The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 08/21/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #106

Episode Date: August 21, 2013

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That's dollar shaveclub.com slash church. Or just go to joey-diaz. com and click on the dollar-shaved club banner. Oh shit. Oh shit. It's that motherfucking time. Wednesday, August 21st,

a beautiful fucking day to be alive. I mean, as good as it's going to fucking get. If you don't wake up with your ass busted or something, it's a beautiful day. Here you go. Here you go. Oh, shit. It's for you.

Oh, shit. You let me casacrate you. That's a great. Whatever the fuck. Oh shit. Oh shit. Eagerly. Mm-mm.

It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive. Get up. Thank the Lord for giving you another fucking day in this fucking beautiful jungle. You're going to get up, have some eggs, some bacon, maybe some toast, maybe a Dolce bowl, whatever the fuck he's got over there.

And that's it. That's it. That's that simple. Mm. That's it. You're going to go to work? It's a little. chick in your office, you're going to look at her.

He's got that little thorn on there. You start imagining what it smells like under that fucking monster. Ooh! Ah! Oh! Like a fucking savage! Lee Sayat, I got no lighters, I had to like two fucking joints at once. I'm over here like a Manchurian

candidate, you know what I'm saying? You're not unfired today. I was saying, I don't like it when you sleep before the podcast because he came in today like, criticizing everything. Everything about everything that I have. First of all I come in the kitchen looks

like a fucking bomb. Yeah, I'm a single. I'm a single guy. I just did the dishes. What did you do for dinner? What did you cook for dinner? Spaghetti meatballs. How long did that?

I'm telling them a turkey fucking meatball. Yeah, I made turkey. I made turkey burgers the night before I had leftovers. So I threw them in sauce and I made spaghetti. How'd you make the turkey burgers? I had ground turkey. Okay. Oregano, red chili flakes,

salt and pepper. Very nice. Italian breadcrumbs and an egg. Very nice. And you tighten those motherfuckers up like a fricadale? The last time I did... You put some onions on there, some terriacca? No.

Mushrooms? Hmm. The last time I did them, they were too big, though. So this time I had to make them small. Would you do my Fred Flintstone fucking burgers? Yeah, so this time I tried to make them small, and they turned out more like sliders. So I'm like halfway in between now. You're looking good.

Look at you. You're not swimming, though, I know that. No, you ask me from... You swim today, dog. I'm going to work. I've been at work for 12 hours. I'm not swimming. What fucking 12 hours?

You leave here at 9, you're up at 7. You can't jump at the fucking pool. I leave here at 8 and I get back at 8. Asshole. You don't know my schedule. Get out of here. Can't go to D.C. on Monday. I'm going to fucking leave tomorrow.

Cucksuck. All right. What are you busting my balls? Let me tell you what happened to fuck at me yesterday. No, I had a good time for the start of my tour. I went to his jitter yesterday morning. I had to drop off two envelopes. And I get home and I'm fucking starving.

You know when you're dizzy. starving. Yeah. Like the ship's sail. Like, you can't go somewhere and they're going to fuck around. Like the ship's sail. And it was 12 o'clock and my daughter's there looking at me and my wife like, all right, let's get out of here. So we get in the car, we're going to go to Jersey mics first. Okay. And have a rosebeef sandwich, but the fucking place is always packed. Yeah. So we said, fuck, let's go get Cuban food. But whatever, we went that day. And we got an order in pananas. We split them, and then we split the black beans and white rice with the fried pork chunks.

Lee, they were on fire. So in the middle. We went over. So in the middle of all this, Terry fucking makes a crucial mistake. She gave her a kid who was eating a banana and a thing. Yeah. Just a banana that we cut up. And finally Terry goes, let me see if she likes these sweet fried bananas. Oh, of course you guys. And she gave it to her and she lost her fucking money.

So I said, too, let me ask you a question. Why don't you just turn around and give her a taste of the black beans? And she tasted those black beans. And that was it after that. She started yelling and screaming like a cave wall. and she would look at me and look at the kid look at me and look at my wife I go we created a fucking monster

she drank the whole bowl of that fucking bean juice because you can't give her the beans she only got two little teeth on the bottom that's a picture I tweeted I was like you guys got to see this shit she's on fire my wife was like what the fuck

I know that's it it's over you just gave her a taste of blood That's like a shark. When you give them a fucking thing. She was like a cave woman. Yeah, it was fucking scary for a minute. She did that a couple weeks ago. She got pissed at my wife or something.

I was like, tremendous. I'm raising a fucking cave woman, an Irish Cuban cave woman. But I had to run around yesterday. So I had to go to a post office. She would go to fucking. I left my key, my box key at the house. So I went all the way to post office. I made it online, I had to mail some shit.

But it was pretty interesting. When I got out of there, I bumped into a kid. Now, when I first got my medical marijuana license, it wasn't like it was now that there was 2,000 stores. There was maybe, in my neighbor at that time, maybe two stores. But I was very blessed to have Cushmart. I used to live on Shrader then? Cushmart.

No, what's the Shrader? Yeah, Cushmart was on Gower. You know what Gower is? You know, when you pass Hollywood Boulevard before you hit the studios, you wouldn't know. was between Hollywood and sunset on one of those acting little houses. Yeah. That was Kushmart.

Only you could go into the store by yourself. It was that small. Okay. So there was a line outside of security guard. You went in. And in those days, they had a different kind of weed. They had Mats O.G. But why people went in there at the time, and this is fucking seven, eight years.

This is seven years ago. Was these candies, you know, good and plenty, not good in plenty. Those things that are like wax that come in a, Now and later? Now and later's, all right? This guy had put together now and later's seven years ago with THC in. Oh, geez. And not just now and later is that you get high and they taste the good.

These things would fuck you up. First off, they came in a baggie, and when you open the baggie, it would just slip out from the hot oil, the THC oil. You could see the green in the bottom of the bag. Again, this is what you see now. With the Cheebo Chews, when you open them up, you can see the green in them. And the thing dripping?

No, no, no, no. This motherfucker was doing that with now and laters seven years ago, seven, six years ago, okay? It was over the holidays. I never forget that I encountered them. And I went back the next day and bought like 10 of them. And I started giving them out to people. They started having a heart attack.

That was the first time I really started burning people with THC things. Because these things tasted so good. I had a friend then. He was on a producer kick. Whatever the fuck he is now? I'm going to fucking himself. And I remember giving him one, him calling me the next day going that was just fucking crazy.

Like these things were already strong seven years ago. So my point being that this guy already had the chemistry to it seven years ago of how to get the best THC and put it in a candy. This is 2013. Now, I got a couple reasons here. Ever since I started having the panic attacks, I knew they were being driven on by the edible THC. Then I spoke to a friend of mine who's 20 years old, this girl,

and she goes she had to stop eating edibles because it took her over the hill with her anxiety on top of that you know what i have the baby in the daytime sometimes whether it's for an hour whether it's two hours i may have her yeah i don't want to be high on those things she falls i'm going to a panic attack so i stopped eating edibles uh and besides that i know that they're affecting my weight because i'm fucking starving at night especially if i work out it's like opening up a fuel like you just eat so many bananas so many peaches before you go fuck it i I got to get a cheese sandwich in me. And then you just devour everything.

Yeah. I'll devour the special K chips. I'll devour fucking everything, you know. So about 10 days ago, I said, that's it with the edibles. No more fucking edibles. Well, Lee, let me tell you something. Who do I bump into yesterday at the post office? This kid.

And I go, where the fuck you been? He goes, man, I moved into the valley. The guy fucked me over. Da-da-da-da-ta-da. He owed me $8 grand. And I had to get rid of my fucking apartment. man, and my wife almost laughed me, and now we got it together.

I go, so what are you doing? He goes, I'm making these other edibles now, Lee. It was like a, like a goomy bear. Yeah. And he goes, man, you caught me at a bad time. I only got one of them. But in my world, this is all you need, he said to me. I go, how many milligrams?

He goes, anywhere between 200 and 300 a piece, just very round. He goes, I've been making these. I haven't pinpointed him. He goes, take this. Here's my number of you like and give me a call. It had to be about 4 o'clock when I went to the post office. Yeah.

Because it closes at five, right? I went about 4.15. In fact, I saw him about 420. Is that your fucking phone going off going? Where's your phone at? Right here. Yeah. It's not my phone's not going anywhere.

It's going, eh, eh, like a half a fag. That's probably your phone. My phone doesn't do shit. No, my phone's in my fucking pocket. I think these go. No. You don't hear that? It's like some of the stomach and shit.

