The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #083 | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: July 26, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Monday, July 26th..... This episode is brought to you by Relief Band & Magnesium Breakthrough..... Go to https://www.ReliefBand.com Enter Code: JOEY Go to https://www.MagBreakthrough.com/JOEY Enter Code: JOEY10 Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint  The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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motherfuckers welcome to a beautiful monday july to 26 we got one more week left in the year and hour of the year. The fucking month. And that's it. This fucking summer is cooking, motherfuckers. Like, I knew it would. I knew this summer was going to move. Just think about it. Next Sunday will be two months to the release of the fucking Sopranos. So it's moving fucking fast. It's real. And it's on, cock suckers. I've been having a great time lately. I feel good until this afternoon. When I go back and they're going to do the left side, they're going to fucking rip it up. whatever but like I said I'm getting I called them up and told them I was traumatized so I'm gonna get a little fucking laughing gas not the refa I don't smoke before the dentist don't forget to support laughing gas you guys are fucking it's almost done it's almost done the new fucking stock will be out in 10 days but uh please keep supporting Ziki the weed is fucking tremendous I was telling Mike I'm starting to get fucking blitzed blitzed Friday

fucking night my wife and daughter went out to a fair I got home about 6.30 there was no dinner you know I'm like I'm not really that hungry I go you know what man

I've been getting I've been getting to the point I've been getting so fucking stone that night that I gotta be honest with you guys I fucking I go up still remember when I used to the stories

on Rogan about the fucking the fucking cheese dittles I would start I couldn't stop eating them and I'd wake up in the morning and there'd be fucking pirates booty everywhere i'm not eating the pirates booty but i'm fucking eating at night not big meals not like l a sandwiches there's no salami there's no presude i told my wife not to buy no cheese nothing it's apples it's protein bars

it's uh fucking friday night i had a bagel i had a cinnamon bagel with butter i was so fucking hungry so i'm not eating like meals i'm just eating a little something to go to bed and i'm sleeping like a fucking champ. Look at me. I'm losing weight. I'm still on the fucking... I got nine more pounds and I can fight in the UFC.

Can you fucking believe that? Nine more pounds. I'm 270 fucking four. I'm squeezing them out one of the time, but who gives a fuck? My gums got swollen again over the fucking weekend, so I don't know what the fuck is going on.

My health is good. I'm feeling good. And what I want to talk to you guys about is something that I've read lately a lot. I'm getting a lot of messages from people. It's been a long time, and I knew it that this pandemic, because I went through it, a lot of people picked up bad habits during this fucking pandemic. We discussed this a few weeks ago, but wow, I'm getting calls from dear friends of mine

that are coming clean now telling me what they went through the fucking pandemic. I had a buddy from Colorado who I speak to who's been clean from cocaine longer than I and he fucking relapse during the pandemic, like last November. He just called me about a week ago and came clean with me that he had to go back to a fucking rehab because I talked to him like every two weeks.

He's a dear friend of mine from when I started comedy. He's never been on a podcast, nothing like that. He's a fucking electrician, you know. But with dear friends, I love him to death. But when he fucking told me, because he was the one that tried to help me get off the fucking coke. When I got off it back in 2000,

fucking seven, you know, he was making calls from me. He's like, you sure you don't want to go to a rehab? He was captain rehab at the time, by the way. You know those dudes that fucking get clean and go all in? This is why I'm in fucking shock. But I guess this pandemic fucking just, he said he was bored and he

went to a kid's house that he shouldn't have been at his house and the kid whipped out some coke. And he said that he watched the guy do it and he thought about it for two days. It's fucking weird because I'll tell you what, somebody hit me up the other day and was asking me throughout this whole period that I've been going through whatever I was going through, that it was a good time for me to do coke. Was I doing Coke or did I consider doing Coke? And I'm like,

not at all. And that was the last thing on my mind. You know, I mean, and he's like, really? And I'm like, yeah, no. There's been nothing, no thoughts of it. You know, when I got off the Coke, I got off the Coke. They did me a fucking favor. That was a 28-year itch. That was a 28-year itch. was fucking destroying me. And you know what? Like some people say to you, if you keep doing this, listen, I was going to die.

There was no, I was getting jolts in my spine. I was doing a bunch. It was, you know, I downplayed my addiction because it was a long time ago. I downplay my addiction. But let me tell you something.

After I got clean, about eight months, I talked to this guy, Byron in L.A. He's a drug, certification type guy that helps like fucking actors and people with a lot of fucking money get clean. I met him at the comedy store in 98, 99, and then we, you know, he was like a friend of Ralphies. And I met him to Ralphie.

And after I got clean, he reached out to me. And he's like, hey, man, I always knew you were fucked up on something. He goes, I could see it all over your face and stuff. but I didn't know, you know, what you were doing. We went out to lunch, and I told him the amounts I was doing. He was like, what were you doing? A gram? I go, Doug, I was doing a gram just to open up.

