The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - #086 | GEORGE PEREZ | UNCLE JOEY'S JOINT with JOEY DIAZ

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

Welcome to The JOINT..... It's Wednesday, August 4th..... Today, we talked to our Friend and Comedian, GEORGE PEREZ…. https://www.instagram.com/georgepcomedy https://www.twitter.com/georgepcomedy This episode is brought to you by DraftKings & CBD Lion..... Download the DraftKings SportsBook App & Enter Code: JOEY https://www.DraftKings.com/sportsbook Go to https://www.CBDLion.com & Enter Code: JOEY or JOINT Follow Uncle Joey on Social Media: https://www.Twitter.com/madflavor https://www.Instagram.com/madflavors_world And don't forget..... The Mind Of Joey Diaz on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/joeydiaz #JoeyDiaz #Madflavor #UncleJoeysJoint #TheJoint #GeorgePerez The JOINT is Produced by: Michael Klein aka @onebyonepodcast on Social Media: https://www.Instagram.com/onebyonepodcast https://www.twitter.com/onebyonepodcast Huge Thanks to BEN TELFORD for the Tremendous intro video.....

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Thank you very much for all. the fucking emails I got about Monday's podcast about comedy. It was time I busted out and let you guys know what the fucking rules were. A lot of people out there fucking around with comics and I don't like that at all. Whether you're my friend or not as a comic,

people have no idea how hard we fucking work to have some guy that didn't have the balls to do what we did tell us and fuck with us. That's not going to happen ever again. I got a lot of emails from a lot of young comics asking me to comedy coach him and shit that I

can't, I can't fucking judge your material. That's not what I do. I've never, I've never jumped in on somebody and said, hey, the material, look at my fucking material. It sucked. I did it on presents and I was a good storyteller and I had good presents, but as a writer, I'm not Bill Burr or Mullaney of those guys. But I could just give you rules like I do on here.

That's just fucking fine. Today we have a guest, you know, on Wednesdays, I always have a Zoom, but we'll do that later. You know, I'll talk to you about what's going on and whatnot. I'm feeling good. My teeth feel better. The stitches are, I spit out my last stitch last night. I went to watch Jimmy's son play basketball on the way out of the park. I felt something in my mouth. I'm like, what the fuck is that? I took it out. It was a fucking stitch with old blood on it. Whatever, fuck it. I just spit it out of my mouth. The bird's eating it right now. Some shit. That's what usually happens. I threw a piece of gum out the fucking window. About a week ago, I come back an hour later. I come back

an hour later bird was fucking eating the gum bouncing around the nicotine gum he didn't know that that fucking nicotine will fuck a bird up but anyway today we talk about comedy again I have a nice comedian one of my tight friends George Perez that you guys love

he's got a great fucking podcast I'm gonna do it in a couple weeks but we covered a lot of comedy shit on here today you know and I gotta tell you a story real quick when I was doing comedy about three years 95 That put me at about three and a half years, January of 95.

I was doing comedy, and I was doing great. I was in Colorado. I was in Boulder. And I was doing, I had about 20 minutes, 22 minutes, you know, and I went out every night. When I was in Boulder, the comedy scene was fair to Midland. I mean, Monday night she had like some fucking room at an outback. It's not the same outback you guys think. an outback bar that was Australian

also but and it was like a recording room that sat like 20 people that was my Monday night Tuesday night was the Comedy Works Jimmy Abedah had a room on on Tuesday night if you didn't get the Comedy Works open mic Wednesday night was Club 52

in Commerce City Thursday night was El Torito in fucking Englewood or whatever the fuck it is I forget what part of Denver it is where they do did Littleton I think it's out there by John Elway fucking Bill. And then Friday

and Saturday I would do guest spots at either the comedy club or I would deliver Chinese food or whatever the fuck I was doing on Fridays and Saturdays because you know a lot of people you can't call the same club for guest spots every week. But Tuesday nights at Club 52, it was

Buck Wild. They gave you I think it was 25 cash and a steak. A fucking delicious steak. So you would go earlier and I would leave there and go to the Italian restaurant I told you guys about in the church with the Elvis impersonator. It was a big fat Elvis impersonator. He looked nothing like Elvis, but he was an impersonator in Vegas. They cashed him out and he did like 20 years or something,

I don't know what hotel. And he opened up a little Italian restaurant and he would do Elvis with the belt and then he'd give out food. It was a fucking nightmare. But I did it. It was part of the fucking game. But when I'm going back to this one night, I was at Club Disney. just to prove to you, motherfuckers, I wasn't taking shit when I was an open micer. I'm at this club, and I'm eating my fucking steak, and I forget who the, I know who the headliner was, I still see his face. I can't just remember his name, you know, and I get there, and he was headlining, we were both eating. I was doing like 15 minutes. There was some other comics there eating, and we're watching the comedy show. There had to be 20 people in the audience,

maybe. Two of these dudes were sitting there on a table like this one and they were flicking beer caps at the comedians. You could see, like it wasn't lit the room. There was just a light on the comic on stage and you could see him ducking from the fucking bottle caps. I'm like,

these motherfuckers, they look kind of tough and shit so I was like, you know what? I'm not going to say nothing to him. I'm just going to say something when I get on stage. I don't know. Maybe four or five comics went up. They kept flicking the beer caps. sat him the whole fucking deal. I go up there, I get to grab the mic, and I go, listen, the first beer cap I see,

I'm not fucking with you, motherfuckers. I didn't even stop. The words didn't even come out of my mouth, and a beer cap flew through my fucking head. I mean, these guys were not playing. I go, fuck you motherfuckers, you bunch of cock suckers. What I wanted to do is I wasn't going to go to them. I wanted them to come to me. And one of the guys actually got up, and he goes, you're a tough guy.

I'll fucking beat the fuck out of it. I go, come up here and say that. before he could hit the stairs, it was a portable microphone and shit that was on the thing. I fucking picked up the stand and I just belted him on the fucking head with the microphone. The microphone broke the batteries went off everywhere and shit. He was holding on to his head. His buddy got up and ran out. I just got off the stage, picked up my steak and got in the car.

Like, the cops are coming and I took off. About a year later, two years later, I'm at Harvey's Comedy Club in Portland and the headline is there. and he comes up to me He goes, you're opening up for me tonight I go, yeah, he goes, just don't hit nobody with the mic on the head And I was like, fine, fuck it, nobody will get hit And that was my classic story

I didn't take shit as a fucking stand-up comic As an open micer, you have to lay the fucking rules down And I'll tell you what, after I hit that kid In the head with the microphone Nobody fucked with me in Denver again The word got the fuck out So don't worry about nothing Don't let nobody fuck with you

If you're a comic I told you guys on Monday That nobody could shut you down only yourself. Nobody. Not Rogan, not Chappelle, not fucking... Well, Mitzie Shore is dead. I don't feel so good myself.

Nobody could fucking shut you down. So keep doing what you're doing. And watch the podcast, and I'll drop comedy tips on you from time to time. I'm not the best fucking comic in the world, but I'll tell you what I did do. I didn't make it work for me. I don't know how. I don't know what the fuck happened, but eventually I'll make it work for you, cock suckers. Anyway, today's guest is my main man.

