The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #081 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Monday, July 19th..... This episode is called "VIVA CUBA"…. This episode is brought to you by Manscaped & CBD Lion..... Go to https://www.Manscaped.com Enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.CBDLion.com and enter PROMO Code: JOEY or CHURCH Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein | @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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and that's it hold on let me light this fucking thing right here for you and let's get this thing going right now what's happening you bad motherfuckers it's Monday the 9th

18th of July. It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Holy fuck. First off, I want to thank you guys for supporting me on the laughing gas. Fucking tremendous. They had a great day. I'm in California. I want to thank Ziki, and I want

to thank the ice cream shop for making it possible for me to have my own weed. I wish I would have had it five fucking years ago. I got to tell you, it's great fucking reefer, and I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass. No pun intended, but it is fucking pretty good goddamn reefer.

You know, I have had the joy of getting, I've been getting high again at night. Fucking, right after I drink that fucking kikamoto, I fucking go outside and I roll a joint and I smoke half of it. And I was telling Joe from ice cream shop that I pretty much come close to passing out. Because in the mornings, I think about like, what the fuck happened last? night. All right, I played the guitar. I watched whatever. But it's like, oh, shit, I talked to Lee last night. Oh, shit. I talked to Lazaro last night. That's my uncle. So, you know, it's been great. So I'm happy. I took the break. I needed it. You know, I was telling Mike that I wasn't getting high throughout the day anymore. I want to, you know, tell you that I was chasing a dragon all day. I was getting high in the morning. Then the rest of the day, I was getting high. was just fucking, you know, yeah, I'm high. And no, you're not fucking high.

No, you're not fucking high. So it was great. Now I don't do that shit all day. And at night, I get fucking blasted. Just a half a number. I put the fucking number out. I bring it in. I got a little hide in the spot.

And every night, 11 o'clock, I'm outside smoking my little half a number. And thank God. Thank God I did it. My teeth are better. You know you're old when your teeth are starting to turn. gray. That's when you know you're fucking old. But I'm all right. The stitches are starting to come out. It's great. Every 10 minutes you spit out a fucking piece of a yarn or whatever the fuck they put,

the dispensable, whatever the fuck they call it, disposable stitches. But at least the infection is going away. And I got to go back on the 26. It was a fucking nightmare. I thinking about it afterward, what he did to my mouth last Monday, he put the cocaine on my mouth, right? I told him, I go, give me the best, whatever you got, the Noriega shit, the fucking Pablo Escobar stuff. He put it on my gums. And I tell you, you're supposed to wait like 10 or 15 minutes. I go away.

I put the earphones on. I'm listening to ACDC power rage. The next thing you know, I open my eyes and he's coming at me with a fuck. I'm like, whoa. I go, okay, it's starting already. I figured the thing was fucking dried. Fuck, no. He was like an octopus.

This motherfucker had needles in every fucking hand. And he was popping him everywhere. but nothing, nothing hits you like a needle in the roof of your fucking mouth. That was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever gone through fucking in my life. I mean, I'd rather get fucked in the ass at this point than put a fucking needle in the top, the roof of your fucking mouth. That was, I was just sitting there like, when does this fucking end? So I'm going to tell him when I go back on the 26th, listen guy, it's a week from today.

I'm going to tell him, listen, you got to relax on me. That shit gave me fucking, like, nightmares. It was like watching the exorcist. in your tent. I fucking couldn't sleep for like two fucking nights. I was supposed to give blood since Wednesday last week.

I finally went this morning. Thank fucking God, because I haven't given the blood. All the needles he gave me on fucking Monday just fucked my dream up. I was like fucking dutsu-o-l-l-l-its

for like two fucking days after that. So I got to talk to this fucking dentist. But anyway, the main topic today that everybody want to hear from me about was Cuba. Name of this episode is Viva. fucking Cuba.

You understand me? Now, I don't have an opinion on what's going on in Cuba right now. I'm still trying to get the picture from my relatives and whatnot of what's really going on and what got the fucking Cubans going. But what do you expect? 62 fucking years, no food. I think they ran out of vaccines. They got nothing, nothing down there.

So I'm going to tell you my story with Cuba, and then you make up your own fucking decision on where I fucking stand. Okay, I was born in a very event. of Cuba 1963. If you ask me what I remember from Cuba, nothing. I remember my dad holding me

and we were looking at a beach, whether it was Vadaero, I don't know what beach it was. I'd love to tell you, but I don't. And they're both dead. So I remember seeing a picture. My mother had a picture and her picture things

of a house in Cuba with a car in front of it. And me, my mom, and my dad were holding hands. That's the only fucking picture of me. I don't even know what the fuck the picture is in the garbage or something. Now, I have no idea. We migrated to fucking New Jersey.

Migrated to New York, whatever the fuck. New York City, New Jersey. My dad died when I was three. We lived in Union City. Then from there we moved to New York. All my life, when I was a kid, my mom did a good job with me or raising me. But she did have hatred, not she did dislike, not. It bothered her.

She had hatred for the Castro regime. Hatred. Hatred. Everybody around my mother had hatred, but they were first generation pre-revolutionary people. So they were there. They felt it. If you ever, you know,

what I'll do is hopefully either this week or next week, I'll get Rudy and we'll do a fucking Zoom. And Rudy, like I've had countless lunches with Rudy. We used to go to a Cuban spot in Burbank, Corportos. Countless conversations with Rudy. His fucking hate for Cuba and the Castro regime, a fucking unbelievable. Rudy Sazo is the sweetest man I have ever met in my life.

