The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 07/01/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #93

Episode Date: July 2, 2013

Comedian Lahna Turner calls in. This podcast is brought to you by Onnit.com. Use promo code CHURCH at checkout for a discount. This podcast is brought to you by HULU PLUS. Visit huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial

This episode is brought to you by Hulu Plus. With Hulu Plus, you get total control to watch thousands of shows wherever you want, whenever you want. Binge on full seasons and watch your favorite current shows like Community South Park, S&L, and more. Right now, our listeners get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus by going to Huluplus.com slash Joey. That's Huluplus.com slash Joey. Oh shit. Oh shit. Crank that, motherfucker, Lee. Are you fucking kidding me or what?

Monday, July 1st. This is it. Take the firecrackers, the fucking bazookas. Get the sparklers, shove them up a pussy. Let's do this shit. It's Monday, motherfuckers. Oh, shit. Baby.

Nothing else matters. Nothing matters, you motherfuckers. Get up. He was no more. Crank that, motherfucker, Lee. What did he say this morning on Facebook? Are you fucking kidding me? How about sparklers?

Are you fucking... Who gives a fuck about sparklers? Are you kidding me or what? This is Stevie Nix taking a fucking heavy duty. What's happening, Lee Syatt? I'm fucking feeling awesome, man. I know you are cocksuck. Did you sleep last night?

I actually did. I took a little bit of now. Fuck, yeah. We took you to the murky water's in. The one will give you a breather this weekend. We gave you a pass again. What do you mean you get a breather? Fucking pass again, you got cocksucker.

I didn't get a pass. I had four edibles in 24 hours. They had four animals in 24 hours. Who gives a fuck? I do. I had 19 of them in 24 hours because that's how we're all. And you were just as fucking. I had a respect for San Jose.

I had a great time up there. Thank you very much. San Jose Improbin, the city of San Jose. You motherfuckers are crazy this weekend. I loved it. Savages. You're out. You're bringing edibles.

Those gummy bears were the strongest gumi bears. Peter Lanzon's on those motherfuckers. God damn. Three in a pack, 260 milligrams. Is that how much it was? Yeah. Jesus.

Each fucking goomy slice was 100 milligrams. I had two of ash. Last night I had two of them. And you opened up with something heavy. We gave you something heavy. You gave me a brownie. Brownie, Friday night. Friday.

Thanks to Ante Dolores for showing up. She's in L.A. this week doing some demos. She's going to call on on Wednesday and talk about this 500 milligram fucking anti-Dlorist. We had some Cheebo Chews. We had a fucking chocolate. Chalka wasa Waska. Somebody gave us. I mean, it was deep up there.

They ain't fucking around up there in San Jose. And then someone brought us flan. And then somebody bought us flan. They were fucking delicious. And it was just a great weekend. That original Joe's. And, you know, it was just too fucking much. Los Goumies.

That's the name of the company, Los Goumys. If you see them up there, buy them the fuck out. Because they will kick your fucking ass. shows are great. The attendance people, I love you. You know, everything went well. We had Lee up there, having a good time meeting people. Oh, my God.

Yesterday, Saturday night, listen people, last week I was torture and fucking leave the edibles and some of you fucking email me and wanted me to shoot him. And I got a couple emails saying, leave Lee alone. It's his right not to eat edible. Some fucking Harvey Homo hit me up yesterday.

Harvey Homo. Let me tell you something. I was getting Lee ready for what he was going to face. Because they don't fuck around up in San Jose. That's why I was picking on fucking Lee last week to get his resistance higher because you guys

don't fuck around. I almost OD'd in San Francisco. This is me that eats all the time. So I knew I didn't want you up there because what if I lose you? What if I fucking lose you? You might get lost. It could have happened. The past two nights going to dinner, I just walked around.

Yeah, it could have fucking happened. This is what I'm saying to you. I'm not bullshit nobody, but I always knew Lee's this week. And I'm trying to take him, leave a, I'm like that guy, I'm in Goodfellas from Henry Hill when the fucking guy got shot and Henry was giving him towels. And he says to him, I got to toughen this fucking kid up. That's how I feel with you. But no one, some people offered it to me, and you were the only one making me do it.

Like, you made it seem like they were going to force me to do it. You were the only one like backstage. I just took a gummy bear and you're like, I didn't see it. Here's another one. And fucking, oh my God. You got to do it. You got to let the pigeons loose. You're on vacation.

How you're going to act if you're fucking. rims ain't clean. People send me pictures and my eyes were shut. Fucked up. That's the way you didn't know. The one night you were like a pinball, just walking around and holding on to your back. We went back. What did you get in there? You got the Felucini Alfredo. Nobody ordered. That was last night. I couldn't. It was too hot to eat. Oh, let me tell you. We went out with Eddie Bravo. His buddy came from Georgia. I was sitting next to his buddy and he had the butter next to him for 20 minutes before our food came. I had a piece of bread but no butter. And I was just staring and I'm like, I hope he passes that

butter soon and it took me like 20 minutes to like I was just like him and keep as the butter how good was original Joe's it was good but I couldn't move how many bowls of spaghetti that I eat the original Joe's with those fucking salads five times we went five times like three days fucking good to those tomatoes look and those sounds oh they were huge fucking we don't listen they're these restaurants like the palms and stuff like that mortons they're great food and when you go in there you got you know on one thing you got a great fucking steak those horseradish mashed potatoes are delicious.

The halibut I had last week was delicious. I mean, anything you go into those restaurants. But then America also has this other brand of restaurant. They're a little level of under it. It's a blue collar type of mentality. But it's an institution. It's an institution. I used to go to original Joe's in 85 in the tenderloin

where you had to move a fucking body over to get in there. And I forget what our waiter's name was. He was a little Mr. Lee. He was a little Asian guy. And we always got the same things. Spaghetti of meatballs with a sausage, and a nutty Irishman, we'd split it. Yeah.

And it's huge portions. Fucking huge, though, Spaghetti. I didn't get meatballs. No, you didn't. You know, if you notice, I didn't touch the meatballs with a meat fucking sausage or nothing. You don't, fuck that shit. I'm 50 fucking years old. Gandal Phine.

You can't clog up the fucking arteries. That red lead will kill you. Red lead? Red lead, that sauce that they put. I can't fucking have that after 50. That shit will kill you. Speaking, the best thing I had there was that pork sandwich. Oh, my God.

And you didn't put no. Crystal hot sauce. They didn't have any right. No. I didn't fucking Tabasco at these places. Everything calls for something different.

Tabasco, you can't put it on fucking everything. Sometimes crystal works on rice and beans. Crystal's the fucking best. Then there's that Frank's Red Devil. That's a tight fucking second.

I'll put some of that on a pork sandwich on that bread. How good was the fucking bread they had? It was amazing. It's amazing. The whole experience, you know, we've seen

they got like these little restaurants in the area. I just like everything about fucking San Jose. But this is why I like going on the road. I'm tired. I'm tired today. I'm happy I have a pretty open schedule this week because of the 4th of July.

So Thursday's the 4th. That's it. Yeah, it's kind of fucked. This sounds like a comedian's joke, but it's true. I woke up tonight. I was like, shit, I have to pay rent today. It's always fucked up on the first. Yeah, it's a shitty day.

But today's my 28th anniversary. Of what? Of me leaving New Jersey for the time when I said, that's it. Really? with your buddy that just passed away? No, this was June. This is July 1st of 85 when I got on the fucking plane

with 18 grand. And I said, I'm headed to Grand Junction. I'm headed to Colorado Springs and on the plane. Some black guy convinced me into moving to Boulder. He's like, don't go to Colorado Springs. No motherfucking army town.

You have to be going up against soldiers go to fucking Boulder. And that's what I did. And it's so weird. I was thinking about yesterday I wrote a chapter about it in a book about those two days

that I, how I knew that I was leaving. You know, you're a very sweet guy, but you always say that you should not stay in your hometown. I don't think it's good. And I have an argument that says that there's a lot of things that don't work for a lot of people. There's a lot of people that don't do well in that area. You and I both know, you got to get the fuck out,

and then at least to leave, at least to leave, and then come back to see what you saw. there's a lot of people that won't see don't do that in their life. They just sit there and they complain about nothing's happening in their life but they don't make it happen and that's fine too.

I got a lot of respect for that too. You know, I have, you know, it's like people say, aren't you scared? The mafia's going to come look for you. The mafia goes to Miami, Atlantic City. That's it. That's what they fucking know. They don't know nothing outside of New York.

There's people don't know nothing outside of New York. There's people who don't know nothing outside of California. There's people who have never been on a plane, you know, shit like that. that so you can't expect a lot of people to get up and leave. For me, I had no option. I knew that for me to do something with my life. I had to get out of that area.

At that time, I was very stupid and naive. I thought that drugs were always only in New York. Really? I knew they were in Colorado, but for some reason the back of my mind, I always thought that if I left New York, I'd get away from the drugs. New York has a certain accessibility. What that means is me and you could be here doing a podcast at 4 a.m. and I could say to you in those days

I don't know what it's like now I could say to you let's go get a rock of Coke at 4 on the street see in LA I can go get a rock of Coke till 2 I know certain people who sell coke till 2 or 3 30

but not on any night of the week I could go to you hey bro you feel like doing something let's go get a fucking gram and write a fucking podcast so what the fuck it is yeah so I always thought in the back of my mind

that was my excuse if I could just get out of here I'll want through drugs and I won't steal because there's no drugs that was the nucleus. It wasn't the nucleus. But I still remember getting on the fucking plane

that day and thinking that I'm going to leave my friends. You know, just the thought of leaving your friends and the people. But at that time, my friends wanted me to leave. You know, it was to the point where we love you. We're backing you, but that's it. Give it a fucking breather.