Mr. George Perez, I've known George since fuck a long time. We did the comedy Latino thing for Showtime together. We fed each other. We had each other's back. I miss him with all my heart, you know. But we're still tight, and that's all that matters. We were a great team on the road. I used to take them on the road with me, and I miss them.

So now enjoy George Perez. I'll be back after the fucking show, Cubsuckers. Oh shit. What's up, brother? What's happening, my brother? How are you today on a beautiful fucking Wednesday morning? No, I'm good. I'm good, man.

I'm good. I like that shirt. Thank you, brother. That shirt says fucking Rodney. That's a good album. That's a good fucking album. You got some good albums there on the wall. Fucking wanted, dead or alive.

The pride behind you, I don't even want to say it because people get pissed. You got my fucking album back there. That's a nightmare. I like it. I remember when you did it. Oh, I do too. I don't want to remember.

That was fucking horrible. I bombed the first show. I had to change the set around. It was a fuck. I'm not good with specials, George. I'm just not a good special comic. I check under pressure. I'm only good when I'm live.

Fuck that shit. Yeah, I feel you. What's up, buddy? Nothing much, man. We podcasted last night, chilled, you know? It's weird not having my dog around, man. I'm sorry about your dog.

It's a fucking nightmare. But give it a breathe and then go get another one. And now I'm not going to get no more. That's it. You're done? I'm done. Yeah, my daughter wants me to get a dog here.

I got to wait for the cats to die and then I'll get a fucking dog for. I got the yard and everything, but you got to be careful with dogs here because they got the ticks from the fucking deer and shit and next thing you know you're dizzy and that's fucking it how's work how's California treating you

California's good man The strip club's good but uh you know the comedy story they want like a full background check now It's Motherfuckers They're checking the barcode on everything now So what's the barcode

It's on the fucking vaccination? Yeah it's on the vaccination Because I look at that card that card looks bogus. Yeah. But the codes are put in, the computer, and your phone number,

and your email, and your birthday come up. Okay. So. And you haven't gotten vaccinated yet? Hell no, but I got the card. Okay.

Yeah, that's the way it is. Fuck it. Don't let a lot of people know. They'll give you a fucking felony. That's the last thing. Can you imagine going to fucking having a felony because you used a fucking COVID card?

And they give you like three years because they want to make an example and shit and you're in jail with COVID. Oh, shit. That shit is running through prison. Oh, it ain't. That shit was running through the prisons. That's why they inoculated those motherfuckers first.

Uh-huh. But you know what? They were sharing, if you had COVID, you were supposed to give it to the whole dorm so people can't, if people had COVID were getting released early. Damn. What a fucking scam. Yeah.

You go up to your fucking CEO and coughing his face. Hey, dog, I seen videos where fools are like, hey, I got COVID, drinking at each. Hey, eat off his ball. Get it, get it. You get to go home. No shit. How many people did they release in California? I think they released like 30,000.

God damn. That's a lot of criminals walking around, Doug. Yeah, but it was like, you know, drug charges, nothing major, you know. Can you imagine George being locked up with COVID now? I would have fucking, I don't know. Fucked up it is to be locked up now. I've stayed out of that fucking hole for 30 years. I can't imagine we're going to prison as night now.

No smoking. Yeah. Fucking just, you know, you did it. We did it already. We got it out of the fucking way. You know, I'm happy I got it out of the way. It's never going to happen again. I can never get fucking lost.

up again, dog. That was, that's fucked up when they take away your freedom. That is fucked up, man. That's, yeah. People have no idea how fucked up it is when a man wakes you up and kicks your bed. You got to sit up for a count. You remember that shit? You got to sit down and wait for a motherfucker to walk by all quiet? Fuck that. Eight counts of fucking day. They come in and move your sheet at night to make sure it's you that you have an escape because I was at a camp. I ended up in a camp. You know, I went through the fucking diagnosis.

I was thinking about diagnostic the other day, Doug. I had to go for a blood test. And I'm like, dog, I'm going to faint in this fucking thing. They had us like in a little pod. I'm going to faint and they're going to fuck me in the ass these motherfuckers.

I was petrified. And dog, usually I tell a lady when she's taking our blood to be a little careful because I faint. I didn't say nothing. No way. And I sat down. It was one of those fucking school chairs.

The desk. I put my little fucking faggy arm out and shit I looked the other way I was trying to make believe I was hard and shit and I'm like yeah I'm gonna do this and fucking she shot me George took blood out and Uncle Joey didn't faint I walked in that fucking thing

with a stroll to me and shit like what bitch is say something later on I went to my room I'm like I'm straight and I put my arm down and I go let me see what happened I took a piece of cotton off there was a piece of cotton with a little dot of blood I fainted in my fucking cell duck I went down like a bad hobbit.

I woke up 20 minutes later with a lump on my head and shit fucking walking around with ice. It's a fucking nightmare when you try to be hard and you ain't, thug. It's a fucking nightmare. My diagnostics was different. We were at war with, like,

the prison was at war with each other. So they made us sit in these fucking cages, like, and like, because no one was allowed to wait in the doctor's office because fools are fighting right there. And we were just waiting in those fucking cages, man. And it's Bakersfield, fucking freezing at 6 in the morning, dog. You're just sitting there waiting and fucking...

Honestly, I was worried because I was fucking a lot of chicks back then. And they're like, yo, dog, you find out if you got AIDS today. Like, I was worried. They were like, yo, they do every test. And I was just like, damn. Yeah, thinking of Magic Johnson and everything at that time, I was like, damn, dog. I'm going to own the Dodgers, eh?

It's crazy how when I got locked up, it was 87. Fuck. I was chanting. 88. 88 is when I got locked up. I'm coming on the anniversary now, August 15th of 88. And when I got locked up, HIV was huge. Oh, yeah.

So the prisons. had a build an HIV wing. Every jail I was at was under construction. But when I got to Camp George West and Golden, they already had an age unit. George, you had to see this fucking thing. State of the art appliances. They didn't want these motherfuckers in the kitchen or nothing.

No, no. They had their own setup, state of the art. They had a TV in there, big screen TV already in 88. I remember going in there and watching the Dodgers. So we would hang out at the age unit. My headquarters was the age unit. That's why I took book. That's why I brought my food.

That's why I did everything. It was the HIV unit. They only housed five people and they only had three people in the rooms. Wow. So they were like, nobody talks to us because they treat us like fucking will lepers. So when I got there, the one black dude was tremendous. And he's like, come on over. Say hello whenever you want.

I went over there one time. I didn't leave. I didn't leave They're like dog You got HIV I don't give a fuck I'd rather be in here with you guys I would wake up and shoot over there

Those guys had everything They would have huge parties On football Sundays Because they were all into football Food tacos You know they didn't fuck around Those jailhouse tacos That are fucking good

People would bring in Popeye's fried chicken The brothers would always bring Popize fried chicken on Sundays We'd watch football And then marry with children and you know you watch America's Most Wanted in jail. That's the favorite show.

