The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #073 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

Welcome to The Joint..... It's Monday, June 14th..... This episode is brought to you by BlueChew & Lucy.Co..... Go to https://www.BlueChew.com and enter PROMO Code: JOEY Go to https://www.Lucy.co and enter PROMO Code: JOEY And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz is on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced/Co-Hosted by: Michael Klein @onebyonepodcast on: Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video..... You can find Ben here: Ben Telford Visuals Cinematography and Visual Promotion Agency, Ontario, Canad [e-mail] Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/b_telford or https://www.instagram.com/bentelfordvisuals  

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Holy shit! The weeks are fucking flying. Let me tell you something. I had a great week last week, a great little breakthrough week last week. I talked to Mike. We had a... I thought Mike to start watching me a little better, and it was for nothing. You know, sometimes in life you get stuck.

I've been stuck the last 10 months, and you guys noticed it. I know it. I feel it. Just every once in a while, you go through shit. The last 10 months I've been feeling how I felt after I got my divorce. When I got divorced in 91, there was a year after my divorce that I just wasn't right. I wasn't stable. Mentally stable.

Like, I was having fun and I was doing comedy and all that stuff. But I wasn't really feeling like myself. And that's what's been going on lately. And I thought it was a big fucking problem. You know, I thought it was a bigger problem than what I was. I mean, how can somebody do something for 30 years and not want to do it? I thought that I've been acting a little differently since I moved here. I've been a little bit more cautious, a little bit less movement.

I felt in L.A., I was getting pulled from every direction, and I wanted that to change for me to be a little happier and healthier. And that's what I've been focusing on, you know. I got friends that call me like, hey, what are he doing today at 3.30? This guy wants to meet you. Those days are done. Like those days are done. I'm too busy with the fucking kids and, you know, my own world and what the fuck is going on.

But it's so funny how it's taken people nine or ten months to realize I'm not the same guy I used to be, especially since I've moved here, because I've put more focus into what I needed to. But one of the things that brought me back, and we're going to go through this, we're going to keep hearing about this because I can't believe that I preach it to you, and sometimes I forget to fucking use it, you know? Mike, do you journal? Yeah. Okay. It's really weird.

I journal, and I like journaling, and I pushed it on you people for fucking 30 years. You know, it helped me to get off the Coke. It helped me when I was locked up. It helped me in a lot of ways. and I didn't even know what I was doing. I didn't, people called it a diary when I was growing up. Everybody had a diary with a fucking lock on it. Don't look at my diary.

I don't want to read your shit. I don't want to read nobody's shit, you know. But that's the thing. It used to have a lock on it with a little key. Listen, a fucking four-year-old could pop it open. That lock don't stop nothing from nobody. It's like when people have a safe in their house. Guys like me would just pick it up and take it to go.

You know what I'm saying? That's great. You got a safe. You better fucking staple it down. held it into the wall. I can't open it, but I'll take that motherfucking safe to go.

We'll take it in the car. We did it a couple times. I was going to drop a name on you, but I don't want to drop no names. I don't want to recur any felonies and shit like that. He'll probably watch the podcast and call me back and go,

yeah, we took a safe one time. We opened it up. There was nothing but quarters in there. And we ended up throwing it in a fucking lake. Unbelievable. The thing must have weighed 800 pounds. Coders are heavy. Dog, I picked that motherfucker up.

I picked it up. up and I could feel my balls blowing up. I dropped it and I said, fuck it. I'm just going to push it down the stairs. And I started pushing the safe down the stairs. And it was rolling. It hit the bottom floor. And then I had to get the safe to the back door on the bottom.

So I pushed the safe down and it banged into the fucking door. Now I had it go down there and fucking body fucking push the fucking safe to open up the door. And I open up the door and I go into the fucking thing to see if my buddy's out there. and my buddy's out there with his trunk open but there's a cop car sitting there, they're just sitting there watching for traffic and I'm like, holy fuck, the alarm didn't go off.

I'm like, what the fuck happened? We get the fucking safe, I get him. I tell him, drive around with the cops there. The cops stayed right on the fucking corner I go, drive around. I go, you got to help me with the safe it weighs fucking 10,000 pounds. He gets out, the guy's street name was

the lip. We pick up We pick up the fucking safe. We put it in the trunk of the car. We go back to his house. I'm banging this fucking thing. He's got a welding fucking thing. We finally bust the thing open.

We're expecting to see 50 fucking Gs. And so, help me God, it was a bag of chains. This fucking big and maybe $8 in singles. You don't know what that does to your confidence level. If you think I was struggling the last couple of weeks, you should have seen the look on my face that night. And then we had to take the fucking safe. carry it, pick it back into the fucking thing.

The kid cut his hand. He had to go get eight stitches because when he welted it, he fucking left the metal up and he fucking sliced his hand. So we had to fucking throw the safe in the water. He had a bandage on his hand. And then we drove to the hospital and had to sit there like a fucking asshole for three hours while he got like fucking 18 stitches in his hand. My point is with the fucking diaries, you cannot.

You know, you want to write stuff in there and you hope that nobody bumps into that stuff. What I usually do is after a couple of years, I just take them and burn them or shred them. You know, my wife, I've taught my wife to shred them, you know. But I was struggling until about six days ago. And I changed my journaling routine. What I did was I added a Steve Simone trick.

You open up with gratitude. Dude, what a fuck, never mind what you ain't got. Never mind what Chappelle's got. Never mind what Bert Kreis got. Never mind what, you know, Whitney Cummings got. What do you have that you're grateful for? Five things. He told me to say him in the shower.

A bunch of us do that. Me, Ari, five things you're grateful for every day. When you wake up in the morning and you wash your pussy, when you're in that shower, say them out loud. Not in your head. you have to say them out loud. Five things I'm grateful for. My daughter, my wife,

the second chance God gave me, the house and my career, how it ended up. This could have fucking ended up worse. The lone man wants to come now. 4.0. Monday morning, cock sucker. He shows up with landscape.

