The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #070 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Welcome to Uncle Joey's Joint..... It's Wednesday, June 2nd..... This episode is brought to you by CBDLion & ONNIT..... Go to https://www.CBDLion.com and enter PROMO Code: JOEY or CHURCH Go to https://www.onnit.com and enter PROMO CODE: JOEY or CHURCH And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Co-Hosted & Produced by: Michael Klein @onebyonepodcast on: Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canada [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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Or Joey and get 10% Off delivered Right to your motherfucking house That's how we do it Let's get this motherfucking party started On a Monday morning Oh yeah And that's a Wednesday

morning. What the fuck am I saying? On a Wednesday morning. What's happening, you bad motherfuckers? It's Wednesday, June the fucking second. A new month. A new set of rules and a new set of priorities. I want to talk to you about something today now that this, we're winding down, and everything is fucking opening up.

There's another problem looming. A lot of people know about it. A lot of people don't know all up. A lot about it. A lot of people going through it. During the fucking pandemic, you know, we got shutting. and if you used to drink at 5, 5.30 after work, I'm sure that your drinking schedule shifted a little bit.

You know, you were home. Nobody was there to watch you. You could do a shot at one, which is very innocent. I'm not judging anybody, you know. That was also the same came true with people who do illicit drugs, you know, whether it's snort and coke or smoking refa, you know. Then it had nowhere to go. Things got a little early.

And then what did they do? They started giving you extra money during the pandemic. So now you had this extra fucking money. And now I'm hearing across the country that rehabs are fucking packed. Like people are fucking going to rehabs left and fucking right because they lost control over the pandemic. Now, let's be as honest as we can here and frank as we can. If anybody lost control over the pandemic in the beginning, it was me. I fucking lost my mind.

I mean, it's just between the fear, I had never experienced this before, and you're sitting there watching TV, and they're showing your freezers full of people dying, and you don't know what the fuck's going on. So, you know, some people got affected by it. Some people didn't for me. I turned to what I knew best was marijuana and edibles, and I started taking my anxiety medication.

And, you know, I knew because I was doing all these things, I go, like, let me at least not drink. I mean, during the pandemic, while I was in L.A., I probably had one shot at Rogans before we left the last podcast I did with him that I think Spotify did put up and did keep who gives the fuck if they didn't. And then I also, once I got here,

I drank a white clawed jimmies one Sunday and realized fucking vodka kills me. And then one night I went out, and whenever I go out with my wife and mercy and another family. I always, to just be normal because everybody's got a cocktail or a beer, I try to get a sangria.

One five-ounce sangria, six-weight watcher points, nobody gets their fucking feelings hurt, you know? So, but one that I drank an old-fashioned after it, and that put me over the top, and I realized that whiskey is no longer, can no longer be in Joey Diaz's life. Whiskey and Joey Dears, I mean,

hard liquor in Joey Dears, just don't agree no more. So I went, you know, I didn't have a drinking problem, but I knew that when I fucking got here, my smoking, when I first landed and was staying in the Somerset, my smoking, I was putting down, it had to be 10 joints a fucking day, and I don't know how many milligrams of vegetables a day.

You know, and I had to take a long, hard look at myself, and I did what I had to do, and here we are. But sobriety is something that it's fucking hard, man. It's really fucking hard. And I got introduced to sobriety the first time in 85. I got introduced to AA. You know, I don't know if there was an NA back then. Don't quote me or whatever.

I don't know. I went to AA, a teacher of mine, Mr. Taranova, who first helped me out when I was homeless. You know, he didn't force me, but he kind of did. he said these meetings will be good for you. And I'll tell you, I went to a couple meetings, and they are eye awakening. You know, these are like hardcore New Jersey AA meetings. People insulting people, people, people telling people shut the fuck up. You're not a real outke.

I'm a real outky. When I drink, I don't even use ice cubes. You know, shit like that. Like, it was fucking, like, I would go. It makes a difference. Then I would tell him, bring me, because I, I would. I need to see more of this shit, you know. And I would go there, and I never shared.

I never told anything. I never raised my hand. I didn't really, you know, I just watched, you know. And then time moved on, and I forgot all about AA. And, you know, I got myself arrested and all this shit. And then I moved to Colorado and, you know, the drugs were free there. And I kept going at it. And then I got locked up.

And when I got locked up, They had AA meetings in the prison. If you have ever been in prison, you will do anything. Like Bible study, if you're Greek Orthodox, you'll show. Even though you're not Greek Orthodox, anything to get you out of that fucking cell. Do you know what I'm saying? So I would go to any religious meetings. I would go to any group therapy meetings.

And I would also go to AA. And I wouldn't share. I would just sit there, listen to the stories, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. once I got out, when you get into a halfway house, part of the fucking treatment is to go to AA meetings. And I fucking hate it. I'm not going to lie to nobody. I'm not putting anybody down here.

I'm just letting you know how I felt when I was 25 years old. They would force me to go to them. And I would sit there and go, what the fuck? This was Boulder, Colorado, where everybody was like, well, you know, I went off the rails on wine cooler. Shut the fuck up. I'm over here doing an ounce of blow. and eating pills and drinking fucking fat tire,

and you're over here because you drink wine cooler. I always felt like weird. And then I ended up getting into more trouble, and they threw me into a fucking outpatient rehab, which I felt at the time was a complete waste. I didn't like the methods of therapy. It was like they were picking a scab to upset you, and I didn't like that either, you know.