I mean, and I tell you this with confidence and sincerity, I love Rudy Sazo. And we became friends through podcasting and mutual friends. We started doing lunches. And I got to tell you something. He has never said a negative word about anybody or any situation at all. He even likes the Osbournes, you know, Sharon. I mean, he's a great guy like that.

He has nothing bad to say about anybody. But I will tell you something about Rudy. His hatred for Cuba runs fucking deep. He refuses to go back. He refuses to be a part of anything. He said that there's a heavy metal. contingency growing in Cuba. There's a lot of young, heavy metlers

and he wishes he could reach out to them and help him, but he can't. That's the same type of people I grew up with. They had a fucking hatred for Cuba. Now, that was me growing up. My mother died in November of 79. So my mother missed the Mariel Harbour thing by a fucking cunt hat.

It was like her fucking pussy hair. If she would have lasted three, more months she would have seen Cuba open up and when that happened you know it was a sigh of relief a lot of people came over a lot of not the right people came over a lot of people that were in jail and whatnot and they came up here and created havoc but I remember Mario and I remember talking to those people and I remember being in San Francisco in 85 and meeting a whole new set of Cubans and they were all from Mario I was part of a little click there was I was I would I was sell drugs with them, whatever, travelers, checks.

I was the only one of New English. So I would talk to them a lot. That was, when my mother died in 79, I was, everything Cuban, I pushed it away. Like the food, I was like, I'm not going to eat it unless my mom makes it. That's how much pain I was in after my mom died. But in 85, I started eating Cuban food again like an 83. My boycott lasted like four years. Let's not fucking get carried away here.

My boycott ended when I came back from Colorado in February of 84. I missed Cuban food and I started eating it again. But I didn't have real contact with Cubans again. In 84, I had contact with my uncle. I had contact with my godfather. We didn't really talk about the Cuban situation. It was until 85 when I got to San Francisco that I learned what communism really was. What was going on in Cuba, how, you know, you had to fucking stand every Sunday.

You had to go to downtown Cuba. Don't quote me on this where. You had to go down there and stand for 10 hours. And people would be watching you. And Fidel would talk like address the country on Sundays or something like that. And you had a fucking stand, fucking pay attention and clap. And people were watching you. If you didn't clap, that meant you weren't paying attention and that you would daydreaming.

And they fucking throw you in jail. They'd pull you out of there. They'd pull you out of the fucking circle. You know, I mean, if you don't, you know, they don't tell you, you guys remember when I had you all Romero with Rogan, you don't tell them you want to play baseball. They tell you what you're going to play from how you're built, you know, what sizes you are, how big you are, what, you know,

what your parents do. They decide on that for you. You don't tell them like I want to be a musician. No, you're going to be an engineer. What? Yeah, you're going to be an out-of-space engineer. Holy fuck. Half those guys I was selling drugs with it on the corner.

We all have like big-time positions in Cuba. They were all fucking like big things in Cuba. But the Cuban government stripped them of everything. When they left, they came here with the shirt on their fucking back. That's it. You know, the Cubans that I grew up with had all escaped Cuba before they got their money taken and their homes and all this shit taken from them. So for me, I don't, I didn't really understand the full spectrum of it till 1985

till I talked to those Cubans and they were telling me like if you don't go to work one day, you fucking get put in jail, you know, shit like that. Like I was like, what the fuck? I didn't know that was what communism was. I was too busy getting high and fucking living it. I had no fucking idea. So that made me start thinking. Then I moved to Boulder.

And when I moved to Boulder was where I met like a Cuban professor at the University of Colorado. And he taught like history or something. And when I found out he was Cuban, I reached out to him. I went to his class and we spoke a little bit. We would get coffee, whatever. And he would talk to me about the politics and how. Because his perspective was the pros and girls. cons or communism.

Like he had pros and cons. He was like a son of a revolutionary that's like my parents. And he was like, wait a second, they were a little extreme. He goes, I'm looking at the pros and cons. The pros are, it's a great medical system, a free education. You know, there's so many little things that you say,

why, I wish they did that in the United States. But no matter what they give you, they can't give you freedom, which is the main thing that we need. So what are we talking about here? If you don't give me freedom to think or freedom to express myself or to think on my own,

I don't want to be an engineer. I want to play the fucking guitar and let my hair grow along and stop cutting my fingernails and shit. How about that? That's what I want to fucking do. So just that thing right there, that bothers me a little bit.

I didn't have, after, you know, and through Boulder and whatnot, I didn't really have that Cuban thing going. I did have a friend in Boulder named Danny Feebles and Madeline Feebles. I'm still tight with them. I talked to Danny this week on Facebook. They were born in Cuba, and they still had family going back and forth. In fact, their mom was spending half a year in fucking Cuba.

You know, she liked it that much. I don't think she liked the communism side of it that much, but she liked the island and she would just go back for six months and visit and mix in with the people and then come back, zip the fuck out of there. I don't think they really like Cuban Americans. They don't like Cuban Americans down there.

So that whole Cuban thing was gone from my life until 2009. In 2009 I went to an audition in Malibu and I saw this landing like a rock in the ocean, the way it looked. And I go, wait a second. On the way to the audition, I saw it. And I go, fuck, I've been here before.