You know, once that wore off in an hour, I could do a gram in one fucking line. So once that wore off in an hour, I would sometimes hold off, but sometimes I'd get another fucking grant and I would do it in the other fucking nose one shot deal towards the end of my fucking before I got clean I was a mess there was heroin involved there was cocaine involved there was I don't know if there was no there was no pills it was just basically cocaine and heroin I was going back and forth in between the both of them and nobody knew one person knew about the heroin he's dead now so he can never you know he was the one that was mailing it to me and none of my friends knew.

I mean, it's not something that you could tell Rogan or Tom Sigoro or, you know, anybody. I wasn't saying shit to anybody. But what's really funny is that even my buddy in Colorado was like, listen, man, I had to go back to therapy. And I'm like, you went back to that. And he goes, yeah, I was doing a couple of eight balls on the weekends and shit like that. So he asked me. He said, did you go to therapy when you got clean? And I was like, no, I just journaled.

I went online and I looked for withdrawal symptoms of cocaine and whatnot. And there weren't really any. You know, I read up as much as I could. There was three aspects of the rehab and that's the mental, the physical withdrawals. And then you're spiritual, you know, that this is all things you got to cover. And again, I'm not talking about fucking AA. or N.A or nothing like that, that's always there. That's always going to be there.

But I'm talking about the fucking how therapy has helped me now. Like, I never thought that I would be here talking to you motherfuckers about therapy. Guys, I would never even think about it. I got therapeutized one time. I went to therapy one time. I'll be strictly honest with you guys. When I was at BCTC at the Halfway House, one of the stories I was telling on

on whatever was that when I was a BCTC one of the things I forget to drop on you motherfuckers is that I got one of the hot UA's I gave when I was telling you guys the story yet day what they did was they made me go to an outpatient place I forget what the name of it was it was like six weeks and between me and you it was a fucking rip off like I never

I looked at that rehab and I was like that rehab did nothing for me. The only thing it did was aggravate me and make me snort more. That's what that rehab did. That rehab was just like a fucking band-aid. It didn't do anything.

And I think the therapy that they were using was getting me fucking hot. The lady there was, it got to the point where I wouldn't even say nothing. I would just go there at nights. It was like from six to nine with a little breather in between. And I had a chick there from the halfway house.

We would go outside in between the fucking break and take a... hit off a fucking joint and from time to time she let me lick a little monkey and she'd fucking give me a fucking hooter unbelievable in the middle of fucking therapy we'd walk out to say we were gonna go smoke a cigarette i didn't even smoke back fucking then so i didn't smoke in the fucking halfway i didn't start smoking until i moved to l.a and 97 that's a complete different bag of fucking worms but i never really liked therapy i was like what the fuck whenever they would do the i didn't mind the the group the fucking group because you don't have to say shit you

you learn more from fucking listening I dig that shit I didn't like the one-on-one with her she would always pick a shit and she would instigate stuff and she would bring up stuff that had nothing to do with the fucking price of eggs it's like I was watching the Sopranos

years ago and you know they got to the point where Dr. Melfy was telling Tony that maybe he wanted to fuck his mother that all that's when you lose me that's when you lose me when you start bringing your mother and you start fucking

talking about you know I mean, no. There's things that are on your mind and there's things that are in front of you. I don't like picking shit. Like, I don't like somebody saying to me, well, how did you feel about this in 2001? That's dead.

I don't even think about that shit. You want me to dig it up to deal with it, but there's nothing to deal with it. I don't even think about it. So why am I dealing with it? You understand what I'm trying to say? People are, well, you know, how did you react to losing your daughter?

I reacted by fucking getting high. until the pain went away. That's what happened. The pain went away. I stopped getting high and I moved the fuck on. That's what I think fucking happened. I don't know what else fucking could have happened. The pain ain't there no more.

The necessity is not there anymore. And I stopped doing the fucking Coke. But I didn't think that me going to talk to somebody was going to, I thought that it would fucking aggravate me. I thought I would just get fucking aggravated. Boy, was I fucking wrong? You know, three months ago, two months ago, when I was going through my thing of the panic attacks

and whatever, somebody recommended to me that I speak to somebody and I was like, it took me like a month to think about it. And I said, you know what? A lot of people have gone through mental health issues during this pandemic. You know, it's just not me.

You know, for me not to fucking address this, that's the fucking felony when you don't address it. Let me do what I need to do. You know, I read about psychologist and I read about everything. and I just wanted to start off with a simple therapist. I didn't want to fucking pick my brain or get me fucking upset. I just wanted to keep it fucking light.

I didn't want to go to anybody's office. I didn't want nobody, you know. So I went on BetterHelp. BetterHelp.com is fucking tremendous. Somebody referred me to it, a dear friend that was going through a similar situation. She told me to call and contact a certain therapist. I went online.