That and cops. They love all that shit. They will sit there and clap for the criminals and shit and fucking tell their stories. What a blast it is. People have no idea. Sometimes you have a good time in jail. I had a good time, dog.

I kind of miss it, man. Like sometimes I'll get like little messages here and there for people I was locked up with on my Instagram or Facebook. And then I, You know, like, they can only trigger memories that we've gone through in there. And they were just like, yo, dog, we were locked up. We were in dorm 307. I used to stay right there by the shower where we used to hide the thing by the tile.

And I was like, oh, shit. And I do miss it. I just, like you said, dog, it's just a man telling you what to do fucks me up now. That fucks me up now. I enjoyed it. Listen, I knew I wasn't going to escape. I knew I was going to leave, you know, because I had a friend that told me, He goes, fuck that.

I got a Hertz renter car that you could be a manager training at and like El Salvador or some shit. They wanted me to go to like one of the South American cut. And I thought about it. I thought about fucking running and not doing the time.

But you know what? Then you have that shit on the, one day when you do get your life together, you got to go to the hospital with your kid. They run a background check and there you are. And now you got to do that 30 fucking years still. Plus the escape, plus all that shit. So I was like, you know what?

I'm just going to go in there. do my time and make the best of my fucking time. And that's exactly what I did. I got into running. I got into book. You know, I got into booking fucking football games. I became my jailhouse attorney.

I helped people with their appeals and shit. I took the test. You know, I made the best of it. But I knew I never wanted to go back, George. Now, now, Joey, were you your healthiest when you were in like, I can imagine you, dog,

like, were you healthy in 88? Yes. I got in shit. shape for prison. I knew that, you know, in the back of my mind, I'm like, I'm going to beat this thing. But in my head, I ain't that stupid. Because they

told me there's no way you're not going to do something. They caught you with a machine gun. That's a... A lot of shit could have happened with that machine gun. So we're going to give you something. So, yeah, I was hoping that maybe, you know, God would... You ever hear the story of St. Francis of a sissy?

He got fucking... He got fucking... You know, they set him up. He was innocent and he went to court and the window was open and the note blew in that said he was innocent of some shit. You know, I was like, maybe this will happen for me. The story of St. Francis of a sissy. But in reality, I was getting ready, dog. I was hitting the bag.

I was riding my bike. I was swimming. I was running. I was, you know, you never know. So I was just getting ready. They had weights on back in your day. They took weights out when I got. locked up. You guys had weights and shit. We had weights. We had a punching bag.

They had a little laundry room with weights in there. They had a card game. That's what the brothers would play cards in the laundry room. That was just a little weight lifting there. And I would eat breakfast and shoot to the gym. You had to sign up. So I had like a 930 window. You had a half hour at the gym. So it was okay. I hung out with a Crip and then I became friends with a Crip that was fucking dynamite. I saw him. What happened? A Crip.

A Crip. He was fucking filthy rich. Okay. Filthy rich. He was younger than me. If I was 25, he was 23. He had seven cars and seven girlfriends. Each of them had one of his cars and all of them had one of his kids.

Wow. He made sure. You got a car. You got to suck my dick. and had my kid. He had seven, eight, nine kids. And he had his main woman that had two kids or three kids. Then the rest of them were all side pieces.

Yeah. So all the side pieces would come see him on Saturday, and his main woman would come on Sunday. And they would bring tons of food, especially nutter butters. Yeah, those are the thing right there, baby. So we would eat nutter butters on Sunday night, watching America's Most Wanted what? In the HIV unit, what?

we get green chili burritos and shit with mashed potatoes it was on dog it was really a lot of fuck and I know people are gonna watch this and go how the fuck was prison fun it was fun

for me it was fun and I didn't get high in there no I mean either I refused to get high in there no I didn't do coke I didn't smoke weed I did acid

because they couldn't test for acid so acid was running rampant in that motherfucker me and the fucking librarian the black grip and another white dude used to get fucked up and sit out on the park bench

and the guard would see us then he piss us the next day. If a guard sees you out late fucking around they piss you the next day. So my number will come up by going there and piss all happy and shit. You ain't gonna get me

because they said they had to require a special test for acid. Who the fuck knows, man? Nah, dog. I remember where I was at like see when I'm locked up everything's banned. There's no.

cigarettes. You don't smoke either? No. Arnold Schwarzenegger took that shit out. He even took sugar shit out. You could only buy like candy ball. You couldn't buy that from the, you had to get it from a package. So I remember one time we were bored, Joey, you know, when you're bored, it's you and your boys. And I was living in a dorm at this time because my points dropped. I was all good behavior. And they're like, all right, fool, you don't got to live in a cell no more. You can go hang out with other inmates. And this is the first and only time, dog.

You know those plastic spoons, the sports? Malfourke, he put a little liquid in there, and he was just like, look, dog, we called this a caldito. I'm like, what's a caldito? He's like, it's heroin and something else. All you got to do is snort it, and I guarantee you your troubles are going to be gone for today. Now I was like, you know what, hey, fuck it.

Give me half. Dog, I don't, I'll never feel like that. again, man. It was like 10 blunts to the face and one hit, a death star, the fucking blackout brownie. I remember just kicking it, dog. And then like, that was when I told myself, shit could have happened you today, fool.

Don't ever do this shit again. Were you fucked up? I was fucked. They wouldn't even let me go eat. They were like, yo, dog, we're going to bring food back to you. Stay in this bed. Because I've never had kind of that shit in my system. I did some brown tar in there. Yeah.

I did some brown tar with the Mexicans. They fucking took a dropper and put it in my nose. I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't get high at all. I didn't feel nothing. It was a waste of fucking heroin. But I was so bored one day they were like, though, we got some fucking black tar

and you don't have to shoot it. You could just drop it in your nose. I said, give me a fucking drop. Then there was this crazy white dude from Philadelphia. His name was John Clark. I'll never forget this dude. He had like a reputation. You know those dudes when they land in jail?

like they've been he did like 20 years yeah and I caught him the last fucking six months of his sentence and he hated everybody he had a big fucking picture of Hitler on his chest this dude hated blacks whites Spanish he didn't give a fuck but me and him hit it off so his girlfriend were coming on Sundays make out with him and spit a fucking balloon in his mouth with speeding it and fucking Sunday I would never see him but I'd see him Monday afternoon he'd Ask me, you want a line? And I'd say, fuck yeah, because they couldn't test you for crank either. So I'd do a line of speed with him, and I'd be losing my mind.

And Monday nights, we play basketball. Dog, you should have seen me. I was like Robbie fucking Benson in one-on-one when they got them all fucked up. I don't know if you ever seen one-on-one. That's an old school basketball movie, 77 with Bob Benson, whatever. That little cute little white dude, he went to college and they fucked them up and shit. But he got fucked up during a game of practice. they gave him like Riefer and he's putting the ball behind his back that was me on the speed that

night I'm putting the other ball behind my back I was fucked up you go up in the air and I'm like holy shit I'm not going to come down like that's how fucked up and fucking high it would be and then I just stopped I'm like I'm not doing no more speed no more basketball I'm not doing that shit no more jumping up and I don't think I'm going to come down that's fucking crazy how old are you Joey when you were locked up 25 I was a sentence when I was 25. Nice and young, right there to get you out in the system. It saved you, though, right?

