The Church of What's Happening Now: The New Testament - 09/02/2013 - The Church Of What's Happening Now #108

Episode Date: September 3, 2013

Director and all around bad ass Billy Corben calls in again. This podcast is brought to you by: Onnit.com. Use Promo code CHURCH for a discount at checkout. Hulu Plus. Visit Huluplus.com/joey for an extended free trial. Dollar Shave Club. Visit Dollarshaveclub.com/church for great deals. Streamed live on 09/02/2013

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or just go to Joey Diaz.net and click on the Dollar Shave Club banner. Oh shit. Oh shit. You know what time of this, motherfuckers? Happy Labor Day. From the church of what's happened now? The flying Jew. I don't know.

Myself. We're coming at you a little late, but fuck it. By this time, you gotta be losing your mind. Here you go, bitches. Kick that motherfucker, Lee. What? Oh, shit. My foot's outside the dog.

Are you fucking kidding me or what? Never. Drinking fucking ale, smoking dope. We got no cheeseburgers, but it is a fuck. What's happening, baby? I'm feeling awesome. Look at you, you're a fucking savage. You spent the weekend and where are?

Just around Anaheim, I went... Tell them what you had. Tell these motherfuckers. I had a jacuzzi in my bedroom. Oh, shit. Yeah. That takes the sperm juice right out of your fucking degoozza. Oh, it does, but you did it with your wife a couple weeks ago. I mean...

No, we didn't have no fucking jerseye. You didn't have a jacuzzi, but you went away for a couple days. We didn't do it. We didn't go anywhere. Like, we didn't do anything. We just, we went to Anaheim. It cost, like, $150 a night. You didn't go to the beach or nothing?

I don't think there's a beach in Anaheim. You don't have a bachy on and drive the girls crazy. We have a sexy mother-in-lawful. We have the jacuzzi in the bedroom. What are we going to leave for? Oh, shit. Look at shit. Had some tequila, had some alcohol?

Did you have some room service? No, we didn't. Why not? You didn't get no strawberries, no whipped cream. Put him in a little bolito and shit. Like that little monkey on fire. You sexy motherfucker. Look at you.

You're a pimp, dog. You're fucking pimp. Taking freaks down to fucking... This is your girl now. You're in love. Look at you. We were asleep by 12.30. Were you?

Fuck yeah. I mean, we had a long day. You're a savage. Yeah, we're working all week and then fucking having sex takes it out of you. That's right. I know. You were eating Mexican food, eating ass. All this good fun stuff.

You're a fucking bad motherfucker-le. Happy Labor Day to all you people. I hope you with your family. I hope you're safe. Everything is beautiful. The fucking airport's empty. The fuck's on the fly. Fuck these cuckers.

I had a great time in Milwaukee. It was a lot of fun. The UFC was sensational. Congratulations to Pettis and Duke Rufus and the king of a little Milwaukee, a little Puerto Rican guy that fucked the Filipino kid up with a Korean kid up at the end.

Great fights. Great city, though, Milwaukee. Yeah, you go through everyone every year. You know what, man? I was going out early, 98, 99, 2000 to the club. The guy was in the outlaws, of those fucking motorcycle bands or whatever. But he didn't want to really pay too much money.

And it was, you know, he always wanted you to go in fucking February. That's like going to hell in fucking August. Yeah. You know, it's hot enough. Now I got to fucking go in there. But you know what, man, it's one of those cities that always, I knew something was up. And when I got there, there was a bar around the corner from the club.

And they were telling me stories about Donnie Brasco and the balustaries and all this shit. How they had this. The feds took all these people who had in this bar and put them in jail. but it never made the fucking book, the Donny Brascoe books. But it was always pretty interesting to me, but it's one of those neighborhoods, Milwaukee. It's one of those American cities has got a lot of heart.

You know, you could feel the heart. You could feel they work for their fucking dollar. And I like that. I like going into a city where you could feel they work for their dollar. That's what America's all about. They don't mind spending it, but they work for it and have a good time when they have a fucking good time. Is that near Green Bay at all or no?

I think two hours an hour. You know, they've got a lot of great. great little cities, Madison. They got another one up a little north, more up there that I did a college once. I've never had a bad time in Wisconsin. I really haven't. The Green Bay Fonnybone years ago,

great little club, too. You know, I got to go to one of the games. You know, in those days, you had to work Sundays, and that's when I used to make the best of it, and quite a scalp tickets. You know, I was making $4.50 for the fucking week in those days. Fuck. That's without a plane ticket.

So the plane ticket was $200. You bought a gram a blow, you ate lunch. Boom. You're fucking broke. You know, but you do what you did. But I really did have a good time. I'm going back with Ari, April 25th next year. Oh, shit.

But that's fucking next year. But you know what? Something really weird happened. What? When I was dead. You never really think about it. You never really think about a lot of fucking dumb shit when you were a kid. The last time we were in Milwaukee, this Papp's Blue Ribbon Theater is a great theater.

But they have it downstairs. Okay. They're downstairs. It's a great downstairs. They do everything to accommodate you. They have co-cuts and teas and coffees and beer and light beer. and fruit and salami and cheese, and they got everything,

but they have games. They have, like, all the old 70s games, like the ping ball. Oh, really? And they have, like, the fucking hockey games. But the other thing they have is they have albums and a jukebox. Not a jukebox, but an album player,

whatever you call them, like an old school where you pick the needle up and put it on the record. Yeah. Put the needle on the record. Put the needle on the record. Anyway, don't get me all fucking fired up on Monday. September 2nd

Shit, bitches It's over It's the last quarter I hope you Motherfuckers Take the day off today Relax with your family For you unemployed motherfuckers

It could be a cold fucking Christmas It starts tomorrow So get your shit together September 2nd You've been sitting there all year Telling yourself I'm gonna go to DeVry Institute I'm gonna go to do this

Well it's fucking September 2nd You dumb motherfuckers You didn't even buy a book and a pencil Not even a feather With an ink You know whatever the fuck These cock suckers do. Anyway, get your shit together, September 2nd.

I hope you don't think I fucking forgot. I got carried away here with Lee and shit. Get it together, you cock suckers. It's over. Party's over. The holidays is three fucking months away, and you're still walking on. The Batman.

What does his name is playing Batman? That's a big fucking concern in your life, you dumb, stupid buck. I wake up the other morning. I see a thousand people mad about... Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck playing Batman. How fucking old are you?

How fucking old are you? What the fucking old are you? What the fucking old are you? What the fucking old are you? What the fuck is wrong with you? What is going on in your fucking life that you give you a fuck who's playing Batman? And on top of that, Ben Affleck is good.

If you've watched Ben Affleck, if you've been following this fucking career, the last three or four movies are fucking sensational. So get it together. I don't give a fucking least played Batman at this book. I don't get a fucking Batman. And you wonder why you're single and you're jerking off and your fucking sock every Sunday.

You dumb motherfucker because you're still concerned with Batman. If I'm a chick and I go on a date You say that, well, what do you think about the new Batman choice? Right there is where I excuse myself. I go suck a real fucking Batman's dick. Fucking Batman. Get it together. Fuck, anyway, what are you talking about?

You're talking about the record player? The record player, right? I don't know how you made the job. I don't know either. You're supposed to control the fucking tempo of the show. You're like Bob Coosie. You're like the white point guy when there's five, four black guys on the team. You got to control the whole fucking thing, you know what I'm saying?

If not, it becomes this other fucking thing. We've seen five black guys playing basketball? It's a fucking nightmare. They're jumping up and down. Nobody's playing defense. You need a white guy to play guard, point guard to slow these motherfuckers down. What up?

What up? We're all here. Slow down, breathe. Forget it. Rick James is dead. I don't feel so good myself. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, what was they talking about the fucking out?

It's all right. So the guy put on, Rogan put on, Crosby Stills Nash or something. We listened to that for a throw. while and then they were looking through shit and they found Led Zepp on the houses of the holy which I gotta tell you and I never told nobody this

I had a chance in life people I really did have a chance before that I heard that album you had a chance to what I was a real fucking geek I was really scared in my own shadow I used to hit the books I didn't think about pussy I had perverted thoughts don't get me wrong I want to fuck every baby sitting in the ass and come in their palm and on that shit. But, but, I'm telling you my desires, it's Labor Day.

I'm going to call the fucking powwow and have a church and not drop knowledge on these motherfuckers on Labor Day. What an insult. Come in their palms. Sure, you come in their palm when they're sleeping. They're watching TV. They fall asleep at their hand open. You ever see a baby? They always fall asleep with their hand open. Well, you don't even mean they were jacking you off? You're going to come and leave? No, you jerk off a little bit. When you're sick,

you only come a little... It's like bubble gum. Nothing. You don't even remember. Look at Lee trying to read this. Anyway, it's a fucking joke, Lee Cocksuck. Anyway, but I was thinking about, what was I? I don't know. I had a chance. I really did have a chance in life, guys.

I really did have a chance of being like a cop and being like a fucking geek and having respect for society and not being a fucking animal. I really did. I'm not even joking, though. I was thinking about it. I really did. I used to listen to Spanish music then.

I didn't like rock music. I didn't like long hair. I didn't like people with long hair. I didn't like none of that dirty shit with bell bottoms and nothing. I was a straight fucking kid. Was the stuff your mom listened to? Oh, my mom listened to music at the bar. And, you know, she listened to the doors and all this other shit.

And I listened to it, but once I looked at Jim Morris, I didn't like that. I wanted to be a fucking Marine. I wanted to fucking kill people. I wanted to go to Vietnam. That's what I was thinking about before I was 10. Fuck. Okay? I was a little street fucking savage.

But in my heart, I was going to cancel. Catholic school. Before I choked to none and all that, I was going to Catholic school. I went every day. I did my fucking communion. I believed. You know, I had that going on. I had the Santa Ria going on. I was very into it there. I never dreamed of fucking smoking

dope. Never fucking dreamed of doing a drug or drinking fucking alcohol. I was one of those fucking morons. I was one of those fucking kids. I can't even imagine with checkers. I cursed and I fought. I went to karate, but I believed in Batman.

Like, I believed in being a crime fighter and not letting people do crimes. I didn't like what went out in my mother's bar. I didn't like when my mother smoked pot. I didn't like when my mother drank. I just fucking didn't even look at it. I lived like in hell. Like, whenever she would drink, I made believe like she didn't exist. That's how fucking much of a geeky fucking person I was.