Yeah. You've tormented this soul, you know, enough. And at that time, I had that Joe looking for me. I was going to say, at my godfather looking for me, had my stepfather looking for me.

You know, it was just too much. And that wasn't, you know, it's crazy when I sit here and look you straight in the face. That wasn't what made me leave. It wasn't? No. I didn't give a fuck about that.

I could handle that. Remember, I was hiding from these people. Two towns over. So it's like, you're looking for me in Studio City and I'm hiding in fucking Encino. You could have found me if you really wanted to.

You really, really wanted to find me. If I was looking for you, I'd find you. A couple questions, a couple Chinese restaurants. I told you had a hit in those days. It was a Chinese restaurant. Eventually, I'd show up if it was a good Chinese restaurant. So it's very weird. I respect people, stay in the area, but it also takes a certain balls.

But I also applaud you for leaving, because now when you come back, you have something strong to come back to. You know you want to come back. You know, I didn't, what, the thing I didn't like about leaving, like the thing I didn't like about the service is had three or four friends that joined the service and they came back more retarded. They came back, you know, like scared.

Really? Like the first time after basic training that I would see them, they were telling me how great it was and they were ready to go kill fucking people, this and this. And then they come back and they go AWOL. I had like two or three friends that went AWOL. I know they got it early, whatever, you know, because it wasn't what they fucking expected

or whatever, I understand it, but I had a couple other friends that just left, and they'd be back in six fucking months. Yeah. And they tell you, oh, at Thanksgiving, you know, that Thanksgiving when everybody comes back, they were big shots. They came back with a suntan,

you know, oh, my God, I'm so different. I ride a bicycle every day. You know, wherever the fuck they went. Now they're back. Yeah. I knew when I was going to leave, I wasn't going to be the one of those guys. I didn't want to come back with a story.

You know, I was the thing that killed me the most. in 84 out of hanging out in those days was I had no home I had nowhere to go yeah

so I would do different things to kill time until the cocaine showed up at 9 o'clock 8 o'clock and I found myself going to football games

the high school football game and I'll tell you there's nothing that bothers me more in that shit like older students who'll come back oh wear their old letterman jackets

and they already out of college it kills me and I would sit there at the game and people would go hey how you don't It would destroy me to even be at these fucking games. Yeah.

You know, in front of these high school kids, it would eat me alive. And they won the States that year, and all the parties were football-based. And I felt like such a fucking loser going to those things. It just tore me up, you know? Yeah. So it was this fuel. When I left there, I was fucking leaving. Mm-hmm.

You know, I was leaving. And so we that that was 28 years ago. That was the first step I made in doing something for myself. And now you don't even like going back. You're back for like a day or two. It's 30 years later. It's 28 years later. In the back of your mind, you want it to be, how old are you left?

You know, sometimes I get high at night and I'm writing, and I'm listening to music with my earphones, and I say to myself, you know what? It doesn't really matter because someday I'm going to pack my back and go back. Somewhere in the back of my mind, the back of my soul, I think that nothing has changed. That next pizzeria is still there, and Hashways are still there.

Louvre is going to pick me up, and I'm going to go to Joe, marries those days are over. Yeah. Out of 80 people I hung out with eight of them are fucking left in that area and everybody else is 60 or 50 whatever the fuck they are.

But for some reason, there's just a little part of my soul that thinks that that's my comfort zone that someday I can just walk away from this from doing a podcast and stand up and the wife and the kid and just go back to my own label and that's never going to be the same. It's a nice thought. It's a great mind-fuck.

You know, you've still got to mind-fuck yourself from time to time to make it to the next day. Absolutely. Like, the reason why I don't like it, not because of the way the other people are, but I just know me, like, I wouldn't be, if I stayed home and was working at a local TV station and still hanging out with my high school friends, they would drive me nuts. So, like, for people who do it, there's nothing wrong with it.

Just for me, and I think for you, too, it would drive you nuts. Well, at 50, I learned something that I didn't know, that I love evolution. I love to evolve. Yeah. You got to fucking evolve. You got to think a new shit. shit, you know, that shit is staying in that area. Just something about it, man.

I just, and I love my friends. You hear how I talk to them and I talk to all of them. I just knew for me to live, I had to get the fuck out of that. Yeah. For me to move, you know. And you always say, like, you don't think if you hadn't stopped Coke, you wouldn't have lived this long. If you had stayed in Jersey, would you have made it? Like, what age do you think you would have made it to?

32. 32. 33. And how old were you when you left? 23, 23, 24. Okay. Maybe. So it wasn't like another six months or something, but it was...

No. No, no, no. No, no. If I would have stayed, I would have got killed within a year. I would have gone into somebody. It would have sent me up. Yeah. I was already fucking up.

But let's say I would have moved to northern New Jersey and got a job as a plumber's helper. Yeah. I would have died by the time I was 32. Between the heartache and the drugs that would have fueled it. This was the best. that happened because I started doing something for myself. See, when you start, the other day, I talked about being alone. Once you realize you're alone, it makes your life a lot easier.

You know, those people that go, well, my fucking friend Lisa Ayat is out in California. I'll go out there and he'll hook me up. You know, I'll sleep on his couch. No, he won't. No, he won't. It's a nice idea in your heart that he would, you know, but you know he won't. You have to assume that he won't. Yeah.

You have to assume that you're going to go out there and you're going to fucking go from bus to bus. And you're going to have fucking suffer in the heat. And you're going to, you know. I was throwing a buddy of mine Thursday. And the sister-in-law was moving from Ithaca, New York. I'm sorry for burping. And, you know, she had no car. And we were talking about how fucking hard it's going to be

to make it happen out here without a fucking car. Oh, it's impossible. Because you need a fucking car. And at first, to get an apartment without a car. And I go, you know, get ready to be a fucking chauffeur. You know, for a couple weeks. And he goes, I know. I'm busy with my own life, blah, blah, blah.

This is big out here, but it was, if I wouldn't have left, I don't know where I'd be right now. I don't know what. I really don't like. I don't see that. I didn't see that option then. Yeah. I stalled my life. Like, I kept doing little things.

Like, I would be a brick mason. I would do all these little jobs just to buy me time to get the fuck out of it. Because once I knew I was leaving, I was not coming back. I ate all the Chinese food. I could, I hid all the fucking Carvel I could, the entomans I could, because once I left, I knew I wasn't coming back. It took me six years to come back. And I missed it.

You know, when I talked to my friends, the hardest part wasn't surviving or getting a job. The hardest part was living without them. You know, that was the hardest part for me at that age. Until this day, I miss them. I miss my friends. I'm just very good at putting things aside. Yeah. I'm very good at knowing what the fuck.

This is what needs to be done to make. this happened. Yeah, I love my friends and ha ha ha. And I wish I was there. We could jump up and down and go the shore, but that's not what's really need to be done here. And that's the difference. That's how I did it then. So, it's tremendous. Lee, some music. What the

fuck? It's Monday. You got light a little candle for your fucking spirits who's ever out there. You got to send them some fucking love. A little Tony Bennett. What's the story? Lee, put some fucking music out. What are you doing? Looking at me for? You smoke some deep, dope, and you're all mormode up.

next time I won't trump you with it and you be like, I'm in the middle of a deep story and he messes me up with the Tony Bennett and I want to be around. I want to be around. Pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart. Some, somebody twice as small. Are you kidding me or what? Get up.

Wash your feet. It's a beautiful day. It's going to be hot with some powder in your ass. It's going to be a 90 fucking eight degrees. in the valley, cock's or wherever you're at. It's July 1st. It's humid.

What's what the fucking interlude here with the music? Put the music on. Who'll leave you to learn that misery loves company. Wait and see. I mean, I want to be around.

Happy fucking Canada Day today to all you Canadians who listen to the podcast. I love you. I give you tons of love. I can't go up there because I got fucking problems, but I'm up there through osmosis, you understand. Sometimes you see me walking around the streets of Toronto

up on Bloor fucking street. You have blur and young, whatever it is. Smoking Reefer, trying to get my pole sucked to the fucking strip club. Fucking Lee. So let me tell you how sweet Lee is. So we get this guy, Butch Eskabod.

I've known Butch for years. heart of a guy. He's great. Great guy. Great funny guy. Had some great jokes about this kid. So we're talking about he's like, yeah, I listen to the podcast. Lee, when they're going to get a fart to the face? So he's telling me about this chick that'll put hot water in your assholes.

And then she'll splatter back in her face. It's not putting. It's spitting it. Okay. So he's talking about getting Asian massages. So you're imagine a massage table. You're up on your knees and your butts in the air. This little girl spits hot water into your butt hole.

and she makes you squeeze it back out into her mouth and then you want to kiss her and Joey Butch and Butch's father were falling over in their chairs at the restaurant because I don't want to have hot water in my asshole This is what I got to deal with people Everybody likes hot water

And everyone likes that This fucking guy I don't remember when you were kidding They put hot water in your asshole No You don't remember that? No one did that So

Here's where it gets better So me butch and whatever we're gonna go with the chick didn't call him back so finally butch calls me because man she didn't call me see if lee wants to even get his dick like all Lee at the whole time like five o'clock once I go Lee get ready one our way up you never heard so much stuttering and mum that wasn't stuttering but but my aunt go lee did you will take a shower he goes yeah but my ass is dirty now like I'm saying no

she's like she's like she's like she's got it and I was like you know what the first thing when I told him that the hookers will bring her up because my room's dirty. This is how fucking said. I didn't say that. I told you later in the night that I had cleaned up just in case because he cleaned up and made his bed. I did. I was worried. This is what I got a fucking deal.