You know what I'm saying? Whatever the fuck. Manscape. Landscape. So you say five things that you're grateful for every day, every fucking day. Steve Simone taught me that years ago. and you get up and you say it in the shower

and it's great and lately when I'm driving in the car instead of fucking listening to the radio I just talk to myself in the car make them believe I'm talking to somebody else do you know what I'm saying and I'll say what am I grateful for today I'm grateful that I'm driving

I'm grateful that I have a job you know all these things because sometimes we fucking forget what really is going on you know you didn't get that job at the dental office who gives a fuck you got a beautiful wife you got a beautiful daughter you know

you know things are happening so we forget that shit we overlook it and that's what's been going on with me lately I've been focusing on why don't I want to do this instead of the things that I am doing you know we're writing a book with putting a weed strain out hopefully today me and Mike shoot a fucking little video for an NFT you know there's always there's always something to do you know I don't want to do stand-up yet you know I see all these people

putting up all these fucking schedules and stuff like that, I'll be out. Don't worry about it. I got a time and a place and a plan. I got a summer that I want to fucking enjoy. You know what I'm saying? All these schedules are going up. You've seen all these schedules going up,

and I got a summer I got to enjoy. I got guns and roses coming August 5th to fucking MetLife. They're coming back September 11th and 12th. I think my wife is getting tickets for PNC for somebody else. Steely Dan is there with their. a little jazz trio. I mean, guys, we got a great fucking summer here. I'm not, if you think I want to tell my wife and a bunch of people at 6.30,

I got to leave to go do a show in Morris Plains. Get the fuck out of here. I'm fucking partying with them. I'm doing everything. I don't give a fuck. So what I took with the journal was this week, I started, instead of just writing, you know, Monday, July, what's today's day again? The 14th, whatever. Monday, June 14th,

I open up with five things that I'm grateful for today. You know, the second chance I got to fucking, just everything, getting out of L.A., not going to Austin. You guys see what happened over the fucking weekend? I woke up to that on Saturday, fucking morning.

You know, I got a call, an anonymous call last week from a dear friend telling me that he just don't like Austin. He can't, you know, it was not for him that the homeless is out of control, the traffic is out of control, and that downtown was very violent, that somebody had thrown a bottle at him, and I knew Lee was going fucking down there, and I came home, and I called that motherfucker right away, and I told him, I said, Lee, you got to do me a big fucking favor. And he's like, what? and I'm like, Lee. I said, let me tell you something. I go, do you need this Austin money?

Because I just mail it to you. I go, I don't care if you're going to Austin, but I want you to fucking be careful. I've spoken to a couple people that have played a club down there, and they say the walkway from the hotel to that club is a bit fucking dangerous. He had to walk around, and the second night he had to tell the owner to drive him.

And Lee, you know, you guys know, I care about Lee. He's, you know, I don't want him to get beat up. You know what I'm saying? I don't want him to get mugged or nothing like that. So I called him and I fucking told him, listen, buddy, it's the hotel and the club and you and DiGistino. You got, you know, it's strength in numbers.

If it's that type of situation, you know what I'm saying? I don't know. But because I heard that downtown Austin was really bad. So I called him and I called fucking DiAgostino. And I told him both. Hey, you guys got to watch you. each other's backs tomorrow. I can't lose Lee and I can't lose the Agostino.

Be careful. Do your sets. Don't make any unwanted movements. I told Lee to call me when he got down and told me what he thinks. And he said that the traffic was fucking horrific and that the homeless people were everywhere. It looks like a little model of L.A. And that was it. You know, I was happy.

He had a show. I didn't want to bother him Friday night so I didn't call him back. I told him, don't call me back after the show. Go have a beer. Go have a good time. fucking Saturday morning I wake up to my wife waking me up at 7.30 that there's been a shooting in fucking Austin. Dog, guys, I know you're not going to believe this.

I fucking levitated off that bed. The only reason why I didn't hit the ceiling was because I had my sleep mask. I got me a mask on with the fucking rope. You think I'm fucking kidding you, dog. I fucking levitated off that fucking bed. You know, that's my little fucking brother. I took that mask off and I ran downstairs and sure enough, there was a text from Lee saying,

I'm fine. I know you're going to read this. I don't want you to worry about it. I called him up. I asked him what happened. He kind of told me what he had heard, whatever. It was one shooter. You know, so that was, you know, every day has been something.

It was a very fucking exciting week last week. I mean, Monday, we had practice Tuesday. I don't know what the fuck happened. Wednesday, we had a drive for a playoff game. all the way down the guys, you guys know I lived in Seattle. You guys know I lived in Colorado. So when I tell you this, I tell you this from the heart. I saw a rainstorm on fucking Wednesday that was so fucking intense and so beautiful.

At the same time, I almost fucking died. It started with just a couple drops, and all of a sudden, we were on the playing field. We were not even on the playing field. We were on the grass talking because they said that the game got. I pushed back 20 minutes in case it was going to rain. So we were just standing there, and all of a sudden, we felt a couple fucking things come down, and all of a sudden it just opened up,

and it started fucking hailing. June, whatever, June 8, 9th, whatever the fuck Wednesday was, it's fucking hailing. We weren't even in our car. My friend, that's a detective, he has a big truck. We all, because that was the closest truck to us. We all jumped in there. We sat in that car in that rainstorm,

from five to six to six, to 6.35 watching that fucking rainstorm come down. Thunder everywhere. Baboom! B boom! Everybody was fucking freaking out. Nobody was driving. Everybody stayed in place because there was nobody... I saw a fucking drive a parking lot get three inches of water within fucking a minute.

In that 35 minutes, when me and my wife had to run to that car, listen, she had an umbrella and I had an umbrella over mercy and we both were fucking drenched. My wife's panties were fucking wet. Her bra, my shirt, everything. We had to fucking come home and then we were freezing in the fucking car because it was cold out.

Tremendous. I shot a movie on Friday in New York City. Fucking tremendous. If you see the smile on my face, it's because I forgot. I forgot about how much fun that kind of shit was. It was fucking sensational. And it was inside the studio.

Because when you shoot in the studio was great, blah, blah, blah, blah. We shot on the fucking Midtown Manhattan in front of a fucking, on front of people. There was barricades. There was people yelling. It was fucking tremendous to get the vibe from the city. It was, let me tell you something. I had to drive to Queens on Wednesday for a COVID test. Even though I got the vaccine, the whole thing, they didn't give a fuck.

then I had to go back to Queens on Thursday for wardrobe and then I had a shoot in the city on Friday no big deal I'm not I was fuck I was very fortunate to get a job I put the audition on tape like a month ago I'd forgotten all about it I went over Friday it looked cloudy like it looked like it was going to rain on the way up I'm like fuck I'm not going to be able to shoot this now I got to come back on Monday all they're going to reschedule for another fucking day and I got this because I hate having shit hanging over your head

I like booking that type of shit You book Wednesday, you shoot Friday That's the way it's supposed to be Once they start telling you August 18th You're like, God damn it I gotta wait too long It's fucking 18th So I went over there Friday

I was a little You know You hear shit about the city So you're a little apprehensive You're hearing that They're hitting people on the head With sticks or whatever I haven't been over the city too much

Since I've been back You know twice this last Three times this week But I drove down 42nd Street It was fucking tremendous I saw clothes. I saw all the places. I used to go,

that's completely fucking different. I mean, it's completely different. I don't know what the fuck they did down there. There's no sex world on the corner no more. You know, I used to sit,

I drove down 42nd Street and you hit 9th, and you got Port Authority there. Right across the street used to be sex world. But on that fucking corner is a tremendous. They used to be a tremendous

little Arab dude who made Sabret hot dogs with the rat tail on and everything still. Tremend. dirty water dogs, and he's got little steaks on a stick, little cat meat on a stick. Let me tell you something.