And this album changed? I remember my mother smoking a cigarette once in a cab, and throwing it on the cab and turning it off with her foot. and me praying, like the cab was going to blow up. That's how much I believed in stupidity before that age. But in 1975, House of the Holy came out. I don't know what fucking year came out. I really didn't.

I discovered it when I was either about 10 or 11. And when I listen to House of the Holy, let me tell you how fucked up House of the Holy is. House of the Holy is dancing days and whatever. And then it goes to no quarter. Then it goes to the ocean, the song we started with. I wouldn't listen to No Quarter. Why not?

Put it on. Put on No Quarter, Led Zeppelin. Okay. How's it a whole of your studio? I would not listen to it, Lee. I wouldn't listen to the song from the beginning of Star Trek. Okay. You know that Star Trek in the beginning?

I turned that shit off too. Why? My head wasn't ready for it. Listen to that shit. You hear that? I wasn't ready for that old. I listened to the other album dancing days I hear again And all that other shit in the ocean

And I was into the song made the same But this, I would fucking skip it I would get up, pissed off, and skip this This is a deep fucking song You gotta smoke 92 fucking numbers a day Or be an adult to listen to this shit You can't put this on when you're 11 You've been hanging out with your buddies playing basketball

Listen to Kiss And you put this on this will give you a fucking hot This is a spooky shit I don't know what that weed is but it's good Oh no, I don't know. I'm telling you right now. Think about being 12. Listen to this shit.

Into these songs right here. Bam! This is too much for me at 12. I shut this shit off. No. I wouldn't listen to Mastery out. Here it goes. Here.

What? What? I wouldn't listen to this, Lisa. That's spooky fucking devil music right there. I wouldn't even tell my friends about listening to that shit. But I knew once I heard that, that I had to be prepared. Like, right there. So I bought that.

Okay. I bought House of the Holy, and then my friend lent me war pigs, paranoid. Okay. And once I heard paranoid, I knew I had to take a hit off a joint at least one time. No matter what I believed in at that time, I knew that I had to go in that direction and take a little hit, just a little hit, just to see what was going to happen. Now, how, at that age, like, how did you know they were doing drugs? Because they didn't have, they didn't have the internet.

Who? Like the bands, like how, like, I know when you get older, it's pretty obvious. When you went to a concert, you heard the stories of the kids that went to the concert, seeing them getting high on stage, and then you heard. They would get high on stage? Yeah, you know, and then you heard from the hotels where they stay at. You know, those hotels were unions. So when I got older, I remember working at the Sheridan and Van Halen stay at the Sheridan.

And so you heard stories. You heard stories over the people over the years, you know, but when you went to see Led Zeppelin at the Garden, 73, It smelled like Riefer all the way to fucking Jersey. That's 18,000 people puffing on fucking wheat. The cops didn't even fucking, no, I wasn't even thinking. How old were you at, they were going at a different concert? No, no, no, no, no, no.

I didn't even dream of fucking, no, at 10. I was into the Mets. I was into the Boston Red Sox. I was into the Cincinnati Reds. I believed in Santa Claus. I didn't believe in doing anything bad at all. I was very much into the Catholic religion, more so into Santa Ria

where I would not fuck around at all I had I was you know I was going to Catholic school from fucking Sunday to Thursday once I got out of Catholic school when I hit the sixth grade even the sixth grade I was a little geeky but that summer

when I wanted to play hoop and the summer after that was when I really got into how I was it up by that time I had gotten left back I was playing basketball okay let me smoke a joint from time to time and I would go in and take two hits off a joint and drink fucking soda and giggle and then go home and I wouldn't do it.

But then I did it more and more. It went from once a month to twice a month every other Saturday to every Saturday to every Saturday and Sunday to every Friday, Saturday and Sunday and then what the fuck? Then you lose. I can't even...

The thought of you being like a Marine and like one of those... I just imagine like one of those 1950s dads who's like kind of intense. Oh, I was fucking really intense. Do you think you would have killed somebody by now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was funny that then I started loosening it up.

Like I didn't judge as much. I took the stick out of my ass. I started playing with the... Once I started playing with the Jersey kids was when I really... Those Jersey little motherfuckers in my neighbor really like Domic Spichial got rest of soul, Sabatino. Those little motherfuckers,

we would take a joint and smoke it, buy it from the fucking pool hall from one of those degenerates and smoke it up in the woods and then we'd go back up there and get chocolate milk and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or we'd walk to a pizza place or we used to walk to a dining back then

that was on Tunley Avenue and order like chili and fucking you know a cheeseburger and those days I always had cash yeah because your mom would give me cash but it was weird I didn't do a drug solidly for the 8th grade.

What do you mean solid? And I would have been a freshman in high school. Like solidly was when I dropped acid or I did mesculin. I went from smoking weed to one day I just said, fuck it. And I dropped the hit of acid. Fuck. I'm high right now. And I went to see Fariner and the Stones.

And I was freaking out when I saw all the people. But that was my first experience where I smoothed it out. And after that I did, at the time, it was snorting that THC crystal. which it was fucking angel dust no matter how to fuck I cut it's gorilla biscuits it's fucking whatever powders you know

and in those days you would take it it would cost you ten bucks for three lines so three of us could do it so for ten bucks me you and your friend Tony could get fucking blasted for six hours six hours that's what one line would do that one line one fucking line

blasted for six hours no car no cell phone you'd have like eight bucks I'd have like six bucks. Your buddy had like $10. The movies was two. We had to get there and we had to eat something before you get home

because you had to straighten up. You went to see the midnight show or something? I grew up with watching a lot of midnight shows. Those are awesome. Awesome. And there was always two theaters. So the one has the midnight, what is it? The fucking show where people dressed up.

Rocky Horror. Rocky Horror. On the other side had Pink Floyd Live and fucking whatever. Led Zeppelin, the Stones Tour, the Doors and 60. fucking eight, whatever. You know, he just watched those things. So it was different,

but I never, I never, but here's the funny thing, that when Joe was on, I went on first, great room, and when I went downstairs, Led Zeppelin and Houser the Holy was on, and I walked up to it, and took it off, and flipped it over and put it on the side of the song and made the same, and going to California. I don't know if it's

going to California, don't quote me on it. The crunches on there, and after my three songs, I broke down when I picked up the album cover. I broke them. I started breaking down fucking inside. Like I was like, oh my God, I had this album. What happened to this album? So I started thinking about when my mom died,

I left that album in the house. When my dad locked me out, that arm was left in the house. So I started getting more and more pissed off then. Then I picked up, then he had it. It all was alpha, alpha bettized.

So they had more lead zeppelin arms and they had the arms into the outdoor, which is their last hour. technically yeah Coda came after that but the studio album was in through the outdoor and if you take that album out the sleeve that covers the album is two pictures it's a it's this picture on paper where you see like cigarettes butts and beer caps and then you flip it over and you see ashtrays and pills and booze

spill if you take a sponge and you put water on it and you strain it and then you wet the thing down the pills come up to color and all this, and they say it's the last night of John Bonham's life. A lot of people don't know that. It's pretty fucking heavy duty. Like, albums meant a lot. Now, you guys buy a CD and you open the CD and take the CD out, or you download something. There's really not much in the fucking CD. You know, there's nothing. There's nothing. When I was a kid, you bought an album, and you open the album, you smoke. First of all, you open the album, you put the weed in there,

you put the weed in there, you smoked, and while you smoked and listened to the album playing, You read the fucking... Liner notes. Liner notes. Where they toured, who the fucking producer was on the album, the name of the titles, who fucking wrote the songs,

who was on the studio sessions. You know, stupid shit you only care about before you start paying rent. You know, when you pay rent, you don't care about that shit. But when before you pay rent, you care about that shit. So it's pretty interesting that,

and that was the album that really fucked me up that night, because that album I used to get up at six in those days. You know, I signed up for early classes to get the fuck out of there early. Yeah. So the first class in North Bergen High is 7.30. You could stay till 3.40. Fuck you.

10th period. Fuck you. So I would do 1 to 8s, which is like 7.30 to 2.30 to stack up. Yeah. And then as I stayed there long, I was like out of there by 1.30. But I was always a 7.30 type of motherfucker. First class, 7.30. But I remember getting up at 545 and getting up to into the outdoor.

in the evening and all that album. If you listen to that, find in the evening by Led Zeppelin on the beginning of that is fucking just... I still remember that album coming out. Eddie makes a... Eddie Bravo's a kiss fan, and he always was fighting for his life as a kiss fan.

And he tells a story about, you know, when an album came out in those days, everybody was always hating on the aisle. They would say, fucking... You know, it sucks, it's going to suck. I heard. My cousin said he heard it. And it sucks.

Jimmy Page is old. and this album it took like two or three years for them to fucking put this album out you put it on put that motherfucker on listen to this shit creepy album cover oh yeah very creepy

drinking at a bar by himself oh no this one's like the mothership limp over a fucking weird building movie theater I guess maybe this is a real album cover but what's funny about this is that this is the first song so you're all in those days

it came out like A-track. So you had to wait until somebody with a car came to the park. Yeah. And you put the A-track in and you put it on real fucking loud and all the people sat outside the car listening waiting for this is it.

And there were a bunch of haters going, this sucks! This sucks! And you're like, shut out, bitch, put this on louder. And this was Led Zeppelin when they came back in 70-5-9. Just tremendous shit. You know, and I would play this.

And my mother would wake up and say, are you fucking serious? Turn me. Hit it Lee! Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? And the haters would be... I told you it sucked and we'd be like, what? What?

List the fucking Jimmy Page. All right, fast forward this. This is where it gets... Give me a minute and a half and I'll show you. It's a minute and a half right now, so here's three. A little bit more. A little back more. A little forward.

Sorry about... Forward. We're supposed to get a call. I don't know if you can hear it. I'll be able to see it. I see if this is it. This is his first solo you heard. You're standing like, listen, motherfuckers!

And you're like, all right! All right, Jimmy's back. And everybody's like, fuck you. And you're like, listen, motherfucker. Listen to him. Right here, it's all over. Are you fucking kidding me? Hit it Lee.

Are you fucking kidding me? I'm 14. Are you kidding? You gotta fucking do some. fucking hero on. We waited two fucking years. And then they released this album. They went on fucking,

they released tour dates. We're ready to go. It was saving me. It was saving me. And John Bonham died. That was the end of your dream. That's it. That's how quick it went.

They released this album. You were ready. Every city in fucking America was ready for Led Zepp on the comeback. Everybody was putting money away because you had to send money in those days. So let's say each ticket was $30. That was a lot of money for a ticket back then.

