The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #066 | JIM FLORENTINE | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... It's Wednesday, May 19th..... Today, we talk to the great JIM FLORENTINE.... This episode is brought to you by and we are welcoming to the show, Magnesium Breakthrough..... Go to https://www.MagBreakthrough.com/JOEY and enter PROMO CODE: JOEY10 And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #JimFlorentine The JOINT is Co-Hosted & Produced by: Michael Klein @onebyonepodcast on: Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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dot com slash Joey. Let's get this party started. It's Wednesday, the 19th. We ain't got time to fucking chitter chatter. What's happened, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday.

the 19th of May Happy anniversary to Joey Happy anniversary to Joey Happy anniversary to Joey Nine fucking months I've been in Jersey now It's been tremendous But this all started with a phone call

What I wanted to talk to you guys today About something that you have to do And you have to stick to No matter what field you use Or what field you choose Is what I meant to say And that's your word. Your word in a business, whatever the fuck you do while you're fucking around at foot locker or your little fucking college jobs, that's one thing.

But once you pick the field where you have a job and your career, you have to be very honest with yourself and the people around you. The one thing I found about L.A. that was very disheartening was that people would call you and say, hey man, how are you doing? this is what's going on in my world I'm fucking lighting the stage on fire in Ohio people cannot follow me what are the rents like in Studio City I'm moving out here you talk to them for an hour

you give them two hours of your time you actually go on Google and you tell them to call these three apartments and then you never hear from that person again and then one day you're driving and you go what the fuck happened they were moving here and you call them up and they tell you some Chinese story

about fucking and when I say Chinese, no disrespect in Spanish when you tell a story to somebody they always go it's a quento chino

you know you're going to come out of me with a quento chino so it's you're going to tell me some Chinese story about fucking

how you were going to move but the landlord gave you a break on the rent and you decided you want a headline listen if I had a fucking

nickel for every call that was coming to L.A. I'd be a fucking millionaire and I know it's a cliche line to say, but it's very true. When you commit, when I call you and I go, I want to get into this. Before I make that call, I think of it from all angles. And before I say it, I commit to it.

And sometimes I say no. And people are like, how can you say no to that? Because I committed to all, I looked at all the angles from every opportunity. And I don't see how this is going to help me or my career. This is helping you, but it's not helping me. So this is not what I want to do. You know, it taught me to be honest with people. Comedy teaches you the truth. Comedy is the truth. And unless you're prepared to face the truth, you're going to have a hard time doing comedy.

As a matter of fact, you're going to have a hard time doing anything in life. Last year, we had a fucking, what you call, a disaster in this country. The biggest disaster for me was the people dying, and the biggest disaster for me was that they closed to schools. If I didn't have kids, I wouldn't have gave a fuck about schools like I did when I didn't have kids. But I have children and I saw the effect on my child and I worried about other child.

That's what it's called to be empathetic that you go, what the fuck is going on here? So on July 13th or July 12th, I got a fucking call. It's not a call. I got, my wife came in very distressed. And she goes, they just canceled school for the year. And I was faced with a dilemma, okay? I have a successful podcast. I have a successful career here in California.

I created a paradise for myself. My job is two blocks away. I had my life down to a science. But I always knew one thing. There used to be a commercial when I was growing, up on pens oil, pens oil, the race car oil. And the commercial

was you can install your air filter. You can either pay me now or you could pay me later. When you don't put the work in with your kids, when they're 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, you're going to have a problem when they're 13. So your career's going to be going

great. You're on top of the world. You're selling out theaters. But in the back of my mind, I'm worried about this 13-year-old girl that's starting to act out because the strongest force in her life isn't around. On the weekends, he's around. And by that time, she'll be watching YouTube and seeing the language I use and the pot I smoke.

So she'll start acting out. I didn't take a genius to figure this out. This is just the way life is. So before that happened, I had to take a big look at myself and go, what is more important? a podcast that I'm doing my stand-up at the

Comedy Store. The Comedy Store will be there forever. Comedy clubs will be there forever. But this relationship with my daughter is only going to be here one time. She's only going to be eight once. She's only going to be nine once. She's only going to be ten once. And I can't have a broken child

because they're not going to put them in school. I understand. It's contagious. I understand. They can bring it home to parents. I understand all these things. but there has to be something that we have to do. So I made the hardest decision I had to do. I called the friend.

And that friend's name was Jimmy Florentine. Was he my best friend at the time? Not really. We were just comedy friends. I thought he was funny. I watched his show, the heavy metal show. I was a fan of him. You guys know I'm a big fan of trunk.

I liked their other buddy. I just liked the show. I would watch it. I'd see Michael Shank, to play the guitar. You know, yeah, I was envious of Jimmy, but he was a great kid, and he came on the podcast a couple times.

We spoke about the UFOs in Jersey. All you motherfuckers that are talking about UFOs now. I saw a UFO in 76. I saw the feds collecting the fucking dirt, and I passed it on to you, and you're still with the fucking UFOs. Knock it off. Joey told you three years ago about the UFOs in 76 in Jersey.

75. If you don't believe me, go on fucking YouTube. Press UFO North Bergen and the tape is right there in front of your fucking eyes. What's the matter with you? But anyway, I called Jimmy and I said, Jimmy, I'm in a bind. I need to move.

I wanted to move to Bergen Field or Bergen County and that's contaminated. The Jewish guy went skiing and now everybody's fucking coughing and fucking Bergen County. What can I do? And he said, my sister-in-law, now my wife had already called a realtor.

And the realtor was California worthless. the realtor. We were looking at houses in California. It was hysterical. We went to look at one house, and I told my wife, I can't deal with this guy. Because everything we looked at,

I could fix it. I got a guy for that. I got a guy for that. I got a guy. How many guys you got? How many guys you got? You know, so he went, I just didn't want to buy a house in California.

I called Jimmy Florentine. He told me that his sister-in-law was a realtor, and she specialized in homes in this area. She grew up in this area. I had my eyeball on this area. I knew the schools were open. My wife told me the schools were number two and three in the state in this area. So I called Jimmy like a man, and I explained to him that I wanted to move.

And I could hear kind of sort of the apprehension of his voice a little bit. You know, again, this is some fucking jerk-off comic telling you he wants to move his fucking family. But Jimmy didn't know the guy he was dealing with. He didn't know that I don't fuck around. When I say I'm going to do something, I attack it with both legs. I tell you no, that's it. I had my heart set on it. I already knew I was going to move.

