I want to take an acting class or whatever, but that fear creeps in. And then they go their whole life and they go, I wish I would have done that. So I hope people can listen to this and hear people just like them who were at those crossroads in their life and actually pushed through or passed, whatever that thing was that was stopping them from getting the life that they want. It's amazing, Mick, how you look at a career or something and you look at it and at that time

in that age, it's so far away. It's on such a pedestal. And right away, our basic fucking bullshit makes us think we'll never be good enough to do it. And one day, out of the grace of fucking God, you go, you know what, I'm sick and tired of living and fear. I'm sick and tired of living like this. I'm going to go do this.

And I don't give a fuck what my family says or what my friends say and, you know, and I'm just going to do this. And eight years, 10 years, 14 years later, there you are. and that pedestal that you looked at that door was so far away and you're like, this wasn't shit. I could do it away. Again, and all that held this was fear.

That's it. All that held this. It took me 11 years, 11 years to get my first major movie acting role. 11 years. It's crazy. I mean, you know, stand-ups a little different. You can get up at open mics

and work your way up through clubs, writings. You know, people are listening, and they want to write, and they wonder how you do it. You get a pen, and then you get a piece of paper, and then you write some shit down. now getting hired as a writer something completely different but if you want to be

a writer then you got to write and that I feel out of all of the artistic crafts which may be the exception of painting nothing is more in your control because it's just you in the page it's a weird fucking animal writing man

and it either grabs you or it doesn't I wish it would have grabbed me when I was 18 I wouldn't be here right now I'd be in a fucking cafe getting my feet rubbed and fucking Abu Dhabi writing books about fucking Cubans coming over here

and fighting alligators in a circus there's some shit but here I am Abu Dhabi I like it Here I am sitting across I'm a fucking Jew that won't eat an edible

with his uncle Joe I ain't an edible I didn't have the bowl You gotta eat another How are you feeling You ain't even high Cause I am No you're not

You're sitting there You're even high Eat another piece With Uncle Joy Where's the rest of that piece Let me see how much you eat In total You know your producer

Yeah he don't eat I do Look what he ate Look at it look at it Look at it. He didn't eat a fucking thing. I did, finish that. What's his name, Joe? Lee.

Lee, Lee, Syed. The baddest motherfucking Jew I know. In the last two months, some chick broke his heart, and he's walking around like fucking a Red Sox fan for 20 fucking years. Lee, let me tell you something about Joey. He's got feelings. And right now, you've got to go put a new pair of shoes on if you're going to kick his fucking heart around like this.

That's right. So eat the fucking... I ate a quarter of the piece he gave me. This kid is coming to sandal. He gave with me six in the morning, I have to go to work tonight. He's coming at 6 o'clock at night. He's worried about 6 o'clock at night.

Talk to this kid, will you? Eat the fucking... Joe, listen, Lee, you got to do what he tells you. And listen, there's going to be no bullets in the clip, but if anyone walks up to the car, you just show him the gun, okay? Eat the fucking piece, Lee. God damn. Why are you embarrassing me for in front of this guy?

Making me fucking feel like some fucking drug pusher. I'm trying to help you out. This guy's an editor. He's going to work with him. He sits in a fucking desk on a night. He eats popcorn. in apples. You can be high. You'll be fine. You need to eat the other half of the edible. Joe and I

are going to run into the bank real quick. You need to keep the car running and have it facing eat. That's it. Very important that it's facing eat. Let's go. Where is it? Put it in the water so it dissolves in the water. Throw it in the water and you drink that chocolate water. When am I going to see it? Well, I want to get you on the podcast, so I'll shoot some dates out to you. And we'll do it over it on the lot. We'll do the 8th that Monday night. Yeah, you want to do it after the fourth, right?

Yeah, yeah, that Monday night, because that's when I come back, because I leave Wednesday this week, and the next week I leave again on Thursday, so I'm not around. I come back Monday, I run into a fucking wall of a day. All right, well, let's do with Monday after the fourth, man. I really look forward to it. Oh, me too. That's always a pleasure seeing you.