Listen, Lee, I love you to death. You are the sweetest fucking guy in the world and that proved it. When you made the bed for the hooker, you're going to give the hooker a buck and a half you? Who gives the fuck of the bed is made? I don't know. The fuck are on a dirty floor on a bed of glass. I don't give a fuck. I couldn't do that.

Nails, you are the sweetest. Ladies, if you listen to this podcast and you're getting tired of getting kicked in the head, dealing with guys that cheat on you and don't give your presents, do me a favor. Fucking hit Lee up with a Twitter message or Facebook. I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart, because you know what?

You women complain, complain, complain, but you're a fucking bunch of fucking idiots because of your choices. And you know what I'm saying. You make dumb fucking choices, and then you complain that the fucking guy, And you know it. When you're with him and you hang out, you keep fucking like a mom.

And here's Lee, single is shit. This guy made his bed for a fucking hooker. Do you know what he would do for you? He'd rub your feet. He'd fucking... He wants hot water in his ass. No, I don't. This is what I'm talking about, ladies.

Lee is right here. I'm right here. Lee, shut the fuck up. I don't need a parrot. All right, I'm right here. Do you know what the worst part about it was? What? I kept trying to imagine.

and how the hot water would get up there because mine's not loose, it's tight. How's she going to get it up there? She's going to put a straw? All I kept thinking about is, how does it get up there? And this is for everything, people. This is for everything. This guy can't cross the street

without overthinking fucking everything. The other night something happened. He told me that I'm looking at him going, would you fucking leave it alone? We didn't even like at the hotel. He's like, I'm bringing microphones and doing a podcast. I go, listen. just stop it

stop it he's like this for fucking everything he overthinks I'm a Jew what I mean everything he overthick oh my god that day he called back and she's gonna blow it up my ass why why would somebody do something like that I can't believe it who gives up

fuck Lee you gotta live a little this was only the beginning I'm taking it easy on you Lee because I know that you'll be like that little retarded boy in one of those movies he saw something remember that movie with Harrison Ford and the chick No.

He was a little fucking Amish boy and he saw a crime and also when he got to become retarded. Even De Niro. De Niro and Godfather too in the beginning he sees the fucking mafia ball shoot his mother with a shotgun and his brother.

He gets a little retarded. They put him in Ellis Island and he goes into shock. If I take you to a full night of Joey Dia's love, you're going to go into shock and I can't have that. I need a sharp cohort.

Your mouth's going to be open and I don't need that. I love you to death. I'm going to take you we're going to have a good time, but it's got to be slowly. Literally, yeah, I'm ready to go on the road over. You can't fucking handle it. You couldn't handle San Jose and Butch Escobar

with some chick blowing hot water in your ass. What are you going to do when you're going to take you to Phoenix? What are you going to do when I take you to Texas? And they just tie you up and take you to some Japanese sucky-sucky house with those people. What are those people that are just mugging human trafficking? Jesus Christ.

What are you going to do? I can't take you to Texas. You'll die. What if one of these fucking crazy cowboys It takes you to get your dicks suck with a human trafficking house in Dallas. And you got to get your dick sucked by some chick crying with burn marks on the fucking back and shit. How are you going to act? You're not ready.

I can't take it in New York. There's nowhere I can take you to Boston to the city places. We're taking it. You're from the nice area in Boston where everybody's nice. They jump up and down and they go see DJs with Jews. You're not going anywhere. You barely leave the hotel. What are you talking about?

You said that you have to get me ready for San Jose. The only person having me do stuff in San Jose was you. I smoked a couple of joints with other people, but you were like, hey dog, like, if you saw me without an edible in my mouth, you were like, here's another edible. It wasn't, we can't blame the people in Texas, the people in Texas.

You know that walk to the hotel? Yeah. All I had to do was send you the other way at that club, and they would have taken you, and it would have been all over. Right now, funny, there would have been the posters of you all over San Jose,

giggling with your eyes closed, last scene on the corner, fucking P. P.F. Chang's cuck sucker. You understand me? So relax. You have no idea what murky waters I'm going to take you into. You have no fucking idea. You couldn't even take Sandler.

I can't. I can't go him in sleep. Are you fucking kidding me? I didn't say that. They were fucking stabbing the heart in West Palm Beach. Why I'd take them up a fuck. And they're still with fucking Jews down there. They'll still stabbing the heart.

Those Jews are treacherous. They're like Liberacee. They're treacherous. Those Jews are treacherous. They don't fuck around them. They ain't these fucking little West Coast Jews. They'll fucking make a fool out of you. Next thing you know, you're being a hundred

Hong Kong serving cocktails at a fucking Jew club with a skirt on telling people your name is Machinowitz to some shit. What the fuck? There's a Jew club. Sure, they got Jew clubs in Hong Kong. No, they don't. There's not a single Jew in Hong Kong. I'm what you want to make a fucking bet. They got Jew

clubs in Hong Kong. People jumping around. They got Schmets in there. The whole fucking... I don't fucking know. I don't know how their schmets is. You got some music for me or what the fuck? Absolutely. It's like we figure out to them get juices any bodily fun. Let me tell you something.

I mean, get breath. Oh, we've got to call my man. You're lucky. Yes, we got a second. What's going on, Lana Turner? Good morning, Chili. How are you? You know me, you sexy bitch.

What's going on in your world? Ah, I'm up. Good, good. We need you up. How is it down there by you? Is it hot yet? Not yet. It's going to be.

It's going to be really hot today, right? I don't fucking know because yesterday it was supposed to be really hot. They just broke. The clouds came out and it just broke. I stopped sweating, and then I went out last night for a little while. It wasn't that warm up. We went to Palm Springs yesterday.

We were crazy. That was ridiculous. How hot is it in Palm Springs? It was like 120. It was crazy. But it was one of Ho Chi Mama's bucket list. You know Tony, right? Tony.

Our old neighbor, Tony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Arabian guy. Yeah, we took Ho Chi Mama out there because she's, our dog, and she's not. feeling too well lately. So I figured that was one of her bucket lists to visit with Gay Tony. So we went over there and she had him.

She had a little time. So. You call him Gay Tony? Sometimes. I love that. People have never heard. Ralphie called him. Ralphie calls him Gay Tony.

It's hysterical how sometimes I used to hang out with Martin the Fag. Whenever I say that, people get mad. That was his name. That was his street name. Martin de Fag. In Spanish, my dinga, Marikong. That was his fucking street name. So people got pissed off.

I don't that's I still ask people you talk to Martin the Fag lately now we haven't seen he moved to Chicago I get mad over things I is talking about a fag or a faggy or probably a fag or a fag or a fag and not in the gay sense you know no no you're right no it's it's just weird that people get insulted that I remember saying that name in front of somebody once and they pulled me aside afterwards and say you know you're trying to do things in Hollywood you shouldn't refer to that person I go but that that's its fucking name Martin the Fagg. That's what they called him growing up. AKA Matting and Marikong if he was in the Spanish store. Marikong Wins fucking Faggin' Spanish. What are you going to do?

I can't get madden. Well, who cares if somebody's gay or not? It doesn't matter. No, I don't give a Frenchman's fuck. I'm over here smoking dope with three hands. Who cares if you're gay or you're not? What's going on, a lot of time? You take the special. I tell you what my favorite thing about you is I must have...

I fucking, whatever you call that, Googled you about a year and a half ago. Have you seen Alana Turner's album cover? I go, what are you talking about? They go, look at the Long Turn. And they go, look, her pussies. I go, dog, she's a mom. How pussy?

And I think, yeah, but it's covered with a guitar like Eric Clapton or something. So I gobble the thing. And there's your album cover with a guitar. You got pale thighs, very nice thighs for a Jew brought. And you're a fucking savage. I like it. Now you tape another special,

and I ask you if you're going to do the same type of vein for the album cover. And you're like, fuck, yeah. Tell me about it. Yeah, I'm probably, well, we haven't actually finished the album cover, but probably along the same lines. You know, I mean, I'm not, I'm not naked on it. I'm wearing, I got this crazy dress for the special. It's like a red leather dress kind of.

And when I tried on, I was like, this is totally Eddie Murphy, you know, from when he did the whole red leather outfit. And so I, it's like, but it's a dress and it's long sleeve, and it's really, it's really cool. and I'm wearing that and I'm posing kind of If we use that cover I'll be sitting looking sort of oblivious Like I'm playing for a live audience Completely unknowing that I'm flashing the entire room And then the album cover

The title will be across my crotch Because that's just where it belongs But yeah I mean I'm really excited about the specials It went really really well We did it in Vegas And I'm really excited How long was it an hour?

Yeah, it's an hour. How long did it take you to work on it? To get an hour together? Yeah. Well, I mean, I've been doing stand-up for, gosh, like over 14 years now, so I'd say that long, you know? I mean, you work on that particular hour for months before just trying to hone it. But, I mean, I've been trying to get that material together for years. So the challenge now is getting the new hour.

together, you know? It's amazing how much work you have to put into it. And it's amazing when you go headline in the town, you do an hour, blah, blah, blah, blah. But when you're going to do a special, you really want to even, you want to fucking tone it down to the word, you know? Like, you have to really have it down to the word. Yeah, I mean, I was really nervous. But it was so much fun to do. And now, I mean, and now I don't think it'll take as long to ready new hour because you can't, you know what you're doing now, you know?

Then you first start, it takes a lot longer to get that time together. Well, you know, it's like they say that your first album is always the best one because you've been working all your life to it. It's a second album. That's a motherfucker like Cheryl Crow and a lot of musicians. The second album is always rough because they have to write it on the road while they're touring the first one. Right, yeah.