And Jimmy Florentine came through. Within a week, we were putting office in their homes. And within two weeks, I think by August 1st, we had already gotten this home. Then we started making plans to leave on August 19th. When I got here, Jimmy opened up his home to me. I remember first going to his sister-in-law's house where barbecue. you and like fucking my heart beating out of my chest because I thought I had COVID and they're assuring me they're like nobody here's got COVID and we got home test if you want to take a test

so I was like this fucking people and then they were like Sunday we have football Wednesday we meet for dinner as a family you're invited it it was just like I was a kid and when Rogan called me the saint Joe Rogan called me and said to me Joey I want you close to me. I want to buy a home for you in Austin, Texas. I said, thank you for the offer. I love you at all my heart. There's nobody I'd rather live next to it.

But I got to be close to family. I have no family out there, Joe. If I move out there to Austin, I'm going to see you when I see you, and that's it. My daughter needs cousins. My daughter needs friends. My daughter doesn't need comedy right now. I can't worry about comedy.

the comedy will always be there. And next thing, you know, we had this house here, and I'm home. And at first when I came home, I thought about the ghost that I had in my closet here. And you know what, man, if it was from my daughter, I'd be forced to face it. And that was the decision I made. And that's it. And ever since that time, I consider Jimmy Florentine and his family. I goof on them.

I call him the Florentine Crime Family. because they have fun. They're just a family that in L.A. people forgot what fun was. In L.A., nothing was funer unless somebody was showing up to your party. Make sure you come. Lawrence Fishburton's going to be there. Oh, my God. You know, I'm going to go talk to him about his movie.

Here, people are just people. And this is what I was looking for. And this is what I wanted. You guys know as much as I know. Yeah, I'm a comic. Yeah, I do this. I do that. But one thing I talk from is from the heart.

and I'm authentic. And I come at you correct the right way, like a gentleman. And I'm not here to fucking blow smoke up your ass or anything. I'm telling you that I lucked out. I made this move from my family. And I'm happy I did. Today's guest on my podcast is Jimmy Florentine.

I hope you enjoy it. Stay black. What's happening? Jimmy Florentine? What's going on? Six houses away. We're still fucking Zooming. Fuck it.

After this is all over. Nobody's going to want to go nowhere. We're going to just keep fucking zooming. I'm not leaving my house to drive an hour to go fucking zoom in Connecticut or some shit. Yeah, man. It's like maybe you should drive like an hour and a half or an hour to go. Yeah. Or what?

An hour to fucking get there. Then they talk to you for 15 minutes. Then it's an hour and a half podcast. And they want to introduce you to their fucking mother. And then you drive an hour or two hours in traffic. So your whole day went to a fucking podcast. This is a lot better, I think. I think people are going to stick to this.

I feel like you got a better connection when you're in studio, though. Absolutely. You know, you got a little delay here and all that shit, but we're six hours away. It shouldn't be a delay. No, there shouldn't. Nothing. No fucking delay. I want to start off on a question for you.

Because I was talking about this early in the podcast. What did you think when I called you July 12th and told you I wanted to move and I needed your help. What was the first thing that came to your mind? I was like, I don't know if he's serious. He's probably just, you know, hating L.A. at the moment. But I just said, look, man, I go, if you move here, it's going to be quiet, nice, you know, neighborhood. You know, if you want to move around where I live, everything's right around here. There's no chaos. There's no, there's no nothing. It's a complete opposite of L.A. If you're ready for it, but you live in the suburbs, you know, with kids and all that stuff playing on the street.

If that's what you want, you go from the action in LA. So if you're ready for that, it's a quiet life. It was exactly what I wanted. But what did you think two years later, two weeks later when your sister-in-law called you and said, we're looking at houses and he's putting office in, what was your reaction then? I couldn't believe it because I was like,

I just threw it out there. Hey, my sister-in-law is a real estate agent. You know, if you're interested, I don't know if you have one or whatever. I don't want to get in people's business. I just do it out. They go, yeah, give me your number. I'm going to give it to my wife. And I'm like, okay.

And then next thing you know, my sister-in-law's, I didn't want to bother you. I didn't know what was going on. My sister-in-law's like, no, they're really coming. They're looking at a couple houses. And then I'm close by me. I'm like, are you serious? He's going to be living right here.

They're like, yeah, they took the house. I'm like, holy shit. You know, in our business, we get calls every day from people with promises that they're going to come. You know, I still got a guy that calls me once a year that told me he's coming to house. LA to tell everybody to look out that there's materials on fire that they're not going to stop them that's for 23 years I've been getting this call from the same fucking kid so in our business

in our world when somebody follows through you really fucking get blown away like so I'm happy that you put the offer out there and I got to blow you to fuck away like two weeks later we were in a house and a month later we were on our way here. insane. See, I figured you would move back to like North Jersey where you were from North Bergen area. I lived in Cliffside Park for a long time. No. I was up in that area too,

but when I had a kid I said I get to the suburbs so they can have a life, a lawn, kids playing and so all that stuff. So I moved, you know, further south and stuff. But I figured you were going to move back to where you originally grew up with all your friends. Fuck no. That was not happening.

I considered Bergen County until the fucking Jewish guy went skiing and he came back and fucked up the neighborhood because that's why I was looking at Bergenfield, you know, Dumont around there. And once fucking that guy infected Bergen County lit up like a Christmas tree. So my only other option was South Jersey. I didn't want to move to like down the shore and fucking hand-to-hand combat every weekend with the Northerners. So we found the happy medium in the middle. I knew this area well from my brother living here. He's. so it was perfect.

And then I get here and I get introduced to the Florentine crime family, which is a complete different story. People have been contacted me thinking that you guys are in the mafia. And that's not it. I call them the Florentine crime family because they should be thrown in jail for how much fun they have. Americans don't have as much fun as the Florentine crime family. From Sunday football to fucking Kentucky.

derby parties to ACDC bands playing on a lawn, wrestling. They hired wrestlers one year to come to the lawn like Puerto Ricans in front of the house. That is fun. They should be thrown in jail for how much fun the Florentines have, you know? So that's why I call them the Florentine crime family, not because they're involved in stealing trucks and nothing like that. It's amazing, though.

Like, there's seven of us in the family. and like you know more about what's going on with my family members than I do. You know, you'd be like, hey, he's his sister. She's going to Florida. I go, she is? Yeah, she's been down there for two days. I'm like, oh, that's news to me. You know more what's going on.

I love them. I grew up with Italian families like this that you just weren't friends with Jimmy. You just weren't friends with Jimmy. I used Jimmy for one thing. Me and Jimmy went to concerts, but me and your brother Bob smoked pot together. And me and Joe knew how to steal sneakers from the Englishtown Raceway. And your sister Kathy used to let me into the movie theater when she paid. So I gave her free joints from time.