But when you're in that, Halfway house, you have to be fucking sober. And towards the end, you know, I tried to do it as legit as I could. You know, I wasn't snorting coke. Yes, I was smoking pot, just rolling up a thin joint. And I would just take like two hits off it and turn it off. And it wouldn't go over the THC level of my body when I would piss. So that's what I did.

And that's how I maintained until I got out of the program. And, you know, listen, when I was doing all that shit, the only person I was hurting was myself because I wasn't doing the program right, you know? And, you know, the cocaine flowed. I got into comedy and that's what this is all about. You know, once you get into fucking comedy, there's nobody watching you.

You know, when you do one-nighters, they just feed you the fucking drinks. What do you think they sell out of bark? Coloring books? Drugs, Coke, pills, refa, you know, whatever the fuck, gasoline powder. I don't fucking know. But there's nothing good at a bar

at the 10 o'clock at night. You know, if you notice, a lot of comics are in recovery, a lot of comics, or somewhere in their career, they know they can't get ahead unless they quit doing what they're doing. I.E. Ron White just recently got sober.

You know, I know Bill Burr doesn't drink. I know Dean doesn't drink. I know a lot of guys who started out in the business, but one day you're like, I got to make a choice between my career or alcohol because or drugs. If I keep going in this direction, it's going to ruin my fucking career. And that's what happens to most people. In the last six months without mentioning names on my Patreon,

I have sent three people to AA. If they want to write something on Patreon or go to Twitter and write something that I sent them, You know, they were like, I'm lost. I don't know what to do. And I got it from Rich Voss, because I hang out with Rich and I talk to Rich. And I know that deep into the pandemic, Rich, I would meet him for lunch.

And he would tell me that he would do Zoom meetings for AA. So I told all these people, anybody who contacted me over the pandemic, whether on Patreon or Facebook or Twitter or on Instagram, I told them all the same thing. I go, you got to hear the meeting. And people were like, Why I'm meeting?

Why not rehab? You know, man, again, this is one man's opinion who has been a fucking criminal and a fucking drug addict all his fucking life. I think rehab sometimes it's a force. What I mean, it's a force.

It's a force that's making you go in there. I think that 80% of people that go to rehab don't want to really get clean. They just go to rehab because they have to because of a DUI or something happened or whatever. 20% of those people, people that woke up one morning

and said, fuck, I can't suck 12 dicks anymore. I need to go to a fucking rehab. You know, I can't put myself in this position. And they go in there, and they give it a New York fucking try. But you know, you know what the statistics are? Not fucking bueno.

Not fucking bueno. You know, over the years, when I got out of prison, I accepted that I was going to keep doing cocaine. I got sick and tired of quitting. You know, you just get sick and tired. I'm gonna, there's the last time I'm snorting coke. I'll never do this

again. I'm gonna be a better man. Two days later, you're back in the bag. I mean, it's a broken fucking record and I'll raise my hand. I was the king of it. So I just said, this is not gonna work. You know, I'll just try to do everything in moderation. And when it comes to cocaine, there's no

moderation because you don't stop until you're fucking broke, you know? So for a guy like me, I know all about getting clean, what you're feeling, what you're not feeling. And I knew one thing for me. I knew that November 8, 2007, when I stopped doing cocaine. The first thing that happens when you get sober is you think about it. And you look at yourself and you judge yourself and you say to yourself, there's no way. I could do a day without cocaine.

There's no way I'm going to make it through that wedding without a drink. There's no way I can make it through a day of work without smoking pot. When you think about getting sober, there's no way you see it happening in your mind. And that's where you lose. That's where you lose. When you don't see it happening is where you lose. How do I know? You're looking at it.

I tried to quit 80,000 fucking times. but you don't really want to. You don't really want to. You're just lying to yourself. You're just yassing yourself to death. And I'm the king of doing that. I can yes myself to death for fucking years. And that's why I did blow for 27 fucking years.

And the last seven, trust me, every time I did a line, it was hard. The last seven years from 2000 to 2007, I was just snorting. of snorting. I didn't want to snort, but I had no other, I had no other options. It was, I can't describe to you what a dark place I went into it in 2006 and 2007. I went into the darkest place I've ever been in my life. And then I added heroin to the fucking mix. And that summer of 2007, I don't even fucking remember that summer. I don't even fucking remember it, you know.

But when I decided not to snort Coke, I took unconsciously, unconsciously and consciously. I'm not going to, I took what I had learned over the years from AA and NA and applied it to me in my journaling. Did I go to a few meetings? I'm not going to lie to you. I went to a few meetings in California. I went to a few meetings in the holland. I think I went to like maybe one meeting in Hollywood and maybe two in the valley. And I didn't think that they would help me.

I didn't think that they would have the impact on me of me journaling. Listen guys, let's face it, you have to think about who you are. I'm a stand-up comic. That means I have the balls to go up in front of a brick wall with a microphone by myself in front of strangers. I was an only child. I love to snort cook by myself. I love to smoke pop by myself. I'm the type of guy I like to eat by myself.

I like to do shit by myself. I enjoy myself. Do you know what I'm saying? So the whole group thing, I think that's why it didn't work out for me. It wasn't because, you know, I didn't want to be a friend of Johns or whatever. No, that's not the fact.