We'll come over. I'll eat an edible. I ain't bringing this fucking guy with me. That's it. He might even not come to San Joseina. That's it. It's over. That's it.

I'm finding another Jew. I'm going to Marie E-T right now to find out a little Jew who's ready to rock. You're out of the circle of trust, Lee. That's it. That's fine. I'll go to bed. That's it, fucking guy. So where can they find the podcast, little brother?

iTunes. You can go on iTunes. It's the Mick Bettencourt show, M-I-K, B-E-T-A-N-C-O-U-R-T, the Mick Bettencourt show. Or you could hit me up on Twitter at Nick Bettencourt. And it's on Stitcher as well. Same thing, the Mick Bettencourt show. and if you get a chance, Ironside's going to drop this fall.

Also, I just wrapped a show called Necessary Roughness on USA. On USA. Yeah, yeah. Now, this Iron Side, ain't the Iron Side that we grew up on with the fat dude, or Milton Burrow.

What's his name? Raymond Burr. Raymond Burr. Fucking Ironside. Slight reimagination of that show, but it's Blair Underwood's the lead. With a fucking black dude? I don't think so.

New York detective. who got shot in the line of duty and is in a wheelchair. All right, I'm taking it. I love you, cocksucker. It's always a pleasure, man. Always. Thank you very much, Mick. I love you, buddy.

All right, I love you too, brother. I'll see you soon. All right, stay black. Bye. The fuck. What the fuck? Anyway, I was telling my man that I lost some weight. Yeah, you said he lost seven pounds. And do you know why? Because I went back

on that strong bone. because it allowed me to do more shit. It allowed me to walk every day and not be sore. I told you that's the biggest fucking problem when you're a fat fuck that you want to do shit, but you can't. There's a lot of shit. I love to go to Jiu-Jitsu three times a week, but I know it would be too much for me,

especially with kickboxing and walking and trying to fucking do the elliptical. It would be too much. So for right now, my goal is twice a fucking week. This week I could go Tuesday, and I'm going to do it with Salami on Wednesday. So, but with the Strongboat, allow me to walk more. I did the epileptic fucking two days in Lexington,

which I could only do like three days a week if I go to kickboxing. I did it two days and two times in two days, both times 40 fucking minutes. So please check out honest products. Another thing, it doesn't give you, if you put church in the box, it doesn't give you a code for ropes and stuff like this. The code I give you guys is just for the minerals. I just want you to get healthy. Try the stuff out and see what you think.

right that's it don't go get no fucking balls and no fucking ropes and then calling me up and go enjoy it what the fuck the church ain't working in the box that's all I'm trying to say to you the fuck let me do some shoutouts Lee you're disappointed me I broke my heart I want to give a shout

to my man Tony Abara overcoming fear my little buddy Dominic Cortez the smallest church of what's happening now fan he's two weeks old he listens to the church he also thinks you're a cock sucker my man Greg Sabella no he doesn't know on my side John and Penny, happy anniversary

on Wednesday, all right, fucking this girl hit me up, that the guy's a fan he wants this, we ain't got time for that shit, we got shit to do on Wednesday, so you know what, happy anniversary, cut this shit. Daniel Riley, Diego, Jordan, David Household, and Raul Duke digging trenches

in fucking Jersey, I love you, cock, fucker, out there in the humidity, those are real fucking soldiers. He'll eat edible. If I pull up to him right now with that shoveling his fucking hand, sweating, drinking water, he would eat in edible. I had an edible. I didn't eat the whole fucking piece. No.

I just showed you. I didn't eat it anymore. You want to smoke some more? I have a very serious question for you though. Go ahead. Why is the faggots mouth cold? I don't know. In the mornings, I don't know. Why is it cold? I don't know. I don't ask them. But again, I don't know nobody to take offense, whether you're gay or a friend.

The gay guys are the young guys. I don't hate you. I love you to fucking death. I'm just saying there's a big difference between a gay guy and an old faggot. Yeah. Big thing. It's like the most interesting man in the world. He's an old pimp. He's 57, 56, but he still slings dick. Why? Because he's patient.