I think the gummies. I inhale the fucking goomy bed. I inhale the fucking goomy bed, dog. About 430. I got to say right around Diane Sawyer. Yeah. I'm starting to fucking see the devil. I'm getting uncomfortable.

It's hot in this motherfucker. I got the baby. I'm like, Terry, take the baby something. It's not right. Holy shit. I'm like, this can't be that fucking edible. Oh, my God. Next thing I get up, I eat a banana.

I eat a peach. It's about 7.15, and I'm on fucking fire. I'm hired and shit. The back of my eyes, I call you. Yeah, that's when I called you. We were supposed to meet last night. and because the whole day you're like yeah I'll see you at 830 and then I called you right when I got out of work and like like I can always tell when you're high because you're very quiet but then like right when I said okay I'll see you in like an hour he's like dog I'm leaving him or I'm gonna hang out with my wife I'm like he doesn't want to hang out with his wife he's not gonna leave the house

no but I was hanging with we were just talking about shit she was helping me put something to get on the computer the one site kept saying that my credit card expired we couldn't figure that out why I kept saying that they said to give me a new credit card because the old credit card expires we're trying to figure out we have two IMDB accounts it was just fucking craziness and all this time I'm getting higher and higher and higher and I go

and I look her straight in the face at one point and I go listen it's over and she goes what are you talking about? You know what else the night before I only slept four or three hours like I went to about like one or two no I went to bed of two Monday night and I got up at six

and I figured I'd take a nap somewhere and I went to Jujo oh I went to fucking Jujo Jitsu Monday, and I took the, I took the Shroom Tech. I took the Shroom Tech. It's an 8 o'clock class. So I popped the fucking Shroom Tech, and I went to Jiu-Jitsu, and I stayed until 10-15. It was one of those nights where it's like, holy fuck, I'm still rolling.

And at the end, he kept doing these exercises, and I kept joining in. But I knew I was going to go to class Tuesday morning. And what happens is when you're 50, you get excited, you get loose, and you fucking say, I'll keep wrestling and then you get home and you're a fucking mess and you can't make class next day. I had a private yesterday morning so I wanted to make it at 10.30

so I'm sitting there going should I keep fucking rolling with these guys and my wind was great and I went home and Lee I had some fucking water had a protein shake and I could not fucking fall asleep from that fucking shroom tech.

That shroom tech took me to another fucking level so I just put ice on my foot and watch TV. What was I going to do? And I had a notebook and I kept making notes and I ended up going a better too. But you know what? I woke up the next day feeling great. Guys, I'm really impressed with this fucking shroom tech. I'm very fucking impressed.

I didn't know it would work for me this much. I know the alpha brain I feel a lot better. And with the protein shakes are great. But the hemp protein is great. And I have one of those chocolate bars there. The hemp force proteins. I don't know if they're in stock of those things, but they're fucking delicious. But this shroom tech has really helped me with my endurance.

Maybe you should mix it with new mood to help you fall asleep next time. I think it's two different ways. It's like doing vodka and drinking Red Bull. Oh, okay. And then you're walking around with that stroke face. You know what I'm saying? Half he just wants to jump and the other half just wants to chill with a finger up its fucking ass. I'm not in business to confuse anybody.

You know what I'm saying? But Lee, I drank a bunch of fucking water. I had a little taste of peanut butter. And it had to be 815, 820. I turned those lights off and that was it. I woke up at 4.15 without the alarm. feeling like a soldier. I got up and made some fucking coffee.

I played with the cats. I fed him. I walked in the room. My wife was awake with the baby mowers. I was like, get out. No worries. When I washed my pussy. And that was,

let me tell you what else happened the other day after I left here. I don't know if you, because I never understood. You know, I love my friends. I love all you guys. I love my friends in there. And people always said,

I mean, aren't you into conspiracy theories? I could give a flying fuck. I give a flying fuck. I think about it for town. minutes and I go, it's got nothing to do with me, and I move the fuck on. It really doesn't. I'm more concerned with human behavior. Human behavior is always fucked with me a lot more.

The other day when I left here doing the podcast, we did a later podcast yet. We stayed until like 7.30. Yeah. And I talked to a friend of mine in the car. I haven't programmed a new iPhone into the car. So I don't know how to do it yet, so I'm just talking to him out there for like 15 minutes. I was driving home about 10 to 8. Okay.

I didn't leave your front of house. And as I get home, I see a bunch of cops. on the bottom of my corner. Yeah. And you know when you get like a feeling, you just get like, it's got nothing to do with me, but it doesn't feel right.

Mm-hmm. You know? And I pull up to my house and I walk out, and this is the block, the end of the block is like 200 yards. I just went that way and cut up.

And I saw it there was a bunch of cop cars and there was an ambulance there. Mm-hmm. You get home, I put fucking Facebook on, you know, you get on and going to the thing. And that kid shot himself,

Lee Thompson, from the Disney show, from Missouli and Isles. Yeah. Now, I used to go to Kung Fu with Lee, down with the black guys. Yeah, in Vermont. That's where I started at Juan Hopkendo. In 2007, 2008, that's how I lost all the way.

I was down there. I used to Kung Fu with the brothers. That's my joke. But they're the fucking best. You know, Earl White, we did a podcast with Seifu Earl White. We did a podcast with Duncan. And I would go in there, and Lee Thompson was always taking privates. and I said to Lee one day

why don't you take the fucking class he was like a shy type of guy I go nah you handle yourself they're normally going to beat you up in the class we don't even go there it's more of a workout so he started coming to the classes and I would talk to him

I'm not gonna tell you guys he was my best friend how you doing man what's happening nothing I'm dope I didn't know you did comedy you know that type of shit it was never to the next level hey meet me for lunch

but we was very cordial with me yeah and then I started seeing him in the neighborhood he would make less because I lived down the block from him. He lives and that big fucking expensive building. Yeah. So I would see him making left and rights,

and he beep and pull over one day. About a year and a half ago, he pulled over. He goes, hey, man, I'm learning Jiu-Jitsu down the corner over here in Lancasham. Swing by. And I was going out to do a spot at the, like, Frank Kelly's joint, you know, the Universal, before Frank Abandon Ship. I was going over there, and I went down Lancashim, and I was 15 minutes early, so I pulled into the Jitsu school.

And I went in there, the guy had four students, one of them being Lee. and they all had their socks on, they were learning like basic shit, but they weren't really rolling like they were just fucking around. I was like, eh, this is like a weaker type class.

I'd rather go somewhere where they have more contacts. You're not only, I'm not scared of getting hurt. You know, the only way you can learn how to roll is to roll. Yeah. You know, you can do the simultaneous drills

all you fucking want, and that helps build your cardio. But after a while, you need to roll a little bit just to really get the full patois, learn what you. They're doing enough. You could just learn so much classroom shit.

So I didn't like it. And I never, I saw Lee like maybe two other times. And I went down there to say hello to Seafo. I went down there with Duncan one day and said hello to Seafu. And then I went down there about two months ago and Lee was there. And all of a sudden I come home and I turn on Facebook and they say that 29-year-old actor shoots herself. And it's just fucking mind-boggling. Yeah.

You know, every time I saw him, I couldn't tell you if he was on drugs. I doubt it. He wasn't one of those yo-yo-yo-yo-yo brothers with, you know, gold teeth and a chain and a black chain. You know, I never saw him in any negative fucking manner. But it always affects you. And again, I'm not telling you guys that

he was my best fucking friend. I know him as an acquaintance. At least we spoke. We were civil. But still, even that level, I can't imagine what makes somebody fucking long to take their life. You know somebody who iced themselves? I know a couple people

who tried. Do I know anyone? I do. You don't talk to the people who tried no. Yeah. The people trying. Yeah, I did. But there's a kid who grew up, like, here it's not a block, but in the suburbs, it's, like, two streets down from you. His brother was my age, and he was my brother's age. And, like, his first or second year of college, you know in Boston how they have the subway, but then they have, like, trains that go into, like, the outer suburbs.

Yeah. He was at one of those stations one day, and he just jumped in front of one of those bigger trains. and then and then actually there was a guy who I went to in my grade who was at the Marine base in San Diego and shot himself so yeah there's a lot of kids my age now doing that unfortunately what's the reasoning I don't know with those two people I don't know um I think there's a lot more I don't know if there's a lot more mental illness or I don't want to this is hard because you don't want to say it's anything their fault because if you're getting to that point it's definitely something probably out of your control.

But I think people my age might not either want to deal with it or know how to deal with it. Or, because, I mean, when, because the kid who did it in college, who was my brother's age, always had a lot of pressure on himself. And that might have built up. And I don't know why. I honestly don't know why people do it. I've been depressed before, but I've never gone to that stage. So it's hard for me to say why people are doing it. Put a bullet in it.