It saved you. Yes, I have no regrets. Yeah. I have no regrets. It made me at least realize that the life I was living, you know, when you go to prison and you come out, now, how many times did you get locked up, twice or once? I've been to prison once, but, like, I've been in that county fighting cases like five,

to six times. Yeah, like, the first time I fought a case was a gun charge. And then the, I remember the DA was just like, look, man, just they dropped it on me. It was like 93 misdemeanor in California. And they were like, just fucking let it go. And then, yeah, the county sucks. You guys don't have the county out there in Colorado, right? Yeah, we had counties.

Jefferson County, Boulder County. jail, shit like that. Yeah, it was cool. They had it down over there. But it's crazy how when you got locked up, when you came out, you knew you weren't going back in. Nah, I didn't know that yet, dog.

I did not know yet. Because it was weird, dog. I don't know if you heard the story, but you're the first person to give me on stage after I got out of prison. Because, like, I was kind of like, I don't even know if I want to do comedy and shit. You know what I mean?

and like, no, man, I never wanted to go fucking, my, sorry, my mind just flipped to every fucking dude I was locked up with. Yeah, it happens. It happens. I get caught up sometimes too, man. Yeah, because they were like,

yo, homie, we don't want you back here. Represent us out there, George. You're fucking funny. You're a homie. Show the world that we're funny. I could just remember those faces, dog. It was a shame for me to be in there. They were ashamed of me, eh?

Like, what the fuck's, wrong with you. You watch your Showtime special in prison? Yeah. That's fucking crazy because that came out after you got locked up, right? Dog, I was in Bakersfield and you guys were doing a show in Bakersfield. Really? Yeah, we turned the TV on because you don't, and in Losco, they give you like a day room TV.

You can see it through the corner of that little, that little window they have on your cell, that little door thing. that was like a pussy stripe. Yeah. And I just remember looking and shit and that's when it set in, like, in my head I was really going, like, hey, dog, this is how childish I was at the time.

In my head I was going, like, you know what, dog, I think these fools are going to come bail me out for one day. I'm going to go tell jokes, and then they'll probably let me back in. Fuck, what a dumbass. Bro, with half. happens. Listen, I felt shitty when I got out, but

now I hold that prison sentence like dear to my heart. It's like a metal. Because without that fucking metal, I would have never ended up here. It was in, listen, I knew prison was in the cards. When you throw

on up spaghetti against the war, it's going to stick. And I was doing a crime every fucking day. Every day I did a felony, something. A misdemean, I did something. I crawled. J. walked. I did something. When you do something every day eventually. So I knew.

I knew when I was like 23 and I would have police contact, I would go, someday this is going to get more serious. Yeah. And I didn't know if I was going to be 33, 43, 43, or 53. So I'm happy. It happened when I was 23. Yeah. It happened when I was 24.

I got pinched for the kidnapping at 24. And I did the time a year later. The youngest kidnapper, I know, Doug. You see people that kidnap, they're older, and they get younger people. You're a younger person that kidnap the older person. That's crazy, dog. Dog, it was a fucking bad day. What were you thinking, honestly?

Like, you threw a motherfucker in the Trump. George, when you're doing a crime, you're not fucking thinking. Yeah. You know? I've done a thousand crimes. And as you're doing it, you know what the fuck you're doing. Okay, you know what you're doing. You know that it's bad, but you pray for the best.

Fuck, yeah. With that day with me, it's funny because I went to the dentist last week, and they gave me gas. I asked for the gas. And the doctor asked when was the last time you got gas? They put like a little pig nose on me with two little things in your nose, and it didn't really fucking work that good. But the last time I did gas was the day I kidnapped, Kent Vela.

Oh, shit. November 17th, November 18th and 1987, I went to the dentist at 9 in the morning. I still got the fucking, the silver in the cavity. Oh, yeah, my life. The feeling is still fucking good. The cap is still, all those people that said

silver sucks, fuck you. That motherfucker's in there. That tooth is never hurt again. They never had to do a root canal on it, nothing. So I got gas that morning. And then that afternoon, I can't blame the gas. You know, I could have probably got off, but I was like,

I ain't going to say nothing because I did it. You know, I did it. If I get another excuse and I get let out, I'm going to do it again. I'm going to keep doing this. After they arrested me, I got to be honest with you. I was happy.

I was happy that it came to an end. Like my karma was going to change. So if they would give me probation and 90-day work release, I would have learned my lesson. I just knew. I never wanted to be in those fuck in that fucking cell again. I just knew it.

But I knew that that was going to happen to me. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I didn't know I was going to go to prison. I knew I was going to go. I quit high school. I didn't have a diploma. Once you ain't got a diploma, you're on the fast track to prison. You ain't got a GED? Yeah.

You ain't got a high school diploma. You're on the fast track. All you need is a knuckle tattoo. All you need is like a tattoo on your neck or one of the kids. your knuckles and you're official yeah that's it you're official they're gonna throw you in jail eventually that comes at the fucking program you know so when i got when they told me i was going to prison yeah i was a little upset but not really george i knew it was coming as long as you know it's coming and you know the day is gonna you know i was okay with it and i'm proud that i did my

time i'm proud that i went up in front of that judge and didn't leave i didn't leave i didn't and talk people were saying leave leave the country come back in 20 years you know what man i wanted my life to move forward i wanted you know i wanted it to go somewhere i always wanted my life to go somewhere i did 30 years of comedy but i really it took me 30 years to become a man george hey i feel you dog comedy got me to this spot today where i am all that comedy and dealing with people you know when you when you jump into comedy you got a work hard. You know, I was talking about Pete Rose this morning, how I patterned my comedy career after

Charlie Hustle. Straight up. You know, you got a hustle. That word in the 70s was huge. They even wrote a song about it. Do the hustle. It was huge. That song, that word was huge in the 70s and early 80s.

It's not used anymore. Hustling, hustling is a fucking thing that you put in your soul and you'll never miss a meal. Yeah. You'll never miss a meal. Who guys is it? Immigrants. Immigrants. Immigrants.

Immigrants. You got a hustle because if you don't hustle, so with comedy, anything I did, I added that hustle, but that hustle was built in the 70s. This country was huge. That word was huge in the 70s.

You don't hear it no more. Now it's getting hustled. Yeah. Now nobody hustles no more. And it's a very easy concept. to add to your life. It means that you ain't stopping. And when, you know, you have to always,

like I remember talking to Don Marrera one day. We're talking about basketball. When you play basketball and you're serious about basketball, there's no sitting on the couch. There's no fucking sitting around because you got to think Mike is the guy that I'm going up against.

He's the other guard that I'm trying to start. What is he doing? Is he fucking practicing? maybe, maybe not. That means I got to go practice. And that's the hustle. The hustle never fucking stops. You know, it's not the big things that you do.