He sits there. He knows that you're going to come back and go, oh, he's such a nice old man. He didn't try to fuck me in the ass. Boboom! Then he gives it to you, the velvet hammer cock sucker. I don't think the most interesting man in the world does anal sex. He does whatever the fuck he wants.

You know why? Because he's the most interesting man in the world, cock'sucker. He shows up with a case of beer. That's why, Kyle. Would he got any music for me? Sure, why not? Come on. Let's hit me with him.

something for these people. It's 10 after... It's 10-10 in the East Coast. It's fucking 12. If you're in London, England, I don't know what time it is in Hungary. Oh shit. Little Pink Floyd. Spark that motherfucker. Lee! Where's those... Jumping Jax? You ain't going to eat some edibles? Let's just some jumping jack. Got's such a fine.

Bound. Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday, San Jose. July 20th, fucking Philadelphia. Helium. Oh shit. Look at Lee. Looking good. He cut his hair. He's aerodynamic. Look at them. You bad motherfucker. I love you, Lee. I love you, too, buddy.

You fucked me up, but no, eat in edibles. I did eat an edible. You ate the right amount for me, you motherfucker. I got to get a word later. So when are you taking this chick on a day to that? Tomorrow. You didn't give a stabbing. Are you going to show this to Aminkia?

No. Hey, what? Put the music on. You're a depressed, man. I know. It's a second date, dude. It was probably my best first date. Really?

I've been on you. and uh and you just walked spit one did you touch it to the no um boy have a second

put that on it please you depressed me already why am I depressing you I'm not stuttering I just ain't look I'm gonna cut the set up on half

I'm gonna throw it up in the air if it goes in your mouth like a seal would you eat it no you there's no way you can make that shot anyways you actually probably would make that shot if I had my mouth

I'll give you two tries why don't get two tries let me cut another one half no Kick this motherfucker These motherfuckers on fire Oh shit The band is just fantastic

Oh shit Ah, it's Monday What the fuck you want You want to walk around With a frown, you're down You're new in town What the fuck? Get up, get out there

Put your shoes on Put nice socks on Wash your pussy wash your dick Feel good about yourself You go out there Even if it's an old shirt Iron it I don't give a fucking

Buttigna to the top Spray some fucking Fabrize on it Why I smell like a fucking, you know, a Jew and heat. Get out there. Get out there. Cut people off. Be alive today. It's a beautiful motherfuckering there to be alive.

I mean, fucking beautiful. And the sun ain't even out in California. I'm just telling you, it's beautiful in your fucking heart. It is. What are you going to do with this, what's the story? See, it was the first day you went on. You smoked a little spit. You went on the Ferris wheel.

Did you get some flowers? Did you want a teddy bath? No, we didn't do anything. So where are you taking it tomorrow? We're just going to go have lunch before I go to work. Come on. What are you taking? She lives down by Culver City area, and she has this type place she wants to take me to. Tie place.

Yeah. Look at you. What can I say? Sexy money. You're going to get with a juice tomorrow? No, fucking. You're going to try? No, well, I have sex, like, in a normal time.

I have to go to work. What do you want to fucker in my car in the middle of the day? Sure. I'm not a sexual deviant. I'm not a sexual divian. Please listen to the rest of the 91 of these shows. Are you going to say? one of these shows.

If I cut in half, if I cut in half, if I cut in half, I've got a fucking good amount of the animal. All right, do this. No, no, I'm not. You're lying your floor on your back and I throw two times. What do you think? If I get in your mouth, you gotta swallow it like a soldier. What do you think, Lee? I'm out.

After the fart, you just did, I'm out lying on the floor on my back anywhere around. Did you smell that fart all the way over there? I didn't smell right. No, because it went off the chair. It went right into the ceiling with the pot smoke. That's how I wrote. I know how to point my asshole. Something I learned.

What do you think you're dealing with here? I know how to point in my asshole. You do. Mm-hmm. I have no idea what you're saying, ever. I'm fucked up. But I tell you that, because I eat a couple of these. Yeah.