I didn't think the group thing would work for me. But I think it works for 70 to 8. 80% of people when you really think about it and apply the steps. I have probably in my life right now, I got to tell you, I have 10 people who are lifelong N-A or AA people. You know, and I don't mean to put Rich Voss's life on, you know, but I talk to him a lot and I see his passion. for it. You know, I have another

dear friend that I was by no since the sixth grade. We just spoke last week. I checked in with him because I knew he had to go to rehab in January. You know, he relapsed after, you know, this pandemic was rough on people. He was home all alone. He's got no wife,

no fucking kid. You know, he's my age. His job made him fucking sit at the house and do the work. So he eventually relapse. He caught himself. He put himself in a voluntary Terry detox. He went to a rehab for two weeks, and he signed himself out and got into the program, and he's doing great. He said something to me last week. That was fucking interesting. He said that

God is a gentleman, that if you invite God into your life, he'll come in, but he's a gentleman. He'll never fucking mingle unless you invite him. At first, I wanted to hang up on him. I thought he was crazy but then listen I'm the type of guy that I don't care what you need to do to get there I don't care what you need to do if you need to drink 22 fucking alpha brains

a day when I got off cocaine alpha brain really helped me I went on alpha brain I remember telling Rogan one night the alpha brain is really helping me now I'm not on cocaine he looked at me like are you fucking crazy it's the truth it really helped me when I first got off cocaine. My mind was missing something. Something was not right with my mind that wasn't firing.

And that's how I got introduced to alpha brain through Marcus and the whole thing. And that's how I fell in love with it. And that's why I don't tell this to a lot of people. This is the first time I've disclosed this. But when I quit when I quit cocaine, my brain was fucking shot. And one day we were on the road and Rogan had a couple fucking shroom techs, alpha brains. And I took a couple alpha brains and I went home and I'm like, this makes me feel a lot better since I got off the Coke and I went on an alpha brain for like six fucking months until I felt fucking normal again. I mean, this is what you need to do. I don't care what you do to get there.

Now, for me, my whole thing, listen, I watched my godfather smoke for years when I was a little fucking kid. From the age of four to fucking seven, I saw my godfather roll, smoke a joint. go to a movie, we go get a slice of pizza, he'd giggle. I did this with him. Us in this room, it's a harmless fucking vice. Marijuana is a harmless fucking vice. You've never seen nobody tell you that they kill their people

when they were smoking weed or whatever. I get it. So when I quit cocaine, I consider myself sober because I wasn't on the drug. See, weed didn't make me go kidnapped. Ken Vela. Drinking alcohol didn't make me kidnap Ken Vela. I kidnapped Kent Vela because I wanted to,

but I was also not under the influence of cocaine. I was under the hammer of cocaine. I wasn't I at the time of the kidnapping. I'd love to tell you I was high and that's why I took the machine gun out. And that's what made me kidnap. No, it didn't. No, I'd love to tell you that. I'd love to sell you that story, but I kidnapped him because

I was under the hammer of cocaine, not under the influence, two different fucking things. So I learned a very important lesson. So to me, getting sober, meant getting off the drug that put me behind bars. Once I beat that,

I thought I had it beat. And I was doing well with it. You know, again, do I think the edibles are harmless fucking vice until they start affecting your life. What do I mean by that? If you don't go to work,

anything that fucking makes you fuck up, then it's not a harmless vice anymore. But you pop in an edible, 11 o'clock at night to watch a movie with your girlfriend, I can't get mad at you. I don't care if you have a glass or why. I don't really give a fuck. But you're still not fucking sober, you know.

And something about that always bothered me. It really did. It really fucking did. And then things started happening that made me get more and more. more upset with it. A couple of years ago, I watched the 30 for 30 with Chris Harron. He's a basketball player.

He played for the Celtics, local boy out of Boston, you know, somewhere out of there. I don't want to, you know, like when I told Bill Burry, you're out of Boston. He's like, nah, I'm 30 miles north. Anyway, I don't want to piss nobody off. He played for the Celtics, so he's from the Boston area. I watched this 30 for 30. I watched him tell a story about having a basketball uniform on, warming up with the Celtics. and not having any Vicodians or a pill, a certain pill.

Don't Perkiss said Vicod, don't quote me on this. But he said that he went outside on the street to the corner with his Celtic uniform on to meet the dude outside, to give him the pills because he couldn't play without the pills. That is the most addicting story I've ever heard in my life. And it's the most addicting story, I lived through those stories. I went through those stories.

I got a thousand of them. I don't remember them right now. But I did stupid things like that, that you wake up the next thing and go, I'll never tell nobody that story. But I did that for blow. Like I, you know, I got on my hands and knees and looked around the toilet bowl

because I thought there was a little rock on the floor. I mean, this is the shit that you look at years later and go, I don't even want that in my mind anymore. the things I did. I remember flushing an ounce of coke because I kept seeing cars stop by my window. I was in the third floor of a hotel and I was looking out the window

and the cars would stop. So I went and dumped an ounce of coke and when I went downstairs, I realized it was an ATM machine. People kept pulling up to take cash out and I dumped an ounce of fucking coke out. You know, I got a thousand of these embarrassing stories. You ever say something and you fucking think about it 10 years later

and go, I can't believe I said that in that room. well I got about a thousand of those fucking stories when I was on cocaine. You know, you know, ruin holidays, ruin people's nights. You know, I still remember being in like Clark, Tennessee or something, one of those West Virginia towns and driving an hour following a guy with another comic that was innocent, a guy like Mike or Lee that don't know anything about anything. They just want to be comedians. And I'm making them drive.