And that's what we do after a while. Like, we just tore the old shit and throw in 15-minute increments in there until you get a new one. And then once you come up with the hour, but it's so hard. fucking hard. It's so hard, yet then again, so easy. Somebody called me about a month ago and said that they hadn't done comedy for a while and that they had to offer

a weekend New Orleans or something. And they said, what can I do, Joey? Do you know? And I go, well, you know, I think if you sit there every day for an hour with a notebook every day and take one day a week off, after 90 days, you'll have a ton of shit. And there's some days you're not going to get anything.

but there's some days you're going to get a ton of shit so it makes up for it, you know? Do you feel the same way, Lola? Yeah, that's one's a degree. I mean, I feel like comedy kind of comes in a skirt. So, I mean, yeah, if you're sitting there every day, like you said, it won't be great every day. So I don't know.

Finding the time sometimes just to sit down and do that is almost impossible. I mean, everything else in life is kind of going on around you at the same time. I know for me it's so hard to find an hour a day because I've got two little kids and a third big kid kind of. Oh, yeah, you've got to fucking two children. That's hard. They're two little savages.

You've got to be on top of them. Oh, they're crazy. They're great for material, though. August is terrible. I think it was coming up with stuff, but it's like you really have to, I really have to make carve time out for me, which I think is every mom's complaint, right?

But you too. You got your hands full. Yeah, I leave here now, and I have it until 11 o'clock. You know, I have it today until 10. And it's weird how I have a couple hours here and there, but I have to do everything now in those few hours. It's not like the old days where I had from 8 to 6 to see. I don't have that luxury no more.

Right. Have you started concluding her in your ass a little bit? You know, yes and no. I mean, I don't know, you know, yes and no, not much. But it's just, she keeps, it's amazing what she's done in the sense of, like I said, I got five hours now to make it happen. In the old days, I used to have 10, now I got five. If an audition isn't that five hours, that counts. So that means I can't write that day.

If I got to go to the doctor's office, an audition, and I got to go see somebody, I'm fucked to the day, I really don't write. You know, you know how it is? And that's what, I understand, that's what you're saying, that that's the tough thing, is making time where you've got to take an hour. hour off your sleep schedule, get up an hour earlier. So that's what sucks. It's amazing how we used to be just young comics years ago, Lana Turner, that we lived in an apartment and we wrote, now we're comics with lives. So you got to fucking make it happen.

Like I got kids now. I got the cats. You know, you're trying to work out because you're 50. You want to stay in shape. you know and that's what I do with the baby in the morning's line I take her for a walk that's it I put her in the carriage and I take her for a walk what am I gonna do

I'm not gonna write jokes with her in the afternoon you can just watch so many episodes of fucking SpongeBob before you snap that's funny yeah I mean she can be your kettlebell you can toss her around oh she's fucking heavy

like pulling her around hurts my knee it hurts my back like at the end of the day I'm like what did I do to like I hauled her around today. That's so funny. And you're still traveling, right? I wouldn't change the thing.

I wouldn't want to be back in that apartment. I love having the kids. I mean, I think they add a lot to it. It makes it harder for sure, but it's definitely, I never wanted kids, and I never liked kids, and I never thought I'd have them. But, you know, it turns out they're pretty awesome. So, you make it work, I guess.

What's the name of your podcast, one of the Top 100, the Top Cut? Oh, it's the perfect 10 The perfect 10 And when do you release it, Lana? Every Wednesday So every Wednesday it's released Okay Now we got this fuck I think you released them twice a week

Or some shit somebody told me No, no no Just once a week and it's the 10 Because we're laughing and I think it's an old joke You know, we stand side by set We look like the number 10 So And it just comes out on Wednesdays

But it's a little different Like what we do is We try and find something out about the people that we interview that nobody else would ever have heard of or known. So the idea is that I think anybody, whether it's your neighbor or the guy across the street or whatever, you're somebody you've met. They're all going to have a Facebook page. There's going to be something interesting about everybody online that somebody knows about them.

So what we try and do is find out that one thing that nobody knows and then do it with them. So, and then, or if there's not something specific, like that we'll come up with an interesting activity that, that's really fun, and we'll go do that. I'm really looking forward to an episode. I don't know when it's going to come out until the next couple weeks. We do these racist days with different comics, and we had a really racist birthday with Bruce Jingles.

You know, Bruce? Yeah, little Bruce Jingles. Oh, no, black Bruce Jingles. I'm sorry. What's that? Black Bruce Jingles. I call them Black Christmas. Yeah.

because he's about his lack of you can get right. So we took Bruce for his birthday to get him a spray tan. And we got him a very racist cake. And it was just really fun. Like, it's hysterical. And so we just kind of fucked with him. And he loves it. He gets the joke.

He's not offended. And we also took another racist day earlier this year. We took him to look at gorillas at the zoo. we just did some I mean it's just fun We just try and have fun And then Do different things

We took I think this week We took a guide To the Grove And he talked about How he's like the mayor of the Grove And just like I just different stuff

It's fun You're fucking And then Ruffy and I talk about it Let me ask you something Lana Turner The special What do you want to do with it? Do you want to release the television?

Are you going to release on Netflix or on a web page? You know, how are people going to be able to see it? Yeah, we don't know yet. The woman who helped produce the project is hoping to get it on Showtime or Comedy Central or somewhere. And obviously, if you can't, it'll most, I'm pretty sure it'll be on Netflix, which is awesome. I love Netflix.

So, and then, I mean, I think that's the, like the, like the, probably she told me that's pretty much for sure so i don't know we'll see it hasn't been finalized yet you're a fucking savage are you performing around here anytime i know you were just recently in new jersey at bananas were you not yeah yeah i just did bananas and um i'm going back to tennessee i'll be performing a couple of shows this month with ralphi okay and uh we're doing one in ashville north in ashville which is um just not too far from knoxville and then we're going to go to, and then I've got a date in North Carolina, down by the beach, in Atlantic Beach, I think.

Later on in the summer, towards the end of August. And then I'll be back in LA in August. I guess the date in North Carolina is end of July. So I'll be back in L.A. in August. And that's when school starts. So I'll be back around town doing spots here. You fucking hot, mom. All right, so anytime you want to call in, just let me know, man.

I just want to get you on the show. I know you're busy with the babies. and stuff and you're a mom. I just miss you. I don't see you enough like I used to, so I gotta see you some more. You know, I wanted to get you on. You know, I love you and I miss you, Cogsucker, so, you know what I did.

You know, when you saw my album cover, were you shocked by it, or did you just think it was funny? I was shocked, and then I looked further into it, but you know me, I'm going to look at your pussy eventually. Right. I didn't want to. Do you see anything? No, you don't really do it.

It's amazing how I have a friend that I've had her as a friend for years. I've never looked at her stuff. When Felicia did Playboy, I never looked at the article. You know, when you did the cover, I looked at it that day, and then I talked to somebody about it, and I looked at it again, I go, that's fucking bizarre.

But I didn't see nothing. No, you can't. I thought it was great. You look beautiful. You can't see nothing. The guitar is there. No. I looked at Felicia's article on Playboy

long before I met her. And what did you think? what she's she's beautiful did they show a pussy on there yeah come on yeah and it's it's in like it's in like the i think it's in like the late early night like late 80s or something so there's still there's still hair down there you know she's retro but um you know i love feletian i think that's awesome i playboy is one of my favorite magazines so but i have to look it up because there's they did like some circuit spread where they're I think there were five women in comedy that they featured in that.

And so she's definitely the hottest. So she was part of a series of five women. I'd like to think now if there's five women's pussy, I like to see. Who would I like to see? I'm trying to think. What do you think? Give me some ideas, Lana. Five women in comedy?

Yeah, or just women? No, five women in comedy. I like to see that pussy. Whitney Cummings is too skinny. That pussy is probably like a fucking fang. and it's just too fucking skinny she's too thin Chelsea's been beat the fuck up too much

that thing was like a fucking battlefield Margaret Cho's pussy is probably nice it smells like fucking kimchi but it's probably fucking banging who else is little monkeys hot Kathleen what's a girl's name Kathy Griffin Griffin? Fuck that

you could tell that how pussy is fucking ugly as fuck I was telling the people in San Josea Look at Pink. Like, I could tell Pink has a stinky fucking pussy just from looking at it. You could tell that thing stinks. Like, it's just got fucking odor to it. Like, it's got whang.

Like, you'll eat it. But afterward, you're like, you know what? That shit sucked. That shit sucked. There's just certain women. I've never had a batch of bad pussy, like stinky pussy. Like, you know, something that'll kill a motherfucker. Like, I've had a little something that's got onion to it.

that don't bother me. I like a little wang to it. You know, it's like a fucking gyro. I can't imagine the wrist. When you make the decision to go down there as a guy, you've got to weigh that out because you just don't know what you're going to get. Yeah, but not for nothing.

I scratched my ass and sniffed my fingers yesterday and I was laying down. You take a chance when you suck anybody's dick, too. That's just disgusting down there, too. That's a fucking stink. That's a stink bad. down there. Yesterday I just scratched like because when I'm 50 now

my ass is starting to drop. Let me you ever go to a pool when you see an old man's ass, it gets flat and it starts to drop. Like my ass is starting to drop and I had an itch down there and I scratched it. And before I put my sleep at me a mask on, I sniffed my finger, Jesus Christ, Lone and Turner. It was like, it wasn't even

ass. It was like old man fucking Gerritor, something, disgusting. Can you wash it? I mean, can you wash it? No, I wash it. I spray fucking antifungal. You know, I do everything. I take three, four showers a day, but it's still, once you get that stink going,

I'm 50. Once you get that old man stink going to you, there ain't no turning back. You like the crow. What is that? Is that early death or something? What is that? It could be fucking early death. It could be early something.