I paid the fee. I think it's fucking $80 a session or something like that, $60 a session. It doesn't kill you. And if you want an extra session a week, it's $25. It's not bad. I went into it thinking, ah. And I got to be honest with you, I'm here today because of that fucking third voice. And I turned to a lot of friends of mine.

I turned to people who really knew me for help. But I wanted an unbiased opinion. I wanted somebody who did not see my face when we talked. to tell me what I was going through. I didn't want her to get, or him to get fucking by videos or from standup. I didn't go in there with that. I wanted to talk to them as a normal plain Jane. As I moved on with the therapy, I opened up about comedy and what was going on and blah, blah, blah.

And now she still doesn't know who the fuck I am. She calls me Jose. So that's great. As long as she calls me Jose, that's great. She doesn't know who the fuck I am. but I've opened up to her. Not about, like, it wasn't like the therapy from fucking that rehab. Not at all.

This has been, I do the talking. She asked a few questions and I fucking, you know, do the homework. She gives me a little bit of homework. I write whatever things down. I tell you what, man, I feel a lot fucking better. I got it off my chest. Whatever I have, I'm very vocal with my wife. unlike how I used to be

I'm very vocal with my wife I tell her whatever the fuck is going on I tell her what I'm thinking she knows about fucking everything I came clean with her before we moved here and once we moved here

she helped me out listen man what happened during the pandemic was this and for me it wasn't the booze or the reefer for me towards the end I saw what happened to me

you know nobody had a place to be. Nobody had a place to be during the fucking pandemic. Think about it. This is what happened. Nobody had a place to be. So if you started drinking at 5, which I got nothing but love for you, I have a thousand friends that have rules, and I love you for having those rules, the same rules I have.

But people who were drinking at 5 and now started drinking at 1. They had nowhere to be. Look, I did the same fucking thing. You know, I had nowhere to be. What's wrong with fucking getting fucking chisdnizzled? I smoked so much during this fucking pandemic that it forced me to fucking quit. Like that was the fucking, like I couldn't even like,

this again. Like I'm gonna get high again. That's how high I was during the pandemic. I didn't want to feel, I was just like you guys. You know, hey, listen, man, I put my pants on one leg at a time like you, motherfuckers.

There's nothing special about me. I ain't smarter than you motherfuckers. I'm not more educated than you motherfuckers. In fact, I'm more street than you motherfuckers. I just, you know, that's it. It was just the only thing available to me was the Rifa. I didn't drink. I think I had three drinks during the pandemic.

The first drink I had was on Rogan when I did the July the fourth podcast with him. On the JRE, we did a shot of whiskey. I didn't drink. But my smoking was totally out of control. Forget about the edibles. I was eating edibles. I didn't even know I had. I was eating.

You know how we were eating 2,000 milligrams at night? No, no, no, no. I was doing a batch in the daytime and a batch at night. When I got here, August 19th last year, I got here with a jar. I had a fucking jar of ABX 200 that he just sent me. It was just a jar. And I still remember eating four of them

just to go to the fucking pool when we were in Somerset. Four. That's 800 milligrams of 11. clock just to go fucking swimming and then at night i would come back from the pool we would go fucking look for furniture whatever before we moved into this house i was eating 1600 milligrams a day of fucking t hc i was smoking maybe an eighth a day and i was probably doing six to eight footballs a day i was the little zanx the appraisal lamb whatever the fuck that is that's not fucking good and I went off those things.

Let me tell you something. When I got here, my wife said something to me. My wife says, you haven't been out. And I go, listen, between the edibles, the fucking Xanax, the fucking Rifa, the fucking anxiety, I cannot take it no more. That is why I had the surgery. A lot of people. The surgery was for me to get clean from the Xanax.

So I took the fucking, I knew I was going to get surgery. I fucking did it perfectly. I think I got my whole life together. I think I had a long talk with myself, like maybe September 17th. We went out to dinner one night, and I realized how high I was during fucking dinner. And I go, that's it.

This goes to an end. This is done. I came home. I called my man Byron. I told him Byron. I fucking, uh, I started eating those little fucking footballs. And I could kick them.

I could kick them. But when I went on line, they said you could die. Zanics and alcohol, you could fucking have a reaction and die if you just quit a cold turkey. And then I heard from a friend of mine, a chick, that she quit her Xanax. And one day she just passed out in the kitchen. And she ended up going to the hospital. They told her that you have to taper off. So I got what they said.

I called my man, Byron. Byron said, this could be really easy or this could be really hard. He goes, I'm going to give you a plan, and I want you to stick to it to the T. If you can't control yourself, then give the pills to your wife. And I did a tapering plan with him. He got me some amino acids. I had to order some amino acids. I had to order some calm, whatever.