It's the little things. So I'm just trying to bring hustling back. I want these fucking young kids to get hustle back in their vocabulary. Hey, dog. Remember when I first got out of prison? I fucking had five rooms a week. I had the sunset room on Tuesday,

I had Casa Latina. On Wednesday I had Roscoes. On fucking Thursday, I was doing a ghetto hotel, Monobello. You don't, Dan hit me up? He's coming. Dan hit me up.

He's coming to New York. Oh, shit. Yeah, Dan Ebert. Dan Ebert hit me up. He's coming to New York. I hit him back and he was like, dog, I didn't think you were going to hit me back. I said, how many fucking sandwiches

you give me to take home on a Wednesday fucking night? When somebody gives me a sandwich, I never forget about you. Those fucking. triple deck of sandwiches he would give me for the way home you'd give me a little weed by the time i hit the five i had to eat one of those fucking sandwiches how big was i and then i'd stop at fucking uh king taco oh i was addicted to mexican rooms dog i love mexican rooms because i knew on the way back i was going to king taco and i definitely have forty dollars either you would give me 40

Philippa would give me 40 Edwin San Juan would give me 40 Everybody gave you 40 Fly would give you 40 So you do two spots a night Willie Barcena would give you 50 How people have no idea How much

How grateful I am to all those Mexican rooms They have no idea That's how I cut my teeth Yeah I remember you telling me this shit dog Dog I fucking love that Monday night room you had That started 11 With the fucking chicken wings and shit and the chick, the pretty chick that worked

that I never talked to, I never said two words to her. I was always embarrassed to talk to. She was beautiful. Tuesday's Casal Latina, I remember still for, oh my God, I remember going in the backyard there. They had a little door in the back, and Edwin San Juan had a fucking glass pipe in his arm, and he took the pipe out of his fucking jacket.

It was this fucking big the pipe. I'm like, you've had that in your arm all fucking night, and we would just puff fucking 20 fucking joints. Rodrigo, you, me, Edwin Felipe, Fly, Jeff Garcia. I mean, it was a fucking

Juan. Chepo? Chepo? Oh, shit. Ivan? Oh, yeah. Ivan. Hey, speaking of these Mexican rooms,

like a lot of people, you know, a lot of Mexican fans, they know the underground shit. Like, hey, was there a room, a room in Denny's and Downey's? and Downey that Gabriel Iglesias and Willie Barsena used to host. It was a Denny. Yes.

They told me it was cracking. Bro, Tuesday nights, it turned into a Denny's. Oh, you're right. It turned into a Denny's. It was something else. Dog, I went down there one Tuesday night, like the first time Willie booked me down there. And where was it? It was Downy.

Downy. and it was a Cuban neighborhood Oh Downy's got like a little Cuban neighborhood to it How could you tell? Because that's where all the Cuban restaurants are In Downey there's a big population The Cubans in Downey

Two people had rooms in Downey Willie had one And another guy had one I forget who was the other kid who had one But Willie's room The first time I went down there I went on stage And I did that shit with my jaw

By doing Coke And dog Every time I went down there Some guy gave me a block of Coke I would go down there every Tuesday whether he gave me 40 or not I'd go down there for a guest set because I knew I was getting a chunk of fucking Coke

from that fucking Cuban dude it was some fucking Cuban dude but till this day your boy Gabriel had the bicycle casino when he first started Gabriel Laces paid 35 bucks at the bicycle casino

on Thursday night. You had to drive back on Friday and get paid. Why? I don't know. It was a fucking nightmare. You had to drive down there on Friday at 3 o'clock to get a fucking paycheck. You know, with all that traffic and shit. Gabriel used to book that when I first got there.

And your other boy, Gilbert, had a room in Long Beach that had a taco truck outside for 50 cents. A taco and the tacos were world class. I still remember bringing my Coke dealer. with me that gig because I owe the money he's like I'm going with you I'm collecting tonight cucksuck I have like three gigs 50 apiece and what's the show what's the room we used to do in Universal

on Monday nights John Lovitz John Lovitz No, the Conga Room There you go that was Ernie G's Wow I remember I went I went there one the night before I left

For the longest yard and I had not a dime and Ernie gave me 40 bucks Jeff Garcia gave me like 25 bucks and I think somebody gave me a half a pack of cigarettes So when I left for the longest yard That's where I got the cash from

From those fucking people Yeah What about Wild Coyote? Remember that fool used to make a sign A fucking voucher and shit? It's trying to get the... Tremendous Wild Coyotes. The name was Oscar.

Oscar. Yeah. Now he runs the hotel across the street from the Long Beach Laugh Factory. Really? Yeah, the Long Beach Laugh factory right across the street. He's like, I was out there. You know me? Back when I used to do all Coke, I'd go outside and hide and smoke cigarettes.

And then I seen him. Oscar. Nobody could imagine. That's why I'm very grateful to you, Felipe. even the dude who had the room in the Chinese town. What's the Chinese town where they have all those fucking things that people sit down? Remember, we used to have a Chinese restaurant

that was mobbed up by the Monday night room that you had. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're the restaurant. The restaurant. They'd be playing cards in there. I remember I went in there one night, and the way to look to me is like, nah, we don't serve white people.

It was by the KFC. on Hacienda. Yep. By the KFC and the donut shop. The donut shop was across from it. It had some badass fucking donuts. That room used to start at 11 o'clock, dog, on Mondays.

I still remember driving back at two. I going, what the fuck was that? Two in the fucking morning on a Monday. We would start at the laugh factory, the comedy store, and I'd shoot to you out there. It was a good 50 bucks, fuck, yeah, 50 bucks.

50 bucks. 50 bucks back then. Let me tell you something. I didn't know how much money I was making until they took it away from me. What do you mean? I was doing all those rooms from 1997.

The Mexicans opened up their hearts to me. From Rudy Moreno at the Brave Bull to Sebastian, to Tina. The Brave Bull. The Brave Bull. I mean, all those dudes fucking opened their hearts to me.

In 2007, the economy flipped. Remember, everything washed out. 2007, 2008. We were doing an acting class behind my building in Hollywood. Me, Felipe, Silent Bob, Edwin.

We were all getting together. Tuesdays at 11. We'd stay there until 1 and then we'd go to the weed store on sunset. And the guy would make edibles. He was a baker. And he would make like fucking apple pie

and all this shit. So, I remember in 2008, my wife asked me once. She goes, where's the money? And I go, what money? Because I was living off residuals and a little bit of the road with Joe Rogan. And she's like, you usually have money during the week

because all those rooms went down. I got locked up. You got locked up. That's what it was. All those rooms went down. So my income, you know, those rooms were making you an extra, 800 a week because I was doing

and we were doing up north they had a Mexican room up north that they were booking we had a lot we had a lot of fucking work and it shut down so that cash we missed that cash

those 50s and those 40s and those groceries hundreds yeah they add up it's gas in your car it's reef of the next morning it's you know that money added up I never knew because I was always doing coke. So I was always broke.