And when I got to the audition, I started thinking how I was there before. Was I there with Terry? Was I there with another friend? I go, oh, my God, I used to go there with my uncle. When I was a kid, in 73, 72, 74, I would fly to California for a week, stay with my uncle, and then he would take me to Disneyland and Sea World,

and we would go to Malibu and have lunch, and he would show me all different places. but I still remember us going there like fishing one day like we brought fishing rods and he had a break from work and we went there to go fishing so on the way back I actually pulled over on that rock

and I actually called my uncle after not talking to him for 25 years I didn't talk to my uncle from 1984 to 2009 almost to the date of the 24 years 25 years it was like 24

and three quarter months I just dialed his number and he answered it and I told him that I was sorry for what I had done in 84 and that I had changed I lived in California now and I started hooking up with my uncle

and we started doing lunches once a week and through my uncle he reconnected me with my sister which was fucking great you know so me and my sister opened up communication like in 2010 and we didn't speak

from my 1979 to 2010. We didn't know how to communicate with one another. We didn't know what was going on. The family, I blacked out from the family. After that situation from my uncle, I knew he was going to tell my family what I did, and I was embarrassed, you know. So he actually told my family in Cuba

what I did, my situation. They weren't mad at me. They knew I was young, that I had made a mistake. And when I hooked up with my family, my uncle, he pushed me towards my sister. I started talking to my sister right away, started sending her money. We would talk every 10 days. Life was great. I was planning on figuring out how to get down there to see them. And then a short time after that, while I was talking to my sister on the phone from Cuba, one day I got a call from the improv. I look at my phone. I go, why is the improv call?

I'm a comedy store guy. It's the fucking improv. And I love the improv. And I love the Hollywood improv. It's the Hollywood improv. And when I answered the phone, it was like four in the afternoon. And it was one of the managers from the improv. And they're like, listen, I don't mean to bother you, but your family's here.

And I go, what? It's four in the afternoon. What are you talking about? And they're like, your family's here. Family, I got no family. And they're like, hold on. And they put a girl on the phone. And she's like, Coco, I'm Emmy, Alfonso.

I'm your fucking cousin. I'm Tinta's daughter. I'm your cousin. We're here. Me, my brother, my father, my stepmother, we're all in California. We came to record now.

I'm in Burbank. And we saw your name at the improv on the thing. So we pulled over and they gave us your number. Do you have a show tonight? And I'm like, absolutely. I have a show at the comedy store. Let's go out to dinner. And they go,

no, no, we're going to do dinner. But we'll meet you at the comedy store. And then we'll get together after that. I was like, fine. So my cousin, my male cousin, my uncle, my aunt, and my uncle from L.A. came to the improv, and then we went to Cantors on Fairfax afterward. And we just talked.

We talked from like maybe 10.30 to maybe 2.30 in the morning, 3 in the morning. Like, I was out late with them. And we were just talking. I think I cried three times while I was at the table because they were the, telling me how they grew up. Like, they were musicians. And their father was a musician. Tinta is a musician.

He's got a band called something with Santa Ria, something, and they do, like, soul music. It's great. They're great. They do their own thing. The male cousin, Eki, does, like, rock with a fucking heavy metal tune, and, you know, he's got the long dreds and shit. and Emmy Alfonso is the female. She's the next shot day.

She's the one that went through South through Southwest and did all the stuff. But they were telling me horror shows. Like they became musicians because my uncle became a musician. And my aunt, their sister, Rosita, my mother's sister Rosita. Rosita is the sister that my mother was getting raped when my mother walked up and stabbed the guy. So Rosita has always felt a certain guilt about my mother. So while I was talking to my sister, I would also, I also started calling my Aunt Rosita. And I would get her perspective.

But the perspective from my cousins about Cuba at the time, they were telling me like the first time they heard Led Zeppelin 4. Like that they lost their minds. They came in a cassette. They couldn't put the cassette in their house. They had to bury the cassette in the fucking front yard. under a tree, bury it really good because if you got found having a fucking Led Zeppelin cassette or a Beatles cassette or a fucking ACDC cassette, they throw you in jail. It's anti- fucking, it's against the law.

So think about your freedoms real quick here. You can't listen. You can listen to the music they approve. You can't listen to music from the outside fucking world. So just there alone, like just that alone. And yes, over the years, the only reason why Eki and Emmy became musicians and formed the band is because how deep my aunt

and my sister are into the government. Okay, so think about what I'm telling you right now. So that makes them fucking communist. Like my uncle went in 79, he went to a park, and he was arguing with some guy about baseball and some other guy, said that he heard my uncle say that Fidel was a faggot.

Holy shit, they threw him in jail. And he went in front of the fucking judge and the judge said, we'll sentence him next week. But it's going to be in the fucking 20 to 30 year range. Two days later, my aunt actually walked into the jail told one of the guards to open the door and they let my uncle out of fucking jail.

It was because of a political, you know, Greg Fitzs Simmons is going to go to Cuba last April during the pandemic. I think, yeah, during the pandemic, he was supposed to go to Cuba with his son for a graduation present. My aunt was actually going to pick him up at the fucking airport. Pick him up and take him to, like, my uncle's fucking, my cousin's bar in Nevada and the fucking whole thing. The pandemic ruined it.