I didn't make them drive me. at gunpoint. I asked them for a ride and I paid them for gas to follow some fucking redneck to a trailer for me to get fucking cranked to get high. I got a thousand of these fucking stories. So I knew exactly what Chris Heron was talking about when he said that. That gave me, but for me, I was a basketball player. You know, I quit basketball after I was a freshman because my feelings got hurt and I didn't

want to do it anymore. but I know what it is. I wanted to be a professional basketball player. When he said that, I'm like, so here I am in the Boston Garden. The fucking, this is like, you know, where basketball was invented with Red Orbach. I'm on the fucking Reds. I'm on the Boston Celtic team. I'm fucking starting.

But before my fucking game, I can't play because I don't have a Vicodan or a Perkinset or a Quailot in me. So I'm going to go out into the street with my fucking uniform on and meet a dealer. That was just too much for me to comprehend. So I reached out to him. I donated to his fucking charity, which I do ever since that. And he came on the podcast. Well, I'm fucking taught. This is a piece of shit that I am.

Okay, this is when I started getting mad. He's on the podcast dropping knowledge about sobriety. We had a call in. He's dropping knowledge about sobriety. and what he was feeling and the second chance his wife gave him and all this shit and i'm loving all this stuff because this is the stuff i fucking live for and within that i'll never forget that's you know and i'm embarrassed about this somewhere in that night when i was listening with the headphones on i still remember taking a hit off the joint and putting the joint down and going what did i

just do this guy is telling me a story about redemption and all this fucking drug use and that's fucking horrible and he's trying to help people and he has a rehab and his whole family is involved in this and here I am on the other end of the phone smoking a fucking joint what type of fucking

that was one episode that I regretted of all time on the church that should have been a drug-free episode and we should have done like 10 free drug-free episodes out of respect for fucking Chris but I didn't. I didn't even realize what I had done to like a week later.

I'm like, I can't believe I was smoking pot while I was talking on the phone to Chris Harron, a guy who's saving fucking people on a daily basis, but me, the dumb fucking pothead I am, I can't realize that it just wasn't even fucking right.

You don't know how bad I felt about that podcast. I should have taken it down, but I left it up, and I'm still embarrassed about it. But it was things like that that led us to what we're going to talk about today, you know. That was one story that I was very ashamed of that. And it was like a couple days later, I'm like, I'm on the phone with Chris Heron and I'm smoking fucking dope. What the fuck is wrong with me?

What the fuck kind of person? You know, when I got off that fucking plane when I moved here, I'll never forget going on YouTube one day to listen to music one night or something. And I saw like an old church and I'm like, who is that guy? Who is that fat dude with a fucking t-shirt on with bags under his eyes, and his eyes are fucking closed. He's a grown, a fucking 50-year-old man, acting like a fucking two-year-old. I was ashamed. I'm ashamed at times.

I'm not going to fucking lie to you, but it's who the fuck I am. I'm a fucking pothead. What do you want from me? It's who the fuck I am. So, yeah, part of me was mad at what I had done and this podcast that I was promoting. but part of me was like that's who the fuck I am I shouldn't be ashamed of who the fuck I am

but then I got an email a couple months later and they were not ridiculing me but they were kind of checking me they were checking me and a he didn't check me in a gentlemanly way

but he checked me and he said that you know I was glamorized and weed that a lot of people might be taking this wrong. Kids might be taking this wrong. And I don't know if I told him the fuck off or whatever comment I made.

You know, I just said, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I thought about it. I thought about it. I thought about it. I was like, this guy's right. You know, and I'm not trying to glamorize it. I'm just showing you the weed that we were getting in California at the time. That's it.

I was just helping some friends of money. that have great weed and I want you to get the same great great weed to it wasn't like I was glamorizing it or whatever we were too stupid we were caught up and we were just getting high and it fucking happens you know but then we moved back here and I started looking at my life

and I started seeing you know we always think we're doing the right thing until we take a close look you gotta take a close look and I've been talking I've been mentioning this the last four or five podcasts and you have to check your yourself from time to time. I took a close look. And I realized there was a lot of fucking holes in my game, a lot of holes, more than usual, more than what I fucking thought. I didn't think I was perfect, but I didn't think I was that bad as shape either. And I started cleaning up my game

little by little, just little things. There were things I did that I didn't even know I was doing, like the coffee thing. I didn't even know I was doing it. My body didn't need it anymore, so I didn't know I was doing it. And then I just started little by little, you know, I don't feel like smoking at 8 in the morning. I'll smoke after breakfast, you know? I don't want to go to the gym smelling like weed. Those people aren't potheads at the gym.

I'll smoke after the gym. Then I got to the point where I would run in and go right to the pipe and hit it and then just run my whole day off smoking fucking reefer and another joint at the time. And let's be honest. honest with you. I was getting high the first time if that. If that. Look at the amount of edibles I had to eat to get high on that show. If Lee ate, you know, three things. I really ate six plus whatever I ate all fucking day. You know, whatever I was eating all day. You have no idea who I was bumping into what weed store I was going to, who I was going to see to do a podcast.

They had a bag of mushrooms. They had this. They had that. I was surrounded. by it. Still, no excuse. No excuse. I was taking those mushrooms. I was eating them. I was giving them away to my friends. You know, I was like a fucking drug peddler myself. I was giving shit away. People would give me shit that I couldn't use and I was giving them away. Fucking I would go to shows. People would give me pills. Pills that I wouldn't take. I would give those away. It was a fucking constant whatever. And I'm like, what the fuck is all this? So whatever. A month ago, you know, I just saw that. My weed intake was getting lower and lower and lower.

Even I had the surgery. I'm in the house and I'm bored of the debt. But with all the pain pills and the other medication, I'm like, I don't want to fucking smoke because I'm feeling like shit enough with these fucking oxycodons make you feel bad enough. And the weed wasn't doing anything to me. So I'm like, you know what? I'm destroying my lungs.