I had to order a couple nutrients. He put me on. and I did exactly what he told me to do. He told me it's going to be a 90-day taper. And he goes, you're not going to take him at all in the daytime? That's why I started meditating. That's why I started doing little fucking yoga stances. You know, when I had Dr. Belize on the church,

I didn't have Dr. Belize on there because I didn't believe in breathing or meditating. You know the piece that, I have that piece from Bas Rout and I have it upstairs because I use it before I go to bed at night. I have a mouthpiece from Boss Routen that I've been using just for my lung strength. You know, I started using it for Jiu-Jitsu, and I realized that it helps me out for everything. You know, sometimes I hit the bag and I put the mouthpiece in. It's fucking tough to do. It takes a while to get breathing.

But now, since I lowered my smoking, the breathing is tremendous. But I just read on Yahoo that if you breathe through that piece for five minutes and take your blood pressure, is your blood pressure. So what did I do? I fucking tried it. I got the fucking thing. I got the blood pressure machine. I did the blood pressure test. It was 1.48 the first time. I fucking breathed on it for 10 minutes. I got back on the blood pressure machine. It was 128. It dropped 20 fucking points. So breathing is key here. When I put Dr. Belize on that show, a lot of people were like that, why did you put Dr. Belize on that show? And I told people, I go, I really believe in the benefits of just breathing.

Breathing correctly. That's why I had the surgery on my nose. Yeah, I wanted to remove some of the old Coke rocks that were in there not letting me breathe. And I was also addicted to aphrine. But that's why I had the fucking nose surgery because I wanted to get back to breathing naturally. That was very interesting that we breathe naturally to our teen years and then we break away from breathing.

I look at my daughter's breathing. My daughter could run for fucking two hours. That little fucking kid could run for two hours. and she's not breathing, mouth breathing or anything. She's just living her fucking life. So I knew the breathing part of it was important. And the anxiety I had, I had to learn how to just deal with it with breathing. And it was tough, guys.

It was very tough. I'm not going to lie to you. I used to come in here and do downward dogs. I used to come in here and just sit, keep the lights off, and just breathe. And that helped me a ton. But when I got off to fucking Zanx, I just stuck to Byron's plan. That was it. It went from, he goes, forget about doing six anymore.

Let's get back to basics. Why are you eating these? And at what time? I go, as soon as my heart beats, he goes, no, I want you to breathe it out the first time. He goes, what we're going to do is this. We're not going to do any until three in the afternoon. And then if you need one, pop one. And then, oh, no, not pop one.

Pop a half. He took me back that way. And then he goes at night, I want you to eat a half and just keep. So I started with just, I went from six to maybe two a day. And then after two weeks, he cut it down to one. And then he kept me on one. Even though I didn't want, my dog, I don't even need these no more. He goes, finish the fucking prescription.

Finish it. He goes, I want you to finish it and go to a half and then a quarter. And I stayed with a half like a month. And I think I stayed with the quarter until mid-December. And my goal was New Year's. And I think I got off to fucking Xanax December 18th, December 19th. And I had my surgery January 8th. Because I didn't want to cross the Xanax with the fucking pain pills.

I did my fucking work. There was no way I was going to cross my Xanax addiction with the, the pain pill addiction that wasn't happening what i started doing also was uping my fucking uh i said fuck this edible shit in the daytime it ain't fucking working so i'll start doing them at night that's when i was drinking those teas i got hooked on those teas with the 900 fucking milligram i did this correctly for the tea guys uncle joey's always thinking if you're fucking hooked on something i'll get you off it's going to be rough i always told you motherfuckers that with those ABX things

you could get off any fucking opiate I told you motherfucker is this and I proved it to you I proved it to myself with it so I started intaking larger amounts I mean I passed fucking ABX I was probably doing

1,600 milligrams I was doing the whole fucking syringe and a couple fucking edibles I was putting melatonin in that motherfucker this was Michael Jackson T to the motherfucking Hilt.

But this is what I had to do to get off the, and I didn't, I didn't want to get a stroke. I didn't even need the Xanax no more. I didn't want to get a stroke. And I kept popping a quarter, a quarter, a quarter. And I said, let's see what I think I saved like five of them, just in case I pussyed out. I didn't eat one of those things until I got back from the surgery.