I had fucking Greg tightened up with my aunt. My aunt was going to do everything from him. My aunt's got that type of juice in Cuba. The killer for me was, I had spoken to my sister from 2010 and now was about 2016 I became tight with my sister and I talked to my sister a lot

and one day I said fuck it I know exactly what I'm gonna do I called her up one day the same way I had been doing I was like on a program I think I would call her every Tuesday or something like at a certain time and I would send money once a month You know, in the beginning of the month,

let me put it to this way. When my mother was alive, I know my mother was sending money and they were getting like, I don't know, maybe 80% of the money. Now when I send money, they get like 20%. So if I send my sister $500,

she gets like $100 to that. The government takes the rest. Just so you guys know what's going on. Because a lot of years, like, what's going on? Let me tell you what the fuck is going on. This is what's going on. So I love my sister guys. I fucking love my sister.

Just the thought of me having a sister growing up gave me something to live for. Like I have a sister that I'm going to see someday. Was I tight with her as a kid until my mother died? We spoke whenever my mother called Cuba, which was three times a fucking week. If I was around, my mom would go, oh, come here, say hello to your sister. And I would say to my, you know, talk to my sister about whatever. You know, my sister, if I'm 58, my sister's 63, you know. So she was always older, you know, when my mother died, obviously, I didn't, my mother had her.

Her number in her fucking head. Nothing was written. My mom didn't have a phone book. So that was the reason why I didn't call my sister. But I always thought about my sister. And I always said to myself, how would I act if I had my sister living here in the house? So that was why, like my mom always. always taught me to be cool with women.

Like my mom had so many women around her. I learned to be cool with women. But I got cooler when I realized I had a sister. So when something was going on with a girl, I would go, whoa, how would I feel if that was my sister? So it made me a better fucking man in a way. And then I had a daughter, and it even helped me more. But knowing that I had a sister at least gave me something to work around.

And I tell you this because what I'm about to tell you is going to fuck you up. So I love my sister. One day I'm getting ready to call and I figured out what I'm going to do. I go, I'm going to call my sister. I've saved some money. I'm going to invite her and her husband to fly to New Jersey. I'm going to fly to New Jersey with my wife and my daughter. I'm going to meet them in Jersey.

Pick them up in Newark. take them to the best hotel I can in the city and then give them like a fucking tour give them a tour where my mother's bar was where we lived in New York City where we lived in North Bergen take it to the cemetery you know take it to eat

introduce it to my wife introduce it to my daughter you know that was the plan so I was all enthusiastic you know when you were fucking enthusiastic you know when you wake up and you're like yeah today is the day like I was all psyched that I had I finally put this fucking plan in my head. And I called my sister and I go,

Magali, can I talk to you? And she's like, what's going on? I go, listen, my sister's buck wild. She's like, my mom, she would always answer the phone and call me a faggot and shit. Oh, yeah, Marikon, what's that? You know, she would always say shit to me. So my sister's wild.

So I call up. I'm like, what's going on? It's like, what's going on? You're fucking queer? Whatever the fuck she calls me? And I'm like, nothing. I got to talk to you about something. I go, listen.

I've been thinking. I talk to my wife. And I got the green light. Listen, how about we start looking at plane ticket prices and we fly to Newark and I show you, like I told you guys, take you to the bar, take it to the cemetery, give you the fucking Dinora tour. Take you to the Bronx. Show you a bookmaking operation. Take you to Harlem. Show you the bookmaking operate.

Just all the spots. Take it 113th to where's the rider lived. You know, just I was going to give it a fucking tour. I'm not, I'm no fucking tour guide. Trust me. If you come to Jersey, don't call me and say, oh, we'll take me around. I don't know nothing. I know the city.

I know what I know. You know what I know about me, I know. So I could have given her a great tool. I don't know nothing. Like, if you come to New York City and tell me where do you go, I don't fucking know. Go see the statue. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck to take it.

I just know what I know. So I was going to take her all around. You know when you're excited and you're fucking fired up and you're like, oh, my God, I came up with a great idea. And the idea just went. flat like when i asked her the line just went peep and i'm like mcgalli and she's like yeah and i'm like so what do you think is that a great idea and she's like listen it's not gonna happen she goes i'm too old i'm too set in my ways and my husband can't do that that's not even allowed he would lose his job

and his pension and all this other shit. And I'm like, are you fucking serious? So it kind of broke my heart because for the last six years, I had been talking to her. And it was hard. Talking to my sister's hard, guys. And I'm going to tell you why. Because she sounds like my mother, one, and two,

I've worked really hard to lift the pain of my mother off me. I worked really hard. When I opened up the line of communication with her, she flipped my mother on me. She flipped it in a way. She didn't know she was doing it. She did nothing wrong, my sister. What she was doing was telling me what she had gone through.

You know, like, I didn't go through anything. Like I, you know, like, she's like, well, at least you got to spend time with her. I go, so did you till you were fucking six or seven. and then when my mom wanted to come back, you didn't want to come back to the United States without a young age. You wanted to finish the school year.

That's the only reason why my mom left to that. My mom was going back and forth to Cuba, like people go to fucking San Diego from L.A. You know, like if we go down the shore in Jersey, you could just go back and forth in 63, 64, 65. After that, things tightened up. Things tightened up a lot. The other thing about my sister that I didn't love,

like was the day my mother died the week my mother died I had a pride I had to look for shit I'm not listen I was a good burglar but I hate going through your shit you know what I am like I don't like going through people's shit it's not my I've been with my wife for 20 years I never go through her shit her drawers her draws don't touch my shit I'm one of those guys I won't go through your shit I don't believe in that I don't like reading your diary I don't like none of that shit So I never went through my mom's shit until the day she died. I had to look for shit. I found this fucking letter from Cuba that was dated like August of 79.