I meant like this fucking half of wine. And, you know what else I ate this morning? What else do you have? The fucking hemp force from on it. This is my fucking favorite of all time. I eat those things two a day sometimes. I love fucking a hemp force. You said they were good.

and my wife watched Hulu Plus this weekend. Oh, good. My wife is watching it. She's having a good time. So there you go. Everybody's fucking watching. Even though I'm watching it. Everyone's watching it.

And we told you a bunch of the shows, and I just wanted to show you guys and tell you all the devices they have on it. I have an iPhone. I'm just going to quickly show you. They have... No, it's not everything that's online, but they have fucking everything on this.

And I don't know if you can see that or not. But it's all the shows. It's freaking awesome. They have it on Android phones, Apple phones, PS3, Xbox, the Wii, Apple TV, fucking Nintendo DS is coming soon, Windows 8 phone, the Nook. They have it everywhere. They have it on all the major TV brands, Samsung, Vizio, Sony, Sharp, and LG, and Panasonic. They have it on everything.

So go to Joey Diaz.net. There's a banner. Go to Huluplus.com slash Joey and get two free weeks. and it's just there's literally you can watch it anywhere in the world that there's Wi-Fi. It's unbelievable. So, I mean, I love it.

I love it too. My wife is very happy with it. So there you go. Go to fucking Hulu Plus, all right. Cut this shit. Press Joey. Don't have to be big or small. Just press Joey. J-O-E-Y. If you don't watch Sesame Street, Cock Sucker. Go in there, whatever. They want to borrow your car. Whatever. Give them the fucking card. You get two free

fucking weeks and you move on with your life. You got Hulu Plus. All right. Who's better? Who else comes up on a fucking Monday and gives you dick? Nobody. We give you dick. We give this fucking chocolate chips, whatever.

The thing, we give you a hemp horse, 10 points off. Shut up, cock sucker. Get your shit together. What do you got this week? So you're taking it on a date tomorrow. Yeah. If it works out tomorrow, when are you going to give a, can we get an estimation? When are you going to dress up?

A week? You're going to bring it back here. How's it look inside that fucking room? I'm scared to look. It's a little dirty. A little dirty. Yeah. What's it smell like in that bed?

It smells like farts and olive oil. I don't know. When do you want it to smell like? You have a lady come in and clean nicely? I actually do you need to have my place clean. Excuse me? I have to have my place clean. So you're going to go in that bedroom and take the sheets off?

Of course. Because I know you haven't changed the cheats that you moved in there. Yes, I have. Ten gallons of sperm. There's dead kids in your mattress, cuck, sucker. Did you know that? You just whack off and go to bed. And you don't whack off.

I whack off, but in the air. What do you mean in the air? It goes in the air. No, it doesn't. You're so old. It just evaporates? It's just a bad way. What are you talking about?

I eat edibles. It makes it light. Like it's humidity. You just had a kid. You're in there, Wacking off on that fucking mattress. There's no spirits. I'm surprised you're sleeping there with all the ghost fucking haunting you in there.

In that fucking mattresses. You hear in there you hit like Christmas carrows. They sing at you. You know, whatever. London's angels sing. Whatever the fuck this song is. From now on,

fill the fucking mattress around. I'll sit at this desk. I'll sit at both sides of the desk and I'll jack off in here for it. Don't jack off in here. Jack all fucked together. So what's the story with Ash? You're still in level? No. Is it over? We've been friends for about two months.

You've been friends for about two months. Jesus Christ. Here we go. Everybody wants to be fucking everybody. Everybody wants. You're so fucked up on the edible. You don't even know what you're saying anymore. You've called the cheaper chew. Every kind of chocolate. It's chocolate chip. It's chocolate mousse.

It's every time. Jimmy said it's every kind of chocolate. So you're friends with this broad now? Actually, yeah. I haven't seen it in a few weeks, but yeah. They're coming over this weekend. No, I'm going to be with you in fucking San Jose. You're sure. I don't know. You don't need to settle it by the end of the fucking.

I bought the plane ticket. What are you going to do? It don't mean nothing. I'll call South West right now and tell me you fucking... What are you going to tell South West? You're just going to show up with anti-terrorist information and shit. You're going to show up with anti-terrorist information. You're fucking idiot.