You had to get your friends and send in $120 to get four tickets to be entering a raffle. And then they'd notify you... If you got the ticket. By mail. And then they'd send you the tickets a week before so you couldn't scalp them. That's how strong Led Zeppelin was, though. Led Zeppelin wasn't fucking around.

I'm dropping it on you, motherfuckers today. Labor Day. Where's Tony Bennett? What happened? What happened? It's Monday. You're slipping? It's two in the afternoon.

You smoke some dope. Out of respect for the motherfuckers that got your back. What? I want to be around to pick up the pieces. When somebody breaks your heart. Some, somebody twice as hard. It's Monday, you filthy fucks. Get it together just because it's the afternoon.

I don't want you to think. You ready to smoke something more dope with Uncle Joe? Absolutely. All right. Look at them. All right. You get that fucking email from that guy said you're slipping. You get that?

I said, tell him yourself. You're not eating edibles. You're not doing jumping jacks with a camera. You're not doing jumping jacks no more. Do ten jumping jacks. I'll spark this fucking number. And we'll get right. Look at you got your new hair, dude.

Did you shave your pubis? Did you trim everything down there? You got it? It's still, it's there. But it's all. We got the call. Oh, shit. I took the headphones off.

Look what happened. All right. Here we go. What's up, brother? How you doing? There he is. The amazing Billy Corbyn, ladies and gentlemen, my main man in Miami. What's going on with you?

Dog, I am your number one Twitter fan. You have the best Twitter feed in fucking America. You're too kind. That's not true. I can live anywhere, and I know up to the minute what's going on in Miami, where the traffic is, what bitch got stabbed, who's bleeding to debt, who sold a half gram to the mayor of Kendall. I get it all.

I get it all. And I'm loving it. You know, I grew up in the South West End. I'm half Cuban. You know, I'm all Cuban, but I'm half grew up in my mind. Like I had uncles down there, and they always talk to my mother about Kendall and Opie Chobie Drive and the whole fucking deal. So now I live in Miami vicariously through you. Well, you know, shit's got so crazy in Miami.

We keep making the front page of the New York Times, and none of its good news, obviously. The latest, of course. As you well know from following my crazy Twitter feed is that we had not one, not two, but three mayors in South Florida arrested for corruption in 22 days last month in August. I mean, it's just, it's all just a little bit of history repeating. It's amazing. I come from Hudson County, New Jersey. Hoboken, West New York, Union City, North Bergen,

not one mayor has just dropped out there. They've all ended up in prison. Wee Hawking. My 8th grade teacher, Mayor Lindley was the mayor of Weehawk, and he was an eighth grade teacher in North Bergen. How's, how the fuck the fuck is that go on? And one day they came and arrested that motherfucking game 11 years. So the East Coast will always be the East Coast, brother. What the hell did he do? If you ever go to, you ever see that picture in New York City, that's taken from Jersey.

And it's called the Waterfront. It's a Wehawk in New Jersey. It's West New York. And then it becomes North Bergen. that was big property when I was a kid that's where the future lay and it is true now they have a ferry there

they have hotels they have a hospital they have C.B.Y. And everything's infested with fucking rats but they don't give a fuck they had to do it. It's the Hudson River. What do you think lives in the Hudson River?

What do you think it's beautiful? You think Sully really landed a fucking plane? He landed on fucking a phone. That water's foam. That's Puerto Rican blood and fucking snake ails and bodies. I could walk directly across the Hudson on the backs of dead hookers. Yes, yes.

You could cross on fucking rocks like those alligator guys. So that East Coast corruption, people have no idea. Like, you know what, man, I have a felony, Billy, but way before that, when I was a kid, I saw behind the curtain. Once you see behind the curtain as a kid, you can't repair that. So I saw my mom paying off cops Yeah I saw the mayors that

You know the people that you had to You had to kiss their ass And every four years you got a job If you didn't kiss their ass You didn't get a job If he loses you lost your job You know I grew up in that And it's very hard

You know you're down there where Like you said That whole fucking city was financed on blow Well that was another incredible story This week Well first I got to tell you that New Jersey, Louisiana, Illinois, nobody's got nothing on Florida from 2000 to 2010. So the first decade of the millennium, Florida was number one in corruption convictions for

public officials. We had 781 public officials. That's just convicted. Okay, so forget accused or charged, but just convicted, public officials in the state of Florida, 781. in the first decade. I mean, that's just, it's off the charts here. And, you know, we're experiencing this again with, like, it's Cocaine Cowboys 2013 down here with this real estate situation. Last year, well, actually, last year in the first part of this year, we've got 73% of condo sales are cash transactions with 90% foreign buyers. Sounds familiar? I mean, holy shit. And what's funny is that, you know, we led the charge back in the day, you know, those financial disclosure forms that you've got to fill out if you're going to deposit $10,000 cash or more at the bank.

Like all of a sudden red flags go off. You have $10,000 cash. You've got to fill out all these forms. You must be a criminal. You know, you're basically guilty until proven innocent that that's clean money. So we actually, I mean, it's really Miami of all places that led to that kind of financial disclosure reform. But what's funny is that here we are 30 years later, and the loopholes, you could drive a friggin' Mac truck through them because if it's not actual cash, meaning hard currency. So if you're not showing up with a duffel bag full of cash, there is no disclosure, meaning you can wire transfer six figures or more from South America, which is what they're doing for these condos down here.

And you don't have to disclose. There's no tracing of that. There's no disclosure of that. the developers and the real estate brokers, they're just taking that money. Now listen, it's not all dirty money, obviously. But what percentage of that? I mean, you're talking about this isn't a boom down here. This is a bubble. And you know when it goes burst down here,

it goes burst in a big way? That's it does, man. That's fucking scary. That is just... Now, let me tell you something. The reason why I've been thinking of you for the last week was one day, I just read your tweets, and it was like a day of horror down there.

It was that's what it, in the back of my mind, I'm like, is this fucking Halloween? Like there was a bust, somebody got shot, somebody hit an alligator on the fucking whatever. I mean, it was just one of those days. That's your next documentary. A day in the fucking life in South Florida is just too much. It is too much. It gets a little exhausting after a while. I get kind of depressed trying to just maintain my own Twitter feed, you know,

because it's all bad news, it seems, but it's kind of that pace and that irreverence that makes living here so exciting because I don't know that I could live any place, you know, homogenized or boring. And, like, I go to, I go to, like, Naples on the west coast of Florida, or I'm going to break or, and it's just too white. There's just too many white people, you know? It's fun. it's fucking boring too it's like 1920 on those sides and it's beautiful and the people are very

nice and all but you're like what you're just sitting there waiting for something to happen yeah demographically it's like someone took a picture of miami and you're looking at the uh the negatives you know everything's just all inverting it's like we're we're gonna get some you know some catee cononeche and some plantains and some you know roscompoio i can't even i can't deal with all these all these white people yeah Oh, my God. And what's it like, what happened today down there? What's the big news down there behind the mayor

or a cop that got shot in the foot or one of the fucking dolphins is already in trouble? I mean, it never... We got serious problems in the city of Miami Beach. That's where our office is. But, I mean, you know, for years now, there's been a police department that's been completely out of control.

There's a new chief, thankfully, for almost two years now. And he's trying to clean it up. But it's tough because those things are kind of controls from the bottom up. You know, you have a culture at the street level. That's a little bit difficult to overcome by the top grass, and he's trying on. He's doing a pretty good job of it, but, you know, I don't even remember 2011. Memorial Day weekend down here has become like the hip-hop. It's like Freaknik is what it is. You know, Freaknik in Atlanta, Black Spring Break in Daytona. Memorial Day weekend has become, what they call it, Urban Beach weekend. And this is like a viral

phenomenon that started 10 years ago or actually about 13 years ago, and it was on like hip-hop radio stations. Everybody just decided, Joe, we're going to South Beach for Memorial Day weekend, and it's been a tradition. But it's kind of taken, this little, you know, Mighty Beach is a famous, sexy, internationally known destination, but it's a tiny little town, you know, it really is. It's a barrier island. It's really only the whole city is.

all of 70 blocks. South Beach itself is only about, you know, 15 to 22 blocks, but it's this huge influx of people, and it scared the business owners and the police and the politicos for a little while. Then they started to try to kind of get things under control, but then in 2011, you had City of Miami Beach and Hia Police, who you probably remember Hialeah from your days down here. Hyaliyo was famous for having a mayor convicted of corruption and re-elected. Mayor, again. When he ran for mayor, the people re-elected him despite his conviction on corruption charges. So they hire other police because Miami-Dade is a crazy place.

Miami-Dade is the name of the county. They actually changed the name. It was called Metro Dade County, and they changed the name in the mid-90s so that they could adopt the name of the most famous city in the county. so it would be a more sexy destination. So they call it Miami Gate, and we have 35, I think, different municipalities in Miami Days. There's like 35 different mayors of different villages, townships, cities within the county. And so they call on all of them to pull police into Miami Beach from Memorial Day, Urban Beach weekend. And what happened in 2011 is police opened fire.

They shot, I think, over 130 years. rounds at a stopped car. They not only hit the passenger about 13 times and killed him, but they shot four bystanders who were just walking by. Then they started to the police, started to grab people's cell phone cameras and destroy them in the street. They even harassed an ABC, a local ABC affiliate cameraman who was out there filming. They detained him. It was just like chaos. And they shot this. guy. The video is on YouTube. It's pretty crazy. And for the last two years, there's been this lawsuit, and the city has basically been trying to cover up what really happened there. And that same

summer, you had a cop who was on duty outside of his patrol area by about like 30, 40, 50 blocks. He was drinking at the famous Clevelander Hotel on Ocean Drive at a Bachelorette party where he posed for pictures in his uniform drinking on duty outside of his patrol area. He asked the girl in the Bachelorette party, hey, you want to go for a ride on my ATV? He takes her out on the beach with this drunk girl. He's drunk. His lights are off on the ATV. He's speeding, going God only knows how fast. He hits two tourists lying in the sand.

This is kind of par for the course in the city of Miami Beach. I tell everybody, like, they were talking about boycotting Florida after the George Zimmerman verdict. I say, don't boycott Florida, boycott Miami Beach. I mean, it is dangerous down here, and it's not necessarily the criminals that you have to be afraid of. It's the police. That's his, so two guys laying on the beach, and the cop runs over on ATV. Yeah, the police use tourists as speed bumps here in Miami Beach. Crazy.