That was one of the worst things I had ever read in my life. And it was all towards my mother. And it was like three letters from three different family members. A grandmother, my sister. and one of her brothers. It was the worst thing I had ever read in my life because it was all bullshit. I knew one thing for sure about my mother.

My mother was very generous, very generous. And every fucking week, whenever she'd hit the horses or she'd have a great week at the bar, I would go with her personally to fucking Western Union, And personally, personally, she would make a stop at Western Union and fucking go in her tit and take out a lot of fucking cash and send it to her mom and my sister. Personally, I know this for a fact. I can't tell you how many Western Union receipts my mother had.

And I can't tell you how many times I went to Western Union for to send money. What happened was when my mother lost a bar in 78, her income went down. She took her savings and she was living and investing off her savings, which was nothing. She spent money, you know, if the Mets played, that was it. She bet the fucking Mets. But she would send envelopes of some money to Cuba. And I'm telling you, it was good money. She was sending down there.

They wrote these fucking letters that my mother was a piece of shit, did the United States Fuck you I mean the letter was horrible I basically took the letter I rip it up I ripped it up And I just dealt with my mother's debt

I'm not gonna read this shit no more I'm not gonna talk to these fucking people no more And I'm not gonna So I asked my sister about those letters Like a year into our relationship I go hey man I gotta ask you a question I read a letter that you sent My mother

in 1979 talking about hate and fuck you and everything. She goes, no, let me tell you what happened. I go, you know, what the fuck happened? That was a horrible letter. And she goes, listen, what happened was in those days, the government was sitting us down. And they were in the mid-70s, from the mid-70s

to the point that the Mario fucking opening in 1980, whatever, the late 79, he goes, my sister was telling me that the Fidel regime was making them write hate mail. Like it was fucking, and I remember talking to Rudy about this and Rudy was like, yeah. Like there's so many things Fidel Castro did down there. There's so many fucking creepy things he did down there. But there was a point where he was brainwashing him to tell everybody, like Scientology, like to tell everybody in the United States they suck.

You don't want nothing from them. Fuck them. You know, keep a united front. Cuban Americans are no good. That da, da, da, da, da. So this was what was going on at the time. So, you know, when I talked to my sister that day and she told me she couldn't make the trip or whatever, I go, you know, for the last six years, every time I talk to you, I get off the phone with you and I got to have fucking two cocktails.

And I don't even drink. that's how bad I feel every time I talk to my sister I was made to feel fucking guilty because I lived because I existed you know she had no idea what I went through like one day waking up and your mother's dead

you find the debt on the floor and then a month later you got to move in with your friends and then a month later you're hooked on fucking coke and then a month later I was you know I was just finding them for myself people always asked me well in that time you never thought of calling your family in Cuba for what?

What were they going to do for me? They were in Cuba. I was alone in Georgia. What was I going to pack up and move to fucking Cuba? They couldn't fucking help me. They were poorer than I was. So that was my, you know, everybody was like, oh, you lost contact. Yeah, I lost contact with everybody.

Nobody wanted to talk to me. I was a fucking kid. Even my godfather, there was people that were just, you know, that's just the way life is. And I understood it. I didn't get mad. I mean, that's the way life is. But I'm fucking Cuban. So I feel.

So when I got off the phone, my sister that day. It was not a disagreement. There was no yelling. There was no curse. There was no screaming. But obviously my feelings were fucking hurt. I'm up here trying.

You're bitching that you don't have a fucking, I would have gave a joke. Whatever she wanted, I would have gave her. Just so she wouldn't feel the way she did. But her communism roots wouldn't let her fucking do it. So that's why for the last week, when you people have been hit me up, asking me about Cuba or what the fuck's going on.

I had to say something on this podcast to tell you what my feelings are about Cuba. And my feelings about Cuba is this, playing and fucking simple. I called my uncle twice this week at night so I could come on this podcast and at least be a little knowledgeable with you about what's going on. And he was telling me that what happened is what's going on? The fucking levee broke. You ever hear that song by Led Zeppelin when the levy breaks, got no place to stay, the levy broke.

You know, you get sick and tired of getting sick and tired. There's no food, there's no vaccines, there's no this, there's no that. That's it. You know, you're looking through a lens of how people are living. And you're fucking on an island stuck with three eggs a month. That's what they get. They get like three eggs a month, half a pound of fucking coffee. You get like fucking four pieces of bread.

and that's what you got to live off a fucking month. That's the reality. It's the fucking Cuba right there. So it's just a million people that are, you know, now fucking COVID's really going to spread. Now the government's tightening up on them. They've gotten Venezuela involved, Venezuela and double agents are on the streets,

telling people, asking people questions, then they take them and they beat them up. It's a fucking nightmare. It's scary. And everybody's waiting for the U.S. government to fucking, you know, the mayor of Miami, let's bomb fucking Cuba. You can't bomb fucking Cuba.

If you bomb Cuba, we'll start a fucking war. I mean, you don't think this frazzles me that 90 miles away. Think about that. 90 miles away is a fucking enemy. And we've had that there for fucking 62 fucking years. Right there, right down the block. Right down the block. If you live in L.A., it's closer for you.