Write a note, or maybe not write a note. But just stick a fucking gun. The only people that you really fucking kill is the other people around you. Like, you just kill them inside. Like, I couldn't imagine having a close, close, close friend. And to get a call that they shot himself. I would start to doubt my friendship. Whatever, my friendship to people in a way.

At first, you kind of got mad, like, for the people. for the few people who I've known who have tried I got mad a little bit I get mad but then then like you can't like I've learned to not try to like you can't take it personally like it's not like they're doing it

because they don't care about you because I feel like if you're getting to that point you're kind of it's just like it's something that you can't even control anymore so like if you're doing it it it's not like it's kind of

it's kind of like I felt like when I looked back at it I felt bad that I was mad at them. Like, they're important to me, so they shouldn't do this to me. Like, no, they're feeling so bad that they're willing to kill themselves. So it must be pretty intense. You know? Like, I felt mad at them at first.

I was like, how can you leave me? But then I'm like, well, if they're willing to leave all the people that care about them, it must be pretty fucking mad. But that's the only thing I could think about. Like, even when I was Snowton Cook, it was the same thing. I was killing myself every night doing it. a gram by myself. Same fucking difference. You want to kill yourself. You just don't have the

balls to pull the trigger. That's all. Yeah. There's a point where you party. There's a point where you sit back and then you go, Doug. I was doing a gram of Coke by myself and I was 400 pounds and smoking three packs of cigarettes. I remember how my neck would hurt. Like, I would get jolts in my fucking spine towards the end

of my addiction, which was a sign that I was going to fucking die pretty much. And it's the same thing. It's the same fucking thing. And I thought about Terry. That's what really made me stop on there. I thought about this poor girl having the fucking wake up one morning to go pee. And then she's thinking about coffee and how she's hungry. She's going to get eggs with potatoes.

And she goes into the living room and she thinks that I'm sleeping on the floor, but I'm really fucking dead. You know what her day is going to be like? You know what her week's going to be like? So you're going to die in this life. You're going to fucking die. I just didn't want somebody picking me fucking up, especially from Coke. I did not want that. Yeah.

You know, if I died of doing coke, they won. That was the way it was always in my head. I swear to God, is that a selfish way, Lee, to think about it? Who won? Society beat me. If I get shot by a gun, society won. If I was to get shot in a hold-up, society won. What everybody says about me, they won now.

Whatever my ex-wife says about to me to my little daughter was now a woman, I don't talk, that she won. I told you he was a piece of shit. Do you understand me? kids in North Bergen that I grew up around, they won. So if I was to die in the can, if I was to die, I'm getting shot, if I was to die robbing a jewelry store, if I was to die doing any type of fucking drugs, they won. That was the way I looked at it. I don't think that's selfish.

I think that just the way you decided to kind of clean yourself up. But it's true. They won. You just became a fucking statistic. I never wanted, I tried hard never to be a fucking statistic. Yeah. And that was what really got me that day. That's it.

They won. You know those people who doubt you in life? There's always those motherfuckers like, he's not going to do nothing with his life. You give them fire. That's it. They're going to go, that's it, another fucking casualty. Fuck, no.

I was going to let them win. Even after I was dead, I'm going to die of a fucking heart attack or get hit by a fucking helicopter or something. I don't want to die because of something that, you know what I was playing with guns. I told you that guy never changed.

You know, shit like that. He got into an argument at the comedy store and pulled out a fucking knife shot him. They're going to say he never changed. So to me, that's how it was. I'm sorry to open up with this today. I just want to see how you thought about. I think it just sucked. It sucked. It sucks.

It sucks. It sucks when it's even when I did the time, that time. Do you, let me tell you. I can do time standing on my fucking head. Now, I don't want to go to jail. Nobody wants to go to fucking jail. But if I had to, I could do it. You just know the way you console yourself, the way you compose yourself, your self-confidence.

The thing you think about are the people around you. That probation violation, you thinking of getting, I'll get high. What about the fucking people around you? What about your niece? You're going to have to go to jail during the fucking Halloween. Nobody wants to be in jail during Halloween. I was in jail during Halloween.

It sucks. You sit there no candy. You sit there you got no fucking mad. There's ugly people, but there's ugly people, but no fucking candy, Lee. Where's the music? You're killing me here. You know what I'm saying? It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive.

Get up. Nobody's killing themselves for it. Get that fucking reef. Do it, Ozzie. What? The cops are coming today, Lee. I don't give a fuck. Oh shit.

It's a beautiful fucking day to be alive at 20th. Listen, cocksuckers, listen. Don't kill yourself, right? Uh. Lee, how did you eat at fucking matches? How are we going to smoke? You're going to have to eat a fucking goomy bear now.

Which one you want? I got some nice boobies for you. I got these goos. Like, Lee, these things. These things this whole bag is a hundred milligrams No it's not yes it is I don't trust you so one two three four five six seven eight nine ten so they're each ten million No I gotta go to work. That's okay that little pep in your step but I have enough pepping my step. No you don't you've been a little A little fuck I was gonna do one last night but you got you fucked up oh my god

We boom boom crank that motherfucker. We got no matches. I'm gonna burn this fucking how we're gonna burn this number I don't smoke And then you had this big thing that I don't know what this is. I don't give a fuck. Get down, Lee. Oh, you got your little woman coming over this weekend? Yeah, we're going on a doctor game on Sunday. Oh, shit.

Who they're playing? Red Sox, that's where we're going. Oh, shit. You don't get beat up, Lee. Don't do it. No. We're staying in the white people's actually. We're in the Loge.

That don't mean nothing. You're still going to get beat up. People don't know you're going. They're going to butt bang you in the muffler. But I was, I actually. meant to talk about this the other day and I forgot. We were looking at, we were looking at what tickets to buy and this is new to me. They don't have this in Boston, but in the

bleachers here, it's all you can eat. Which is, like, all the hot dogs, all the nachers, all the soda. And if it was just me going, that's the first place I would have gone, to be honest. How much is it? 60 bucks? All you can eat? Fucking, like, I was, I joke with it. They give you all the old food. They give you all the old hot dogs and shit. But I was joking with it. Like, we should probably just buy a ticket

for that section two and then we would spend less money on food. So you're going to walk over there and walk up the stairs? No, no, no, no, we didn't do it. You're going to sit her up there? No, no, we're sitting in the loge together. They'll kill you in those bleaches. So why you're eating, they'll kill you. Of course.

But I was thinking because we talk a lot about staying healthier. And I was thinking, like, there's really no need for all you can eat nachos and hot dogs. Like, yeah, it's good money-wise and it sounds like a great deal. But what good is going to come from eating six hot dogs and three things in nachos? and eight cups of soda. Let me ask you something. How many of those fucking disgusting nachos can you fucking eat? I don't know if it's all you can eat.

No, no. They're fucking, it's these old chips with a cheese dip. Yeah. With jalapinos on it. That's the creativity. Yeah. That's what you're going to eat. No, I'm not going to eat now.

Listen, when I went to Costco and got the tickets from my uncle and I got him for a couple seasons, they give you two hot dogs and two sodas. I'm looking at you as a brother. Yeah. I got Oscar Myers at the house right now. We got a call to me. Oh, shit. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Danny B. Here we are. Here we are. Danny B wins. Let's open up with... That daughter of yours, that's the first time I saw it second time,

but that picture yesterday. Oh, that was just... I gave a Cuban food, and she was grunting like Herman Munster. She was grunting at my wife after she tasted the Cuban beans. Hey, D, so let's open up with your fucking brother. what happened

let us know what happened from the start here people want to know honestly I don't know every detail like I sent here on the side you know what he he couldn't stay here in Pennsylvania for first of all they didn't want him to stay with me and I told him if he doesn't

stay here chances are he's going to get into trouble but it is what it is you know so they sent him back in the jersey and in the bottom line his gallery wasn't prepared to fit into society you know he didn't want to go out there and do the regular nine to five so he resorted to what he knows you know and that's what ultimately led him to getting caught i don't know how many bank robberies

he did prior to get in court but i know that wasn't his first oh so he had robbed a bank before he got caught that day oh yeah actually earlier in the day before that bank he was in manhattan trying to take down a chase bank and uh that didn't work out well you know when you're delusional and for two or three days on a marching powder. That could, uh, there was no game plan, man. He just went there with a butter knife and a BB gun, you know, and balls, jumping the counter. You know what?