But once I quit doing coke, those rooms were fucking paying my bills. I'm like, look at all this fucking money I got. Dog, in those days, I would check my bank account. And I would always be at $18, $16. Every once in a while I had $23. And I could take a 20 out and buy a sack of weed from the fucking weed store, a gram of a weed or something. But I never had over $20 in that fucking account.

once I stopped doing coke those Mexican rooms I had six, seven hundred in my account I'd be walking around like what Look at Uncle Joey with 600 in his fucking account All right with a new leather jacket With a new leather jacket and shit But yeah, after those rooms went

It left us out in the fucking cold We didn't really know how much money we were making Yeah I remember Do you remember the first time we made It was like an underground room It was it was peppers in the city of Garden Grove off of Harbor and Chapman.

Who used to run that room? Rick Martinez. Yes. That's the room where he fucking taped me the week before and people come up to me going, do you have a DVD? And he goes,

I got your DVD. What? He taped me at his show the week before without telling me. He was a sneaky dude, Rick Martinez. God bless him,

though. I don't know where he is. He disappeared. He was fucking a new. chick every week with a BMW, Doug. He was, though. He was getting married every week. He really fucking was. And you know what, Doug?

Yeah, he was a little overbearing, but he had the gift of hustle. Exactly. That dude, he had a room one time with Samoans, and they threw a knife at Darren Carter. Diane Carter was on stage with the light, and a knife went flying right past him. And they hit the door,

and caught a look at the fucking thing and he like melted. They threw a knife at him down there, dog. It went right past him and hit the wall and it stayed in the wall like Rambo. And Rambo fucking two when he chopped the fucking Vietnamese heads off. Dog, they just threw it at him.

Listen, when you get a knife thrown at you in a comedy room, that means don't go back. Like, don't ever go back there. And I think I went back there. And I'm like, what about the room that you had when we got there that shot the doorman,

the night before. And there was a bunch of Mexican candles in front of it and shit. They shot the guy the night before and we're doing comedy the next night. Yeah. What was the name of that? Oceans!

Oceans! You're right. Oceans. I was there one night when Noe's... Noes... Noe and Martine ran it. That's right. I was there one night when Noee's wife

just got out of jail and she came in with the fucking... With the wristband. And she's like, you got to lend me 20 bucks. I'm like, lend you 20 bucks. I need to buy Coke. Who's got the Coke?

And she's like, I'll get your Coke if you let me the 20 bucks. I just got out of county jail. I've been doing 90 days. Fucking knew, no, he threw me in jail or something. They thought she was, bro, that bitch was crazy. I still remember being in La Jolla with her. I was the headlining. Me and Marilyn Martinez would call headline

and Noy would open up for us. So Noi would sleep in the couch in La Jolla. And him and that girl will get fucked up. And I remember one night, I opened up that thing. We had a bathroom in the main bathroom, in the main big room. I had a bathroom in there, but I think I needed water. And I opened up the door. And norie was passed out, and the chick was still playing with a pussy with a little paddock.

I'm like, what the fuck? She's like, oh, my God, I didn't think you were awake. I'm like, no, no, leave the blanket off. Let me look at that fucking monkey. She was beating that motherfucker up. Dust was coming out of it. The whole thing. I'm like, what the fuck?

but Oceans was the room that I went there one night and the doorman got shot the night before and I'm like I'm on stage doing comedy I was there at a place where a motherfucker got shot last night

the families were out there praying for the body and shit he didn't get shot on comedy night no like a hip-hop night right he got shot like the night before or something like that but you tell people those stories they won't fucking believe you

they're like there's no way you were doing comedy in those rooms. We didn't give a fuck. We didn't give a fuck. I got fucked with a lot at Wild Coyote. Did you? Yeah, because a lot of comedians that understand that I'm an Orange County gang member and I was in fucking Monobello. You notice not one black fool lived in that city?

In Montbella? Yeah, Monta Bello or El Monte. It's just Mexican. Even the Asians, they get their eyes fixed to look like a cholo. Like, yo, dog. Hey, dog. So there's no COVID in Montbello. Yeah, no.

There's no COVID in Montabello, dog. And I was there with head. Remember head, trend? Sure, sure. Dog, I was doing good on stage, but the fool was like, hey, homie, get off. We want to dance. Hey, everybody knows you're funny. And I fucked up, Joey.

I fucked up. I started fucking going at that full. Boom, boom, boom. because, you know, that was the code. If someone heckles you, eat them up. Out of fucking nowhere, dog, a spooner hits the stage. You know, those big drinks they used to have over there? Amber was the waitress.

And they fucking threw the spooner at me. That shit hit the big sandal behind me. A dog. I try to go out there and head was like, hey, homie, I got to escort you out the kitchen, George. They're going to get you. And then fucking head took me out through the kitchen. I ain't going to lie, dog.

I could have thrown, like, like, you remember those dope feed punches you could throw back then? You're like, I just got to hit this for once. Keep the car running. Keep the fucking car running. But head was like, nah, dog, I work here. Austin's going to get tripped. That was like the craziest incident I got over there.

But, like, remember when they jumped flying Tommy Chun? I kind of remember that. I got jumped in San Bernardino. No way. That's where I got jumped It's dead over there They tried to rob me dog In San Bernardino

Then another night I went up there with Felipe And they set up They set us up They were gonna put us in a car And robbers Oh Me and Felipe

Yeah they don't fuck around up there Nah You know I've been robbed once By a gun And I remember I remember my tight ass Homi Evans He was just like

Look dog Whenever someone pulls out a gun on you Do you want to keep That $200 bucks? or do you want to have another chance to get that money back and live? He's like, someone pulls out a gun, I'm done. Now, if you ain't got none on,

I remember they pulled out heat on me and took my cash once. It's kind of fucking like, I don't know, dog, I felt like I got, you know, I'm not trying to diss no one, but it was like my only way of rape. I feel like I got a rape.

I was under no control. There was a fucking strap to my head. I only had 30 bucks. They were mad at me. I was like, I already paid everybody, dog. there's nothing wrong let me tell you something plenty of times I got five

broke into a house and there was only a gram instead of an ounce I was pissed off as a motherfucker dog you commit the felony to get no fucking dough you put a gun to somebody

that's a felony and they show up with 30 bucks you're like god damn it a minimum I needed 300 minimum was 300 but you know what man what comes around goes around how many fools did we mug

yeah straight up Straight up. So what comes around goes around, man. So as long as you understand that concept, you know, I used to mug those dudes at Hudson County Park when I was a kid. Make believe I was a fucking stalker or some shit

and fucking, you know, and you got it coming to you. What are you going to fucking do? But nobody, one time a guy pulled a gun in Harlem when I was copping, but they didn't rob us. What happened? What year was it?

81. Yeah, because there's no cameras. No, there was no cameras. No, there was no cameras. You could have got robbed before just had a gun in a fucking trash bag. You would have been like, hey, hey, hey, hey. And I had two friends that went over to the city

got a blow job one night, and they got out of the car, and the chick was blowing them in the park, and the next thing you know, it was a setup. Three guys came with guns and robbed them. I mean, took their sneakers, took their belts, took everything, so they couldn't chase them and shit.

So I made a mental note. I was like 16 when they told me that story. They're like, dog, we just got mugged in the city. We went for a blow job. The chick was sucking our dick, and they pulled guns on us and shit. And I'm like, fuck it. I ain't never getting myself in that position. But I went over that city a thousand times to cop.