It's closer than San Diego. San Diego is 100 miles away from L.A. Fucking Havana is 90 miles away from Miami, give or take a few fucking miles. People swim it. That's how close to this. We have an enemy, fucking just this thing.

Did you ever think about it? We just have this thing just laying there 90 miles away from us. You watch the fucking weather map. You see it. and they'll talk to you about Haiti they'll talk to you about fucking the cuss-cus whatever the island is Kyokos, Kokas

you know they'll talk to you about the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico but nobody gives a fuck about it's right there they don't tell you the weather about it we try to hide it as much as we can you know the hurricane is going through Cuba right now we don't stop and see pictures of Cuba

nobody cares now listen they're a communist fucking country we have to care there are enemy and they're 90 fucking miles away. Now there's a flip to this coin. That's the Joey Dia's flip because you have to think about this too. Look at all the

people that are involved in this SOS thing. If you go on social media, you got everybody fucking sending out SOSs for Cuba and I love it and I'm with you. But do me a favor. When those people come over here, because that's the only way. We're also going to

go. Mexico? Puerto Rico? Fucking no. You want to come to the major leagues. You want to come to the United States. So the next time you people are fucking, you know, fucking Cubans, this, this. Remember, when they come here, I don't want to hear you fucking crying. All right, this sword's got two edges to it. So when they come here, when they get here in about a year, when this thing blows up like my,

because that's what's going to happen. There's only three fucking scenarios I see. Us bombing fucking Cuba, right? Us going to war with fucking. Well, there's two scenarios I see. the United States saving Cuba, which the other scenario, I don't see that happening.

Joe Biden has enough trouble walking up and down the stairs without fucking thinking about Cuba. You know, I don't see Kamala Harris fucking thinking about Cuba, you know? I mean, even Black Lives Matters supported the Cuban government. So obviously they don't know their fucking history

because what the fuck? What the fuck? It was a slave fucking place. Did you not watch Amistad? Fucking Cuba was a fucking slave transport place. The reason I am how I am is because I'm half a fucking slave. I have slave blood in me. I have an African blood in me. I did the 23 in me.

I ain't fucking, I did it. I did it. I see what's in my fucking blood. You know, if any of you use watch, you know, the Celia Cruz story on Netflix, her skin was too dark to enter a talent, talent contest. Did you know that? Did you guys even fucking know that? That Celia almost did not become Celia

because her skin was too fucking dark than that. There is no place ever as racist as Cuba is. And if you guys got a problem with that, if you want me to prove it to you, I'll have my uncle fucking, I don't think he knows how to zoom my uncle,

but I have him do a call and he'll tell you how he went to Matanzas in 1944 to play baseball. and they told him to get the fuck out of here that he was too fucking dark to play baseball and they made a dog piss on until this day he's like

that's the luckiest thing that ever happened to me that dog pissing on me the luck it brought me he thought it was a lucky day but in reality if you talk to him you could feel the pain my uncle's dark-skinned even though my mom

and you know we're like fucking cats every generation you come back a different the reason why they call me Coco isn't because I did tons of Coke. It was a name given to me by my father because my skin was so white. It was like the inside of a fucking coconut.

So I don't know how the fuck you guys came up with that fucking theory that you're going to back the Cuban government because they've been great to, no, they have not been great to African Americans. As a matter of fucking fact,

I'm going to tell you what a lady said to me one time. In 1985, in Fort Lee, New Jersey, this Panamanian woman told me one time. She goes, you know why that's going on? in Cuba? That's a punishment from God. That's a punishment from God. She goes, let me tell you something. For years, she goes, I went to Cuba as a young girl. It was disgusting.

She goes, it was, it was worst in Harvey Weinstein, worse than Epstein's fucking mansion. It was horrible. They were fucking animals. They were fucking young girls. You know, 20 years ago, when all those Americans started going to Cuba and all those Canadians, you know why they go to Cuba, right, in men's group, because they go down there to fuck 15-year-old girls and 16-year-old prostitutes. You guys know that, right? I hope you do know that.

Then when you see a men's group going down to Cuba, it's the fuck 16-year-old hookers. They're hot to trot, and they're down there on their molycon, and they're selling that ass for fucking $10 fucking USA. These old fucking white perverts go down there and get their helmets polished by 16-year-old fucking girls. It's been a den of fucking disgust for years. You know, that story I always tell you guys about the Superman of Cuba. Read that fucking story. Read that. Go online and look up the Superman of Cuba. Read the full 45 minute fucking story on how planes would pack up just to go see that guy's big dick fucking rape some chick. That's what you paid for. To see some chick that didn't want a big

fucking dick and a, you know, that's what you paid for. So that's what Cuba was about. So she goes, what Cuba is serving right now is a punishment from God for how fucking crazy that player. I mean, she said she was there like in 1940, 1950. And it was just a fucking people fucking chickens and animals. And it was like, you know, like 42nd Street was for me as a kid. You went and saw the hookers and fucking sex world and all that shit.

That's what Cuba was. Yes, it was a beautiful island. And yes, there was tons of Italians down there and casinos and all that stuff. But read books like Havana nocturne. Read, you know, there was a little book I found on Cuba. I don't know what the fuck happened through over the years. It was my favorite fucking book I ever read on Cuba. It was about Jose Marti and the slaves.

And, you know, it just gave you, it showed you the corruption, the level of corruption. You know, when Fidel came in there, Fidel came in there as a savior. the people brought them in there. They wanted Fidel because Batista was such a fucking horrible dictator, horrible. Just, like I told you, as a kid, I grew up with Martin Perez. And up to the fucking sixth grade, Martin Perez was my friend.