I mean, I don't know what the fuck it is, but, you know, you're right. Five chicks of comedy's pussy that you, you know, whose pussy I like to smell Natasha Laguerros? Oh. I bet that fucking monkwa smells like a fucking lasagna, meatless combo. Delicious. That Italian pussy got some fucking whank to it, like a spicy Italian from Subway.

There's probably several people you can ask. Yeah, yeah, it smells fucking delicious. And what's the red-headed chick? What's the girl that was on, what's the girl that was on Macy? Macy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember she was on Howard Stern? She's a red-headed chick.

April Macy. I don't know what her little Monquah must smell like. What about Amy Schumer? Amy Schumer. That's a thick fucking swamp of a fucking pussy. You can tell. She's a thick chick. She's got one of them pink pussies.

It just got some fucking... Ooh. Ooh, I like it. Lana Turner, why are we talking about pussy? You're on the phone. You're a mom. What the fuck is going on here? I don't know. I would just hope that

that mine would fall in there somewhere in a good area. No, oh, no, no, you have a tremendous little, tight little Jew monkey. I could see if that day you had the party with the kids, I caught a couple dads checking out. Look at Lana Turner still got a little fucking pussy door and shit. It's a low-mileage pussy. I mean,

it really is. It's unfortunate, actually. What are you going to do? I'm sorry for it. That's your fucking problem. You know what I'm saying? You got to put some shit in there, Lana Turner. You got to stretch that motherfucker out. You had two kids. You had a couple monkeys in there and how you got to but you look good a lot of training you work out

well it's one of those things were like it was a low mileage I would describe it as like like a car that it had it had a couple of light thunderbenders making kids but it was so low mileage to start out with it's still like the blue book values high

all right no no worries about the look at least he's Jewish he's over there his yamaica's fucking spinning right right now. He's thinking of that little Jew pussy. It smells like fucking that red pepper hummus he likes and shit. It's all over. Look at

Lisa and his face is turning red and shit. He's thinking about Israel. Jesus is making a comeback. It's over. I love you, Lana Tony, dirty bitch. I'll see you this week. I hope. When are you leaving? I love you, Joe. Wednesday. Wednesday. Are you headed back to Nashville?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I love you, Mom. I don't know for you before. I love you, and I'll see you soon. Thank you for calling talking about your sexy little pussy and shit. All right, thank you. That's fun. Have a good day.

How you like that way? Cocksucker, see? See, Lee? I can just imagine you in bed, just about to put your sleep down and just sniffing your ass. Oh, I love it. And then this is the one question. Before you got up to go to,

before you went to sleep, did you get up and wash your hands? You just went fucking and went to sleep. What is this? When you smelled your ass yesterday? No, I went to the shower. You did. Because I, whenever I get up,

off a plane I take a shower. I took a shower before I got up. I unpacked my clothes and I got back yesterday. And before I got in the car, I fucking took a shower. I was like, fuck that. You get that swamp ass on a plane. You get those pimples, those whiteheads. I avoid the middle, man. Fuck it.

So I took a shot. I lay down. When I lay down, I realized I swent to wash my eyes. It wasn't that my ass was dirty. It had like an itch. And it was that fucking like, it's under your ass. Under the little sack developing now. You're old.

Your ass is dropping. What are you going to do? I can't go to the beach no more. I know entirely too much about you. And so does everyone who listen to this? So I scratched my sniff, my hand. And I was like, fuck this. And I went and I put some Irish spring for that motherfucker. And I rub some cream on it

so I'd stop scratching. I'd take care of my shit. You have to. You're a grown fucking man. And I use a washcloth so you don't get no blackheads around your fucking ball sack. You get blackheads down A woman goes to suck your stomach stick

There's a fucking black head that looks like A black moon of death on that You can't have that you can't have that You can't have it So you got a fucking scrub You use a washcloth? Yeah you get black kids Don't lie to me cock's up

You look at my shower You have a buffer No I just have a washcloth You got a buffer too A buffer, why? What do you call those things? A lufa Lufa

Lufa You got a lufa too to open up the It opens up the cells It takes off the dead skin Okay And it takes that dead fucking meat off You know the kind of shit that comes out of your pores with all those big macs you ate And those fucking California Pizza Kitchen fucking terriacic chicken salad

I had mentioned once I wanted a barbecue chicken salad Every time we see a bad food place you're like You might want that does your asshole So it's the first than the California pizza chicken salad And you ate like a fucking savage I did And you were feeling good because you said you'd been doing the Strongbone stuff Yeah no let me tell you I went to the elliptical one day

and I went to the pool The one day When you work on the pool It's really good when you're a fat fuck Because you could kick everything You could stretch Your weight doesn't matter So for one day

You can really do like burpees You can really do like lunges And you have to do stairs at the club every night Two or three times a night too Yeah They don't fuck around there I brought the strong brougham I brought the shroom tech

Because I know it was in the smoke With a lot of people Yeah And I gotta be honest You I took the shroom tech I've been taking the fucking shroom I'm done with this bottle probably in three days,

but this is a good trip to test it. This is why I know how that fucking works. Because whenever I go on the fucking road, I always get sick at high medical marijuana places. Really? Yeah, San Jose, Sacramento, Columbus, Ohio. Anywhere

where the people fucking smoke, like it's the 4th of July, that's where I get sick. That makes you pass, I mean, I passed around a lot of joints. You're passing pipes and joints. I'm not saying nothing that people dirty, just the way life is. So I take the shroom tech now. The immune, yeah.

The immune tech, but the shroom, right? Yeah, Shroom Tech immune, yeah. Let me tell you something, man, I'm good. No cough, no nothing. I'm breathing a little heavy today. I don't know why, because I didn't work out. Yes, I get anxiety. Well, you've got allergies the past couple weeks, I think.

Yeah, you get these fucking allergies here. But I'll tell you what, man, the strong bone is really helping me again. It's really fucking help. Yeah, because you're doing, like, two or three times a week, you said, yeah. I'm training today, but it's funny. These Adidas. I love them. But they're not giving me the support I really want.

Like the new balance ones I got fucking. Oh, I always have to have new balance. I got some insoles in there that you don't even feel like you're walking. So I got to get those for the Adidas. But this week, I only used those to work out. The Adidas, I used to go on stage. I usually have two or three Adidas to walk around with. I only bring one up there.

I can't fucking stand, bring them three pairs sneakers. Oh, yeah. So it's bad enough. I bring the one to work out and slip is to walk around the hotel with like fucking You have to... So I... My feet usually hurt from walking around. We walked a lot in San Jose.

Yeah. We fucking walked up there, Jack. You know, so we moved up there. So, you know, I feel good. Strong one is always good for you. So if you're a fat fuck and you want to start your little program by walking around,

and if you travel on a plane a lot, you know, there's so many things that On it has that serves you. If you're slipping, you know, you think you got sleep apnea, maybe you're slipping in your mind. You get the alpha brain. just do me a favor go to honor dot com why fuck around go to honor dot com

read about what they what they got read about their history they got so many things going on they got meals by mike duchay they got diets by mike duchy they got kettlebells they got ropes they got something that you need to take you away from your fucking whole hum life you know what I'm saying yeah something you smoke a joint you do a couple of alpha brains you're often running I know I do I do I do jumping jett what thing gets me here in a fucking good mood every morning. Ready to go. I try to hug the cats. And I hug my wife and I look up in the sky and I say,

God, thank you for giving me another day, Cocksucker, to make this shit happen. Jesus. What the fuck? We got a nice time in San Jose. I loved it. So another thing I did in San Jose is Southwest emailed me right before we left and they gave me free internet for the first light up. And I watched Hulu Plus all the way on it. I caught up on some daily show, which they have by there.

I did it right on my iPhone and it was fucking awesome. And I know, I know Terry's been watching a lot of it. So Hulu Plus awesome guys go to Huluplus.com slash Joey go to Joey Diaz.net. They have the daily show. They have Family Guy. They have South Park, community,

S&L. They have everything you can want. Go to Hulu Plus. See what's crackerlack and see what shows they got. Go to joeydiers. Net. Go to Huluplus.com pressing Joey. Uppercase Lose. I don't care what fucking case you're pushing there. I don't care if you put Joey with

law and order what fucking cases. Just put Joey in there and you'll get two free weeks and trial and you go watch whatever the fuck you want that's tremendous and that's it that's it I'm happy you want but no more I ain't taking you no more places because you got to cry I didn't cry once

I took all the edibles you wanted you didn't fucking take it out I took all the fucking edibles I kept crying and I didn't cry once I want to give a shout out to my man Jordan Dunnington Glacier Rossi Jason Cunnington whatever the fuck he

I don't know how many names he's got David Household Billy G and Jack Batti, who the fuck you think you're dealing with Jack? And, you know, people keep asking me, yes, Gray is back, but something's going on. What do you mean? She won't leave the fucking bedroom now.

She was shell-shot. Oh, still? Yeah, yeah, she won't leave the fucking room. She's on the bed with me all night. Every time I put my hand down, I feel something biting me in the middle of night. You know, last night she must have woke me up three fucking times.

Oh, really? And she's a great cat. I love the death, I'm happy she's back, but she's got to get a fucking life. My wife picks her up, puts her on the chair, she runs back to the bedroom. She doesn't want to be around the other cats no more. She eats by herself. She's isolated in that room. She was under the bed and in the fucking closet.