And nobody ever pulled a fucking gun on me, knock on fucking wood, you know? So now I don't cop no more. The other day, I hang out with a newer cop. Okay. And I was talking to him. We were watching the kids play, and I asked him, I go, they sell drugs And he was telling me

How the streets are Buck Wild in Newark, dog Passaic somewhere Patterson That's where everybody goes To get their drugs on the street Pills, you'd get anything down there I couldn't even imagine

Going down there now I couldn't even imagine Rap my You know how many fucking things I used to walk into All those weed circles In Harlem and cocaine circles That everybody's slinging on the street

And I would Dog I used to live for those things I love those things I loved those walking into those things. I couldn't even imagine coping drugs off the street now. I didn't even know where to start. Hey, so is Harlem, like the capital of New York as far as like, is that the easiest place to get it?

Like, say you go uptown, say you go Brooklyn. It's like people set tripping on you. Doug, I don't know anymore, but I remember 20 years ago, maybe 1997. I went to Port Authority. and I couldn't get a hold of my friends so I went to Harlem looking for drugs after Giuliani came to New York

he cleaned that shit out so I don't even know like I haven't been to Harlem yet I've been here 11 months I've been to the city but I haven't been to Harlem I've been to Brooklyn I've been to Queens but I didn't see no drug dealers out on the streets but he was telling me that in Jersey

and Newark they got fucking drug people on the street nah they're Passaic Patterson they got them out there selling heroin, the whole fucking thing. Yeah, in Newark, they have $3 bags of heroin. Yeah. That's right.

They saw heroin on the street. I wouldn't even know where to fuck to start, George. Can you believe that? Me neither. You can, we get weed online now. There's a site that I tell people here in Jersey where to get weed from in California. That's tremendous. You have to send them cash.

And then they send you to weed three days later. It's fucking tremendous. my brother orders from them all the fucking time. They're popping up here like left and right now from California. You can't grow weed on Jersey, right? I think so. I think it's legalized. I don't know the...

It's hard to grow, though, because of the weather, right? They grow in a house. Fuck it, huh? Yeah, they're growing houses. So I wouldn't even... I don't even know where to start copping now if I needed to cop. Like if I need to cop weed I would go to North Bergen

I got a kid up there that sells pretty decent weed he gets it from Cali supposedly you know what I'm saying He gave me a bag one day But it didn't look that good I gave it to a friend of mine But yeah I don't I don't even know where to fuck

To start with cop it anymore dog The hardest weed I had to find Was your laughing gas dog Well there was only one store that has it Yeah and like I had to fucking I had a full waiting out there Like you know how they wait and laugh for sneakers that told that four you I need a fucking bag dog

and I say hey that shit fuck me up homie I don't know what they put in it you know when you smoke a new strain it was a new strain to me I don't know what that is but it it was some good shit man you sold out of that there's a little bit left and then more comes out on the tent are you gonna have it in Jersey I'm gonna have him send some to me absolutely I already smoked what he sent me that shit was deadly dog I gave a bag to Mike I kept the bag that shit was

deadly. You know what, man? I hate to tap myself on the back, pat myself on the back, but that's good fucking Rifa, man. I liked it. Hey, I was, I smoked it and, uh, fucking Carlito's Way was on. The part where fucking, I, I suck it, but remember when he goes, he's doing the court appeal? And he's like, Joanna, it only took five years, not 30 to my, like you, like you thought. Oh, my God. Roomfeld. Sean Penn hit it out of the fucking park with that movie, Doug. Sean Penn hit it out of the fucking park with that movie.

He was tremendous as the fucking attorney. He was tremendous. You know what? I saw that in the movie theater. I didn't like it as much as I like him now. Yeah, now I really like that movie. That was the beginning of the movie. When he's in with his appeal and then they get him out and they go to a Puerto Rican bar

and they're dancing with the girl from Miami Vice. and the two girls say what the fuck you want to hang out with each other and they're both drunk at the bar that's a great fucking movie I like the better now than what I did when I went to see it

why you don't think you understand it like you understand it now yeah it was completely different when I saw it the first I'm like what the fuck is this this is like a redone this is like a remix have you seen the prequel

to Carlito's way I won't watch them horrible horrible with Louis Guzman and Puff Daddy and shit and the Puerto Rican kid fucking terrible, terrible. And I was into the ground floor in that movie.

They reached out to me. I'm like, nah, nah, that movie looks a little fucking fishy. But I love you, George Perez. I'm fucking happy to see you. This is just, this wasn't even like a fucking podcast. This is just great to see you, man. Can't you know with you, man? I miss you, dog.

It's been three months since I saw you. Is it different now? It's different, dog. It's like, yo, man, I've never felt. like a dinosaur. Like I feel old to these fools. But I'm still not. I know I'm not.

It's just like, like, yo, dog, I went to go to Hollywood to try to hang out at the three clubs. And it was like going to a prison yard that like nobody was there no more, just the guards, just the workers.

It was fucking weird, dog. Weird. No Jeff at the store? That shit hurt. That was weird. That was weird. I hear the store isn't the same.

I hate to say this as it was. I'm hearing little things. You know what, man? I'm going to be as honest I can with you, George. I don't feel old. I am old.

Thank you. And I have to be honest with myself that I didn't want to have white hair on stage and tell pussy jokes. You know what I'm saying? Like I look fucking like, who's this dirty old man on stage?

So if I do go back, all those pussy jokes, to change you know what I'm saying but I already think I don't think I'm done I just think I did what I had to do I feel you dog you know sometimes in life you do what you got to do and you move the fuck on you know but I feel like a I feel like an old man you know being around young kid like it would feel creepy for me I remember when I was 21 and a 25 year old dude would come to a bar and I tell that dude to go mend the sweater you're too old to be hit and I'm 21-year-olds.

Do you know what I'm saying? And that's how I feel now. I have to be honest with myself and go the opposite. Listen, you're too fucking old, Joey. You know, if I get back on stage, I got to wear a suit. Yeah.

I got to put on a fucking suit. Yeah, you know, I got to do it right. There's no way I can go back up there with a leather jacket. Like, this is my favorite stand-up shirt. I bought like 13 of these. I only wear three of them. I still got them in rappers and shit.

This is as comfortable as can be. This is my comedy shirt. the shit you wore on the showtime special, with the boots. With the boots and shit. I love all that stuff on stage. But now, if I get on stage, I got this white hair.

It's a different store. I'm just trying to be honest with myself. You know, it's, I don't want people to go, look at fucking Joey dying his hair and going up there telling pussy jokes. It's not the same. When I left L.A.,

I said my goodbye to the comedy store, and I think I said my goodbye to that whole fucking world. I hope not. I hope not. I hope in three months I'm on stage fucking around, having a good time locally at Uncle Vinny's or something, but that's how I feel, George, and I miss you guys.

You miss you too, dog. Like my realm of comedy is gone. That was it. That's it. It's time to go home. Yeah. You know, pick up your toys and your ball and go home.