And it's not, listen, bro, Miami's been like that since, you know, it's always had this air. I remember growing up in New York and going to Miami and going, Jesus fucking Christ. Like, it's always had that air of, I don't know what makes people crazy. And the politicians, I know what makes them crazy. The pussy. You know, Miami pussy, they taste that salty fucking monkua, and they go crazy those motherfuckers. It's the money. Because, you know, that's always, you know, people see gangster.

movies. You think like Donnie Brasco and things like that, when they talk about the guys in New York, you know, the organized crime was literally organized. There was a structure, there was a code, there were ethics, so to speak, among criminals. Miami was always treated as this wide open kind of town, and it's exactly what Tony Montana describes it as in Scarface. It's just this, you know, it's great, you know, big pussy, just waiting to get fuck. About what a, what a wide open town in Miami is. And that's, it's always been that way. It's never been anybody's territory.

It's always been neutral. And it's always been the kind of place that attracts really compelling characters. I mean, Al Capone died down here in his house on Palm Island in Miami Beach. Meyer Lansky ran, you know, sort of the last gasps of that era of the Italian mob. You ran it from Miami Beach. He used to walk his dog up and down Collins Avenue. You know, he tried, remember he tried to get to Israel from here, you know, so they wouldn't, they wouldn't prosecute them. And, I mean, it's always had that kind of, what's my joke?

It's the famous line. The great thing about Miami is it's so close to the United States. It really is. It's like another fucking dimension down there. It's something, and you cannot, I'm being a kid, and I think I wrote this as a blog about going down there. after my mom died. I hadn't been down there from like 77 maybe

or 76 and I stopped going down and I became a man and I went back down there in 84 and it was a different fucking world and there was this guy

that I would always come to my house with his wife and his kids and they'd play with us and he was a bar owner well at this time now this guy was a millionaire he had a furniture company

but I think he was dabbling and blow I think I don't know if I told the story of Testicle Testament I went over there. I kept saying, I want to stay at a hotel. And he kept making him saying, no, no, stay at my house. We'll drink a little bit.

My sons are there. And I can notice that nobody wanted a party with the guy. Like, this guy's got an ounce of blow. He's 50-something years old. His two kids are 20. I'm 18, 19. And he's like, go get the kids. Tell him we're going to cut up some fucking coke here.

The kid's like, no, I'm out. I'm like, this is weird. Finally, the guy comes out with a bikini on, like a bathing suit and a fucking, gun and he's paranoid and he's walking was he was he just doing blow was he free basing me and him were doing blow his wife was sleeping the kids are sleeping and i've known him since i was a kid he was he grew up at my father in cuba he was friends with my mom my mom and after my mom died i went down there to see him and i told him you know i need to make money i'm broke he goes well listen wait and i'll

give you a couple fucking ounces and you take them up and you sell him and you make some money and you give me the money and we'll keep doing it you could fly down you're In those days, you could fly back and forth with blow on Eastern Airlines and all those. They fucking knew. They didn't give a fuck. Even People's Express had a flight. They had a $69 flight to Miami, but after midnight, it was 29-95. What the fuck you think you got on that fucking plane with?

I'm in a being at bars, and they flew out of Newark every hour on the hour. So you knew if you ran out of Coke in Jersey, you could always go to Miami on the fucking midnight flight. Yeah, Miami cocaine was like Girl Scout cookies. This was crazy. This was... Young entrepreneur to get to break his way in. And I'm sitting there, and at the time, Billy, I was doing blow, but I wasn't up to the paranoia state of it.

It comes after a few years. I was still under the illusion that everything was beautiful, and it was like ecstasy, you're hugging people, and you're jumping up and down, listening to Madonna music. That addiction becomes something else. And it becomes like you've got a gram in your car, and you're driving home,

and all soon you go to a liquor store to get booze. You might not even be drinking. there's a cop parked there. That cop car parked there will go into your psyche, and then when you go home, you get paranoid. And that's a different level of it. And this guy was so paranoid.

He was crawling on the floors, looking outside his windows, and I'm like, what the fuck are you looking at? And I would look out the window, and there'd be nothing there. I'm like, are you fucking crazy? And finally, he runs into the kitchen, and the gun goes off,

and he shoots himself in the foot. Oh, my gosh. And I'm running around crazy. I'm pale. I'm scared. walk over and the kids are like, what happened? Did he shoot himself? Like he had done this a couple times already.

The kids were like, no, no, no, don't call the ambulance. We'll call the doctor down the corner. The doctor shows up 10 minutes later with a bucket filled the show. Oh, he shot himself again. Which foot was it? You're a fucking dummy. Economic impact, though, what you're talking about. I mean, some dude who came out, for example, and he wasn't even selling. Some guy just wanted to come out

for a night and help unload a boat, a plane Mickey Monday in Cocaine Cowboys, he'd pay those guys about $5,000 a night cash. You could do that once a month or so, and they talk about $5,000 a month, cash, okay, under the table, unreported, no tax, okay, multiply that by $12, all right? You've got $60,000 a year. You got guys, this is back in the early 80s. They were making $15,000 a year in their legitimate business, or maybe $20 if they were really doing well, But now you've got $60,000 from, this is a guy in the low end of a totem pole.

He's not really in the swuggling business. He just knows a guy wants to make a few extra bucks, so he helps. He's the brawn. He helps unload, you know, a shipment. But, like, that's the kind of money. So what you could do with a couple ounces as a kid, just what the impact is the lasting impact on our economy is extraordinary. That's when cocaine was at the high level. That's when stockbrokers.

That's what they talk about. It was 1,800 an ounce in New York City, but if you went to Miami, you could pick it up for nine. Right. You just had to bring it back up to New York, and a lot of a lot of people were scared that everybody was doing it. You just had to have a system, and you had to be, you know, you couldn't go on there with a beard thinking you were Tony Montana. I'm going to pull you over. But if you went with your little University of Michigan bag and your little stupid look on your face, you could push six, eight ounces, move four and keep four and sling them. And you could do that once a month.

That's a gold mine those fucking days. Well, that's what led to the violence here is that, you know, at first the Colombians were selling kilos to Cubans and whoever else was willing to smuggle them into the United States, you know, usually into Miami in the late 70s. You could get a kilo per kilo on an airstrip in Columbia for five, ten grand. And then you got to Miami and you were selling it, flipping it for 50s. grand. So the Colombians realize that, you know, this is, the risk of the smuggle is what creates the enhanced value. So they started working with contractors essentially on transportation and setting up

their own, you know, their own people in the United States to receive it. And that's when shit started getting crazy on the violence side, but that's when the Colombians started to make, you know, That's when it comes to a multi-billion-dollar multinational corporation. And that's when the bloodshed started. But this route, you know, Miami to New York has always been very prominent and continues to be. I mean, I remember a kid in the 90s, the early zeros, ecstasy was huge, I think, particularly from, like, Israel. Like, you have these hafids who were taking these flights right from, like, Miami to JFK, into the Eastern District of New York, and that route commercially,

like you were talking about back in the day you on Eastern Airlines, which I remember very well. But back in the day, with the cocaine, people were doing that with, you know, Israelis and the Jews were doing that from Miami to JFK. And, of course, you have this latest, this terrible story. I'm sure you're aware of it at Electric Zoo, the kids who died overdosing on Molly. one of the girls apparently, her allegedly, reportedly, did six pills. It's like it's no wonder she died.

You know, it's, and everybody's kind of, the sympathy is kind of shifted. Everybody's like, this, the sense seems to be on social media that this girl's an idiot. She kind of shit on everybody's parade because now EDM music and these electronic music festivals are going to get a black eye from this when it was one stupid girl. seems to be the consensus now. When did she fucking eat six Mollies? At electric zoo in New York over the weekend. Don't they know that fucking heart sizzles? Just to eat alone sizzles your fucking heart.

When they take it out of school. Yeah, and how the hell do they know what they're eating? They're buying it from some dude and someone hands them a pill? Who the hell knows? You take one who knows what you're taking, But she took six is what she told the EMT before she died. And so they canceled the last day. They canceled Sunday of Electric Zoo.

They had a bunch of huge DJs who didn't get to perform because they had not one but two deaths. And I think another three or four people who overdosed allegedly on Mali. Now, what's the drug of choice in Miami now? All of them. All of them. Bath salts. Really? No, no. I'm just kidding.

Bath saltism. isn't a real thing necessarily. It's certainly not any kind of an epidemic or anything like that. But obviously, marijuana is a perennial. You know, it continues to be our biggest cash crop after oranges in the state of Florida. It's a shame that we don't have some kind of reasonable, you know, medicinal marijuana policy or... Well, nothing, nothing. Nobody's trying to legalize it down there.

Not with all the fucking old people down there. You figure that's the spot. down there. Oh, absolutely. In fact, Robert Plattschorn, I don't know if you ever saw our movie Square Grupper, The Godfathers of Donja. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's kind of a prequel, an unofficial prequel to cocaine cowboys. It's streaming on Netflix, and it's on showtime sometimes, too. It's about the, you know, the pop hall and trade in Miami in the 70s before, you know, shit hit the fan and things got serious and violent with marijuana, and with cocaine, rather. And one of the stories we tell is about the black tunic gang and this guy Robert Plattschorn who smuggled a few hundred

pounds of marijuana but he wound up you know really in the wrong place at the wrong time when the federal government was trying to make examples out of marijuana smugglers and he wound up the longest serving non-violent marijuana prisoner in American history and he did almost 30 years on just a pot smuggling beef and he actually has this this awesome organization down here in Florida, where he is, of course, a senior citizen now. He goes around to other senior citizen homes and facilities and tries to, you'll kind of rally them behind medicinal marijuana, you know, for cancer and glaucoma. And he has speakers who come around and talk about its positive effects.

And I think Comedy Central actually did a story, I did a story about him and his is that president of the Daily Show or Colbert. And it's just tremendous because he's trying to rally, as you said, the elderly population who also are the biggest, you know, group of voters that we have in terms of mobilization at election time. And so he's trying to rally them in this organization to move, you know, get medicinal marijuana legalized. But really, just need a sensible policy on marijuana.

I mean, just the way we handle it in this country is completely, it's insane. I mean, it's, and it's, I think it's safe to say, I mean, at least the last, first of all, we had the founding fathers were all like hemp growers to start with, and we have at least the last three presidents, all did marijuana, if not cocaine, if not, if not anything else, you know, under the sun. And I think it's time to start saying that we need to be smart about this. Now, you've never smoked pot, correct? Never. Can you believe it? And you don't have any desire to smoke it. I don't. You know, it's crazy.