I needed one one day before fucking PT. But that was the only Xanax I had that could. cross with the fucking pain pills and i did the same thing with the fucking pain pills once the pain pills i started cutting them down i fucking zipped up the edible intake and fucking that's how i passed out at night you just fucking go down you don't even remember the xanax you don't remember the pain pills the oxies you don't remember shit and that was my recipe to get me off all that shit but I still had a little residue in me from the fucking Xanax addiction and I'm going to tell you something I didn't even add no idea till I started talking to my girl over at Better Help that's when we started

talking she goes what else has been going on in your life why don't you want to do stand-up and all this shit and this is my main when I called Better Help it wasn't for drugs it wasn't for edibles it wasn't for wheat it was none of that stuff it was just to help me comprehend what i was going through i didn't know what i was going through i didn't know if it was the fucking the move i didn't know if i was unhappy with my new surroundings i had no fucking idea what was going on i wanted somebody to push me in the right direction and from talking to her after about three weeks i was like okay i have to accept all these new changes in my life there was a thousand new fucking changes from where i eat chinese to where i go to the gym to how i shit to how i fucking pee you know

what floor i go on you know i used to shit with an open bathroom now i shit with a bathroom with no windows big difference i got anxiety in the bathroom with no fucking windows so i had to switch upstairs to shit upstairs i you know these are all little things i had to go through and now 11 months later do i feel fucking comfortable in my own skin yes i do do i feel comfortable in my home yes i do Do I feel comfortable with my new life? Yes, I do. Am I happy about not doing stand-up? I am.

I was thinking about it this weekend on Saturday morning. When I woke up Saturday, I came out, my daughter was watching TV downstairs. I usually, I changed my whole life around. Like, one of the things I definitely had to do was stop getting coffee and jump around the computer. It was fucking ruining my day. And I had no idea. Just getting a cup of coffee and sitting in front of the fuck.

computer is no bueno for you. I was getting so what I started doing was getting a cup of coffee and going outside rain, snow, shine, sleet, I'm out there. If it's 10 degrees, I'm out there. I don't smoke weed in the morning. I go out there with a cup of coffee and I just focus on the trees and I focus on breathing and that's where I come up with the five things I'm grateful for today. Some days it's the sun. Some days it's the trees. Some days it's a little red bird I see in the fucking tree. I'm always grateful for something. Ever since Ari told me to do that, that's helped a ton.

Realizing what you're grateful for every day. And every day you're grateful for something different. Some days you're grateful that you have a big dick. Some days you're grateful, thank God I got a little dick. I would have slammed my dick in the fucking door if I would have had an eight-inch dick. You know, you got to be grateful for the little things. It's not your bank account. It's not your car.

It's not a piece of ass. It's your surroundings. Jesus, it's a beautiful fucking day to be. You know, I can't say that enough to you, motherfuckers, because I want you on that. You know how many people I hear call me and go, today was a bad day? Listen, when you really think about it,

it isn't really a bad day, unless you get hit by a fucking car and fly 80 feet in the fucking air. Think about it. How bad of a day did you have? Your newspaper didn't come. You know, my friend told me, They sent me the wrong refrigerator.

That's not a bad day. You got the fucking refrigerator. You know what I'm saying? I mean, we have to start defining what a bad day is and a great day is. This is the same shit I was doing. We were all fucking doing this shit. How bad of a fucking day? Was it bad enough for you to fucking go have 50 fucking drinks?

Come on. Give me a fucking breather. Was it that bad? No. You just had a hiccup in your day. We're all pre-programmed to have these beautiful fucking days. They're not going to all be beautiful. You know how many times I get up in the middle of night

and stub my fucking day? toe and the wood goes in between your fucking toe, the fungi toe nail, that's pain. And even then, I don't fucking cry about it. I just go, oh, fuck it. It could have been worse. I could have been walking down the street and a safe could have hit me in the fucking head. You know, there's always something that's worse, you know, for you to fucking lose your mind.

Hey, listen, I'm from the same fucking school of thought, you know. I've had bad days and good days, but lately I've had a lot better good days than bad day. And it took me 58 fucking years to realize this shit that your good days are every fucking day. Who gives a fuck? So this guy was late. Who cares?

It's not enough to ruin your fucking day. Ruin your day is finding your mother on the floor dead with her arm purple. That's a day ruiner right there. You know what I'm saying? Fucking somebody's shit in your mouth. That's a fuck. Somebody's sitting you down and shit in your mouth. That's a fucking bad day right there.

But, you know, the oven came. The other day I was like, my oven fucking blew up about two weeks ago. My wife was cooking enchiladas and the oven went down. So, you know, right away, you're like an oven. We're going to fucking be here through it. We're going to have to rub sticks together and fucking an oven. You can't order a fucking oven. My wife found a place that had ovens in stock.

She goes, for starters, show me what's in fucking stock. All right. So we were panicking on Friday. The oven was coming. The oven's coming. We can't do nothing. I'm like, oh, whoa. You got the world by the fucking balls.

You can do whatever the fuck you want. The oven's not coming. The oven they gave us the window from two to six. That's four fucking hours. We've got to sit here like a bumpy. I go, go run some errands. I'll sit here and we'll switch. You know, then my wife had plans.

She's like, the oven is not going to come to, you know, because whenever you're waiting for a package, it always comes in that last fucking window. They tell you 10 to 2. You're going to get at 10 to fucking 2. You're going to get that 10 minutes to 2. It's not 10 to 2. they tell you 10 to 2.