Listen. Usually I would eat that shit. That motherfucker gives you the meat with a piece of bread on top, and you put some Franks hot sauce on that motherfucker. Oh, Lordy. I couldn't wait to catch a bus in New York. When I lived there in the fucking 90s and the 80s, I couldn't wait to get a bus. Because the first thing I'd do, I would take my hunger right to that motherfucker.

I'd open up with like four sad bread hot dogs, and then I'd open up with like two or three steaks on a stick So you guys wonder how I got the 418 And two cans of fucking Coke And then I would go to Harlem and get weed And eat Cuban food up in Harlem all And then come back to Port Authority And smoke another fuck

And eat some more steak on a stick That guy wasn't there no more And across the street from there Used to be a thing called Sex World Years later Jamie Misada Put the Laugh factory on top of Sex World Really? Yeah, it was disgusting

I never performed in there But I loved it that lay Oh, it lasted like fucking eight months, not too long. I sat on that fucking corner eating steak on a stick and hot dogs, and I would watch all the Hasidic Jews at 7 in the morning go in there, like tons, tons. Get the rub on? And sometimes I would go, no, you don't get rubbed on.

What you do, you go into sex world, and what you do is it's disgusting. Listen, you have to be a disgusting person to go on. into this day. And it just wasn't it was everybody. I was disgust. I mean, I've been going to sex world since I was like 13. They have like condoms and dildos and shit? No. It's like going to a fucking

going to Jenkinsons. You know what Jenkins is in Point Pleasant? It's like an arcade. So it's an arcade for sex, okay? This is an arcade. I swear to God, sex world was fucking a disgusting arcade for sex.

It was basically, you walk in and there's like three guys with those aprons on with tokens in their pockets, right? And you go off to them, you give them like a 10 and they give you a handful of disgusting tokens. Disgusting tokens, okay? Forget Bitcoin. This is sperm coin. This, I don't know what valley this has. It's that rusty pennies.

And then they have a circle, okay? It's like an oval room with different boots, okay? Different boots all around. and when you approach him you'll see a guy walk out of that boot and nobody makes eye contact they looked down they would walk out looking at the floor

and they would walk out and you would look like what the fuck is wrong with that guy until you open the door and looked on the floor and there's a ball of sperm on the fucking floor and then the guy goes excuse me a little Mexican guy would go excuse me and he would come in with a mop with like disgusting water

and just throw it on the sperm clean it up, put it back on the buck and go, you ready, seor? And you're like, okay, thank you. And you'd go in, and they had two of these. They had the one with the glass. Okay, so you had a glass, and you could just look in. And it would be, so, like, as a kid as a 12 and 13-year-old,

the first time we did it, it was great, because we would go and at first, a window would open and it would either be a skanky fucking white chick you know I just shot up heroin

because that's what they do they're hookers and then they go there to make extra money at six in the morning so what you do is the window opens up and you put tokens

and you put your dollar by the window and she comes over and you can either suck a tit or finger you could get as much as you want for whatever until she leaves

it was disgusting you had to be 12 to $1 to fucking even enjoy that thing. You know, you stick your hand in, you're trying to finger her. I still remember running out of there and like all our friends getting together.

I go, what did you get? I got a tit. I got the, smell my hand. Oh shit. It's fucking disgusting when you're 13, but you're a kid. One time we played hooky. One time a bunch of us played hooky in the eighth grade

and we went over there. And we took this kid with us that just transferred. His name was Paris. Great fucking kid. We went over there. I told the story on the church. We went over there. We got some tokens.

There was Sex World, and then if you went on 42nd Street, there was other little copycat ones. There was a place that sold IDs. You could buy IDs for, you know, to go to clubs and shit like that. They had all that shit there. I'm talking about the 70s. To see it now and what was going on then, it's two different fucking years. And now what's going on in the city, that Disney store they got on 40 seconds street? Close it.

Let's go back to Sex. world. Not that I would go there, but that's what people really fucking wanted anyway. The other ones had the windows that opened, but you had to keep putting tokens in that motherfucker or they were closed. And that was the time I went in with the kid

and he was sucking a tit and he forgot to put the things on and the window locked on his thing and they had a call the fuck. We left them. You know us. We fucking ran outside. They called an ambulance. And they got this thing and the kids are fucking state trooper now in San Diego. That's why I didn't go to San Diego that much

Because after that thing caught him in the neck They transferred him His mom transferred him out of McKinley I don't know why But we were going to sex world As fucking kids And it was disgusting then But we could look in

You know as a kid When you're 13 you don't know what the fuck you're looking at You think you know about sex You have no idea So what it would be It would be a room You go in there as a window There was three different styles

You either had to chick That went from window to window and you could suck a tit and finger her for a dollar, $1.50, whatever the fuck he had, change. As long as you were putting tokens in, a lot of times they come up to you and you're negotiating, and the window would go down

and you're like, fuck it! And you put the token in it, and all of a sudden you're like working on tokens. Like, you're like, what can I get real quick? I don't know. You know, they weren't going to suck your dick and I'm like that. It was you feeling their tit or you trying to finger them. So you had that style or whatever.

Then you had the style that it was just a glass and they put their tit on the glass and you just sit there and rub one out and then fucking it's disgusting your fucking sneaker would stick to the floor like you would hear your sneakers when you were in this fucking place

just disgusting but then they had the ones where it was just people having sex that's like the 3D that was like when they went deep so it started with the people having sex it was just like some fucking white dude

like a bent dick it's just you have no idea this when you leave there you didn't feel too good you know what I'm saying when you were 13 you're like ew like it was fucking disgusting he would have like a curved dick and the chick would be fucking you could see the the hair track marks on the arms

and he would be fucking her and you would just sit there but you could see your friends in the little windows yeah they're all in little windows and you can tell who's jerking off, you know what I'm saying? So you got to keep your shit straight. Like, you know, if you fucking, yeah, you gotta jerk off cappuccino from this position over here, like, just make believe like nothing was going on.

But they had those type of fucking sex shows where they would just fuck in the middle. But then they had the special ones when they would fuck in the middle, and they had chicks rotating. And the windows would open and you could finger them and stuff like that. And, you know, you could, when the window opened, you smell it. Oh, like a bit. Oh. Oh, and then when you walk the fuck out,

here comes Johnny Mop with the hot boiling water on the fucking sperm, and you look at that bucket. I remember one day I just looked at that bucket, and I'm like, God damn, how many kids are in that fucking bucket? There's a busload of kids in that fucking bucket.