In the funny, carcob, you know, all over the place, because it really, it's sad. Because when he was here, he's telling the old types of shit how he can do this. And he, Gary, things are changed. There's a camera on every fucking corner. You can't rob banks the way you did in the 90s in the late 80s. It's just, because, you know, Gary, for some ways, and Coco thought he was a successful bank robber. I kept telling him, Gary, they always knew

it was you. They just couldn't find you. So you're not like a professional at this. You got balls, but you're going to get caught, and you know, sure enough he did. You can't do anything anymore. Like, the way we were making a living like pirates and shit, it can't

be done anymore. There's too many cameras. There's too many cameras. There's not a living out there. I'm telling you, there's a fucking camera in your daughter's diaper bag. There's the cameras everywhere. Any way you go into the show. They just did a thing on Channel 4 News, ABC,

that they robbed this pharmacy here in Orange County. They robbed it six times in the last two years. And even with the cameras, they show the guy breaking into those doors that you step on, the pharmacy opens up. The guy goes in and takes those vikinans and oxycottings and oxycotins, and he gets out of it in 10 fucking minutes. It's amazing.

Yeah, you know what? But Gary wasn't, you know, Gary, like I said, he's got the biggest balls in the world, but he was never the sharpest, you know, knife in the toolbox. You know, he was always delusional. And we saw a comment. I hate to say, we try to be positive. We did everybody, not just me, Coco. Guys in North Bergen, Scotty Swites, maybe you don't know some of the guys.

Yeah, I know, Scottie. But they all tried to help him out. Craig Tessler, Darren Legos brother. Craig, his stepbrother Craig. You know, we're in touch still. So they saw it coming. You know, he was partying a lot and took down a couple of local drug dealers and, you know, whatever. That's fine.

You know, that's in his league. You know, you can take out a little street hockey for a couple of geez. But, you know, one morning he called me up. It was like 10 in the morning he was up and fucking, he was delusional. He told me he just took a guy down for $2.2 million. And I'm like, Gary, lose my fucking number or run whatever, just fucking. Just keep the way for me, but he was delusional. He didn't rob anybody that night.

So it was just a matter of time, you know, and, uh, he's sick because he's never going to see the streets again. No, I mean, how fucked up is he? He goes into Fairview. He's staying by the high school. It's a fucking mile away from the bank. They don't have a getaway car. No game plan.

The fucking town work is chasing. He tries to carjacks somebody. He don't know how to drive. He crashes the fucking car into somebody's fucking car. house and then they find his little skinny white legs sticking out of a truck you know he was underneath the body of a truck and uh it was like in there i think 90-something street gogo right off a kennedy let me tell you something dan you made a fucking great point that my god for years i was thinking about the how i ran on balls you know it doesn't it doesn't take a genius to buy a gram

from somebody watch where they hide the coke and come back an hour later and kick that door down and steal that coke i had no creativity at all I was just, it was basically balls. I was robbing these dealers and these, and after a while, you know what, Danny, I was going to get caught. You just made a great point. I just, I was going to get caught, and that's what happened with the kidnapping.

I actually thought I was going to take a guy, put a gun to his head and put him on a bus to Arizona. That's bull. There's no brains there. There's no brains involved. Well, you know, back in the day, things, I guess, you're right. It is what it is.

Back in the day, it just seemed different than today. You know, just today, just, such a harder challenge and everything that we do. You know, but yeah, we all had balls. I did some crazy shit. You did some crazy shit, but this was really not necessary. Gary had it made. Let me tell you something.

From somebody who just got out of jail to 20-something years, you know, my house is beautiful. I have a couple of Mercedes-Benz. He was eating like a fucking king. All they kept seeing is be patient, Gary. Be patient. But no, he kept going on the damn internet, fucking around with hookers and this one. And I know it was going to lead to something bad.

And I saw her a comment because he kept saying, I just want what you got, bro. I just want what you got. I got to get mine. I got to eat too. I'm like, how I didn't get this overnight. It took me, you know, a good many years to get here. A lot of struggles, a lot of errors, you know, a lot of ups and downs.

And he just don't want to. He didn't want to accept that job. It's called work. After a while, it's called fucking work. You know, When I was 28 years old, I sat there, and I had done everything. Danny, I did construction, I sold cars, and I was good at everything. But I didn't want to put the work in.

I was always a salesman. But there comes a point in selling and everything that one day you got to do work. Now you got to work. I want this for the living. So instead of being a fucking hard carrier, I got to be a hottie and a bricklayer to make it profitable for the guy to teach me how to lay brick. That's work. That means you got to do two jobs at once for eight bucks.

hour and that's when I'd crack I quit I'd become a fucking burglar again I'll rob the neighbor you know it was easy you know what I'm saying one day I finally said I got no money I got no family I just lost a marriage what else am I gonna do I'm gonna try this comedy shit either it works or it fucking doesn't I end up in North Bergen as a fucking MUA worker and vote for Sacco every year until fucking I die that's funny that's who captured him that's who caught him the MUA guys out of the Hudson County Park they're the ones who got him he hijacked actually it's really ironic because one of the guy he wound up carjacking was a work of iophilis you know ipholice the name ipholice yeah exactly so it was like really weird

and ipholice this guy that he hijacked his truck was like the ex-husband of the girl he was dating was like really everything was just bizarre from the BB gun to the butter knife to i mean the die bags blew up they were walking around naked they had they had they got blown up they were all blue. They looked like the blue band. Fucking idiots. They were calling them the bumbling bandits. That's at least the last time when he took a hit. He went down with the Russian mob.

He was doing high-end burglaries, you know, run with the crew. This time he got caught with a 20-year-old drug addict, all painted up in blue half-naked. And, you know, with a BB gun on the butter knife and crash. So this time he's going down not with that reputation.

You know, he's going down, like you're fucking idiot. You know, and I don't know, man. It hurts. It hurts. But we got a family. We got everybody. We got to do our thing, too.

You know, we spent a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of emotional support and money, which I don't give a fuck about the money. But my kids, now he's gone again, and I'll never see him again. It got used to having an uncle, you know. So he hurt more than himself this time, Coco. You know, and that's what we're just talking about. That's what we're just talking about. That's why I stopped doing blow, because I didn't want my wife.

It comes a day where you do it, you don't give a fuck. And one day you go, you know what? The last thing I need is Danny's wife picking me up off the floor one morning before she makes breakfast. Right. You know what? Yeah, I'm in your basement getting high all night. Your wife comes down to fucking tell me to come up for eggs and there I am dead. That's when you start thinking about other people's feelings.

You know, you know what? She doesn't need that in her life. Danny, I don't give a fuck way. He finds me dead. If Danny finds me, fucking pulp me up and give me a line to go. You know what I'm saying? That would be sad No, no, but I'm just saying, Danny, that

When we were young, we were doing blow for three fucking days. A thousand things could have happened. A thousand things could have happened. Danny, a thousand, every morning when I wake up, I think to myself as I'm peeing, a thousand things could have gone wrong, Danny. You do that one line in the morning after you do 22-8 balls, you know you got that little bit left in the morning.

You look at it, and it's a heart. break of the throw it away. It's a heartbreaker. I just have to flush it away because there come a time where I just didn't even want it no more. I was kidding myself. I'm going to flush the last half gram away. And then five hours later, I'm making phone calls to fucking Carlos Acosta. So, yeah, it's fucking, I'm so glad that that shit's beyond me, behind me for many, many years, you as well. But I saw it with Gary. He was getting very impatient. Gary's like a very high, strong, you're high strong, but he's high, fucking strong.

So, you know, one day, you know, I'm the one feeding of money, by the way, you know, so I don't mind. He's taking girls to the fucking hotels, 20-minute blow jobs, whatever, and all this crazy shit. And then one day he says, I've got to get high. I'm like, what do you mean? I said, you can't. You get the money. I get the economy system. I don't know where to get that.

He jumped on a fucking bus from Allentown to New York City, like it's an hour and a half an hour-hour ride to try to score something, grab the bag, came back, and acted like he wasn't high. And he was fucking just twisted up. He said he couldn't get any. And then I was like, oh, here it comes. Here comes the end. It's coming. And then he just, you know, just, you sort of common. You see things coming.

When you're an addict yourself, you know what to look for. You know, I might be sober and everything. I like my weed, of course. You know that. And I'll never take those fucking things you again, by the way. Oh, the Chebichie was. You left. You were sweating and shit.

Your face was all red. I loved it. Your wife said you ordered room service. hit under the fucking covers. It was fucking frightening. My wife was, like, worried about me. And, you know, I smoked enough pot to kill a small army, but this shit

was, uh, whatever. And the Philly Godfather was on fire, too. Dude, the Philly Godfather text me the next morning said he had to pull over three different times to get home. And he only lived like ten minutes. All those fucking Cheebo choosers. He's coming back. He'll be back next week.