You know, that's what a family life is. I'm just not friends with Jimmy and I avoid everybody else. I'm friends with you. I have a relationship with your dad. I go to the track with your dad. You're like, I can't believe you got my dad high the other day. That's how I grew up with people, you know. So I'm back there again.

Yeah, no, it's great, man. Look, I knew, you know, I live right outside of New York City for a while doing stand-up. You have no life. You're doing shows every night. You miss birthdays. You miss anniversaries. You miss everything because you're just dedicated to. And then when I got married and had a kid, I go, I got to move back to the suburbs and have somewhat of a normal life.

I can't just focus on stand-up, you know, and just live and breathe it every day. Because you have no experience. After a while, you're just doing the same thing. You're doing two or three sets a night. You're not really living. You're doing the same routine over and over again, and you're not really experiencing anything. So when I moved back here,

it was definitely an adjustment to live back in a neighborhood. You know, I didn't do that for years. I was in a high-rise little apartment here and there or whatever. I needed to be near the action. But then when I came back and, you know, had the kid and all that stuff, it all made sense. And now I love it.

Look, does it take 45 minutes to go to New York City? Fine, no problem. You just leave a little early. It's no big deal. And the ride's enjoyable. You get to clear your mind. You listen to a little Ozzy's Boneyard, a little Tom Marello, something always pops up that you haven't heard in a while. You know, when my brother did it, my brother had a fish market, and he would leave down here at quarter to four in the morning.

We would hit the Fulton Fish Market at 5 o'clock, and we would be there until 6.30, you know, joking around with the gangsters and the Italians and the Chinese people selling fish. he would deliver his six or seven routes and we would be back down here by one. How beautiful is it right now outside? So one minute you're in the jungle of New York City and 45 minutes later you're in fucking paradise we wouldn't even go in the house. We would shower in the side of the house,

take our clothes off and jump in his heated pool and then he would take a piece of fish out from the day, cut the head off, and we'd grilled whatever fish we had and we'd be in the afternoon all afternoon in his yard until 6 or 7 o'clock. I never experienced that before. Yeah. No, it's great, man. It's, you know, it's a, it's a quiet of life.

Look, I could, you know, just like you, we could do both of our things. We could beat dirt bags when we need to, on stage, on a podcast, or whatever, and then be a dad and hang out with other parents and go to their sporting events and stuff like that. You could do both. You could juggle both. I never thought I could. I remember going to therapy when I was in my early. 40s and the guy's like, I go, I can't get married and have a family then. I'm not going to be

edgy anymore. I'm not going to be it. He's like, no, you're going to have the rest of that your chaos. The rest of your life, that side of your life's going to be all set. And then you can focus on your career. You'll actually do better once you have that other chaos, dating crazy women this and that or just this craziness going on and I have nothing to come home to. He goes, you'll look forward to it and you'll have both. Your career will actually go better. And I was like, no way. And he was right. You know, last Christmas, I had like a little get-together, two Christmases ago in L.A. And we had a couple families there, you know, Mercy's friends.

And this one lady kept talking about Instagram on Christmas. She just wouldn't shut the fuck up about Instagram and her friends and the stories and this and that. And I was like, you know what? I got to get away from these people. Like, it's time to get the fuck away from these Instagram people. That's all they talk about. It's pictures and Instagram and more pictures. And here, nobody talks about Instagram.

Nobody wants to take a picture where you're at the store. Nobody fucking says a word to you. Everybody puts their pants on one leg at a time. But the other thing I noticed when I first got here that you and I laughed about was I drove past your block one day and I saw nine fucking kids in like a thing pushing people down the hill. And I'm like, that's the little rascals. and then you invited me into your house and they were in the basement

and they all came up me and my daughter was standing there and it was just surreal that all of a sudden Jimmy yells downstairs Luke come on up you know go outside mercy's here or something

and it was one kid after the other all different fucking sizes and I called them the little rascals after that that block is the little red there's not a block in America that has those amount of kids out like that and now my block is starting to get it.

Because I initiated it. I go out there at 3 o'clock and play softball with her and then the people across the street come out. He comes out with the hockey stick. Then the two fuckheads across the street come out. And the next thing you know,

I got five kids out there too with helmets on and I feel like Rocky Boboa throwing balls and shit like that. You know, it's just, I wanted my daughter to have, listen, I didn't want my daughter robbing gas stations in North Bergen.

I didn't want my daughter, daughter Robin Beard trucks, but I wanted my daughter, like your son, to have that jersey normality to them, to have that jersey toughness to them. There's a certain toughness that you have as a kid. I was watching those kids in L.A., and boy, they're going to have a hard fucking time when they grow up, you know, between the tree hugger parents and the fucking views and stuff like that. And I wanted something different. I see how you raise your boy. I see that every night we're doing something we have activities i mean for god's sake jimmy i had to stop smoking pot because i'm embarrassed to be about about other parents with reefer on my body because i didn't

want to make a bad impression like a fucking junkie you know so thank you i just wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity for your family to accepting our family like family and uh for us to be able to raise our kids jersey style even white castles getting contaminated gut, eating Carvel ice cream, you know. Yeah, remember we took them to the White Castle? We sat in the park a lot that drive through and they ate it for the first time. We got to eat. There's a kid drunk at 2 o'clock in the morning and I go,

we got to experience this. Sat in the park, a lot of ate them. That's great. And there's just like a certain Jersey toughness you get as a kid. I look at my life and I go, Jesus Christ, I've gone through all these things. You know, you get a tough skin from, getting your balls busted like your two friends that come over for fucking football.

You just learned to have tough skin. But the thing you also learn here is like that story you told me about the wrestler. I don't want to fuck it up. You say it about the wrestler that you used to take pictures outside the garden and what you put up with just for the wrestling pictures. Now, everybody else in this country would take that story and weave that into a therapist. Like they would make that life put that on. the sleeve and they would live their life saying that story well i got molested by a wrestler as a

child you know i'm saying not you you put a spin on it and it is one of the funniest stories i've ever heard my life give it to these cocksuckers yeah why you know i told the story on the stern show originally i didn't i didn't think it was that interesting but uh you know when i told it everybody went crazy so i'm 14 years old my dad's taking me mass uh wrestle match at madison Square Garden once a month, we'd go there. First of all, you had to be 16 years old to get in. I was only like 14 because they would have blood. So since there was blood, you had to be 16.