But it has changed. They really fuck out. Listen, guys, I haven't lived here in 23 fucking years. when I came to New York to do shows, what do you think I fucking sightseed? I was a fucking tourist. I got family to see and shit like that, so I never got to see.

So for three days in the row, I drove down 42nd Street, and the memories that came back to me were fucking, you know, and that's why. Like, I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, you know, the last couple weeks with the journaling. And it came to two things. It really did come to two things.

I came back to a place that had so much pain involved when I was growing up. You guys forget, I found my mother on the floor on a hit of acid. Do you have any idea what that does to your mind? I do, because I lived through it. I didn't fucking gank myself even though I wanted to fucking die. I didn't. I kept it together and the best I could. I knew I was a drug addict and I did a bunch of bad things.

But when I came back here, you know, when I would come back to New Jersey to do comedy shows, it was three days. I didn't have a chance to think about what was going on or what happened or what didn't happen. I would be focused on comedy and not seeing my friends and going out to dinner and stuff like that. This move made me look into the fucking closet guys.

It made me look into the closet and look at those skeletons. and remember I had I have a skeleton closet like everybody else a main one but I have New Jersey has its own little skeleton closet do you know what I'm saying like I have a big skeleton closet like the one behind Mike is sitting and then I got a little closet over there that's my New Jersey secret closet that's my skeletons in that closet but those skeletons hurt there's a lot of pain involved with those skeletons so I figured that that out through what is fucking wrong with me what is affecting me what is making me feel not like Joey like wild man Joey

you know and listen guys I've been smoking the last couple nights I've been smoking I roll I go on my little porch at night I get my little fucking tea and I smoke and it's putting me to sleep the plan I had is working

I slept great last night I slept great the night before. Guess what? I called Mike the other day. What I say to you? Less is more. Love is blind. Didn't I say that to you that day?

I said less is fucking more, Mike. I found that out last night. It's working. I stopped putting all that fucking whatever in there. I gave you some ABXs. He sent this up. Shout out the ABX. The best fucking edible in the business.

I don't give a fuck what anybody has to say. The best. You understand me? And how do I know? Because I've one million served. How about that? When it comes to ABX, I got the fucking, look at this. And these are the good ones, Mike.

The hundreds. Oh, yeah. This is the one. Mike don't like the 200s. No, I like the 200s. But those ones hit me. I don't know why. This one hit, the 100s hit Mike.

Mike told me that, that the hundreds hit him harder than the 200s. And I started experimenting with it. And I think Mike's got a fucking point. They sent me the 25 milligram sleepy time. Oh, really? Yeah. And I dropped one of those last night with the T. That's it.

No more. Ringes. How to feel. Do you feel anything? It feels good. I'm still... Man, the fucking dreams. The skeletons are coming on.

The dreams, man. That, listen, I enjoyed this. Fucking it down in the morning. Fuck yeah. Listen, I enjoyed this. And part of my... Listen, that thing, that Rogan, those guys are doing,

Sober October, I got to admit it to you guys. I made a mistake by not doing it. And I'm very sorry. The bigger the man, the big of the mistake. You just copped to it. You know me, I tell you guys, I fucked up. I didn't want to be a part of it.

And now I'm going to do one every year. It's not going to be October. I'm going to know when I need it. I'm going to know. Last night, yesterday, I went over to do, you know, Friday. I went over to do that movie. I'm the type of guy when I go on a set. I bring edibles.

I bring refus. Just the case. No, because there's people there and they help you. They help you tie in your shirt. They tell you that you have lint on your thing. They come to you. They're trying to make you look good. So I always take edibles and always bring weed on sets with me.

As soon as I go to the makeup trail and I see those girls, they start talking. I base what they're listening to, the music they're listening to, and I listen to the conversation. And right away I'll go, you ladies want to get high. And the room will stop. What are you talking to Michael? I brought the weed that fucking Jerry Lewis gives the kids when they start fucking raising money.

And they look at me like, what are you talking about? And the same was yesterday. Friday. Same thing on Friday. I went in the makeup chair. Boom, boom, boom. She was cool as fuck. Then she gave me the hair. They cut my hair a little bit.

They trimmed it up a little bit. They gave me this little meringue gait hoop-to-doop fucking hair doo. And I told me, you ladies got in, I'm like, yeah. Let me tell you something. I just told the one girl I go, just walked me back to the trailer. And she was like, fine. She was cooler than shit.

She was married to another girl's. She was part of the LGBT community. Cool as shit. She goes, I'm walking. We walked back to the trailer. I opened up that fucking bag and I just hand. I go, put out your hand. She goes, what?

She went like this. I go, she goes, that's too much. Give it to the fucking girls. Go give it to the other girls if you don't want. And then I gave them those powdered edibles. Yeah. The pure one. How do they work for you?

They're all right. I put two of them in a water bottle. Nothing? I need like... I think you need more. Yeah, that's what it was. Because I did like three of them. But I gave it to my buddies and they enjoyed it.

They said they got night. There's a new thing called Purwana. It comes in a box. I'm sorry. I used them. You know, I gave them away yesterday, Friday, whatever the fuck. And you just rip them, put them in like this much of water. You shake them in.

I'll get some more. And I'll turn you guys. on to them. I think they're going to be at the ice cream shop because I just referred them to the ice cream shop. And then you got the A.Ds that walk you these little young college kids, you know, how much money do you think they make?

What do you think? They're getting rich making a fucking movie? You asked them, you get high. And when the kid came and got me at the parking garage, you get high dog? Yeah, I do. Here's an edible. Thank you. Now they're working. That fucking kid stuck to me like glue bitch. That motherfucker, he wouldn't let nobody talk to me. Get away

from him. Go away. He had an umbrella. It started raining. He put an umbrella over me. I'm like, what the fuck? He goes, man, you're a great guy. Thank you for helping me. I haven't had weed like that because they smoked it.

They went and fucking got high. By the time I was shooting, 10 people already. I'm like, this is my type of day. Some girl came up to me afterwards. She's like, thank you for blessing the set today. Right. You were fucking great. You were, you know.