I guess Rogan took one and fucking, he's seen the devil. Rogan, I gave him a 70 milligram, uh, healthy one, the one with the BEDs in it. I have to guess we're only contacted them on his own. Now, Danny, it's amazing how one day you start thinking about the people around you. And you have a beautiful family, but can you imagine getting arrested now, Danny, and doing time and having your kids visit you on Sundays. Are you fucking kidding me, Danny?

Listen, back in 04, you know, when I got hit with the Wyatt Wayser in Florida, I'm a millionaire. I'm floating on top of the world. My wife's eight months pregnant. I got a quarter of a million dollars put aside for Jaden's who was not even born yet at the time. His college fund. Don't we get hit. You know, we got rated.

14 of us got rounded up. Seven, eight different agencies. And it was an ugly, ugly thing. And then when I was going to cop out because we pled to the wire wager act, which we were referring people to casinos, not even a big deal. Everybody was doing it. It was all about the money. They confiscated like $14 million from us.

So I'm going to get sentenced now because I had a pass prior to that, and this is federal, by the point system, I'm going to do three to five months. My baby's a few months old. Jamie had nobody to help us. So she flies down a friend, the only one that will be there to help us. You know, I didn't like the girl, but hey, she was there. She showed up looking like she was fucking on a four-day mission herself. And I'm like, oh, my goodness.

When I was going to get sentenced, they took. told me not to bring the baby into the courtroom, it wouldn't be a good idea. I had to turn my three, four-month-old, three-month-old baby over to some crack addict with fucking bloody skin from scratching her fucking method, but whatever the fuck she was on. It was the most, the hardest thing I can do. And then when I got out of the courtroom, because the judge just gave me probation, because they felt that my rule wasn't whatever. And so they downgraded me with the points and gave me probation like everybody else.

So I just took that baby out of her fucking arms, like, forgive me that baby back. And I held it, and I promised that I would never. But then again, I wasn't, that was something that was totally unexpected, you know. I minded my business and got into trouble. Didn't know what we were doing would get us into trouble. But, yeah, I know how close it is to almost go to jail again, Coco, and have a baby that's, and then they took all of our money, too.

So I would have left my family with no fucking money and going to jail. So that wasn't exactly a... It's amazing. You know, that's the first thing the feds do is take your fucking money. That's amazing. They take your fucking money. They take your car, your attorney, write everything off the bat, so you're fucked. They close your fucking, but they freeze your accounts.

Yeah, I managed to do okay out of that. Oh, shit. Yeah, but you know what? That was a scary time, so no. But yeah, it does make me. I want to watch movies that have anything to do with prison. If I turn it on, the longer shot, I want to. because you were in it but any fucking thing else I see fucking sure shut click I see

prison wives click I don't even want to see anything that a door shuts and slams fucking prison wise is that the dumbest if you're a fucking broad and you're making a but then again when you're inside you meet people who are professional people who want to go to jail there's these idiots that you meet in prison that that's their life that's their life pressure when you talk to them they'll just tell you their resume of the places where they've been you know how people go, I've been to Europe, I've been to Italy, I've been to Spain, Barcelona. That's what they say to you, and they're proud of it.

And you sit there and go, you're fucking retarded with your fucking son's anarchy sweatshirt on, you fucking Mo Mo. Dude, I did 32 months. I did a two-year bid, then I did another eight months after that, and I got out, it's been almost 20 years. You know, but yeah, you definitely got some weirdos in jail. And Gary, instead of getting smart, he thought that, oh, I learned more. nap. I was, you know,

Gary was locked up with some real heart in criminals, you know, Zodiac Killer, the guy who killed John Lennon, and Mark David Chapman, and, you know, some real chiefs, professionals, gangsters, so he, you learn in there, or you think you're learning in there. Instead of learning a lesson,

I see, that's where I went wrong. Next time I do it on. So, yeah, you know, but, again, getting back to Gary, it's sad. He'll never see the streets again. He's kind of probably wind up in threatened, you know, down there with, you know, what is that triple max down there in South Jersey. So, yeah, you know, I'm confused how to feel, you know, because I knew he was going to

hurt some, but he tried to shoot the cop. He was trying to pull the gun on the cops hosted to shoot himself, because that's what he said. I'm going to jail day. I'm going to jail. You know, so it's kind of, I guess, sad, but nobody got hurt, so that's the good thing. You said something that fucking kills me, Dee. He'll never see him. He'll never see. daylight. Can you imagine that, are you people at home? Like what that means? Never seen fucking outside again. No Chinese

food. No nothing. No walking. That's the biggest freedom that you lose. I remember that was how what do you mean I'm not going to be able to eat Chinese food no more. I can't even get the liver? No, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. That's it. Just those simple things.

You'll never see that again. They gave us chop suey in it. It was absolutely horrible. Horrible. Anything they didn't give you in there is fucking horrible. And you eat it. When I did time, I did time with the guys from Newark. You know, a lot of wise guys, they get the food packages. They mean fucking lobster.

I was like, this is fucking unbelievable. And I didn't have nobody sending me shit. So I wound up being a little prison cook. Just liking fucking goodfellers. I'm fucking sitting there cooking for these guys cleaning. But I was eating like a fucking champ and they took care of me. But some guys got those fucking fat-ass food packages. But I think they took away all of that shit.

Yeah, it's a different part. You know what we had, you know what we had, you know what I had at the place where they put me, they had an age unit at that time, 88, 89. They didn't really know about AIDS. So what they did was built them a complete fucking unit, complete from scratch, couches, microwaves. So I had everything, my whole operation, I ran out of the age unit because they had TVs in there. I used to watch Marry with children. And the AIDS guy didn't give a fuck. If you brought food, they can put it in their refrigerator.

I'm going to get AIDS from the food. So I would go in there and cook everything. And you know what? I got to learn a lot about AIDS. I got to learn about these people who had AIDS and their struggles. And here I was thinking I felt bad because I had to do a year. And these motherfuckers are doing time with AIDS. Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking kidding me? When you stop and you start thinking about how fucked up your life is, it isn't. They look around harder and further and you'll find other people have it much worse than our. So, you know, everybody britches about their life, say, listen, people have it a lot worse than you trust me. Some people have it better, but a lot of people have it worse. D. So last week. No, no, no, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry. No, it's just, yeah, you know, I can just go on and on about the Gary thing, but positive things.

What's going on with you? I know you're hitting D.C. You're going to hit the White House or what? Did they invite your ass? No, you know what? I'm going to go down there and try to take some pictures. and me in front of the White House. So hopefully, one idea for the CD that me and Lee taped in the last week.

A couple months is a American felon. You know what I'm saying? So you're going to take... So you guys are killing it, man. You guys are killing it. I'm watching your audience grow and lots of love, rightfully so, man. Oh, we're having fun.

Everybody loves Lee. They're loving Lee. That's good. And Lee was helpful with us. Let me tell you something, my little brother. So the other day, I'm sitting there, and you know what? Time has creeped up on me, Danny B, because...

And it's true. The older you get, you run out of time. And I'll tell you what, football is fucking upon us. Like, that's it. Like, now on Sundays you have something to do after church. And here you are. You've been doing this 20, 30 fucking years. I've known you, you know, since we were kids.

I mean, if I'm going to refer anybody to this, to any service at all. And me and Danny talk about this all time, Danny and I, we know you have your own system and you're going to win this September. And you're going to get shoes for your kids and you're going to work. Ruben, you're going to get your dick sucked. That's a great dream, but it's probably not going to happen, and you can run on muscles and luck as long as you

can, and after October, you're going to be looking for people like Danny, who are honest at least with you. And if they're losing, you're losing. It's not some guy, Danny's banging it out. Danny's out there making a living doing this, so if I was going to become a professional gambler,

this is who I want in my corner. Danny, drop it on these cock-suckers. Well, you know what? well said. First of all, you did this business for a bit. Most people, they have that full sense of confidence. This is going to be my year. I studied hard. I've been, you know, I'm on my game and bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Next thing, you know, they're calling me the first week in October last week of September the senior year. You know, they need more help than I can give them or they're in so deep. I need a backer to get them out of debt. But, you know, it's

true. You know, I'm here, and it's not just me. I told you. I'm very honest about this. baseball, I've kicked ass, I had a cold spell, I got a little hot again, but it's about balance. Come football season, I got the best contacts out there. Philly Godfather, they wrote three or four books about this guy. There's a new book coming out called Lost Me Games. The author's name's Brian Tu-A, and they mention the Philly Godfather, and that whole crew that was involved with the Tim Donagie betting scandal. See, they were in business years and years before the Tim Donagie thing.