They're like the package will be there from 10 to 2. No, it won't. It's going to be here at 10 to 2. That's what you're fucking trying to tell me. So we waited. We're like, what if this fucking oven comes at 6 o'clock? Well, then you fucked. My wife is fucked.

We got a call. The oven came at fucking 4 o'clock. It took half hour. My wife, and I'm like, it's not going to ruin your day. How is this going to ruin your day? It's just a bump in it. You had the morning to do what you had to do. you have the afternoon to do what you got to do.

We have to start recognizing what the fucking triggers are. Was it that bad for you to get anxiety? And these are all the things that this therapist helped me with. These are all the little fucking things. She didn't come in over all my life. Or tell me I couldn't eat corn anymore. You know, these people, you can't eat meat. What the fuck are you talking about?

Everything was beautiful in my life. I just had a little fucking hiccup, and I had to push through. and contacting somebody and talking to somebody, I got to be honest to you, what's the best thing I've done in years? I feel a lot better. I feel lighter. The medication they put me on seems to be working.

I'm not losing my fucking mind. I don't feel like killing myself. I haven't even had a negative fucking thought. In fact, I'm addressing negative thoughts better. I recognize them when they pop up. I know how to fucking deal with them. And these are all the tools. They just give you coping skills.

You know, it has such a fucking stigma therapy. It has such a bad stigma to it. Even towards me, I had a bad fucking stigma. But after a few weeks, I used to get anxiety waiting to get on the phone with her. Like waiting to fucking get on the phone with her, I would get like a little bit of anxiety. And then I told them once. I told her right eye, I go, you know, I get anxiety before I talk to you. She goes, do this, this, this, this.

She told me what to do. now I look forward to fucking seeing her. You know, I was getting, the only thing I'm having, I'm still having a little problem with, it's the social anxiety. I'm still having my problems at that. The numbers are going back up now.

The fucking delta variant, the Chinese variant, the Cuban variant. They're going to, listen, they don't want this fucking thing to go away. So, you know, they want everybody to get vaccinated. They don't want this thing to go away. I still have little issues socially.

You know, like I'm looking forward to go to Guns and Roses on the 11th and 12th of September. You know, I don't care how many people are there. If somebody has tickets for the fit that met life, I'm not saying I'm not going to go, but I'll consider going. I think we have plans that day already, but I would consider going. Stand up, I'll tell you what, guys. I was a little burnt up on stand up. I was burnt. What I did was I recognized.

about to stand up what was getting to me. And I've been doing a lot of fucking writing the last five months. I've been doing a lot of writing. Between notes for the book for Erica, you know, looking into my life, I've been doing a lot of fucking writing. One thing I've noticed in the journaling,

one thing that's kept me alive has been the journaling and making new discoveries about myself. You know? And one thing about the stand-up is I wrote out all the things that bothered me about stand-up, what was going on, you know. And I think the thing that bothered me the most was this. Before 2012, 2011, before I popped up on the board, you got to remember, guys,

I had been a comic already for 13, 14 years. Was there any success? Yes, I had my bright spots, you know. I had my bright spots as an actor. I hadn't had any bright spots as a comedian. I felt that nobody really wanted me as a comic. But I also felt that I wasn't given it 100% of what I could do. My comedy changed when I went from Zingers to storytelling.

I became a better comic and I had more, my mind was more involved in it. I'm not a good writer. I'll be the first one to raise my hand and say I'm not a great comedy writer. Anthony Jezelnack, Rogan, Bill Burr, Bill Burr's mind for comedy is brilliant. As a couple of comics, John Mullaney, I'm a fan of their writing. I've never been a fan of my writing. I am who I am, and I'm proud that I have my own style.

But there were things that stand-up weren't agreeing with me. I think the number one thing that was bothering me was waking up in a hotel room on a Saturday morning. I didn't really dig that no more. I didn't dig the, you know, I like fucking eating breakfast out. I fucking loved that. I loved going to a different town and eating their restaurant, you know, like their local restaurants, not a chain, but like family restaurants. I loved all that shit. But I hated waking up in a hotel on Saturday mornings.

I hated that whole fucking day, you know. Then I started doing theaters and it made me, it forced me to travel on Saturdays. which was interesting at first but after a while it burns you out a lot more taking those if you gotta take a plane on Thursday Saturday and Sunday you're fucking burnt

by the time you get back on Sunday your back feels like because you've been sitting for three fucking days you flew there you know you either drove to the gig like when we did New York we had to get up the next morning at 10 and be on a fucking four hour train to Boston

but at the time I got to Boston my back was fucking wrecked You know, it was just fucking wrecked. So all those things I didn't like. I didn't like, I don't want to do Saturdays no more. So if I do comedy, I got to do it differently. I didn't like Saturdays anymore. I don't think I could do a late fucking show on a Friday and Saturday.