I'm smoking 15 fucking times a day. After a while, I put away the fucking, I went and bought. a pipe. My agent sent me a pipe. So I had two pipes. I was fucking smoking. You know, I was smoking that pipe 20 times a fucking day. Nothing was happening. So I said, you know what? Let's see. Let's just work this backwards. So I started taking times when I would smoke. I have a thing. You have to smoke by two o'clock and go fuck your mother. For the last 33 days, I've been fucking my mother because I haven't been smoking. So, you know, I smoke. I would smoke at one and then I smoke at four but then you know

then I would smoke like a seven but I would smoke downstairs it's winter time sometimes I would go on her back sometimes I'd come down she's not stupid my little daughter when she comes downstairs and she smells it she won't say nothing but she smells it

so all those little fucking things I know a lot of people like Joey she's gonna find out about it anyway yeah but not when she's eight she doesn't deserve to find out about it when she's eight little down the line when she's 12 she can handle that shit you know nobody can handle listen i hate to say this to you but i've always repeated this this is one of my favorite lines of all time i saw my hero getting high what are my chances are getting high my hero was my mother my other hero my dad died from drugs

so when your heroes get high what are your chances are getting fucking high huh yeah so i don't want her to smell that yet. Not yet. Not right now. She's too innocent. She's too young and she's too, you know, I don't want how to think that her dad. Well, this is my medicine. What are you fucking talking about medicine? I don't, I can't know. So I rather not. So what happened over the last couple of fucking weeks was that I just saw myself not smoking, not smoking. And the other thing was to COVID. I was scared to smoke because I thought it would go into my fucking lungs. And every time I I had smoke, my lungs are burns. I'm like, fuck, I'm getting COVID.

I wasn't getting COVID. I never got COVID. I got the fucking vaccine. I was fine. But all those things, and I just don't think my body needed anymore. So I quit smoking 30 days ago. All right, no big deal. Not quit because I wanted to.

Don't quote me on that. I just wanted to give it a breather. All right? So it went on with that. I gave it a little breather. The first week went by. I didn't bitch. I didn't yell.

I didn't scream. There was no irritability. I didn't lose sleep. The second week, perfect, better than the first week. Didn't lose sleep. Didn't curse. Didn't get no irreelability. The third week, I can't lie to you.

One night I went off last week, a week before. I went off on my wife upstairs. I didn't go off. I just mentioned a couple things to her. But I was in front of Mercy. And Mercy got upset. And I go, you know what? this is probably me

tripping from the reefer let me go downstairs and get my head together my wife came down a little while later I apologized and she goes I don't think it was the reefer she goes I think you were just having a bad day because I told I go I'm sorry if I went off before I think it was the refa

I immediately went to the reefer she was like no because I've seen how you've been reacting the last couple weeks you've been fine it's not the refa what else is going on with you and I go yeah I got this other thing and she goes that's what's bawling you take care of it and that was it so i haven't been irritable about it it's not that i had a call like you know and i do believe in the sponsor i let me tell you something when i got into aa

in 89 when i got out i had a chick sponsor first she was a dipshit she really was she was too dippy for me but then i got another sponsor i got a guy and he was a very, very good. I forget what his name was. I stayed clean with him for about six months. I mean, clean. He had a good system, you know, call me every day.

He wanted you to call him every day. Call me every day at 10. Let me know how you're feeling. Let me know if you think you want to use today. I mean, he was a very good sponsor. If you get high, he didn't fucking, like one time I relapsed on Rifa. He didn't beat me up.

He took me out to lunch. And he told me it was going to be a struggle and to keep going to meetings and keep working the fourth step. And, you know, the steps are great. You know, the first step is give your life to somebody else. Listen, I did it with comedy. I do it with everything. You can't control everything. You have to put your life into somebody else's hands, and that's where faith comes in.

If you're looking to get clean, you've got to have a little bit of fucking faith. Listen, pick a God. I don't give a fucking God what you're thinking. And if you don't believe of God, just say there's a higher power out there. I don't give a fuck. If you don't like God, if you don't want to hang out with Buddha,

if you're not a Buddhist, if you're not, it doesn't matter to me. It's giving your life to put it in somebody else's hands. That's the beginning of it. The fourth step is taking a moral inventory, which I do every day when I journal. That's what I've been doing for the last 29 fucking years.

It's taking a moral inventory. pretty much in a way. It's just done on a daily basis. A moral inventory or what the fuck is going on with me. I do it every day. Sometimes I do it in the morning. Lately I've been doing it at night and I'm getting more from it

because I'm reflecting on my day and what I learned that day. So all these things help towards your sobriety. But something else happened on the way of the dance. For two weeks, for three weeks, I sat here every day. and I was telling people I'm clean. I'm clean.

I haven't taken an anxiety pill since they took the guitar lesson from Rudy Saras all that day. It was too fucking intense. It was too intense for me. And, you know, I'm not smoking. So I'm clean. But then I was like, wait a second. I'm taking that fucking tea at night.