And they mention this guy with the likes of Billy Walters. And anybody out there at gambling, Billy Walters is Donald Trump to the, you know, you know, somebody, he's just huge in the business. He is the man. If anybody wants to be anybody in my world, it's Billy Walters. So they got this guy mentioned with the likes of Billy Walters. So that's the ultimate compliment. And I have access to these guys, and they don't win all the time, even, man. You know, you're looking to hit 58, 60 percent.

and maximize what you're doing. Anybody out there, listen to me. Listen to me carefully. There's nobody out there. If you call around, they're going to hit 75%, 68%. They might have runs. They might do 68, 90, you know, for a month, but at the end of the year, nobody's going to maintain that.

Nobody. I've been doing this my whole fucking life. It's hills and valleys. It's about having a fucking bankroll and not being a Superman. Don't be a superhero, you know? Don't get that. full sense of confidence. If you do good on Saturday, don't be in a hurry

to give it back on a Sunday. And a lot of people do that, Joey. You know, they win big Saturday, and now they feel like they could compot the fucking world. Then come Sunday night, they're sitting there biting their fingers. And I fucking should have listened to Dan. I should have listened to him. Now I'm betting fucking Hawaii,

the late show, sweating bullets that Hawaii loses by fucking 82. Remember, Glenn Conti, back in the early 80s, fucking he was a degenerate there for a bet. He was always in trouble with the book. There were so many of us. We all had the same story to tell kind of.

Everybody on Coke, everybody gambling, everybody going money or robbing somebody. It's a fucked-up time. But we had some good times. But, yeah, getting back to this football season, people will play on their own. And I recommend play on your own rather than call a lot of these clowns out there that are offering, you know, 7-0 guaranteed, or they're going to triple your bankroll in two days. And just be careful. there's a lot of sharks out there.

And I'm going to be honest, I worked with these guys. I worked with the douchebags in the past, so I know how they think. So, you know, just take my advice. If you're going to do it, be smart about it. Allocate whatever you can afford to lose. That's the key word. Allocate what you can afford to lose.

With the right strategy, patience, discipline, you can make it fun and pick up some change. And you do a daily thing. You do weekly. You do monthly. You know, give them. this motherfucker, he'll make you some cash. That's all the bottom line is.

It's fucking cat. Some people just don't know how to gamble. And even if you school them a little bit and show them how to breathe here and lay low here, it's an education. If you're gambling and you're losing, you're gambling, you're making a hypothesis and it's

even uneducated, so it's not even an hypothesis. With Danny, it becomes a fucking hypothesis. He's fucking educated. It's a guess, but your guess is a little fucking strong with Danny B. You know what? It's an educated decision that we make. Educated decisions and living with them too.

And you know what? I can go back to Gary again. Because with the gamble, they tell me, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying. You're right about that. I shouldn't play a lot of games. They tell you what, you know, they think you want to hear. Just like Gary, he was yes to me to death. And ultimately, he came to his demise and gamblers will do that too.

I know these motherfuckers. As soon as they get on the phone, I know them. I can read them. That's what I do. I know where they're at. I've been where they're at. That's the most important thing here. You can't lie to me.

I've seen it all. I've been broke. I was desperate on a Monday night. Many times, that $2,000 polly, he's just trying to hit that two-teameter to get that five grand back that I lost to Mr. Holloway

or the jumpers or the English brothers or remember the English brothers? Do you remember the English brothers? Do you remember the jumpers? No, I remember the jumpers, though. The jumpers are big time now. Joe Jump is the man. No, yeah, they were old, I think Joe got bigger than Frank,

and Governor Christie, Governor Christie at the time was the prosecutor in Jersey before the governor. He took down them. He took down Frank in like the late 80s. Yeah, Joe's still a lot. Yeah, you know, it's true. Football starts actually next Thursday, the 29th college. Then the following week, he got the NFL kicking off on a Thursday. We've got Memorial.

What's Labor Day? Labor Day weekend. September. That's it. next weekend, next Monday, Wednesday, after that. Now, Dee, one thing that we want to stress here, and we love you, and we see it coming. One thing about Danny, one thing about me is we're the king of addictions.

We see it coming. We're telling you to put some bets in if you'd like to. We're telling you to keep it under control. Because on the other hand, like you said, yeah, you have seen the Conteys. And my brother, who's going to be at the New York shows in Gotham, was the biggest degenerative out of all of them. His name was Mike Roney. the biggest.

He's called into, let me tell you how big of a junkie he was. He would bet with Spider. Oh, please. He would bet with Spider at Lucci's Tavern, and he would go there, he put the bets in, and then when he,

he would slip a Quaylu to Spider, when he'd pass out, he'd take the book out of his jacket and rechanged the bets and still fucking lose. He'd still fucking lose. I know, I remember that year. He'd still fucking lose.

That's how much of a loser he was. The mailman. The mailman. Yeah, a fucking unbelievable stories. Man, you can... Well, we can do a movie about Norbergen. Just running alone. Just running...

He called me Friday. He called me every fucking Friday at 9 o'clock. Danny, there's nothing that bothers me more when somebody calls me on a Friday or Saturday at 9 o'clock and wants to talk because I can't give you my attention. I'm about to get on stage. I call Mike Ronnie 18 times a week. The motherfucker never calls me back.

Friday night at 8.4. My phone rings. It's Mike Runny. And then after, I go, Mike, what's up? And he'll go, nothing. I'm sitting here calling you back. And I'll go, Mike, you had all week to fucking call me back. You calling me back now? You know what he says to me? I just bought a gram of ball. I'm over here doing a couple lines. I figured I'd give you a call.

Dirty years later, he's still doing fucking bumps. Calling me up back. That's why I love Mike Running. He's coming to the New York shows. I am too. Listen, man, I fucking, I love Mike Ronnie. I played Little League with him, Babe Ruth. His brothers are all cool.

Ricky and Steve, you know, I got the chance to see Steve in Philly with you. That was cool. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, those guys used to get fucked up. It is. You know what? We all were doing that, though.

We have fun, but God damn it. You know, it's surprised that only a handful of us died, you know. A couple of us died. I forgot the guys named Pedro or something like that. He had died from an overdose. Darren. A couple of people killed themselves, but, you know what? Who all killed themselves?

Who else killed himself? Who else killed himself? Johnny Cowell. Remember John Cowan? He killed himself? Yeah, he hung himself, man. He hung himself at the Liberty, not the Liberty, the Domino, at the Domino Motel. Why did he do that?

The baseball player hung himself? Yeah, he was, you know, he was playing baseball for the Orioles. He was in their farm system because he was gay, and his father was a tough old Irishman, And he just, uh, he didn't accept it. And Johnny had to live with that. And that's, you know, I didn't know at the time. We thought it was drugs. It was drugs, too, but came out later on.

And, of course, he was gay and his father wasn't accepting him. And, you know, that's why he took himself out. So, yeah, Johnny Cowan's a good kid. He was my paper boy when I was, he was my paper boy. But, uh, yeah, man, we can go on and on about this shit. But, yeah, when you were saying Friday night, that's because Friday night, he probably picked up a, little package and he's all geared up ready to talk and fucking diarrhea out of the mouth.

You know who else fucking killed herself? Lila, the bartender from Joan Marys. I pissed on a dog one time behind the bar on a quailute. I fucking pissed on that stinky fucking dog. Remember, it would just lay there, so I would take my dick out, order a drink and just shoot some tropical helmet juice on the fuck. I hated that dog. I hated that fucking dog, yeah. I mean, I never, I would never.

I would never kick that fucking. I never forget the time that Roger puked in the fucking bar and George gave him a bucket to clean it up and he gave the bucket back to that that was a bar that that's a bar that if I had the balls I have to sit down with somebody

give him a gram a blow and just to tell me all the stories again but I do remember one thing they were serving us when we were 16 I know that they served me when I was 16 I was a junior in high school I could not drive and you'd go there about one in the afternoon they'd have sandwiches

cut up, Doug, under a little plastic thing. You'd order a gin and tonic, go get a few sandwiches. In high school, fuck the coffee shop, and fuck you. Tell him, tell him, Danny B. You know what, it's fucking crazy. I think back that I remember going to the scoreboard at the age of 14. The scoreboard was on 70th Street, right off of Burr. You know where the Blimpy base used to be?

Blimpies. Yeah, yeah. And Big Mouth, Big Mouth subs there, was there too. Yeah, yeah, big mouths. Yeah, but we used to go there and put on our overalls. Like, we just got off of the docks down at APA truck and pork work, walked in there. Like, you're fucking parted them. The fucking, let me me over with the fork.