And I was. I was excited. I was excited to fucking work. I was excited. That's a fucking movie. guys I'm a bum I'm a bum This is why I tell you

If I could do this shit If you could fog up a fucking glass The other day somebody came to me My daughter's best friend's mom Was like they're offering a podcasting course At like a college around here She goes why don't you go teach it? I'm like

Who would take a podcasting course? Do you know what I'm saying? Probably a lot of people For three credits You can just go on YouTube everyone I know, I know, I know I don't know what the fuck I was talking about But anyway

The set got nice and lit And it was just a blast It was really a blast You know man I gotta tell you something guys And I don't I've become a good little fucking actor In the last couple years

You know I play myself I'm just I don't know what the fuck I do You know I hate watching myself I would never watch myself As soon as I come on I can't fucking hear my voice but from time to time sometimes I go let me just look at like I watched the first Marin I did I think that's the best work I've ever done in my life I really do I think the

Marin let me go crazy got kudos to him he was like do what you do dogs so I did what he told me to fucking do and it was great you know when I first got to L.A., nobody talked to me as a comic nobody talked to me even though I was at the store Rogan talked to me Rory talked to me Duncan talked to me. But nobody else wanted nothing to do with me. I was at the store ripping it up, but nobody would talk to me. You know what that felt like?

It felt fucking pretty shitty. Everybody was going to Montreal. Agents were signing everybody. Nobody was talking to me. Meanwhile, I'm at the store at a fucking 1230 following Paul Mooney fucking throwing heat every fucking night. It's getting better, stronger.

And then when they would put me into the regular shows and there was a fallout and I would go 10.30, I blow that fucking room up. Nobody would talk to me. That's fine. I figured that I would just keep getting stronger. Maybe I had to add something to my arsenal. You know, when I got to LA, I was a $50 a show feature.

If you're my agent, you get $5. You can't make no money with $5.00. What am I give you $5, $50? Right? So they send you out for auditions. Now, I never fucking acted. What do you think? I grew up going to acting class in New York.

Come on, I would rob acting class. I don't know that about fucking acting. You know how you learn how to act. You fucking with credit cards. when I would use like a fucking weird names credit card. Like you go in like Ming Ho. If I could go in with Ming Ho's credit card and use it and the guy looks at you and your name is Ming, yeah.

Okay, that's fucking acting. You know, I mean, I'm just using that. That used to be a bit I used to do because it was true. If you could fucking use a stolen credit card with an Asian guy's name on it, you could fucking act. As dumb as that fucking sounds. I took a couple of acting classes

I didn't go into it blind I took a couple of acting classes I didn't want to be a fucking asshole you know I had already blown off the pilot and I had already embarrassed myself in basketball I wanted to know what I was doing so I went and I took a formalized acting

class I didn't make it my life I didn't go out at night and you know I gotta go home and rehearse my scene from the godfather fuck those people you're gonna go you get people that take that shit really fucking serious. I rehearsed and I did the things and I went to the cold reading workshops. You know, I did what I had to do just to get by. I didn't submerge myself into it. You know, I figured that the more

I do it, the better I'd get. And I had a great manager at the time that was sending me out and I was building my resume. You know, if you look at my MDB guys, it's tremendous. I got tons of shit on there. So now I'm in a position that I don't really know what I want to do but I might as well fucking act while I'm here. I mean my dream guys

my dream would be to be on law and order recurring. That would be my fucking dream. I mean Blue Bloods is going out this is the last season so I missed out on that that's a great fucking show became a fucking great show for 20 years

CBS couldn't put together a show 10 o'clock on Friday nights. I remember years ago, they were struggling on Friday nights. First, they had a show with Joe Pantleana on, and that bombed. And then they had a show with Lowe, Rob Lowe, and that bombed. And then, you know what they did? They put a show with Joe Pants and Rob Lowe together, and then that bombed on CBS. Nobody remembers that one.

Check it out. You'll see. Rob Lowe, and I'm lying to you, Rob Lowe's show was on NBC. that bombed at 10. Joe Pants show was on CBS that bombed the 10. So they put up together. And then they put them together on CBS

and they still bombed at 10 o'clock. Should have went to ABC. So, fuck, him. ABC had Tim Allen. See, everybody's trying to get that Friday night show. Always remember, when you watch TV, some networks are like,

fuck it, we're going to lose Friday anyway. Why try it? No, there's people that stay home. Yeah. There's tons of people that stay home, so you've got to try to win Friday night, So that's why Tim Allen, the last show, I think man standing. I'm not sure.

Something was on Friday night. They're always looking for something for Friday night. And Blue Bloods was great. NBC this year decided to fucking shoot, you know, they have Law & Order organized crime, which that's the one I'm going for, but they're not looking for mugs like mine. They're looking for a little bit more Americanized faces

so people don't get their feelings hurt. So what I'm thinking of doing is law and order picked up like four fucking shes. shows this year. They did like Law and order fucking, if you abort somebody kid, law and order helicopters, law and order fucking DA's office. They're doing like four pilots. They're

doing like four pilots. Check it out. I'm not lying to you. So I would love to get recurring on law and order. That's my fucking dream to be a detective, something like that. So who the fuck knows? I acted last week. It was great. I'm going to keep putting auditions

on tape and I put about six of them on tape but because of my focus issues I cannot remember the lines guys this is how bad I was a month two months ago three months ago

now I'm starting to read now I'm starting to read that Rob Halfa book again I was starting to read the Jimmy Page book I was up to the part where he just joined his first band so it was really interesting Jimmy Page book interesting

I didn't not know this and I knew this but I didn't know this for you fucking music buffs they were all influenced by one song because of one song the stones

the Beatles and Jimmy Page got into music the king of rock Elvis Presley I forget the name of the song no one, whatever, something, no room for candy, something like that. Jimmy Page picked up the guitar after he heard that song. Keith Richards picked up the guitar after you heard that song.

And there's somebody else that credits that song. And it kills me today that we don't see more Elvis on TV. I grew up on Elvis. I fucking loved Elvis growing up since I thought he was great. Dog, I saw a picture of Elvis about two. months ago, listen, I'm not gay, but I give props. You know what I'm saying? I'm not gay, but I give props. I know when a man is fucking really good-looking.

Brad Pitt is a good-looking motherfucker. How do I know? I watch Moneyball three times this week. I love fucking Brad Pitt, okay? I'm a Brad Pitt motherfucker. I'll stab a motherfucker for Brad Pitt. But that dude is a good-looking fucking dude. What are we talking about? Elvis. Elvis? The song to change. Dog, Elvis Presley, I saw a picture

him about a month ago. I called my wife. I go, I've never seen a prettier man's face in this guy right there. You have no idea how much I loved Elvis as a kid. Jailhouse Rock, that's my jam. Do you understand me that jailhouse rock? That movie, that whole fucking thing,

I remember fucking, when we were kids, there was the ABC after-school movie every day, 4.30. and they used to have Gidget Week fucking Elvis week Elvis Week Elvis goes to Hawaii you know fucking jailhouse rock

I haven't watched one of those movies in 20 fucking years nobody talks about Elvis no more it's like Elvis doesn't fucking exist Quincy Jones just was talking about him Was he Elvis Apparently he was a little racist

A little what Racist Yes Yes Elvis was I'm not sure he was racist I have a problem with that. I have a problem with that.