Anti-terrorist. All right. Get it together, cocks-sucking. Me, get it together. So what are you going to do? You're coming up. You're going to eat everything they give you. I'll have fun.

antenna. I'm having fun now. I'm just can't eat a whole fucking edible. It's six in the morning. It's six in the morning. Eat the fucking edible and cut of that. Before he went, stop coughing. What's up? You make out with the girls and you come here and coughing the fucking jerse on my neck. No, I choked on some water. How do you choke on water? How do you

choke on water? How do you choke on water? How is when you... You choke. He goes down the wrong pipe because someone's in the room with you saying you don't want to smell like a Jew and heat. You say something funny, I laugh. What is... Complaints.

about everything. I'm saying this fucking guy. You can't. I think I'm out to fucking. Go go. Go watch the episode of community. You're upsetting me already, all right? I'm upsetting you.

God damn. I'm going to go this fucking knife of you. Anyone want to take over for me? I have a 50-year-old community. If you fucking didn't have... If you fucking didn't have insurance, I'd stand it. You got a second. You don't have a young guy insurance because of not.

I have insurance. You do? Yeah. Really? I didn't tell him 26. I stand against the style of that. Let me just say, hold a cheap between you. your mouth. Let me throw up my

fetch you to see if I get it right over your fucking stomach so why am I holding the tubba tumour mouth if you're going to throw it over my head. What are you talking about? Lee. Put your head on the fucking counter, will you? This is why I've got to deal with people. This is what I got to deal with. That's why I'm happy. It didn't do a thing. So we had a nice little conversation

with Mick today. We talked about the weekend. We talked about a lot of interesting fucking shit today. You know, Mick, again, it all goes back to fear and doing what the fuck you want. Don't just sit there with your finger up your ass. Go, Fred. Look at Lee. He's out there dating. That's why I love Lee. You've been swimming?

No, I haven't been. What the fuck? You're looking sharp, though. I'm trying. You're looking juicing? Your titty's shrunk. I'm not, I'm not using. I've been eating healthy. What are you going to do with the juicer? I'm going to do my fit foods. I'm going to do it starting after July 4th. Did you go down there yet? No, no, because I want to wait.

What are you waiting now? Huh? What are you waiting for? I'm waiting for July 4th. I have to go with you to San Jose, and if I try to eat healthier juice in San Jose, you'd be like, dog, we're in San Jose. You've been talking about the steakhouse for 18 months. Steakhouse. You're eating at the fucking hotel.

Good. You eat those bad mashed potatoes. Where's the juicer? It's in the kitchen. We'll bring it in here. You can't do. What do you want? I don't have this. Why don't you juice live one day for these people and show them what you drink? Fine. And make the kale and the olives and all the shit. Olives, that'd be so disgusting.

What do you put in there? Cucumbas? Cale, cucumbers, broccoli, uh, carrots, celery, apples, grapes. You miss it? No. I mean, I like the, uh, how quickly you do. Did you break down and go to Taco Bell? Mm-mm. Tell me the truth. You're looking all guilt.

I could smell fast food in here. You can't smell fast food. You fucking liar. I swear to God I smoked that when I walked then. You order pizza here from junior? From junior what? Pizza pizza. What's his name?

Oh, Little Caesar. Did you go see Little Caesar already? No. Two for five dollars? Yes, you did. Two for five dollars? No, I didn't. I've been good.

I mean... I'm proud of you. You look good. You look healthy. I'm trying to. You're sharp. You're dating. And you dumped the other chick.

You got like six. How many chicks you down on the string? I got one. That's it. You got like one last week. You got rid of it. She didn't want to go to the movies. The one week before that,

didn't want to lick your nuts. The week before that was Chinese. Who's Chinese? She plays the drums and a band. The other one, every week you had a different one. What happened? This, I've been talking.

And you told Ashley, it's over. I didn't cheat. We talked. There was like three months ago this happened. What are you talking about? What fucking three months ago? It was two months ago. You just professed your love to have three weeks ago.