So it wasn't a bunch of kids back then. It was mostly adults that were into the wrestling. So I wear my mom's platform shoes and bell bottoms to seem taller. So my mom had those Jean Simmons platform shoes. I'd wear them. I mean, how weird is that? That's how I get it. And they're like, all right, he must look 16.

they would never check. So I'm going to his matches a guy out front outside the garden every month selling wrestling pictures. He was a wrestler photographer, so he was always in the front row, you know, taking the pictures. So he'd sell him for like a dollar apiece.

So we'd always know where he was before to match. We'd always go hit him up. My dad would give me $10. I could buy 10 pictures. And then the guy's like, hey, you know, I'll give me my address. Give me your address and I'll send you some pictures in the mail because I go to all the matches,

even the ones that aren't on TV. So then he started sending me pictures in the mail. And then the next time I go, he goes, give me a home number. I'll tell you who won the matches after the ones that are on TV. So the guy would call me and he'd be breathing heavy on the other eye. I didn't know. I was 14.

I thought he just came in from a jog. You know, meanwhile, the guy weighed like 350 pounds, but where the fucks this guy jogging? So he must have been jerking off on the other end. I had no clue. I just wanted to find that at Bruno San Martino felt or not. I was willing to put up with So then it comes at a point

We go to Asbury Park Convention Hall Our parents let us go to the match by ourselves We're 15, maybe 14 or 15 at the time We take the train down there And we're in the nosebleed seats And he's at the match in the front row He comes up in between a match He goes, hey, you want to go sit in the front?

See, I got two seats in the front Who wants to go sit in the front row with me? So me and my friend Michael will go So we go down there, we get to the front And there's only one seat. Well, I go, I tell you said there was two seats He goes, no, one's mine. He goes, I go, okay, he goes, yeah, well, someone's going to have to sit on my lap.

And I'm like, what? 14, 15 years old. I'm like, what are you talking? Yeah, one seat's mine. So someone's going to have to sit on my lap. And I'm like, I'm not doing that. My friend Mike's like, I'm not doing that. And just about ready to we're going to go back to the nosebleeds.

We see Andre the giant coming out starting to match. I'm like, holy shit, Andre is right there. I'm like, all right, fuck it. I'll sit on your lap. So I sat on the guy's lap. And he was told to me like we were like, you know, where I was on a, motorcycle. You know what I mean? He's hugging me like this. So I'm watching him. I'm like, this is weird. My friend Mike's up here. I'm like, I'm just focusing on the match. It was just

strange, but whatever. And at one point, he nibbled on my ear. And I'm like, what was that? He's like, I, sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm like, that's fucking ridiculous. What are you doing? He's like, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. And then I go, Mike, you fucking get on his lap now. I'm done. So then Mike were on his lap and he held him like he was on a bike. and then I would see him after that I'd see him and I'm like like this guy's weird and I'd see him at matters his grogarten if my dad wasn't around I don't know where he was he'd like hey give me a kiss in the cheek and I'll give you this picture and I go why he goes so Italian men do that all the time they give his kiss so I'm like no he's like come

on man I haven't seen you in a while he goes look I'll show you this picture you want you want this picture or superstar Billy Graham like yeah he's like all right fuck it I give him a kiss on each side of his cheek I still love the pictures the one when he slept over, Jim. That's the money one. How did we get to that? How did we get to that? A couple three months later,

he convinces my parents to stay over my house one night because he knows all the kids in the neighborhood because my dad would take all the kids in the neighborhood. We're all 14, 15, blonde hair, blue eyes, nice little swimmer's bodies. You know, we're fucking young Brad Pitt's. It's a pervy of New Jersey.

This guy was all over us. We're fucking good bait for him. So my parents somehow decide, okay, he could sleep over in the guest room, which is weird, but the guy was like 38. We were 14. My dad met him a few times, whatever. So he sleeps over and he got, he got, my parents pick him up at night, like a Friday night at the bus stop from New York City, lived in the city. They goes, can I go, say hi to Jim?

They go, no, he's sleeping. You'll see him in the morning. He goes, okay, I wake up in the morning. The guy's got his hand down my pants. I have my little PJs on. And he's got his thumb through like a hole by the crotch. And I wake up like, oh, wow. What are you doing?

He goes, I'm showing you a magic trick. A magic trick. He goes, yeah, I go, what the fuck you? He goes, a magic trick. Hold on, hold on. I go, fuck you. And I went to go run to the door to go tell my two older brothers who were suspicious of them to begin with.

And he blocked the door. He goes, listen, let's stop. He goes, I'll give you 30 pictures out of any of my photo album here if you don't say anything. I go, 30. Whatever 30 you want, the top ones you could take. if you don't say a word. I said, okay, fine.

I'm like, fuck, I might as well get some pictures out of this. So I sat there, I picked out 30. As soon as I got the 30, I had in my hand, I ran right out of the room, open the door. I told my two older brothers, Joe and Bob, you know them. And they dragged them out of the house into the car. They dropped them off at the supermarket where the bus station was. It was like six in the morning because the newspapers are still out there. You don't have you just stack the newspapers out before the place is open.

And they were hitting them over the head with the newspapers. and kicking him and kicked his ass and put him back in a bus to New York City. I saw the pictures. I kept them because my brother Joe's like, you got to give the pictures back. You got to go, I go, I'm not telling dad because he's going to make me give the pictures back. I go, I deserve these.

So I never told my parents. My mom would have to say, you have to give the pictures back, whatever. Who knows what would have happened? But I was like, fuck that. I got great pictures. And he was never seen again? No, he would, yeah, he was. Yeah, he was.

never seen again. I heard I got a someone sent me a picture of him. Wow. He's still alive? He's living in Thailand. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's that's where you go when you just want to fuck little kids.

Yeah, he's still in Thailand. But this picture, Ivan Cole off with the belt. He told me, he goes, if you give me a kiss and the chief, this picture's going to be worth a lot because he was only, he was only to champ for like nine days. He goes, this is really rare.

This is going to be worth a ton of money one day. so I gave him the kiss on the cheek I looked it up like five years ago it's worth nine cents now Ivan Kohl off he was the champ till they just made Bruno San Martino the champ after that right wasn't that the belt in between

the thing with Madison Square Garden there was so many Italians that loved Bruno San Martino because he was Italian that he had the belt for like eight years because he could sell out the garden every month and all these Italian men would go including my dad so they had to keep him as champ because if they had to

another guy in there. They wouldn't go. It would be like when Bob Backlin was the champ, a couple years later, it would be half a house every time. So Vince McMahon Sr. told Bruno, you got to be the champ. You got a big Italian foul. After nine years, Bruno goes, I don't want the belt anymore.