That's what I kept saying. And I'm putting those fucking edibles in there too. And I said, all right, let me do this. Let me do this. Let me not put the edibles in the tea. tea and just drink the tea. So I did that for a week. I would just take the tea

with the magnesium. A couple of CBDs with fucking melatonin in it. He slept good still? Out like a fucking baby. Out like a baby. But guess what? Something was eating away at me. There was still two milligrams

of THC in the tea. And five milligrams of CBD. Now, to some people you're like Joey that's nothing but to me it was something so Saturday night I said fuck it I'm not drinking the tea anymore I'm gonna give the tea a break I needed to give it a break anyway because my body was getting too used to it you what I usually do is just not drink it what I started doing now was drink celestial seasonings makes it great they make great

fucking teas If you need to wake up and you don't like coffee, drink Lemon Zinger. That'll put you in a different fucking world. I've been on the Lemon Zinger since 1985. I've been on Lemon Zinger. If you go upstairs to my tea, there's two boxes upstairs of Lemon Zinger. I love Lemon Zinger. It's been like a month since I last drank one.

But once a month, I'll do a fucking Lemon Zinger. And the other one I like is their Sleepy Time tea. Let me tell you something. You put two of those things, two bags and a cup of fucking coffee. Rocker by baby on the tree top. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. Whatever the fuck the lyrics are. I don't know.

I haven't sang Rock of my baby in a long fucking time. But, yeah, so I've been taking sleepy time. Two magnesium tablets. I turned the TV off at 11. I practice the guitar once I feel a little fucking tired from the magnesium I go upstairs

and that's it so it's been three fucking days so guess what cock suckers I am completely sober now for three days don't get carried away it's Wednesday I'm gonna drink my tea tonight that's it I just want

I just want to let you motherfuckers know that Joey Diaz could look you motherfuckers in the eye and tell you that I was sober for 72 hours. Go fuck yourself, all he is. I did it. I fucking did it. Because I'll tell you what,

I was also, I used to train with a girl in Boulder. And she was a big time AA type of chick. I'm talking about, like if she had pain, she would take something completely different. If she had a cold, she wouldn't take. a lot of the stuff most people would take because they had, I mean, she was that anal. It had little

things of opiates or whatever. She was fucking insane about it. And I looked at it. I thought about her. Beautiful girl. It looked like Mariah Carey. Stunk terribly, though. She was a natural chick. Didn't shave her armpits,

didn't want aluminum under her pits and shit. She stunk terribly, but she was a dear friend of mine, gorgeous. But she was such an A-A-N-A-A. chick that there wasn't much she was allowed to do. Like if she went for, she had a toothache, she would have to take something completely different. She couldn't take aspirins or pain pills.

When she went to the dentist, she wasn't allowed to get put out. Her fear of fucking relapse was so fucking strong that, I mean, I respected her for it. And now I'm looking at it. But again, I don't ever want to be that sober. Like, I don't, I don't, I don't ever want to be. want to be that so. I want to be able to do what the fuck I want to do and I want you to be able to do what the fuck you want to do. What does that mean? If you go to a bar one night and there's a girl there

and you have a cocktail and the girl says, do you want a line of Coke? And if you want to do a line of Coke, you can do it and drive home or take an Uber home and the next day you wake up and go to work and then you don't do Coke for eight months. You know, that's your life. I'm not here to tell you what's fun. That's what I, you know, for me, listen, I was a type of guy that I wouldn't go out of the house if I didn't have cocaine.

That's what ruined me forever. That ruined my life forever. You know, I was a type of guy that I wouldn't go to a movie unless I could smoke a joint. I'm not going to go to a movie unless I could smoke a joint. I can't watch that movie

unless you smoke a joint. I was always one of those assholes. When I tell you that I cannot go out and have a drink unless I had a, pocket of coke in me. Unless I had $50 worth of cocaine in my pocket, there was no way you were getting me out to a bar to have a drink.

It was a waste of fucking time. What are you wasting my time for? I'm going to go talk to people with no coke. I mean, that's why it took me so long to quit Coke because I thought that my social, I wouldn't be even, the toughest thing was I thought I wouldn't be funny anymore. That was really killing me. What does fucking cocaine have to do? And then when I would realize that when I would do coke the night before,

and I would get on stage, I would do horribly because my heart and my soul weren't connected to the fucking material. So you're always scared of what's going to happen if I stopped doing this. I remember when I went off the anxiety pills. I just went online. You know, when Duff McCagent told me,

he goes, I had a little problem. I went on tour one year because Duff is spotless clean. And he said he went on tour one year, I think with Velar Revolva, and he was having some problem sleeping, and he started eating the footballs like I did. And he goes, you just can't, quick because you'll have a stroke, you got to taper off them.

So I went online, I learned how to taper off them, and now they're done as needed. And let me tell you something, if I feel anxiety attack coming now, I'll breathe that motherfucker out. Everything I do has been to help me with my anxiety attacks. The walking, the no coffee, the fucking sleeping right, I mean everything. I mean, the coffee, the fucking edibles in the daytime, my anxiety has dropped by 95. fucking percent. I think I still have 10% anxiety to me. Like the end I was going to a restaurant with a buddy of mine. My neighbor Frank called me because you want to go get a pot roast sandwich?

Absolutely. And as I was going to meet him, I had a little bit of anxiety. I came up and I told my wife, I go, why do I have anxiety? I'm going to get a sandwich with my dear friend across the street and his son. And she goes, I don't know. I go, I know. And the anxiety went away. And that was it. Usually I would run downstairs and take a fucking pill of football and then get in the car. No, I'm not doing that no more. I'm learning how to cope with all this stuff. Listen, I want a smoke pot. You have no idea how badly I wanted to smoke pot the last two days. In my world, 30 days is enough. That's enough of a fucking sentence. Okay? I'm up to 33 fucking days right now. I'm not smoked pot. But I will tell you something.