And one day he just disappeared into the witness relocation. Because his dad was Batista's driver. And Cubans were hunting down to shoot him right in fucking Union City and in North Bergen. They were going to kill him in North Bergen. That's how deep the hatred was for the Batista regime. So think about it. It's like having a girlfriend that fucking fucks your brother, fucks your dad,

tastes your stuff, cheats on you with everybody. You hate her. And all of a sudden you welcome another lady into your life that seems great, comes on to you, fucking great, everything's great in the beginning.

And after the honeymoon, you get zapped that you're a fucking socialist or whatever, a communist. How would you fucking feel? That's exactly what Castro did to them. So they've been getting beat up down there for close to 90 fucking years. They've been getting beat up down there.

So eventually the scene fucking breaks. The people you see on the streets are younger generations of people who have been there since they were getting fucking beat up. Cuba's got no rules. You know, when you hear about crimes of war and all this stuff done by all these muthyosolich and all these fucking people, they blame Columbus for criminals. crimes of war, you gotta start looking at Cuba for that shit. They're doing some horrible things down there.

So I hope that eventually somebody fucking helps him. But the only thing I see to get back to that scenario, I see this ending as Mariel. I see 300 boats going down there. And Diaz, whatever his name is, Canal, just saying, And listen, if you don't like it, fucking leave. And all the Miami people who have family down there and loved ones that they want to leave or just have to shoot down there and go get them.

And I don't think they're going to give them up that easy either. I think it's going to be a fucking, you know. So that's what I see from this result. I don't know if this is going to be what's going to happen. I don't have a fucking crystal ball in front of me. I'm just telling you that I don't see our government. and bailing Cuba out. I don't see it at all.

There's a couple people raising their hand. I mean, the mayor of Miami just said, just bomb Cuba. That's great. But how many innocent people are there? You know, let's get those people out of there. And then we could bomb those commie bastards or whatever the fuck. I mean, I don't know.

That's the only answer I got for you guys. That's it. That's my opinion on fucking Cuba. That's it. I wish I had more for you. I wish I could offer more. You know, I'm just telling you my story, the things that I've heard, the people I've rubbed shoulders with, their feelings toward it,

and my feelings towards it. It's a communist fucking place. My family has been torn apart by it. You know, I don't have a majority of my family because in reality, they're communist. When I, you know, I've seen my cousins and my uncles maybe four other times in California. I spent, I think, Thanksgiving, 2018 with them in Studio City. We're there for hours. When I see my family from Cuba, we get along, we hug, we eat, we have a great time,

but we never talk politics. It's not like I'm asking them about their situation. They're not asking me about mine. We're just family. Whatever they do, they do. It's got nothing to do with me. I wish them luck. I love my cousins.

I love Emmy and I love Eki. I don't care if that commie bastards. It's just, it's the way it is, you know what I'm saying? I love them. I overlooked that. It's like if they were a junkie, you know, when I was a junkie, people I love for me. Even though I was a junkie, I feel the same way with them. So I hope you guys understand where I'm coming from and you guys accept what I'm telling you.

The only way this is going to end is by us going to pick up our loved ones. and I know that like Llamas, the UFC fighter and whatever we want to talk. If anybody wants to do a talk or a Zoom or whatever, I'm willing to do it. You know, with anybody Cuban, just to help you guys understand that we, I don't know, I don't know what the fuck to think,

but I see this going out the way Mariel did. That's my fucking story. Before we leave, I want to talk to you about something. Again, I want to talk. Thank you for the support on Laughing Gas Ziki and the ice cream shop. But I also want to talk to you about Friday. Friday was a special day for me, not because of the laughing gas. It was also a special day for me because of my 30 years in comedy.

And even though I'm not doing comedy at the present time, doesn't mean that I did comedy 29 a half years. It meant that I did the work. I was very proud on Friday I was a little sad that I wasn't doing stand-up that night I don't want to do it right now it's not in my fucking forecast I'd much rather just

be a dad right now I enjoy doing the podcast I enjoyed doing the Patreon stand-up I got a little problem with right now between the pandemic and all that stuff I could blame it on that but between you and me

I just don't feel like doing it. And I've accepted it already. For a couple of weeks, I had a problem with it. Why wouldn't I love something that I did for 30 years? But I came to grips with it. I spoke to somebody, you know. I spoke to a therapist. I'm still talking to her.

I talked to her again tomorrow at 9.30 in the fucking morning. And I'm okay with it. I'm fine. I'm happy doing what I'm doing. And one night, when I look at the clock, and I'm like, tonight's tonight I'm going to do stand-up. You motherfuckers will be the first to know. But 30 years doing stand-up, holy fuck.

And I'll tell you what, it really wasn't 30 years of stand-up. It was 30 years for me to get my shit together. That's what this whole thing has been. You know, Friday, I got up Friday morning. I go to the gym. I write my journal. light. It was like three pages of journaling Friday because it was so much to comprehend and to understand. This wasn't about me becoming a star. This wasn't about me being in movies. This wasn't

about me. This had nothing to do it. The 30 last years have been Joey Diaz's getting this shit together tour. That's all this was. It was a start. From 1963, I lived from 1963 to 1991 lost. I had it together until I was 16. My mother passed and I became a fucking, you know, a drug addict and I was lost, you know. Comedy helped me find my way back.