I'm too tired. I'm beat up, so I'm giving up the belt. But he told me that, and nine cents this thing is worth, he lied to me. He told me it was worth a lot. One, I thought this would be like a Mickey Man or rookie card. We'll have to make an NFT. We'll make it an NFT and fucking sell it

And then the price will go up on Ivan, fucking whatever his name is Or you don't understand, Joey When I told this story on Howard Stern, I had at least 20 different people contact me Guys and told me the same exact story What he did it to them too All over the country And one guy sent me a picture

I'll show you next time you come over I don't want to show it on here Just a case legally or whatever But I'll show you what the guy looked like That is just amazing And you know, it's funny because somebody else would have turned this around. This would have been like a crutch for somebody.

Like we had Puerto Rican Nelson. He would play football with us with a robe with no underwear on. We knew he was a fucking pedophile. So we could either avoid him or use him. So we used him. He liked to play football and shit like that. He had a great arm. So we went out there knowing that he was a pedophile.

And then he'd go, if I do this, are you guys going to come over afterward? Fuck yeah. We'll be over in fucking five minutes We'll put our robes on too with no underwear on And then Mrs. Softie would come And he would get all excited Buy us ice cream

And then we would tell him to suck our dick Get the fuck out of here We're not going to your backyard You pervert motherfucker And then he would do it again two weeks later We would just say it was a constant thing Like he would think that we forgot That he was a fucking pedophile

Yeah And there were a couple reports in the neighborhood I really never Confirmed them but it wasn't, it's so weird like if this was California, you know, your parents would have called the cops, your brothers, everybody.

Here in Jersey, we just handle a different way. We hit them with newspapers, and we fucking, we torment their lives. You know, with Nelson, I can't remember what, you know, what happened to him, but I'm sure that we tortured him

until he fucking left, because that was our style. Eggs, you know, light your fucking, you know, your welcome carpet. You know, many of those I live, on fire at his house, we would just throw fucking lighting fluid and light his fucking welcome sign on fire. Once we knew he was a pedophile, he couldn't fuck with us, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, we just, you know, the guy pretty much disappeared from there.

But yeah, I mean, you just, who knew back then? You know, like our parents will let us hang out with the priest, too. Go on, go camping with them, go away from on a weekend. You need another, you know, adult male in your life, you know, he'll teach you to write. way and shit like that. That shit happened all the time. I mean, I was an altar boy, all that stuff. I never went away with the priest, but the local, the priest in our town where I grew up, the Catholic school I went to, they shipped them out. They found that he did some dirty shit. Another priest in there, they found that he did some dirty shit too. So, but our parents trusted us. He trusted those people, including the wrestling picture guy, thinking, ah,

he's a little weird, but whatever. You didn't think that shit back then. That's why the parents let the kids hang out with the priests and stuff. How are we as parents? We don't trust nobody. No, there's no way. Like you and I, they know. Like, listen, you can tell whatever story you want. And I'll warn you too.

Like, listen, I know you. I know what you're doing. I know that you're a fucking pedophile. And if you fucking touch you, I'm going to hit you in the head with a brick. Like, you just, as a parent now, you look at it and you're like, you see, you know, I see it. I see the walk. I see the talk. It's tough to be a pedophile now.

It's not like the fucking, well, now they're on the computer. You know, so you got to watch what your kids bust into, you know. I thought about it. My dream in life is to definitely bust into a Zoom meeting with my ball sack. I just don't know how to hack into a, like a city town council board meeting when people are yelling about zoning a Chinese church. And I just take a picture of my balls and say, fuck you, cock suckers. Don't put no church.

I'm dying to do that. I just don't know how to be a hack. You know, I don't, I don't know. I don't fucking know. Anyway, I don't even know how I got on that. Humor about it. Like my one brother, he always says he's got the daughter. You know which one I'm talking about.

And he's already trained. He says to his daughter, hey, if she's like 12, hey, if, if some guy comes up, pulls up in a band that you don't know. What do you do? She goes, get in the van with him. And his mother goes, stop. Stop saying that, my sister. Don't say that.

Get the band with him. Like, you got, you know. I think that, like, for me, I got to be very, very, like, I was watching Summer of Sam on your recommendation, you know. And I think episode three, they talk about the guy that was very Catholic, that he lived close to the church. So they always called him when he was, when an altar boy didn't show up. Listen, I could lift my right hand to God. I wasn't an altar boy because I didn't like all the work and there was no cash in it. you know if not it would have became an altar boy

Joey if you did a funeral they would give you cash like if you were an altar boy at a funeral so we'd always fight to do what we could do the funerals yeah but how much cash like a five or a ten yeah go fuck yourself I could work bingo and steal 40 and make fucking 40 on a Sunday night from 6 to 9 so fuck that shit I'm gonna fucking go in there with that pedophile smoke and help him distribute that shit in church fuck you. I knew early on

that I love my priest. Listen I know I still remember my priest that did the you know Holy Communion he was a fucking G the priest that did my wedding my first wedding was a G he was into Coke he knew all about

drugs and shit we talked about it he lived in San Francisco and the guy that made my confirmation was his father Tom the same guy that did that and there was no pedophilia with these guys I checked them out you know I tested them, I would take a ball out in front of them and see if they would react.

You know, you got to test them and shit like that. But, no, I never had a negative experience at the Catholic Church. I feel bad for people who did. I did have a negative experience with the Boy Scouts of America. Yeah. That I knew. I knew they were creepy. I felt

that my first wee blue meeting. And I didn't like being a wee blow. I didn't like that word right there off the bat. That made me sound like a half of fruitcake. So we're not blowing nobody. I don't want to be a fucking wee blow. I think I lasted three meetings and that was the end of that. Yeah, I never did that. My parents actually signed me up to be at all the ball. I didn't want to be because I was getting so much trouble. I thought it would straighten me out. I enjoyed the church. I went to church this week. I went on Sunday finally with the family and it was a little on the weird side. It was and I had a buddy call me the night before who's a dear friend of mine. I've known him since

sixth grade and he's in recovery so he went from A.A. to N.A. because they don't mention God. And he gave me a ferocious ear beating on the way to fucking ply a bowl the other day about how you have to invite God into your life. He's the perfect gentleman. So while I'm in church Sunday with my family, this is all I'm thinking about, you know, is now I invited God into my family and that's what I need now. But it was fun. I liked the church. It was quick 50 minutes, no drama, no handshakes. Everybody wore a mask. This is a very nice area.

Very nice people. The Italians have taken over. We got great places to eat. Right. The food's phenomenal. Let's just hope God likes edibles if he's in your life. Yes. But guess what?