Yeah. You know, I've hung out a couple times. It's still there, dog. There's spurts of it. Like, you know what I mean? But I just feel like, you, Rogan, and Red Band came and revolutionized it when they fucking fired Tommy.

It'll never be like that again, but it's still there, dog. It's still there. You know, it's like the Raiders, dog. We're trying to make it look like how it was in the 80s. The Raiders in the 80s, untouchable. It's going to be tough with a gay raider. I ain't got nothing against gay people,

but how the fuck is they were a gay raider? That coach, the old coach, must be fucking spinning in his grave. Al Davis and all those dudes are like, how the fuck is there a gay raider? Where do we go from here? I can see a gay 49er, a gay giant,

but a gay raider? And I got nothing against gay people. You know, I'm part of the LGBT community. I love you got motherfuckers to debt. But there's no way on this earth that I ever think there would be a gay raider. When that dude came out of the closet and I saw the raider shirt on him,

I'm like, this ain't right. This is part of God's joke with COVID. How is there a fucking gay raider? We got any dates coming up, George? Yes, August 21st. I'm at the Continental Room in Fullerton. September 8th, American Comedy Club, San Diego.

September 4th, Novo Theater in L.A. I'm on that Fool's Gone Wild, you know what I mean? It's a bomb-ass new website. They always throw you up, though. You got to check out fools gone wild, Joey. I'll check them out today. Send them my love. For sure, brother.

I give you a, man. Like, I don't even feel like we park. I don't want to hang up. You got to go to work today? Huh? You got to go to work? I got to work tonight, man. Hey, dog.

I feel old when I'm at the strip club, dog. I'm ready to let that shit go. It's fucking with me. But everybody that works for me is older than me. That's the crazy part. Pussy is pussy. you know you can't touch it but you can look at it to your 90 you know what I mean I haven't hit nobody in 20 years because I don't want to show enough you know you know you don't want to nobody wants to see a 40 year

old dick you know what I'm saying after you four when I became 40 I'm like that's it my slinging dick days are over I better find the girlfriend and I did I found the wife and you know I found the wife at 37 but at 40 I go I'm well if we break up I'm done nobody wants to see a 40 year old dick and a 58 year old dick nobody I don't even want to see it when I look at I go I can't believe it's my dick. It was ugly to start with. Now it looks like a fucking art bark. I don't even know what the fuck to do with it.

I got a rash. I got to put fucking petri all around my dick, my legs. What the fuck is going on with this dog? I don't know. Getting there, man. I'm working out again, little slow steps and shit. I'm on my seventh day to date. I'm going to work out in like an hour.

Feels good, dog. It's the fountain of youth, brother. When you're a man and you're getting older, the weights is the fountain of youth. Anything else, we'll get hurt. Jiu-Jitsu, I'll get hurt. Kickboxing, I get hurt. You know, I hit the bag still one day a week, twice a week,

but the fucking gym is my bread and butter, George. It's really helped me to get to here, so. You look good, homie. I'm trying, brother. You know, like I told you the other night, no weed till nighttime, no edibles in the daytime, you know. Box me. Because whenever I'm with you, you always be like,

where's it at? Where's it at? Can you fucking believe that, bro? That's why I'm saying that wasn't like a change I implemented or never, you know, I never even dreamed of quitting smoking pot. I never even thought about it. That was never even a fucking thought to me. Like when those guys would do sober October, I go, go fuck yourself.

I'm going to be fucking sober. I got sober on my own because my body didn't need it no more. Yeah, your body, I've been there. I think that whole game had me all fucked up and I feel better now. Mind is fucking powerful, dog. Dog, I was getting anxiety. They put a fucking heart monitor on me. I got no anxiety now.

You know what I'm saying? When I test my blood pressure here, I'm always high. I go to the doctor. I'm right on. When you scare me with the doctor, everything goes away. You tell me you give me a needle, everything goes away. I went for a blood test. When I left the blood test, I felt a lot fucking better.

But I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. You keep doing what you're doing. And we'll meet in the motherfucking middle. I love you with all my heart. I miss you. and I wish you nothing but success. In about two weeks, I'll zoom into your podcast. Fuck, yeah, man.

I appreciate that, brother. All right, brother. I love you. I didn't forget about you. I'll never forget about you. You're one of my closest friends. You always had my back. We did great together on the road.

We were fuck up audiences together. So I wish you nothing but love, good health, and I'll see you sooner than later, dog. And make sure tell Tripoli to book you here, and I'll come see you. You know what? They've been hitting me up out there. I'm going to go out there, man.

I would love to. Hey, I had a dream, dog, that I, real quick. I had a dream that stank that I flew out there. And you were all mad at me when I show up. I always you were like, what the fuck you're doing? George was supposed to call me if they're going to come. I want to fucking. It was funny.

Doug, listen. If somebody else don't call, I get pissed at them. You don't need to call. You just show up in Newark. You call from Newark and say, get the bong ready. I'll put it in the freezer and we'll get that freeze pipe. start smoking that motherfucker. I love you, Doug.

Stay black and keep in touch. We always talk twice a week, so I love you, brother. Stay black. Love it too, dog. Late. Late. All right. I hope you enjoyed that little fucking Te-Tate with George Perez.

It was a hell of a podcast. It brought back a lot of memories. I worked hard, guys. And that was, I wanted to prove to you, fucking guys, that L.A. was no fluke. We fucking killed it. I used to have spots at the store every night following Mooney, but before I used to do that,

I would go out and do other spots. I would do open mics. I would do paid gigs. It's all a gig. You got to get on stage. You know, when I lived in Boulder, my motto was get on stage once a night. When I moved to Seattle,

it was twice a night. When I moved to LA, my goal was 40 spots a fucking month. But I would take 30. You know what I'm saying? Like if I did 30, 30 times 12 is 360 spots a fucking year. I used to average somewhere in the 400s every year. So it's 400 spots a year.

That's a spot every day and a half a fucking spot when you had it up. So if you're thinking about starting to do comedy, that's the fucking way to do it. A spot a night, and then you graduate to two spots a night, then you graduate to three spots a night, and then get back to me. I'll tell you what your mission is then. I love you, motherfuckers with all my heart. Thank you for supporting the fucking joint this week. And I'm happy you enjoy it.

I hope you have a great weekend and we'll be back Monday Tip Top Magoo with Uncle Joey's fucking joint. Have a great weekend and now for a word for my motherfucking sponsors, Jack. All right, I want to thank my man George Perez. I want to thank you guys for watching and you guys for the support. But before I get the fuck out of here, I want to thank my sponsors for the week. CBD line coming at you again on a beautiful fucking Wednesday in August. How does CBD Lion going to help you? Simple.

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I want to thank Draft Kings. I want to thank CBD Lion. I want to thank ZipRecruiter and Bluetooth for having our back this week. But most importantly, I want to thank you fucking savages for the love and support. I love your cocksuckers. And don't forget,

laughing gas is still available. It's still fucking people up. And it's fucking tremendous. I'm patting myself on the back like I said during the podcast. Stay black. A great weekend and I'll see you Monday. Tip top motherfucking Magoo.

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