You know, Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me. He was straight up racist. The sucker was simple and plain, motherfucking man, John Wayne, because I'm black and I'm proud. Already I'm hyped for some, man. Most of my heroes don't appear in those stamp.

You know, I heard kind of, you know, he robbed the black man. You know, that's the word on the fucking street. I don't know how true it is. I wasn't there. It was way before my fucking time. I don't know what was what. But I do know that in this book I was reading, he influenced.

I forgot the name of the fucking song. When somebody sees the podcast put it up on the fucking comments. You know, nobody fucking talks about Elvis. How did we get on talking about Elvis anyway? About that song that Richard's, Jimmy Page. So I'm looking up here. It's not pajama pants. and nothing like that.

No one for fucking whatever. This fucking guy has to come on Monday fucking mornings. Can you believe this shit? I'm trying to fucking do my little podcast in here and fucking peace. Dude, they came a couple days ago to go to my house, broke our window, our whole door window to get in the house. They have to replace our whole, they shattered it with one of those things that they're flowing out there with.

I came over the podcast. I'm like, what the fuck happened to the window? If there ain't one thing, it's the fucking other. guys. But yeah. Baby Let's Play House? Yes. That's it. I think that's it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not like if you listen to the jam, it's a great jam. It's not

a fucking, you know, sad but true. But it fucking works, you know. It works for me a little bit. But, you know, you never know who influences what. I've heard different stories about John Wayne being racist. I've heard different stories. You know, I read an article a couple weeks ago. That's why I had a

I didn't know if I was going to put Eric Clapton up, slow hand. I read this article that people were complaining, that he made remarks in 19, whatever. Who gives a fuck? It's weird with art, man, because I have a lot of artists that I love their art, but it's like, what were they thinking? I don't know what, you know, I don't know what. I don't know what. I heard that Eric Clapton said some stuff about throwing them out of England. I don't fucking know.

I don't care. You know what? I leave it up to the music. I'm the type of guy to listen. And this even goes for me. Okay? This goes for me. And this goes for anybody else.

And if you have a problem with this, then I don't know what to tell you. If you listen to what comes out of a celebrity's mouth for political, if you're banking a celebrity, what he has to say, you know, if I like Brad Pitt, but I don't give a fuck what he's got to say. You know, honest, you want to

honest to God truth, everything don't give a fuck what he's got to say. Look at my boy Bruce Springsteen. He talks shit, and he got a fucking DUI. You know, you can't, you can't,

you know, these fucking celebrities sometimes say shit, you know, a couple weeks ago, they did the Academy Awards, I think. I don't know what they did. The Grammys,

I don't know. Don't quote me on this, but they fucking, it was downtown L.A. The cops are, surrounded the place for them so the homeless wouldn't attack them you know they defended the place and have these people going up on stage talking shit about the cops you know the cops defund the police blah blah blah i'm not listen i know we have a police problem in this country i saw the video again

from glendale the shoplifted i got beat up by four cops you know right now the world's on this fucking access you're going to see more and more this now whatever this has been going on for 2 000 years and now is the time to fucking pick it out and I understand and I understand that it's getting rougher but listen you know I was in New York Friday like I told you and I saw a lot of cops and I saw a lot of shady little things I saw something I wasn't going to talk about on here but I got to talk about it I saw something that was so fucking disturbing as I was walking in New York Just one thing. It was the only fucking thing that, only negative that I saw.

I saw a beautiful, beautiful Asian woman. I was walking and I was about to hit the thing. And there was cars coming. So she was on the corner, but on the street a little bit. And she was, as I was walking towards the corner, her, I saw her trying to flag a cat. Okay, she was like this, like with a hand out. And as I got to the light, she was maybe seven feet from me, you know, like, she was where the

fucking ACDC poster is, okay? But maybe three more feet behind me, and she was facing that way. And I heard a cab driver pull up. I don't know what nationality was I'm not here to say anything And he goes You got a better day Of dying than me picking

Putting you in this cab You And me and this little young guy Just looked at each other like Fuck hate is real Right there Right there I mean it was right behind me guys She was out there waiting

And I didn't even think about it I just saw she fucking hot She's fucking, look at this. This is the real deal here. New York is back, bitches. And the cab driver pulled up to her, and he lowered his window. And he's like, you gotta, it'll be a cold day in hell before I pick you fuck up. And he fucking sped away.

And I actually, like, turned around and I wanted to go up to her and ask her if she was all right. But in today's condition, the last thing I needed was for her to turn around and karate shop, me and then fucking next thing you know I'm fucking in trouble. I don't know because I know if somebody, if I was waiting at a fucking thing, if I'm waiting for a fucking cab and somebody goes, hey, you spick,

you know, you got a fucking, it's a cold day in hell before I pick up a fucking spick like you up. I'm gonna be like, what the fuck just happened? Like, you know what? If you don't want to pick me up, just don't pick me up. Just keep going.

Just keep going, right? That's what I would do. I don't want to pick him up. I would pick her up because she's beautiful just to talk to it, just to see where she's from. I mean, you know, who's your mother?

Who's your father? I want to go suck your dad's dick. You're so fucking good looking. That's her old Richard Pride joke. Don't be fucking saying I stole jokes. I just remembered it. You know, I just wanted to,

do you know what I'm saying to you? But for you to stop, lower your window and say that, and then take off, it'll be a cold day and out. I mean, I was like, okay,

this is the fucking world. today. I guess he didn't need the fair. Yeah, I guess he didn't fucking get the memo. I guess he didn't do some shit. But, you know, you see this kind of shit. And this isn't what I'm living through. I'm happy down here.

I'm okay. I'm getting healthier. I'm happier. You know, I'm not mad at anybody. We're lucky with doing a podcast. My daughter is playing fucking softball. I mean, Thursday night, guys, she lost an eight-inning game. they fucking played their hearts out.

Mercy had a great. All those girls did great, and they lost at the end by one run, a run scored. The girl got the ball hit to her, and she didn't know whether to throw it at the third, and she threw it home. The pitch was good, but the girl stepped on the fucking plate

before the game, you know, before the thing came, and even the coach cried. The game was so fucking good. I had a piss. And I was holding it in because the game was so good, okay? And not apparent fucking moved. I had a piss. And finally I waited for mercy to hit.

And I go, okay, I saw a little lady with the cart. There's a little cute lady that drives a little cart there. The fucking bathroom is fucking three miles away. I went earlier to try to piss by the fucking car, but you can't take your dick out of the park. If not, I'll have to fucking register as a sex offender. So I was like, fuck that. I'm not taking my dick out of no park in New Jersey. ran over to fucking, I got on the cart with her.