I've just been eating edibles to go to sleep. Jesus Christ. I've been switching. Like every night, you know how I switch. I take magnesium, something. I do everything. Last night I went off. I knew I could sleep a little late.

So I made a Michael Jackson tea. Holy shit. It took me forever to wake up this morning. I was up at 7. What's the Michael Jackson tea? That's the two bags of tea from Kikamo. A couple capsules from fucking ABX, three or four.

That's got to be 400 milligrams. And then I just shoot 897 milligrams of THC into a cup. I stare at a little bit and bottoms up. I drink it during the first half. hour of Miami Vice. Once I stopped getting bored, I pull out the guitar and I start practicing fucking crazy train. That's it. Until I get too high to remember the chords and then I go nappy new new time. That's great, man. You know, like, you know, when you were moving here, I was like, man, I got to, you know, all my family and friends, they're abrasive and they're fucking weird

and they bust balls. And I have these two guys that come over my house every Sunday to watch football. And I was like, shit, I don't know if I'm talking to my brother, Dan. I'm like, I don't know if I can bite Joey over. They're going to go to tackle them. They're going to find one fault on him and just go after him. And he's like, yeah, I go, I think he could take it. I mean, he grew up in Jersey. I go, all right.

And I warned you like 10 times before you came over. Don't worry, man. I'm fine. I'm still nervous because I'm not going to tell those guys not to, you know, hey, calm it down. They do what they do. They do what they do. Yeah. So I never forget, you came over the first week of football.

those guys were, you know, saying all those crazy shit going after you, you're going after them, back and forth. And I remember walking you out on my driveway, and you turn around and goes, Jimmy, I haven't seen guys like that in 35 years. I thought they were all dead. I didn't think they still existed because you grew up with guys like that. Oh, my God. I love guys like that.

That's my world to take guys like that out, whatever they want. They want Coke, give them Coke, give them extra Coke, because they're going to start trouble. And then three weeks later, one of them's chasing you in my basement, naked. Naked, he was chasing me. But the best was when he got naked and waited for you to come out of the bathroom. And I was actually sitting there, so I took a picture of him naked. And I got high that afternoon, and I forgot that I had the picture in that night.

I'm going through my pictures, and I see a picture of a naked man. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And I'm like, oh, that's right. He was waiting outside Jimmy's door in a Superman stance with his pants. with his pants down to his knees. Like how childish. You know what I mean? Like I'm in the bathroom and he's just waiting for me.

So I opened the door and he's standing there naked. I'm like, ah, it's something you do when you're 12 years old, but it's still funny. But your reaction was priceless because you've seen his dick a thousand times. He just walked right past it. Yeah. Like some guy was handing you a flyer and you're like, no, I'll take it next time. Yeah, you make it again. Okay.

Yeah, those guys that get naked, you can't give him light because then they're really fucking. And he chased me. He chased me naked, and I'm like, what the fuck do I do? You know, like when a man chases you're naked, you don't know how many times I chased Rogan with my balls out. And he would threaten me. Joey, I'm going to hit you. And he would run.

He would run. No guy wants to be chased. That's a man's biggest fear. There's a guy chasing you with his dick out. Guys wake up once in their lifetime going, oh, my God, a guy was chased me with his dick out. Because there's no defense technique for that. you could join 20 martial arts schools

and there's no defense if a guy comes at you with an 8 inch dick nothing but muscles and veins and blood you know that was great because you said the next day you talked to Rogan on the phone you go Joe a 55 year old man chased around Jimmy Florentine's basement yesterday

he goes I'm around my people this is where I need to be I never get I'm around my people this is where I need to be I do you know my biggest excuse My biggest thing about L.A. was that I loved it. I prospered there. I became a comic there. I met my wife there. There was so many great things. But towards the last four years, the connection was getting bigger and bigger. I was becoming something in that neighborhood that I didn't want to become. I just wanted to be a regular fucking guy. I don't want to take pictures at the park or do any of that shit at the park when I'm with my kids. So this coming here just leveled me the fuck out. It just reminded me that we're just fucking Jersey guys.

This is great just going down the shore and, you know, getting chased by a naked guy on a Sunday. And it wasn't, you know, I went every Sunday. And it was very, it brought me back to who I was. It brought me back a lot. Little by little, I'm becoming, I told my wife two days ago, I'm not Joey anymore. I'm Coco again.

I could feel Coco coming back. I could feel the attitude, the views, you know. And in time, you know what? I think I'm going to talk to a therapist maybe. Now that you said you had one, maybe I'll talk to them and see what the fuck is going on with me, why I haven't smoked dope or want to do comedy and nothing like that or stopped eating cheeseburgers.

How do the fuck stops eating pizza when they moved to Jersey? Me? I'm the only jerk off, you know? So, but I really want to thank you, man. this has been a fucking great experience from the music we trade albums we go album shopping you know the aziz bone yard i just listened to you this morning this has just been uh i just wanted to be fucking normal jim no and look when you and when you got kids man it's about them growing up and you know giving them a good life you know it's it's not about you anymore

it's cliche but it's true it's like you got a i see all like all your daughter's got freaking 15 friends already. She's been here for like three months. You know what I mean? And my kid's got a bunch of friends. And that's what it's about. They're hanging out. You can have a sleepover.

They're over there. The parents are dropping them off. Like, that's what it is being a kid. And that's why I had to get out of North Jersey. Because I lived in a high rise. I'm like, he's going to have no friends. You know what I mean? He's going to have no backyard to play on, not to play football.

So I need to do it for him. You know, if I got to make a sacrifice and you got to make a sacrifice. And then we still go out and do our thing. You know what I mean? You just juggle both schedules. as you get older, you realize it's not about doing stand-up, you know, three sets of nights, seven nights a week, just living in that. That's all you want to know.

You don't want to know anything else. Going to your kids like sporting events, I look forward to not just as much as I look forward to getting up on stage still. Like my kids got a game. I can't wait. I'm more excited than he is. Jimmy, I could look you in the eye and anybody else and tell you that if you, if I thought I wasn't going to enjoy a girl's softball game as much as I am lately,

I tell you, you were fucking crazy. If somebody came up to me and said in two years, you're going to be going to girl softball games and you're going to have a good time. I would have said, you're just a fucking idiot. You don't know me. I can't tell you, last Friday night, the parents brought white claws.

They had white claws, hot dogs. They were out there living it up, drinking. Yeah, that's great. And I'm the only asshole, they're sober as a judge now. All of a sudden, now, I decide to get sober. Now is when I need an edible out there.