And I'm on that 10 o'clock show, that's dead. So if I get back into comedy, it would have to be during the week thing, an early show, you know, two shows during a week, Tuesday and Wednesday. it's not my life anymore. It would be a hobby. It would be a hobby. I would start off strong with it, you know, just to get my material back,

my half hour, my 45 minutes, which I have been making notes, by the way. If you know anything about me, I have not lost my sense of humor, you know, and I have not lost my saying shit, you know, like little fucking dirty things to myself and writing them down. I'm still one of those dudes I'm making notes

I looked at my comedy I had the other day I probably got 22 minutes of material once I write it all out but I'm not in the mood to fucking go out there yet

when I'm in the mood and I'm ready you'll be the first to fucking know but that's this was all little things that were contributing to my anxiety and I had no fucking idea

until I spoke to somebody so what am I telling you today on a Monday morning that listen guys guys we all have fucking little quirks going on with us and now more than ever with this pandemic you know we forgot how to act we're not acting right right now a lot of people are acting fucking crazy planes you read about it you hear about it i heard about a fist right at a fucking

nice restaurant the other day a friend of mine told me was at a restaurant a fucking a lady got up and smacked a waitress right here in fucking northern new jersey a friend of mine was at and hobo. I mean, it's just crazy the things you hear. And we're all going through our different things, and it's going to get worse. You know, the rent fucking things are coming to an end. All these things, you know, a lot of people are having a hard time.

Listen, man, I'm the type of guy that I dealt with shit all my life and move slowly. This pandemic fucked me up a little bit. I mean, I've gone through the mill. I've gone through it with my mother. I divorced, the addiction. I lived in a rocket ship. I mean, I've fucking been through hell and back. But this pandemic, fuck me up a little bit.

It showed us things that we didn't need to see. It showed a lot of us things that we didn't need to see. I became an only child again. You know, I was raised an only child, and then somewhere throughout life, I had forgotten all about that. This pandemic reminded me I was an only child. It got me back to talking to myself and thinking to my child. But in a good way, it got me to open up my eyes. A lot of people have opened up their eyes.

How many people are not going back to their fucking jobs? How many people are just saying, fuck it, I'm switching careers. You know, and in a way, this is what happened to me also. I just switch careers. I like podcasting. I still like acting, but the stand-up, just the whole thing wasn't rubbing me the right way. I needed this break. There's nothing wrong with taking a break. There's nothing wrong with coming out of the fucking closet. Nothing wrong with coming out of the closet. And that's what I did. I came out of the closet, not as a gay man.

I'm identifying as a man that doesn't want to do comedy no more. I don't want you motherfuckers to think, Joe. He just said he came out of the closet. No, I'm not in that closet at all. I would love to be gay. I can't. You know what I'm saying? I would love to hold a man's hand and look him in the eye and say,

suck my dick. But I still haven't come up with the heart to do that. So for right now, I'm not coming out of the gate closet. I'm just coming out of the closet that I was unhappy. I was unhappy about a lot of things. And I didn't fucking know them. And I'm happy I made the fucking adjustments, you know. So what I'm trying to say is I'm happy.

I started talking to somebody. If you're going through something, listen, man. And I've looked. They have adjustable prices for your income. You know, like you write down what you make a year and they'll work with you. I'm sure if you tell these people you're on unemployment, they have a special unemployment rate for you, you know, $12 or whatever the fuck it is. This ain't going to put you out.

But it's not worth going through life twisted for you not to spend $25 to talk to somebody for a half hour. I mean, my meetings are only a half hour. That's it. I can't. I can't talk to somebody longer than that. A half hour and that's fucking it, you know. We get everything covered in a half hour. I usually jump on the phone with a Mondays.

you know like this week is 9.30 in the morning on Monday. I'll be off the phone with her by 10 o'clock. And I enjoy the conversation. I write down my notes. She gives me a little homework. Now when I talk to her Monday, the homework will be ready. And I feel a lot happier. You know, a couple people, my friend Derek,

a couple guys have said that my snap is coming back on the podcast. And I've got to be honest with you. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling the change coming off me. So I want to thank you guys for happy. in my back during this whole time. You're just going to turn your back on me and a lot of years didn't.

A lot of you knew I was a wounded fucking deer and you said, where's this motherfucker gonna take it? You saw me go through my changes myself? I didn't fucking just sit here and wait this on me. I did the work. You know, I knew I had to quit reefer. I quit the reefer.

I restructured my edible fucking game. You know, I came out with a new bag of fucking weed which I, you know, I did different things. an NFT, you know, I'm writing this fucking book, you know, with Erica. This is, you know, writing a book is fucking rough. It's rough to drag yourself through the mud. But I'm doing it.