Give me a beer, please. And the next day, I know the old Dyke, what the hell was her name? She knew everything about baseball. She looked at us like, yeah, where it's frangles, $0.25 of fucking beer. I loved it. Then there was Ernie's Bar. Remember Ernie is on 38th Street If you bang on the door after 3 o'clock

He'd give you the coldest beer in town You did how much money you got $18 too Amos too They would serve you They didn't give a fuck Lee They didn't ask about IDs I remember one night we were doing blow

With Joe O'Mary's And they bought us an ice cream cake For our birthday And the ice cream cake Nobody touched the fucking ice cream cake Because everybody was so fucking high on blow It was just craziness Craziness and that

That was crazy. the last time I was up in Northburg, I told you had the place up in Wee Hawking up to last December. So I bumped into Jarmeyhan and Chattatino. You talk about him a lot. So they take me to his half hour, joint that serves food. And Gino

DeCarlo, he was a degenerate kid. And his father was tied up. Kido thousands at the age of like 12 years old. But you know, I understand everybody, everybody's geared up. And he's breaking out, fucking like, tomato and much of that shrimp cocktail. I'm like, looking at him.

Like, who the fuck's going to eat this? You can't even fucking... Their jaws are going so fucking fast. Because I just figured you guys want something to snack on. I said, I don't have some, but look at those fucking guys. Don't know how the building's down with those jaws. Oh, my fucking... Danny, where can they find you, Dee?

What's the website? Usually in Allentown, Tonsorvenu, you can knock on my door anytime. My wife makes a good chicken cutlet. If you want to look at me, you come to Danny B.Wins.com, bro. Danny B.Wins.com. simple stuff, and I got my podcast that, you know, we're just kicking it. And I'm calling it on Monday. I'm calling it on Monday.

I'd love it. That would be, Monday morning. Real quick, real quick, I just got an email from HBO. All right. It's still sports. Now, you know, back in 97, I did a thing with that. Right. Yes, yes, yes.

I remember. I remember that. Well, they're coming back for Part 2, I guess. They just sent me an email this morning, some producer Chapman Downs or something. I looked them up. He's renowned. So I'm going to see what the hell's going on there. I think they want a follow-up story on me.

Where is he now, kind of? Where am I now? I'm fucking in Allentown. You're in Allentown, giving information of Billy fucking Joel. You know what I'm saying? I like it. No, honestly, you know, it's been a fun ride. It hasn't always been smooth.

And, you know, out of the North Bergen, I feel that you and I have come a long way, especially you. I'm just, like, so, you know, happy for you. I'm in a different league than you. Oh, you're a fucking star, Dee. You've been fucking them up for years. You're a star. You're a star, cuck, sucker.

And, Dee, am I going to see you in New York? You're coming up? I see you a group of bees, man. I love these people. These people are fucking solid. These are soldiers, DB. Soldiers, they are. DB, am I going to see you in New York?

You coming up? You will see me there Friday night to 13th. I will see you there Friday the 13th. I think it's Ronnie. Mike Bartulovich. We got some people coming over. Jennifer Ascolon. Mike Eascolice, yeah, we're going to have a nice time, brother.

So Mike Ronnie's coming. It's his anniversary. I got work the next day. They're going to, I know. They go into Segovia for dinner, and we're all going to go to the feast of San Janeiro. So let me know. I got to run.

I love you at all my heart. I love you too, brother. Keep it up. And give that little beautiful girl a chance. Thank you. God bless you. Your family. And I'll call you next week Monday.

Be on your, what's the name of the podcast? Keeping it real. Danny B. Keeping it real with Danny B on iTunes, and we're on there next week. I'm calling on Monday. We're going to talk for sports. I've got some great guests, too, you know. But anyway, thanks to have for me as always.

Always. All that neat stuff. Shalom, all that good stuff, and Jajamba Juice and whatever else you thought. I love you, brother. Take care, my man. Bye-bye. Let me give us a shot. That's a good one.

Danny B. in the house today. Yesterday, I went to the Cuban joint, I bumped into one of the guys on the boys. podcast cool motherfucker listen to the guitar player from Sondga, Kai Lago I want to give a shout out to Stefanya Kina Stefania, McKenzie Tittle,

Matt Zills, N.B. Leaf, Iris Ibar, and my man Cruz Jackson up this morning giving some fucking love. We talked about fucking honor this morning. I tell you what? I told you motherfuckers the other day I got that dollar shave cream. It's a bargain and people ordering that shit

they're sending me pictures of what they got. People are happy. I told you. That fucking raising, kill somebody with that heavy fucking razor. That's the one that's going on the road with me from now and I'm packing it to go. Yeah. No, every fucking month.

It's great for that. If you go to the gym, why not? It's a dollar a month for the two-blade one? Why not have it? You could just leave it at the gym. People, we look after you.

I'm not going to tell you again. Hulu plus is one thing. Two weeks for free, $7.99. Now we're throwing this other fucking thing at you. This dollar shave club, six months a fucking month. That's, what's 12 times six?

$72 fucking dollars in you. Seventy-two. Think about how many you and your fucking faggy friends drinking those starbuffs hanging out talking about places you ain't ever gonna go. I'm just getting you twizzled up for fucking $72 for the fucking year.

You got a razor and you can shave your fucking wise monkey with it. Whatever. Alex, you shave your girlfriend's monkey before you give her a stabbing? I'd be too nervous. You get a little state razor, a straight razor? Do you feel comfortable?

Oh, it's a party. I used to do it in the old days before I started shaking. I wouldn't let a girl shave me down there. No, why would you? But I don't trust anyone with like... What if I come up? You're not going to cut and you just shave down.

And you take the whipped cream and you lick the fucking Monquois. You shave her monkey and lick it at the same time. They go fucking bananas. I think I scared her a little bit. I think I scared her a little bit last night because she said she is going to be on that time of the month later this week. And I said, I don't give a fuck. I'll lay a towel down. And she's like, what?

You're not going to suck that bloody monster? I'm not going to suck it. No. Red devil. You like the juice. It's the same difference. You get nutrients. No, you don't.

Yes, you do. You get nutrients from the fucking clam of love. You just stick that fucking tongue in that machine gun, that red fucking monkey. It's all over, Jack. You're a little red on your face. You never got a little red on your face like that? You come up and wipe your arm and think you got a bloody nose. No.

Poor Dollar Shave Club. They never signed up for this. Yes, they did. Dollar Shave Club knows a time of this. I'm not saying to cut the bitch with the fucking Dollar Shave Club. I'm saying to shave her little mrs. monkey with the razor. Licked that fucking thing. Ooh.

So yeah, it gets a little bit confusing. But for Dollar Shave Club, you go to Dollar Shave Club dot com slash church. Or there's a banner at joeydiaz.net. And same thing for Hulu Plus. We can't say enough about it. They've been awesome. They have the new show of the awes which is really cool. It's a new animated show by Seth Myers.

And for HuluP Plus, you get two weeks free. Go to Huluplus.com slash Joey. Or there's another banner at joey dyes.net. We have banners everywhere. And we got T-shirts on Joey Dias not in that. Get them up. We're going to have a clearance. Get rid of those things. We've got new designs coming from the fall. New sweatshirts.

It's just a matter of time. You're giving J.R. a call. We'll get this fucking party started. I'm going to call until they get a clearance going. So we get this party. Fucking started for the winter jack. And always on it. Fucking putting it on it. I'm feeling good. I'm looking better. I'm getting stronger. My fucking oxygen

levels are up. What the fuck you're laughing about? I'm fucking good. I'm feeling. That's right, Billy Ray. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with him and shit? Yeah, that was fucking great talking to Danny. You know what, man, I keep my friends close like that because they keep me insane. Yeah. I know that I'm fucking crazy, but when I talk to my friends about growing up where we grew up,

this girl's coming to seeing me Saturday. Her name is Tanya. I grew up with Lisa and Tanya. There were two sisters in the neighborhood. Oh, the one who we had on the documentary? Documentary, but the younger sister's coming. She's a doctor and shit, and she told me, she was Joey. I can't wait to see

I grew up with Tanya The other day we got into it on the phone I'm growing up in the neighbor In the diner we used to go to And snappy nappies And you know what man I love Jersey I fucking love it

I'm so proud to be where the fuck I'm from so I'm sorry people Sometimes you're like Joey what the fuck No dog we grew up in a fucking great neighborhood I'm telling us getting served When we was 16 Without even asking you for a fucking idea This Joe Marries was crazy dog

That's a fucking crazy and crats where we beat the janet up he took the epileptic pills that was it but the fucking owner was a loan shark I stole on $20,000 I can't believe he peed on the dog one time those golden retrievers he would sit right fucking there by the thing

and he bit bite your fucking legs and he stunk bad the dog stunk and he was always asleep and she must have you know I don't fucking know I kind of hate it Lila but then when I heard she killed herself I started loving her again

And she was one of those bar moms So at the end of the day Don't mean dick She's just the chief alcohol I got a fucking joint Yeah But she was a very sweet lady And she gave you

White vodka tonics White vodka cranberry juices She'd give you two inches Ofculeauze Everything else was just white She was such a fucking Alki that she gave you drinks How she drank him

Her fucking poor Was all vodka And you were 16 And she just like this At the grapefruit And give you a drop of grapefruit You'd be fucking fucking Hammond.