It taught me who I was. It taught me what I could do. It taught me that I was. scared of hard work. I wasn't scared of what anybody fucking thought or whatever, whatever negativity you had. If you don't want to clap, you don't have to clap, you know, it's a hard thing being a fucking comic. Not everybody could do it. It's very tough. Your skin has to be tough and I did it. I conquered all my fears and I move forward regardless of what the fuck was going on. And I'm very proud of that. The last 30 years and guess, guess,

what it ended with me coming back to new jersey getting the dignity back getting my pride back to being able to come back here and hold my head high that's what the last 30 years was about and i'm very proud of this you know i'm going to call my book agent on monday and talk to him and try to tell them that what i want for this book is the last 30 years this is what the mean potatoes is anything else is the story of my mother and we're just writing to fucking you know to be a big book like my jimmy page book i don't want to do that i'd rather just focus on the 30 years of comedy what i learned what i did what i didn't do and the struggles to let people know that it was fucking great and i wouldn't have changed anything if i could change one thing about the last 30 years it would be two things

I don't care about the junk I don't care about the coke Listen it took me to where I am today It made me the man I am today But there was two things Now I forgot what the fucking two things were This is what happens There was two fucking things

I wish That hadn't beaten myself up Like I did Don't beat yourself up Enjoy the ride You're gonna have good nights and bad nights in this. In the beginning, there's a lot of fucking bad nights. You know, yesterday, a couple guys hit me up on, you know, online. Hey, man, congratulations on the 30. I've been in it for seven.

Congratulations on the 30. I've been in it for four. You know, I've been in it for two. A couple guys hit me up like that. And it meant the world to me because it brought me back for a minute, seven. What was I doing at seven years? You know, oh, shit, I was at the store. Four years, what was I doing? Oh, shit, I was just about to go on the road, you know? Two years. Oh, I wasn't doing dick. I was just doing like, you know, eight spots a month and snorting Coke and telling girls I'm a comic, but I really wasn't a comic. I was just a fucking open mic mutt, you know. There was two things that I took away from this.

One, I wish I wouldn't have beat myself up as much. I really beat myself up. I got to the point where I hated myself. And the Coke, you know, when you look at my face and I have all these scars, it's scarring. It's me picking. It's like somebody fucking slicing at their skin. I hated who the fuck I was when I was doing that shit. But all that aside, I was, don't beat yourself up.

Whether you're going to become a comic, whether you're going to become a guitar player, a fucking, a band leader, an artist, whatever the fuck you want to do in that world, A, don't beat yourself up. Do not beat yourself up. It's not worth it. You're going to get to your destination. Obviously, you're beating yourself up because you love what you do and you don't want to fuck up. don't beat yourself up. You're going to get to that destination. If you're thinking like that, that you're beating yourself up,

that means you love something. There's nothing wrong with loving something. Just don't beat yourself up. And number two, I wish I was a little bit more patient in the beginning. I think my first 10 years, I was very impatient. And again, if you love something that much, you're going to get to that destination. Don't worry about it.

You're going to get there. It's just going to take some time. I was a little impatient, not in the sense of being a pig or whatever, I think I was more impatient and wanting to get there. You're going to get there. You're going to get there.

When the time is right, you're going to get there. It's like taking a bus from Penn Station or Port Authority to North Carolina. Sometimes the bus takes eight hours. Sometimes it takes 10 and a half hours. You know what? You're going to get there. Be patient.

Don't beat yourself up. Stay true to yourself. And anything that you choose in this life will be fucking phenomenal. Listen, this thing, this fucking microphone and this bricks on the wall, they saved my life. They let me know I could do something. For years, I searched for, I wanted to be a mason. I wanted to work at the stock market. I want to be an estimator.

I wanted to be a fucking economic major. I didn't want to do shit. I didn't want to do shit. I wanted to crack jokes, smoke pot in front of a fucking brick wall. and have fucking people boo me or clap. That's it. That's how easy it is. There was nothing else to it.

I didn't think about movies. I didn't think about TV shows. I didn't think about podcasts. I went into this with all my heart, and I'm happy. I'm very happy that I became, the man that I became. Before my mom died, a week before she died, she told me, I just want you to grow up to be a man. I don't care how you do it.

I don't care what you do. If you're a fucking janitor, be the best janitor on the force. And that's exactly what I did. I was the best that I could be for the time I did it for how long I could do it. I'm very proud of that. So I'm happy that you guys still follow me. I'm happy that I still have your support. And I'm happy that you're having a good time and you're enjoying your life and you're still enjoying what I got to say.

Because it's from the heart and it's always been from the fucking heart. So I appreciate you, motherfuckers. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for asking me about Cuba. Thank you for letting me tell my story. And thank you for the last 30 years. I hope the next 30 years are fucking great also in comedy

I love you motherfuckers thank you for watching I'll be back Wednesday Tip Top McGoo Patreon is still alive The album of the week Laughing Gas We got plenty of it

It's limited right now The big fucking Push is gonna be in August That's when the new growth comes out It's gonna be stronger And better than what it is now So I appreciate you motherfuckers at all my heart

Thank you And now for a word from my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you bad motherfuckers. Thank you very much for listening to Viva Cuba today, Cuba Libre, whatever the fuck I told you was called in the beginning. Who the fuck knows anymore? The join is brought to you by CBD Lion today. The best when it comes to CBD.

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