The sun was shining. They had fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the kids. They brought Twizzlers for the kids for after the game, whether they win or lose. It's something that I never had in my life. I never had normality in my life like this. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. I left the house whenever the fuck I wanted her,

and I came in when I want. This life, you know, going to your son's games with you, you know, going to your family functions, all the other family functions. I just got invited to a family function Saturday afternoon. You know, it's what I wanted. I was sick and tired of being alone in California. It was a great experience,

and I miss a lot of my friends, but it was time to grow, to move here for my daughter. This move was not for me, for me to advance my career. I didn't move here to be on law and order organized crime. It popped up after. I didn't move here. Well, I did move here because it was legal marijuana. I'm not going to lie to nobody.

That made it enticing also. I moved here so my daughter could go to White Castle. My daughter could drink a yoooo. My daughter could have a fucking slice of pizza. My daughter could go to the quarry. How great is that Brony Brook Parked by a house when they went fucking snow skiing? That's free. Yeah.

That's free. You know, you only got to be careful in the one. wintertime because they could do here deer hunting up there i found out you might get shot with a bow and arrow so you don't want to go up there in the fucking uh no you know what's great is like the people around here in this area whatever just in the general the moms want to be moms unlike la unlike wherever new york whatever like that they're just they're just happy just being moms and it's all about their kids and i like seeing that because you get jaded when you're on the road and you see these crazy women and they're drunk and they're yelling

and shit after a show, you know, they got kids or whatever like that. But you just, I really see like, wow, these people are that's normal people. I didn't see that for a long time. I mean, I grew up normal. My parents were married 33 years, great couple and all that. We had seven kids. But you just see around here, these moms, you're just totally invested in their kids, and I love seeing that.

I love it too. I love it to the point. I mean, we've even, like I said, we've turned this block around just by me going outside and knocking on people's door. You know, when the pandemic came around in L.A., I knocked on my neighbor's door, and I went, I bought a batch of masks. I thought I was doing the right thing.

These people did everything but throw the masks in my face. You know, at the beginning of pandemic, nobody knew anything. Nobody really had a choice to make. I thought I was doing the right thing. Here, you knock on a neighbor's door. They're gracious. They talk to you.

Some of them knock on my door. You don't know how many. nights I'm sitting down here, the neighbor just knock on my door. Hey, did an outgo in your backyard, you know, little things that, you know, they're not calling me to ask me if I knew about the new fucking Ray Romano movie.

You know what I'm saying? Like, that shit just gets old. What's going on in your world? I know you're touring a lot. Yeah, I feel like I could be your agent because every club I go to, everyone's like, hey, I want Joey here. Joey ready to do stand-up again? I want to book them. Can you give me his number?

I really could be your agent. Every club I go to one show, we're coming back out. Come on. What's going on? Just told me to do whatever. I'm like, when he's ready, he'll come back out. He will, but I go, now right now. No, I'm back, you know, things are opening up.

I'm doing some shows and I'm filming a comedy special, like in July. Where's the special at? It's Saturday, July 24th, the Fairfield Theater in Fairfield, Connecticut. And you're just shooting an independent rough. Fuck it. No commitments to nobody. Worst case scenario. YouTube gets it.

Exactly. Yep. That's right. No pressure. Doing two shows in one night, a little theater there. They got six, six cameras shoot, all that stuff. They do a whole streaming thing out of there too. So, yeah, I'm going to shoot at that night.

I've been working on the material for a while and it's ready. Yeah. Now, you know, so if people want to go, it's on my website, jimflorenti.com, the ticket link will be there. I love it because you send all your fans to my shows. Uncle Joey sent me. Uncle Joey sent me. Whatever I meet them afterwards. I'm like, thank you.

I appreciate it. Well, you know, I try to listen. I send them to your show. I send them to Rich's show. I send them to Rob Kelly's show, especially during the pandemic. Because I wanted people to know that, listen, it's not about podcasting. It's not about who's in what movie. These are guys that are bringing you entertainment while the country, while the world is suffering.

The least you could do, you're getting that fucking unemployment check with the extra three bills. You don't like Jimmy Florentine? Because he talks he likes Queens Reich, but he doesn't like Uriah Heep. That's fine. Okay, he doesn't like Mata Hoople, so you disagree with Jimmy. But do me a favor.

Just pay the 15 bucks ticket, and somebody will take it. Support live comedy, support the arts. You know, I'm not a musician, but ever since I started playing the guitar, I've been supporting little musician things. Asbury Park, there was one up north, and Newark for struggling musicians.

What's $100? going to do to you. It's not going to make me or fucking break me. And some poor guy that's been playing the guitar for 20 years that nobody looked at. And I got that from you. You always told me that. You always buy your friend's

music just to support the band on Apple. Yeah, I buy the album even though I got iTunes. So I can, I pay 10 bucks a month for Apple music. I buy the album for $999 on iTunes just to support. When I go to a concert, they hook me up with tickets or whatever. I always

always buy a couple of concert t-shirts, too. Just support. I know that's going in their pocket. And this is why I send people to your show, because I know you're doing the right thing, and life is a fucking circle. It's a circle. We help musicians. We're all a bunch of failed musicians.

We didn't have the balls to fucking stick it out in a band with drums with five other guys. We decided we wanted to do it ourselves. But you and I, how much do we admire musicians? I mean, you know, your brother's offering me five grand to blow howford if nobody fucking knows.

The best of my brother gave Joey a scenario. He's like, would you blow Rob Halfer for like a million dollars it was or something? And save the world from AIDS. Well, no, no. He said that you would, there be no more coronavirus if you blow like, yeah, Rob Halford or whatever like that. And you're like, no, man, I know. And I go and my brother, I never forget, you're walking out of my base.

My brother goes, Joey, no one's going to know if you do it. And you just turn around. you go, I'll know. That's it. I'll know. I got to look at that mirror, see this ugly face, and no, I sucks Rob Balfin's dick, and that's a fucking nightmare.

I'll never finish the fucking book he let me. Thank you very much for taking the time today, buddy. I know that you're busy. I know your son's getting home any minute now, and any other dates you want to push while you're here? I want these people to support, Jack. You want a Fairfield, Connecticut, Saturday, July 24. I'll be doing two shows that night.

So come out and yeah, that'd be great. And hopefully Jim will be having an NFT soon. Also, I'm trying to hook him up for like heavy metal NFTs. I got to say one thing. Joey, you know, he's put stand up on hold, but I

saw the sets he was doing on Uncle Vinny's on Wednesday nights. He's 75 to 80% ready to get out there and kill. You weren't even, you were like, I'm not really happy when the material. You were killing. And the material's great. So when you're ready, you know what I mean?