And she even told me, she goes, what is, what's going on over here? This is a great game. She goes, parents are leaving the other games. And they're watching this game. We had like 100 people in attendance. I mean, it was fucking great. And they said, we're going to extend it to 815. Just let them play to 815.

Whatever happens, happens. I was excited. And all of a sudden, the bases were loaded and fucking, the run scored and it was at 815 like right there they held on all the way to the end mercy had four hits she pitched she threw a couple people out she she caught a pop-up I got to tell you when I when you see your daughter cry when you see your child cry it's a rough one and I was that night I was having I was okay that night but it was a long game and And when she came over to me, she was bawling.

I mean, the team's got 11 girls. Nine girls were crying, and the fucking coach was crying. Then we went over. The coach gave him more frisbees and wiffleball bats. We whipped out some fucking cupcakes. And we just hung out and, you know, some of the girls were still upset. Mercy was fine when she left, but then when she got in the car, She was upset and we had to fucking talk her off a ledge and tell her that you did great.

You made it to the All-Stars. You made friends. I go, you know how all the people that came to your games, your Uncle Bobby, your Uncle George, your Uncle Eddie, your Aunt Lisa. They're not my brothers or sisters. We all grew up together, your Uncle Joe. We all grew up together and we started, this is sports. I met at Econis through baseball. I met, you know, half of the shit, I go,

these girls that you're meeting, that you're playing with, you're going to be friends with them forever. You're going to be talking about this in high school. You're probably going to be friends with them in college. And she's got a little girlfriend from Staten Island. They moved here. Shit. Her name is Nicole, and she's got a little brother named Joey.

I fucking loved them. And Nicole is a bruiser, and so is Mercy. And they hang out together, and they got each other's backs, that makes me happy or never. That makes me happen. She didn't have that in California. She was hanging out with a bunch of kids that were allergic to peanuts in California. They couldn't get out of their own

fucking way. They didn't know what their gender was. That shit ain't popping off here. That shit ain't popping off here. You know what I'm saying? These kids are true. The two sets of kids, we hang out with it's got to be eight different fucking families

and there ain't no fucking nonsense here. They're having out of pay days These fucking parents are thinking of pulling their kids out of school And putting them on Catholic school Because they don't want this thing That they're going to teach now in the schools They're fucking pissed

These Jersey Catholics The people cross the street from me The people by Jimmy's house They're all talking about Fuck this shit No, we don't want this shit in our fucking world I'm here with some good fucking people dog We got there

And like I said There's no peanut allergies here in this neighborhood there's no identifying. I identify with a rabbit. No, there's none of that shit. You know, this is straight up gangsterville. We ain't fucking around here. You know what I'm saying?

I mean, it's the truth. You know, I identify with a rabbit. You know, you guys heard, what's the name? Demi Lovato. She's California sober. Listen, either you're sober, you're fucking not. I'm not sober. I'm smoking dope.

And I'm popping those fucking 25 milligram edibles. I'm at least I'm working on something guys I'm not smoking all fucking day like I was You know I'm down to 272 pounds That's fucking awesome When I got here I was 316 fucking pounds

Wow Okay from the stress and the fucking The Xanax and whatever The fuck else I was fucking eating The edibles and the fucking Mexican food And everything else and I'm just, I just lift weights four days a week. Today I didn't lift.

I had to take the fucking kickboxing. I didn't lift on Saturday. Because Friday I had to work. And then Saturday I was supposed to lift at 11, but I didn't. But I went to the gym on Sunday and did a little quickie 20 minutes just to fucking, because today is my big lift day at 11. So that's how I usually fucking run it. But I'm better guys.

I'm better. I'm a lot better than what I was. We struggled. Mike knows that October, November, these podcasts were fucking rough. Joey was somewhere else. But you know what, man, I can feel it. And all I could equate it to was loss.

I lost something. And I finally, I took my own advice and I spoke to somebody. In fact, I have another meeting with her tomorrow night on Zoom. And we had a great discussion. you know, I'm not going to sit here and tell you guys to do something and then play a holier-than-doubt-type attitude and not do it either. I told you people a couple weeks ago, if you're struggling, it's cheap counseling online.

You know, I heard that all the good therapists are booked up because, you know, when I heard that line, a lot of people are suffering, like their minds aren't right. I was like, okay, I'm not the only one. I'm in with good company. And then Renee and Carson, Cion. an old church guy wrote a post a couple days ago that he's been struggling.

I mean, he's a veteran and stuff like that. Young kid moved to Denver and I sent him a private note. I said something to him on Facebook, like just to, but then I sent him a private note and I explained to him that, listen, even your uncle Joey,

who's a fucking savage, had his moments, and I had a fucking talk to somebody. And let me tell you something. It made a world of a difference. For starters, I'm the type of guy I use my friends as therapist. You're going to go pay $400.

What do you got that friend for? You've been friends with him for 30 years. He knows you more than ever. He knows you better than you know yourself probably. But you know what? I talked to all my friends and they each had a different whatever and I appreciated it. But I just wanted to be right. I talked to her one time and I felt that much better.

At least I had a direction. She gave me some homework. and it was basically journaling and it came down to what was really bothering me I mean listen man you look at the events the last year a move

a big move cross-country you know new faces new things knee surgery pain pills those pain pills those were six long fucking weeks and I was keeping it together for you guys I was trying fucking hard

but it killed my fucking stomach I had to wear that watch I had nausea I was baffing I thank God I threw the last 13 away somebody offered me too the other day they're like hey you still have any pain I got nope I don't even want them in my fucking house

I'm fine like if I got pain to leave ice and fucking bandages put the fucking CBD line on and I'm good no more nothing so it took a while but it took talking to somebody and I told you just a couple weeks ago about the meetings Listen, you know what, man, I was even thinking of zooming into a meeting.

Just to watch. You don't have to talk. You could listen and listen to other people's stories. And sometimes you gain strength just from listening. You don't have to always fucking talk. You could just listen in these meetings and see what other people are going through and go, okay, I'm not the only one. You know, he's a plumber. Maybe you relate to him because he's a plumber, you're a plumber.