I grew up in Miami. I grew up. I went to an arts high school where, I mean, kids were doing everything. This was the mid-90s, so kids were doing ecstasy. The psychedelics were back. They were also dropping acid and doing shrooms. And they were Coke, not so much because, you know, Rocha broke high school kids, but smoking weed, like, daily.

And then I went to the University of Miami after that, and somehow never, other than alcohol, which I started drinking when I turned 21, insanely. Looking back, I don't really know how it happened. It just kind of, I became famous, I think, among my group of friends, among my circle, for being the kid who, when you're chilling at somebody's house on the weekend, they pass the joint over me or behind me or around me because they knew I didn't do it. But actually, they respected me for choosing to say no,

just as I respected them for making a, uh, uh, a choice to a smoke. I didn't judge them. They didn't judge me. And somehow I got to this point where, yeah, I got the point where I'm 35 now, and I'm like,

what am I going to do? I'm going to start now. It's almost become a novelty that I don't do it. No, I don't do it now. No, no. If you haven't done it, no, no, no.

It has become a novelty. It has become too, uh, you know, I've been doing it. I did it for other reasons. And at the end of the day, the reasons were probably medicinal.

I liked them when I was a kid because I couldn't sleep. I knew if I, if I had a reef right night I could sleep. Then when I got locked up, I learned that I could fall asleep without the reef or eventually. You got to do 20,000 more fucking jumping jacks than you would usually do.

And that's when it broke it a little bit. But today I smoke it and it calms me down. It lets me read at night. It lets me rat a little bit. It really does calm me the fuck down. My mind is always going, you know? But I appreciate that you're not judgmental about it. You think they should pass it in Florida.

I think at this point you should fucking pass it in Florida. well you know my my bottom line is is that there's there's very few things that the government is good at very few things and they should stick to those things you know they got they draw lines on the street they make the lights go red and green uh they provide for the national defense uh you know there's certain social services that i think are integral in a in a wealthy and civilized society you know you should take care of your elderly and infirm uh uh in a country like like America, but beyond that, I want them to stay out of my business. And if I want them to stay out of my business, that means I want them to stay out of your business too. So whatever you

choose to do as a, you know, rational, responsible adult that doesn't infringe upon the rights of other people, then what the hell do I care? You know, what you're doing to your body or whether you're taking a plant that grows out of the ground that's less dangerous than poison ivy. I think a shout-ball poison ivy. How dangerous is that? You know, and, and, um, and, um, and, I mean, six Mollies this girl took. I mean, if she had just smoked weed all day long, the worst damage she would do is a Taco Bell later that night. You know what I mean?

Like, I just don't see why we should spend, you know, we should spend, and this is something where I think the left and the right can join together on, because why should we spend all this money imprisoning generations of Americans for not doing anything? I mean, we got this problem. This is a huge story. in Miami in August, Florida, okay, has been releasing sex offenders back onto the streets, and they have anywhere from one day to several months after their release are victimizing women and children again.

I mean, like, and we're doing this hundreds and hundreds of these people. We had this Jimmy Rice law that passed, but it's a word. I'm thinking, like, wait a second, what the hell are we doing with? with weed when we've got, you know, sex offenders who are releasing out onto the streets who are victimizing children again. Like, where are our priorities as a civilization? I mean, they somehow got lost along the way. That sex offender shit is fucked up, ain't it?

They got to knock on your door and tell you their back. It's fucking crazy. The coffee shop where I drink coffee and hang out the other day. There was a poster that. I was looking at a post. I was looking at a post. I'm high. I just look at it.

And there was a poster, the guy who said, my name is, what's his name? I frequent here. I just came out of jail for two and a half of years. And people were signing it.

I'm like, what the fuck is this? Listen, people make mistakes. I just feel that they should monitor these guys a little closely if they're that fucking sick, you know?

Well, yeah, I mean, I don't know what the recidivism rate is. I do know that you have what they call these Romeo and Juliet situations, you know, where some guy is, is 19 or 20 years old, and he had a girlfriend that was 16, you know, that he's known

in school or whatever, or you have these situations that are kind of tragic, and then these guys are kind of branded with the scarlet letter of sex offender for the rest of their lives. But, you know, so obviously, you know, we need a sensible policy with that, but we've got a situation here in Florida where it's just like, you know, we're built, we're not building schools, we're building prisons, we're locking up nonviolent offenders for mandatory minimum sentences. And then we're taking these violent sex offenders and going, okay, you did your time, back out on the street with you, and they're victimizing children again. I mean, like I said, certain priorities as a civilized society should be, you know, you protect your weak, you're infirm, you protect those who can't protect themselves, you know. And Florida, we do a real shit job of it.

I mean, the Department of Children and Families, they've lost, what is it like? they lost over 10 kids this year alone that they were supposed to be responsible for. We've got people in the psychiatric ward of the Miami-Dade jail who have been dying at an alarming rate this year. We've got people, we've got the assisted living facilities here where we put our elderly, where they're literally being abused, neglected, starved to death. It's like if we as a people are not going to take care of children, you know, the mentally infirm and our elderly, it's like, what the hell are we doing? You know, we have to look at ourselves and say these are exactly the kinds of people we should be helping and spend. And our veterans, too.

I mean, what we do for, we send them off, we seem to have plenty of money to send them off to war. But when they come home... We nickel and dime them to debt. They nickel and dime those poor guys to fucking debt to veterans. it's despicable i mean we can send them to war but we can't help them when they come home we can't help them get jobs we can't help them fight depression i mean the suicide rate is is now leading to more military deaths i think than you know than on the battlefield uh right now and i mean this is these are the people who who we is this these are people we should care about and spend money on

and be concerned about you know not this not this marijuana garbage bill let me ask you something I never say this to a lot of people. Have you ever had political aspirations? And I tell you this, because you're the first person I've met in 20 years that really cares. You genuinely don't give a fuck. When I said that to you earlier about Miami, I was breaking your balls. I see where your tweets are going. I see where they're going.

So you should really somewhere. You really care about the people. Well, I think that's the problem. If you really care about the people, politics is one of the worst things that you can do to make a difference, I think. And I think you're right. I mean, that's very perceptive of you because a lot of people think that they're calling me out and talk shit about my tweets because they think that I'm just talking trash or shitting on Miami. No, no, no, no, no. I see it for what it is.

I see it for what it is. I appreciate that. You know, Billy, at this society, I got to tell you, I have felonies, and I always want to coach and take it to the next level. I just feel that people, when I applied for something like that, they wouldn't take it the way I'm taking it. And I got to tell you, I would really make a difference, you know, if you gave me five kids and let me coach them from the sixth to the eighth grade, I guarantee by the time with a freshman, one of them would be a good basketball player. but they would all be pretty solid kids just because while I was coaching them I'd drop a little fucking knowledge on it

maybe they never heard before you know when it comes to ex-felons and stuff like that Billy here's the problem I got I was an ex-felon I fucking love animals I love fucking animals but how can I sit here and talk shit about Michael Vick society gave me a second chance I did something with it you follow me

so I don't understand how a person who's been to prison the same prisons I went to and may hurt the same people around them because I got convicted of kidnapping and it started off as a violent crime my attorney negotiated down to nonviolence because I never had nonviolence in my record and there was no proof my fingerprints

wanted the weapons and blah blah blah but a lot of shit could have gone wrong but I always give a second chance even to a fucking sex offender even if I know he's a creepy motherfucker and he's going to a tree with a fucking football helmet on them and a bag of M&Ms because you know those motherfuckers

but in my heart I always always I always give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't know why. Recidivism is fucking horrible because society will make you fucking go bananas. Are you there, Billy? I'm here. I think that, well, first of all,

I think you said, I don't know how many parents would want their kids mentored by a felon, but truth be told, you know, scaring kids straight these days might be the only way to get through to them. Hey, look what else is going on in Miami with your boy fucking Luke?

look what he's doing with that football program down there I watched it on HBO and they kept trying to kick him in the balls and some guy still says he didn't change and that he's still misogynistic and whatever you got to give people a chance sometimes in life look what he's doing the proof is look at Snoop Dogg out here what he's doing with these football fucking kids

you know and he puts that money out of his pocket he knows what it is to want to play football and only have one fucking cleat you know I mean Lee you're all right you got to see Lee Syed he smokes him dope before they should be show he's breathing heavy into the mic he's all fucked up sorry about that billy go ahead but luke that's his passion you know he's he's been involved in the peewee football uh you know

down here in miami for as long as he's been famous and that's been a passion of his and he has mentored and been a part of the lives of young kids who've gone on to play uh in the nfl and and And, yeah, people had cast some sort of aspersions or judgments on him. Oh, he's the obscene lyrics guy. Then he would have deprived of kids of an extraordinary opportunity to be mentored by a guy who really does give a shit. And that's the thing is that you have real knowledge, you have real life experience. I always say this about my college professors. You always ask you're paying all this money for these classes to be taught by these people,

and you'll have to wonder to yourself, who the hell of these people to teach me something? What is their experience? What knowledge do they have that they didn't get from reading a book? Because I can read a book. I don't need them to read a book to me or to teach me out of a book. I want to know what they've been through what they've experienced and how I can learn from their mistakes and then go on to make my own mistakes. So I don't have to duplicate theirs.

And I think that's the other problem here. And that's what we do with our politicians. We expect them all to be squeaky clean. And then we're shocked when they send pictures of their. of their junk to girls. It's like, that's not exactly shocking. What about the guy in San Diego? That freak.

Hooters won't even let him, and he's such a fucking freak. They made a video about him, right? I don't know if you're following this thing in San Diego. I mean, now they're voting for him to get him out. They want him to go to rehab for sex. But the best is the women who put the videotape together. Of all of them telling them their story. And they cut it.

And the one lady's like, he hugged me. He grabbed my tit. He grabbed my ass. He choked me. And the one girl goes, he slobbered on me. That was the fucking classic right there. He grabbed her and drooled on her or some shit. This guy, have you seen the mayor of San Diego?

You could tell he's a fucking freak. He'll put fingers up his ass. Stabbed a Mexican fucking house. He don't give a fuck. Tie him up. Hit his nuts with a hammer. He don't give a fuck he's in. He'll give you to.

Keys to the city, you dirty bitch. It's like he never met a woman that he didn't sexually harass this guy. And they're young women. They're like, there's like a great grandma in the mix there. He's like, he doesn't discriminate. I mean, this guy's taste is like just women, period. He would harass them. And he finally did resign.