I'm doing it. Maybe that's part of the anxiety. I don't care. I'm doing it, you know. I was having a hard time going through guitar lessons some weeks. Like, that's how high my anxiety was. Now we talk all the fucking time. I play every night.

I mean, don't let this shit weigh you. down and you know if you're not right like i knew i wasn't right i knew since i started the podcast with mike i knew that a piece of me was missing and i just had a you know work through it you know i wish there's times i'm like fuck i didn't i wish i didn't do the podcast in october november in december but i needed it to get back to where the fuck i was going and little by little i'll get all my fucking tools back and to be honestly i'm at 95 percent now I feel that much fucking better. And it was the work in a fucking program.

That was it. I didn't do nothing spectacular. I didn't go to any fucking rehab. I didn't hire a fucking, what do you call it? It was a sober buddy. You know, I didn't do none of that shit. I didn't want to go through any of that shit. I did it all myself.

I got myself in this mess. I'll get myself out of this fucking mess. You know, I sent Byron a couple bucks. He didn't want nothing. He wanted fucking t-shirts and shit. so he wanted to make a trade. So when I called them and he put me on the plan for the fucking, for the Xanax, it was the best thing in the world.

Because he made me jump off, you know, he told me some shit too that kept me from jumping off the ledge, that I had no fucking idea, you know. So I'm happy this all worked out how it did. I'm happy I fucking start the podcast again. I'm happy that I'm here fucking talking to you motherfuckers twice a week. And I'm just happy. I'm happy.

And I want you motherfuckers to be happy. And like I said, if I got caught up in the fucking Xanax and if I'm aware of a lot of the stuff, I can't imagine what some people did that aren't aware, how fast things go from A to fucking Z. I'm just happy that I didn't get into alcohol or Coke or any of that shit. And that this was a fucking easier transition. That's it, motherfuckers.

It's Monday. it's going to be a fucking great week i don't know how i'm going to look on fucking wednesday for you cocksuckers uh this afternoon they're about to tear me fucking open again on this side here i'm dreading it but what am i going to do i need this infection to go away so i could be happy i think this is affecting my heart and uh it needs to be fucking done i'm scared but i'll go out of respect for you guys you know what i'm saying you just can't talk to talk you got to walk the motherfucking walk. So that's it and that's that. I'll be back Wednesday with you motherfuckers on the joint for another tip-top magoo session. Today was a little fucking weird. I wanted

to talk to you about this and get this out of the way because I've seen the amount of people that I've reached out with that problem. One guy on Patreon says he's been sober for nine fucking months that I helped him and he had a baby. So, you know, things like that fucking always get my dick hard. That somebody actually got sober. You know, we talked a couple times. I talked to a couple guys on Patreon that were having a hard time. I'm happy they used the deer abby thing and we got it all out of the way.

But that's it and that's that, you bad motherfuckers. I hope you enjoyed yourselves on Monday. I'll be back Wednesday. Thank you for fucking going to the ice cream shop and purchasing laughing gas. It's good fucking weed. Somebody asked me to give it a review the other day. I'm going to be as honest I can with you. the review is it's good

fucking shit. I'm really happy with it. I would love to come on here and break it down for you guys. Well the T8's it. Listen, it's good shit. I've been telling you guys for years that I smoke great shit and I can't believe the ice cream shop

and Ziki put this fucking strain together. It's tremendous. I love it. I love what it does. I love how it works and I'm fucking proud of Ziki. I'm proud of Joe and I'm proud of the cream shop and we're going through this together. But it couldn't go possible without you guys

and you guys believing in fucking my weed prowlish. You know, you guys know when it comes to Riefer, I ain't fucking around. I love you, motherfuckers. Have a great week. And now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, you bad motherfuckers. I hope you enjoy the podcast today. I don't know what the fuck I was talking about.

Maybe you guys will figure it out. It's Monday. That's what happens when you get two fucking stuff. that night, but I love you guys. And that's all that matters that I check in with you every Monday and Wednesday. So you know that life is tip-top Magoo. The joint is brought to you by magnesium breakthrough. Listen, if you're ignoring how you feel, you need to listen to this.

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So head over to Relief Band, R-E-L-I-E-F, B-A-N-D.com, and use our promo code Joey for 20% off. Get it for your grandmother, get it for your father, get it for your uncle. You know, your mom has nausea. Forget about the Alka-Seltzes.

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companies, but most importantly, I want to thank you guys for having my back listening and supporting the joint, Patreon, anything else I might be doing. I love you guys. Have a great week. Enjoy your Monday. Stay black. And we'll be back Wednesday. Rockin. Tip Top Magoo.

There's still some refa left over at the ice cream shop. There's still some laughing gas. Sign up at laughing gas.com. All the weed stores that it's getting sold out is going to be up on the Instagram page. I love you guys. Have a great Monday. Have a great week. Stay black.

and we'll be back Wednesday. There you go, cock suckers. Go wash your pussy. I love you.