I don't think I'm ready. I don't think my tolerance has gone down. I don't think so. Because two weeks ago, three weeks ago, you guys saw what I was putting in those fucking teas. No, you're not ready yet. Trust me. Trust me.

So I think I'm going to give it to the mid-month. I'll roll a joint. I'll make a video. I'll smoke it. We'll all look at each other. We'll see how we're doing. And then we'll reevaluate it. How's that scene?

We'll just smoke. You tell me if my eyes are reddened. enough. If my eyes get red enough and I get goofy and I start drooling and fucking Joe Joe Diaz and out of space then we'll fucking continue to fucking smoke but if not

we'll just do that and what I think I'm going to do is I'm going to roll the joint take a hit off it and when I say whatever we'll turn that into an NFT for fucking June. That's what we'll do. It's that fucking easy. I tell you motherfuckers I'm an idea man. Didn't I tell you

that cocksnuckers? But I cannot believe till this day that I have been sober for 72 fucking hours no drugs the only thing I've been taking is my blood pressure medication

baby aspirin my nose steroid listerine my nose cleaner for the snots you don't want no snots getting up there I'm not allowed to use

aphrine or aphrix whatever the fucking shit is ever since I had the nose surgery so I am fucking sober for the last 72 hours, no T-H-C, no CBD. I put some ice on my knee. I don't know if that counts to being fucking sober.

That's it. That's it. So I don't know if you guys ever been proud of me. I hope you're proud of me for being sober for 72 fucking hours and being clean off smoking refa for 33 days. Trust me, this is not going to continue. I am not letting my fucking animal savages down and I'm just taking a little breather

so everything sounds a little better. The guitar, TV, my life, the soundtrack of my life, everything will work a lot better. So I'm not quitting. I'm not proud of this. I am proud about the sober. I could at least say that I was sober for 72 hours

in the middle of all this fucking thing with all this shit going on. But nothing's going on. We're about to open up fucking thing. So it's great. I was going to have a guest today, but it's the first podcast of the month. And I said,

fuck it, I'd rather come on here with you. I wanted to talk to you guys about sobriety because I know a lot of you guys either know somebody or having a problem with somebody that's having a problem. You're not having a problem with somebody,

but you know somebody who's kind of slipping. Listen, nobody could afford a fucking rehab right now. This is very, see go to a few meetings just go to three meetings do me the favor three meetings they might work for you they might not work for you if they don't work for you that's fine then we'll find an alternate fucking solution the notebook is always great that fourth step you know i don't know where to buy an a book or where to buy an a book i think you could find them on amazon

or something but the fourth step which is taking a moral inventory of your life. I mean, that shit's strong and that shit's powerful and that shit's fucking real. Maybe you just want to take a breather like I did. Maybe there's a part of your life. You know, I don't know a lot about other pills, you know, what to do with oxycodone. I know that, you know, oxycodones are fucking cotton, a fucking $40. And after a while, you can't pay $40.

And after a while, you just dip down the heroin or whatever the fuck that is for $7. I don't know But listen man It all starts With a fucking meeting Everybody there is very nice Nobody's gonna fucking judge you And so what if they did

We put ourselves in this position By being fucking junkies Now we got to get ourselves out of that position And become functioning members of fucking society That's what this is all about Do I want to be a functioning member of society Just saying that makes me sound like a half a fag But it's at the end of the day, we have to do it.

We have to do it for our friends, for our families, for our kids, for the people around us. You know, I never in my life thought that I would get off cocaine. I could guys, I could look, use all in the eye and tell you when I do a show. I never saw it coming. I never saw it coming. Never did I imagine that I could ever live a life without clawing and stealing and things. about it, you know, a wise man once told me in one of those group therapy homes. You know, when I was locked up in one of those group therapy sessions, this guy was an older.

If I was 25, he was maybe my age now. He was an older African-American guy. And he said something that always stuck with me. And I hope this helps you as much as it helped me. He goes, think about all the energy and effort you put into getting that bag of weed or that six-pack of alcohol or that bag of coke you know for me you got to go to the bank take the 40 out you have 58 dollars in the bank you don't have 60 so you got to take 40 out because you got to leave 18 in there if not they close your account now you got to find somebody

to borrow 20 dollars from you everybody knows you're a fucking junkie and nobody's going to lend you $20 unless you like stab yourself or flatten your own tire or do something stupid you know, then you got to fucking get that. Now after you borrow the $20, now you got to call the fucking Coke dealer. And now the Coke dealer tells you he took his girlfriend out for their anniversary because it was their four-year anniversary. You're a fucking Coke dealer, you mutt.

You're not supposed to have anniversaries. You're supposed to be sitting at home waiting for me to fucking call you with my addicted fucking personality. And then he tells you he can't be there until 10. So now you're waiting there and you're like, fuck him, I'm going to call somebody else. So you start making other calls. and you call a friend of yours,

and after it's all set and done, you just wasted four hours of fucking time trying to get that bag of fucking dope, and now you're killing another eight hours of your fucking mind once you get the fucking powder. So for a guy like me, I was averaging at least. I was throwing away nine hours a fucking day on cocaine between thinking about it and all this shit.

Let me ask you guys a question. When did you fucking hear about me? 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, yes. It was five years after I quit cocaine. Is that a coincidence or what the fuck do you think that is? You think I just showed up on the fucking weeds like Jesus? No, I had been at it for fucking years. But it took me quitting cocaine to put 100% effort into what I really fucking loved,

which was doing fucking comedy and making you guys laugh. and that's why I ended up a fucking savage of a comic. It was the comedy store and it was my daughter, my wife's love and it was everything. But the bottom line was I freed up my mind to do what I really wanted to do, which was do comedy, be a good husband, be a good person, be a good friend.