But, of course, there's all kinds of deals that got made. And he probably got to pay him off just to get him. the hell out of there. He was actually holding out his resignation as leverage against that. That's how little this guy cared about the people and cared about the city. He basically, and he wanted them to pay to defend him in these lawsuits against this woman, the city. I mean, just an absolute just outrage, just violates the public trust, and then wants the public, the taxpayers to keep paying for his screw-ups. And this is what, this happens time and again. And this is the biggest problem is that nobody's incentivized because everybody's negotiating with somebody else's money.

You know, you have these politicians doing deals, and it's not their money. It's poor money. So they don't give a shit. If it means them getting reelected to satisfy a union or to satisfy their friends who help them get elected in the first place, they don't care. They'll give our money to anyone. And they have these confidential settlements, you know, with a guy like this where the people never even find out what happened with our money because it's part of a you know it's part of this deal that they did uh with this guy but it's our money how how could that even be uh acceptable and finally he quit but it cost it's probably going to continue to cost the people of san diego a lot of money for this comeback well listen whenever you run for whatever i would buy a house in

miami i will pay taxes and i will be right there with you because uh you really care for those fucking people down there. You don't care about color, race. You could probably clean that fucking armpit up down there. And I say this in the bottom, because I love it. You know, my roots are down there. I have family down there still, but there's some parts that city that are beautiful

and there's some parts that have just become a fucking, you know, and I know that you would make a fucking big difference down there, man. Well, listen, you know, I get a little emotional. I get even a little, we'll say, cheesy about it, but you know,

My passion is, this is where I come from. You know, this is my home. And I know people feel that way wherever they come from, you know. And whether it's a backwards place like Miami or New York or wherever you come from, you have an attachment to it. And I do. And I have a real passion for it. And I've always said, I really, it's my dream or my wish at least,

that I would leave behind a better Florida or a better Miami than the one that I was born. into and that's that's become real tough i mean in this country in general i mean we're seeing the first generation where the american dream is is dead where the idea that your children will have a better life than the one that you had which is really the american dream that's kind of it's co-elect where that's not a reality uh anymore and that's really sad and and and when you see three mayors getting arrested in in in your in your town in in 22 days uh in 2013 um, you know, it's, it's disheartening. And I would love to be able to do something where I can make a difference. And what's funny is that I feel like, and I love that you get it, because I think a lot of

people don't get it. But I love that you get it. That like, you know, it's like that, you know, that Jeff Rossing, the only roast the ones we love. And that's what I, if I didn't give a shit about Miami, what would I tweet all that stuff for? You know what I mean? If I, if I, if I, if I just wanted to talk shit and I didn't care, why would I, I, I feel like we need to know what's wrong so that we can fix it and and we need to call ourselves out what do I always say I said this is a town that needs tough love you know and it's healthy every once in a while to you know to hold up a mirror to yourself and as we all know in the 80s a lot of people held mirrors up to their faces in florida we know we know that for sure fuck I was one of them in the 80s 90s and the beginning of 2000 I love you

I was going on there Christmas weekend but my plans got changed I'll be down there in April and we'll get together for lunch. And I will talk before then, brother. Anytime. Love you, man. Thank you very much. Where can they find you on Twitter, my friend? What is it?

Billy, what's your Twitter handle for these people? Oh, yeah, it's Billy Corbin, C-O-R-B-E-N, not Billy Corbyn, not the guy from Smashing Pumpkins, but Billy Corbin, C-O-R-B-E-N. All right. I love you. Stay beautiful and Jewish. Thank you for having me.

Always. That guy's a fucking genie. fucking geniuses. I want to give some shout out of my man Luke, my girl Colson and Collie on their three year, Matt Lane, waterboxer with his fucking company, Camp Court dot com. They make like microphones and shit.

That's waterboxes company. He's a general manager. My black prince fucking royale, I'm going to manage this case he's going to be a star at D.C. came to the show with his fucking father. And my man Larry in Vegas, you know I love you, cocksuckers. And something else I got to tell you.

What? My toe is perfect. You know why? Because I took the strong bone, and I used it as a fucking stilt and put tape around it. And I went through the toe right into the bone. Guess what? The strong bone ain't there. It became my fucking toe bone. Oh, shit. So if you broke something, get your fucking thing now. Go to honor.com.

Cut the shit. I just ate one of those hemp forces. When I came in here, I was fucking starving. I'm back. I'm beautiful. Everything's all right. I drank some water. I got a diet fucking Pepsi.

We got some refa. You know, start off. This is the last quarter of the year. This is it. This is it. where you got to be your peak. You know, maybe you're one of those marathon motherfuckers that starts off slow, and he's half retarded

until like the last part, and then he kills him at the end. He runs like a fucking cop is chasing you. This is it. This is the time of the year. We've got to be sharp. We're going to end off big. We're going to put out a CD on the 24th. We're doing a podcast that week. We're traveling with this thing, you know? The podcast is

making strides. We got shit crackleacking. We got the movie October 11th. We got the other movie coming out December 25th. We ain't fucking around here, people. This ain't no game here But to stay sharp Don't fucking ask questions You gotta do your alpha brain

You gotta do your fucking shroom tech If you're gonna work out So you get to me I'm gonna do you to an 8 o'clock tonight You gotta stay fucking strong people That's all I'm trying to say to you I'm a fat fuck But at least I try

That's all you can fucking do in this life That's all we want from you Go to On it Go to the box Order something Press in Church Bang

Oh shit 10% off You got on the main list And only for minerals And vitamins Forget about lifting weights And jumping ropes Let's just take your fucking vitamins

It's like picking up a piece of paper every day If you see litter You want to be a better person Pick up a fucking piece of paper Yesterday at the airport I picked up like three pieces of paper It was so fucking pissed off And let me tell you what else

I've been looking at 10 I've been using I used that razor from Dollar Shave Club That's a fucking good deal guys The $6 package is a great deal They got a dollar package You get the razor The $6 package has four fucking blades Or something

With the fucking aloe And it's his and hers So she can shave her shave her asshole, it's fucking beautiful. You ever shave a chick's fucking monkey? I'd be too scared. You just shave it slow with the hard fucking... I don't try to...

You get the shaving cream. You get the shaving cream, you're making nice and not. You don't put shaving cream on her asshole burns. You'll never hear the end of it. You'll never hear the end of it. You're saying. You shave the little Montquare. You leave it a little hard on there like a fucking designer. Go to dollar shaveclub.com.

What is it? Oh, dollar shaveclub.com.com slash church. Dollar Shave club, go to the box. Press Church, and what do you get? It's really just a way to support this podcast, and then we're going to help you out. And what do you get? They get a dollar package with a dollar a month,

and you got two razors a month or something like that. No, the dollar one is, you still get four blades. Four blades. But it's two blade raisers. $6 a month is four blade raisers. No, three blade raisers, and $9 a month is four blade raisers. There you go. $108, $72, and $12.

Get the $72, you're right in the middle, plus she can shave her asshole and everybody's fucking happy. Where are they going, Lee? They're going to dollar shaveclub.com You gotta be quick at Lee. It's not inhaling. You're not snorting the alpha plane.

Stop giving me two fucking joints. That's what I'm saying. You're slipping. Dollar Shave Club is a great fucking deal. And let me tell you something. This shit's going to run out pretty soon. The Hulu thing, it's going to fucking run out. And then you're going to call me Joey.

How come my, I got my cable. The fuck you. You should have got the Hulu.com. Huluplus.com slash Joey. You put Joey. J-O-E-W-W. Two weeks, gratis, and then after that is $7.95 a month. That's right.

$7.95 a month. That's $7.95 a fucking month. That's $8. That's what is that, Lee? That's $80. $96 a year. You get fucking TV shows, old shows, new shows. It's a fucking amazing.

That's how we do it here. Dollar Shave Club. Dollar, $6, $9. Bam. Go to the box. Splash. Joey. No, no.

It's for $1. Dollar Shep called it's church. You're confusing me, Cox. You're confusing me. Don't make me get up and burn you in the eye with his e-cigarette. What kind of fucking weed did you bring today? I brought the weed of debt. What do you think?

I'm some okey-doke motherfucker. Talking about, oh, I snuck a lot of weed. Then he shows up with this fucking maluccia weed. If I'm going to show up, I'm killing everybody of not why show up? What else, Doug? We're having a good fucking week. Yeah. We got a live podcast.

Anyway, I don't want to talk about that shit. The live podcast last week was sensational. I don't know if you listened to it or not. with Nick the Tolla, that's a funny motherfucker. We had a good time. Lee was stoned. He puked here, the Cheebo Chew guys, a little piece. I don't like edibles.

He puked the potato chips. I didn't see him. I didn't puke. What was that? What was that? It was a puke. What was that? A sandwich.

Disgusting. I was so, I was so. You gave a fucking 7-Eleven sandwich. No, I made a sandwich. What kind of sandwich did you get? What kind of ham did you get? The boars head. Did you get the boars head?

Don't lie to me. You slice it thin? I didn't tell the guy what to do. I just tell him to slice it thin because in the sandwich you put the cheese in that. Oh, yeah. But you told me, you put a picture up of the Chee-Bichu guys who were amazing and for some reason gave you about 4,000 Chee-Bichu's. That's right.

So you told me that night you're like, you better get ready. So I was making lunch on Wednesday and I was like, I better pack a sandwich. I don't think you even said hi to me. You like shoved half a wrapper of Chewbar. you in my face and I love it man but you gave me a lot and I just I took it in and it wasn't doing it was you torture me with this

fucking you're you brought I didn't bring it up why you torture me with this you know you want to cry and protect yourself he took a little piece he chewed it a quarter it wasn't a quarter even it was too a quarter it was a half of a quarter it was a little baby piece it was a quarter of most of you guys rub on your dick rub your ass with

then eat it with a smile on your face this fucking guy tasted right away he went sour and like a little kid makes a face And he forced himself. He was like, whoa, boom, mu, mu, mu, and a sudden he just went, blah. And I let him go that night because there was people there. If we were alone, I would have kicked him in the fucking kidney.

Made them get up and lick it like the fucking security guard on sleepers. Because I'm a communist, cock sucker. You can't be doing that shit, no more. Wednesday morning. We're popping edibles at six in the morning. I don't give a fuck about your job. It's over. We're going to pop a quarter of you like soldiers.