I didn't professed my love. I told her. about two, three months ago. You professed your love. I didn't profess my love. You told you loved it. Only, well, get her on the phone. I didn't say I loved you, fucking piece of shit.

No, I'm not calling up right now. Look at me. I didn't profess my love. It gets bigger and bigger. Every fucking time you bring it up, you drop to marry her, you said you wanted to get her pregnant. No. Look, look, if you were tackled her on the couch.

I'm not tackling anybody on a couch. Like I told you, right now, you would have had a stink finger. She would have fucking hated. and he would have to go to North Ridge and sit there with her and the Chinese chick and talk about fucking an episode of fucking community. You understand me? I'm just trying to help you out of you.

I love you. Yeah, fuck him. I feel like the only reason you do the podcast now is to make fun of me and then... Who makes funny? I'm here with you. I'm fucking trying to help you. And then the thing the people who are listening don't see is for the past like four weeks every time we leave her stoned out of our mind.

And he just, he tricks me and he rubs me He rubs my head And he laughs All the way down the elevator I hear him walking to the door Giggling to himself Because I got like this to his head And he fucking freaks out

He's high And he can't handle it He like fucking freaks out He's Lee How much do I love you? God's like I love you You're like your fucking big uncle You don't have no uncles

You have the one uncle in Boston That thinks that You know You don't want to do nothing What? You have that one uncle in Boston I have a couple of times But there's one you get along with

Oh yeah Yeah the one who called one day when we were together. You don't tell him that you eat ass and nothing like that. You can't be honest. He's fucking like 60s, five years old. I'm calling him up telling him I eat ass. So let me ask you this.

But I'm your big uncle. I thought, you know, I'm leaning down the right street. You know, you're not. You're leading me down parallel to the right street. I'm leaving. You're like if there's a bad area of town and there's a good area of town, you're one street into the bad area town. Stay in the good area.

Right. I'm in the good area. Like, go right on the right in the bill. We're going to get some medibles. We're going to go to San Jose. We're going to do some jumping jacks. Let's do it. We want to go to the gym and lift and fucking do the treadmill together.

I love it. You got your iPod? Yeah. All right. I'm my iPhone. We're going to have a good time. I like Lee. Lee, I like, I cut.

I bust your balls, Lee, but I love you. I love you too. Finish the adobe. No, I'm not finishing a fucking... Come on. Come on. Come on. That's it.

It's over. You're still crying. It's over. I'm not crying. You made it. You made the fucking hour and a half and you're still fucking sitting there crying. I'm not crying. I love it.

I love this whole podcasting thing. I love it because we share this shit for now. Where else can you eat marijuana? Good morning, America. Suck my dick. You know what I'm saying? Three chicks talking about what? Some fucking city that they had hot dogs on the weekend.

Who gives a fuck? We're here in L.A., 69 degree weather. It's a Monday. Listen to music. It's over, bitches. Hulu Plus, mad flavor. I love you, cock suckers. In the bottom of my heart.

Lee, throw him a kiss. You got some music for these fucking people? Do you want to do some more of Black Sabbath or something? Do you want to do something else? Keep that paint floor. Keep that fucking pink floor. Bring that beat back. Bring that beat back.

Okay. The one we had. I know. Fucking give me two seconds. Jesus. You know if I said, Adam. This is what I'm talking about. Live this shit.

Doesn't this one to make you another? Listen. I want to thank you guys for getting up and watching it live. I want to thank you guys for downloading. You know we love ego. There ain't no bullshit here. say it straight. Get up. Just staring at me.

Either, Lee. Going off camera, I'm gonna fucking stab you. You're not gonna stab me. You're gonna go wham on my head and giggle for 22 minutes. Oh shit. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus and start watching your favorite hit shows right now.

Go to our show homepage joeydius.net and click the Huluplus banner for your extended free trial or go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. Again, the banner at joey dyes.net. or go to Huluplus.com. That's Joey. Cox or go to those motherfuckers. Enjoy your Monday.

And whatever are you going to say? I don't know. They know I love them. Have a great day, people. Be safe. Stay black. And be you.