They get back out there. You already got a big hunk of new stuff. That's great. But that was old shit. Not all it was. Yes, it was. I was talking about my gay neighbor Bob. My gay Bob,

I don't have a gay Bob neighbor, so I can't use it on stage no more. So it was all these old jokes that never got put on a special that now I can't put out because I don't even think that way no more. I wish I had a gay Bob next to me. I wish I had gay Bob living next to me. you know, telling me how he's busting assholes every week in Asbury Park and shit, but I don't, so I can't use that material no more. My thinking is different.

My daughter's older, but I have been, you know, when I play the guitar at night, I kind of feel shit, and I'll make little notes. I took my computer pad that had a bunch of material on it, and I erased it, and I just broke it down, and who the fuck am I today? So I've been making little notes, so when it's time, I think I'll go out. out there. I still owe Uncle Vinny three dates, which I'm going to fulfill because he's the best in the business. And then I'll probably be out there for soprano time.

Do a fucking Jersey Strong Shore with my man, Florentine and Rich Voss will take over New Jersey for the month of October. Joey, Joey, you're like a band that you're like, come on, but like just do some shows that are going to announce a tour. Damn, that another summer

without doing it. You've got that buildup right now. I could feel up in the fans that come to my show. When is Joey getting back out there? What is he getting back out there? So, well, I'm also looking at Instagram and I'm seeing

dead companies coming out. Sebastian's coming out. Tom Seguer is coming out. And as a human being, as an economist, an econ major, where's all this money going to come from? What's all the concerts that are going to come?

All the concerts that are going to come. Where are these people? You're going to kill me from September to December. The Eagles, you know, I think rage, the other thing, not rage, the other partners are out, and rage.

Black crows are out. Black crows are out. You know, I know Def Lepp had pushed their tour back until 2022. Green Day is doing a stadium tour. So where is all this money coming from? So before I abuse the country and try to fucking,

because we're all chasing the same fucking nickel, let me get my head. right let me do my warm-up shows at Vinnie's maybe do a couple guest sets at your shows Rich Voss is doing East Brunswick with you let me just get my feet back on to me

the other thing is my knees not 100% right I crack some joke about eating assholes some guys are Christian he shoots a gun I can't run I get shot because my knees all fucked up so my knees got to be tip top of goo Jimmy for me to go back out there but I know what I're looking forward to you getting back

out there and you know it too but I'm out there so I see it. No, we're going to do it, and I'll probably do guests at your shows as a secret. And I'll see you later. Every show I do real quick, every show I do, people afterwards go, I thought Joey was going to come out, whether I'm in Las Vegas, Florida, and I think like you flew with me to bed. I thought Joey was going to come out. I figured you was going to come out after you right before you. I'm like, nah, no. Will I see you tonight? You'll be around? Yeah, I'll be around. Yeah. We're done at 7.30, so I don't know if you have a game. We're done at 7.30 from Freehold.

We probably won't be back till 8. But it was a pleasure talking to you. And I want to thank you for having the best family on the East Coast. They opened up their hearts to me. I'm writing a book with Erica. I'm doing mugs with Paula. You know, me and Bob are fucking crypto buddies now. I love you with all my heart.

Luke is my little Roberto Clemente. You know, the Florentine crime family. Shirts will be out soon. And we're going to have them numbered, so get ready for the Florentine crime family shirts, bitches. All proceeds go to the ACDC party. We're having on June 4th. I love you, Jim. Thank you for your time, buddy.

Next time we'll do it over there in the brick wall. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yeah. All right, you back, cock suckers. I hope you enjoy Jimmy. We're fucking, when he told me the story about the wrestler biting his ear, nibbling on his ear. When he first told me that story, I feel. fucking told my wife, we were down here in the basement watching TV hat, because he would come over when I had the knee surgery and just talked with me in the afternoons for an hour. That's how good he is. And like I said during the podcast today with him, guys, we're to a point now where you know who my friends are from Bert, Tom, Joe, Duncan, Red Band, Tony Hinchcliffe, DeLea. Listen, they all have faults. Some of them don't have faults. Some of them have been in trouble. Guess what?

They come to your town. If you love me, these guys have bent over backwards for me. When somebody, remember, I'm the enemy of your enemy, but I'm also the best friend of your best friend. When these guys come to your town, whether you like that comedy, whether you're busy, support them. Buy a ticket.

Who gives a fuck? Buy a CD. You know, keep the karma well. Like I said, told him during the thing, I'm not a musician. I played the guitar for three months. I know two songs, but you got to hear my smoke on the water. It sounds like the fucking water disappeared.

But I still want to help out musicians with the money that you sent me on Patreon. We've helped out two music festivals. I don't know anybody in those festivals. But those are the ones that need more of our help. Rage Against the Machine doesn't need my $100. Fucking Allison Chains doesn't need my $100. Kiss definitely doesn't need my $100. That poor band and Long Branch, that they've been struggling all year.

They're four kids. They work at a print shop. You know what, man, they get a $100 check in the mail. That boost your fucking morale. That's a pair of symbols. That's four fucking guitar picks. That's something. So right now, pandemic, whatever, this is season to look after your friends

and to look after the people that have made you you. That's the most important thing. And Jimmy Florentine and his family have made me me. This is why I looked to where I am. This is why I have the happiness I am. This is why I'm in a good fucking mood, even though I haven't smoked reefer in fucking two weeks, cock suckers. It's sober in May.

Uncle Joey's doing sober in fucking May. Everybody was doing sober in October. I got to be the jerk off. That has to be sober in May, but it feels good. I'm happy I'm doing it. My lungs needed a breather. I needed a breather. Everybody needed to breathe.

You don't need to see me smoke pot no more. That's it. It's all over. But I will be making a comeback. I will keep you cock suckers post. because I will tape it. I want to drool in front of you. I want to do that whole thing.

I want to do like a Lees Ayat and out of space where my eyes rolled back to my head and you guys like, finally we fucking got them. Anyway, I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great weekend. Thank you for watching.

Thank you for listening. God bless you, cock suckers. Stay black. And I'll see you next fucking Monday. Tip top, motherfucker, McGoo. Stay black. Thank you. And now for a word from our sponsor.

All right, I want to thank Jim Florentine. I want to thank you guys for supporting. And I want to thank you for all the love and hope you give us. You know what I'm saying? Things are rough out there for a pimp. And we're still here doing our motherfucking thing. But the joint today is brought to you by

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Have a great weekend. May 19th. I will see you Monday morning. Tip top, Magoo, ready to stab a fucking circus clown. I love your cocksucker. Stay black. Have a great weekend. M-ma.