Unbelievable. Gotta get it together. You're gonna get sick. I think you're trying to lie to these beautiful people. I try to bring a drink, but you're like, no drinks, motherfucker, just eat it, eat and shut up. Yeah, he wants it. Because he drank, listen, I know this guy.

You got to see, you don't understand. He dibble dabbles with the people. He takes the thing, he eats one little peas, and then he eats it and he drinks water, and he does something with his fucking hand like a retarded fucking ape. I went to the zoo today.

What a fucking most of the day. time the LA Zoo is. He takes his own shit and he rubs it. He breaks like a fucking retard. Instead of taking the thing, eating it, chewing it, and then swallowing it, leaving some of his mouth, washing that down with water. That's how you do it.

He plays with it. I went to the LA Zoo today. What a fucking waste. Is it awful? First off, what is wrong with society that everybody's in the mood to walk? If I'm paying you, I don't want to walk. I want the animals right there to walk up a hill,

behind. I thought I was on the set of fucking Rambo 2. One minute you're headed to India. The next minute I'm headed to fucking Cambodia. I paid 18 bucks. I saw three fucking zebras that didn't move. Didn't move. They stood there. I think they're fake. I think those cocksuckers are fake. An ape that

wouldn't look at us. They kept turning around looking up at the fucking sky. The Syrians were dropping a bomb. I saw fucking no tigers. I saw a leopard that was sleeping. All I saw was fucking paws. I think they were fake fucking paws. I forget this is Hollywood. These people are like, oh, he's

sleeping. He ain't sleeping. That's a fucking, those are fake legs. I saw some half a pig. I saw some ugly fucking volcher. $18. I paid $4.50 for a gator rate. My fury went, it was 100 degrees up in that, motherfucker. Me and my wife went at a quarter to 11.

By quarter to 12, the baby's like, let's get the fuck out of. My wife's like, let's stop and eat lunch. So we fed the baby, we were melting. I had a white t-shirt on it. It was melting. It was like a fucking puddle. Yeah. That's how hot it was at that fucking L.A. Zoo today. 18 fucking dollars. to walk around for four fucking animals.

I ain't going to the zoo. That's the second time. We went like two or three years ago on Christmas week. She has the week off. Let's go to the fucking zoo. And that time I realized, this is a lot of fucking walking for animals. And then you get to the cage and there's no fucking animals. That really pisses me up. And all the cages stunk bad.

Like all of them. Fuck you. There's the shit in there. No, don't clean that shit. I don't want to smell. I just paid $18. I'm not here on a fucking welfare plan like with a bus and a free salami sandwich with a hand-up.

I paid $18 fucking dollars and so did the guy next to me. Clean the fucking cage. The only place that had a great... The only great thing was the elephant. They had a male elephant from China and two females in the back. And the male was like 60 yards away

and the chick was right there and she was explaining that in China the males have tusks and the females don't but all over all the world or something like that that they all have fucking tusks. But in China only the males have tusks.

So that was interesting right there. Yeah. I was talking to somebody about it today and you guys didn't know to talk about Billy, he lives in Florida, but he made a lot of documentaries. I was talking to somebody today that everything is really made for advertising.

Like, they don't cancel TV shows because they don't think it's good anymore. They cancel TV shows because not enough people are watching, which means not enough people are watching commercials. So the same thing for the zoo. They don't care. They can't give a shit if all the elephants die. They're bringing you in for the $20 and then

the five Delegatorades. $18 fucking dollars to get into the kid, Doug, Don't pay. And then I thought about it. I wanted to take my wife and throw her into the fucking elephant pit. Because I'm like, why is my daughter here? She don't even know what these fucking things are. I'm pulling around.

She's looking at the elephant thinking the same thing I think. Why is this fucking room smell as bad as it fucking does? It's smelled terrible. So you're not going to be one of the parents taking their kids to go up? No, I go to the museum. I go to the museums. I like museums. I go to SeaWorld.

I got passes for the Long Beach Aquarium. Aquarium, which is always dynamite. I was down there two years ago. That's indoors what they see. You know me, dog. I go to the fucking museum down there. I go to the butterfly exhibit. I'm a fucking...

You like museums? I love all that shit. I can't stand them. I want to see something. I want to stop and read with my glasses. I go to a fucking zoo and I walk a mile and I'm sweating profusely and there's no fucking animals.

I lose my temper. I get pissed off Lee. We got preferred parking for the fin and nobody charges the fin. So fuck him. I ain't going to go back. I think the guy went to the bathroom. Fuck him.

And I parked right there, too. Like a doctor, 50 feet from the fucking thing. Then they had a little line. How's Mercy doing? Because isn't this at, like, the point where they start doing a lot of stuff really fast? She's a fucking savage. She moves at the speed of light.

You got to watch it now. Yeah? She crawls fucking lightning. So there, I heard something kicking the door. I'm helping the door, and it was her fucking looking up at me. She don't give her fuck, Jack. And you can see when she's spinning, like when she sees a cat,

and the cat sees her the cat. like fucking gets on high alert. When she turns to face that cat, that cat fucking takes off, Jack. It's like, fuck mercy. But there's two cats that are good to mercy, so I'm very lucky. Their ones just leave. Vidal and...

Super bad. Everybody else is like, we don't want no fucking drama. We don't know what her. She pulled my ears. You know, she don't mess with Dimmie. Dimmie don't mess with her. The girls do not mess with her at all. That's crazy. I got Evie. A lot of people only... I never talk about

Evie because nobody really sees it. I barely see her. Nobody sees Evie. Evie is Lulu and Superbad's sister. Now, for you people who don't know, they were mixed birds. Fidel's father is Superbad's father. Uh-huh. And Demi and Harry's father is the girl's father.

Cats can do that? Yeah. So when she had that litter, she had Superbad in that litter, she had DJ and the two girls. They were off in the Siamese cat. that? The black and white one was from Fidel's big father. You think Fidel's big, his father had him by

two, big, a fucking large, large cat. And they were back there killing each other. The two leaders were Fidel's father and the samurai. The samurai ran, Samurai was very violent. He was killing kittens. He went after the

Fidel's father and tore his fucking back. I saw the samurai chasing a cat on Highland one day. Like that samurai did not play. He chased him from my fucking house by Vine to fucking Highland. Like, I saw him an hour later, like running after the fucking cat. The cat's like, what the fuck? I saw what he did to Fidel's father.

He almost killed him on a tree. The samurai, Dimmie's father, and Harry's father was not a very smart. He was a killer. He had just gotten worse and worse. His head was really big. He had scars. His balls were gigantic. He couldn't even walk.

He was one ball of fucking testosterone and muscle. He kept fucking that cat, and then he would kill the kittens. Then he would fuck the cat, and he would kill the kittens. He would take their heads off. He was violently getting those fucking kittens, squeezing their... I mean, it was horrible. So when I took those girls up, Lulu's a sweetheart. Yeah.

DJ, the one who died, he's a sweetheart. Evie was always kind of... She's tight with Superbad. No, she was tight with DJ. and DJ was kind of like Dimmy. They're those Siamese that you got to watch. Uh-huh. So out of all the Siamese cats I have,

Evie got her father's gene. Evie is a killer. What happened was I gave Evie and Lulu away to some girl at Petco. They signed the paperwork and paid $10040. The girl took, she had two of the cats in the fucking house. When they were kittens, they were threatened to kill that big cat.

So my wife had to go over there on a Sunday and take the cats back. And now we were stuck with them. They were kittens. Evie never liked my wife. She would come to me and let me play with her gently. Gently. And then she would, like right now if I'm on the computer, I put a stand here, a chair, and she'll jump on the chair.

Nobody's ever sees her. She's really pretty, really pretty face, markings, and she's got a black print. That's how I could tell the difference between her and Lulu on the back of her. And one of her ears is twisted from Lulu biting it in the fucking womb. That's the only thing we could, it's twisted. But she's got a beautiful face, and her eyes get blue and they glare at you, just like the samurai. She got to watch her.

So when you're petting her, sometimes you might be petting or petting. And you might pull your hand up to get a lighter, and she'll fucking scratch it. Because she wasn't ready for you to move your fucking head. No, it's serious. It's fucking serious. She got me yesterday. She got me yesterday. lightly, I mean, they're not bad, but I turn my back on it.

So she's coming out more around the baby. So you've got to watch Evie now, because Evie's a fucking killer. Evie does not take shit from none of those guys. She avoids them. Yesterday, I was watching Evie, and she had those baskets where, you know, you sit on the baskets. So Demi, she was on the middle one, and Demi was on the bottom, and her tail was hanging over. And Demi started hitting her tail. crumpled it up and she started watching

Jimmy from the top. And she's positioned herself. Me and Terry Watson, I go watch this. She positions herself just fucking perfectly. And her hand was strategic. And she put her tail over and the tail was moving very slow, very seductively.

And next thing you know, Jimmy fucking bought the hook. He put his neck out and started hitting her tail. And she fucking did this flip and got him. And you heard the thing go, crack. That Derry fell off.

And instead of shaking his head, like he had been knocked the fuck out. And I go, Terry, I told you, you don't want, and she's like, Terry was like, I don't even want her around the baby. Like, yesterday she came over and sniffed the baby. It's like, Terry, Terry's like, Joey, Joey, Joey. She's fucking violent. Like, she's, she's cool.

She likes me. So the other day I was brushing her. I'm brushing, I'm brushing, I got to brush her every three days. She's beautiful. A coach, beautiful. I'm brushing, a brush, her, brushing, a brush, and brushing. That's what happened. Yeah.

The phone rang, and I turned and stayed there. She put her hand out and clipped me on the arm. So I go, honey, here, you finish her off, right? I go, Terry, you have to pet her and brush her at the same time. You can't just brush her because she'll take offense. That's how smart she is. You have to brush her and pet her and tell her you lover her, and she'll open her arm.

So while you're brushing her, you can scratch her stomach, and she won't do nothing to you. But if you take that hand off and just brushing her head, you're hurting her. Got to watch it with her. Like I'm right away When my wife did it I will watch She's not gonna use the hand

Bam within two minutes She scratched my wife She's like Jesus fucking crap You gotta watch with Evie Everybody else is on their own plan And Evie lets me pick her up Kiss her behind the neck Evie will give me kisses to the known

If I'll give me give me kiss She'll come right over and kiss me She loves me She's kind of weird about my wife She's likes to fucking So You've never seen Evie have you I think you did one

Matt Flau's role with her And then And then I think I think she's come out a couple of times, but if I walk towards where the bathroom and the bedrooms are, she's like, nope, she runs away. Yeah, she don't fucking play.