Yeah. Hammond, and we fucking grew up in there. There was no... And it was like anything else. We all used to say how much that bar sucked. But any time we were

anywhere else, we couldn't wait to go back to that fucking bar. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? We couldn't wait to go back. We were talking about Mike Roney in there one night. Me and Mike had to be 18.

Mike's got a black eye. He walks in there. He's a little gacked up. I was on a little acid and I gave Mike a hit of acid. We're in there, just minding our business like on an off night.

I never forget that these three. Three fucking white dudes came in. And I knew one of them. I can't remember what the fucking guy's name, but they were from a big family. They were bulky. And the other guy was a basketball player.

And we were talking to them, but they weren't our cup of tea, and we're not their cup of tea. We grew completely different. And I could tell that those three guys would have jumped us. You know, if anything was going to go down, they would jump us.

Yeah. And they were already sitting there with that people sit a certain way, But you know what they mean. They sat there in that aggressive type style. Like, they were there to fuck with us. Yeah. And Mike walked in.

So I felt a little better now, right? So we get into a conversation with him about gambling. And the guys over there like, yeah, I'm three for four with the Kyle Rote Jr. Handbook. So what you did was you sent this guy like $9. Yeah. And in the mail, in those days it's 30 years ago. He's saying you back like a sheet and how to gamble and all this stuff.

This guy takes the fucking sheet out and starts. looking at it and he gives it to Mike Runny. Who's sitting next to me. Mike Runny opens a sheet, looks at him, crumbles the fucking thing and throws at the fucking guys. And I know it's on. It's fucking on.

I'm like, what the fuck are we going to do now? And next thing, you know, Mike, through the thing, he knew, you know, this is one. I learned a lot from Mike Roney growing up. Mike is my brother. Mike, I love Mike.

I talk to Mike once a week. I yell at him because I know Mike. One thing about Mike was he knew the brain strategy. He knew that if you thought about hitting somebody, you fucked up. As soon as Mike threw the fucking paper at them and they went like this, he took a beer can and that came

flying after that. Jesus. And now we were on them. That's my brother. I got to jump in and that wasn't a tough guy. I grabbed one of them, we grabbed them, Lila and the other bar people broke it up and that was the end of that. But I learned, I always think of that night. Mike had just come from a basketball game. We're during the

basketball game. He got into a fight. He had the black eye from the fucking fight. And now we're at a bar where I know those three guys would fucking turn on us in a heartbeat. And before they can even turn, Mike turns on them and fucks their night out. That was the beauty of how I grew up. That's why I am who I am today. Because that was, they just knocked them off their guard. I sat there going, oh my fucking God. And nothing happened and we probably all went home. But it was just, I think of that shit. See, that story just hearing it makes me nervous.

Like, people talk about people fighting in Boston, and they do. But I'm never around. Like, the thought of seeing someone at the bar and then, hey, check out this little paper I got. And somebody's taking it. And then he takes, he's like, fuck your paper. Oh, my God. I fucking lost it. Like, what if they just wanted to show you the thing?

And at that time, that wasn't my world. Oh, my God. That wasn't my world at all. But I love Mike for little things like that. Another time we were waiting to see Mike play. I was living with Mike, and I go to see Mike play baseball. Mike's my brother. I love Mike.

I go to see Mike play baseball, and one thing leads to another. What the fuck? One thing leads to another, and the game ends, and Mike calls the umpire over. Now, Mike's a fucking senior in high school. Okay. Mike's walking. There's fences.

There's a fence this way, and you have to wear a Hudson County Park, and all of a sudden next thing, you know, Mike walks over and he stops and he says oh come here for a second there was a fence in between the unc walks right up to Mike and he goes what's up Mike Mike spits in his fucking face this is the shit

I grew up around but the thing that taught me from Mike people at home and go home so he spent in this Mike never took shit from nobody and for years that was my big problem that right there I'd stop a motherfucker because of Mike Mike never took shit from anybody I mean, it was brilliant. From the time he was,

I remember he would be smoking cigarettes in his kitchen. And the father would be in the living room. He'd go, Mike, is that you smoking? And Mike go, nope. He never claimed responsibility, but that was the beauty of it. Until this day, I talked to him, like I said,

he calls me every Friday. He irritates the fuck out of me when he calls me because it's always, I'm always getting on stage, but I'm very fucking lucky. I'm very lucky. I have these motherfuckers. Then I got you, you fuck sucker.

No swimming. Please don't attack anyone in a bar. I don't know if I can take your back. Fucking lighters. I didn't, I didn't know I'd have a CDS in my fucking... You'll eat that bloody monkey this weekend, you filthy animal?

And then you're going to go to grandmas and eat some ptoly? No, we can't. We're not going to her mom's because we're going to the game. All right. So you're going to walk around with that little bloody breath all fucking that. Yeah. Get some listerine, all right?

You nasty motherfucker. Just in case you get that tampon string. Ugh, fuck. Why are you saying all this, man? You never pulled the tampon string? No. Like this one and lick the monkey. And you pull that cat.

It's like, yeah, you got to pull the, tell her leave the tampon string in there. You're going to jiggle it. I don't want to touch a tampon for? Like a broken, like a broken toilet. You're going to jiggle that motherfucker. Don't forget, you D.C., Baltimore, New York, Philly, South Carolina.

I'm in fucking D.C. Improb this weekend. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Next week, next Wednesday, we're back at the fucking ice house with a live pop. You don't even know who we got Plan for you as a live guest. Get your tickets early. What else we got going on?

That's it. And then New York City in September. But for right now... And then we got Portland in September, too. Then we got Portland in September. Which you ain't going. I'm not going anyone? Oh, man.

That was you can... Yes, I do. I don't know. You fucking cry. You got to eat a little goomy bed before you go. No, I don't. Just so you could be better on the 405.

I'm never... I'd be terrible on the 405. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't wiggle for me this moment. Put some music. Wiggle for me. You haven't wiggle for me, Lee. You don't do dick no more. Put a little disco for your Uncle Joey.

What can you dance this morning? Oh, ooh, let me see you wiggle for Uncle Johnny. Get up. Wiggle for the camera. It's Monday. Oh, shit, wait. Oh, and I can give you love. Are you fucking kidding me or what?

I love you, Coxuckers. Have a great weekend. You guys are great. I'll see you somewhere. What's up, Lee? Let me see you wiggle. You ain't wiggling. Come on, baby.

No, get up, Lee. Come on, cock-sick. It's third Wednesday. He didn't do a jumping jacket. He didn't do a jumping jacket. No, I didn't. Come on, let me see you wiggle. Wiggle for the camera like this.

The other way. In front of the camera, Popper. Jesus Christ. It's fucking Wednesday. You fuck up. Get up. You ain't burning calories no more.

A little wiggle. What if there was three fucking chicks with a thousand dollar bills in their mouth? You just dance like a fucking top? No, you got to shake that motherfucker. Let me see. Don't scratch your head. What are you spats your beard for?

You got fleas? Don't move your shoulders, your hips. Give them the hip action. Show him how you're going to put that fucking caputa. There you go, you're filthy fucking savager. We love you, cock suckers. Have a great week. Make it happen.

Don't take shit from nobody. And happy birthday, metal, Brad. I love you at all my heart, you cocksucker. You have my stomach round? You have my stomach, not my phone. Shut up, cocksucker. Now that the show's your heart. don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus.

Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone, or tablet. Support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to Huluplus.com slash Joey or jios.net and click on the Hulu Plus banner. Lastly, don't forget to sign up for Dollar Shaveclub.com. You'll get high-quality, raise your sent to your door each and every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail.

Joey loves these guys you well too. now go to dollar shaveclub.com forward slash church and go to joey ds.net and click on the dollar shave club banner