Those are two places of dwelling now. I wonder what happened to those few days? And I don't understand. She was in a fucking garage. Why would you want to keep being cooped up? Come out in the room, say hello. You're in that fucking room sitting there like a bumpy. You know, you got to come on out and say hello.

And the best part is I know you have these talks with her It's not like you're just thinking about it You've looked at you'd be like What the fuck All the cats No to Gray Oh yeah I tried to straighten her out last night I told you I threw her out

You go you gotta get out there You fuck You gotta get out there and mingle These people You know these cats They want to mingle with you These cats they're like Allie

Her feelings get hurt Allie's like you won't let me in She won't fucking let me And I go in there I get browbeated What the fuck You know Don't you like me

Don't you want me baby she's putting human league on I don't need this fucking shit either so I talked to I picked her up and I took her outside in the living room my wife took her out to the other day when we spoke the other day I asked my wife and she brought her out to the living

she sits to the chair for two minutes gets up and runs back to the bedroom well she was shy when you first brought her up though right she wasn't shy she's tough as fuck I threw her into a gladiator I think that all my cat's eyeball or really a shred my females

are killers those two those two Allie and Lulu Those are killers Really? Those are trained assassins They'll just pick you the fuck apart

Like one of those videos Their father had direct bloodlines To Hitler Gunga didn't Fucking anybody bad Charles Bronson Charles Manson Anybody

Anybody bad Their father of samurai Was an evil fucking psychopathic cat Anybody bad Anybody who kill people Kill kids and threw them off roots And let him on fire

Why you keep saying this stuff? Why do you want your cat to be related to these terrible people? Because it's true. The samurai head was a big fucking cat that had these big black balls that nobody ever got to him. And he had too much testosterone. His head was like this. If you looked at the samurai, he looked like one of those sharks

with the hammerhead sharks. Yeah. That's what he looked like a hammerhead fucking cat. His eyes were swollen. He had scar tissue. He had pieces of him falling off, but he wouldn't go down. I saw him throw a beating on Fidel's father one day in a tree. That was one of the worst things.

Listen, Fidel's father was in the tree, but it was on the property. Okay. The samurai was just walking by, spotted Fidel's father, jumped on two fucking roofs to get to Fidel's father, climbed up the tree. I was in my bathroom watching the whole fucking thing go down. I saw the samurai climb onto the roof and go on that fucking tree and he jumped. And you ever see when an animal jumps in a tree and he pulls the tree down?

Yeah. And the leaves. That's all you heard. Oh. Then he jumped on Fidel's father and they fucking banged it out in that tree for about three minutes. And they fell to the floor. Then they banged it out again. Right?

And I'm hearing them back. It's daylight. And I'm hearing, oh, we're going. People like, what the fuck? Finally, it's over. By 8.30 at night, I'm in front of the house. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm waiting for fucking Sergio to bring up grandma blow.

I'm doing something out there. I'm talking to somebody. And I see Fidel's father walking from the back, petrified, with pieces of him missing. He looked like he got hit by a fucking car. And he lived, and he lived, and he kept living back there. And he's still back there because Samurai disappeared. But that's how tough the Samurai was.

Samurai was killing his own fucking kittens. That's what type. of cat this motherfucker was. He was killing his own kittens so he could get back to fuck it. Because if the mother's giving milk to the kitten, she can't she can't fuck. But once you stop giving milk, then

that pussy's back in action. It starts bleeding again and you're back like rat in 84, you follow me? I have no idea what you're saying. You said that all the time, you know what I'm saying, Doc? I have no idea what you're saying. Well, your wise ass, Lee. No, I don't think you even know what you're saying. Are you always asked to lately?

Is that what you're saying? Apparently. You want to break my fucking balls? I do. I feel like after almost 100 hours of you go, breaking my balls, like, I deserve one minute of breaking your balls. What happened? San Jose. Hey, one of your bitches showed up.

Is that you one of your freaks? Who? Kiss you on the lips and she used to. Oh, Melissa gave me a peck on the lip, but I couldn't move. Did she slip a ton in there? No. You didn't want to get her stabbing? I couldn't move.

What do you couldn't move? I was so high. So let me ask you this. So a fucking Jennifer Aniston showed up and put that swamp pussy in a little face It smells like Brad Pitt. You tell you can't move. It still smells like Brad Pitt?

You say you can't move? I couldn't. You take your little fucking juice stick out of you. Are you serious? I was way too. You gave me two edibles. I'm usually fucked up on one. Well, no.

No. First we got then I gave you a piece of a 500 milligram antedalaurus. Yeah. Browning. Yes. And then you gave me a fucking half one of those gummy beans. beers. Right. And then another goomey. No, no, that was that one night. And then the next night

I had two pieces, two... So you had 200 milligrams of T-8C going through your veins. I was so job. And then I... And then we smoked. And this is what I did. The first night I brought Cheebo Chews up. And I ate a couple Cheebo Chewes Thursday night. Jesus. After that, I couldn't eat a Cheebo chew because I knew I was going to get killed at the

show. I got the Cheebo shoes in the fucking house. And I'm getting ready to rock. And I also got Kuiluts. I saw that last night on Twitter. Where did you get those? Don't worry about it. I got four of them. fucking, I'm going to take you to a hooker's house and give you one of those and put you on the couch and have a fucking let your asshole on fire

and do something. Please don't. Those shit don't make you pass out like Lucy Snorbush. I'm tired. I don't want to pass out, especially around you. I'd be more worried about you what you would do. I ain't going to do nothing for you. I'll tie you up and put you on the 170 or somebody will pick you up and fucking take it to the house and do you evil things to you.

Why would you want that? Because I have a good time. We'll take pictures and put them on the You said something. What would you do? What? Oh, you said something like just randomly like on stage that had nothing to do with any of your bits but the one of you were like you can take videos with cell phones now

what a world it had nothing to do with anything it's true you can take videos for your cell phone now what a world it's Monday cuck sucker July the first get up shine your shoes look sharp get up there go tell them what the fuck you're gonna do tell the world

to suck your dick you and they'll have a sparkler up its end today. Fuck it. It's the 4th of July. Tell A. Blankin and George Wants to suck your dick. Where the fuck are they when you need them? You know what old is this country? Let's see. You don't even fucking know. What type of mook are you? Let's see.

230. It's 233 years. 233 years. You're fucking 43 years. Something like that. Yeah, it's close to like 240 or something. Who the fuck you think you're doing? This is all the top of my head and I'm stoned. The other day you hurt my feelings. You think I'm like you? I eat edibles all day.

I heard nothing. I fucking. to do all day. I didn't say you don't do anything. I said you don't have to go to an office. You do, you do a lot of stuff, but you do, why are you trying to say you don't eat edibles all day? You eat edibles, call you. You eat edibles last night. You put up, you put up a Twitter picture of you eating more edibles last night. What did I put up last night?

Auntie Dolores. Well, yeah, you know why? Because I went over to, to, uh, my ear is itchy. God damn it. Whenever I fly, I get the wax built up. Uh, I went over to, see, the word on the street is that the city sent all the letters to these medical marijuana spots. Oh, okay. So they have to close their doors.

So I was very sad last week when I heard that divine wellness didn't get a letter. Thank God. Thank fucking God. So, but my other spot got a letter. Oh, and I'm CC? No organic got a letter. Oh, no. No organic.

You know, it's a great weed store, but I got to tell you something, they're great family. They're great people. I love the sister. I love the fucking Jay. I love all of them. And they do. They help. They go above and beyond people.

Seriously, they do a lot of things for a lot of people. They donate to organizations, and I've seen it. They've asked me to show up with them at different things. I'm just out of town on fucking Saturdays. They care for their patience. When I knew they got a letter, it broke my heart. Because I wasn't worried about them financially. These guys are hustlers.

I was worried about them that the neighborhood would suffer. It's an old-school neighborhood-type reefers spot. Yeah. But when I went there yesterday, they're like, no, we're going to stay open. We're going to try to fight and get a license. and Auntie Dolores was by there and gave them the cheese crackers. The ones that you ate at the fucking fight that night he came home. There were 100-something milligram, so I ate a cheese cracker last night.

So I go to sleep right. I did sleep right last night. And for people who give me shit, Auntie Dolores was great and came up and she was really cool. But as Joey, as you were giving me the edible, she even said to me, that's too much. When the woman who makes it says it's too much, maybe it's too much. And Joey goes, eh, fuck, he'll be fine. And then try to get given to do that chakawaska. You're tough as nails, Lee.

You keep saying that. You want me to hold you with fucking silk gloves and milk? No, maybe let me do 75 milligrams and get high, but be okay. I can't teach you like, mom. I'm getting you ready for the real world. What real, real world? I'm getting you ready for the army. I'm getting you fucking ready.

Just to get, whatever if you go out and somebody puts, spikes you. In this day and age, you're a popular guy, you're handsome. What if somebody tries to fucking and gives you 300. You never know. They've done it to Red Man. They do it to... People do it all the time. You go out, you eat in a sandwich.

Next thing you know, they've got medical marijuana on the sandwich. Next thing you know, you can't drive home. They're taking provocative pictures of you. They got your dress in a fucking bikini. You know what I'm saying? They're whipping you. You're yelling out.

What's the Jew band you like? Infected mushroom. Infected mushroom. Put some infected mushroom off. I don't go to Joey. I'm going to the show on Saturday. This Saturday? Yeah.

Are you taking any pills right now? Uh, no, I'm gonna drink and smoke it Do you want to take an edible? No, I don't want to take an animal Do you want to take some ecstasy? No, you know what? I can't believe I'm saying this in the internet I've always been intrigued by Molly

Just because it's apparently like the Pure version of it No, we don't have, don't say that on the internet But we got it It's a phone call away Ah, Jesus You're gonna jump up and now Who are you taking to see?