Maybe he's a machinist. You're a machinist. I don't fucking know. but I had to do what I had to do I don't give a fuck there's no stigma with it at least I'm mad enough to say I went and talked to somebody

and I feel 150 fucking percent better I'll be a better father I'll be a better comic I'll be a better actor and I'll be a better friend and at the end of the day that's all that matters you know I took a test

and it looked like I had like a little mild depression you know I get up early guys so there's no laying in bed for me there's no watching TV with a robe on that doesn't happen in my world. I push. I've always pushed ahead. You guys seen me fucking on Twitter in the mornings saying good morning. That's not

pre-fucking programmed. That's Uncle Joey that's up. You know what I'm saying? Like Friday I had to go to work. I didn't know if I was going to see Mercy that night. So guess what I did? I set the alarm for fucking six. And I got up. I did my Patreon work. And then I fucking Mercy got up and I hung out with her. We had breakfast. I didn't think I would see her Friday. I ended up getting home at 816 and we watched a little TV and, you know, we talked a little bit. I showed it a call sheet and whatever. We had a great time, but that's what it's all about. I'm not, I wasn't, uh, I talked to Ari who had gone through his own thing and he helped me out fucking

fantastically, but it was the lady I spoke to really put me on the path and guys, I feel a lot better. so expect better things from me, funnier podcast, and me going off from time to fucking time. If you're watching this podcast, waiting for me to get high or whatever, listen, go get your fucking hat on with the propeller and take a walk around the corner.

Let's grow up here, you know what I'm saying? Let's grow up here. That's what was pissed. Somebody told me a couple of fucking years ago, who was the person I wanted to smoke with the most? And I'm like, nobody. I don't want to smoke to nobody. Who do I want to smoke?

I don't want to smoke with nobody. First of all, I got a sore throat when I smoke with people. I've always got a sore throat since I was fucking 13. And then when Ralphie Mae got that fucking lung issue from traveling all across the country and smoking with different people when he got the fucking trip on pneumonia, I cut it out for sure.

I'll give you a joint to smoke. I'll bring you a joint. Mike, am I lying? I'll bring you a fucking joint. But I don't need to build the bond. What am I, an Indian? I don't need to pass a piece pipe around. There's too many germs and you motherfuckers are filthy.

And you guys get sick and don't tell somebody. You know how many times I've been to Cleveland or fucking Columbus and a guy will smoke with you? And after he smokes you, he'll go, yeah, I just got over fucking lung infection. And you're like, really? Thank you. Thank you. You know, the best ever, and we'll end with this was God rest of soul.

God rest the soul. I love them. I learned to, we haven't talked enough about the piano player from the store, Jeff Scott. Jeff Scott was a great guy. 23 years, I was up there with him and I loved him. And, you know, we talked about him a little when he died a few months ago, but it's given me time to, I really had to mourn him. I really had a process.

I mean, I've been processing Brody. I thought about Ralph a year and night. But Jeff Scott. was a great fucking guy. And part of my stage success at the comedy store was Jeff Scott because he would play different music for me. And I knew how it would come out to certain music and just fucking, we used to do this song, do it till you're satisfied.

And I just had it down with him. You know, it was just great. But Jeff, I'll tell you a funny story about Jeff. Jeff had, you know, and he's gone now, God rest his soul. He was a great band. I hope God is taking care of him and stuff. Jeff had HIV. You know, he was HIV.

He lived for years. He had it under control. When I first met Jeff, I didn't give a fuck if he was gay. He was great. And every time I saw Jeff, I hugged him. I mean, we were all good friends with Jeff. That meant being gay to me, I don't care. I hug gay guys harder than I hug tough guys.

Because they need to hug bigger from me than I. You know what I'm saying? Like, I love gay men. I have no problem with fucking gay men. So what was I talking about? Jeff Scott. Jeff Scott. So, you know, I love Jeff.

And Jeff was a pothead. You know, as soon as you got to the store, when we were broke in 98, 97, Jeff always has something for you. Jeff always would call me and Ari and go, what are you guys doing? You want to go in the back? Yeah, let's go, Jeff. Jeff wouldn't sit there and watch the, you know, he had a 20-minute break in between all the comics. You know, he would play, unless you want it like this comics that said, Jeff, play. the piano while I'm up there like Jeff Ross

a lot of guys like Jeff fuck around Jeff was great like that he was great he was a musician that became a comedy musician is that weird to say I don't know if he was he was a comedy musician he would do the fucking piano for you and shit but when I first met Jeff you know I loved him

right off the bat he was great me Ari all of us were broke so if somebody asked you if you wanted to smoke you got a smoking smoke you know what I'm like and I remember one night I'm at the store maybe four months and we're outside and Jeff comes up and he goes hey what time you just buy let's go look we always go look at 12 30 you got time you want to go get high and I go yeah Jeff and we went to the back

and we're getting high and we we finished smoking the fucking joint and also he looks at me and he says something weird and he goes yeah I don't feel good the HIV medication makes me feel fucking groggy I go what HIV and he goes I got HIV I go now you fucking Tell me after you smoke and dry with me. You know, I knew I couldn't get HIV from him, but, you know, it's just, you just miss people, you know. So I don't want somebody else coming up to me going, you know, I just had COVID. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's what I was really scared of.

Like, during, that's what really deterred me from the Rifa was COVID period. Listen, your mind, fucking those dudes in Houston didn't write that song because it's not a topic. sometimes your mind plays tricks on you okay and I know it happens to you guys because it happens to me a ton during COVID every time I smoke my lungs would hurt and I would go god damn and I got COVID it's your mind

it's the good way you know I'm a comic so your mind is a sense of humor so your brain has to have some fun from time to time too right so your brain tells your shit like you ever like I don't know 10 years ago I went to pee one day and a little square of blood came out.

Doug, I couldn't run to the doctor quick enough. I fucking, you know, right away, you think of cancer, right away, you're thinking of all the worst things, you know. I got on the phone with the doctor, I got to see you right away, he goes, I got like an opening at 3.30, I'll be there. And I get there, I'm like, Doc, I got cancer. He goes, what are you talking about? I peed a little blood. He goes, before you fucking go off the fucking deep end here, did anything happen? anything happened the last couple days.

Just think hard. I'm sitting there. I'm like, okay. I go, I went to kickboxing. That's right. And the girl need me on the one nut. And he goes, let me see it. I took my nuts out for the doctor.

Dr. Waxler. I showed him. And he goes, see this little thing there. He goes, if you keep bleeding, call me back. And then we'll take care of you. I went home and I never bled out of my dick again. Do you understand me? But when you bleed out of your dick, you right away think,

ah, I'm going to fucking die. I got cancer. got the itchies. Anyway, I don't fucking even know what the itchies are. I love you, motherfuckers.

Thank you for sitting with me for an hour on a Monday morning and talking shit. I love all this stuff. And I'm back, bitches. And I'll be back

little by little by little. And then eventually, who knows what the fuck will happen? I want to thank you guys for watching. I want to thank you guys for supporting. And I'll see you guys

Wednesday. Tip-top motherfucker McGoo. Ready to rock. Thank you again for watching Uncle Joey's joint live from New Jersey. And now for a word

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