They all can't be Mrs. Personality. So you talked about Hulu. Talked about Hulu. You talked about a little Shave Club. We talked about it. We talked about it. Always. You got to take these fucking bills and do jumping jacks

and drink water and work out. Yeah. And do, do any jumping jacks today? Yeah, I did. Let me see you do five jumping jacks. You don't do jumping jacks. You're slipping, cucket. Let me see that.

Look at the physique. I'm so fucking high. I know you are. That's good weed. Look at you. You're breaking fucking tables. Look at you. You're a savage.

Honey-Molly. You want to take another hit? No. That's it. You want to call it tonight? My AC's not working good enough. Everyone has it on. I need to be fucking cold.

I don't like getting this high. You don't like getting this. I like being a little bit high. You don't like eating high. I don't like eating a cube. I don't like anything. Fucking. So did you stay for the whole UFC this time?

Yes, I did. You haven't done that for a while. I stayed at the fights, but I got up before the mayor, whatever fight. I went by the hot dog stand. I'm happy you asked that thing, because I had a great time at the show, at the Papps. And we stayed afterward and took about 300 pictures. All of the same people, then. There's a guy who, I guess, is traveling across the country,

and he's going to Dead Squad shows. I think he's Puerto Rican. Oh, did I take a picture with him the other day? Okay. Spanish guy, looking guy. Was he his girlfriend or something? He was girlfriend, blonde. Okay.

So they show up to the show at Paps. And, uh, cool, real, real cool people after what we sure can't. Somebody hugged me. They smelled like fucking cat piss. I had to go home and take a fucking shower and then go eat, you filthy motherfuckers. Whatever that was. Somebody hugged me and they smelled like cat piss, something terrible. I'm going to sniff people from now.

I'm going to, no more hugging me no more unless you smell fucking terrible. So, I'm sitting there. He comes over and he hugs me and he says, hello, I met Ari. Hey, man, what's going on? I met his girlfriend. They leave the next night. I had two Cheebo shoes lap. But I thought, see, I usually mix a 70 milligram one

with 175 milligram one. I go fucking bananas. You eat 240? I always eat 240. I eat 240 just to walk around and talk to people. So that night I went on my fucking thing. I only had two 175s. So I was like, oh, this could be ugly.

So I ate the 175 like at 4 o'clock. Yeah? Then at 5.30, I popped another half of that. Oh, my God. And I saved the other one until about 6th, and I said, fuck it. If you're walking on ice, you might as old nars. You look two?

It's out of respect for the church. Two decaduses? Two decas. And I blasted him and I smoked a joint before I got in the car to drive over. That was fucking paked. And I was thirsty. When I got in the car, it was thirsty. And the security driver was asking me questions.

And I don't know if he knew I was hot. I don't think he knew I was fucking stoned. So I get to the event And I walk in And brother God bless America It was the lower seats But I didn't even have to go upstairs

And go to the bottom They had a section Where you just walk through No stairs No nothing Yeah Usually got to hit those stairs Once I hit those stairs

And I'm sitting there The whole time I'm sitting there Watching getting anxiety By going up those fucking stairs I'm like why don't I have to go up those fucking stairs This sucks Well now I didn't have to go up those stairs So now it was right in boom

You go in you sit down brother when I walked in there and that hot air hit me that air conditioning and shit yeah I was so fucking high I was so fucking high

and I walk in and I'm like you know it'll calm me down something to eat like peanuts something a sandwich yeah a salad where all these motherfuckers got downstairs

there's hot dogs and brothels so I tip over by this time hundreds of people walked by. Now, you don't want to stop in those UFC's. And I'm going to tell you why. Because if you guys come to a

comedy show and you ask me for a picture, I'll give you the picture. You're at the comedy show. You know what we are. But at those towns like Milwaukee or or Indianapolis or anywhere except Vegas, people look at me and they think I'm the guy from the Sopranos.

So they don't give a fuck. They just want to take a picture. And then after I take the picture, they go, man, I really like you on that show. and I'm like, oh, you fuck. So now they stop all these people, and now because people have cameras, they don't give a fuck. They'll just come up to me and go,

let me take a picture of you. So now I can't watch a fucking fight. Yeah. Because people think I'm fucking big pussy. Right? So I get in, nobody knows is nothing. Nobody says Joey Diaz, wings, nobody says nothing. Boom, I look up,

and it's a fucking guy traveling across the country. He goes, hey, man, how are you doing? I go, pretty fucking, fucking eyes. He's looking at my eyes. He could tell I'm fucking stoned. If you see me, you know I'm fucking stoned. see me, you know I'm fucking stoned, okay? If I, by my body

language, it determines how fucking stoned I am. If I'm looking at you and I'm giving your body language to get the fuck out of there, that means I'm really fucking stoned. If I go, how are you doing? Great to meet you. And I'm making believe I'm looking for fucking mustard. Go to fuck away. Go away. I'm high. I'm hiding.

He says, dog, you're doing a great job. Look at you. Hiding over here. I know. And all of a sudden he goes, I see him take his phone out. I see a thousand people walk to me. Like not walking towards me but walking in and he goes can I take a picture and I look at this motherfucker and I go no

you dumb motherfucker because that's how dumb he is. We just had this conversation. He just said to me, dog, you're doing pretty good. I go yeah, don't say nothing that's great man I'm just going to eat my hot dog and go to my chair. All of a sudden I go to get the fucking napkins I turn around and he's programming his iPhone you know you're starting to hit

it and I go, no you ain't taking no fucking picture I'm getting the fuck out what's wrong with you you fucking retard? I just told you what the fuck It pisses me off Two deca doses You know me I sat there

I'm quiet I didn't say nothing Nobody didn't sweat I watched all the fights Finally Before Tim Frank Mayor and the other guy I got up

And went upstairs and pissed And I got a diet Pepsi or some shit in the water And I watched the last two fights upstairs I went the fight end And I just walked out of there I got nobody fucking even saw nothing Oh shit

You know how I do I ain't got to be fucking mixed up. I hate that shit. I'm done. I don't want to walk no more. That's it. I heard our buddy won.

What's his name? It's a brother. He came out to like a black Sabbath song, didn't he? Clay Gwether. Yeah, Clay Gwerey. Oh, he lost. He lost. He got knocked out.

Oh, it sucks. Like Chad Mendes. Yeah, we had a rough night, but what are you going to do? You know? I'm just happy Benson, Henderson lost. I don't know why. I'm sure he's a good guy. I've never liked watching him fight.

I like that. What are you going to do? How do you think he feels right now on Labor Day? He'd think he's eating hot, though. He's jumping up and down, twist him by the pool. He's got his fucking arm in a sling right now probably. Fuck. And he lost.

He's a young man, but he knows that's what it's all about, you know? The UFC, you lose, you come back, stronger, you know? Well, Dana White said he's not going to fight that guy again. They're not going to fight. Right, no, that's not going to fight. But it made it, for me, for someone who doesn't know that much about the sport, it made what John Jones did in that Chal Sondon fight. Was it Chal Sondon?

Who almost broke Jones's arm? No, those two fights ago. No, it was Belfore. That made that even more impressive. No, no, no. These guys do a great job, but that's a tough place to stay on top. And there's always somebody gunned for you and Pettis had his number. He's been working.

He threw some hard kicks at him. Those are fucking leit. There's some good fights on that card, you know? Frank Lear, who knows what's going to hold him with him and Clay Gweeder? You know, I love them both. Love them both. But, you know, this is the UFC is a business. What are you going to do?

Yeah. And that's it. We'll be back to you on fucking Wednesday morning, bitches. You didn't play I want to be around or nothing. We already played it. You're so fucked up. Yeah, we played it. I'm just testing.

I know we played it. I'm just watching your cuck suck. I know you're dirty fuckers. And then don't forget, Friday at 13th, Saturday the 14th, New York City, Gotham. Don't slip. The follow on Friday. Me and Lisa, I had a Friday night live podcast on the ice house. Friday.

Oh, that one, yeah, yeah. What are you talking about? I thought you were a minute later in September. That's what I'm saying. I'm fucking, give me a break. Don't make me, I'm telling you, I'm going to fucking sit you down and put this e-cigarette on your fucking neck. They're going to think a vampire

with bad hygiene. So anyways, the next Friday, the 20th at the Ice House. Fucking unbelievable. And then, but next weekend, New York, and the Friday after that,

the Ice House. And I've been, I went to Gotham a while ago at the smaller club. Don't, I mean, New York is busy. That's going to be an awesome show. I'm going to spin nickels.

Huh? Fuck you. Why you got to bother me for with this shit? What do you got to bother me for? You ready to eat an edible? No. Why not? You got to redeem yourself

to the church people. I don't have redeem myself. I don't have to you. I was even going to tell them today. Yes, you were. I thought about it over the weekend, and the way you did it, you were slipping.

I don't like, I like smoking. Edibles. You don't like animals. You don't like animals. You don't like a fart to the eye. No, no one will take that. Stop. Everyone does it.

You want to have a contest? You want to have an eat an edible contest, that live podcast night, that Friday, and see how many people eat a half of that will come up like this with their handful. Like, it's fucking Catholic Church, Cuck, sucker. You got to tough it up. You got to eat that edible.

That's it's over. You always break it and play with it like it's a fucking string bean, like your mom made. I don't know. You got to eat it like a fucking tool. You look me in the eye. That's what I did. No, you didn't. You're playing around with it like a chick that wants to suck your dick but doesn't want to.

You're slipping. You know, I love you. Where's the music? I love you people. Have a great Monday. Have a great holiday with your family's what's left of it. You probably get this Tuesday morning. Have a great fucking week.

We're back in two days, bitches. Stay black. We love you. Throw a kiss with these people. Oh, shilloo. Back, motherfucker. Oh shit. You get me high, motherfucker.

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You'll get high-quality raises sent to your door every month for a fraction of what you pay at retail. We love these guys and you will too. Now go to dollar shapeclub.com forward slash church or just go to joey ds.net and click on the dollar shape club banner. We know you guys so we'll eat too. The doctor looked and said he's going to be a bad boy Me all I respect to all the con man them

I mean I want to play fun man I'm madman, so I want to keep in for my name Smoking blood's making cream On the drug scene Fuck the football team whiskey Rock displeans by the age of 16 Hearing the coat scream Make my lifetime dream

I mean I want to blow up Stack my dough up So school I didn't show up It fuck my flow up Mom said that I sick up Disrespect myself Thank you.