I'm taking that gun So you want to do some Molly and loosen her up No, no, no, we're gonna be fine with just alcohol But I'm not gonna take me Molly on a third date. What are you talking about? Why not? Because it's fucking the most intense drug, isn't it? No!

Isn't ecstasy like the most intense drug? Lee, what's the matter with you? I don't know. You tell me. Listen, you're going to take this girl on effective mushroom and you jump around. What's the song you want them to? What's getting the whole giggling now? What's the song you want them to play?

That's a million songs. Let me play the song. Is it a romantic song? No, they don't have romantic songs. So what time is the show start? Starts at like nine, I think. And you have a warm-up band? Yeah, I'm sure they do.

No, are you going to take a chick to this? Yeah, I just told you. You're going to take it out to dinner first. Maybe, yeah, we're going to go get drunk first, I think. And you're not going to take no Molly with it? No, it's a third date. What are you talking about? So what are you fucking talking about?

What are you looking at me like I'm crazy? It's your third date. You keep saying it again. It's my third date. Well, I don't, but I'm not going to doze it with fucking. I'm not going to doze it. You don't dozing no but I dated this chick once on the third day

I stabbed it. What are you fucking saying that the third date, the third date? The third date that means you're doing shit. Yeah, I'll do shit, but I don't need that. I'm dragging it on the car. You're fucking doing shit. I'm not tying anybody else. So what's the story? You want to take some real fucking Mollywood and jump up and down? Let me see the song

you know, listen to him play. Look at that. Can you for that? Alright, let me see his dance, real quick It's Monday, come on Wiggle for us, and we go to joke I hate you to sing When you're going to dance, let me see

You're going to take some money and dance Oh shit, here we go, go Lick, go Lig, go Lig, go Get up here, and death Switch the camera, switch the camera, let me see So they could see your fucking wiggle Cog, it's Monday Maybe they want to wiggle at home Let's see how you do it

But start from the beginning So they could see the whole movement You got to do the whole thing thing you gotta pick her up in the corner and do it do it from the beginning the song? Yeah What the fuck, Lee? Let's go from the beginning. Here you go. How do you show up this shit? What are you gonna wear?

I'm gonna wear jeans and the t-shirt. What are you talking about? What? That's how funny to you? I'm gonna go to a concert to get fucked up and dance-in-law. What are you talking about? You're not gonna wear a red tape or nothing? Like a top hat. Go ahead. Let me see you bust it go. We can't hit it Let me see the moves you're gonna put up. What a move? So how you're gonna dance? What do you do? What do you do? I'm gonna say how I grind in the with the air

Right, let me see a little grind. Let me say you're not so weird. No What? What? You're gonna do it. Come on, dog, do it. How are you gonna do it? How are you gonna? How are you gonna grind? You gonna make a face. You gonna make a Coker Goalie Goly Make a face Let me see you make the Jew Red face

Like you get a Jew It's the first Every Jew is happy today Come on cuck sucker Now you understand why The Hooker thing Made me so uncomfortable The thought of grinding

To a song I can't hear With a video A Cuban guy In my room Going yeah Show me you're gonna make that face Show me that dew face That's so fucking weird

So what the fucking gonna do? you're going to just stand there like a motorcycle when you bring a girl you're just crying but when I would go up by myself you'd just jump up and down it's not even a joke you actually do jump up and down it's a rape

put the music back on and jump up and down let me see you do it come on let me just see you jump up up and three or four jumps what the fuck this is a fucking weirdo you did it for 10 seconds. How do you gonna last an hour or two in the show? We gotta do it for 10 minutes.

Go ahead. Let me see like two minutes. For your aerobic, you're gonna build it up. You don't, you only do it. It makes sense with the music. You fucking asshole. I don't know why I do this. My life, I should be sleeping. This should be doing so much better stuff. What the fuck?

Are you gonna be doing grinding in the mid-air? What the fuck? Oh, you're killing me, though. You're salt in my eye. You're worse than Marry's wigs. I'm assault in your eye. You're worse than Marry's fucking wigs. Why? Because I'm going to have fun.

Every time I have fun, you just like... What fucking fun! You're like... Let me see you dance. Nothing. It's weird. I'm in a room with you. Just you.

I'm not going to dance by myself. Let me see you grind. No. I'll see you grind in the air. I'm not grinding on the air in front of you in my gym shorts. That's so fucking weird. It's like when you told me to just get high and listen to Bill Cosby's album and be the same. That's so weird.

Ladies and gentlemen, you see I got to deal with it. What are you going to deal with it? Do you understand my people? You think it's fucking easy? There's a kid that jumps up and down to these fucking guys playing chopsticks and shit. You're a fucking savage. So what? All right, so you don't want to take the MDMA with it?

No. You don't want to loosen her up, man. We only like each other. Oh, you like each other. So the show starts at 9. What time you get out of there? I don't know. It depends.

Sometimes like 2, 3, 4. They go. It goes until 7 in the morning. What are you going to go on? You're going to go on Red Bull and fucking reefer and alcohol? That's going to kill you. No, I've been to like 7.8 of them. Let me play in.

And how long do you last? I last all night. And you dance all night? Oh, yeah. I don't fuck around. I'll buy it get you in a little edible. No, fuck the, I won't do anything on an edible. I'll stand in the corner, get paranoid, and get a D.

Why on the way home? People would be jumping, you'll be jumping too. What? No. What? Fuck it. I don't jump on edibles. You don't?

I was talking to people and forgot what I was saying mid-sentence last night. You don't jump on edibles? No. Why not? You don't jump up and down on edible? No, no, because you don't let me eat just the right amount. You made me eat twice. You make me what you eat.

And that fucking fucks me up. And then we'll get you some Molly. All right, for you and the broad. You loosen up. She's already loosening up. What are you talking about? What are you doing it? What are you?

I don't know she's loosened up. I want to be able to talk to this girl. All your advice is for girls who you never want to see again. You just throw up on the 170. What the fuck? Why don't want to say you again? No, you want to see me. You don't want to see the girl.

No, I want to see everybody. No, you don't. Yes, I do. What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't want to see nobody. If you had your way, the 170 would be renamed like your graveyard or something. No, all the fuck is.

I can't be killing people no more. I'm a Catholic. Listen to me, Doug. You don't want to take no MD and then loosening up. You get a whole towel room for you guys? I'm still trying to decide because it's in, it's in Hollywood. Either will take a cab or I'll get a hotel. I'm not sure yet.

You want to make a special night if you get a nice hotel, lift a fucking deuce. Get a deuce, get a nice hotel and put a robe on. Who's the nice thing I made a robe? Oh, there was a robe in the room, but I didn't get to wear it. I never, Sunday. A slip with in the back, you got an open bar, you bring her up. You and her on the MDMA, whatever the fuck it is, Molly. You sit down, you rub her feet.

You give her that little jewelry. You put a little gel in your hand. straight up you're like bottom discount I have a job and read it and I can't believe the stuff I say on this Well you gotta get your life together here We have to say you're jumping up and down This little bad thing

Yeah it's gonna be fun It's at the Avalon All right And you got front row they know the flying Jews coming There's no front road to this you just go We gotta make calls to get you backstage You can jump around with the DJ You don't hang on with the DJ and jump up and down

They speak Hebrew what are we gonna talk about? I don't know about rent checks Whatever the fuck you fucking Jews talk about behind closed doors. These white cock suckers that are paying the sector for land. I don't know. Slippers, whatever the fucking people talk about. You know,

get together, Doug. I love you to death. You want to come? I'll get you a ticket. No, I'm busy. Fucking sad. You're not busy. Stabbing myself in the heart before I go fucking listen to that stuff and watch you jump up and down like that without nothing. No, and you don't want, listen. You take it out to a nice sushi dinner.

You like sushi dinner. I love it, yeah. All right. That's that you drop the fucking ecstasy of the... Whatever it is, the... Molly. Molly. Then you go to the Avalon, you go back to your hotel room,

you give a little massage, but you leave it at that. She'll say, look at Lee. He's a fucking gentleman. He's not going to give me a little stabbing. I gave her Molly. That's a lot worse than a fucking little sex. He doesn't want to spank me or nothing. You take it to the show.

You jump up and down. You drink, you bring some T.H.C. Lollie boughs. What the fuck you're talking about? Now I'm taking Molly and in edible. Fuck yeah, the edible will smooten out to Mali. What the fuck is wrong? I'm getting anxiety just thinking about this story.

I'm going to tell you. I'm smooten out the humps and the bumps. If you just drop the malle and go out like a fucking pirate, nothing good is going to happen. Or if I just get drunk and I'll be fine. No, you're going to have some fucking stuff. The only humps and bumps I had this weekend was from your fucking edibles. You'll listen to me.

You'll do a little sake. Oh, my sushi. You'll do a little sake with sushi and then sucky. It's sakey, sushi, and then sucky. So you're going to do Saki and sushi Then you're going to drop the Mali back at the hotel room Okay It's gonna be romantically

What the fuck you think I'm talking about here? I don't think anyone's ever described it Molly in a hotel room is romantic You don't want to listen you don't want to do somebody How can you have Show somebody to $10,000 fucking car A $10 presentation? You're a fucking you're a fucking

Because she's even more straight laced than I am She doesn't even smoke He wants to smoke weed for the first time She does? She hasn't smoked yet All right that that's what to listen And I'm going to open up with Molly and weed lollipops. Are you crazy?