So if you can learn anything from today's motherfucking podcast is to just do this step by step. I'm not expecting you. Nothing happens all. overnight and anybody that tells you is a fucking bullshit artist. I'm telling you, just start taking the steps to clean your life up. You're going to feel a lot better,

and the success that you want is right in front of your fucking hands. Everything I wanted I got after I got off the fucking cocaine. That was the damage drug. You know, I'm not staying off the pot. I'm telling you right now I'm smoking pot. Tonight I'm drinking that tea. I will post a picture of it tonight just to prove it to you. I'm only doing this sober shit for 72 hours.

Don't expect me to do this sober shit for fucking ever. I want to be a misfit. I don't want to be completely sober. When it's time for me to be sober, I'll be fucking sober when I'm an angel up in heaven with little fucking wings flapping behind me. I look like one of those fucking chubby little fucking, whatever the fuck, the cupids, whatever the fuck you call it.

Anyway, I'm happy you watch today. I hope you learn something, and I'm happy that I see. stayed sober for 72 fucking hours, completely sober. I feel great. Look at my eyeballs. They look great. The veins are disappearing.

I noticed that I did a Kuelu one night. I busted like a vein up here. My eyes got so red that the veins just popped vessels up here. And I could tell I was looking at my eyes the other end of the mirror. I'm like, hey, some of those fucking vessels disappeared since I stopped smoking refa. So this is agree with me. If you're mad at me because I quit, what can I tell you? I'm quitting for my health.

You know, I was watching an Ethan Supley video the other day. You know, and the same thing was with me. Listen, Hollywood loves fat people. Not for a leading role. You're not going to fucking, you know, fucking lead a movie if you're 500 pounds. But they love fat people. I could tell you three fucking people who booked like hell when they were fat fucks. Me, Eric, I forget his last name.

If you're watching the movie Blade, the fat guy he goes to visit, the guy that's like a blob in the bed, Blade goes to talk to him, Eric Williams or something. He was a comic from the comedy store. You got to see him now. He looks like a fucking skeleton.

He's like a brown belt and jiu-jitsu. He lost all the weight. And Ethan Supely and myself, I kept booking, when I was 500 pounds, 418, I booked whatever I wanted because you're the fat guy. And you could fall into that.

Watch that movie, uh, the original football nights. What the fuck is that called? That movie they did, the year. There's a fat kid in that movie, the original Texas Knights,

football nights or whatever. They made this movie about 20 years ago with the kid from whatever creek was in it. The main guy is dude from Sunday Anarchy. Yeah. Yeah. The fat kid in that movie, he was on fire.

He did the first Taco Bell commercial with me with the door. He did that movie Friday Night Lights. That's what it's called. Friday Night Lights. The fact that in that movie had surgery done to do the doctor told him he was getting too fat and he had the lap replacement and he lost 200 pounds and guess what? He never booked another role again.

I don't know if he committed suicide or he recently died or something. That's what happens when you lose that weight because Hollywood likes you a certain way. if you're fat, they want you to always be the fat guy. That's it. You're the fat guy, and you'll work forever. But Ethan Supley even said it. He goes, I gave up Hollywood rolls for my health. For me, I gave up, you know, everything for my fucking health.

So I gave up everything to be a better comic. I gave up, you know, a ton of shit to be where I am today. Nothing is just going to be given to you. And I understand drugs are great. I'm not going to argue with you. I fucking love doing them. You know me. I'm not going to sit here and tell you.

I love doing a hit of ass or whatever. But if you want to grow, you've got to get off them. And I think that this pandemic fucked a lot of people up enough as it is. And if you're one of those people, listen, just put your life in God's hands, hit a meeting, journal, and find what works for you. I don't care. Listen, people, well, if you don't do it this way, you're not going to get clean. Listen, I stayed clean from cocaine for 13, close to 14 years this November. I didn't do anything special.

I just wrote in that journal, and I looked at my wife every day, and I said, I don't want her to find me on the floor dead. Pick something. Pick a reason. Go for it and get your life together. I love you guys with all my fucking heart. Thank you for watching today, Wednesday, June 2nd. I'll see you motherfuckers Monday morning.

Tip-top, motherfucker, McGoo. will not be sober on Monday. I promise you that. I don't know if I'll be high on smoking, but I will be high on the tea for the night before. I love you, cocksuckers. Have a great day. Stay black. We'll see you on Monday morning. All right. I want to thank you motherfuckers today for watching the podcast and talking about sobriety. I love talking about sobriety. I can't believe I've done this for 72 hours, but it'll be over quick. Don't worry about none. Don't clap don't worry about nothing i just want to thank the sponsors this week our sponsors are today june 2nd wednesday the sponsors are cbd lion listen when it comes to cbd line when it comes to

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or Joey and get 10% off delivered right to your fucking house and trust me once you try the alpha brain you won't go back I want to thank audit I want to thank C-Berch I want to thank ZipRecruiter I want to thank Bluechew

But most importantly I want to thank you motherfuckers For listening, supporting And always having my back On the Patreon side we got NFTs coming Mid-months so if you're still into those Get on Patreon and see if you get yourself one But beside that have a great weekend I love you motherfuckers and stay black

We'll be back Monday morning ready to rock your fucking world I got a little fucking magic candle here. I love you, cocksucker. Stay black. Have a great weekend.