Listen to what you do. You have a little socky. No, if she's going to smoke, do not drink. You don't want to drink and then smoke. That'll get you sick. So what you want to do is, at dinner, just eat the sushi. And then from there, you take it back to the hotel. You take a little lighten up a little bit.

And you take two hits off a fucking joint. I'll roll you a nice joint, nice weed mellow. It's going to be a bazooka. I know you. I'll give you a nice hybrid. Nothing to kill you. You just hit it twice. I don't trust you at all.

And you'll be looking cool. You're going to have your head on moosed up and put your little black cape on. You're going to say. That's a black cape. A white white beater. Come on. You know I'm a fucking... What? I look ridiculous in a white white be able. A white be able to tell. My skin's already that white.

What do you? What? You'll be throwing dick in that fucking place. With a magician's hat on with a top hat and a cane. Who's better than you, dog? Why are you dressing me up like a little Italian magician over here with a red cape and a black hat and a cane? No, black all the way. Black, black, I'm black. The only thing that's white is your fucking wife beat the shit out

with a big gold star or fucking will rent you a nice... Oh, rent me one? Gold fucking star, like a... Star David? You'll be kicking, dog. You're a bad motherfucker. It's time that the world starts realizing that you're a bad motherfucker. And you just can't take this chicken.

And then go to the Avalon and take a cab back like fucking Ricans. You gotta do the whole thing. You want this girl to stick around for a little while, right? Yeah. All right, then. Yeah, I'll do the right thing. you know, surprise her with the hotel. How is the right thing giving her Molly and a weed lollipop

when she hasn't smoked to be born? Because she wants to have a good time. She wants to see the devil too. No, the devil's not fun. You think it's fun to see the devil. It's not fun. She wants to go out and have her the same boring-ass date she can have with some other guy.

You want to remember Lisa Ayat? She will. The baddest pimp out there. I love Lisa Ayat, but I want her to remember who the fuck she knows when she fucking goes out with Lisa Ayat. All hell is going to break loose. This is like an episode.

What's that movie with fucking Steve Correll and the chick from, 30 Rock. You ever see that movie when they go to Marky Warburg's house? This is what happens when they hang out with you. Shit goes down helicopters follow you. Black people hang out with you. People want to party with you. You're fucking Lysayat, the king of the fucking Jews.

This is what I got to deal with people. I'll fire my own fucking co-host up. Now I'm depressed because you don't understand these things. And what are you going to be doing? And you look at me and you judge. What am I? I'm 50. I'm at home. Fucking dying. I'm living a slow debt to you. I'm living... I'm living through. fucking asmosis through you.

What's that word when I live through people? Yeah, you're gonna... Not through osmosis. I'm living through something else. Vicariously. Vicariously through you. I want you to come back to call me. Listen, when I wake up on fucking Sunday mornings,

I don't want to see a text. I don't give a fuck about Michael Jackson dying or who's sick. I want to see a fucking missed call from Lee at 603 saying that dog, I just threw a chick out of a fucking car head first because she wouldn't suck my asshole

for the 8th time of a kazoo. I don't know. I don't fucking know, Lee. But I'm sick and tired of waking up till your boring fucking cause of I went out last night. It's time for you to fucking live it up a little bit, dog.

That's it. You got the church of what's happening. Now you've got people behind you. They love you. I love them too. Fuck. What do you want to do? You want to pick that girl up

and take it and drop her off? That's just you could do with any fucking schmunk. She's straight lace. No, she's coming back here, but Jesus Christ. Fuck back here. What are you going to do here? Smell this room. It smells like your ass

some weed that we smoke and water. You're going to bring him in the living room and smells like Ashley's feet. Fuck that shit. You're going to get a nice hotel room with a jacuzzi with a shape like a heart. You got to fucking have a cape on. You're going to eat some sushi. You're going to take it back to the hotel. You're going to blow a couple of shotguns.

Listen to what you're going to do. You're going to take the head off the joint and then make a kiss you. And what you're making out with you, you bottle of smoking a mouth. Okay, that's more normal. Why are you practicing with me? Now, with you, I'm a blowing your mouth, you nasty motherfucker. I'm just talking to here hypothetically. You blow her mouth, and then she blows her back in your mouth,

and you play that fucking game for her, and you swap a little spin. Then before she gets hot, you cut her off. You say, this can't happen. I'm a decent Jew boy. And you get her fucking Molly, and you go back and see the Avalon, or you split the hit a Molly with her. You have two, but you split when you leave the other one in the hotel for later. I'll say you got it back to the room.

You tell me I go back to the other head of Molly, back at home. You take it, you go to the hotel. You go to the fucking concert. You jump up and down. Then you take it back to the Avalon. You take it back to the hotel. You pop, you got Valley Parking. You're looking like a doctor.

You're a fucking editor on a TV show. You make some ducats. You're the executive producer, the church, of what's happening now? Who's better than you? No one. So why are you going to show up and give a woman a fucking $20,000 car

with a $10 price? You're gonna show a $20,000 car and give a $20,000 presentation and that's the end of this fucking show That's how you gotta do your life every fucking day. You're a sharp kid Shave that beard just leave the goatee. Don't that goatee says me like a stupid savage These are your little fucking metals right here from all the chicks blonde hairs red hairs little curly black fucking hairs You're making it happen Lee. That's it you're a young man everybody who's listening to this I want you living the fucking same way You can't present yourself a $20,000 vehicle

and show up a dirty shoes or $3 presentation. And then call me back and I'm lonely. I don't know what to do. She won't call me back. She wants to date two guys because you ain't fucking slinging dick. You understand me? This is it. I want you to call me fucking Sunday morning with a tremendous story

from the hotel downstairs. You have a handcuffed something. You got handcuffs here? No, I don't have handcuffs. You're going to handcuffs laying a dildo. That's it. You're going to put this shit in your trunk. In case you meet some wild chick, you whip out of a fucking...

Let me tell you something. You whip out a handcuff and a pair of dildos. A pair of dildos? Fuck yeah. You have two of them. A butt plug and a fucking big black one. That's how you're going to... With a fucking yarmaca.

You're slipping. Most people have like a earthquake survival kit. I have dildos and yomak. What is the fuck. All you need is sneakers and water. That's all you need. And lighten rolling papers. That's your earth.

earthquake survival, kid. What do you need? What do you need? I need a lot of stuff, apparently. You're a fucking cock sucker. Anyway, I love you people. I love you. It's Monday. I'm not talking to you, you fuck. I was talking to them. I wasn't talking to either.

Yes, you did. You were looking at me when you said. I love you, too. You were looking at me when you blew the fake shotgun in my mouth. So, fuck you. This is I got to deal with. You understand me, people. It's a beautiful day to be alive. Beautiful fucking week to hang out. I know a lot of people are going to listen to a podcast this week.

You're out there with your live. you're flying. Go out there, be safe. There's a lot of fucking mooks driving around. People blowing up, they're giving you bad meat, too. Don't eat all the hamburgers. Watch what they're fucking cooking these people. You never know. And beware chicken sandwiches cooked by people with no gloves on.

Sounds like an old wife's hill. But where are people cooking chicken sandwiches? And you know what I'm performing this week? Dick. Vegas. You know what I'm performing next week? Nowhere. I don't give a fuck.

I'm taking some time off. You know, the week after that I'm in Philadelphia. Philadelphia. Get your tickets now at Helium. It's going to fucking go down. My family's showing up. Bazookas, cocaine, hard rock. They're doing everything. Me, I'm going to bed at 9 o'clock. I'm going to lie to all of them. I'll be right back.

And I'll fucking won't come back. They'll be calling me. Where are you? I'll be right now. Where are you? That's my favorite one. This guy outside your window. What was doing? Back on the glass. I'll tell them I'll be back. And then I won't be back.

I love you people. get, go to honor.com, see what's cracker lacquette. If you're going to get an edible today, Cheebo, chew, fucking drop some anti-Dolaris on whatever you need. The names I'm dropping on you, a real legitimate medical marijuana. You'll

finish out the trip. I'm not like you eat something and you'll be shit in blood a half hour later because they put too much sugar or an anti-bi-product with dog cat food or whatever fucking there. This is the real shit. You understand me, people. Have a phenomenal day. I love you people. Drive slow. Take

You got some music for me? I do. And now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for our favorite Hulu Plus. That's right. We've told you about all the shows they have. There's a banner at joey-d-Diaz.net with everything else.

Or you can go to Huluplus.com slash Joey and get your extended free trial. Again, it's the banner at joey-d-d-s.net or Huluplupluplus. And don't fuck it up. Go to Hulu right now. Don't fuck it up. You're at work. You know what?

The only way to test Hulu is on the 4th of July. You're going to go out and play with Firecrackers and Sparkly. You're a fucking grown-up. Get your shit together. You're going to sit there. You're going to type Joey into Hulu plus.com. Or you're going to go to my webpage, joey-deers.net.

And right up there on the banner, there's Hulu. Click in. Take the two weeks. You watch everything. 22 fucking TV shows and movies all on one there in the 4th of July. Then you decide who loves you. And then Friday, what you do is you wake up

and you go to fucking honor.com and you press in fucking church. And there you get some alpha brand, you get some immune text, some strong bone. Get one of those kettle bells and hit yourself in the fucking head with it 50 fucking times Because the party is starting bitch I love you cocksuckers have a great day

Lee what the fuck is this What's a fucking song you gotta let me get shot day Hold on hold on stop one side day Yeah that's that's a jam there These motherfuckers don't know about that when I left New York I had those first two shodday albums fucking tremendous They put me through the hum this is one of the jams Oh shit

Hang on Day a lot Boy, boy, boy.